Speaker A
Jimmy on the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in Hollywood. We have a lot to go through.
Jimmy Kimmel discusses Trump's lawsuits, Epstein files controversy, and protests against ICE in a satirical news segment.
Key Takeaways
- Trump is using multiple lawsuits as a distraction from the Epstein scandal.
- Financial and political conflicts of interest involving Trump and foreign investors raise ethical questions.
- There is significant public frustration over the lack of justice for Epstein victims.
- Official responses to Epstein-related allegations often minimize or dismiss the severity of the crimes.
- Satirical media continues to play a role in critiquing political figures and ongoing scandals.
Summary
- Jimmy Kimmel highlights Donald Trump's numerous lawsuits against institutions like the IRS, Harvard, and the New York Times.
- Trump's escalating demands for damages, including $1 billion from Harvard and $15 billion from the New York Times, are mocked.
- The segment covers Trump's alleged financial dealings, including a $500 million investment from Abu Dhabi's royal family tied to AI chip sales.
- Trump's dismissive and evasive responses regarding the Epstein files and related investigations are criticized.
- The release of Epstein victims' names and photos contrasts with the lack of accountability for prominent men named in the files.
- Trump's hostile reaction to questions about Epstein survivors and his demand that women smile more is satirized.
- Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche's comments downplaying the criminality of associating with Epstein are highlighted.
- The show mocks the absurdity of the situation with humor about Trump's distractions and the ongoing Epstein scandal.
- The segment also briefly references millions protesting ICE, indicating broader political unrest.
- Overall, the video blends political satire with commentary on current controversies involving Trump and Epstein.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Guillermo, welcome back. You were not here last night.
Speaker B
Yeah, I went to San Jose, California.
Speaker A
You went for the Super Bowl interviews, right? That you do every year.
Speaker B
That's right, Jimmy.
Speaker A
How did it go?
Speaker B
It went great.
Speaker A
Did you speak to everyone you needed to speak to?
Speaker B
To all the players and they were so nice with me. They were great.
Speaker A
Very good. We missed you. Don't ever leave us again.
Speaker B
Oh, I won't, Jimmy. I miss you too. I love you guys.
Speaker A
You know, you missed the whole Epstein file. I know what a big fan you are of the Epstein files and you missed it.
Speaker A
These Epstein files are a big deal, obviously, and a big story. A story that Donald Trump would prefer just goes away, but it won't just go away.
Speaker A
It's salacious. It's the kind of story that makes headlines and he knows that. So what he does is he bombards us with a dozen other crazy things to try to flood the zone. There's only so much we can take in. So to distract us, right now one of the things he's doing is suing everybody.
Speaker A
Now last night, I mentioned Trump is suing the IRS, the IRS that he runs for $10 billion and that he's planning to negotiate a settlement to that suit with himself, which is just if any other president did, it would be the biggest story of their whole four years in office.
Speaker A
For Trump, it doesn't even crack the top five this month. But so the New York Times published a story yesterday claimed Trump has dropped his demand that Harvard, the university pony up $200 million.
Speaker A
Harvard is one of the very few institutions that is actually fighting back against these shakedowns. And when Trump saw this, it triggered one of his many daily volcanic eruptions.
Speaker A
He wrote, Strongly Antisemitic Harvard University has been feeding a lot of nonsense to The Failing New York Times.
Speaker A
Harvard has been, for a long time, behaving very badly!
Speaker A
We are now seeking One Billion Dollars in damages.
Speaker A
He was asking for $200 million, now he wants a billion. Every post now is a ransom note from the president.
Speaker A
And for as far as Harvard goes, come on, guys, you know how this works. There's an easy way out of this.
Speaker A
Just give him an imaginary degree of some kind. Give him an award for his magnificent brain and penis and this all goes away.
Speaker A
Give him, you want to know what to do?
Speaker A
I'll tell you what to do.
Speaker A
Give him the first annual Donald J. Trump Penis Brain Prize.
Speaker A
Problem solved.
Speaker A
I thought you were supposed to be geniuses over there at Harvard.
Speaker A
Trump also doubled down on his tax against the New York Times. He's suing them for $15 billion.
Speaker A
He wrote, I look forward to watching their rapidly falling circulation force them to finally close their doors.
Speaker A
Well, listen, if you really want the Times to go out of business, maybe you should just run it for them, right?
Speaker A
I mean, he wants, I'm trying to keep track, but he wants a billion dollars from Harvard.
Speaker A
10 billion from the IRS, 15 billion from New York Times.
Speaker A
And these numbers, where do they even come from?
Speaker A
It's like when a little kid guesses how much something costs.
Speaker A
A billion, million, trillion, hundred, infinity.
Speaker A
And that's on top of the nearly $4 billion Trump and his family have pocketed since he retook office.
Speaker A
According to the Wall Street Journal, four days before the inauguration, a sheikh from the royal family of Abu Dhabi bought a $500 million stake in the Trump family crypto venture.
Speaker A
Which is called World Liberty Financial.
Speaker A
And then, months after the bribe, I mean investment, the Trump administration agreed suddenly to supply the sheikh with highly coveted American-made AI chips.
Speaker A
Which the Biden administration had been refusing to sell them because they worried they would fall into the hands of the Chinese.
Speaker A
But I'm sure that's just a $500 million coincidence, you know.
Speaker A
Remember when Republicans went crazy because Hunter Biden was selling overpriced artwork?
Speaker A
This sheikh wanted AI chips, so he said, all right, I'm going to buy Trump's crypto and I get the chips.
Speaker A
It was literally a sheikh down and we are, but the president, you will be surprised to hear, knows nothing about any of this.
Speaker C
The Wall Street Journal reported that the Royal Family of Abu Dhabi invested hundreds of millions of dollars in your World Liberty Financial.
Speaker C
Can you explain why you decided to take that investment and was that a transaction?
Speaker D
Well, I don't know about it.
Speaker D
I know that crypto is a big thing and they like it.
Speaker D
A lot of people like it. The people behind me like it.
Speaker D
My sons are handling that. My family is handling it.
Speaker D
And I guess they get investments from different people.
Speaker A
He's he's a really good guesser because that is exactly what they do.
Speaker A
They get investments from different. The man who knows more than the experts about every subject under the sun doesn't know about this.
Speaker A
I think they call it scamnesia. It's a very serious condition.
Speaker A
The one thing, the one thing he doesn't know is how much money his family is making.
Speaker A
He basically does the same routine when he gets asked about the Epstein files.
Speaker D
Yeah, what do you want?
Speaker C
On the Epstein files, you talked about Democrats who were in there.
Speaker C
Elon Musk was also in there and so was your Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick and correspondence that he had with him.
Speaker C
Did you read those new files that were published by the Department of Justice?
Speaker D
I have a lot of things I'm doing and a lot of things I'm doing and I don't know.
Speaker D
You mentioned two names. I'm sure they're fine.
Speaker A
He's sure they're fine.
Speaker A
They're very fine people on both sides of the Epstein files.
Speaker A
That's what people. This might be the first time anyone has ever called Elon Musk fine.
Speaker A
And we still don't know the names of most of the prominent men named in the files.
Speaker A
But they did manage to release the names of a whole bunch of the victims along with addresses, even nude photos.
Speaker A
But Donald Trump, he's very busy picking out flatware for his new ballroom right now.
Speaker A
And quite frankly, he's tired of hearing about these Epstein files.
Speaker D
I think it's really time for the country to get on to something else.
Speaker D
Now that nothing came out about me.
Speaker D
You know, what what did you say? Go ahead.
Speaker C
What would you say to the survivors who feel like they haven't got justice?
Speaker D
You're the worst reporter. No wonder CNN has no ratings because of people like you.
Speaker D
You know, she's a young woman. I don't think I've ever seen you smile.
Speaker D
I've known you for 10 years. I don't think I've ever seen a smile on your face.
Speaker C
Well, I'm asking you about survivors.
Speaker D
You know why you're not smiling? Because you know you're not telling the truth. And you're you're a very dishonest organization.
Speaker D
And they should be ashamed of you.
Speaker A
We are now at the women should smile more stage of his presidency.
Speaker A
I'm trying to think of a worse time to tell a woman to smile more than when that person is a reporter asking about the Epstein victims.
Speaker A
I can't. And then you've got the president's former personal attorney.
Speaker A
Who is now the guy in charge of the Epstein files, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche.
Speaker A
Who stopped by Fox News to make this unbelievable statement.
Speaker E
Is there any chance that any of these individuals who partied with Epstein and engaged in relations with minors will be prosecuted?
Speaker F
Any chance?
Speaker F
We, I'll never say no.
Speaker F
And we will always investigate any evidence of misconduct.
Speaker F
But as you know, it is not a crime to party with Mr. Epstein.
Speaker A
That's right. It's also not a crime to borrow a bottle of baby oil from Diddy.
Speaker A
They're not crimes. Stop being such a buzzkill, everybody.
Speaker A
Our forefathers had to fight for our right to party with Mr. Epstein.
Speaker F
It's also the kind of thing that that the American people need to understand that it isn't a crime to party with Mr. Epstein.
Speaker F
It isn't a crime to have fun.
Speaker E
Didn't look like that's all that was going on in some of those photos.
Speaker E
I mean, if the photos could speak, they some of them look pretty bad.
Speaker F
That's right. And unfortunately, photos can't speak.
Speaker A
So case closed, I guess.
Speaker A
And now, if you'll excuse me, Ghislaine Maxwell needs a fresh yoga mat.
Speaker A
I have to leave. There's so much to be mad about.
Speaker A
It makes me mad how much there is to be mad about.
Speaker A
Over the weekend, you know, millions of Americans took part in anti-ICE protests all across the country.
Speaker A
These were concerned citizens peacefully and passionately expressing their opposition to the crimes being committed against our neighbors.
Speaker A
But Donald Trump, even though there are millions of us, continues to claim the protesters are being paid.
Speaker D
It's really insurrectionists and agitators and they're paid.
Speaker D
And you can tell a lot of reasons. Number one, they're professionals, you know, with their mouth.
Speaker D
But they're also, you look at the signs. The signs are all professionally made.
Speaker D
They have signs that are gorgeous. In fact, I want to get the sign because I'm a big, I need a lot of signs for different things.
Speaker D
And I want to find out whoever does this as they do a beautiful job.
Speaker D
You know, everybody has this beautiful sign with brand new wood.
Speaker D
It's like leather panels, they have a leather handle.
Speaker A
He does have an active imagination. I mean, it's brand new wood.
Speaker A
Leather panels, leather. It's like he's describing a Bentley or something.
Speaker A
Power steering, surround sound, beautiful signs.
Speaker A
I was at the protest in LA this weekend. We made our signs out of poster boards.
Speaker A
And magic markers.
Speaker A
I didn't see anything that was professionally made. I didn't see anyone getting paid.
Speaker A
But I did see a lot of creativity with these signs.
Speaker A
Like, I missed the Melania movie to come to this.
Speaker A
The only ICE I like is the ice my two gay boyfriends skate on.
Speaker A
Tom Homan looks like a canned ham.
Speaker A
Super callous, fragile, racist, sexist, Nazi POTUS.
Speaker A
This one is from Minneapolis. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to dismantle this thing called ICE.
Speaker A
And our son Billy came up with a good idea for saying, stop taking away people.
Speaker A
And then he added a threat to the sign.
Speaker A
I'm going to stop putting ice on my drinks.
Speaker A
You know, if it was up to our fillet fascist, we wouldn't have the right to protest.
Speaker A
Or vote for that matter. Trump is now floating the idea of having the federal government take control of elections from the states.
Speaker A
He would prefer that we pick the winner out of a MAGA hat this time around.
Speaker A
He said Republicans should take over voting in about 15 places.
Speaker A
Like the state of Minnesota, which he claims to have won all three times.
Speaker A
Even though he lost Minnesota all three times.
Speaker A
He has the FBI and the always suspect Tulsi Gabbard seizing voter information in Georgia.
Speaker A
From the 2020 election, which is clearly an attempt to fix the next election.
Speaker A
And also, I think he's he's somehow wants to go back and erase his loss in 2020.
Speaker A
We had one good day in the past 10 years.
Speaker A
He's trying to take that away from us too.
Speaker A
And as unpopular as Trump is here, even more so overseas.
Speaker A
This is from the Carnival of Viareggio in Tuscany, which goes back to 1873.
Speaker A
This year they they spent a lot of time designing this puppet of our president.
Speaker A
Being held by a giant bird and a mean little bald Donald Trump.
Speaker A
He's suing that float for $20 billion, by the way.
Speaker A
And that brings us to another instance of detachable hair.
Speaker A
There was a heavyweight fight between a guy named Kingsley Ibeh and Jarrell Big Baby Miller at Madison Square Garden over the weekend.
Speaker A
That included one of the funniest mishaps in the history of sports.
Speaker G
Is it coming off? What is happening here?
Speaker G
It is.
Speaker G
Oh, wow. He's losing his hair.
Speaker G
Wow. That is going to make the rounds on social media.
Speaker G
That's like a cartoon.
Speaker G
Oh my goodness gracious.
Speaker G
It is a toupee.
Speaker G
And he just took it off and threw it into the crowd.
Speaker A
Now that, my friends, is a champion in every sense of the word.
Speaker A
That is not since the Real Housewives of Atlanta has a wig been knocked off a head like that.
Speaker A
How that happened, I have no idea, but I wanted to find out so we reached out to Jarrell.
Speaker A
And he joined us now. He's from Brooklyn, New York. Please welcome Jarrell Big Baby Miller.
Speaker A
Hello, Jarrell.
Speaker A
Now, Jarrell, you usually, you have, usually you look like this, right?
Speaker A
This is now, is that a wig that we're seeing there?
Speaker H
No, no, definitely not. That's that's my full hair there, man.
Speaker H
I'm still blessed with some hair.
Speaker A
So after the fight, originally you said you'd accidentally washed your hair with bleach at your mom's house.
Speaker H
Yes, yes. Well, I actually kind of lied on my mom.
Speaker H
Forgive me for that, you know, I had to think of something fast on the spot.
Speaker H
But really it was, it was easy enhancements you get, you know, from the beauty supply store.
Speaker H
Like the black spray and we call it Beijing.
Speaker A
Okay.
Speaker H
I kind of overdid it, left it in my hair for like two, three days.
Speaker H
And when I washed it out, I washed out half of my hair.
Speaker A
Wow.
Speaker H
So it was very horrible scene and I had to think of something fast.
Speaker A
So who put that hairpiece on your head?
Speaker H
So I was in the car with my cousin and he actually has a barber and he's really good at these, you know, toupees.
Speaker H
So I said, yo, he got the piece. He got these pieces.
Speaker H
So I said, let's go check him out real quick. I didn't even want to fight on national TV again.
Speaker H
On MSG without my hair, you know, not there.
Speaker H
And he looked amazing at first when he first did it and man, he said I'm going to make it really strong, double reinforcement.
Speaker H
He put the tape on, the glue and everything and I'm like, man, I'm looking good.
Speaker H
I'm like, I'm sizing myself up. I'm like, all right, this is smooth. We're going to be all right.
Speaker H
But brother, the opponent I fought, he was not having it.
Speaker H
He was trying to knock my brains out.
Speaker A
It always starts with a cousin, doesn't it?
Speaker A
Have you, have you beaten your cousin's barber up yet?
Speaker H
I honestly, I think everybody found his page and he's been MIA since then.
Speaker H
I think he's in, you know, we were going to hunt for him.
Speaker H
But uh, we can't get in contact with him right now.
Speaker A
At what point in the fight did you realize that the hair was coming off your head?
Speaker H
Really? I was probably getting my butt whooped and I found, I instantly felt an AC.
Speaker H
It was like a drift and I felt the cool breeze.
Speaker H
And I said, nah, I don't think so. I didn't hear the crowd.
Speaker H
And when I got back to my corner, my trainer is looking at me.
Speaker H
He's giving me instructions and usually he doesn't stutter.
Speaker H
But man, he started stuttering. He's like, you're getting your behind whooped.
Speaker H
I need you to focus, but he's not paying attention to me.
Speaker H
I'm like, why does he keep looking up? I said, please God, don't tell me this this toupee is coming up.
Speaker H
I looked up at the Jumbotron and that's when I finally realized, oh no, I'm screwed.
Speaker H
At that moment, I said, God, time to go WWE on it.
Speaker H
And that was it.
Speaker A
And then you, you handled it so well.
Speaker A
You threw the the hairpiece into the crowd like a bride.
Speaker A
I think we have a video of that here and it landed on.
Speaker A
Did it land on the chair? Did somebody put it on the chair?
Speaker H
Actually, it was one of my opponent, one of my future opponents.
Speaker H
I'm thinking he's WBA champion that I want to fight.
Speaker H
He actually grabbed it and he was like, hey, I got your hair, man.
Speaker H
So I'm trying to knock him up, but it was so motivational because I'm getting my butt whooped at the same time.
Speaker H
And I'm losing my hair, so I had to make sure I'm going out there and rally to win.
Speaker A
Well, you did win the fight. And where is the hairpiece?
Speaker H
I have no idea. We've been looking for the damn hairpiece and it's MIA right now.
Speaker H
You know, eBay auction for $5,000.
Speaker A
5,000.
Speaker A
Oh, at least, at least.
Speaker A
Now, okay, would you mind taking your hat off?
Speaker A
Because I would love to see what's going on right now.
Speaker H
Yeah.
Speaker A
You look a little bit like the San Diego Padres mascot right now.
Speaker H
I look like a bald-headed parrot. That's what I feel like right now.
Speaker A
Well, thank you, Jarrell. That is Jarrell Big Baby Miller.
Speaker A
And we appreciate you talking to us tonight.
Topics:Donald TrumpEpstein filesJimmy KimmellawsuitsHarvardNew York TimesAbu Dhabi investmentAI chipsEpstein victimspolitical satire
