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God, Leo, making a video on you is so difficult. You have so many red flags.
An in-depth psychological analysis of Mark from the visual novel Burroughs, exploring themes of self-loathing, trauma, and therapy.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
Generated from the transcript and can be wrong — check the timestamp.
Key Takeaways
- Mark’s psychological complexity is rooted in trauma, self-loathing, and control issues.
- The video blends narrative analysis with mental health counseling perspectives.
- Therapeutic frameworks can provide insight into fictional characters’ behaviors.
- Creative video style changes aim to enhance engagement and creator enjoyment.
- Burroughs offers rich material for exploring mental health themes in visual novels.
What the video covers
- The video begins with the creator discussing changes in video style and personal creative challenges.
- Introduction of the visual novel Burroughs and its protagonist Gray, setting the scene for the analysis.
- Focus on Mark, a maimed wolf character with complex psychological traits and a troubled past.
- Exploration of Mark’s interactions with Gray, including emotional comfort and their shared trials.
- Discussion of Mark’s reluctance to escape his past and the impact of trauma on his behavior.
- Use of therapy intake questions to analyze Mark’s mental health and coping mechanisms.
- Examination of Mark’s possessive and controlling behaviors and their psychological implications.
- Trigger warnings provided for sensitive content related to trauma and mental health.
- Consideration of therapeutic approaches like dialectical behavioral therapy for Mark’s issues.
- Encouragement to play Burroughs for full context and to avoid spoilers.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Video Style Changes
- 07:24Overview of Burroughs and Characters
- 15:04Mark's Initial Character Traits and Interactions
- 23:47Mark and Gray's Bond and Emotional Trials
- 33:47Mark's Psychological Profile and Therapy Intake
- 40:40Analysis of Mark's Behaviors and Trauma
- 48:20Therapeutic Approaches and Final Thoughts
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
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Is there a character out there that has more problems than you? Hello. Hello, everyone. Thank you for clicking on the video as always. I really do appreciate it. Those of you who have seen my previous videos may have noticed two things that are
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different in this video compared to the others. The most obvious change is the art of myself. I'll put a link in the video's description to the artist's socials so that you can check out their work and support them. Secondly, you may
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have noticed that the style of the video is a bit different, which I'd like to talk about now. As you can probably guess, these videos take a lot of time, and with that comes a risk of burnout. In every video I've made thus
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far, there has been a point when the happy hyperfixation brain chemicals end, and the process begins to feel more like work. In addition to this, I felt a certain degree of repetitiveness while in the middle of making my previous
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video on Cas. This could possibly be due to the fact that all of my previous videos are fairly straightforward and dry. Now, there's nothing wrong with this style, both as a creator and an audience member, but for me personally,
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that's not the kind of content I enjoy here on YouTube. I think the reason why I went with this style when I first started this channel was because I'd never really made YouTube content before and was nervous about how people would
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react to my thoughts. So, I used a style that was dry and direct in response to that nervousness, believing that people would regard my videos more positively if I presented myself in a supposedly more professional manner. With all of this in mind, I
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wanted to take a different approach with this video. I'm going to be experimenting with style and tone to a certain extent in the hopes that one, it'll make the video creation process more fun for me, and two, it'll make the
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video more fun for everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be making jokes all the way through or anything like that. There will be jokes here and there, but some sections will be very straightforward given their subject
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matter. Now, with that out of the way, hi, my name is Barlo. I'm a licensed mental health counselor and assist clients with a variety of issues. This can vary from conditions such as depression, addiction to everyday life stressors. As always, there's links to
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articles in the description for those of you who would like to know more. Now, on to the main topic of this video. The opening joke of the video actually has some truth to it.
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Originally, this video was going to be about Leo from the visual novel Echo. I even started taking notes and researching relevant resources, but I didn't get very far. As a fan of Echo Project, my opinion of Leo is
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complicated. He has issues I do find psychologically interesting, such as his jealousy and controlling tendencies. However, I always found his lack of self-reflection and lack of self-awareness to be especially off-putting. I believe that's why I didn't get very far into the note
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taking process while replaying his route. And for a while, I didn't know what my next video was going to be about. And then after hearing it be referenced here and there online, I decided to give Burroughs a chance back
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in February. As you can probably guess, I fell in love with it hard and fast.
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No, not like that. Burroughs is a visual novel by Nico, or Captain Nico as they are sometimes called. If I'm pronouncing your name wrong, I'm so sorry. The story's main protagonist is Gray, a possum living in 1920s New Orleans. He's
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not important. He's not the focus of this video. Although, I will say that Gray deserves a video of his own, but that's a discussion for another day. Why are you like this? After an unexpected encounter with a strange rabbit named
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Virgil, Gray is transported to a strange place where time seems to not pass. While there, he encounters four strangers who are also unaware of what's happening. It's in this section of the game when we're introduced to the four
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route characters Mark, Ken, Gabriel, and Hero, my favorite. During this video, we'll be exclusively focusing on Marcus Lazarus, or Mark as he prefers to be called. Mark is a maimed wolf who is noticeably older than Gray, much to
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Gray's delight. Initially, Mark seems warm and pleasant to speak with, so much so that Gray assumes he's a calm person. But as their one-on-one conversation progresses, Mark becomes more somber while reflecting on the life he's lived.
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Mark expresses interest in knowing more about Gray and holds the possum. As he holds Gray, Mark tries to provide emotional comfort, even going as far as calling Gray Sugar. Gray then asks if Mark even wants to escape this unknown place. Mark says
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no. When Gray asks why, Mark gives a vague answer about New York City not being as wonderful as people think it is. Gray tries to comfort Mark, saying that that's all in the past. Mark then gives a rather ominous statement,
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saying, quote, "The past has a way of following you, and if you're anything like me, you know just how deep it can sink its teeth." After some time passes and the characters begin to bond, something strange happens. The four men all become
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overwhelmed by emotional distress and fade away. Gray then finds four cards on the ground, each of which bears art depicting one of the four route characters. A voice tells Gray to choose one, implying Gray can only save one of
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his new four friends. Upon selecting Mark's card, Gray is transported to New York. While there, he discovers it's December 26th, 1965. For several moments, Gray is confused and more importantly cold as it's snowing and he has neither a coat
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nor a pair of shoes. After beginning to feel hopeless, a cab stops nearby and Mark emerges.
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At first, he doesn't seem to be aware of Gray, but the possum notices that Mark is stealing glances at him. Mark is about to enter a store, but then allows the door to shut and approaches Gray.
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Mark asks if Gray needs any help, such as food to eat or a warm place to go.
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As the two bond during the following days, reality seems to become distorted as Gray and Mark are subjected to bizarre trials being forced upon them by Virgil. The pair fear for their lives as they attempt to complete these trials
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and understand their undefined rules. That's all I wish to discuss regarding Mark during this part of the video. Now that the premise of Burrows and Gray's initial impressions of Mark have been established, it's time to narrow our focus. So, at this time, if
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you haven't played Burrows already, please do. It's a great visual novel. I also recommend doing so because I would not want to spoil Mark's route for anyone. So, consider yourselves warned.
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This video will also explore topics some people might find to be triggering. However, I will provide appropriate trigger warnings at the beginning of these sections. Before beginning therapy, a client typically fills out several pieces of paperwork, one of which is an
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intake form. Now, an intake form can have a variety of questions, such as why someone is seeking therapy and whether or not mental illness is present in their familial history. As usual, I've chosen specific questions that are applicable to Mark
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and the issues he faces. The questions are as follows. What is your current occupation? What is your relationship with your family like? What is your romantic relationship like? What have you felt in the past six months? Do you consume recreational
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drugs and/or alcohol? What are your coping skills? And finally, what are your goals for therapy?
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Much like my previous videos, I'll be answering the final question pertaining to Mark's goals myself. Obviously, he can't reach through my screen and tell me what it is he wants to work on, which is probably for the best because that
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would be horrifying for a number of reasons. And so, with the card of Mark beside me, let's dig a little deeper. Wh
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an archavist at the Museum of Modern Art. He's passionate about his job, believing that the museum should feature more modern pieces in an effort to be connected with the current cultural zeitgeist.
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Gray even notes that Mark's eyes are sparkling while he verbalizes such opinions. His position seems to provide him with a sense of financial stability based on his lavish apartment, which is full of paintings, sculptures, and masks. However, Mark's strong opinions
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on art appear to be resulting in conflict with his boss, Mr. Charleston. In a later scene, Mr.
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Charleston enters Mark's office and begins chastising him for including quote hippie [ __ ] end quote in the gallery which seems to be negatively impacting the museum's finances. Mr. Charleston also accuses Mark of sneaking a piece into an
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upcoming auction. And upon leaving, Mark internally wishes for something bad to happen to Mr. Charleston.
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Overall, Mark seems to be passionate about his work in the field of art. However, despite such enjoyment and the impressive salary it offers him, Mark seems to be experiencing some discontent with his job. Due to his interactions with Mr. Charleston, it seems to me as
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though Mark's job exacerbates whatever stress or anger he's experiencing, thus negatively impacting his daily mood.
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However, we will further explore the topic of Mark's overall mood later in the video. Not much is known about Mark's father as an individual. However, during the second trial in the route, Mark shares with Gray that his parents
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couldn't stand to be in the same room as each other end. Much later in the route, Mark even says that no one could pay me enough to spend a day with my folks now end. Such animosity toward his parents
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seems to stem from the death of his brother Joshua. This is evident because in the same conversation, Mark says, quote, "I stopped living for them after Josh died.
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Once they gave up on him, they ceased to be family in my mind. Might as well be strangers." End quote. Of his parents, we only ever receive individual information pertaining to Mark's mother, but even that is limited.
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During the previously described scene in Mark's office, Mark receives a phone call from his mother. Upon realizing it is her, he stops smiling and sigh. He then refers to her as a [ __ ] in his mind due to her wanting to send more of
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Joshua's possessions. The only other glimpse we are given of Mark's mother is found in one of the memory fragments of the game, which are located in Gray's journal and provide extra information to the player. To elaborate, the player is given various
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documents that provide extra context to characters and their relationships throughout the game, known as fragments. Again, these can be read in Gray's journal at any time. One fragment in particular is a page from Mark's own personal journal. From it, we learn that
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Mark's mother has never traveled to New York City to visit Mark. In fact, she's only ever been to the city once, and that was when it was time to prepare for Joshua's funeral. She never even attended Mark's college graduation
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ceremony. As far as family is concerned, Mark seems to be very much alone, expressing feelings of disdain for his parents and a preference for not interacting with them. He doesn't feel prioritized, loved, or even understood by them. Unlike
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Joshua, in the extra side story called The Open Door, we are given a view into Mark's life at college prior to the main story. He's struggling with his sexuality and his outlook on it. The side story begins with Mark in
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his dorm room where he is receiving oral sex from a woman. However, Mark is not initially paying attention to this woman. Instead, he stares at his bedroom door. We, the player, are also given an image of a door that appears to be
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cracked open. But we soon realize that this is not the actual door to his dorm room.
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After the woman leaves, taking notice of Mark's disinterest in her, Mark internally says the following.
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I still look like him, huh? I bet he isn't having these thoughts. I bet he's got tons of girls in Albany screaming his name. As the side story progresses, Mark meets several other male students at his university, all of whom are secretly
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queer and sexually engage one another. Near the end of the story, the group all return to Mark's dorm room and engage in group sex. It's during this group sex that Mark's attention becomes disrupted. Group members even comment on
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his change in demeanor, and Mark himself says his focus is quote going in and out end. During the group sex, Mark says the following. I wonder if he even remembers that summer vacation. Our folks were gone. We were
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so bored. The door was always open. He knew what I was doing, didn't he? Teenagers are all the same. I made it so obvious. And he just kept watching. Why did I keep it open again?
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Uh, it's too long ago to be sure, but the time after that. There's no way he didn't know. And soon his door was left open, too.
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Josh, you knew, didn't you? Did you come to amuse yourself again? Well, don't let me keep you waiting.
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You look up to me. I can't let you down. After that last thought, Mark becomes more dominant as he engages his new acquaintances in group sex. While doing so, he thinks to himself, "Josh, watch closely. This is how it's
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done." End quote. If you hadn't realized it until now, the he that Mark is consistently referring to with a capital H in this short story is his brother Joshua. Joshua is frequently on Mark's mind. Even as the extra story concludes,
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Mark references Joshua while contemplating the recent changes in his own personality. Mark reflects on his new sexual partners and how they have impacted his behavior and demeanor, concluding such thoughts by thinking to himself, quote. And at the bottom of it all, he's
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always there. End quote. Now, back to Gray. I know it feels like a long time since we last saw him several paragraphs ago. One night while conversing with Mark, Gray asks why Mark is allowing Gray to stay in his
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apartment. It's a great question as Mark doesn't remember the Golden Place or first meeting Gray there. As far as Mark knows, Gray is just some random homeless person from the street. And in that lies the answer. Mark tries to avoid the
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question, but I will go into more detail about that later. Gray continues to press him for an answer. Eventually, Mark's true intention slips out as he mentions Joshua. Before he can elaborate, Mark falls on the couch and begins
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sobbing. After a moment, Mark is able to compose himself and tells Gray about Joshua's death. The scene is as follows. I had a brother, Josh.
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He wasn't great at much. School, work, girls. It always turned out the same for [Music] him. Our parents aren't patient people. They saw one son excelling and the other being a drain on their resources on society. I nodded. I could easily relate
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remembering how adept Jules was to playing her role in the family while I barely trailed behind. Even though he was a [ __ ] I loved him. I mean, we're family. We're supposed to take care of each other,
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right? Yeah, in theory. He clears his throat and grips his knees tightly, stealing himself for what's to come next. He'd always hung around the wrong crowd. Our folks didn't like him bringing his friends home since they'd smoke and drink all night. It didn't
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help that he was stealing their money to buy pot. One night, they just about had it.
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They kicked him out with only the shirt on his back. Jesus, what did you do? His ears lower with his gaze and he looks away. I didn't do anything. I'd been living on my own for years and had no idea what was going on
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with him. Parents didn't care to mention it to me either. Oh. I found out a few months later when he surprised me in the lobby.
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He had lost a ton of weight and I could tell he was using something stronger than pot. So, I took him in, cleaned him up, kept him fed. I was just happy to have my little bro back in my
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life. I even took him to the museum. He said he was so proud of me. I wish I had said it back.
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Not long after that, he reconnected with those friends and they got him hooked on speed. We were fighting one night. I said some things I shouldn't have and he walked out on me. Of his own accord, of course. I found out about his
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passing on New Year's morning a week later. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. He wipes a final tear away with his pinky and smiles. I'm the one who should be sorry.
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I didn't want to put all of that on you. I move closer and place a hand on his knee. No, I'm glad you did. I understand now. You really reminded me of him at his best. I guess that's why.
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Seeing you out there like that, it felt like I'd be letting Josh die again. Mark noticeably omits the sexual aspect of his relationship with Joshua.
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And yet, Gray still discovers this later when he's alone in the apartment and decides to masturbate while Mark is at work. Within a drawer containing multiple sex toys, Gray finds a photo of Joshua, specifically a copy of a photo
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that had been used for Joshua's funeral. Gray is immediately horrified and confused enough to leave the apartment despite Mark's instructions. Something I will absolutely be talking about several minutes from now. Significantly later in the route, Gray and Mark find themselves in the
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second trial. As a reminder, reality becomes distorted during these trials, and a certain unknown objective has to be completed. While searching a nightmare version of Mark's apartment building, Gray and Mark stumble upon three doors, each of which has a painting on it. The
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first depicts Mark and Joshua as children. The second shows Mark and Joshua arguing. It's of the night Joshua left Mark's apartment. and the last time Mark ever saw his brother alive. On the third and final door hangs a portrait depicting the entrance to a
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subway station, the same station where Joshua died of an overdose. Gray believes that the third and final door is the pair's means of escape. He believes this because the door has a doorork knob while the other two have wooden panels. Gray attempts to
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open it, but Mark stops him, grabbing Gray by the arm. Mark continues to hold Gray in this manner, despite the possum saying that he's in pain. After being released, Gray continues to insist that they go through the door, as it's possibly the way out,
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but Mark asserts that they aren't going through the door. and while placing his arm on Gray's shoulder says that Gray especially isn't going through the door. The final detail of the trial that I wish to highlight is the monster that
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attacks Gray and Mark. While cornered in a hallway and forced to fight, Gray dodges several attacks made by an unknown creature and hits it with a baseball bat.
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At one point, the creature says, quote, "Yankee Stadium supposed to go. Said you would take me." End quote. Now, this is a large assumption to make, but I'm inclined to believe that this monster is taunting Mark and potentially referring to a promise he
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made to Joshua regarding a visit to Yankee Stadium. I hypothesize this due to the photos of Joshua on the three doors as well as the fact that this entire trial seems to be based around Mark's relationship with New York City as a
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whole. After surviving the trial, Gray and Mark speculate that the area around Mark becomes distorted, which also seems to be harming those around him. With this speculation in mind, Gray and Mark plan to travel upstate and away from New
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York City, where they'll be isolated and less likely to indirectly cause harm to others. While there, they have sex in the woods. I promise it's not as jarring as it sounds, but I'm saving that portion of the story for later in the
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video. After having sex, Gray and Mark lay next to one another on some sleeping bags they brought.
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The two stare up at the stars and talk. It's a calm and even tender scene at times which is helped by the stars in the moon above.
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Unfortunately, this calmness doesn't last as Gray continues to be bothered by the photo of Joshua he found in Mark's drawer of sex toys. I'm going to let the scene play out because it's one of my favorite in the entire game and it leads
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into the next section of the video. Well, I was cleaning up the house a bit before that. Uh, it was kind of a mess.
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Yeah. Mhm. So, sorry I didn't notice, Sugar. Things are a little hectic. It's okay. Please let me finish. He nods.
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While I was cleaning your room, I was looking for a place to keep our photo and I uh sort of went through your drawers.
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Why? It was bad. I know. I'm sorry. That's my property. I know. Well, I said I was sorry, but I saw something in your bottom drawer. So, what? Huh? He tenses up, arms crossed. I have some toys. Yeah, nothing to be
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ashamed of. And you weren't supposed to be looking there anyway. That's not I'm not going to feel bad about Damn it. I saw the photo. His arms drop. His expression isn't one of surprise but annoyance. I saw the photo of Joshua at
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the bottom of that drawer, Mark. Why? Why was it kept there? Please tell me I'm overreacting, that I'm misinterpreting the situation, and scold me for snooping. I I can live with that. I know we can work through it
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if that's all it is. Gray, I hold my breath, waiting for him to continue. I'm sorry, but you had to see that. I was going to tell you eventually. Tell me what? He looks away.
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I wasn't well after Josh died. No, I've never been well. It's neither of us remember when it started. No, he was always there when I needed him. Our parents never paid me much attention. And well, boys will be
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boys. A pit forms in my stomach as those words leave his mouth. You and him you really were together. He completed me, Gray.
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You could never understand how deeply we cared for each other. Please stop. What are you saying? I couldn't understand what, Mark. Someone who cares for you unconditionally and who knows you deeper than any stranger ever could. Haven't you ever felt that way
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about someone? Not not my own sibling. I see. That's good. You're normal. I stifled the urge to vomit. You and Joshua were close. That's all right.
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Gray, you're smarter than this. Don't make me say it. No, I want you to say it. He sigh and reaches for his cigarettes. I loved Josh. He loved me. He doesn't continue instead taking his time smoking and muttering things
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under his breath. Was that all then? Did you want to know anything else? If we hugged, if we kissed, if we please no more. His expression softens as he approaches me.
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Mark, why things were so I hold my face in my hands and shake. I want the ground to swallow me up. He forces a smile and reaches out to me.
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I jolt at his touch. I needed distance to realize how bad all of it was for the both of us. And now I have you. I can't control my breathing. I'm going to be sick.
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I I can't. Please listen to me. I know it was wrong. I'm not delusional, but it happened. We can't change the past, but you helped show me the way. You're better for me than he ever could be. Gray's relationship with Mark is
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significantly unhealthy. This probably comes as no surprise to anyone who's been paying attention. However, the manner in which Mark conducts himself as a romantic partner to Gray is, as the youth of today say, Mark's biggest red flag. It is the red
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flag to end all other red flags, as far as I'm concerned. Upon initially meeting Mark in the Golden Place, which feels so long ago at this point in the video, Gray is comforted by Mark's presence. He describes Mark's voice as quote soothing
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end quote upon their initial interaction. When the two have a one-on-one conversation, Mark becomes more affectionate with Gray at a rapid pace.
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Initially, this doesn't seem out of place, especially when you take into consideration the interactions Gray has with other route characters while in the Golden Place. For instance, during an interaction with Ken, the cat leans on Gray, even becoming emotional while
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doing so. So, Mark's affection could initially be attributed to the impact that the Golden Place has on the characters.
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Gray himself even comments that it's influencing both his general mood and attitude toward the route characters. Yet, when you compare Mark's behavior with that of the other route characters, he is, as Gray at one point says, relentless. In addition to allowing Gray
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to rest against his chest, Mark refers to Gray as Sugar and affectionately touches Gray's tail at the end of the conversation. He's also more persistent in his attempts to know Gray compared to the other route characters during the
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section. After Gray is brought to New York City, Mark is quick to help. Gray being shoeless and coatless on the snowy streets accepts such assistance. Mark takes the possum to a cafe where he orders drinks and food for the pair. He
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then insists that Gray stay with him in his apartment and is already planning to take Gray on a tour of the city the following day. Gray, while recognizing that this is odd, isn't opposed to staying with Mark due to recent events.
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Gray himself notes that it's better to spend a night in Mark's apartment than on the cold streets. Mark continues to be very affectionate toward Gray despite the possum essentially being at this point in the story a stranger as Mark doesn't
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remember anything in regard to the golden place. Things only seem to continue to escalate as Mark places a hand on Gray's thigh while the two take a cab back to his apartment.
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The next morning, Gray awakens in Mark's bed, despite Gray falling asleep on the couch the night before. Mark claims that Gray crawled into his bed during the night, saying that Gray had been uncomfortable on the couch. But Gray has no memory of this.
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What's even more concerning is that during the previous night, Mark insisted that Gray sleep in his bed despite Gray expressing a strong preference for sleeping on the couch. It's convenient that Gray ended up in Mark's bed. Highly convenient for Mark, that
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is, who got exactly what he desired in this situation. The rapid pace at which Mark expresses more intense affection continues during this morning. Mark provides Gray with fresh coffee, explicitly stating that it's from a cafe in Paris who receives
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it from Colombia. After doing so, Mark proceeds to stretch in front of Gray, all while his robe remains open widely enough for Gray to see his chest and stomach.
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Mark takes note of Gray's attention and invites more of it. In fact, Mark removes his robe entirely and shows his mane to Gray. When Gray asks if he can touch the mane, Mark insists. In less than 24 hours of
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essentially meeting for the first time, Mark has touched Gray on several occasions, invited him to stay within the apartment, slept next to Gray in a bed despite Gray not wanting to, and has exposed a significant amount of his body
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to Gray. Now, you may be thinking that Mark is just an affectionate person. Perhaps the strangeness of the situation is also causing him to behave this way. There are supernatural forces at work here, so those might be affecting him. Hold on to
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that thought. Before leaving the apartment for a tour of New York City, Mark selects a coat for Gray as Gray doesn't have one and it's still cold outside. The scene is as follows.
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Somehow it fits me perfectly. Did he accidentally get the wrong size and forget to return it? Mark whistles at me and I blush a little. Wow, looking dapper, Mr. Gray.
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Told you it'd be a good fit. Thanks. He walks behind me and leans in, his arms hanging over my chest and around my neck.
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He's a little heavy. I wouldn't normally mind it, but it's hard to breathe with him on top of me. Yep. It fits just how I remembered. Uncanny, really. He mutters something under his breath I can't quite make out. Hey, Gray. I breathe in a little
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louder than intended and squeak out a reply. Yeah, you don't have to sleep on the couch anymore. Not if you don't want to. My bed is big enough for both of us.
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I don't know how to respond. The idea sounds lovely, but right now I feel overwhelmed by the weight of his body crushing me. I choke out another reply. Are you sure?
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Right as I start to feel laded, he eases off of me and fixes my collar, smiling innocently. Mhm. Hospitality is the number one priority at Elcasa de Mark. He unlocks the door and waves me over. Come along then. Big days ahead of
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us. I sigh in relief and follow him out, trying not to think about whatever that was.
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It's now time to talk about grooming. Here is a time code for the end of this discussion as it's a very sensitive subject matter and I understand if some people don't want to listen to it. I will also be very direct during this
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section of the video both for the sake of clarity and a desire to not make light of this issue. Now, grooming is a word thrown around a lot these days, especially in the current political climate.
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Unfortunately, it's often used as a means of attacking LGBTQ people. So, before further exploring Mark's behavior, I believe it's important to define exactly what grooming entails.
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According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, grooming is a set of quote manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coers them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being
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caught." End quote. Now, while such behaviors are often used to target children, they can also be aimed toward vulnerable adults.
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These behaviors are also typically performed by an individual that the victim trusts. Upon examining Rain's examples of grooming behaviors, we can already see some troubling alignments with Mark's behavior. At the beginning of the route, Gray is in an extremely vulnerable
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position as he's homeless on the streets of New York during wintertime. Gray is also isolated socially due to being transported several decades into the future and away from everyone he knows in New Orleans. And most concerning of all,
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Mark has frequently treated Gray with an unusual amount of physical affection within the first several hours of knowing him, which only escalates as the route progresses.
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Then there's the matter of Joshua. I debated whether or not to discuss the topic of grooming during Joshua's section of the video. However, I decided to explore this topic here as it would have more clarity due to the
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greater amount of context. Mark's dynamic with Joshua has a lot of uncertainty surrounding it, especially given that a great deal of what we learn about it is through Mark, who, as shown throughout this video, isn't the most honest individual.
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But what we do know from the previously discussed extra short story is that Mark initiated the pair's sexual dynamic, leaving his bedroom door open while masturbating and encouraging the escalation of sexual interactions with Joshua. And there's the matter of Joshua
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becoming dependent on Mark. After the pair's parents kicked him out, Joshua was struggling. He was homeless and actively dealing with addiction. Such things during the final days of his life made him entirely reliant on Mark. And now Mark is seemingly
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attempting to recreate this dynamic with Gray. If it wasn't obvious, the coat Mark gave Gray in the scene shown moments ago formerly belonged to Joshua.
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This is something that Mark is aware of as he himself says, "It fits just how I remembered." Uncanny, really end quote. I want to emphasize that after this comment is made by Mark, he insists that Gray share his bed. If that uncanny
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comment wasn't enough evidence that Mark is aware of the behavior he is conducting, let's again revisit the scene in the woods after Gray and Mark have sex. After Gray brings up finding the photo of Joshua among Mark's sex toys,
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Mark does say that his dynamic with Joshua was quote wrong end. At the same time, Mark attempts to justify and normalize his behavior. He says Joshua completed him and that they cared for each other. Another example of Mark
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normalizing his dynamic with Joshua would be the boys will be boys comment. Most concerning of all is the line at the end of the scene where Mark says directly to Gray, quote, "And now I have you." End quote. Again, one of the reasons I
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wanted to discuss the topic of grooming at this point in the video was to make Mark's unhealthy treatment of Gray more apparent as we continue through this section. There are also aspects of Mark's grooming of Gray that we haven't
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discussed yet, and I feel that understanding this behavior is important for when we do. The pair's tour of New York City goes poorly due to a flasher and the police arresting someone. At the end of the outing, Gray overhears Mark
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berating himself. Gray tries to ask Mark what the problem is, and Mark insists that he wanted to quote impress end quote Gray. In a vacuum, this doesn't seem concerning.
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But when you factor in all of the other aspects of Mark's treatment of Gray, it highlights how hard he's attempting to have Gray develop a positive opinion of him. From talking about how his coffee is imported to trying to impress Gray
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with New York City, Mark wants Gray to be drawn in. Mark wants Gray to see all of the resources he can be given. All Gray has to do in return is simply obey.
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While preparing to return to Mark's apartment, Gray expresses interest in the subway, which he has yet to take and admits to being curious about. Mark is against the idea. And when Gray tries to express his reasons for wanting to ride
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the subway, Mark says, "You're with me now. You don't have to put yourself in dangerous situations anymore. I'll get us a cab." End quote.
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Mark then steps away, ignoring Gray completely as he tries to get the pair a cab. Mark is clearly disregarding Gray's own wants and interests in this moment.
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Doing so serves two purposes. One, he is reaffirming that Gray can greatly benefit if he simply complies with what Mark wants. There's a level of comfort to be had as Mark can financially pay for cab rides which are
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more costly than the subway. Secondly, Mark is attempting to convince Gray that there is an unknown danger to avoid.
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Danger that Mark can keep him safe from so long as Gray remains with him. This sentiment is very concerning as it places pressure upon Gray to isolate himself with Mark to be around others and the world as a whole much
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less. And then there's the matter of Mark explaining himself on the second night of Gray's stay. He tries justifying why he has invited Gray, a stranger, to remain in his home so willingly. I know I showed a portion of
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this scene earlier during the Joshua section, but I want to focus particularly on Mark's word choices here when Gray initially asks questions, as well as Mark's demeanor. Why did you let me come stay with you? He looks at me dumbfounded and
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blinks for a few seconds, unsure of how to answer. Why? Uh, well, you looked like you needed my help. I have the means.
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So, and those bums we saw yesterday, they didn't need help. He crosses his arms and looks at me sternly, the corner of his mouth twitching. The ones that were making fools of themselves in front of that wh house? Yeah, they needed help.
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Professional help. That's not the point. What about me made you trust me right away?
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I I can't really put my finger on it. What's the point in asking me this now? I don't understand how any of this could seem normal to him. It's important because I need to know if I can trust you. He scoffs and
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stands up, pacing around the couch. Trust me? What have I done? Gray, if you're uncomfortable, I'm sorry. Ju just tell me what I did so I can apologize. No, no, it's not like that.
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It's just Damn it. How can I make you understand that? Understand what? That it's dangerous to bring a stranger home when I live by myself? That you could be taking advantage of my kindness? Mark? that you've had every
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opportunity to rob me, kill me, rape me, and I would have only myself to blame.
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Well, guess what? I know. I know that this is [ __ ] stupid. Please don't yell. I'm But if someone had just done that for Joshua, I if I had just He crumbles onto the couch and starts sobbing into his hands.
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Mark becomes volatile upon Gray asking a very reasonable question. But why? It's because it's counterintuitive to the dynamic Mark is attempting to enact.
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Gray isn't fulfilling the role Mark wants him to. And so Mark becomes startled only to then become defensive and verbally aggressive. He even portrays himself as the vulnerable party, the victim.
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All of these behaviors discourage Gray's questions and allow Mark to remain in control. After discussing the death of Joshua, Mark again utilizes physical affection to suit his own desires. He surprises Gray, hugging him and pressing his head against the possum's shoulder.
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Gray doesn't resist, instead pressing his forehead against Mark. Gray affirms that he is Mark's friend.
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But again, Mark escalates the physical affection and kisses Gray. Much like many other moments with Mark, this may not appear concerning when you examine it without any context outside of the scene, but when you factor in everything else, the defensiveness, the frequent
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escalation of physical affection, and his relationship with Joshua, this is yet another moment in which Mark displays alarming behavior. It also reemphasizes the most troubling point of all. Mark isn't interested in Gray or what Gray has to say. He's interested in Joshua. Only now
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he has a better Joshua. One who is more dependent on him than the real Joshua ever could be. Again, Gray is several decades into the future, far away from loved ones and any sense of home.
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Thus, there's very little getting in the way of what Mark wants. To further illustrate my point of Mark not caring about Gray as an individual at this point in the story, I refer you to the remainder of the scene
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after Mark kisses Gray. The two proceed to order a pizza. They sit together eating, laughing, and talking. And eventually, Gray brings up the topic of sexuality. and asks how Mark learned of his own sexual orientation. Gray proceeds to explain his dating history
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and what he finds sexually arousing. Gray then states that his attraction is not limited by biological sex. It's at this time that Mark begins to mock Gray, asking if Gray would be interested in a nearby pillow. Initially, this seems to be just
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a joke made in poor taste. It seems likely given that Mark has drank a good amount of wine at this point in the evening. Mark then appears to be more accepting of Gray's identity as Gray says he's struggled with feelings of
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shame regarding his sexuality. Mark mentions several spaces in New York City where other queer men congregate which immediately interests Gray. He becomes eager to explore such spaces and learn whether or not there's a label that fits his own sexual orientation.
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However, when Gray explicitly says he wants to learn if there is a fitting label for himself, he begins to express doubt. Gray proceeds to become insecure and asks if such a desire for a label is quote weird end quote. Mark
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unfortunately affirms this idea. He again makes a joke saying how he doesn't yell that he's gay every morning while preparing breakfast. Mark then proceeds to say that such labels aren't quote essential end quote. Gray starts to agree with this
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sentiment and Mark encourages him to do so referring to the label of Gray's sexual orientation as quote just a word and nothing more end quote. To summarize, Gray expressed something that was important to him, specifically a label for his sexuality, and was
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vulnerable with Mark. In return, Mark both mocked Gray and convinced him that the label he desires is irrelevant. Again, I emphasize this because currently within the pair's dynamic, there's no room for Gray to be Gray. His own values and ideas are only
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relevant if Mark deems them to be. If that wasn't bad enough, Mark unintentionally refers to Gray as Josh near the end of this conversation. But Barlo, surely that's the end of it. Things can't possibly get worse, could they? Oh, dear viewer, I
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assure you that they do a lot. The following morning, Mark gets ready to return to work as his vacation couldn't be extended. While doing so, Mark insists that Gray remain within the apartment.
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Mark even goes as far as saying how upset he would be if Gray became lost in the city. Gray tries to compromise, asking Mark to write down the address of his workplace just in case. Reluctantly, Mark writes the address down.
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However, as he writes, Mark says, "Quote, all right, just in case. But if you just do what I ask, we'll never have to find out." Before leaving, Mark says he will call later and kisses Gray. Gray kisses him back, but ends the
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kiss when he feels Mark beginning to use tongue. Mark then says how he loves how Gray always surprises him and departs, leaving Gray all alone in the apartment as he tries to reflect on how Mark just used the word love. Now, to give Mark a
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shred of credit, if the player chooses not to return the kiss after the previous night's discussion regarding Joshua, Mark isn't as affectionate here and only refers to Gray as his pal. The two don't even kiss. This change in the scene shows
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that Mark can respect boundaries. Unfortunately, when he's given the opportunity, Mark still escalates things. 40 minutes later, the phone begins to ring. Gray, having found the photo of Joshua at this point, panics and doesn't answer.
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The call goes to voicemail and Mark sounds frantic, asking if Gray is there and saying hello several times as he tries to get the possums attention. Gray conceds and answers the phone, claiming he was in the shower. Mark begins talking in a
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monotone voice, causing Gray to worry that Mark is angry with him. Sometime later, after Gray has left the apartment and is running around New York, we see Mark in his office, he puts the phone down, expressing distress at
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how he has called Gray three times now and received no response. After the previously discussed conversation with Mr. Charleston happens, the phone rings again. This causes Mark to become eager, almost dropping the phone as he expects it to be Gray who is calling. Mark then
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thinks to himself, "Gray, he's finally getting back to me. He wouldn't disobey me. Of course not." End quote. Now, we're reaching a turning point in Mark's route, one where the player is given a choice that significantly impacts the remainder of
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the route. I'm primarily going to focus on one choice given that Mark is the subject. However, I will also briefly discuss the other choice as well as there's still relevant information regarding Mark in that path. Gray's former girlfriend Simone is
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transported to New York for reasons unknown to the characters. At one point, Gray has a choice to go to Mark or remain with Simone. If the player chooses Mark, Gray immediately travels to Mark's workplace alone.
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While there, one of Mark's co-workers speaks with Gray. She's exacerbated and proceeds to ask what Mark had promised Gray, inquiring as to whether or not such a promise entailed food or a place to stay. Most noteworthy of all, she
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makes a comment to herself, saying, quote, "Christ, he didn't even tell this one his full name." End quote. When Mark enters the lobby, this coworker chastises him, making vague statements such as, "Did you forget what happened last time?" End quote. Mark treats her
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with verbal aggression and hurries Gray out the door. Outside of the museum, Mark aims his verbal aggression at Gray. Things escalate when Gray references the One comment made by Mark's coworker. The scene is as follows. He whips around, staring me
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down with cold eyes. You were supposed to wait for me to come home. You saw how dangerous this city was. I told you again and again. Just [ __ ] wait. But no, you clearly know better, judging by
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your current predicament. Old Mark's just here to take the fall when you show up to embarrass him. You know I wasn't doing it on purpose. Don't lie to me, Pawsome. You knew this would get under my skin, didn't you? What? No. I Did your little
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friends from the roaring 20s magically show up and decide to whisk you away on an adventure against your will? Was the rabbit there, too? Come on, let me [ __ ] talk. He shoves a finger in my face to shush me,
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and I swat it away, bearing my teeth and growling. Later, the two have a conversation in front of Mark's apartment and discuss their perspectives, but I'm saving that for later in the video. However, this conversation does lead to a rather sweet
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scene in Mark's apartment. The pair are flirting and even touching each other, but that's not necessarily what makes it tender in my opinion. At one point, Gray speaks up, saying that he is experiencing quote whiplash end. Immediately, Mark becomes serious
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and gives Gray some physical space. Mark says there's no pressure to have sex and says that he's only interested in kissing and heavy petting so long as he has Gray's permission to do so. Gray expresses enthusiasm at such things and
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requests that the pair go to Mark's bed. I highlight this scene because among all of the flaws and morbid aspects of Mark's character, this moment does stand out and is even hopeful. Mark is capable of appropriate communication and even respecting
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boundaries of partners. He can have a relationship that is both healthy and satisfying. This scene is why I have some optimism for this character and believe he's capable of growth. But unfortunately, growth takes time, and more often than not, we fall back into
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old patterns along the way. The second trial begins the following day. While searching the apartment for clothes and things that will help, Gray points to Mark's drawer, which contains toys in the photo of Joshua, he does so to gauge Mark's
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reaction, as he doesn't have a definitive explanation for the photo's location at this point in the story. As Gray goes to open the drawer, Mark exerts physical control over Gray, pressing the Pawsum's arm against his side to stop him.
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He lies, claiming he has already searched the drawer and steps away from Gray. Gray notes that Mark's tone in the following moments is flat and at times quote venomous end. This persists as the pair descend down the stairs and Mark only provides
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the briefest of responses to Gray's questions. Mark says such things as don't know. So, I've heard, and I'm fine with whatever. Mark's mood only improves a few hours later when Gray agrees to Mark's idea that the pair returned to
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the apartment for food. This confounds Gray, and he wonders if Mark's lighter mood is simply the result of him doing as Mark asked. And then, there's no good way to start talking about this. Much later, while trapped in a damaged elevator that just
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fell several floors, Mark gives Gray the most disturbing [ __ ] I've ever read about. Both of them think that they're about to die. Mark says he loves Gray, that he's happy he won't be alone when he dies.
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Gray then reveals how he viewed Mark as a fresh start after all of the perceived mistakes Gray has made in his own life.
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The two then proceed to kiss. Initially, as Mark goes down on him, Gray resists, but Mark continues. Mark even says, quote, "You're even the same size. It's incredible." End quote. Mark then moans a name, Joshua's name.
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Gray recognizes that he is quote the new Joshua end quote and reflects on all of the behaviors performed by Mark that support this such as the coat incident and Mark referring to Gray as Joshua on more than one occasion
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now. Gray allows the oral sex to proceed internally thinking to himself, quote, "I can fill that role better. I'll let him call me whatever he needs to use my body down to the last drop. End quote.
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After escaping the elevator, Mark and Gray encounter another individual named Oleander. Mark initially sees this man as a threat as Gray awakens to find Mark swinging a bat at Oleander, telling him to stay away from Gray.
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However, even when Gray explains that Oleander isn't a threat due to him helping Gray earlier in the story, Mark still holds the baseball bat above his head. Mark seems to calm down once Oleander explains that Simone is here
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somewhere. Mark, to his credit, takes this seriously, acknowledging that Simone is important to Gray and begins cooperating with Oleander in his search for Simone. However, Mark does whisper to Gray privately that he still doesn't trust Oleander. Mark again treats Oleander
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with aggression when Gray hugs the owl, which happens after Oleander locates Simone. Gray promises Mark it won't happen again.
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Mark expresses anger again when while searching for a potential item necessary for escape, Oleander holds Gray by the waist, appearing to keep Gray steady in case things take a turn for the worse during their search. Mark's possessive tendencies
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again manifest after the trial is over, and he returns to his apartment with Gray.
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Gray asks why the doorman of the building wasn't particularly perturbed by Mark's disheveled appearance or the blood on his shirt. To this, Mark says, "But who needs that anymore when I have you?" End quote. Later that night, Gray and Mark
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lay in bed together. Gray says he doesn't want to have sex. He only wants to talk. and Mark respects this desire. The two talk about their feelings, say I love you to one another, and wonder if it's quote crazy end quote
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to feel such emotions after only knowing each other for 4 days. Mark says he's scared, and Gray assures him that they'll survive whatever comes next.
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Mark expresses concern for those in close proximity to him and shares a plan involving him driving out of the city and into the countryside. The two fall asleep together, hoping for a better day tomorrow. And unfortunately, Mark [ __ ]
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up again. Huh, I should really just make that the title of this video. Psychology of Mark. He [ __ ] up again. While stuck in traffic, Mark becomes verbally aggressive with Gray and does so to a degree that he never has
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before. Gray tries to make conversation, only for Mark to treat him with resentment and occasional deflection, even criticizing Gray for going into the city alone while Mark was working the other day. He says things such as, "Great, missed another turn.
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Any other questions? You can't expect me to fall in line whenever it's convenient for you. But this oleander fellow seems friendly. He must be a good egg. Things seem to calm down again when the two stop at a diner for food. Mark and Gray
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both laugh at jokes they make. Mark even calls Gray sugar in a way that feels genuine to Gray for the first time.
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Gray himself notes this difference in the pair's dialogue compared to when they were in the car, thinking to himself, "The moods changed so much in just 20 minutes. Were we really just grumpy because we hadn't eaten yet?" End
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quote. This moment highlights why many people in general remain in abusive relationships. You see, abusive relationships aren't always volatile.
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There isn't always yelling or hitting. At times there are moments when love can be expressed and even felt. There's periods of normaly and calmness. That's what makes it so hard to break the cycle even when the abuse itself inevitably returns.
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Once the pair get back into the car again, Mark becomes distant, providing shorter and shorter responses to Gray.
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At one point, Gray begins internalizing Mark's behavior, viewing it as a reflection of himself and how he has treated Mark. Gray thinks to himself, "He blames me. He hates me. I'm burdening him." End quote.
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Mark's controlling tendencies come out again while the two lay under the stars together and talk about their potential future. On the topic of children, both express not wanting them. That in and of itself is fine. However, Mark takes it a
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step further, saying, quote, "Nope, I don't want to be competing for your attention with some brat." End quote. Again, this highlights Mark's desire to isolate Gray, to have the possum all to himself. Others just interfere. This particular path of
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Mark's route ends with him changing into a monstrous form of himself. Mark's limbs become bent, his fur begins to fall off, and it's difficult to speak.
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Gray manages to get Mark back into the car that the two used to get this far away from the city. He places Mark in the back seat, hoping that he can get the pair back to the apartment. As Gray begins to drive, Mark
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touches Gray's shoulder from the back seat. Mark apologizes to Gray and says how he want to be better for you end quote.
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This is an important moment for Mark here. He apologizes to Gray, which is the first step in taking accountability for one's own actions. Now, whether or not he follows through on what being better means is an entirely different
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question. Perhaps I'm being too optimistic here, but I am inclined to believe that Mark is capable of this change he's describing. The fact that he apologizes in this moment is a good first step. Another significant reason why I
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think Mark is capable of change is the contrast between this path and the previously mentioned Simone path. As a reminder, halfway through Mark's route, the player has a choice.
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They can either stay with Simone, Gray's ex-girlfriend, or return to Mark. For the past few minutes, I was describing scenes that follow choosing Mark. But what happens if the player chooses Simone? The first and most noticeable difference of all is the scene in which
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Gray goes to Mark's workplace. This time with Simone. When the pair arrive at the museum, Mark is more aggressive than he was in the other path. He chastises Gray loudly and in front of his boss, saying, quote, "I tell you to do one thing, one
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thing, and you've managed to not only disobey me, but embarrass me in front of my co-workers." End quote. Mark then proceeds to accuse Gray of being in cahoots with Simone, implying that the two are scheming against him. Later, after leaving the
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museum, Mark tries to justify this reaction. He claims that this behavior was a ruse because of his boss's presence, as Mr.
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Charleston, doesn't like it when I have guests, ende. Now, it's important to note that Simone has a supernatural ability which allows her to telepathically know a person's emotions and desires.
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I mention this because after Mark claims his behavior was purely performative, Simone secretly tells Gray that Mark is lying. She then tells Gray to carefully monitor Mark. Mark's behavior in this path is concerning once again. When Gray, Mark,
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and Simone all enter Mark's apartment, Simone makes a comment on Mark's apartment, saying that Gray's description wasn't wrong.
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Mark verbally notes this, asking if Gray had in fact been telling Simone about him. When Gray says yes, Mark coldly stares at Gray, appearing to quietly evaluate Gray's reasons for doing so.
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Mark then takes note of Gray's scent, asking if he had showered. Gray says he hasn't and then says that he wishes to bathe.
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Mark initially seems fine with this, but then he tries to undress Gray right then and there. Gray tries to resist, highlighting Simone's presence. Gray expressing discomfort isn't enough of a valid reason for Mark to stop.
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However, what does cause Mark to stop is Simone saying that she isn't bothered by Gray's nudity as she has seen him naked many times. Mark then allows Gray to undress himself and go shower. Later, Mark's tone is noticeably
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somber while he refers to Gray's relationship with Simone. Mark's somberness here appears to be related to his discomfort with someone outside of his dynamic with Gray. Mark perceives outsiders as a threat. In my opinion, why else would he
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be so concerned with what Gray has been telling Simone or become so serious at being reminded of Gray's romantic history with Simone?
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Mark's behavior during the second trial the next day is also noticeably different compared to the first time around. When the pair are awake and Gray explains the situation, Gray affirms that he chose Mark's card in the Golden Place. Mark responds by
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saying, "So, you did this to me." End quote. Mark's annoyance toward Gray persists throughout the trial, especially when Gray mentions finding Simone. Compared to the other path, Mark is more frustrated by Gray's desire to find Simone. He says, quote, "Yes, yes, we
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shouldn't keep the princess waiting." End quote. Mark's animosity toward Oleander and his desire to control Gray are both more prominent compared to the other path.
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Upon finding Gray sleeping beside Oleander, Mark begins fighting the owl. When Gray awakens, Mark immediately asks Gray if Oleander hurt him. Even when Gray assures Mark that Oleander didn't hurt him, Mark's aggression persists, and he begins to describe what he will
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do to the owl if Gray is hurt. Mark even kicks a nearby desk as the trio try to figure out what's happening, causing the desk's leg to dent as he yells about Virgil. Mark's controlling tendencies toward Gray seem to also be exacerbated
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here. As regarding Oleander, Mark says to Gray, quote, "Did you have to sleep on his chest, though?" End quote.
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The final difference I'd like to highlight between the Mark and Simone path is that of the elevator scene.
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Before he's able to enter the elevator, Mark is injured. Gray tries to get him into the elevator, but Mark declines, instructing Gray to just go. When Gray refuses, Mark yells again, insisting that Gray abandon him.
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When Gray does begin to flee, he notices that Mark looks relieved. Overall, Mark's aggressive behavior is very prominent in the Simone path, especially when Gray attends the museum or when Oleander arrives. However, the differences in the elevator scene are also significant. In
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the Mark path, Mark is eager to escape with Gray. But in the Simone path, Mark's survival instinct seems to be gone. He's relieved when Gray flees to safety, seemingly not worried about his own life. This brings us to the next
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section, and it also brings us to why I wanted to make this video in the first place.
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It's apparent how lonely Mark is even early on in the route. Upon inviting Gray back to his apartment for the first time, Mark claims that he doesn't have many friends and that Gray is his first guest. Gray, concerned, asks questions
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regarding this. Mark says people at work express similar feelings of concern, but he attempts to soothe Gray's worries. He says, quote, "I'm used to people worrying about me. It doesn't bother me." End quote. However, Gray's worry for Mark's apparent loneliness only
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grows as he inspects the apartment. Gray finds a layer of dust around Mark's pots and pans. The fridge is almost entirely empty, aside from three bottles of beer and one takeout box of food. Later in the Mark path, Gray
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abruptly leaves the museum after becoming frustrated with Mark. When Gray returns to the front of Mark's apartment building, he and Gray have a heartto-he heart. Gray, in an attempt to better understand Mark, again asks why Mark took him into his home so willingly.
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The conversation is as follows. I know I can be a lot. I don't have a ton of experience dealing with people anymore. Ever since I got this job, I've isolated myself out of fear.
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Fear of what? People meeting the real me. Figuring out I'm some kind of fake. that I'm not actually qualified for any of the tasks they give me or worse wanting to socialize with me outside of work and learning there isn't much to me. I'm
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just an old washed up dog who's lucky to be making this kind of money. Mark, you know that's not true. I don't. You don't understand what it's like living here, Gray. Anything you have can be taken away in a second. Like
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those homeless families in the alley. Like AJ. Like me. Then why were you? I pause and try to find a way to reward what Lauren said. Taking people in other than me, I mean. He's silent for a while before
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replying in a horse voice, choking back tears. I don't know. Maybe because I thought I could earn this whole being well off thing if I gave some of it back. When you donate to charity, you don't actually see the good that you do.
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You have to assume that it ends up in the pockets of whatever disenfranchised group you're aiming to help.
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But if I saw a guy, I mean anyone who I thought would be safe to bring in, clean up, get a taste of the life I'm so privileged to have, maybe it would feel less hollow.
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I think I finally get it. If things had gone differently, if I had stayed at the manor, I would be like Mark someday.
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We're carrying the same guilt, coping with the same unearned benefits that come with our species and our families.
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The wound never closes. It just bleeds slower. I put an arm around him and rub his back.
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Mark, I get it. He sniffles and wipes his nose on his sleeve, those dull eyes beginning to glisten again.
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You You two? Yes. I've been where you're at before. And I made the wrong choice by running.
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So, I'm not going to run from you either. He pulls me into a tight hug and I squeeze him back.
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I I can't lose anyone else, Gray. I don't want to be alone again. Please don't go.
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Mark has actively selfisolated himself during the previous years. Unfortunately, it's not that uncommon of a coping mechanism, especially when it comes to feelings of stress or sadness. However, there is another component to mark selfisolating behaviors.
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Mark seems to be struggling with low selfworth. However, this doesn't seem to have been a recent development. Going back to the extra story about his college years, Mark uses significantly critical language while contemplating his own sexual interests.
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While a fellow student named Richard is attempting to seduce Mark while supposedly masturbating in the bathroom, Mark berates himself. Mark thinks to himself, "I'm just as depraved as he is." Animal. I'm an animal. End quote.
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Even after Richard leaves the dorm room, Mark continues to berate himself after he finishes masturbating.
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He says, quote, "Disgusting is the word that keeps flashing through my mind." End quote. Returning to the main story, there are signs early on in the narrative that Mark doesn't value or care about himself. Mark is able to empathize with
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Gray's belief of not being a good person. When the pair speak privately in the golden place, Mark alludes to hurting people and Gray feels the maed wolf's chest tighten. Mark then admits to not be looking for a way out of the golden
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place despite all of the characters splitting off to do so. It's likely that Mark feels he deserves to be trapped here given how he views himself and his previous actions.
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Mark's lack of selfworth seems to also be connected to a significant amount of guilt and self-lame he maintains. Throughout their relationship, Mark makes statements to Gray that indicate this. For instance, Gray becomes physically ill during the tour of New York City, specifically as a
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result of how tall the Empire State Building is. Afterward, Mark becomes upset and says, "I'm the one who put you through this." End quote. Later, he even says, "Why me?" End quote. He asks this when Gray explains how he chose Mark's card
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and desired to save Mark over the other route characters. Even when Gray tries to give Mark some hope at one point during the second trial, Mark is only concerned about Gray's well-being. Gray points out that giving up also wouldn't
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be fair to Mark, but Mark ignores this sentiment. I would now like to revisit a portion of the scene in which Gray and Mark drive upstate and away from New York City. The scene itself has a lot of
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layers to it, and we're given more insight into Mark's lack of selfworth. Your devotion. It scares me. This self-sacrifice and adoration doesn't feel earned. Not after how many times I've snapped at you. You took me in and gave me a place
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to stay when nobody else would. That'd be enough to make most people form a sense of loyalty, don't you think?
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And you feel the same way, don't you? We love each other. It feels pathetic to say it out loud. Like I'm trying to justify it to myself. Not to this degree. Not a normal person.
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That's the second time you've suggested I'm abnormal. Do you not want me here? No, I do. Damn it. It's coming out all wrong.
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I He eases up on the gas pedal as another wall of snow starts pelting the car. Guess we couldn't outrun the blizzard after all. I don't know. My life before this was painful, but in an ordinary way. I
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knew that being gay would make my life harder. I knew that there was a chance Josh could overdose. It used to keep me up at night, but eventually I learned how to deal with it. And then you showed up, bringing all
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of your joy and comfort along with a nightmare hidden in the shadows. The conversation continues, and Mark's words become more hopeless, despite the fact that Gray affirms he's helping Mark because he loves him.
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What other reason do I need? I already threw my old life away. Yes, I'm very aware, and that's what stresses me out. His voice is deafening in the tiny car, but I don't flinch. You getting hurt for my sake
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hurts because I love you. You ignoring every sketchy thing about me makes me feel guilty because I know you deserve better.
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If this is supposed to be your big second chance, you blew it, pal. I'm a [ __ ] goner.
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I've lost myself, Gray. I think about myself 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20, and all of them feel like strangers.
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I wouldn't have proof any of that happened if there weren't photos of me, of us, even at work. If Lauren wasn't so gifted at notetaking, I doubt I'd remember what half of my projects are.
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Everything I do lately has been halfassed. It's impossible to focus. All I know is that I keep trying to get back to the way I felt before Josh died. I try to think of what the old me would say, what a better me would
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do in this situation. Maybe those memories are embellished or made up. And sometimes I crack. I lash out. I curse because I can't deal with it anymore.
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Gray, it's too painful. Every year my body aches more and more. It hurts just to move through life. The benefits don't outweigh the costs. I can feel myself dying every second I'm not distracted. And the distractions have become
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ineffective. Gray proceeds to ask Mark how many other homeless men he has taken in. At one point, Mark shows Gray a scar under his thumb. He explains that it's a wound from the previous homeless person he attempted to help. Mark says he was
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so quote desperate for affection end quote that he ignored certain aspects about the man that were alarming. The man pulled the knife on Mark, but Mark refused to comply. Mark explaining his motivation for fighting back says, "That day was probably the last
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time I felt like my life mattered enough to protect." And what was the reason?
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Because he wanted my stuff. I thought, "How dare this [ __ ] ingrate lay claim to my [ __ ] I worked hard to earn this.
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My stuff symbolizes my value to the world." Isn't that a gas? I could attempt to kill a man over some paintings, but not to save myself." End quote. Mark proceeds to recall all of the homeless men's names, including
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Gray's. Gray asks if Mark loved them. The scene is as follows. "Did you love them, too?" He shrugs. "Maybe, but not in a healthy way. And they were in no position to refuse my help. You love me? Yes. So
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much. Why? How am I supposed to answer that? I just want to know. This feels like a Sisophian task. What answer could I give that would get me off the hook? You're attractive. You're kind.
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You live a lavish lifestyle. You're cultured. And most importantly, because you love me back, that alone is enough for me. He seems unmoved.
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And you? Maybe. He cuts himself off. No, go on. Say it. Hush. Say how you feel. Enough, Gray. Please. I need to know if we're going to keep doing this. You're my reason, okay? Everything goes quiet as his words ring in my
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ears. I'm pressing on with this life because of you, despite everything. And maybe I resent you a little for giving me a reason when I was so sure about ending things just a few days ago.
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Unable to find the words, I stare vacantly at him. I feel both elated and crushed by his honesty. I'm not going to apologize for giving you a reason to live, but I'm sorry that you've had to hold back those
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feelings for so long. Don't apologize. It's my cross to bear. But still, the idea of it all finally stopping sounds so appetizing. Mark, as shown during the end of the previous section, is contemplating suicide, and unfortunately, it's something he has been considering for a
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while now. One document I wish to highlight is a transcription of a therapy session Mark attended. The transcript is dated as January 10th, 1964, a year after Joshua's death and almost 2 years before Gray arrived in New York City. The transcription is as
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follows. I'm I'm terrified of pain, doctor. It keeps me up at night, but I keep wondering what it would feel like to die, to just disappear. Maybe the pain would stop. It sounds like you're suggesting suicide. I'm too scared of the pain.
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Like I said, I'm not brave enough. I've looked into it. I I wanted to find the most painless option. You know, I'll have to inform medical professionals if I think you'll be a harm to yourself and others.
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Yes. I just thought about it, that's all. An innocent thought can be deadlier than any weapon, Lazarus. I'm going to be upping your dosage of TCA, and I recommend you abstain from any alcohol during this medical trial as well.
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I keep having the same dream. I'm at my own execution, looking up at the guillotine. I'm not scared, Doc. I eagerly lay my head down. And when the blade comes down, I'm still awake. My head lands in the basket and
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Joshua is there. He tries to talk to me. He asks me what I'm feeling as my mind starts to fade. I can't talk, but I can still think. And do you know what I'm thinking in my final moments?
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What? I was thinking about how relieved I was to finally be at [ __ ] peace. What are your two cents on that?
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Those with a guilty conscience often imagine themselves as being persecuted in their dreams. Do you feel you've done something wrong, Mr.
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Lazarus? No response from patient. Session ends with no scheduled follow-up date. Again, returning to the main plotline, we see that Mark's suicidality has escalated since this therapy session approximately 2 years ago.
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We know this because Gray has a nightmare that's potentially also a premonition during which a gunshot can be heard and Mark's face becomes disfigured. Later during the second trial, a blood pattern appears on the wall of Mark's apartment. Again, it's important to note
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that the second trial in particular is a nightmarish manifestation of Mark's apartment building and is heavily influenced by his psyche, as seen by the previously described doors with photos of Joshua. Mark himself exhibits troubling behaviors, such as when his mother calls
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and Mark laughs at the idea of there being a next month end quote. Throughout the second trial, Mark also displays a lack of self-preservation. Initially, before leaving his apartment during the second trial, Mark is convinced he is dreaming
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and holds a knife to his wrist, believing that harming himself in such a manner will awaken him. There isn't a moment when he considers that perhaps he's not dreaming and will unintentionally end his life, resulting in him needing to be stopped by Gray.
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Mark again behaves in a manner that indicates a lack of interest in surviving as he and Gray search for tools to help them escape. Several drawers and cupboards are covered by a strange material that resembles meat. Upon realizing that cutting the
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meat significantly hurts Mark, Mark expresses a willingness to push through the pain and continue cutting if Gray believes it's worth it.
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Gray, troubled by this, thinks to himself, "Why would he be so willing to hurt himself anyway?" End quote. Unfortunately, Mark's suicidality only seems to worsen as the plot progresses, and his stress becomes more difficult to manage. While driving
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upstate, Mark seems to reach a breaking point and endangers both his life and graze in a moment of volatility.
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The scene is as follows. A sudden swerve sends me falling back into my seat. [ __ ] What was that? What's the matter? He jerks the car to the left and I feel the seat belt dig into my
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stomach. Stop it. Why? So you can keep me alive just to live every night afraid for my life? We merge lanes and the car shakes as we cross over a patch of bumpy asphalt. My life isn't worth the hassle,
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Gray. Yes, it is. Not to mention, I'm in here, too. Hell, it's all a game, isn't it? He takes his hands off the wheel and floors it, sending us hurtling into the endless expanse of white before us.
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Nothing we do matters, so this should be fine right? You're [ __ ] crazy. I pushed him too hard. This is my fault. I make a feeble attempt to grab hold of the wheel, but the seat belt keeps me just out of reach. He starts
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laughing maniacally, tears streaming down his face. What are you going to do now, Virgil? You fat [ __ ] Please stop this. We both gasp as what looks like a solid wall of snow suddenly appears.
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Mark. I brace for impact. At this speed, it will be certain death. Mark can be seen smoking throughout the visual novel. The first time we see him smoke a cigarette occurs in the golden place at the very start of
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the game. He appears to smoke to cope with stress. As Mark himself says, quote, "The stress started to get to me.
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Haha." End quote. During the scene in which Mark and Gray drive upstate, Mark also smokes a significant amount of cigarettes. Even before leaving New York City due to traffic, Gray comments on how Mark has offered him a cigarette
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three times at this point. Mark continues to smoke even when the pair are outside of the city and no longer in traffic. He specifically lights a cigarette while expressing shame for his behavior and wondering whether or not he
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will improve. However, tobacco isn't the only substance that Mark seems to utilize. During Gray's second night within Mark's apartment, Mark opens a bottle of wine. After Gray speaks of Joshua and the events leading up to his death, Mark gulps the entire glass down
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end. Mark appears to become more inebriated due to the wine as the evening progresses. While getting drunk one evening may not necessarily be an issue in and of itself, I bring your attention back to the previously described therapy
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transcription. Mark's psychiatrist discusses upping the dosage of Mark's medication and specifically tells him to refrain from consuming alcohol while being on said medication.
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With this in mind, Mark's drinking becomes significantly more concerning as it could be preventing his psychiatric medication from working effectively and potentially causing harmful side effects. The final substance that Mark seems to utilize is cocaine. During the extra short story, Mark is going to meet
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Richard and some of the other secretly gay Princeton students. He rubs his nose, which is sensitive due to the cocaine he snorted earlier that day. He reflects on how it's more pleasant to use than coffee, and acts faster. Returning to the Simone route,
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we see Mark and Simone smoking marijuana together. Simone herself says that Mark first suggested harder stuff, end quote, but she was able to convince him to smoke marijuana instead.
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I assume that harder stuff is cocaine, but that is just an assumption. However, I feel safe in assuming as much due to a comment made by the front desk worker of Mark's apartment building. After the second trial, Mark
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and Gray enter the apartment building. Mark appears disheveled as he's only wearing his boxers and a bloody undershirt.
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The front desk worker says, "Sup with your shirt. Too much blow." End quote. Afterward, Gray asks about this comment. Mark says that this isn't the first time he's quote come home high and dry without all of my bearings. End
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quote. Mark's overall relationship with substances appears to be unhealthy. From my perspective, he frequently self-medicates in an effort to alter the state of his mood. When Mark is stressed, he smokes. After crying to Gray about Josh, he chugs wine. When he
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desires to feel energized, he consumes cocaine. I'm further inclined to believe this idea due to a line from the earlier car scene in which Mark himself says, "I can feel myself dying every second I'm not distracted and the distractions have
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become ineffective." End quote. Substances are unfortunately a quick go-to for many people when it comes to emotional distress. They're fast and can make you feel better very quickly.
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But eventually we develop tolerances and have to use substances at larger doses in order to receive the same effect.
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When I look at Mark's relationship with substances and his current life circumstances, I see someone whose quick fixes are no longer working.
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The root of his psychological pain has gone untreated for so long that it's grown in intensity and become more unmanageable even with the help of drugs.
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And so without the effectiveness of substances, Mark is left with very few alternatives. Overall, Mark doesn't seem to have many coping skills aside from abusing substances, and what few he does possess don't seem to be helping.
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In another fragment the player receives, we see an entry from Mark's journal dated December 20th, 1965. In it, Mark reveals he has been journaling per his psychiatrist's recommendation. However, it doesn't seem to be helping him. Mark says, quote, "All I feel is
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rage." End quote. It's worth noting that at the time of this entry, Mark's been journaling for at least a year. We know this because the other journal entry we receive is dated December 31st, 1964. This entry details his thoughts
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pertaining to New Year's Eve, and Mark appears to be experiencing a significant amount of sadness. He ends the journal entry by saying, quote, "At least the wine is good and plentiful. Cheers." end quote. To summarize, despite journaling for at least a year, Mark has gained no
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insight into his emotional distress, which only continues to become exacerbated as time progresses. The only other coping mechanism I can identify is that of breathing. While searching his boss's office during the second trial, Mark speaks with Gray, saying how much he
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dislikes Mr. Charleston. As he expresses such disapproval, Mark's fists begin to tremble. Gray gently squeezes Mark's fist and suggests Mark take a breath.
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Mark does so, breathing in and out a few times slowly. Afterward, he thanks Gray, and his mood seems to be less aggressive.
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The first and foremost concern of mine as a clinician is Mark's suicidal thoughts. For treatment, I would want to explicitly evaluate his suicidality. I would do so by utilizing the accompanying chart and go through each question with Mark. As previously
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described, Mark explicitly wishes he was dead and has even researched suicide methods, expressing a desire to die and to do so in a painless way. So, he immediately ticks the two yellow, one orange, and two red boxes on
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this chart. This brings us to the sixth and final question. Have you ever done anything, started to do anything, or prepared to do anything to end your life? Examples of qualifying behaviors would be obtaining a gun, writing a
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suicide note, or going to a building rooftop with the intention of jumping. Based on Mark's behavior at the end of the driving scene, where he is erratically swerving and speeding as he declares nothing matters, I'm inclined to check yes on this box as well.
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So, in total, Mark checks every box on this form and appears to be at high risk of attempting suicide. Because of this, I would immediately collaborate with him on creating a safety plan. A safety plan is an agreement between a client and a
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clinician in which the client agrees to a list of behaviors to engage in when experiencing suicidal desires. Now, agreeing to not commit suicide in and of itself isn't helpful.
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But what can be helpful is the list portion of the safety plan. These lists include things such as warning signs that the client can be on the lookout for and potential behaviors to perform in an effort to keep their
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suicidal thoughts and desires from escalating. Another component of the safety plan is identifying comforting environments and individuals within someone's support network. Regarding warning signs, I would list crying, heavy drug usage, and thoughts of death.
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This takes us to social settings that can provide Mark with distraction. Mark's pattern of selfisolating within his apartment plays such a crucial role in his distress and prevents him from ever being able to improve. So, it's important to identify
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locations he can go to, preferably where others are present. With Mark, I would identify a restaurant he enjoys. As Mark expresses knowledge of many restaurants early on in his route while showing Gray around the city given his love of art, I
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also believe identifying a museum would be a good idea, but not the MoMA due to both that being his work site and the upsetting interactions he experiences with his co-workers such as Mr.
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Charleston. This leads me to the final section of this safety plan, which involves identifying people he can ask for help. Unfortunately, I can only confidently put one person in this section due to Mark's selfisolating behaviors, and that's Gray. Gray is the
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only person that can be placed here due to Mark often experiencing distress when interacting with his co-workers and his low opinion of his parents.
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However, just having one person he can turn to in his life during a time of crisis can make all of the difference in the world. And even then, there are resources listed below this section pertaining to the suiciderevention
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hotline and emergency services if Gray can't be contacted. People and places such a vital role in our lives. So much so that we often don't think about them when we need them most. And having a written reminder like
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this can help direct us toward them during times of need. While Gray can be a source of support for him, Mark needs to also be a source of support for the possum. He can do so by being a
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respectful and accountable romantic partner. The relationship simply won't be healthy or potentially last for very long if Mark doesn't cease his manipulative and disrespectful behaviors toward Gray.
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Firstly, I feel it would be important to help Mark identify his abusive behaviors. After all, you can't change a behavior if you're not aware you're doing it in the first place. I would want to first start with discussing the occasions in which he's
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used physical force to control Gray. The first example of this is when Gray goes to open Mark's sex drawer in the second trial and Mark grabs his arm. Another example of this would be later in the trial when Gray goes to
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open the door carrying a painting that depicts the subway where Joshua died, but is again grabbed by Mark and forced to stop.
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The second type of abusive behavior I would want to bring to Mark's attention is how he attempts to control Gray through verbal means. The most prominent example of this would be when Mark frequently calls Gray on the phone while
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at work, a behavior utilized to keep Gray isolated within Mark's apartment. Such a behavior stresses Gray out and even instills within Mark his own feelings of stress, such as when Gray doesn't initially answer the phone despite still being in the
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apartment. I would also wish to highlight Mark's utilization of yelling during interactions with Gray, which he relies on when experiencing anger or stress. But why? Why all the yelling, grabbing, and frequent phone calls in the first place?
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Why does Mark benefit from having Gray under his control? Well, that's just it. When Gray obeys, Mark is in control. Now, feeling in control isn't inherently a bad thing.
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It feels good to have control over certain elements of our lives, such as our finances and even our homes. However, Mark is currently dissatisfied with his life. From his lack of purpose to the death of Joshua, Mark appears to feel as though he is
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powerless. But with Gray, Mark doesn't have to worry about all of those things. Mark achieves a sense of purpose through enacting an ideal relationship he has created in his own head. When he is able to coersse Gray into behaving in certain
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manners, he's living out a fantasy of his own making. No loneliness, no grief. He has someone. He has Joshua back. After helping Mark understand such motivations, I would want to assist him in becoming a more supportive romantic partner. Mark needs to respect Gray as
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an individual, not an idea or a means to achieve his own fantasies. Gray needs to be gray and more importantly Mark needs to allow room for the possum to be an equal in the relationship. John Gottman is a
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psychologist most famous for his work pertaining to romantic relationships. While I won't necessarily be covering all of his work, which is quite extensive, I want to focus on one particular concept of his in my work with Mark. One of Gottman's most famous
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ideas is that of the four horsemen. The idea highlights four behaviors that are significantly detrimental to relationships. These behaviors are criticism contempt defensiveness and stonewalling.
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Now, while the case could probably be made for criticism and contempt, I perceive defensiveness and stonewalling to be much more apparent in Mark's treatment of Gray. Regarding defensiveness, I again highlight the first night Mark and Gray spend together. When Gray attempts to
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ask why Mark is allowing him to stay in the apartment, Mark stumbles over his words, saying Gray just looked like he needed help. But when Gray tries to receive a more clear answer about why Mark isn't helping some other random
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homeless person, Mark's mouth begins twitching and he makes an evasive comment about other homeless men needing quote professional help. End quote.
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Again, as Gray continues to try to better understand his motivations, Mark goes on the defensive. He says, quote, "Trust me. What have I done?" end quote and then proceeds to list all of the things that Gray could do to harm him.
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Now, regarding stonewalling, Mark does this frequently during the second trial, especially during the sections when he provides Gray with one-worded responses and grunts. Mark again behaves this way while the two are driving out of New York City and Mark's stress is
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rising. But what is Mark supposed to do regarding these two behaviors? Well, I'm glad you asked. Regarding defensiveness, it's important that Mark treats Gray with honesty. Rather than evade Gray's initial questions or concerns with vague statements or proceed to react with
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aggression, Mark can answer Gray's questions directly. For instance, rather than say, "Trust me, what have I done?" and list all of the ways Gray can hurt him. Mark can instead say, "I wanted to help you because I was reminded of my brother who
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used to be homeless." Now, concerning stonewalling, Mark needs to know when he is unable to engage in a healthy conversation during periods of high stress or high anger. Talking about our relationships is healthy, but there are ideal times
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and places to do it. For instance, having a discussion about the state of your romantic relationship is going to vary drastically in terms of quality if you have it at 2 a.m. versus 200 p.m. And so with Mark, I would want to
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engage him in role play. Specifically, I would want him to rehearse the act of pausing conversations and scheduling them for a later time with me during sessions. Through roleplaying, I, as his therapist, would encourage him to use language that resembles phrases such as,
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"Gray, I'm feeling really stressed right now. Can we speak about this later today when I'm in a better headsp space?" I would also encourage Mark to engage in breathing exercises.
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Such a behavior appears to ground him. And engaging in breathing exercises prior to a distressing conversation could potentially make a difference in how productive a conversation with Gray can be for Mark. In regard to both reducing the frequency of his stonewalling and
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defensive behaviors, I would continue engaging Mark in role playing over the course of several sessions.
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Doing so over time would ideally result in him implementing such language in his interactions with Gray more frequently. However, I would preface such role plays with reminding Mark that changing these behaviors will take time and that it may be difficult for him to
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use such language early on when he first attempts to do so. I would explicitly state this in an effort to keep Mark from becoming discouraged and prematurely giving up after one or two attempts. I would want to discuss the
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topic of boundaries with Mark. I would explore with him his ideal boundaries as well as what Gray's potential boundaries are. Firstly, I would explore Mark's own desires pertaining to his relationship with Gray. Questions pertaining to this matter would involve, "How much time do
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you want to spend with Gray?" "How frequently do you want to communicate with Gray when you're apart?" "How do you want to contribute to the relationship in terms of finances?" I would then explore Mark's reasons for whatever answers he provides to these
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questions. Next, I would want to rephrase these questions for Mark in regard to Gray. I would like to phrase them by saying, "How much time does Gray want to spend with you?" How often does Gray want to communicate when you're
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apart? How does Gray want to financially contribute to this relationship? Addressing the topic of boundaries in this manner serves two purposes. One, it assists Mark in understanding his own desires as a romantic partner.
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Two, it invites Mark to think of Gray as an equal in the relationship. I would want Mark to explicitly define what he wants so that he is better prepared to discuss his desires with Gray. But I would also want
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him to treat Gray as well, Gray, not a means to an end, not a canvas on which Mark can project his own fantasies. Gray can just be Gray, not Joshua. And through doing so, I hope that Mark begins to treat Gray with respect, which
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ideally would reduce the frequency of his controlling behaviors. Finally, I would like to teach Mark a technique often used in dialectical behavioral therapy.
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Dialectical behavioral therapy is a form of therapy that quote focuses on helping people accept the reality of their lives and their behaviors as well as helping them learn to change their lives, including their unhelpful behaviors end quote. This specific modality is helpful
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with individuals who experience intense emotions and struggle with regulating them, such as people with borderline personality disorder.
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Now the specific DBT exercise I would want to utilize in Mark's treatment is called dear man. The idea behind dear man is to communicate effectively and without disrespecting others. The acronym stands for describe, express, assert reinforce mindfulness appear
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confident, and negotiate. Now, for Mark's treatment, let's pick a specific situation that causes him distress. Particularly, let's focus on Mark's discussion with Gray while the two are driving out of New York City.
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Tension at this point in the story is high, and it's impacting Mark's ability to communicate with Gray in a neutral manner. For describe, Mark could write, "I don't know what's going on with Virgil or his trials.
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For express, Mark could write, "I felt afraid when we were in the last trial. I feel stressed and frustrated now as we drive." For assert, Mark could write, "I need time to process my own thoughts and emotions while we drive. So, for a
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portion of our travel, I'll need some silence. After that, we can talk." For reinforce, Mark could write, "I appreciate your understanding." For mindfulness, Mark could write, "I would like time to process my feelings and thoughts in silence before we discuss our
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relationship." For appear confident, Mark could write, "Make eye contact with Gray while at a stoplight or in traffic.
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Don't smoke cigarettes so frequently." for negotiate. Mark could write, "I'll process some of my ideas regarding Virgil's trials and our relationship in silence, but when that silence is done, I'll need your thoughts. Would you be willing to talk about these things
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during the second half of our drive?" Like with any skill, I imagine it will take Mark several tries to get used to Dear Man. However, successfully doing so can not only help his interactions with Gray, but also his
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interactions with others. Mark can establish healthier communication patterns and also add enriching relationships to his life. I would like to help Mark better understand what grief is. According to the University of British Columbia, grief, quote, can encompass all kinds of
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losses. The loss of a significant relationship, the loss of one's home, the loss of health, independence, role, job, etc. Essentially, grief can spring from any major life transition. End quote. By providing this definition, I would want to normalize Mark's feelings
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of grief for Joshua. I would want to do so because there is a lot of shame regarding his relationship with Joshua and Joshua's death. And so I believe through normalizing his grief, I can give Mark enough comfort to move on.
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When I look at his relationship with his brother, Mark seems trapped in this pattern of self- beratement. From his sexual and romantic feelings for his brother to his brother's death, Mark is stuck.
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And while I don't want to encourage or condone what I perceive to be grooming behaviors in his relationship with Joshua, I do want Mark to come to terms with his grief, which combined with his feelings of shame seem to be holding him
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back from self-improvement. And so, after sharing this definition of grief with Mark, I would ask him for his opinion on it, as well as whether or not it aligns with his own personal feelings of grief. I would also highlight how I perceive his
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grief to be harming him, such as giving him low energy and causing him to experience the forgetfulness he describes to Gray while the two are driving. To further illustrate this point, I would highlight how skewed Mark's approach to grief is. It's
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perfectly normal to cry or to want to keep a possession of a dead loved one.
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However, Mark has actively avoided performing behaviors that allow him to move on. In fact, Mark has actively paralyzed himself through both his selfisolation and his attempts at recreating the relationship he had with Joshua, but with Gray. And so, I would like to ask him
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more about his life before Joshua died. Who were these friends that Mark isolated himself from? What was it like to have more energy, to remember things with greater detail? I would ask these questions in an effort to motivate Mark to return to
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his previous functioning, to try to engage in habits and social relationships that previously gave his life meaning. I would want him to remember that there was purpose in his life before the death of Joshua. and that there can be
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again. Now, in terms of assisting Mark in grieving Joshua, I would explore the idea of a grief ritual with Mark. In my Casius video, I explored the idea of a letterw writing exercise as a means of resolving Casius's grief.
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However, due to the lack of success Mark has achieved with journaling, I don't believe a letterw writing exercise would be effective regarding his treatment. In the future, I would bring up the idea of attending a grief group therapy, but not
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early on as Mark first attends individual therapy sessions with me. Mark is currently struggling with socialization, so such a possibility is probably best explored at a later time when he doesn't rely on selfisolation so frequently. Another reason why I'm
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choosing this as a means of processing his grief is because of Mark's decision to hold on to the photo of Joshua, which I believe could be an important component in his potential grief ritual.
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So, what is a grief ritual? Again, the University of British Columbia defines it as a ritual that quote can help maintain a bond with what has been lost and provide an opportunity for reflecting on how to go forward. Your grief ritual should be
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unique to your loss beliefs, cultures, and preferences." End quote. Going further, the process of engaging in a grief ritual contains five steps which are choose a meaningful object, make it sacred, incorporate movement, interact with the chosen object, create
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closure, and repeat. We already have identified the photo of Joshua as a meaningful object. But what about the other four steps in regard to making it sacred?
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It's important to distinguish Mark's engagement with the photo. Currently, it's locked away in his sex drawer. Because of this, I would explore the idea of framing the photo and hanging it on the wall, as doing so is typically seen as a way of honoring
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someone's memory, unlike keeping their photo locked away in the dark. For incorporating movement, Mark can travel to a place that holds significance in his memories of Joshua, such as a restaurant he had taken Joshua to. He could also go to a game at Yankee
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Stadium, which if my previously mentioned assumption about the monster is correct, Mark once promised to take Joshua to. I emphasize this point because of Mark's selfisolating behaviors.
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Being alone can be beneficial and even necessary at times, but Mark has spent so much time alone and cut off from the world that it's made his grief and overall distress more difficult to manage. Now, as far as interacting with
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the photo itself is concerned, I would explore the ideas of lighting candles beside the photo whenever he thinks of Joshua or even speaking to the photo as if it were Joshua. Similarly to how some individuals speak to deceased loved ones
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while in the presence of said loved ones graves. Finally, there's the matter of creating closure. After interacting with the photo, I would explore what ending this grief ritual looks like. Would Mark want to say goodbye to Joshua before
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returning to his daily routine? Would Mark want to say he will talk to Joshua later?
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Whatever the case may be, it's important that Mark chooses something that is particular to him. In actively making this choice for himself, Mark ideally will remind himself of his ability to step away from his grief. Whatever form of closure Mark
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chooses to incorporate into his grief ritual, I hope it would instill within him feelings of control over his own life again.
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Mark doesn't seem to care about himself, even appearing to maintain a negative opinion of his own character. The only self-v valueue he seems to possess stems from his physical possessions, which he was willing to fight a homeless man for when
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threatened. As many people with low self-esteem do, Mark often falls into the trappings of all or nothing thinking, which is when someone casts things in extremes. It seems there are only two ways things can be. This kind of thinking makes it easy
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to believe there is no flexibility or ambiguity in a situation. One example of this can be seen after the sex scene with Gray in the woods. Mark verbalizes his thoughts toward living in New York City. Gray raises concerns, sharing that he
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believes Mark is unhappy in the city and that remaining there is quote unquote killing him. Mark proceeds to resist the idea of moving out to the countryside with Gray. With his eyes becoming red and misty, Mark says, quote, "But that would
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mean I failed. I don't want my entire life to be mistake after mistake. I want to actually succeed at something." End quote. In initially addressing Mark's low self-esteem, I would want to first utilize Socratic questioning, specifically in regard to this idea of
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having to remain in New York City in order to be successful. Conducting Socratic questioning with Mark means challenging this all or nothing belief he has and potentially assisting him in developing more neutral and less painful beliefs about himself. Conducting Socratic questioning
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would entail me asking questions such as what makes you think the thought is true? What's another way to look at this? If the worst happens, what could you do then?
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What's the best that could happen? What will probably happen? What would you tell Gray if he shared a similar thought about himself? Circling back to his post sex conversation with Gray, Mark at one point reflects upon the pair's
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relationship thus far. He says, quote, "It takes being around a genuinely empathetic guy like you to help me realize how selfish I've been." End quote. Mark then says that Gray has inspired him to lead a life worth living. As his therapist, I would want
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to help Mark define what that last phrase means, a life worth living. Firstly, I would like to explore several potential values that Mark may admire and wish to incorporate into his daily life. These can include values such as
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honesty, fairness, loyalty, and many others. While going through the list, I would want to ask which of these values resonate with Mark, why, and what they mean to him. I would then explore how present or absent they are from his
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current life as well as explore how to further incorporate these values into his behavior. The next task I would like to do regarding Mark living a life worth living is assist him in defining goals.
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Given statements he makes throughout the visual novel. I believe that Mark could benefit from this chart. Using this chart, I would assist Mark in defining these four domains.
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what he hopes to achieve regarding them and where he currently stands in terms of progress. I believe that conducting this exercise would provide him with direction and also provide him with a sense of motivation as he can see both
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the progress he has made and the progress he desires to make more clearly. I'd like to talk about the final piece of Mark's treatment plan now selflove.
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Those of you more keen viewers may still be remembering something I said several sections ago, specifically when I alluded to my reason for making this video prior to the section regarding Mark's overall mood. Selflove for many people feels
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impossible. It's something I've struggled with for a great deal of my life. I'm struggling with just talking about it right now.
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I used to have a lot of self-hatred, a lot of shame. Even now, there are days when I fall back into those habits, especially when I'm alone or have finished a difficult day. The mind is like a muscle. After
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all, it's because of this history of self-hatred that I'm able to empathize with Mark, doing so in a way I've never been able to with Leo from Echko. While I haven't done the things Mark has in my own life, I remember what
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it's like to have one's own identity buried under all of the muck that is self-hatred. It's blinding. It's heavy, too. I mention this because I believe Mark would resist the idea of practicing self-love and even struggle with identifying positive characteristics
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about himself. I doubt he'd even listen to any of the admirable qualities I could list that I see in him, such as intelligence creativity and independence. But it wouldn't surprise me if Mark, like some clients, became defensive as I attempted to engage him
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in this manner. I imagine he would then proceed to ask what it is I like about myself in an act of defiance.
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Upon being asked that, I would say I'm analytical friendly and hardworking. Even saying these things now is hard. It might always be hard for all I know. But what I do know is that you can't hate yourself into a version you
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want to be. Believe me, I tried for so many years, and all it did was hurt me and those around me. To emphasize this sentiment in Mark's treatment, I would explore the idea of core beliefs and how they impact
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our behavior. Now, core beliefs are beliefs we have about ourselves and the world around us. I would explore Mark's core beliefs of himself, specifically beliefs he is unlovable and that others are better off away from him, which appear to be exacerbating his issues. I
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would explore how even a simple belief such as I am not worthy can impact his daily behavior and thoughts versus how believing I am worthy can. After identifying Mark's core beliefs regarding himself, which may be among some of the ones listed here, I
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would explore the possibility that some of these beliefs aren't true. I would then explicitly ask him whether or not there was any evidence to the contrary of certain beliefs. For example, let's say Mark does believe I'm abnormal in
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regard to his sexuality. It seems likely given the judgmental language he uses in the extra short story toward himself and his kinks. Pieces of evidence that contradict this core belief that come to mind are the queer men Mark has engaged
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while in New York City that he told Gray about Gray's sexuality and the alignment of his kinks with those of Marks and the Princeton boys that Mark sexually engaged back in college. I want to normalize Mark's view of his own sexuality in general, as
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there does seem to be a significant amount of shame there regarding being gay and enjoying certain kinks. I'm also choosing to challenge the core beliefs he has regarding his sexuality because from my perspective, such beliefs are the easiest ones to
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challenge. Through challenging the beliefs regarding his sexuality, I would want to open the door to Mark questioning other beliefs about himself, such as his belief that his only worth stems from his money and possessions. In that line of thinking, I
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would highlight how Gray does hold positive opinions of Mark that do not purely stem from his money or his apartment. I believe this exercise would be difficult for Mark, but after assisting him in not viewing his identity as a gay or kinky man as
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abnormal, it would ideally become easier to make progress on accepting himself in other areas. He's viewed himself with judgment for so long that he doesn't seem to believe there can ever be any other way of viewing himself.
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And sure, there are things he has done that were shameful, such as grooming his brother and attempting to do so with Gray, but I would remind him that he can't undo his past behaviors. All he can do is not perform them now or in the
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future. He doesn't have to continue mistreating others or hating himself. That's what I see when I look at Mark. someone so used to self-hatred that he struggles to find another way to improve his life. It's always been there, it seems, even back in his
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college days when he would refer to himself as disgusting in regard to his sexuality. I would want him to know that even if you're not living up to your ideals, even if you carry so much self-hatred for yourself, it doesn't
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always have to be that way. It's okay not to hate yourself. In fact, it's healthy. Life feels easier when you accept yourself. You tend not to repeat the same shameinducing mistakes over and over. You can feel so much
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lighter. I know I do. And I would hope that by taking this simple step in identifying positive qualities about himself and challenging the negative beliefs he holds, Mark can begin to change for the better. There's a beautiful scene after
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Mark and Gray first arrive upstate. Mark is shaken up after almost killing them both due to his erratic driving.
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But Gray is still behaving normally, more normal than Mark can believe. Mark tries to question him, to ask how Gray can be so well put together in this moment after the danger they just endured. To this question, Gray says,
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quote, "I'd like to keep surviving, so I keep moving." end quote. Mark apologizes, but Gray tells him not to be sorry. Instead, he tells Mark to quote, "Just keep moving." End quote. Gray then internally thinks to himself, "I'll prove him wrong. He is worth
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saving." I can't make him feel better. He has to believe it for himself. End quote.
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That is what I want Mark to walk away from treatment with. The knowledge that he can feel better. He can live a life he is proud of. It will be difficult and it will take a significant amount of effort and
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time. But he has to keep moving. Moving away from grief, selfisolation and shame. But that in of itself isn't enough.
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Mark, in addition to leaving these things behind, has to move toward respecting Gray as a romantic partner and improving the relationship he maintains with [Music] himself. Thank you all for watching. As always, I really do appreciate your time
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and your comments. Links to resources are in the description of the video. I hope you all have a great day.
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[Music] [Music]
Topics:psychologyself-loathingmental healththerapyvisual novelBurroughsMarktraumadialectical behavioral therapycharacter analysis
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