The Ultimate CPU Items Tournament — Transcript

Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you all to the ultimate CPU tournament.

Where we take 32 different AIs, bots, and we duke it out to see who is truly the greatest of all time.

So here are the rules. We got items on, stage morph, stage hazards. The only thing that I don't have on are spirits and final smashes because that shit is so corny.

As you guys don't know, you guys may not have met him before, but I do have a co-commentator with me. His name is Billy.

Billy, say what's up to the people, man. Billy. Billy.

Billy!

Alright, well Billy is on hiatus right now. I don't know when he's coming back, but until he comes back, let's start the tournament.

So what he gotta get that all the fuerte, the fuerte doing the hammers. Why is this right?

Uh oh, not the cage falling.

What exploded? How are you dead first?

Why are they hitting the fake smash ball?

What the? Yo, he just tried to cheese the mess out of that box. Like what percent was he at and he like almost died?

This is beyond me. Why are you still?

Okay, I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know what's going on.

The box is just on last stock for some reason.

Get this shit off me!

Oh, that's the real smash ball. Uh oh, epic stage morph.

And we on this ugly ass dragon.

Help! Help!

Help!

Bro, what? He got comboed into the final smash.

You actually gotta be kidding me.

This is the first round of the tournament and this shit is already rigged.

Uh oh, the star. Uh oh, he he has invincibility and he's metal and the corn is probably dead.

You see?

Yeah, Simon is a menace, dude. Like this might be our round one champion here as he fails to like grab the ledge.

I don't have anything to say about it.

As he's he's dead.

And then the Robin just got hit by the eye. One v one. Hold up.

This is still very doable for a corn here. Uh oh, saying looking too good for our hero.

I think we might have to put an F in the chat.

Yikes.

You better mash, bro.

Bro, grab the assist trophy. What are you doing?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

You saved him.

What are you doing? You can't, no, you can't attack the Pokemon Sephiroth.

My brother told me how to do it.

Uh oh.

Well, this final smash kind of sucks.

Okay, the sweet spot of smash.

No, you are blocking our match. We kind of need to see what's going on.

Snorlax, ew, you like Snorlax?

I'm gonna be so honest with y'all, I do not know what's going on. I guess this is just the nature of items, huh? It's just pure chaos. This Jigglypuff's about to die.

He got the epic stage morph. This could really go either way to be honest.