Speaker A
[Music] I was 16 years old and headed to my first hit as a professional. This was a monumental occasion in every wise guy's life.
Jimmy recounts his first hit in the Gambini family and life in witness protection in this adult cartoon episode full of dark humor and mob antics.
Key Takeaways
- Multitasking is humorously portrayed as essential in mafia hits.
- Witness protection drastically changes Jimmy’s lifestyle and identity.
- Loyalty and betrayal are central themes in mob-related stories.
- Dark humor is used to soften the portrayal of violent crime.
- The show blends crime drama with satire to entertain adult audiences.
Summary
- Jimmy recalls his first professional hit at age 16, highlighting the multitasking skills needed in the Gambini crime family.
- The episode blends dark humor with mob life, including ordering food while committing a hit.
- Jimmy transitions from being a capo in the New York crime family to living under witness protection in Canada.
- The story explores themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the challenges of adapting to a new life away from crime.
- Jimmy faces threats from former friends and associates who want him dead after he cooperates with the authorities.
- The show satirizes mafia stereotypes with exaggerated characters and comedic violence.
- Interactions with family members, including Jimmy’s wife Cookie, add emotional depth and humor.
- The narrative includes references to cultural and historical conspiracies, blending real and fictional elements.
- The episode uses a mix of narration, dialogue, and music to create a dynamic storytelling style.
- It highlights the contrast between violent mob life and mundane everyday activities, such as ordering sandwiches.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
going to off the guy and then order food are you nuts kid if you're going to make it in the gambini family you got to learn how to multitask multi task oh yeah well you left the car in
Speaker A
Hey Jimmy, listen, grab me a hoagie after you blow the guy's brains out.
Speaker A
went holy BS you should have seen it oh right you can look at the Poise the dignity the choice of wound placement frankly it was inspiring [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] I never forgot that stabby redhe head here's your sandwi you're going to be in
Speaker A
I'm going to off the guy and then order food? Are you nuts, kid? If you're going to make it in the Gambini family, you got to learn how to multitask.
Speaker A
happened it would be me and the deep fryer next you should have seen the egg on ch's face when the Don gave me a bonus for killing a guy several different ways also known as [Music] multitasking how you doing word on the
Speaker A
Multitask? Oh yeah. Well, you left the car in gear.
Speaker A
paying our interns our intern is py how you doing I used to be Jimmy Falcone a cappo in the New York crime family that's like a vice president of an important company like IBM audas but now I'm Jimmy McDougall cuz I'm in witness
Speaker A
Well, you were distracting me with your stupid lunch order.
Speaker A
blabbing about all our best stuff the H thing the Kennedy thing Scientology I had to do something so I got me a sit down with the boss Che made him a buttload of money over the years so I
Speaker A
I didn't know, Cookie, then, and I also didn't want to have to act such a cute witness, so I figured I'd come back later.
Speaker A
doing oh crap the organization went nuts these were my best friends from grade school coming after me we used to shake down the homeless together Just for kicks I never thought they'd grow up to be so mean I mean I had just gotten
Speaker A
I was about to order Cheese Hoagie when holy BS, you should have seen it.
Speaker A
we'll protect you we'll put you somewhere they'll never find you somewhere they won't even think to look somewhere far and remote and cold very cold excuse me why is it got to be cold because cold sucks and we don't like you
Speaker A
Oh right, you can look at the poise, the dignity, the choice of wound placement. Frankly, it was inspiring.
Speaker A
that's Reina you freaking [ __ ] potato potato quit busting my balls I'm talking here that's my wife cookie she's a pain in the ass but I got to say I love her you know cuz she's standing right here
Speaker A
[Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] I never forgot that stabby redhead.
Speaker A
when he found out that they'd be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor site wasn't much alone till the M went him dead so Jimmy had no choice about to talk to all the feds the feds say they
Speaker A
Here's your sandwich. You're going to be in a lot of trouble for screwing the head up.
Speaker A
but they got 10 states not 50 they call them provinces but yeah 10 provinces what did they do with the other 40 why you asking me they're freaking retards their dollar is a freaking coin and no one knows what it's worth sometimes 80
Speaker A
You didn't fire one single shot, onions? Did I ask for onions?
Speaker A
here ah there's our little angel you believe these guys staring at me like a piece of meat but do they hit on me no they're such chickens What's So Scary About Me I'm Pretty I'm nice and if they just told me what they wanted
Speaker A
There were no other witnesses, so I still got credit for the hit.
Speaker A
as why they're afraid to talk to you I have no idea look sweetheart you can't blame these boys for having no balls they was born and raised in vagina where's your brother oh there he is look at him Jimmy he's making friends if I
Speaker A
What was I going to tell them? What really happened? It would be me and the deep fryer next.
Speaker A
Jimmy it'll bring too much attention upon yourself but having a cop and a red suit up my ass 24/7 is going to make me blend point taken I'll bring it up at the next briefing uh uh uh what did we say come
Speaker A
You should have seen the egg on Cheese's face when the Don gave me a bonus for killing a guy several different ways, also known as [Music] multitasking.
Speaker A
eating lunch Liars they're beating me up because I won't do their homework oh my God he's spilling the beans to a cop he's turned into a rat a Squealer a stoie oh what a horrible role model I've been thank you for your honesty young
Speaker A
How you doing? Word on the street is you want to get made.
Speaker A
way you see Jimmy the matter was handled peacefully with words and idle threats that's how we do it here in the great white North when you grasp that fact your true assimilation will begin for Canada and whatever she stands
Speaker A
Well, the best ways are to subscribe to the Forget About Channel, boost your status by grabbing a shirt made from the finest mass-produced fibers, or just blow some money on a Super Thanks.
Speaker A
problems with violence I'm not like you pop I'm not a the andreal of course not we're Italian I mean caveman pop anthropology uh language I'm finished can I go puke now where are your manners young lady you will wait till the rest
Speaker A
Then we can start paying our interns. Our intern is Pi. How you doing?
Speaker A
picked on at school well in that case kid what you need to learn is the sweet science oh great science they just did anthropology can I please go puke no but if I wait too long the food will digest
Speaker A
I used to be Jimmy Falcone, a capo in the New York crime family. That's like a vice president of an important company like IBM or AT&T.
Speaker A
learned you when you was a kid Jimmy remember you was a kind and gentle teacher cheich I still remember the first time I beat a kid into a coma I made a man out of you I can make a man
Speaker A
But now I'm Jimmy McDougall because I'm in witness protection, living like a schnook in Canada.
Speaker A
me sticking che's head in a bear trap but why sweetheart okay this all started because cheich was mouthing off if he got dead they'd let us back in New York oh honey that's so sweet but your daddy sung like a canary the mob wants him
Speaker A
See, a while back, I got word that the boss has put out a contract on my uncle Cheech. Poor guy's been hit on the head a few too many times.
Speaker A
tree hug and love your fellow man atheism lies the son of the Roman Empire a true Falone shh blend a son of the Roman Empire a true McDougall the do you looking at I'll gouge out your eyeballs in your skull
Speaker A
He was blabbing about all our best stuff: the H thing, the Kennedy thing, Scientology. I had to do something, so I got me a sit-down with the boss.
Speaker A
saving your whale friends now eh who's up for a blubber sandwich what did you say I said I like my whales chopped up in a little itty bitty fish sticks whales are mammals you imbecile those are fish look at that
Speaker A
Che made him a buttload of money over the years, so I figured I could appeal to the man's soft side.
Speaker A
trigger what do you mean trigger like how you get when somebody says Pacino's better than diniro I just want to kill him although s of a woman was a fine performance who said that I kill him but that's how pety gets when somebody makes
Speaker A
You are? So he was right. I was. I don't know about your business, but in mine, you can't whack a boss.
Speaker A
to say he's asala and a candidate better than any of us and you save it for the next fight what next fight I'm signing you up for a real amateur fight with this trigger of yours they're going to
Speaker A
Oh, Rocco Fatso, big nose, long time. How you punks doing?
Speaker A
other half to an internist cuz I think I'm bleeding internally relax son they got socialized medicine up here we can keep it [Laughter] all mommy can I talk to you I know how daddy feels about me dating but there's
Speaker A
Oh crap, the organization went nuts. These were my best friends from grade school coming after me.
Speaker A
so tell me about him what's this boy's name Mr Henderson what he's so cool he changed my f to a c he said he couldn't make it an a cuz it would be too suspicious so to make it up to me he
Speaker A
We used to shake down the homeless together just for kicks. I never thought they'd grow up to be so mean.
Speaker A
yes now you say no you're such a hypocrite I hate you diamonds all I ever got for fooling around with a teacher was an a yeah me too but then I went to Catholic School [Music] there'll be no stopping
Speaker A
I mean, I had just gotten those windows reinstalled, and these sons of [ __ ] knew it.
Speaker A
fix a lot more fights than me I'll take your word for it look at him out there getting in shape getting some confidence becoming a man just like his dad oh is that a sausage in your pocket are you
Speaker A
I didn't know what to do, where to go, who to trust, so I crossed over to the dark side.
Speaker A
natural he can go all the way that's the problem py is an unknown fighting the top ranked boy in the province if he wins its news his picture will be in the paper your enemies will see it and find
Speaker A
Play ball with us, Jimmy. Help us lock away your cronies, and we'll protect you.
Speaker A
just when you need our help most come on lighten up it's just a kids boxing match look I know you Canadians ain't in a boxing cuz you're all Peaceable with your clean air and apologizing all the time stop right there sir I'll have you
Speaker A
We'll put you somewhere they'll never find you, somewhere they won't even think to look, somewhere far and remote and cold.
Speaker A
air buddy and in terms of apologizing well perhaps I did overreact and for that I'm sorry I'll never get vagina the boy can't win Jimmy simple as that so do yourself a favor for one once in your life follow the
Speaker A
Very cold. Excuse me, why does it have to be cold?
Speaker A
him drunk and a couple of [ __ ] you'll be okay with him I'm proud of you pety you finally found something you're good at Pop I'm a straight A student I meant something that matters but son tomorrow's fight
Speaker A
Because cold sucks, and we don't like you.
Speaker A
because you threw your mob boss out of a 19 story window then ratted out all your lifelong friends to save you behind like a whiny little school girl okay so you do know but if you win the feds will
Speaker A
I see the logic in that. So that's what I did: ratted out everyone I knew so that my children could grow up with a father that ain't dead.
Speaker A
don't want to be proud of me you never did petd I could be a contender pop instead of a geek which is what I am no it's bum instead of a bum which is what Oh you mean you you're not quoting the
Speaker A
And that's how we came to be living here in Regina, Saskatchewan.
Speaker A
stop me you ready for this that's my smartest kid you always got to outdo me don't you puking is my thing you got the nerd thing and the politically correct thing and now the boxing thing all I got is
Speaker A
That's Regina, you freaking [ __ ] potato. Potato. Quit busting my balls. I'm talking here.
Speaker A
Pet's going down and we're the only ones who know about it Jimmy you said the kid was going to Forfeit yeah but he ain't where' you get the money anyhow I used the nest sake you idiot that's all the money I saved
Speaker A
That's my wife, Cookie. She's a pain in the ass, but I got to say I love her, you know, 'cause she's standing right here.
Speaker A
nephew you want him to get pulverized well it is a lot of money okay okay then we got to change the kid's mind I tried he won't listen to reason then we lean on him old school threatener family this time I ain't letting you up
Speaker A
Anyway, if any of you think starting a new life in Regina is going to change the Falcone males, forget about it.
Speaker A
thing okay okay you don't got to make a federal case out of it what's the matter princess got a problem well let's say someone had an uncle and they wanted to whack him but their mom said they can't cuz sweetie
Speaker A
Let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy. I made the wise guy in the C with a Gambini, but when he found out that they'd be whacking Uncle G, it took the boss.
Speaker A
said I'd ask my dad cuz he's the smartest guy in the whole world when it comes to whacking people and the handsomest sweetie it's not about looks but thank you the important thing is I get a sign to hit someone's getting it
Speaker A
He threw him from the 19th floor. He wasn't much alone till the M went him dead.
Speaker A
cut your balls off and stick them up your ass I don't want to raise no party mouth okay Gina daddy sorry but it's good you came to me with this thing remember family is the only thing you can count on can I at least no I hate
Speaker A
So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds. The feds say they help him; they could use him as an F.
Speaker A
mistress yeah he was a great man funny how you only come to appreciate someone after you kill him where the hell's pety Gina told me what he's about to do no way I'm going to let him fight that kid
Speaker A
So he ratted out his friends and moved through. Catch you one. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it.
Speaker A
I'm doing this I don't need a trigger I don't need anyone I'll win on my own and mother I'm very disappointed in your Latin py wait you can't go out there you'll get killed I know I've been a
Speaker A
Oh, forget about it. Run it by me again. Canada is bigger, but they got 10 states, not 50. They call them provinces, but yeah, 10 provinces.
Speaker A
yours what a drama [Applause] queen fall down you fraking [ __ ] is that a way to talk to your son well then you say something fall down and count to 10 you freaking [ __ ] no wait two more
Speaker A
What did they do with the other 40? Why are you asking me? They're freaking retards.
Speaker A
big man big man okay I screwed up he should be dead and it's my fault that he's not can we let it go already you guys do know that I'm standing right here right one two three stay down stay down
Speaker A
Their dollar is a freaking coin, and no one knows what it's worth. Sometimes 80 cents, others 90.
Speaker A
no must protect minorities must punish Those Who Kill because of skin color or sexual orientation but wait murder is already punishable offense so hate crime laws aren't punishing the ACT but the thought but the state shouldn't be allowed to decide what are appropriate
Speaker A
They say sometimes their dollar's worth more than a dollar. That don't even make no sense.
Speaker A
don't know I don't [Music] know there what the heck we lost Jimmy he took a dive he lost that couldn't be more just give me a second turn away and Justice is served sort of I think no it is it's
Speaker A
Sorry, sorry. See that you cut that chick off and she's sorry. What do you got to do to get a finger around here?
Speaker A
there's a maral shade of gray in which we all must consider how other people hey we don't really care about the thought process we're proud so just leave it there and shut up peety I never doubted you you're my big brother and I
Speaker A
Ah, there's our little angel. You believe these guys staring at me like a piece of meat, but do they hit on me? No.
Speaker A
the great Municipality of vagina well forget about it daddy that's such a Cheesy ending I'm just trying to get him back for next week you want to get him back for next week here's how you get him back for next week what are you
Speaker A
They're such chickens. What's so scary about me? I'm pretty, I'm nice, and if they just told me what they wanted, I'd do it.
Speaker A
but for most of my life I've been known as pety Falcone son of Jimmy Falcone one of New York's most notorious Mobsters but despite what you may have read about my father he's actually been a very loving man who would do anything for his
Speaker A
You'd better be joking, Teresa Maria, and even if you are, I don't want to hear it.
Speaker A
helped convict some of the most horrible men in the country all of whom were at my communion and that's how we wound up here in witness protection in Regina Vina Saskatchewan and if any of you think this story wasn't just one
Speaker A
God has given you something sacred, and you're going to keep it to yourself until you get a ring.
Speaker A
threw him from the 19 floor site wasn't much along till the M once in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the fs say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out
Speaker A
And as far as why they're afraid to talk to you, I have no idea.
Speaker A
pardon you made it sound like an emergency it is see I'm in this weekly poker game and the guys order these parts like ketchup on cardboard and not the good kind so I was shooting my mouth off and promised to show him real pizza
Speaker A
Look, sweetheart, you can't blame these boys for having no balls. They was born and raised in Regina.
Speaker A
won't even have to pay I'm sorry no such an order May tip off your enemies as for poker need I remind you of the pitfalls of gambling a man don't you do anything for fun I have absolutely do I fish I
Speaker A
Where's your brother? Oh, there he is. Look at him, Jimmy. He's making friends.
Speaker A
mine whoa I don't want to know who you manage at twah with imagine if you will a young mul aimless directionless muscleless and then he discovered the wager at first it was just harmless games of Jin Ry for a penny a point but
Speaker A
If I don't pass my English paper, I'm off the curling team.
Speaker A
in my life had I felt such a rush I was hooked I'd go on weekl long binges and forget to feed horse I put my sainted mother in a home and lost her rent money at the track I turned my back and almost
Speaker A
So you're going to write it for me?
Speaker A
this time I mean it yes really and that was the moment I vowed to put my life together the moment I decided to be a mounty and I have not wagered a penny since I just got one question what kind
Speaker A
McLeod, I'm sorry, Gus, but that's cheating.
Speaker A
of Wheat and wheat what's up with you Pet's got a girlfriend shut up oh a girlfriend tell me about her her name's Rita they kissed in the parking lot behind Mrs McGee's car shut up ow don't ever tell me to shut up hello yes pety
Speaker A
What do you think now, eh? Pretty sure it's still [Music] cheating.
Speaker A
hit my big brother you little squirt okay thanks Gina that was really two bucks what two bucks uh okay so Rita what are you doing next Sunday would you like to come for family dinner Rita say no run good we can't wait to meet you
Speaker A
Afraid I can't let you do that, Jimmy. It'll bring too much attention upon yourself.
Speaker A
others all right Jimmy you Scottish bastard it'll cost you five more if you want to see my cards or do you not have the balls you nutless lassy I see your five and raise another five bold read them and weep Kings and nines
Speaker A
But having a cop and a red suit up my ass 24/7 is going to make me blend.
Speaker A
the man don't gamble schw where I come from the only men who don't gamble are ladies well I suppose one hand won't hurt uh Jimmy I'm a little short on cash would you extend a man a small loan you you sure you want to do this
Speaker A
Point taken. I'll bring it up at the next briefing.
Speaker A
18% but this is business no one's going to take it easy on you not even me Jimmy if I enter that game it's you and the others I'd be worried about handy up boys it's my deal gentlemen I don't even have to look at
Speaker A
Uh, uh, uh, what did we say? Come on, they're killing him.
Speaker A
good enough you're bluffing with an Ace King High and you're cheating on your wife you're disgusting now I know my ABCs next time won't you sing with me [Laughter] I see you a 10 and raise 10 more what are you doing nothing just a
Speaker A
How's beating him to a pulp going to blow my cover?
Speaker A
10,000 bloody buddy you're already into me deeper than you wab be what's the matter are you chicken m cool you don't got this one you started strong but now Lady Luck is banging another guy oink oink oink oink oink just walk
Speaker A
It's what any father or single mother would do.
Speaker A
collateral no not horse what have I done I tried to warn you buddy now I own you for Canada and yeah just walk him out from here hey Che I'm making a list of stuff to ask for from mol he can't pay us back
Speaker A
Again, point taken.
Speaker A
I'm thinking more like taking a family on a cruise me included yeah you included then who's going to watch the puppy there is no puppy Jimmy what kind of sad childhood did you have that you hate puppies hi I need your help how do I get
Speaker A
Wait here, gentlemen. Is there a problem?
Speaker A
Iranian from Iran Oh you mean like one of those chicks who drops bombs on her chest and goes into nightclubs I never got that look no that's what I'm talking about that's racist you take that back racism is ugly and I'm pretty mom pety
Speaker A
Just playing officer, teaching them hockey, out eating lunch.
Speaker A
ate it he has a dog all right I don't have it all but I'm doing the best I can I understand it's a lot of money to get all at once so in law of cash there's a number of favors you can do for us
Speaker A
Liars. They're beating me up because I won't do their homework.
Speaker A
crime how do you make money without crime indeed now if you'll excuse me I have work to attend I miss you old friend I deserve as much but I shall get you back for Canada oh where these boots are made for
Speaker A
Oh my God, he's spilling the beans to a cop. He's turned into a rat, a squealer, a stooge.
Speaker A
this slow for money it's really sad jeez I don't know if I should feel bad for the guy or intimidated there you are did you know your son is ashamed of us what pety get down here yes pop your
Speaker A
Oh, what a horrible role model I've been.
Speaker A
come to hate me for it pety you got to relax about this stuff when I was growing up in the old neighborhood we was all everything we was all friends it didn't mean nothing we called each other deos and HEBs and mix and nword you
Speaker A
Thank you for your honesty, young man.
Speaker A
yeah what's wrong with having a towel head you guys are killing me nobody's killing nobody just let me F this girl when she gets here no bomb no problem special agent mol can't come to the door right now please leave a
Speaker A
As for the rest of you, if this happens again, justice will be swift and severe.
Speaker A
due until tomorrow we ain't here for the money oh in that case may I interest you in some hel and De Carlo Cosmetics jeez you look like hell have you lost height let me go get my samples I'll be right
Speaker A
Well, not so much severe as compassionate, and not swift at all, but our judges are appointed for life, and that can't be good for you.
Speaker A
request we gave you I think we was thinking too small first we' like to go visit the old neighborhood Jimmy you know that's impossible then pay up fine I'll work it out also maybe a cruise fine and a puppy fine no puppy
Speaker A
Now on your way.
Speaker A
ships to outer space I think pety would like that no no to everything it all stops now yeah this is what I like you and me going at it Mambo a mambo now my turn you want me to take this up with
Speaker A
You see, Jimmy, the matter was handled peacefully with words and idle threats.
Speaker A
look at this I'm talking to a squirrel bum bum [Music] bum I mean you should have seen the guy I know it's hard to imagine but he looked bad real beard it is hard to imagine I never should have lent a guy
Speaker A
That's how we do it here in the Great White North.
Speaker A
bacing that's how they say it in Canada Jimmy are you developing a conscience conscience nah I just got this inner sense of right and wrong that's impelling me toward moral action what are you saying I broke him so I got to
Speaker A
When you grasp that fact, your true assimilation will begin for Canada and whatever she stands for.
Speaker A
he's going to let someone who owes him money not pay I don't understand I'm scared a sweetie there's nothing to be scared of the man owes me more money than he's got and it's destroying him he's doing it again ma he's doing it
Speaker A
I don't get it. Why don't you fight back these bastards?
Speaker A
would be forever in your debt and so I cannot accept no strings honest and the blackmail stops you can stay amounty it's more complicated than that to recover from my addiction I have to take responsibility for my actions even if
Speaker A
Hey, language.
Speaker A
siblings daddy left when I was very young and Mommy lost her marbles all I had was horse tell you what don't quit your mounting thing just yet give me till the end of the week can you sign this
Speaker A
I mean, why don't you fight back these children born out of wedlock?
Speaker A
everybody's Square I have found a satchel of money on the street it must be returned to its rightful owner what an [ __ ] I can't believe it you try to help a guy and it bites you in the ass
Speaker A
As Gandhi said, violence never solves anything, Petey.
Speaker A
is that her I'll be right out look there's no time to explain just don't judge me by my family and whatever happens I'll protect you and no I have no idea why there's a horse in a living room hi you must be Rita I'm cookie
Speaker A
My whole life is based on solving problems with violence.
Speaker A
knew it just because she's from the Middle East you automatically assume her parents must be terrorists or taxi drivers I never said my father is a dentist and my mother is a stay-at-home mom and no it's not because her father
Speaker A
I'm not like you, Pop. I'm not a the andreal.
Speaker A
because Muslim women aren't allowed to go to school they're just supposed to stay home and be subservient to their man is that what you're asking I give up Jimmy you want to ask her anything okay Rita say something you did is destroying
Speaker A
Of course not. We're Italian.
Speaker A
Israeli conflict Rita hi I love what you're wearing what' you expect you people what she was supposed to show up in a burka and a turban going pety enough can you talk about anything other than my race me race
Speaker A
I mean, caveman, Pop. Anthropology.
Speaker A
don't think I can stay for dinner and by the way there's nothing wrong with driving a taxi it's an honest decent living and yeah I lied my father drives a taxi you dirty racist snob one way or another them Arabs
Speaker A
Uh, language.
Speaker A
but he's your best friend and you're all he's got so you can stay mad at him or you can help him his life is in your hands or you can keep bunking with cheich for the rest of your life
Speaker A
I'm finished. Can I go puke now?
Speaker A
Dill though and that's so wrong that's so wrong coming up the rear he'll never be able to do it but hang on here comes oint Dill falls behind it's that so wrong and do do and that so wrong it's a
Speaker A
Where are your manners, young lady? You will wait till the rest of us are done, and then you can go puke.
Speaker A
family now I'm Jimmy mcdog living like a schnook in Canada now gangster in wasn't exactly your safest line of work uh goty toos go sleep with the fish but that's exactly what I wanted I live danger I breathe danger danger was
Speaker A
Evening.
Speaker A
Bobby do he didn't show respect Jimmy it always felt like he was looking down at me you too I never did like that guy good riddance in exactly 10 nine Che when you were under to Bobby's car why
Speaker A
Oh, oh, great, Shiner kid. Way to go.
Speaker A
protection now doesn't mean I don't still face danger cuz if you think minus 55 in January ain't real danger forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with
Speaker A
It's a B.
Speaker A
to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about
Speaker A
I know, I know. I should see the other guy.
Speaker A
but can I get you to send it over again tell them to look harder actually I was being polite truth is you still haven't submitted one so now you need a diploma to sit at a desk and not work all day
Speaker A
No, he's fine, actually.
Speaker A
you complete High School the mob wasn't big on book smarts I mean look what they did to Don Point Dexter allow me to quote Einstein so can you take care of it or not well yes it would take just a few
Speaker A
I'm ashamed of you. I spit on you.
Speaker A
something to give up for Lent anyway Jimmy education is the very Cornerstone of society what kind of friend would I be if I took that experience away from you the kind I don't want to whack in the face with a 2x4 oh how I envy you
Speaker A
P's getting picked on at school?
Speaker A
you're already doing math for Canada where you don't need to play football to afford [Music] College great what would you made me do shut up you're starting to piss me off here whoa a jeez I better put you out of your
Speaker A
Well, in that case, kid, what you need to learn is the sweet science.
Speaker A
me this warning pal unless you want an ass full of buckshot [Music] so this diploma you got from the internet wasn't good enough for him apparently havard's not a high school and it's spelled with two A's you learn
Speaker A
Oh, great, science. They just did anthropology.
Speaker A
veto's bar je you were like 50 what did you need a fake ID for it was ladyes drink free night man I got bummed next morning and I woke up in some guy's bed boy was he embarrassed God I miss all those guys
Speaker A
Can I please go puke?
Speaker A
exactly why you're staying in school young lady Teresa it's apples and orange juice when I was your age I was on a streets hustling doing whatever it took to make a living [Applause] so what you going to do Jimmy I guess
Speaker A
No, but if I wait too long, the food will digest, and then puking won't do me any good at all.
Speaker A
high on my priorities well now you're a civilian so act civilized and get a fcking diploma fine I'll go back to high school pop you can just get a gedd Gina's not here pety if you want to swear you don't have to spell it oh you
Speaker A
That's just the risk you'll have to take, and I'm growing very weary of this attitude, Teresa Maria.
Speaker A
camaraderie and how many friends do you have pety 127 Facebook doesn't count counting you don't you dare count me zero so look I see you got a lot of wood in this joint be a real shame if it
Speaker A
Fine. God, guys, sweet science. There's nothing to do with science.
Speaker A
howd you like to join my crew so uh what do I call you honka nah that sounds stupid how about beaks all right beaks it is welcome aboard I don't know how you're going to do it Jimmy the studying lectures
Speaker A
I'm talking about boxing, like I learned you when you was a kid, Jimmy.
Speaker A
hall thank you pardon me me excuse me coming through here sorry good luck you're going to need it woohoo you're are flexy what's your number welcome to high school equivalency 101 I'm Mr Russo is that going to be on the test no now I know
Speaker A
Remember, you was a kind and gentle teacher, Cheech.
Speaker A
dramatic effect is any of that going to be on a test no but since you're so interested in tests let's start with a practice [Music] one hey teach you forgot the eyes and mouth on this smiley face actually
Speaker A
I still remember the first time I beat a kid into a coma.
Speaker A
group Beat It nerd Jimmy it's been 30 years since you were in school you got to get used to being a student again but how I don't even remember what it was like being a student probably cuz I made you in
Speaker A
I made a man out of you. I can make a man out of the kid.
Speaker A
this is just like when I was in high school there's the snobby prom queen no I don't want a beer leave me alone nerd the drug pushing preppy come on Cindy all your peers doing it my Pier well in
Speaker A
We'll take him down to the gym tomorrow, learn him a few moves.
Speaker A
[Music] do [Music] [Music] that was awesome okay here's your cut don't spend it all in one [Music] Pond Che I feel like a teenager again I'm having a Time on my life me too well except for this terrible acne and I keep
Speaker A
Can I come?
Speaker A
know and I'm this close to putting you there myself get off my case you don't understand I understand plenty you're a grown man with a wife and three kids and a job you're going to lose if if you
Speaker A
Nah, they don't let broads in gyms.
Speaker A
partying and fooling around no buts now March up those stairs and go to your room old man you're grounded it's not [Applause] fair what the hell is this it's a field trip you need to sign it Jimmy can I see you for a minute what up
Speaker A
Go make me a sandwich, Gina.
Speaker A
practice tests I think you might have a learning disability oh did you just call me a [ __ ] no and I would never use that term it's nothing to be ashamed of I am not a [ __ ] I agree all you need is some
Speaker A
Honey, what is this drawing supposed to be?
Speaker A
wuss good night I love you beaks tell anyone I said that I'll cut out your liver I've been expecting your call Jimmy let me guess you need help with Canadian history or as we call it history while it is a long and Noble Saga I wish to
Speaker A
What, are you blind? It's me sticking Cheech's head in a bear trap.
Speaker A
going to need you to fake that diploma for me that can't be right Jimmy you ran a large criminal organization the numbers running alone would have taken tremendous mental ability not to mention outsmarting Legions of dedicated law enforcement officers do you see what I
Speaker A
But why, sweetheart?
Speaker A
and Don Palazo left New York on a train going 50 mph and I whacked them both I'm a [ __ ] genus you mean genius whatever but Jimmy don't forget genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration perfect I sweat like a pig you can do this Jimmy
Speaker A
Okay, this all...
Speaker A
all you need to do is ask I'm Jimmy I'm slow I have a learning disability Jimmy what about your diploma screw that school is for suckers I hear you though I'm really going to miss Debbie's keggers and I don't mean her beer
Speaker A
parties you dropped out of school what the hell is wrong with you Jimmy all you have to do is ask for a little help that's it why can't you ever do that tell me about it remember I trip to
Speaker A
Hawaii would you just ask someone I got it you better get that diploma Jimmy it's one thing to drop out of high school but I am not living with a night school dropout you got that I got it here go nuts wait are you asking me
Speaker A
to take your GED test for you no I'm telling you to take my test for me I'm afraid I can't do that why not there's an old saying give a man a fish and you feed him for a day teach a man to fish
Speaker A
and you feed him for a lifetime I don't understand the thing you just said and now I'm hungry for sushi if you want my help pop just ask I'll be happy to tutor you but I'm not taking the test for you
Speaker A
fine if you won't do it I'll find someone who will sir I understand you wish me to take the high school equivalency exam for you is that correct ah crap can you believe this the guy doesn't even speak English sir it is my
Speaker A
native language you getting any of this waka waka waka must be Chinese or something I was valedictorian of my high school I have a PhD from Princeton speak [Music] English all right so we just got to make a few stops on Albert
Speaker A
Street eyes on the road you're trying to get us killed what are you looking at a nuts don't you get it beaks you don't got to fly south ever again unless the cops are chasing [Applause] [Music] you did I or did I not just tell you to
Speaker A
keep your freaking eyes on the road what the hell it looks like you whacked the library in here there were two blue marbles and three red cups how many different ways can you place the marbles into the I can't do this cook
Speaker A
I'm disabled oh for the love of God you're not disabled we both know you didn't quit high school because you had to earn a living you quit because you wouldn't ask anyone for help because of your stupid Pride your stupid stubborn sexy Pride
Speaker A
cookie where we come from a man doesn't ask for help a man does things for himself there's only one thing I want you to do for me Jimmy name it pass I I want you to pass wait a minute two balls three cups
Speaker A
six the answer is six uh pety yeah Pop I need you I need you you need a helicopter you're having a stroke Timmy's in the well Timmy's in the well help I need your freaking help all right you got it but if we're going to do this
Speaker A
we're going to do it my way you're going to become a lean mean learning machine when I'm through with you you're going to eat Latin and crap prime numbers read faster faster read read okay but why is he
Speaker A
exercising because that's the way he learns pick it up faster faster slow down check your work check your answers 41 42 43 57 58 59 12 * 12 144 again again [Music] correct I got it right so push harder educated guest fill it
Speaker A
in oh yay Bre Bre [Music] Bre sorry the school bell is broken this is it you all worked hard good luck you may [Music] begin cut it out beaks you honked an oath once you're in the life you can't
Speaker A
leave sweetie you got to let him go but I don't want to let him go honey it's the Call of the Wild everyone has to leave some time just like one day you're going to grow up and leave me I will
Speaker A
uh-huh and it's going to be the hottest day of my life but I'll know that even when we're apart you'll always be with me here in my heart I'm going to miss you you moo all right all right don't get all
Speaker A
mushy on me what if he can't survive in the wild no more he's a Falcone now he's going to do just fine he's going to do just [Music] fine congrat oh I passed you passed hey me too Che
Speaker A
that's great but and don't take this the wrong way or anything how ah wasn't so tough God damn it why didn't I think of that Jimmy I'm proud of you you earned it on your own and no one can take that
Speaker A
away from you I'm sorry I was acting like a high school jerk correction high school graduate jerk I want to make it up to you Cookie would you go to the high school equivalency prom with me of course I will but I need 800 bucks for
Speaker A
[Music] address what do you mean there's no prom queen it only took me 30 years to get you to a prom but here we are baby what do you think I think if you play your cards right you might get lucky in the
Speaker A
car later every day I'm with you I'm the luckiest man on earth oh we are definitely doing it in the back seat congratulations equivalency class of 2013 by the power vested in Me by the province of Saskatchewan I now declare
Speaker A
you [Music] [Applause] graduates time made a girl I see you every day we're going to work it out yeah yeah she said come alone me I can never leave a be h on girl everyone com got work it out yeah yeah
Speaker A
yeah yeah how you doing I'm Jimmy McDougall used to be Jimmy Falcone I may be living like a jerk in witness protection but back in the day I was a maid guy I was the head of a crew and no one could
Speaker A
touch me basically I had it made it's a funny story how that happened this one night they told me to keep dong gam beanie away from his house cuz his wife was throwing him a surprise birthday party everyone's acting all weird and
Speaker A
secretive Jimmy I'm telling you something's going on if I screwed up the surprise his wife would kill me literally she was built like a lumberjack and she was real good with an axe anyway I shall get going we just got
Speaker A
here boss at least finish you drink hey look look at cheat go I could swear I just finished that the thing about the Dawn was he got jumpy when he drank too much who did that I'll plug you you rat
Speaker A
but I got him home in time just like I was supposed to I guess the surprise was on them the Don took out so many guys that night I wound up getting made but if you think I still got it made here in Regina forget
Speaker A
about it let me tell you something about a friend of our named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the CPP with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him
Speaker A
from the 19th Floor Suite wasn't much along till the M all want in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the F say they help if they could use him as a f so he red out his
Speaker A
friends and mve catch you one forget about it forget about forget about it oh forget about it [Music] oh someone's in a good mood what can I say the Sun's Up the sky's blue and me and cheich are going to the track my
Speaker A
money's on Third and the fifth who the hell names a horse third anyway isn't there something you want to say to me Jimmy what's for breakfast no something else [Music] um all right you got your head done looks good no I didn't y [ __ ] you got
Speaker A
no idea what I'm talking about do you have a nice freaking day at the track I hope a horse craps on you me too it's good luck you get the feeling cookie was M what are you talking about she said
Speaker A
have a nice freaking day at the track didn't she get a load of this mol's bringing me flowers don't be silly Jimmy these aren't for you they're for cookie hold up there kimosabi you want to explain why you're bringing my wife flowers and
Speaker A
believe me there's no right answer to that question Jimmy your sense of humor is like a a fresh Breeze off the Canadian Rockies do I look like I'm joking seriously tell me cuz I can't see my own face what a card you are Jimmy
Speaker A
these are for cookie birthday oh crap listen you got to help me out give me those flowers certainly not I cultivated picked and arranged these myself well would you look at that special agent mul remembered what Mr what's for breakfast
Speaker A
over here forgot thank you mol you are most welcome many happy returns cookie for Canada where no one forgets your birthday unl's name's Jimmy McDougall whoa cook you got it all wrong I know it's your birthday I got a a big
Speaker A
surprise planned for you is that so well I'm calling you Bluff give me those you're not pulling together some crappy gift at the last minute cook I got a surprise planned like you wouldn't believe prepare to have your mind blown
Speaker A
yeah well prepare to never get blown again then I know a lot of [ __ ] when I hear it Jimmy if we're not going to the track can you let me [Music] out pety why are my Cosmo Pages all
Speaker A
stuck together whoa what are you doing I realized what my biggest problem is when it comes to girls that you're a complete loser no not that the problem is I don't know how to break the ice so I built a
Speaker A
robot to do it for me you sure that's a good idea idea last time you built one it didn't work out so well first rule of robot fight club build a robot second rule of robot fight club program that robot to
Speaker A
fight pyot is Pro PR to meet charm and disarm girls then I step in to seal the deal that won't work he's still you just wait until you hear him say something swaave something swaave peety aren't you going to
Speaker A
introduce me to your robot friends ew so you forgot Cookie's birthday big deal she has one almost every year she'll get over it oh yeah remember the time I spent in the hospital back in New York sure when it was offs from the
Speaker A
vucci crew plugged you it wasn't the venucci it was cookie I forgot our anniversary and she put one in me that was cookie on we went to war with the venucci over that one I know lot of lives were lost Jimmy yeah I get it
Speaker A
cheich I mean some of our best guys drop it will you fine I got to get ready anyways for what I needed some meat time so I got a ticket to this all gal review all gal review you mean like strippers n
Speaker A
it's classy dinner in a show like the nightclubs in the old days before they all turned into discus dinner and a show that's perfect cookie loves that kind of crap I'll order tickets right now give me a laptop no can do it broke all right
Speaker A
let's see some nakeds holy it's Chiefs Falone no it ain't okay it is how you been carine I'm going to get you you stinking rat miss me you son of a [ __ ] [Music] all right listen I've had a crush on her
Speaker A
for weeks but I've never been able to talk to her go introduce yourself charm the pants offer and set up a date affirmative remove girls pants no that's just an expression come here I will charm the girl that's better
Speaker A
go get her this is going to be great goodbye loneliness goodbye Cosmo magazine goodbye crinkly socks yes it worked no it worked too well how is she Frenching him he doesn't even have a tongue broken hips and wrinkly lips a
Speaker A
geriatric review I don't know how you did it but this is definitely a surprise I got to admit I'm kind of hurt you didn't trust me cook give me two good seats 300 bucks 300 bucks man I should
Speaker A
become a scalpa is that word offensive to you people not at all 500 [Music] bucks is the you what a show what huh oh yeah Bravo I loved it especially that one song hot flash dance I like the number where they
Speaker A
fell and couldn't get up it really spoke to me let's go backstage Jimmy I want to get an autograph you coming n I'm going to head home and see what I can do with the hole I blew in my laptop if there's
Speaker A
a tie on my door don't come in this job must be so much fun when I was a kid I wanted to be on Broadway when I was a kid I wanted to extort the unions on Broadway Jimmy are are you Jimmy Falone
Speaker A
what no you got the wrong guy I don't know no Jimmy Falcone the crap you been recognize go call him a cool all right if it comes down to it you got to whacker get me an autograph first listen
Speaker A
lady if I was you I'd have a seeni your moment and forget you ever saw me it's me kid it's you you who me your pop South alone listen you sick maniac my pop is dead and I'm not Jimmy Falone
Speaker A
drop the ACT Jimmy I know you're in witness protection don't worry I'm not going to rat out my own son I hate to break it to you Looney Tunes but my father was a man not anymore I ain't
Speaker A
come here kid so it's probably wrong that I have a boner right now isn't it [Music] look lady I got no idea who you are but there's no freaking way you're Jimmy's father yeah my pop disappeared when I
Speaker A
was 13 we all figured the talini family off them and I hate to keep hopping on this but he wasn't abroad I swear on the eyes of my only son which is you that I used to be S Falone okay s Falone what
Speaker A
was my mother's name abalonia Maria Teresa Falcone lucky guess what about her maiden name bino not bad okay so when was I born a little too soon after the wedding if you know what I mean this is crazy are you an actual woman or just
Speaker A
dressed up like one let me explain Jimmy I loved your mother she was a beautiful woman but deep down I always felt like a broad trapped inside a man's body of course the mob don't look too kindly on
Speaker A
that kind of thing I had to be careful it was starting to affect my work I couldn't stop I started taking stupid risks I knew if I got caught my friends would whack [Music] me so I left to start a new life where I
Speaker A
could finally surgically become a woman since then I've been living as Sally Monero that's quite a I mean what pict goes down down down hey what's the big idea all right we've neutralized the threat you're safe for now I'll take a
Speaker A
Downtown Grill her and assess the situation don't worry Jimmy Canada has your back I don't know about you but I need a drink make mine a double then double [Music] it what are you doing here I am waiting
Speaker A
for my date I'm the one who's supposed to go on the dates you're supposed to step aside and let me jump in when the time is right when is that going to be in determinate need additional data come
Speaker A
on you're just jerking me around indeterminate need additional data this is not what I programmed you for hide here she comes your presence is agreeable is that a new hat oh come on should I jump in now not
Speaker A
yet now not yet now not yet uh uh why did I make him anatomically [Music] correct so what did she say good news Jimmy there's absolutely no risk of her informing on you in fact she's in more Danger from the mob than you are you
Speaker A
merely broke a Blood Oath that you swore on your life to uphold she turned into a lady they hate that don't be that way Jimmy she's a delightful person with a wonderful sense of humor and a sparkling personality don't get any ideas big guy
Speaker A
so now what do you make it disappear or do I disappear oh Contra I suggest you spend some time with her before she leaves town I too lost my father at a young age and not a day go by I don't
Speaker A
wish for a chance to speak to him again to say father why do you care more about huffing gasoline and chasing Tha lady boys than you do your own son but alas I cannot this is a gift Jimmy open it I
Speaker A
think I'll just return it for store credit family is for life all sales are final [ __ ] Canada where it's not gay to be with a [Music] transgender hey it's 4:15 and you're drunk I had some soup at lunch and it was so good
Speaker A
and then a bunch of my friends were having soup and then I just got crazy crazy that soup is so [ __ ] good you know your robot is nailing anything that moves at school what he broke up with
Speaker A
Sheila then started seeing Jenna and broke up with her and sna for a while and now he's fooling around with Kelly dude is a player you should get in on that action I'm going to hurl listen Buster I programmed you to get me
Speaker A
a girlfriend not to bang every girl in school according to pety bot's calculations the only chance of you having a girlfriend is if pety bot has one for you that's insane what can I say players going to play haters going to
Speaker A
hate [Music] yo hey Grandpa maral when you turned into a lady did the operation hurt what operation kid I went into a cocoon hey whose car is in the got to go not so fast Jimmy oh my god daddy your
Speaker A
daddy is so much fun you got lovely kids here Jimmy what the hell is he she doing here I went to apologize for getting her arrested we got to talking and I realized she's family so what now every
Speaker A
Tom no dick and Sally who shows up is family give her a chance will you no thanks you get your ass over there and enjoy your goddamn family no Jimmy where you going don't run out what like you
Speaker A
did to me what anho pull over we need to talk no we got some things to work out no we don't come on kid we got to deal with this I don't got to do nothing [Music] [Applause] Jimmy can
Speaker A
you hey this ain't over Jimmy damn it I chipped the [Music] nail that's for not calling me that's for sleeping with my sister that's from my mom your presence is agreeable go the guy's a [Music] machine police deny the helicopter crash
Speaker A
had anything to do with a recent epidemic of teenage drunkenness hey when is Grandpa Marcel going to visit again she's going to show me how to or a guy with a scrunchie she ain't coming back to this house you kidding me why not I
Speaker A
don't want her around you you take it away to one woman I can actually learn something useful from what you're seriously robbing me of the only strong female role model in my life I'm standing right here Gina I'm your father
Speaker A
and I can rob you of whatever the hell I want Jimmy that's enough don't listen to him Gina go get yourself a cookie what's the matter with you are you going to crap on everyone just cuz your father
Speaker A
changed into a woman nah that's his freaking business what am I going to do change him back so what are you pissed off about I'm pissed off because he left me he never even said goodbye why what did I do was there something wrong with
Speaker A
me wasn't I good enough oh Jimmy it wasn't your fault Jesus Christ what is this an after school [Music] special hey Gina get down here there's someone who wants to see you Grand on myselves here nope better than that I'm
Speaker A
real sorry for yelling at you so I got you a pony what the hell I need a pony for because you're the best little girl in the world and you deserve it I don't want a pony sure you do it's great you
Speaker A
can comb her hair have tea bodies ride her around you don't know me at all do you pop of course I do what kind of a father would I be if I didn't know my little girl come on give her a spin I
Speaker A
don't want to it smells like ch's room just try it will you here over here here boy here horse here pony come on pony come on come on you [ __ ] horse you trying to kill me f what the
Speaker A
hell's the matter with you have fun sweetie F you I am a good father come on I [Music] hate sweetie Daddy what are you doing just checking in with my favorite oldest daughter how are things kid how's your
Speaker A
life fine but I'm kind of busy right now just wanted to see how you're feeling a little weirded out are you dying or something no no I'm just fine and I'm never leaving you well at some point you're going to going to die look
Speaker A
nobody's dying I'm going to kill you Jimmy what the hell are you doing bying psychotic Pony what I'm just trying to be a good father you're already a good father mostly stop trying to prove it before you kill someone it's Sally you
Speaker A
need to work things out with now go talk to her you big dope she's right Daddy go do that right now like immediately yeah get your head out of your ass will you you're right I should probably go talk
Speaker A
to him Darren you can come out now Darren Darren oh my God oh my God oh my God come on pick up pick up it's an emergency damn ity oh hey Brad turns out I am free [Music] tonight what are you doing I'm sorry but
Speaker A
for the good of those girls and the continued survival of my nads I need to power you down I'm afraid I can't let you do that py AA La Vista pey bot wrong remote forgot I installed that I am
Speaker A
sorry pety but it is you that must be terminated why do robots always turn on their masters why do Masters always anger their robots no no damn it that's of no use to me violence is never a solution okay maybe under some
Speaker A
circumstances hey what's with all the racket I killed peety bot no I killed peety bot no I killed peety bot okay I'm [Music] bored poop wait you got got the stuff you got the money ow the mother who's in your trunk
Speaker A
a cop what the hell you doing pop what's it look like I'm selling weed you kidding me hey you can take the fella out of good fella but that don't make him good what the hell you doing here
Speaker A
all right I don't like surprises we're going to have to plug you too the hell you will pop I don't care about you becoming abroad but why the hell did you leave me wait a sec this lady's your
Speaker A
father yeah I used to be a man deal with it do you got any idea how tough it was growing up without a dad around what you think it didn't tear my heart out to leave you abandoned your own kid that's
Speaker A
unconscionable let's kill her wait wait I want to see where this is going if I stayed and got caught do you think you would have ever grown up to be a cappo no you would have been a laughing stalk
Speaker A
see what choice did she have we could have suppressed his desire to be a woman and raised his son that would have made for a real healthy fatherson relationship you you better forgive your dad Mister you mind your business yeah
Speaker A
Jimmy can you ever forgive me yeah after all you was just looking out for me I'm sorry I had to leave come here you I'm I'm going to go call my stepdads all seven of them are you crying too
Speaker A
don't look at me pop before you head out of town let's enjoy the time we have together i' like that Jimmy now what do you say we take these Joker's guns away and kick the [ __ ] out of him way ahead of you kid
Speaker A
come [Music] here this is delicious cookie what is it a little thing I whipped up called pony parmesano say who's the dish Jimmy mind if I take a crack at it Che I don't know if you want it hey gorgeous are you a
Speaker A
thief cuz you stole my heart cheats you're hitting on your own brother I'll take that as a maybe well gang here's to family to family to [Music] family how you doing I'm Jimmy Falcone former New York coppo in the old life
Speaker A
the feds were always up in my business these guys had ears everywhere and by ears I mean bugs but I didn't let that keep me from being a normal family man that one that's my girl messing with the
Speaker A
feds was a game I got the Fat Bastard right here and I'm going to chop up his legs and feed him to the dogs on the ground now got you oh good one Jimmy I'd offer you guys a turkey sandwich but [ __ ] you
Speaker A
if it was real important we talk in coold but that came with its own problems Che I need you to pick up the magic potion from the Maharaja and take it to the wizard and make sure you look
Speaker A
into his Crystal Ball gabish gabish by magic potion you mean he ate keys of heroin right on the ground now now that I'm in witness protection living in Canada I don't ever got to worry about bugs again forget about
Speaker A
it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out the b be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him
Speaker A
from the 19th Floor sweet wasn't much long till the mble went in dead so Jimmy had no choice about to talk to all the feds the feds say they help him they could use him as a pwn so he red out his
Speaker A
friends and most catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it cookie that was super you're a regular George Foreman in the kitchen thanks Jimmy and now for The Knockout canoli James mcdou who's asking Angus Mavis thr
Speaker A
ring a belt do I know you no lad but our ancestors fought on the Moors for three centuries this weekend you and I pay tribute to their bravery at the Regina Highland Games uh speaking the English I'm throwing down the gauntlet ladyy see
Speaker A
you at the C TOS go M who was that some AAL Ian lunatic in his [Music] skirt I'm going to regret asking but what's your problem there's this Dutch exchange student at school Yeti no one pays attention to him he said he feels
Speaker A
invisible and you care about Duty white I consider it a civic duty to Aid new students yeah yeah yeah bleeding hearts save the whales help the Dutchmen I get it here's my advice RS like prison he wants a rep tell him to kick someone's
Speaker A
ass Gina not every problem can be solved through violence I'm not helping you with a dishes no more you got it okay see pety I had a problem and violence solved it want me to demonstrate again no I'd appreciate it if you could keep
Speaker A
Riff Raff like Scotty mcboo off of my doorstep but you're a McDougall now the Scottish Community is finally inviting you into the fold you just had to go and make me Scottish didn't you why couldn't you just make me Italian because you'd
Speaker A
have been too easily identified as ex mafioso oh so Italian automatically means mob to you you racist sack of sh I ought to put one in your head run your body through a meat grinder and bury you in
Speaker A
cement but I take your point so you'll attend the games then not a chance if you refuse this challenge the Scottish Canadian times will brand you a coward you'll wind up on their shite list along with other things Scottish people hate
Speaker A
like the queen underwear and fresh vegetables do you want your friends back home to find your picture in gear Jimmy I guess not then have fun at the games for Canada where every culture gets a ridiculous summer fair remember everybody be cool and act
Speaker A
like you're Scottish just be crabby and cheap don't don't worry Jimmy we'll blend right in with these weirdos Uncle cheich stay out of my closet that's a good color on you so you L levered mcdougall's grew a pair and
Speaker A
showed up welcome to the Highland Games y wers thank you for inviting us don't get a swelled head Lassie every Scott in the phone book was invited right to the kitchen with you Nessie you're on heish duty go on those sheep stomachs don't
Speaker A
stuff themselves blend oh to the field of combat Lads or should I say lussies see blend him right in let me get this straight we got to cook this thing's stomach how we going to get it out ma same way your father
Speaker A
did with Joey the fake oh look at that hammer toss beat that mcle you know this kind of reminds me of collecting protection money back home off the field oh you throw like a bloody Englishman thanks Angi that's supposed
Speaker A
to be an insult you TT come here come yes I salute you weat CH TOS snack on that mcdo this reminds me of the time we threw Big Cheese Romano off the roof something's missing there you go and you call yourself as
Speaker A
Scott when'd you change your name to Scott oh oh it's on what you doing that's my girlriend I mean my mascot there's a ra the Sheep stomachs in the fridge you D marries oh watch your back Lamb Chop
Speaker A
table toss in your face [Music] mcle this reminds me of something [Music] too huh I guess I never killed no one with a tree trunk before what you've been living in a cave off the field again oh Vicor
Speaker A
for clan Mish good game anus Jimmy aren't you mad he beat you you're the sorest loser I know did I lose Che did I m m William oh William me baby brother ah but that's what you get for
Speaker A
not going to the games you bastard sorry yey who would have guess the Saturday academic Achievers jambur was just a bunch of grade grubbing dorks but don't worry we'll find you some cool friends my sister suggested you pick a
Speaker A
fight with someone to get noticed which is totally absurd yey cut it out that's not going to work will you stop it that's enough ah yey I'm so sorry wait you forgot your tee [Music] hey everyone th hide drop
Speaker A
in oh look it's eccentric billionaire Richard wein do I smell heus or is that Jimmy's feet and he brought a studio audience to laugh at his dumb jokes might I say cookie you look delicious can I try a bite when it comes
Speaker A
to heus I'm a bit of a gastronome I've eaten all around the world around the world that would make you a gastronaut seriously that was gold amazing you can barely taste the intestines cookie I have a proposition for you I've been getting propositioned
Speaker A
all day that gets a laugh you're a bunch of dicks this is my Scottish restaurant we we weins for some reason business has been slow but I think we can turn this place around with cookie as my new
Speaker A
executive chef wow Jimmy what do you think what's that think about you can do this in your sleep but who'll run the house I will how hard can it be to take care of two kids three kids see we'll
Speaker A
all be learning new things go for it it might be fun in that case Mr wean I accept to home Betty I was staring in the Kil and I'm feeling a wee bit bad I'm your new Chef cookie McDougall
Speaker A
now I'm a little new to Scottish cooking but I've been doing a wee bit of research and I'm sure all you Lads and lasses will be great these have been in the freezer for 3 months and you want to serve them to
Speaker A
customers this is a restaurant you jag off not a vet Kong prison camp are you sweating in the soup what the hell is wrong with you you know what throw it let's just serve them warmed over piss squat down no then start
Speaker A
over you can't cry in the kitchen if I see one more you [ __ ] crying in here it's in theing oven you go head first you think I'm [Music] playing and let that be a lesson to all
Speaker A
of you [Music] [Music] brown meat in pan this stuff's red but it'll have to do add onion done why doesn't it look like the picture Daddy I need help with my homework I'm a little busy but what's the capital of Canada that's easy
Speaker A
Capital C Daddy I only ate gluten-free is that gluten-free don't worry I ain't going to charge you pop I broke Yeti's jaw good for you son but he's my friend so you straightened out your friend I'm proud of you but I feel like a monster I
Speaker A
said I'm proudy I'll quit fishing for compliments Daddy can you hand wash my bras and panties oh I ain't touching that stuff H wasn't it Nook mom does it PO is that meat sauce I don't eat anything with a face we having face for
Speaker A
dinner I wanted chicken fingers Daddy I got to make a solist daddy I need clean panties I almost killed ye I want a chicken fing I think I need counseling H I almost killed gy chicken fingers that's it go to bed all of you
Speaker A
but it's only 6:30 I said go to bed you know what change my order to face you too Che B but Jimmy do I have to take off this belt I'll be good I hope Yeti's in school today I
Speaker A
feel terrible about what the hell aw poor little yey do you want another Blended cheeseburger hey there's the bully that did this to yey Gina's wrong High School's not like prison though I do have goo all over my
Speaker A
face I bet that happens in prison amazing cookie in just one week you've totally turned this place around how did you do it get the hell out of my kitchen I'm trying to work here now now I am your
Speaker A
boss sorry sorry Mom Pop ruined my underwear he made me go to bed at 6:30 last night I've been up since 3:00 a.m. I ain't naming no names but a certain fat ass ruined my homework Jimmy I need a
Speaker A
change what the hell look at this freaking place there's footprints on the ceil feeling the TV's on fire and why am I standing in 3 ft of water oh for God's sake where's your father Jimmy hey cook what the hell's going on
Speaker A
here nice to see you too look at this place what exactly do you do all day besides work 9 to 5 okay 10 to 3 11 to 2 with a long lunch I'm busting my butt at the restaurant 247 and you can't even
Speaker A
keep this house going me what kind of mother leaves family starving and laundry list and having to figure out the capitals of Canada all by themselves what about your womanly duties oh of course my womanly duties how could I
Speaker A
forget remind me again what those are like having dinner ready on the table for your husband like it says in the Bible what part of the Bible says that you know the part where Jesus fights the whale I thought this restaurant thing
Speaker A
was going to be a nice little hobby did you just say nice little Hobby that's it I'm out of here where you going back to work where I get some respect I respect you plenty it's not like I told you to
Speaker A
get in the kitchen take off your top and make me a sandwich which actually sounds pretty good since cookie won't listen to reason or the Bible we got to shut this place down you know for the good of the kids
Speaker A
kills me to see him neglected like that special agent mol nice of you to drop by full disclosure cookie I sometimes Moonlight as the regional health inspector well I'd offer you a bribe but my kitchen is so spotless you can eat
Speaker A
off the floor speaking of which you done licking the floor yet Rodney don't worry cookie my visit tonight is strictly as a haggus and cocky craving customer waiter there's a hand in my soup and you're closed you can't do this sorry cookie we
Speaker A
we Wheat Thins is now officially a crime scene jeez tough break cook but hey you had a good run no shame in that oh for shame there's a foot in the salad bar you're a great chef you deserve success
Speaker A
and you would have had it but what are you going to do it's the unpredictable hand of Fate actually it was the hand of Lorenzo what I'm saying is maybe this is a sign that your place is at home with
Speaker A
your family and their laundry you're right Jimmy nothing to do now but take my failed ass home [Music] JY what the hell excuse me sir do you have a reservation what are you talking about Teresa it's me this is my house nope
Speaker A
this is mighty mcdougall's House of haggus you turned our house into a restaurant you said you wanted me home so I came home but it ain't Fair of my customers to shut down so I brought him with me thanks for being so supportive
Speaker A
supportive sweetheart I do not remember being supportive and I do not remember you having a reservation Che will you look at what cookie done to this place I know if I do a good job I could make dishwasher Gina
Speaker A
how about getting the old man some food I'm starving here no can do pop we'll full up now get your shrimp cocktail and a beer no dice all we got here is Rob Royce can we get a hinin a spritzer and
Speaker A
a fuzzy navl three Rob Roy coming up for the last time I do not want to buy aing Rose finally a little peace and quiet and I'm like oh my god seriously and he's like T seriously wow so you do
Speaker A
have genital warts restaurant's closed you want a doggy bag bag this hey Jager sh on Jimmy have you lost your freaking mind I can't stand it no more cook I tried being supportive but this restaurant thing is tearing our house
Speaker A
aart baby I need you the kids need you shut down this circus and let's be a family again but you said I was great you said I deserved success and now you're running around like a freaking an animal killing my business we're
Speaker A
shutting this place down too oh well beat showing off hands ah crap that was you how could you do that to me Cookie I'm sorry I was losing my mind you have no idea how hard it is to run a
Speaker A
household on your own I don't you looked after the house for a week Jimmy I've been doing it for 16 years enjoy sleeping on the couch Mister cuz you ain't getting nowhere near my meat locker tonight that's kind of a weird
Speaker A
thing to call you V oh Oh you mean the bedroom ow if you want this shrimp cocktail you're going to have to throw some pants [Music] on cookie miserable and I feel terrible that's marriage for you what are you
Speaker A
going to do she was happy working at the restaurant and we blew it I got to go make this right how much writer can you get she's back in the kitchen where she belongs she was in a kitchen you [ __ ]
Speaker A
and I'm putting her back there Jimmy she's already there G maybe sit this one out all right fine by me I want off this freaking emotional roller coaster anyway all right what do you want I've realized that prison rules don't apply
Speaker A
in Canada here people reward the victim not the aggressor if I want to be surrounded by girls like Yeti I need to get my ass kicked wait a second you want me to beat you up in front of the girls
Speaker A
I want some of the action he's getting what better way to get sympathy than by being unjustly trounced by a thug Edy think this through hurry up come on Hit Me No get lost you whack J come on just
Speaker A
a few good shots real quick give me what I want let go of me you freaking psycho now ye's bully is assaulting a little girl get him hey what are you doing what When in Rome okay what are we doing here mul called
Speaker A
said there was a major situation happening Jimmy what's going on and why are you dressed like an Undertaker good evening Chef cookie welcome to the reopened we we we dance I'll be your new matron D good news cookie your husband
Speaker A
helped us solve the mystery of the seventh hand thanks to Jimmy you're back in business a Jimmy you big sweet [ __ ] you sorry I messed things up for you cook gosh it's kind of slow tonight only
Speaker A
two customers it's 8:30 the place should be packed maybe they heard about the hand in the so people talking up or maybe it was the fat naked hairy guy hitting people with his junk hm I was worried this might happen you see cookie
Speaker A
heus is strictly a novelty food people only ever try it once usually under the influence of alcohol H so there won't be any repeat customers not a one I'm afraid we we whein has run its course then why'd you bought a reopening yeah
Speaker A
why'd I get my hopes up what can I say for me Scottish food can be very haggus forming give it a rest you know what you and your stupid restaurant just about ruin my marriage well I guess I ain't a cook no
Speaker A
more baby in the kitchen of my heart you'll always be head chef a rounded drinks for everyone we're celebrating the birth of Miss [Music] son how you doing I'm Jimmy Falone currently known as Jimmy McDougall back in the old days when I was a big shot
Speaker A
the most important person in my life was my lawyer when you make an honest Liv and breaking the law never misunderestimate the value of a good Shyer suppose I allegedly tried a wacka guy and he went to the cops would I be
Speaker A
in trouble H the guy was available night and day it's me I know it's 4:00 a.m. and you're in the Hampton but you got to come to the city and bail me out I need you to get rid of this for
Speaker A
me nothing seemed to phas this guy then out of the blue heed Robs a liquor store and gets sent to jail this guy went to Harvard why would he do that thank God just put me in a deep
Speaker A
dark hole and get me away from Jimmy Falone anyway now that I'm in witness protection I don't need no lawyer cuz I got my own personal mounty hey M cool can you get me one of them new smarty
Speaker A
pants phones we've been through this Jimmy I can't cater to your every little whim the answer is no so just I can't believe I'm going to say this forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of our named Jimmy I made the
Speaker A
wise guy and the cppo with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor sweep wasn't much along till the M all went him dead so
Speaker A
Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a fun so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about
Speaker A
forget about it oh forget about [Music] it so they took your appendix H mol I give you one of mine but it's probably messed up from hard living but Uncle cheich the human appendix is a vestigial organ I've been kicked into vules I feel
Speaker A
your pain mul I hope you like the flowers it was the most expensive ones they had nothing's too good for our mounty we got the banner just in case listen doc this guy's a friend of the family send his bill to us what bill I
Speaker A
like you you learn fast cookie is Jimmy coming his smiling face and ceaseless cigar smoke always brighten my day don't worry I'm sure he's on his way I sent that bonee had plenty of [Music] reminders ah crap I slept past
Speaker A
five what's with him he's looking right at me he's still there what if he's a Hitman this is bad son of a Toby what are you doing sneaking up on a guy like that oh sorry Jimmy I just came to remind you if
Speaker A
you're going to stay late don't forget to put in for overtime thanks Toby my pleasure all right you bastard you want me come get me Got You Toby jeez sorry I thought you were someone else maybe I should
Speaker A
start wearing a bell wish should have thought of that earlier it's that guy again what guy all I can see are fuzzy shapes [Music] you've reached special agent straight mol just leave a message Jimmy you're the only one whoever calls M I've been
Speaker A
made there's a guy tailing me meet me at home and grab me a slice on your way I'm starving ow what the hell Ma you know that bear Gina has in her room with a dollar sign on it sure sure money bear
Speaker A
okay I was in a room getting rid of anything that might be construed as evidence and I think I might have threw up money bear what you know how Gina gets when you touch her stuff remember when you tried
Speaker A
to get her off the pacifier she was like a badger clawing and scratching and that sound she made I wore an eye patch for a year exactly so I don't want to know about this I can't believe my own daughter's
Speaker A
going to abandon me in a time when I'm in danger for my other daughter what nothing no why' you have to drag me into this I didn't do anything shut up shut up you're in it now someone's after me I
Speaker A
need a gun thanks kid where'd you get this you want a gun or you want to ask stupid questions where the hell were you horac Cool's lying in in the hospital and you can't wait a second mul's in the
Speaker A
hospital why didn't you tell me that means we're on our own what are you talking about I don't got time to explain I think we've been made who easy tiger boy Jimmy I've been trying to introduce myself all night but
Speaker A
you kept giving me the slip who the hell are you and who sent you I came as soon as I got your message Jimmy this is FBI agent Rick chick magnet is pepperoni okay all they had was pepperoni
Speaker A
it's kind of cold what do you feds want from me now the bureau wants to interview you for an ongoing investigation Jimmy nice to meet you I'm special agent mul let me guess first name Nat so nice uniform Nats
Speaker A
so so what do you say Jimmy deal or not a deal no way I had enough of being a no good snitch for one lifetime in the eyes of the US government you're no snitch you sir are a hero you sure you got the
Speaker A
right Jimmy oh and by the way I brought 8 lbs of Gaba goul from P's Deli in New York y Jimmy what's a gabo it's lunch meat Now put on some pants will you come on in chick magnet I guess I'll be
Speaker A
heading back to the old hospital F Canada and oh my stitch has [Music] popped well Jimmy you've been a huge help the tip about Don barzini alone is enough to blow the case wide open when you take him down tell him I said yo I
Speaker A
sure will now listen between you and me how do you like it up here in the great mild North don't ask what if I told you that as a reward for your cooperation the bureau is willing to relocate your
Speaker A
family what that's right Jimmy to sunny California really what did you say California are you serious the details are right in here I'll take you and down to the North Dakota field office for processing and the family can meet us in
Speaker A
California you hear that we're going to be Americans again but wait I was just getting to like it here the schools are better the medical care is topnotch and I just finished building my first igloo in the backyard pip down pety you can
Speaker A
build plenty of Googy goo in California hang on pety might have a point is it right to keep moving the kids around like homeless gypsies let's get the out of here woo [Music] chick magnets giving you a six-bedroom
Speaker A
house a full cable package and a job as a nude beach lifeguard are you sure you don't want to stay in Canada Jimmy I'm positive California's got sunshine no snow and unfitted access to burritos my hands are tied here well then I suppose
Speaker A
this is goodbye really I never hugged a cop before unless I was stabbing him in a way you have stabed sted me Jimmy right through the heart Jee all right you're crying now no no my incision became severely infected when I
Speaker A
left the hospital to meet you last night that's what you get for ignoring doctor's orders anyway I'll send you a PO card it'll have my new name on it Jimmy [Music] Gonzalez what are you doing I got a
Speaker A
replacement for money bear you think that piece of crap's going to fool Gina where's the dollar sign on the front I'll sew it on but first we got to age it to look like money bear what's he look like I need details I don't know
Speaker A
ask pety I can he'll say mother honesty is the best policy and get us all killed wait it had an eye missing good good so we'll pry off one of the son of a bitch's eyes which one think I had it
Speaker A
but you slapped it out of [Music] me well igloo in saying goodbye to you I'm also saying farewell to Canada yeah we're leaving right now don't sweat it they don't suspect a thing I'm not telling you where they are
Speaker A
you'll send guys to whack them and I don't get my million dooll Bounty see you in Fargo you bring the money I'll bring the falones God I hate Canada snow in my pants all right boys let's head off to
Speaker A
your new life so long cook next time you see me we will be in sunny California and I'll be selling oranges at the offramp in a leopard print thong you take good care of my Jimmy okay of course I will it's not like I'm going to
Speaker A
get him across the border put a bullet in his head and sell him to the Mob or anything call Mol searching for my stool would you like me to book a [Music] colonoscopy agent mul special here M Rick chick magnet is going to kill my
Speaker A
dad slow down I'm on morphine so I'm having trouble following who's this again it's pety Rick chick magnet is taking Dad and cheats to the Mob chick Rick magnet what are you calling me for you think you're so cool you want cool
Speaker A
try morphine this [ __ ] is awesome this isn't chick magnet it's pey pey hey kid I tell you if I tried this morphine chunk when I was your age I never would have become a cop I'd have become a jazz
Speaker A
dancer snap out of it my dad's in trouble did I ever tell you how mommy supported us when Daddy left the men she brought home we called them my uncles no uncle I won't fix you a drink get your
Speaker A
own damn highball you filthy pervert what am I going to do Dad's going to die help [Music] help I'm bored are We There Yet hey let's play I Spy what are you six take it easy chick magnet just
Speaker A
kidding all right I'll go first I spy with my little eye something that's going to get slaughtered what see a truck full of lambs oh right good one I'll try again I spy with my little eye dead meat who me no no there's some roadkill
Speaker A
over there one more I Spy with my little eye two Wise Guys who are going to get whacked all right you're freaking me out what relax it's just Martin scorsese's new movie we are so seeing that hey cheich
Speaker A
Che a he fell [Music] asleep mommy you don't have to turn on the red light wow what a trip won't be doing that again oh look py called thundering Thunder Bay Jimmy Gallop Like the Wind Horse Jimmy's in trouble for Canada where friendship
Speaker A
trumps infection every time [Music] okay now we run him through the dryer a bunch of times to make him look old I can't do this I can lie to you and pop but Gina she's got those eyes they burn
Speaker A
right through you don't you fall apart in me now if this doesn't look exactly like money bear you and me are going to California in a pine box what the hell are they talking about money bear for he's right down here what are they so
Speaker A
freaked out about I'm out you're out when I say you're out I could have a lot of fun with this look at that Bri more kimson will be in the good old us of first thing I'm going to do is get me some poutine and a
Speaker A
bottle of maple syrup hey get a load of mol Jesus Christ are you kidding me let us go it's for the best for us at least it's a double cross I can't hear you I'll Skype you from Cal
Speaker A
yo chick magnet relax he's just trying to say goodbye again pull over screw that you're under my jurisdiction now technically not for two more Kims we're alive Jimmy you know what this means seat belts actually work mol you crazy bastard what are you
Speaker A
doing oh Ron R what's he saying rum rum poor bastard needs a drink I know the feeling quit foing around this guy needs help oh God could you possibly be more danc I'm trying to kill you you stupid
Speaker A
[ __ ] but what about Cal [Music] oh why the hell are you trying to kill us you're a Fed I'd explain but I hate it when B guys stand around telling their plan when they could just kill the
Speaker A
hero I'm a lot of things but a hero ain't one of them my eyes God do you ever wash your feet hey Jimmy if I drop my pants do I get a piggy back too between you and me my nuts are like
Speaker A
ice cubes I know I know I'm cold too no I mean all the time we need to find shelter hey maybe there's a Howard Johnson's out here how about that old Bond I bet that joint don't even have
Speaker A
[Music] cable damn it it still looks good as new and he smells spring fresh I'll warm up the car we'll run over his head a couple times who said is m going to run over oh hi how are you little sis what's behind
Speaker A
your back what oh nothing all right now you got me curious and when I get curious I like answers you know how I like to get answers Teresa how the hard [Music] way po guy's turning blue we got to find
Speaker A
something to start a fire don't waste your time he knew this was a one way right come on Che the guy risked his life to save my ass after I treated him like a jerk which makes him a huge
Speaker A
pushover but still way I see it if he dies we can survive on him for weeks he's built like Conan the Barbarian not the weird redhead on TV cheich I'm hungry too but we're not eating mol get a fire going you work nights as an aist
Speaker A
should be a cinch look for anything that'll burn forget it Jimmy we're all going to freeze in here wait I know this ought to burn for a while changed your mind ah the tag was chafing [Music] me so you threw out money bear you got
Speaker A
any idea why I call him money bear cuz I keep money in him that's why I had R Grand in there hey where's Mom dad's in trouble now let's have a little talk about how I'm going to get my money
Speaker A
back I'm not the one you want it's ma she dragged me into this oh sure I get it you was just an innocent bystander oh God I'm so sorry Gina I'll get your money I promise whatever it takes just
Speaker A
don't hurt me all right seeing as your family I'll cap the vi 3% and let this be a lesson to you don't keep no secrets from me easiest three grand I ever made this ain't what it looks like get up to your
Speaker A
room you're grounded ah crap that's it she's grounded you didn't say a word about throwing out a stupid bear what am I going to incriminate myself oh that's great I owe her a bunch of money and you got off with nothing
Speaker A
Well kid I'm a mob wife I got got an instinct for dodging bullets how much you into it for anyway I don't know how many dollars are in [Music] 3% I can't take this no more we got to
Speaker A
fight back our first mistake was not bringing guns wait a sec M might have a gun I'm waye here what are you doing passing the time till help comes give me that find something to make clothes we're going
Speaker A
outside hey we could have just burned this stuff all right chick magnet get him up get him up you sound like a no good cop let's eat him hands y be Kay Sheriff oh you making fun of me nah just kidding
Speaker A
around officer spit it out you saying I got soft oh I'm saying I have shot the guy already oh yeah how's that you miss the old snowman decoy trick works every time except in summer you're a disgrace chick magnet turning your back
Speaker A
on your badge for a few lousy bucks more like a million bucks Jimmy what me and chicha worth a million bucks to the Mob just for you for chicha get a coffee maker oh I went up I used to be worth a
Speaker A
three pack of tube socks the only coffee you'll be Brewing will be in prison chick magnet mol you're alive now who am I going to have for lunch your humble shirt and pants fire was enough to temporarily spur my
Speaker A
immune system Jimmy now let's see how your immune system handles a hot lead injection donkey [Music] [Applause] dong horse good boy give him hell horsey stop it horse you're only stomping lifeless pulp up on boys no sense riding on an
Speaker A
empty stomach let's roast up the Gman before we go enough with the cannibalism what do you want from me I got a craving hey told us what happened are you boys okay everyone's fine despite being chased by a lunatic out for
Speaker A
personal gain funny same thing happened to me and Teresa but why let one Rogue Federal agent ruined the big move to California about that cookie it appears that chick magnet engineered the whole thing I know what a bastard but we're
Speaker A
still going right right sorry cook Jesus Christ well mle I guess you ain't getting rid of us that easy I suppose not I must thank you Jimmy you went above and beyond to keep me alive I just burned a shirt off my back it was none
Speaker A
no Jimmy it was proof you like me you really like me well I should get back to hospital the infection is starting to take hold again let's cook him like a Christmas ham how you doing I'm Jimmy Falcone
Speaker A
Alias McDougall back when I was a cappo keeping the family business away from my actual family was a freaking tap dance like the time pety got himself a girlfriend Peppa maazi face like a pizza but we're talking pey here so he had to
Speaker A
take what he could get problem was her old man was one of my business associates listen kid I got a feeling pepperoni face is going to break up with you impossible pepper said I was the only boy for her yeah the only boy
Speaker A
willing to kiss a meat love is special but it ain't that it's her old man are you saying her father doesn't approve of me it's actually me he ain't big on we had a little disagreement then how do you know I'm getting dumped call
Speaker A
it a her dad was in the trunk wasn't he now that we live in Canada I don't worry about that stuff no more but at the time it was very stressful oh boohoo pepper was my first love and you took
Speaker A
her away from me I still love you pep you know what forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wife guy and the C with a gambini but when he found
Speaker A
out that they be whacking Uncle Che he take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor sweet wasn't much along till the M all once in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say
Speaker A
they help if they could use him as a fun so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about [Music] it what what a movie those were some
Speaker A
very realistic decapitations trust me it had an uplifting message don't bang your girlfriend in the creepy graveyard all right give me your wallets a Canadian mugger that's adorable better do what he says yeah I don't think so kid
Speaker A
run Jesus my son owns a rape whistle hey are you running away you chicken crap I can't see nothing through this sock H that's better this guy it's like the Special Olympics of crime don't make me shoot you old
Speaker A
man change your plans pin head hand over your wallet here take it and take my bus bass it's still good for 6 days ooh velcro looks like we got us a real high roller what a snook fake gun sock on his
Speaker A
head piss pants where's the professionalism it's punks like this who give give crime a bad name you know jimmmy I've been a Mugger but I've never actually been mugger myself it's nice to know how the half [Music] lives that looks fun quit snooping ma
Speaker A
peeking over your shoulder to see what you're doing is not snooping Teresa Maria Falcone is that a picture of you drinking a beer no it's um an app it's an app to make it look like I'm drinking the
Speaker A
beer and that's an app to make it look like I'm Frenching another the girl while Fred boys cheer us on Teresa why would you do something like that you know how it is after five beers you're on autopilot and flashing a policeman
Speaker A
that's autopilot too no that was tequila he was about 55 dark clothes wool sock on his head possibly from a right foot something like this relax mul we took care of the mugger you took care of him well then James danger McDougall in the
Speaker A
name of the crown I have no choice but to place you under arrest for murder not today copper come on Jimmy ow I didn't mean that kind of take care of what's wrong with you I meant we stopped the mugger oh thank God don't
Speaker A
hurt me sockhead man it's funny cuz he's traumatized Great gowen's Ghost py or are clearly in shock from your encounter with a Criminal element which is odd considering your descended from gangsters nonetheless in my estimation the best way to confront your fear is
Speaker A
headon I invite you to come with me on a police Ride Along won't it be dangerous this is Saskatchewan it'll be safer than Picking Daisies py get away from there it could explode in any second whoever was behind
Speaker A
the wheel likely pried the plates off before they fled the scene good eye py I also found this under the seat EMP fetamines the driver was a willfully negligent speed freak I'll do a rundown of the serial numbers and see if we can
Speaker A
trace this hophead or you could just arrest that guy it's not my fault these long Halls are killing me I didn't mean to run over all those school children school children never mind cover your ears py I am about to do
Speaker A
something most UNC Canadian wait we don't need to use unnecessary violence observe spectacular physics it's Nature's policeman come along little trooper but Canada when no one turns a blind eye to police brutality [Music] hey mul you lost weight oh what's wrong
Speaker A
with your face guess who's going to be a junior cop what do you mean Junior cop I signed up with the provincial internship group of law enforcement trainees my only male air is going to be a freaking piglet hey just like cousin Carlo good
Speaker A
old cousin Carlo the crookedest cop in all of five burrows hey officer stop that I just need a parent to sign this permission form no son of mine's joining the bacon Brigade mul said you might feel this way mol it's bad enough he's
Speaker A
got me under straight and narrow now he's brainwashing my boy you got all the mentor you need right here what am I supposed to learn from you plenty robbery extortion pandering I'm like a college of wise guy knowledge oh for
Speaker A
God's sake here you go sweetie thanks Mom you're letting him join the pork Patrol what kind of parent are you he he's just being a rebellious teenager at least he's not getting drunk like his wo sister hey shut up Ry well I ain't
Speaker A
living with Note 5 don't worry I'll make it look like an accident Gina no ging your brother when did you stop being [Music] fun I can't believe Petey's turning his back and I'll we a life he's giving a
Speaker A
pasta no he's rejecting my whole family heritage I rejected mine too when I guarded my father like a goat yeah but Gramps said it common I guess the wisdom of our ancestors is going to die with me don't worry Jimmy if you die I'll eat
Speaker A
enough pasta for both of us out of the car oh no not you guys again I'll give you a head start Punk please don't hurt me I'm new at this who am I kidding pathetic I can't mug anyone I totally blew
Speaker A
carjacking I'll never figure out how to be a criminal I'll never figure out how to be a criminal guess who's going to be a junior cop criminal cop criminal cop Criminal come with me if you want to learn are you a
Speaker A
Terminator no kid I'm a learning haor enough with the [ __ ] Rhymes Jimmy who do you think you are Mother Goose [Music] all right Benny this will be your room wow no one's ever been this nice to me
Speaker A
thanks Mr Jimmy this is nice Jimmy you're really giving back to the community if pety don't want my Pearls of gangster wisdom then I'll pass them on to Benny over there Jimmy I don't often throw around words like hero so I won't I'm just a
Speaker A
simple man trying to make the world a worst place one kid at a time [Music] oh [Music] Hail Mary full of grace help me with my daughter's booze problem that's good booze problem try raising a teenager with the power to
Speaker A
turn water into wine oh Mama Mia B was permanently stained Purple Jesus was a lush it got so bad we had to put him in AAA ancient Alcoholics Anonymous didn't work little punk refused to acknowledge a higher power No Way Ma I am the higher
Speaker A
power God the ego on this kid so what did you do I took him down to the Dead Sea and said you turn that into wine and drink every drop he chugged it like a champ then he punched a centurion
Speaker A
trashed the temple and ran off with a [ __ ] from Babylon but he never got drunk again wow the things they left out of the Bible no kidding like his brother Rusty what and I've said too [Music]
Speaker A
much sorry pety I know paperwork is dull but it's a big part of law enforcement oh I love paperwork in fact I just solved some cold cases which ones oh all of them sweet Da Vinci's Inquest you solved 27 years of cold cases I can see
Speaker A
how they baffle a less intelligent cop but it's all in a day's work for junior officer P [Music] MC he's not with [Music] me Teresa we need to talk who that is not mine it is now you are going
Speaker A
to sit here and drink this until you learn the Terrible Things alcohol does to a person works for me cheers that's it drink it up Alie after I'm through with you you'll never want to look at liquor again H is this a Kean it's
Speaker A
nice you want some well since it's already open did I ever tell you how Gina happened your father got home from stabbing Frederico the Fink and let me tell you he wasn't through poking stuff make it stop make it
Speaker A
stop if you're going to hide out in Mexico stay away from the senior readers before you know it you'll have eight kids in a job cutting lawns in El Paso what the hell is this now it's my mule cool lent them to me for being a
Speaker A
junior super cop congratulations an ass for an ass good one Mr Jimmy uh who are you well since you're so busy being super cop I decided to Mentor this Wayward kid I got to take a dump that Mr
Speaker A
Jimmy's such a great guy you're lucky he's your dad listen Bernie is it you probably think you're special to my dad but he's using you just like he used che's Mexican step kids to work his lawn care racket in El Paso Papa Che please
Speaker A
don't go back to New York get back to work so Mr Jimmy's just using me why to get back at me and once he's done he'll drop you right back in the gutter tell him not to bother I can drop
Speaker A
myself in the gutter Ma you should not be driving shut up I'm going to this store for wine and breath mints in case I get pulled over ma'am have you been drinking um fine step out of the vehicle ma'am I'm
Speaker A
fine I'm fine ma'am you're under arrest for drunk driving what the hell are you doing sir I have the situation under control I need you to step back I'm going to step into your ass if you don't take off those bracelets
Speaker A
it burns you were warned sir pety you should be ashamed busting your own mother and father I was just following procedure you threatened an officer of the law do the crime do the time pop what are you doing something I
Speaker A
should have done a long time ago son of a p this is madness following the the letter of the law is one thing but pepper spraying your own father twice his conduct Unbecoming a piglet you are so done playing CSI Regina no
Speaker A
I'm not Mom signed the permission form I can be a piglet as long as I want commission revoked come on Jimmy mama wants a cheeseburger sorry pety I'll need your hat uniform and badge and your mule [Applause] [Music]
Speaker A
what the hell is it just me or is the house room holy crap Benny freaking robbed us the kid learned good he even took the vent covers I am so proud of that thie lion loow Down Dirty Bastard too bad I got to kill
Speaker A
him Benny stole my laptop Benny stole all my shoes Benny stole my da DVDs what I got AO espanol for when I deal with a cartels Benny didn't take none of my stuff my eight tracks and th Master are
Speaker A
right where I left them too bad you got me kicked off the forest so i' totally catch him and get our stuff back don't even talk to me pepper spray Patty fine enjoy sitting on your invisible couch watching invisible TV T what's he
Speaker A
talking about I don't see no invisible [Applause] couch what happened last night did I do this no but you did do this quit juding me Jesus Mary and Joseph what kind of role model am I I don't know Ma you tell me
Speaker A
[Music] I can't believe Benny stole from me after I treated him like my own son you treat your own son like crap well there you go I treated him better than my own son we don't need py to find this clown
Speaker A
we'll do it our way where's Benny who where's Benny what's a Benny where's Benny ah sorry sister such language you know Jimmy as nuns go she was actually pretty uh [Music] gentle hey pety I decided to forgive you
Speaker A
for pepper spraying me can't find Benny huh I'm out of leads on this one I can't help you I'm not a junior cop anymore from what I heard you were the best Junior cop this town's ever seen where'd
Speaker A
you hear that down at the station when I was signing you back up for piglet really that's awesome wait a minute you're not using me to get back at Benny are you maybe a little well good cuz I
Speaker A
want to bust that son of a [ __ ] but if we're going to do this we do it my way bu the book you got it this is going to be great just you and me it'll be like
Speaker A
an 80s buddy cop movie he's a hot shot mini cop with a mega mind he's a retired wise guy who just wants his couch back Chief I ain't this kid's babysitter no you're his new [Music] partner I'm too old for this ship you do
Speaker A
it more by the book you do it less by the [Music] book Jimmy FAL cone pety FAL cone in Jimmy's way pey's law Jimmy's way P's La find Jimmy's way all right we agree on a title now let's
Speaker A
quit wasting time and catch this guy oh God this godamn headache come to rub it in huh well go on tell your mother what an ass she made of herself actually seeing you wasted with a real eye opener I can see how
Speaker A
drinking too much can turn someone into a total loser a total loser really you mean it Ma I swear no booze and till I'm 19 21 we're in Canada it's 19 here 18 if I go to Manitoba in Quebec it's like 12
Speaker A
you go have fun but if a frat boy gives you a drink make him take the first sip thanks ma 12 man them French know how to [Music] live I can't believe you track B down so fast how do you do it forensics
Speaker A
informants you hire a psychic no I found them selling our stuff on Craigslist way to go Columbo and my outfit's essential to the plan right cuz if not you're grounded you must be ingar and Brun Hilda Brun Hilda yeah you're grounded
Speaker A
which one of you is inmar yeah yeah that's me my wife and I are looking to buy an entire house full of stuff I got a house full of stuff to sell a lot of this stuff is tacky crap so I'll give it
Speaker A
to you cheap you agreed buy the book oh right sorry son Mr Jimmy ow that hurt hey I taught him that move pop he's getting away don't worry I got this oh py you're brilliant it's just like that game with the mouse
Speaker A
trap what's it called house trap KY no do it by the book screw the book this time it's personal wasn't it always personal come on take the shot I can't do it good for you kid he's a dumbass Punk
Speaker A
but he don't deserve to die you did the right thing he could walk away from that maybe not pop stay with me pop pop we're not that different sure I'll never be a crook but I'm still your son pop
Speaker A
[Music] [Applause] [Music] pop knock it get off CH it ain't funny anymore all right doc says I can go that was some interesting police work Jimmy it was all py and he would have brought Benny in if that plane hadn't
Speaker A
somehow got to him first so mol you going to give him his mule back yes about that unfortunately py won't be reinstated as a piglet what he was so good he was making the other cops look bad and that's my job h
Speaker A
no one left at work either that's okay I think I've had enough of police work and let's face it cops don't earn [Laughter] [Music] sh how you doing I'm Jimmy Falcone now known as McDougall they say there's two
Speaker A
things you can't avoid in life death and taxes Wise Guys don't pay taxes which only leaves death than in the old neighborhood the funeral home was doing great business the guy who ran the place was rolling in D strutted around like he
Speaker A
owned a freaking neighborhood so we took over the joint you're fired at first it was great but after a while my guys was so busy working for funerals none of them were out on the street causing the funerals I realized you can be a
Speaker A
gangster or an Undertaker but you can't be both now I live in Regina Saskatchewan which is about as much fun as a funeral home and it's got more stiffs I actually find Regina relaxing py this town's DOA forget about it
Speaker A
let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the
Speaker A
19 floor site wasn't much along till the M want him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and mov
Speaker A
catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it [Music] and I am sick and tired of your shenanigans every time you and Che get into one of your mishaps Canadian taxpayers have to foot the bill you're
Speaker A
making a mountain out of mol skin mul calm down I will not you are on very thin ice here Jimmy okay okay I see what this is about how much we talking that is hardly going to cover the cost of
Speaker A
this latest debacle what debacle it's a couple of cows this is going to be great we're going to have stake on demand I pumped them full of steroids so they're extra beefy sorry Jimmy but my superiors were very clear on the matter one more
Speaker A
mistake one more Hing one more incident and you will be expelled from witness protection good day to you sir for Canada where there is a limit to the taxpayer's [Music] Goodwill you guys won't believe what happened pety got a date no I got a
Speaker A
summer job no way good for you kid I remember my first job I made a mint off that blue tinted peanut brittle what kind of job is it that's what I want to know but Teresa won't tell me well I could tell you or I
Speaker A
could show you I don't like this suppose her summon job is whacking us youve been drinking paint dinner again think about it she tricks us with this BS job story drives us to the middle of nowhere and pow
Speaker A
remind me the compliment her before I put one in a temple that's my first born you're talking about if anyone's going to shoot her it'll be me all right take off the blindfolds holy crap we're all the way back in New
Speaker A
York Teresa were you speeding what did we say about speeding young lady it's like a dream except mom's not chasing me with the knife I knew it she set us up ah it's good to be back and cut what
Speaker A
that's a wrap we're not actually in New York I got a job on a big Hollywood movie filming right here in Regina so this is a set what's the movie It's called Wise Guys versus aliens that sounds already 4y wait was there a
Speaker A
casting couch involved when you got hired no I'm just an assistant it's actually a really easy job standing around all day sure is hard on your feet please take my chair I'll sit on the floor oh thanks Mr Spielberg work I
Speaker A
better get to work I got 10 long hours of sitting eating and texting ahead of me kid sounds like an old Pro already come on let's take a look around wait I know this door R open up or I'll break your legs you
Speaker A
still owe me a Cenote Rizo Rizo Rizzo's been dead for 10 years you [ __ ] nice try [Music] Rizzo what do you want Cojack I ain't touching that what is it I'm talking to you Professor X wait G
Speaker A
that's a Buddhist monk he don't talk I think he's on mute it's called the vow of silence dear parent or Guardian A Vision has foretold that a child in this home may be The Reincarnation of the Bali llama the who the what now the Bali
Speaker A
llama it's just like the dolly llama except from Bali wow I always knew I was special but not this special I am honored what her oh you got to beting me high priests will soon arrive to determine the veracity of the vision
Speaker A
please prepare I ain't giving no Priest No ey test you got it now get the hell out of here jackpot 50 G's that's Indonesian money it's only worth five bucks says the guy who is not the baly [Music]
Speaker A
Llama Jesus Canadian coffee tastes like dish water filtered through dirty Underpants get me an espresso you know I could get used to all this movie Magic and by magic I mean free sandwiches hey look at this I've been here 10 minutes and already I got a
Speaker A
trailer why do you get a trailer what kind of low rent flick is this hey get out of my trailer if anyone should be banging a bimbo in that WI a bagel it's me relax it's probably just some guy with the
Speaker A
same name as you you mean like my evil twin je look back on your life if you was twins you would not be the good one freaking goody two shoes always stealing my girls did I ever tell you ladies
Speaker A
about the time when my nephew just Falone whack the da with a frozen fish we knew the cops were going to be on to us so to get rid of the evidence we ate the fish oh what are you talking about
Speaker A
hey speaking what just happened I never met that guy in my life and I never killed nobody with a fish I just fed him to live ones this is identical theft that son of a [ __ ] is pretending he's
Speaker A
me and he's not even as [Music] handsome yo pey I've been thinking about it I'm going to do this thing you know with a butt monkeys Buddhist monks yeah that's the one religion's a cash grab and I want a peace I just need to fool
Speaker A
them monks long enough to start buing my followers you know what I think I'll help you you Mr squeaky clean no balls why because I think the simple gentle wisdom of the Buddha may just penetrate your heart like water through cracks in
Speaker A
stone whatever but if you screw this up I'm going to crack you with a stone [Music] all right Jimmy I'm calling in every favor you owe me help me whack this scumback since when do I owe you any
Speaker A
favors he's disrespecting a Falone name and he's making money off it which kind of makes me respect a guy Che what the hell are you doing Pony Che is about to go to work for industrial Light and tragic Teresa watch out
Speaker A
it's okay it's okay Teresa's fine yeah we're going to need five more Canadians all right you [ __ ] how'd you steal my face whoa CH Falone what are you doing here hey Jimmy since we're playing The Name Game your mind telling
Speaker A
us yours so we can put it on your Tombstone it's me Eno from Brooklyn I narrow it down a little I know like 50 Enzo from Brooklyn Enzo pistone I ran pistone p storium you guys ordered from me all the time why you into personating
Speaker A
Che ah it's like this I always wanted to be a director in Hollywood but who's going to hire a guy that smells like anchovies so take a shower when you guys disappeared I got an idea I moved to LA
Speaker A
shaved my head slapped on a mustache and pretended to be cheich what are you insane why cheich there's no way I could pull off being you Jimmy I don't smoke anyway I got a job as an adviser on mob
Speaker A
movies they call me consult the hell do you know about being a good fell nothing I just tell him stuff I know from other my movies b boom B Bing I'm not going to shoot at you I'mma shootter
Speaker A
you you do realize there's a contract out on cheich so what I'm in Hollywood they're great at keeping secrets especially once you join Scientology what's this it's a sweet gig Jimmy I get free food they pay me in cash I got a
Speaker A
fancy car to drive and a hotel room you wouldn't believe congrats Enzo you just got some partners he had me free [Music] food this is called a sand mandala it's an exercise in the transitory nature of life I guess it's pretty easy to impress
Speaker A
them boobis mother why'd you do that now I got to start over Gina the picture is no longer a picture but the sand remains [Music] [Applause] sand pety use your freaking head this kindergarten crap ain't going to cut it
Speaker A
if we're going to oppress these monks we got to do something big like a steak dinner in a couple of hookers [Music] all right Enzo here's the deal me and cookie are going to spend a couple of nights here living in the laps of luxury
Speaker A
and I'm going to live in your trailer I mean my trailer and where am I supposed to sleep they gave you a car didn't they I'm above the line I can't sleep in my car like uh some kind of Teamster Enzo
Speaker A
don't kid yourself your day in Tinsel Town are numbered I saw a clip from this Flopper Oni Pizza you're cooking up I'm I going to shoot at you [Music] don't look at me it's them hack Hollywood riters [Music]
Speaker A
[Music] [Applause] [Music] hey this is so much fun I ain't been this relaxed in months exploiting another human being for my own Amusement just melts the tension must be the Bell hop with the new bed took him long
Speaker A
enough oh is that the guy whose car we hit with the TV nah Canucks don't shoot they just give you a respectful talking to I think Hollywood Enzo ratted us out why are we running you could have took that guy I left my gun in my pants
Speaker A
like you need a gun true but I don't fight naked learn that lesson from one nut Nuno turn around I don't want the whole world seeing your cans in my [Music] S wa memory foam really warmed works I'm
Speaker A
still not tipping [Music] him you tried to have me killed what are you talking about don't act all innocent you little rat you called the mob on me didn't you really why would I do that I might be a liar and a faker but I ain't
Speaker A
no backstabber if I was I'd already be directing movies well watch your back Francis fraud Copa cuz someone's after you a guy just shot up your hotel room time for me to make my exit if that guy went to the hotel he'll probably go to
Speaker A
my trailer next Che we got to warn [Music] cheich oh no Che my uncle my friend my bookie that Mo showed me 20 grand you happy now pizza guy you got my uncle killed sure he might have been a [ __ ]
Speaker A
but he was my [ __ ] ah Jimmy they be had of morons you'll see not like CH there won't when they made him they broke the mold probably in shame but still I swear to God if I had my gun I'd shoot you but
Speaker A
as it stands I got to choke you I don't know about gotta what did he do stay out of this che che I thought you was dead dead N I just went up for some chewing gum and condoms
Speaker A
Canadian gum tastes like rubber Maron my girls they were all in there candy Sherry Britney and Etho poor eth she was ugly Jimmy but willing so [Music] willing it's true my little sister is The Reincarnation of the Bali
Speaker A
that's M baly llama to you how did you do that Gina you can't fool those monks you're either the llama or you're not when them guys get here keep your mouth shut or the queen of pieces going to cut
Speaker A
you Jimmy we need to call mul no way mul's been on my case and I don't want to rock the boat I can handle this but what if the Hitman recognized us at the hotel it was dark we was naked trust me
Speaker A
he wasn't looking at our faces I think I'm going to go back to LA to focus on my directing career if I ever get a movie mate I'll invite you all to the premiere I'll need a plus four Ethel and
Speaker A
the girls are going to need some cheering up when they get out of the burn Ward you ain't going nowhere you're laying low here until we're sure that hitman's out of town and the kid should stay home too Teresa she's at work James
Speaker A
Cameron gave her a lift nice guy drives a [Music] submarine ooh pretty stop moving stupid necklace funny whenever I'm in this position there's a necklace [Music] involved hello um daddy there's a man here who says he's going to shoot me
Speaker A
unless you and cheich give yourselves up oh and did you know there's a guy on this movie named cheich Fone weird huh you tell that son of a [ __ ] not to lay a finger on you hurry daddy he's
Speaker A
treating me real brutal what did he do to you he took away my chair and won't give me a latte man that kid's really gone Hollywood if bullets start flying cheat you hit the deck Enzo you're my human
Speaker A
shield okay wait what it means he trusts you whatever it is mul I don't have time there's been a number of incidents Jimmy a hotel shooting an explosion on a movie set please tell me you're not involved Define
Speaker A
involved so instead of reporting the possible breach of security you exploit the situation for some cheap thrills and free food don't forget the free food I have to call in the special Tactical Team this is going to cost thousands
Speaker A
Jimmy I am so angry with you I could jeez I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice and you can kiss witness protection goodbye even if we get the Hitman every good fell in North America will be gunning for you or will they gentlemen I
Speaker A
got an idea [Music] and spit it out scy Jimmy first rule of directing dramatic tension oh right I don't get [Music] it the high priests apologize the vision was mistaken no the vision was right I'm the freaking bully llama I swear to God
Speaker A
you guys believe in God right cuz I'm him her it you need a [Music] mint stupid girl you're not the poly llama you're the embodiment of evil a a 30 ear vow of silence down the crapper no what did I do I hope you get
Speaker A
reincar incarnated as a tapeworm in a starving donkey Gina look they had the right Vision but the wrong address should we tell him to come back nah [ __ ] that [Music] guy hi Daddy hi honey we'll have you out of
Speaker A
there in a minute he says to drop your guns first he lets you go guns first why don't he just tell us himself he's self-conscious about his accent and he likes my perfume wait I believe this is the man
Speaker A
you're looking for you were sent here to kill cheich Falone and this is cheich Falone you bastard you got my best friend killed again so what you morons ruined the perfectly good scam I had going I'm going to shoot
Speaker A
[Music] you they are all dead [Music] anzo you might be a terrible technical advisor but you are one hell of a director thanks Jimmy looks like we're in the clear the mob thinks you're dead and I didn't have to report anything
Speaker A
all's well that ends well and what about me I took a real bullet yeah but you had a bulletproof vest I took it off it was clammy pistol Productions what really oh no way thanks I just got off of the
Speaker A
directing gig on a Canadian movie congrats pal good luck we should probably take him in he knows too much about us no need Jimmy he's directing a Canadian film he'll never be heard from again how you doing you know me as a c
Speaker A
carry and EXO from the New York Mob Let the record show I'm also a hopeless romantic I met my wife the same way as a lot of people at work see Bobby pels was behind on his protection money so we went over there
Speaker A
to discuss payment options I never let emotions get in the way of my job until that night she was the classiest Brad I ever laid eyes on the face of an angel and a killab B I mean that
Speaker A
figury and literally from that moment I was head over here I qued her through the arraignment trial and sentence and on visiting day she agreed to be my wife yes yes now that we're in Chile vagina we still know
Speaker A
how to keep it hot wait a sec how' you sneak the engagement ring into prison he stuck it up as wazoo oh what it was romantic and kind of hot the ring I mean on account of it having
Speaker A
been crammed so far up as n cook forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the cppo with a gum beanie but when he found out that they'd be
Speaker A
whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor Suite wasn't much along till the M went in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help that
Speaker A
they could use him as a pawn so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about [Music] it aw remember our wedding day you look so handsome strangling the DJ happiest
Speaker A
day of my life what about when we had the kids that's the day happiness died thank God we sent him to where'd we send him summer camp you know to get in touch with nature and crap I'd like to get in
Speaker A
touch with your nature if you know what I mean what the hell is this you keep an album of you stinking goomar with our family photos cookie I can explain actually I got no idea how this got here
Speaker A
oh you guys found my memory Journal yeah those were the days huh Jimmy remember them two BRS twins Jimmy double your fun and there Suki blows good I still don't think that was a real name I know floes on the side were part of
Speaker A
the old life but I don't need them shoved in my face and here's Patty pontoons boy did she ever have big feet good night Jimmy uhoh you made her quiet angry the kind where you think she forgot and then bam your nuts are in a
Speaker A
vice baby wait these memories ain't even mine I don't know what you did Jimmy but uh think next time okay I'm confused where's the spa at this crummy freaking Resort there is no Spa at summer camp counselor McDougall
Speaker A
counselor but I've never even been to law school I object okay to review our whistle signals means rabid cougar means escaped Maniac with a chainsaw now who's ready for a hike through cougar Canyon to the abandoned mental hospital
Speaker A
we're all going to die could you kids take off your boots so my ride's not so bumpy all right time for some real fun you hungry how about a shish kebab you missed no I didn't the raccoons kids were in there
Speaker A
Nice Shot name's Carmine Gina what's a wise guy like you doing out here in the weeds two months for pissing off a juvie judge back home I guess you can't escape from the Wilderness you're telling me this place
Speaker A
blows so let's mug someone screw that let's mug [Music] everyone good after screwing up my weekend you should move out no I B you and cookie a romantic getaway spared no expense got you lots of points on your
Speaker A
credit card for which you are welcome that's not going to work she's so mad she's selling a wedding dress on eBay look I've been married six times I know women take her to this place in the country make her feel special she'll
Speaker A
melt like butter hey remember butter picaro nothing melted in her mouth huh cook I'm sorry let me make it right and take you away for the weekend why why don't you take one of your bimbos maybe butter picaro's available oh butter was always
Speaker A
available Jimmy knows what I'm talking about oh shut up [Music] cheich look I just I don't know how you idiot forgot that means Hornet's Nest surrounded by poison ivy I said it's a looney for number one and a deuce for a deuce or five bucks
Speaker A
for both yo come on give me a sec I got to go make fun of my brother H only you could come to summer camp and catch the leprosy Gina what's that boy's name what are you a cop it's Carine
Speaker A
H I think that's Carmine gambini as in his father was Dawn gambini as in dad killed him gambini and that's why we're in witness protection gambini you been drinking from the rusty Fountain cuz that's two bucks I'm telling you that's
Speaker A
him we were at his christening I Christen the comine come on just C he's from New York and has po worked and sanitation and fell from the 19th Floor window oh my God God how did I not see this you have
Speaker A
to stay away from him what if you let it slip that pop killed his father I don't let things slip what am I a che you can't go near Carmine okay stay away from him he's trouble Carmine equals
Speaker A
trouble pety if you're on your period be careful there's Bears out [Music] here dinner at 5 dress code in effect enjoy your stay hear that a dress code only the best for my cookie don't pin your hopes on any Undress Code when we
Speaker A
get upstairs you were informed of the dress code were you not sir of course I was what are you blind you believe this prick I guess he just knows a slee bag when he sees one Jimmy can we stop let's not mess this up
Speaker A
by being mad about the past let's just enjoy tonight what do you say [Music] baby what that oh you sick [ __ ] I am amazed at the size of your freaking balls thank you to bring me to a Swinger's part I had no idea I
Speaker A
swear come on we're getting out of here oh no we're not you want to swing you got it I'm going to powder my nose try not to get anyone pregnant and order me the tube steak cheat residence you humongous
Speaker A
idiot hey Jimmy how's the weekend how the hell did you find this pervert parade add in a magazine where else what did the ad say uh couples only like you two what else loving environment a again tayor made for you crazy kids okay did
Speaker A
you read the top of here uh yeah Midsummer bang of paloa so you two all made up Hello the other counselors are going to feel pretty stupid at their make out party when they realize they forgot dish Duty I'm so lonely
Speaker A
oh hey CER I heard you're talking about me to Gina oh want to hear a joke knock knock who who's there orange orange who orange you lucky this ain't a bag full of hammers ow I'm sorry I'm sorry about
Speaker A
your dad what about my dad you know how my dad killed your dad that's why you're beating me right no I'm beating you cuz you told your sister not to hang out with me so this isn't about your father
Speaker A
well it is [Music] now pety can you whip up some snacks for the make out party ew is that pee some of it is your lack of new is making the other patrons uncomfortable well we wouldn't want that
Speaker A
would we I can be just as adventurous as your little New York skaks I'm going to the SNM Grotto to spank me an accountant that's it I'm calling mol special agent straight mul mol please tell me you're here to watch
Speaker A
us only if that's what you're into oh God don't come over well I was nervous my first time here as well you can always use the safe word kumquat last year it was harder which we really should have thought through isn't this
Speaker A
stuff illegal cuz it ought to be not at all swinging is perfectly legal consensual and quite frankly beautiful beautiful there's a skid mark on this chair Don't Panic Jimmy you're free to walk out at any time though I recommend
Speaker A
staying for Randy mouth feeli the erotic hypnotist oh the things he makes people do there's cookie I'll go say [Music] hello let me get this straight you thought taking me to the Royal pork Hotel would make up for that
Speaker A
photographic walk down mamor Lane there's nothing to make up for that was the old life well the old life was a two time in scumbag you know I never heard you complain about it when you were sitting pretty in Brooklyn with a big
Speaker A
house fancy cars and piles of money how dare [Music] you well look you here you folks done blw yourself a forsome there's a whole lot of that going around tonight hop on in we'll run you to the gas station so
Speaker A
you can introduce us to cousin Leatherface forget it we'll just stroll back to the hotel for some kinky [Music] karaoke ow prick my finger you told him what is with the men in this family you're all a bunch of
Speaker A
Natural Born stool pigeons he beat it out of me then he got angry quiet it Angry the most dangerous angry of all you think they forgot then bam it's sunny at the toll booth what's nice weather at a toll booth got to do with
Speaker A
anger you never saw the Godfather did you no it's one of the many things I'll never get to do after Carmine rats us out to the Mob I'm too young to die I'll never know true love or learn Advance
Speaker A
cling on you know there's a connection there leave this to me we'll have an oldfashioned sit down oh thank God that's for squealing and that's for never seeing the [Music] Godfather hey this ain't no gas station now it
Speaker A
is what the hell's going on here well chubby man and red lady these here are my brother cousin father Sons so it's a Deliverance reunion cookie in these situations scatter gun's Trump wi cracks let me handle this what do you want cash
Speaker A
credit cards our skin to make a suit we're from a tightnit community in the black prairies of Northern Saskatchewan and you all got something we need you ain't getting nothing from me Hills Have Eyes yeah you stay away
Speaker A
from my wife I'll go bang a [ __ ] I'm I'm still mad at you oh shucks ma'am I don't know what you're thinking but we don't want nothing from you we want your brother he's my husband well excuse us
Speaker A
Mrs hauton look at me my husband ain't my brother I ain't got no blood disorder my head's a regular shape whoop do shut up will you boys show them we mean business ow easy Mick you're too excited well fell you can either help us
Speaker A
out or you can eat a buck shot salad I never thought I'd say these words to a gang of horny Hillbillies but please be gentle hang on hang on you idiots drove all the way from the black prairies to
Speaker A
get it on with this sack of crap hey what no ma'am you see as of late we know to Something Real wrong with her youngans we reckon there's been too many cousins and siblings and whatnot making babies and bottom line is our chitlins
Speaker A
ain't right yikes stands to reason we need a new swimmer in the old Jean Pool I don't think you hoot nannies understand how this works I can't Burt no babies we know we ain't stupid ORS is a matriarchal society and the women folk
Speaker A
demand to be babyfied forth with now the standards of beauty in the black prairies might not be what y'all are used to I love it after years of hot stripper body bimbos you're going to have to bump uglies with a bunch of
Speaker A
baryard fuglies H all right ladies he's ready come on in [Music] close youring mouth Jimmy having to sit down in a boat was a good idea cuz you're not allowed to stand safety first so you know who we
Speaker A
are and you know what I got to do and you know what I got to do about what you got to do and you know what I got to do about what you got to do about what I
Speaker A
got to H Jesus sit Downs are boring what a fight I thought you'd never ask I better intervene and call an [Laughter] adult he's more chicken than I am three full whistles and two semis means stop fighting come on you
Speaker A
[Music] guys I know they ain't pretty just close your eyes and think of something sexy like a sibling or barnyard animal it'll all be over before you can say webbed fate find yourself another stud toothless uh Jimmy you're going to get
Speaker A
us both killed I'm giving you permission for the record ma'am we'll only hurt him you will integrate into our community un come on you've done it a thousand times with cheich and your crew wait you know what I mean sorry ain't happening oh I
Speaker A
see big stomach Jimmy's got to prove a point you're going to feel real Superior when they turn your skeleton into a side table now now ladies be patient we've been out maneuvered in this round of the chess game of reproduction so you're
Speaker A
going to let us go no ma'am we're going to have to resort to science bring in the D dad D that don't sound good oh it don't feel good neither you're going to stop it you two you can't settle an
Speaker A
old Mafia Vendetta with violin ow I like you but I can't trust you not to rat us out wait do you like like me shut up why would I rat you out I hate the mob yeah right and I'm going to be prom
Speaker A
queen I mean it when your pop killed my old man the mob left us high and dry that's the mob for you wait a minute what am I doing he's 6 years old I can totally take him Gina
Speaker A
tag out ouch bad idea terrible idea Gina tag me [Music] out look the mob screwed me I'd never help those jerks but but I got to avenge my old man I know but you're not touching my old man he's a gone but he's
Speaker A
all right fine but somebody's got to die not pey too easy that would just make me sad how about my uncle technically he's the reason for all of this you don't got a problem with me coming after Che nah
Speaker A
but I'm not going to hand him to you on a platter you got to earn it of course there's no free lunch if you can find out where the feds put us be my guest but is it worth all that trouble it is
Speaker A
if I get to see you again hey keep it down we got people trying to make out in here okay I'm just going to come right out and ask what the hell is making out exactly don't look at me I don't know
Speaker A
what those fcking animals doing [Music] there this here's the suck nozzle the claws painful but essential where the hell did you get that thing anyway eBay I'm also been on a nice wedding dress from Jimmy eats ball 69 Jimmy don't put yourself through this
Speaker A
just nail those Brads will you do it for me no cook I never cheated on you and I ain't about to start now if it means my braul gets chewed up by that thing so be it for Christ's sake cut the ACT it's no
Speaker A
act all abroad's back home with for show part of my job is cappo i' take him to dinner and drop them off after no messing really since the day we met cook it's only been you oh Jimmy all right let's
Speaker A
do this wait I got a better idea step right in ladies and don't forget to sign up for kinky karaoke sorry Gentlemen The Swinging Community has a strict no unaccompanied men policy oh I wanted to see the sex
Speaker A
restaurant for Canada a country so freaky our national animal is the beaver we still got a room here want to hit the sheets nah let's steal a car and go home I hate the [ __ ] country how you doing you know back in
Speaker A
the old days you found out someone was getting whacked after it was done you'd be all Hey where's so and so and everyone get all quiet like someone farted but with Che I found out in advance it was the day I had four root
Speaker A
canals Wise Guys ain't big on dental work but cookie made me go word came down from gambini cheich has got to die but I forgot where he lives I know I'm a terrible friend now where is he so
Speaker A
I can go kill [Music] him what' he say quit stalling Jimmy I promise I'll make it quick and painless for him okay only one of those is true what language is that stroke victim I was trying to plead for ch's life and
Speaker A
explained that I just been to the dentist but I couldn't get a word out ah so this is where he is there's a good boy Jimmy they didn't find Che but they came away with something [Music] and that's why four out of five
Speaker A
gangsters never go to the dentist but if you think Canadian Healthcare covers dental forget about it let me tell you something about a friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the Capp with a gambini but when he found out
Speaker A
that they be whacking Uncle G he take the boss he threw him from the 19 floor Suite wasn't much along till the mble once in dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say
Speaker A
they help if they could use him as a p so he red out his friends and M catch you one forget about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about [Music] it then Mario says witch head I got a
Speaker A
suitcase full of them I knew as much as I settled in for an evening of whittling in CBC Radio I heard a report of two rowdies causing a ruckus surprise surprise it's you two we ain't drunk enough to cause no
Speaker A
Ruckus now we're Ruckus M you know what your problem is you don't know how to have fun I certainly do why just last week I snowshoed across a Barren unforgiving Tundra to go ice fish oh very funny face it you're boring
Speaker A
boring eh we'll see about that set barkeep fix me three prancing mounties what's that a girly drink certainly not each ingredient of the Prancing mounty is cold from Canada's finest fermenters and distillers plus 7 o of 180 proof Jamaican rum yeah girly
Speaker A
drink to Canada we 8 isn't the limit it's the [Music] minimum JY [Music] [Applause] oh what happened last night where the hell am I this place looks familiar Jimmy how much did we drink I don't know it's a blur I had a horrifying nightmare
Speaker A
in which for some reason we left Regina [Music] and holy sh Bulls Joanie Mitchell's paved Paradise we're in New York why are we in New York you tell me you're the detective this is clearly some kind of fever dream brought on by last night's
Speaker A
debauchery here's what I'll do I'm going to will myself unconscious and when I awaken everything will be back to normal M cool that's nuts you can't morning Jimbo we really tied one on last night huh you made coffee do you
Speaker A
know where we are we're in New York what are you stupid I had this nightmare that we were in some frozen crap hole in Canada and her name was get this McGill cuty McDougall oh my God it's the mounty from
Speaker A
my dream wait no this is the dream or is [Music] it what does that mean this is the end of my career I can't call for help what would I say I thought I'd take the Falcone boys to New York to reconnect
Speaker A
them with the people who want them dead oh lovely that's probably work wondering what I am so don't answer it this is my work phone I have to no you don't special agent straight M oh hello cookie thank God you answered Jimmy went
Speaker A
out for a beer last night and didn't come home I'm so worried what if something happened I don't know what I'd do without him don't worry cookie he's uh with me he had a little too much fun last night oh I'm so relieved now tell
Speaker A
that useless fat not to come staggering home until he soed his ass up cuz I am not dealing with a giant sweaty manb babyy all day oh and teich is also with me don't care Jimmy is this your old house yeah
Speaker A
it is but how' you know I added the last part they always leave me out why do I have to help clean out the garage I didn't do anything wrong mom found cigarette butts outside so until the culprit comes forward we're all
Speaker A
paying for it only time I touch smokes is when I biomorph for reserve and sell him at the high school Gina that's wrong if a 300% markup Is Wrong I Don't Want to Be Right who's this guy with Mom and why
Speaker A
does he look like me maybe it's your T brother that's impossible this guy's at least 20 years older than me besides this is what happened to pey's Twin why would they make a flip book of that probably so you could do
Speaker A
this talk about shame eating it would appear the parts of your house that haven't been vandalized Andor used as a toilet have been converted into a Veterinary Clinic that's cuz this is a mob doctor's office mob doctors are
Speaker A
usually greedy money grubbing veterinarians no kidding 50 G's for a bad Boon heart and I can barely climb stairs uh I think the doctor is in did you do this Che I didn't touch the guy I leave him bloody not naked
Speaker A
well I didn't do it I have no idea what happened but the good doctor is wearing my hand handcuffs H boy M yes we can congratulate my decline into degeneracy later but right now we need to focus on
Speaker A
getting out of here before doc it's Leo open the door TTY got shot in the ass again oh crap it's the gambini crew Dino Kick It In good day gentlemen oh yo where's the regular doc I'm his uh brother his
Speaker A
brother huh and who are these guys uh these are my interns they're uh deaf and mute so they won't be able to say a single word not a single word now let's uh get the patient into the um examining
Speaker A
room Jimmy what's wrong with you we're de and mute close your eyes is the garage cleaned out yet smokey what the hell are you doing with that I want to know who that is that's that's none of your business forget your saw
Speaker A
and do not bring it up in front of your father you hear me but who is he who is who the man in the picture what picture I don't see any picture there's no picture damn it my ring came
Speaker A
off see what you made me do you nosy bastard shouldn't you clean any uh potential obstructions around the abrasion collar of the contusion so we don't get necrotic fitis I I'm sorry what shave his ass so head don't get in the hole oh
Speaker A
of course you two prep the patient you're quite knowledgeable I grew up around here I seen more shots in the ass than a Catholic Ulta boy look at these clowns shaving asses for a living come on Dino let's go smoke who's he
Speaker A
calling a clown hey I thought you was mute now he's the deaf one oh so you had the mute exactly got it wait a minute we could argue all day about who's mute and who's deaf but we really should be
Speaker A
focusing on your ass toty you focus that razor on this man's ass thanks cheich no problem Jimmy you killed G beanie for me is the least I could do Jimmy guys get in here it's Jimmy Falone and Che who do I got to blow to
Speaker A
get remembered around here guys get in here I got Jimmy relax gentlemen Tooty had a reaction to the anesthetic he's fine now wh what was all that about Jimmy Falcone he's probably just upset about being in the man's former house wait a sec I'm
Speaker A
how'd you know this was Jimmy's house well no one breaks into a random residence and paints kill Jimmy Falone on the wall just hearing that stinking rat's name makes me want to kill him and kill anyone he's with and then kill a
Speaker A
bunch of other people on account of being so keyed up come on Dino let's go punch something quit flopping around I'm sorry to have to do this Nice Shot M I'll see if I can find us a way out of here cheich put some stitches
Speaker A
and toties behind will you why what kind of pretend doctor would I be if I allowed this man to get necrotic fitis M on look at all these drugs pick me pick me pick me don't worry fellas I'm going to pick all these
Speaker A
y I found something it's a long shot but it might work follow me did you sew up the hole in his keester yeah both of them but there was only one oh who are you how do you know my mom
Speaker A
and what was your major at [Music] Harvard of course you're my father and that's what I'd look like with boobs this is never going to work what's the matter with you mol it's all I could come up with Jimmy I'm a little stressed
Speaker A
out so cut me some slack okay sorry where'd you find his get up anyway just inside the door of an escape tunnel in the basement Calgary Stampede let's go back where you going Duc say that's a nice animal wait a sack I don't remember
Speaker A
seeing the horse inside Dino shut up what's the matter with Jo he's a vet you [ __ ] this is why you still live in your mother's basement me out you son of a [ __ ] where the hell
Speaker A
have you been ah crap it's Marie remember Marie there's a piece of working shoot me now Jimmy what are you doing out here with these mukes I bet you forgot our anniversary didn't you oh baby of course not I was uh just talking
Speaker A
to the duck here about your big surprise I uh no you weren't sure I was I was explaining how if you didn't help me out I'd put you and your fancy [ __ ] horse in the East River in small
Speaker A
packages oh yes that this better be good [Music] great I'm back in New York and I don't even get to see it oh smells like New York back [Music] here so you're the one who was smoking Teresa you saw nothing I guess it makes
Speaker A
sense everyone in this family is a big fat liar Who you calling fat Who you calling a liar wait no I'll give you that one now I know why I don't fit in because the man in that picture is my
Speaker A
real father but you and pop are so alike I can't even finish that maybe this needle dick is your father does that make pety a bastard yeah so nothing's changed mock all you want I'm going to Harvard to find my dad ah the
Speaker A
guy graduated from Harvard it's not like he lives there yeah the only people who live at their schools are janitors and Harry Potters I know it's just a starting point in my search for my is somebody smoking it's pey I knew it going to
Speaker A
Harvard [Music] bye ah this is the slowest goddamn horse in New York somebody give him some hay or something yo DC what gifts Jesus H defen Baker did we steal a plane you're killing my anniversary here tell the
Speaker A
horse to go faster or someone's going to be shaving your ass tonight help me out here what the hell's that horse stimulant from the Vets office Jesus Che who finds random drugs and then just takes them I do Jimmy it's called living
Speaker A
yeah well don't get any big Ideas ow I don't feel nothing I think that was a duck hell of a th bread you got there duck that gives me an [Music] idea that horse better come up a winner
Speaker A
or it's the glue factory for him the cement shoe store for you and the supermarket for me killing makes me hungry I think we can totally do this I think we can totally do this every moment of my life has led me to doing
Speaker A
this let's do [Music] this It's a beautiful morning at Belmont the sun is shining the horses are ready and the Great Canadian invasion was a false alarm I don't know what you did at the park but do it again as soon as you
Speaker A
hear the Bell we took speed lots of speed I never thought I'd say this but thank God for illegal drugs in Gate five we've got Saucy buckets and in Gate six we have obviously a pantomim horse that's the horse's name folks not a
Speaker A
description it's a good name [Music] [Music] a did we win the important thing is did we have fun and no we did not damn it I needed that money to find my way out of this horrible life what did you just say
Speaker A
I said let's go put that stinking animal out of our misery yeah that's what I thought you [Music] said so this is Harvard I always wondered when you would realize the truth my son father come join my research team Peter
Speaker A
I'm developing a pill that cures global warming but how it makes human flatulence refill holes in the ozone layer you said flatulence that's science for farts he come home to Mama ah ha mama no I'll be your mama
Speaker A
okay Peter Frampton McDougall get off this bus right now I want to meet my real father keep this up and I'll see to it you meet Jesus now come on I always thought that if I died inside a horse it would be more sexual
Speaker A
that shake Dino bonini guy can't shoot to save his life keep moving till he runs out of bullets hey yo silver keep still Leo you got to see this you kill him yet how do you like that the hor has got
Speaker A
moves that gives me an idea [Music] so this is just a horse dancing for 3 hours see what happens when you gloss over rehearsals how could you think I'd have a kid with someone other than your father because I look so much like that
Speaker A
guy he's your uncle my brother Paulie The Brainiac you have a brother why'd you keep him a secret from us your father put him through Harvard but when he found out what pop did for for a living Paulie ratted him out on a two-
Speaker A
bit gambling thing popped it a year in Attica oh so obviously Paulie's dead now Jimmy let it slide as long as we never spoke of Paulie again you are definitely your Father's son mainly because you're both dopes and cuz Paulie got picked up
Speaker A
exposing himself in the subway what a sicko getting naked in public weren't you once a stripper that was for money which is socially acceptable I told you the script needed w we should have hired David Mammoth and have the horse saying and all over the
Speaker A
stage no thanks we got a retool maybe do out of town previews bottom line is the horse is done I'm replacing him with Nathan Lane obviously a pantomime horse your time is up it's going to be horse Stakes tonight
Speaker A
boys so this is how it ends to be fair I knew we were dead after Rex re re you mol where you been not trying to get tickets for this debacle I'll tell you that but thank the Northern Lights
Speaker A
you're still alive we won't be for long if you don't get us out of here boys I owe you an apology this Escapade was clearly the result of my trying to prove I was fun we owe you an apology you're a
Speaker A
freaking wild man yeah this is the best time I've had in years of course I can't remember them many years but still thank you gentlemen that means a lot coming from you all right let let's mop up the
Speaker A
circle jerk cuz we're in big trouble [ __ ] up boys we're going back to Canada yeah in a pine box no the same way we came on the backs of prancing mounties I'm scared Jimmy me too who
Speaker A
knows where we could wind [Music] up I'm on it [Music] we're home we did it we better where you been Pop I got drunk dressed as a horse ran for my life you know weekend stuff I did some stupid
Speaker A
stuff too you know what they say pety if you like my father then you'll like my son that's not at all what they say whatever you're the one with the brains do I smell smoke it's probably pey what's wrong with you don't you
Speaker A
don't smoke it'll kill you all right see you later Broadway and not a word of this to anyone Jimmy F Canada where how you doing there's two words that strike Terror in the heart of any wise guy they represent the end of
Speaker A
freedom and the start of a life sentence I'm pregnant my life was over you can be a good father or you can be a good fell but you can't be both still I wanted it all so I made it work
Speaker A
[Music] all right folks hit the floor and keep the crying to a minimum anyone moves you let me [Music] know they moved I don't remember that the FBI does I spent two years on the most wanted list for that one anyway
Speaker A
after that I decided to keep work and kids separate after I showed you how it's done no cuz jobs come and go but families forever yeah like herpes ah herpes ain't forever forget about it let me tell you something about a
Speaker A
friend of ours named Jimmy I made the wise guy and the C with a gambini but when he found out that they be whacking Uncle G it take the boss he threw him from the 19th Floor site wasn't much
Speaker A
along till the the mble once him dead so Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the feds the feds say they help if they could use him as a pawn so he R it out his friends and M catch you on forget
Speaker A
about it forget about it forget about it oh forget about it oh Jimmy oh Cookie oh Jimmy no cookie oh God would you guys shut up just think of other people and finish already go back to sleep Teresa how can I with the golden
Speaker A
age of porn knocking down my wall we better be real quiet yo je you sound like a walrus in a seal fighting over a fish keep it down SeaWorld let's go find somewhere more private where's my robe I just came to
Speaker A
say a I'm still turned on Kil records that's a harvest moon If Ever I saw one for Christ's sake mul what do you want I didn't mean to interrupt this nostalgic reenactment of prom Knight Jimmy I'll come back ah
Speaker A
forget a mol the moment's passed what do you need for starters cookie I can't help but notice your airbags are deployed here take my jacket a colleague of mine is going away on assignment and her house sitter backed out at the last
Speaker A
minute thank God you came to us really no you jackass who cares about your friend I'll do it I can't get any sleep with The Walking Dead here moaning all night yes I got an eye full of that
Speaker A
outside and subsequently won't eat for a week but I think this is a job for your brother that is so unfair just because Pet's a boy you think he's more compliment than me the word is competent oh so now I'm stupid because I'm a girl
Speaker A
such certainly not I would never discriminate on the basis of gender and even though I didn't I will offer you the job just to be safe that's the Canadian way yes for Canada where equal opportunity just got a girl an unpaid
Speaker A
[Music] internship 50 bucks says she Burns The Joint down in an hour give me 40 I'll do it right now now Teresa you have three priorities whilst house sitting for my colleague money up front no kissing back doors
Speaker A
extra I'm sorry what nothing you must keep the house spotless and feed the dogs regularly they're like friends who never judge and then there's Zig freed who's Zig freed Zig freed is a dwarf alligator my friends pride and joy beware he likes
Speaker A
to bite how am I supposed to pick it up very carefully that Gator is the coolest thing I ever seen I'm staying here too as am I as am I no wonder bullies tape your ass Shut I don't know if everyone's
Speaker A
staying over is a good idea it's a great idea cook we'll get everybody out of the house besides Teresa can totally take care of that creepy lizard This creepy lizard can take care of himself now who wants to cook me dinner
Speaker A
look you hear that silence it's glorious no kids hounding us let's take advantage of this peace and quiet well we can yeah why hop in the sack right away we got all night yeah we're empty nesters I'm going to go take a long hot bubble bath
Speaker A
good idea babe I'm going to to catch up on my re [Music] [Music] I can't it [Music] [Music] Jimmy you got condoms big boy yeah yeah right here I even got the glow-in-the dark ones are you nuts we need those I
Speaker A
want you right now Jimmy and you don't got to worry about being premature cuz I don't mind really I can just wait a sec I know what this is you want another baby what don't be silly a baby that's bananas I just
Speaker A
want to make a baby with my husband I mean make love to a baby I mean make a love baby I fine if you don't want to maybe it's for the breasts I mean breast milk I mean forget
Speaker A
[Music] it you want to have another baby are you you nuts we got four kids already we got three I'm counting cheat come on having a kid now would be like shanking a guy in the shower 2 days before parole boom
Speaker A
Another 20e stretch I'm putting my foot down both foots no more kids okay fine the man has spoken I guess I'll just polish this little spot here on the coffee table oh so dirty Jimmy ow my neck sit down I'll give you a
Speaker A
massage all right but no trying to seduce me kabish I know what you were doing there with the magic swirling ass oh that feels good oh yeah you hands are so soft hey that's not fair cut it [Music]
Speaker A
out look at this mess you're really living up to people's low expectations here way I see it before we leave we make pety clean everything up and people call you that dumb one let's make some work for him hey that looks like
Speaker A
fun I just took Ziggy for a 3-hour walk to the end of the driveway alligators are kind of boring he don't look too good anybody feed him I filled his bowl with tofu tofu fo he's a connoisseur he
Speaker A
needs meat there you go little fella ha you're going to have to move faster than that ugly you probably shouldn't do that nah he loves it right that's what you get for teasing him let him go don't hurt
Speaker A
him oh my God she oh no Ziggy didn't you feed the dogs again tofu cool ha he [Music] missed lucky I got away Cookie's knock's got a Kung full grip [Music] give me the SPM big boy no it's
Speaker A
mine until I squeeze it out of here then it's mine all mine the kids got to come home cookies gotone baby crazy what happened you teach the gator you know me so well what are you so worked up about you don't
Speaker A
want a baby just don't have sex with cookie yeah you're right but what is it it's just we haven't you know done it in a couple of weeks and I uh you got what the medical professionals call blue
Speaker A
balls let me tell you a little secret I learned in prison okay stop talking no that's only to get cigarettes I'm talking about beating it like it owes your Mone hone I can't do that in the house cooks like a blood hound she'll
Speaker A
smell the baby better a mile away and confiscate it it's like a 7 cents we all know what a six one is ew who was that it was py I know your brand mister I once broke wind in Reno and she called
Speaker A
to rag me out so she's got a nose for farts and manm milk you don't got to yank it in the house there's lots of other places bus shelters department store change rooms back pew of the church I get it I'll figure it out good
Speaker A
in the meantime I'll talk some sense of the cookie you go find someplace to have a nice little masturbate oh don't look at me lady he's the one about to abuse himself like a circus monkey cookie look at this crap kids
Speaker A
cost a fortune and what do you get for it stinky diapers and a lot of back talk I get that from you already besides babies are wonderful you can't beat that baby smell the little feet all the sweet
Speaker A
sounds they make they do make cute little sounds and that nice warm feeling when they snuggle on you oh I love that snuggly feeling reminds me of my old soulmate rapy Joe the way they gaze up at you knowing that you're their entire
Speaker A
universe and they love you like no one has ever loved you before no I want a baby aren't you stero you mean scile and yes Dolores I will have a donut all right I'm out looking for dogs is beneath me Good Luck
Speaker A
suckers not so fast the dogs will wander back but we need a new Zig freed no we don't who cares Teresa I pushed for this job if I screw it up I'm going to look like an idiot yeah going to I am not
Speaker A
dealing with M saying you see pety should have been the house sitter [ __ ] him I'm right here it's just an expression pety anyway I need you both to get on board and help me find an alligator why would you need to find an
Speaker A
alligator Teresa uh cuz cheich really took to Siggy and wants one for himself I always pegged cheich for an animal lover although on some level I imagined that literally of course alligators are tricky to find in vagina you you can ask
Speaker A
my colleague about it when she returns home tomorrow tomorrow her assignment was cut short she can't wait to feel the leathery Embrace of zigf freed again and she'll be thrilled he'll have a Chum for future play dates good luck in your
Speaker A
search all right I'm back in a thanks Gina I don't want to miss everyone going ballistic when you screw this [Music] up cheich how it go talking a cook not good how about you did you manage to take your hand out for a liquid
Speaker A
lunch no and I'm dying here tell cookie to lay off the dirty texts I got to go I'm feeling lightheaded did you get my picture cuz I'm sending you about 200 more cook please [Music] stop that's it I can't take this no
Speaker A
more Regina tourism let me tell you what I want to do to you big boy first I'm going to oh my all right Jimbo man up and do this what the hell to not now dog what kind of Heartless World Is this
Speaker A
where a guy can't find a place to have a tend a moment with himself that'll do well tree I guess I'm going to tap you with my sap my Al alone okay God I get it it's a [ __ ] lay off will
Speaker A
[Music] you all right citizens dispersed there's nothing to see here Brian Adams bleeding fingers what are you doing up there trying to avoid sex with my wife get down [Music] Jimmy who what uh nothing so what's all this about avoiding sex
Speaker A
with cookie I don't want her getting pregnant that's all you got to know I see well why not get a vasectomy how is converting to jewi ISM going to help no that's circumcision a vasectomy is different you want me to cut the whole
Speaker A
thing off like a kandall no it's when your vast Defence get clipped and clamped it's probably easier if I show you yeah I'm good I'm surprised you don't know about this did you step something Jimmy nope and all I know about that stuff is it's
Speaker A
the devil's work no it's not and if you want to have worry free relations with cookie this way is 100% effective are you sure you don't smell something ripe F Canada where God does it ever stink oh this will drive Jimmy wild God
Speaker A
my bag is killing me careful lady that same outfit got me into this mess in the first place but you're so blessed blessed that's cute you got kids I'm almost pregnant with my fourth Whoopi I'm almost going to kill myself but
Speaker A
isn't it wonderful having that little miracle growing inside you there's your Miracle lady is that you or me I can't feel anything but my hemorrhoids burning like a ghost pepper butt plug but you're both about to receive the most amazing
Speaker A
gift a child to hold and love and imprint all your failures on some freaking gift I poop whenever I sneeze all right Jimmy you can do this one little snip [Music] and my boys maybe I'll buy my bowls of
Speaker A
farewell drink there's one oh looks like a Snappy little bastard so how do we get it easy we lower Gina down by her legs and she grabs it I'm not going in there but you're the smallest you're the ugliest
Speaker A
if your face gets ripped off no one will know the difference come here Gina stop stop it you two if we want to catch an alligator we're going to need some bait so which of these lizards swallowed the diamond the small one Che but keep
Speaker A
your on the big one got it he's the muscle you fellas would look good on my feet I take it back just like con Island leave the bottle what are you doing here hey cook I needed a drink I was at the vasectomy
Speaker A
clinic you got a vasectomy but father om Ali told us that's how the terrorists win relax I didn't do it look if it's between having another kid or having some doctor shove scissors into my nut sack what I mean is I love you cook if
Speaker A
you want a baby I won't stand in your way in fact I'll lie on top of you hey there's the chick who wants to shove a bowling ball out her HOA yeah well at least I don't poke my
Speaker A
pants yeah if she wanted to she could shove two bowling balls out of stop helping Jimmy it's a shame we got to cut this cute little fellow open I already told you there's no diamond I face death for
Speaker A
that rock it's real to me they're back oh crap they got a taste for lizard meat all right toss in the data never oh son of a [ __ ] we'll turn pey's room into a nursery he'll go and che's
Speaker A
room and cheich moves into the garage come on have a heart make pety move into the garage or the bus shelter down the street oh Jesus Christ it's what we all want walk you'll never take my baby never
Speaker A
take my [Music] baby sit that's better stay away from my kids you [ __ ] they're females right you're taking care of them and you don't even oh it is on you [ __ ] dogs look at you kids your mother had to
Speaker A
get rabies shots in her guts cuz of you and this is how you thinker don't worry about it I'm just glad they're home Teresa I'm very cross with you Rosa's house was left in an abysmal state for some reason the dogs won't come out from
Speaker A
under the porch and Zig freed is missing what we put that Gator back yo cook the kids latching but I'm not producing do I breastfeed on the left side or on the right Che give zek freed back to me this
Speaker A
instant what's with your face you get crap in your eyes or something no why do you ask want to sneak upstairs and see if we can flag down a stalk huh I was being cute I meant let's go put a load
Speaker A
of baby in you we're right here we can hear you I think maybe I'm okay Jimmy I'm better off counting the two blessings I already got there's three of us shut up pety you sure yeah baby I know you came
Speaker A
around to the idea I hope you're not too disappointed yeah all right yes yes yeah oh baby [Music]
Topics:Jimmy Gambinimob lifewitness protectionadult cartoondark humormafiacrime familyFugget About Itanimated seriesNew York crime
