Speaker A
Translator: Carl Luc Campbell Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
Sex educator Emily Nagoski explains the dual control model of sexual response, showing how sexual 'accelerators' and 'brakes' in the brain shape arousal and why most people are normal.
Key Takeaways
- Sexual arousal depends on the balance between accelerators (turn-on signals) and brakes (turn-off signals).
- Most sexual struggles come from excessive brake activation, such as stress, threat perception, or shame.
- Context determines whether a sensation is pleasurable or threatening, so creating a safe, trusting, low-stress environment supports arousal.
- Individual sexual response varies, and wanting to know one's own accelerators and brakes is a healthy first step.
What the video covers
- Emily Nagoski opens by describing her Smith College 'Women's Sexuality' class and students' takeaway that they are normal.
- Many students said the class gave them confidence and joy around sex, and Nagoski frames this as the core goal of her work.
- Sexual response is explained through the dual control model: a sexual accelerator (gas pedal) and a sexual inhibitor (brake).
- The accelerator responds to everything the brain codes as sexually relevant, while the brake responds to everything coded as a potential threat.
- Sexual difficulties usually stem from too much brake stimulation (stress, fear, distraction) rather than too little accelerator.
- Nagoski uses a lab-rat nucleus accumbens metaphor to illustrate how approach (turn on) and avoidance (turn off) systems work in parallel.
- The brain interprets identical sensations differently depending on context, such as tickling being pleasurable in a safe, trusting setting and threatening otherwise.
- Cultural messages that sex is dangerous, dirty, or shameful can strengthen the brake.
- Common brake triggers include worries about pregnancy, being caught, body image, and partner trust.
- The talk concludes by suggesting people identify their personal accelerators and brakes and build low-stress, high-trust contexts for sexual well-being.
Chapters
- 00:00Opening and breathing exercise
- 00:50Introduction and the Smith College class
- 02:24Students' takeaways: feeling normal
- 04:27Why the talk focuses on being normal
- 05:03Dual control model introduction
- 07:12Accelerators and brakes explained
- 11:08Lab rat nucleus accumbens metaphor
- 15:55Context, tickling example, and cultural messages
- 18:00Practical strategies for reducing brakes
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
(Laughter) Just one big, slow, deep breath in. (Inhales) And a big, slow, deep breath out.
Speaker A
*(Exhales deeply)* Today, right? Please join me in one big, deep breath before we dive into talking about sex.
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It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at Smith College.
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*(Laughter)* Just one big, slow, deep breath in. *(Inhales)* And a big, slow, deep breath out.
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I asked my students to write down just one really important thing that they had learned.
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*(Exhales)* OK, now let's talk about sex. So, yes, my name is Emily. I am a sex educator.
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making it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." 187 students I had in that class, and more than half of them wrote something along the lines of ...
Speaker A
It's the best job in the world. In the fall of 2010, I taught a class called "Women's Sexuality" at Smith College.
Speaker A
There was something essential to my students about feeling normal, and somehow my class had unlocked the door to that feeling.
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It was a 100-level, introductory-level class, but I shoehorned in all the science I could: all the psychophysiology and all the neuroscience, and even, God forbid, all the sociology. At the end of this really intense semester,
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So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. (Laughter) Because it turns out, we all really are ... normal.
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I asked my students to write down just one really important thing that they had learned.
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Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator or the "gas pedal," that means the second part has to be the ... ?
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This is what they said: "I'm normal." "I am normal." "Just because my sexuality is not the same as other women's, that does not make me abnormal." "Everything is normal. Bringing joy and confidence to sex." "I learned that everything is normal,
Speaker A
And it is functioning at a low level all the time, including right now, just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually relevant.
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making it possible for me to go through the rest of my life with confidence and joy." I had 187 students in that class, and more than half of them wrote something along the lines of...
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This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine that your brain codes as a potential threat.
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"I'm normal." So I sat in my office and read those responses with tears in my eyes.
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Usually when people struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because - sometimes there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake.
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There was something essential to my students about feeling normal, and somehow my class had unlocked the door to that feeling.
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Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body?
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Moments like that are why I'm a sex educator; it's why I'm here. I mean, it's why I'm here in Nevada, but it's also why I'm here: to give everyone on Earth an experience like the one my students had, of unlocking the door to their own authentic sexual well-being.
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That's going to hit the brake, right? (Laughter) So the first thing science tells us to do when we're struggling with our sexual functioning, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start to think through:
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So that's what I'm going to do with you guys today. *(Laughter)* Because it turns out, we all really are... normal.
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And especially, what are some strategies that we can use in order to minimise the things that are hitting the brake?
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The science says so. I can prove it! Are you ready? Let's do it! OK! *(Inhales deeply)* The mechanism in your brain that controls sexual response is the "dual control model." The dual control model: that means there are how many parts?
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But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound.
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Two! Thank you! And if I tell you the first part is the sexual accelerator, or the "gas pedal," that means the second part has to be the...?
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OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very savvy, experienced lab rat and the researchers have inserted a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the middle of your emotional brain.
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Brake! They don't let just anybody into these TED Talks. *(Laughter)* So, the sexual accelerator notices all the sexually relevant information in the environment, everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste, or imagine that your brain codes as sexually relevant, and it sends the signal that says, "Turn on."
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So when the researchers zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh!
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It functions at a low level all the time, including right now. Just the fact that we're talking about sex is a little bit sexually relevant.
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You're kicking up dust in the face of the predator. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right?
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At the same time that's happening, in parallel, your brake is noticing all the very good reasons not to be turned on right now.
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Got that? (Laughter) That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now box #2 is silent, and it's dark, and it smells like your mother.
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This is everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste, or imagine that your brain codes as a potential threat.
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Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, What do they do?
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And it sends a signal that says, "Turn off." So the process of becoming aroused is the dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs.
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Even stimulation that in a different context, it might interpret as a potential threat to be moved away from.
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Usually when people struggle with their sexual well-being, it's because, sometimes, there's not enough stimulation to the gas pedal, but more often, it's because there's too much stimulation to the brake, and all kinds of things can hit the brake.
Speaker A
this made me laugh out loud - they specify they're playing Iggy Pop. So ... (Laughter) Imagine "Lust for Life" is playing at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world,
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Like: Are you worried about unwanted pregnancy? Are you worried about your kids walking in in the middle?
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They don't let just anybody into these talks, that's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat - even stimulation that in a different context,
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Are you really sure that your partner loves your sexy body? Are you really sure that you love your sexy body?
Speaker A
(Laughter) Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite, that's fair, I understand, but at least hypothetically, you can imagine a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain special someone starts tickling on you,
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Did you spend the first two decades of your life in a culture that taught you that sex is dangerous, disgusting, and dirty?
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As one of my students recently put it: "Violence would shortly ensue." (Laughter) But the weird thing is, it's exactly the same sensation, but because the context is different, your brain interprets it entirely the opposite way.
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That's going to hit the brake, right? *(Laughter)* So the first thing science tells us to do when we're struggling with our sexual functioning, when we want to access our own authentic sexual well-being, is to start thinking through:
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to interpret the world as a pleasurable, safe, sexy place. For most people - again, people vary - but for most people, that context is low stress, high affection and high trust.
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What are the things that hit our accelerator? What are the things that hit our brake?
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Sorry! But this is the big moment, right? This is when I - here they are.
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And especially, what are some strategies we can use to minimize the things that are hitting the brake?
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Don't you want to know what they are? I will explain. The first key says "confidence," and the second key says "joy." How do they work? What do you mean? Where do I get them?
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I'm going to talk about two such evidence-based strategies at the end of the talk.
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Knowing what's true. Knowing that you have a brake, for example, as well as an accelerator.
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But before I do that, I need to come clean with you about something, which is that all that stuff I just said isn't anywhere near as simple as I made it sound.
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Confidence is knowing what is true. Joy ... is loving what's true. Loving your brake as much as your accelerator, loving that they're sensitive to context, loving what's true even if it's not what you were taught to expect would be true,
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Sorry. To explain what I mean, I'll tell you about the only affective neuroscience that has ever made me laugh out loud.
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I'm going to tell you specifically how to get your hands on them. But first, I need to talk to you about a cartoon panda.
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OK. So I need you to imagine that you're a lab rat. You're a very savvy, experienced lab rat, and the researchers have inserted a probe into your nucleus accumbens, a little, sort of jellybean-shaped thing in the middle of your emotional brain.
Speaker A
The Dragon Scroll contains the key to limitless power! And when Po first gets his hands on the Dragon Scroll he is ...
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It's a painless procedure, the researchers are clear to say. Plink! So you're this sort of semi-remote-controlled bionic rat, and you're in a three-chambered box. Here you are in box #1, just the ordinary lab environment. There's a bit of noise, the lights are on, but it's fine. You're good at this.
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It's just ... you. And that is how you get your hands on the keys that unlock the door to your own authentic sexual well-being, by turning toward your own internal experience with calm curiosity.
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So when the researchers zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, here's what you do: Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh!
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Ready? Thing #1: What I want you to do is stand in front of a mirror as close to naked as you can tolerate.
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So these are approach, moving-toward, curious behaviors, right? Ooh! What's that? And then, in this ordinary lab environment, the first box, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, you do this: Aaah, what the hell is that!?
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Of course, first your brain will flood with culturally-constructed messages about how your body falls short of the culturally-constructed ideal - that's fine, you have every other minute of the day to have those self-critical thoughts, just set them aside, temporarily.
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You're kicking up dust in the face of the predator. These are stress, avoidance, dread responses, right?
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If it's your toenails, write that down. And then do it again tomorrow. And then do it again the next day, and the next day, and the more often you do it, the more obvious it will become to you
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Moving away as opposed to moving toward. Hit the front? Ooh..! What's that? Hit the back? What the hell is that!?
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Option #2: If you genuinely cannot imagine looking in a mirror and seeing anything there that you would like, here's what I want you to do instead.
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Got that? *(Laughter)* That's box #1. So we move into box #2. Now, box #2 is silent, and it's dark, and it smells like your mother.
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And what I want you to do when you can see it really clearly, is that I want you to shine a beacon of kindness and compassion on the door.
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*(Laughter)* It is... I call it the "Rat Spa." It's the most peaceful, calm state of mind you can imagine being in. And when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, what do you do?
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It was constructed in your brain by your life experience and by your culture, and you may hate the culture that built that door, you may work to change the culture that built that door, but never turn toward the door itself with hate,
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Ooh, ooh! What's that? Ooh! And then, when they zap the back of your nucleus accumbens, what do you do?
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If you've been shamed for what's on the other side of that door, if you have been shamed for your sexuality - and who hasn't? - that door is there trying to protect you from social isolation and judgement.
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Ooh, ooh! What's that? When you're in a calm, relaxed, peaceful state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something that should be approached with curiosity.
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I'm talking here about one in four - you've heard these statistics already - one in four women in America, one in six men ...
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Even stimulation that, in a different context, it might interpret as a potential threat to be moved away from.
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If that's you, your door is doing the hard work of helping you to survive in a world where your own sexuality can be used against you as a weapon, and it is working!
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But wait... There's more! *(Laughter)* We move to box #3. So, here in box #3, the lights are on really bright, music's played at different volumes, you can't even get used to it. They specify in the research paper, and this made me laugh out loud, that they're playing Iggy Pop. So... *(Laughter)* Imagine "Lust for Life" playing at lots of different volumes, you can't get used to it, you're an introverted bookworm in the worst nightclub in the world,
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but I know that the first step is always to turn toward the door with kindness and compassion.
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and when they zap the front of your nucleus accumbens, what do you do? Aah..! What the hell is that!? Exactly!
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I'm a sex educator. It's the best job in the world! (Laughter) I teach people to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies, but really all that means is I offer them the science that helps them find the way
Speaker A
They don't let just anybody into these talks. That's amazing! So, when you are in a stressed-out, threatened state of mind, your brain will interpret almost any sensation as something to be avoided, as a potential threat, even stimulation that, in a different context, it might have interpreted as something to be approached with curiosity. All of which is a really nerdy way of describing a thing all of us have experienced in the form of tickling.
Speaker A
We, the human species, we're amazing! We - all of us - are beguiling, we are courageous, God knows we are delectable, we are all the way down the alphabet to "yopping" and "zesty." (Laughter) Your body - (Cheering) (Applause)
Speaker A
*(Laughter)* Because, you know, tickling is not everyone's favorite. That's fair, I understand. But at least hypothetically, you can imagine a world where you're in a sexy, fun, flirty state of mind already, and your certain special someone starts tickling you,
Speaker A
And now you can prove it! Thank you very much. (Cheering) (Applause)
Topics:sexual healthdual control modelsexual arousalsex educationsexual wellbeingstress and sexualityTEDxEmily Nagoskisexual responsewomen's sexuality
