Funny TikToks that Had me Rolling on the Floor! PT.18 — Transcript

Okay, say that again. Can I share the bed with you? Can you move over so we can share the bed like we used to? Or do you want me to go scream from the other room? Why? I don't share the bed with many people. I know, it's been like 23 years. It's been 15 years since you seen [Laughter] me. You don't [Laughter] recognize. So I realize you done after 800 years of propagation. I don't even, I don't even want to do it anymore.

people I know it's been it's been like 23 years it's been 15 years since you seen [Laughter] me you don't [Laughter] recogn so I realize you done after 800 years of propagation I don't even I don't even want to do it

P.H., the worms are coming. This is a square. Can you guess which spot that goes in the square? That's right, it goes in the square hole. Yes. Okay, and how about this rectangle? That one also, this goes in there too.

yeah up next we've got this thin rectangle the thin rectangle you gu where that goes the thin rectangle that's right it goes in the square hole and up next a cylinder H the circle I think that goes in the circle the square

Yeah, up next we've got this thin rectangle. The thin rectangle, you guess where that goes? The thin rectangle. That's right, it goes in the square hole. And up next, a cylinder. H, the circle, I think that goes in the circle, the square hole. Now we've also got this semicircle right here. Do you see a slot that would fit the semicircle? Semicircle, the sem, the semicircle. That's right, it's the square hole.

triangle that's right square hole and up La up next we have the arch the arch the arch you guessed it the arch it goes in the square hole y ready 3 two [Music] 1 coffee gifts and wom oh

Okay, up next, the triangle. We know what hole that goes into, right? Tri, triangle. That's right, square hole. And up, la, up next we have the arch. The arch, the arch, you guessed it, the arch. It goes in the square hole. Y, ready? 3, 2, [Music] 1. Coffee gifts and wom. Oh my, oh no, goodness. Knees ande Andes. Leo, head, shoulders, knees and toes. Knees and toes and eyes and ears and mouth and [Music] nose. Shoulders, knees and toes.

how many drinks are you having tonight oh none I'm not drinking how many drinks are you have tonight [Music] zero you always look at me what on your face I don't know yo bro what's up man what's up hey

My boyfriend texted me, did you see the spider in the kitchen? How many drinks are you having tonight? Oh, none. I'm not drinking. How many drinks are you having tonight? [Music] Zero. You always look at me. What on your face? I don't know. Yo bro, what's up man? What's up? Hey.

Dad thanks it's seriously like it's it drops in and it's along the bo day three on the road to it's been ages since we left p as always my companions and Carl are with me myself and the father are going head

Snail got you turkey burger snowman parking. All right, I got, oh, under jellyfish. Oh, coming in. Oh, bigger jellyfish. All right, pring CR. I'm done. Smaller jellyfish. All right, got you. All right, I'm done. What's up? What the, oh thanks. Dad, thanks.

dress I'm not even wearing a dress your father IAM ask me if I'm rich are you rich father does waking up beside a beautiful woman every morning counts being rich does well have four your mother's a jump scare in the morning H

It's seriously like, it drops in and it's along the bo day three on the road to. It's been ages since we left P. As always, my companions and Carl are with me. Myself and the father are going head to he to see who can make my mother rage the quickest. What are we doing? Me and your mother are telepathic. I know what you're thinking. The answer is yes, by the way. Yes. What, you do look fat in that dress? I'm not even wearing a dress. Your father, I am. Ask me if I'm rich. Are you rich? Father, does waking up beside a beautiful woman every morning count as being rich? Does? Well, have four. Your mother's a jump scare in the morning. H.

I just did it it was hard [Laughter] nothing is more real than being about to cry but you just got a spray tan H you're fine I know I'm fine I know I'm fine fine okay tell me about all the

Kelly, it's bad for my heart. You know, you know it's not all about you. Do you ever think of anybody else besides yourself? Yeah. Ex, nothing. Stop the clock. Stop the clock. It again. I said nothing. Music. Don't ask me how I did it. I just did it. It was hard. [Laughter] Nothing is more real than being about to cry but you just got a spray tan. H, you're fine. I know I'm fine. I know I'm fine. Fine. Okay, tell me about all the cute clothes you on right now.

dring in my podcast oh my God I mean honestly let's spice things up a little bit one of my [Music] [Applause] exes put me down Gary this is my idea of a very nice day out what the I have healed I am ready

Okay, did you see that new color of the turn the air on high? I'm trying. Turn it on high. Put your eyes in it. Turn your, no, it's too, you need to turn.

what is going on inside their head Slow Down slow down slow down break break what were you doing trying to hit the cop holy crap heart attack why weren't you stopping yes stop look at this bro new Ray bands

Dring in my podcast. Oh my God. I mean honestly, let's spice things up a little bit. One of my [Music] [Applause] exes put me down. Gary, this is my idea of a very nice day out. What the, I have healed. I am ready for a relationship. I'm looking, looking for an eligible bachelor and what do I find but man babies. Man babies everywhere. Only man babies, no men. Just baby [Music] baby. Beautiful seon. I've done, please. [Applause] [Music] Do you ever look at someone and wonder what is going on inside their head? Slow down, slow down, slow down. Break, break. What were you doing? Trying to hit the cop? Holy crap, heart attack. Why weren't you stopping? Yes, stop. Look at this bro. New Ray-Bans dropped. You know what I'm saying? And they got the camera in it too. Listen bro, we in that good. [Laughter] Jump, come on, let's do it. Go jump, jump. Come on and jump. Can you stomp your feet? Oh yeah. Hey Luka, come here. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. This had my dad's ashes in it and it fell and spilled everywhere. He's in. I'm not vacuuming him up. One of y'all are going to have to do it.

yeah hey Luka come here oh my gosh oh my gosh this had my dad's ashes in it and it fell and Spilled everywhere he's in I'm not vacuuming him up one of yall are going to have to do it

Don't get, we can't stay in. I was going to eat this but this cutting board, it's only for, and this is not a, so I'm going to go buy some one for yourself. You know he trying new things.

guys yeah right good job buddy better than putting in a Mac and Chee wait what Parker do you do you have enough ketchup no it's the best thing ever what ketchup and macaroni cheese the best thing ever ketchup and mac and cheese it is

Guys, yeah, right. Good job buddy. Better than putting in a Mac and Chee. Wait, what? Parker, do you, do you have enough ketchup? No. It's the best thing ever. What? Ketchup and macaroni cheese? The best thing ever. Ketchup and mac and cheese. It is the best thing. Wait, what is going on with this ketchup? Put it around here 'cause you're talking still. I didn't mean to do it. Please, guys, guys, guys, I didn't mean to do it. Please. The car, what? The car? Car, what? Car, guys, the dog and everything. Guys, the car. What are you talking about? Guys, the car in the wall. Please, please. Wall Asia, what? Asia, get this fck. What is your emergency? He's doing it again. Please stop calling unless you have an emergency. Driving in the car with your daughter is not, not an emergency. Have a good day. Do you think I look good tonight, Mr. Uber? Yeah, f it. Fill it. Yeah. Oh boy, food material. Oh my goodness.

car guys the dog and everything guys the car what are you talking about guys the car in the wall please please wall Asia what Asia get this fck what is your emergency he's doing it again please stop calling unless you

[Music] Train is departing. Please hold on to the handrails. [Music] Next. Why does he have zoies? Why do you have? All right, so you got to go like this but one him back. If you made me fall on my face, you [ __ ] up. I don't even know if I can do it. It's not happening. And then you got to put your other hand back. Yeah. Um, I am not bunny. We have one more picture. We have one more picture.

[Music] train is departing please hold on to the handrails [Music] next why does he have zoies why do you have all right so you got to go like this but one him back if you made me fall on my face you

Well, she asked if she could pet Maple. Oh no. And, well, I just said, you know, I'm really sorry but he's a service dog. Yeah, and he was working. No petting service dogs, of course. And, uh, she did not like that answer. She was really upset. She went from so nice to so mean. Oh, I've never been yelled at like that some people in public because of Mr. Maple. But he, um, of course Mr. Maple wanted to be B. Oh, he loves being petted. Even there's nothing he likes more than being petted. I know, don't you like it? Yeah. But she, she followed us and yelled the whole time. Oh, that's not good. You're going to have to help me with these socks. I think there's some up on the left side. Yeah, but like, oh, I always, I always miss them up there. Yeah, they get, they get stuck up on the, up on the sides sometimes. They can even get stuck up on the ceiling but they'll like hang on like stag ties orag. That does not happen. Oh my God, I can't believe how many socks I'm missing. What are you, do you like kale? I do like kale. It's so okay though. It's never, we got to put some oil on those wheels over there. Um, it's got a while. I didn't know that I could do that. All right, cam pull six in disrespect. Flip the night is so young. That's going to be my name up there. One [Music] day. Hey you, yeah you. Have an amazing night. Par me. Yeah, you have an amazing night. Oh, thank you. Yeah, thanks. Have a good night. You're going to know me in one day. One day you're going to know my name. New York, the city of dreams and possibility. I like the sound of [Music] that. New York, it's beautiful out here. I love New York. [Music] [Music] What's up brothers? Today we're going to talk about special teams, special plays, and special players. Excuse me, Teddy. Excuse me, baby teddy bear. Teddy bear, turn off. Teddy bear, teddy bear. [Music] [Music] Baby, give me please. Cold be what? Warm him up. Give him a blanket. Old [Music] beer. Guys in college really out here dating high schoolers like bro, focus on your major now your minor. What song makes you think of me? Crow basket, kill her husband, wack. Can event then happen basket. I'm know. Are you really trying to time out our fight right now? I got tea of the century. Okay, fine.

well she asked if she could pet Maple oh no and well I just said you know I'm really sorry but he's a service dog yeah and he's he was working no petting service dogs of course and uh she did

No, Kelsey and Tristan broke up two hours ago when we went out to the bar the other night. You were there and the girls were all there. Me and the guys went downstairs. He like downstairs bar to get a drink and he bumped into the Savannah. Stop with Savannah. They went outside for 15 minutes and we...

he loves being petted even there's nothing he likes more than being petted I know don't you like it yeah but she she followed us and yelled the whole time oh that's not good you're going to have to help me with these socks I think

there's some up on the left side yeah but like oh I always I always miss them up there yeah they get they get stuck up on the up on the sides sometimes they can even get stuck up on the ceiling but

they'll like hang on like stag ties orag that does not happen oh my God I can't believe how many socks I'm missing what are you do you like kale I do like kale it's so okay though it's never we got to put some oil on those

Wheels over there um it's got a while I didn't know that I could do that all right cam pull six in disrespect Flip the night is so young that's going to be my name up there one [Music] day hey you yeah you have an amazing

night par me yeah you have an amazing night oh thank you yeah thanks have a good night you're going to know me in one day one day you're going to know my name New York the City of Dreams and

possibility I like the sound of [Music] that New York it's beautiful out here I love New York [Music] [Music] what's up Brothers today we're going to talk about special teams special plays and special players excuse me Teddy excuse me

baby teddy bear teddy bear turn off teddy bear teddy bear [Music] [Music] baby give me please cold be what warm him up give him a blanket old [Music] beer guys in college really out here dating high schoolers like bro focus on

your major now your minor what song makes you think of me Crow basket kill her husband wack can event then happen basket I'm know are you really trying to time out our fight right now I got tea of the century okay fine

no Kelsey and Tristan broke up two hours ago when we went out to the bar the other night you were there and the girls were all there me and the guys went downstairs he like downstairs bar to get

a drink and he bumped into the Savannah stop with Savannah they went outside for 15 minutes and we thought they were just talking I mean we thought it was weird we were to rat on him he wasn't just talking to her they went to

his car stop how did Kelsey find out hey girlly text Savannah hey glied her hey glied her and now 5 years done broken up done he's such a dirt bag that's all though we can continue our fight you were rude to me before just

soing you know and I'm actually still pissed off so are you serious what is wrong with this outfit give me that give me that I'm just joking I'm joking somebody named Stuart put my number down as a reference on the resume and I know

this was a mistake because I don't know anybody named steuart but instead of doing the responsible thing and telling these employers who keep calling that I don't know you and have no affiliation with you Stuart I've been talking glowingly

about you you need to understand it's been a slow year I'm a little bit bored I've been answering all of these calls I've been saying you show up early you stay late you will go above and beyond everything that is asked of you at these

if you do not get one of these jobs I will be shocked I told them that you donated one of your kidneys to a coworker because you found out you were match you didn't even know them but you

just knew that it was the right thing to do when my car broke down guess who gave me a right to work every single day until I was able to get it fixed you did I told them about your pizza party

Friday Fridays where you love to buy pizza for the office I even told them about the one time Meredith a receptionist was having a hard time conceiving and you offered to be a sperm donor like you just go above and beyond

what is asked and required every time so steuart I hope you got one of these jobs so hypothetically what would I have to do to get put in some handcuffs get arrested what could I do here make a

series of bad choices got any recommendations no you ladies know what to do do you want to press charges sorry you like work for the event or something I just you look spankable you guys allow that be rude

and violate other people's that's not okay what if I like it's been a couple days but it still itches want to let you know in case it's contagious before I answer you should know that I'm nine wait is it started I don't know

yeah it started I'd like to keep kiss you but I just washed my hair bye all right listen the question was if Pinocchio NOS only grows when he tell a lie his nose only grows when he tell a lie and only statement he makes

is my nose is about to grow soon as that statement is over will it grow or will it stay the same now let me just throw this out here if his nose don't grow that's a lie but then again it's

impossible to grow because if he say my nose is about to grow and then it actually grows that mean he told the truth and if he told the truth that mean it can't grow because it only grows when

he tell a lie but if it don't grow he did tell a lie so what happens wait what do you want a cheeseburger please can I get a please burger [Applause] [Music] cheese that is not okay what the

who are you I'm Pam who are you I'm the owner of this house hell hello I think I like this little life [Music] [Music] my daughter said that she' never seen her dad cry except for like two times

and I said how many times did you see mommy cry and she said like a million I can't help that I have feelings I can I can fake sponsorship prank on my Italian roommate bro oh bro he's going to die

mayonnaise oh this is disgusting so we just had a brand okay fresh send us a new batch of juice they want us to review it um and just let the people know what we think about it so take a

Sit say it's good and and we're good ready yes okay what's up guys we just had okay fresh send us their new batch of juice this is their like meric Ginger cleanse that's what add orange tint to it uh Fab's going to give it a try and

let you guys know what he thinks about it let's go excited let's go good man say it's good for the brand say it's [Music] good what is this you're supposed to say good for the brand bro they're paying us

money for this how much 3,000 for one sip just take one Sip and say it's good okay three two one action all right go let him know what you think let's go small tell them what you think I can't I can't I can't I can't I

can you just lost us $3,000 you really can't do this you'll try no you TR no because it's the title of the video is seeing if my Italian roommate likes American Juice Jesus alas I found the place for me and

my fellow yappers po yeah did you not dinner today yeah why did you no tried something new what secret ingredient what tuna no you didn't no you didn't Morgan no you didn't no you didn't the finger you didn't do that this is my impression for

if I am getting shot and my crush is watching hey Mom do you know what the secret is to having a smoking hot body as a senior uh no cremation oh my [Music] God babe hurry there's water running in

the kitchen [Music] hurry up there's water running all over the kitchen it's all over there's literally water running in the yeah [Laughter] I leave the door open for 1 minute really where are you going swallow it I know he's not going to cheat on me

because he's like infatuated with me now and you guys y'all he literally cheated on me this day or he attempted but got denied just another day of my dog getting personally victimized by the word UGA crazy the very first sin was a woman

who ate a woman who ATS is that mold green onion that is a green onion Nick get in here yeah what's um what's the problem Nick what is this um it's my Nick wild room what activities are you doing in the nick wild room um I

don't think I can really why is there a candle for seanes okay Nick are you in therapy I used to be okay you're going to put the phone down going to call your therapist together okay this is really concerning

meow you're hot [Music] guys guys no it's okay it's okay okay I got the bill it's fine I got it it's got it listen no really I got the bill fine listen wait okay hold on would you rather

drink would you rather eat poo flavored K you got to leave me alone [Laughter] sure good morning good morning all right you sit on the bench thank you so much how are you good how are you that's good good job thank you so much thank

you have a good day bye m [Music] no [Music] drama oh I we wait do you know who Mike wasowski is who Mike wasowski he's friends with soie who's who's my who's Mike wasowski I was born in night but now last night

52 years ago so who who was Mike wasowski he says over in other words his mother my mother both mothers no but who's Mike wasowski him no like do you know who he is yeah who is he him where is he from over there

I'm I'm going to ask you again who is he who's Mike wasowski him him who you know who he is is mother son hear me out if the planet can black out at 1:00 on a Monday so can I okay

back no offense but the best part about going out is coming home like you actually can't convince no offense but I'm not even listening to you right now I just need you to tell me where you got that giant baby and not even a giant

baby but that gave birth to the B that's a mother Bell where art mother [Music] Bell who at my Chipotle there's something mysterious happening in this house I think it's a ghost all right this isn't funny who ate

my powdered Donuts huh what why are you looking at me I don't even eat sugar anymore maybe Phenom came and Phenom test who who taught you how to do that not me I don't eat donuts then who did

you so this is where the number one swimmer came from [Laughter] would you ever want a second wife yes you me and another wife you know in some communities they take multiple wives you already have a plus one because how much

I like you I want an extra wife you think anyone wants to deal with two women not one two like you you you think I'm saying something to be funny but you think I actually want to deal with a second one

of you you know what level of care that would require it's like giving you one of my kidneys I think I would rather give you one of my kidneys than take on a second wife but if you insisted I

would do it you would just like I would give you a kidney I'm not taking a second wife for me it would be for you well you're only asking because you want me to and I said no it's not because I

want otherwise you would never ask would you like to get a dog I don't want a dog see but I want a dog so but I would say no I don't want a dog love me as much as

I love you I have I just wanted a dog I just wanted a dog you said a dog or a I don't know hi nice time TR you look nice thank you s you know I no [Music] me me when me when you're when you when

me when your mom when you and me me me say the weird thing people are Desperately Seeking realness so you put your phone down on a flat surface and you're filming facing up like I am right now and you raise your hands and you

have tiny arms we're escaped insane asylum patients of course we do everything together now you now you say something say something say something [Music] [Music] what what Madison what my love madon what do need love I don't need anything we're roommates of course

everyone thinks we're gay why are you looking at me like that we're roommates of course it's h each other's penis dud we're roommates we're not getting he literally has a girlfriend friend I wish he didn't though we're roommates we shower

together once in a while it's because of you because of you oh my god roommates even though I specifically have said I'm straight and he's straight he has a girlfriend he literally has a girlfriend people still think I'm gay I literally know we're

we're not gay we're we're not I don't know why you guys say that we're roommates we have magic pictures of each other's butt no we oh we actually do hi MADD you can sit on the couch Austin will be

seated yeah going on hey hey buddy this my chair [Laughter] please no please no please I'd like to start with a few words Austin my uncharged hero as the mother of this friend group you leave me in a

constant state of stress where is Austin somewhere with his phone on 4% I love you with 100% of my heart and I'm here to support you during this challenging new chapter dear Austin our low battery friend we know how hard of a struggle this

journey has been for you we're here just to make it easier because every message call and notification is a bridge between us and I brought you a little gift Austin my beautiful my bright uncharged baby boy my thumbs are sore from the

charge emojis that I sent to you the call I gave you earlier about getting a new laptop was [ __ ] I just wanted to make sure that the charging accessories I got you today are compatible Bost I like crying it's so

hard to speak about this without crying I love you so much and you've been one of my best friends in the world for almost 10 years you're like family to me and it's painful to see your life like

this every day people ask me why doesn't Austin charge to phone and I have to downplay it and laugh it off I lie awake fearing that your phone is unplugged not knowing if anyone will have a treasure for you or if they'll take you somewhere

without Outlets all together every time I see your battery percentage dropping my heart drops too you have to keep your phone charged at least 20% at all times I literally fear for your life if you don't change it Austin is there anything you'd like

to say to us I can't promise a damn thing [Music] quit it you're going to start a howl I didn't start [Music] it thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you bye thank you thank you thank

you has anyone checked in on the DU lingo l and someone check in on the DU lingo owl is the DU lingo owl okay dingo owl du lingo owl du lingo owl du lingo owl three two what the f how do people do this it

hurts my hands it hurts my hands it hurts my [ __ ] H my what you need for your car my damn hey this will have to suffice for a two to well remember when you made the excuse about

that boy like oh he's not going to answer he's at the bar he's with his friends I just FaceTime my boyfriend at midnight him and three of his friends answered and then they proceeded to ask about my cat's new leash okay his

friends even know about my cat's new leash so I think you should dump that stupid boy of yours and get a new one and with friends that know about when your cat gets a new leash and that's my advice of the day

pranking my clients part one switched to this phone case and pretended to take A Lash photo okay open I'm dead what is this case open look here oh what is that oh your oh my goodness that was a close one

he's sitting on my lap he just it just bubbled poop out and my my leg immediately got warm is it right if I play some brown noise it helps me sleep yeah sure thanks [Music] [Music] [Laughter] [Music] you can tell how much a woman loves

herself by the partner that she chooses huh mhm okay I want you wa where are you going I need to climb onto your hands okay okay am I climbing this is so cool you guys Al to the flag of the United States

of America and to theic for stand Nation God indivisible liberty and justice for all amen all right let's see why did do so hey he's going into this Bible bookstore at least that's what the hell she thinks it

is I didn't I didn't have the heart to tell her any different oh her face I can't wait all right here she comes the hell the hell did she buy what did you got to that is no Bible book store but man

is it Heaven what the hell did you buy you had to get I had to get one of everything thank you so much for your help great night you too seriously Haley yes aren't you excited we'll be later

heck yeah this is better in the Bible bookstore yeah will you help me load it up I guess can I have some that was rude hello I'm feel are you from New York even yeah are you from New York even do you have a big

black puffa jacket go away go away go show me your completely useless secret Talent can we meet your dad's dad n no I don't want to do this oh come on dad people want to meet the goat all right

go grab him yes Grandpa all right so listen my dad isn't much of a talker I don't think he's going to say anything he's just probably going to like sit there so um you know he's hasn't done this in a while so he's kind of Dusty so

just just bear with us all right come on in w [Music] [Music] [Applause] I can't go to sleep like this you so weird can you just hold it in a [Music] [Applause] [Music] this is my second attempt to trying to

drun a whole shed of lemon juice without sitting off the filter let's try it lemon juice we need a little bit it's one your head did I win right what's your biggest EG okay so might be a bit Rogue but when

a boy gets hit by like a slow moving car we need a h can you let go now you feel better no then it hasn't kicked in yet and as we're digging through here we're trying to figure out what's going

on here I'm not sure if this is a sinkhole of China or what I think I see something USA I woke up this morning and I felt like absolute garbage for anybody who wants to know what garbages that it's

French for trash okay all right ready go run arms up arms out arms down here we go girls I dated an 80-year-old man when I was 23 she has D issues so she thought that dating an older man would make her

capable and stable but 80 years old men also cheat and it still works down there but sometimes it's floppy excuse me I need your help you need to kill me [Music] [Music] guys I accidentally looked at the solar

eclipse when I went outside and you won't believe what happened I B girl some bad