Speaker A
[Music] Hello, everybody. This is our third attempt at trying to record, um, because we've sort of, I'm trying to interview my friend Ananta, and we've had to negotiate exactly what we're allowed to talk about and what we're not.
Ananta Kranti shares her journey from trauma and wild experiences to spiritual awakening through tantra and non-duality.
Key Takeaways
- Spiritual awakening can emerge from deeply challenging and unconventional life experiences.
- Tantra and non-duality offer frameworks to understand and integrate cosmic and sexual energy.
- Honest dialogue about trauma and taboo subjects is crucial for healing and growth.
- Material wealth and external freedom do not guarantee inner peace or fulfillment.
- Spiritual teachers like Osho can profoundly influence personal transformation.
What the video covers
- Ananta Kranti recounts her early 20s relationship with a billionaire sheikh and her exploration of freedom and truth.
- She describes intense sexual and drug experiences that led to cosmic and spiritual realizations.
- After leaving that lifestyle, she struggled with emotional numbness in normal relationships.
- A chance introduction to a tantra book by Osho opened her consciousness to a new spiritual path.
- She felt a deep calling to follow tantra and spirituality, despite challenges and changes in her life.
- The video includes reflections on her time in Japan, Thailand, and India, and her evolving understanding of awakening.
- Ananta discusses the importance of honesty and openness in sharing her story, including taboo topics.
- The conversation touches on trauma, depression, and the transformative power of spiritual practice.
- She highlights the role of non-duality and tantra in her healing and awakening process.
- The interview also references the intensity of prison experiences and spiritual exercises that deepen awareness.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Interview Setup
- 02:05Early 20s: Relationship with Billionaire Sheikh
- 06:13Emotional Numbness in Normal Relationships
- 09:52Discovering Tantra and Osho's Teachings
- 12:47Calling to Spiritual Path and Preparing to Go to India
- 15:47Spiritual Experiences and Awakening Insights
- 19:06Life in Japan and Prison Experiences
- 23:46Deepening Awareness Through Spiritual Exercises
- 29:19Healing, Transformation, and Final Reflections
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
And we've decided to just go for it, to really be honest and go for it and talk about things that a lot of people wouldn't normally talk about.
Speaker A
So, um, welcome Ananta. Thank you very much.
Speaker A
This is my friend Ananta. We, um, I've known Ananta for many years, actually. I think even maybe before my awakening, um, because she lived on Copanyang Island, and I spent a lot of time on Copanyang Island, and through word of mouth, actually, I heard about her and I heard about her phenomenal story as well.
Speaker A
Um, yeah, which is really, yeah, breathtaking. So you kind of remember, but I never actually went to see her on Copanyang. I think we were never there at the same time. And you also lived at the sanctuary, and I lived on the other side.
Speaker A
Although I did spend a couple of months at the sanctuary living there, but you weren't there, but a lot of people that knew you were there. I don't know if we've ever talked about that. I could let go. I was told about you when I got back.
Speaker A
Yeah. When I got back. Yeah. Um, yeah. So that's how I know. And then we met in a women's group, a women's non-duality group, and then became friends on the side, which is very sweet. So, we're just going to really go for it.
Speaker A
So, this conversation, um, yeah, you've been warned before the conversation. We're going to, you really go into talking about everything.
Speaker A
So, yeah, let's start with how you got into spirituality or non-duality or awakening. No holding back this time.
Speaker A
That was the question, and we started talking about it offscreen, so I'll, off recording, so I'll carry on from there.
Speaker A
So yes, um, actually, actually, um, in my 20s, I was together with, um, a very rich man, a billionaire sheikh, actually, in my early 20s. And this was before I started searching for freedom and truth.
Speaker A
And through that relationship, um, I became aware that what I was looking for was not in the material world because he had just like absolutely everything.
Speaker A
Palace, private jets, all kinds of everything. Um, but we had a relationship that was very deeply sexual, and at that time in my early 20s, um, I was also playing around with stuff like MDMA and sex and drugs, wild and running, running wild.
Speaker A
And in our relationship, I experienced with him [Music] um, I would go otherworldly. I'd be like, we would have sexual journeys that went on for days, and I'd be having like orgasms that last for days.
Speaker A
And in those spaces, I was experiencing the whole cosmos in which I disappeared, and that as the whole of life was orgasming as me. And at that time, I can say that I didn't have these words because I didn't know what was happening, and I just imagined it was the drug, like a lot of people do.
Speaker A
They imagine it's the drug, and then they want the drug again, and they go for the, keep going for the drug. But it, it, it wasn't the drug. The drug was to reveal to me something not of this world.
Speaker A
And that opened the door to experiencing, I would say now, using my words now, life as it truly is. However, in those moments, it was the whole cosmos orgasming.
Speaker A
And how that relates to true reality now is something I can speak about, and I couldn't then. Anyway, our relationship split off. I couldn't stay in that world, and I started going for freedom, and I went off to Thailand to heal from the drug scene.
Speaker A
And I was in Thailand, and, um, I realized that I wasn't going back. I was never going back. And, uh, yeah, there's a lot of ways that I could go with this because it's such a multifaceted story.
Speaker A
Um, but that to bring it to the point, I, um, from that moment on, when I started to have boyfriends, normal boyfriends and love affairs, and when it came to normal sexual relationships, I couldn't feel anything.
Speaker A
So I started to really, um, wonder if there was something wrong with me because in normal relationships with normal boyfriends, it's like I just couldn't feel anything.
Speaker A
So I was relating to the experience that I was having with my Saudi Arabian partner, which went on for years, and I couldn't explain what was happening in that, but I wanted that.
Speaker A
I didn't have a name for it. I didn't have words for it, but I wanted that. And then I, I, I knew there was something in me I had to understand. I knew there was a low-grade depression that even though I was free, like living a free life, working in Japan, traveling from all around Asia, stepped out of the system as a, you know, dropped out of the system, just living free, there was still something that was underlying everything else that was something that I, I needed to understand about myself, like something that was, I would say, using words now today looking back, a low-grade depression, and I didn't understand what it was or where it came from.
Speaker A
So anyway, I, um, one day I was in conversation with a girl I knew who was also working in Japan, and she said, "Oh, bye. I'm, I'm off now to Asia. I'm off to India. I'm going to this ashram where, uh, you go there and you shout and scream and you do all these meditations, and you go absolutely like you can just like go absolutely wild, and then you go in silence, and I'm going to be with my guru."
Speaker A
And I was like, "What? What's that?" and she said, "Oh, here," and she handed me a book, and this book was called Tantra Spirituality and Sex.
Speaker A
Oh, wow. Of all the books that he's written. Yeah. And I didn't have a clue what tantra was. I mean, I got cold shivers right now because now, you know, obviously tantra is, um, so I just looked at this book, and it was, oh, show Rajesh, Bhagwan Shri Rajesh on the book.
Speaker A
I just looked at this tiny little book, and I was like, "Oh, wow. Spirituality and sex. What's that?" So, I started reading it, and from the very first page, oh my God, literally, oh my God.
Speaker A
He was speaking exactly what I was knowing inside. He was describing those experiences that I was [Music] having in drugs and sex, in sex and drugs, and he was describing the experiencing of the whole cosmos as the cosmic orgasm.
Speaker A
And as I was reading it, I was just like, "It's called something. It's called something. Oh my God, there's a name for it. It's called Tantra."
Speaker A
And I started turning the pages, and everything I read was just like I was just in there. And at some point in the book, he said, if you are one of my sadhins, if you find me and you are reading this book, or words to that effect, I'm calling you, you're being called, I'm calling you back, we've met before, da da da da.
Speaker A
And I was just turning the pages going like my heart was beating really fast. There was like the depth of me was just all knowing, all recognizing, going, this, this, this is it.
Speaker A
And a movement in me to, I've got to go there. I've just got to go there. And so this just exploded my consciousness. It blew my mind. It exploded my consciousness open to recognize and realize that there's something that I am here to know and to realize and to find, and whatever it is, this is it.
Speaker A
And it's, it's, it's ringing that bell in my depth, and I have to— What year was that that you went?
Speaker A
He was still alive?
Speaker A
Well, he was still alive, and, uh, I packed my bags. I got everything together. I sat down, and I was just like, you know, 'cause on the island it was all a bit wild, and there were all these wild parties and lots of people doing LSD, and I was also doing LSD, and these wild parties, and people were just like having these like cosmic moments, and I was like, I've got to go to India. I'm going—
Speaker A
I told a couple of people who already knew about him, and I started packing my bags, and I'm just on my way to go, and then I got the news that in that moment he just left his body.
Speaker A
So I was on my way to Bangkok, my flight was booked, everything, and I got the news that he just left his body.
Speaker A
However, it was like I had connected with something, his being wherever, and it didn't matter about his body because I'd already, where I'd connected to him, his—
Speaker A
Bangkok, my flight was booked, everything and I got the news that he just left his body.
Speaker A
However, it was like I had connected with something his his being wherever and it didn't matter about his body cuz I'd already where I'd connected to him his body his being his being his consciousness wasn't even in the body. M so the connection was
Speaker A
so alive that it really didn't matter if his body was there or not you know I just got goosebumps all over me when you're talking Yeah I have too um but just to say to everyone that we're talking about Osho um because I don't
Speaker A
know if we actually mentioned his name Osho bag which was his name before he changed it to Osho so anyway Um but then I was aware that there would be thousands and thousands of people celebrating and burning his body and it would be wild to
Speaker A
go there right now in that moment. So I decided to well I decided it happened that I diverted the trip and went instead to I went to um Nepal Kmenu and straight into no I walked first in the
Speaker A
mountains and then I went into a 10day vipassa retreat silent. You had you had you meditated before? No. Wow. That's quite a starting place.
Speaker A
No. It was as if once I'd connected with this with this energy and his message just opened and I just knew that the parties were not it, that the thing wasn't it, that that wasn't what I was looking for. And I just went and I was
Speaker A
just and I went alone and I actually walked for 3 months in the Himalayas alone with 16 kilos on my back high in the mountains in silence alone. I just like didn't want anyone around me. Wow.
Speaker A
And uh at the end of the 3 months I went into the 10day um Mahayana Buddhism.
Speaker A
actually Mahayana is tantric right I didn't put all that together at that time but so then in there I had the first sator where the mind completely stopped and you know yeah uh so that was the beginning that was the beginning of the journey
Speaker A
Wow. I didn't ever hear all this before. And you and and you had the confidence to to walk all that way, you know, as a white female, young female, beautiful young female. It was wild. It was wild because I was actually like, you could
Speaker A
have a guide, you could have someone carrying your bag, you could have. And I was like, "No, I don't want to listen to people. I don't want to listen to any of it. Any of it. No, just silence, just
Speaker A
the mountain, just And I was, you know, I was on this track. I was I was really full on actually. I was 27 then. 2 26 27. 27. Yeah. And where would you sleep at night? In these little uh
Speaker A
you'd have these little um I don't know what they're called. Rest houses or Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And then I'd I'd meet others who are walking on I'd meet another person who do doing another track and have these like really
Speaker A
full-on totally spiritual conversation and then and then be gone and never see them again. But it would just like my eyes were like, you know, I was just I was I was flying. But I was still had this sense of an underlying depression.
Speaker A
Yeah. Right. That I knew I had to resolve. So that drove the search. That drove the search. Right. So then I went for the 10day retreat. I had this like the first sator where the mind stops and but I still
Speaker A
didn't I still didn't recognize like when the when the mind completely stops and what is here is eternity. eternal eternal truth is here.
Speaker A
But I didn't recognize myself as that. There was nobody to point that out. And there was no, you know, of course, I mean, in the Buddhism, they're they're speaking it. They're pointing to it. But no, it was something
Speaker A
that I was experiencing, but it was an experience that came and went. So following that I uh the the the following season I went I went to Punea to the ashram to Osha Ashram and I yeah I went into everything
Speaker A
absolutely everything. I stayed in silence for 3 months and discover you know explored all the deconditioning of primal deconditioning and then I went into um there was an intensive there called who is in and in that in that uh it's a long thing
Speaker A
to talk about I don't want to if I go there it might take up a lot of time um but that basically is it's called an enlightenment intensive where you are exploring the question of who is in right now and you need to
Speaker A
um name every thought that you can see and at the end of that it's 5 days intensive from 5 in the morning till midnight you know you're being asked the same question tell me who is in you know non-stop you're sitting in
Speaker A
front of somebody asking the question and for five minutes you have to report repeat every thought you see so after five days of that again I had this complete stopping of the mind and this seeing this absolute clear seeing
Speaker A
so when people ask like tell me who he's in when the the guy opposite asked tell me who is in I was like this is where I was going on LSD. This is what I thought LSD was. It's not it's
Speaker A
it's expanded awareness. It's, you know, so I started to recognize that what I was experiencing in those glimpses, in those moments on on a psychedelic was actually always here and available. So yeah, this was the beginning of the journey. So yeah, do
Speaker A
you want to maybe you want to take me in whatever direction now? [Music] Um yeah, just uh getting a bit blissed out by it actually.
Speaker A
Um yeah, I mean there's just so much that we could talk about like so much like like [Music] um the the the fact that you're experiencing it in sexuality and then in drugs and um yeah, I think a lot of people do. I
Speaker A
think a lot a lot do, but they don't they don't um they think it's the drugs or the sex.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The first time I took LSD, I was I had already was already on the path and took it for spiritual reasons and was just like recognizing it straight away like this was what I was looking I was looking for. Right.
Speaker A
Um, yeah, I was 18 when I first took LSD. Yeah it's Yeah. So, I think you should just carry on with your story. So, what happened after that rather than me? Oh, what happens after that? So, um, yeah. And then, so I was going to
Speaker A
Japan and working for three months. um making enough money to be free for the rest of the year. So then I'd go back to Thailand and play for a few months and then I'd go back to India and
Speaker A
study, you know, I started learning how to massage and trauma release and all this kind of stuff in Punea. So I was doing this kind of circuit and um my billionaire boyfriend, we were still very much um in contact
Speaker A
because there there there was a great love. Um there really was a great love and we we were still it was faxes in those days. There was no email, no internet, you know. We're going Yeah. Yeah. The only way that I would hear from him was
Speaker A
was through a fax. And um so he called me to Egypt. He used to fly me to come and see him. And I and I went to see him. I was by this time I was um almost turning
Speaker A
30. And I went to see him in Egypt and I could see that his his body was starting to fade and he asked me to marry him and I was like hang on a minute you know I'm I'm
Speaker A
living such a free life and I love I love this freedom and I'm not giving it up for anything. And at the same moment, I could see that it really it really uh meant a lot to him that it was
Speaker A
really Anyway, I said, "I'll think about it." I said, "I'll I'll come I'll think about it. Give me some time." So it actually took me I don't know maybe 6 months and I was going backwards and forwards with this idea and then we
Speaker A
were always in contact and actually it was 3 days before I I took syas right I took the name ananta. So for those anybody who might be listening who um doesn't know what SAS is, it's it's a a moment where there's a huge
Speaker A
celebration of the life you live lived up until this moment and you surrender completely surrender the past, who you were with your name and everything and you get new name and it's an initiation of about 500 people all
Speaker A
singing and playing amazing music. Totally amazing, totally blissful. There's this big big big celebration and you get the new name and then you you're committed to a spiritual life or living into the meaning of that name.
Speaker A
So 3 days before I was about to take SAS, I had a conversation, a phone call with my partner. His name was Isam. And um I said that I could do this marriage if I could have six months of
Speaker A
the year in his world and six month in mine. And he agreed. And so we, this was in the February and we agreed and I was going to come back to England in April and we were going to have horse and cart
Speaker A
marriage and all this thing and uh I'd have my home in Thailand and then I'd go in and out of his life and I was really Yes. It was like had this beautiful phone call and um I went on the Saturday evening
Speaker A
and took SAS had this whole I have to say it was like the most incredible night of the life like never is like so so so so high like shaki explosion is the most incredible moment ever. I got this new name
Speaker A
and it's it really is like the end of me, the end of whoever I took myself to be and taking on this new name. And that that night while I was taking syas my partner left his body and in the morning I went to the
Speaker A
post office and I received a fax telling me that he was gone. Yeah. So it was the in the middle of the highest highest highest expansion of consciousness. I then received this impact of this shock.
Speaker A
the shock is so great because for those who might be watching this and don't know who Osho is, Osho was a guru uh and he was dressed in robes and my my exartner when he went to Saudi Arabia
Speaker A
wore robes and it was like I had married Osho that night instead and my partner had left with my life before. So there was absolutely nothing left of who I was before that moment. Everything went with it. So I was in a state of shock. And
Speaker A
did you ever find out what he died from? Yeah. I mean it's it's it boils down to being drug induced but basically he was sitting in the bed at night and his head was like this and he couldn't lift his
Speaker A
neck up and the [Music] um the breath couldn't you know but because the com combination of what I was in and this great shock then I that completely completely stopped the mind. I could not find a thought for a
Speaker A
month. Literally, literally, I couldn't I couldn't I was in this absolute absolute couldn't find a thought. And if I would find a thought, it was a hell realm because it would have been a thought like, "Oh no, where has he gone?"
Speaker A
It would have been that and anytime I would come near a thought it was a hell realm. So I stayed and where I stayed was in this [Music] open wide open where I was receiving all kinds of downloads and
Speaker A
knowings or whatever. Yeah, it was really wild. Anyway, after following that after that, it meant that I had to go back to Japan and work again because obviously if I was going to marry him, I didn't need to do
Speaker A
that. And um so now I had to go I I was in a I would say a virginal state. Virginal like so pure. I'd done all this deconditioning. I'd wiped out all these like all this I was in such a purity such a Yeah,
Speaker A
it was really I was just light. I was just in this pure innocent light.
Speaker A
Beauty godliness. And then the realization that I had to now go back to Japan because I it was the way I knew how to survive meant that I had to step into a whole different energy. And it was an energy of my
Speaker A
past that I knew wasn't I'm not that. But it meant I had to step back into that out of survival. And uh I said, "Okay, one last time." It took me a few months cuz first I went to Thailand, spent a few months
Speaker A
partying and stuff. Um one last time and of course, you know, the next bit.
Speaker A
Yeah, it was one last time. I went back to Japan and uh through a series of circumstantial events, this led to me getting arrested and sentenced to three and a half years in a Japanese prison.
Speaker A
Yeah. My god, what a story. An I didn't know all this stuff before. So now you know why I woke up there, you know. My goodness. Yeah. It wasn't just like I went to prison and woke up.
Speaker A
It it was all of that came before. So when I went in into that situation, I already had just taken on the name Ananta. I had already 18 months before actually I had already like taken on a spiritual commitment. I
Speaker A
had already surrendered absolutely to the truth above all else. I was already absolutely totally bowing down. And I I want to make a point of this because at that time in my the it's you know it's 32 years ago. So
Speaker A
at that time my understanding when I went in there was a bit different than it is now. And um it's like I had bowed down to the feet of Osho. However, it wasn't that I'd bowed down to a
Speaker A
guru. I had bound bowed down and surrendered to what I recognized that was coming through him.
Speaker A
So every word that was coming through him and the transmission that was coming through him was recognized by the truth here as the truth without any separation. So the truth was recognized and like a ringing bell, it was waking that up in me. So the bowing
Speaker A
down of the egoic level, the the little me to the guru was a necessary aspect of the merging or the marriage of my being.
Speaker A
You know I didn't I couldn't have put these words then I can put these words now. At that time it was totally I was surrendered to the guru. But what is the guru? The guru is the satguru that we
Speaker A
all have inside. Every single one has inside the sackguru the voice of truth. That which only speaks truth.
Speaker A
That which only transmits truth. is the sat guru the truth guru. So there is no other in existence than that truth itself. There is no other only that speaks only that transmits only that is. So the recognizing that coming through him was
Speaker A
because it was coming alive here. Ah that's the truth. But when anybody when any when anybody is seeing like when people listen to you Lisa and they know that the truth is being spoken it's because the truth inside of them is
Speaker A
recognizing that right so it's exactly like that and um I was totally surrendered to that in the form of osho and uh so when I got sentenced after 5 months on trial and it was by the way uh involvement with
Speaker A
LSD. Um, when I got sentenced, the only thing I had I had no more visits for the next few years. I had no no I was solitary confined. So, I had no conversation ever again after the sentencing. And I was in a cell with 25
Speaker A
kilos of Osho books. You thought I was going to say cocaine for a moment.
Speaker A
You were allowed books, like 25 kilos of 25 kilos. But a friend, a good friend went and bought those books and gave them gave them um for my journey. But you can't have 25 kilos of books in the
Speaker A
cell. You get two at a time. So I could have two at a time and that's the only relationship I had. It's the only input I had. I couldn't have letters from friends. I couldn't have visits. So that's allowed visits or
Speaker A
anything? No, only from the British embassy every 3 months. Wow. Once I was sentenced, there were no visits.
Speaker A
So So you didn't speak to your family for three years? No. Could you write to them? One letter to my to my mom. Yeah.
Speaker A
You allowed that. Do that. Yeah. Yeah. The lights go a bit strange. Yeah. Um so yeah, it it uh that was so so the whole um setup, let's say, the whole scene that was kind of set up was I was solitary confined. So I
Speaker A
had no conversation with anybody else. I had Osho who I was totally surrendered to. It took me about seven seven or eight months to get permission to get a photo of him in my room. You know, it was about that big. Like his eyes
Speaker A
just and I had his books and I had to work in a factory, work like a dog, forced labor. Um, so it wasn't just like I was just sitting in there reading my books all day blissing out. No, I was like,
Speaker A
you know, it was very severe and very very strict. So, um, how many hours of labor did you have to do a day? From 7 in the morning, 7 in the morning to uh about five. about five to come home from work,
Speaker A
you know, you get taken to the factory and brought back to the cell and you're not allowed to talk. Yeah. No, five days a week. You're not allowed to talk. It was 50 people in a factory all in
Speaker A
silence working on machines. Wow. And you're getting screened. I'm sure there was I'm sure there was some communication but just not in words. Um, communication was um like somebody who would bring you the work and tell you how to do it, but there would be a guard
Speaker A
standing there watching that there's no other conversation happening. Wow. So, you're being watched like 24/7. 24/7 you're being watched. And there are like 500 rules. And the first rule is never break a rule.
Speaker A
You know, because if you break a rule, you're going to sit for 21 days on your knees as an apology.
Speaker A
Oh my goodness. Wow. And the thing is is the rules are all in Japanese. So So you don't even know what the rules are until you break them. Oh, they didn't give you any translation. No. No. You're not
Speaker A
special. Well, you cannot be special. So intense. How many times did you break the rules? Constantly to learn what they were and you get the first time you break it, that's okay. But once they know you're aware of the rule and you
Speaker A
break it, that's that's you know, rules are like you can't lean back against the wall. So you go to sit in your cell on the floor because there's no chairs, right? You got to sit on the on the
Speaker A
floor and you can't lean back on the thing until a certain time in the in the night when you can lay down and you've just come home from the factory where you've been working all day the machine. You can't lean against
Speaker A
the wall. So you are literally exhausted, tired, in pain and you've got to sit and so but there's amazing things that were developed in that space really. I mean, I could tell you, but I don't know how much time we've got. I
Speaker A
could tell you. Yeah, you still got time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, for as an example, right? So um so you're not allowed to lean back against the wall but there is some there is something in all of us that well first of all the ego wants to
Speaker A
survive and there's something in all of us that wants to wants to survive right so there was this intense play of the awareness in the guards and the awareness in the prisoners. So the awareness in the guards, they want to catch you breaking
Speaker A
a rule. So they're all the time and the awareness in the prisoners, they're waiting until the moment the guard is looking the other way that they can break the rule. Right? So you got this intensity of awareness with itself. You get what I
Speaker A
mean? You get the picture of like, you know, like your your dog who's like waiting waiting to make the move. So it was like all the prisoners are really fully fully fully present waiting for the moment when all the guards are looking the
Speaker A
other way and then they can whisper something. for example. Right. Right. And the guards are waiting for the moment they catch you, they scream. Right. So this intensity was there constant. You understand?
Speaker A
So you're you're living in a an constant intensity of awareness present. Right? So one of the things is in the cell you can't lean back. so desperately want to lean back, very very tired, in pain. So you come to
Speaker A
learn their footsteps. So you can hear where their footsteps are and how far away they are.
Speaker A
So when you can hear how far away their footsteps are, you can lay down and totally surrender into a deep deep deep drop.
Speaker A
And through their footsteps like you you you can surrender so so deep and let go into like but you got to keep another side of awareness expanded and present to their footsteps.
Speaker A
Yeah. So you've got this expansion and depth going on at the same moment and their footsteps come up and then you sit back up like nothing happened. So you've got this thing going on all the time. And what I can say now
Speaker A
is that the exercise of these states of awareness is very much present in the way that I work with people now. M so for example like there'll be a room full of people in retreats for example and I'm
Speaker A
working like intensively with one and at the same time I'm aware of every movement in everybody else all at the same time because it's been developed to expand and to focus and you know we've all got the we all have all of these abilities
Speaker A
but if we don't if they're not developed they're not they go to sleep right so I would say that in that situation I was primed for the work that we do because it it all those all those um the exercises of the states of
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awareness were were developed you get what I mean and and the the ability to um like I was communicating with someone 10 cells away, you know, through dream states and stuff and well, I know her because I knew her. She was the one who used to
Speaker A
who gave me the 25 kilos of books. She got arrested a year later and put in the cell 10 cells away [Laughter] and we weren't allowed to talk but we were communicating. Yeah. Right. So yeah that's the story.
Speaker A
And what was the awakening that you had when you were in the prison? So um I would say there was extreme suffering for a long time you know like the um the physical, the mental, the emotional, it was extreme like really extreme. You're
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getting screamed at constantly and the body's in shock constantly. and um exhaustion. I never slept. I didn't sleep. I used to just go lucid dreaming. I I never slept. Um so in this thoroughly exhausted and emotionally drained and all of that
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because one of the things is you don't get told when you're getting out of there. There's no date. So that can drive the ma mind crazy because you're always looking at the calendar and trying to work out and
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understand when other people get out how that might work for you. So the mind is go constant. It was a hell realm. Um while at the same time I was I'd read like one page of osho every evening when I came back from
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the cell. So I'd be reading reading it and reading it and staring into his eyes and realizing it realizing it realizing it. So it would be opening and I'd be sitting there like pure seeing and at the same time I
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had all this suffering going on. So both experiences were very very present. And then one evening um I was so exhausted. So I was just exhausted with even trying to figure out when I'm going to get out of
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there. It was just like reached the point of can't fight it anymore. And um when they gave the it's like a bell that comes in your room like dinging that you can now lay down. When that signal came I I laid down and I
Speaker A
just dropped and dropped and dropped. It it was like I had no choice. The exhaustion. So I I like to say it like this. It was like I I started to just drop and drop into the pain cuz the pain was
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excruciating all through my body was so much pain and I just started to I couldn't resist it. I dropped into it and I was experiencing it fully fully fully and then I would breathe and it would drop deeper
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cuz I I knew this way because I was in body work before and cranial cycle and whatever.
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So this was happening and I dropped into the pain and I wasn't searching anything in that moment. I wasn't looking for anything anything. It just kept dropping and then it opening and dropping and opening. So I was dropping, experiencing the pain,
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breathing into it and it was opening and then it would drop. And then a certain moment it was as if I dropped right through the layer of where pain lives. And as I dropped through it, I opened into the space where there
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is no body. There's no more a body. So there's no more a pain. And when when I dropped into this and this opened and opened and opened and opened and kept opening and opening and opening and opening. There was light
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And one thought came. It was like it was like there was no more jail. There was no more story of jail. There was only freedom. I knew I was free. And there was one thought. What is this?
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And when this thought came, it opened and opened more and more and more. And it was like I was bathing in pure all-encompassing whatever you want to call it. light, freedom, love, peace, endless, endless vast space. I still didn't realize this is
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what I am. However, I knew I was free. And so, I spent the whole night And the next morning when I woke up or I woke up, I didn't sleep, whatever. Next morning when they called to like get up
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and and stand to attention and you know you have to come out of the cell and stand and there's a whole row of you and you have to be counted and turn your head and say the number like
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each and in this the next morning when this happened I was just like I did all the actions turn my head count the number but I was Just like there was this deep deep deep smile inside and instead of the mind running
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with when am I going to get out of here? When am I going to get out of here? Do I want to go to work? I just turned like that and there was the sun coming up over the mountain. Oh no, there's
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someone knocking on the door. The sun was coming up over the mountain and I turned back and there was just only this moment. And from that moment on, there was no more struggle. There was still pain. There was
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still all of the body conditions. There was still all of that. Yet there was no more fight with the experience. It was only this moment. And from that moment on, I knew I was free. And every night that I'd
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come back to the cell, I couldn't wait to lie down and go there. And every night, that's where I went.
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And everything changed in the world. Everything changed. Absolutely everything. I'd sit and look in Osho's eyes and I was just traveling in eternity. And looking out of the window was just only this beautiful, beautiful moment. There was bliss. There
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was light. And I started to when the when the guards started screaming and shouting and telling us off, I just found it really funny deeply inside. I was looking at them going, "They're in jail." You know, I actually said to
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one guard who came like to tell me off through the through the window of the cell. uh actually said you me I you know that's a whole another story but it was like I saw that they they were in prison
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that they were the prisoners you know and so this was this was uh I had nine more months in there and for the next nine months I was just only only the moment was it didn't matter when I'd get out. It didn't
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matter, you know. So, it was absolutely wonderful and there's so many avenues that I could go from within that time.
Speaker A
Um and the shock of of getting the news of getting out and all of that, you know, it was just uh each each part of it is a whole another story of, you know, um it became it became absolutely magical.
Speaker A
And I I I knew that I was being made I was being prepared for the message, the sharing of of truth because it it wasn't, you know, it wasn't until actually later that I realized that I am I
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am, you know, I was awake. Yet there was another whole another level to that. when when like the separation between I and truth. It was like I was knowing that, I was seeing that, I was recognizing that until later a moment came where
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that fell away. There's no separation between what truth is and what you know. So, I mean, it it wasn't just one moment that and yet it was it only ever is yet it's an ongoing it was an ongoing
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illumination and I would say it still is an ever an ever deepening revelation of what that is. Right.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. My goodness, your story is so captivating and I'm Oh god, I I've I've started to I'm starting to feel aware that I might be taking way too long and we might, you know, I might be No, it's like I'm absolutely blissed out
Speaker A
and captivated. Like I'm so in you and in the experience. Yeah, it's really beautiful.
Speaker A
I feel that we should um maybe end soon but have another conversation. Yeah, let's do that. So that there's so much more like we could go into like I would really love to go into the tantra stuff and what happened in the tantra stuff.
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I would love to um speak more about like the deepening of this this experience.
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Yeah. Also just other questions like like you were so brave, you know, when you when you did all this stuff like to you really live at the edge of life. I was I was always living on the edge.
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That's true. And but I was so um I was so scared when I arrived in that jail really. I mean yes yes brave but I was also so scared when I arrived there cuz there I mean I was the only I was the only westerner
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and it was horrific what when I arrived there and I saw what was what was going to be the next few years. It was horrific.
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it the the scenes were just like no this can't be true you know but again I could go in that and it it would take another 20 minutes and another 20 so maybe we should do this in sections and and maybe we could um we
Speaker A
could also invite people to if they have questions for us to address on the next yeah that would be that would be really beautiful because it's yeah it's just really amazing story and your your um your bravery, you know, to do all
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these things and to really go for it, to really put yourself out there and to really um like at all, you know, like at all costs. No, is that the right word? Like at all, like you did it. I really had
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that more so when I was younger. Like I was just I was just I I just kind of knew that life was for so much more and I was living on the edge all the time like you know I've got to live this to I was just
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really really going for it that I didn't have fear you know. So yeah, it was very much just who I was and I didn't even associate that. I didn't know any different, you know.
Speaker A
Yeah, it's an amazing story. But yeah, so maybe we wrap that up now. Um yeah, and we will do part two, part three and questions and answers. There's so much more. We'd love to. I'd love to. we could do. I just love it like your story
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and the way that you tell it is so captivating and the energy in which you speak about it is really divine. Oh, Lisa, I really appreciate you because um you know you're so you're so lovely and open really I really really really feel
Speaker A
that and you know not everybody would even be that interested. I think so many people Ananda your story is gripping I think. Yeah. Okay. But we end this now and I promise everyone a part two and a part three and yeah thank
Speaker A
you so much Ananta for sharing with us today. Oh thank you. Thank you really from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Topics:spiritual awakeningtantranon-dualityOshosexuality and spiritualitytrauma healingJapanprison experiencecosmic orgasmAnanta Kranti
