What to Do When It Feels Like Everyone Secretly Hates You — Transcript

So for most of my life, in every like friendship group or group interaction I've been in,

I always felt like I was the spare tire in that group, like I was like that invisible, like kind of outsider guy who was just kind of like coming along, just because people invited me like out of pity.

Like for example, we'd all be in like a car in like a group setting, and they would all be like talking to each other, super high energy, like, yeah, like talking back and forth or whatever, and every time I would try to contribute to the conversation, like I'd ask them a question like, hey, what what movie was that that you saw?

I felt like they were inviting me because they felt bad for me, or like, you know, they didn't like me that much, they were kind of neutral to me, like I always felt like like the last thoughts to them in their mind, like they'd talk to me or hang out with me if they had no one else to hang out with, but if they found someone like cooler or someone they preferred, then they just like ditched me and like go with that guy.

You know, in group conversations, I'd always be like, I'd often be the one who's like roasted, like I was the butt of all the jokes, everyone would like roast me and make fun of me, and it felt like that was the reason they liked me, because that was their value they were getting, like no one ever like gave me appreciation or love and made it clear that they like liked me to be there.

So it was unclear in my mind whether these guys hated me or loved me, or if I was just like there out of pity, and I would often like feel bad hanging out with people because I felt like I was like providing negative value to the group, like if someone was like, hey, bro, come along to this group event we've got later on, I'd be like, oh man, I don't want to intrude, you know, because I didn't want those people who didn't know I was coming to like be like, oh, shit, it's this guy again, you know, so I didn't know whether these guys liked me or not.

And here are some realizations I had about this situation, bro, here's a harsh truth about friendship, friendship is basically about an exchange of value.

You're not going to hang out with someone, you're not going to be friends with them if they don't add value somehow to your life, and someone's not going to hang out with you or be friends with you if you don't somehow add value to their life, right, so chances are, these guys don't hate you, because if they hated you, you would provide negative value to their life, you'd somehow make their life worse, right, so if you're making their life worse, they're not going to invite you to stuff, they're not going to like make you included even a tiny bit, so chances are, these guys don't hate you, bro, so chances are, these guys are just like, they see you as like kind of neutral, or you provide a tiny bit of value to them in their life, like you're someone for them to hang out with if they're lonely, you know, you make them feel company when they're alone, or you're like someone to kind of talk to and have fun with, or you like, you make the group bigger, that's why they like you to be there.

Because here's the thing, bro, you haven't given them a chance to love you or hate you, let me explain, so you probably haven't even shown them the true you, so how do you interact with these guys and how do you interact with like your close friends and how do you interact like on your own?

Because here's the thing, authenticity, showing your true self, it's polarizing, so what that means is if you show your authentic true self to someone, they're either going to love you and think, damn, this guy is sick, like I vibe with him so well, like I love his authentic true self, or they're going to hate you, they're going to think like, man, this guy is like weird, I don't get along with him at all, you know, he's so different from me, and that's why you're afraid to show your true self and be put yourself out there, because you're afraid they're going to see the true you and they're going to hate you, and you're going to feel like like an outcast, like they've pushed you away.

Because like you've got this voice in your head that's like telling you like, no, don't behave like this with these people, don't show this part of you to these guys, because they they might hate it and you'll be like, you'll be rejected, right, like I used to I used to do this thing where like, I used to have like different personalities with different friend groups, like, oh, okay, with friendship group A, I've got personality A, and with friendship group B, I've got personality B, and I'd be like, oh, shit, I accidentally used personality B with friendship group A, you know, I'd be like playing different roles with these different friendship groups, and so if you're doing that, you're trying to play a role to get them to approve of you, then they don't have the opportunity, you don't have the opportunity to polarize them to the point where they hate you or they love you.

So, bro, like, you're trying to win their approval, you're trying to impress them, because you care about their opinion more of you care about their opinion of you more than you care about your opinion of yourself, or you're afraid to be like outcast and lonely, but here's the thing, bro, I think you shouldn't be asking the question, do they like me or do they hate me, I think that's the wrong question to ask, I think the right question to ask is, do I love them or do I hate them, because, bro, you probably don't even like these motherfuckers.

Like these guys who you're trying to impress and you're wondering if they love you or hate you, you probably don't even like them, that's why you feel the need that you have to be someone else to get their approval, like you want to be yourself, but you think that's going to be rejected by them, so you don't even like these guys, they're not compatible with you, bro, think about like your true friends, or someone who would be a true friend, it would be someone who you could be 100% yourself with, and they'd love you, they'd care about you, they'd like love the true you.

Like when I think back, most guys were like this neutral, like, you know, I wasn't sure if they liked me or hated me, I thought they were like just being pity or whatever, but there was like one or two guys in high school, who like I knew they liked me, I knew they liked my personality, and I could like be more of myself around them, those are the guys you should be focusing on, those guys you genuinely love, like in high school, I interacted with like hundreds of people, right, and honestly, maybe like one, maybe two guys, I felt like I genuinely liked and genuinely like vibe with on a deep level, and we liked each other's authentic selves, those are the guys you should worry about.

Like I'm not saying don't hang out with those other guys who you don't really like, like you can hang out with them if you want, you know, it could be fun, like especially in high school, you might not have much of a choice, right, so you hang out with those guys if you want, but like stop caring about their opinion and stop trying to impress them, stop putting their opinion of you over your opinion of yourself, because it's slowly destroying your confidence, you know, have fun with them, hang out with them, but what they think of you, who cares, bro, now I'm not saying like be extreme, I'm not saying like be a dickhead and just like put yourself out there and like be extreme, you know, like preach to people and lecture to people and like tell them how to live their lives, but I'm going to be civil, you know, I'm going to try to have fun, uh maybe try to make them feel good, like, you know, give them appreciation or whatever, and um just focus on like, just like dropping any kind of judgments or opinions they have of me, because here's a brutal reality that I learned recently, bro.

We're not meant to get along with everyone, it's just a fact, like, we're not meant to get along with everyone, I used to have this fantasy like, oh, bro, if my social skills got so good, if I got really confident, then I'd be able to be best friends with anyone, but I realized that we're just not meant to get along with everyone, bro, like we've got different values, we've got different things we want in life, we're meant to use our authenticity, use our true self to find those guys who we genuinely get along with and build a tribe out of those people, that's why with this YouTube channel, I don't hold myself back, like I could be like, I could give safe opinions, be a safe personality, like, hey guys, welcome back to my channel, you know, everyone's amazing, you know, I could like put like a safe personality and more people would like me, yes, but I want to get those guys to follow me on my channel, who genuinely love who I am and like resonate with my message, I don't want like people who are neutral to me, you know, I want this channel to be like my tribe of guys who like resonate with my message.

So I'm not I'm trying to be as authentic as possible in this channel, and that's how I want to navigate my real life as well, and join me to helping you, bro, to become the best you can be, and join me on my journey and uh on my tribe, bro, subscribe, leave a like, leave a comment, like let me know what you think, bro, all right, see you in the next one, bro, click on this video right now.