Speaker A
This is parkour, internet sensation of 2004, and it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible. So technically, they are doing parkour as long as point
Lost footage from The Office Season 6 featuring humorous office antics, wedding plans, and quirky character moments.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
Generated from the transcript and can be wrong — check the timestamp.
Key Takeaways
- The Office's humor often derives from everyday office situations exaggerated for comedic effect.
- Character relationships and personal stories, such as Pam and Jim's wedding, add emotional depth to the comedy.
- Michael Scott's leadership style is both chaotic and endearing, driving much of the show's humor.
- The show balances workplace satire with genuine moments of friendship and support among employees.
- Lost footage offers fans additional insight into the characters' personalities and office culture.
What the video covers
- The video showcases various comedic scenes from The Office Season 6, including a parkour stunt parody.
- Characters engage in typical office banter, including discussions about interns, work responsibilities, and office dynamics.
- Michael Scott's humorous management style and interactions with staff are highlighted.
- Pam and Jim's wedding preparations and related office reactions are a key subplot.
- The video includes references to office pranks, misunderstandings, and character quirks like Dwight's note passing service.
- There are moments of character development, such as Pam's wedding video diary and Michael's reflections on work.
- The footage captures the mix of personal and professional life in the Dunder Mifflin office.
- The transcript reveals the show's signature dry humor and awkward social interactions.
- The video also touches on themes like office loyalty, friendship, and the challenges of workplace communication.
- Overall, the footage provides a nostalgic and entertaining glimpse into the daily lives of The Office characters.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
A is delusion and point B is the hospital. Parkour. [groaning] Parkour. Yeah. [screaming] Here we go.
Speaker A
Do me. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. [screaming] Get off. Get off. Okay. Got it. Yeah. Get me. Get me. Get me. Here we go. Here we go.
Speaker A
[screaming] Go upstairs. Jump over the camera. Jump over the camera. Woo! Ah, [ __ ] off.
Speaker A
[panting] [panting] Okay, break's over. Let's go. Parkour. There is this phrase, out of the loop, and for the longest time, I didn't know what it meant and I do now and I kind of, but I wish that I didn't.
Speaker A
Hey, can you make uh 20 copies of these? You know you're not supposed to talk to me.
Speaker A
It's not like I had them dig a ditch or anything. I simply had them go to the bank, get out a couple hundred pennies, and search for old rare coins. They found one worth almost $7. So, it was
Speaker A
definitely no worse than Dwight's note passing service. It was an inter-office messaging system.
Speaker A
It worked quite well for a while, and ultimately it couldn't compete with computer IMing, which apparently has a stranglehold on the whole instant messaging market.
Speaker A
Ael Angoria needs to be on Desperate Housewives more. I feel like they won't let her act because she's hot and it's just not fair. God, I have to get a TV.
Speaker A
Kelly, shouldn't you be working? I am working. Fine, Michael. Fine. She's sweet. Yeah, she's my best friend here.
Speaker A
Sometimes she's the only person who talks to me all day. Oh, sweet. Yeah, good friends. Too bad about her eating disorder.
Speaker A
Kelly has an eating disorder. Yeah, she always eats my lunch. Anorexia. She's an... She's an anorexic.
Speaker A
We should do something. Nothing could be done. Just have to tell everybody and hope for the best, I guess.
Speaker A
Does it say thank you for all your hard work this summer? Yep. Cool. My mom will love it.
Speaker A
Great. And you got the three candles. [snorts] Oh. Um, um, man, we spaced on the candles.
Speaker A
Really? I gave you two things to do and you spaced on one of them.
Speaker A
What if I said to you, "Duck because a wrecking ball is coming towards your head and jump because a sword was going to cut your feet off," and you spaced on one of them? Oh, hey, Pam. Did you finish teaching
Speaker A
the interns the wrecking ball low sword defense? Yeah, sure did. So, they wouldn't need anyone calling out a warning or no, they'd know exactly what to do.
Speaker A
Great. Thanks. There's no defense for that. Is there a defense for that? We're sorry.
Speaker A
Sorry, sir. Well, sorry is not good enough 'cause you know what? The cake was for you anyway, idiots. So enjoy it without your candles. [clears throat] Seriously, what is the defense for that?
Speaker A
Thanks for everything. There must be 40 folds in this thing. 40 folds. Can't believe I wasted so much time and energy on these interns. Their generation could never fight in a war. I have never fought in a war, but I could.
Speaker A
Specifically, the Boer War in South Africa. That feels like a war that would suit me just fine.
Speaker A
Iraq and Afghanistan. Mm—too much hummus. Bill Seidman from Buffalo. Thank you. Aeromedical supplies in West Saka.
Speaker A
Thanks. And Angela is still waiting for you to approve new... You know what? If you're going to keep coming in here with work that I need to do, I'm going to need a new monitor.
Speaker A
It's not working. Hey, Michael. Yes, I do want the Buffalo clients under new accounts or existing. I've been doing some of both.
Speaker A
Everybody wants [snorts] a piece of me. Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch, which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you, there has been work every day. I had to come in on a Saturday to retrieve. I left my cell phone here.
Speaker A
So, Michael, how are you handling the Buffalo transition on your end? Great. On my end. How about your end?
Speaker A
Well, I think we're on the same end, Michael. Then why did you say your end?
Speaker A
Let me be more specific. How are you personally handling the increase in responsibility? Well, I will tell you, David, I'm either doing the work or I'm not.
Speaker A
So, are you doing the work? Marie didn't weep. Michael, if you need us to help you with anything, you just let me know. Okay, I'm good. I have got a lot of balls in the air.
Speaker A
If I wanted to be in the business of giving people bad news, I would have become a coroner or an anchorman. But I got into this industry because I wanted to give people good news. Like your paper is on its way. Yes, we have that
Speaker A
in stock. It's lunchtime. Hi, Phyllis. Hi. I haven't received your RSVP card for the wedding and I was just... I'm about to sneeze.
Speaker A
[laughter] [panting] We invited everyone in the office to our wedding even though we realized most people wouldn't be able to make the drive to Niagara Falls, which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls.
Speaker A
Then Michael told everyone they could have Friday and Monday off if they came. So now people have to decide if they want to come to our wedding or have to work.
Speaker A
[sighs] Nothing. It's going to be a doozy though. Now I feel weird. So, do you think you and Bob can make it to the wedding?
Speaker A
Would you wait a second? Sure. Do you need a Kleenex or something? Hey, who here's going to Pam and Jim's wedding?
Speaker A
Um, for now, count me in. Thanks, Phyllis. I can always tell when somebody's lying.
Speaker A
I just need to know two things. What the person is saying and what the truth is. And if those things are different, that person's lying. I know what Pam said.
Speaker A
Now, all I need to know is what the truth is. Don't you find it interesting that the one place in the whole warehouse that isn't covered by security cameras is the place where he fell?
Speaker A
It's where the three-hole punch paper is. Well, we did a little investigation and quite had a good point. The ladder didn't reach the top shelf. I don't know if I believe it, but I am a fan of the
Speaker A
hard-boiled detective novel. I'll punch you in the mush. See? Oh, for white. Would you put down the binoculars? They're really conspicuous.
Speaker A
They're camouflage. No one can see them. I can see them. Well, you know where to look.
Speaker A
Just if a deer can't see these binoculars, then Daryl can't. Okay. The deer doesn't know what they are.
Speaker A
Hello world. This is Pam Beesly and this is the latest installment of my wedding video diary.
Speaker A
This afternoon, my fiancée Jim and I are going to Niagara Falls to get married after a half day of work.
Speaker A
Woohoo! I'm getting my marriage on. Sorry, I'm just really excited. Okay, so let's see. Um, last time I talked about the difficulties of throwing a wedding on a budget, specifically flower arrangements.
Speaker A
My solution, paper flowers. I made these using a regular cardstock that I found in the warehouse. Can you believe they were going to just throw that away?
Speaker A
Hey, babe. Hey, babe. You got to let me know when you're doing that. I know this place.
Speaker A
It was home base when I ran cigarettes over the border. For who? Mobsters? I never knew. The balloon went in, the balloon came out. I didn't think to ask.
Speaker A
It was kind of crazy. You know what I mean? You should have seen her face. Well, [laughter] that's true. But you're in trouble.
Speaker A
Oh, just a little bit. [laughter] I just... I wanted to tell you I... You really spiked that toast.
Speaker A
What? You really... You... That toast, you spiked it. Is that an... Is that an expression or... It's a volleyball term. I study volleyball. Sort of a fan.
Speaker A
Are you... You're Pam's boss, right? One and the same. [laughter] Okay. Um, Percy, how are you?
Speaker A
Hey, look beautiful. Thank you. Good to see you and everything. Um, brisket for breakfast.
Speaker A
It's really on the brink of going rotten. Got to wolf it down. Man, doesn't it seem like Jim and Pam have been gone forever?
Speaker A
Who gives a crap? Oh, I'm just saying it's great that she has so much time off. It's unusual.
Speaker A
Are you trying to get her in trouble? Not at all. She totally deserves time off for her honeymoon and then I guess for her maternity leave after that.
Speaker A
Teacher. Teacher. Pam hasn't been in class this week. Backstabbing a pregnant woman. No, I
Speaker A
Meredith, I saw your son's tag on the bridge. Wow, he's so great with a spray can.
Speaker A
Look, you're never going to be Pam. We're always going to like her more. Deal with it.
Speaker A
Listen, Aaron, it's probably best if people don't ask about other people's vacation dates. Oh gosh. Is this because of what I said to Stanley and Meredith about Pam?
Speaker A
I know you've made your differences. No, we haven't. No, she barely talks to me. Aaron, so we're clear.
Speaker A
Yeah, for some reason, everyone seems to think that I have a beef with Pam, which couldn't be further from the truth. I've never had a beef with anyone. I've liked every single person I've ever met.
Speaker A
Hello, Pam. It's Aaron. How's your honeymoon, Aaron? You are so awesome. I resent you. I didn't know I was going to say that, but maybe it's true. It's just you have it so good, and you knew this job so well,
Speaker A
and I live in your shadow. Aaron, anyway, you should just be flattered. Aaron, please do not call me. And please tell everyone else to do the same.
Speaker A
Okay. I'd love to take you out to lunch when you get back and maybe pick your brain about the job.
Speaker A
Fine. Great. It's a date. There's something you don't know about me. I hate the mafia.
Speaker A
What do you think? I think you're right. Definitely looks suspicious. and his southern Italian heritage raises some flags.
Speaker A
It's not wrong to use all the facts at your disposal when assessing a situation. If you're interviewing a suspect in a stabbing, it's okay to ask them if they're right or left-handed.
Speaker A
And if they're left-handed, doesn't mean they're guilty. Although left-handed people do stab people to a disproportionately high degree, my guess is he's your man.
Speaker A
You shouldn't judge based on appearance. If anything, people are usually the opposite of how they look. Like cute, pretty people are usually horrible.
Speaker A
Really? Well, I don't like this guy. I think he's fishy. Boy Scouts, please. Their training is laughable. And how stupid is it to have a badge that tells the world what you know how to do, tells me exactly what
Speaker A
you can't do. Now, a Navy Seal, one of them alone, could take out a whole fleet of Boy Scouts.
Speaker A
There's your merit badge. You know, growing up, we had a Puerto Rican housekeeper and uh she wrote this really pretty song about her family. We just sang it like every day.
Speaker A
You don't speak any Spanish, do you? No, I don't. There's an egg on your head and the yolk is running down. The yolk is running down. There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down.
Speaker A
Sleeping with Pam's mom sometimes dinner. Blood is gushing down. The blood is gushing down.
Speaker A
You know, I really would have appreciated a heads up that you were into dating mothers. I would have introduced you to mine. Come on, look at her hands.
Speaker A
I'd like to see Pam's mom crush her own applesauce. Um, I'm not sure if people got my email or not cuz no one responded, but there's some delicious cocoa leche up here courtesy of the Halberts.
Speaker A
Well, then more for me. So, anyway, if you want some, it's here. Aaron, you don't need to make announcements about the candy. Just leave it on your desk and Kevin will leave it. There will be no more announcements.
Speaker A
They're going fast. I have a lot of experience with bullies. Whenever I started a new school, I would know who they all were by the end of the first day. And make no mistake, Pam is a bully. And she is the worst kind of
Speaker A
bully. A girl bully. You need to talk to your wife. Nope. You need to either make her understand or you need to fire her. I will not work under these conditions.
Speaker A
I'm Switzerland. Well, I'm Michaelville. I need you to side with me on this. You're the boss. Everybody here considers you to be the boss more than me.
Speaker A
Oh, that's crazy because you've been the boss way longer. So, you've dealt with situations just like this dozens of times.
Speaker A
I think that you can solve this because I am not that smart. Toilet guard, golden ticket, you're a creative mastermind.
Speaker A
You have a relationship with Pam. You know her better than I do. Michael, you know Pam way better than I do.
Speaker A
That's only partially true. I am an idiot. You're brilliant, man. You You know what?
Speaker A
I wouldn't even know where to start. Michael, you are an excellent moderator, boss, friend.
Speaker A
You are the greatest light of hand magician I've ever seen. You're the man for the job. That's why you were promoted.
Speaker A
I can't lie anymore. You're a genius. Well, okay. All right. Stupid wedding. If I had known the outcome, I would have stopped at third base.
Speaker A
Between sleeping with one boss and having her mother service the other boss, looks like somebody's poised for a promotion.
Speaker A
[snorts] Well, we could just skip the restaurant. Come right over. I just scored a bottle of rum. Mhm. A little rum for my lady's tummy tum tum. It's got a parrot on it.
Speaker A
No, I don't know what that means either. No man is at their best when they're fighting against no one. My great-grandfather was a boxer, but he was so light they had to create a special weight class for him called
Speaker A
balsa weight. For 20 years, no one challenged him. On the 21st year, he was challenged by a rooster, but he no longer had the skills.
Speaker A
Some say he threw the fight. Andy got us tacos. The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco, I get too excited and I crush it.
Speaker A
Pimero taco. Thank you. Hey, you still owe me. Well, no one owes me anything. This lunch was my pleasure. Andy is ruining my plan. Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy to entirely remake my image over
Speaker A
the course of one morning with nothing but a tray of bagels, but I never saw this coming. A scrapbook of our first memories by Michael Gary Scott for my girlfriend Helen on your birthday.
Speaker A
That's just an [laughter] arbitrary title. Okay. Ticket stubs, which a lot happens. But I threw mine away.
Speaker A
Yeah, I threw mine away, too. I went back yesterday and Dwight and I saw it and I made him give me his ticket stub.
Speaker A
You did all that just to get the ticket stubs? No, I wanted to see it again. Dwight's my friend, he wanted to see it. My mom used to call me every night crying about the divorce and then she started dating
Speaker A
Michael and she stopped calling because she stopped crying. That's what I should want for her.
Speaker A
Right. There's another woman and her name is Italy and skydiving and bungee jumping. Okay. So, and I want kids and you unfortunately have already completed that part of your journey down there, Michael. It's not my decision. It's mother nature. And mother has very
Speaker A
strict rules about fertility. Oh yeah, I got it. It's like you don't buy a Mad Libs book with everything already written in it. You are going to find somebody so quickly with your killer bod and your wisdom. God. Ow.
Speaker A
Somebody kicked. Did you guys get kicked? Nope. I kicked you. Stop. I miss Jack. Mom.
Speaker A
My dad. Michael, you have some algae. Okay, you know what, Aaron? Enough. Wait, just go like this.
Speaker A
Oh, god. God, that's disgusting. Okay. Hey, Michael. No. No. No more. That is it. Everybody in the conference room right now.
Speaker A
You are not a joke. I am. You are smart. Jim is smart. You are handsome.
Speaker A
Jim is more handsome. No, Jim is ugly. Please. I mean, I'd give anything for his nose. It's true.
Speaker A
The rest of him. God, he looks like Popeye's wife. Wilma. See, that is funny. That is a joke. I know jokes. And you are not a joke.
Speaker A
Her name's not Wilma. Stop making me laugh. Hey, you can't just give me a stack of receipts. It's not my job to write up your expense report. Just do it or I'll punch you like a football.
Speaker A
Oh, is that what you did with that al-Qaeda guy in bed? He wasn't an al-Qaeda guy. He just wanted Puerto Rico to become a state.
Speaker A
Oh, go God, there's fish. There's fish in there. You got to help me out. You got to help.
Speaker A
I had to narrow it down to a combination of who could fit and who wanted to come.
Speaker A
Lo styles of the rich and famous. Of the rich and famous. Uh driver, pull over. This is my stop.
Speaker A
I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here. I have arrived.
Speaker A
Actually, I will be arriving. Driver, when do we arrive? About 2 hours. See, that's the thing about a limo.
Speaker A
You've actually arrived before you even arrive right? Michael, wake up. We're here. Wake up. Yo, yo, yo.
Speaker A
Oh, come on. Did you guys let me fall asleep in the limo? You got fast food, guys. It wasn't that good.
Speaker A
The Sundays were good. You got Sundays? Well, we'll stop again on the way back. I don't know. Twice in one day.
Speaker A
What do I get? Nothing. Who cares? This is your big day. Come on. Let's go.
Speaker A
This is it. All right. Oscar, think about it. Don't you want to be able to tell your grandkids that you stood up for yourself?
Speaker A
Assuming you find a surrogate and then your son finds a surrogate. That is exactly what our plan.
Speaker A
If you go, I'll go. You know what? Let's do it. So, what I guess what my question is is how exactly this mic isn't working. Oh, I'm sorry. Why doesn't your line just uh join in with that line over there,
Speaker A
please? Wait, wait. What? That's fine. Join in. No, that is not how it works.
Speaker A
Wait, everybody. Not okay. Back of the line. Alan. Yo, help me out of here. No, thank you. It's much better.
Speaker A
But her mic is broken. Or number waving at you. Your turn, sir. Yeah, that's my uncle Chanty. Hi, Uncle Chanty.
Speaker A
He's hilarious. Does an incredible Gerald Ford impression. That's just great. You know, you never mentioned that you had a relative on the board.
Speaker A
Yeah, I guess not. You've been pushing me to risk my job and I'm guessing there's no way in the world that you could ever get fired.
Speaker A
I could be fired. It's just my dad would probably then fire Chanty's kid. It would make Thanksgiving pretty weird.
Speaker A
What? Yeah, I have an uncle on the board. Big deal. I also have a grandfather who's driving a Rolls-Royce around the world and a cousin who's going to be the ninth commercial space tourist.
Speaker A
Not everything is relevant. We have to get back downstairs. Yes, we do. So, let's do this thing.
Speaker A
Michael, we're going to take it from here. Okay. Without you. Okay. All right. I'll hold down the fort up here.
Speaker A
I think it would actually be better if you weren't here when we got back.
Speaker A
Okay. All right. All right. I will be rocking the limo. Uh, he can take the bus. He's had his limo ride.
Speaker A
Um, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning. It's been scheduled a while and I might be a few minutes late.
Speaker A
Okay. Thanks for telling me. It's just I think I have a cavity and I don't want it to get any worse.
Speaker A
There's no problem. I'll just cancel it. I I'll cancel it. Michael offered me the day off with pay.
Speaker A
Said I deserved it for working so hard all these years. I'm going to have me some nice Cynthia. If you don't come get these dogs from jumping on me, I swear I'll go home to my wife.
Speaker A
Let's go in here for just a sec. Ah, this is our creative think space.
Speaker A
Google has one of these. What if we ran the whole thing backwards? Total paradigm shift.
Speaker A
Look at that. See what the little one's doing? She's making some sweaters for the kittens. Sometimes they get cold at night, so we try to help them out.
Speaker A
That's what's great about this place. got something for everyone. Whether you're into cutting edge thinking or pilgrim values.
Speaker A
Would you like a kitten? He cannot have a kitten. Give him a kitten. There are plenty of kittens.
Speaker A
Angela dated Computronic a while back. Uh, I'm allergic to kittens. Lot of boxes of stuff.
Speaker A
Not the most exciting place down here, I guess. Daryl. What did I say about putting our best foot forward down?
Speaker A
This is a complete [clears throat] bust. You need to give me more time. Well, I told you he was going to be here.
Speaker A
I know, but I needed more time. I wanted to put on the show. You did?
Speaker A
Yeah. Hot dog station. Really? Dancing girls. Opera singing. Bring you to tears. Would have been so good.
Speaker A
I didn't have the time. We could have sealed the deal. Okay. Looks good. What looks good?
Speaker A
It all checks out. Oh, okay. All right. See you, Darl. Baylor full of dipping dots.
Speaker A
You're killing me, man. Harlem Globe Trotters. Oh god. Hey, Michael. Mhm. We just landed the Forest Service account. Selling it right back to the source.
Speaker A
Very good, sir. Thank you. My files say you have 3,000 ft, but this is only two.
Speaker A
Mhm. Is the rest back there? No, that is an absolute abyss. Nothing. Nothing back there.
Speaker A
Well, that's it. Thanks so much for coming, Michael. I have Global Investments on the line for you.
Speaker A
Wow. Global Investments. That's big time. I've never heard of them. Major investment bank. They had a huge part of the financial collapse. Very well respected though. Patch them through.
Speaker A
Patching complete. Hello. Hi, Smitty. You working hard or hardly working? No. Really? The appraisal went that well. Oh, that's good news for us.
Speaker A
Smitty's my inside guy over at Global Investments. They want to make a huge offer for Dunder Mifflin. So, I highly recommend if you want to make an offer, you better pull the trigger now.
Speaker A
I don't have the power to pull the trigger. I just need to talk to your HR guy.
Speaker A
You have to make a decision right now. We're going to sell to your arch trial.
Speaker A
I can't even say no. Okay. You know what? It's not even a huge offer. So, if you just came in with anything, I think you'd be fine.
Speaker A
Computron, where is the HR guy? I cannot answer that question. But there is nothing Computron can't answer. But I cannot answer. But there is nothing Computron cannot answer, but I cannot answer. But there is nothing Computer to tell Dwight to back off right now.
Speaker A
So, I just want to let you know the guy who you were talking to is an idiot. He is a liar. He is divorced.
Speaker A
I'm divorced. Um well so am I. So, that makes three of us. And then we should all hit the singles bars.
Speaker A
I shouldn't have lied like that. I I feel like sometimes I'm getting different answers from you two. Are you both on the same page?
Speaker A
From us? Really? I don't think we're being clear. I think we're Yeah, we're always on the same page. It's hard to get us off the same page, right? Yeah, we complete each other's sentences or thoughts. I was thinking thoughts,
Speaker A
but you were. So, could we talk about the physical building? Yes, thank you. Uh, I've actually had concerns for many years now about radon gas.
Speaker A
I'm glad you asked. The building is fine. There's something very special about this building, wouldn't you say?
Speaker A
Bernards are not allowed to talk like babies, even when we're babies. So, naturally, college, my first time away from home, I went nuts. It was all Andy, we quibby and and want Milky from Booby.
Speaker A
But, uh, after all my roommates transferred, I reigned it in. Sometimes I can't help myself.
Speaker A
Well, I mean, it was our idea cuz you were like, "We should do an employee of the month." And I was like, "Genius." You said that and then you were like, "Go talk to Jim about it." And I was like, "I'm on it."
Speaker A
No, I think you pretty much came up with the whole idea yourself from top to bottom. And you know what else?
Speaker A
I think you're a shoe in to win it. And I think that Ms. Aaron will be mightily impressed when you are crowned employee of the month. Really? Was Jessica Simpson impressed with Dne Cook in the motion picture employee of the month?
Speaker A
I don't know. I didn't see it. Was she? I didn't see it either, but one has to assume.
Speaker A
Yeah, I guess. [screaming] Hey, Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary?
Speaker A
I love having Pam around. I don't know what I'd do without her. Sure. Whenever Aaron shows me her work, I just say, "Looks great. Looks great.
Speaker A
Looks great. Looks great." That usually does the trick. How did you first come up with the idea for Scott's Tots?
Speaker A
Okay. Wow. Coming right at me. Um, well, it is no secret that my last name is Scott and you were all totss at the time.
Speaker A
No, I mean, what made you choose us? Okay. Wow. Followup. Um, well, Michaela, this this is your answer. I saw you all there. I thought you were great and I wanted to instill some hope into your lives and I never intended any bad to
Speaker A
come of any of it. And it's very important that you understand that. I just wanted to do something nice.
Speaker A
Do something nice. What you did was a miracle. I wrote my college essay on you.
Speaker A
No. Yes. Okay. Now, are there any other students whose college tuition you're paying for?
Speaker A
Oh, God. I don't I don't think so. Dr. Mifflin, this is Ryan. Sure thing, David. I will tr Sure thing, Mr.
Speaker A
Wallace. I will transfer you. Lately, there have been serious rumors that our company's going bankrupt. So, David Wallace asked me to keep morale high. So, I asked around about what people wanted with Christmas, and I told them to get creative. And they didn't
Speaker A
really get creative. Exactly. Uh, secret Santa, karaoke, food, kind of the usual thing that we do here, which is great.
Speaker A
And people usually argue about food, so I told everybody to bring their favorites. I made an organized signup sheet for karaoke so that there was no fighting and no crying. I'm doing a good job, I think, because this year I
Speaker A
care. It's weird. I know. My Christmas card is hilarious. I kidnapped Rudolph and I'm going to kill him unless I get peace on earth by Christmas Day.
Speaker A
Get off. Get off. Get off. Oh god. I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted.
Speaker A
Okay, you know what you get? You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Speaker A
Oh, awesome. Put to sleep. Oh god, my whole leg. Oh god. Oh god. All right, that's better. Who's next?
Speaker A
Excuse me. Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun, I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger.
Speaker A
How do you know it's a gun? What else does it look like? Not a gun.
Speaker A
Well, I don't have all the pieces yet. Well, unless the missing pieces is a gun, you don't have a gun.
Speaker A
Not a gun. Speculum. Nope. Hello workers, salt of the earth, listen to what I am saying unto you.
Speaker A
I am Jesus. Okay, I need everybody to stop what you're doing and watch this.
Speaker A
Thank you, Daryl. Thank you, my son. Everyone, I have heard your cries for rest. And I am inviting you up to our Christmas party where you can eat and drink and have fun.
Speaker A
Hell yeah. Let's go, y'all. Thanks, Mike. [screaming] Everyone, everyone, please welcome our friends from the warehouse. I command thee to mingle and make merrynt libations and food. Please enjoy.
Speaker A
Enjoy. That was very nice of you. Yes, actually nicer than Santa. Jesus doesn't judge.
Speaker A
The only problem is we only have food for us. So, would have loved a heads up on this.
Speaker A
Well, would have loved to have been the central giftgiving figure, but I guess neither of us is getting what we want, right?
Speaker A
Look, I can barely pretend to like the people up here. What am I supposed to say to Arty?
Speaker A
Are either of you guys friends with or ever hang out with any cleaning ladies?
Speaker A
Um, I have to find a new one cuz mine died. First training session is free. I'll show you the ropes and get you on track with the nutrition side.
Speaker A
My goal is to look like you, like a big white you. How do I feel about the warehouse guys showing up at our Christmas party? Well, I could tell you or I could show you.
Speaker A
This is how I feel. So guys, this is more like finger food. Uh-oh, a lasagna. Look out, Garfield.
Speaker A
Uh-oh. What does that mean? Oh, they call me Garfield. I've never seen a lasagna not eaten the whole pan.
Speaker A
Oh, I wish you wouldn't. Oh, well, I can't help myself. Can you imagine what it's like for me that it has that power over me? I got to have some.
Speaker A
Sorry, guys. Everybody get some. I got mine. Okay. All right. I just got out of the restroom and it stinks. The warehouse needs to go.
Speaker A
Okay. Wait. How do you know it's someone from the warehouse who stunk up the bathroom? They stink up the bathroom with their smelly poos because they don't eat as quality food as us cuz they're poor. It's science. That is so
Speaker A
offensive and thought out. Maybe if we just took some time to try to get to know them rather than constantly complaining.
Speaker A
Garfield. That woman is a beast. Garfield. Garfield. Garfield. Garfield. I am so very glad that you joined us here on this festive occasion.
Speaker A
You look like Gandalf. No, I'm Jesus and we're celebrating my birthday. Seriously though, Mike, you should take that off, man. It's offensive even to me.
Speaker A
Merry Christmas, Creed. Thanks, Santa. I love it. And he doesn't even know what it is.
Speaker A
It's probably terrible. So, save the receipt. Got the receipt. Creed. I actually saved myself once. I performed the Heimlick on myself. I had a a frozen banana stuck in my gullet and I popped it out and there was a crowd of people around
Speaker A
and they were impressed. Oh my god, your fingers are really tiny. Thank you. Gabe seems tall. Hope we get along. Had a very good thing going with David Wallace. He was a good guy. He was somebody I could trust. Here he is right
Speaker A
there. It's us. Actually, another picture. There we go. That's us also. Technically, it is just a closeup of the same picture, but this one you can really see that he is okay taking a picture with me, even though I
Speaker A
was there for disciplinary reasons. Saber is all about professional growth. So if somebody here wants to learn a new skill or take initiative, we will all agree to help that person. Right, Gabe?
Speaker A
Yeah, I would like some more responsibility. I feel as though I am underutilized. That is exactly what we're looking for.
Speaker A
Okay. Yeah. I suggest you have a 30-se secondond conversation with each one of us before you decide what's appropriate for this brand.
Speaker A
Hold on. Okay. You know what? Gave us plenty of time to decide who is slow and who thinks she's better than everybody else. But I think the idea of supporting each other is a good one.
Speaker A
At Saber, we really encourage honest communication. You should always feel free to express your thoughts.
Speaker A
Talk about vacation days. We have a policy here at Saber where we are uh allowed to take two weeks.
Speaker A
I actually save days from last year because I want to go to Jamaica. How Meredith got her groove back.
Speaker A
Oh, you guys had a banking policy. No, no, no, no, no, no. Um, all right.
Speaker A
How do I describe this? Uh, imagine that you have a cell phone. No, imagine that you have a bank account and the the money that you have in the bank account rolls over to the next year like cell
Speaker A
phone minutes, right? That's what we have here. Okay. Well, actually, Saber, our policy is to not allow vacation days to carry over.
Speaker A
What? What? That's okay. I have six weeks banked. So, yeah, I I already booked a Great Lakes cruise.
Speaker A
Never mind that. What if you have saved up for a trip in the future? For example, a 40-day family safari.
Speaker A
Well, I'm sorry, but uh maybe you could look into like a twoe safari for your family. Just that's not going to work.
Speaker A
There's no way I'm going to be able to take 12 kids on a twoe safari.
Speaker A
You can't if they're imaginary. I need those vacation days. I have two women. One likes to ski, one likes the tropics.
Speaker A
It is very difficult. I actually owe the company days because of my singing tour. I went to Atlanta and Boston and Cincinnati to audition for American Idol. The problem is is that I had to audition with a lot of the
Speaker A
screw-ups. I did not advance. I signed up to build an Adobe Pueblo in Guatemala. Now there are 27 orphans who aren't going to have a computer center this winter.
Speaker A
So here I have typed in my httpan animals who arefriends.com. But instead of getting a cute video of a panda bear being best friends with a cat, I get that.
Speaker A
Still pretty cute. But I think I am missing out on some unlikely animal friendships.
Speaker A
This is the site blocker we were talking about. So it blocks adorable sites. Just any time wasters.
Speaker A
Okay, you know what? It is blocking all of my sites. It is blocking penguins and party hats. It is blocking mustaches on penguins. It is blocking penguin follys.
Speaker A
Oh my god. I don't want to appear ungrateful for everything Sabre's doing for us. Oh, I don't get that sense at all from you.
Speaker A
So, well, you should have a little. But it's great that you don't because I am trying to embrace all of these changes, but I'm I'll be honest. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of them.
Speaker A
Which ones? [sighs] All of them. Well, I wish that I could do something, but it's kind of policy, you know, above my pay grade, [laughter] you know.
Speaker A
So, maybe we should call We should call someone. I could help. I'm good with bosses. Call one of the higherups.
Speaker A
You know what? Let me see what I can do. Really? We can't have you this upset on day one, can we?
Speaker A
No, we can't. No, we can't. I'm going to go call her right now. Okay. You are a gentleman and a caller.
Speaker A
[laughter] All right. I just think that it's a bad policy if it upsets people.
Speaker A
No, it has been less than 30 days since I received the package. Okay. I'm not responsible for the time it took to ship to me.
Speaker A
Okay. Well, I I I already called the post office and they said to call you.
Speaker A
Hey, how'd the call of your boss go? Um, I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Speaker A
Oh, no. Yeah, I fought real hard. Liar. Wow. I heard you. I heard you.
Speaker A
Well, okay. But if you knew that I didn't really call my boss, then you were sort of setting me up when you asked me how it went.
Speaker A
Oh, yeah. Okay. So, it's my fault. It's my fault. You need to call her.
Speaker A
No. Please don't make me call her. She needs to think that I can do my job.
Speaker A
The debit column is really tall. It's the column by the wall. Except when your chair is turned around.
Speaker A
Then nearer Oscar it be found. Except in times when Oscar sick. Then remember clever trick.
Speaker A
Hi. Hi, sir. Are you Todd? Yes. Hi, my name is Kevin Malone. I'm an accountant at Dunder Mifflin.
Speaker A
Oh. Oh, you must know Phyllis. She's great. Yeah. Yeah. Phyllis is fantastic. Todd, but I did not come all of this way down the hall to talk about Phyllis.
Speaker A
God, let you stay for dinner. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Your family time is precious.
Speaker A
Come on. We can't eat an entire turkey by ourselves. Oh, that sounds great. But I don't eat turkey anymore. I don't I kind of don't eat solid foods anymore. I'm just sort of uh into the juice. I got a juicer, so
Speaker A
I'm I'm good. Lost four pounds. Well, that's great. A little woozy, but it's working for me.
Speaker A
So, well, hey, hey, hey. Great to see you. Great to see you. Great to see you.
Speaker A
All right. Come. Yep. Good luck. Bye. Welcome. That's okay. No, I can. All right. All right. Here we go.
Speaker A
My favorite sport is one involving men with brooms and they broom the ice in front of these cylindrical discs that float gently across the ice and they smack into one another and no one really explains the rules but it's mesmerizing and there are
Speaker A
no winners and no losers only poetry and it is called cur hurtling. Why is it called take a good look?
Speaker A
I was 26 years old working at Kodak. It's my first job after Vanderbilt. It's very exciting. I took it very seriously.
Speaker A
But I wasn't afforded the same amount of respect that the rest of the board enjoyed. One day I'd head it up to here and I stroed into the boardroom wearing nothing but a pair of spike heels, a lace push-up bra, and matching lace
Speaker A
panties. Nice. And I took my seat and I looked around at all of them and I said, "Gentlemen, if this is all you see, then take a good look." As a male manager, I would have never done that to you. I I am nothing if not
Speaker A
not sexist. That's setting the bar a little low, isn't it? The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.
Speaker A
I don't know the first thing about printers. I get it, gorgeous. I mean, I barely know my own Cadillac. And you know, sometimes I go in reverse when I want to go forwards. I nearly killed a bunch of
Speaker A
preschoolers. [laughter] That's why Gabe is here. I'll be holding a meeting with the salesman to get you acquainted with the printers.
Speaker A
Why is the Atlantic Ocean the best ocean? That is simple. According to Oprah, the Pacific Ocean is pretty much just garbage. The Indian Ocean is full of pirates. The Arctic Ocean is too cold. Thank you very much.
Speaker A
And the southern ocean is just the bottom of all the other oceans. Atlantic Ocean has all the history.
Speaker A
That is where the amiebas crawled from the murky depths and became man. So it's pretty cool.
Speaker A
No, no, no. That's not doesn't have anyone's name on it. That is not acceptable.
Speaker A
But it's just treats. That's not It's not just treats. Oscar, do you know how long it took me to freeze those?
Speaker A
That's because you kept opening the freezer door to check if they were frozen. Yeah, but then I left it closed and now they're all gone. And Oh, are you Come on. That is so not cool. You know what?
Speaker A
Those were my homemade orange juice popsicles. What you going to do about it? You can't fire us anymore.
Speaker A
I feel terrible. Here. I don't That's No. Money can buy happiness, but can it buy things? things like a private office or a nose that can't smell. Answer is no As a manager, I felt I couldn't do that.
Speaker A
Um, please don't make it a habit. I'm afraid I'm going to. We had a parade on Saturday. Organizers say that this parade is the third largest parade in the country. I think it's the largest.
Speaker A
It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas. Oscar, you're not Irish.
Speaker A
It's St. Patrick's Day. What if I wore a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo? That would be wonderful, Kevin.
Speaker A
Gross. I'd be offended. I myself am halfIrish and half Scottish. So I guess you could say that I enjoy a nice glass of Guinness beer as well as being part Scottish as I said before.
Speaker A
Kilts. Angela, I love that sweater. Phyllis, green is definitely your color. Mr. Bratton, you look well rested.
Speaker A
Didn't sleep a wink. Oh. Excuse me, Joe. This is that Japanese pistol I was telling you about.
Speaker A
You didn't do it justice, Dwight. That is a fine piece of steel. Oh, she is, isn't she?
Speaker A
I'm going to be dreaming about her tonight. Oh, you and me both. Oh, Joe just invited me into her inner circle.
Speaker A
And I guess pretty meaningful, I think. Um, what it means is that she wants me to eat with her. She wants me to swim in her pool. She wants me to use her bathtub. She wants me to watch her
Speaker A
sleep. She's grooming me. [sighs and gasps] Here's me. You're going to Tallahassee? I am. Joe invited me to stay at her house.
Speaker A
Wow. So, I am booking early to make sure that I can get the middle seat.
Speaker A
Twice as many people to talk to. I didn't know you guys were that close.
Speaker A
You know, we just sort of hit it off. Mhm. And she actually she told me that I am funnier than a chimp in a bingo parlor and that she loved my tie.
Speaker A
You know, Michael Joe has a way of talking that's really friendly. I know. She's the best, right? But maybe she doesn't always mean those nice things she says.
Speaker A
How How can you go through life like that? Why if it isn't the two most handsome men this side of the Mississippi?
Speaker A
Thank you. I don't think that is just being nice. That's precisely. Joe, would you care to join me for lunch?
Speaker A
Oh, thank you, darling. But I got a lot of work to do in here.
Speaker A
I don't know how y'all stay so skinny. God. [laughter] When you work for Saber, only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser or you practice beastiality. If Joe likes you, you are in. And I am in.
Speaker A
So much so, I could go kiss a horse. Oh, and uh one more thing. It's a date actually. So, if you could just make sure we're in your ugliest waiters section, that would be great.
Speaker A
Well, I mean, what? I'm like a five, so the waiter should be like a three or four.
Speaker A
You know what I mean? Just do it. Oh, okay. How are you? [laughter] Is there anything I can help you with?
Speaker A
Nope. I just want to talk to Joe. Well, uh, the strong sense that I got from Joe is that she wanted to see you in your office working for the rest of the day. Okay. Well, if it's all the
Speaker A
same to you, I would like to get my own sense. I'm very sensual. So, Michael, I've known Joe a long time. You would be wise to not disturb her right now.
Speaker A
Okay. I wouldn't be disturbing her. I wouldn't even ask her to get up. No, Michael. No.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay. Fine. Fine. All right. Okay. You know what? Okay. Here's the thing. Joe and I hit it off.
Speaker A
We had a very nice report. She practically invited me to be her roommate. And then everything changed and she backed off and I don't know what happened and I would like to talk to her.
Speaker A
Okay, Michael, leave Joe alone and everything will be fine. Don't do that again before. I wasn't going to do anything.
Speaker A
Okay, I'll be honest. I really don't understand what Gabe is getting at. He says that there is a problem and that the solution is less of me.
Speaker A
A child arrived just the other day. It came into the world in the usual way.
Speaker A
[laughter] I hate that song. So, since we couldn't go out to dinner, I thought I would bring dinner to you. A St. Patrick's Day feast. Chicken soup.
Speaker A
Jewish penicellin. I'm allergic to penicellin. That's okay. I think it'll work anyway. And you're supposed to drink lots of fluids when you're sick.
Speaker A
Hey, look at me. I'm Michael Phelps. Michael, could you come in here for a minute?
Speaker A
Mhm. I didn't even know my phone could do that. So, what have we here?
Speaker A
I don't know what that is. Mhm. Hey, would you mind grabbing me a donut?
Speaker A
Yes, I would mind. But not because I am afraid of your obviously fake trapoor.
Speaker A
It's not fake. So you admit it was yours. Damn it, [ __ ] Yeah. Jim Halpert, who can't cut through his own hair correctly, is going to cut through carpet, conduit, plumbing, and 6 in of rebar enforced concrete.
Speaker A
Please. I've only been able to make it as far as the conduit. Oh no, I'm falling. [screaming] I'm falling.
Speaker A
[laughter] It's not real. Oh, touche, Jim. It's actually a lever connected to a ceiling tile.
Speaker A
When you pull it, something will fall. And [snorts] I'm falling asleep because of how lame this trap is. What are you doing?
Speaker A
I thought, you know, he'd be looking up and I'd have time to Oh, I am rusty. And a pie.
Speaker A
Come on. I'm better than that. It's probably, you know, with all the kids stuff getting ready for the No, there's no excuse.
Speaker A
Man, this used to come so easy. The secret to my mac and cheese is actually the macaroni. Most people focus on the cheese, but no, a good starchy macaroni actually elevates the cheese.
Speaker A
Huh? Kevin, you're such a gourmand. I remember. Is it a boy or a girl?
Speaker A
Um, I recall deciding not to find out. Aren't you special? Well, if it's a boy, I met this guy at paintball who is a circumcision artist. He does all of Joe Biden's grandkids. If you say my name, I
Speaker A
get 25 bucks. I'll give you five. H Yeah. Um, we already have a paintball circumcision guy.
Speaker A
Is he going to give you five bucks? What's a circumcision? It is baby time. Shall I scrub up?
Speaker A
No. Nope. No one's going to scrub up cuz it's not baby time. It is however baby Ruth time. Pregnant co-workers, let's all drop everything.
Speaker A
Pam may be about to give birth. And if I understand anything about the cycle of life, and I do, that means somebody dies.
Speaker A
I think we all know whose number is up. Time to get my affairs in order. So, wish me luck, my friends, as I go gently into that good night.
Speaker A
We are waiting until midnight. Ooh, spooky. But why? Because the insurance company only covers two nights. Yeah. So, if we wait till midnight, we get an extra day.
Speaker A
What's another day going to get you? Knowledge, Oscar. Let's say they're sent home before they learn, I don't know, proper spanking technique. Speed, power, aim noise knuckles spank noise.
Speaker A
Just go to the hospital, okay? Nobody wants to smell your stupid baby being born.
Speaker A
I don't want to smell it. I don't want to see it. I don't want anything that reminds me of child birth. Look up the word aziottomy.
Speaker A
Okay. My role in the birth of this baby is out of the boss. Within that there is none of the pain as associated with the mother's role. There is none of the responsibility which is associated with the father's role. And actually in many
Speaker A
cultures the boss does not play a significant role in childbirth. The purpose for this meeting is to take Pam's mind off of what's going on inside of her body. We want her to remain calm.
Speaker A
We want this time to pass by very quickly and effortlessly. So, let's help her, shall we?
Speaker A
Yeah. So, all we have to do is be really entertaining. That's it. And literally anything goes.
Speaker A
No Tijana sex shows, please. Creed. We're talking music or balloon creations, puppets, that sort of thing.
Speaker A
I want you to have this Creed. This is mine. It is. Where I'm going, I won't be needing it.
Speaker A
I could have you arrested. Can't arrest a ghost. What else do you have? Uh, who hasn't gone? Ryan.
Speaker A
Well, if art counts as entertainment, I could read a poem I wrote. Hell yeah. Everybody shut up.
Speaker A
Any [snorts] uh similarities to real persons or events are very intentional. Plastic love. You let me in your bed, but now I sleep alone, trapped with the forgotten in my detritus home.
Speaker A
I hope you're happy now. I hope it every day. In case you didn't figure it out yet, I'm the doll you threw away.
Speaker A
Oh [laughter] my gosh. I'm sorry. That is so awful. It's awesome. [laughter] I know, right? It's I just found it. I thought it was so funny. You're so awesome. So, uh, yeah. Well, you just said you wrote it.
Speaker A
I never said I wrote it. Yeah, you did say that. I never said Why would I have said I wrote it? I check the tape. I never said I wrote it. I I never said that.
Speaker A
God, this guy's annoying. I write, "Who's this?" And then he writes, "Who's this?" And then I write, "Shut up." And then he writes, "Shut up." Jesus, Michael, you're texting yourself.
Speaker A
Okay, great. Thanks. Oh, by the way, somebody's going to be coming through the door right behind us. Can you just tell them thanks for us?
Speaker A
Sure. Great. Thanks. It's just right through here. Yep. Okay. I guess we didn't get our full two days.
Speaker A
Yeah. Well, we missed it. I love you. I love you, too. Hi. Okay. All right. Halpert, am I too late?
Speaker A
Oh, sorry. They just checked in. The man wanted me to tell you. They said thanks.
Speaker A
Okay. And you can tell him that I know he would have done the same thing if Pam had been pregnant with my baby.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay. Oh, I drove him in. [sighs] Delivery wasn't so bad, right? You Wow. Well, no, I just mean a wonderful ending. Kind of rough getting here. We did not handle that well. I think you have to admit you flipped out a little
Speaker A
bit. I think you should stop talking now. Okay. Uhoh. Someone's still a little sore. You sitting on your donut, hun.
Speaker A
Okay. Can you take a picture of us? Sure. Oh, my pocket. [sighs] Okay. Oh boy.
Speaker A
Oh, you are so beautiful. Pam and her baby, and I'm still alive. I have a new lease on life. If death can't stop me from dating, then neither can my mother.
Speaker A
Hi. Oh, good. Hi. Um, she's out of her swaddle again. So, everything's okay then?
Speaker A
No, [crying] no, no. The swaddle thing I mentioned. Oh, okay. Now, do we have to swaddle? Like, we just put like a bigger diaper on the diaper cuz I'm much better at diapering.
Speaker A
Oh, I could probably do it actually. You don't have to swaddle, but it's what we do in the hospital.
Speaker A
So, we should um It's what we do here. So, yes, swaddle. Again, it's your decision. It's It's just what we do in the hospital.
Speaker A
Did you swaddle your children? Oh, I don't have children. Okay, but you did. Um I might try it both ways. See what works best.
Speaker A
Okay. So, we should try it both ways and then see what works best. Yeah. What's the other way?
Speaker A
Well, swaddling is what we do in the hospital. So, Okay. Okay. Thank you. Okay.
Speaker A
Uh, still want the baby to sleep in here? Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Speaker A
Okay. The swaddling thing's done now, so we're okay. Okay. By the way, she hasn't passed any mercunium in a while, so monium.
Speaker A
Yeah, exactly. There's swaddle. There's swaddle. Why are you unwrapping her? Sorry, I just [crying] There we go. Okay, there's one. Put [screaming] your arm down.
Speaker A
Like most couples, Pam and I have that one person that we're allowed to hook up with if the opportunity ever arises. Uh mine is Cameron Diaz, and hers, coincidentally enough, was Clark from the hospital. So, how's it feel when I do that?
Speaker A
It feels good. Well, that's my queue. I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression I'm into Kevin, but I'm not.
Speaker A
I like Andy. No, you don't. You like Kevin. I can see it. I can see it every day. There all sorts of signs. You cannot tell me that there's nothing between you two. There's a spark.
Speaker A
Think about it. The girl is whack. Okay. Kevin goes by reception like 15 times a day. There's no other explanation.
Speaker A
And I have to constantly refill the bowl, which is getting a little pricey. And that's why I asked for a Costco card.
Speaker A
Why do you refill the bowl? So people can, you know, he's coming back. You know he's going to be there as soon as you refill the bowl. You keep putting it in the bowl.
Speaker A
That's my fault. You're late, Ralph. Ralph dates so far out of his league it's not even funny. He's the single greatest ladies man I've ever known. And I knew Amos Obshide.
Speaker A
I know that Kevin has that dangerous heart condition and I think he's a really nice guy and he's obviously so cool, but I guess I I just don't want to date Kevin.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay. You know what? This is not Babu Daboo. In this country, a woman can make the choice as to who she wants to date.
Speaker A
Thank you. You owe me huge. Someday I am going to ask you a favor and that day may never come.
Speaker A
But when I ask this favor of you. All right, I'll write it up and shoot you an email.
Speaker A
Thanks Bill. Please, no phone calls during my meetings. Yeah, cha-ing. Cha- ching. Okay. Item two. Congratulations, Phyllis. Way to go. Item three. The good ladies of bikini weathergirls.com are predicting freezing rain next week, so please tell your clients that deliveries
Speaker A
may be delayed. Mr. Daryl all over that. What you want me to do about it?
Speaker A
Um, call the clients and let them know that deliveries will be delayed. Mike said, "Let your clients know." They're your clients. Let them know.
Speaker A
You're in charge of shipping, right? They're your clients, right? I don't think salesmen are supposed to be doing stuff like that anymore. Saber wants us just to be selling all the time.
Speaker A
Michael, I got calls to make. Okay. Rules are rules. I love these new rules.
Speaker A
I no longer have to deal with paperwork. And because of this new pay structure, there is literally no limit to the amount of money I can make. It is possible I can make over $100,000 this year. Finally be able to put in
Speaker A
that pool Mos and I have been dreaming of to drown pigs humanely. And cross trainin.
Speaker A
Here is your expense report which you signed but you did not fill out. I was busy. That's the reason we're all busy.
Speaker A
Hey an do you mind if I handle this? If a company does not move forward, it will die like a shark. If it stays still, it gets no oxygen. If we stay still, we get no sales, and the money is
Speaker A
our oxygen. So, it's really a pretty good metaphor if you think about it. For God's sakes.
Speaker A
No, seriously. You're trying to hover like a bird, and birds can't do that unless you're a hummingbird.
Speaker A
Yeah. Saber doesn't want sales to be stuck doing clerical work. Clerical work? I don't do clerical work.
Speaker A
I'm the head accountant. Aaron does clerical work. Work it out, Angela. You're the one with a degree in accounting.
Speaker A
To our sales heroes. Our cup runth over with gratitude. Nice. Executive leather accented coffee mug.
Speaker A
Fancy, right? That is a handsome mug. Uh, I already have a mug I like.
Speaker A
I could use a new mug. Maybe I could put some flowers in it. I've been here a long time.
Speaker A
31 years. And for the first time, I feel like things are being done right.
Speaker A
In all that time, I just think our new bosses realize what I've been saying all along. The sales business is the whole business.
Speaker A
It's the whole thing. Before Saberbucked under Mifflin, everyone here was equal. sales, accounting manager black, what have you. But now sales is king. They are very important now.
Speaker A
They're all that matters and everybody else is fed up. And I'm not saying that it is like Braveheart cuz it isn't. But it is sort of like the patriot.
Speaker A
This is ridiculous. We are entitled to those leads. Do you understand entitled How you doing, buddy?
Speaker A
Hi, Creed. Come in. Welcome. Man, can you believe what some people are doing trying to get these?
Speaker A
I want $10,000 or 15 million L. Your choice. Listen, Creed. I'll give you something worth 10 times that. 30 1-hour voice or tap lessons plus a two-day intensive workshop in stage combat.
Speaker A
$500. No way. Can I resell the tap lessons? Yeah. Deal? Yes. You can see yourself out.
Speaker A
Are we here to learn or are we here to sell? Hola. What? You got any more of those awesome leads?
Speaker A
Did somebody close all their deals? Yeah, actually a lot of those guys did. My leads are still thinking about it, though. [sighs and gasps] I mean, I think we should hold our ground. The company's changed and if they don't like it, they can leave. I
Speaker A
mean, a lot of their work can be done from India. Is that really what you want, Jim? Why do you always have to be that person? the one who sees things from everybody else's perspective, walking in other people's shoes.
Speaker A
Yeah, Tuna, come on. Wear your own shoes. Well, my massive personality flaws aside, can we at least all agree that this is uncomfortable and maybe heading for something bad?
Speaker A
All those who agree, say I. I. I. All those opposed, I don't think we need oppose.
Speaker A
Well, the eyes have it. Okay. Well, by that rationale, I think we need to do something. And that's all I'm saying.
Speaker A
He has a point. I always fought with my wife. Never banned, I'd say. And then one day, I started tasting something coppery in my dinner.
Speaker A
Wait, are you saying that your wife poisoned you? I won't say all that, but once I started being sweet, that coppery taste went away.
Speaker A
I can't prove it, but I think someone's taking some rose out of my knitting. I should have been done with that scarf by now.
Speaker A
Yeah, we got to do something. This just got real. It is. You should be done with that scarf.
Speaker A
I know. [cheering and applause] Are you okay? Very nice. [applause and cheering] Are you okay, Staley?
Speaker A
Excuse me. [laughter] Wow. [applause] So, anybody going talking to anybody? Anybody at the office? I am all business, very professional.
Speaker A
But sometimes at night, I like to go out and let my hair down. Not literally, of course. But Stanley. Meredith. Hi.
Speaker A
Hey. Hey, Meredith. You look great. Thank you, Stanley. You look great, too. Thank you.
Speaker A
What the hell, Jim? I am so excited about this beer. Do you even drink beer?
Speaker A
Oh, man. I don't. Do I? I have been looking forward to that for months.
Speaker A
You know what? We'll get you one to hold. Okay. Happy hour. Oh, anything can happen.
Speaker A
Who thought of this, Oscar? No, really. Yeah. Why? Well, well, because you're antisocial, Oscar.
Speaker A
You're kind of a snob. When I asked Oscar to discuss with me the latest Malcolm Gladwell book, he said he didn't feel like talking about it. But later, I saw him on a message board, and he was talking all about it.
Speaker A
I'm not a snob. I hate the opera. Well, the Philadelphia opera. Yikes. Good evening.
Speaker A
Hey, you're fine. No, I have my ID here somewhere. Oh, no. You're You're fine.
Speaker A
No, you need it. That's the rule. Do with it. You know, you always know where it is and then when you need it, you don't. You know that happens. Um.
Speaker A
Oh, coupon. Hey guys, guys. Guys, use a boy. Watch this. Ready? What are you doing?
Speaker A
I'm trying to not understand with my chalk. Michael, you have to do this. Wow. Oh, wow. That was close. I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like Hawk and I learn. I absorb
Speaker A
information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.
Speaker A
No, it was going well before. Going well doesn't seal the deal. Yes, it does.
Speaker A
No, just let Date Mike handle this. He's got it. He's all over it. Hey, out of curiosity, do you have any other characters? I have a black guy. Nope.
Speaker A
I have Michael Club. Boom. Boom. I'm Frank. You don't have a suit. Oh, I'm working on a new one. It's Grant Strangler.
Speaker A
I will strangle you, but I won't kill you. All right, let's stick with date Mike.
Speaker A
I have been dating for over 30 years and I think I know what I am doing.
Speaker A
Big with Chase. Chase crutch in box two weeks. Hey, good looking. Buy a guy a drink.
Speaker A
Hey, good looking. Buy a guy a drink. Yeah. Yeah. Speed demon. Come on. Let's go.
Speaker A
Come on. Come on, baby. Here it goes. There we go. Another high. Oh, yeah.
Speaker A
Uhoh. Pay up, suckers. Sort of did okay with a a new young lady. Actually, you didn't.
Speaker A
Not at all. I think I did, but I can't take all the credit. Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike.
Speaker A
Nice to meet you. I worry about him. I don't look at that guy. Damn it, Michael.
Speaker A
I'm all right. I'm all right. I was actually cast in the Chinese language version of Sesame Street.
Speaker A
Turned it down. Worst decision of my life. I'd like to believe that you used your maternity leave wisely, nursing your infant, exposing it to the natural world, but I suspect you squandered it on your hobby of watercolor painting.
Speaker A
I did do some painting. Yes. Oh, there's so much beauty in this fence. Oh, what can this window sill tell me about life? Oh, garbage. I think you should only be able to paint the president or in a perfect world, the
Speaker A
Kaiser. Oh, who left cupcakes on my desk for 6 weeks? There's fruit flies everywhere.
Speaker A
Look at those tenacious bastards. Okay. Oh, my desk is filled with maggots. Those are mine. I was breeding them for personal use, but I had nothing to do with the fruit flies. Okay.
Speaker A
Oh, what? Oh, you have one baby and it's so beautiful, but a fly is a thousand maggot babies and it's disgusting. Mhm.
Speaker A
Is there anything else, living or dead, for me to find on my desk? I have been looking forward to one-on-one time with Michael so much. I can't think of anyone that I admire as much as him.
Speaker A
He's even better than Sully Sullenberger because Michael would have told us funny jokes as he was landing the plane in that river.
Speaker A
Be careful as you exit the plane. Swim to the left or you'll end up in New Jersey.
Speaker A
Well, I can't do it as good as Michael. Hey, kiddo. How you holding up?
Speaker A
Not great, Ryan. Not great. You know what's great about you? A lot of girls would have just run out when they heard that news and hooked up in some cheap bar with the first random guy who bought him a drink.
Speaker A
I'm not going to do that. Cuz where's the tenderness in some hookup with some random dude you're never going to see again? Look, Kelly is your best friend. Kelly is my girlfriend. I think I speak for both of
Speaker A
us when I say we both want you to be happy. You guys are such good friends.
Speaker A
The odds are always best for a three-way if one of the parties is extremely emotional or impulsive. You look so good right now.
Speaker A
What? Oh, Aaron, I am so sorry. Yeah. Hey, girl. We're here for you. Okay.
Speaker A
Yeah, that is crazy. I know. All I did was clap. Sounds like he's trying to prove something. Something.
Speaker A
Yeah, that's a bummer. Yeah, it's like that guy who was mean to me at the car wash, you know? It's just like what?
Speaker A
We just need to find out if Gabe can suspend us or not. Oh, here comes HR.
Speaker A
Why else would we be here? Um, yeah, I'll I'll look into it. And you'd like me to do it this can I just finish my bit? Never mind.
Speaker A
I'll I'll call you with the I apologize. Great. I kneel before you guys. I would even take a contrite look as an apology. humbly taking your hand upon which I kissed to show my contrition.
Speaker A
Okay, forgive me. That was amazing. And I can't do that. Me either. Sorry. Um, not for the thing, but you know, for not saying sorry, but you said it, so that is a good start. Guys, I can look sheepish, too, if you need.
Speaker A
No, you're fine. Am I absolved? Can I go back to work? Yeah, I'm not.
Speaker A
Okay. Conference room 5 minutes. That's what she said. Tuna. Oh, hi Creed. Oh, have I shown you pictures of my new cats?
Speaker A
I think impressions are dumb and I don't like them. It is not my job to add up those columns.
Speaker A
Oh, [snorts] your feet. That color makes you look horish. Could you be anymore? No, that's Chandler. I'm very sad to tell you this, but I have flatulence.
Speaker A
I have a gas problem. She farts a lot. Do I have to go to the meeting?
Speaker A
Mhm. Michael, you're an idiot. Hey, boss. What's the problem here? Is it the severed foot I keep in my desk? H right next to my mung beans.
Speaker A
When I was in a prison in Cambodia, I did an impression of Elvis Presley that brought the house down.
Speaker A
Do you still hear it, Clarice? The screaming of the spring lambs. I'm Joe Bennett. I don't feel comfortable doing that. Actually, the thing about impressions are they're never good enough.
Speaker A
Michael, question. Michael, come in here right now. Damn it, Jim. Idiot. Buenos. Buenos. Miguel.
Speaker A
Hello. No, no, no, no. Michael's relationship with the English language has always been at best tenuous and at worst abusive. So, it's nice to see him with a language that makes him happy and brief.
Speaker A
It's not a good idea to force it if the shapes don't match up. The shapes don't matter, Ryan. As long as there's a connection, the stuff can pass through it.
Speaker A
Why don't you just do what you're doing? Okay. There's this woman I met a few weeks ago. Her name is Donna. Manager of the Sid and Dexters. And right now we're in the midst of a passionate love affair.
Speaker A
Um, no. But she is coming by today maybe to buy some printers. So, do I realize Donna is an attractive person? Yes. Am I attracted to her? Yes. Does that mean that I am more excited to sell her
Speaker A
printers than to someone else? Some ugly client? Yes. I don't know. I just don't see what the big deal is. So, I tried to kiss somebody. So, we're in a business setting. So, what? So what is that so
Speaker A
inappropriate? Yes, maybe it wouldn't have been 50 years ago. Mad men. Let's go. Reading people's faces is an art form.
Speaker A
A blind person can do it just by touch. A deaf person can do it by sight.
Speaker A
A hearing and cited person can do it like me by sight. So if you do a lot of faxing or want to print double-sided menus, I can guarantee you a dependable machine and appropriate support.
Speaker A
I'm I'm not sure we want to invest that much. I mean, our printers usually get stolen by bus boys after a couple months.
Speaker A
Aha, I solved it. It was the bus boy. Oh my god. I thought you were from England just then. Do that again.
Speaker A
I'm English Mike. Yeah. Vivy. Yeah. Oh my god. Donna and I are very similar. We are tough from the streets. Never took a hand out. Always had to pull ourselves up from the boobstraps. I I constantly see myself in her.
Speaker A
How do I find out if a girl's interested? Great question. I usually just assume that they're not.
Speaker A
It's easier than it used to be. If a lady is interested, she'll send me a wink and then I'll send back an e-l. And if it doesn't work out, I block her.
Speaker A
She's way out of his league. It'd be like me going for Sean Hannity. She just laughed. I think that's a good sign. Maybe he just told a funny joke. I think it's a good sign.
Speaker A
He's been in there for 20 minutes. He hasn't even gotten a third base. There's a third base.
Speaker A
Baseball? Really? I always thought it was based on orchestra chairs. And you're now you're telling me there's a third base in the orchestra. No, that's a bass heavy orchestra.
Speaker A
There she is. Why you don't let me just go in and monitor? I'll be fine.
Speaker A
I'll be fine. I can control myself. You can't. Actually, I can. I need to find out or else I'll never know.
Speaker A
You don't need to know. Yes, I do. Okay, so Kelly Capor is applying to the minority training program.
Speaker A
Yep. Strong choice. She is as smart as she is talented. Yeah, I never really thought of Kelly as executive material.
Speaker A
Oh, nor should you. I mean, she's Indian. I bet you can't name a single Indian CEO.
Speaker A
Vicram Padep, Surya Mahabatra, Desh Palawal, Andrew Nui. But that's so interesting that you couldn't name a single Indian woman.
Speaker A
India is a woman. She's the head of Pepsi. Soft drinking paper. Gabe, now name one significant paper company CEO that's Indian. Just one and I'm out of your hair.
Speaker A
Nisha D. Name two. Just two of them. What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management.
Speaker A
Dwight, I know these programs. Every color is important because together we make a rainbow.
Speaker A
Yes. I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow. Speaking of rainbows, Oscar, you are kind of a double minority. Okay. So, we at Saber could really benefit from your perspective.
Speaker A
Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not going to cross her no matter how good the program is.
Speaker A
I could protect you from Kelly. Will you get out of here? Seriously, are we scared of Kelly? [laughter] That's ridiculous, right?
Speaker A
It's just a matter of respect, that's all. I'm not scared. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker A
This is Hideoshi Hagawa. He would like to apply for the Saber Minority Executive Training Program, Print in All Colors initiative.
Speaker A
Wait, what are you doing? Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour. No, I wouldn't say he was my first choice. My first choice was Oscar, then Stanley, then Calvin Danny Alfonso Hassan Tad Diego, Greg P, Greg M, Demetrius, and
Speaker A
Hank the security guard. I don't know. They're playing Frisbee. That's okay. Seems we didn't know.
Speaker A
Hey, Ry Guy, congratulations. Thank you for what this time. Your girlfriend's going to be an Ivy League.
Speaker A
Yes. You know, I kind of wish it was Harvard, though, cuz then it would be exactly like Legally Blonde. What's Sele's mascot anyway?
Speaker A
A bulldog named Handsome Dan. a bulldog. Oh, there is no way in hell I'm wearing a sweatshirt with an ugly old bulldog.
Speaker A
Okay. Oh, that's okay. People don't actually wear the clothes from their school. Uh, hello. Guess again.
Speaker A
Okay. Boom. And wait for it. Boom. I gave myself a front wedgie. Will you make sure to come and visit me?
Speaker A
I can't make it. What do you mean you can't make it? I haven't told you the dates.
Speaker A
I'm sorry. What are the dates? No, you just said you couldn't make it and I didn't even tell you what the dates are.
Speaker A
N still Tinder. I'm sorry. Andy, we're trying to have a private conversation. Can we please?
Speaker A
Sorry. I'm not a liar. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. It's I don't always know the truth until I'm in it.
Speaker A
Are you sure? No. Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
Speaker A
Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex?
Speaker A
Does she shower after sex? Does she only pay cash when you go out because she doesn't want it to show up on a credit card bill? Does she email you from a secondary account? Do you want me to
Speaker A
keep going? Does she erase your texts when they show up on her phone? Does she have a second cell phone for use with you? Does she Yeah, she does all that. Sorry, dude.
Speaker A
Michael, do not let your imagination run a muck. Run what? A muk. It means don't let your imagination run out of control.
Speaker A
Why didn't you just say that, Pam? Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.
Speaker A
Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.
Speaker A
I used your card guy. Wait, is he sold at the mall? Yeah, he doesn't have a kiosk anymore.
Speaker A
He just operates out of the food court. Okay. Hey, stranger. Oh, hi. You work for Michael?
Speaker A
I work with Michael, right? White. Donna. Hi. How are you, Donna? Good. How are you?
Speaker A
Good. Ah, it's beautiful, isn't it? What? A cloud. What? Which cloud? It's a cloud of gnats.
Speaker A
I could follow a cloud of gnats around for hours. Well, I'm actually headed in for a workout, but it was great to bump into you.
Speaker A
Nice running into you. I'll walk you in. How do you like this place? I'm actually looking for a new gym. My last gym was a forest and a dull axe, which is now a log cabin.
Speaker A
I don't love it, but it's close to me. Uh-huh. Well, obviously something's working. A lot of buff guys coming out of there.
Speaker A
[laughter] What's that medicine ball situation? You have to check them out. All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him
Speaker A
the sad news. Hey, see you leave, but love to watch you go cuz you're butt.
Speaker A
Yeah, that's right. I didn't torpedo it. I didn't torpedo it. We're still dating. You were wrong. You were wrong.
Speaker A
Good. Good. Well, now you don't have to hide under reception. That's right. I don't. She totally forgives me. She understands.
Speaker A
She sounds like a very understanding woman. She's taking me to Vero Beach for being such an awesome boyfriend.
Speaker A
Really? Surf sex sand castles. Wow. How did I get that one wrong? Hey, everything okay?
Speaker A
Yes. I have this enormous weight on my shoulders that I'd like to get off my chest.
Speaker A
Okay. Remember last night I told you that my favorite movie was Frost Nixon. Well, I lied. It's ants. Oh, so I lied to you about that. And that feels good to get that off my chest. You should try that. Is there something you
Speaker A
would like to get off your chest? Yeah, there is. Okay. Remember when we were playing battleship and you got up to get more fla?
Speaker A
I peeked. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're a cheater. You're a cheater. You couldn't help it.
Speaker A
No, you couldn't. You're so bad. I'm bad. You're so bad. You're evil. There's another one.
Speaker A
Okay. I don't want you to walk me to my car. Okay. Hey, Kelly, have you been getting any calls about the Saber GH400 printers?
Speaker A
Yeah, people hate them. Really? Has anyone said that they like blow up or anything? I can't remember.
Speaker A
Can you check where in your records? Okay. I don't keep records, per se. Well, like in your files, whatever.
Speaker A
This would be I cue my stuffed animals in there. Great. Can I just um Okay, these are You're not going to find what you're looking for.
Speaker A
Yeah, that's a spreadsheet of shoe prices. So, uh maybe there's some way that you keep track of the calls that come in.
Speaker A
You know, I keep everything up here. Well, can you check in there? I can't. I can't.
Speaker A
How do you do what you do? How are you useful to anyone? Aaron, I've uncovered something pretty big.
Speaker A
If anything happens to me, I want you to read this letter. This has every feeling I've ever felt, everything I've ever wanted to say, but haven't had the courage to say to you. It's all in this letter.
Speaker A
But, and I can't emphasize this enough, if nothing happens to me, then don't don't read it.
Speaker A
Are you in some kind of trouble? I think I am. Yeah. It's some heavy It's some heavy stuff.
Speaker A
So, the entire thing was covered in butter. Turns out Donna's married. Did not see that coming.
Speaker A
What you going to do? Life's full of surprises. I'm always cold and I tell people to How do I know you're not a member of her family?
Speaker A
Uh because I thought you said you picked me out of a yellow pages. Yeah, her yellow pages. I wanted a randomly selected yellow pages from a public phone booth. Apparently, they don't exist anymore. Rise of the cell phone.
Speaker A
H Okay. Um shall we start? How does he feel about it? Yeah, I can see you really thought this through, Mike. I used to be a cheater till I saw Love Actually, that scene where Emma Thompson plays that Jonie
Speaker A
Mitchell song made me never cheat again. Of course, haven't been in relationship since then. I think that movie screw with my expectations about romance. You know, I don't follow this exactly. Uh, the descendants of any replicants from this
Speaker A
union shall have joint custody. Are we talking about your grandchildren? No. That's why we've specified descendants versus replicants.
Speaker A
Mhm. So, you're talking about a clone of your child? No. Clone has a porative connotation.
Speaker A
That's why we've agreed to use the word replicants. As I understand the technology, you don't understand the technology, which is why this whole contract should be null and void. Pearls before swine.
Speaker A
Okay. Uh let's move on to the next clause. The child shall be schooled in the art of the raper.
Speaker A
Ah, that's rapier, not raper. It's a kind of a sword. That's a misspelling. This contract is null and void.
Speaker A
Just throw out that clause. I never should have agreed to it anyway because guns are better.
Speaker A
It's not about killing. It's about the art of the killing. Maybe it should be about the art of spelling.
Speaker A
Look, if we can't agree on guns versus swords, how are we going to bring a child into this world?
Speaker A
Our child can use guns and swords. Okay, just add an eye to the raper. Done.
Speaker A
So, check this. I told you about my landlord's knockers, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Another comment's coming up.
Speaker A
Don't you hang up. I lost 25 lbs using this one ancient trick. Oh, well, congratulations on losing all the weight. You will never believe who this is.
Speaker A
Dr. Mifflin, this is Aaron. Please hold. Hi, thanks for holding. Oh, I'm sorry. Let me transfer you, Dr. Melton, this is Aaron.
Speaker A
Hi, Aaron. It's Kevin. Listen, we need some more chewy sweethearts. Kevin, there's so many in there. I'm sorry. I'm just really busy right now.
Speaker A
Right. Listen, there's not many purple and red ones, and they're the best. The yellow ones are disgusting. They just Well, they're pretty good, but the purple ones are much fruier.
Speaker A
See that painting right there? Yeah. There used to be a beautiful painting that hung on that wall that came with this furniture. And I think that Yonkers came in and switched out that painting for this crappy Monae. Are
Speaker A
you sure that happened? Oscar saw him do it. You know what else Yonkers did? They repainted the accounting area in the middle of the night. They stole Kevin's farting machine. And uh they were the reason I was unable to come to work on Monday.
Speaker A
Yonkers. Who did this? Someone tell me who did this. Sorry, none of us are snitches.
Speaker A
You guys think I've never been hazed before? Check out Bernard versus Sigmakai. Turns out an atomic wedgie is felony assault. By the way, great job picking a word that's super easy to nardify.
Speaker A
Are you a logic? And I said, "No, but you get that thing off my plate. I like what I like and I order what I order." Michael.
Speaker A
Well, yes. You ever heard of that Blue Corn Cafe? Yes. Really good. as well.
Speaker A
What's the opportunity? I'll make you some chili. I hate it when I know that I am 100% right about something and it turns out that I am totally wrong. Like when I was sure that there was this X-Man character
Speaker A
named Bonehead and I thought I was played by Dan Manuans and then I lost $100.
Speaker A
At least this I'm not losing any money. Daryl's probably still going to get fired but I don't know.
Speaker A
So, [snorts] am I in trouble? Not if you can tell me what 500 pictures of your own behind are doing on your computer.
Speaker A
Yeah. Well, but you're going to think that I'm weird. That is a danger. I have always had an awesome butt. The ladies, they love it. So, I will do whatever it takes to keep it. So, every day, I take a picture of my own butt to
Speaker A
make sure that it doesn't go the way of the rest of me. It's crazy. One day I just looked in the mirror at the rest of me and I was like, "Well, how did this happen?
Speaker A
He shouldn't have to go through this. Nobody should." Well, someone should picture this. Kid goes to print out his very first report card. Goes to show his parents report cards on fire. Everyone's on fire. Everyone dies. And the report
Speaker A
card, it was all A's. You ever play shuffleboard Michael? You know what? I keep trying, but Nana and her friends, it's such a click.
Speaker A
It's a very interesting sport because you you can't just get ahead, right? You got to knock other people off, too, right? You take other people down.
Speaker A
That's the game. And to make an analogy, it's like business. Shuffle board is like business because in business you have to shuffle stuff around so you don't get bored.
Speaker A
Right. I have come to the conclusion the Saber Corporation may be overlooking certain things.
Speaker A
That's a singing salesman. What is his name? Toby. No, that ain't Toby. It's I cannot wait to can this guy.
Speaker A
Wait, wait, wait. Okay. If you fire Andy, I quit. Oh, don't, Michael. Don't make me take you up on that.
Speaker A
We've been through a lot. The last time you visited today on the plane, that's got to count for something.
Speaker A
Michael, here's how it has to go down. No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop. Here's how it has to go down. I'm the boss. I'm not a secretary. I'm not a receptionist. I'm not in sales anymore. I am not a
Speaker A
warehouse guy. I am the boss. And I set the tone. I do. I'm the one who has to decide what is important and who is important. And I think Andy is important. You love this guy. I'm keeping him.
Speaker A
And you need to stop blaming everybody else for the fact that you went out and bought some cheap Chinese crap.
Speaker A
And you need to renegotiate some good Chinese crap. Korean. No, Chinese. It's very different.
Speaker A
You need to fire the exploding printers. Get in the car. Are you going to fire him?
Speaker A
Shut up. You're not. You're not going to fire him. Is the company admitting full liability?
Speaker A
No comment. How can you not have a comment? There are no comments at this juncture.
Speaker A
Doesn't answer any of our questions. No comment. How can you not have a comment? No questions at this time. Anything else?
Topics:The Office USSeason 6ComedyLost footageMichael ScottPam BeeslyJim HalpertOffice humorWeddingDunder Mifflin
