ПОЧЕМУ ЖЕНА ОТКАЗЫВАЕТСЯ ОТ БЛИЗОСТИ НА САМОМ ДЕЛЕ…

Exploring reasons why a wife may refuse intimacy and practical advice for men to address and improve the situation.

Key Takeaways

Loss of intimacy can stem from emotional habituation rather than lack of love or health problems.
Changing the relationship dynamic and creating space can help reignite desire.
Controlled tension and timing are crucial to restoring intimacy.
Maintaining respect and communication without desperation is important.
Understanding and addressing 'roommate syndrome' is key to long-term intimacy.

What the video covers

The video addresses a common issue where a wife loses desire for intimacy despite a good relationship and no health problems.
Four main reasons are analyzed: frigidity, health issues, falling out of love, and 'roommate syndrome' where intimacy fades due to routine and familiarity.
The natural decline of libido over time is discussed, emphasizing the need for couples to find new ways to express feelings and maintain desire.
The 'roommate syndrome' is highlighted as a frequent cause, where couples become too comfortable and lose erotic tension.
Practical recommendations include creating distance by spending time apart, changing intimacy routines, and introducing tension through controlled conflict.
Waiting for the right moment when the partner shows vulnerability or makes a mistake can reignite desire.
If the wife refuses intimacy without effort to improve, the husband is advised to keep a respectful distance and maintain neutral communication.
The importance of balancing strictness and love in a relationship to maintain attraction is emphasized.
The video encourages men to avoid becoming desperate for intimacy and to maintain self-respect.
Overall, the advice is to approach the problem rationally, patiently, and with strategic changes to the relationship dynamic.

Chapters

What are the main reasons a wife might refuse intimacy despite a good relationship?

The main reasons include frigidity, health issues, falling out of love, and most commonly, 'roommate syndrome' where routine and familiarity reduce erotic desire.

How can a husband try to restore intimacy when his wife has lost desire?

He can create distance by spending time apart, change the intimacy routine, introduce controlled tension through conflict, and wait for the right moment to reconnect emotionally.

What should a man do if his wife refuses intimacy and shows no effort to improve the situation?

He should maintain respectful distance, communicate neutrally without desperation, and avoid chronic conflict while observing for any changes or attempts from his partner.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

Speaker A

If your wife is avoiding intimacy, if you see that she no longer desires you, then listen carefully to my answer to this viewer and implement the recommendations I gave him. The spouse doesn't want intimacy. And the man, despite a pile of temptations, is patient and treats the woman well. He doesn't even look at others. He behaves adequately, but in terms of intimacy, it's completely dead; the woman has no desire. The first seven years, everything was fine, then it smoothly slid down to zero. Talks don't help; she says everything is fine with her and her health is normal. Medical examinations and test results are so good you could send them into space. I look fine myself and behave adequately as well.

Speaker A

patient and treats the woman well. He doesn't even look at others. He behaves adequately, but in terms of intimacy, it's completely dead; the woman has no desire. The first 7 years everything was fine, then it smoothly slid down to

Speaker A

Thank you. We can use the process of elimination. There are only three or four possibilities for what this could actually be. Option one: frigidity. That is, there are women who, for one reason or another, almost never desire anyone. I have seen such cases in my life and in my practice. But we can dismiss this option because you said that for the first seven years, everything was excellent. Version number two: health. But you say that everything was checked, absolutely everything, and no abnormalities were found. Option number three: falling out of love. But you claim that, in general, the woman behaves acceptably, nothing bad is happening in the relationship, and there are no red flags in the relationship. She just doesn't want it, and that's it. There are no clear signs of falling out of love, and no signs that she has found someone else in this case. The point is that this fourth reason is quite common. I call it the roommate syndrome. That is, people go to the store together, discuss utility bills, see each other sick, in their underwear, with unwashed hair, and hear each other in the bathroom. This context is absolutely not intimate, not erotic. That is where the problem lies.

Speaker A

Thank you. We can use the process of elimination. There are only three or four possibilities for what this could actually be. Option one. Frigidity.

Speaker A

It's not a simple task to continue wanting each other. It can only be the result of very fine tuning. And in most cases, if, roughly speaking, we take the same man and woman, the first three months of a relationship are a 10 out of 10 (let's take that as the maximum), but after a few years of marriage, when both the man and woman know everything by heart—absolutely everything in advance—who will sit how, where they will look, and the rest—well, naturally, at best, it will be a two or three. The fact that libido begins to decline is, to some extent, natural, but in an ideal world, people should find some keys, some ways to express their feelings to each other. So, what is the problem? The problem is, the problem is habit. There are many women who can deeply desire a man and feel passion for him only when they are in a maximally weak, vulnerable position.

Speaker A

was excellent. Version number two, health. But you say that everything was checked, absolutely everything, and no abnormalities were found. Option number three. Falling out of love. But you claim that, in general, the woman behaves acceptably, nothing bad is

Speaker A

This is one of the reasons why, when a child is born, a woman stops desiring her husband. That is, her position is actually far from weak anymore. There have been examples in my practice, cases where we went through all the options, yet the wife still didn't want her husband. She doesn't have anyone else. I gave the following recommendation: try to wait for the right moment, maybe you'll have to wait a week, maybe two, maybe a month, maybe three. Try to wait for her to make a mistake in the relationship. Well, maybe she'll show some disrespect, in short, she'll screw up. After that, offer a reprimand, create distance, build tension, observe, and watch what happens next. In those situations where the man truly chose the right moment and did everything correctly, there were several examples where the woman literally threw herself at him with desire. That is, the man would say, "She didn't want me in the first two months as much as she wants me now."

Speaker A

case. The point is that this fourth reason is quite common. I call it the roommate syndrome. That is, people go to the store together, discuss utility bills, see each other sick, in their underwear, with unwashed hair, and hear

Speaker A

And at that moment, we realize that, apparently, that very impulse, that specific impulse, is precisely the feeling of weakness and the demonstration of a certain dominance and strictness. Well, women love strict men, but the right kind of strict men—loving, yet strict at the same time. This is a very difficult balance. Basically, men are either wimps, or they are just completely unreasonable. That is, it's usually extremes, just extremes. Therefore, there were several examples where a well-handled conflict situation suddenly flipped her desire on. The man finally understood what was going on. What else can be done in such a situation? I believe that she knows this is a problem, she knows she isn't sleeping with you; she is an adult, rational person. The fact that she ignores this problem, in my opinion, is not good. I would understand if she were trying to do something, making an effort, but it just wasn't working out. But I can see, I can see that the person is being sincere. Okay, let's look for some answers together. But she isn't doing that. And that, in my opinion, is unacceptable. What else can be done in such a case? A two-step system.

Speaker A

It's not a simple task to continue wanting each other. It can only be the result of very fine tuning. And in most cases, if, roughly speaking, we take the same man and woman, the first 3 months of a relationship are a 10 out

Speaker A

Step number one: you do everything to create an atmosphere. Well, everything, starting from the point of you living apart for a while. Well, you could go away somewhere so that she sees you less often. This is also a basic observation. A husband goes on a business trip, returns, and the desire is intensified. Rather than if he is constantly sitting at home. Try to play around with these conditions. Maybe it could be a trip, a vacation, a vacation without the kids, for example. Change the setting, the intimacy scenario, do everything backwards, not the way you usually do in intimacy now. Well, if all these manipulations have just, just zero, absolutely zero effect, listen, well, it’s important that a wife satisfies her husband, his natural need. In that case, if she refuses, doesn't even show any intention to improve things for the better, try keeping your distance. And you want to live with me like roommates? Let’s do it. Okay, fine. So we're not starting a chronic conflict, we’re just making our communication formal, not warm. And we live at this distance. You communicate and respond in a good-natured, neutral way, but with no intimacy whatsoever.

Speaker A

three. The fact that libido begins to decline is, to some extent, natural, but in an ideal world, people should find some keys, some ways to express their feelings to each other. So, what is the problem? The problem is, the

Speaker A

You don't strive to discuss what's happening at work or in your life, you don't really start dialogues with her. Want to talk to someone? Well, call a friend. Want to go out for some leisure activity? Go by yourself. But at the same time, you still communicate adequately in general. And you keep this distance right up until the point you see any changes or at least attempts. So, you can do that. What do you think, Grisha, how fair is this, in general? Well, because if I put myself in the place of a man, and, for example, for a whole year, a whole year there is no closeness, no intimacy, I don’t understand what I would even have to do. I just don't understand. And if a person goes to church, there, you know, if you break something, like abstinence, you need to confess that. Listen, well, here, in principle, there would even be a certain inner anger. Anger at the fact that the person is setting me up. Very much so, I don't want to do that, but what, what am I supposed to do?

Speaker A

This is one of the reasons why, when a child is born, a woman stops desiring her husband. That is, her position is actually far from weak anymore. There have been examples in my practice, cases where we went through all the

Speaker A

From my point of view, there are still very big questions here regarding empathy, because it's impossible not to notice that someone close to you is unsatisfied; it's impossible not to notice. And, well, as you noted yourself, is anything actually being done there, you know, to make that desire appear in her herself? I mean, is she trying to induce it in herself or not? Well, maybe she is trying. But on the other hand, how can this happen if there are no health problems? I just don't know. That’s why I have these questions about how she handles empathy in this situation, right? Well, I would be deeply perplexed, I’d even say stunned, from that perspective, like, are you really okay with this, wife? Is it fine with you that things look like this? I agree with you, and I can share this observation: in my view, it is almost impossible for a woman to generate desire entirely on her own. I mean, I know very self-aware men who, for

Speaker A

mistake in the relationship. Well, maybe she'll show some disrespect, in short, she'll screw up. After that, offer a reprimand, create distance, build tension, observe, and watch what happens next. In those situations where the man truly chose the right moment

Speaker A

and did everything correctly, there were several examples where the woman literally threw herself at him with desire. That is, the man would say, " She didn't want me in the first two months as much as she wants me now."

Speaker A

And at that moment, we realize that, apparently, that very impulse, that specific impulse, is precisely the feeling of weakness and the demonstration of a certain dominance and strictness. Well, women love strict men, but the right kind of strict men

Speaker A

—loving, yet strict at the same time. This is a very difficult balance. Basically, men are either wimps, or they are just completely unreasonable.

Speaker A

That is, it's usually extremes, just extremes. Therefore, there were several examples where a well-handled conflict situation suddenly flipped her desire on. The man finally understood what was going on. What else can be done in such a situation? I believe that she knows

Speaker A

this is a problem, she knows she isn't sleeping with you; she is an adult, rational person. The fact that she ignores this problem, in my opinion, is not good. I would understand if she were trying to do something, making an

Speaker A

effort, but it just wasn't working out. But I can see, I can see that the person is being sincere. Okay, let's look for some answers together. But she isn't doing that. And that, in my opinion, is unacceptable. What else can

Speaker A

be done in such a case? A two-step system. Step number one. You do everything to create an atmosphere.

Speaker A

Well, everything, starting from the point of you living apart for a while. Well, you could go away somewhere so that she sees you less often. This is also a basic observation. A husband goes on a business trip, returns, and

Speaker A

the desire is intensified. Rather than if he is constantly sitting at home. Try to play around with these conditions. Maybe it could be a trip, a vacation, a vacation without the kids, for example. Change the, uh, setting, the intimacy scenario, do everything

Speaker A

backwards, not the way you usually do in intimacy now. Well, if all these manipulations have just, just zero, absolutely zero effect, listen, well, it’s, it’s important that a wife satisfies her husband, his natural need . In that case, if she refuses, doesn't

Speaker A

even show any intention to improve things for the better, try keeping your distance. And you want to live with me like roommates? Let’s do it. Okay, fine. So we're not starting a chronic conflict, we’re just making our communication formal, not warm. And we

Speaker A

live at this distance. You communicate and respond in a good-natured, neutral way, but with no intimacy whatsoever.

Speaker A

You don't strive to discuss what's happening at work or in your life, you don't really start dialogues with her.

Speaker A

Want to talk to someone? Well, call a friend. Want to go out for some leisure activity? Go by yourself. But at the same time, you still communicate adequately in general. And you keep this distance right up until the point

Speaker A

you see any changes or at least attempts. So, you can do that. What do you think, Grisha, how fair is this, in general? Well, because if I put myself in the place of a man, and, for example , for a whole year, a whole year there

Speaker A

is no closeness, no intimacy, I don’t understand what I would even have to do . I just don't understand. And if a person goes to church, there, you know, if you break something, like abstinence , you need to confess that. Listen,

Speaker A

well, here, in principle, there would even be a certain inner anger. Anger at the fact that the person is setting me up. Very much so, I don't want to do that, but what, what am I supposed to do?

Speaker A

From my point of view, there are still very big questions here regarding empathy, because it's impossible not to notice that someone close to you is unsatisfied; it's impossible not to notice. And, well, as you noted yourself, is anything actually being

Speaker A

done there, you know, to make that desire appear in her herself? I mean, is she trying to induce it in herself or not? Well, maybe she is trying. But on the other hand, how can this happen if there are no health problems? I just

Speaker A

don't know. That’s why I have these questions about how she handles empathy in this situation, right? Well, I would be deeply perplexed, I’d even say stunned, from that perspective, like, are you really okay with this, wife? Is it fine with you that things look like

Speaker A

this? I agree with you, and I can share this observation: in my view, it is almost impossible for a woman to generate desire entirely on her own. I mean, I know very self-aware men who, for example, might not have much attraction

Speaker A

to their wife, but through their own fantasies or by setting the right mood, they can come up with a scenario and essentially create the conditions to desire her. But honestly, I have never seen a woman do that. I haven't seen it

Speaker A

; maybe such women exist somewhere, but I have never witnessed it. So there. And what is also very important, perhaps the most important thing, is that sometimes this lack of desire from the husband starts after, for instance, having children or a pregnancy, right?

Speaker A

And what mistake do men make? The man still wants it, but she doesn't. And this is present in probably 80%of cases with men, when he approaches his wife and says: "Well, are we doing it today?

Speaker A

" She’s like: "Oh, no, I’m tired today." The next day: "Well, are you going to stop by today?" She’s like: "Well, maybe I will today." And people, without even noticing, the man turns into a beggar for this intimacy. And

Speaker A

when you are a beggar, many people watching this right now are thinking: " Damn, yes, that’s exactly how it was for me." So if you are a beggar for intimacy—I mean, in consultations, every second person says it, and I ask:

Speaker A

"Has there ever been a time when you refused?" Like, how many times have you refused? Have you said: "Oh, no, no, not today.""Tomorrow, not today." And many have said that they have—they have never refused. They are always ready, but she is not. And naturally,

Speaker A

this kind of approach will destroy a woman’s attraction. That’s the thing. So you shouldn't do that either.

Speaker A

The right approach is still to pick the right moment, to spark desire so that the impulse comes from her side as well . You don't have to be a beggar, you can provoke her, for example. Well, I won't go into detail about the, let’s

Speaker A

say, methods, but that is a more effective scheme. But don't ask. That is important. Attention. If any men watching this video are currently in a relationship, I recommend watching my lecture "Master of the Relationship.

Speaker A

" It contains recommendations that you can go and apply as early as tomorrow. The link to the lecture is in the video description.

Topics:intimacy problemsmarriage advicerelationship tipsloss of desireroommate syndromelibido declinecouples communicationrelationship dynamicsemotional connectionMaxim Verdict

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