Speaker A
Just 'cause they were more experienced, you know, I didn't want to go off and play Barbies. I wanted to go out to a club and dance.
Drew Barrymore discusses her early struggles with addiction, loneliness, and recovery in candid 1990 interviews with Oprah and Arsenio Hall.
Key Takeaways
- Early fame does not protect against addiction or emotional struggles.
- Bullying and low self-esteem can deeply affect mental health and behavior.
- Family dynamics and loneliness are significant factors in substance abuse.
- Recovery is a continuous process that requires self-acceptance and support.
- Open conversations about addiction can help others facing similar challenges.
Summary
- Drew Barrymore shares her experience of starting to drink alcohol at age 9 and using cocaine by age 12.
- She describes the bullying and low self-esteem she faced growing up despite early fame from E.T.
- Barrymore explains how loneliness and family issues contributed to her substance abuse.
- She reveals the challenges of hiding her addiction from her mother and the impact on their relationship.
- Drew talks about her journey toward sobriety and the fear of relapse.
- She discusses the influence of industry pressures and the absence of a father figure in her life.
- Barrymore highlights the importance of accepting oneself and working with personal limitations.
- She credits David Crosby and his wife for helping create a supportive environment during recovery.
- The interviews cover her candid reflections on addiction, recovery, and self-acceptance.
- Drew emphasizes the universal nature of feelings like loneliness and depression that led to her struggles.
Chapters
- 00:00Early experiences and drinking at age 9
- 00:41Sources of alcohol and early party life
- 01:56Lack of parental scrutiny and independence
- 02:43Depression and self-image struggles
- 04:03Acceptance and journey to sobriety
- 04:58Interview overview: addiction and recovery
- 05:39Loneliness and emotional challenges
- 06:25Financial means for drugs and early substance use
- 07:03Worst moments and blackout drinking
- 08:29Family influence and genetic factors
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Also, adults when she worked were very accepting of her, right? They were never critical. And when she would come back to school and try to assimilate and just try to be like all the other kids, there was a group of kids that was that
Speaker A
would really stick it to her. Very resentful, tell her she was fat, she was a cow, she was ugly. I mean, this was day after day after day after day.
Speaker A
And after 6 hours, 5 days a week of getting non-stop, you know, putting put downs, I didn't want to come home and discuss more of it, you know. I just wanted to try and forget about it.
Speaker A
So, you started drinking at 9:00? Mhm. To prove a point, or to feel good, or to get drunk, or what?
Speaker A
Well, I didn't really know. I mean, when I was 8, I had had two glasses of champagne.
Speaker A
And boom, I was like tipsy and Mhm. you know, bubbly and alive for the party. And I felt so good.
Speaker A
All my problems had seemed, you know, to disappear for that hour that I was out of it. And uh, well, and I didn't realize that until I was 9 and I started casually drinking and realized that. Where would you get alcohol from at
Speaker A
9:00? Uh, parties, friends, bars, uh clubs. Doing at bars at 9:00? A lot of the time it was for parties that I was invited to. A lot of the time I would walk up and they would be like,
Speaker A
"Oh, it's little Drew Barrymore. Come right in. Good publicity, you know." And where were you when she was going to parties and bars at 9:00?
Speaker A
I was never with her at bars at 9:00. Um, but I would go with her to parties.
Speaker A
There were a lot of industry functions and then private social slash business functions. And um, when we got there, we would stay together for time and then she would go her way and I would go my way.
Speaker A
And not knowing about the problem. Um, I was not as, um, scrutinizing as I should have been.
Speaker A
You just decided to just let her have some space? Yes. Nine or 10, that's exactly the age where you need some guidance, some definition, some... You don't need a parent to back off and give you space at nine or 10,
Speaker A
especially if you were where Drew was at that time. Part of it was the fact that I didn't have a dad. I felt like my mom was abandoning me 'cause she was always out at work.
Speaker A
Um, do you know now how you got to be so confused? I mean, how does a person born who looks like you do, who you know, comes from the kind of ancestry that you come from, the kind of
Speaker A
family, and is friends with Spielberg and E.T., how do you get to be so depressed?
Speaker A
How does that happen? How could you not look in the mirror and think you were beautiful? How could you not think, "Gee, this is a wonderful life and I'm going to do everything to protect it." I never looked in the mirror and thought
Speaker A
I was beautiful. I always had the lowest self-esteem of anybody I knew. And um, so you'd look in the mirror and think what?
Speaker A
That I was overweight, that I had a, you know, a round face, my eyes weren't good enough, my hair wasn't good enough, my legs were too short, my waist was too big, my feet were too big, my teeth
Speaker A
weren't straight enough. I mean, just every little detail wasn't right. Are you at a point in your life now where you can accept that this is who you are? 'Cause I went through this and it took me a long time to get to the point
Speaker A
where I could really just accept that I don't have that. That is not what I have.
Speaker A
This is what I have and I'm going to have to work with this. Are you there yet?
Speaker A
Yeah, I'm there. Um, it's scary, you know, 'cause I want to stay sober so bad and there, you know, there is a possibility that I could slip again. But I feel so confident right now in the fact that I do want to stay sober
Speaker A
that I think that I, I feel that I have a really good chance at achieving sobriety for, you know, hopefully eternity.
Speaker A
Seven, when she co-starred in E.T., the most successful film of all time. Uh, at age nine, she had her first drink.
Speaker A
When she was 12, she was using cocaine. She told the powerful story of her addiction and her recovery in this new book called Little Girl Lost.
Speaker A
Please welcome Drew Barrymore. Hey. Haven't seen you in a while. It has been a while. It has been a long... It's been about a year.
Speaker A
Mhm. Um, when people look at that little girl in the film E.T. or when people look at this little woman now, they probably have a hard time believing that, uh, you got lost in alcohol and drug abuse.
Speaker A
How did it happen? Um, it's a long story. Yeah, really. It's a very long story.
Speaker A
Um, I got to a real bad place in my life and, uh, I wanted to do different things to try and cure it for a long time.
Speaker A
When you say a bad place, what does that mean? Does the absence of a father have anything to do with it? Does, uh, this business and its pressure have anything to do with it?
Speaker A
Yeah, um, I felt real lonely for a long time. A lot of the feelings that I was going through that brought me down so far was feelings that every person in the whole world goes through. Being lonely, being
Speaker A
depressed, having resentments against certain things that's gone on in your life. Um, me, I just, I didn't do the right things to take care of it.
Speaker A
And it got way out of control. Yeah. Um, I know you were a young girl and you didn't have a lot of money accessible to you because they, they, I guess they keep your money till you're 18 or something.
Speaker A
Right. Where did you get the money for cocaine? Well, um, I would get like allowance and it just, any money I would get I would spend it on drugs.
Speaker A
Um, you, I don't know, it's weird. I mean, at the time it, I was always, it was hard 'cause I was always like, "Oh, I don't have enough money for this. I don't have enough money for that." But I guess somehow you just seem to get
Speaker A
it. Yeah. Yeah, alcohol came first, right? Mhm. Where did that first drink come from?
Speaker A
Uh, I was at a party and, um, I got on a dare that I couldn't down two glasses of champagne and I did.
Speaker A
And, uh, I got real light-headed and I fell over and I, I loved the feeling. I thought it felt great.
Speaker A
And, um, and then I, I didn't drink for a long time and then I went to another party and I had beer and I felt the same way and I just, I liked the feeling.
Speaker A
Yeah. Sort of took away the problems, you know. And, and that first glass of champagne, how old were you then?
Speaker A
Um, I was eight when that happened but, um, the next time I had a drink was when I was nine.
Speaker A
Yeah. Well, what's the worst, um, moment you've ever experienced? How bad did it get then?
Speaker A
Um, emotional or drug-wise? Drug-wise first. Um, probably with one night, um, I usually got to a point where I couldn't do anymore or I didn't want anymore.
Speaker A
Uh, usually I stopped after a while, um, but one night I just kept going and going and going and nothing, you know, I was partying for like 10 hours straight or 12 or 15 hours straight and I just didn't stop and
Speaker A
didn't stop and I just like went out, went black for a long time and it was really scary. And then I became a blackout drinker.
Speaker A
Did you go to your mom for help? Um, no. Um, I kept it from my mom for a long time. I would walk in drunk and just play it off, manipulate, do whatever I had to do so she wouldn't
Speaker A
find out. Um, I didn't. At first it was because I didn't want to hurt her.
Speaker A
And after a while I just, all I, I just didn't want to hear it from her.
Speaker A
So it sort of turned around. Yeah. Yeah, has your mom ever had a problem with alcohol or drug abuse?
Speaker A
No. So, this is not something in your case that's genetic. Um, it isn't? Well, I mean in your case I, I'm, I'm wondering because I've heard that it can be genetic, but I'm wondering in your case, was it?
Speaker A
Um, I don't know 'cause I'm not really a doctor and, um, I was... No, I, I always wondered. I thought, well, you know, considering that every person on my dad's side of the family keeled over from drugs and alcohol, that maybe th...
Speaker A
might have something to do with it. Yeah. But, um Um, but then again, they weren't there holding a gun to my head to do it, so I I think it was probably a cross between a lot of different things.
Speaker A
Yeah, but but that leans towards it being genetic, maybe. Yeah. Uh, just a little bit. I'm glad you came by. I've been trying to get you on the show for about a year only because my kids um are 12
Speaker A
to 34. The Well, the demographers tell me and um I just think it's really important for them to know uh what you've been through and that you're back.
Speaker A
And uh there's somebody out there who really needs this conversation. We'll be right BACK WITH YOU UH, YOU ACTUALLY WENT IN FOR rehabilitation and came out and announced that you were cool and slipped back.
Speaker A
Right. How did that happen? I think you were you were sober for like 6 months.
Speaker A
Right. Um, and on my 6th month day I celebrated by getting loaded. Yeah, really. Way to go Drew. Um, uh I I got loaded that time because I wasn't doing it for myself at all. I was doing it to like not really impress
Speaker A
everybody, but um it had gotten out months before that that I had a problem and it was on the cover of the tabloids and everything.
Speaker A
And um I was so sick of hearing about it. I said, "Okay, I'll just prove it to them and I'll shut them up and I'll do this." So, when I was staying sober that time I was doing it for everybody else.
Speaker A
Yeah. And um you you just can't stay sober that way because you have to want it for yourself. You can't have an ulterior motive for it. And that's why I got loaded.
Speaker A
Is that one of the things they teach you while you're in? That you have to do it for yourself and and what else do they do?
Speaker A
Um, they um it's like it's real, you know, emotional experience. They they sort of like open you up and examine everything and they make you look at, you know, just every aspect and detail of why you're feeling these
Speaker A
this way. And um it's it's the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me in my life, but it was also probably one of the most painful to open yourself up again and examine all the things that you've pushed down so
Speaker A
far for so long. And um that was real hard for me to do. Really hard, but I'm really glad I did.
Speaker A
Do you worry now about slipping back? Is every day a struggle? Um yeah, you can't um you can't really like wake up in the morning and um or like go through a day and just like sit there oh don't get loaded, don't get
Speaker A
loaded, you know, you just you've got to be really positive, you know, and you've got to make sure that you are going to be with people or be at places, you know, that you know you just don't put
Speaker A
yourself in slippery situations. You go to meetings, you know, you do things that make you happy, you Did you change all your friends?
Speaker A
Yes. All of them. So peer pressure is tough and you are a product of your environment.
Speaker A
Um well, peer pressure is pretty much everywhere, you know, some more than others, but if you it's very easy to stay away from, too.
Speaker A
And um I mean, if you're strong-willed and you don't want to be around it, it's very easy to stay away from, but it's also hard sometimes cuz you can get really caught up in it if you don't know
Speaker A
what's going on. Um and I did for a long time. Yeah. David Crosby of uh Crosby, Stills & Nash fame was very instrumental in uh creating a different environment for you. Uh him and his wife.
Speaker A
Yeah. you talk about that? Um well, after I got out of the hospital that I was in, um I moved in with them and I lived with them for a long for a while and um it was hard to adjust to it first cuz
Speaker A
I've never had a dad. Mhm. And um Now, he's he's alive, but he's just never been around you. He He's still alive?
Speaker A
Yeah, he is still alive. I haven't spoken I've spoken to him once in 8 years.
Speaker A
Mhm. And um What was that conversation like or about? Um he wanted money from me.
Speaker A
No. Yeah. He He's He's real like messed up and he's He He If he was aware of his life and he had had he had if he had his stuff together, he wouldn't be like he is.
Speaker A
It's just that he's such an emotional wreck and he's like ruined his life off drugs and alcohol that he's not really aware of what he does. It's like he doesn't really want to purposely hurt anybody, but since he's so shugginah,
Speaker A
you know, he doesn't really get it. Is that a Yiddish term? I think so.
Speaker A
Yeah. Wow. Damn. Anyway, let's talk about David and his wife. So, I moved in with them and it was like hard to get used to it first cuz I'm not used to answering to a father figure.
Speaker A
Mhm. And um it was it was so scary looking up to David, you know, this big guy and just getting the courage up to just ask him if I could go out to dinner with somebody was frightening at first. And after a while
Speaker A
it I really adjusted to it and um it was really nice. It was neat to be in an atmosphere like that because that's what I had hoped for for so long. Is that kind of parental atmosphere and And it was really nice. It was really
Speaker A
nice to be able to get a taste of that. Yeah. Well, I'm glad everything's together. I I read a little bit of this They sent me one of these I guess a couple months ago now.
Speaker A
It's very interesting and and very educational. Um kids, you should check this out. Um good luck. Hang tough.
Speaker A
I'll give you a number. If you need somebody to talk to, you can call me at the crib.
Speaker A
Okay? Okay. True very much.
Topics:Drew Barrymoreaddictionsobrietychild actorE.T.substance abuserecoveryself-esteembullying1990 interview
