Speaker A
Are you giving Daddy his tools? Good job.
A hilarious compilation of funny TikTok clips featuring family moments, pranks, and quirky conversations that will have you laughing out loud.
Key Takeaways
- Family and everyday life provide endless material for humor and relatable content.
- Simple, candid moments often create the funniest and most engaging videos.
- TikTok trends and challenges continue to inspire creative and entertaining clips.
- Humor can be found in both planned jokes and spontaneous mishaps.
- Engaging with family and friends through social media adds a fun layer to daily interactions.
Summary
- The video is a compilation of various funny TikTok clips showing family interactions, jokes, and everyday humorous situations.
- Includes playful moments like kids asking for tools, funny misunderstandings about solar eclipses, and lighthearted family banter.
- Features humorous takes on Snapchat streaks, awkward haircut experiences, and silly challenges like spinning fingers in opposite directions.
- Highlights amusing conversations about food ratings, lead content in Lunchables, and playful teasing among family members.
- Shows candid reactions to mishaps such as a collapsing drawer and a failed haircut attempt.
- Includes lighthearted jokes about relationships, love interests, and friend zone dynamics.
- Captures spontaneous funny moments like kids being thrown in water and playful interactions with pets.
- The video blends relatable family humor with viral TikTok trends and quirky everyday observations.
Chapters
- 00:00Funny Family Moments and Tools
- 05:39Snapchat Streaks and Dance Challenges
- 10:27Water Fun and Playful Interactions
- 14:52Food Ratings and Kitchen Mishaps
- 18:42Funny Conversations and DoorDash Story
- 23:10Wigs, Haircuts, and Silly Challenges
- 27:31Lead in Lunchables and Family Jokes
- 31:59Closing Fun and Lighthearted Banter
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Baby, I'm the cousin of the bride, and this is my first beer of the night. No, no, no, I think I like this little life. What are you looking at?
Speaker A
Excuse me, could you please record me for just a second? Sure.
Speaker A
Why are you following me? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Stood on my front porch and I got that. Let me see.
Speaker A
That's the solp zo. Yeah, yeah. No, is that so? You got the solar eclipse from home? Let me see the picture.
Speaker A
Mom, you look. Who do you see? The ring. If you really come in. Yeah, you can also see the
Speaker A
light pole. Mhm, it's a light P. I know, but that's during the day, so it's behind the glass. But when I was looking at it, that is a street light.
Speaker A
No, it's not. Yes, it is.
Speaker A
Would you like me to give you a reading of your future? Yes, please. You're going to live in a house of cheese in two years.
Speaker A
Okay, will I meet the—my crystal ball tells me everything. Can your crystal
Speaker A
ball please tell you if there will be a love interest in my life? You'll be alone forever. Take the blindfold off. I love you.
Speaker A
No, no, no, no. My name is my at my—
Speaker A
Maran people want us to recreate that, um, the dance in the kitchen.
Speaker A
No, no, CH, just leave that. Just leave that there. Thank God, damn it. Yeah.
Speaker A
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like they left without me. They do this every year. What, doesn't
Speaker A
anyone love me? Isn't there anyone who cares about sh? The SLO cook. Let him cook now. Let him cook. I said let him go.
Speaker A
My mother is officially one of my best friends on Snapchat. She sure is, sweetie, and it's
Speaker A
going to stay that way for as long as we both have a Snapchat. I like to say snap 'cause it's cool and hip and trendy. We like to AB breath, don't we, sweetie? Now snap me back and keep the streak alive, okay?
Speaker A
Okay. And whoever Jessica is at the top, yeah, I'm on top always, so she's going down. Okay, snap me back, Grayson. Grayson, snap me back.
Speaker A
Well, made it out of the friend zone. Now we're not even friends. The
Speaker A
count of three. No, you can't do it yet. You have to wait. Okay, ready? On the count of three, we're going to take our picture. 1, 2, 3, cheese. Cheese.
Speaker A
Uh, one more cheese. I think we got one. Do you want Daddy to throw you in
Speaker A
the water? Yeah. Okay, Daddy, throw you in. So go on in.
Speaker A
Go. How do y'all say that [ __ ]? Missy, Mr. Bui windshield. Hey, no worries, buddy. Yeah. Oh my God, what is this? Turn that off. What did you do?
Speaker A
Um, so I was trying to get a pencil. Why is my drawer on the ground? Um, when I pulled it out, it fell. All I did was pull it a little bit and then it completely collapsed.
Speaker A
So why did you leave it on the
Speaker A
ground? I, I could not put it back. It just did not go back in. Well, do it now. You don't deserve my water. Put it down. My drawer back. You got to get the wheels above the—oh my God, really? Can you just help
Speaker A
me? Help. Just, you know why I pulled you over? 'Cause I'm black. Yeah, no, no, your wife fell out of the car about a mile back. Wonder was so quiet. All right, and then can I also have barbecue sauce or
Speaker A
do you have like a buffalo sauce? No. Check the lace office. Just getting our cardio in. Little steps. This my little crew. What was that? Was that lady? I don't know. She was just saying hi. We go. I'm
Speaker A
telling Mommy and said hi to her. I was just saying I'm telling Mommy. Hey, how's it going? How your day? How's it going? Hi. Hey, how's it going? I wasn't even talking like that. Hey, how's it going? It's called being polite.
Speaker A
Hey, going. You guys should try it sometimes. Hey, how's it going? Hurry up and go. Hey, how's it going? Apparently, I can't, I can't even say hi to other females. Do you like Granddad's hat, Nan? No. I don't. He's a bloody [ __ ].
Speaker A
Can you, can you rate your meal from 1 to 10? So on a scale of 1 to 10, what do you give the chicken nuggets? What do you give the chicken nuggets? 10. A 10? They're that good. What about the pasta, the
Speaker A
butter pasta? 10, too. 10, too. Nice. I was just saying 10, 10 also. All right, and, and what about the ketchup? Ketchup? What? 10 also. 10. Everything's a 10 out of 10. Okay, so the texture of it's okay. The texture of what? The
Speaker A
pasta. It's like, look, so last time, um, it was much harder inside, but do you see it now? Now it's like, watch this. Come on, SPO. I need you. Hurry up. Come on. I need you. I got you. You got me? Yeah. I need you to take
Speaker A
care of that problem right there. It's too big. Bit you going? You going to hit it? Get back, get back, get back. Okay, don't miss it. Y'all get back, get back. How are y'all fully drump? He that leg moving. I see you. See
Speaker A
that leg moving? Yes, ma'am. I'm going ahead. Sh handle it like a man. Booty, you got this. I got it. You do. Look at it. It's a little unicorn month. I'm actually already aware of autism. And you're never going to
Speaker A
guess how I just got back from getting my haircut. This is what I was going for. This was my hair two months ago, and this is me before I went into the barber shop. You know, look, big smile on my face, hair covering
Speaker A
up my receding hairline. And this is my hair now. What is that? What is that? I think he didn't like me. I think he didn't like me. I'm trying to cover my receding hairline, not reveal it. I paid four
Speaker A
box to look like Humpty Dumpty. Oh Jesus God, am I going to be like that all day? Am I going to be like that all day? I need a refund. Oh Lord.
Speaker A
If you can make me mad using one word, I'll do whatever you want. You're ugly. I said to use one word. Yeah, okay. Ugly. Not working. Ugly is not even a— that's not, that's not going to be a word that gets me upset. You have any other words that
Speaker A
might get me upset? What do you have any other words that might get me upset? Like one word to get me upset? What do you have a word that you think will make me upset? That way I can do whatever you
Speaker A
want because it seems like that would be exciting for you. What? I think I'm making myself very clear. I don't think I'm not speaking English well for you to understand. What? What do you mean? What? What do you mean? What if you can make me
Speaker A
mad with one word, then I'll do whatever you want. Beautiful things that—
Speaker A
No, this is my idea of a very nice day out. I was talking to this guy and he was like, I travel for work, and I found out
Speaker A
he's a DoorDash driver. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream. That is potentially the best egg I have ever— I'm human. Um, f, yes. Do you, yes, do you have a—
Speaker A
question? Oh, I'm a gummy bear. A gummy bear. Show me your completely useless secret talent. Spin your fingers in opposite directions, and what you're all doing right now is you're doing this. That's the same direction. Okay, this is the same direction. What I want you to do is spin
Speaker A
your fingers in opposite directions like that. What's this? Lunchables have lead in them? What? Oh my God, Lunchables have lead in them? They got 74% of the maximum allowable dose. We have maximum allowable doses of lead. Oh no, that's a California— because there is
Speaker A
no, there is no federal limit, so you can just put— there's no federal limit to how much lead you can put in a Lunchable. In 3.2 ounces of a turkey and cheddar, they got 74% of all the lead you
Speaker A
need. What about the little pizzas? 73% for pepperoni pizza Lunchables. Are they serving them out of Stanley Cups? What's happening here? My God, this is just like, this is just like the little squeezy apples sauces with the cinnamon, 'cause the C— they were using lead
Speaker A
instead of actual cinnamon, and kids were getting brain poison because the applesauce had lead in it because it was cheaper to put lead in it than cinnamon. I feel like, I feel like there should be, I feel like we should ban lead
Speaker A
in Lunchables. Nana's trying on her new wigs and be encouraging. She's trying on wigs. Yeah, that's good. Oh, look at that. I don't believe I like— no, you look like we m. No, honey, we got to get a
Speaker A
different H, and then I, and then I match it, and then I go chy. You clipped his wood? What's up, brother? What's up, brother? Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. I just, just made an Evite for my daughter's first birthday party, and on
Speaker A
Evite it says import contacts, and I thought it made import to select through. No, it imported all 487 of my contacts and invited them to this birthday party. Not only did it invite my boss, all of my co-workers, all—
Speaker A
I'll be there and you'll be here oh my [Music] God what open explain to me what this is oh that's my earn that's your earn that's my I wanted to make sure she keeps it that I spent eternity in something that
Speaker A
I liked yeah so I bought my own ear it's got palm trees it's I'm proud of it and I keep it in the kitchen I don't want the kids to forget that I belong in here and you drink your coffee in the morning and
Speaker A
stare at that thing oh yeah cuz I yearn for the ear this is the weest you she for her I'm 85 pushing 86 hard I can't see I can't hear I can't walk mhm I can't do anything m so the ear sounds like a good
Speaker A
alternative well it's beautiful it is it is and I picked it out as mine mom what six did you expect that is there anything else you noticed what else did you notice what take a bite is there mustard well
Speaker A
yeah but not that something else [Laughter] [Laughter] I'm being gangstalk by the CIA they put a chip in my brain ready for the wedding cost breakdown no let's start with flowers that's the cheapest thing I assume $300 15,000 15 I will literally go outside
Speaker A
and pick flowers right now okay how' you think the venue is well now I don't freaking know 30 20 oh 20 is that all okay no not okay do you think the food is per person we're having how many people 200 to like
Speaker A
250 $50 a person 250 what 250 time 250 it's 62,500 no 62 okay and then we have the DJ that's not included okay that's 1,000 5,000 are we having dip wo no and then we have the cake I'm not
Speaker A
even going to eat the cake I'm gluten- free the cake can't be more than 1 thousand 3,000 oh times three great extravagant don't forget don't forget we have hair makeup my dress your tuck our Rings the photographer the
Speaker A
videographer the open bar we have to tip everyone how she think it's going to be my soul like 150 to 200 I could buy a house I could buy two has anyone else ever realized how like like all of school from like like
Speaker A
kindergarten to 12th grade everything is just preparing for the next thing and somehow they get it wrong every single time they was scaring the [ __ ] out of me in elementary school just to get to middle school and realize they don't
Speaker A
care as much and then in middle school they be saying that in high school they're going to care even more and they don't you know I'd be in I'd be in elementary school you forget to put your last name on the name line right you're
Speaker A
turning an assignment you just wrote James you didn't write your last name James Hill James Hill James Bond is that who it is cuz I don't know I don't know who I don't know who assignment this is because you didn't put your last
Speaker A
name you know in middle school they're going to freaking shoot you if you don't put your last name and then you get into middle school and you turn an assignment without your name and they just go hey you forgot to put your name and you go
Speaker A
oh my bad and you write it down right in front of them but you know what they did care about in Middle School some of the Math teachers be caring too much about units man answerers like four square
Speaker A
feet you just put four four what four what four jelly beans four gummy bears cuz I don't really know what we're talking about here you know if you do this in high school your parents are going to get divorced so every single
Speaker A
warning was for nothing I don't know if times have changed maybe these teachers actually did go through some crazy [ __ ] if they didn't put their last name or something but all I know is that nothing ever happened okay all the warnings were
Speaker A
false they're here I still can't believe we're doing this we got in the house this week Shelby we have like one piece of furniture two if you're counting you just need a place to see it we hardly have that
Speaker A
that's he gets it they know about as much about this house that I do they're probably going to ask me where the bathroom is and I'm not going to be able to tell them where it is and now they're
Speaker A
probably standing out there waiting on us to come to the door let hello is beautiful than I just have one question can I use your facilities like the restaurant I had like a coffee and a I thought you'd never asked there
Speaker A
somewhere around here come on and this is the kitchen here sure this is where we keep snacks that's my favorite cabinet love snacks and you got some dip in there speaking of dip I need the facilities what's that have to do with dip I need
Speaker A
oh it doesn't matter this way this way first door on the right did I embarrass myself want I know nothing nothing at all you can't act like you don't know nothing how am I supposed to fake it till I make it if I don't even know how
Speaker A
to make it around this house that's the first time I found out that that's actually a snack cabinet I'm just going to keep on winging it do you feel like a new woman I feel like a new brand new one let's go to the the
Speaker A
nursery the nursery oh okay Dylan this way this is where baby things happen oh my goodness hey no his name's Kim you think this is cool you should see the garage come on love this I know where this place is it's my favorite room in
Speaker A
the house the man cave no women allowed except for y'all except for y'all this is so cute it's so vintage that's what I was going for hey what I haven't even been in that bathroom yet how you get to the top Flor
Speaker A
I saw your window oh the attic it's an attic I think this is the backyard you can't get stuff like this in Dallas they don't have backyards in Dallas Texas and everything's bigger there Christmas I didn't even know we had
Speaker A
Christmas trees how do you think I did so when we're talking about genre it's not exactly what we think of right it's not just western or romance there are other sub genre so there's a about we're talking about about the
Speaker A
author's intention right but what the author is not actually saying outright right teach I don't know if you quite erased fully that last sentence that over there guys we got to be paying attention think about what I'm saying
Speaker A
okay it feels like you're trying to purposely miss the words fine and then next week we're going talk about spe teach how the hell am I supposed to focus with that spec going on over there Focus we're going to be having a
Speaker A
quiz on Tuesday what the hell was that write that down oh it scans as a QR code that's actually pretty sick hang on I got to calibrate it does he think he's using the Smartboard maybe so I'm officially the world's
Speaker A
worst Hunter with negative one kills say hello to pan fry everybody he's my buddy he's my friend yeah aren't your buddy aren't you oh yes he I don't think he went to school nowhere if he went to school he
Speaker A
didn't learn nothing that's how he made it too you want see how he made a two this is how he made two I had to draw a two over the top of it and I showed him what a two looks like I'mma keep a big
Speaker A
old two right here in this book a big old two so he can remember what a two looks like a big old two two of them you better realize who feeds you where did he go to school I
Speaker A
don't no if he went to school all he did is play he didn't learn nothing I did do a lot of play in school you didn't listen to your teachers did you yeah I did I think you're I just played
Speaker A
a lot today I think you're telling a story I played a lot ask my teachers I'm a see her at church I'll ask her I'll see her at church what do you call a dog with no fur chili bean
Speaker A
potatoes man what CH be potato I kind I get it you get it yeah chili bean potato the dog skin his skin skinless with chili uh what you add potatoes dark chili the dark skinless and he eat the
Speaker A
chili with the potatoes right dos uh dog CH skinless dog with with chili so the dog ain't got no hair and you eat them with chili and potatoes dog you said a skinless dog is a chili dog potato what you
Speaker A
say skinet dog CH yeah that's right no I wasn't supposed to make [Laughter] sense hey you try I'm trying to have a nice date on the beach I brought a bunch of nice snacks and my girlfriend's over there practicing her sand
Speaker A
walking no worms here baby how bad is it DOC you're all fuzzy wuzzy [Music] inside do you know that once you've read the dictionary every other book is just a remix that's hilarious mey is this the is this the plan for today I'm hercle
Speaker A
derling what's her Durling well hercle durkle is a Scottish word that's rarely used now that means to lie in bed when one is supposed to be up and about so some of the health benefits to hercle Durling is um it can for one it can help
Speaker A
you um lower chance of or recover from burnout where you overwork yourself so much that you just like collapse brain collapse we definitely can't have your brain collapsing when you overwork yourself you get really tired and anxious and
Speaker A
everything I'm being healthier well it's Saturday it is Saturday and it's raining yeah my watch just told me to stand up for a minute someone needs to go out there and and find Bruno Mars fall in love with
Speaker A
him and break his heart Alexa stop all righty Mr Bruno Mr Mars can you please can you please quit processing your music so much go sit down at a damn piano take a microphone and just sing with the piano that's all we want that's
Speaker A
all we want where's that where's that where's that same but just a little bit big now Bruno where you at come back a song on the radio but it don't sound [Music] the Alexa stop when our friends talk
Speaker A
about you all it does is just tell me down Bruno please please come backe I saw a video of one of those things one of the hydraulic presses but they put a tooth on it bro teeth teeth brother
Speaker A
there teeth teeth brother yeah no it was you sound like sketch there teeth brother the reason why I brought that up is cuz there was like a tooth in the machine and then it was pressing it and it was showing how much force you needed
Speaker A
to crush a tooth it's a lot yeah what are you doing like yeah why does that make you a rouse I'm not Rous I'm not aous it sounded aous no no no no no no there was no Rous like yeah yeah
Speaker A
yeah that that's exactly what I'm talking about Rous would be like yeah that's what you how is that different I'm Wonder whoever moves has to take out the trash I kill you I kill you you are dead man
Speaker A
de just put it down what I think you side with the trash put it down take it to chash so I'm really trying to understand this sign yeah so it could mean just like don't open the window because there are
Speaker A
mosquitoes but it could also mean mosquitos are not allowed or it could be actually for the most mosquitoes that come and see the sign and they're like no man we are not allowed here or could be like careful attention you should not
Speaker A
bring your own mosquitoes you are not allowed to bring mosquitoes the motor's gone mad she won't stop meditating she's going through a midlife crisis midlife sure she's near dead true why can't you just be normal and get like a tattoo or
Speaker A
something tattoos are [ __ ] I have the yeah and your arms are like the cubicle walls on a school toilet hey what are you doing Mella I'm reflecting oh my God she thinks she's a mirror meditation keeps the mind at peace it protects your
Speaker A
head from everything external I don't give a goddamn how famous am or whatever it don't matter me CU I'm about dead anyway so what do I give a [ __ ] what in the hell do I care I
Speaker A
don't if nobody can't take me like I am Mak um it's definitely a haircut um I think it looks good little long in the back the front too but I think it looks good hey dude honestly like I think your
Speaker A
hair looks good Tide Roll Tide honestly when I grew up in the farm we all had her haircuts like that that's going to be a shame anyways it's not the worst word association go holiday boys boys I don't
Speaker A
know I don't know word association go Cedar boy 3 two one word association did you was that it give me one more go go go all right are you ready yep uh five four three go sorry sorry I'm [ __ ] okay just go go
Speaker A
chalkboard Flash mortar okay I'm going to go to you ready 1 two three French Geor word association Maple M greine I think I said Bine white teen and what did you accomplish this morning that's for you it's 700 a.m. I just got
Speaker A
up I renewed my passport I have ordered a new set of knives I've registered for the next um voting what about you um yeah that's right it bye thank you what are you doing what are you doing helping yourself did you
Speaker A
ask now what this I got the [Music] cup what is it no you be nice that kitty cat you're not going to get ready with you're being ugly to the kitty what that's not enough what uhoh you got some of your cup that's
Speaker A
enough you're being greedy that's enough we're going to bo b bis bis yeah exactly H now this is epic which your dream guest on your podcast dream guest on my podcast oh gosh I don't know honestly I like spice things up one of my
Speaker A
exes okay Terry I want to see you walk fast what's your fast movement what's the Terry fast movement okay that's H are you stretching oh stretching and up and go and Ready set go oh my God that's the weirdest thing I've ever seen
Speaker A
in my whole life oh my God I'm a bad Mexican word of the date eclipse make sure that when you put on your seat belt eclips that's when you know it's fastened correctly drive safe homie did anybody warn the Amish they
Speaker A
got to be freaking out right now Monday morning 2:00 you're turning butter all of a sudden boom Sun's gone what do you think no contact with the outside world I don't know somebody should really tell those guys myself and the mother are
Speaker A
going head to-head to see who can make my father age the quickest can I go now let me start the wait don't say wait in front of your father he gets that P oh she's already started the woman is
Speaker A
pumped up so is your father's body hey Mr inflable very over wearable that doesn't even make sense the woman has bars not chocolate on so don't get excited I won't get too excited looking at you ugly woman Ash it up you crooked
Speaker A
nose you know your eyes and no together look like the percentage sign all right look at the camera open your eyes Open Your Eyes Open Your [Music] Eyes the B says [Laughter] I why are you closing your eyes
Speaker A
[Laughter] I open them I try I [Music] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] no did you find aall did you find a yes you did that dog said so I thought they were normal bubbles but they're not it turns out that
Speaker A
they've got the bubble B they've got P glue look look at his head look at his what is [Applause] [Music] it what is going on why have they got glue [Music] in I couldn't agree more nothing makes me matter than seeing a man drinking
Speaker A
some sugary whipped Blended [ __ ] out of a straw when I go to a coffee shop I tell the Barista give it to me raw put the beans right into my mouth put the beans right into my mouth I'll chew them
Speaker A
up grind them up myself pour boiling water into my mouth swish it around like mouthwash and swallow I'm My Own coffee pot I ain't had a glass of water since 2015 and I've forgotten the taste of sugar you'll never see me at a bar
Speaker A
ordering a margarita a daquiri a panut colot I drink rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer out of a bucket I order myself a glass of gasoline on the Rocks I bathe in motor oil I shower in the tears of my enemy I
Speaker A
never stop doing the tide pod challenge because I'm cuz I'm a man I don't know who these men think they are gentlemen when you drink these Harry Potter sugar Dr Seuss as drinks you tell the world what kind
Speaker A
of man you are so stop it right now do better and follow me I'm pretty funny show me your completely useless secret Talent [Music] [Applause] [Music] I'll give you a MC chicken if you do it I'm Paul m m d a
Speaker A
miraculus 1 2 the there's a on this bill someone could help me put it out please what did you just do they keep the glass very clean here I guess cuz I went through the walkway to get in here
Speaker A
to help you out with the phone and uh it turns out there was a big paint of glass there so you walked into the glass i w right into the glass M I'm going to get air pissings on both side of my ears
Speaker A
when I'm bored I Twitter with my [ __ ] has I'm a wide receiver I'm gay mom I'm going to go outside with my boys later to go and eat some food it's going to be late is that okay Mom are the most
Speaker A
trusted drug dealer in the area I'm going to go pick up some packs I'm going to distribute later Mom I need to get some clothes and shoes I don't have much in my closet I need to upgrade I'm spending every penny
Speaker A
on designer clothes designer shoes designer hair designer wigs Mom I'm 18 I'm going to go clubing with my friends now is that okay I'm jbag I'm going out with the mandom to go je girls in a club I enjoy it this is
Speaker A
what I do in my spare time there's nothing in the fridge I need to um order some food home is that okay ordering the whole menu of KFC McDonald's and Domino's Mom I'm racing every single penny that I have I'm not broke but I
Speaker A
will be from ordering food mom I'm going to go get some braids I need to get my hair read on my closet have Coke crack weed I'm ready to sell and distribute to my whole neighbor Hood I'm a neighborhood hero when it comes to
Speaker A
drugs okay I'm actually just the best like they should call me someone who's good at I'm going to go tell someone this is uhoh hi Mom [Music] uhoh just a bit wet there here I'll dry you off don't
Speaker A
worry thank you bivy oh [Music] [Laughter] [Laughter] here I'll bring it this way [Laughter] [Laughter] bye [Music] Biffy what [Music] oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all right bro yo thanks for the ride again got you bro what was your name
Speaker A
again I'm sorry oh it was oh [ __ ] got you got you got you got you of course bro what's your name again oh [Music] yeah oh [ __ ] I didn't know you were Chinese bro yeah bro
Speaker A
it's just alcohol yesterday I picked my eight-year-old daughter up from school and before she is even fully in the car she goes mom guess what my teacher said that if you say yes and the principal says yes then salsa can be our class pet
Speaker A
if you're new here salsa is a 1,000lb American Quarter Horse so like not the most practical choice for class pet of course the immediate question that follows is so is it okay with you and in this moment I really appreciate that the
Speaker A
teacher passed the buck to both me and the principal because I know the principal has not yet been asked so I can continue that Trend and so I say of course if your principal says it's okay of course she can be a class pet that
Speaker A
was the right answer and I was told that I am the best mom ever and she immediately starts trying to make a plan for how she is going to convince her principal that this is a good idea and
Speaker A
so she says you know I bet a lot of other kids would like that too I should get a lot of other kids to ask her if salsa can be the class pet and instead we make her like a school pet I'm
Speaker A
willing to pass the buck on this one to the principal but I really like her principal and so in attempt to help her out I was like you know kiddo when a lot of people want something you don't
Speaker A
typically all have them individually go to someone you write like one letter and then have them all sign it and that's called a petition and this was the greatest idea she's ever heard of so she immediately starts writing a letter that
Speaker A
she is going to get all the kids in her school to sign advocating for her horse becoming the school pet when I say organizing what I need you to understand about Ellie Joe is that she has been no
Speaker A
joke making to-do list since she was 3 years old so she is in second grade but she reads and writs at a fifth grade level so she was very literally by the time we got home writing a letter
Speaker A
drafting a letter to get everyone to sign and then also had separate sheets of paper where she was making lists of all of her friends from after school in every grade and what class they were in so she could go to them and then have
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them take little shorter versions of the letter back to their classes and have everyone in their classes sign it so that she could literally reach every kid at the school so I pointed out too you know you're going to have to figure out
Speaker A
the logistics of how this works you can't just ask for something and not be able to explain how it's going to work to people so she starts coming up with a sort of stall they could put outside her
Speaker A
classroom and if you made it movable then it could move around the school and what would where would salsa go during recess a big part of this plan involved me hauling the horse back and forth at the beginning and end of every week and
Speaker A
I'm just again and I'm just letting this plan roll at this point because this is the principal's problem this is no longer my issue by the time bedtime rolls around this is a full-blown plan and I'm like forcing the kid to go to
Speaker A
bed and part of me is incredibly proud at the natural Community organization that's happening here though I feel like that might backfire at some point for me as a parent like you want your kids to know how to organize but like maybe
Speaker A
after they move out of your house but anyway I'm also mildly concerned that some part of this is going to work and the principal's going to be like yeah you can bring the horse for a day and I'm going to end up having to haul this
Speaker A
freaking horse to school but whatever so I get her to go to bed so we have succeeded for the day for the moment I'm still the greatest Mom ever but then this morning she gets up and walks out
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of her room and says mom I've been thinking about it and I don't think it's a good idea to bring salsa to school as a a class or School pet and I said no like why what changed your mind she said
Speaker A
well I was thinking about it and you can't hide a horse in a closet so I'll have no way to keep her safe in an active shooter situation and I don't want her to die so I think she probably needs to just
Speaker A
stay at home and then she went and put on her shoes and got her breakfast bar and I just he looks like a four-legged dog do you did you see he look like a four-legged dog he a dog want you want your dog to
Speaker A
be a dog good job four leged four legs that's important didn't read that listen if you're single and you're like upset that you're single just remember someone in love is getting cheated on right now just let that sit I'm in a
Speaker A
drive I get rings make I get aam I'm everything can a can I I got money I don't what did that just say look if I see a of cheese I'm a trip I'mma on your see that so you got my wob
Speaker A
J you got my double wob is so stupid Drive give me the I took bite on my my I'm in Drive dude The Hook is so hard sh what are you doing I'm just playing the parts in is that
Speaker A
glitter on your lips M cherry flavored want a taste what snack am I oh I love pretzels I just had pretzels let's see what snack Merlin is hey is it okay if I play some brown noise while I sleep it helps me sleep
Speaker A
better really yeah sure okay perfect thanks yeah a tampon but when you pull it out it's grown into a dinosaur like the ones you put in a glass of water sir I'm going to be perfectly honest with you I think that's a great idea I do
Speaker A
think it's a million-- dooll idea however the state I am in in that moment my most vulnerable moment when I changing my tampon if I I am really hoping for a brosaurus and I pull out a T-Rex like I get the wrong
Speaker A
dinosaur I might cry I might throw up I might commit murder I might kick down the stall I might do all four it's a risk it's a risk I'm alling to take show me your completely useless secret Talent
Speaker A
[Music] you done with your hair no [Music] I'm these Ro of flames are what's the name of my first boyfriend Mitch who is your first boyfriend Michael oh my God you did it for a day what was the name of my first
Speaker A
girlfriend as Savannah fifth grade baby who's my first kiss [ __ ] you're lucky High School's mascot a warrior High School wait you were the Warriors what were they Lions I thought we were the same what was my first major in college
Speaker A
nursing what was the name of my first dog Timmy Millie Timmy what month was my dad born [Music] in knew what month was my grandpa born in March I don't know July September what was the name on the back
Speaker A
of my basketball shooting big foot my eyes were open for Big Daddy how many people have I kissed four seven actually I think you're eight how many people have I kissed I lost you even know who is my celebrity crush in Middle
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School in high school zon yes what event did I compete in in track and field jump jump scare J belly shot I want you to look me in my eye and tell me let me in my ey look me in my
Speaker A
eye hello Hi how are you good how are you I'm just chilling I'm just trying to find something sorry yo what is happening it's the news here you can listen to it pause play back 15 seconds play new tonight we have an update in
Speaker A
the case of John sadorian the 27-year-old Florida man also known as the content creator and influencer hyenes 6 months ago he was arrested for breaking entering along with wiretapping and today has been found guilty of these charges he's best known for his videos
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on YouTube and Tik Tok where he scares strangers on a website called hle citizens say that his viral internet videos should have raised concerns to authorities he's currently being held on house arrest with a one-year probation on internet access why do you do you do
Speaker A
you know him pause do you know I don't think so he does a mle Content he's on his website I don't really watch a lot of YouTube actually you know what true that's a that's a mood I don't
Speaker A
okay oh hi I don't know if it's just me but I cannot stand the way that this this like walkie-talkie pronounces the number 12 listen to this 12 [Music] 12 hey my Donuts that was not me dude dude it it wasn't me dude you did you do
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it well another day another dollar oh hello Kawai I need Advil don't worry clay I got you I see you Corner go get busy 11 Apple watch told me I got to get my steps in hold on peep the heesy
Speaker A
though that's a back door lob KD always making the extra pass and knock that down Nick oh yeah I'm here young fell dog you're getting subbed out the heck you talking about no no no I'm telling you I'm go to tear him up wonder what
Speaker A
maryanne's making for dinner later oh have mercy Ain no one safe around here come here R don't worry y'all I got it hey we good play on boy oh yeah show them the vert boy I tell you you give me
Speaker A
too much space Oh maryan not cooking praise the Lord hey we going to McDonald's tonight yeah buddy man stupid line that boy got some juice back there go I wish I could get the ball hey hey looky here oh you could have it l king
Speaker A
uh-oh hey big fella you better get out the way cuz it's your time yo babe make me some dinner maybe wait put my cheeseburger in the oven let's cook what's up brother what's up brother special teams special plays special
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players what's up brother what's up brother how you doing man what's up brother what's up how you doing what's up brother what's going on my guy what's up brother what's up bro how you doing what's up brother what's up what's up
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brother check Tuesday what's up brother what up what's up what's up brother what's up brother what's up brother what's up brother what's up brother what's up brother Tuesday actually Monday what's up brother what's up brother special team special players
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what's up brother Tuesday [Music] Tuesday oh [ __ ] [Music] [Laughter] who you playing with sweetie Amanda H oh who are you I'm Amanda I'm six Green Papaya greenish papaya but mine's bigger oh I really cut it [ __ ]
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[Music] coffee sugar sugar extra buttery coconut milk regular milk all of the milk honey honey I didn't take the lit off fresh goat fresh goat [Applause] oh I finally run out pistachos I don't have pistachios but I have peanuts
Speaker A
oh right in the lens try it let's try it perfect not perfect but man does it smell how does that even happen then how does that even happen right now I need a cloth also I just want to say we're
Speaker A
almost five minutes into this episode and you haven't even brought up my sweater dude well I didn't want to it's cool that's the word we're going with it's warm you look like just like a don't what I was going to say you look
Speaker A
like a rejected fruit rollup first of all I look like the good fruit rollup the tie-dye one yeah the one that has tattoos and you just be like hey guys I have to go to the bathroom so you you
Speaker A
mind watching my boyfriend really quick thank you hey guys so I have these chips here and please help me I've been kept hostage for three what day is it my watch said to let me charge it I don't
Speaker A
know what's going on I don't know anyone anywhere help me anyways have you guys ever heard of the word bosoms I have I think it's normal word normal vocab but I just said it to her and then she was like what what and
Speaker A
she's never heard it before bz I think it's kind of fun bosoms bosoms you know you know you know I know you guys know but we're at this place I'm trying to figure out this logo haly thinks it's someone twerking
Speaker A
but I don't really I've been doing some research this whole time and I still don't know what's going on what is this what is that I don't know anyways help me like the new haircut I got it yesterday I think it's kind of fun a
Speaker A
little mullet a little mullet is this still like recording doesn't say it's very long oh did I leave my chip in here the idiot sees too much you guys it's windy really and you didn't see it coming the dichotomy of it all right the
Speaker A
dichotomy of it all bro but then she just out of nowhere started acting brand new so it was just a big jua position just a big puras puras J the positions K you know but what did I expect you
Speaker A
warned me bro I don't know bro I know you're used to this already but I just I just feel bivalent you know like I just feel like it's not diminutive it's just not you know what I mean by diminutive
Speaker A
you don't you know what that mean what is diminutive what are you talking about and so now you're just going to believe everything that she said to you is that the Utopia you want for us nah I don't feel like you're being very
Speaker A
Equitable right now because she's over here maligning all the time and there you are bro I don't know I don't I this is the epitome of not fair if a refrigerator could walk how would they [Laughter] walk if a rock could
Speaker A
walk okay if if scrambled eggs can walk out when they want [Laughter] if a waterfall could walk if baldness could walk how would it [Laughter] [Music] walk for [Music] so let me get this straight you think you can just throw that ass in a circle
Speaker A
and I'm just supposed to be impressed throw that ass in a rhombus okay let me see the booty get quadrilateral with it then I'll be impressed then I'll be like parallelogram more like parallel d [Laughter] [Music] pinky worst adad jokes of all time go
Speaker A
why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication why for Hispanic attacks [ __ ] out two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one grabbed a bottle and said is this whiskey the other says yeah but not as whiskey as
Speaker A
wubbing a bank I took a poll recently and I found out that 100% of people in the tent were upset what did the carpenter say when he finished building his house what nailed it my dad got fired as a road worker for
Speaker A
theft couldn't believe it but when I got home all the signs were there I said to the waitress can I ask you a question about the men you please mhm she slapped me across the face and said the men I please is
Speaker A
no [ __ ] the men I pleas is of number of your damn business what's the difference between a piano a tuna and a bottle of glue what you can tune a piano but you can't piano a tuna and where does the
Speaker A
glue come in yeah people get stuck on that h
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