Speaker A
I'm thrilled to meet with Ilona for a dive to the deep end of awakening.
A deep conversation with spiritual guide Ilona on awakening, its surprises, challenges, and the process of integration.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
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Key Takeaways
- Awakening is the realization that there is no separate self controlling life.
- Prior knowledge can both help and hinder spiritual awakening.
- Awakening can be sudden or gradual, with doubts being a natural part of the process.
- Humor and lightness can arise from seeing life’s conflicts as one consciousness interacting.
- Integration requires surrender, grounding, and allowing new structures to form.
What the video covers
- Ilona shares her awakening journey starting with a silent mind experience induced by magic mushrooms.
- She describes awakening as realizing there is no separate self or 'loner' running the show, only life happening by itself.
- The discussion highlights how prior knowledge about awakening can sometimes hinder the process.
- Ilona explains awakening can be sudden and clear or gradual with back and forth doubts.
- She recounts a humorous insight where she saw arguments as one consciousness talking to itself.
- The process involves deconstructing old beliefs and reconstructing new understanding to allow energy flow.
- Grounding and surrendering to challenging phases are important for integration.
- Awakening brings a fresh, intimate, and clear perception of life, beyond emotional ups and downs.
- Knowing awakening is not about accumulating knowledge but a direct recognition of reality.
- The conversation closes with reflections on the mind creating images and the nature of awakening today.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Meeting Ilona
- 01:25Expectations and Early Awakening Experiences
- 02:14Magic Mushrooms and Silent Mind
- 04:07Realization of No Separate Self
- 05:27Common Awakening Paths and Group Experiences
- 06:54Doubt, Clarity, and Knowledge Hindrance
- 09:01Surprising Insights and Humor in Awakening
- 12:08Challenges, Surrender, and Integration Process
- 19:08Grounding, Fresh Perception, and Knowing
- 27:48Closing Reflections and Farewell
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Ilona is a spiritual guide and author of Liberation Unleashed, with over 14 years of experience guiding people through awakening and integration.
Speaker A
Based in Mauritius, she offers presence-based inner work through deep looking. Learn more about her at her website.
Speaker A
I'm so happy to have you here and explore with you today the deep end of awakening. Welcome.
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Hello, thank you so much for the invitation. It was a pleasure to be here with you. I loved our chat last time.
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Um, very happy to be here. Mhm. So, um, the topic is of course the deep end of awakening, and um, I was wondering, um, before you started out or when the first, um, shifts happened, did you have any expectations beforehand of what
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awakening would be like, how it would show up, and, uh, how it would change your life or not?
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And if you did have expectations, was awakening the way you expected it to be?
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I have to say when I was looking for something, I didn't know what I was looking for.
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I had no idea because there was no Facebook then. We had just a few books, and I didn't read the right books either.
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I was kind of on my own, knowing that something is not right. That this is not all life is.
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That there has to be something. And the question of what is real was interesting for me.
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Um, and the whole thing started when one day we took magic mushrooms, me and my husband.
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And then, of course, the doors are open. Different sense of reality, different experience, different perceiving.
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And the magical thing that happened that night was that my mind went silent. It went completely, no commentator at all for hours.
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And I was just sitting there, delighted to be. Just be. And everything was there, very vivid.
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Very intimate, but no thoughts at all. And I thought afterwards, I thought, "Wow, this feels like home.
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This is what I want. This is how I want to live." Because the magic mushrooms only show you what's available
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in here. So I kind of got it that I have to work my way out to there,
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to that openness and quietness without taking anything. So that became my initiation into your real seeking.
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Because I was still like, I don't know what I was looking for, but now at least I knew how it felt,
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what it was like in experience. So years later, few books later, um, there was this last question that showed up.
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And it was, is there a loner running the show? And that question opened another door.
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And this time the door was one way. It wasn't coming back from there. It was clear seeing there's nobody there.
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There was never anybody there. There was nobody running the show other than life is happening by itself already.
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And that was the end of my questioning and start of exploring. So, it's kind of a door opened into my amusement park, which was my mind.
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I love the term. [laughter] It mostly looked like a circus, but that opened a different way of seeing what's going on here. And it wasn't anything dramatic.
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It was just a question, short silence. I didn't even notice that it happened until after a few days.
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And some everything started to look and feel different. Because that in-between the character, the person ceased.
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[laughter] Then everything felt and looked fresh, intimate, clear. When I started guiding people, I noticed that so many of them were on a path.
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They went to India, done retreats, read some different books. [laughter] And I was like they knew what awakening was or enlightening enlightenment was in their minds. And I saw how that is in a way of recognition to the very simplicity that
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is here, that life is flowing freely. Um, and when we started, we had a group on Facebook called Enlightenment Now or something like that.
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[laughter] Um, nobody knew what is going on. Mhm. We just guided people, see they have a glimpse of something, put them in the group, now let's compare the notes, what's going on.
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That was a very interesting time because we just were fresh like it can be seeing what is happening without any guidance or any help.
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And there were a lot of emergencies and people going confused and flipping, flopping and having doubts.
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For me it was interesting because when I saw that there was no Ilona running the show, no character, no person that is in charge of life. That was like final thing. It was just cut through completely. I never had a doubt. In
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fact, I tried to doubt it, but it felt so weird. I say, okay, well, everyone's doubting it.
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How would that look like? And it was just so funny, and how can you doubt that because it's obvious.
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You have to imagine something else to be able to see differently, but if you don't imagine anything everything's here. I'm here.
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This is happening by itself. There's nobody doing anything. How can that be that there's something doing it?
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Mhm. Mhm. So, this is how it was for me. And that was in 2010, 11-ish that time.
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Mhm. 2010, yeah. So, at that time, you know, the scene was different. It was pretty much nothing out there.
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Mhm. Yeah. So, two things you mentioned I really love for viewers to hear is that and I see the same way that knowledge do can really come in the way.
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You know, when you have a lot of a huge body of knowledge about what awakening is, what to do and so on. It, for some, for some people it can be helpful, but for most people it really
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becomes a hindrance at one point. Because there's this all this comparing and, you know, trying how to I get there or whatever happening.
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So, and also like you said that for you it was clear seeing and then doubt was gone.
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And for many people it is not. So, that people can hear, okay, it can be both.
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It can be a lot of going back and forth. Some gradual or very subtle and progression or like unfolding and it can be also very, uh, one-pointed and cutting through the veil so to say. So, thanks for sharing that. Okay.
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But you alluded that it is a process in some way and so, um, is there one thing that comes that was most surprising to you along the way?
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So, from 2010-11 till now. I'll say something that was very surprising that made me laugh for like 3 days.
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Yeah, [laughter] please. Oh, it started because I had some argument over email with somebody and it was just the other person was so serious and so like sharp and very, very intense that something in me snapped and I just
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saw how the same life, same life force, same consciousness is having a conversation with itself pretending to be so serious that it's hilarious.
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It's just, it was so clear to me that it's like one hand is arguing with another hand and one is taking so serious that the other one just cannot stop laughing because it sees that it's the same thing. It's just energy
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moving. [laughter] It's not like the things are having a different experiences. This awareness or consciousness is having an experience of recognition that there is just one movement.
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And that movement shows up as this argument and it, that was so funny for me. I could not stop laughing for 3 days. Until everything was solved. I just looked at everything as like I don't believe anything differently.
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That was very surprising. Because for a while I couldn't take anything seriously after that.
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Nothing seems people. Let's say my husband argues with me and he's so serious and I just have to hold myself like a poker face not to laugh out loud because that would make the argument stronger. [laughter] It wasn't, it wasn't good and it wasn't
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right because there is place for seriousness in life as well. But yeah, that lasted for a while.
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Mhm. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. And also like I mean the idea at one point it's so clear that you go like how could I ever thought, uh, this could be real in, in this way that these thoughts are really
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uh, pointing to a someone or whatever. So how could I ever think that this was real possible or whatever. So yeah, I can relate.
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Yeah. And, uh, actually at one point I had an experience like that as well.
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Um, I was so listening to some podcast or something and then this t
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everything okay, honey? And I'm I was like [laughter] This is so funny. Yeah. Mhm.
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And of course, yeah, it it can really be like the joke is is is on us, you know, when we discover okay, this is just an idea.
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Um but it can also be like challenging at times. So was there something that was that you can remember and would love to share that was uh challenging along the way?
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Oh, there were a lot a lot of things that were challenging. Mhm. Oh. Well, for me what was the most challenging it was that my heart opened so much and the love was pouring out so much that it was difficult to to function.
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Mhm. And I even remember going to a meeting with Pamela Wilson and asking her for help. She was laughing because so much love.
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I can't help. Think it off. Yeah, but that was very very challenging for for a while.
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Um just because when this stream of light or stream of energy was constantly going through, you can't really focus on anything else, like work, the daily living.
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It was so bizarre. And so intense, but also very very sweet and delightful and as well challenging because when I saw that that mind is trying to fight that or make restrictions or rules for that natural flow.
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It was burning and hurting and there was a lot of stress until the stream it's the stream didn't see didn't take any rules. It was just like, I don't care.
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This is how it is. Take it or leave it until I learned to kind of surrender to that and let the process continue and do itself.
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It was I would say very very challenging. So would that be also your advice for someone who's going through a similar uh phase that it can be helpful to surrender to it?
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Yeah, to the whole thing. Mhm. To the whole thing. Now looking back, what I see what happened was with that recognition coming back to coming out of the imagined into the real to the actual.
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Some process started of not just mental rewiring, but also nervous system rewiring. And all these energetic processes rewiring.
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And um it started with like my left foot. Yeah, hot flashes in the foot and spreading into the whole leg. That was distracting, not painful, not pleasurable. It's just like something hot is being pressed on at random times. So, that was part of
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the rewiring and the heart opening was also can call it kundalini, if you like.
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But, there was energetic thing going on for the whole body. And and whenever the energy was being stuck, that was the next challenge.
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That was the next pain point. Yeah. So, and it takes time to deconstruct and reconstruct a new structure so that the more energy or more more intensity can flow freely.
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Like rebuilding a highway where it was just a bicycle road. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. And actually it's the first time I hear someone uh talk about it like that, which is very close to how I would phrase it. So,
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maybe because we're both also doing like energy healing. [laughter] So, we're in in that uh in that area. So, I I too felt like that there was a reconstruction also also like as if the energy lines were being
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reconstructed, new like pathways to be found and connected, and that it was very physical. It was energetic, but also very physical.
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And that um Yeah, it did it did take time and was at times really challenging for the body. So.
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Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. And I hear that a lot that it really it uh concerns the whole system. It's not just an insight, but it's it's rebuilding in a way. Yeah.
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Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, comes to mind is like a lizard, you know, the lizard when it grows, it has to shed the skin so the new skin can grow and it becomes larger. So, I think it's our evolution because that's what
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it is. Mhm. The old has to drop for the new to take place. And in the beginning it's very um sensitive and um intense. It's like ah, don't touch but after a while this this skin becomes used to it.
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It's just higher higher amount of energy can pass through with without any flinching. Just being centered.
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Mhm. Uh allowing There's allowing for whatever is moving through to move through the way it wants.
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Mhm. What I also found like when the process is very energetic not everybody has that. Um but I found that it was very helpful to um have a good grounding as well.
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So um if there's excess energy because more frequency is running through like bigger highways now that uh can it can create like uh a blockages or you know, too much energy in one area and then others other parts
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are hurting and so on. So, I was I was um finding out that uh grounding was helping me a lot. So, it it do you have What What do you think about it and is there something else you would offer
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people if they have a very energetic process? Oh, I so agree with you. The grounding is the key, one of the keys to find stability.
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Yeah. For me, you it was my mental field was very active. Mhm. And I was high on life.
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Yeah. But it stopped for months. Mhm. So, I was always up there getting all these ideas. The traffic is was so busy, you know.
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Like a balloon in the wind. Mhm. The tiny little string was still here like doing normal everyday activities.
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But inwardly, it was yay, flying high with the kites. Mhm. But when I found that I can get too high, this is too disturbing.
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Get restless. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I lost weight. It was just so much energy moving.
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There, but not connected to the ground. So, when I learned that connecting to the ground it helps that energy to move slower and with more stability and actually some of these ideas can get done.
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They're not just the wind. It's It comes through the body and there is action.
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There is something happens. Mhm. In the physical. So, that was very helpful for me.
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Mhm. Yeah. Yeah, you you mentioned something uh important as well is that um it can get you very uh mental or very much into like the thought space or just like uh pure consciousness or whatever and and maybe take some time to really land in
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the body and um and then progress from there. So, for me it was like a very hard landing, I would say, into the body.
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What do you mean hard? Very abrupt and, you know, like um I realized that I really never wanted to be here in life, on this planet, you know, and and really landing here and and uh sensing the body, I was realizing
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I hadn't really the body. It's odd, you know, for someone who was who's very grounded, very embodied.
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So, I I also get a few people who really uh have a hard time landing here.
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And then when awakening happens, um the aspect of really embodying it is is uh sometimes challenging and very very important. Mhm.
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Yeah. And so, what would you say? What What is the main difference if if you can phrase it or if there is one between before first awakening and now?
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What's the main difference? What would you say? When there was first this awakening, first when it just opened, there was so much excitement.
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And everything looks so fresh and new. It's like starting life again in a way.
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Everything was still here, but the feeling inside was [gasps] [laughter] all like this. And now it's it's all That would be the main difference. But it's so subtle.
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I can get curious. I can explore. I can get interested in new ideas, but I'm not being pulled from being calm.
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Being all right. The waves of high and low got into more smaller. Mhm. Which means the lows are not so low.
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But they happen very quickly and I love it. To compare it to how it used to be before.
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It can be very deep pain. For example, I see a cat dying or something that is emotional and that sucks.
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It feels grief and sadness and all that. But it doesn't last for months. And it doesn't color my everyday experience.
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There are moments of grief, but when something else is happening, something else is happening. It's not it's not being carried into every experience like it used to.
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Mhm. So that would be the biggest difference. Just that. Feeling okay in where I am.
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Mhm. Yeah. Which can sound and may sound to some people very unspectacular. And I would say it is in a way, you know, it because it becomes really normal.
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And that it doesn't have to be anything special. It's just what it is or how it is right now.
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Do you agree to that? Yes, I agree. Cuz in the end it's not about experiences how it all goes, it's about knowing.
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Knowing is not a feeling. It's not a state. It's knowing. And for for those listening who will think that knowing means accumulating knowledge, how what would you say? What do you mean by knowing?
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[laughter] Well, it's not knowledge. It's it's so much simpler than that. Like if you're watching this and you're hearing these words, you know of these words, you know without thinking.
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You know without knowledge. There's understanding happening. There's awareness of what is here. That's the knowing.
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I use knowing instead of awareness. Mostly. [laughter] But because awareness is a noun and sometimes it's easy to build a new identity. I am awareness. Oh, look at me.
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But knowing is a verb and you can't make a I am knowing. There's there's knowing.
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It's not personal. It's not thing. Empty. Free. But it's on always. Yes, so great. Thanks for clarifying that. It's also some some great pointers in there.
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And so, if you were asked today, um, with how things are right now, what is awakening to you now?
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What wants to be said is a nice story. [laughter] Oh, yeah. Yeah, we can talk about that story or another story, but awakening right here, right now, is just being present here without a comment it.
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I love it. [gasps] Uh, so, is there anything you would like to add that we haven't touched on where you feel like, "Yeah, I'd like to to have this in in this, uh, episode." Is there something you would like to add?
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Okay, what wants to be said is that the mind creates images how something should be and it predicts how it will be and it's waiting for confirmations of these predictions.
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Whether it's good, whether it's bad, what if, what if, what if. It's always oriented into the future, into becoming.
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It's like our golden carrot we're trying to chase. Next moment, next experience, next something, but the awakening is noticing that movement.
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Recognizing that the mind creates images and saying right Yeah, that's an image. Nice, good.
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Let's go. But at at the same time there is knowing that there's nowhere else to get.
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I'm here. There's nothing to achieve. I'm here. It's already enough. It's already fulfilled. This this moment right here and now is how this totality, how this the whole life, universe, whatever you want to put label it like came to the point to express like this.
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Isn't that enough? That can be there. This is also part of that expression. But the attention is not on the next. This is not enough. I want something else. Instead it's like, oh, yeah, can be relaxed in this.
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It's wonderful. And when some difficult situations come up, uncomfortable situations or feelings, there's also noticing that yeah, it's here. It will pass. Just no problem.
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Yeah. I like the way you phrase it. Mhm. Yeah. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah beautiful. So, that was lovely exchange. Thank you for sharing your experience, your insights, and also giving some great pointers for people listening.
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It was great to have you here. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Sabina. It's such a pleasure to exchange with you, to be to be the same, you know.
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Um Like we talked that there's no me and you and somebody else. It's just this moment expressing as the meeting of two minds exchanging some words and energies around what's going on. It's lovely. Thank you so much.
Topics:awakeningspiritualityconsciousnessself-realizationintegrationpresenceinner workspiritual guidemindfulnessenlightenment
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