Speaker A
What you should probably do is lay down and just let the sun cook it off.
A compilation of sharp, unscripted celebrity comebacks and humorous exchanges from Hollywood's funniest moments.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
Generated from the transcript and can be wrong — check the timestamp.
Key Takeaways
- Unscripted celebrity interactions often produce the funniest and most memorable moments.
- Quick wit and roasting are valued comedic skills in Hollywood.
- Celebrities are willing to poke fun at themselves and each other in public settings.
- Humor can be used to address personal and cultural topics in a lighthearted way.
- Audience engagement is heightened by spontaneous and genuine exchanges rather than scripted content.
What the video covers
- The video showcases spontaneous, witty exchanges between celebrities that highlight their quick humor and roasting skills.
- Celebrities like Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Lawrence, Joan Rivers, Bill Burr, and Ricky Gervais are featured.
- Humor ranges from playful insults about appearances and relationships to critiques of public personas and media.
- The video includes segments on celebrity roasts, awkward interview moments, and humorous debates about food and culture.
- It highlights the contrast between scripted performances and genuine, off-the-cuff comedic moments.
- Some clips focus on celebrity interactions with journalists and the challenges of debating comedians.
- The video also touches on personal topics like failed relationships and parenting with a comedic twist.
- Several moments involve celebrities poking fun at each other's public images and social media personas.
- The tone is lighthearted, mixing laughter with sharp, sometimes brutal humor.
- Overall, it celebrates the art of quick wit and the unexpected comedy that arises in unscripted moments.
Chapters
- 00:00Opening witty exchanges and playful insults
- 01:09Debate over British carbonara and food humor
- 02:05Relationship talk and comedic banter
- 03:26Jennifer Lawrence and Kardashian brand jokes
- 04:45Political humor and Bill Burr roast
- 05:51Journalist vs comedian interactions
- 06:57Hollywood roasts and Ricky Gervais moments
- 08:04Parenting humor and personal jabs
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Oh, that seems like an excellent idea, but I'm not as dumb as I look.
Speaker A
[laughter] How could you be? Some of the funniest moments in Hollywood have nothing to do with a script. They happen when one celebrity looks at another and fires back with something that leaves the other person with absolutely nothing left to say.
Speaker A
Question the hat. It's one thing to wear the hat backwards. Do you have an afro under that or something? It looks very, very hot.
Speaker A
I'll tell you what. Hey, that's none of your damn business, okay? Whatever's going on up under my hat is none of your business.
Speaker A
The only information that you need to know is that I don't have a mushroom on the top of my head like you. That's right, Stephen A.
Speaker A
I have a cut from this year. The most brutal clash between Italians and the English didn't happen in World War II or even on a battlefield. It happened right in the studio of This Morning, obviously over food.
Speaker A
Pardon me? If it had like ham in it, it's no. It's closer. No.
Speaker A
It's closer to a British carbonara. Oh, no. It is. No, that's true. Oh, well, fine. So, I'm glad you're standing there.
Speaker A
Agree? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean? Grandmother had wheels, she would have been a bike.
Speaker A
You know what I mean? [laughter] You know, what the hell is you know, it doesn't make any sense what you said.
Speaker A
It's a different recipe. It's got nothing to do with macaroni cheese. You know what?
Speaker A
There's this movie coming out. Yes. Title undetermined at this point. Chairman of the board.
Speaker A
Oh, all right. Do something with that, you freak. I bet the board is spelled b-o-r-e-d.
Speaker A
All Seth MacFarlane wanted to do was explain an observation he had. Charlize Theron let him finish and then made sure he regretted starting.
Speaker A
The huge crowd and like you go to like the Tonight Show in the States and there's like five people in the audience.
Speaker A
[laughter] No, that's only when you're there, Donald. Whoa. Whoa. Speaking of which, uh, relationships, you were engaged but then you broke off that engagement recently. Is that true?
Speaker A
Yeah, that's absolutely true. A few moments later. This is, uh, Mike on, so yeah, that's all right.
Speaker A
Be a gentleman and help me off with my coat. Hey, Conan, can you believe that marriage didn't work out?
Speaker A
[laughter] Yeah, I can't believe your relationships don't work out. Nah, I was coming off of being in Miami, a night of partying. I don't really remember what I was saying.
Speaker A
[laughter] You know what I'm saying? Would you like a reminder? Yeah, sure. Play some. Hey, yo, this acting like you can't remember is a solid approach, right up until someone puts the evidence directly in front of you and everyone watching.
Speaker A
Yo, [laughter] I love it all. I love it all, man. I like when you like this, daddy.
Speaker A
Daddy, I like when you, when you scrambling and scraping for—That was you? Scrambling?
Speaker A
[laughter] What? You said, "I like when you do it like that, daddy, when you scrambling and scraping for." [laughter] Hey, man.
Speaker A
[laughter] He's like, "I don't know what I was talking about." There's a lot the Kardashian brand stands for. Brains has never been one of them and Jennifer Lawrence had no problem saying that directly to their faces.
Speaker A
What's the last word in The Hunger Games book? Um, end. End. I know that the last—Go.
Speaker A
It's go. It's go. Kind of like are wrong. End. [laughter] Every book ends in the end. Everybody knows that. You guys obviously don't read a lot of books.
Speaker A
[laughter] Why would a book end in go? How? How would it? Joan Rivers divides opinion on a lot of things, but her ability to cut straight to the bone is something nobody has ever argued with.
Speaker A
I hate when people say like, "Oh, they're 77 years young." I met Vanessa Feltz and she said to me, "Here's Joan, she's 77 years young," and I want to say, "And here's Vanessa and she's 350 lbs thin."
Speaker A
Yeah, you're full of anger. 'Cause you flog yourself for being vulnerable. You stop it like you have some sort of psychology degree?
Speaker A
10 years of therapy. It's hard to tell what you're talking about. I've watched football for—I shouldn't be somebody's coach.
Speaker A
I agree. Bill Burr on the receiving end of a roast is a rare sight and Conan delivered it with enough precision to leave one of comedy's sharpest minds completely silent.
Speaker A
I'm all over the map though. I get like during—I get that I'm a Trumpster.
Speaker A
I [music] get that I'm a socialist. I mean, it's literally all over the map.
Speaker A
But you make both sides angry. I guess that's what I do. I never looked at it that way. [music] Yeah, it's a beautiful thing.
Speaker A
All right. No one's happy when you're talking. [laughter] I think that's going to be my wife's new ringtone. [laughter] Playing a scientist on television and actually being one are very different things. Unless you're Mayim Bialik, safe to say this reporter was not prepared.
Speaker A
Being on The Big Bang Theory, how many people—not that you aren't a genius—but how many people think that you can solve calculus at the drop of a hat?
Speaker A
Um, I actually was trained in calculus for several years. Yeah, I'm a neuroscientist, so you didn't even know that.
Speaker A
Yeah, I'm—well, villain. Michael, I don't need you to tell me what I am or am not. I appreciate you being a fan though.
Speaker A
Completely. Kenya, you [laughter] you wish you were me, Kenya. I'm a middle-aged fat white guy.
Speaker A
Not really. Even though journalists are trained to debate, going back and forth with a comedian is always a recipe for disaster.
Speaker A
Well, I have one question here. Well, ask. It's getting—Why? [laughter] Why morning after morning do you sit up in your bed watching us talk about nothing? Could it be because you're addicted to watching us talk about nothing like so many viewers are? No. No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm addicted to—what are you going to say wrong next?
Speaker A
Okay, that's what I'm addicted to. You know, Skip, I've never seen a man that can be wrong and keep the same straight face. And I'm like, [laughter] I've never seen somebody that's wrong so much. I have seen Skip contradict himself so many times and look in the camera and not blink. When it comes to LeBron James, how many times has this man contradicted himself?
Speaker A
Why is it that women are allowed to ask how old a man is, but it's taboo for a man to ask how old a woman is?
Speaker A
I think it depends on the context. So, you can ask a woman how old she is.
Speaker A
Like, I wouldn't be offended if you asked me how old I am. Did you pause waiting for me to ask? I won't ask. How much do you weigh?
Speaker A
The Revenant got him the Oscar. Titanic made him a legend. None of that meant anything to Ricky Gervais once he had a microphone and a room full of Hollywood's biggest names watching.
Speaker A
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly 3 hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end, his date was too old for him.
Speaker A
Even Prince Andrew's like, "Come on, Leo, mate. You know, you're nearly 50, son." Um, offended by being called the wrong name.
Speaker A
I do. You do? Yeah. Who do they mistake you for? I went to a restaurant. No, I went to a—[laughter] That was really good.
Speaker A
That was really good. The parenting horror story is a tale as old as time. And so is the person who won't stop telling it. Bill Burr's response to that person can't be any more perfect.
Speaker A
But like for the most, you know, my kids say, "Yeah, you're like the fun dad."
Speaker A
Right. You're the fun dad. That's what you said the whole time. I think that we—the least fun dad.
Speaker A
Sure. Four years of hatred toward me. Four years of hatred. Get ready 'cause you got a daughter, too.
Speaker A
Wait till she's a teenager. Wait till the hell. Everybody who fails as a father says that to me.
Speaker A
I failed? I think you [laughter] are. Oh, yeah. I'm sitting here with my daughter.
Speaker A
Wait, are you calling me a failure? No, I just—this whole—I'm just not feeling like good vibes between the two of you.
Speaker A
We're doing a podcast together. It feels like a business decision. [laughter] And if there's one person you don't—
Speaker A
Wait, are you calling me a failure? No, I just this this whole I'm just not feeling like good vibes between the two of you.
Speaker A
We're doing a podcast together. It feels like a business decision. [laughter] AND IF THERE'S ONE PERSON YOU DON'T WANT to slip up around, it's Shane Gillis.
Speaker A
One wrong word and you're the punchline of a brutal joke. Nate Marshall knows that all too well.
Speaker A
She needs it. Do you have live, laugh, love cursive in your apartment? Nah, [laughter] man. My apartment is blackish.
Speaker A
I got it. Just just So, if my family comes, I'm like, nah, she's a good one.
Speaker A
Like that's it. What do you have in your apartment that makes it blackish? [laughter] I can't think of the name of it.
Speaker A
OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF? [laughter] SO, GUARDED WITH YOUR I JUST WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. I think transgender Say something. You haven't shut the up for 20 minutes.
Speaker A
Dwayne Johnson's net worth is just shy of a billion dollars in 2025. Fans thought it was sweet when he bought his mom a new house, but Kevin Hart had other thoughts.
Speaker A
Speaking of family, Dwayne also just recently bought your mom a house. I did. That like makes me want to cry.
Speaker A
No, there's no way. [laughter] No, no, no way. I got to get a concept.
Speaker A
A billion dollars later. It's about to? A billion dollars later, he finally bought his [laughter] mom a house.
Speaker A
Should we clap for that? I think the whole room right now is thinking the same thing.
Speaker A
It's about [laughter] While Cameron Diaz and Kylie Minogue were chatting about how effortless it is for men [music] to ask them out. Richard Ayoade chimed in with a question that left them utterly speechless.
Speaker A
Can guys ask you out? Yeah. BUT HOW? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? YOU JUST ASK.
Speaker A
What's the ratio [laughter] of people asking you out to you saying yes? Good question.
Speaker A
I'm Shelley. A lady never tells her age, but I will say I'm 39, but I don't look your typical I will say I don't look your typical 39, so I'm proud of that.
Speaker A
And what about Shelley. Yes. You look 39. It's okay. Two women were roasting a guy for a bad tattoo job, but he claimed that he just inked what the client wanted. After enough back and forth, he knew exactly
Speaker A
how to end the argument. You knew your drawing sucks, and you still tattooed it on that person.
Speaker A
exactly what he wanted. Like don't you have any integrity? He was happy with it. I'm fine.
Speaker A
about what they're happy with. It's about what the judges are happy with. I'm done with it.
Speaker A
Dude, you've been done. I'm still here. For what? Why? Because you just want to be a Then why the would you be in this competition, bone face? You don't you Why do you look 50 and you're 24?
Speaker A
What? What did you say? Go yourself, you Kevin Hart shows up to every interview smiling, but that changed the moment he sat across from this interviewer.
Speaker A
In your experience, what's worse? Or comedy critics? They Oh, you would? That's shocking. Dumb questions don't even begin to describe what he dealt with. Good thing he's got enough experience to fire back with the right answer every time.
Speaker A
Would you rather have a gay son or a thot daughter? I would rather have two healthy kids.
Speaker A
Like it doesn't matter to me. Two healthy children. And the fact that you have to like put them in those categories says a lot about who you are.
Speaker A
Oh, no. Don't you dare. I'm just telling you I think the real problem is in the thinker, not the answerer.
Speaker A
The thinker. Hm. Maybe you should maybe you should just ponder on that for a second.
Speaker A
After a Twitter back and forth with Chris Brown, Andy Levy took things a step further, going on live TV to rub even more salt in the singer's wounds.
Speaker A
The East Coast R&B singer Chris Brown tweeted, "No more planking for me unless it's on a sexy lady lol." So, I saw this tweet and I retweeted it adding, "You spelled punching wrong." Obviously a reference to the fact that
Speaker A
Brown was arrested in 2009 for assaulting his then girlfriend Rihanna. I also appreciate the fact that you tweeted me letting me know that children conduct themselves better than I do.
Speaker A
You are correct and I can only hope to one day mature to the point where I can conduct myself in a more adult manner, possibly by throwing a chair out of a window and storming out of a building
Speaker A
with my shirt off. I [laughter] ask only I ask only for your patience. Despite Tom Brady's fame, fortune, and looks, his ex left him for her jiu-jitsu instructor and later had a child with him. Nikki Glaser didn't hold back and
Speaker A
used it to publicly roast the NFL legend. Tom, the only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was when you said, "Hey babe, you should try jiu-jitsu." I think that was That's got to suck, dude.
Speaker A
How much would it suck for to Oh my god, and just knowing your ex-wife's new boyfriend can beat your ass while eating hers. That's got to be terrible.
Speaker A
And Tom hates fat. I mean, did you guys know about his diet program? It is so strict, but if you follow it exactly as he does, you too can lose your family.
Speaker A
And seriously, you can lose so much family it works. Turns out Nikki was right. He later admitted that he regretted going on the show.
Speaker A
This morning, the seven-time Super Bowl champ says he'll never do it again. I loved when the jokes were about me.
Speaker A
I thought they were so fun. Um I didn't like the way that affected my kids. I wouldn't do that again because of the way that it affected actually the people that I care about the most in the world.
Speaker A
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck go way back. They've been friends since the early days of their careers. So, how did Ricky Gervais use that to set up a brutal roast?
Speaker A
Is the star of the hilarious comedy The Martian. He's also the only person who Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to.
Speaker A
Please welcome Matt Damon. Thank you. Um I want to speak to James here. [laughter] It is It's James, isn't it?
Speaker A
When the presenters are up here and when the recipients are receiving their awards, don't stand at the back of the stage with your hands in your pockets looking around as though you wished you were anywhere but here.
Speaker A
Oh, you couldn't be more wrong, sir. Patrick Stewart gave James Corden a very public lesson on etiquette. What James did next, let's just say he evened the score.
Speaker A
If it looked like that, I'm so sorry. But when you come up and present an award, just get on with it.
Speaker A
We all have cringey photos from back in the day. So, when Kevin Hart looked at young Dwayne Johnson, he came up with the wildest comparison.
Speaker A
Big mustache, I looked like I was 48. I was struggling. I was really struggling in high school. Yeah. That's me. That's me in high school.
Speaker A
Oh. But but yes. [laughter] Don't laugh like that. Don't It's okay. Well, there's my picture.
Speaker A
What just happened? What are you doing? What? Don't laugh like that. You look like a detective that's a DJ.
Speaker A
[laughter] I'm trying. While Joe Rogan can be thoughtful and ask some great questions, sometimes he says the dumbest things. And as a good friend, Bill never misses a chance to tear him apart for it.
Speaker A
Does it make you more aggressive? What? Elk. [laughter] No, Joe, you lunatic. Somebody gets in my face, that might cause me to get more lunatic. [laughter] I eat a little bit of protein.
Speaker A
You had to be kind of people for like three decades before you could like chill, smoke a little weed, [laughter] put on your Little Rascals hat, AND JUST CHILL OUT.
Speaker A
[laughter] WHEN LOUIS C.K. AND JAY LENO START TEARING into each other's looks, no one's safe.
Speaker A
You're and I don't I hope I can say this without insulting you. You're the No, you're the weirdest looking person on the planet Earth.
Speaker A
Thank you. No, that doesn't insult me at all. That's That's very kind. I don't mean that as a negative. It's just nobody I can't describe you.
Speaker A
that I have a full head of hair. That's what's going on. Well, that Yeah, SURE.
Speaker A
I DON'T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY. NO, NO, I DIDN'T DESCRIBE YOU. SURE, Jay held his own for a minute, but watch Louie remind everyone why you don't challenge a comedian to a roast battle.
Speaker A
Jay, I'm sure that If you weren't famous and you robbed a bank and the dude was describing you to like a police sketch artist, he'd be like, "No, seriously, what did he look like?" Nobody Nobody looks like this.
Speaker A
Nobody Like of all the Asians in the history of Asia, right? What what what would I have been like 300 years ago?
Speaker A
Giving Shane Gillis creative freedom is already dangerous, but throw in history and an open-ended description, and you're asking for trouble.
Speaker A
I don't know. I feel like you you guys have like two jobs. You're either [laughter] in the fields or a samurai.
Speaker A
I struck you as more of a field Asian. [laughter] What? If I had to I know.
Speaker A
Then Bobby tried to save himself a little, admitting he'd be a field worker, but claiming he'd have a more honorable side job.
Speaker A
Can I give myself something? Sure. Maybe, but uh what if I also right what if I also was working on the fields, but I also like I would hide like guns and machine guns for [music] the army or the rebellion.
Speaker A
Oh, we're doing like Vietnamese. Maybe. No, yeah, maybe Vietnamese. Yeah, I think I would be like doing something on the side.
Speaker A
I think you would do something like that to get your whole village napalmed. [laughter] I think you'd think you were slick.
Speaker A
And have a weapons cache. Jennifer Garner thought she could outsmart Conan O'Brien. Instead, she set herself up for the quickest humbling on live TV.
Speaker A
Wait, there's a time when you snuck into the room to see what the sneaked into the room. Snuck isn't a word, Conan, and you went to Harvard and you SHOULD KNOW THAT.
Speaker A
[cheering] A FEW MOMENTS LATER. I KEEP A dictionary down here and I just found it. Just want to look at Oh, WHAT THE HELL? LOOK RIGHT HERE.
Speaker A
SNUCK, past and past PART OF SNEAK. [cheering] [applause] [laughter] THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE HATE me for really no reason and it really made me realize that like people only hate somebody they're jealous of. And I've been I've been guilty of hating people
Speaker A
and when I really sat back and thought about it was because I was jealous of where that person was.
Speaker A
Do you think people who hate Osama bin Laden are jealous of him? Because I grew up in Albuquerque.
Speaker A
What? Was there any cool places, anything that you liked being there? Like Well, how how was it? Cuz it's my hometown. So, I want to know, how'd you like it? Well, did you have fun there?
Speaker A
[laughter] Yeah, I'd go and visit your mother once in A WHILE. OH! WHO PAID FOR THIS SUIT?
Speaker A
I PROBABLY BOUGHT A THOUSAND DOLLARS. It looked like it. Hey, do know what's funny about that?
Speaker A
You know who was asking about you the other day? WHO'S THAT? NOBODY. [laughter] KATIE HOPKINS HAD A PLATFORM TO DISCUSS ANYTHING, but she used it to rant about her biggest ick.
Speaker A
What is it that you can tell from a name Katie? I think you can tell a great deal from a name. You know, for me, there's certain names that I hear and I hear them and I think, "Ooh." And and it's associated
Speaker A
Ultimately, it comes down to the mom or the dad cuz they're the ones that gave them the child the name. But when I hear screeched across the playground, you know, "Tyler, come back here." You know, it's that. It's that's the Tylers, the
Speaker A
Charmaines, the Chantelles. She later went on to categorize the kinds of names she saw as a definite no-go.
Speaker A
But certainly, I do make a very quick decision based on their first names. And there's a whole bunch of first names that I don't like. I don't like footballers' names. I don't like names after seasons of the year. I don't like
Speaker A
geographical location names. Geographical location names. Philip caught that slip instantly and turned it into the most brutal reality check she never saw coming.
Speaker A
So you don't like the geographical stuff? Geographic. Oh, so Brooklyn or London. You'll tell us called India.
Speaker A
Yes, but you know, [laughter] that's because she's It's not related to a location. That's because it's related to a family. No.
Speaker A
Wait, we're talking about education? India's a very, very lovely name for a very lovely child.
Speaker A
It's Kumail Nanjiani's [music] multiple colors. Yes. Every shade of your mom's lipstick. [cheering] There's always debate around the WNBA not getting as much coverage as the NBA, but Shane Gillis diffused the entire argument with one savage punchline.
Speaker A
Four-time WNBA All-Star Britney Hicks is here. Give it up for Britney, everybody. [applause and cheering] I'm I'm joking around. That's my friend's wife. I knew none of you knew WNBA players.
Speaker A
[laughter] That's crazy you clap for that. The video with the skydive and did y'all really skydive in it?
Speaker A
No, I would never skydive in my life. Really? Oh, you go down quick. But did you jump?
Speaker A
On Johnny Carson's final show, Don Rickles barged in for one last surprise and gave him a signature roast that perfectly summed up their brotherly bond.
Speaker A
I mean, it's summer. It's summer. I know, but you're dressing like some Chinese yo-yo or something.
Speaker A
[laughter] YOU look like Hong Kong Charlie. Hong Kong Charlie? BACKSTAGE, EVERYBODY'S PACKING. [laughter] IT'S A YEAR. THEY GOT A YEAR YET.
Speaker A
Everybody got TO SAY, "WHAT ARE you doing? I'm getting the hell out of here before he before HE DECIDES TO COME BACK." [laughter] OH, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO WORK WHEN I LEAVE?
Speaker A
[cheering] LISTEN, I want to say something, okay? Yeah, we know you do. [laughter] You always say that.
Speaker A
WE KNEW WHEN WE GOT here [laughter] that you wanted to say something. We're excited about.
Speaker A
[laughter] All right, man. I've been going back and forth a minute and I want to hear your opinion. Uh It was the Would you take $500,000 or or dinner with Jay-Z?
Speaker A
Man, give me $500,000 and Jay-Z. Yeah man. Yeah, give me $500,000. Man, I don't want Who want to take a sit down with Jay-Z over $500,000?
Speaker A
You were a doctor, right? Yes. How much money you got in your bank account right now?
Speaker A
Why is everything money with you? We all know that one guy flaunting gold chains and $20,000 watches while nobody knows what he actually does. Most of the time, that kind of wealth can crumble and this doctor didn't hesitate to point
Speaker A
it out. FBI Go ahead, Don. are listening I want you to investigate AND VERIFY OUR SOURCES OF INCOME.
Speaker A
I'M SERIOUS. THERE IS SOMETHING WE CALL verifiable income and there is something we CALL FRAUDULENT ACTIVITY.
Speaker A
YOU LOOK VERY LOVELY TODAY. THANK YOU. You have black roots and Kunta Kinte. [laughter] Being able to take a joke is so important in life.
Speaker A
Exactly. It's all about smiling and laughing. Especially with an outfit like that. Okay, great.
Speaker A
Love you. Good luck with the lipstick on your teeth. You're awesome. All right, see you at home.
Speaker A
One innocent thing about kids is that they'll roast you without even realizing it. Hey monster.
Speaker A
You don't come in here with that quiff and tell me [laughter] what to do.
Speaker A
Listen. All right, I've had enough. I've smooched up to you. You've been raised by pigeons. Both of you are horrible [laughter] and so Just listen a minute. Just listen. Your hairline looks like it smiles. You just get back TO YOUR HOLE.
Speaker A
[laughter] YEAH. YEAH. SMILEY. [laughter] SMILEY AND HE'S MENTAL. OKAY, I'm fine with that. I let myself down all the time. So, it's it's no biggie.
Speaker A
Well, you you're at home on the stage um and you did come to comedy later in life. Was it always something you wanted to do or Not really. It's always something I did.
Speaker A
You know, the funniest people you know aren't a professional comedian. They're your granddad or your mate because [clears throat] you've got that you you've got that knowledge of them and I was always mucking around. I was always cheeky at school, you know, and uh it
Speaker A
was just that I didn't really think it was a possible vocation till I was about I think I tried about 37. I was made redundant and I uh I I said I'll give myself 6 months to give this a go and it sort of worked
Speaker A
out. I mean, I could be sleeping in a car now, you know what I mean? Like like him, but it all it all worked OUT WELL.
Speaker A
[laughter] JIMMY KIMMEL may be known as a people pleaser, but he's surprisingly quick on his feet when it comes to a brutal comeback.
Speaker A
Uh during the competition, did you consider using witchcraft to help you? Well, hold on. That joke is like 1996, I think. So Yeah, but you know what? So are you, to be honest.
Speaker A
Did you kick ass in school? What do you What do you mean? Like good good grades?
Speaker A
I did all right. Yeah, yeah, I did fine. Oh, okay. Yeah. I liked history. I studied You weren't like valedictorian?
Speaker A
No, but I got into West Point. Yeah, that's a good school, man. Yeah, I did all right.
Speaker A
I was a history major, too. Yeah, nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. History's fun. It's interesting.
Speaker A
[laughter] It's the best for us. And England skipper Andrew Strauss arrived in London proudly showing off the little urn. He'll spend 4 days at home before flying out for the World Cup. And Belinda, I just can't understand how something so small can be
Speaker A
so impressive. Well, Mark, you would know about that. Thank you very much. Weather's next with Jane Riley.
Speaker A
This man showed up ready to be taken seriously, but let's just say things didn't go according to plan.
Speaker A
to us as citizens to do the same. When a young African-American walks in a Cheesecake Factory with a Make America Great Again hat, he shouldn't be verbally accosted. He You should maybe inquire as to why he's wearing it if you
Speaker A
want to hear his point of view, but he should by no means feel that he's not welcome in a restaurant. This is the problem that we have as Americans, and we can all do better.
Speaker A
Mark, I know you want to respond to that. What do you want to say?
Speaker A
No, I'm I was wondering what he was doing in the Cheesecake Factory, but I think [laughter] for me, YOU KNOW, MOST MOST MOST Dwayne Johnson's Don't say it.
Speaker A
breath smells like on the regular. And nobody knows this. You [laughter] want to know where the eyebrow raise came from? It came from the reaction of people when he goes, [laughter] "Hello." And everybody knows That's what The Rock is cooking. The
Speaker A
bread. I don't even know what I'm going to say before I say it. It just flies out of my mouth.
Speaker A
How does that work? What happens when you find yourself in a situation where sincerity is paramount?
Speaker A
What? The way you're looking at me makes me want to cover UP MY VAGINA.
Speaker A
[cheering] MADAM, IF I HAD RUBBER GLOVES, I'D DO IT for you. This journalist thought his question would expose one of the most iconic metal bands. Watch how quickly they turn that confidence into embarrassment.
Speaker A
AC/DC, some people say that stands for Antichrist Devil's Child. Does it? It came from the back of my sister's sewing machine.
Speaker A
Sewing machine? Yeah. You know, it's on any electrical appliance. It's power. It just means power.
Speaker A
Wow. Thanks, Kanye West. You know Kevin's not letting anyone clown him for his size. So, when The Rock tried flexing his height, Kevin flipped [music] the script and made being tall sound like a factory defect.
Speaker A
My piece of advice to anybody that's short is that it's okay. Uh there's nothing that comes of being tall aside from a conversation. [laughter] There's nothing that comes from being tall.
Speaker A
Nothing. There's no There's nothing that comes with it. tall people advantage at all. Tall people are stupid.
Speaker A
[laughter] I lived in a a safe suburbs. Saugus? Wait, do you realize I I would like to know.
Speaker A
Look how beautiful you are. LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU KNOW HOW MANY PSYCHOS ARE OUT THERE? I'M NOT GOING to tell where I live. [laughter] WHAT'S YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?
Speaker A
Justin Bieber nearly had to take a paternity test. What a waste of a test that would have been.
Speaker A
No, he's not the father. The only way that he could have impregnated a girl was if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart's old turkey basters.
Speaker A
Open wide. Thanks for watching.
Topics:celebrity roastHollywood humorunscripted comedycelebrity interviewsquick witSeth MacFarlaneCharlize TheronJennifer LawrenceBill BurrRicky Gervais
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