Speaker A
Before [Music], being allowed on the road, each of our cars had to face a government inspection to make sure they were road legal.
Top Gear hosts face challenges driving stretch limousines to the Brits, navigating London traffic and vehicle quirks with celebrity passengers.
Key Takeaways
- Driving oversized stretch limousines in London presents unique logistical and legal challenges.
- Vehicle modifications are often necessary to meet road regulations but can impact performance and comfort.
- Celebrity passengers add an entertaining dynamic to the challenges and interactions.
- Unexpected breakdowns and navigation errors can dramatically affect timed challenges.
- Top Gear’s classic episodes combine humor, automotive expertise, and celebrity culture effectively.
What the video covers
- The hosts prepare stretch limousines for road legality, modifying vehicles to meet government regulations.
- Each host picks up a VIP passenger in London, including celebrities and radio personalities.
- The journey to the Brits awards ceremony highlights the difficulties of driving oversized cars in congested city streets.
- James May’s limousine is shortened to comply with length restrictions, affecting interior space.
- Hammond’s intercom is modified for legality, but his passenger Jia faces fan attention and embarrassment.
- Jeremy Clarkson’s limousine breaks in half during the journey, causing delays.
- James May struggles with navigation and relies on his passenger Lamar to steer from the front of the car.
- The hosts encounter traffic jams, road closures, and vehicle malfunctions en route to Earl’s Court.
- Despite setbacks, the hosts compete to arrive at the Brits, with humorous commentary on their misadventures.
- The video showcases Top Gear’s signature blend of automotive challenges, celebrity involvement, and comedic storytelling.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Hammond sailed through, no problem at all. And so amazingly did Maze. Me, though, I had a problem.
Speaker A
For some extraordinary reason, the rules say you can't drive a 46 ft car on the public highway. So, I had to do some surgery.
Speaker A
I've had to loft 7 ft out of the middle, which has affected rear leg room a little bit, but it is now quite nippy 'cause it's only, um, 8 ft longer than a bus.
Speaker A
For my pickup, I had to go to a hotel in Chelsea to collect a Brit nominee called Lamar.
Speaker A
Hello, Mr. Lamar. Oh, yes. My name is May. I'm your chauffeur for the day. How do you do?
Speaker A
Um, this is your car. Uh, it's an Alpha SA. Meanwhile, I'd been sent to EMI Records in West London.
Speaker A
It's just got a bit dented. That's a little polish there. Everyone's a critic. And my VIP pickup was R&B star Jia.
Speaker A
Oh my god. Okay, no expense spared. Whilst Hammond got the glamorous singer, I had to pick up a fat man.
Speaker A
Oh god. Chris Mo from Radio One. This is your luxury limousine transportation. Know what? All right, here we go. Sit back and relax.
Speaker A
No. Why is it done? [Music] Okay, if you'd like to step in, that would be great. And we'll get off.
Speaker A
[Music] What? Um, this is the intercom. Yeah. You press that button if you want to talk to me. If it starts to rain, don't press it because you'll get electrocuted.
Speaker A
Eventually, though, all our passengers were on board and we were ready. Are you comfortable?
Speaker A
No. Good God. We were all now heading for Earl's Court. The Brits is one of the biggest nights in the showbiz calendar with most celebs hoping to look impressive by arriving in a big shiny German car. We were going to
Speaker A
show them the error of their ways. It's better than an Audi. This will get you noticed.
Speaker A
Now, I've chosen this route to demonstrate the brilliance of my car. Meanwhile, in the Alab, Lamar was riveted by James' conversation.
Speaker A
There is a small issue with the congestion charge because, as I'm sure you know, the camera records the rear view of the car.
Speaker A
Yeah. But when they look at the photographs, it will give the registration number, but the photograph will show the front of an Alfa. So, it will look as though somebody with the wrong sort of car for the number plate has reversed into
Speaker A
London. Back in the Panda, my demonstration of its brilliance wasn't going too well. You're crunching it.
Speaker A
It's still standing. Exactly. There's nothing wrong with it. Shush. We can edit that bit out.
Speaker A
So when the digital camera takes a picture, it thinks, well, that's a SAR. But when they look at the photo, they'll see it's an Alfa Romeo and it's going the wrong way. High Park on the left there, sir.
Speaker A
In the MG, poor old Jia was attracting a lot of attention from fans, not least because Hammond had had to modify his intercom to make it legal.
Speaker A
Sorry about the fan thing trying to chat you up there. That was a bit awkward for you, I'm sure.
Speaker A
Can I hear you? Oh, so Jia was embarrassed in the MG. Lamar was bored in the Alab. And Chris had yet to appreciate the Panda's brilliance.
Speaker A
Oh, that's, that is a catastrophe that's just happened now. Can you, is that car behind you very close?
Speaker A
No. And then Lamar woke up as he began to realize that James had no idea where he was going.
Speaker A
So the car doesn't have navigation. That's okay. Well, it has navigation of sorts in that it has a driver who's lived in London for 20 years. 21 years, in fact. Where are we now, sir?
Speaker A
Um, we're just coming onto, um, uh, um, to distract Chris from the fact that we were almost constantly stuck, I engaged him in some musical small talk. I once went to Wells Court in 1976, saw Bad Company there. Simon Kirk, he did a drum
Speaker A
solo like you wouldn't believe. It was now 6:00. Lamar was supposed to be at the Brits in half an hour and James was miles away, stuck in the side streets of central London.
Speaker A
Actually, if you don't mind, sir, this is sort of where I need your help. Um, okay.
Speaker A
Because the reason this car will go round these very small corners is because you can steer it from both ends.
Speaker A
But I'm afraid I'd have to ask you to sit in the Alfa Romeo and steer.
Speaker A
By this stage, Moles was hungry and thirsty. And because I hadn't thought to include any onboard catering, he'd been shopping for supplies.
Speaker A
What was that? I was getting on my seat. Oh, so I thought someone had run into us.
Speaker A
Turn left. Right. Left. Yeah. Your left. My left. Yeah. That's it. That's perfect. You see?
Speaker A
Straight around that very tight bend. You see? Now, a normal limousine wouldn't go around like that, would it?
Speaker A
Let's do another one. Hard left, sir. Okay. So, this, um, the whole thing is not, um, you need to straighten up a bit. So, we're crabbing rather.
Speaker A
Well, I can't because the whole, you know, your wheel thing is split. [Music] Chamilleia was closer to Wells Court than Lamar, but no happier.
Speaker A
The accelerator stuck open a bit. If you think about it, I had to leave it to the back of the car. It's hydro gas suspension and the crutch and the brakes.
Speaker A
Oh, hang on. That doesn't sound good. That's [Music] Oh, sorry. Road closed. I'm going to go right. And then it got worse.
Speaker A
That's not gone well, has it? Where are you going? You're going that way. Right. Sorry.
Speaker A
Sorry. [Music] Oh my god. You're going to wear driver. Sorry. [Music] That's the famous Harrods department store on the left.
Speaker A
Earlier when I was talking about circles. Yeah. So I mean Harrods. Seen it twice. Don't really need to see it a third time.
Speaker A
The bus couldn't back up and I was stuck on a double mini roundabout. I can't make this turn, Chris, at all.
Speaker A
Where you going? [Music] Whoa. Sorry. Thank you. There we're clear. Earl's Court was now just minutes away.
Speaker A
What was that noise? At the Brits, the world's media were waiting for Jia's arrival.
Speaker A
I still don't think you appreciate the complexity of linking up a rear engine car when you stretch.
Speaker A
Please get out of here. I'll break our fingers for you. I'm still in. And she wasn't too pleased with my clever exit solution.
Speaker A
On the other side. On the other side. [Applause] Sorry about the ladder thing. The steps weren't ideal.
Speaker A
Whilst Jia regained her composure, I checked on the others. Jeremy, how you doing? Um, not well.
Speaker A
[Music] It's what? It's in two pieces on the Lily Road. It's broken in half.
Speaker A
I'm sorry not to be more supportive. Sorry Chris. Getting up, getting like an hour late or something like that at this rate, is doing it.
Speaker A
You know, the first time I'm nominated best male, you know, UK best male, Lamar.
Speaker A
Surely, sir, in the music business, it's fashionable to be quite late. Anybody? Nobody ever turns up on time, do they?
Speaker A
There's fashionably late and they're stupidly late, you know. I can only apologize, sir, but I don't want to hear anything. Just please just get me there.
Speaker A
Well, there's 5 minutes to go. May is hopelessly lost. Jeremy's car is split in half. That means by default, if nothing else, I am the winner. Yeah.
Speaker A
Hammond may have been gloating, but I wasn't out of the competition yet. [Music] Time for the awards to start.
Speaker A
I'm 5 minutes. That's the end of the day. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't do this. Your arrival.
Speaker A
Dignity. Yeah, dignity. So, Mo was happy, but Hammond wasn't. You cheated. You finished with half a car. You're supposed to finish with a stretch. I got the man here.
Speaker A
Meanwhile, in a car somewhere nowhere near Earl's Court, Lamar, acknowledged as one of the gentlemen of pop, had had enough.
Speaker A
Strictly speaking, it's left. But I think if we go right, I can go around the back.
Speaker A
What do you mean right? Well, right? Why? You just said No, listen. You've just said go left. Right.
Speaker A
Well, most people would go left. So most pe So why don't we just follow what most people do?
Speaker A
Because I think if we go right No. Are you doing this intentionally now? This just actually just just stupid. This is just Are you a jerk?
Speaker A
No. This is what you have you come to mess up my day. You've picked me up. You've driven me round and round in circles in London. Been past Harrods 11 or 10.
Speaker A
right. I'm not taking this anymore. Just open this damn door. Find out loud. Stupid door. Have it.
Speaker A
Get it. [Music] I was the first to arrive. I've just bought a Ferrari for 10 grand.
Speaker A
It's a 1979 308 GT4. It's Look, it's yellow. Oh, it's got an engine in the middle. It's got everything right. Wait for the others. See what they've got.
Speaker A
Jeremy was next to roll up. Behold the Maserati. Maserati. Maserati marac. Morac. Yep. Right.
Speaker A
Possibly the prettiest supercar ever made. Potentially. £7,000. About three grand less than than me. And you've bought a I've bought a Ferrari through No, you haven't.
Speaker A
It is a Ferrari. It just isn't a Ferrari. What Richard had bought was never originally called a Ferrari. It was so slow and wet it was actually called a Dino.
Speaker A
There's no point going I bought myself a George. It's from Asda. You've got a George car.
Speaker A
What's this? It's a spare wheel. Hang on. Is this a V? They're a V6, aren't they?
Speaker A
Yeah. But it's brilliant. Engine in this. Honestly, the guy Yeah. The guy I bought it from just spent 10,000 quid rebuilding that engine. Sold the whole car for seven. Shows how much the rest of it's worth. Watch the headlamps.
Speaker A
They work brilliantly. Ready? There you go. The headlights are on. No. No. You can see they're on if you get down here. There they are. Look. Can you see them?
Speaker A
Yeah. Oh, that's a shame. There you have it. Let go of it. Have I let go?
Speaker A
You may have noticed we're waffling a bit, and that's because we're waiting for Captain's Sense of Direction, who we assumed had gone lost.
Speaker A
You fancy some lunch? But we were wrong. [Music] James has bought an AA truck.
Speaker A
He's bought. Well, at least you made it to the end of our last one of these before getting on one.
Speaker A
Right, James? As we said, a mid-enineed Italian supercar, not a truck. Have you had fun?
Speaker A
Is that the best you two can come up with? Yes, it is. What is your gentleman was? Here's the pass.
Speaker A
A Lamborghini Uraco. Look at it. Not a very good example. It's superb. But James, let's cut to the chase.
Speaker A
It's on a lorry. It's an electrical problem. The Italians invented electricity as we know.
Speaker A
James decided the best form of defense was attack. We'll see. But I I mean I know about old cars as you know and I can look at this and with my trained eye can tell you immediately that that is a pub.
Speaker A
You got a trained eye and you bought that. So what had the production team got in store for us?
Speaker A
Have a look. Don't do that to my car. Your 70s supercar mission for today is to drive from Bristol to Spearint Rhino in Slam.
Speaker A
That's a lap dancing club. Oh, you don't know. No, that's what these cars are about.
Speaker A
Okay, fair enough. You may not use the M4 itself. So, we've got to go along the M4 corridor on the wiggly road.
Speaker A
Swindon Reading Maidston. Your sense of direction. You mean Maiden Head? Oh yeah. Maiden. As long as he's got a sense of direction, he can he can get maiden.
Speaker A
As usual, points would be lost for unforeseen stoppages, and naturally, there would be a series of challenges along the way. Bye.
Speaker A
[Music] What I love about this particular Marac is that it is the SS, one of the one of the later ones. Very rare. They only made 652 of them.
Speaker A
Now, this is kind of heavy a-ro town. Stop start stuff. I'd expect it to overheat here, frankly. And nothing.
Speaker A
Water temperature, oil temperature, oil pressure, all perfect. Wonder if James has got his alternator going yet.
Speaker A
He had sort of. Right. The battery is discharging. The oil temperature is very high. The oil pressure is very low. The engine temperature is off the end of the scale.
Speaker A
I'm running out of petrol. But the clock is correct. Right. We're out of Bristol. No mechanical maladies to report.
Speaker A
There's smoke coming out of the back of that thing. That's smoke. I've noticed my speedo is a bit um optimistic.
Speaker A
We were stuck behind a tractor earlier on that was doing 50 according to the history.
Speaker A
Never mind. Could be worse. [Music] Yes, James had run out of electricity again. I just can't believe somebody's put a Ferrari badge on that when it isn't one.
Speaker A
But there you are. You know, you makes you happy. How can they say not a Ferrari?
Speaker A
It was named after Enzo Ferrari's tragically dead son and built to fit old man Ferrari himself.
Speaker A
What a marvelous day. Sunshining, Maserati to drive, endless scope for laughing at Hammond for buying the wrong car, and James for buying one that doesn't work.
Speaker A
Actually, I'd got my car working. And what a car. Of course, in its day, the Euro was one of the fastest and most exciting four-seater cars you could buy.
Speaker A
142 mph, naugh to 60 in about 6 1/2 seconds. That was ever such a long time ago though.
Speaker A
Meanwhile, Jeremy and I were nearing our first challenge. Castle Racing Circuit. You have got to be kidding.
Speaker A
Racetrack. That's when we see the Maserati come good. I'm feeling confident. So why was Hammond nervous? You see, my car has a bit of a secret. At the back of it, there's a subframe which on the 308 holds the engine in and the wheels
Speaker A
on and keeps them attached to the body. And um it's just made of rust. Still could be worse.
Speaker A
[Music] Yes, James had broken down again. [Music] Castle Kum is 20 miles from Bristol and most of us got there. It's a fierce track this one of the fastest in Britain. A real car breaker.
Speaker A
We have a challenge. Find out what it is. You can pick up later on.
Speaker A
Yeah. I know what this is going to be. Go on. Stagle. Drive them around the track.
Speaker A
Points for the winner. No, it isn't. It's your supercars were built in the 70s. How super are they today? To find out the Stig's going to set a lap time in a Vauxil Astra diesel.
Speaker A
You will then attempt to beat his time in your cars. You lose points for every second over the Stigs time and gain points for every second under it.
Speaker A
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] The STE was really on it. with a diesel hatchback. Come on. You got a Lamborghini, a Maserati, and a Ferrari.
Speaker A
I can see that car. Easily going to be able to beat. And across the line in 1 minute 35 seconds.
Speaker A
Well, actually, I'd say we stood at Hello. May has joined us. Now, hang on. Have you come by bus or are you in your car?
Speaker A
No, I'm in my car. Is it on a truck? No, it's not. It's fine. Did it break down on the way here?
Speaker A
No. No. I just had to stop and fill it up with electricity. Given that James' car was actually running, we decided to make hay and send it out first.
Speaker A
3 2 1 go. This is a piece of cake. Oh, hang on. Smoke. Oh my god.
Speaker A
I got so excited. I had I I wet myself. Your car's done away. Do you think if we get this going again, you will actually be able to do one lap?
Speaker A
Yes, I do. And a and a a good one at that. It's a righthander. I'm turning into the apex, snatching third.
Speaker A
1 minute 18. He's not even inside. He's here. He's going to make it. And the V8 Lamborghini is Stig was 135.
Speaker A
Yeah. 1 58. Rubbish. Next. It was my Ferrari. So far, the most reliable car of the day.
Speaker A
Oh, the mirror's just come off. Um two one go. And with 255 horsepower, it was also the most powerful.
Speaker A
It's an indicated 100 miles an hour, which is probably about 50. He's very competitive.
Speaker A
He is very competitive. He's taking it very seriously. It rolls. Hammond gave his all, but he was still slower than the stick.
Speaker A
How long before Hammond blames a misfire? 1 minute 43 seconds. The problem is it rolls. So I thought I'll have to make up time on the straights.
Speaker A
Yeah, the engine sound pretty developed misfire. Did you say it's finally it was the turn of the mighty Marac V6.
Speaker A
a minute. It may only be a V6, but remember this is the SS version with 220 horsepower.
Speaker A
[Music] 4,000 RPM. And that's all the rebuilt engine has to give. Nicely balanced though.
Speaker A
That car is Why won't you rev an appalling heap of junk? Come on. Come on.
Speaker A
[Music] I've got it. Don't say it. I've got no brakes. Oh, the excuses are coming. Here we go.
Speaker A
Oh, he's not stopped. I've got no brakes. I also had no now. Did you know what would cure that?
Speaker A
Spending £10,000 on an engine. Oh, somebody has. Yeah, it's a bit steamy. I've no brakes.
Speaker A
Oil pressure has completely gone. So, do you want to know or are you not?
Speaker A
Well, tell me what I did with no brakes. 1 minute. 54. 54. That is brave.
Speaker A
Slower. At exactly 14 minutes past 9, the lorries turned up. Yeah. Brilliant. And then using our massive knowledge of HGVs, we set about explaining why we bought what we'd bought.
Speaker A
So May, which one's yours? Scanya P94. It's um this is the sleeper cab which has got the extra bit on the back where you can sleep. They also did it as a day cab which didn't have that bit so you
Speaker A
couldn't sleep in it. Um it's the uh He doesn't know anything. What color is it, James?
Speaker A
What have you got there? A lorry. What sort? A big one. Well, clearly. Ah, it's a Renault.
Speaker A
And um what makes this one interesting is that the cab sits on top of all the engine. So, it has a flat floor and that means the floor's flat.
Speaker A
It's easier to fit the carpet. Come on then, Hammond. Show me what you've got. I have this.
Speaker A
What is it? It's It's an earth. This was hopeless. So, we resorted to our lorry crib sheets. Has yours got Is all this just my lorry? Let's be honest with 12 L straight six. Go.
Speaker A
11 L. I mean, it's not as big, but it's still pretty big. 9 L. But well, yeah, but the thing is all right.
Speaker A
Did you just buy? Yours is tiny. It is ridiculously small. That's a caterum of the lorry world these days.
Speaker A
Yes. Right. And the point of that is well there's bound to be a speed test.
Speaker A
You think you're lightweight 7 liter lorry? Yeah. No, not that. In less developed countries such as Australia and America, people like to decorate and personalize their lries. You will now go away and do the same.
Speaker A
Once our lries had been redecorated, we were told to meet at Top Gear's secret Alpine test location in Bedfordshire.
Speaker A
Richard had tried to make his lorry look more American by fitting a bonnet, which was actually a dog kennel. James had gone for a gay and friendly Indian look, and I hadn't.
Speaker A
Damn it. So, time for the next challenge. Okay, you must now demonstrate your lorry driving skills by power sliding your trucks around.
Speaker A
I presume it means that skid pad. What's the point? You can't power slide lorries anyway.
Speaker A
Technically, you can't power slide anything. Well, to prove that it's possible, you will now watch a demonstration by our tame racing driver.
Speaker A
Some say that his favorite alltime tune is Forever Autumn by Justin Haywood, and that he has the world's largest collection of pornographical material.
Speaker A
All we know is he's not the Stig, but he is the Stig's lorry driving cousin.
Speaker A
Look, he's got Lori driver sunburn. I see. Yes. Yes. Whoa. He's really as big as American stick.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rick Ste climbed into his tuned man and set on. Look at that. That's just fantastic.
Speaker A
I love the smell of burning rubber in the morning when it's coming off that.
Speaker A
That is power sliding now. Look at that. He's doing a donut. His tire's gone. His tire has run for your lives. Run for your lives.
Speaker A
[Music] So, James, what do you reckon? You could do that. It's piece of cake.
Speaker A
Gingerely we hit the skid pen. Yeah. Now you see this strip I've put here. I can't really see where I'm going.
Speaker A
Take the outside line. Second gear. High range now. Power sliding. It's easy in a car.
Speaker A
Turn in. No power on. No, that that's not gone as well as I'd hoped. Here we go. Slide.
Speaker A
Come on. You're a racing truck. This is what you should be good at. Bonnet driven on my own bonnet.
Speaker A
Left foot braking. There's the answer. That didn't work. So, I gave it more well. And that really didn't work. No.
Speaker A
No. Yeah. I'll do some of that. doesn't work. Meanwhile, in Renault, come on, spin.
Speaker A
Ow. It's This lorry driving, it turns out, is quite a lot harder than I thought.
Speaker A
Have you done something with your leg as Yeah, the gear lever's gone up my ass.
Speaker A
Right. Okay. After the gear lever had been removed from Jeremy's bottom, we moved on to the next challenge.
Speaker A
There's a lot of driving things. I've lost the suspension link had just come off on your leg.
Speaker A
No, on the lorry. You will now drive to Milbrook's highspeed bowl. Ah, you see, I told you there'd be a speed test.
Speaker A
But first, you must hitch up a trailer and then get there via the Alpine handling course. That's hundreds of miles. No, it's not. No, it's it's here, you idiot.
Speaker A
It's just over there. This is where car makers test the handling of their new models.
Speaker A
It's also where James Bond rolled his Aston Martin in Casino Royale. In a car, it is huge fun. In a lorry, it probably isn't. From the moment you arrive at the Alpine course, you have 3 minutes to get round. You will also need
Speaker A
to drive smoothly because your trailer is full of valuables. Valuables. Valuables. They weren't kidding.
Speaker A
Richard's trailer contained a car that hadn't been fastened down. Mine contained an enormous wedding cake.
Speaker A
And in Jeremy's, there was some straw, which didn't seem so bad. But at the other end, there was an electric fire.
Speaker A
So third time lucky. Oh, this is brilliant. Oi. It was just over a mile from the hitching point to the alpine course, but that was enough to give us a taste of what it's like to be a real worry
Speaker A
driver. For starters, there's the sheer number of gears. That's first into first and a half.
Speaker A
Second 2 and 1/2. In a car, you can go from 1,000 RPM to 7 8,000. In this, it's 1,200 to,500. Then you have to change gear. 300 revs.
Speaker A
Get in. Get in. And when you finally reach 18th gear, you get carved up and you have to start all over again.
Speaker A
Now I've just been overtaken by someone who's now slowed down. Don't stop. Oh, that's the car. Why can't it just be Somebody get a move on there. If I have to start from the beginning of my years again, I'll kill myself.
Speaker A
First first and a half. Just let the lorry go. Always let the lorry go.
Speaker A
Still, because I'd removed some of my stealth paint, I could at least see where I was going. Sort of.
Speaker A
What's that noise? Jess is making a right hash of that. He clipped a car.
Speaker A
Whose car? Don't know, but they will notice. We then took a wrong turn and ended up on the road where they test vehicle suspension.
Speaker A
That wasn't such a problem for me in my sprung cab. But as for Hammond, I'm worried I may be bounced out of the cab.
Speaker A
Eventually, we arrived at the start of the alpine course, which also meant our first encounter with a hill.
Speaker A
Jeremy, you've only got two feet. Every time I come off the brake in order to get onto the throttle, which you have to do, it rolls backwards for about 8 in. Try using the handbrake like you would in oh, I don't know, a
Speaker A
car. [Music] The twists and turns of the alpine course were waiting for us and eventually we got our trucks lined up on the start line.
Speaker A
Uh, get in gear. Come on. Low. Low. [Music] Yes, it's a drag race between me and Captain Slow. Come on, Magnum.
Speaker A
Oh good. Plainly, in the heat of battle, James and Jeremy had completely forgotten about their delicate cargos.
Speaker A
Clarkson's got the inside line. Oh, it's getting a bit narrow here. Slow. Oh lord.
Speaker A
Yes, I've got slow. After my poor start, I too had little concern for my precious load.
Speaker A
Sounds like a charging rhino running up and down the trailer and behind me. Back at the front, Slow was refusing to give in.
Speaker A
Oh, that's close. I've got to take him here. I've got a plan. I can't I can't turn him there. Ah, you weren't ready for that. Slow down a bit of a hill. Carries. Wa wa wa.
Speaker A
That was I didn't want to do what I just did. I'm in the lead.
Speaker A
Unfortunately, in all the excitement, I forgot to change down for the steep hill. No, no.
Speaker A
It's dying on me. No, no, no. You does under steer. This lorry. Right. Got to change ratios. Next box.
Speaker A
There you go. Get a go with these things. Suddenly you start to feel just how much power they have got to give.
Speaker A
Snap gear changes. Captain Clumsy had severed my airlines and all the brakes were jammed on.
Speaker A
I absolutely hope James May wakes up in the morning and 10,000 insects are in his underpants.
Speaker A
In exactly just over 3 minutes, I was the first to finish. Now, let's have a look at me cake.
Speaker A
Ah, that's what he hits. He is the clumsiest man in the known world. I'll just straighten it up a bit.
Speaker A
Hammond, meanwhile, was just squashing the finishing line. I'll be honest, I don't I think like the headlamps, tail lamps because I heard a clunk at that end and then a clunk at that end and then a lot more clunks and
Speaker A
then it stopped. I've got smoother and smoother. Headlights are going to be smashed to bits. I didn't look. Yes, I know. It's bad. I'm sorry.
Speaker A
But it's worse than that. I was now on the move again and flying. Now come on up the hill.
Speaker A
Is that bad for my points? Yeah. Well, more to the point. Where is it?
Speaker A
Don't know. Then Jeremy arrived. Fire. You're on. You're on fire. We got the next challenge, lads.
Speaker A
How can we be this rubbish? This is totally So anyway, how was your car?
Speaker A
Car's interesting. Stolen. Yeah, that's what it is. I've just thought of it now. Stolen.
Speaker A
The damnest thing. Oh, that is actually quite bad now. Yeah, it is. It's on fire.
Speaker A
[Music] I was the first to arrive with my twodoor coupé that isn't a Porsche. What it is is a Mitsubishi Strion. I've um I've always loved these things and this is the last one ever imported into Britain. It's a widebodied
Speaker A
2.6 L turbo, 14 years old, done 81,000 mi. Few bumps and scrapes of course, but mechanically quite good order.
Speaker A
[Music] James had bought himself a 1,000-year-old antique. Well James it's a Jag. It's got 12 cylinders and it's gold, sir. Look at that.
Speaker A
I'm really quite crossed cuz it doesn't appear to be. I mean, I assumed cuz I never even bothered looking for an XJS cuz I thought it would just be rubbish for this money.
Speaker A
I never bothered looking for a Stium because I just knew it was rubbish. Full stop.
Speaker A
Don't you like the um Delorean rear thing? Yes. Did Delorean use gaffer tape as well?
Speaker A
And finally, Hammond arrived. I knew he'd buy a BMW A red actually. It looks very good.
Speaker A
Yeah. Your handbrake working well there then? Is it? Yeah. Oh dear. It's it's, you know, reasonably well.
Speaker A
Anyway, he's bought a grandfather clock. He has. Let's just have a look at this.
Speaker A
Hang on a minute. Is it an M? What is it? He forgot to put his red braces on.
Speaker A
This is a 635 983. Oh yeah, 635. 35 within budget. What have you got?
Speaker A
Oh my god. What? It's a wheelie bin. We have to get on with this challenge cuz have you seen under his car?
Speaker A
Pool of oil and it's growing. Oh, there's plenty in there though. So, first challenge and it is here.
Speaker A
Thank you very much. Highspeed bowl challenge. You will drive around the banked high-speed circuit as quickly as possible. 140 mph is your target speed.
Speaker A
Points are lost for failing to achieve it and gained for beating it. [Music] Okay, here we go.
Speaker A
The top speed of that car when it was shiny and new in 1984 was 142 mph.
Speaker A
Many, many years and moons have passed since then. The hamster was in the wheel, but his car wasn't going to be rushed. 105 [Applause] 110.
Speaker A
I think it's got much more to give. 115 m an hour. Hamster. I've only got 110 showing on the clock.
Speaker A
You see, it's a BMW. It's even discreet and underestimated speed. How do I get off?
Speaker A
Right. Here we are entering the the bowl. I just Here he comes. Here he comes. That's the slowest car ever at Milbrook.
Speaker A
I'm moving into the top lane. Buffetting. [Music] Oh, flipping heck. That felt That's oil.
Speaker A
And what was the speed? Error. What do you mean error? He'll never do that again.
Speaker A
Why does that never happen with the police? It smells. The oil pressure has disappeared.
Speaker A
It's going to explode. Look at the smoke. James's grandfather clock had reached the 140 mph target speed, but it had paid the price.
Speaker A
[Music] Yep, that's broken. [Music] It looks awful. It sounds terrible. And to start with, it was disappointingly slow, but I wasn't worried.
Speaker A
I do have one secret weapon, which is the bloke I bought it from has fitted some device to the turbocharger, and I'm not joking, that gives me sort of extra boost. I'm going to try that now.
Speaker A
Oh my god. The afterburner certainly up the speed. But unfortunately, it also undressed the car.
Speaker A
Where's his thing gone off the back? Yes. Right. Is that your attempt at going faster? Shedding weight on the way around.
Speaker A
And how fast was it? Uh 119. What? 119. 119. 19, which is faster than me. Yes.
Speaker A
Yes. That said, James' clock was the winner, even though it did need an oil and water transplant before it could face the next challenge.
Speaker A
This challenge is designed to test the quality of the ride in your cars. Each of you must drive along the dreaded cobbled parvet course at 30 mph with a bowl of water on your lap.
Speaker A
This is Belgian Parve. Very, very bumpy. And James is going to have a very wet.
Speaker A
I hate to say this, do you not think he stands a pretty good chance in that jag?
Speaker A
And here we go. And that's a disaster already. Oh my god. He has achieved 30.
Speaker A
I felt like this since I was a very small boy. Oh, that's a bit of a wobble there. That was a splash.
Speaker A
No, it's flying everywhere. Oh yes, it's very bumping me. Oh. Oh, that's not the first time that's happened, is it, Richard?
Speaker A
Yeah, that happened in a Jaguar. Yes, exactly. This is the car with one of the world's best ride qualities. So, you sir, in your sporty BMW, are probably going to drown.
Speaker A
This may not look like a lot of water. Can I just point out very firm suspension in a 635.
Speaker A
Not the car I would choose if I was going to drive over some Belgian pastries with a bucket of water on the lap.
Speaker A
Not in my lap. It's ever so cold. What was this like being old? Thank you very [Music] trousers. Big big problem there. It's uh How did you get it up here?
Speaker A
I'm only small. I mean, that's somebody else's waistband. Finally, it was Jeremy's turn and he had a bit of a handicap.
Speaker A
Problem, of course, is I have a manual unlike the other two. So, I actually have to physically move my legs in order to change gear.
Speaker A
The gearbox, however, was the least of my worries. You know, the bonnet just bounced up.
Speaker A
That'll have chucked it all in his crotch. I so hope so. No. Oh, no.
Speaker A
Done from his expression. Well done, Jeremy. Let me take that. I think we can already tell.
Speaker A
Yeah, it's not pleasant if you try if you do that then your trouser legs don't touch your legs.
Speaker A
So, it was another victory for the grandfather clock. But the smile was about to be wiped off James' face.
Speaker A
Right. Your coupes were renowned for their sporty character in the 1980s. 90s with my 90s 90s in your case. But how will they measure up today on the fearsome Alpine circuit? How about this thing? I think the Stig will drive a lap in each car. 1
Speaker A
minute and 5 seconds is the target time. You lose a point for every second slower than that and gain a point for every second faster.
Speaker A
I decided that my BMW should tackle the web of hills and off-c campber corners first before the British Land Jag had the chance to coat them all with a film of oil. Oh, here he comes.
Speaker A
Look at that. It looks brilliant. 30 30 mph. Get off. That's moving. Look at it.
Speaker A
Corner level is run for your life. Got a good noise as well, actually. That's cuz five of the cylinders, but they're working well.
Speaker A
The lap time for the BMW is 1 minute and 1 second. Yes, I thank you. I won something possibly.
Speaker A
Next up was the mighty Stereo. Manual gearbox, the brightest of the three. I was confident the pedigree racer would romp to victory here.
Speaker A
Look at that. Already that's quicker than yours. No, he's quicker through here. is flat.
Speaker A
[Applause] See that back just kicking there? See the back flopping? Not flopping. The lap time for the Mitsubishi Star is one minute dead.
Speaker A
No, it's got good brakes, good steering, good handling. Everything about it is You bought the wrong car, Richard.
Speaker A
But when it comes to wrong cars, the Tory Canyon takes some beating. [Music] Will it make the hill?
Speaker A
I'd love it to stop and roll back down. It doesn't look that fast. Actually, it's not.
Speaker A
My word. See the stick. And the time for the Jaguar XJS is 1 minute and 9 seconds.
Speaker A
Rubbish. That's poor. Not only had James' car lost, but yet more vital fluids had been spilled.
Speaker A
There's evidence of its blood. Can you see it's bleeding? Things were not going well.
Speaker A
And then they got worse. Oh, god in heaven. The pet cop boys are here.
Speaker A
Yeah. No, wait. The police. Yeah, well, the police are coming. The police. You saw me coming, didn't you? Straight away. One of the biggest problems the police face trying to get somebody out of the way with blues and twos on. I've
Speaker A
got a lot of blues and twos. They will see me coming. Well, we got to ask. Okay.
Speaker A
You noticed that? Yeah. This is It's genius. It's a stinger. Okay. You get them the word over your radio that you might need to stop a baddie. Rather than pulling out and blocking with your car, which is frankly dangerous, you
Speaker A
just stop very quickly and then It was unmistakably a doormat with some nails in it. So, we moved on.
Speaker A
A police car has to be fast. To see how quick your cars are, the Stig will now drive one time lap in the standard British police issue Vauxhall Astro Diesel. All you have to do is beat his time in your cars. Bonus points will be
Speaker A
awarded for flamboyant driving style, which will look good on a police kill action program.
Speaker A
Yes. Yes. Right. Flamboyant and fast. Only one person can win this. [Music] 3 2 1.
Speaker A
[Applause] He's proceeding in a westerly direction. Honestly, giving the British police cars like that to save money is the same as the queen saying, "Well, changing the guard, they can all wear Primark." Here comes the British army. They're
Speaker A
wearing beach towels because that saves money. How would the Blues brothers have looked? [Music] And there he is. How long?
Speaker A
1 minute 48. 148's quicker than most of our celebrities around here in the Leetti.
Speaker A
Is it? Yes. Is it? Then it was our turn and the gentle touch went first.
Speaker A
3 2 1 go. [Music] I pulled away. I pulled away. Sadly, James' idea of flamboyant driving isn't quite the same as everyone else's.
Speaker A
That'll look excellent. I wonder if it's got traction control. I don't think it's necessary.
Speaker A
The tire school from the 1970s left. I hope you like prison food. Crims. Looking good, Bit of aquil. Maybe there'll be a bit more here.
Speaker A
Get out the way. Can I help you, sir? That's not bad. It's 2 minutes 003.
Speaker A
It is pretty 2 minutes, James. I was next to give it a bash in my fiat.
Speaker A
But before I do, I want to make it look good. So, I've got this.
Speaker A
You're on your own. You see, you're going for the soft focus. See, now when I set off, swooping J turn, soft focus.
Speaker A
You're just going for extra points for flamboyance. Yeah. Oh, damn it. Blast. Oh, that's good.
Speaker A
Wow. A lot of points there. Are we in soft focus as well? No. Ah, I fear my Yes, I fear the bodice wheel attachments have affected the wheel balance somewhat.
Speaker A
It wasn't an option on the original car. Bodiser spiked. You didn't hear people driving around and say, "I've got a Fiat coupe." It's great, but I just wish the rear wheels were a bit heavier and out of balance.
Speaker A
Got to look good. Okay, they're going to cut in for a shot of a driver.
Speaker A
Can hear a lot of noise, but not a lot of movement. It's very much like Jeremy with that car.
Speaker A
Oh, he's over cooked it hideously there. I'm suggesting getting back. I think you're right. I'm digging further with those things on the side.
Speaker A
Further still and then a flourish to the finish and flash the lights. What about that?
Speaker A
What did I do it in? Um 2 minutes dead. 2 minutes and 8 seconds.
Speaker A
Slower than yours. Yes sir. Yeah. Look, without the J turn, you chose to do the J turn. We didn't make it. Can't go up to a villain as a police officer. I didn't mean that. Just you come back and wait for me.
Speaker A
Can you just come back another 100 yards while I do my J turn again?
Speaker A
What? Except I won. Well, you just didn't. And finally, from the streets of San Francisco.
Speaker A
One go. Yeah. He's got four-wheel drive, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I lose the drama of the start, but at least it means I can go. I'm not in four-wheel drive anymore.
Speaker A
painfully slow. How can I do flamboyant driving in this? I need points. Oh no, he's broken the thing off. Look, he's broken his tongue.
Speaker A
I've deployed my stinger there. Is he still on the Hello. That'll help me. Oh yeah, look at that.
Speaker A
That looked good in slow motion. You never thought to do that. I didn't. Past the gratuitous boxes.
Speaker A
That was to make it look good. So, we step back cuz who knows handling wise what might happen there.
Speaker A
It's packing up. [Music] There's got to be points off for that. Yeah, that's not flamboyant.
Speaker A
There's a there's an electrical problem. 3 minutes 14. Have you seen the front of your car?
Speaker A
Yeah, but you see you get points for flamboyance. Remember, we're making this is think of the spectacle I've just given.
Speaker A
Right. I'm going to give you a big push and off. Go now. Yeah. But is it ambitious but rubbish?
Speaker A
For our next challenge, we were told to hot foot it to the scene of an accident.
Speaker A
As you can see, the road has been blocked with a crash. This is this here.
Speaker A
You see? Yeah. Normally, it would take the authorities 6 hours to get the road open again. You will now demonstrate that it's possible to be much quicker than that.
Speaker A
Well, it is. We don't have to wrap them all in tin foil blankets. We don't have to offer them counseling. We don't have to fill in health and safety forms until a week on Tuesday. We can just clear
Speaker A
this in no time. Well, this is our chance to prove it. If you haven't got the job done in 2 minutes, motorists who've been held up will be allowed to pelt you with food.
Speaker A
Good idea. With the clock ticking, Richard and I decided to take care of the cars while Jeremy took care of the wounded.
Speaker A
We were working well as a team. I'm towing that car. Sort of. I've got a live one here.
Speaker A
And as a result, we had most of the wreckage and the bigger body parts cleared in good time and the road is clear.
Speaker A
While we'd been busy at the crash scene, the real police had turned up. They wanted to demonstrate the official procedure for stopping a stolen car. The operator will dispatch a police vehicle.
Speaker A
The hotel papa 91 lemur 375 tango papa tango. A BMW color silver lost stolen report received.
Speaker A
Throughout this, the pursuing vehicle will be given a commentary to all the vehicles that are engaged in this stop.
Speaker A
The vehicle is failing to stop. Main stop. The vehicles will be given the instructions to move off by the pursuing vehicle. It does seem like quite a path. It is a palava to be honest. Very involved.
Speaker A
You know, they have to fulfill 13 separate health and safety criteria before they can do this.
Speaker A
Well, you could be abroad by then. Once the criteria is fulfilled, they will attempt to stop the vehicle. Near side. Near side.
Speaker A
And under the instruction of the ground commander, they will get the vehicle into position where they can surround it, box it, and stop it.
Speaker A
Well, you just wind the window down, draw alongside, blow his head off, or ram him off the road.
Speaker A
Keep it rolling. Keep it rolling. But the point is the police won't ram him off the road because their police cars are valuable. They're about 30 grand each.
Speaker A
Tighten up and stop. Stop. Stop. Well, this is where our idea comes in. And for once, the challenge was just what we'd hoped for. You will now demonstrate to the police how your cheap cars can be used to stop a stolen car
Speaker A
without using £125,000 worth of Volvo, the RAF, and 16 health and safety forms. And just to make your task that little bit harder, the BMW will be driven by Ronnie Stigs.
Speaker A
Oh hello. Keen to try out his paint gadget, Inspector Maro went first. There goes a member of the criminal classes.
Speaker A
So, we're now watching James in a hot pursuit situation. Yeah. How long have you got before you have to go home tonight?
Speaker A
Giving it the police shuffle. I'm shuffling the wheel in accordance with the police roadcraft driving manual.
Speaker A
Hang on. James' plan is to deploy his paint. Yes. Now, that relies entirely upon him being in front of anybody else.
Speaker A
Luckily, I had a plan. Like watch this. I know what he's doing. He's going to wait for him to come round again and then pick him up.
Speaker A
I can see the miscreen approaching in my rear view mirror. But this sitting around waiting for the baddie to come round again.
Speaker A
It could work on the M25 perhaps. [Music] He's pounced. He's pounced. Is he now?
Speaker A
Is he deploying? I don't know. All I see Max screen worked. Brilliant. I'm amazed.
Speaker A
Sadly, there was one invention James hadn't considered. [Music] Well, he's just put his wipers on.
Speaker A
So, would Hammond have any success? So, a 1.6 L salon. Come on. Come on. Come on. Give chase.
Speaker A
No. Look, that's pathetic. I'm a police officer. I shall never give up. Now, thanks to four-wheel drive, I could intercept the Stig and deploy my Stinger.
Speaker A
This is £900 plus a bit of doormat with some nails in it. Here we go.
Speaker A
He missed. Oh no, he's driven round it. The stinger needs to be longer. Now all hope of succeeding in this challenge rested with Commodore Clarksonio.
Speaker A
Right now in Jeremy's mind, this is already a magnificent spectacle. What I like to do is play music. Wow.
Speaker A
Scares the hell out of him. It's Robert Duval, mate. I'm going to try something the Americans call pitting. I put my car along his rear wing. Push his back end out. He counter steers. I then break. And of
Speaker A
course, it shoots the other way. Unfortunately, none of what I just said happened. So, there's nothing for it. I'm going to deploy my boders.
Speaker A
I don't think he'll take Stings alive now. Any second now. That's uncomfortable. I presume at some point there's going to be a simply hideous accident.
Speaker A
Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Take that. I think it could be time to admit failure.
Speaker A
See, that could have been um Something's gone wrong with the handling. You what? Failed to apprehend the misgreant.
Speaker A
We are rubbish. We are not very good. We're not doing as well as we thought.
Speaker A
This is the Nurburgg Ring in Germany. The longest and most terrifying racetrack in the world.
Speaker A
It twists and turns for 13 miles through the Eiffel Mountains. It's so vast that entire villages nestle in its midst.
Speaker A
The Top Gear test track has eight corners. Silverstone, which is a big Grand Prix circuit, has 12 corners. The Nurburgg Ring, has 147 corners.
Speaker A
Over the years, this track has claimed more than 200 lives. [Music] Despite this though, anyone can drive round it. You roll up with your own car or bike, pay €14, and off you go.
Speaker A
So, how long do you think it would take me to learn my way around here?
Speaker A
50 laps roughly to know which way it goes and then the rest of your life to actually learn it. This chap who is disabled and drove with hand controls offered to show me round.
Speaker A
Your car's too slow, man. If you really know the track and you're a professional racing driver and you have a Ferrari Enzo, you can get round here in around 8 minutes.
Speaker A
Now, what I'm going to try and do is get the Jag diesel round in 10 minutes.
Speaker A
Doesn't sound like much, but I do have several problems. only one of which is the Arga under the bonnet. Um, I don't know my way around this track at all.
Speaker A
It's a complete mystery. It rained last night, so it's very slippery out there. Um, and I'm afraid I was out last night with Johnny Vegas, so I'm not feeling all that fresh.
Speaker A
To help me get my diesel around this place, I have a teacher, Sabine Schmidt.
Speaker A
She was born in the village of Nurburgg and knows the track better than anyone else alive today.
Speaker A
I'm so nervous. I have no idea where this track is. At the moment, it's quite easy. Okay.
Speaker A
And now accelerate. Accelerate. Accelerate. Accelerate. It's not really a corner. It's a huge corner.
Speaker A
How many times have you been around this track? Uh 15,000 laps, maybe. Yeah. And there's a golf coming.
Speaker A
I know. Yeah. I'm going to let him go. Turn in now. Now. Perfect. And you were how old when you first came around here?
Speaker A
What? You were how old when you first came around? Years maybe. You were three.
Speaker A
Yeah. Now what? What? What? What? What? What? What? Now I'm breaking. Oh god. Very good. Now stay left. Turn it.
Speaker A
Oo. Turn that bloody direction control off. You turn it off. No. Really? Yes. 2 m. Here's a count.
Speaker A
For God's sake, woman. Turn in. Stay left. Left. Left. Left. What's that? I told you stay left.
Speaker A
I was ignoring you. I'm a man. I think it's it will be hard work to get you under.
Speaker A
So you think you don't think I can do 10 minutes? This is my first lap.
Speaker A
It will take years. Don't break so much. Is this the carousel? Yeah, I know the carousel is coming.
Speaker A
Turn in more later. Your driving style is really funny. Why? Tell me what to do.
Speaker A
So, enter. No, don't don't break. Oh, a girl overtook you. Have you seen that?
Speaker A
I'm not feeling proud. Finally, we came to the scaffold bridge, which is the finishing line.
Speaker A
Okay. How quick was that, do you reckon? 15. Oh, come on. Yeah. And I have to average 78 mph. Average 78. 78, which is I'm not entirely certain that's doable.
Speaker A
Doable or not, it was time for my first solo flight. Right, coming up to the start and ready, steady, go.
Speaker A
My reporting skills immediately went to pieces. Everything was just a blur. I'd love to be able to give you some decent commentary here about what's going on, but I just don't know.
Speaker A
I've got the bike up my chi actually. Whoa. God, that back keeps kicking out under braking.
Speaker A
Feel a bit sick. Oh. Oh my god. So, I've got an average 78. I haven't even reached 78 at this point.
Speaker A
I don't know where I am. I don't know what's happening. The track all looks the same. You never have any idea what's coming up next and what speed you should be going. When will it end?
Speaker A
God, that's it. My time's up. It's beeping away now to tell me I've done the 10 minutes.
Speaker A
16 seconds over. 18 seconds. 20 seconds. Coming up to the bridge again. Coming out ready to stop it. And it's took him 26.
Speaker A
Absolutely everybody here was faster than me. Yes, that's true. Do you think I'm going to be able to get around in 10 minutes?
Speaker A
No. [Laughter] Don't sugarcoat it like that. Tell me straight. You're not 100% talent free, but 80% 80% talent free, right?
Speaker A
[Music] Oh, that's the wrong gear. And I don't know where I am. God, exactly.
Speaker A
He's coming. God, my second lap was even slower, but I had a pretty good excuse all lined up for teacher. It's a nightmare. There was nightmare. There was this tiger.
Speaker A
Yeah. And it leapt out and it was going for these school children. So, I had to stop.
Speaker A
I had to save the school children's life. But although the lap times were going in the right direction, my luck wasn't.
Speaker A
Oh god. Cocky. Going to overtake one of the whole motorcyclists here. That's it. Get out the way, sunny boy. God, this is quick. This is very quick now.
Speaker A
120. But then as I was coming up to the famous Adnau Bridge. Whoa. We've got an accident.
Speaker A
He's gone in. Oh god, it's the disabled guy in the Z3. I hope he's okay.
Speaker A
He was, but I wasn't. I just couldn't hook up one good lap. And it turned out I wasn't alone.
Speaker A
I learned it on a on a computer game on the Xbox and it's what it didn't was the gradients, the bumps, the bits where you're getting the bars shaking cuz you you're thinking you're on a a perfect straight bit of road and you
Speaker A
wind it on and it's like oh my god wasn't like that on the game cuz I brought a diesel to try and get around in 10 minutes which [Applause] as the sun was setting on the final lap of the day though It looked like I'd
Speaker A
make it. This was a hot one. This is the trouble. You start to get cocky. You start to think you might know it. Get out of the way, bikes. Get a car and some proper clothes for God's sake.
Speaker A
I'm a man on a mission here. The trouble was that after just one day, I didn't know it at all.
Speaker A
I'm off the road. I'm off the bloody road. Whoa. Yes. But I'm back on again.
Speaker A
[Music] Oh god, look at this golf. Look at the state of this golf. Think there's a guy who lives here. That was quick through there. 110 mph through that bit.
Speaker A
Despite the off, despite being overtaken by a golf, I was still on for a good time, but then disaster.
Speaker A
It's gone. I've got no power. Got no drive. Restricted performance. Got an engine management problem. I really, really thought I was going to crack it on this lap.
Speaker A
Why have you broken down? Why won't you work? [Music] Unfortunately, in the morning, the weather was terrible.
Speaker A
I decided to go out anyway and see what I could learn. But all I learned was when it's wet, avoid the curbs.
Speaker A
[Applause] Soon though, it dried out and I began once again to pick up speed.
Speaker A
What? Break. Turn in. Clip the apex. Let it run wide. I was feeling pretty good and felt sure that Sabine would be pleased with my progress as well.
Speaker A
He looks a little bit lazy behind the steering wheel. Turning late. Ah, too soon. Oh, damn.
Speaker A
Blast. Like he can do everything. He's the best driver the world has ever seen. The Michael Schumaka from Britain maybe. But I think he is isn't.
Speaker A
Listen love. Michael Schumacker doesn't use a diesel, whereas I am using a diesel and time is running out. So, I've got to forget about being on the telly and go for it. Start the clock.
Speaker A
This really is, I suppose, a bit like golf. Play it once and you're destined to spend the rest of your life fruitlessly chasing perfection.
Speaker A
It's a disease I shall call ringorm. And I have it very, very badly. Out the way. I'm much quicker than you now.
Speaker A
Look, that didn't cost too much time. Oh, missed it. I'm sure this corner is flat out.
Speaker A
And this is it. Break and then break after the hill. Done it. Oh god.
Speaker A
With 10 miles gone, there had been no breakdowns, no accidents. Oh, maybe, just maybe. Here we go. Whoa. Losing the back a bit in. I went up to a bit louder. Lost his ears.
Speaker A
One of these mine. I've never felt more alive than I am now. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Speaker A
Bit of dust there. Now, first lap, I remember the beeper was going here in the mini carousel.
Speaker A
As it is, I've got 30 seconds left. Probably another, I don't know, six corners to go.
Speaker A
None of which I can remember from 120 mph. Oh, come on. Come on. No, there's the end. There's the end. 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1.
Speaker A
I did it. I did it. A 959. Yes. Yes. I did it. I did a 959.
Speaker A
[Music] Where is Sabine? Despite our best efforts, James and I were still more than 150 mi from our friend and colleague. Night was falling, the roads were getting worse, and there was another issue. That's it. Rep. James May does not like driving in the snow
Speaker A
and has now reduced his speed to about three. To annoy him as much as he was annoying me, I decided to ignite my collapsed sun.
Speaker A
Right. Clarkson, I've never ever encountered a light like that on the front of a car.
Speaker A
Very funny. But could you turn the big light off? Only when you speed up.
Speaker A
Turn the lights off. It was a long, horrible drive, but mercifully, when we were just 10 miles from Hammond, we found a lodge where we could spend the night.
Speaker A
And the next morning, I came up with a plan. Hammond is 10 miles away and 4,000 ft above us.
Speaker A
We have a race and if you get there first, you don't have to rescue him.
Speaker A
Come on. That's an incentive. No, you're right. It is, isn't it? So, if you don't get there first, you have to drive what, 15 hours back to Vancouver with Richard Hammond in your pickup truck.
Speaker A
Can you imagine driving 15 hours back to Vancouver? He'll I with him either dead or badtempered.
Speaker A
Where the are you? I peed in a bottle in my tent last night and it felt dirty.
Speaker A
Enough. With a good breakfast under our belts, James and I were planning our routes.
Speaker A
So Hammond is around there. That's where the signal came from from his watch. So if I go up what I think is Wolf Pass, the corpse of Richard Hammond will be around here somewhere.
Speaker A
It's slightly longer, but it's only a little bit longer. But I'm avoiding that massive rise there. I'm going to go that way.
Speaker A
You ready, mate? I've never been more ready. 3 2 1 begin. [Music] This is an interesting race. It really is because although our pickup trucks appear to be the same, but actually they're not the same at all.
Speaker A
His is all about strength and torque, and this is all about speed and power.
Speaker A
And then there's our driving styles. James's is very slow and methodical and full of mass. Mine's more sort of put your foot down and hope for the best.
Speaker A
Traction control is on. That was outside the wheel. That's the other off-road tip. Absolutely gorgeous scenery. Hammond would have been having a lovely time looking at this. It's like being at a spa.
Speaker A
you going on there in the fort I decided to use one of God's highways [Music] rivers as we know are level unless they're waterfalls Just hope we don't encounter one of those.
Speaker A
There's my camera. Yep, I can now see what I'm doing. Two miles completed. No serious problems.
Speaker A
Jeez. Yes. Good work. I love my pickup truck. I really love it. Both of us were now off the beaten track and full of steely determination.
Speaker A
Come on, Jeremy. You need to get there first. Thunderbird one is power sliding. Oh yes.
Speaker A
This is called wrestling with the controls. [Music] Whoa. Oh, I'm getting deep into the woods here.
Speaker A
Steady. Temperatures and pressures all in the green. This is shouting and power versus thought and talk.
Speaker A
Come on. I've got some rooster tails now. Good news, Hammond. The Velociraptor works well in these conditions.
Speaker A
Where is he? Where is he? Hello. Hello. I'm James. Oh, I'm Jeremy. Should we be friends, James? Yes. Let's be best friends forever and ever. Right, James. I must tell you all about myself.
Speaker A
Actually, that's my favorite hobby. Telling people how wonderful I am. Oh, is it really, Jeremy? That's funny because I actually am brilliant at Are you? Yes, I am. But I'm very modest. Are you? Yes. That's why I drive a yellow
Speaker A
Ferrari. Do you? I drive everything better than everybody else. Let's have another friend, but let's leave him to die on a mountain top, shall we? Oh, that'd be funny, wouldn't it? Then we could look really cool with him.
Speaker A
Knowing that Hammond would be on high ground, I was now climbing hard. Oh god, I love this thing. I really properly do.
Speaker A
All day yesterday, this was an Aston Martin V8 Vantage. Now it's a group B Audi Quattro.
Speaker A
On my route, I too was climbing. Do your stuff. Z71 pack. You can actually feel the wheels going.
Speaker A
Is it this one? Is it that one? Uh, I'll put a bit of power there. I'll put a bit to that one.
Speaker A
But as we climbed past 4,000 ft, the going started to get really tough. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.
Speaker A
Bad bird 2 is still go. Keep those revs up. Keep the wheels spinning. Come on, Jeremy. You need to get there first. I do not want to drive back to Vancouver with my Velociraptor being soiled by Hammond's cheesy decomposing
Speaker A
bottom. Oh, my head's come off. Has it? Well, a man threw a knife at me, but I caught it in my teeth. Literally, my head came off. Oh, but I'm okay. Oh, yeah.
Speaker A
In the Ha. Right in the nads. Look at that. Driving along, singing this song.
Speaker A
Come on. Something in a winter wonderland. Situation update, viewers. Bit too close to the edge there. Um, I've got to be careful how I move, otherwise I'll fall into the valley.
Speaker A
Still could be worse. Whoa. Oh no. Whoa. Faced with the prospect of having to rescue the world's angriest man.
Speaker A
Where are you? You pair of mid-le. James and I had both decided to rip out our own fingernails.
Speaker A
Ow. Ow. This made progress much easier. That feels good. Temperatures and pressures still in the green.
Speaker A
With snow chains fitted, you're supposed to be gentle. But luckily, my colleague doesn't know what that means.
Speaker A
Dig and claw. Dig and claw. Come on. Digging. Damn. Blast. [Music] Come on. Come on.
Speaker A
You know you want to do this. You don't want Richard Hammond in you. Oh no.
Speaker A
The news was grim. You are genuinely a bit of a desperado here Silverado. Loving that and loving that as well. I'm still coming, Richard Hammond.
Speaker A
And you know what? So was I. We are underway. Three wheels on my wagon and I am still rolling along. Come on machine.
Speaker A
Where's James May? Where is my bit of beans there? Slightly less beans there for the climb.
Speaker A
That's That's an engine. It's not a plane. It's a car. It's That's got to be them.
Speaker A
Where the bloody hell have they been? Come on, do it, cure. Stop panicking. Just ease it off.
Speaker A
Really struggling. Really struggling here. Come on. [Music] It's Holland. Heaven is near. How could it have taken that long? May, bad news.
Speaker A
You're going to have to take Hammond back to Vancouver. That's a powerful vehicle. That is a go anywhere car. So, where the have you been?
Speaker A
And he's in an appalling temper. Absolutely shocking. Where are you going? Well, now what?
Speaker A
Oh, that's your rescue, is it? But after 6 hours, we finally arrived at Caravan Catraz.
Speaker A
5 mph maximum. Well, that's about dream. Keep dogs on a lead. Top gear dog. You got to be on a lead.
Speaker A
James told Richard and I to get out because he reckoned he could do the parking thing more easily if we weren't there to help him.
Speaker A
Now, let me think about this. Got to turn it that way. That way. That way.
Speaker A
Put it in reverse. Now, that's not right. Richard and I were on a mission to see what it is that caravaners like about caravanning.
Speaker A
Oh, no. It's worse. Jeremy, on the right. That's not a sign you ever want to have to read on your holiday.
Speaker A
Come on, chin up. We're camping. Here we go. Left equals right. So, if I can do this really I'll do this swiftly. This is the one they'll use on the telly. And that will be That's not right.
Speaker A
Meanwhile, we'd met someone from Richard's fan club. Hello. How do you do? I'm Jeremy Clarkson. I know this is Richard Hammond's Richard. Nice to see you.
Speaker A
Yeah, that's the one. Hey, and tell me, what do we do on a caravan holiday?
Speaker A
Now we're here. Go rain and see the countryside. Mhm. Fill up the L. Just do fill up the L work.
Speaker A
Do you want a cup of tea? That's very sweet of you. But we're sort of getting to know our surroundings.
Speaker A
That's very kind. We might pop back. But she wasn't going to let Richard escape that easily.
Speaker A
We can't I can't come into your Jeremy. helping. You're going to be taken into a caravan.
Speaker A
Let's go. Don't follow them in there. I'll just bring the dog in as well.
Speaker A
I I really can't take the dog in the No, just take the dog in as well.
Speaker A
And then the caravan has to go to the left. But that doesn't mean turning the wheels left. That means turning the wheel to the right. And then that will do it.
Speaker A
By now, James had attracted quite a crowd. Here we go. Which was unfortunate. And back.
Speaker A
That's good. Oh no, it's not. James stop. Have you seen what you've done? They'll be out bird watching or something. By the time they get back, we'll have it back together. It's not broken. It's just knocked over. Where is
Speaker A
Hammond? Don't want to know. I'll get inside. That didn't sound good. He must go.
Speaker A
It's here. It's here. It's here. That'll do. That's such a clown. They're never going to know. And even if they do think it's all got bent, they won't know what did it.
Speaker A
No. What's Hammond doing with the dog? Oh, the dog went in with him. Really?
Speaker A
Him and the dog and the biggest woman are in a caravan. After a worryingly long time, Hammond and Top Gear Dog returned.
Speaker A
I think this is going to have This is where it was. This will do.
Speaker A
Oh. Oh no. Oh. Oh dear. Oh my word. Oh my god. Hang on. We've got to put the legs down.
Speaker A
We're not brilliant at this. It had been a bit of an ordeal getting there, but once you've parked up, you can create your own little home from home.
Speaker A
So, we put the awning up. Is that your finger? There's going to be swearing.
Speaker A
We got the electricity connected. Yes. Here it is. Wow. Star Trek. Flap. Flap. What the heck?
Speaker A
And then I discovered Jeremy's secret weapon literally. Ah, yes. I brought that. Yeah. Well, you might.
Speaker A
It's an AK-47. I know. I thought I might need it. Why? A weekend in a box with James May and I thought, what am I going to need?
Speaker A
You're not a practical man, are you? The last step in making our home complete was connecting the gas bottle.
Speaker A
It's That's gas. It's gas. Keep coming. A why would anybody think this was a holiday? I mean, at what point in the last 8 hours have I done anything I'd call holidayish? Nothing. I've been in a car accident.
Speaker A
I've watched James May destroy a campsite. I've stabbed myself seven times. Eventually though, our house was up and running.
Speaker A
Cut that. So then it was time to tackle stage three of caravanning. What do you actually do on a caravan holiday?
Speaker A
First, we tried the local pub. [Music] Yep. So then we decided to do what everyone else had done and turned in for the night.
Speaker A
That's all I would be, is it? No, there's no way. Are you making it through the night?
Speaker A
That I have worked my fingers to the bone for that reward. Can't. No, you can't sleep on there, Jeremy. It's going to go and then you'll break your back in the night and that'll wake everybody.
Speaker A
You two are sleeping in a double bed. I'm going to ring the Daily Mail immediately. Can I just say, guys?
Speaker A
Yes. I've got a king-siz bed at home. I like it. I quite like it. It's nice.
Speaker A
I like it. It's homely. No, I'm I'm I'm all right with caravan. I'll go a train.
Speaker A
Nice. That's nice. Listen, how often is that going to happen all night? Yeah, that's all right. It's romantic.
Speaker A
Don't say things like that. I'm on the same bed as you. This then is why you sit in jams all through the summer so people can come to caravan sites and have fun.
Speaker A
How do I release the excrement? Oh, you're so on your own with that job.
Speaker A
Oh. Oh, this is [Music] why does 17% of the British people want to do this for their holiday? I know for a holiday, let's empty our turds out ourselves.
Speaker A
Oh, still could be worse. Oh no. While Hammond went for more water, James planned breakfast.
Speaker A
I'm going to go off and I'm going to find one of those ruddyfaced farmers and his organic rosy cheek wife and get some freerange eggs and grass-fed bacon. All that local produce.
Speaker A
Brilliant. Okay. Do some washing up or something. Work sets you free. [Music] But James' farmer hunt didn't go to plan.
Speaker A
[Music] Sorry, forgive me. Is this breakfast? Yes. Yeah. Right. Do you want to go to Wilton House, the home of the Earl of Pembroke?
Speaker A
I've been there. Dorchester. A great day out. I've been there. Wayimouth Sea Life. I've been there hundreds of times.
Speaker A
train. It's peaceful. It's not peaceful. And I don't like You aren't allowed to have a fire. You aren't allowed to play ball games. You aren't allowed to play music. You have to be in bed by 11. You have to park
Speaker A
within 2 ft of a post. You have to keep quiet. You can't have anything. This is not a holiday. It's a concentration camp.
Speaker A
Yeah. But those rules are are for the benefit of everybody. They bring strength through joy. If I was at home now, I could go out, have a fire, have a barbecue, play music loud, do whatever I want. I'd be free. Here, I've got a
Speaker A
piece of spam on a broken plate. And look at everybody sitting outside their vans on 499 garden furniture, waiting for Sunday night when they can set off home and clog up the roads again. I was angry. So, Hammond decided I needed
Speaker A
cheering up. [Music] Why is this good, Hammond? What? Walking? Yeah, because um well, it's bracing. It's good exercise. See stuff. Look, what am I seeing here that's interesting? I'm from Oxfordshire, which is all green. I've come to Dorset and
Speaker A
it's all green. It's a different sort of green though. It isn't. It is. It just isn't.
Speaker A
To shut him up, we did a bit of Top Gear twitching. One is a Jack new one X.
Speaker A
Yes, that's a way. That's a sovereign. Oh, look at that. Look at that camper van. What's that?
Speaker A
Good work. It's a west failure. No, it's it is a west failure. After our walk, Jeremy said he'd cooked lunch.
Speaker A
James, you know that shop you went to this morning, did it have any raw prawns?
Speaker A
No. Coconut milk? No. Green curry paste? Nope. Coriander leaves? Snake beans? It had some potatoes.
Speaker A
Oh, well, do chips then. Oh god. Um, Richard, what? Richard, have you got a fire extinguisher?
Speaker A
No. Why? How do you put a pan fire out? The tea towel in water.
Speaker A
Richard, have any water? No. Are you sure on my hair? Guys, it is no longer a pan fire. It's a vanfire.
Speaker A
You are joking. How in the name of God in heaven? Put it out. Put it out. Where's the Use the oven glove. The cushion's on fire now. I've made it worse.
Speaker A
Get everything out. I've got to move. It's okay. I've got his dressing gown. What am I going to rescue? What am I going to res?
Speaker A
Richard, don't go back in there. The gap. I don't know how that happened. I tried to beat the fire out in ours with that cushion. I threw it out the window and I think I torched.
Speaker A
I can think of one good thing, James. What? Well, you won't have to apologize to the people whose car that is for breaking their warning. Brilliant.
Speaker A
[Music] All things considered, how do you think the holiday went? I think well, here are the cars we bought. There's Richard's Rover GTI, James' Audi 80, and my V6 Volvo GLE. And here's the first test. Our researchers worked out how
Speaker A
much fuel was used on the Manchester Run. 30 MPG was the target. For every mile to the gallon over that, you get a point. For every MPG under it, you lose a point.
Speaker A
Right, I have the results of the economy run. The Volvo 20 m to the gallon giving Jeremy a score of minus 10. The Rover 23 m to the gallon giving Richard a score of minus 7. And the Audi a remarkable 35
Speaker A
miles to the gallon giving me five points. Yes. Now I have just been told that we're also going to be tested on reliability. We're going to lose a point for every time the bonnet had to be lifted, which means none there for you,
Speaker A
James. None for me and minus another one for Jeremy. Okay, I admit it. My Volvo is not doing well, but it's time now for the next challenge, which is each car will complete one fast lap of the track in the hands of an independent
Speaker A
adjudicator. 1 minute 50 seconds is the target. For every second you go faster than that, you get a point. For every second slower, you lose a point.
Speaker A
First to go is Richard's GTI. [Music] This is probably the worst car the Stiger has ever driven. Although it must be said, probably not the worst car he's going to drive today.
Speaker A
No. Okay, he's going down now toward the Hammerhead. He's probably up to 40 or 50.
Speaker A
He's coming through to the follow through. Now, my bet is he'll lift. [Music] [Applause] Now, let's see how James's Audi goes.
Speaker A
That was naugh to 60 in about 25 minutes. Assuming it will ever get to 60.
Speaker A
This is where we will see the advantage of the optional sport pack. [Music] [Applause] [Music] The Stig said after this, Ronnie thought the Audi had been in a big accident at some point in its life and not mended
Speaker A
properly. But he was even rudder about my Volvo. The thing is, it is not going away.
Speaker A
It's still there. [Music] [Applause] [Music] 170 brake horsepower. Yeah, but 170 tons. [Applause] [Music] So the results, uh, Richard's rover went round in 1 minute 42 seconds. So that is 8 seconds under the 1 minute 50 target.
Speaker A
That means eight points. James' Audi was 4 seconds under the target, a 146, so he gets four points. And my Volvo 148, so that's two points. This a plus. It's a plus. Okay, another test. So, if I could
Speaker A
have the envelope. Thank you. The highway code says the stopping distance from 60 mph is 60 yard without thinking time. Well, we don't need any of that.
Speaker A
You'll get one point for every yard less than that. your car pulls up in.
Speaker A
Here's James breaking from 60 miles an hour. Here we go. Oh, straight and true. Beat that hammer.
Speaker A
Okay, I'm at 60. Just James to beat. Here we go. Breaking. Sadly, I couldn't beat James. But surely that fat Volvo would let Jeremy down.
Speaker A
And Tila breaks. Yes. Yes. Yes. The Volvo scored a point. [Music] What a great car. Right. Brakes. Now then, James's Audi pulled up in 40 yards, which is 20 under the Highway Code stopping distance, which means he gets 20 points.
Speaker A
Then my Rover stopped just in 48 yards, which means I get 12 points. And then, amazingly, Jeremy's Volvo, as an advertisement for the advantages of anti-lock brakes, stopped in 34, which means he gets a very handy 26 points.
Speaker A
And so, for our next challenge, thank you. Each car loses a point for every electrical item that isn't working.
Speaker A
Anti-lock brakes. Are they working? Well, no, they're not actually. No. Right. That's one off.
Speaker A
Get the bonnet up. Oh look. He's under bonnet light. Doesn't work. So, what? It doesn't matter. Oh my god.
Speaker A
It's all broken. Now, your air conditioning as well. That's a point off because that doesn't work.
Speaker A
The wipers work. The lights work. Interior light doesn't. Interior light doesn't work. It just doesn't.
Speaker A
It doesn't work. Right enough. The results. Richard's rover. three faults giving him minus three points. My Audi minus four points and Jeremy's Volvo back on form with minus 12. Now it's time for the final test. Thank you. Uh here we go.
Speaker A
key chaps, you might want to uh come and have a look at this because what it says is each of you must drive your car into a wall at 30 m an hour.
Speaker A
Hey, yeah, you lose 10 points if you killed, five points for each broken bone, and one point for each blood injury.
Speaker A
Right that's I'm feeling quite relaxed actually with your Volvo. With my Volvo. By contrast with my Rover made entirely of rust, I'm feeling a bit scared.
Speaker A
James, are you all right? Have a crash. Yeah, on purpose. It's going to be worse for him though cuz he is in that rust cart. And doubly worse because it also says here that since you're the youngest, you're going
Speaker A
first, right? Goodbye. Admire your logic. Bye. Thank you. [Music] 20 25 30 mph. I'm going in. Oh my goodness.
Speaker A
Well, um, my bones all still work, I think. And, uh, there's no blood. I think my car has borne the brunt of it.
Speaker A
I think I did quite well. Next. Well, it's been good. I met Jody Kid and Steven Fry.
Speaker A
[Music] Yes, he's dead. So, that's 10 points away there. And if you want a job on Top Gear, please write to Top Gear.
Speaker A
No. No way. Look, he's coming round. He is. He's alive. He is. That's no 10 points off though. Blast.
Speaker A
That was probably the most unpleasant thing I've ever done. Then it was my turn and I had a problem.
Speaker A
The speedo wasn't working. So I had to guess how fast 30 was and I got it a bit wrong.
Speaker A
Damn. Damn. I think I missed the wall. We all live then. But what about the cars? Richard's Rover is dead.
Speaker A
James' Audi is dead. But my Volvo? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Speaker A
So, your car worked. Great. But you didn't because I have managed to secure this X-ray. Now, what do you think that is Jeremy?
Speaker A
It's an X-ray of a hand. It is. More specifically, your hand after that crash.
Speaker A
That crash at 40 mph. Yeah. Whatever. The important thing is this bit. Look, the thumb. It's broken.
Speaker A
No, it isn't. It is. You broke your thumb, James. Is that broken? It's broken.
Speaker A
It is. It's chipped. Look, if a teacup is chipped, my mother would say it's broken. And absolutely, it's broken.
Speaker A
It is. Jeremy, accept it. You broke your thumb. That's five points off. So, minus five, which brings your score, if I'm right, after all that we've just done to not no points at all. But there is one challenge left, and it is the big one.
Speaker A
It is the cost. Now we earn a point for every pound we've saved from our original 100 budget. Jeremy, you have no points. You're out of it. I've got 25.
Speaker A
Hammond, you've got 10. So 15 quid either way. Yeah. Could swing this. Yeah. Are you ready?
Speaker A
Yep. I have the receipt for my car. Okay. Here. Come on. Tell me. Tell me.
Speaker A
And I spent £75. Right. £75. So if I can be 15 pounds under that, I'm I spent £80, which means James is ahead. Oh no. Which means Jeremy, unless you got your car for about 10 quid, James is going to be the
Speaker A
winner. Oh no. Oh no. [Applause] Volvo. [Applause] There is however just a couple more things we need to say about these cars before we move on. First of all, we didn't cheat. Okay, I actually got a friend of mine to go and buy this Volvo
Speaker A
for me. Uh, and she came back from the dealership having spent a quid. Yes. A quid saying she couldn't believe how much choice she had. There were BMs and Audi's and Fords and all sorts.
Speaker A
But there's a very good reason for all these cars being around. And it's because not so many years ago, if your car was finally broken and old and ruined, you took it to the scrapyard and he'd give you 20 quid. That was the end
Speaker A
of the matter. Now though, the EU says old cars have to be recycled, which means you have to take it to the scrapyard and pay the scrap dealer 100 quid to take it off your hands.
Speaker A
Exactly. So when this friend of mine went into the Volvo main dealer who'd taken this as part exchange. Okay. So he had to get rid of it. Cost him 150 quid.
Speaker A
She goes and says, "I'll give you a quid." He's £151 up. A quid? Absolutely.
Speaker A
No. To try and show us that hot hatchbacks are safer than our cars, the producers asked the Stig to get into a Citroen AXGT, which would then be dragged by a special cable into the side of a lorry at 50
Speaker A
mph. We'll see. Didn't do well at all, did it? Well, there it is. That's the benchmark.
Speaker A
And that is That's a fail, isn't it? That's a fail. Yeah. We then decided that because we're a team, only one of us needed to actually do this test.
Speaker A
Should I wear a crash helmet? Oh, if anything goes wrong here, a crash helmet will make no difference, mate.
Speaker A
It'll make it easier to find his head. Get the bits together in one place. This is the safest thing anyone has ever done. This is Look at the inertia reel seat belt you get in a Jensen. Could you
Speaker A
just make that go a bit further in the back? I don't want you ever to say that to me again.
Speaker A
You see how cheerful am I about what I'm about to do? Yeah. Seat belt is on. Good. Strong, dependable seat belt. Oh, I'm off.
Speaker A
[Music] Bye. And actually, I mean by Oh, I better concentrate cuz I'm going into the lorry. Brace [Music] brace boot.
Speaker A
How safe is this car? That's a pass. That is a pass. That's a pass. Thank god he wasn't in that little Citroen.
Speaker A
Having proved as a team that our cars are safer than hot hatches, we continued onwards and soon we were in a very special place.
Speaker A
This is where Richard Hammond was actually born. This is a beautiful town, Richard. You're very lucky to have been born here Hammond.
Speaker A
Am I ever fond memories? Mania complete home furnishings. That's where the queen buys all her furniture.
Speaker A
Happy communities. Man cleaning windows. Or is he breaking in? No, he's cleaning. Yeah. Sadly, my trip down memory lane was interrupted by the producers who said we must go to a petrol station where they would test our car's waterproofness.
Speaker A
Shakespeare country. This I know. I noticed Shakespeare's estate agent. Very much. I presume we're having to do the test of the waterproofing of the cars in a car wash cuz it so rarely rains in Britain.
Speaker A
I when it happens, so we need to do that. Yeah. Okay. What is that?
Speaker A
Nothing. It's um I've parked over an oil spill. Can I just check that? Is it?
Speaker A
Yeah. Well, you parked over a bit of hanging off body work as well. To try and stop the producers endlessly filming the boring oil spill, James started the test.
Speaker A
Do your worst. Now, a lot of people do like to turn up and watch cars being washed around Sully Hull and Shirley.
Speaker A
Edit that out. The TBR passed with flying colors. Death Valley. And so did the Jensen.
Speaker A
Nuclear submarines have more leaks than this does. So then I lined up the Lotus.
Speaker A
There's a there's a bit there is a bit coming in. I'll be honest. Yeah, some.
Speaker A
Let's have a look. I'll be staggered if he's dry. No, it's fine. Yeah, I spilled my drink just as it or was it just water?
Speaker A
Yeah, just just water and a bit of soap. To then prove again to the producers why hot hatchbacks were so poor, we asked the Stig to take a Ford Escort XR3i through the same car wash.
Speaker A
Stig ever been to a car wash before? No. It'll be a whole new experience for him.
Speaker A
So, what do you think? Well, it's got a solid roof. What is that coming out of the sky now?
Speaker A
It's a bit of overspray from the car wash. Yeah, he's coming now, gentlemen. [Music] Here he comes now. Oh, it's not gone well. Oh my god. Actually, now I come to think of it, this is the main reason I didn't buy an XR3.
Speaker A
I lost a couple of friends like this, actually. And it's one of the reasons the insurance premiums were so high.
Speaker A
Um, it's because of this leaking issue. [Music] Boyed by yet another victory, we rolled on up our equivalent of Highway One towards Blackpool. Good God. Now, this is something I if you're watching this abroad, it's something I've never seen
Speaker A
before. Road works on a British motorway. That's That is unusual. But then we were made to turn off Highway One.
Speaker A
I don't know why the producers have made us come through Stoke rather than round it, but I'm mighty glad they did.
Speaker A
We three can count ourselves amongst the 4 million tourists visiting Stoke every year. Car's beginning to smell like I need a picnic again.
Speaker A
What do you fancy? Oil? Uh, sorry. Biscuits. No, I'm fine. One of the more popular places in England is for a picnic. The reason is that house there. You see the lilac one for along. Can you see that? Robbie
Speaker A
Williams lives there. You admired it for long enough? Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's a good idea when you stop to check your engine's still there anyway. You may as well.
Speaker A
Just, you know, having a look. That's nice. Lovely. Better for seeing that. Have you had your picnic?
Speaker A
I've I've had a lovely picnic and I'm absolutely full again. Would you be needing a picnic again?
Speaker A
Like another hour or so and I want perhaps a quick picnic before Blackpool. Just a little one.
Speaker A
Blackpool was now just 15 miles away, but the producers, infuriated by our good progress, ordered us to pull over at a garden center for yet another challenge.
Speaker A
One of the main reasons people switched from British sports cars to European hot hatchbacks, apart from reliability, price, comfort, speed, and handling, I don't think so, as we've proved, is practicality. To prove this point, you will load up a Golf GTI with items from
Speaker A
the garden center. And then you'll see how much you can get in your cars.
Speaker A
This is a Mark 1 GTI, the first of the breed, the breed that killed the British sports car. So, let's see what we can get into that boot.
Speaker A
Whoa, careful. I shall open the boot. We'll just Oh, you need to take the parcel shelf down. Hang on.
Speaker A
There it is. There you go. Lovely. There we are. No. Ah. No. There you see.
Speaker A
If you can't get a rose arch in a Golf GTI, what can you get in Exactly.
Speaker A
After a quick shop, we hit the road and made our point. Here's [Applause] [Music] the thing. If you'd gone to the garden center with a hot hatchback, the biggest thing you could have brought home is a pansy. I'm going home with a bamboo and
Speaker A
a conifer. TVR, a car that came out of a shed, now underneath one. Ew, this is awkward.
Speaker A
The bottom is quite close to my face. There was, however, a serious point to be made here.
Speaker A
We were all rather dazzled by the XR3i and the Golf GTI and so on, but really it was a bit of a fad. Nobody these days is saying, "Oh, I'd love an old XR3." But a Jensen Healey, a Lotus, a TVR.
Speaker A
Yes. As we neared Journeys End, Richard became a bit emotional. I think driving to a British seaside resort Blackpool in a funny little British sports car with a naked lady statue and a giant urn on the seat next to me is
Speaker A
above all else fun. And for all our serious side, the British have always been rather good at fun. But the whole experience is tinged at all times with the knowledge that we're doing something that's ended.
Speaker A
And finally, we end with James's TBR coming home. [Music] This is the home in question. the factory where it was made.
Speaker A
This one I remember I remember this cuz they had they made them everywhere, didn't they? They were in that one and that one and this one and this one.
Speaker A
It was busy. It was and everything got moved. It wasn't efficient. No, but busy. And they made stuff.
Speaker A
Oh my god, look at that. Ooh, I remember those. That's the Tamzins. And then there's the the gray one was a 3 L. That was the Tamar cuz it wasn't a little burst was it? It's not like they gave it a go for
Speaker A
a while. It was a few decades 1947 TVR stuff. Same as Land Rover. That's actually a part of the manufacturing process there. Dumped on the floor.
Speaker A
A huge amount of work made in went into making that. There's nothing quieter than a no longer functioning factory, is there? It's a particularly noticeable quiet.
Speaker A
I hate it. My car was in here once though. Yeah. Going through here being built brand new and it was all new and somebody was very excited about it somewhere. My TVR is coming next week. It's an S2.
Speaker A
Yeah. What have you found? Some more knobbyby work. Yeah. Oh really? I'll lean on that bit.
Speaker A
[Laughter] Oh, that's really sad. Let me just see what the word was. I'm get Yeah, I thought so.
Speaker A
It was horrible to walk around this industrial wilderness. There were so many memories, so many thoughts of what might have been.
Speaker A
[Music] With just over 7 hours to the big switch on, James and I were spat out of the Euro Tunnel. Rush hour Friday night over 300 miles to do. I've got enough fuel.
Speaker A
Well, just 295 miles. The computer's telling me the fuel gauge would suggest that there's not much more than a quarter of a tank left, which means 3 1/2 gallons. Doesn't sound like enough to me. It's going to be quite
Speaker A
exciting. Richard and I were close together, but soon we'd split as once again we'd all chosen different routes. Hammond would use the M1 and the M6, whereas I would go all the way up the M1 to Leads and
Speaker A
then over the M62. This was 34 mi further, but I'd missed the notorious M6 traffic jams. Jeremy, meanwhile, was using the M40 because it goes past his house.
Speaker A
Chipping Norton, here I come. Phone my wife, tell her I'll be home earlier than expected.
Speaker A
James and I could just about make it and make it on time as long as we didn't hit traffic.
Speaker A
A what the hell is that? I'm losing out on time and fuel. My estimated time of arrival is now slipping again. So, it's 45 minutes.
Speaker A
It's moved already. Engine running, not going anywhere. No miles per gallon. In Blackpool, people were starting to arrive for the celebrations. And our man on the ground was preparing by having an afternoon nap.
Speaker A
After 2 hours and much wasted fuel, Richard and I were finally on the M1, where we would soon go our separate ways.
Speaker A
If I'm going to get the Blackpool Spangley jacket, I have to pray that Hammond gets stuck for about 3/4 of an hour in bad traffic around Birmingham.
Speaker A
My mind, however, was only fixed on Jeremy. He must be outfield by now. He must be. Surely the gods of economy will punish him.
Speaker A
And then the phone rang. Are you at the side of the road yet? No. Stupid thing is still working.
Speaker A
How's this doing that? It's not possible. I'm 15 minutes from home. I can smell my bed.
Speaker A
Hammond. I'm I'm so close. Stop. So hang on. Stop now. Cough. Die. Die now.
Speaker A
Bad luck, mate. Soldier on. I love that Jag. I love it so very much because all it can do now is take him further from home.
Speaker A
Yeah. The irritating fact was that after 660 mi of abusive and wasteful driving, the big twin turbo Jag was telling me it still had 135 mi to go. Right. If I'm in this competition, I'm in it to win it.
Speaker A
Haircon off. [Music] Now, all of us thought we'd be making the speech that night.
Speaker A
Good folk of Blackpool, it's a delight, an honor, and a pleasure. Gives me great pleasure to be here tonight to turn on your world famous illumination.
Speaker A
[Music] I declare these lights on. I'd had a good lead over the others, but on the M42 troubles on the motorways, caravanas overturned along that stretch. So that's what I'm stuck in.
Speaker A
People slowing down to look at a caravan rightly so. I mean, I'd want to slow down and look at an overturned caravan.
Speaker A
There's nothing funnier. It's a big old queue that This is 4 miles of this speed.
Speaker A
Hammond's going to be right on my tail. I might now try and catch him up only to find as I catch him up, he runs out of diesel. But I've used up all mine as well. So maybe I should be prepared to
Speaker A
go slower than him and then overtake him when he runs out. Kind of hair and tortoise. No, that's a stupid idea. I don't like it at all. I'm going to go fast.
Speaker A
The north. Excellent. I'm probably about 130 mi away. Computer says I can only do 90 mi.
Speaker A
James thought he had problems. They were nothing compared to mine. Okay, I've now got an eighth of a tank to get me from Birmingham to Blackpool.
Speaker A
[Laughter] And then the news got worse. Ammon, where are you? On the M6 toll. Where are you?
Speaker A
On the M6 toll. [Laughter] We've closed up. And what's your speed? 70 at the moment.
Speaker A
70. And the ridiculous thing is is I've got twice as many cylinders and twice as many turbos, but I can't pull away from you.
Speaker A
Meanwhile, far far away. I can't believe it's going to make it now. That petrol gauge is so low.
Speaker A
This is just appalling torture. I'm just sitting here knowing that any minute now Hammond is going to come by and then disaster.
Speaker A
Here I come. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hammond. I can't do anything about it.
Speaker A
It's funny you should call. I've just seen somebody who looks just like you in a Jaguar doing about 56 mph.
Speaker A
I am not going to race you. Really? No, I am I am going to sit behind you and watch you fail.
Speaker A
And with Blackpool still 60 mi away, Jeremy was more on the money than he realized. I'm now going to run out diesel 40 miles away from Blackpool according to this computer.
Speaker A
[Music] With James far behind, it was becoming a straight race between Hammond and me.
Speaker A
Both of us were running on fumes, but I was staggered. The Jag had even got this far because most of the way through France, I was doing 80 mph. I had the aircon on. I had the radio on. I was
Speaker A
charging phones. Most of the way through Britain, I was doing 70. It's been stop start traffic. I haven't been on an eco drive in this thing since Birmingham. Neither had I. And now I was really paying the price.
Speaker A
My range computer has just ticked over to zero. It's 36 mi to Blackpool. It's telling me nothing. Empty.
Speaker A
Hammond won't make it. James won't make it. God, this is tense. The fuel gauge says I'm about to run out. Hyper mileing techniques. Gentle on the throttle.
Speaker A
Don't let it get to me. Stay calm. [Music] 17.4 miles to go. It's telling me I've got nothing left and I'm just waiting for that cough.
Speaker A
[Music] with the STG baffled by the human food. And with 30 minutes to go before the big switch on, I was agonizing over mounting a charge on Ammon. It's the stupidest, cleverest race ever cuz I mean, I could
Speaker A
easily beat him if I just put my foot down, but I don't know how much fuel is left in that tank.
Speaker A
I love economy races. [Music] It's my final exit. I'm just doing everything I can. Jeremy's behind. I know he's taking it easy. He's not going to take it that easy because he's Jeremy.
Speaker A
And so with 10 miles to go, my range has finally reached naugh. But still, the magic drag soldiers on and I've picked my speed up to 70. The race is on.
Speaker A
The question was, could I catch him in time? I'm 4 miles away. [Music] I can see Blackpool Tower.
Speaker A
Oh, this is nerve-wracking. If if it dies now, it could be too much to bear.
Speaker A
Range Naught Fuel gauge really empty. [Music] All I need now is to see a little Volkswagen Polo with a little man sobbing his eyes out next to it.
Speaker A
Resetting trip computer B for this fast stretch. Hello. I'm still moving. No. No. And I'll tell you something else.
Speaker A
What? I've got about two miles left to go. But even better than that, I have a police escort.
Speaker A
You are having me on. One mile and I'm still moving. I've got nothing left at all.
Speaker A
Oh yes. I think I could be there. [Music] So Hammond had won. Single most tense thing I've ever done.
Speaker A
Less than a minute later, I arrived too. I have made it. Hello everybody. They are appear to be cheering my Jag. And James May hasn't come. He doesn't like you. He doesn't like anybody in the north.
Speaker A
Congratulations. The world's second most economical car. It's astonishing how you kept that cuz I just thought, well, there's no way you can do it.
Speaker A
There were just seconds to go before the lights were switched on. Would James make it in time?
Speaker A
53.7 MP gallon average. And I'm looking for 56.5 gallon. He wouldn't. [Applause] [Applause] That happened.
Speaker A
Yeah, it did. Because I know so little about vans, I did what Hammond had done in the earlier test, played it safe, and bought myself a Ford Transit. Long wheelbase, 2 and 1/2 L diesel engine, only done 77,000 mi
Speaker A
apparently. And do you know how much I paid for it? 800 quid. James, meanwhile, had stuck to his theory of biggest is best and bought a huge LDV box van. James, are you filming with us today or are you moving house?
Speaker A
James, however, was more bothered about my signw writing. What have you done with that sign?
Speaker A
Top gear furers. Couriers. Oh, couriers. It's top I may have. Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker A
God, that's a superb thing. It's brilliant. And how much was it? 950 quid. And now we have to wait for um Bob the Builder. Really, don't we?
Speaker A
Who eventually did arrive? Did you like wash it on too hot a setting? I have to leave that round up there cuz I ran out.
Speaker A
I'll see what you've done. Ran out of space. Well, you would. It's a Suzuki Super Carry.
Speaker A
Super carry. Super carry. Optimistic title. Uh, it's basically a supermarket and a super tanker.
Speaker A
It's basically a Bedford Rascal. It's got nearly a 900cc engine. Uhhuh. Naugh to 60 18 19 seconds.
Speaker A
I would imagine that's quicker than mine. Well, let's see. Because it's time to get on with the challenges.
Speaker A
Here it is. The first instruction of the day. We start with something with which you should be familiar. A quarter mile drag race. Who's got the fastest van?
Speaker A
What's that actually got to do with anything? You got to come last. Actually, there is a point. The self-employed van driver can't afford to waste his day with a tool that isn't quick enough.
Speaker A
Mid engine is right here, which gives me perfect weight distribution. So, dynamically, I'm already ahead.
Speaker A
I wasn't expecting much oomph, unlike our cameraman who's used to filming much faster stuff than this.
Speaker A
And no match for Hamster. Look at his postage stamp go. Probably the best part of 50 brake horsepower. I'm just leaving them for dead.
Speaker A
James and I have the same 2 and 1/2 L Ford engine, but he had more weight.
Speaker A
Goodbye mate. Come on. Yeah, I'm going to pass the finishing line and I'm doing nearly 60 second average. James came a noisy last in motorsport's slowest ever drag race and Hammond won it which seemed to please him.
Speaker A
A spoop. Where did that come from? Then it was time for challenge number two.
Speaker A
Here we go. Possibly the most important skill a van driver must have is the ability to sit right on the tail of the car in front. So each of you must now drive up the runway and get as close as
Speaker A
possible to the bumper of a lane hogger in front without touching. The closer you get, the more points you get.
Speaker A
Ammon went first with Jeremy and I posing as the lane hogers. Right. 40. Here he comes. Set.
Speaker A
We would measure the gap between us using a special laser mounted on the back of the car.
Speaker A
This will be quite easy in my van because of course it's got a completely flat front. So basically I just keep going till my knees touch the back.
Speaker A
It's like being followed by a small insect. And he's not frightening me. He's 31.9 mm away, which is a vast yawning chasm.
Speaker A
You could park a bus in that gap. Hammond Hammond responded 18.9. 10.34 mm. Well, you did a 10.3.
Speaker A
Next, it was Jeremy with 10.3 mm to beat. Here he comes. Here he comes. Now, that's a familiar sight on the road, isn't it?
Speaker A
50 mm, 60 mm. This is the problem with the transit is you cannot see where the front is. You just cut. There's nothing.
Speaker A
What's he doing? [Music] With most of my torso out of the window, I had a much clearer view.
Speaker A
No, he's us. He's hit us quite No, that's that's He must have bent the bumper slightly cuz it went to - 6 mm.
Speaker A
Finally, it was James's turn, and he had an even bigger problem than me. [Music] What's he saying?
Speaker A
Does it measure in miles? Come on. We are going to run out of runway before James gets anywhere near us.
Speaker A
[Music] I really can't terrorize it at this range. Captain Slow living up to his name there. And now the next challenge.
Speaker A
Van drivers never waste their profits on vehicle maintenance. So, you must now each change the front door of your own van. You'll be racing against each other.
Speaker A
That's more manual labor. Yes, it is. Three two one go. Right. Maybe excuse this. Oh, look. The producers said no. So, while the others set to work with spanners, I broke out my ingenuity.
Speaker A
James, can I borrow your van? [Music] Think that did the trick? That's off. Soon, we were all trying to attach the new doors with varying degrees of intelligence. It's impossible.
Speaker A
Yeah, [Music] I was the first to finish without using cellar tape. Is the door in place?
Speaker A
Go and open it. What? Go and open it. Doesn't say anything about opening it.
Speaker A
It said get a new door. Well, for Pete's sake. James, meanwhile, was taking so long that he ran out of time.
Speaker A
I was about to finish. No, you weren't. You were fiddling with your spanners, polishing them.
Speaker A
You were You've given them all names. This is Jeffrey. This is Ian. Steven. Get on with it. Right. Thieving in will now attempt to break into the back doors of your vans. The longer it takes him, the more points you get. Three, two,
Speaker A
one go. You'll knock it over. Feeding Ian is Top Gears tamed car thief. And by the looks of it, not a very good one. Now, what he's done is he's pushed the lock into the thing.
Speaker A
That's quite funny. He's really quite stumped by yours. Beautiful. You see, it's small. And why don't you just pick the van up and put it in your pocket?
Speaker A
By now, the police would be here. He'd be in prison and then let out again.
Speaker A
He's defeated. He's defeated at one minute. Three two one go. Is that technically not cheating?
Speaker A
Saying car thieves are very clever these days, but this one isn't, is it? Oh, he's in. I've got 34 seconds.
Speaker A
34 seconds for the transit to withstand the world's most useless burglar. Three, two, one, go. There's a lot of second to get in.
Speaker A
10 seconds. He just walked up and it opened. 10 seconds, sir. This is it. It's the final challenge.
Speaker A
Come on. It's a game of cops and robbers round the Top Gear short circuit. You start, then 20 seconds later, a police car will give chase. The person who stays in front the longest wins.
Speaker A
Who's driving a police car? Says here it's Detective Inspector Stig. Stig would be driving a standard 1.6 L Vauxhall Astro Panda car. A Bugatti Veyron compared to our vans.
Speaker A
Jeremy went first. It's exciting. There goes Fingers Clarkson with his hall. Okay. Now, in the uh 1970s, 80% of all bank jobs feature the Ford Transit van as a getaway vehicle.
Speaker A
And 20 seconds later, Stiger the Yard set off. Through the follow through. Oh, yes.
Speaker A
Oh, the door's gone. My door's gone. He looks such a pillar. Shedding weight however was good.
Speaker A
Detective Inspector stayed far behind. The finish line was in sight. Mar here I come. Oh no. No.
Speaker A
No. No. No. [Applause] I didn't make it. That was excellent. That was worthy of the bill. Next up, James Cray.
Speaker A
What a majestic sight. Where is he? That goes police make the hammerhead. Has James ever gone around the hammerhead though? Keep breaking hard.
Speaker A
No, he's got me. It's all over. I'll come cleanly. It's a fair cop. You did better than I thought. This might You might do quite well here.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Short wheelbase. Just like a little rocket. So, first corner now. It's mid engine. I reckon I'm going to give it a Scandinavian flick.
Speaker A
He's rolled it. He's rolled it. Overlook. He's out. That means I'm second. He's lost.
Speaker A
So, um, guess he could be dead. Well, there's a police car at the scene of the accident. So, well, if he is dead and you fancy a job on Top Gear, why not write to us at I'm better than Richard
Speaker A
Hammond was. I may have have overcooked that a bit. BBC Woodlane London W1270S. [Music] No backache. Where's your boot?
Speaker A
Ah well as you can see, we're not exactly traveling heavy, but even our tiny suitcases were way too ambitious.
Speaker A
There's saddle bags. There's two of them. I've worked out a system. Okay, what I'll do is I just Now, that's really elegant and sophisticated. I like it.
Speaker A
What about yours then? Oh, there you are. You see, look. Well, actually, that's not bad, is it?
Speaker A
It's not bad at all. You just pop your bag in there like that, and you're away.
Speaker A
Hang on. There's a problem here, though, because look, this dips in here. You couldn't put anything in there. That boot is there purely to accommodate the boot lid.
Speaker A
So, I put my bag in the Ferrari with James' and we set off. and straight into a serious problem.
Speaker A
The exit to the car park was different to the entrance, and boy was it tight.
Speaker A
This is just impossible. Can't carry their own briefcases. Can't get out of the car park.
Speaker A
[Music] Useless. Richard, you are so close to that. Uh uh. Let me out, please.
Speaker A
Mercy. I was in trouble. My clutch was billowing smoke and the handbrake wouldn't work.
Speaker A
Don't go too close. The handbrake doesn't hold it. But worse was to come. We're not going to get out of there, are we?
Speaker A
Not only was the car stuck in the doorway, but I was stuck in the car, unable to open the door.
Speaker A
This is slightly embarrassing now. Yeah, a lot of people looking. Jeremy, meanwhile, was finding it hard to come and help.
Speaker A
That's dignified. And James couldn't be bothered. At least we're not making a spectacle because that that would be embarrassing.
Speaker A
[Music] If you're thinking about buying a supercar, my suggestion is yes, just don't go near a builtup area with it.
Speaker A
Paris supercars glamour. Yeah. Getting his car out of here is academic, frankly, because I don't think the Ford, which is wider than that, is going to fit through fit through here.
Speaker A
This was reassuring news for the people stuck behind us. We have actually dismantled the Zonda to get it off. We've taken this off its front spoiler.
Speaker A
This is it. Most exciting piece of driving I have ever done. Everybody's watching, but don't let that put you off. Okay, there's no crowd here at all.
Speaker A
Right, here I go. I think we might be picking up some more bits of Zonda in a minute.
Speaker A
And oh, it's such an expensive car. I can't bear too much. I can't watch this.
Speaker A
I I like cars too much. I mean, out. Yes, he's through. Bravo. And then it was the turn of the wide boy.
Speaker A
Oh man, that is unbelievably tiring. You all right on that side? Yeah. That is rushing. Oh yes.
Speaker A
[Music] Sort of stop. [Music] I'll be out of here in less than 20 seconds.
Speaker A
Slowly. Come on then. Go on. Very I mean inch it. Yep, you're out. That's it.
Speaker A
A jam. Yes. All these people have been kept waiting by us. They look across still.
Speaker A
Right. Here we go. Milan, 500 miles, all of them fast. [Applause] Back on the road, we got into the routine of finding fault with each other's cars.
Speaker A
That's Zombie. It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce but ridiculous all at the same time. problem with the Ferrari is it is that little bit more understated and that's no good in a supercar. It's supposed to be loud and over the top.
Speaker A
You got to fancy dress party, you're supposed to come as a carrot or a big mouse.
Speaker A
[Music] Here comes Jeremy. Listen to the evocative sound of iron munger. Interestingly, I think the Zonda is the sort of car for people who worry too much about their teeth. I have not had my teeth done.
Speaker A
[Music] Well, Jeremy's been on the go for 5 or 10 minutes now without refueling. Must have been very light on the throttle.
Speaker A
After the fill up, it started to rain, which wasn't a problem at all for most of us.
Speaker A
Oh no, I need a junction. Please. As the miles racked up, one thing became clear. The forge was easily the most civilized.
Speaker A
Round about now, Richard's buttocks are going to be ruined. And I'm so comfortable still.
Speaker A
Right, by my calculations, about 150 mi to go. And I think it's time we made things a bit more interesting.
Speaker A
What? You're suggesting we turn off the motorway? Not suggesting, sir. We are turning off the motorway.
Speaker A
Don't criy Jeremy, that sounds bad. [Music] [Music] On the motorway, the brute force of the Ford and Zonda was hard to match. Now it was time to see who was the boss on the back roads.
Speaker A
But first, inevitably, how can he need more? Have you noticed how his right bicep is now slightly bigger than his left one?
Speaker A
Have you also noticed that when he fills his car up, he stands like a teapot?
Speaker A
James, I've got some money. That's an interesting predicament. He's Can I borrow some money?
Speaker A
I'm not you to pay for your petrol. Yes. Right. The nation is observing. I haven't got any money.
Speaker A
Fund your ridiculous petrol packing. [Music] Right, this is where the Ferrari draws it back.
Speaker A
See, what the other two have there are great big coarse heavy workman's boots. What I have here is a ballerina's point shoe.
Speaker A
Suddenly the Zonda feels quite wide. I've got ceramic discs. I've got something called an E diffiff, which Michael Schemacker also has on his F1 car. And I've got a five position traction control setting.
Speaker A
Actually, to be honest, I'd love to be driving that Ferrari on this road cuz it is a piece of engineering brilliance, that car.
Speaker A
I wouldn't like to be driving Richard's car. You're supposed to have traction control. Here comes Captain Slow.
Speaker A
It's absolute magic this thing. Sometimes James' sense of direction let him down a bit, but there was no doubt that in this terrain his car was brilliant. A point I conceded with typical good grace. If you live in a
Speaker A
gorge in southwest France, you're definitely better off with his Ferrari. You really are. Of course, there are some elements of the real world that even a supercar can't get you out of.
Speaker A
I've never seen you drive fast before. The one I was following, it was Yeah, but the thing is driving fast is for a particular time and place. I can do it. I just only do it occasionally because I'm a gentleman to understand
Speaker A
this. You sound boring. Are you really struggling in the Zonda? Well, the thing about the it's amazingly easy to drive at ordinary speeds. So, despite looking like it does, but when you press on like you're tag fighting with a kickbox and it's quite nice. Then
Speaker A
you say, "Go on then. Give me your best shot." And he takes your head off.
Speaker A
But I bet this Ford is probably the worst handling car here. I'll concede that. No American who designed that chassis is even half aware that a road like this exists.
Speaker A
They just make sense. If you brought an American here, he would die of shock. Can I just say also that if id had a look down there before we did this, I'd have I'd have taken it out of sport and been captain slow
Speaker A
again. I mean, look at that. Have you been in race? Only very briefly. Didn't like it.
Speaker A
Then we moved on to more important matters. Exactly. I have not had my teeth done.
Topics:Top Gearstretch limousinecelebrity passengersLondon trafficcar challengesvehicle modificationscelebrity pickupBrit Awardsautomotive comedyclassic Top Gear
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