Speaker A
I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach, Chelsea, because I think I might be in a relationship. Oh! Tell me.
Exploring the modern dating term 'maybelatership', its differences from situationships, and the complexities of ambiguous relationships.
Key Takeaways
- Maybelaterships are a distinct, timing-based form of ambiguous relationship different from situationships.
- Uncertainty and lack of commitment can cause emotional pain and potential toxicity.
- Honest communication and mutual agreement on relationship status are essential.
- Modern dating apps contribute to the prevalence of ambiguous relationship terms and behaviors.
- Individuals must evaluate if waiting in a maybelatership is worth potential missed opportunities.
What the video covers
- The video introduces the term 'maybelatership' as a new, more complex form of ambiguous relationship distinct from situationships.
- Situationships are described as undefined relationships with unequal eagerness, often toxic due to lack of commitment.
- 'Maybelaterships' occur when timing or circumstances prevent commitment, such as distance or mental health concerns.
- The hosts share personal experiences and discuss the emotional challenges of waiting and uncertainty in maybelaterships.
- Listeners share mixed views, with some seeing maybelaterships as hopeful, others as painful or toxic.
- Honesty and clear communication are emphasized as crucial to avoid manipulation and toxicity in these relationships.
- The video discusses the impact of dating apps on modern relationship ambiguity and commitment hesitation.
- Viewers are encouraged to define the relationship clearly ('DTR') to avoid indefinite waiting and emotional harm.
- The video highlights gender differences in experiences with maybelaterships based on social media feedback.
- Ultimately, the video suggests that while maybelaterships can work, they require mutual understanding and timing alignment.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction to Maybelatership
- 00:29Situationships vs Maybelaterships
- 00:51Differences Explained
- 01:17Situationship Characteristics
- 01:58Reasons for Maybelaterships
- 02:25Personal Experience with Maybelatership
- 02:56Challenges of Waiting
- 03:49Can Maybelaterships Work?
- 04:18Listener Stories and Perspectives
- 04:49Toxicity and Honesty in Relationships
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
I'm not entirely sure, right? You're going to help me get there. 'Maybelatership' can be a beautiful thing, but also a really, really painful thing as well.
Speaker A
So, Chelsea, I've been seeing these videos all over TikTok. So bad news. I've been informed of a new term that is taking over the modern dating economy. It's called a 'maybelatership'.
Speaker A
And I just think something like this is 20 steps in the wrong direction. I think it's beautiful, I really do.
Speaker A
There's 'situationships'. Nobody likes those, but 'maybelaterships', it's kind of a thing of beauty a little bit.
Speaker A
Think casual situationship is already at the floor, 'maybelatership' is like the pits of hell.
Speaker A
I thought it was pretty much the same as a situationship, but it seems to be a little bit more complicated than that.
Speaker A
Yeah. As often with dating trends online, it gets more complicated the more you get into it.
Speaker A
I thought the same thing, actually, that it was pretty much just a rebrand of the 'situationship', but it seems like it actually is different.
Speaker A
So if you look at 'situationships', it's kind of like the umbrella term, right? This is like the new strain, if you will.
Speaker A
The new strain of an ambiguous hot mess. Yes, exactly. Great. So you've got situationships as the umbrella term.
Speaker A
That's when two of you are in a relationship. But can you call it a relationship? You're dating.
Speaker A
You're seeing each other. It's probably a better term to use. Okay. Two of you seeing each other and you're not quite sure about committing to it.
Speaker A
You're not quite sure about defining it, so you're avoiding that topic. A lot of the time, it's kind of seen now as more of a byword for something that's a bit toxic, because one person will be more eager
Speaker A
than the other, and it feels like the other person is kind of, you know, trying to keep it undefined in order to prolong the benefits of it without having to actually define what it is.
Speaker A
This makes me cringe. So a maybelatership is a type of that. You're not defining the relationship, you're not committing to it, but for a more concrete reason because the timing isn't right.
Speaker A
Hence the 'maybelatership'. So it could be because the two of you are about to go to university or about to go to college, and you don't want to commit to it because you're going to be going to different towns.
Speaker A
It could be because maybe you don't feel like your mental health is in the right place for a committed relationship at that time.
Speaker A
So there's a whole plethora of reasons out there why you're saying not now, maybe later.
Speaker A
But again, with the situationship, it can also turn into something that's not quite healthy or kind of upfront.
Speaker A
Yeah, I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach, Chelsea, because I think I might be in a 'maybelatership'. Oh, tell me.
Speaker A
I'm not entirely sure. You're going to help me get there. Okay. So. Open honest moment. Moment of truth.
Speaker A
I'm seeing someone. Someone who I really like. But they live very, very far away. Ah. Okay.
Speaker A
Okay. And so we've decided not to define it as a relationship until we can spend more time together in the same place, get to know each other a bit more, and also work out if we actually are going to have a future in the same place.
Speaker A
So I guess as far as that's concerned, it is like a 'maybelatership', but I hope it's also like a 'probablyyeslatership'. - Yeah. No, exactly.
Speaker A
It's the kind of it comes back to what I was saying about timing before.
Speaker A
And like, there's a whole like range of the people that I've seen posting about it on TikTok, some of them very similar to what you just described.
Speaker A
You're in different places. And so you're thinking, well, we have to kind of wait this out and see how it goes and think about it more before hopping into things.
Speaker A
Yeah, that's a 'maybelatership'. And then it can also be another case where people are saying, I feel like I have this really strong connection with this person, but they're saying, I'm not ready now, which is putting me in a difficult place of, well, do I want to wait for them?
Speaker A
Or am I going to move on and see if I have prospects elsewhere? It's the waiting that's so hard, isn't it?
Speaker A
Because while you're waiting to work out if something's right with one person, you're potentially missing opportunities to meet other people.
Speaker A
Time is running out. All of that. So I wanted to find out if a 'maybelatership' can ever work.
Speaker A
Can it ever turn into a happy, committed relationship, or is it basically doomed and a red flag from the start?
Speaker A
So we've been asking some of our viewers and our listeners to get in touch, and I'm going to play some of the videos that they've sent to you now.
Speaker A
So this is Rosa. 'Maybelatership' can be a beautiful thing, but also a really, really painful thing as well.
Speaker A
It's beautiful because there is a real connection and there's hope, but it's kind of painful because you're holding on to something that is not quite certain.
Speaker A
It's not - it's not a yes, but it's not really a no either. And when I was living in London for a year, I met someone I really liked and I wanted something more serious with them, but they weren't quite ready.
Speaker A
And they told me to wait and they had to think about it. And I really held on to that hope for quite a while.
Speaker A
But I eventually knew to let go. And it wasn't easy, but I now know it's better that way.
Speaker A
I think it's that uncertainty that Rosa talks about that really gets me. Like if you - especially if you have an anxious attachment type.
Speaker A
Yeah. Being in an uncertain, undefined thing where you can't fully trust that the other person actually wants to be with you.
Speaker A
I think that would be really hard. Yeah, I think it is. It's a good reminder that if you do find yourself in this kind of situation, you can make the choice for yourself. Is the person worth waiting for?
Speaker A
You know, you can move on if you decide to. So I have been looking at these videos online and the views I would say are pretty mixed.
Speaker A
Some people are like, this is great, but other people are like, this is just a new label, a new term, for a really toxic relationship.
Speaker A
So can they be pretty toxic? I think they can. Like I was saying, there seems to be quite a spectrum of different experiences and in some cases they can be toxic because if somebody isn't committing to you and you want that commitment,
Speaker A
you feel like there's a connection there. A lot of people have said it almost kind of feels like stringing someone along - totally - and manipulating them because you want to keep that connection.
Speaker A
You want to keep someone that's kind of yearning for you, but you don't actually want the- It's attention! Pretty much.
Speaker A
I don't think that's what my 'maybelatership' is - But I can totally see like, you might just - people like having other people's attention.
Speaker A
Of course. I've definitely been in situations where I've kept them going because there are benefits to being in them, even though it might not have been with the right person.
Speaker A
I might have had a feeling early on that like they're not the one. Like maybe I hadn't been completely honest with myself or with them about that. Exactly.
Speaker A
And there's many such cases, right? Yeah. I'm sure I'm not the only - Exactly.
Speaker A
Most people have had an experience like that, but it's about to what extent can you take that? Yeah. While being fair to the other person.
Speaker A
Yeah. You've got to be honest. Exactly. You have to be honest. I think that's the key here.
Speaker A
If you're being honest with the person and you're both on the same page, then that's okay. But if not, if one person feels like they're being kind of tricked in some way, then it turns toxic. Yeah.
Speaker A
But there's a whole kind of range of reasons why people are saying, why are we having this now?
Speaker A
Like, why do we feel like there's so many different terms? Different ways of having an ambiguous relationship!
Speaker A
We're not settling down, are we, Chelsea? We're just not settling down. I think a huge reason is the dating apps, you kind of get the il
Speaker A
Even so, meeting someone in person, there's so much more that you can garner about who that person is.
Speaker A
Like the way that they walk, how their voice sounds. All of that's kind of being flattened out into 2D, into a dating app - what they look like and what their height is. Exactly.
Speaker A
And so the kind of illusion of unlimited choice, if something doesn't work out, I can just go back to the apps and keep swiping and meet somebody else - sometimes means that when you're in a relationship, you think,
Speaker A
well, I don't quite want to commit to this yet. Because there might be something better out there.
Speaker A
Yeah, there might be something better. So I need to keep all of my options open.
Speaker A
I think most of the stuff that I've been seeing online is about straight heterosexual relationships, guys and girls, is 'maybelaterships' also a thing that's happening in different couples as well.
Speaker A
Is that just a general trend? Yeah. It's interesting. So from what I've seen on TikTok and Instagram and lots of other social media sites, it seems to mainly be heterosexual couples that are posting about it or people that are in a heterosexual relationship.
Speaker A
So I've seen a lot of women posting about having negative experiences in it, which is interesting. Some men talking about having positive ones.
Speaker A
I saw that one too - which is interesting. Yeah. Which is the main one that other people were tagging and commenting on and saying, actually it's terrible.
Speaker A
It's hard to not like make a generalisation from what people are saying. I'm sure that this isn't just applying to heterosexual relationships.
Speaker A
Maybe it isn't. But it seems like there's a spectrum of experiences. I think we need to hear from an expert. You've been speaking to a dating coach, right?
Speaker A
I have been, so let's hear from them now. To avoid the indefinite 'maybelatership' trap, first push to 'DTR'or 'define the relationship' or in this case, 'define the maybelatership'. Specifically, under what circumstances might they commit to a relationship?
Speaker A
And over what timeline? And what are you two going to do in the meanwhile?
Speaker A
And also make it clear that you are not contentedly waiting for them? This might be limiting your investment of time or energy in the 'maybelatership'.
Speaker A
Or you can also tell them that you're going to date other people until they can tell you that later is now.
Speaker A
So it sounds like as long as you're both on the same page, that's the most important thing, communicating.
Speaker A
If you go like 'maybe later', maybe it's working out when later actually is and finding out what your timeline looks like, especially if one person wants definition and the other person seems to be avoiding it. And look, we have to wrap this up Chelsea.
Speaker A
But I went back to have a look at some of the comments on our other YouTube episodes about dating and relationships.
Speaker A
And we did one on Prenups. And I want to read some of them out to you now.
Speaker A
Yeah. So we got a comment that said 'marriage is a business no matter which way you look at it.' And we got another one that said, 'I guess even the most die hard romantics are starting to look at divorce rates and are being brought back to reality.'
Speaker A
So sometimes I just think are modern relationships doomed. A positive note to end on!
Speaker A
No, of course not. I feel like if you go on social media, sometimes you might feel like they are, but if you're outside and dating, it can - there can be really - it's fun, right?
Speaker A
So maybe it's to kind of take a mixture of both. Remember, if it's, if you feel like it's really horrible, go outside, touch grass.
Speaker A
It's always the answer to kind of get away from the negativity, but yeah - Meet people in real life, and get out more. Exactly.
Speaker A
You've got to get dancing again. Yeah. Chelsea, thanks so much. Thank you. Hannah.
Topics:maybelatershipsituationshipmodern datingambiguous relationshipsrelationship commitmentdating appsrelationship toxicitydefine the relationshipBBC World ServiceWhat in the World
