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This NDE Will Give You Goosebumps - Woman Dies & Shops for Her Life in a Spiritual Supermarket

A woman recounts her near-death experience after a 2019 overdose: a life review of her harm to others, a vision of a spiritual army, and a 'spiritual supermarket' where she chose her life's traumas.

Key Takeaways

  • Near-death experiences can profoundly reshape a person's beliefs, shifting a materialist worldview toward spiritual interpretation.
  • Life reviews, as described, can produce intense recognition of harm caused to others, paired with a sense of truth rather than condemnation.
  • The speaker frames trauma and hardship as chosen pre-birth experiences serving a larger collective purpose, a belief that offers meaning but is not empirically verifiable.
  • Integration after a transformative experience can be difficult, and community support plays a central role in her account of recovery.

What the video covers

  • The speaker describes a near-death experience in March 2019 following a drug overdose, after a life marked by parental suicide, addiction, prostitution, and homelessness.
  • Her life review confronted her with the harm she had caused others, presented as truth rather than judgment, and she re-experienced her traumas from both perspectives.
  • Initially a militant atheist, she interpreted the anguish of the review as hell, before a light and her deceased father's voice led her to an ecstatic, peaceful state she calls home.
  • She describes being shown a 'spiritual army' preparing for a 'great awakening' and being told she volunteered as a spiritual soldier.
  • A scene with light beings and an ornate book suggested her life was being reviewed for information rather than judgment.
  • In a 'spiritual supermarket,' she selected life experiences (cereal boxes) including family lineage, poverty, addiction, and sexual trauma, framed as transmuting collective trauma.
  • After returning, she struggled with ungroundedness and relapse, and later found meaning through spiritual reflection, nature, and pre-birth planning beliefs.
  • She discusses soul families and soul mates, including her father as a main soul mate across lifetimes.
  • She founded a spiritual community (wearethewheel.com) to help people living misaligned with their purpose, especially those in addiction.
  • The presentation is anecdotal and unverified, with claims presented as subjective experience rather than established fact.

Chapters

  1. 00:00Ecstatic Reaction to Spiritual Information
  2. 03:00The Table of Light Beings and the Ancient Book
  3. 06:27Life Before the Near-Death Experience
  4. 10:00Relapse and the Struggle to Integrate
  5. 16:00Mythology, Archetypes, and Spiritual Meaning
  6. 25:00Pre-Birth Planning and Contrast on Earth
  7. 37:20Soul Families and Soul Mates
  8. 48:00Community, Recovery, and Closing Reflections

Answers

Questions about this video

What led to the speaker's near-death experience?

The speaker says her near-death experience occurred in March 2019 as a result of a drug overdose, after decades of addiction, trauma, and homelessness. She describes her life before the event as chaotic and marked by harm to others.

What did the speaker experience during her life review?

She describes re-experiencing her traumas and the harm she caused others, both from her own perspective and the other person's. She says it felt like truth rather than judgment, though it was agonizing.

What does the speaker claim she learned about pre-birth planning?

She claims she was shown a 'spiritual supermarket' where she chose life experiences, including family lineage and collective traumas like poverty and addiction, to help transmute collective trauma. These claims are subjective accounts and are not independently verifiable.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

00:00
Speaker A
And so I'm like, lit. I'm so excited. This information is amazing. It's tits. This is the best thing that I could ever learn about Earth. And so I go back in front of the table of beings and I'm like, "Oh my god, guys, thank you so much. Yes, I'm so glad that I came here for this information. This is the information I've been searching for my whole life. I am so grateful."
00:11
Speaker A
My near-death experience happened in March of 2019 as a result of a drug overdose. Before my experience, my life was full of chaos and trauma, all the kinds of trauma. My parents had both committed suicide when I was in my early 20s as a result of their drug addiction and living a lifetime of poverty. So I had been like a very traumatized person before my experience. At some point in my life, I decided that I would never be a victim ever again, because I felt very victimized by circumstance my whole life. I decided that I would be the perpetrator in people's lives, because I didn't even know that there were other roles to play. I thought it was only victim and abuser. I didn't even know you could just be a good, decent person. That wasn't in my realm of understanding, because it wasn't the lifestyle of the family that I grew up in.
00:28
Speaker A
So when I had my near-death experience, the first part of my experience was a life review.
00:44
Speaker A
And it was pretty intense, because again, I caused a lot of harm. I was a traumatized person who maliciously went around traumatizing other people. I was a drug addict for 20 years. Ten of those years I spent in prostitution and in and out of homelessness. So I had manipulated and caused a lot of harm to a lot of people, and in my life review, that was all flooding back at me. Not in a scary way where I have to be super scared at every move that I make throughout my life, but just in a way that made me recognize that, "Wow, I did a lot of damage." And I honestly didn't even know that I was doing damage to other people. I knew that I was kind of ruthless. I knew that I was pretty dominant. But I didn't realize the way that I was making people feel.
00:58
Speaker A
And in my life review, that all came flooding into me. Not as judgment, not as condemnation, just as truth. This is literally how I made other people feel.
01:10
Speaker A
And then I experienced all my traumas all over again, from the other person's point of view and from my point of view, and it just kind of felt like I was drowning in an ocean of anguish. And at the time of my experience, I was a staunch militant atheist. I didn't believe that anything happened after you die. But I was kind of piecing things together and I thought, "Oh, maybe I'm dead right now." Because I was seeing a lot of dead people in my life review. And in that moment, I thought, "Okay, it's not that nothing happens when you die. It's that you go to hell." Because it kind of felt like how people describe hell. It was just agonizing and brutal, and there was no goodness and no joy and no nothing that would feel anything like what people describe heaven to feel like.
01:17
Speaker A
While I was in my life review, I started to hear my father, who had been dead by suicide for 11 years at that point in time. I started to hear him chanting out to me, and he was saying, "You are worthy of all the love in the universe. You are worthy of all the love in the universe." And he just kept saying it over and over and over again. And I didn't believe those words, but I trusted his voice.
01:22
Speaker A
And so I started to follow him into the light of the experience. And it kind of felt like in Star Trek, when they beam you up. It just felt like I noticed that there was a light, and then all of a sudden I was dissipated into the light. And that feeling was way different than my life review. It was like, you know, a lot of near-death experiencers say that they don't have human words to convey what it's like, but it felt like a trillion orgasms on top of every one of the trillions of cells inside of your body. It was like the most ecstatic, blissed-out feeling that you could ever imagine.
01:37
Speaker A
I, it was a sense of reunion that came through, joy, and then there was peace and serenity, and it just truly felt like home. Not home like where all your stuff is, but like an ethereal home that is imprinted inside of me, and I just never had access to it before. So I was like, "Okay, this experience is great. I'm loving this a lot more. Maybe I am dead, and like, this is okay." And then I started to get downloaded with a bunch of information. So it kind of felt like I was just in this vast whiteness, just white light, and then all of a sudden it felt like my mind's eye started to construct shapes around me. And the shapes that were coming through were these scenes. And in the first scene, I found myself around thousands of other souls. And I felt like I was part of a spiritual army. And then there was a commander in the center of all of us. It was like this large beam of light, and the commander was saying that we are the bravest, most special volunteers, that we've all signed up to come to Earth for the great awakening.
01:50
Speaker A
I again have no idea what's going on. I don't know what the great awakening is.
02:02
Speaker A
I just know that I'm a part of it. Like, whatever this light is telling me, I'm automatically accepting it as truth. You know, on Earth we question everything. Somebody's like, "This sky is blue," and we're like, "Well, is it blue or is it more of a turquoise?" And we're always questioning everything. But in this space, no. Total acceptance of everything that's happening.
02:10
Speaker A
And so I'm told that I'm a spiritual soldier and I'm part of this cool spiritual army. I'm like, "Okay, great." And then my awareness shifts over to another scene after I accept that information.
02:20
Speaker A
And when I go over to this other scene, I'm in front of a table of beings.
02:32
Speaker A
And it was just like a crappy plastic card table. It was nothing ornate, nothing beautiful, nothing that you would expect to see in heaven. But there were these four light beings behind the table.
02:44
Speaker A
And they had this beautiful ornate book on top of the table. It was maroon and gold and velvet and ancient, and they were flipping through the book.
02:56
Speaker A
And they are looking at the book and looking at me and looking at the book and looking at me. And they say, "Okay, you're just here for information.
03:07
Speaker A
It's good to see you." And I again have no idea what's going on, but I'm looking all around me.
03:18
Speaker A
I'm like, "You guys are not talking to me, are you? Because I am definitely saying here, you need to flip a couple more pages to the page that says, oh yeah, she stays."
03:28
Speaker A
And they said, "No, no, no, just information." And then they shift me over to another scene, and I find myself in what looks like a spiritual supermarket, and I have a giant empty grocery cart, and lining the walls of the grocery store aisles are these gigantic cereal boxes. And every cereal box has a life experience on it. And so I start grabbing all these cereal boxes off of the shelves and I'm throwing them in the cart.
03:39
Speaker A
I know that I'm coming to Earth for the great awakening. Like, all of this awareness is already inside of me. So my parents are picked. So certain cereal boxes are coming into the cart automatically because of the family line that I had chosen to be a part of. And again, it was for the great awakening. So I was here to transmute collective trauma. I'm like, what are some of our collective traumas? Well, a lot of people are dealing with poverty. They have a hard time overcoming that, with addiction, they have a hard time overcoming that, sexual trauma. I grabbed the variety pack of that one. I was like, "Mhm, I'll take the 12-pack right there."
03:54
Speaker A
Thank you so much. People have a very hard time digesting and recalibrating after trauma like that. And so I know that I'm taking all of this on. But as I'm taking on all of these really dense experiences, the other side of the experience is coming with it, the dual of the experience,
04:06
Speaker A
I It was a sense of reunion came through, joy, and then there was peace and serenity, and it just truly felt like home. Not home like where all your stuff is, but like an ethereal ethereal home that is imprinted inside of me, and
04:25
Speaker A
I just never had access to it before. So, I was like, "Okay, this experience is great. I'm I'm loving this a lot more. Maybe I am dead, and like this is okay." And and then I I started to get
04:36
Speaker A
downloaded with a bunch of information. So, it kind of felt like I was just in this vast whiteness, at like just white light, and then all of a sudden it felt like my mind's eye started to construct shapes around me. And the shapes that
04:49
Speaker A
were coming through were these scenes. And the first scene I found myself around thousands of other souls. And I felt like I was part of a spiritual army. And then there was a commander in the center of all of us. It was like
05:04
Speaker A
this large beam of light, and the commander was saying that we are the bravest, most special volunteers, that we've all signed up to come to Earth for the great awakening.
05:16
Speaker A
I again have no idea what's going on. I don't know what the great awakening is.
05:19
Speaker A
I just know that I'm a part of it. Like, whatever this light is telling me, I'm automatically accepting it as truth. You know, on Earth we like question everything. Somebody's like, "This sky is blue." and we're like, "Well, is it
05:31
Speaker A
blue or is it more of a turquoise?" And like we're always questioning everything. But in this space, no. Total acceptance of everything that's happening.
05:41
Speaker A
And so, I'm told that I'm a spiritual soldier and I'm part of this cool spiritual army. I'm like, "Okay, great." And then my awareness shifts over to another scene after I accept that information.
05:51
Speaker A
And when I I go over to this other scene, I'm in front of a table of beings.
05:56
Speaker A
And it was just like a crappy plastic like card table. It was like nothing ornate, nothing beautiful, nothing that you would expect to see in heaven. But there was these four light beings behind the table.
06:08
Speaker A
And they had this beautiful ornate book on top of the table. It was like maroon and gold and velvet and ancient and they were flipping through the book.
06:20
Speaker A
And they are like looking at the book and looking at me and looking at the book and looking at me. And they say, okay, you're just here for information.
06:27
Speaker A
It's good to see you. And I again have no idea what's going on, but I'm like looking all around me.
06:33
Speaker A
I'm like, you guys are not talking to me, are you? Because I am definitely saying here, you need to like flip a couple more pages to the page that says, oh yeah, she stays.
06:42
Speaker A
And they said, no, no, no, just information. And then they shift me over to another scene and I find myself in what looks like a spiritual supermarket and I have a giant empty grocery cart and lining the walls of the grocery store aisles are
06:56
Speaker A
these gigantic cereal boxes. And every cereal box has a life experience on it. And so I start grabbing all these cereal boxes off of the shelves and I'm throwing it in the cart.
07:07
Speaker A
I know that I'm coming to Earth for the great awakening. Like all of this awareness is already inside of me. So my parents are picked. So certain cereal boxes are coming into the cart automatically because of the family line that I had
07:18
Speaker A
chose to be a part of. And again, it was like for the great awakening. So I was here to transmute collective trauma. I'm like, what are some of our collectives traumas? Well, we're all a lot of people are dealing with poverty. They have a
07:31
Speaker A
hard time overcoming that, with addiction, have a hard time overcoming that, sexual trauma. I grabbed the variety pack of that one. I was like, mhm, I'll I'll 12 pack right there.
07:41
Speaker A
Thank you so much. People have a very hard time digesting and recalibrating after trauma like that. And so I I know that I'm taking all of this on. But as I'm taking on all of these really dense experiences, the
07:55
Speaker A
other side of the experience is coming with it, the dual of the experience, right? Cuz we live on Earth and it's duality. So, I didn't just pick addiction, I also picked recovery. And I didn't just pick poverty, I also picked
08:07
Speaker A
wealth and abundance and And but none of those things had happened in my life yet. So, all I'm seeing is like trauma, tragedy, dereliction degradation homelessness prostitution. I'm like, "Yeah, those boxes clock. I guess somebody will just put these other ones back when I go to
08:21
Speaker A
check out cuz like those those aren't part of my life." And the one part of the story that I really like to talk about is that when I picked the box of childhood sexual trauma, a little orb of light came out
08:34
Speaker A
with the box and that orb of light was the soul of the man who molested me when I was a little kid.
08:40
Speaker A
And we came orb to orb with each other and we came into a contract. And I felt this all happening in this moment. And as the contract was sealed between the two of us, I just felt this unconditional love that we had for one
08:54
Speaker A
another, that we were going to play these roles. And my human mind cannot comprehend how could being such a terrible villain in someone's life equal unconditional love and I don't have some great, carefully constructed spiritual sentence to help people understand. I
09:11
Speaker A
just I just know. Like I have this deep, innate knowing inside of me that I did choose that experience and it was for the evolvement of myself, whatever that means.
09:22
Speaker A
And And so, in this moment of being downloaded with all of this information, seeing these scenes play out, the characters in my life, and all of these pre-chosen things, I realized that, "Oh, I'm not a victim. I've never been a
09:35
Speaker A
victim in my life. I've actually been a divine co-creator of my experience this entire time. I just had no awareness of it. And so I'm like lit. I'm so excited.
09:46
Speaker A
This information is amazing. It's tits. This is the best thing that I could ever learn about Earth. And so I go back in front of the table of beings and I'm like, "Oh my god, guys, thank you so
09:56
Speaker A
much. Yes, I'm so glad that I came here for this information. This is the information I've been searching for my whole life. I am so grateful." I'm still not going to go back to Earth because that place is a [ __ ] dumpster fire,
10:08
Speaker A
but I will watch this Great Awakening show from up here. I'm just going to go grab my PJs and a bowl of popcorn. I'll curl up on the couch. What's your streaming service? Is it Earth TV or something? Whose password can I borrow?
10:20
Speaker A
I was like very dead set on just staying in that space and they just told me like, "Listen, you're not going back as a punishment." They said, "You're going back because you've been training for lifetimes for this particular lifetime.
10:35
Speaker A
And we're not going to let you miss your opportunity. This is the most exciting time to be on Earth. You're They You're there for the transformation of consciousness. We're not going to let you miss it." And I was like, "No, I'm I'm okay with
10:46
Speaker A
missing it. Like I'm totally okay just from watching from above. Like I have no I have no desire to go back." And then I could see my body outside of myself blasted out on my bathroom floor naked from this drug overdose.
11:00
Speaker A
And I said, "I can't go back into her. Look at her. Like she is a mess. That's embarrassing. And I won't go back. You can't shove all of my divine infiniteness back into that horror show of a person. Please don't do that."
11:12
Speaker A
And they said, "Okay, well, if you don't go back into her, then we're going to show you the baby that you're going to be born into." And they showed me this little baby.
11:19
Speaker A
Looked just like a video game. Everything in my experience looked a lot like a video game. Her little 3D avatar popped up. She was rotating slowly 360°.
11:30
Speaker A
All of her stats popped up next to her and she was going to have an even more challenging life than the life that I had already lived. And I was like, this is impossible. Like, there's no way that
11:43
Speaker A
I can start from zero. That just seems that's too much. So, if these are really my only options, go back into the glitch broken body that I just came from or be reborn into a baby with an even more
11:55
Speaker A
challenging life, then I'm going to choose the body I just came from. And as my as soon as I made the decision, my awareness started to sift back into my body.
12:05
Speaker A
And as it did, the beings of light told me that my life was going to be amazing.
12:10
Speaker A
It was going to be nothing like it had been before. That I was going to have soulmates and kindred spirits and connection and community and mentors and teachers and I'd be living in spiritual awareness and I'd have access to them.
12:22
Speaker A
And it was going to be so so so much better. And all I had to do was just trust them. And I was like, I don't even [ __ ] know you, bro. I definitely don't trust you.
12:31
Speaker A
I just I came back into my body after that. And I just I sat up on my bathroom floor. I shook my head. I thought, wow, I was so high that I thought I was talking to God. I was so high that I
12:45
Speaker A
thought I planned my whole crazy effed up life. That is wild. And then I just went right back to living my life the way that I had always been living it. I went back to prostituting myself. I went
12:55
Speaker A
back to using drugs every day. Went back to lying and manipulating and stealing from people and and places and things and and I just really didn't think that it was a spiritual experience. It took me months months to figure out that it was.
13:09
Speaker A
Wow. Okay, and I want to ask about how that change that shift happened, but I first have so many other questions.
13:18
Speaker A
So, first of all, thank you so much for sharing your story. I mean, let's start towards the beginning. When you were had your life review, how were you viewing these scenes? Was it also like a video game screen as you're saying or like
13:34
Speaker A
movie? Yeah, it almost looked like it almost looked like a like a movie reel or like like like an Instagram reel, but it was more like a movie theater. It just kind of looked looked like a like a
13:44
Speaker A
show playing out, but then it would go from like a 2D on a screen to like 3D in front of you and like when it was 3D in front of you, that's when you could really feel the feelings.
13:55
Speaker A
Oh, and did you see any like happier moments or was it focused on the the negative?
14:01
Speaker A
No, my I didn't have any happy moments. At some point in the review, I started to experience the only way that I can describe it is like a life review for all of humanity or maybe it was a life
14:13
Speaker A
review for all of my previous lives, but I had started to experience things that had never happened in my life before, like this particular life. Like I experienced the feeling of childbirth and having a baby, but I'm not a person
14:27
Speaker A
a child in this lifetime. So, I felt like unconditional love and then I felt the feeling of your child dying and like there's literally no human words to describe that kind of pain, but again, these weren't experiences that happened
14:41
Speaker A
in my life, but I was experiencing them and I don't know what if it's because it happened in the lives of people that I know cuz like when I was experiencing the pain of losing a child, I saw my
14:51
Speaker A
aunts came into my awareness. They lost children of their own and and you know, babies being born. I saw people in my life who had had children and but I yeah, it was So, those were the good feelings that I felt. I felt like
15:03
Speaker A
marriage, I felt love, but it felt like it was collective and not my life.
15:08
Speaker A
Okay. Very interesting. All right, and you talked about this beautiful column of white light. Would you say that that's like a a god?
15:20
Speaker A
Yeah, I would say that it's Jesus or Christ or Krishna or Buddha or Muhammad or Moses or a prophet or source energy itself.
15:32
Speaker A
It seemed like it was a combination of all of those things. It felt that way.
15:36
Speaker A
Even without me knowing who some of those prophets are. It like it just was this download of like this is everything. Like this is everything and everyone that's ever existed. But it did definitely feel like a higher consciousness.
15:49
Speaker A
Wow. Yeah, is it important to you not to assign a particular religion to this light? Yeah, it is. I I think because those are you know, it's all stories.
16:00
Speaker A
And I believe that there's truth in all of those stories and they're all mythologies, they're all archetypes, they're all things that have existed for all of time. We've just put different names on them throughout history.
16:13
Speaker A
And I think that it's important to detach from the story and to focus on the meaning and the feeling behind it.
16:21
Speaker A
Yeah, I agree. And did you ever find more insight into what the great awakening is? Yeah, and my awareness on it has changed a little bit. So, when I first had the awakening, like when I realized that my experience
16:36
Speaker A
was a true one, of course I tried to devour like everything that I could find. My journey took me into a long-term rehab. So, I didn't have access to the internet or a cell phone for a year and a half while I was in
16:48
Speaker A
rehab. So, it was real hard to find information, but once a week they'd let us go to the library and so I would just like type away and devour whatever I could find about the great awakening and metaphysics and the true nature of
17:00
Speaker A
reality and like all these quantum questions that were flooding my head. So, this is the way that I understood it then and the way I understand it now.
17:08
Speaker A
The great awakening is a shift in consciousness. Right now we're in a third-dimensional level of thinking that is a self-centered level of thinking.
17:17
Speaker A
It's material based. It's Yeah. But so that that's basically that. Self-centered thinking, we're transforming into a fifth-dimensional thought system, which is a service or spirit-centered thought system. So, some of us are like already teetering between these two things now. And like the
17:35
Speaker A
fourth dimension is supposed to be time and space and awareness. So, you know, depending on what what mood I'm in in the day, I can either be in a third-dimensional thought system or I can be in a fifth-dimensional thought
17:47
Speaker A
system. Like right now, we're both doing an act of service for each other, for humanity. Like we're making content.
17:53
Speaker A
That feels like a fifth-dimensional thought for me. But then I could look at in the other direction and say like, "Oh, well, I look really cute on camera. And like I'm really glad that I wore this shirt." And
18:02
Speaker A
that's like more of a third-dimensional thought system, a little self-centered, right? Has nothing to do with other people or humanity as a whole.
18:09
Speaker A
So, I used to think that it was going to be like an actual physical shift happens like all walls disappear, like all the architecture of Earth goes away, and like we're blasted out into a new Garden of Eden. And that was like a very
18:24
Speaker A
affirming thought for me for a really long time. And and that my awareness has shifted because the way that I see it now is that whether you believe in the Great Awakening and New Earth, or you believe in doomsday and the apocalypse, both of
18:37
Speaker A
those things keep you out of the present moment. And the present moment is where heaven is.
18:43
Speaker A
So, I don't need to like wait till the weekend to start having a good week. I don't need till summer to enjoy myself.
18:50
Speaker A
I don't need to wait until retirement. I don't need to wait until I go to heaven. I don't need to wait until the Great Awakening happens. I can just choose right now in this present moment to experience an awakening. And so
19:04
Speaker A
that's how my awareness on it has shifted. I feel like I needed to hear that today. Like even today, I'm just thinking like, like I'll be able to connect more with nature in the summer like when the snow's gone. So
19:17
Speaker A
That that hit home. [laughter] Okay, I'm glad. And then um I'm wondering about how you your perspective on life challenges has changed since going to the spiritual supermarket.
19:35
Speaker A
Yeah. Uh well, I won't say bring them on but like I know that I can handle any life challenge. I don't think that any soul signs up without the ability to take on a specific life challenge. So let's say
19:50
Speaker A
that you're a person who has signed up for mental health stuff. Like let's say that you pick a cereal box that says severe depression.
19:58
Speaker A
Now you have the opportunity to overcome that depression. Now if it happens in this lifetime or another lifetime, your soul doesn't really care. Right? Like obviously your human does. Like your human's like oh we got to we got to like
20:11
Speaker A
process this. We got to get through this. I don't want to live this miserable existence. It feels miserable to live with depression.
20:17
Speaker A
So the same thing with addiction, you know like whenever somebody picks a life lesson of addiction, they're also picking recovery. Do they experience it in one lifetime? Well, some people don't like my parents. My parents struggled with addiction their whole lives and they
20:30
Speaker A
didn't get to complete the other side of that experience. They didn't they never experienced recovery inside of this lifetime. They died before they had an opportunity to discover that. But I know that they're like either fractured off in other timelines where they had an
20:44
Speaker A
opportunity to experience recovery. They'll be reborn and they'll get another opportunity to do addiction and recovery all over again.
20:52
Speaker A
Uh there's like this infinite number of parallel realities happening simultaneously where all sorts of cool stuff is happening. But I do think that if anybody's dealing with a life challenge, just know that your soul didn't haphazardly pick whatever you're
21:06
Speaker A
going through. Like all you have to do is just change your belief system around it and things will start to change.
21:12
Speaker A
Yeah. Do you ever get pushback when you share this kind of thing? Because I find that speakers who have in the past, like people get angry about it in the comments.
21:24
Speaker A
Okay. Yeah, no, yeah, I would get really angry, too. [laughter] If it wasn't like my own experience, if someone looked at my life and they were like, "Oh, your parents killed themselves and you were a prostitute for 10 years and a
21:34
Speaker A
drug addict, well, you picked it. Get over it." I'd be like, "Yo, let's fight.
21:38
Speaker A
Like let's go. I'm down." So, this information isn't for everybody. You know, like I would never, ever push I mean, for me it's a knowing, right? But I would never push this belief or this knowing on anybody. It's
21:50
Speaker A
not for everybody. This is for people who are like very lost in a deep challenge and they're looking for spiritual meaning behind it, right? So, for me, I could have just drowned in an ocean of grief for the rest of my life.
22:08
Speaker A
I could have medicated and sedated myself through this harrowing loss of my parents. I could have never, never looked it head-on and I just could have like kept being in in the challenge, in the mess, right? And even if it wasn't for this
22:23
Speaker A
profound spiritual experience, if I just came upon this information about pre-birth planning, I would snatch it the [ __ ] up. It's a good piece of information. It's a nice belief to integrate because it takes all this pressure off of everything. If my life
22:39
Speaker A
is predetermined, why am I freaking out about like, "Where's my soulmate? When is he coming?" Like I we already picked each other. I don't have to do anything.
22:47
Speaker A
need to like relax and be set up for when it happens. I don't have to worry about my purpose. I don't have to worry about money. I don't have to worry about connection or community or anything. All of it's already been picked. So, for me,
22:59
Speaker A
it's a belief system that serves me, but it doesn't serve everybody. I would never go go up to like a grieving mother who's just lost a child and be like, "You planned it. Get over it." I would never It's a It's That's terrible.
23:11
Speaker A
And um and the idea around pre-birth planning can be very easily easily weaponized by people who are like think that they're spiritually superior.
23:19
Speaker A
Again, this this info isn't for everybody. If it doesn't resonate, just leave it behind. I mean, you don't have to Who am I? I'm like some old crackhead prostitute. Don't listen to me. The end.
23:29
Speaker A
Just turn off the YouTube. No, well, I I do agree. Like I found it very comforting um as I've gone through difficult things in the past few years.
23:40
Speaker A
Um and I think it's like take it if it resonates with you and leave it is just a good lesson as anyone explores their spiritual journey. I think that's something that I've learned a lot is that I don't have to really commit myself to
23:53
Speaker A
one religion. I can form a personalized understanding of what I believe of the world through my own experience. Absolutely.
24:03
Speaker A
And that's so so beautifully said. And the thing about especially when we dive into different faiths and different religions and cultures and stuff is like don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, right? Like the Bible, yeah, there's like some weird weird stuff in
24:16
Speaker A
there, but there's also some little gems that are in there, too. So, like I'm going to pick out the gems and I'm going to leave the rest behind. And yeah, I love the way that you put that. I'm just
24:25
Speaker A
going to design my own thing because nobody says that I have to fit into somebody else's box. Like like literally, it doesn't say that anywhere.
24:32
Speaker A
Yeah, exactly. Um and how many lifetimes do you think you've had? You allude to restarting challenges and stuff like that. Do you think you've come back a lot?
24:46
Speaker A
Oh, yeah. I've been here for the whole of the Earth experience. I come over and over and over again. I'm always bitching and complaining about it, and then I still come back because it is the coolest place to be.
24:58
Speaker A
You know, like if you get into some of the information that Dolores Cannon has and like when you go into to further into the great awakening, they say that Earth is like the Ivy League of spiritual schools. It's the hardest
25:10
Speaker A
school to get into and like we're all so lucky to be here. We're the bravest, strongest, smartest souls. And I've always thought like, is it actually or is it like the school for like pregnant teenagers and bad kids? Like are we are
25:24
Speaker A
we sure that it's Ivy League? But I will say that the idea around being able to overcome, once you can actually get on the other side of it, Earth is incredible. When you can actually experience that contrast between suffering and unconditional
25:42
Speaker A
love, I I just I can't imagine that there's any other star system or any other experience in all of eternity that can that can duplicate the the amount of contrast that we have here.
25:55
Speaker A
I hope not. Like I hope this is the hardest level. Like, oh my god.
26:01
Speaker A
Okay. Okay, so tell me about then how it took how you were able to learn um what you saw. You were able to integrate it into your life and how you were able to recover from addiction.
26:17
Speaker A
Yeah so you know, after my experience again, I was just like walking around like I'm I'm the same zombie drugged out person that I always was and then I experienced a spontaneous healing out of heroin withdrawal. And after that
26:32
Speaker A
spontaneous healing, I was like, oh, maybe some weird [ __ ] is going on. Like one second I was like [ __ ] all over myself puking sweating dying writhing in pain. And then one second later, I was completely well and healed
26:47
Speaker A
and fine. And when that healing [snorts] happened, I felt so unworthy because I like I hear myself on the ground and I was crying out to a God that I didn't even believe in.
26:59
Speaker A
And I'm I'm screaming to God and I'm like, "How could this be happening to me? I don't believe in you. I don't believe in this. Like you could literally not have picked a more unworthy subject to bestow this kind of
27:10
Speaker A
grace on. Why do I get to experience healing? I'm a prostitute. I'm a drug addict. I'm homeless. I'm a degenerate.
27:18
Speaker A
I'm a derelict. I'm a burden on society. I'm an orphan to suicide. I've lied and manipulated and stolen from countless people. Why would you bestow me with this kind of grace?" And then I just heard kind of a collective chanting back at me
27:34
Speaker A
and they were saying, "But you're worthy of all the love in the universe. You're worthy of all the love in the universe. You're worthy of all the love in the universe." And they just kept saying it. And I I didn't I
27:43
Speaker A
didn't believe them, right? And I but I did I knew that something happened to me.
27:48
Speaker A
And so then after that I thought that I was Jesus. And I went out acting like I was Jesus.
27:55
Speaker A
For many weeks I was like literally laying my hands on homeless drug addicts and I was like, "I can heal you. I have the power to heal. Someone healed me and now I will heal you." It was totally
28:05
Speaker A
crazy and chaotic. I literally walked into an RV dealership. And I said, "Hello, I've been sent here by God on a mission. I'm supposed to preach the word of higher consciousness and heal the masses." And the guy was
28:19
Speaker A
like, "Okay." I said, "I'm going to need an RV to do that." He said, "Okay, all we need is your your license and a credit card." And I was like, "Oh, I don't have those things. I don't have a driver's license. Nobody
28:30
Speaker A
told me God didn't say anything about a license or money. I'm just here for an RV." So I was like I swung into spiritual psychosis is what I'm the paint the picture I'm painting, right? Okay. So that happens. And um you know, it was
28:43
Speaker A
like this huge kind of pendulum swing where it was like self-deprecation, like you're a worthless piece of [ __ ] you're not worthy of anything. And then, oh my god, you're the Messiah, you're the second coming of Christ, how cool. And
28:54
Speaker A
it just kept like kind of going in these huge extremes back and forth. And, you know, just like through these miracles and synchronicities, like I found myself on a train and there was nobody else in on the train, which is
29:07
Speaker A
weird in New York City because 9 million people live here. It was the middle of the day, nobody on the train. Guy steps inside the train car, sits directly across from me, and around his neck was this big blinged out emblem for a
29:20
Speaker A
12-step fellowship. And and I heard a voice in my head and it said, that's your path. Uh but that's your path. Like that's it.
29:29
Speaker A
Like here he is. And so I asked that man on the train if he was going to a meeting by any chance and and he was going to a meeting. What a weird coincidence. Oh my god, what a miracle. And he took me with
29:42
Speaker A
him and I just kept making meetings. And the next day I went to a women's meeting.
29:47
Speaker A
And when I walked in I I mean, I didn't look the way that I look now when I when all this was happening to me. I mean, I looked crazy and psychotic and I was dirty and I had huge holes all
29:59
Speaker A
over my face and my arms because every time that I got high, I thought that bugs lived inside of me. And so I would rip my skin open and pick myself to pieces trying to get the bugs out of my
30:09
Speaker A
skin. I was missing most of my teeth. These are paid for. And so when I walked into the meet the women's meeting, like it was very obvious that I was new cuz I looked destroyed.
30:21
Speaker A
And this woman hugged me when I came in and she hugged me so so tight. It was so loving and it was so pure.
30:29
Speaker A
And she whispered in my ear and she said, you are worthy of all the love in the universe. You are worthy of all the love in the universe.
30:36
Speaker A
And it was just like this intense moment of collapse for me cuz it was like the same message that I kept hearing in all these spiritual experiences, but I this was an actual physical person saying it to me and I thought okay, I'm
30:50
Speaker A
on the Truman Show. Like I'm being punked. This is so scary. I don't know what's going on, but like I surrender.
30:57
Speaker A
You know, and and in that moment of her saying that like I I collapsed into her big boobies. I stayed there for as long as she would let me. She just hugged me so tenderly and so lovingly and
31:08
Speaker A
and I just said I give up. Like show me how to live my life. I I literally don't know. I don't even know how to wake up and brush my one good tooth without being high first. I don't know how you
31:17
Speaker A
expect me to live a whole righteous life in recovery knowing God and loving God and like I don't even I don't even know how to wash myself. Like I don't even know how to do anything.
31:27
Speaker A
[snorts] And so then I found myself in this long-term rehab through some more beautiful signs and synchronicities and this angel who came and swooped me up and gave me a bed in her facility.
31:37
Speaker A
And and that's really like where I learned everything. I read A Course in Miracles while I was in that rehab facility. It took me a year and a half to read it and to get through it and it's a it's a mind training program,
31:49
Speaker A
which is exactly what I needed cuz my mind was all sorts of jumbled up and very backwards from years of addiction and the spiritual experience really kind of like made me very spacey and floaty and super ungrounded.
32:02
Speaker A
I got to meet my spiritual ego while I was in there, the part of me who thought I was Jesus.
32:08
Speaker A
And that was a whole 'nother undoing. So I didn't just have to unravel my regular ego, my addiction, I also had to unravel my spiritual ego. And I'm just so grateful for space because I like there wasn't any mentor in there that taught
32:23
Speaker A
me anything. It was just I was locked up in a house where I didn't have to worry about rent or clothes or food for nearly a year and a half and I was really able to just dive into studying.
32:34
Speaker A
Huh. Um can Can tell me more about the spiritual ego? I don't know if I've heard that term before. Oh, yeah.
32:40
Speaker A
Okay, yeah, let's talk about it. Okay, so spiritual ego is kind of like the internal bypasser, the part of us who says light and love only, man. Good vibes. Please don't give me any of your negativity.
32:53
Speaker A
Right? Negativity is part of Earth. We live in duality. Now, like of course, if a person is like constantly complaining and very negative, it's challenging to be around them.
33:04
Speaker A
But it's really a part of us. Like you wouldn't be able to perceive people like that if it wasn't something that's buried inside of you that needs to be processed. So, the spiritual ego is the part of me that
33:16
Speaker A
feels superior. Like I have access to all of this spiritual information that other people don't. Or like I'm special.
33:24
Speaker A
I'm chosen. That's a lot of what spiritual ego will do. And it's just another form of ego, right? So, like there's certain intentional communities that when I see the people inside of them, of course, I'm judging, but I just
33:36
Speaker A
cringe. I'm like, why is everybody wearing white linen and like saying things like, I'm receiving a download for you right now.
33:44
Speaker A
Uh or like, I don't know, it just it feels like so creepy to me.
33:48
Speaker A
But again, this is all judgment, right? Uh so, for me, my whole mission on this whole journey has just been to embody. I just I want to take this spiritual knowledge that I have, and I don't just want it to be words that I say. I want
34:01
Speaker A
to actually like anchor it into my body. And I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to be perfect. I never will be perfect in this lifetime. So, yes, I still judge. I have a tendency to complain occasionally.
34:14
Speaker A
I I'm a person. I'm just a human being. And that's like the coolest part about being here is the humanness. I come upon so many people who just want to elevate, talk to spirit guides, talk to source, talk to angels. And it's like, what
34:29
Speaker A
about the fact that your spirit wanted to come here? Like why don't you just do what your spirit originally wanted to do and just be a human and enjoy being a human with all of its facets, grief, guilt shame fear courage acceptance
34:44
Speaker A
willingness, just like continually climbing the scale of consciousness, going up and down and experiencing all the experiences. Like, it's it's really the coolest thing about being on Earth, but my spiritual ego wants me to think that I'm just supposed to be up there
34:57
Speaker A
and not down here. Yeah, I mean, it's something I've heard a couple times in different interviews.
35:02
Speaker A
It's very okay to not want to connect with your spirituality if that's the path that's right for you because you're here to experience what's here.
35:14
Speaker A
So, that's interesting you say that. Yes. Yeah, and there's a way to do both, right? Like, that's what balance is. So, like, picture the yin yang, you know, it's like you know, it's physical and spiritual.
35:26
Speaker A
And like, in the Baha'i faith, they have this really great quote that I will definitely butcher, but it says like that we all have these two wings, and one is the physical and one is the spiritual. And if you only spend time
35:37
Speaker A
developing one wing, what happens? It gets super buff, and then you just fly around in a circle. You can't go anywhere. So, it's really important to develop both parts of yourself while you're here so that you can actually
35:48
Speaker A
take flight and move forward. Um if you I know there's a lot of people who are watching who are going through really hard times and likely some of the things that you've mentioned and gone through as well.
36:05
Speaker A
Do you have any advice for them or even for your former self? Mm, oh my gosh, that gave me goosebumps.
36:12
Speaker A
Yes, my my former self. Okay, girl, listen up. Uh find other people. I like it's been the greatest tool in my recovery journey and in my spiritual journey is to find other people.
36:27
Speaker A
I feel like there's a part of me that always wants to isolate, especially when I have shame around what's been going on in my life.
36:34
Speaker A
So, if there's somebody out there who's dealing with addiction and feels very shameful about it, it's very hard to go find other people and say, "Hey, I need help." One of the things that I learned in rehab, they had like all these crazy rules.
36:49
Speaker A
You had to ask somebody who had been there longer to go into the refrigerator for you.
36:54
Speaker A
I was like, "This rule is ridiculous, okay? I'm a human being. I know how to use a refrigerator.
37:00
Speaker A
Why am I asking people to let me into the fridge?" And I realized in hindsight that it wasn't about the refrigerator, it was about asking for help. Every day, multiple times a day, I had to ask another human being to help me. And
37:13
Speaker A
yeah, it was something small, like, "Can you get me the almond milk?" But it got me in this great practice, so that now in my life I have literally no shame around asking for help. If I don't know
37:23
Speaker A
how to do something or something is like way above my pay grade and I can't do it on my own, I'm always going to call on other people to help me.
37:31
Speaker A
So, and then yeah, the other part of that, you know, is like pay attention to your circle.
37:36
Speaker A
If if nobody in your circle inspires you or motivates you to be the best version of yourself, then you're in the wrong circle.
37:45
Speaker A
So, that would if somebody's dealing with addiction or, you know, like just even living a life that's that's not aligned with who they know that they're here to be, find other people. I created a spiritual community wearethewheel.com.
37:59
Speaker A
Free community. We have free sharing groups, we meet online, we have three in-person locations in Denver, New York City, and Houston as of right now. And even if like you want to start a community, you're like, "I don't know I
38:11
Speaker A
don't know how to get started. How do I find more people like me?" Trust me, there's people just like you. You know, that's like that's why these podcasts do so well, because there's so many people that are so
38:21
Speaker A
hungry for information and hungry for connection. So, feel free to reach out and and come be part of our community. We meet almost every day of the week virtually.
38:29
Speaker A
Yes, well, I I'll of course be including that link in the description as well.
38:35
Speaker A
Um one thing that I definitely wanted to talk about, well, I saw you got married recently. So, congratulations.
38:41
Speaker A
Yes. Thank you. Um you made a video about manifesting your dream partner. So, can you tell me a bit more about how you manifested your uh your partner? Yes. Okay. So, like I said, I believe in soul contracts. Now,
38:56
Speaker A
by the way, my husband is a militant atheist. He does not believe in soulmates or soul contracts, but he is my soulmate.
39:03
Speaker A
And he doesn't have to believe the same thing that I believe. Like that's okay.
39:08
Speaker A
So, because I believe in soul contracts, I've always known that whoever is meant for me is going to find their way to me.
39:15
Speaker A
I know it. I just have to be in position for it. So, you know, I had a very torrid past.
39:21
Speaker A
Um you know, I was like involved in sex work for a really long time. I had a very skewed view of men.
39:29
Speaker A
At first, it was like, "Well, men are so easy to manipulate. What idiots they are." And then at some point in my journey, I became like very overly empathetic towards men and I started to hate women and I was like, "Women are
39:41
Speaker A
destroying men's mental health. Like all these men are they're sick and it's it's all women's fault." So, I had to do a lot of healing is the picture that I'm painting.
39:50
Speaker A
So, I spent years, 2 years celibate, healing myself sexually, healing my sexual trauma that I had inflicted on myself, that other people had inflicted on me, that I had inflicted on other people.
40:02
Speaker A
I spent 2 intentional years healing. I healed my codependency. In my life, I was a toxically codependent partner in all my relationships.
40:11
Speaker A
I watched toxic like codependency modeled to me. My parents were terrible for each other. They they killed each other. You know, like that's how bad they were for each other.
40:22
Speaker A
And in my head I thought that that was what love was. Love was finding somebody who would use enough drugs with you to die.
40:28
Speaker A
So, when I entered recovery, I realized that I really wanted to find somebody who was willing to live.
40:33
Speaker A
Live a full life. I And And so, I just set intention. I literally I wrote it down. I wrote it down on a piece of paper. I wrote down all the things that I wanted in a partner. I actually had this one
40:44
Speaker A
specific guy in mind. I was And I just wrote everything about him. I was like, "Brown curly hair, green sneakers, lives on Half a Mile Street." Like ridiculous.
40:55
Speaker A
And I thought, "Well, the I was like, "The universe will just give me that guy because I'm going to make it so easy for them." But at at the core of the list was like the the virtues that I wanted in a
41:06
Speaker A
partner. I wanted somebody who was hard working, somebody who was honest, someone who was funny, someone who was kind.
41:13
Speaker A
This you know, like minus the green sneakers. Doesn't have to happen. The universe wasn't going to give me that guy even though I really wanted that particular guy. And instead, the universe presented me with with my partner. And I I was very hesitant at
41:26
Speaker A
first again cuz I was obsessed with another man and I really just wanted him.
41:30
Speaker A
And then once I gave it a just just like a little a little tiny inch of interest, I realized, "Oh, I I actually I know this man." Like I didn't know him, but everything felt so familiar immediately. It wasn't a
41:45
Speaker A
feeling that I had ever experienced. Usually in my life when I would start dating somebody, I would feel like this very nervous kind of butterfly like on fire feeling. Yeah, that's your nervous system saying like, "Hey girl, make a
41:58
Speaker A
U-turn. This is not for you." When I met my partner, it just felt like calm and peace and almost a little bit reminiscent of what heaven felt like. It felt like a reunion. Like I was but I was meeting him for the first time, but
42:09
Speaker A
it felt like it it a reunion of something very old. So, I think the keys to manifesting your dream partner are to get very clear on what it is that you want. Get very intentional. Find out what your
42:20
Speaker A
underlying wounds are, right? So, if like you keep manifesting the same guy in a different jacket, like same guy, different human costume, the personality, like I hear so many empaths are like, "I keep attracting narcissist men into my life." It's like, "Mhm,
42:34
Speaker A
maybe that might be you." You know what I mean? Cuz you're you're sure making all this relationship stuff about yourself. I don't know.
42:40
Speaker A
But you have to like find all those wounds, all the things that keep getting mirrored back to you, and start to heal them. You got to heal those underlying blocks. Yeah, and and do you think these people, if someone's having the same
42:51
Speaker A
kind of person walk into their life over and over, there's a lesson they have to learn from?
42:58
Speaker A
Yes. And sometimes the lesson is just walk the [ __ ] away. And don't wait like well past the expiration date to do it.
43:06
Speaker A
Like when you see it and you see the red flag, instead of being like, "Well, maybe maybe I can fix him. Maybe it'll be different." You just say, "You know what? This this one's not for me. This is for somebody else. I already learned
43:17
Speaker A
this lesson. I don't need to learn it again." The thing about Earth school is that we will very happily go back into an old classroom. Like you already passed biology 101. Why are you still in the lab for it? Like just take your
43:31
Speaker A
little happy ass out of the room and go walk into biology 202. Like go into a different class. But we're so we're wired for familiarity. We're wired for And and that familiarity makes us feel safe even though it's not. It's not safe
43:46
Speaker A
and it's it's not anything that spirit wants for you. But yeah, there are lessons to learn, but most of the time the lesson is walk away. And know that you're worth more than what you're settling for. And that's a good one.
43:57
Speaker A
That's a good lesson to learn. So, another video I watched of yours was about finding your soul family. And I liked hearing the idea that your soul family isn't always the people that you like or get along with on Earth. So, can
44:12
Speaker A
you tell me more about that? Yeah, it's the worst. I can't stand that part of it, but yes, it's true.
44:18
Speaker A
So, I got to do the same thing again. I wrote it down. I said, "Source, please send me the members of my soul family." And I stayed in position to receive them. And I had to put myself in
44:27
Speaker A
situations where I could find them. Find people who had similar interests, similar experiences to mine. Most of my friends are spiritual experiencers and near-death experiencers. A bunch of them have been on your channel.
44:38
Speaker A
[laughter] And these are my These are my real true friendships that I people I talk to Maybe we don't talk every day, but like, you know, we're in each other's lives in a very sincere and deeply spiritual way.
44:51
Speaker A
So, the other part of our soul family are the people who trigger us, you know?
44:56
Speaker A
And and sometimes it's Yeah, I'm thinking about the person in my mind's eye right now. Maybe they can feel me.
45:04
Speaker A
Or maybe they're stalking me and watching me right now. But I I I always get the same person over and over and over again in a different skin suit. So, like, it's the same soul, but it's in a
45:13
Speaker A
different human. And every time that one of those soulmates come through, of course, I just want to reject it. I'm like, "Not this time, God. I'll come back to Earth again and learn the lesson with somebody else. I'm not doing it in
45:25
Speaker A
this lifetime. This is boring. I don't want to do this." But it for me the people that trigger me are old versions of myself.
45:34
Speaker A
So, it's people who lie, people who manipulate, people who think they know it all, people with spiritual ego. All of those things are very triggering to me. And so, I have this opportunity to practice forgiveness and compassion, and
45:47
Speaker A
that's really the soul lesson behind all of it, but I don't want to. So, sometimes I don't.
45:53
Speaker A
[gasps] Yeah, it's like procrastinating for a future life. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um and then you you talked about how you reincarnate with the same people in different roles. How many times do you think you've had different relationships
46:07
Speaker A
with the same person in different lifetimes? Yeah. Thank you. Yes, yeah, this is These are great questions. Thank you for them. So, one of my main soul mates is my father.
46:18
Speaker A
And we have incarnated in every lifetime together. And when I say that I've been on Earth for the whole of it, you know, I we we don't really understand what time is in eternity. Like that could be millions of lifetimes. It could be
46:33
Speaker A
it could be three lifetimes. Like there's there you know, there's a there's an infinite amount of simultaneous realities going on.
46:40
Speaker A
But we've we've incarnated over and over and over again. And sometimes we're husband and wife, and sometimes we're we're siblings, sometimes we're child and parent, which is like a weird thing to think, right? That like in another lifetime your parent was your lover.
46:54
Speaker A
Like, ah, that's so weird. deep because when I first heard that idea, I was like, that's That's crazy.
47:01
Speaker A
And now I'm like, yeah, that makes total sense. Right. I mean, it really it kind of does.
47:05
Speaker A
Don't even bat an eye. It is It is It's a strange thing to think about, but when you think about the fact that you have a soul family, you have a hive of souls that you continually reincarnate with,
47:16
Speaker A
there's only so many roles to play here on Earth. You know, like they really are. So, whether your enemies or your friends or your, you know, something more or like your blood relatives or whatever it is, you are reincarnating with a core group
47:32
Speaker A
of people over and over and over again. And then you have the outer players who come in and they become very major players in your human life, but they might not be part of your soul hive in eternity.
47:40
Speaker A
Oh, okay. That is interesting. How have you been able to find out about your past lives and these relationships?
47:48
Speaker A
I have I I don't feel like I have any recollection of this kind of stuff.
47:53
Speaker A
Yeah, you might be a new soul. Maybe you don't have any. A lot of the souls that came for the great awakening have never been on Earth before. I'm like a wanderer. I'm like, "Yeah, I love that [laughter]
48:02
Speaker A
place. I'll go help everybody." Uh but a lot of the souls that are here right now have never been here before.
48:09
Speaker A
And I think that there's something to around like in printing. So, you might have had some human experiences and they were imprinted on you like before you you know, before your soul came down so that you could understand what human
48:22
Speaker A
nature is. A lot of people who have a hard time understanding like why does humanity work the way that it does? They have never been to Earth before. Like, you know, I see the systems in the world and I'm like, "Yeah, who cares?"
48:33
Speaker A
I I know that it exists. It's broken. We all know that. Like, there's a lot of there's a circus going on. Like, you don't have to pay attention to the circus. Some of my past lives have come to me in dreams.
48:44
Speaker A
Some have come through regressions just on YouTube. Not even like seeing a practitioner. I love Brian Weiss's regression therapies. They're on YouTube and they I always go back into a scene.
48:57
Speaker A
And some people say, "Well, how do you know you're not just making it up?" Well, you are making it up. Like, we're making everything up. This whole thing that we're inside of is a dream that we're making up collectively.
49:06
Speaker A
So, I if if there's like a place in the world that really resonates with you, if there's a lesson that you keep repeating over and over and over again, if there's somebody in your life that you're like, "Hmm, there's something interesting
49:17
Speaker A
about that person. I'm feeling I'm feeling a sense of reunion or familiarity around them." You've These are These are things that from past lives, you know. I have always felt a strong kinship to Egypt. I'm positive that I've lived there before. And I
49:30
Speaker A
think there's something really interesting about past lives because I believe that we live inside of a video game. I believe that we pick the avatars that we come into inside the video game.
49:40
Speaker A
And I think that some people pick like these kind of like famous avatars over and over and over again cuz you can play the game however you want. Cuz like you hear a lot of people they're like, "I
49:50
Speaker A
was Cleopatra in Egypt in the past life." And it's like, how the hell are there 10,000 Cleopatras? This doesn't make any sense.
49:57
Speaker A
But I think that if you think of it as a video game where all of these players picked the life of Cleopatra cuz they wanted to experience that, then maybe that's what it is. Or like George Washington or Kanye West or like whoever
50:09
Speaker A
is picking whatever. But yeah, past lives is such a cool concept. I love getting into it. And if you don't have any resonance with it, it could just mean that you're that you are a new soul and you might have past lives in other
50:22
Speaker A
galaxies and star systems. And uh Robert Schwartz and his wife Liesl Frick, they do this really cool star seed regression therapy that I was able to do once. And um that yeah, so I would check that out if you're somebody who
50:35
Speaker A
doesn't feel like past lives resonates, check out your star soul origins. so much to look into. I'm going to have to like have all this information in the description.
50:44
Speaker A
[sighs] Uh and then I think um one of my last questions is how can you attract your soul family into your life? Or do you need to have to try? Do they just naturally come in?
50:56
Speaker A
Yeah, like I said, write it down. And this is not This is no joke, y'all, okay? Your hands are connected to your throat chakra. This is your chakra of truth. When you write stuff down, you're literally speaking truth into reality.
51:07
Speaker A
So write down that you want your soul family to come into your life. And be in position, right? So like members of my soul family started to come into my life and I hadn't healed any of my friendship wounds or my
51:18
Speaker A
abandonment wounds, my rejection wounds. And so it got in the way. And so like I pushed people away because I didn't know how to receive friendship and connection. So definitely like look at relationships that you've had in the
51:30
Speaker A
past, figure out what it is that would inspire you about new friendships and spiritual connections. For me, I love people who are like in a state of action, who are in a state of healing, who are being bold and brave and sharing
51:44
Speaker A
their stories and putting themselves out there. All that stuff really inspires me. So, those are the things that I wrote down and those are the people that came into my life. I wanted people that were compassionate and kind and humble
51:56
Speaker A
and open-minded. Wrote it down, found another community. And you got to put yourself in position, right? So, manifesting works like a giant echo chamber. If I say, "My soul family is finding their way to me." The universe says, "Her soul family is finding her
52:10
Speaker A
way to her." But, my soul family is not going to find me if I'm sitting at my desk on my computer cuz they have no access to me. So, I got to put myself out there. So, I started going to like
52:19
Speaker A
all these different spiritual events. I would like go on Meetup and Eventbrite and I would just start looking for spiritual stuff and man, I found so many incredible people going to spiritual conferences and acting like a child, like acting like a
52:33
Speaker A
kindergartner, right? Like being so excited to meet new people instead of being scared, like, "Oh my god, they're going to judge me. Will they like me? Is my shirt okay? What's going on? Is my Are my eyelashes on?"
52:44
Speaker A
Instead of being like that, I was just like so curious and so excited, like, "Oh my god, are you my friend? Are you my person? Like, let's hang out. Like, let's see what's happening." That childlike wonder can just call in, like,
52:56
Speaker A
so dial into that joy and allow other people like that to come into your life, too.
53:01
Speaker A
that's really good advice that I haven't really heard before. You shouldn't try to try to play it cool. I feel like my energy is very like People always think I'm anxious when I'm not anxious. I just have like a very high
53:14
Speaker A
like maybe buzzing energy and I am anxious a lot, too. So, and sometimes they're not wrong. But, yeah, I do like the idea of like childlike, like high energy, like curiosity instead of trying to play it cool all the time. Yes. Oh my god, it's
53:31
Speaker A
so lame. Yeah, the the the greatest gift that you could give your soul on Earth is to be authentic and and being authentic means not giving a [ __ ] what anybody thinks about you. Doesn't mean that you have to be harmful. It doesn't
53:42
Speaker A
mean that you have to trauma dump on everybody. It just means you detach from the idea that anybody's judgment matters more than for me it's more than God's judgment. God doesn't judge me, so I don't I don't really care if anybody
53:54
Speaker A
else does. that. So for people who are watching this and want to learn more about you, connect with you, what are the best ways for them to do that?
54:04
Speaker A
Yes, I'm on all social media. My handle on everything is Buddha Betty. It's a play on words. I'm not really a Buddha.
54:12
Speaker A
Not yet anyway. And I would love to connect with anybody. Like I said, I have a I I helped co-create a spiritual community. It's a community led by the peers inside the community. There's no teachers, there's no leaders. We are the
54:27
Speaker A
wheel.com is our website. We meet nearly every day of the week in virtual spaces.
54:32
Speaker A
So please come and hang out and join us. Come find the members of your soul family. They might be waiting inside of these virtual meetings.
54:38
Speaker A
Yes, absolutely. All right. I mean, do you have and it's okay if you don't. I ask everyone this.
54:44
Speaker A
Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Do you have any parting words or advice for people who are watching? I hope that everyone can live their biggest, boldest, bravest lives while they're here. You are not here by accident. The
54:58
Speaker A
chances of your existence are an absolute anomaly. Don't play it small. There's nothing to be scared of. Like death is lit, so you don't have to be scared of death. And other people don't really exist, so just keep on moving.
55:14
Speaker A
I think the biggest lesson that I've learned in this lifetime is that I wasted a lot of time caring about what other people thought and a lot of time not dealing with reality. And and in hindsight, I just think that's so silly.
55:27
Speaker A
Like when I think about the larger picture, like I zoom out, right? Like we're floating around on a rock in the middle of outer space. You used to be a sperm inside of a testicle. You were cooked inside of a human body. you were
55:38
Speaker A
[ __ ] out of a vagina, and now you are a person who deals with emotions and anxiety and fear of judgment and like all of these things, and it's crazy.
55:48
Speaker A
Like, we are actual miracles and aliens. Like, we're Like, our existence is so weird. It's so so weird. So, just like take a couple minutes in contemplation around that and figure out where you're playing it small and where you can
56:01
Speaker A
slowly start to take those baby steps to be a little braver and bolder. You can borrow some of my courage if you need to.
56:08
Speaker A
Aw, I love it. And we we are the bravest volunteers who came at this time. So true.
56:14
Speaker A
All right. Thank you so much for your time, buddy. I really appreciate it. Thanks so much, Lauren.
56:20
Speaker A
Thank you so much to Betty Cuadanyo for her time and this incredible interview. I've included her links in the video description. And of course, as always, thank you for watching this video on T and H afterlife. Please subscribe to our
56:35
Speaker A
channel because it helps us grow and reach new people. And you might have heard, but we have released two canvases that you can hang in your home or office. One says everything is connected and the other says nothing is
56:48
Speaker A
accidental. If you're interested in them, you can visit the link in our video description.
56:54
Speaker A
Thank you so much.
Topics:near-death experienceNDElife reviewpre-birth planningsoul familyspiritual awakeningaddiction recoveryspiritual experienceafterlifetrauma

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