Speaker A
I'm Calder Clark and I'm here to dish all my back pocket secrets.
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Speaker A
I'm a destination wedding designer based out of Charleston, South Carolina.
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So I'm here today to be dishing all my insider tips, hot takes, back pocket secrets relating to ultra luxury weddings.
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What's the one thing that a bride should invest in if they do nothing else?
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Photography.
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The very best photographer you can buy, period, end of story.
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But the one tangible thing you'll always have is your photos.
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To like show the grandkids, if you will.
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And I think I've seen too many things go awry with picking sort of a lowest common denominator or cutting corners on this creative partner selection that, yeah, I just know too much.
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It's so important to be thinking about bulletproof blooms for your boots, for your bouquets, and your arrangements, that's a great question.
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There's a lot of things that my clients love that really just don't belong in arrangements.
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Unless you're working with like faux product.
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Which is great in the ceilings of big dramatic installations.
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Which we're doing all the time.
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So here are the things that girls love, camellias, magnolias, gardenias.
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All these yummy Southern blooms.
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They don't want to be cut, they're going to brown and they're not going to be beautiful in these things.
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On the opposite side of the spectrum, you have things like David Austin roses.
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Or things that are really strong to begin with.
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So think about what lasts for you in your home, that's what's going to last in your bouquets and boots and and arrangements too.
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The other thing I think people forget to think about is if you're going to be in a tented environment.
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Which so many people are.
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Or in you'd say you're having a beautiful outdoor ceremony.
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You have to think about the UV considerations.
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So if sun can burn our skin, it can also burn your flowers.
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And so these things cannot go out days ahead of time.
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Even hours ahead of time, we're constantly trying to protect them before they're in a tented environment.
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So.
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Always be looking for hearty.
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And I started in catering.
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So I'm always going to be your go-to on food and drink.
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The things that guests love are hot.
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And I know you might be having a seasonally warm wedding.
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Maybe you are a June bride or whatnot.
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And I understand.
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But people just really don't go for our little vegetarian vegan moments like these, you know, a slice of cucumber filled with something healthy.
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It just, it goes in the trash.
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And so still to this day, weddings are not for diets.
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P.S.
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They're not for diets.
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They're for having a little fun.
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And your guests have come to have a great time too.
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And probably not to count calories.
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So I do think people are looking for one or two bites.
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So very petite, but super rich, super hearty.
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And kind of canvassing the whole gamut of different things out there.
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So whether something is steak or something is cheesy.
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Or something is, you know, seafood or whatnot.
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It's great to kind of cover all of that.
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So that's what's popular is breadth, depth, heat.
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A little bit of interest, maybe doing something clever that's from your family recipes.
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Or history of cooking as a family and entertaining that way.
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And then drinks.
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There's definitely what's hot and what's not.
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I think people really just want access to something icy right away after a ceremony.
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And so that might look like a little bar relief too.
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It could be a beautiful, a beautifully garnished ice water or a club soda or something just light.
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And it doesn't necessarily have to be alcoholic.
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And then obviously, always passing the bubbles.
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You know, because when in Rome.
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Or a white wine or something just refreshing.
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So yeah, just keeping it easy and what would you want if you just left a ceremony and you're a little bit parched?
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That's what people have to be thinking of.
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On the topic of what's hot and what's not with food and bev.
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Can we just, can we just go there for a second?
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I think that this is such a fun day and age because people are coming to us to sort of create.
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This wedding reception that's a reflection of their favorite restaurants.
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You know, I don't, I don't have a single client who doesn't mention a dish they've had at some fabulous spot in New York or their favorite meal in Napa.
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Or wherever they got engaged somewhere, you know, fantastic abroad or whatnot.
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And they bring these things to me.
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And I'm like, let's bring that into the seated dinner.
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These, these things don't have to be dry.
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And they don't have to be, you know, surf and turf.
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And so, I mean, here's an example.
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We had a project out West and the caterer said like, we should really do bone marrow shooters.
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And I was like, that's so slick and so fun.
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I wonder if people will go for it.
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But let's try.
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And so we did it anyway, we took a risk.
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And everybody went for it.
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250 guests were, you know, plowing through the bone marrow shooters.
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Where you thought maybe only 30 would be brave enough to try it.
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So caviar bumps and taco trucks and all these little nuanced things.
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Just give a little energy and a little appropriate tension to the wedding.
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That there's just something fun to try.
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It's so, it's so playful.
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I love it.
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Okay, you asked about the secret trick.
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The one that pops to mind is we always have a personality hire.
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Ridiculous.
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So basically, there's always going to be a sticky wicket at the wedding.
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There is someone coming to your wedding reception who has misperceived that this wedding and this weekend are all about them.
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And appropriately, my team steps into place to put an ego manager on said person.
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And it could be for any myriad of reasons.
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Honestly, sometimes someone has just gone through a lot of loss.
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Or is just suffering, maybe they've just lost their job.
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And they're just frustrated.
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Or maybe they've had a little bit too much fun during the evening.
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You don't.
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There are million stories.
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We'll save them for another day.
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But we always have someone whose whole job is to make guests incredibly comfortable, not the wedding party and the couple and their parents.
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Of course, someone is shadowing all of them.
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But someone who's on the lookout for someone who's kind of maybe standing alone, not having a great time.
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And possibly trying to disrupt the smoothness of the evening.
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And we just want to get our arms around them, quite literally.
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And make them realize it's going to be a good night.
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And that they don't have to ruffle any feathers.
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The best wedding hack.
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This is nuanced.
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This is something that my peers and I talk about all the time.
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In recent years, we've gotten really firm about deploying this part of our creative team.
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I don't know if it's a hack as much as a must have.
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But it is that someone, whether it's your aunt or your sister or a really close family friend.
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Or a quote unquote proper team that we've helped you hire.
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Someone's job is to be steaming, pressing.
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The ability to sew, to sew you into your gown, to get you out of your gown.
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When you rip your gown all the way up your leg to your hip five minutes before the ceremony.
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To help assist with that.
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If you can imagine that it would happen, it could and it will.
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And if you don't have plans B, C, and D in contingency ready to roll out, then you're going to be stuck.
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And so this didn't used to be a thing.
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You know, 20 years ago when I was married, this just was something that fell to your mother or grandmother.
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Whoever in the room maybe had a sewing machine.
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And now, thank goodness, there are awesome teams across the country.
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Nay, the world.
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Who can be deployed to help you do all of these things.
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And it's great because if you think about it.
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It's like beyond just you.
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Of course, the bride needs that kind of care and attention.
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She's probably got a 50 pound gown that's been hand beaded for six months.
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Amazing.
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And then two more attire changes.
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Good for her for sure.
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But beyond that, it makes people feel really loved and special that, you know, on a Thursday afternoon.
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There's someone whose whole job is to come collect all of the groomsmen's tuxes and, you know, get rid of any lumps, bumps.
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The seam on the back where it's the vent, it's never been, you know, seam ripped.
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Or they're missing a bow tie.
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Or they're missing a cummerbund or a cuff link that this is someone's job.
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That to me is the ultimate hack.
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So a behind the scenes moment.
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Let's talk about, I could come up with a million.
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That reflect how high touch and high level my team is.
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When we're coming in to cover you up with love and connection and community and all of that good stuff for the wedding weekend.
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But this one I'm going to give to my mother-in-law.
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So many years ago, my mother-in-law said, come out to the beach.
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Let's sit side by side.
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I'm going to make some chicken salad and maybe pour some bubbles.
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Yay, bubbles.
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And let's get our guest list and go over it.
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And I'm thinking, my God, this is the last thing I want to do today.
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You know, you're a busy bride, you're stressed, you're working.
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You're like, sure, great.
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And but you obey.
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Because this is your future mother-in-law.
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And so I did and I we got side by side.
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And she handed me her list, like kind of that she'd originally generated.
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And I gave her mine.
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And we just went name by name.
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And I realized what she was trying to do was.
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Tell me who people were.
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So especially if you're having wedding bigger than say 75 people.
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There's going to be a lot of people who are attending your wedding, who are dear friends of your future in-laws or like distant cousins who are really special to your future spouse.
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That you just don't know and haven't had a chance to meet yet.
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And they're on your dance floor with you.
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And they're there celebrating with you at the altar or wherever you're getting married.
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And they're standing up for your relationship.
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And so.
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When our wedding rolled around, I saw different people's faces in the crowd.
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And knew exactly who I was looking at and who we were talking about.
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Even if we had to Facebook them.
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And then I knew the relationships.
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So that I appeared as a gracious hostess or guest of honor.
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And the guest experience and hospitality and graciousness.
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That's what everyone wants to be dealing in these days.
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And so that's my hot take.
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That's what I think people should be doing.
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What is essential and what is unnecessary?
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I think it still shocks me to this day, and I understand that I do this for a living.
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So I'm coming at it from a different perspective.
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But I hear these horror stories and from professionals and non-professionals alike.
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It shocks me that people misperceive having a tent on rain reserve.
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And how powerful that is.
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So it's going to rain if you don't have a plan.
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Period.
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In fact, the less you plan for it, the more potential there is.
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There's got to be some sort of law for that.
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Some law of physics.
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And so the deal is, typically, with almost any tenting vendor.
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You have to put down a 50% of of that rain reserve tent.
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And that is theirs to keep even if you never put that tent up.
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And I think people just, that can be a pretty sporty number.
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And people don't want to pay that.
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Because they feel like they're almost jinxing it.
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It's the other way around.
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If you don't, it will rain.
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And on top of that, I feel like people misperceive that you can just.
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Pop a tent up.
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Tents are most often suspension tents.
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And they take an army of people to put up.
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And many, many hours.
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So there isn't this like, let's make this call on Saturday at 2:00 p.m. vibe.
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Unless you're talking about like, people are thinking about a tailgate tent.
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You know what I'm saying?
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This is not an SEC football game, guys.
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The thing that you didn't think was essential that definitely is a rain reserve tent.
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What is a great vendor secret?
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There are many.
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The one that springs to mind is.
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Well, first of all, you've heard it said that lighting is everything.
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It is everything.
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And an old trick I picked up from our lighting and sound teams is to have gaff tape on hand at all times.
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Gaff is G.A.F.F.E., if we're going to have a spelling moment.
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It is stronger than duct tape.
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And you know the phrase about duct tape.
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If you can't duck it.
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Well, it's the same with gaff.
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And gaff can basically.
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I mean, it's going to keep someone's wig on.
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Okay.
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It's fantastic if you have curling rugs in the humidity, let's say you have beautiful antique Ushaks underneath your furniture lounges.
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And they're starting to curl up on the corners.
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We're going to gaff that down.
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And so also my lighting and sound team is always going to triple pin spot all of my blooms.
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So when you see imagery of a pretty wedding during the day and then you don't love the imagery of it at night, it is likely that they didn't.
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Really get a lot of guidance on what to do with their lighting package for lack of a better word.
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They didn't know that they need to shutter the light down long estate tables, so that they need to have soft uplighting on the sides of a building or within a tent.
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And then they need downlighting so you can see your food.
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And all of that doesn't have to be a mystery.
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It's something that I think everybody deserves to have and know more about and get educated on.
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And have.
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But if nothing else, get yourself a roll of gaff tape from Home Depot.
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What is the solution for the bug situation?
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We all know that no seems come out at like 5:00.
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It's like clockwork.
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This is going to sound a little drastic, but it's the truth and we've done it with great success.
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Perhaps just own your stuff.
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And notice that you're choosing to get married in a balmy month in the Southeast.
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And you're going to have like a 5:00 ceremony.
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Either find a lovely indoor location or create a climate controlled environment in a tent with glass and AC.
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And all the things that people are comfortable.
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If that's not, you know, on the docket.
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That's totally fine.
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Perhaps move your ceremony start time.
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And we do this with a lot of our Catholic families.
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And it works beautifully.
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Which looks like a 2:00 or 3:00 ceremony.
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You're skipping all the bugs.
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And then let people go home back to the hotel, et cetera.
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Change.
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Have their first cocktail, just chill for a little bit.
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If you leave a nice enough gap, it's not that weird.
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If you make it too short, it is weird.
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Let them then come back to a big, fabulous cocktail party leading into a gorgeous dinner.
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A little bit later, like 6:00 or 7:00 at night.
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When the bugs have settled down.
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That and like Picardan, basically.
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Hose yourself down.
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I mean, this is not.
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A wedding is not the time to be on a health kick.
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I've said this about the food, the bev.
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I'll say it about the bugs.
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Hose yourself down and go have a good time.
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Subtle little touches.
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To make a wedding feel elevated.
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I mean, there are a million.
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You know, my girls love candlelight.
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My moms, my girls, my grooms, everyone loves a candlelit flooded environment.
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And I'm no different.
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And the funny thing is.
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Given the sunshine like coming into a venue or the heat of the day.
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Or just the general tomfoolery or length of a whole evening.
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These tapers and little voters and pillars and whatnot are not made to last for 15 hours.
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If you've ever burned candles in your home, aside from like a 50 hour burn time.
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Scented candle.
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These things are not meant to last.
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So we always do double candles.
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So let's say we have, you know, a seated dinner.
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Flooded with taper light.
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And we see them starting to wind down.
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Now guests have left the tables to go have a dance party.
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And have a blast on the dance floor.
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Now we are like little ninjas deployed throughout the environment with double tapers.
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So we're plucking away the ones that have melted all the way down or about to be there.
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And relighting fresh ones so that when guests look back or maybe you just need like a breath or a moment to step away and be quiet.
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Think about your choices.
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That's just kidding and and look back on the good time that people are having.
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You will not be greeted with a with tables that are empty.
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Because, you know, we've already eaten.
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And China's been cleared away.
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So what are people looking at?
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I don't want half of your wedding to look sad and kind of cold.
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And so.
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Yeah, I think double candlelight is like one of our back pocket secrets.
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