(Some Of) Jeremy Clarkson's Most Iconic Moments | Top Gear Classic

A humorous look at Jeremy Clarkson's iconic moments during a Top Gear demolition challenge using military vehicles.

Key Takeaways

Military vehicles can be creatively repurposed for demolition tasks.
Specialized equipment may not always be suited for unconventional challenges.
Teamwork and improvisation are key in overcoming unexpected obstacles.
Humor and entertainment are central to Top Gear's approach to automotive challenges.
Even experts face difficulties when adapting to new and unusual tasks.

What the video covers

Jeremy Clarkson and colleagues select military vehicles for a demolition challenge on a housing estate.
Clarkson uses a 434 armored recovery vehicle with a crane and battering ram capabilities.
Hammond drives a white combat engineering tractor designed for mine clearance but repurposed for demolition.
James focuses on structural weaknesses of houses to bring them down efficiently.
The team faces challenges including vehicle control issues, roof removal failures, and accidental damage.
Clarkson uses remote control and explosives in attempts to demolish houses.
The professionals complete demolition faster, but Team Top Gear's unconventional methods provide entertainment.
The video blends humor with technical insights into demolition and military vehicles.
Health and safety briefings are humorously contrasted with the chaotic demolition efforts.
The challenge highlights the contrast between specialized equipment use and improvised tactics.

Chapters

What vehicles did Jeremy Clarkson and his team use for the demolition challenge?

Jeremy Clarkson used a 434 armored recovery vehicle with a crane, Hammond drove a white combat engineering tractor designed for mine clearance, and James focused on structural demolition using winches and power.

How did the team approach the demolition of houses?

They combined the use of heavy military vehicles, remote control operation, winches, and even explosives, while also analyzing house structures to target key supports for efficient demolition.

Did Team Top Gear win the demolition challenge against the professionals?

No, the professional demolition team finished knocking down all the houses faster, but Team Top Gear's unconventional and humorous approach provided entertainment and memorable moments.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

Speaker A

It's out of the way. Oh my God. I did it. I've done it. Best of luck with your ice cream van with a gun on it. Eventually, I nailed some sense into my colleagues and we all selected the vehicles we'd be using for the demolition challenge. This is a 434 armored recovery vehicle.

Speaker A

I've gone for it in this spec because it's got the crane, which could be very useful to us. But if all else fails, it weighs 15 tons. So I could just use it as a sort of battering ram. As you would imagine, mine is much bigger than

Speaker A

Hammond's. This is a CCT, a combat engineering tractor, and they're all very encouraging words. It has a bucket on the front and many other things besides. Unlike James', mine is white. It's also absolutely excellent. The tiller on the front is used for mine clearance, but it can also be used for pulling down houses.

Speaker A

In my mind. What? Why is it white? United Nations. Oh, yes. This very vehicle has just come back from the Middle East where it cleared 100 anti-tank mines. It's, it's, it's kind of focused on one thing, isn't it? Mine clearance. That's what it is. A mine clearing. You are clearing mines. We're knocking a house down. Do you know what I mean? You focused on one thing and we're not doing that thing. It's a very, very specialized piece of equipment there.

Speaker A

Incredibly specialized. The cab is on hydraulic rams. It senses your weight, raises it to the correct height so that if there's a blast underneath, you're cushioned from that blast. Again, amazing. We won't be because we're not clearing a minefield. We're knocking houses down. You wait till you see what

Speaker A

happens to a house when it is presented with this moving at 400 RPM. Explodes, you'll be okay. But that's about it. That's what he does. Just go around doing this. It's like a mechanical cat. It's a military machine

Speaker A

with some white paint on it. It is a military. It's for clearance and saving lives. Princess Diana had one of these.

Speaker A

The location for our demolition challenge was the Christian Fields Housing Estate in Kent. Each team would have to knock down six houses and the professionals rocked up on the day with a selection of conventional equipment that we knew would not work. As a result, they would be humiliated by Team Top Gear.

Speaker A

[Music] What a machine this is. 1300 RPM. I'm doing very nearly the top speed of six.

Speaker A

The other machines were considerably faster. So, in order not to keep the chaps waiting, I decided to take a shortcut. I think he looked at it and he thought it's got things on the front that go round and round and that'll smash

Speaker A

everything up and it's white and I work for the United Nations. Failed to work out it's going to be the slowest. You don't suppose by any chance that ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy Clarkson, sometimes known as the silver tongued

Speaker A

cavaliere of the Cotswolds. I hope that was to come down. Before starting, the professionals had a pre-demolition briefing. All the works today are going to be carried out under BN6187 demolition code of practice. Richard, can you hand out the method statements to all the guys, please? And the risk

Speaker A

assessments. Yep. Mostly they talked about health and safety. So, we thought we should, too.

Speaker A

Don't have an accident. Don't have an accident. If you do have an accident, remember it was an accident. Briefing over, we got on with discussing the job.

Speaker A

Why don't you do those, James? Okay, Hammond, you do the cream ones and I'll do this lot. That makes sense. So, it's two houses each then effective. Effectively two houses each.

Speaker A

With all the complicated maths out of the way, it was time to begin. [Music] Okay. Brace, brace, brace. We're going in. Look at his concentrating like that.

Speaker A

He looks like a proper orangutan when he concentrates. Firing up the ro. [Music] Oh God.

Speaker A

Why didn't we have this in Albania? Goodbye laboratory. Brakes fly everywhere. This is bloody brilliant. Stop there. Stop there. Jeremy's going to land on it. This was no problem because my destroyer of worlds had a special device for protecting the driver.

Speaker A

Is that a remote control for that? Yes, it is. You actually drive the whole thing from there? Yes. From there? Yes. Do you know how to? No. But how hard can it be?

Speaker A

Oh my God. Now stand back a bit. Really? At the other end of the estate, the professionals were working methodically.

Speaker A

First removing all the runes. And I thought I'd do the same thing with my army tank

Speaker A

mounted on the back of my 434 as a big harpoon. I fire that over with a cable attached, connect the cable up, drive this way, pull the roof off, get on with it live, and uh we'll go.

Speaker A

Brilliant. Let's begin. The grappling hook will catch on the roof. That's it. It's caught it now.

Speaker A

Yeah. Here it comes pulling the roof off. Let's have a look. It's not off. On the plus side, though, the house now had another upstairs lavatory. Why have you pulled a portaloo over a building? You're supposed to pull the roof off.

Speaker A

This isn't demolition. This is just stupid. [Music] Oh, whilst Hammond persevered with his idiotic roof removal system, James was busy drawing a diagram. The four walls are pre-cast pieces of concrete. And then in the middle, we have this, which

Speaker A

is the chimney breast. And then there are steel RSJs running across like that. Everything else in between is just wooden floorboard. So if we knock out that bit there, which is holding all of the house up, the roof and everything

Speaker A

else will fall into a neat pile in the middle. My plan involved pulling the chimney breast out using both my winch and the sheer power of my combat tractor, but it was hard to concentrate with the orangutan around. It's got a mind of its own.

Speaker A

Having got in everyone's way, he then started throwing massive lumps of road over the houses and into the next street.

Speaker A

[Music] What have you done? I hit the water, man. Oh, you're an idiot. [Music] As noon approached, our rivals were saving through their houses. But now, my ingenious cable solution will put us back in the running. Here we go.

Speaker A

Oh, it's so close. Yes. Yes. But despite this success, let's not forget we still had Jeremy on our side.

Speaker A

I've lost control completely. Now, in the spirit of teamwork, I decided to clear up his rubbish while Hammond set about finishing off my house. Right, I'm going to give this to beans. Let's not mess about here. In we go.

Speaker A

Oh, the roof came open. I didn't expect that. Hammond, what's happened here, mate, is you are now the foundations of the house. Uh uh I think I might be a bit stuck. Well, hang on, Hammond. I'm coming. Where are you going?

Speaker A

Oh dear. That felt nasty. What happened then? James crashed into the corner of the house and now basically you've got a whole house on your head. Engine running.

Speaker A

May then winched Hammond's tank out. But Hammond himself was still trapped inside. Happily though, because I'd finally housraed my machine. Yes, good digger. I was able to mount a rescue. Bad digger.

Speaker A

I've scratched my tank. By now, the professionals had pulled out an enormous lead. So, to try and catch up, I decided to dig even deeper into the militant toy box.

Speaker A

Guys, what, what on earth is that? I'll put some explosives in the house. You might want to stand back because I'm now going to do the long walk.

Speaker A

Is that the suit or his piles that's making him more like that? Fire in the hole.

Speaker A

You've only blown the bloody door off. After that failure, we decided just to use our machines as battering rams. Come on, let's just get this job done.

Speaker A

Not going to use the rotator. It's just too perilous. That's hell fire. Finally, we were really getting somewhere. Attack. [Music] Oh, no. No. Oh my God. The professionals had finished. They had knocked everything down. Whereas we sort of

Speaker A

hadn't. Why don't we present them with a prize? Okay. Yeah. Standing just there. Yes. Yeah, that's a good idea. And then give them a really loud round of applause. A thunderous well done. Well, throw the thing over.

Speaker A

40 years ago, car makers could sell you something much smaller. The original Mini, for example, or the bubble car. But even these aren't small. Not rea

Speaker A

hadn't. Why don't we present them with a prize? Okay. Yeah. Standing just there. Yes. Yeah, that's a good idea. And then give them a really loud round of applause. A thunderous well done. Well, throw the thing over.

Speaker A

40 years ago, car makers could sell you something much smaller. the original Mini, for example, or the bubble car. But even these aren't small. Not really. Not compared to this, the Peele P50. That is 54 in long and 41 in wide. It is listed in the Guinness Book of Records

Speaker A

as the smallest production car ever. And what I'm sure you're expecting me to do now is introduce Richard Hammond. But what I'm actually going to do is drive it to work. All um 6'5 of me.

Speaker A

No, that's not going to work. I'll have to Hang on. Leg. Yes. Leg first and then Yes.

Speaker A

Built on the aisle of man in the early60s, the P50 was said to be almost cheaper than walking, cost £198, and did 100 miles to the gallon.

Speaker A

It sounds perfect then for the roads of today. Of course, there are one or two drawbacks. Can't imagine, for instance, that it's terribly safe. Not when your knees are the crumple zones, and nor is it very fast. What I've got down here by my right knee

Speaker A

in the cabin making an awful lot of noise and generating quite a bit of heat is the 49cc engine from a moped. top speed rather depends on how big you are and um actually how much you had for breakfast. But realistically, even the skinniest,

Speaker A

shortest chap with the whitest of teeth will struggle to get past 35. [Music] There's something else I've just thought of as well. I have to pay congestion charge in this in this part of London, but the camera crew in the Lexus 4x4 don't because it's

Speaker A

a hybrid. How fair is that? It's not like I'm creating any pollution at all.

Speaker A

The peel van is not only a handy way of getting to work, but it's also pretty practical when you get there. [Music] Normally the BBC make you um more up in an underground car park where the bays are only big enough for ethnic

Speaker A

peace bicycles and fair trade g whizes. But because this is smaller than an ethnic peace bicycle, I don't have to worry about parking at all.

Speaker A

[Music] The great thing about a car this small is that it's very light, which means that when you get to work, you just pick it up and carry it inside. [Music] Morning. In the Top Gear office, the team were keen to know more about the

Speaker A

P50. I give you the future young men and women. PLP50. I think it's 4 and a half horsepower. You know those little tights cars that all kids have got? That's exactly the same. One door. I have never seen the Top Gear team so enthusiastic

Speaker A

about any car. Lads, I put a Kernig down in the car park. Oh, right. Got a new Ferrari down there. Not interested. This even John Humphre dropped by for a look.

Speaker A

Hammond. No. Well, can't you just clean them? Really? 4,000 to whiten them? 4,000 quid? You white?

Speaker A

No. Well, I'll stick with the yellow ones. Okay, take care. Bye. Who's got the car?

Speaker A

Who's stolen the car? got the power under this bonnet. It's impressive. Oh, Clark, when you met your man here, mate, please don't just steal our things. Do you mind? Thanks very much indeed. Jolly nice of you.

Speaker A

Soon, I was summoned to an important BBC meeting. Most of the people going would be walking, but I was running late and decided to use the car. [Music] Doors closing. [Music] Fourth floor. Fiona Bruce is standing here, the news readader.

Speaker A

ground floor. Sorry, Fiona, could you give me a push? A push out, please. Cuz it's got no reverse gear. So, uh Oh, thank you. All right. You'll be all right now. No, this is fine. Thanks. She has got quite a nice bottom.

Speaker A

I said that out loud, didn't I? After a short drive, I arrived at BBC Television Center.

Speaker A

Unfortunately though, this is the most complicated building in the world. [Music] I mean, I've worked at the BBC for 20 years and I still don't know where I'm going. Tomorrow's World was cancelled, not because the program wasn't interesting anymore. It was simply because Judith Han was lost in here. You

Speaker A

remember John Notes, Peter Pur, and Blue Peter? They're in here somewhere. Lost. Hello. Can anyone help? Thanks. Which department's this? I'm really lost now.

Speaker A

Companies have held talks with government ministers about how to handle the number of claims that have resulted from last month's floods. The total bill is estimated at about 1.5 billion pounds. Mark Simpson. Sorry. Sorry everyone. Sorry. Eventually though, I made it to the top level BBC seminar.

Speaker A

I believe we've already made significant inroads into the implementation of an open and inclusive policy for the ethnosentrically homogeneous objectives of this department. But I'd like to say that climate change is the biggest threat ever to face the peoples of this world and minimizing our carbon

Speaker A

footprint through the functional usage is a key responsibility of anyone who uses a photocopier. I hope that in this session we can discuss and address.

Speaker A

Sadly the meeting went on for so long that there was no time left in the day for any program making policy for the ethnosentrically. So I headed home of the I really do think that today I have seen the future and it comes from 1963.

Speaker A

This PLP50 really is absolutely brilliant. If it had a reverse gear, I would describe it as the absolute ultimate really of um personal mobility. Can't It That's Der Mo. Hey, it is Moan. Moan. Oh thanks. Thanks for that. Sorry. [Music]

Speaker A

I began on the track and having determined very quickly that the P45 was exquisite in every way, I took it onto the public highway. Now, I should make it plain. This is the base L model that I'm driving now, but there are some optional extra Nothing wrong. Edit that out.

Speaker A

There is, for instance, the deluxe wash option, which costs just $1.99. Good. And also for just £500, this does come with satellite navigation.

Speaker A

There's the satnav. You see, you just hold it up and see where you're going.

Speaker A

The P45 is designed to deal with all eventualities. I'm relaxed. So, I decided to join the main road. Yes. Look at this. Look at this. Very brilliant.

Speaker A

Oh my god. If you're watching this in the edit, make sure that doesn't go on television. I want people thinking it's a death trap. It happened again. Let me edit that out as well. believe how quiet the roads are this morning. I'm barely seeing any traffic at all.

Speaker A

As I neared Guilford, I did find a jam, but this was no problem for the super narrow P45.

Speaker A

The speed machine is coming through. Go. I'm going wrong. [Applause] Oh yes, this is incredible. Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing the birth of the future.

Speaker A

I'm just staggered that Ford, General Motors, Toyota, all the automotive giants haven't thought to make a car like this. And yet a pokey little uh motoring show on BB.

Speaker A

[Music] This is the way to drive the P45. I've just decided with your face already on the windscreen. Then it can't sort of smash into it. So for local commuting, my car is faultless. But what if you want to go further a field? Well, to find out, I

Speaker A

pulled into a petrol station and without even getting out, I brimmed its tank. Good.

Speaker A

Damn. I only have a 1.7 L fuel tank, but the minimum delivery here is 2 L.

Speaker A

Discreetly, I squirted the difference into a bin. See? Then I fired up the two-stroke 100cc engine and set off to London. Technically, I'm legally allowed to drive the P45 on motorways and dual carriageways. Um, so to see how it gets

Speaker A

on, I'm about to join the fearsome A3. Here we go. Oh, I've never been frightened of a such a big ass before and it just was man. Oh, I got to I got to weave up. Oh. Oh yes. Help me. Help. Help. How fast is that now? 34. Lor.

Speaker A

Oh, a lot of poo. Shut out then. So, while this may be completely legal, it's also completely terrifying. However, the advantage of a car this small is that you don't have to take it on dual carriageways. [Music] In fact, you don't have to use the main roads at all. [Music]

Speaker A

What you do instead is you drive it to the railway station, but instead of leaving it in the car park to be vandalized and stolen, you take it on the train with you.

Speaker A

Now, I will be honest, none of the train companies we contacted would play ball, so I'm using the coach instead. Coach is good. Coach is better than a train.

Speaker A

fewer diseases on a coach. And of course, when you get to the big city, you don't have to use the tube or the bus because you have your car with you.

Speaker A

Ah. Oh dear. Ah. Ju just cut the cameras in London. I went for a little drive. Yes, all sorts of hand signals available and go if I want to go left, right, somebody annoys me.

Speaker A

And then I went shopping and with the P45 there's no need to pay. always waste time looking for a parking space. Oh dear. Now, of course, a PLP50 also fits in a lift, but because it has no reverse gear, you can't back it out again unless

Speaker A

there's a a news reader to hand. This though does have a reverse gear. So, here we go.

Speaker A

[Music] Now, I know what you're thinking. There's no way you'd be allowed to drive around here with a two-stroke engine, belching fumes into the faces of all the baby children. But here's the thing. You see, the P45 is a hybrid. So, when you

Speaker A

come inside, you can disconnect the petrol engine and connect up a couple of electric motors.

Speaker A

very simple job. You simply take off a wheel, connect a freewheeling hub. Um, I mean, it takes a couple of guys minutes.

Speaker A

There are a couple of drawbacks. Uh, number one, the top speed is now 3 m an hour. And number two, the batteries will only last an hour. But I'm a man and I can't think of any shopping expedition that could possibly take longer than that.

Speaker A

Shoes. I've got some. I don't need any of those. I've got a chair. There's nothing I want to buy. Eventually, I bought a present for James. And then I decided to find out just how quiet my car is in electric mode. So I took it here.

Speaker A

This is extraordinary. Nobody's looking up. Nobody's noticing me. The only trouble is that libraries are more interesting than shopping centers.

Speaker A

Wa. The history of Germany. Can't be that bit just to say we lost a lot.

Speaker A

An hour simply flew by. Get out of the way student. And soon the batteries were flat. Oh no.

Speaker A

Now if this were a peeled P50, I could simply pick it up and carry it out. But I'm afraid the P45 is a bit heavier. But a lot heavier. Weighs a ton.

Speaker A

There's only one thing for it. This is so embarrassing. Sorry. Sorry everybody. I'm so sorry. Really? I'm so sorry. That night I was due to go to a show. Oh yes. stupid idiot. And as I was running late, I decided to take a shortcut. Look here.

Speaker A

Cyclists not allowed. Good. I'm not a cyclist. So, here I come. Hello. Posing boot.

Speaker A

Come on. Quickly, little I'm really sorry. Soon I was in the West End and nearing the theater. [Music] This is the joy of a P45. Everything is a drive-thru. Hello. Um, one, please. Thank you very much.

Speaker A

Oh, [Music] there you go. [Applause] The show was ace. [Music] However, my seating arrangements were a bit cramped.

Speaker A

Oh, [ __ ] hell. Oh no. Crap. Crap. [Music] Space is a neverending racetrack. The thermal shock region on the prow of our solar system, for example, is screaming through the heavens at 490,000 mph. Earth is hurtling around the sun at 67,000 mph.

Speaker A

God, it seems, is a complete speed freak. And this is what I'm pitting against him. The new Jaguar XJ.

Speaker A

And already there's a problem because which one do I take? The supercharged V8 is fast and exciting but thirsty. The diesel could do the journey easily on less than half a tank. and not having to fill up will save time. In the end though, it was a simple

Speaker A

decision. I went for the fast one. Stopwatch sat. This is it then for your Sunday night delation. A big jag versus God.

Speaker A

It's like songs of praise with a supercharger. At 9:36, the sun sank below the horizon and the race was on. Here we go. Now, that is what the mysterious uh sunset green flash is all about. Obviously, it's God's starting light. He wants to

Speaker A

race us. He likes racing. Okay, here are my issues. The sun will rise over East Anglia at 4:30 in the morning. That gives me 6 hours and 54 minutes to do 432 mi.

Speaker A

That means averaging averaging 62 m an hour. At this stage, Dawn still had 4,200 mi to go before it reached Loweristo, but it was doing a massive 610 m anph.

Speaker A

One hold up, one red light. God wins. And already he was playing dirty. Get out of the way.

Speaker A

They've all been to watch the sunset at Land's End and now going back to the hotel.

Speaker A

Oh, this is bad. 30 m an hour. Half what I need to be doing. But then the road straightened out and the jag pounced. Ready over.

Speaker A

Holy cow. This thing is fast. But then it kind of would be because the supercharged V8 that's holding me along produces more power and more torque than the 6 L V12 in an Aston Martin Rapid w it's unhinged performance. That's what this is.

Speaker A

I am going to thrash God. But then he enlisted the services of an unusual ally. The devil's work.

Speaker A

Bezy Bub's cones went on for miles and my average speed collapsed. I'm in Cornwall doing 50 because of average speed cameras to protect the workforce who aren't here. And the sun has already risen in Sydney. God was winning.

Speaker A

which meant that when the road works finished, I needed to get my foot down. Yes. Make it so.

Speaker A

This is a quick car, but there's a bit more to it than raw speed.

Speaker A

Sitting in an old Jag, even the last one, was like sitting in a country pub.

Speaker A

You were cramped. You were beams you half expected to be steering with a wagon wheel. This though with the blue lighting around the vents and the blue glow in the door pockets. They've even lined this cubby hole and the glove box

Speaker A

as you can see with purple velvet. That's like lifting up the queen's skirt and finding she's wearing a thong. Love these. stroke the lights to make them come on or off.

Speaker A

There are other thoughtful touches, too. Oh, yeah. It's hard. Oh, yeah. Lower. Lower. There. There. There. Yes. As I'm sure you realized, that's the seat massager at work. It's like kneading me and all that in the seat.

Speaker A

Then there's the stereo system. In the last Jag, you got a gramophone with a dog sitting on it. But in this, I've got 1,200 W and it will play anything. Any anything.

Speaker A

Uh you just you push you push that. Um um by the time I realized I didn't understand iPod connectivity, the sun was over Thailand, and I was facing a decision made by thousands of holiday makers every summer. M5 and M4 or A303 pass Stonehenge.

Speaker A

The motorway is 20 mi further, but probably better for fuel consumption. But the A303 is more fun in a car like this. Yeah, A303 it is. This was a good call.

Speaker A

There's a whiff of NASCAR about this car. And now I'm going to give it a bit more because I'm going to engage dynamic mode. Look, the dials glow red.

Speaker A

What this does is firms everything up. Gives you more punch. Also, because the XJ is made entirely from aluminium, it's much lighter than any other big car. It feels like a sports car.

Speaker A

On good roads like these, it's not far short of a masterpiece. The Jag set about chewing up the miles.

Speaker A

[Music] Druids. By 145, I figured I was in the lead, but I'd reach the M3, which was boring. So, I decided to let the car drive itself. Right. Cruise control on. Very good system this. Set the speed at 70. And the road ahead is scanned by microwaves.

Speaker A

I'm going to hook on now to the back of our camera car. There we go. So now if he speeds up, I speed up. If he slows down, I slow down. I don't have to do anything.

Speaker A

And I can even choose what sort of distance I want to follow it at. There's the uh safe distance there. Right down to the full Audi. Yes, there we are. That's the Audi following distance. [Music] It was now late. The motorway was

Speaker A

monotonous and my thoughts turned to the business of staying sharp. Production team, as usual, has provided me with a CD to keep me awake on this long and difficult and perilous voyage. But it was while working at Radio

Speaker A

Lancaster that I experienced a revelation. I took over as producer and presenter of the weekend midm morning shows. I reported on roadblocks, barn breakouts, carol concerts, jumble sales. Hammond's adventures in local radio weren't helping. Record-breaking attempts and sponsored swims. But soon something else did.

Speaker A

Fuel warning light is on. I'm only on the M25. No, [Applause] a splash and dash pit stop cost precious moments. Here we go. And then Bezub decided to cost me even more. No no no. This is exactly the sort of holdup I can

Speaker A

do without. Is anyone going to be working on them? I mean, really. So you have to drive along at 50 mph glaring at your speedometer, not looking at the road ahead. That's very dangerous. I mean, it raises money for the government

Speaker A

obviously, but it's very dangerous. By the time the road works finished, God was back in the lead. He was now just over an hour from Lowisto.

Speaker A

Okay, 65 miles to go. And I would say that the inky blackness of night has become sort of royal blue. I suppose the sun will be early, will it? Can it do that?

Speaker A

There is a smudge in the sky. A big one. The mother of fire, it seems, is coming back. That is daylight.

Speaker A

I have 39 minutes. There were still 34 miles to go, but win or lose, I was glad I'd done this race in the Jack. An S-Class may be a comparable limo to this, but an S-Class doesn't go and stop and steer anything like as well as this. If you're a keen driver,

Speaker A

this is the only big car you can have. The sun was now over Amsterdam and would appear in Suffukk in just 12 minutes. Come on. Come on. 4.9 miles. [Music] Right. Where am I going? Where is England's most easterly spot?

Speaker A

Come on, I'm lost. No red light now. [Music] Come on. This is it. [Music] [Laughter] [Music] Not exactly. Alaska is it? Still, it provided us with an ideal opportunity to test a new estate version of Jaguar's X-Type. So, why is an estate car so important in

Speaker A

the snow? Well, in the olden days, they used to let you go out there with nothing more than a jumper and a shovel. But these days, the health and safety people say you need rather more than that if you're going to deal with these

Speaker A

treacherous conditions. They say that you should take a tow rope obviously, uh, a rag to tie to your aerial in case you get covered by a drift, a torch, some warm clothing, um, carpet to put under the tires if you get, uh, stuck,

Speaker A

uh, mobile phone charger, first aid kit, obviously plenty of water. Good. Um, um, that's what they say. But I think you'd probably go further without being stupid. Um, Andy McNab, for instance, he'd be a good idea. It doesn't have to

Speaker A

be Andy McNab himself. Anyone from the uh from the SAS will do. Anyone with a knowledge of how to build a rudimentary shelter and uh drink their own weed. Ray Mir, he'd do. Um, thermos stove for cooking. Uh, some kindling. Food. I've got a lot. Soup, curry,

Speaker A

chocolate, and some skis would be a good plan. spare fuel. Sorry, mate. Put the shovel on you. And the hip flask. So, with a pile that size, it's a good job that the X-Type Estate has a bigger boot than the BMW 3 series estate, the Audi

Speaker A

A4 Estate, and the Mercedes C-Class Estate. Underneath the X-Type is actually a Ford Mondo, but don't let that put you off.

Speaker A

Genetically, you are 98% identical to a Halibet, but it's the 2% that makes the difference. And it's the same story in here. Look at all this wood and leather and equipment. It feels very Jaguarish. Prices start at a very unjuru-ish

Speaker A

£21,000, but for that you'd get a small engine or a diesel and front-wheel drive.

Speaker A

This version, however, costs £26,000, and that's cuz it has a 2 1/2 L V6 and more importantly, four-wheel drive. Now, we know that when the weather's like this, four-wheel drive works well on big off-roaders with their chunky tires.

Speaker A

And we know that ordinary cars don't work at all. So, where does the Jag fit in? The thing is, this is an ordinary car with ordinary road tires. Just happens to have four-wheel drive. So, how does this one cope? Well, the simple answer is very well.

Speaker A

It didn't get stuck once all day. It laughed in the face of the weathermen and the police and the AA with their advice to stay at home. And I'm not surprised by this.

Speaker A

Once many, many, many years ago, I actually drove an X-Type saloon down a ski slope. And coming up now is some footage of it.

Speaker A

The Jag may have a very rudimentary four-wheel drive system. There are no torque sensing diffs and no active yaw control. It doesn't even have particularly high ground clearance. It's just a car. But even so, I made it down the mountain.

Speaker A

[Music] We know it works on snow and ice, but better still, it keeps on working on roads like this. Roads that have been gritted. If I were to drive down here in a BMW 3 series estate with rearwheel drive, I'd need a nappy. But in this, I feel

Speaker A

relaxed. But none of those hearts stopping moments where the wheels hit the slush, you know, when it all suddenly goes twitchy. It doesn't. It just tracks straight and true. Honestly, I could be driving along this road at nearly 60 mph doing a little light embroidery to pass the time.

Speaker A

In the advertisements for this car, Jaguar suggests it would be an ideal tool for your family skiing holiday. But if you have one of these, you don't need to go to the Alps.

Speaker A

[Music] Eat your heart out, Valdesair. And welcome to Valda Chipping Norton. This is the best ski lift I've ever been on. Morning. You well? You well?

Speaker A

Yeah. No, having a good day. And this is the great thing, you see, is I can adjust the speed of my lift by shouting at the driver, faster.

Speaker A

Yes. Oh yes. Oh yes. Okay, that'll do. Thank you. Nice speed. Okay. And stop Jariv at the top. Now ski back down again. No poles, but hey. [Music] I need a bit more gravity.

Speaker A

This is what you'll have in mind. The open road tearing through the countryside, the wind in your helmet. You and the machine in perfect harmony.

Speaker A

It is an appealing concept. The reality, however, is somewhat different because, let's be honest, you're middle-aged, so you'll have a bit of a gut, and that'll look ridiculous in your leather romper suit. What's more, you're almost certainly going to crash.

Speaker A

So, someone who you perhaps don't like very much will end up with your eyes.

Speaker A

Don't worry, though, because I think I have a solution. This is the Atom from a small Somerset company called Aerial. And when I say small, it only has seven employees.

Speaker A

What they've created though is stunning. I think this is one of the most beautiful cars in the world. Partly because it's so elegant and partly because it's such a wonderful piece of engineering. Using the chassis as a kind of

Speaker A

exoskeleton is just inspired. [Music] Prices start at under £20,000. And for that, you get indicators, lights, a tax disc, and that's about it. Not only don't you get a windscreen, there isn't even any body work. There really are very few components.

Speaker A

And the lovely thing is is that as you drive along, you can see them all doing their jobs. Look, there's the steering and there's the suspension. It's brilliant.

Speaker A

Now, at this point, you're probably thinking the Atom is a bit of a laugh, a bit of a gadget, a bit of a toy. But you'd be wrong. Very wrong.

Speaker A

You see, the engine is lifted from a Honda Civic Type R. And then for that little extra something, it's supercharged, so it develops 300 brake horsepower. And because the Atom only weighs 500 kg, it means you're getting 600 brake horsepower per ton. And that's more than you get from a Ferrari Enzo.

Speaker A

So stick that in your sports exhaust, Mr. Kawasaki. [Music] This car goes like nothing you can possibly imagine. If you can change gear fast enough, it'll do naugh to 60 in 2.9 seconds.

Speaker A

The Atom is fast on an entirely new level. I have never ever driven anything that accelerates so fast. It's so quick it can destroy your entire face. Oh my god.

Speaker A

[Music] That is unbelievable speed. I am an alien. Either that or I'm John Merrick. [Music] In the corners, it stopped bending my face and used massive gforces to tear it off.

Speaker A

The amazing thing is is that you never ever you never miss an apex because you can see where the wheel hits the road. And because there's no weight to pull you out of line, you hit everyone every single time. [Applause] If anything, this car is even more

Speaker A

impressive in the bends than it is in a straight line. Anyone who wants to know How a car should behave should drive one of these.

Speaker A

This is driving nana. You can forget anything you've ever driven. Anything. There is no car.

Speaker A

Nothing on four wheels is as fast as this. Nothing. But what about two wheels? Is it possible that the Atom could be faster round our track than a motorbike?

Speaker A

Well, to find out, we've lined it up against the Honda CBR 600RR. [Music] Off the line, the bike is a tiny bit faster, but under braking for the first corner, the Atom slid past. And then it really was a case of goodbye, Mr. Bond.

Speaker A

Through the bend, the bike never stood a chance. and even down the long back straight up to 120 mph. It couldn't keep up. [Music] By the time we cross the line, the gap had widened to a massive 4 seconds.

Speaker A

Over the years, I've flown F-15 fighters and done power slides in airboats and stra the desert from helicopter gunships, but for sheer excitement, this thing is off the scale.

Speaker A

Even so, there will still be those who say that no car, no matter how fast it is, can ever be as exciting as a big bike. Oh, please. I mean, I don't have to wear a helmet in here, which means my epiglotus is full of bees, and there's so much wildlife in

Speaker A

my hair. You could film an episode of Badger Watch in there. And once more, this is the engine air intake. It's sucking air in here and I can feel it.

Speaker A

There's a pressure difference in my ear. It feels like my brains are being sucked out.

Speaker A

Not as exciting as a bike. Yeah, right. I've come to Detroit, which in my defense is not exactly Sandra Pay.

Speaker A

God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Bezub popped up and did this place.

Speaker A

[Music] Back in the 60s, Detroit was the home of Mottown and Motor City. But the riots of 67 left it a deserted and shattered shell. So, I haven't come here for a holiday.

Speaker A

I've come here for something even better. This is the new Ford GT. It's the first proper supercar ever made in America. It was built to celebrate Ford's 100th birthday, but there's a lot more to it than that.

Speaker A

Over the years, there have been a couple of attempts to try and rekindle the GT40 Magic. There was the GT70, which I bought. Here it is. Look, doors open and everything. Fantastic.

Speaker A

And then in 1995, there was the GT90. I actually drove this and it was horrid. Had a top speed of 40 and it handled like it was in a cartoon. Ford realized that the only way forwards was to go backwards. [Music]

Speaker A

This is the result. It looks almost identical to the old GT40. Although because this one was built in America, it is bigger than the one built in Britain. Longer, wider, and taller, but still just as good-looking. This car shows that the desolate and

Speaker A

smashed city of Detroit, one of the most dangerous places on Earth, is not quite dead.

Speaker A

It's still coughing up blood and guts. [Music] Don't think, however, that this is just some evolutionary throwback. Ford wanted it to be much more than a pretty face. They wanted it to handle like a Lotus Elise, sound like a Honda NSX, shock like a Lamborghini Diablo, and go like a Ferrari 360.

Speaker A

Now, on that last front, the speed thing, I think they may have overdone it. [Music] You see, it offers up 500 brake horsepower. And that's 100 more than you get from a 360, and you get twice the torque, over twice the rev range. So,

Speaker A

with its top speed of 200 mph, this thing once again will blow Ferrari into the middle of next week.

Speaker A

Obviously, you don't get the sense that the engine was made by craftsmen using techniques passed from father to son over the generations because of course it wasn't.

Speaker A

Actually, the 5.4 L supercharged V8 is lifted out of one of Ford's pickup trucks.

Speaker A

This then is a blue collar car with a blue collar punch. It's a workingass hero.

Speaker A

Let's go hunting for aristocrats. Shout them to death. Of course, Americans have never had a problem making stuff go fast in a straight line. The space shuttle, the Corvette, the Boeing 747, and so on.

Speaker A

But they have never, and I've checked this out with all the experts, they've never made a car that can go around corners properly until now. [Music] The ride comfort's a bit shabby, but as far as handling and grip are concerned, it is epic.

Speaker A

So, it goes fast, handles well, looks astonishing, and we haven't even got to the second best thing about it yet.

Speaker A

The clutch is so light, even someone from a Lowry painting could press it. The steering's light, the gearbox is light, I've got air conditioning, I've got a stereo, I've got electric windows, I've got central locking, and yet none

Speaker A

of the essence of the GT40 has been lost. Look at these doors, for instance.

Speaker A

They still cut into the roof. And just like on the old car, you can see the engine through the back window. Mind you, not as well as if you open up the clamshell.

Speaker A

Oh, look at that. Look at it. Makes me feel six years old all over again. In fact, I think I've just wet myself. Amazingly then, Ford seems to have done it. The GT does handle like a Lotus. It does shock like a Lambo, and it goes

Speaker A

harder and faster than a Ferrari. And now we get to the best thing about it. It's priced like a Ford.

Speaker A

Even though it'll only be built in tiny numbers, it's going to be less than $100,000.

Speaker A

That's 8,000 less than the Ferrari and 17,000 less than the Lamborghini Gallardo. I love this thing. I love it even more than I thought I was going to feel that power. [Music] I love it mostly though because it takes you back to a time when Detroit was

Speaker A

humming to the petrol head rhythm of the Mottown sound. A time when the Temptations provided the desk ant and the factories were on base. A time when the street echoed to the sound of dancing and the roar of last chance heroes in their V8 muscle cars

Speaker A

racing between the lights. [Music] I have always wanted to do this. [Music] This is what they've come up with. The Range Rover Sport.

Speaker A

They say that making it was a challenge. And I'm not surprised because things which are tall are not sporty. I know this. [Music] Even so, this new car goes from naugh to 60 in 7 seconds. And it has so much power that the top speed has had to be pegged at 140 to

Speaker A

stop the tires bursting. And what's more, Land Rovers say it's not just fast in a straight line. They say that thanks to some fancy new anti-roll bars, it can also handle the bends. They're right. It does. The steering's

Speaker A

sharp. The brakes are massive. It doesn't roll too much. Bump and then a bend. And it just takes it all in its stride. Aren't any It's very, very good. This It's really very, very, very good. I'd say it was even more nimble than a

Speaker A

Porsche Cayenne Turbo and more comfortable and more economical. probably do 12 miles to the gallon if you're careful. And then there's the driving position.

Speaker A

See, in a normal off-road car, you sit up high and you have to kind of reach down to operate everything. But in this, I'm still sitting high up, but they've raised the center console and the whole dashboard. So, I feel cocooned

Speaker A

like I'm in the cockpit of a fighter bomber. We're now cruising at 35,000 ft, which we are.

Speaker A

So quite an achievement then turning a mudplugging Range Rover into a growling nighthawk mud mover.

Speaker A

Except they haven't because this isn't a Range Rover. I know it looks like a Range Rover, but the Sport is 5 in shorter and lower. The two cars don't share a single piece of bodywork. And it's the same story underneath. The chassis is from the new

Speaker A

Discovery. The brakes are from Brembo. The supercharged 4.2 L V8 engine is from Jaguar. And so is the steering. And it uses the same sort of suspension components as a Porsche 911.

Speaker A

Sounds great. But there are some drawbacks. If that pulled up outside your house, you'd think, "Oh no, a drug dealer is here." And then there are some of the details. I mean, the radiator grill, for example, looks like the sort of towel

Speaker A

rail that would be bought by the left back for Cheshire United. Nearly you've got this black stuff here around the bottom of the window. I know why they've done it to cover up the fact the dashboard's been raised, but it's ugly.

Speaker A

And so are the side skirts. But the worst thing, the worst thing of all is the tailgate. Because on a proper Range Rover, it splits like that. On this one, you can either open the rear window for no reason that I can think of or you can open the whole tailgate.

Speaker A

Fine. But you're at a point to point. Okay. Without a flappy bit down here, where do you sit?

Speaker A

Of course, the Sport is cheaper than a proper Range Rover. You can have one with a turbo diesel V6 for £34,000, which is almost cheaper than a horse.

Speaker A

But I'm sorry, you can't have this car with a diesel engine. Be like saying, "Well, I won't go to String Fellows tonight. I'll get my mom to give me a lap and dance. She's a woman." Yeah but you have to have this £59,000

Speaker A

supercharged V8 because taste and tailgate aside, it really does seem to have all the bases covered. It's a high- riding Fatboy hot hatch, a satellite guided stereo with 20-in rim. It's also a 140 mph mobile phone. It's a

Speaker A

living room. It's got a fridge. And I'm fairly sure that somewhere in here there's a tool for getting the stones out of horses hooves. It seems to do everything. But does it?

Speaker A

Because it now has sport steering and sport suspension and a sporty spoiler at the front. Does it mean it no longer works off-road? Well, to find out, we've devised a little test.

Speaker A

[Applause] This is a Challenger 2 tank. It has a 12cylinder diesel engine which produces 1,200 horsepower. And that's enough for a top speed of nearly 40 mph.

Speaker A

Not bad for something which weighs 62 tons. The thing I'm most interested in though is the big gun, which as you can see is rifled for greater accuracy. Not like those smooth boore American ones that just hit something over there. It fires a sloggers board of ammunition. Chief

Speaker A

among which really you've got high explosive rounds which hit the target blow to pieces or the depleted uranium rounds which penetrate the armor on the target and give everyone inside two heads. The idea is that I've got to drive the

Speaker A

Range Rover Sport from here. Okay. To those woods over there. And you've got to see if you can get your gun pointed at me in such a way that if you push the fire button, I'd be history. Who's the gunner? Who's the one that You're the

Speaker A

gunner? Yep. Engaging. I'll be keeping you in my sight. Trying. You'll be trying. I will be.

Speaker A

Sorry. How old are you? Me. 26. 26. Thinks he knows everything. Just watch this. Watch this. [Music] So, here we are on the start line. Goliath and David Beckham. I have a cunning plan. You see, they'll be expecting me to go forwards because

Speaker A

that's where the destination is. Ready. 3 2 1. Now. Now. Now, now. God, that barrel turns quickly, but not quickly enough. and straight into the woods. Overseers.

Speaker A

I've read enough war comics to know that tanks can't go in woods. Halt cuz they can't move their barrel around. I'm light. I'm nimble. I'm agile. Oh sorry.

Speaker A

What I hadn't read, though, was the war comic featuring the challenger's secret weapon. Flesh smoke.

Speaker A

[Music] What in the name of all that's holy is brewing? He's making smoke. I can't see. I can't see anything. Keep tracking. Pick him up. Pick him up. Pick him up. Pick him up. If I don't get going soon, my big hot supercharger will be a red glow on his thermal imaging

Speaker A

camera. I was stuck in the woods being turned into a kipper. So, I decided to deploy the car's tire bursting speed. And away we go. Punch. Over rough ground. The Challenger 2 is the fastest tank in the world. Now I'm doing 40 mph. The tank can go that fast, though.

Speaker A

Oh no. I seem to have brought Puff Daddy's car to the song. This is where I've had it. You can't drive an off-road car, not even one as good as this, over this kind of surface fast. And you can with a tank. Speed

Speaker A

wasn't working. I couldn't break free from that gun. Okay, mate. Watch your hard cover.

Speaker A

Right. I need some cover now. What are you going to do? Cuz I can outturn you, sunshine.

Speaker A

Right. He's going around the s little. Now you see what I've done brilliantly is hidden behind these bushes. So I'm fully protected from the high explosive round by the branches. Get out of the corner. Get out of the corner. But then

Speaker A

it dawned on me that the branches might not actually stop the shell. Look at this. Watch what I can do here. Sneak behind him. He doesn't know. Yes.

Speaker A

Stumped by my agility. And I'm making smoke. Oh, yes. In seconds though, he was back on my tail.

Speaker A

Got to say, I know it's not the most important thing at the moment, but some of the ride comfort has been lost by turning the Range Rover into a sport model.

Speaker A

There was no way I could survive in open ground. I've got him. I've got him.

Speaker A

Okay, native. Need him. Fire. Missed him. Because that turret can do a full rotation in 9 seconds.

Speaker A

So, my last chance was to try some serious off-roading. If I can get down to the bottom of this ridge here, he won't be able to he won't be able to come down. Oh, I've got a bit neutral. I want that on low range. Come on, hurry up.

Speaker A

He can't follow me down here. And when I'm at the bottom, his gun won't go low enough to be able to get me. He's just coming there. Creep down. Creep down. Creep down.

Speaker A

So if I back up again. Don't let me down now. Do not let me down now. Holistic horic. Be good off road. Kick around. Knee. Kick around. Kick around. Power. Be a good off-road car. You are. Oh yes.

Speaker A

I have to say I really was expecting this to be useless off-road and it just isn't. That bought me some more time, but not much. This really is just a battle of of range. Who runs out of fuel first? And that's a bad plan because I suspect it's going to be me.

Speaker A

You can't get away from it. It is really a very, very good off-road car. This it really is. But if you're planning on invading another country, use a tank. Come on here now. [Music] Fire. Target. Target stopped. One time's class destroyed.

Speaker A

Soon we came to an uphill stretch. So I decided to test my new handbrake.

Speaker A

Simply pop it off the back. Roll it out. Watch this. Roll back. The wooden handbrake is holding me. I simply set off. Here we go. Oh yes.

Speaker A

So there we are. Hill starting solved. Sometimes my genius is it's almost frightening. Well, fair dues. That that works. You do have to tow a log about, but it works. I am a happy man today. Chaps. Yeah. Are we likely to see a gorilla?

Speaker A

I hope we do see a gorilla. Actually, I save my body and say, "Could you do a better job than that?" But look on the bright side, James. It's going to be a scorcher today.

Speaker A

Oh my god. Oh, did that. Oh dear. My handbrake bounced up and has broken my hotel. Oh, you got glass in your duvet. Stupidest idea in history. Jeremy, what? People walk around here barefoot. You got to sweep all this stuff out. We have. But look, God gave us a tool for just

Speaker A

such a moment as this. Would you not agree this is the ideal tool, James, for this job? Yes, hammers do have their uses. I can think of one right now.

Speaker A

The Yeti, 14 ft of check magnificence. It's available with two or four-wheel drive, petrol or diesel engines, and lots of exciting buttons which do many things. This model is a four-wheel drive 1.8 L elegance, which at £22,000 is less

Speaker A

expensive than a 1.7 L two-w wheelel drive Vauxil Astra Estate. And not much more than a Focus.

Speaker A

And there's more room in it than there is in a Focus as well. I mean, look at the headroom. You could have a massive afro. What damage it at all? But is it roomier than a £300,000 Mayback? Well, this is a Mayback and as you can see, it will take four

Speaker A

people in sumptuous comfort. The Yeti can also take four, but if you fold the rear drinks tray away, there's room for five on seats which slide forwards and backwards or fold down or roll over or can be removed altogether to create a van.

Speaker A

The Yeti van is more practical than a Mayback, but is it faster than an Italian supercar?

Speaker A

Well, to find out, we've come to the Donington Motor Racing track where the Yeti will have a one-lap race against a Ferrari 308 GTS.

Speaker A

To ensure there's no bias, I shall be driving the uh the Yeti with my fists of ham and my fingers of butter, while the Ferrari will be driven by his stigmas. [Music] Want a tip? Bet on me.

Speaker A

[Music] Ferrari a little quicker off the line. Does not to 60 in 6.7 seconds. This is 8.7, but that's not bad for a tall riding van. [Applause] Getting its knee down a bit there in the uh corners, but nowhere near as much as you might expect. Four-wheel drive system working now,

Speaker A

sending the power to whichever wheel has the most grip. [Applause] [Music] Eventually, the Ferrari pulled out a bit of a lead, but I've got a sneaking suspicion. Its lead is short-lived. [Applause] I was right in various places. Donington was being rebuilt. So to protect its ln nose and fragile

Speaker A

fatlocks, the Ferrari had to slow right down. Whereas I did not. Look at that. Come on. Gone. He's having to go around the outside. [Applause] The sconer is in the lead.

Speaker A

Ah, and there we are. Proof the Yeti is faster round Donington than a Ferrari 308. [Music] But what about toughness? How well is the interior screwed together?

Speaker A

To find out, I am going to throw this super bouncy ball into the Yeti. And as it pins around, I'm going to invite this enormous excitable dog to uh run in there and retrieve it. No, no, no, no. Not the flies. Getting the flies won't

Speaker A

damage the car in any way. There. Stop chasing flies here. Look, look, look, look. Bouncy ball. Ready and retrieve. Retrieve.

Speaker A

It's okay. Luckily, I have a backup dog. fetch. It's kind of like a mouse in there really. I'm Yeah, it's like a mouse. If I'm honest, this test hadn't been terribly informative. So, I decided to line up another one.

Speaker A

[Music] As we can see, an enormous fire is raging out of control, and the fire brigade has arrived. But their route to the inferno is blocked by the Scoda. So, they're going to have to go through the car itself with their boots and their

Speaker A

hoses and their breathing apparatus. I think if a Yeti can stand up to this, it can certainly stand up to your children's jammy dodges. Go, go, go, men. Quickly go through there. That fire could set fire to literally anything. The whole of Darbish is at

Speaker A

risk here or Leicester or wherever we are. It's at risk. [Music] He's coming out of the window. His enormous boots. [Music] After the terrifying fire had been brought under control, we examined the car and found that not a single thing had broken or come off.

Speaker A

Onward then to the countryside where we find the Yeti has reinforced underside panels to protect vital components such as the brake lines. It also has ABS, EDC, EDB, ASR, EDL, DSR, and crucially ESBS. In short, a lot of acronyms to make sure

Speaker A

that it doesn't run away with you when you're going down a slope or that it doesn't roll backwards when you're attempting to do a hill start.

Speaker A

I meant to do that because now I can demonstrate the HBA. Ready? Here we go.

Speaker A

See, I've got my foot on the clutch, not on the brake, handbrake off, and it won't roll back.

Speaker A

That's Oh, that's impressive. Ooh, yes. And look at this. The um the satnav is tracing my route. So, when I've had enough of driving around in a countryside, I can simply follow the route back to where I started from.

Speaker A

That's clever. But what about comfort? Well, to find out how well the Yeti absorbs the bumps and the bashes, I've stolen an idea from another television program.

Speaker A

What I'm going to do is drive around some countryside while the chap on the left over there sits in the back and gives a tattoo to the chap on the right.

Speaker A

And I'm not talking about some holiday henna drawing that he can rub off when he gets home. I'm talking about a real tattoo. [Music] Right, you may begin. [Music] Whoa. Now, Rob, right? In terms of pain, where are we? Um, I'm on about a six out of 10 now.

Speaker A

Oh, what? This is harder than I thought. Do apologize. Sorry. Let me remind you, Rob is getting a real tattoo here. This is not faked. That you may have gone a bit wrong there.

Speaker A

Up front, I thought the Yeti was doing rather well. Slightly boggy bit here. Sorry. I reckon we could do brain surgery in the back of this car. It's so smooth. I'd possibly agree with you. Eventually, the tattoo was finished. So,

Speaker A

we pulled over to see what it looked like. Is that blood? Is it bleeding?

Speaker A

Yeah. Is it bleeding? That's blood. Now, look at that. I think that's quite good.

Speaker A

I think that's amazing. It does look not brilliant, but it's really not bad at all. It really Well done, mate. I've done worse. No, no, listen, Rob. This I'm afraid we've got some bad news for you because you see there is a second

Speaker A

part to this experiment. Second part? Yeah, second part. See, what we're going to do now to demonstrate just how comfortable this is is put you in the back of another car and then do another clover leaf on your other shoulder and

Speaker A

then we'll see what that looks like. Ready. [Music] You probably think this isn't too bad. Yeah, at the moment. All right. At the moment. What I'm going to do is raise it up now into its off-road setting. And

Speaker A

that does have a quite a profound effect on the, shall we say, ride quality.

Speaker A

O jiggling really quite badly. Oh, I'm so I do apologize. Whoa. There's a lot more pain involved in a rough ride like this. Rob, would you say that? I would say definitely. Yes.

Speaker A

Dab yourself. It actually sounds like we're filing an episode of 24 in here. Does that really hurt? Yeah. Soon it was time to stop and analyze the results.

Speaker A

How does it look? Honestly, honestly not brilliant. So, uh, what we've learned so far is that the Yeti is more comfortable than a Range Rover, more practical than a Mayback, faster than a Ferrari, cheaper than a Vauxhall Astra, and tougher on the inside at least than the Fire Brigade.

Speaker A

But, and this is crucial, a lot of people ask me this, can you get Sienna Miller in the glove box? Well, let's find out. Sienna, are you are you in there? Yeah, you are. And are you comfortable? Very marvelous. Goodbye.

Speaker A

Good mark for the Yeti there. But what about the air conditioning? Rolls-Royce always used to say that the air con they used had the cooling power of 30 domestic fridges. So, can the Yeti beat that?

Speaker A

To find out, I'm going to drive this car through that burning building while holding this ice cream. Now, if it melts and I end up with sticky fingers, the air con's no good. [Music] [Music] [Music] 900° in here. Scientists would call that toasty. And it is. I suppose you can

Speaker A

roast a chicken at 180. I've asked uh on the dial here for 18°. And if we look on this rubbish temperature gauge here, if you can see that, it's 18.7. This is amazing.

Speaker A

Not a dribble. I am actually quite surprised. I thought this would be more uncomfortable than it is.

Speaker A

What this car is is the opposite of a pop-tart. Satisfied that I proved my point about the Yeti, I was going to call it a day at this stage and head back to the studio. But then I had a thought. You see, Roman Abbranovich has probably

Speaker A

been watching this and thinking, "Yes, that is a remarkable car, but could I land my helicopter on it?" Well, let's find out.

Speaker A

Now, I should stress that we have not modified the structure or the suspension or the roof of the car in any way. We've simply added a 100 kg roof rack. And in a minute or so, we're going to be trying to land a 600 kg helicopter on top of it.

Speaker A

700 kg on the roof. Don't look at the helicopter. Just look at the speed. It was crucial that I kept the throttle pedal as steady as a rock. Here he comes. Problem is a car is very quick to respond. One twitch of your foot, that's disastrous

Speaker A

from the helicopter cuz that's very slow to respond. I can feel the car being pushed down now by the blades.

Speaker A

Abort. Abort. He aborted. A million things can go wrong with this and all of them end up with a fireball and me with no head on. Okay, we'll have another go.

Speaker A

Here he comes. [Music] I can hear it. I don't know where it is. It was a lot worse for the pilot though. He cannot see the car when he lands.

Speaker A

He has no reference points. [Music] Is he down? He's down. Ease it down. Not too sharply. I do not want a 150,000b helicopter jerking off and landing on the bonnet.

Speaker A

[Music] Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Scoda Yeti with a helicopter on the roof.

Speaker A

This is the playing field we'd selected. And this is the car I'd be using, an 8-year-old 8,000lb Mitsubishi Evo 7, which had been modified by a previous owner.

Speaker A

On the downside, he'd removed the airbag. But on the upside, he'd upgraded the suspension, toughened the brakes, and fitted variable boost control to the engine.

Speaker A

I've got the boost turned all the way up. So, it's producing 500 brake horsepower. 500.

Speaker A

Top speed is the same as before. It's limited to 155, but it now does not 60 in 3.2 seconds. 3.2.

Speaker A

And of course, because it was born in the world of rallying and has four-wheel drive, it can do this kind of speed, whether it's on tarmac, ice, snow, gravel, or indeed the scrubland of Dorset. [Applause] Here it just comes alive. Turn it. Feel the back end step out. Plant the power.

Speaker A

It's telepathically brilliant. But then it would need to be because I was going up against this lot.

Speaker A

I thought they'd just have a load of crummy Land Rovers that would just fall over every time they went around a corner. Nevertheless, I was still feeling confident. Do you know what an EVO is? You're familiar with it? Yes.

Speaker A

Yes. Car, right? Good on the roads. Good on the road. You going to struggle around here?

Speaker A

Rally tires. Have you seen ours? It's 500 horsepower this thing. You got 500 horsepower. 1500. 1500. I have pencil sharpeners with more than that. When you bottomed out in the bottom of that big hole over there. Yeah. And he cars in

Speaker A

bits with 50, Cal. Yeah. Then we'll see who's laughing. I mean, I love your enthusiasm. I like hope. Hope propels a man. and keep that hope until you find me at the finish line to the other side. I've made it. We'll see. The spearhead of their

Speaker A

miserable and pointless attack would be the Jackal. Designed in a shed in Devon and now used by even the American special forces. It has a 5.9 L diesel engine, so it will do 90 m an hour everywhere. It's clever, too. The petrol tank is covered in a skin that forms a new layer

Speaker A

over bullet holes. And the unders sides are designed to deflect explosions away from the people on top. The idea is that this fast, nimble, go up anything vehicle will hurt me towards this, the mastiff, which apparently is designed not to look frightening in a

Speaker A

war designed to win hearts and minds. Whatever. Uh, and then waiting to pounce will be this, which is a Fiat van. It's called the Panther. And even though it's built by the same company that makes the Panda, it costs just shy of half a million.

Speaker A

Now, the reason why it's so expensive is that it does come with an awful lot of warning stickers and a television. No, look at this. Full 360° Travis accurate to at least 1,000 m. I've got to get one of these for my car. Look at that. That's something you won't

Speaker A

be seeing. It'll just be be a blur. Anyway, thanks chaps. No problem. Best of luck with your ice cream van with a gun on it. This is what scares me the most. It's called the Trojan. Because it's part tank, part bulldozer, it's the king of

Speaker A

wherever it damn well wants to go. Now, you're probably thinking, "This is all very jolly, but how are they actually going to bring me down?" Strong words, rude gestures. This is Top Gear.

Speaker A

They don't mess about. They're going to be using their guns, and they won't be firing blanks either. As a measure of my confidence, the ammunition they're loading is live.

Speaker A

Right. Active center diff. [Music] I've just found a package of these in the center console. So, the previous owner then, he liked to be safe in bed, but he disconnected his airbag.

Speaker A

Hope I haven't been ambitious with this live fire thing. It's just I promised my wife we'd go out for dinner tonight and that'll be difficult if I'm all full of holes. Here we go.

Speaker A

Right. 5 miles to the finish and I needed to build up an early lead. Nether. Oh [ __ ] That was close. Now, right, right, right back, right back. [Music] There's the reminder I'm not going fast enough. I'm doing 70 m an hour and that damn

Speaker A

thing is right up my trumpet. But then the Evo girded its loins. Oh, there's the turbo boost. Live with this. The good thing is at this speed he can't fire his gun. Not without shooting every rambler endorses. This is just fantastic. Condom man

Speaker A

peculiar but god he knew how to set up a car. That is a big lead now. Oh come on. Come on. Come on.

Speaker A

Oh my god. How am I going to get over that? Hide. Hide. When in doubt, go into sneak mode.

Speaker A

There's one there. They can't see me. It looks like they've got themselves a Titan. Basically, a Challenger tank with the turret removed and the machine on top. They can span a 24 m gorge in 90 seconds. So, he's building that so they can get

Speaker A

from one side of the playing field to the other. So, he won't be expecting this. Here we go.

Speaker A

It's a beautiful bridge. Go, go, go. I was now halfway to the finish, but they were back on my tail.

Speaker A

This is a much more exciting way of playing British Bulldogs. Oh my god. And on this rough part of the playing field, I couldn't use the boost to pull away.

Speaker A

I'm being herded. I'm being herded by a jackal. Ah, that's a bad noise. Through the trees. Hide. Trees are bulletproof in my mind. He's up there. He's got the high ground.

Speaker A

Oh, God. Help. Right, time to go. [Music] Lady luck. Then put a minefield between me and them.

Speaker A

If you move up into overwatch over one zero now position out. What are they doing?

Speaker A

They were sending in the Trojan to clear the mines. It's just going straight through.

Speaker A

See that jack there? It's the last person to play British Bulldogs with the army. Wrong car.

Speaker A

Run away. Run away. [Music] I'm starting to think I might not win this now. Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker A

[Music] Oh, this is perfect. I'm coming up behind the Trojan. Oh. What I'm doing now is genius. I'm using the Trojan as a shield. And even if they do see me, there's nothing they can do about it because the gun is on the other side.

Speaker A

What's that noise? What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop it. You're spoiling it. Eventually, he did put me down, but the car was a wreck. And that, it seemed, was that [Applause] grenades at [Music] Hold on. You lost. Well, that's cuz I was up against this lot and a 60tonon

Speaker A

tank. You were up against a letter. Can I just ask about the car? Yeah.

Speaker A

Well, it was ruined. Yes, it was. But there's a very good reason for that. You see, the thing is that car used to belong to a drug dealer and the judge who banged him up said his car had to be destroyed. Okay. And I thought rather

Speaker A

than let the police put it in a crusher, why don't I give it a heroic fighting chance? So the bloke who used to own that car Yeah. Condom man. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker A

He was watching that probably in his prison cell on the telly thinking that's my car. Yep. And it gets worse. How can it get worse? Because it was only damaged. There's 1 and 1/2 miles still to go. The game's still on.

Speaker A

Sit. Rep. Not on. It's quite dusty. A lot of pollen. A lot of pollen. [Music] Come on. Now I'm no longer bulletproof. [Applause] Come on. Come on. Come on. [Music] Charlie telly one class to your front by EVO 600 m rapid fire.

Speaker A

They're shooting again. They're shooting hard now. I'm taking hits. I'm taking a lot of hits.

Speaker A

Oh my god. Stop shooting. Stop it. But they didn't. And soon they'd taken out the engine and the onboard camera.

Speaker A

You set fire to Boston with your tracer. Stop it. Then their tracer rounds set fire to the car as well. We're calling it a draw. They seemed happy with that, unlike I suspect the man whose car it uh was.

Speaker A

[Music] Before being allowed on the road, each of our cars had to face a government inspection to make sure they were road legal. Hammond sailed through no problem at all. And so amazingly did Mazize. Me though, I had a problem.

Speaker A

For some extraordinary reason, the rules say you can't drive a 46 ft car on the public highway. So, I had to do some surgery. I've had to loft 7 ft out of the middle, which has affected rear leg room a little bit, but it is now quite nippy

Speaker A

cuz it's only um 8 ft longer than a bus. Whilst Hammond got the glamorous singer, I had to pick up a fat man. Oh god. Chris Moy from Radio One. This is your luxury limousine transportation. Not what I didn't mind. Okay, if you'd

Speaker A

like to step in, that would be great. And we'll get off. [Music] What? Eventually though, all our passengers were on board and we were ready. Are you comfortable? No.

Speaker A

Good God. The Brits is one of the biggest nights in the showbiz calendar with most celebs hoping to look impressive by arriving in a big shiny German car. We were going to show them the error of their ways.

Speaker A

It's better than an Audi. This will get you noticed. Look what happened to Dave Lee Travis.

Speaker A

He's on three counties radio now cuz he didn't think to use cars like this for going to awards ceremony. Now, now I've chosen this route to demonstrate the brilliance of my car.

Speaker A

Back in the panda, my demonstration of its brilliance wasn't going too well. Keep watching it.

Speaker A

Well, it's still standing. Exactly. There's nothing wrong with it. Shush. We can edit that bit out. Chris had yet to appreciate the panda's brilliance.

Speaker A

Oh, that's that is a catastrophe that's just happened now. Is that car behind you though very close? Yeah. To distract Chris from the fact that we were almost constantly stuck. I engaged him in some musical small talk. I once went to Wells Court in 1976, saw Bad

Speaker A

Company there. Simon Kirk. He did a drum solo like you wouldn't believe. By this stage, Moles was hungry and thirsty. And because I hadn't thought to include any onboard catering, he'd been shopping for supplies.

Speaker A

What was that? I was getting on my seat. Oh, so I thought someone had run into us. Oh, hang on.

Speaker A

That doesn't sound good. That's [Music] Whoa. Sorry. Road closed. I've got to go right. And then it got worse. That's not gone well, has it? Where are you going?

Speaker A

You're going that way. Right. Sorry. Sorry. The bus couldn't back up and I was stuck on a double mini roundabout. I can't make this turn, Chris, at all. Where you going? [Music] Whoa. Sorry. Thank you. There we're clear. Earl's court was now just minutes away. What

Speaker A

was that noise? Jeremy, how you doing? Um, not well. [Music] It's what? It's in two pieces on the lily road. It's broken in half. I'm sorry not to be more supportive.

Speaker A

Sorry Chris. [Music] Time for the award start 5 minutes. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't dig this. your arrival. Dignity. Yeah, dignity.

Speaker A

So, Mo was happy, but Hammond wasn't. You cheated. You finished with half a car. You're supposed to finish with a stretch. [ __ ] the man here.

Speaker A

It's 700 a.m. And this is a good time to start. Partly because the roads are quiet and partly because this is a good time for filling up with fuel.

Speaker A

You see, in a morning when it's cold, and it is very cold this morning, fuel is more dense than it is on a hot afternoon. So, you're getting a little bit more for your money. One thing, though, don't, whatever you do, forget to take any unnecessary

Speaker A

weight out of the boot. [Music] Right, I've got 19.8 gallons in the tank and a journey of 800 m ahead of me. That means averaging 40.4 m to the gallon.

Speaker A

A tall order in a car as powerful as this. Even Audi say that what I'm attempting to do is impossible. They say this car will only do 37 miles to the gallon and that I won't make it back. There are one or two things I can do to help though.

Speaker A

You have to make sure the car cuts as smooth a hole as possible in the air.

Speaker A

Driving with the window down, for instance, increases fuel consumption by 5%. And to make matters worse, you can't use the air conditioning either because that does even more damage. In a Honda Civic, for instance, if you get 36 m to the gallon normally, you

Speaker A

turn the air con on, that drops to 30 m to the gallon. You lose 6 MPG.

Speaker A

In fact, you shouldn't use any electrical gadgets unless it's absolutely necessary. The heated rear windows are complete no. and heated seats. Forget it. Happily, the radio uses such a small amount of power that it can use that. But surveys have shown

Speaker A

that fast, aggressive music causes drivers to grow lead feet. So, crash metal doesn't just hurt your ears, it uh damages your wallet as well.

Speaker A

On this journey, then it'll be radio 2 all the way. It's amazing how much thinking and concentrating you have to do to drive economically. You got to think, is that guy going to pull out? I've got to match my speed to him

Speaker A

lifting off. You must never ever break, ever, ever touch the brakes. Ever. If people concentrated this hard to drive fast, no one would ever crash ever. [Music] Ah, this is the northeast where there are many hills and hills are a big

Speaker A

problem for the economy-minded motorist. The trick is to build up speed before you get to an incline and then try not to accelerate when you're on it.

Speaker A

So, thrash metal for going down a hill and then the carpenters for going up the other side.

Speaker A

reach the crest and off. And I've still only done 39 miles to the galler. What more do you want from me? [Music] 6 hours on the road. I think I do want a Wii, but I can't stop because that would mean starting

Speaker A

the engine again. And starting an engine uses a load of fuel. So, New York taxi driver trick. and you're not allowed to watch.

Speaker A

Now, if id come to Edinburgh in a petrol powered Audi A8, I'd need to find a filling station, but thanks to the diesel engine in this one, I don't.

Speaker A

The thing is though, it might not need a drink, but I do. So, I think I'll find somewhere to stay and we'll pick this up again in the morning.

Speaker A

[Music] Time I think for a status report in the news isn't good. We know it to be 400 miles back to London. And if we look at the trip computer, it tells me that I will run out of diesel in 340 mi. I can take some comfort from the good

Speaker A

oldfashioned fuel gauge, which says I have half a tank. Good. half a tank to get here, therefore half a tank to get back. Except I didn't use half a tank getting here. I used half a tank plus the amount that was in the fuel filler pipe thing.

Speaker A

And that was probably half a gallon. That's 20 free miles. 20 free miles that I don't have on the return leg. I think I'm going to wind up on the hard shoulder.

Speaker A

Well, we'll find out later on whether I make it back or whether I have to use a tow truck.

Speaker A

This is what I settled for. A Mark1 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow from 1976. It had to be a 70s rolls really since Chipping Norton was where a whole bunch of 70s rock stars recorded their albums. that hotel there, the uh the Crown and

Speaker A

Cushion that used to belong to Keith Moon from uh from The Who, and he was a big fan of Rolls-Royces. He painted his lilac.

Speaker A

Now, today, as I'm sure you know, you can buy a decent roller for as little as £8,000.

Speaker A

That said, though, it won't be cheap to run. Brakes, for instance, are £4,000 to replace, and the linings are notoriously dodgy. But even so, this is a hell of a lot of car for a tiny dribble of money. I mean, that radiator grill was made entirely by

Speaker A

hand. The windscreen was polished using the sort of powdered pummus normally used in the production of optical lenses. The leather for the seats is only taken from cows from countries with no barbed wire, so they couldn't nick their hides.

Speaker A

And it's not as old-fashioned as you might think. Its 6 and 3/4 L all aluminium V8 is still being used today in the Bentley Anage. Quite a car then. And the great thing is is that I didn't pay £8,000 for it. I paid £25,000 for it. Now, obviously,

Speaker A

there are one or two problems that need clearing up. First of all, um the leaky radiator is only the start of it because the bodywork and trim carry nearly 30 years of wear and tear. The thing is though, I reckon most of

Speaker A

these problems can be sorted out using some of the polishes and waxes and indeed machinery that you can get these days from shops and the interweb. Couple of hours and I reckon I can have this car gleaming and ready for its important

Speaker A

civic function. First, detect the grime with a power hose, but avoid those which are just too powerful. [Music] Then it's time for the shampooing. This is a very good way of passing the time. You don't like your children and they

Speaker A

don't like you. For the polish, I'd push the boot out going for some American stuff which costs £6,000 a pot. I actually say it's made of such pure wax from such a pure tree in Birmingham or Brussel, Brazil. Um, it's edible.

Speaker A

Only the Americans would invent a car polish that you can eat. Oh, taste of car polish. So far, everything was going well. But then it was time for the job I feared most. The body work.

Speaker A

Look. Look at the join I've got. Look at that join. They're really going to think those guys from Top Gear, they've really made an effort. They're going to be pretty impressed, I think, when we finish this. See, what I'm doing is I'm

Speaker A

I'm matching that curve of the flared wheel arch there. Can you see? Now, the man in the shop. said he didn't have any um Rolls-Royce silver paint, but he said that because BMW now own Rolls-Royce, this BMW Arctic Silver

Speaker A

would do the job and it would match, especially when it's dried, that's better. Look. Oh, yes.

Speaker A

Just let that dry. That's perfect. [Music] For body work stuff like this, don't do it yourself actually because not everyone is as professional as I am. Um, you might come across a cowboy, someone who doesn't take pride in his work.

Speaker A

With that job well under control, it was time to inspect my paint job. The man in the shop was adamant that this paint would match.

Speaker A

Right that's it's not. With the rolls now looking different, it was time to get myself ready. What do you think? Sadly, this is the only tie I have. And I know it's not particularly contemporary, but the car, the suit, it's a good package.

Speaker A

Good enough, I hoped for the ribbon cutting ceremony. I really do feel like, you know, I'm putting something back here into the community. It's gives me a warm feeling.

Speaker A

I'm feeling really excited about today. I mean, this is the end of years of hard work and it's bringing the pool back to the community. Lots of volunteers steam cleaning the pool, uh, career seating, fences, all of those sorts of things.

Speaker A

So, a tremendous amount of hard work. It's for the children mostly of Chipping Norton. Well, we're obviously very excited that Jeremy's coming along to open the pool for us today. I actually do watch him on TV, you know. Yeah, it's

Speaker A

a shame about the weather. Not as many people have turned out as we'd hoped, but um no, we're we're hopeful that not much else can go wrong. It's just great that he's the one who's going to be able to cut the ribbon today. [Music]

Speaker A

Just that. What's that bloke doing with a pair of scissors? Don't need those. Hello Heat. Heat.

Speaker A

Oh yes. Oh yes. [Applause] Right. I declare this pool open. You're going to have to get that out of there though, mate. One kid could really hurt themselves on it. Okay.

Speaker A

Right. Who do I see about my check? This is the Nurburgg Ring in Germany. The longest and most terrifying racetrack in the world.

Speaker A

It twists and turns for 13 m through the Eiffel Mountains. It's so vast that entire villages nestle in its midst. The Top Gear test track has eight corners. Silverstone, which is a big Grand Prix circuit, has 12 corners. The Nurburgg Ring, has 147 corners.

Speaker A

Over the years, this track has claimed more than 200 lives. [Music] Despite this though, anyone can drive round it. You roll up with your own car or bike, pay €14, and off you go. How many um laps do you do a year? About a thousand. A thousand laps. Come here

Speaker A

every day. Cuz it's like a disease. It's like a disease that won't go away. You want to come back here and and drive it like every weekend, every day, even though you smashed your car to pieces. Yep. So, how long do you think it would

Speaker A

take me to learn my way around here? 50 laps roughly to know which way it goes and then the rest of your life to actually learn it. This chap who was disabled and drove with hand controls offered to show me round. Your car's too slow man.

Speaker A

If you really know the track and you're a professional racing driver and you have a Ferrari Enzo, you can get round here in around 8 minutes.

Speaker A

Now, what I'm going to try and do is get the Jag diesel round in 10 minutes.

Speaker A

Doesn't sound like much, but I do have several problems. Only one of which is the Arga under the bonnet. Um, I don't know my way around this track at all.

Speaker A

It's a complete mystery. It rained last night, so it's very slippery out there. Um, and I'm afraid I was out last night with Johnny Vegas, so I'm not feeling all that fresh.

Speaker A

To help me get my diesel around this place, I have a teacher, Sabine Schmidt.

Speaker A

She was born in the village of Nurburgg and knows the track better than anyone else alive today.

Speaker A

I'm so nervous. I have no idea where this track at the moment. It's quite easy. Okay. And now accelerate. Accelerate. Accelerate. It's not really a corner. It's a huge corner.

Speaker A

How many times have you been around this track? Uh 15,000 laps, maybe. Yeah. And there's a golf coming. I know. Yeah. I'm going to let him go. Turn in now. Now.

Speaker A

Perfect. And you were how old when you first came around here? What? You were how old when you first came? Years maybe. You were three. Yeah. Now what?

Speaker A

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what. Now I'm breaking. Oh god. Very good. Now stay left. Turn it. Oo. Turn that bloody direction control off. You turn it off. No, really. Here's 2 m.

Speaker A

Here's a count. Turn off for God's sake, woman. Turn in. Stay left. Left. Left. Left. What's that?

Speaker A

I told you. Stay left. I was ignoring you. I'm a man. I think it's it will be hard work to get your attention. This is so You think you don't think I can do 10 minutes? This is my first lap. It will take years. Don't break so much.

Speaker A

Is this the carousel? Yeah, I know the carousel is coming. Turn in more later.

Speaker A

Your driving style is really funny. Why? Tell me what to do. Turn and turn.

Speaker A

No, don't don't break. Oh, a girl over took you. Have you seen that? Yeah. I'm not feeling proud. Finally, we came to the scaffold bridge, which is the finishing line. Okay. How quick was that, do you reckon? 15. Oh, come on.

Speaker A

Yeah. And I have to average 78 mph. Average 78. 78. Which is I'm not entirely certain that's doable.

Speaker A

Doable or not, it was time for my first solo flight. And just to fill me with a little more confidence, a timely reminder that I was tackling a killer. Here we go. Look, ambulance.

Speaker A

Can I have his spleen? [Music] Right. Coming up to the start and ready, steady, go. My reporting skills immediately went to pieces. Everything was just a blur. I'd love to be able to give you some decent commentary here about what's going on, but I just don't know. I've got bike up my chassis

Speaker A

actually. Whoa. God, that back keeps kicking out under braking. Feel a bit sick. Oh. Oh my god. So, I've got an average 78. I haven't even reached 78 at this point. I don't know where I am. I don't know what's happening. The track all

Speaker A

looks the same. You never have any idea what's coming up next and what speed you should be going. When will it end? God, that's it. My time's up. It's beeping away now to tell me I've done the 10 minutes. 16 seconds over. 18 seconds. 20 seconds. Coming up to the bridge

Speaker A

again. Coming out ready to stop it. And 26. Absolutely everybody here was faster than me. Yes, that's true. Do you think I'm going to be able to get round in 10 minutes? No.

Speaker A

[Laughter] Don't sugarcoat it like that. Tell me straight. You're not 100% talent free, but 80% 80% talent free, right? [Music] Oh, that's the wrong gear. And I don't know where I am. God, exactly. It's coming. God, my second lap was even slower, but

Speaker A

I had a pretty good excuse all lined up for teacher. It's a nightmare. There was like nightmare. There was this tiger. Yeah. And it leapt out and it was going for these school children, so I had to stop. I had to save the school children's life.

Speaker A

Of course, you're probably thinking the slowness is all my fault, but actually it was the cars. You see, diesels just don't work on racetracks. 206 brake horsepower. And all of it comes, of course, being a diesel in a great big lump. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. 206

Speaker A

horsepower. Time for a gear change. All gone. And he just always on the red line. It's just constantly only revs up to 4,000. Half expecting in a minute to be overtaken by my mother and overtaken by everybody else. brakes. Very good for

Speaker A

pulling up outside a butcher shop to buy a nice pork chop. Not so good when you're hammering into X M left for 120 mph. There we go. There's the beep. 8 seconds over. Here comes the bridge. 19 20. I'm faster. I'm 6 seconds faster. Well,

Speaker A

if I can keep doing that at this rate, by about February, I'll have this cracked. Um on that occasion it was amazing. There was a whole elephant they were out hunting for, you know. Yeah. But although the lap times were going in

Speaker A

the right direction, my luck wasn't. Oh god. Cocky going to overtake one of the whole motorcyclists here. That's it. Get out the way, sunny boy. God, this is quick. This is very quick now. 120. But then as I was coming up to the

Speaker A

famous Adnau Bridge. Whoa, we've got an accident. He's gone in. Oh god, it's the disabled guy in the Z3. I hope he's okay. He was, but I wasn't. I just couldn't hook up one good lap. And it turned out I wasn't alone. I learned it on a on a computer game on

Speaker A

the Xbox. And it's what it didn't was the gradients, the bumps, the bits where you're getting the bars shaking cuz you you're thinking you're on a a perfect straight bit of road and you wind it on and it's like oh my god

Speaker A

wasn't like that on the game cuz I brought a diesel to try and get around in 10 minutes which [Applause] as the sun was setting on the final lap of the day though it looked like I'd make it. This was a hot one. This is the trouble. You start to get

Speaker A

cocky. You start to think you might know it. Get out of the way, bikes. Get a car and some proper clothes for God's sake. So, I'm a man on a mission here. The trouble was that after just one day, I didn't know it at all. I'm off the road. I'm off the bloody

Speaker A

road. Whoa. Yes. But I'm back on again. Oh god, look at this golf. Look at the state of this golf. Think there's a guy who lives here. That was quick through there. 110 mph through that bit. Despite the off, despite being overtaken

Speaker A

by a golf, I was still on for a good time, but then disaster. It's gone.

Speaker A

I got no power. Got no drive. Restricted performance. Got an engine management problem. I really, really thought I was going to crack it on this lap.

Speaker A

Why have you broken down? Why won't you work? I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses here, but I didn't have the best of luck this afternoon cuz on a couple of times when I think I could have

Speaker A

broken the 10-minute barrier, someone had crashed through yellow flags, had to slow down. Then there was the time I admit it was my fault. I changed into second gear at about 110 mph and that's why the engine went and flicked into

Speaker A

safety get you home mode. But I've got to do it. I've got to prove to Sabine that I can do this.

Speaker A

So, I'm no more of that get thee behind me juice of Johan Vegas. I'm going to study my map. I'm going to get an early night and a very, very early start tomorrow and I'll be ready.

Speaker A

[Music] Unfortunately, in the morning, the weather was terrible. I decided to go out anyway and see what I could learn. But all I learned was when it's wet, avoid the curs. [Applause] Soon though, it dried out and I began once again to pick up speed.

Speaker A

What? Break. Turn in. Clip the apex. Let it run wide. I was feeling pretty good and felt sure that Sabine would be pleased with my progress as well. He looks a little bit lazy behind the steering wheel. Turning late. Ah, too

Speaker A

soon. Oh, damn. Blast. Like he can do everything. He's the best driver the world has ever seen. the Michael Schumaca from Britain maybe but I think he is isn't listen love Michael Schumacker doesn't use a diesel whereas I am using a diesel

Speaker A

and time is running out so I've got to forget about being on the telly and go for it start the clock this really is I suppose a bit like golf play it once and you're destined to spend the rest of your life fruitlessly chasing perfection It's a disease I shall call ringorm, and

Speaker A

I have it very, very badly. Out the way. I'm much quicker than you now.

Speaker A

Hope that didn't cost too much time. Oh, missed it. I'm sure this corner's flat out.

Speaker A

And this is it. Break and then break after the hill. Done it. Oh god.

Speaker A

With 10 miles gone, there had been no breakdowns, no accidents. So maybe, just maybe. Here we go. Whoa. Losing the back a bit in a bit louder. I lost his ears.

Speaker A

One of these mine. I've never felt more alive than I am now. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Speaker A

Bit of dust there. Now, first lap, I remember the beeper was going here in the mini carousel.

Speaker A

As it is, I've got 30 seconds left. Probably another, I don't know, six corners to go.

Speaker A

None of which I can remember from 120 mph. Oh, come on. Come on. No, there's the end. There's the end. 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 I did it. I did it. A 959. Yes. Yes. I did it. I did a 959.

Speaker A

Where is Sabine? [Music] This, however, might just be enough to get you out of bed before the dawn. It's a special version of the AMG CLK. It's more powerful. It's more pumped up. They call it the black.

Speaker A

indeed. Good morning. This is the ship forecast. This is brilliant. No phone, no kids, no interruptions. It's just me in my little metal shell.

Speaker A

Time to think, time to work stuff out. Small wonder crabs are so wise. And this really is an ideal car for when it's 4 in the morning and you've got the whole 400,000mi British road network all to yourself.

Speaker A

What they've done to create this£100,000 monster is remove the rear seats, the electric motors for the front seats, the electric motor for the steering column, the satnav, some of the airbags. They fitted carbon fiber door panels and carbon fiber spoilers. And the result of all this weight saving is that it weighs

Speaker A

just a little bit more than when they started. [Music] That's because underneath it has a wider industrial strength rear axle. It has a differential made from a blend of lead and granite. It's a weaponsgrade car. this and it needs to be to contain the

Speaker A

fury of what's under the bonnet. [Music] There's so much fury, in fact, that if you were to unleash it all, pretty soon you'd be very far from home.

Speaker A

They're used to monsters and dragons in this part of Wales, but I bet they've never heard one that sounds like this. [Music] This thing really is the king of Kane.

Speaker A

The standard 6.2 L engine that Mercedes uses in its AMG models is already bonkers enough. If it had a tongue, it would go around licking windows.

Speaker A

But in this, they fiddled with the electronics and the exhaust, and the result is a dollop of fullbore savagery. In fact, this car is so fast and so mad, it was even delivered with a warning letter from the people who made it.

Speaker A

I've been road testing cars nearly 25 years now, and that has never happened before. But I've got it here, and it says, uh, ensure the oil is warm before driving enthusiastically. Well, it will be now. The car is savage.

Speaker A

It's very aggressive and racy in its setup. This is Mercedes themselves. On anything other than dry roads, it is extremely lively. Quite tail happy. Even under partial throttle, the traction control must stay on. Sounds dangerous. [Music] It isn't dangerous, though. It's just incredibly good fun. I thought it was going to be like a BMW

Speaker A

M3, but it's in a completely different league. It's just so much more noisy and powerful and exciting. It even slows down more violently thanks to its carbon brakes.

Speaker A

I only had 3 hours sleep last night, but I have never felt more awake than this.

Speaker A

It's like a Saturn 5 rocket. Wow. I've often wondered why they call these the black mountains because they're not black. They're sort of green and brown.

Speaker A

Now I know though, they were named for this car. Hurry up, sunshine. Here we go. [Music] Christ, it's fast. [Music] Don't get me wrong, though. That is not a racing car with number plates. It's not super stiff, super taut, set up for

Speaker A

the track. Cuz if it was, I'd be sitting here now with blood pouring out of my ears and a smashed skeleton, thinking, "Why did I go for a drive? Why didn't I just get up and play table tennis?

Speaker A

Even though it has a racing car's flared wheel arches, and even though some of the luxuries are gone, it still has an automatic gearbox. It's still got cruise control and air conditioning, it's still totally civilized, which means you can

Speaker A

sit back and indulge yourself in what this show is all about, the absolute joy of driving a great car on a great road. [Music] What the black does then is blend genuine redeyed supercar madness with drip dry everyday practicality.

Speaker A

[Music] I'm completely in love with it. The only thing that's stopping me from plowing on is that I've run out of British Isles.

Speaker A

Earlier on in the show, I was attempting to get from London to Edinburgh and then back to London again in a uh V8 twin turbo Audi diesel. We left the action in Edinburgh with the trip computer saying I was going to run out cuz I was going

Speaker A

to do it on a single tank. I was going to run out 60 miles north of London. [Music] Now you're probably thinking, what is the big deal? I mean, if you fail, if you run out, it's not like you're going to skip off the Earth's atmosphere and

Speaker A

be lost in space forever. That's true, but I will wind up on the hard shoulder.

Speaker A

And A, that's illegal driving on a motorway knowing that you're going to have to stop. And B, you can't just fill up a diesel engine from a little can and then set off again. You have to bleed the whole system. And do you think I

Speaker A

want to do that on a large shoulder after an 800 mile drive? That is why I really want to make it.

Speaker A

Really want to make it. [Music] I can't see where I'm going. And I can't turn my heater on cuz I have no amps.

Speaker A

I'm so cold. This is dangerous. I have to turn my heater on. [Music] Oh, that's so nice.

Speaker A

But powering up the heater to deis the windows played havoc with the re-entry procedure. [Music] This is North Yorkshire and that fuel gauge is now as near as makes no difference really into the red. They have to average 40.4 4 miles to the gallon. But since I left Edinburgh,

Speaker A

well, I've only averaged 35 miles to the gallon. And that's nowhere near enough. Just nowhere near enough. [Music] The fuel warning light is on. It's on as I go past Nottingham. So, Nottingham to London on reserve fuel. That's going to be interesting.

Speaker A

At no point on this journey, and I've now been on the move for 15 hours and 17 minutes, have I exceeded 1,200 RPM. Basically, tick over. This engine must be thinking, "What has bought the car? It must be the manager of a mattress company." [Music]

Speaker A

But despite the careful driving, the trip computer still said I was going to miss London by 35 miles. Remember that scene in Apollo 13 gym level. Fred Hayes, the other one in their little capsule, freezing cold. Only got 12 amps to get back. Got to

Speaker A

shut the computer down. Got to shut it all down. Shut it down now. We've never lost a Top Gear presenter on a mission. It's not about to happen on my watch. [Music] Except, of course, I think it probably is going to happen on my watch.

Speaker A

Right, it's 45 miles to get back to the petrol station where we started and I have hit a traffic jam. The computer's saying I've got 10 miles to go before I run out. The fuel gauge is off the bottom now. Things I'm afraid at this

Speaker A

point just outside Milton Kees, they look bleak. So, it's time really to do what uh they always do in Hollywood disaster films, and that's reach for a a photograph of uh my children. It's my kids. Tell them I love them. If I don't make

Speaker A

it back, tell them I love them so much. We're moving again. We're picking up speed. I'm up to 40 mph. Come on. Yes. Yes. I'm going to make it.

Speaker A

I've been told to expect a misfire before the engine actually stops. This is a sort of lastm minute warning, an electronic kind of interference to say you really have got to stop and put some fuel in now. But still, I don't have

Speaker A

this uh I don't have this misfire. [Music] That's it. The computer is now saying no miles. No miles to go.

Speaker A

What is this thing running on? Every single dial and readout on my entire spacecraft car is telling me I'm out. That's it. That was a cough.

Speaker A

It keeps just coughing and then being okay again. I wonder if Audi know that they have inadvertently built the world's first air powered engine. What is it running on? [Music] I can hear the fuel pump. A very, very, very faint wine. You can just hear it

Speaker A

kind of sucking on nothing. [Music] I will feel if I can make it back. I will feel as though I know it sounds ridiculous. It's as though this was a worthwhile thing. I mean, I've learned to drive quickly now. I've learned to drive slowly. Come on. Come on.

Speaker A

I really can't break down here. Not in a contraflow. I would sack myself from motoring journalism if that were to happen. One mile to the end of the motorway. One mile. Damn, I can almost coast that. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Speaker A

I've honestly got like a tight knot in my stomach that I might just conceivably do this. That's not a red light. It is a red light for us. [Music] Holy mother of God. I can see the garage. Talking yards now. Yards to go. This is the garage I filled up at yesterday morning.

Speaker A

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how we do that. This car has gone from London to Edinburgh and back again with a V8 engine on one tank of fuel. [Music] I am absolutely lost for words. That is one astonishing car.

Speaker A

I know Hammond and May think my 928 Porsche is a bit dull, but for one very good reason, it isn't dull to me. You see, back in 1994, I was living in London. And I got a call one evening from my mom to say that my dad was desperately ill in a hospital in

Speaker A

Sheffield and I needed to get there as quickly as possible. I had just taken a chicken out of the oven and I thought, well, I'll take that for my mom cuz she won't have eaten. Ran outside and I had a 9 to8 on test that week. And when I

Speaker A

arrived in Sheffield, the chicken was still warm and my dad was still alive. In fact, he died half an hour later. And the truth is, if I hadn't have been driving a car which could sit quite happily at 170 mph, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to

Speaker A

say goodbye to my dad. So, as far as I'm concerned, the 928 is all right. [Applause] [Music]

Topics:Jeremy ClarksonTop Geardemolition challengemilitary vehiclesarmored recovery vehiclecombat engineering tractorhouse demolitionvehicle controlTop Gear Classicautomotive humor

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