Speaker A
Oh, guys, I’m recording this video of sound mind and sober memory, as they say. I’m recording this video finally without a script, without our signature editing like it usually is, and I’ll post it as soon as I’m done. I just
A candid reflection on the pressures of achievement, work-life imbalance, and the struggle to find joy beyond success.
Key Takeaways
- The pressure to constantly achieve can lead to burnout and loss of personal joy.
- Success often comes at the cost of rest, hobbies, and emotional well-being.
- Material gains and external validation provide only temporary satisfaction.
- Inner conflict between desire for pleasure and drive for achievement is common among high performers.
- Recognizing and addressing this internal struggle is crucial for mental health.
What the video covers
- The creator records a raw, unscripted video to share personal thoughts about being controlled by an inner 'achiever' for 8 years.
- This 'achiever' dictates work, rest, social interactions, and success, acting as both a motivator and a harsh critic.
- The speaker has lacked hobbies and struggles to rest or find joy outside of work since high school.
- The 'achiever' mindset creates a vicious cycle where success is prioritized but joy and rest are devalued.
- Material possessions and achievements lose meaning over time, leading to a diminished desire for external rewards.
- The creator’s dopamine and happiness are tied to the views and success of his content, causing emotional highs and lows.
- The internal battle between the 'hedonist' and the 'achiever' is ongoing, with the achiever currently dominating.
- A trip to a fishing village inspired a metaphor comparing the relentless pursuit of success to a fish swimming towards inevitable capture.
- The video explores themes of mental health, workaholism, and the cost of long-term discipline on personal well-being.
- Ultimately, the speaker identifies as a 'fish' born to swim but questions why he is not fully embracing that nature.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Raw Recording
- 00:43The Inner Achiever's Control
- 01:03Introducing Grigory the Achiever
- 01:30The Achiever as Friend and Enemy
- 02:15Discipline and Long-term Success
- 02:43Lack of Hobbies and Rest
- 03:20Exhaustion and Work-Life Imbalance
- 03:51The Vicious Cycle of Success and Joy
- 05:04Materialism and Dopamine Control
- 06:06Content Views as Emotional Pulse
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
feel it’s important to speak my mind before the potential events that might follow this video. For 8 years now, I have essentially been controlled by someone who has a huge influence on me.
Speaker A
He basically tells me what to do, how much to work, how much to rest, how hard to try, who to talk to, who to pay attention to, and so on. I’m speaking a bit according to all the canons of
Speaker A
storytelling now, right, as if I’m writing a script. Well, that’s just professional deformation at this point.
Speaker A
This person’s name is Grigory Solovyov. Grigory the Achiever Solovyov. He’s sitting right next to me now and is already starting to whisper a little bit. I think by the end of the video, he’ll already be shouting, "
Speaker A
Grisha, what are you even doing?" "What are you recording?" "Why are you talking to this little light, to this camera?" "Go work, go write a script for a new video, go call someone instead, go supervise someone, go, I don't know,
Speaker A
come up with new items for your brand." Uh, and you know, to some extent, this "achiever" is simultaneously your best friend and your most abusive enemy, because every day he just holds a huge Damocles' sword over you and tries to
Speaker A
stick it into your head as soon as you start doing something unrelated to marmalade (in my case, right) or unrelated to your work that leads you to your goal. And I think that this kind of insufferable jerk lives inside
Speaker A
every person who has achieved something in the long run, because it’s, in essence, the direct definition of it. I mean, this person directly determines, or rather this demon, this sub-unit, it directly determines how disciplined a person will be and, consequently, how
Speaker A
successful they will be, because you certainly won't get far or fulfill yourself on short bursts of motivation.
Speaker A
Uh, and basically, since tenth grade, I haven't had any hobbies. I honestly don't even know what the process of resting looks like. I mean, I don't know how to get any emotions other than through work. And there are moments
Speaker A
when you’re just so sick of work, especially on Saturdays, when all the other employees have already gone off to their well-deserved weekend, and I still have to keep doing things, keep working. And there are times when you’re just physically sick of
Speaker A
working. At the same time, your body is telling you, "That's it, you can't work, you need to go do something else." So, if you’re not working, you should be resting, but you literally don’t know how to rest. I mean, you sit in
Speaker A
your chair, and every single minute not spent on work or growing Marmeladoch feels like a wasted minute, just completely squandered. And in those moments, by about four o'clock, I’m just so exhausted from the frustration that I go to sleep, just so Sunday can
Speaker A
finally start, so I can wake up in a slightly better mood, or better yet, Monday, when everyone is working and you’ve actually got a pile of work tasks waiting for you. And anyway, all in all, this feeling is actually really
Speaker A
exhausting. It’s exhausting because this "achiever" mindset makes success your priority in life, while simultaneously devaluing the main goal.
Speaker A
Basically, it devalues any goal, because when you reach it, you feel joy, but when you’re feeling joy, you’re being idle. It’s like a vicious cycle, really. And another thing that this "achiever" mindset devalues is the material world. Because
Speaker A
well, you might say, "Grish, why are you complaining? You’re probably already some kind of dollar trillionaire or billionaire by now." But in reality, this achiever will first let you buy, say, an Immortal item for Slark in Dota, a new skin.
Speaker A
You’ll be happy, you’ll think, "Wow, now I have this skin, my buddy doesn't, and I earned it myself. Great."
Speaker A
Then it’ll let you buy a car. Then it’ll let you go to the beach three times a year, then buy an apartment, and sooner or later you’ll just arrive at that classic quote: when everything is available, you don’t
Speaker A
really want anything anymore. And finally, this achiever, this demon, this inner voice, basically dictates where you’re allowed to get dopamine and where you aren't. Basically, it determines any source of finding joy.
Speaker A
For me, it became the views on our videos. And, in essence, it probably became not so much a source of joy, but simply my pulse. I mean, if a video takes off and gets good views—because I’m still handling any Armeladoch
Speaker A
content, whether it's a post, a video, a script, anything at all that gets posted, I’m still basically the one coming up with it and creating it. And essentially, any published video that gets a good number of views is a signal
Speaker A
for me like: "Oh, Grisha, you can be a little happy. Great job, you're a good director, you're an excellent screenwriter, go ahead, go give yourself a pat on the back." I don't know, I don't know how. But if, God
Speaker A
forbid, the next video gets a little fewer views than the previous one, or if those views just don't satisfy me, it’s an immediate, massive signal for the demon to come to me and say: "Grisha, you’re a disgrace, you’re
Speaker A
an absolute zero, you understand? You’re just dust, as they say, quoting the classics." And you know, if you let someone finally win this battle—where there’s Grisha the hedonist and Grisha the achiever—it leads to a very bad outcome, in my opinion. And I
Speaker A
think that, for now, the achiever is certainly closer to that victory. I generally started thinking about this.
Speaker A
Back in January, I was in Thailand on vacation. And I visited—I don’t know who has been on this tour—it was essentially the most default tour to a village on the water. I mean, literally, away from the mainland, there is a
Speaker A
separate settlement that built houses over the water, built a small village for themselves, literally on these kinds of stilts. And in terms of food, this village relies entirely on fishing—yes, on fishermen who go out in boats every day and catch fish. And on
Speaker A
this tour, the environment really impressed me. People are essentially just catching fish, going out every day, taking tourists for rides, and living in such strange conditions, ones I had never encountered before. So I walk up to one of the boats at the port and see
Speaker A
that, I assume, it had just been used by some fisherman. There were buckets there filled with sea creatures. And they were pretty much motionless in there. I gather they were all fished out a long time ago. And this one
Speaker A
little fish was thrashing about, just a little bit, well, not exactly thrashing, its muscles were just twitching and its mouth was opening in this really creepy way, right, along with its eyes.
Speaker A
And in that moment, Grisha the demon, Grisha the achiever, it’s as if we’re saying in unison: "Oh, that’s me." Uh, essentially, in a way, we are the fish. Every day we choose to swim, to swim, to swim further, to swim even
Speaker A
faster. And in some, well, in some logic, with all this swimming, we’ll still, sooner or later, arrive and end up in a regular tin can. In short, I am a fish, I was born to be a fish, but
Speaker A
for some reason, I’m not.
Topics:achievementworkaholismmental healthburnoutself-reflectionmotivationsuccesswork-life balancecontent creationinner critic
