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I'm the only person [music] in the world to do a quad axle in international competition.
Figure skater Ilia Malinin discusses his 'Quad God' nickname, landing the quad axle, Olympic pressure and burnout, and mental challenges of elite sport.
Key Takeaways
- Mental readiness can lag behind physical readiness when attempting unprecedented feats.
- Pressure from media and expectations can cause burnout even during success.
- Online trolling and personal branding can become motivation for extraordinary achievement.
- Athletes' self-perception often differs from how audiences judge their performances.
What the video covers
- Malinin explains his original Instagram name 'Lutz God' came from the Lutz jump and his mother's skating genetics.
- After landing his first quad, he rebranded to 'Quad God,' which inspired him to attempt all quad jumps, including the quad axle.
- He is described as the only skater to land a quad axle in international competition, a feat sparked partly by online trolling.
- Training with a pull harness, his father and coach Raphael Artunian helped him progress; he eventually attempted the jump unsupported.
- Mentally, landing the quad axle was harder than physically preparing for it because no one else had done it consistently, leaving him no reference point.
- He describes the Olympics as the happiest moment of his career, but also says the two years of pressure before them led to burnout.
- He discusses living with his parents, who are also his coaches, and the benefits and strain of that arrangement.
- He reflects on how audience perception of a performance can differ from the athlete's own experience.
- He talks about the fast ups and downs of sports careers and the difficulty of measuring progress statistically.
- He shares lighter moments, including his fear of heights despite enjoying parkour and thrill rides.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and the quad axle achievement
- 03:00Origin of the 'Quad God' name
- 06:20Learning the quad axle with the pull harness
- 20:00Training, family, and living with coaches
- 30:00Performance, audience perception, and sports ups and downs
- 45:00Olympic experience and the pressure leading up to it
- 56:40Fan support, personal reflections, and closing thoughts
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
You're doing things no one else can do. People live their lives chasing after things like that.
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I was honestly the happiest I've ever been standing on that Olympic podium. But mentally, it was so hard because the last 2 years leading up to the Olympics burned me out. The most pressure was on me. All the cameras and the media, they
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say, "Oh, he beat another world record." But all that pressure makes you have to live up to an expectation that you're not ready for.
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Speaker A
I want to talk about how you named yourself Quad God. It all it all started from so my original username on Instagram was Lutz God. And the reason for that there's a skating jump. The name is called a Lutz Jump. And the
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reason why I was called Lutz God is because my mom who's also a skater she's also a two-time Olympian. And both of them have one of the best like lutz jumps in skating at her time. So that's why, you know, everyone,
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you know, referred to me as Lux god because I kind of come down from my mom's genetics on that jump. So So people kind of nepoabied you a little bit in the beginning with the Lux God.
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Yes. That was a given name to you. Yes, it was. It was a given name. And then, you know, as I started growing older and started skating more, I started learning new tricks and new things. I learned a an axle jump, like a
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triple axle jump, which was was pretty difficult for the age I landed at the time.
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How old were you? I was around like 13 or 14. Okay. Wow. And then after that, I started learning quad jumps.
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So that's when you do four revolutions on the ice and there's seven different types of jumps and figure skating. So, I was just practicing and when I landed my first quad, I was like, "Oh, I landed, you know, my first quad. Let's change my
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username to something with quad. Let's change the quad god." And then literally just put it in. You know, the first time I just put it in like no different spelling, just quad god, how it is spelled. Typed it in. Someone took it
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already. I was like, "Okay, let's put a zero into the instead of the O." Put it in. That basically set the username.
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There's that creativity. Yeah. But then people were saying like, "Why'd you name yourself quad god? Like you only landed one type of quad jump." And at that time of skating, there were already other skaters doing like four or
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five or six different kinds of quad jumps in their like routines or in practice. So that kind of started the fire, the inspiration to like, hey, let me live up to the name and let me go do all the rest of the quads, including the
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quad axle, which I'm the only person in the world to do it in international competition, which is nuts.
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It's all right. [laughter] Don't worry, I'll do it for you. I'll do it for you. That's nuts. Like that's like you hold a world record. That's crazy. People live their lives chasing after things like that.
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Yeah, I hold a few. Just a [laughter] just a casual. Just Excuse me. You hold a few world records.
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That's wild. And so, first of all, I would like to acknowledge that I would bet money that the original quad god is some man who just lifts legs [laughter] and that with no world records. I would like to I just would I'm going to leave
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that out there. Okay. And I'm glad that you somehow found the artistic way to get the actual title.
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But so it came from well you would attribute some of your ambition into doing the quadruple axle to online trolling.
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[laughter] You were trolled into it. I think so. Yeah. Somewhat around there. I mean, you know, people never really thought I was gonna do it. You know, even from our side, for me, my parents and some of the other coaches I worked
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with, we were like, "Oh, this is just a joke." Like, you know, there's a device that we have in skating. It's like a harness. So, it's it's like a fishing pole for humans.
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[laughter] And basically what what you do, you know, you have one person who's holding it and it helps you like get a feel for a jump that you're, you know, maybe don't have the feeling for it yet or not physically able to do it yet. So
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it kind of you can help you know spin faster or get more height. So okay my dad training wheels.
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Yeah. Sort of that's the way it works. And my dad he has one. So you know once we had this idea to start doing the quad axle on this like pole harness like okay this is like just for fun you know you know
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posted one online just see like people like oh he did a quad axle on the pole and like everyone was kind of going crazy about it. But then, you know, I had a talk with this other um coach that
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I worked with. His name is Raphael Artunian. He's um he's had he's coached so many different Olympic champions and had so many amazing skaters. So, you know, we kind of sat down and talked and he was like, "He can do it." Just like,
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you know, not knowing that I was already practicing it. He's like, "I know he can do it." And my dad was like, "You're crazy for thinking that." Really?
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My dad did not believe it. You know, I I believed it as well. I was like, I know I can do it cuz I I already had the confidence, but I also had a personality that was like, if I want something, I'm
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going to work as hard as I can until I get it. So, I was like, I'll prove you wrong, Dad. [laughter] So, you know, the next few months, so we just started doing it more and more on the pull harness. And at some point,
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[snorts] you know, he was holding me and then like holding me less and holding me less and holding me less until at some point, you know, I told him like, "Hey, don't help me at all. just like be there
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for moral support. He was like, "Okay." And so I went for it. I landed pretty well. And I was like, "You had to like help me, right? You had to help me a little bit." He was like, "No, I didn't
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help you at all." So you didn't even know that you did it on your own.
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I basically did it on my own with, you know, just the moral support of the the pull harness. So then for him, he like understood that was like, "Oh, this is like legit, right?
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He can do this legitly." But since that moment, it it took me like a month to just be able to get like the mental focus to try it without any support.
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So even though I felt like I was ready for it physically, maybe even months before we started doing it on this pole harness, but mentally it was so hard because like no one else has really landed it consistently or landed it
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clean. So I had nothing to refer myself to. No one had really, you know, not many people have tried it. So there was not much of a feeling that I could, you know, refer to as well. So I had to
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almost go into this like blindly, like stepping into a dark room. By the way, it's so weird, but I'm afraid of heights. It's so ironic.
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You're afraid of heights. I'm afraid of heights. And yet, like deathly afraid of heights.
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Don't you also enjoy parkour? Yeah. [laughter] So, you parkour, you flip, you spin, but you don't like like how high like roller coasters.
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Roller coasters aren't bad. I like the thrill of the roller coaster, but I can tell you like thrills.
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An adrenaline junkie. You know how it is. It's Yeah, it's it's emitting off of you. [laughter] I mean, maybe, you know, maybe what seven, eight stories. Nothing higher than that. Or else I like I like freeze up.
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Oh, wow. You know, like I'll look at a view and there's like, oh, look how far down we or like look how far up we are.
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You look down, it's like, okay, well, the natural course of your life shouldn't take you to too many of those situations.
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I hope so. I mean, we'll see how many I want to get back to your dad.
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We'll see how many New York buildings we'll be in. [laughter] So, I want to get back to your dad. I So, even though he didn't think you were going to be able to do it, he supported you through the entire process of you
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trying to do it. Yes, they've my parents, you know, as I mentioned, both of them were two-time Olympians. They're also coaches now. So, they coach me, they coach other students. They've always been there for support. Anything that I want to achieve, they're always
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behind me. And that's something that I'll always appreciate no matter, you know, if I go live on my own. Right now, I live with them. And I think it just makes sense because they're also my coaches. So, they know what I eat, they
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know what I do, you know, they know how I'm feeling 24/7. So, it's really good for like a coaching and like just an environment to be with them.
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That's really amazing because I I have seen the parent coach track go wrong and so I think when it goes right, it's something really really special because you cannot imitate that anywhere else, right? I wouldn't I wouldn't say it's
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perfect. You [laughter] know, it has its flaws at times, but you know, we tend to make it work all the time. Yeah, you know, my mom is the more of the strict like the bad cop. My dad is
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usually the good cop. So, you know, I kind of like that balance, too. It almost gives you like two different perspectives on, you know, one specific thing.
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When you were practicing the quadruple axle, what was your what what was your mom saying?
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She could not she could not watch really. She was super scared, super nervous. I mean they both were like this was I didn't get to finish the story about it but you know when I finally started like after the few weeks of getting like the
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mental preparation you know I had this one Friday I remember specifically it was on a Friday usually Fridays for me were like the day I had the most adrenaline maybe it was because I was ready for the weekend [laughter]
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but I like had the most energy the most adrenaline and you know this one day just felt completely different from the rest like it was like I feel Like like I when you woke up in the morning.
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Yeah. And like even talking to my dad like talking about that day he said like he saw something differently in me that day like the fire in his eyes like you could see that something was going on in
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his head like you know he was thinking or he was processing or he was like seeing a vision. So that was like very interesting for me to see that when he told talked about it. So, now getting to
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the part where, you know, I was like, "Dad, I I think I'm going to try today." He was like, "What?" He didn't know what to say. I was like, "Just film it." I was like, "Okay." My My mom like heard this and
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she was like, "I can't watch." And like turned away, like went somewhere far [laughter] away in the ring.
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So, you guys didn't schedule this? No. Attempt? No, it wasn't. Woke up and you felt it.
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It was just purely unfeilling. I think a lot of the times I think that's what helps you the most in sports is you know there's one thing that you have to drill it into you know practice every day you
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know maybe put into your schedule but it's also you know you can't be the best if you're not feeling the best that day so that's kind of what we go off of that's my training routine now is we
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usually have like a set schedule of you know what time I skate what do I eat you know what do I do during the day but it's also you know how much I can train is also depending on how I feel or how
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the day goes. That's such a lost art in sports actually listening to how your body and on honestly your mind your mindset feels on the day.
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What do you do when you're not on days where you're not feeling amazing? I mean like there there's different ways you can approach this because you know I always try to listen to my body, listen to my mind, but you know there's some
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days where you don't really have that choice, you know, like maybe you're close to a competition, you're like, "Oh, I need a few days off." Like no, you you can't take those few days off because you know, for skating
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specifically, the more like days you take off, the less you like remember the feeling of how it is to be on the ice.
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So that's something very important from my parents is they always say try to spend as much time on the ice. Maybe you don't do much, you know, during your practices, but being on the ice, you know, that's where you're performing.
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That's the competition. So you want that to be your base and kind of remember how it is to skate or, you know, do all the tricks.
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That's so fascinating because that is not how it is in my sport. In soccer, we've had we've had like national team players who I remember going into camp and we would have players and you would say, "How much did you practice over the
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offseason?" And they would say, "I didn't touch a ball the whole time." And then they would come into practice sharp just like Well, I mean there's like it's maybe skating is a little bit different, but I I understand that
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because you know if you're doing something for so long sometimes it can be it can give you burnout or you know it can be tired of it. So maybe taking a break does help you reset and focus. I
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mean like during the season there's not much time for me to take off, but during like an off season, yes, maybe I'll take a week or two or a month off. So there's still that, you know, the time off to reset and kind of get
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into it again. But you're in season. You're trying to be on the ice as much as possible.
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Yes. Wow. those 2 am. Is that why [laughter] why you're staying up till 2 am and getting up at 8? [gasps] Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. I just I'm just a night person, honestly.
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[laughter] You're a night owl? I'm a definitely a night owl. When are most of your competitions? Are they at night or in the in the morning?
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Uh, they're typically from like the afternoon range to the night. So, like the, you know, second half of the day, that's usually when they are.
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Okay. I only asked because I went to the US Open this year and obviously they played till 3:00 a.m. and two.
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Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, I wasn't sure if maybe ice skating also kind of has nights like that. So, they don't have them that late, but there is instances, you know, the latest I've ever remember competing was at like, you know, straight midnight. You
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know, usually they don't go past that because you need people to come in and watch. So, well, you should tell the US Open.
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[laughter] I was like falling asleep in my chair looking at my boyfriend. I was like, are we staying?
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Oh my god. [laughter] Yeah, but it, you know, you have like the competition ends at midnight, but you know, that also depends, you know, if you medddal or if you get selected for, you know, doping or like, you know,
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to get tested. So then, you know, depending on if you drank water or not, you might stay there for another 3, four hours.
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I have a great question for you. Do you get selected for doping a lot?
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Yes. More than I'd love to. Yeah. you know, I'll have like like different people come in like days apart.
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It's like crazy. Like I'll have some from the, you know, the Federation. I'll have some from, you know, the US Federation. I'll have them from USADA.
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Like, [laughter] don't even get me started. Like, and then especially you forget like there's some days you forget to fill the stuff out or you forget what your time slot is, so you don't pay attention to that. And then they come
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in, you're like, I went like 30 minutes ago. Come on. [sighs and gasps] Do you I wonder how they So when we have it in soccer, they randomly select and I [laughter] and I say randomly select because I am
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often selected for doping. Yeah. Um, there was I think it was not last year, maybe it was last year where I was selected four games in a row for doping and you only pick two players after each game and they just assured me
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that it was random every single time and I was like, I think statistically this can't be random.
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I mean, I think for our sport it's a little more like defined. You know, it's usually like first place is more likely to get picked. So, it's like the medalists are more likely to get picked and then it's like a few randoms from
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the competition. I just assumed because you're doing things no one else can do that I I mean, if I was creating the list, you'd be the first on my list. I'd be like, "Check that kid [laughter] right now. Check him again."
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Well, okay. I have I'm going to start with a confession of mine that's a little bit more serious than the one I shared with you before about the yellow card I got. um in the game. And this is
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something that I think most people who watch sports don't understand or it hasn't clicked for them. So, I've played in a lot of really big games like championship games and whatnot and big wins actually where we've won the
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championship or we've made it out and it's been amazing. And people will come up to me and they'll say, "That game was so great." And I will literally cringe inside when they bring it up because even though my team won and it was like
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a great performance, I remember pieces of the game that just like honestly they disgust me of my own [clears throat] performance.
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I see. Yes. And like I'm so proud of the team and I'm happy about it, but like I still see when I got megged. I like see when I got beat one v one for a shot and that's
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like my first gut reaction when I see it. And I don't think other people sometimes realize that the audience's experience of our performance is very different or can be very different than our own experience of the performance.
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So I'm really curious what your answer to this question will be which is what comes up for you what feelings come up for you when you think Milan Winter Olympics 2026.
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That's interesting. I mean, you know, I guess in that similar topic then, you know, people from the audience say, "Oh, you know, you won a gold medal and like, you know, wow, it's so awesome to be an Olympic gold medalist." I mean, you
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know, I take that into account. Yes. But, you know, the whole the main point was to do the individual event. The main point was to win the individual event.
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So for us as figure skaters, we almost look down on the team event and we kind of have it like, oh, this is, you know, either a warm-up or this is something we don't care too much about. So, you know,
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the four years that we're preparing for these Olympics, it's usually only for our individual events.
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Wow. So, you know, you just likened your gold medal to a warm-up. [laughter] Yeah, pretty much. But I mean, go don't get me wrong, like it's it's still an honor. Like I'm still happy. Like I've learned to let that mindset go a
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little bit. You know, there's always times like even I can bring this back to like a world championships I've had. You know, it wasn't my best performance, but I was still able to come out on top. And you know, some of the interviews they'd
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be like, "How do you feel winning like your second or your third world title?" I was like, I didn't really skate the way I wanted to, but I still like, you know, I'm a perfectionist. So, I'm like, if there's one small thing I did, I'm
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like, hey, that is going to piss me off. Like even like a like I remember one of the skates I had like a tiny like nearly stumbled on the ice just on a very like basic like there's a element of
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crossover. That's just how you get speed. So, I like took a little stumble on that and I remembered that for the rest of the routine and people are like, "How could you do that?" Like, I'm a perfectionist. Okay. [laughter] Like,
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[gasps] I'm picky. Yeah. And in part, that's why you're so successful, for sure. But as a um as a fellow perfectionist, it it is draining.
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It's it's not a helpful mindset to have. It's But it is. Again, look, it's you have to find the balance. You have to know, you know, what you can work on because, you know, for me, I like to challenge
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myself. I like to give myself, you know, level up each time I skate or each time I compete. But there's also you have to give yourself the human side. You know, you have to say, "Oh, you know, that
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happens." Like, you know, I had a little stumble there on something, you know, not as big. Like, that's totally fine.
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You know, there's no reason to beat yourself up for it. like there's a certain degree that you can tolerate or handle it until you know it becomes unnecessary and doesn't help you you know improve or progress.
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That's a very mature way to approach it. I feel you've definitely found that piece sooner than I did in my career. Um so this is funny then tell me about your gold medal moment when you got your gold
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medal because I actually would have said exactly what every other audience or viewer would have said. I would have been like, "You got a gold medal at the Olympics. That's amazing." So, how was it?
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Yeah. I mean, it was good because, you know, I think it's so I don't want to say strange, but it's so different when, you know, you had to become like a team and skate with your other fellow athletes. Like, it felt it felt like a
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different atmosphere, maybe a different environment. And, you know, maybe something I wasn't totally ready for because we're always so used to, you know, this is like all in you. this is like the individual event, you know, for all the competitions. It's just us and,
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you know, maybe have your friends or teammates to support you, but it's still like it's up to you to see, you know, if you win or not. So, you know, having like everyone kind of put in their amount of effort
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to, you know, get that gold medal and I was the last event to skate. So, I was kind of the make or break moment, which again, you know, sometimes that can mess with someone's head like, "Oh, this is
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all on me. I don't know what to do." But typically for me, I've always, you know, I've always used those moments as like this is my moments. I'mma make sure I win this, you know. So that's kind of
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the mentality I had going into it. That's your natural mindset. That's my natural mindset.
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That's amazing to not naturally or for your your innate you're not operating from fear having to build the confidence like naturally. [clears throat] I think maybe as most children do that and then somewhere along the line we learn how to
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be scared and nervous. Oh, I know. I mean like there there was like a study I don't know why I'm bringing this up, but there was like there was a study where to talk to put um they put like you know children or
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babies in a room and they had like they had them like test stuff out where they put like a a snake in the room with the different baby and like they weren't scared at all. [laughter] And I'm like yeah. So that looks like it
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just develops over time. So I think it's kind of the same mindset where maybe if you live in like this like moment or live, you know, in this environment where you know you're trained that you have to trust yourself, you know that
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even if you're scared, you know, you have to believe in this, you have to believe in yourself. So that's what I've always raised too. My parents, they always give me this advice. No matter where it is, no matter what the
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competition or the life scenario is, is always one step at a time. Trust your training, trust your process, and just enjoy.
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Are those words that you actually say to yourself before you compete? Usually, I say them in my head. Yes.
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Really? So, you kind of have a pre-performance mantra. It's not just a Hershey bar.
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No, it's not just a [laughter] Hershey bar. There's There's more that's going on. Yeah. I mean, there's a bunch that's going on. There's music. There's the Hershey bar. There's like [laughter] quotes.
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You're not sponsored by Hershey, are you? No. Okay. That's not an amazing chocolate. Can I say [laughter] they didn't they didn't want me. So, no, but like they didn't they didn't believe that I ate Hershey's before I competed.
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Well, this is kind of like divine intervention because it's it's not a good chocolate. It's like it's a bad chocolate. [laughter] But still, like, come on.
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It doesn't even taste like chocolate when you put it like next to real chocolate.
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It's for like little kids. Hey, [laughter] Hershey's has been my inspiration since I've been growing up.
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Okay. The fact they did not believe me when there's literal footage on the internet of me eating chocolate on NBC before my competition. Like Hershey, you missed out. Like that that's [laughter] again that's really crazy. That's it. It is what it is. I say that all the
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time. It is what it is. You can lead a horse to water. Um, another question.
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What? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I've never heard that before.
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Welcome to the Millennial School [laughter] of Wisdom and Platitudes. I haven't heard that word either. You [laughter] know, you're very welcome.
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I I feel so dumb right now. No, no, no. What did you tell me before?
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Dulu. Dulu is the salulu. There we go. That's my lingo. Yeah, we're gonna we're gonna exchange these after your gold medal win. Did you get on social media?
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I did. I mean, I wanted to see, you know, what people talk about. And this is I usually do this no matter what. I always, you know, after my competition, after a per well, after an event, after a
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performance, I usually go out there and see what people are saying. That's like my first reaction. Not that because I really value or you know I'm really sensitive to what people say, but I just like I'm just curious, you know, what my
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intentions are to these people or what they see, you know, when I'm at this event or when I win this competition. So that's kind of more of a natural thing.
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So, you know, to see me, you know, I was honestly the happiest I've ever been, you know, standing on that Olympic podium with the gold medal around me and my fellow teammates as well, especially since, as mentioned earlier, this is an
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individual sport. the fact that I'm there with them with this gold medal that you know I was able to secure for them again I was the last event of the day that you know ma made it or broke it
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anyway it secured it for them so it was it was an honor I just felt so happy for everyone I felt so happy for myself and I was truly the happiest like person in that moment wow what a spectrum
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little did we know you [laughter] Like it's so I don't know. I find this funny to me that like I was the happiest I've ever been and the most upset I've ever been at those Olympics. Like it went from like here to like like shot in
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the ground within the head first, you know, six feet under. Like that was crazy. But anyway, and no, I mean that's what sports do, man. The volatility of it like to be here. That's what I actually say is the
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hardest thing about sports is how quickly you can go up and down. Like there's not really like you can't have like a stat, you know, you can't statistically, you know, prove it. Like you can some people progress really
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fast, some people degress really fast. Like it's just like out of nowhere. Anything can happen. Especially for us on the ice, there's like different cons conditions you have to keep track of. Like the ice can feel different. That's something
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that we feel as skaters. You know, if the ice is not the right like temperature, it feels different to us.
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Like there's something called soft ice and there's hard ice. Which one's better? I typically prefer soft ice because you kind of get a more grip into the ice and it's easier to, you know, feel your edges. While hard ice is better for
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like, you know, all the heavier tricks like the jumps and the spins. Wow. So yeah, there's different conditions that you have to like adjust to a lot more uncertainty that meets the a lot more uncertainty than what meets our
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eye as viewers. But that's why I think I think a lot of sports that have so many factors involved when you go to competitions are the hardest to like, you know, the hardest to be at. Again, no shame to
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soccer or basketball, any of those sports but let me hear it. But [laughter] the goal is in the same spot. The rim is at the same height.
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Okay? You know, the ball is usually the same. The courts are usually, you know, built to standard the same. So, there's always kind of like the constant, you know, factors that come in that makes it more predictable or easier. I don't want to
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say easier because each sport has their own difficulties, their own weaknesses, weaknesses and strengths, but it's like, you know, you have a more consistent, you know, like environment. As for skating, you know, the ice can be the ring can be hot or cold. That also, you
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know, changes how we feel like our bodies might move differently or feel different. You know, the energy of the arena, I think that's more of like a common theme for everyone. you know, if it's an empty arena versus, you know, a
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packed like 20,000 seat arena, you know, that also gives a difference. Again, as I mentioned, the ice, you know, actually how it feels can be different.
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Yeah, I'll rebut you just with we have an opponent that changes. Well, so I think that's probably something I didn't account for. I know that's why I just I think for us also it's kind of similar you know
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like we don't we compete against the same people but the uncertainty of how the ice is also changes how the person is if that makes sense.
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I didn't realize how much the ice could play a difference. It does interesting. It also you know skates also depend on how or the skates also impact how you might skate. like if your blades are sharp, if your blades are dull, if they
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are, you know, new, if they're old, like also those factors kind of come into what can affect you. Like, you know, this is the story that maybe not everyone has heard at the Olympics, but so after we get got on the podium for
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the team event, you know, all of us are standing there. We get off with the other medalists from the other countries as well, and then we're all, you know, skating around. We kind of have this like victory moment where we go to the
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coaches, the teammates, the team members, you know, the officials, all the people from our countries. And, you know, I'm kind of looking around and I see everyone like like skating weirdly on the ice and I'm like like there's a difference between, you
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know, someone who's not so experienced in skating, then there's like something is wrong type of feeling. So, I'm looking at all the skaters and they're like struggling to like push or like, you know, skate on this. I'm like, "What
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is going on?" And then I step on the ice and I'm like, "Look, I'm looking at my skates and I see everyone else looking at their skates." I'm like, "Oh crap, what was wrong?" So, [snorts] what happened was there was
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like they put a certain type of spray on the podium that was like anti-slip, but the problem is you can't like it's basically like they put like a concrete spray on the podiums.
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Why would they do that? So that the skaters don't slip apparently. But but you're skaters, right? But the No, the thing is it dulls the blades. Concrete dulls the blades and so that spray dulled everyone's blades. And some of the
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some of the events were competing the next day. Like this was like at night and then in the morning they already had practice for their individual events.
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And I'm assuming it's not you don't want to just put on a new pair of blades.
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No. [laughter] No. But it's not even that. It's just the fact that then you have to go sharp in them. Got it.
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And then it's still, you know, some people they're not comfortable skating on skates that are too sharp.
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They like to kind of settle in, broken int breaking in new cleats. Yeah. A little bit. It's like settling into this, you know, sharpness cuz over time the blades do dull, you know, little by little.
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Unexpected. That was also a factor that probably came into the individual event. just like the skates I had we had to resharpen them. You know, the person from our team had to stand stay up all night to sharpen everyone's skates. He
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had to help out with the other federations too, like the other countries too. Like, it's crazy.
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Oh my god. You know, some people have, you know, got lucky that they brought an extra pair of skates. So when they got on the podium, they put on like an old pair of skates that they didn't use as their
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competitive pair cuz they had the same thing happen at the last Winter Olympics. So again, I didn't know that. A lot of us did not know that.
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That's just life. It just you never know. [laughter] That's uncertainty right there. You know, all of those factors just completely changed the whole thing.
Speaker A
This is advertiser content from Google [music] Gemini. As athletes, we tend to live and breathe our chosen sports.
Speaker A
[music] But I've always been curious how my skills as a soccer player would translate to another sport. And I mean something [music] completely different like figure skating. Let me ask Gemini.
Speaker A
Hi Gemini. [music] Based on the skills and strengths required to be a forward and a winger in soccer, where would I excel at ice skating and where would I struggle? Your natural athleticism, powerful lower body, and field vision as a winger would
Speaker A
give you a distinct head start on ice, but you might struggle adjusting to standing on a blade versus cleats because it uses different muscles in your ankles. You would also need to work on your rotational upper body control
Speaker A
and backward mobility for those twists and turns. That makes sense. But I'm curious how good I could get if I really pushed myself and commit to this. Can you design a month-long training program for me? For the first
Speaker A
two weeks, focus on foundation and ankle stamina with one foot glides, two foot swizzles, and hockey stops. For the second two weeks, focus on edge control and directional power with C cuts on a circle and outside edge glides. This
Speaker A
program will shift you from just knowing how to glide to actually skating like an athlete on the ice. All right, sounds like a fun challenge. Where's the nearest skating rink to the studio with rentable skates?
Speaker A
The nearest rink to you is at the intersection of VC Street and West Street. You can rent skates at the front desk when you walk in.
Speaker A
Guess I'm one step closer to my quadruple axle. Download Gemini, Google's AI app, or visit gemini.google.com to learn [music] more.
Speaker A
going into the individual event, you were the front runner, [music] you're the favorite, top dog, all of that, because you've been dominant for for such a long period of time and so dominant for such a long period of time.
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Most people assume that being the best or being considered the best is like the best thing. Like it's what you dream of.
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You dream about being the goat, being the best. But I am curious if it's always what it's cracked up to be.
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No. The best way to put it is no. That's the people only see the positive side of it. They only see, you know, he beat another world record. You know, he beat this guy by however many points. You
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know, he's, you know, unstoppable. He's been undefeated for so many years. Like [laughter] but all that pressure from people talking people talking about these things you know it makes you have to live up to an expectation that you know
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maybe you're not ready for or maybe that you don't necessarily want to give into that like that was what I felt going into these you know last two years leading up to those Olympics you know everyone giving me this expectation oh
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he has to win every time or else the world burns the world dies I don't know that's like the thought that made me feel Yeah. So, the fact that it was almost like, as I mentioned earlier, I think this is probably when we weren't,
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you know, recording, just being the people pleaser in my sport to have to live up to the certain expectations to, you know, make the people happy or make, you know, good results like that. All of that the last two years leading up to
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the Olympics burned me out. So that, you know, right when the most pressure was on me, all the cameras, all the media, everyone was there like, "Oh, he's going to win. He's going to win, right? He's going to win."
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You know, like, [laughter] like that's the Yeah. Like that was one thing I was not prepared for.
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And the media, oh my god. Like they say, "Oh, there's, you know, at the Olympics compared to like a world championships, there's a little more media." That's what they always said.
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What is a little like [laughter] like 100 miles? Like what is a little? It was a lot.
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It was it was like overwhelming me a lot. Especially they made me do it every single day for the two weeks before any of the competition started cuz you're the face.
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Cuz not [clears throat] only for me, but for all the athletes, which that's that's crazy to me. Like why do I need to talk to media every single day after every single practice?
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It's business. Like that's [laughter] That's That's not efficient and it's not It's not good for the athlete.
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That's not good for the athlete. It makes makes us look like we're in a zoo.
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That's what the Olympics felt like to me. I felt like a zoo or like a circus performer. Like I didn't feel like a true human. I felt like used. I felt like, you know, put into this perspective where, you
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know, oh, he's he's, you know, he's inhuman. He's a robot. He's from outer space. Like they made me feel like not a human.
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Wow. That was something that mindset that day where it didn't go the way I wanted to.
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This right here like basically turned the other way around, you know, like everything in my mind changed. The perspective on how I see the world, the perspective on how I see the sport, how I, you know, think about myself, think
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about others. It just completely shifted and I mean again I always believe things happen for a reason.
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So when that happened few days later I had you know sat in my dorm all day doing nothing but watching Netflix. But you know coming out coming back to like the public you know I already felt like a different person even after a day of
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just processing what happened processing like the factors that could have played in for this outcome. And I just realized like, you know, even like after the ice, you know, I was like, just happens.
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Yeah. There's nothing that I can do, nothing I can't control. That doesn't take take anything away as a human being. Maybe it doesn't make me an individual Olympic champion at that point. But as a person, as a competitor, as a figure skater, it
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did nothing. Matter of fact, now I believe that's the best thing that could have happened to me with the outcome that happened because if I would have won the that competition, it would have been the same thing all over again. He's dominated for
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so many years. You know, he's unstoppable. He's unbeatable. So now everyone got to see this human side of me that, you know, even though I lost in the most like most important part of my life so far. So far, good call. [laughter]
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So far that it doesn't take away from me and that I can still go congratulate the person who won.
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Like I see comments about like that's a bare minimum. Like people say that should be the bare minimum.
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Do you not know what's going through our heads when we're out on this stage competing?
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It's It feels like life. It feels like your entire life. It's life or death for [laughter] a skater on that ice. It literally can feel like life or death. even though it's not. You literally you're like people watching you not only in the
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arena everywhere else around the world how many millions billions of eyes are watching you and you just have to be like h oh it's okay I didn't win you know be classy that's not so realistic because everyone handles emotions differently than others
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when I watched your performance I was actually so impressed by how well you controlled your emotions through the through all of the music like till the last note. Like you were a bit stoic until the performance was completely
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over. And then even after the performance, you had the wherewithal to like really thank the crowd with it felt like a lot of humility while you were also processing everything that happened.
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I know how that is that's hard. I don't know how hard it is to do it on that stage, but I know how hard it is to be unhappy with your performance and for it to hurt. Like it almost feels like
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you're grieving something as it's happening. Yeah. I mean, just like the the feeling that I was in the moment, like with everything happening, like it felt like you were trying to catch a dollar bill on the street. That's that's how that
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whole performance felt. It like felt like you're trying to catch up. Like usually when I compete, I know a feeling it's like you're in the moment. You're present. Everything is going the way you wanted to. You're like, "Okay, like this
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element complete. Let's go to the next one." But it felt like everything was running away from me at that moment. And I was trying to catch up but couldn't until you know the last moment where the music stopped where I realized h
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I didn't think like that in the moments just for but it's just like the fact that I was like I felt humiliated inside just with that performance in its end no like that was so hard for me to deal
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with and you know I had I had to control myself even though I was ready. I was ready to like say the most unhinged, the craziest stuff that I could have said in those moments. Oh my god, I
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would probably not be in this room. I'd probably be done skating like [laughter] that.
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Thank God you did. Thank God that what happened? What happened? you know, like I can't even put into words like just no, you you your ability in that moment and even at at such a young age, like people really take for granted how
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difficult that is. Like it's it's so hard and social media doesn't help with any of that.
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No. Well, so this was my next parasocial. Oh my god. You know, I'm I'm about to crash out on the studio we're in because of talking about social media. Dude, they are they think they know everything about you, about the
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sport, about people that done the sport decades ago, centuries ago. They think they know everything, but they don't know what it's like until they're in that like in the moment or in the sport in the feeling. They don't know that.
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I don't want to butcher. I think it's called the Krueger. [sighs] I'm going to butcher it. Cougar dung.
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It's basically like a couch quarterback uh syndrome where the person who's watching the quarterbacks, they think they see everything perfectly on the television and they know that they can make the pass when they if they were in those shoes, but there's no
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[clears throat] shot. I mean, I do know a little bit about hockey. Don't [laughter] get me wrong.
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So, you get how you get there. But, but but like I mean I think it's funny just because I'm a figure skater and I kind of like I don't judge them about how they shoot the puck. I see like okay
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you could have gone like okay [laughter] the way the way they move. Okay. Like I'm sorry. I'm just with the other men like attacking them.
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I'm just a figure skater, you know? I just look at it a figure skating perspective.
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Yeah. Well, but now that you say it, like it's kind of those moments that make me realize, you know, what these people are actually doing is they don't know what's happening in the moments. They don't know what it's like when they have, you
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know, a bunch of different guys, you know, coming for them for the puck. It's like it's the crazy, you know, again, it's another pressure. It's like you're thinking about something completely different while the person sitting on the couch drinking coffee or eating
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popcorn is like, "Oh, you should have done that." Yeah. You're like, "Are you there?" Like [laughter] can you can you do are you at least watching in the venue?
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Like, you know, watching That's what's so special about figure skating, too, is the cameras and the media. They don't capture everything that you feel until you're there in person.
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They can't you see how fast the skaters are going. You see the power. You see the performance. You see all of that while, you know, in the camera, they have to keep you in the center. So you lose the
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sense of speed, you lose the sense of athleticism, you know, all of those key factors that come into it. It's so completely different.
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Sports are crazy. They're they're amazing. Sports are crazy, but they're amazing. I think my I was going to tie in my social media thread. So after your free skate, did you get on social media?
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I gave myself I gave myself a day just to, you know, not think about anything.
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I didn't want to be heard. I did not want to see anything that people talked about. And then, you know, a few days after I was like, "Okay, let's see what people are saying." You know, whatever.
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Oh, he finally lost. He got humbled. You know, really, that was what the rhetoric was.
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Well, that's what I thought they were going to say. Oh, what did they say?
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So, the amount of support, the amount of appreciation, the amount of crazy names messaging me saying like, "Hey, it happens." Like, "We still believe in you." like the support I got. I nearly like, you know, it's weird. I didn't cry
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after the program, even though I wanted to, but hearing these like all the support, all these messages, I honestly like cried for a little bit. I was like, "This is like so sweet. This is so beautiful to me." I've had so many names
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that reached out like Simone Biles talked to me, you know, Snoop Dog sent me a message. [laughter] Like, that's crazy. like Tom Brady, like all of these people [laughter] you know, had so much to say because they've been through these situations.
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They've been through these times where people maybe doubted them or they had a huge setback. They had all these huge negatives that happened, but they were still able to get out of it, still able to manage to become who they are. So all
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those all those people and not only those people, the fans too. Oh my god, that was probably the biggest things I ever felt. They were just there for me no matter what happened. You know, they're like, "You're our champion. You know, you're
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always there no matter what." It's it's so nice to feel. It's feels a relief after the crazy two weeks that happened hearing all that all of all of those things. Even other skaters, you know, coming back to the venue to watch,
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you know, all the other events happen. They all came up to me like, "We know you're still the best." you know, it's like I was so it made me so happy.
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That's beautiful. No, that's really beautiful and not actually what I expected you to say. I think maybe because I'm a pessimist about the world in general, but uh like I mean there's a few comments of we don't even need to like we [laughter]
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we don't even need to give it credence acknowledge or anything because I think it's it is so much more I just think the athlete experience it's so unique especially when you're operating at a level like that on a
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stage like that that there really are few people in the world who are able to relate to you in that way and who's understanding it's so impactful because they they know what it is and it's not the same as
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someone who's at home and saying and just saying oh you should have done this you should have that someone who's like who's been in it been in it at the same way here take my skates please you know like
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that [laughter] that's what I would have said what's interesting to me is you said relief after two weeks and I would argue that it was after two years No, you know, now now that he mentioned that, I think probably all of those two
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years kind of building up slowly slowly slowly by the time those Olympics, it probably did, it probably was the two years or however, you know, I don't want to even say two years, I want to say four years that whole Olympic cycle
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leading up to it because, you know, the the nationals before then, which was where you're decided if you get to the Olympics or not, I got second at those nationals And usually by criteria it's top three men get selected for the
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Olympics. They didn't select me because they assumed I had no experience. They're allowed to do that.
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Yeah. Is figure skating typically a sport where a coach's preference on experience has that much weight in the decision?
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A little bit. Yes. I didn't realize that. So, it's it's like very tricky to explain because for our sport, it's not judged by the scores. It's not judged by the results.
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It's, you know, it's really just, okay, I think you're ready. I think you can go. You should go. Like, it's very hard to see that. But the thing is, it doesn't matter if they would have sent me because I've seen people say like,
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"Oh, he didn't go. Maybe he thought he was gonna win." No, I didn't care about winning at that time. Just going there, getting the Olympic experience would have helped me realize how big the Olympics were at these Olympics.
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For sure. So, it's just from that moment where they said I wasn't going and, you know, seeing so many people behind me saying, "Oh, he should have went. He should have went." That gave me another like fire in
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me, the other spark just to like, okay, you know, I'm going to prove them wrong these next four years. That's when I landed the quad axle during those four years. Like, I'm really big on like, I'm going to
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prove you wrong. I do that in daily life. I do that everywhere. On the ice, it's like three times as much.
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So, that moment there really set the stage for these Olympics to be like, I'm going to prove everyone wrong. why they should have sent me there before.
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And it's so cyclical. It's so poetic. And we're gonna get into the poetry of the music you selected. And I did you write your music?
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I I was We We're going to do it. We'll get into it. [laughter] Yeah.
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But I think they caught you on the hot mic after saying Beijing, I would not have skated like that.
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I said I would not have skated like that if they sent me to Beijing.
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That was the 2022 Olympics, right? Because, you know, you have to get the experience to a to be able to understand what it feels like, you know, with the pressure that I felt these last few years and going there for the first
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time, you know, that's very like so many things you have to take into account at once.
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Yeah. Yeah. So even you know again I can't change what happened all those things but if I went there I would have gotten the experience and this would have been a whole completely different experience but again I'm going to say
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this I always say this everything happens for a reason. Yes. I mean, we can we can get to how quickly you came back [laughter] after that, but I do before we move on, I I do want to read to you your your
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voice or the the Did you write this? I was. Yes, I did like I basically wrote with the help of my choreographer and her husband who's like a film director and works a lot on like poetry and like
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you know kind of speaking and talking. So we sat down and we basically wanted to give this message of like, you know, this program is about, you know, becoming a better version of yourself, becoming, you know, someone that maybe
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you're afraid to become. And it was more about like you need to embrace, you know, the darkness. You have to embrace the unknown in order to, you know, become the best version that you can be.
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Do you recognize the irony? Yes. [laughter] That's that's really amazing. Yeah. I mean, and so I I know it was difficult to go through, but watching it and hearing like I I really enjoy um classical music. And when I
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heard the music, it really touched me because it because it plays like an epic. It's so ominous and melancholy, but then it escalates really really quickly just as you're you're also escalating. And the commentary that you paired with it, it just felt really
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really intentional. And so to hear you come back and say that it was about embracing the darkness and coming becoming who you want to be and how transformative that actual performance was for your personal like this feels really [laughter]
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Yeah. I mean I want like skating is not only it's a sport, it's an art.
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It's like a masterpiece on the ice. Like that's what I love so much about the sport is it's so expressive.
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Yeah. It's I I was going to say free, but it's not so free. We'll get into that later, but it's just the amount like you can express yourself in any different way. You know, me personally, I'm not the biggest fan of classical
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music. So, I'm really big into like rock, like heavy metal. Oh, couldn't guess. [laughter] the adrenaline junkie who likes rock and heavy metal [laughter] or rap, you know, or modern contemporary like No, I heard your the um music you chose
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for your uh individual short program. I was like, "Oh, okay." So, it's that DMV coming out. [laughter] My god. But it's like just I enjoy watching the sport, just seeing all the other skaters, what music they skate to,
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how they perform to it, how they express themselves. That's what I love about the sport so much.
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And do most of your performances are they kind of your personal touch of like where you are in life?
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I would say like closer to last few years, yes. But I think more of it's really just personal preference to what I like, what I feel in the moment. Like those those two pieces that I picked for my programs, they were like they spoke
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to me once I heard them. Like I got goosebumps. I was like, "Oh, this is it." Like I know what you can skate to. Like it's weird for us as for you skaters.
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We can like envision a song that we can skate to be listening to music. to say I can skate to this song. Like this is a song you can skate to.
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So that's something that, you know, I'm very glad I have this like I don't want to say superpower, but it's like this ear that you can just, you know, just get a feel for it before you even try it.
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Do you have a favorite line from the words you chose for that performance? Cuz I do. Uh, I would say begin where light no longer reaches, where no path has yet been made.
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That's my favorite line because that is basically saying, you know, go somewhere you're not familiar with and where you're basically creating the path.
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You're basically making the decisions. you're making the direction and do you feel that's kind of where all of this took you post Olympics?
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Yes. I think the irony of what it seems like you know honestly making this program like in the whole process of making it I thought I knew everything. That's the way I wanted this program is like the idea is you've been
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around for so long like I don't know however you want to be like fantasized like centuries you know for billion years whatever that looks like and it's like this being who's been through so much and he's like you know kind of like
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that voice in the sky that's like you know guiding you and telling you like what what he's been through and like what's helps him you know become who he is. So that was basically what I felt after those Olympics
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that this whole thing like I basically spoke that into existence and made it you know my journey to become this new version or this new person I became before my next competition.
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That whole thing there that changed completely. I'm jealous. [laughter] Oh, that's so I'm just jealous of I'm jealous of the artistry. Like how what a what a special is not the word. It's just a unique opportunity to express yourself
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in a way that we think on the same wavelength. I was going to say unique. Yeah, it's Yeah, it's just it's really it is unique and like it's it's rare to be able to find a type of outlet like that because even
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obviously you're pairing the music with your movements and I just think about you know when I dance in front of the mirror like as if I'm like a pop star and I'm like oh like I can see you in
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the movie like to me it's almost like I see it like the part of the Marvel movie where Captain America is getting defeated an Endgame and Sam calls and he's like, "I'm on your left." Like I'm like, "This is this is like the
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epic like and you get to hear the music with it and I'm just like I just hear the the whistle blow [laughter] so it's not as dramatic." Um, six weeks later in Prague, you opened worlds with a career best short program.
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How did we get How did you like That's a short six weeks. six weeks to take what you have acknowledged to be one of the hardest moments of your career to bouncing back in a way that I don't want to say unheard of but it
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like a very very few people can do that. I said okay I don't care anymore. You know for us it was the you know the last competition the season for me that's usually like oh the last one and then
Speaker A
the season's over. I was I've been through so much that season. I was like, "Okay, please, I want this to finish as soon as possible." So, that was, you know, the normal mindset I usually have.
Speaker A
But what was new about it was I said goodbye to the expectations. I was like, I need to stop giving myself expectations if I know I'm not ready for them. So, going there, I was like, I'm just going to have fun. I'm just gonna
Speaker A
do do what I love. You know, going out there just skating for an audience.
Speaker A
That's what I love to do. I don't care if I wasn't at my best. I don't care if people judge me for not doing the quad axle because every event I go to, people always like, "Is he going to do the quad
Speaker A
axle? Is he going to do it?" No, I'm not doing it. [laughter] You know, so I just said goodbye to all those things and I just let myself enjoy the moment, enjoy that. And that's usually when you perform the best is when you're just
Speaker A
doing it for yourself. When you're doing it for the love, when you're doing it for the sport, that's usually when you perform your best.
Speaker A
Don't I know it. And yet somehow we find our way back to the other.
Speaker A
It's that's that's part that's part of the journey. That's part of it. You have I think now I've found that really really good balance. Again, that's a big key for my life is balancing what you need to balance and having the priorities
Speaker A
that you need to prioritize. So for me, my priority should be myself, my feelings, my emotions, my body, my health. All of those should be my top top priority. I don't care if people call me selfish. I'd rather people call
Speaker A
me selfish than, you know, being like helping everyone even if you can't help. Like hearing that right now just frustrates me. It frustrates me.
Speaker A
I don't want to be like anyone else. That is also what I've always been from a young age. I've always wanted to be different. I've always wanted to be unique. I've always wanted to stand out.
Speaker A
Like if everyone's buying a red car, I'm gonna buy a blue blue car. If everyone's drinking water, I'm gonna drink something else. Like that's always been my personality. Just be different from everyone else.
Speaker A
I think part of what I'm hearing when you're talking about putting yourself first is I I the first parallel I can draw is when you're on the airplane and they say put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others. And I feel
Speaker A
like a piece of the story that is kind of kind of going like unheard or silenced is that you're not just pleasing other people, but you're pleasing other people before you're taking care of yourself.
Speaker A
Yeah. And that is the really dangerous part that is hurtful to you. So, it's really amazing to see you find that switch where it's like, "No, I'm going to put my mask on first and then should I be able to get
Speaker A
it on, I'll be happy to help you with yours." [laughter] If people think that's disrespectful, then it's not.
Speaker A
I don't know what to say. I do think Okay, there's this book. It's called the confident mind and it's um Eli Manning's confidence coach and in sports psychologist coach and he talks a lot about how all of the information in
Speaker A
whatever you take in during the day, whatever you put your energy into is what fuels your mind's capacity to think about things. and basically how one of the things he had to tell a lot of his athletes was you can get on social media
Speaker A
but it's going to take up a little bit more of your mind than something else that I want you to focus on. So what he started doing is having some of his athletes watch highlights for the same amount of time that they would watch
Speaker A
social media and that would just like take up some of their mental space and put it here instead of like somewhere else. So, I think it's just I think it's amazing that you are taking more of your energy and putting it towards you.
Speaker A
All of that to say that. Yeah, it's [laughter] very important. I mean, but also like don't get me wrong, like you know, talking about like social media, I've never been the person to really get affected for what people say.
Speaker A
That's amazing. Like, you know, there's like you have a few days or a few times where something hits you harder than it should, but most of the time if people are writing negative comments about me, I'm just like, this is so entertaining
Speaker A
for me. This is literally making me feel even better about myself. No way. Yeah.
Speaker A
No. Yeah. Like I said, I'm crazy. That is crazy. That that is a unique talent, I would say. I just can't I can't read it. Um, before we close out, I want to ask you about your latest social media post
Speaker A
since we're talking about social media. I No. Yeah. Before I put my interpretation on it, like tell me what it's about.
Speaker A
So, well, it's like basically you're facing your altra ego. And I don't remember what I wrote, but I believe it was like you're not afraid of, you know, the person you don't want to be. It's more like you're afraid of the
Speaker A
person you have to be or you have to become. So, it's not a bad like it's not like you have to take on the bad part about you. It's you have to embrace what maybe you were too scared to like
Speaker A
become. H have you heard the um Zack, you might have to help me. What's her name? Marian here. It's uh it's from Coach Carter, but it's it's a very very famous quote and it's our greatest fear is not that
Speaker A
we are inadequate, it's that we are powerful beyond measure. Is that kind of the same sentence? It is kind of like this, but also it's kind of what I've been relating to, you know, after that Olympics, just like the
Speaker A
switch of like mindset, the mentality like this is me stepping into becoming something else even more. Oh, I love still going after you even found the success after.
Speaker A
No, it's going to keep going. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes, it is. Ilia, the [laughter] whole the whole thing is called vision 2030.
Speaker A
Okay. So we have a strategy plan name. Yes. So this whole thing is what I call it is like the progress I make for the next four years.
Speaker A
Not just skating as a person you know as you know business just like success like everything about me that can happen and will happen. This is what this whole thing is about. It's basically this new journey like I said, you know, that's
Speaker A
why it's my favorite quote is like it's creating something that's not there yet. So, this is this new thing that I'm starting to bring up that will take me around into different opportunities, you know, different experiences and just, you know, make me
Speaker A
bigger. Vision 2030. Well, here's to your vision 2030, Ilia. Thank you so much for joining us on Confessions of an Elite Athlete.
Speaker A
Thank you. Thank you so much. This is fun.
Topics:Ilia Malininfigure skatingquad axleQuad GodOlympicsathlete mental healthburnoutLutz jumpsports psychologyConfessions of an Elite Athlete
