Identity Shifting Elite Course (3+ hours)

Learn a proven NLP-based self-concept model for deep, lasting identity shifting to build confidence and transform limiting beliefs.

Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.

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Key Takeaways

Identity shifting is about changing core self-beliefs, not just behaviors or external circumstances.
The self-concept model offers a structured, NLP-based approach for predictable and lasting identity transformation.
Real confidence and self-esteem grow naturally when identity aligns with valued qualities supported by life evidence.
Limiting beliefs persist because they are embedded in identity, so changing identity is key to overcoming them.
Understanding and working with values, time continuity, and positive intentions behind past experiences enhances the process.

What the video covers

The course teaches a unique, solid methodology for identity shifting based on the self-concept model created by Steve Andreas.
Identity shifting involves changing core beliefs about oneself to transform identity with predictable, lasting results.
The training emphasizes building real confidence through evidence from one’s life rather than faking it or relying on willpower alone.
Beliefs shape personal reality and identity is the foundational belief influencing all others.
The course explains how identity is formed mostly unconsciously from early life experiences and how to intentionally reshape it.
It addresses common misconceptions about affirmations, journaling, and discipline in identity change.
Participants learn to identify and transform values and qualities they want to embody, leading to automatic positive changes.
The training covers techniques like value solicitation, future pacing, and understanding time continuity in self-concept.
It highlights the importance of uncovering positive intentions behind past mistakes to resolve limiting beliefs.
Free additional resources are provided to support deeper learning and practice.

Chapters

What is the self-concept model in identity shifting?

The self-concept model, created by Steve Andreas, is an NLP-based framework that enables predictable and lasting transformation of identity by changing core beliefs about oneself.

How does identity shifting differ from using affirmations or journaling?

Unlike affirmations or journaling, which may not change core beliefs, identity shifting works by reorganizing how beliefs are structured in the mind, leading to deep and lasting changes in self-concept.

Why is changing identity important for overcoming limiting beliefs?

Because limiting beliefs are embedded in one’s identity, changing identity itself is essential to overcome these beliefs and create new, empowering self-perceptions that influence behavior and experience.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

Speaker A

Forget what you've heard and seen about identity shifting. No one is offering a solid methodology or approach to shifting identity like you're going to find in this training. Everything I teach here was created by my mentor, the legendary Steve Andreas. It's called the self-concept model. It's the only model that enables you to transform your identity at will and with predictable results. The changes are deep and lasting and will revolutionize how you feel about yourself. It builds real

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confidence and positive qualities using actual proof from your life instead of trying to fake it. Old limiting beliefs fade because you change how they're organized in your mind, not by digging into painful memories. New behaviors become part of who you are naturally and effortlessly. You will grow into a stronger, more competent version of yourself who lives a fulfilled life.

Speaker A

You're probably here because you saw my video on identity shifting and you thought to yourself, I want to know more about this. I want to know the actual details and you want to roll up your sleeves and you want to try this out. And that's what we're going to work on today. And, um, we will get into those details. Um, many of you commented about this wanting to know more and so I thought, okay, there's enough interest, uh, let's do this. Now one of the reasons why I made the video that I made is

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because this is something I've been doing for more than a decade and I have been seeing these identity shifting videos pop up and they give you pretty much the same advice every single time which does not work very well and some of it's good advice. Some of it, like I mentioned in the other video, I do myself. Like journaling is a wonderful practice, but it's not going to shift your identity. Um, and I'm going to show you some of why affirmations are problematic. Uh,

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Willpower, discipline. These are things I've addressed in other videos, so I won't go too much into that. But, uh, I know that you're probably hungry for more. You want to know how to actually do this. So, that's, that's why I was, I'm so excited, uh, to get into the, the details of it. Okay. Okay. So, what you need to understand is how identity is even created. Like that's, that's a huge part of this is just having that understanding. And the truth is, is that it is mostly been a haphazard thing

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throughout your life. Starting from when you were born, you are just piling in these experiences. Your mind is trying to organize it. Most of this is happening unconsciously. You're, you know, when you're a little kid or baby and even a little kid, you're not very intentional about these things. Now, as we cultivate a consciousness and we become more self-aware, we, we become more intentional. However, the, the beliefs have already been pretty well set in your life. And you spend a lot

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pretty much the rest of your life trying to get yourself to do other things other than what seems to be happening or what a lot of people use the word manifesting. So, in this process, you're also going to learn how self-esteem and confidence is created. And that is kind of a byproduct of being the you you want to be. And again, I'll, I'll dive deeper into this as we go. So, what is identity shifting? It's really just anytime you change a belief about yourself. We, we

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have a lot of beliefs. The most powerful beliefs are the ones about you. In fact, your identity is a belief. And I know that might sound strange to you right now, but you'll understand it as we get into this. So, what is important, uh, about identity shifting? Why, why do we even want to do this? So, like I was saying, beliefs are really what all of this is based on. Beliefs not only govern your reality, they create your reality. Now I'm not saying that there isn't an external world with objects

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that we bump into. There is, right? But obviously we are living different experiences each one of us. In fact, you can have two people, uh, pretty much in the same community, same environment, same age, same sex, same nurturing to the mo to, uh, to an extent and they end up living completely different experiences. You even have twins that do that. You know, you couldn't be more, they couldn't have a more similar external world nurturing them and bringing them up, but they

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could be living very different experiences. Well, how is that possible? That all comes down to your beliefs and how your beliefs are created. Now, uh, and and your identity being the mother of all those beliefs. If you can think about a tree trunk being like your identity, that's, that's the core of your beliefs. You cannot have beliefs about the world around you unless you have a belief that you exist, that you're here, a felt sense of, of being. And all of your other beliefs are

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governed by that identity, your self-concept. And so we can incur and we can encounter challenges in the world that seem like limitations, like everywhere I go, I can't make anything work. That was something I used to say to myself and that was a belief that was a belief that was emerging from me given, uh, expression through words. And so when we catch ourselves saying things like that now we're talking, uh, we're involving the external world everywhere I go, right?

Speaker A

When you have such beliefs from this point on stop and ask yourself what must I believe about myself for that to be true and you'll start getting some interesting answers. And this is where you can start to understand where you need to work on your identity, where you need to work on your self-concept. And if you think about a person who believes they live in a hostile world and a lot of people feel this way and they actually objectively don't live in a hostile world, their life is not being

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threatened, but they feel unsafe. They feel insecure. They have a lot of doubts. Then you can ask yourself if, if you're feeling that and that something I used to feel too. What must I believe about myself if I believe that I live in a hostile world? Well, probably you believe that you're a victim. And again, I felt this way. I felt like the world was kind of knocking me around. I felt like driftwood. That was often a metaphor that I used. And this is where we want to go. So if I

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change my belief about the world, there will be a sense of a change. It will be, it will be better than what I have now. But what if I change that belief about myself that I'm no longer a victim, I'm something else instead. That's where this becomes extremely powerful. Another belief I used to have is that I was a failure. And when you have these beliefs about yourself, they follow you wherever you go because you are you show up everywhere you go. If I'm not doing well in business or my

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career, I can change careers. I can change the business or if the economy in the area where I have my business isn't going very well, I can move to a different place where the economy is doing better. But if I believe I'm a failure, I will find a way to fail no matter where I go. I can't hide from that. Right? And so this is why this is so powerful. We take our limitations wherever we go, especially when there are limitations about who we are. So I also want to say there is a lot of

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this. There's a lot. It's not really hard. It's just a lot of details to it. So, I've put more resources in the description below this video that you can access. They're free and I'll talk more about that later. Uh, please take full advantage of, uh, of the free stuff. It, it's, it's, it's where you want to start. I also want to say I did not come up with this. I would love to take credit for it because it's absolutely brilliant, but I did not come up with this. My mentor, the late Steve Andreas.

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He's the one who created this model and it is a neural linguistic programming model. I know, uh, that there's some controversy around NLP. I've even addressed that in other videos. Uh, some people think it's pseudoscience, some people think it doesn't work. I'm not going to go into that here because I've already add

Speaker A

Okay. So, let's get into how this works. I'm going to show you how how you create your sense of self. Switch over to my tablet here. Okay. So, we have experiences at the at the base level. This is like the DNA of what creates beliefs. We call that just experience.

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And experience is subjective. Uh you can say well no I actually did experience that and I believe you you had your experiences but experiences have a beginning and an end which means they also have a middle life is not that you have been living one continuous stream of consciousness. You don't remember being born. You're obviously not dead because you're watching this right now. So what we do in order to organize all this information that's hitting us all at

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once is we have to break it up. Right? We have a we mark in a beginning and we mark out an end. And we can actually change that. It's completely arbitrary. And if you had say the same experience as someone else, like maybe you went to an event with someone at the same time and you compared notes on when your sense of when that experience began and when that experience ended, you probably have different a different sense of that. And so this is why I'm saying it

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is arbitrary in this time frame can be changed and it does affect the way that you feel about the experience. So we have experiences and we're going through life and we start to select and collect information and we turn them into experiences and we select and collect these experiences and they start to cluster until they start to create what we call generalizations. And when you hear me use that word, I also use generalization and the word belief interchangeably for the purposes of what

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we're doing here. They pretty much mean the same thing. Okay, I know we could argue semantics about which one means what, but that's just in general know that I'm I'm meaning the same thing. So, as we have these experiences and we start to notice similarities in certain experiences, we start to select and collect and they cluster and they turn into a generalization. In the video that I did that you probably saw, I talked about how a kid can make an A on a test. When they're in grade school, the

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teacher says, "Oh, wow. You're smart." You bring that test home. Mom says you're smart. Then dad says you're smart. Then mom puts it on the refrigerator and then the neighbor comes over and you overhear the neighbor saying, "Wow, your kid's smart." So you have all of this confirmation from this experience. This is this means something about me. And it also means that I'm this thing called smart, which maybe I don't fully understand yet. But as I go through life, I start selecting and

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collecting these experiences to confirm yes, I indeed I am smart. And then unfortunately the same thing happens for a kid who's maybe told that he or she is stupid and then they select and collect that information. Enough of that they start to generalize themselves as being unintelligent or dumb. And that's really unfortunate but that's that's life. So when you select and collect enough of these experience until they start to generalize into uh aspects of who you are, aspects of

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who you believe you are, this is where we get qualities. And you would have heard me mentioning this in that video. Qualities are also generalizations. Qualities are also beliefs. So one way that I could just easily define this for you is a quality is a generalization about an aspect of who you are. Good or bad. I don't make a distinction between positive or negative. Anytime you have we refer to a quality, it's a generalization about an aspect of who you are that you're making about

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yourself, not what anyone else is making about you. Okay? And as we select and collect all of these qualities, a bigger generalization at a higher logical level starts to generalize into a sense of self. And we call this identity. And this is your felt sense of self. That's why when you think about who you are, right away you probably just say, "Well, I just feel that." Because it's a very big generalization. Not only is it a very big generalization, it's the only

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generalization you have that transcends space and time. And that's why when you shift your identity, you are also shifting your felt sense of who you are and who you believe yourself to be through all time and space. And what do I mean by that? When you think of when you were younger, when you were three years old, you refer to that younger you as when I was three years old, not when he or she was 3 years old. So that I generalization encompasses all of your experiences into

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the past. Now, if you think about it, when you were 3 years old, were you the same person? Then you we get into, well, what what makes us who we are? If you say we are our beliefs, well, your beliefs now are very different than when you were three years old. At least I hope so. And if you think, well, okay, well, we're the body. We're our body. Well, you have shed every single cell more than once since you were 3 years old. So, you're actually living in a completely different body. And it looks

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different, right? We're bigger and we look different. So, everything has changed. Your beliefs have changed. Your your body's changed. But yet you still connect it all within this continuous generalization we call self identity self-concept. So when you change this generalization it transcends time. It generalizes through time and it also the same for the future. And this is why you want to start shifting your identity right away because when you start shifting your

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identity it it it generalizes into the future as well. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So anything any limiting belief you have about yourself now any limiting quality or quality you don't like about yourself that you don't value that is continuing to generalize into the future that's why it feels so hard to change because you are perpetuating this generalizing it into the future but if you change it right now that all changes when you shift your identity when you when you

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transform a quality that new quality trans uh generalates uh generates generalizes into the future and that's what makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy. So if I go from feeling like a failure, I believe I'm a failure and then I transform that belief into into I'm a success and this is not fake it till you make it. Okay, this is there's nothing fake about this. I will show you why why this is not fake. And you can may be thinking well how can I transform that? How can I do that like in a day?

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You absolutely can. Okay? Because right now, whatever your limiting beliefs are, like when I believed I was a failure, I was overlooking all of the times that I had succeeded in my life and instead I was putting emphasis on all the times that I failed. Well, that those experiences clustered and generalized into a felt sense of I'm a failure. And when I transformed that into I am a success based on now overlooking the failures, not getting trying to get rid of them, not deleting them, accepting

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them, but overlooking them and putting my attention onto I'm a success. Now that began to generalize into the future. And what that did is it became a self-fulfilling prophecy because I started to see opportunities to take advantage of and I fulfilled that belief about myself. And so when when we have that felt sense, how we feel about that is where self esteem comes from. When I like that felt sense about myself, then I get self-esteem. Then I get confidence about myself. Then I feel

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good about me. Okay? And not in any fake sort of way. I want to emphasize that because there's so much of this fake it till you make it kind of stuff. And that is just not where it's at. You cannot fake this. When you fake, it feels fake. You're practicing being fake. So, another way to look at this. Oh, one more thing about this before I go into a metaphor. This is where we do the work. And this is why you can't change your identity headon. And that's what a lot of these

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people are saying. A lot of the advice they're giving you is saying, you know, go directly to the identity or, you know, try to pretend like you're someone else and or try to go out and have those new experiences, but you're still going to be anchored down to what you believe you are. So despite the new experiences that you're trying to have, it still will snap you back to where you are. It's extremely difficult to to just try to like white knuckle this and and push

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through it and then just start having new experiences. it it's possible but it would take a very long time because you have throughout your entire life you have all these beliefs that are form the foundation of your identity. So this chunk size right here of qualities is manageable. We can transform at this level and every time you transform a quality it transforms a piece of your identity. And you do this enough times and you will transform your entire identity. And I

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will show you how do you know where to to start with that as well because when you think about it, you might be thinking, wow, there's a lot of qualities that I would like. Yes, there are. And there's a way to organize this and um get an understanding of of how to work on this. Now, one of the things that um I think a metaphor that I can show you, you've probably heard a similar metaphor like this before. Now, I did not go to art school. Don't judge me. And you've heard that an iceberg

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is much bigger beneath the surface of the water than on the top of the water. And we even say things like the tip of the iceberg, right? Well, that's where self-esteem really is. Self-esteem is the tip of the iceberg. So, if you're trying to change your self-esteem, and this is what often people do um with affirmations, you're just you're trying to push this thing when you've got all of this beneath it. Another way to describe trying to to use affirmations or or trying to change your

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self-esteem directly is let's say you were driving in your car and the gas gauge starts showing empty and instead of pulling over for gas, you break the gauge and force it to f that where it says full. Now, that's not going to put gas in your tank. You're faking it. You're you're making it look as if your your tank is full. That's not going to help you. So affirmations, trying to trying to force your self-esteem, trying to force yourself to like yourself, that's that's

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what that is. And so we know that that doesn't work. And then the same thing with identity. It's too big of a generalization to try to to try to change headon. You have to change this underlying structure here to make this happen. Now, another way you can think about this, and it's not exact. So this is not a an exact uh way of thinking about this, but it there's a lot of truth to it. You can think of what is above the water of the iceberg, what you're conscious of.

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What's below it is what is unconscious. And there's more going on in your unconscious than there is going on in your conscious. And this is what NLP is all about. It's about taking these unconscious structures, bringing them into consciousness, changing them, restructuring them to suit you, to serve you. And this is beliefs. And then letting them slip back into unconsciousness because we don't want to be self-conscious. You know, we have to do we have to be self-conscious to do the

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work. We have to be conscious of self to do the work. But we want to let this go. We don't want to be walking around wondering, am I this? Am I that? That's that's not going to serve you. That's the the opposite of being confident. So the reason why I say this is not exact is because you can be conscious. So you're mostly conscious of your self-esteem, which means how you feel about yourself. You have self-awareness. You're conscious of parts of your identity, not all of it. And with

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qualities and experiences, of course, you have some level of consciousness about your experiences. You can recall experiences. You can think of the qualities about who you are. You can articulate that. What you're not conscious of is how this shapes your identity. That's what you're not conscious of. But you can be you can become conscious about this. And this is why this this model is so extraordinary. So like I said the what's below the water. This is where we do the

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transformation. This is where we do the identity shifting. Okay. Where do we want to go here?

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So, let's talk about values. Oh, I can talk about it while we're still here. So, when your qualities that you believe about yourself aligns with your values, that's when you get self-esteem. That's when you get confidence. When they don't align with your values, meaning you believe negative things about yourself. You believe things about yourself that you don't value or you value certain values and you don't believe you are those values. That's where suffering happens.

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That's where lower self-esteem happens. That's where you don't you you limit your potential or you you don't fulfill your potential because you don't believe you can. And that's really sad that this is mo how most of us are living. But it again it doesn't have to be that way. So what is a value? A value is a generalization about an experience that is important to you. And that's according to my mentor Steve Andreas. A generalization about an experience that is important to you. So if you value

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kindness, that's one of your values because you've had experiences of kindness, probably being kind and receiving kindness, and you value that. So when your behavior aligns with that value, you feel good about yourself. If you value happiness and you do something that makes you happy, you feel good about yourself. If you value success and you do behaviors that align with the kind of success you want, you're going to feel good about yourself. The problem is for most people is that

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the moment they stopped doing that exact behavior, their self-esteem drops back down. Why? Because we don't believe that we are successful. We don't believe that we are kind or we don't believe that we are happy. And like I said, that governs everything. So this is why you might see extremely successful people and I majority of people I coach are very successful people who don't believe it and this is where we get imposttor syndrome and if you don't believe it or

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you don't believe you deserve it you will find a way to destroy it and and we see this we've seen very successful people destroy their successes destroy their lives now people who are not very successful they often believe that they're not good enough or they don't deserve it. Some of you have seen that video I did where I'm coaching the guy Aaron who we had to dig for it. Um that part I kind of left out of the video, but he started we as I started to move him closer and closer to

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these um transforming these qualities into qualities that he valued. He bumped up against some serious resistance and that was a belief that he didn't deserve it. And it wasn't anything specific. That was the interesting thing about it. It was just a general belief of not being not deserving. And I didn't work on that belief with him to get him to believe he deserved it because that would have been another problem. We dissolve the belief entirely because there is no good belief for that. We

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were born into this world with no guarantees, naked and vulnerable. And nobody does nobody owes you anything. And that's a much freer place to live from. Much freer than thinking you deserve. Because when we think we deserve or we believe we deserve and we don't get what we what we want that creates resentment and that will hold you back. That's resentment is poison. Okay. So let's see did I get through the values enough.

Speaker A

So what we do is we identify our values and that's how we decide which qualities we want to transform. And every time you go from believing you're something that you don't value to transforming that into a belief that you are what you value, you are the quality that you value, you feel it right away. You will feel it in your self-esteem. You will feel it in your confidence. And like I said, from that point on, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And it it just becomes automatic. You

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don't have to fight so hard for it. And I'm not saying that you don't have to work for it. You don't have to do anything for it. Of course you do. You will have to take action. You will have to do these things. I would never say that you don't have to do that. But it becomes automatic because you believe it. You do it.

Speaker A

Okay. Now, I want you to keep in mind, and we're about to get into the first uh what we call the process elements of self-concept. Uh I want you to keep in mind that this is a model and this what I'm giving you today is a piece of the model. There is more to it. And if you're interested in more the more to it, uh you can let me know in the comments and I'll um I'll I'll do more because I I love talking about this. I love teaching it. It's the It's been my work for the past 10 years.

Speaker A

I teach it and it's the basis of all of my coaching and I have coaches who I've trained who also uh use this model to coach and and coach identity shifting and transformation. And again uh you can check out those resources in the desript description below here. Uh we do have training to train you on how to do this which means you can use the model on yourself. Uh, we do have coaching training that trains you into being able to coach others doing it like like I do and like

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my coaches do. And then if you're not really interested in learning it, that's fine. Uh, we also have coaches, like I said, who can just coach you through it and so you don't actually have to learn it. One thing I want you to keep in mind is again with the whole self-esteem thing, which is actually what we're really after, right? Uh, we want to feel good. We want to feel good about ourselves. So because we don't work at the level of self-esteem, we go deeper

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to the level of qualities. Self-esteem and confidence is a byproduct of transformation, a byproduct of identity shifting. And this just takes the burden off of us. It's so much easier to work at the level of structure in the ways that I'm going to show you than to try to force your self-esteem or force yourself to like yourself. It just doesn't work. All right. So this is what I call the process elements or rather my mentor did.

Speaker A

So to do this um it's best if you do it as I walk you through it. That's the best way to learn this so that you can experience it. I want you to think about a quality that you like about yourself and that you feel certain about. So, what's a quality about you that you feel certain about and that you also like about yourself? And we want to find qualities that are sort of in the mid-range. Okay. If you say, "Well, I can drive a car." It's not really a quality. That's more like

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that's a more of a skill. And that's not really going to work for this because skills are things that you have to cultivate over time. Right? You don't you're not going to be good at something like that's skill-based right right away. There's not an NLP technique to give you a skill that you don't have. You have to build the skill. So, we're not looking at we're not at that level with skills. We're looking for intermediate qualities. Intermediate qualities could be I'm

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intelligent, I'm kind, I'm fun, I'm loving, I'm joyful, compassionate. These are what I'm referring to as mid-level qualities. Happiness is a little high. Um, but some people are big chunk people, uh, big picture kind of people, and they can work with large ones like that. Probably easier for you though if you start with something more intermediate. So, think about that. What's a quality about yourself that you feel very certain about and that you like about yourself?

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And here's a a tip as well. Do not compare yourself to others when it comes to these qualities. This is the biggest mistake that people make. They start comparing themselves to others and it's like okay I you know I feel like I'm an intelligent person. I'm really certain about that. And then you start thinking about other intelligent people and you start going are they more intelligent me than me? Yeah I think they are more intelligent. Stop that. That's not what

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we're doing here. It will not serve you to compare yourself to others to think about to yourself. What do you feel certain about for yourself that you validate? That's what we're looking for. Now, we don't want to go too up there as well. What we call the logical levels, something like I'm a child of God or I'm an aware speck of matter in an infinite universe. Okay? So, this doesn't give us much detail about who you are. If someone told you that, you wouldn't know

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much about them. But if someone said to you, "Well, I'm a kind person." And you took them at their word, you know what that means. You know what they're talking about. You know what kindness is. You might still have different differing ideas about what it means to be kind, but in general, you know what that means. So, we need we need to be specific enough, but we don't want to be too specific like I drive a car or I'm an accountant or I'm a parent. That doesn't tell us much about who you are.

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It doesn't tell you much about who you are just by the word. So, pick a quality that says something about who you are that people would understand. If you were to tell them this is who I am or this is part of who I am, they would understand it. And we also want to make sure that you do feel certain about this because if you model uncertainty and you try to use that to transform other qualities, you're just going to make those qualities feel uncertain. So that's not what we want either.

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So when you think about a quality that you feel certain about and that you like about yourself, the first question is how do you know you are that quality? What pops up? What comes to mind? The first thing that comes up probably is a representation. A representation in your mind. And for most of you, it's probably going to be visual. But not all of you. Some people are more auditory. Some people are more kinesthetic. And when I say kinesesthetic, I mean tactile and

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propriceptive kinesesthetic, not emotional and evaluative. Because that's what a lot of people say. They say, "Well, I just feel it." Okay, that's not going to give us any good information. Of course, you feel it. We all feel that. We all feel that emotional or evaluation. If you go to a a restaurant and you look at the menu, you go down, you see what you want, you compare it to other things, and then you get a felt sense of what do I want to eat? That's an evaluative feeling. So the

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information was on the menu or maybe you imagine what these foods were like and then the response was this evaluative feeling. So we get evaluated feelings and we get emotional feelings. But that's not what we're looking for when I say kesthetic. This is a big misunderstanding in NLP. A lot of people practice NLP and they never understand this. So if there's kinesthetic sensations, that would be the basketball player who knows when they shoot a free throw that that ball

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is going in the basket because they can feel the way it it left their hands. And that's that touch and their body alignment that lets them know even before it goes into the the basket that it's going in. Like that's the kind of kesthetic I'm talking about. And most people don't code their qualities this way. They can if it was a a quality of loving. You might have these experiences of giving people nice warm hugs and you might actually feel that warm sensation

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of someone's arms wrapping around you. So it could be that way. But most people for most people it's going to be visual. Uh there are going to be some auditory people. And most of us use a combination. So we're not all one modality. You know we're not all visual. We're not all auditory. We use them all. Okay. And and some people say, "Well, I don't see visuals." That's not true. You do. If you didn't see visuals, you wouldn't be able to recognize people you

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know. You wouldn't be able You wouldn't be able to find your way home. Uh you wouldn't be able to recognize your home at all. So, we do see visuals. You have to get quiet with yourself and draw on this information to become conscious of it. And it might take a few moments. You might have to sit with it for a little while. Just be patient with yourself. Don't try to force it. that if you try to force it, it makes it feel like it pushes it away. So, how do you know you are this quality?

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You probably get an init initial representation, like I said, or maybe a voice or something like that. That's a representation. So, an internal voice or uh you see an image. And then if you go into this a little bit more, you're going to realize that you have many experiences of being this quality. And that's how this generalization was created. And that's what makes it feel so certain number of examples. You're able to access many examples throughout your life of being this quality. So that's

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why you it feels so certain. So the one I always use my most solid certain quality always has been even before I was doing this work is that I'm a persistent person. And when I if somebody somebody were to ask me that, I could answer very quickly, very congruently because an image pops up and it's an image of a movie in my mind of an actual memory, an actual lived memory of persisting with something so for so long that my father, who rarely gave me compliments, said,

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"You're a persistent person." And I said, "Well, what do you mean?" And I was probably about 10 years old. And he said, "Well, you didn't quit. you kept going and I thought, "Oh, that's what that feeling is." Up until that point, I didn't really have a name for it. And that's what really solidified that quality for me. And so, I had already had many examples in my life of being persistent. And then I had many examples in my life after that. And so, as I was going through life selecting and

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collecting information, anytime I had one of those experiences, boop, I put it in my database of examples of me being persistent. And that's how I clustered. And that's how I began feeling very certain and I already had a very positive way of looking at this because my father was giving me this compliment. This must be a good thing. I feel good about this. Right? So it would raise my self-esteem anytime I would act in a p and when I would when I would persist

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and every time I would have one of those experiences it would strengthen that quality even more. So you have number a number of examples. Now maybe only a few come up for you right now. That's okay. just means that a lot of them are unconscious. So the next part of this is location. Now location is not the location of where you live these experiences. Okay? Location is in your personal space. Believe it or not, your thoughts, your ideas, your representations are

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appearing in your personal space. So most of the time when I'm working with people, they're visual and I can see where their eyes go and that lets me know where they're accessing their examples. And I know for myself that I access my examples here anytime I have a quality that feels very certain and I think about well how do I know that the examples appear right here visually slightly above eye level to my left. Now, that does not mean that that's how you should do it. Everybody has their

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own way of coding things in their personal space that makes them feel certain, that makes them feel uncertain. So, there's all different ways of doing this. You want to find your way of doing it. What where is the location of your examples in your personal space that makes this quality feel certain? Because location is a huge part of this. Now, you might say, well, I hear voices. Well, those voices have a location. Oftentimes when people are very auditory, their voices or sounds,

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whatever they use, is usually around their ears, somewhere around here. And you'll even see them look in either direction to their ears. Now, there can, like I said, there can be kesthetic examples, but they're very rare. And I mostly have only seen it whenever I've coached athletes, and it usually is specific to whatever context they do their sport in. not so consistent in other uh areas of their life. So you are going to have a number of representations, a number of

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examples that show you times in your life when you were being this quality and they will arise in a particular location in your personal space. Now a lot of times people say well it's in my head that that's possible but most of the time that's not true. People think that because our brain is in our head and so they automatically think, "Well, it must be in my head." Usually not true. So, if I'm seeing my examples of being persistent, that means they're in front

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of me, right? If they were in my head, I couldn't see them. I'd have to like look kind of like look backward. And some people do that sometimes. You'll see them kind of do this like as almost as if they're trying to see something inside their head. So, if that's you, if you really think that your examples are inside of your head, it might be a good idea to just allow yourself to pull them out and let them land anywhere in your personal space and see what happens. And

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if the quality still feels certain and solid, that's probably a good location for it. If it feels less certain, less solid, then maybe move it around until you find a good location. But it's really hard to see things if you feel like they're being stored behind your eyes. It's really hard to hear things um if they're too far away, too distant. Uh that's sometimes can come up. Most of the time voices and sounds are going to be around the ears. All right. So, we have location.

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And then we have another one. How are you accessing these examples? Is it one at a time or is it simultaneously? So, one at a time. That's the way that I do it. And again, this doesn't mean that this is the right way. It just it's just the way that I do it. you want to find the way that you do it. So, I access my examples one at a time right here. I only see one at a time, but some people see all of their examples spread out and like a collage or mosaic. Um, it doesn't, like I said, there's not

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one right way or the other. I can I can spread mine out and see them all and it feels like, wow, there's a lot. It doesn't it doesn't bring the quality down. And if I leave it that way and I go to bed and I wake up the next morning and I check my database, they're back here. For whatever reason, that's the way that my mind likes to organize it. And that's okay. So, some of you are going to have um what we call sequential

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and some of you are going to have what we call simultaneous. Find out how you do this.

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Okay, moving along. You also want to find out which modalities are you using and that would be visual, auditory and kesthetic. I've already discussed this because it kind of comes up uh no matter what when we're going through this. So, are are these examples visual? Are they auditory? Are they both? A lot of people do both. And in fact, what makes something feel really certain is often times when we're using more than one modality. And why would that be? More information makes something feel more certain and solid. The more you know about something, the more certain it feels. So, if you have

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both visual information and auditory information, it's probably going to feel more solid. Now, that doesn't work for everyone because some people get overwhelmed. It's like too much information and so they need to only use one or the other. So, an example of this would be uh too much information. I do this myself. If I'm if I can't if I don't know where I'm at while I'm driving and I'm trying to figure it out, I I need to turn the radio down or off. I I want no sound because I need to

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focus. So, that's kind of how this works. But, uh, at the same time, if I were to watch a movie with no sound, I would lose interest in that movie real quick because it I don't know what's going on. I don't know enough about what's going on. The the pretty images and the pretty actors and all that in the movie is probably not enough to sustain my attention. And then you might also get some kesthetic touch uh propriception feelings. Propriception being how you

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know how you can feel your body in in space. So like if I close my eyes, I know that I'm waving my hand. I don't have to see me waving my hand to know that that I'm doing it. I feel it in my body. That's what propriception is. And then we want to go to association

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association and dis association. So association is when I think of a memory, do I see myself in the memory or do I pop into the memory as if I'm actually there in my body reliving that experience? And we can do this right now. Like right now I feel very associated because I'm very present and so I'm in my body. Now I can imagine myself stepping outside of my body and I can imagine I'm observing myself. Now that can be useful. Um, but it can also take away from being

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present. And that's often what we're doing when we're very self-conscious. We're kind of like observing ourselves. And it can be useful when we're stuck in a problem. And if we disassociate, often times we can get we get out of the stuck state and we can access new information and we can maybe solve a problem that we're stuck in. But in general, we want to live from the in the moment being more present with the ability to disassociate as we want. So what are your memories like? What are your

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examples like? Are you disassociated or associated? There's no one right way to do this. It just it's a matter of what makes this quality and your examples feel stronger. So when I first started doing this work, pretty much all of my examples were disassociated. And that made sense to me because in the moment I didn't know that I was being these qualities. Like in the moment of being persistent, I didn't think, oh, here I am being persistent. that's just not what I was thinking. So

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I often would see myself when I could step back and look back at it and evaluate myself I was like okay yeah that's me being persistent. Now, when you associate into the memory, it will feel more real. And for a lot of people, that makes the quality feel more certain. But not everybody because again, when you're fully associated, you might not have been thinking to yourself or or really feeling it or evaluating yourself as you being that quality in the moment.

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It's different for everybody. And my databases have changed a little bit. Now they're about half associated, half disassociated. And I think the reason for that is mainly doing this work. I'm more aware of when I'm being my qualities than when I'm not. And that's really important. And that's something that as you do this work, you start to to do more and more. Uh because what we call this is sensitivity to feedback. So when I know when I'm not being in alignment with one of the qualities that

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I value, I know it. I I can tell it. I can feel it. And so that tells me it's time to course correct. It's time to get back into alignment with that. Without that sensitivity, you could be going completely in the wrong direction, going against what you value and not even know it. So, like I said, there's no one right way or wrong way to do this. It's not like association is better than disassociation or anything like that. And what you might find is you might do

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a bit of both. And I do that as well. So, as I'm going through my examples one at a time, seeing myself. So, if I can see myself, I know that I'm disassociated. And if I stay on that, if I stop on a on an example and I I I look at it for a bit, I will naturally step into the memory and associate. So a lot of people do things that way. Um or you could start off associated and then disassociated. It it really depends on how your mind naturally works. Okay. And

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then last but not least, we have what we call submodalities. This was an invention of NLP. And these are the finer details of your modality. So if you're very if you're visual the subm modalities would be well how big is the image. So mine are about this big. So that's one submodality the the size of the image. Um another subm modality is that my images are movies. They're not still images. Some people they have still images like a picture rather than a movie. That's another submodality. A

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subodal another subodality of visual would be how rich are the colors or are they faded? Is it are the images bright or are they dim? So these are what we call submodalities and we have subm modalities for auditory as well. That would be volume. How loud is the sound? Is it high? Is it low? Uh what is the tone like? Is it is it really deep or is it really high pitched? Um so there's you can explore the subodalities of auditory. You can also explore the subodalities of

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kinesesthetic. So touch could be smooth, rough, warm, cold. I've done an entire video on this or multiple videos on submodalities. So if you're want to learn do a more deep dive into some modalities, you can check out those videos. So what we're doing is we're finding the coding of how you create a quality that you feel very certain about. This acts as a map. This tells you what makes you feel certain about something. So when you think about a quality you would like to

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have but you don't feel certain about, you can map that information in to this template. This map that that makes you feel certain about qualities of who you are. So, for example, let's go back to that what I was saying before is if I feel like I'm a failure, that tells me that I'm paying much more attention to the examples in my life of when I when I failed at things. And not only that, I am structuring them in such a way that it feels very certain. In fact, I'm pretty sure I structured those

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failures right here where I feel certain. So when I was doing this work, the idea here is to think about times when I had succeeded. Even the smallest examples, every example counts. There's no reason to leave out any examples. Sometimes people say, "Well, no, I want to raise my standard." That doesn't help you. Every bit of information, every bit of evidence of you being a quality that you value, no matter how big or small, counts. So you would start thinking of

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those times and you start putting them in your template and you would and it will start to feel stronger. You will start to feel more certain about that. Now you might be wondering what do I do with all these examples of failing. We would call those counterexamples. Counterexamples meaning they're counter to something you value. That's a different training. There's a whole lot that we do on counterexamples and here's why. Because it's really those counter examples that we learn the

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most from and we can transform them in such a way that we we learn from them and they don't bother us anymore and actually we want them integrated into our qualities because that makes the qualities feel even stronger. I know that sounds very counterintuitive but it's actually true. Again, this is just a piece of the model that I'm giving you. Uh it would it would take me a very long time to give you the entire model. So a piece at a time.

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So how do you uncover these qualities that you value that you don't feel certain about? That's what we call a value solicitation.

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And some of you I think have already gone on to watch. It was like two and a half hours of a training that I did. I live streamed. It's still on my channel. It's linked to that first video. It's linked to this video. And in that training, I go full on showing you how to do a value solicitation. And I show you the process that I was that I'm talking about where we go down the list and you now uh reference these values as qualities of yourself and how certain you are about them. And it's the

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qualities. It's these values that you value as qualities. When you ask yourself, am I this quality? And if it feels uncertain, that's where you know the work needs to be done. Because if you're not believing in a certain and solid way that you are those qualities that you value, you will suffer. You will limit yourself. You will your self-esteem will stay lowered and your confidence will stay lowered. So, like I said before, anytime you act in alignment with one of your values,

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you feel good about yourself. Your self-esteem goes up. And a lot of the practices out there are all about trying to move that dial on your self-esteem, even though they might not use that word. And even in NLP, anchoring states, that's like a big thing, a big tool. And I don't use that so much anymore. And the reason why is because you don't really need it so much when you believe you are that quality. Then the self-esteem and the confidence are automatic. You it's not your states

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are not stable. Beliefs are stable. Especially beliefs about yourself. Why? Because you take you wherever you go. So if you believe you are successful, you will be you will find success. You will find a way to be successful no matter where you go. If you believe you are happy, you will find a way to be happy no matter where you go. And the opposite is true. If you believe you're a failure, no matter where you go, you will find a way to fail. No matter how much someone can give you to succeed,

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you'll find a way to sabotage it. And the same thing with happiness and unhappiness. If you believe you're an unhappy person, it doesn't matter how many good things will happen in your life, you'll find a way to be unhappy. And I'm not saying that as a shame and blame kind of thing. It's just how this mechanism works. It's how this structure works. We need to change the structure. And so what I'm giving you here with the process elements, this is structure,

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right? I'm not saying uh make up things about yourself. I'm not saying, you know, say affirmations. the content if you if you're if you're what we're mostly conscious of is the content of our examples in life, the content of our experiences, but I'm showing you is the structure of them. And it's the structure that really tells you how to feel about them. How these how this information is organized. It's very unconscious. And that's why most people don't know how to do this.

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So, you go to the structure, you make the structure conscious, and you change the structure. And it's a lot easier to change structure than it is try trying to change content. Oh, and also uh in the description below this video is the value solicitation PDF. You can get that for free and it's just the exercise of how to do it, how to step by step elicit your values and then cross reference them as qualities. And like I said, you'll also find a link to that entire training in there. So

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identity shifting doesn't have to be left up to fantasizing and faking being something that you're not. That's really the good news. So you don't have to convince yourself of these things. You already have this information inside of you. You already have these experiences inside of you. You don't have to go out and have new experiences when you access those experiences and restructure them so they feel very certain. And that's the unconscious information that you're uh

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projecting in the world around you. then it's automatic, then it becomes natural. So, the entire model is really a step-by-step process of how to make these transformations. And the wonderful thing is is that when you make these transformations, they stick just like all of your beliefs that you already have right now that are governing your reality. You're creating your reality. You're not practicing those. Those are there. They're solid. They're they're interpreting your reality. They're

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selecting and collecting information to keep it going, whether that's positive or negative. So when you make these transformations, you don't have to practice them. You might want to go back periodically and tune them up because you've lived more experiences. You have more insight. You're more clear about what these qualities mean to you. You know more about what you want out of life. And so sometimes you can go back and and tune them up a bit. The way to create the life that you want

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to live is by becoming the person who has that life, the person you value, the person you feel good about, the person who takes advantages of the opportunities around them, takes action, not afraid because you're not afraid of [snorts] failing because if you believe you're a success, you know that failure is part of the process. It's just part of the process. Does when you fail does not mean that you're not a success. Doesn't mean you're a bad person. uh or you're not good enough or not

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deserving or any of these things. When you do enough of these trans transformations, those things burn out and you won't ever see yourself the same again. So, I know this is a lot and I'm already and I'm telling you that there's more to it. So, you might be thinking to yourself, do I really want to do this? Well, what else are you going to do? want to just sit around and hope for the next 10 years. And then, you know, 10 years passes and you're still trying all

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this other advice, the fake it, make it, the affirmations, the journaling, and you're no further along. 10 years from now, you might as well take the time and do the work and actually get on this. And in 10 years from now, you'll be a fully transformed person. You'll be a fully transformed person before 10 years. And by 10 years, you'll be really living that life. And that's me that I'm I'm the I'm a one of many success stories of that. Once I transformed all of my

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highest values into qualities of who I am, my life did a a 180 so fast. So unbelievable. Was like my life was going 100 miles an hour. Uh but it was good and it hasn't slowed down. Um I'm living the most fulfilled life I have ever lived. a life that I never believed was um didn't believe was possible. And that's not because I have any special talent or any special intelligence. You can learn this. You can do it. We have I think we've helped about a thousand people transform their

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lives by transforming themselves already. So, if you're serious about shifting your identity, you can check the description, like I said, uh below this video. You can book a call with um one of our coaches. It's free. They can discuss this with you and figure out what's the best path for you. They can tailor it for the best path for you forward. Whether that's learning self-concept so you can do it on yourself, learning it so you can coach others or both. Um or uh getting coached

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by one of our self-concept coaches. What does time have to do with identity shifting? Most of you probably saw the video that I did about this and I mentioned doing a longer live stream deep dive into the aspects of time as it relates to identity shifting. Well, this is that live stream. And if you haven't seen that video and this is you just stumbled across this for the first time and um you know you're wondering, do I need to go watch that other video? You don't. Um I'll explain everything. It'll be so

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it'll be contained. I still want you to watch that other video because I think um in that video I wrap it up better overall. What's important about time? This will be the deep dive into how to do what I was talking about in that video. So what is it? What is so important about time especially as it relates to your identity? Well, your identity transcends space and time. And what that means is you take you wherever you go. When you go to a different place, I I do a lot of traveling. So

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when I travel to a different country, I still feel me. I still feel that sense of me. And uh if you've ever done that, you know that that's the same experience. Just because you change location space you don't really I mean, you might have some different feelings, but you still feel you. you still feel like you are who you are and throughout your entire life the same thing has happened. You can look back to your earliest memories and think about like when you were say 3

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or 4 years old. [clears throat] You don't look back and say when he or she was 3 or four years old, you say when I was. Now if we think about this and you think about like what is identity? What who am I? And what what is that based on? A lot of people will say, "Well, it's the body." Well, when you think about when you were three years old, you have a completely different body than you had back then. You uh have not only, you know, the shape of your body, the

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size of it, all of that, but you've shed every single cell in your body multiple times since then. So, you're not even living in the same body, but yet we still have that connection to my past self. And then you could say, well, it's your beliefs about who you are. That's true to a certain extent, but only as it relates to the full concept of who we are. And identity is a concept. We call it self-concept. But if you think about it, how many beliefs do you still have

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when you were currently uh the same as when you were 3 years old? Probably almost zero of them. You think about thoughts, beliefs, your physicality, all completely different, but yet you still refer to that younger you as me. And you still do the same thing in in the future. When you plan things or you think about, you know, when I'm 50 years old or if you're not yet 50, uh when I go on this particular trip or, you know, even going to work tomorrow, you are

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projecting your identity into the future even though that identity that person does not does not exist yet. So this is what I mean by identity transcends time. So why do we do that? What is important about that? We need a sense of continuity across space. That is what we call time. Okay? There's clock time that's different. That's like a measurement of time passing. What I'm talking about is the continuity in time. And this is one of the really powerful things about your

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identity is that it contains that continuity. Your identity is that continuity across time. Even though you've grown physically and changed, even though um your beliefs have changed, inside of that container of all of those changes, the container is your identity. And in that container also is this concept of continuity, this concept of time, past, present, and future. So why would I even be bringing this up when as it comes as it relates to identity shifting? Well, your history,

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your sense of your history and of time pretty much has you on a course and a track of well this is who I am and this or this is where I'm going and that's just how it is. That's not true though and we can change this. And not only can we change that, this is what identity shifting is. You can have a different sense of time as far as it relates to your history. What happens is is that when you become more of what you want to be, an identity shift, it also wakes you

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up to how you've been that your whole life. You just weren't aware of it. And that's what the aspects of time are really about. It's about not just making a change now in the present and from this point on in your life being something different or being having a a shift in your identity. It's about also realizing you always were that. And when you have that solid sense of continuity, that's what makes it feel so solid and so certain and that's what makes it a

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self-fulfilling prophecy. And right now you are living that out. You are living out your history in the present moment and you you will keep doing that into the future unless you change it. Unless you have an identity shift and part of that shift is to recode your past in time so that you start living a different expression of that history. But it's really hard to make a shift now and then completely change everything without recoding that history as well. And that's why aspects of time is so

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important. All right. Without that continuity, we feel lost. Without the continuity, the world feels more chaotic than it than it it already feels. And that's, I think, the main function of having an an identity, having a a self-concept, is so that you can navigate this world with a sense of continuity, a sense of certainty, a sense of being able to manage the chaos that happens around you. That's why your your identity sort of acts like a a GPS helping you navigate

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this world. Some people's identities work better than others. It can be changed. That's what an identity shift is. And that's really the most important thing to understand because a lot of people think that they can't change. They're like, well, this is just who I am. And they have a mountain of experience as that they use as evidence to back that up and to stay that way. We can recode, rechange, we can change all of that. I did a previous live stream that was also based on a shorter video

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too where we covered the um proc what we call the process elements of identity. And so I highly recommend that you check that video out because those process elements are are the most powerful of ways in which we structure our identity and the aspects of time. Um I don't want to say it's less powerful than the process elements. Um it's a it's a huge addition because we need to have that sense of continuity across time to really make sure that an identity shift that you want stays in place.

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And the main thing that is important to understand is that if you can understand how you create create your identity in time, you can shift it so that you can experience it the way that you want as if it's always been true and always will be true going forward. That's extremely powerful when you add that add these aspects of time to that identity shift. And um you know you probably have seen a lot of the videos on identity shifting and they have very artful and creative ways of

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explaining identity shifting and the importance of it. And most of those videos at that that level, that theoretical level, I agree with I would say probably 80 to 90% of what they're saying. But it doesn't sound to me uh for their next part with their prescription is that it it doesn't sound to me like they actually believe it. They actually believe those things that they're saying. And the theoretical part because they keep giving you the same exercises every single time. I mean, and

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next time you're watching an an identity shifting video that's not mine, uh notice that they give you the same exercises every time. Uh fake it till you make it, affirmations, journaling, and uh just sheer discipline. Uh there's only one of those that I I like, and that's journaling. But I can tell you journaling is not going to shift your identity. So, be on the lookout for that when you're watching other videos uh on identity shifting and see if they give you something different than those uh

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prescriptions. I'm going to give you something uh much different. Um and if you've seen my last live stream, you know what I mean. Uh this is specific step by step and uh this is what I needed. Um, this is one of the reasons why I learned this model and loved this model uh from my mentor Steve Andreas, the guy who created it was because I I liked a lot of theories of change, a lot of theories of shifting identity, but it didn't seem like anyone could tell me how to do it step by step with

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predictable results. And that's what the self-concept model does incredibly well. All right. So, I have uh in the description of this uh video, you will find some free resources including PDFs and even other videos. Uh we'll link the other videos that I've been mentioning here. And u in the among the PDFs are elements of a healthy self-concept. Again, that's by Steve Andreas. It's the guidelines he used to uh model self-concept, create the model for it because he wanted to model it based on

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people uh who actually had a very strong sense of self, resilient sense of self who are also very happy, fulfilled in their lives. And so from his research that's what he created those elements and uh so definitely worth checking out. And then the values elicitation that's where everything starts and ends. Uh when you understand your values, especially your deeper unconscious values, then you have a a very clear direction of who you want to become, even beyond what you think you want to

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become. So when you really dive deep into the unconscious, you'll find these things. All right. So I'm going to give you a a quick um overview of how the self-concept model works. I did this in the last live stream and uh so it's a good refresh if you've already seen it. And for those of you this who this is completely new to you, um you'll need a little bit of a an intro to this. So switch over to my iPad here. So um what you value is is basically what's important to you. So a value is a

Speaker A

generalization about an experience that is important to you. So happiness, success, joy, peace, passion, any of those things that u you value. These are also very clear indications of the qualities you would like to possess within yourself. Uh qualities that you would like to possess as part of your identity. So what we do is we do a value solicitation and uh once you know what you value then you can ask yourself am I that as a quality of who I am. Do I feel certain

Speaker A

about that? So for example, a big one I talk about a lot is uh when I started understanding values and I could elicit my values especially you want to do that with your goals and I said okay well I have this goal of how much money I want to make and uh when I asked myself you know what is important to me about that I was able to uncover a list of values and one of them was successful wanted to be successful and with the self-concept model we cross reference it to now qualities of who I

Speaker A

am and I asked myself am I a successful person. Not only was I so there's the ambiguous quality where you go sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. This was not that. This was no I am not successful. And when I realized what a strong no that was and how certain I was that I was not successful, I was like I had to be honest with myself and I was like actually I feel like I'm a failure. And this was really hard to admit to myself. Um but it was a good thing that I did because otherwise

Speaker A

I wouldn't have been able to work on it if we're not aware of you know these uh harsh beliefs that we have. You really I mean it you might get lucky and it dissolves but most of the time uh it's that awareness of it that enables you to then go to work on it. And so what what the important thing about understanding about about values is when your behavior aligns with your values that's what gives you self-esteem. And like I remember reading that for the first time um from my mentor and it just

Speaker A

blew my mind. I was like, "Wow, you know, I've heard people talk about self-esteem so much and it always has like seems like it has this mysterious origin." And I knew well enough at that time that just saying affirmations, you know, you kind of get a little temporary boost, but it was it always just kind of, you know, blows away in the wind of any little bit of self-esteem. And so if you really think about that, that's one of the major important things about understanding your values. When your

Speaker A

behavior is aligned with your values, your self-esteem goes up. Also, your confidence goes up. And if you do this with enough of your highest values, behaviors that really align with mult multiple high really high level values like happiness and joy and peace, then you start getting a sense of real purpose and fulfillment. The problem is is that when you when you're at rest, you know, you're not currently like aligning your behavior to these values, the tendency is it feels

Speaker A

like it goes away. So what if you could believe you are these values, those qualities of who you are, that's the really exciting thing. And so even when I'm not like in the middle of having a success or I'm not in the middle of celebrating a recent success and I'm between successes, do I feel successful now? And the answer is absolutely. Now I do. And it's not in an arrogant or overconfident way. I just know that I've had many successes in my life and I know

Speaker A

that I can create more successes in my life. And I'm also quite aware of the opportunities available to me. That's part of believing you are a successful person. Again, this is not fake it, make it, none of those things. Uh often the prescription of uh in these other videos. So anyway, real quick, um what happens is you have things at the level of experience and this is just any experience you have in life. And what happens is how we create a belief is that we select and collect these

Speaker A

experiences into categories of meaning. So if I have uh these experiences and it's they're positive and then I have a I learn a word to associate to them uh like the word happiness then every time I have a similar feeling experience I select and collect that information and drop it into this category called happiness. These become my happy experiences. Now when I start to associate this category to myself as in maybe someone gives me a compliment, I go, "Oh, okay.

Speaker A

This, you know, this is when you're a child and you're uh formulating your personality and you go, oh, it has something to do with like me, this me concept." What happens is you start selecting and collecting these experiences until they start to generalize into what we call a quality.

Speaker A

And this is a generalization about an aspect of who you are, positive or negative. When I say quality, um, I know quality has a positive connotation, but the way that I mean it here is that it's a generalization about an aspect of who you are. And it might be an aspect that you don't like and it might be an aspect that you do like. Now obviously if it's an aspect that you do like, if you believe something about yourself that you like, that's going to feel good. If

Speaker A

you believe something about yourself that you don't value, that you don't like, this is not going to feel good. This will bring your self-esteem and your confidence down. So when we generalize all of our qualities to a higher what we call a higher logical level that's your self-concept. also known as your identity. This is where identity comes from. So the truth is is we don't have one self-concept. We have multiple self-concepts. Each quality represents a concept of our self. [snorts]

Speaker A

Now when I assess that overall and I evaluate this concept I call me which is the generalization of all of my generalizations and I like that that's where self-esteem comes from. Now I know probably a lot of you go I don't need self-esteem. That's that stuff that you know you learn about when you're in grade school and they try to tell you nice things and try to tell you how to boost your self-esteem. And I agree with you. probably they probably got it completely

Speaker A

wrong because I remember this in u grade school and anytime as an adult people bring up oh self-esteem I just be like that's not my problem but if you really think about what self-esteem is the fact that you like yourself well what is that based on I like myself because I do things that I like I align with my values my values being what's important to me so for example if you're in a career that you don't like chances are your self-esteem is taking huge yet. And if you haven't bettered

Speaker A

that situation, meaning moved on to a career that you do like, that's probably a symptom of low self-esteem. We don't want to admit this to ourselves, of course, you know, but if you can't admit the problem, then you can't solve it. So, confidence is on the level of self-esteem. You can't just go directly at confidence and create it. You have to be uh competent at something in order to feel confident about it. And it's sort of like it's hardwired into us not to

Speaker A

feel confident about things that we're not competent about. That's what saves us from hurting ourselves and perhaps other people. So self-esteem, confidence, fulfillment, all the stuff at the top, we can't go directly at that. But pretty much almost like 90% of personal development and self-improvement out there is all based on that. Trying to go at self-esteem, um confidence uh fulfillment directly. No, you have to go and you can't even go at it here directly at self-concept

Speaker A

because that's too big of a generalization. It's too broad, too general. So, we have to go here to the qualities and we have to know what those qualities are that we want. And then we have to check in with ourselves. Am I do I believe that about myself? And that's where the value solicitation comes in. And I and like I said, there's a PDF in the description below this video that walks you through that entire process. And then the next stage would be to model how you do a quality that you

Speaker A

already feel certain about and that you like about yourself. And that's what I covered on the previous live stream for the process elements. So what we're going to do, so this is an an addition. I don't know how I just Okay, there we go.

Speaker A

Get this back over here. Shrink it down. Okay, there we go. So like I said the past live the previous live stream which you should definitely check out was on the process element. So you learn how to model a quality that you already feel certain about within yourself and that you like about yourself. Very important because that's where the self-esteem comes from. So the next part would be to understand the aspects of time as it relates to that quality. So, what you want to do is um think of a quality and if you were at

Speaker A

the last live stream, you can use the same quality. In fact, I would recommend that you do so you don't have to think too much about it. Think of a quality that you feel very certain about and that you like about yourself. And once you have that, then you want to start to understand what that is built upon. So, I'm not going to go through what I did in the last live stream. I'm just going to go ahead and tell you what that generalization concept belief whatever you want to call it. I put all

Speaker A

of those in the same category. What that's going to be based on is examples in your life of being that. So, the quality I I use to model for myself is persistence. I've always known that about myself. Uh I knew it about myself before I even had a word for what it meant. And I have a very specific memory in my life of my father calling me persistent. And I even asked him like, "What makes you say that?" Like I was not even sure what he meant by it. And then once he explained it and using the

Speaker A

example of something I had just done, it finally all connected. I was like, "Oh, okay. So that's what that that feeling is inside of me." And I have a database of these examples of times in my life where I've been extremely persistent. And so that's going to be the same for you for a quality that you genuinely feel certain about and that you like about yourself. How you know that about yourself. You don't just know it. That's what a lot of people say. Well, I just know it. And it's like, okay,

Speaker A

consciously that's the way that it feels. But in your unconscious, all of your beliefs, generalizations, concepts, etc. are built on examples that you have lived in your life or experiences. You can call them examples or experiences that have clustered into a category based on a on on a similar meaning. So as I was mentioning all of my happy experiences, anytime I have a happy experience, it gets filed into that category of my happy experiences. So I have a database

Speaker A

of experiences called happy. This is how I am happy. These are the things that I do that are happy. And that's going to be different from person to person. So when you ask yourself, how do I know that I am this quality that I feel certain about and that I like about myself? If you sit with that, you're going to start to realize you have a lot of examples that you rely upon to inform that. So those examples are really important. And this is what the process elements

Speaker A

are about understanding how those examples are structured. And what do I mean by structured? How do where do they appear in your personal space? Even if they're auditory, they have a location. And a lot of times auditory comes from either side of your ear or from behind you. I'm more visual. So my examples appear right here to my left. Okay. Now, if there's that doesn't mean all my memories appear here. That that just means that when it's based on a quality

Speaker A

that I feel very certain about about me, those examples are going to appear here. This location indicates to me uh certainty and they're actually about the size of my hand like this. I access them one at a time. Some people don't do it that way. Some people um have more like a collage. They see examples simultaneously or they might hear multiple voices all at once. Um and then you can get into like whether you're associated or not. What other modalities do you use which we're not going to get

Speaker A

into here because I got into it in the last one. The main thing that you need to understand here is accessing your examples. Your examples of being this particular quality that you've chosen. Okay. The aspects of time are going to be how you relate to these examples in time. And like I said, that creates that continuity across time that you've always felt this way about yourself or you've always believed this. And maybe you don't quite feel like you've always

Speaker A

this has always been true about you. And so that actually will take that'll weaken the quality a bit. And that's another reason why you want to tune it up using these aspects of time. Okay, so let's do that. So the first one is going to be pretty easy. It's just past, present, and future. Now, some of these might seem some of these aspects might seem the same. They're not. They might have a nuance difference. The the key is to understand the nuance. So, past, present, and

Speaker A

future. What does this mean? Where are your examples? It's pretty safe to say that if we're dealing with a quality that you feel certain about and that you like about yourself, you definitely have examples in the past. Most people that's most of you are probably thinking how would I have examples anywhere else. That's the that's the interesting thing about time. So, in general, I'm just going to assume that all of you you're when you're accessing your examples of being this quality,

Speaker A

it's all in your in your mind, it's all in your past. What would it be like to have examples in the present. Now, we have to get out of our understanding of what the present is like in a logical rational sense. So, in a logical rational sense, the present is this moment and nothing outside of it. But that's not how everybody perceives the present. My perception of the present is pretty much anything that happens in my day. So, everything that happened this morning and everything

Speaker A

that's going to happen for the rest of the day in my mind is the present. My sense of the present is anything that happens like in the middle of my 24 hours of being awake or that's not 24 hours, maybe my uh 18 hours of being awake. So, and that's not true for everybody. Some people their sense of the present is an entire week and for some people I've had people who their sense of the present was actually an entire month. So the first thing would be to just get

Speaker A

an understanding of how what is your sense of the present and just start with okay the things you did this morning does that really feel like the past to you or does that feel like it's still kind of present and then the things that you're going to do later today does that feel like the future or does that just feel like no it's still part of my present. There's no right or wrong to this. It's just an understanding of what is your sense of the present? And then

Speaker A

once you understand your sense of the present, do you have examples of beingness quality in the present? If not, what if what if you did? What would that be like? So for me, uh if I think about my quality of being persistent and I start to think about do I have any examples in the present, it's like, well, yeah, I I got up and did my same morning routine. That's persistence, right? Um, I uh coached some clients and that's something I've been doing for more than

Speaker A

a decade. That's I could count that as persistent. I'm doing this right now, which is teaching something I really enjoy teaching. Uh, I've been doing YouTube for almost 10 years. I love doing this. Um, that's not really part of the persistence, but the fact that I've been very consistent about this and I'm engaging in it right now, that counts as persistence. So that's what you want to check in. And you might not have a sense of having examples in the present. Open your mind

Speaker A

to it. What would that be like? And what we're doing, if you're wondering, we're creating a bridge across time of you being equality so that there's no gaps. And then we get to the future. I remember this was very puzzling at first whenever I came across this when I was learning this model. And the question was, do you have any future examples? And I'm like, how can I have future examples? I haven't the future hasn't happened yet. I haven't lived it yet. But we make we we we project things into

Speaker A

the future all the time. Unfortunately, most of the time we do we do it with negative things, not with positive things. So when I started to think about this with my qualities, the quality that I was modeling, do I have future examples? I did not. But what I started to understand is that I had a lot of future examples of things that I did not want to happen. And then what does that make us do? That makes us afraid. And then if we're afraid, we usually don't take action. We don't do

Speaker A

the things that we want to do. One way that this happens a lot, I I was in Toast Masters and uh I remember having a fear of even though it was Toast Masters and everybody's really nice, I had a fear of giving a speech and completely just collapsing and not being able to finish the speech. Like that was a fear. And I kept thinking about this. So, what was I doing? I was creating future examples of me messing up the speech, which then kind of creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. And

Speaker A

if it doesn't, it still ties up a lot of mental bandwidth with having to to think about that and then then try to negate it and say, "Don't do that. Don't do that." Right? All of this just ties your attention and your energy in a knot. So, guess what happened? I I went up to give a speech and not even a few minutes into it, I froze and I just had to leave it. I was like, I don't know what else to say. And I walked off. I didn't know NLP at the time, so I didn't know what had

Speaker A

happened. But I had rehearsed using future examples of exactly what I didn't want to do, telling myself, don't do that, don't do that, which just kept reinforcing doing that. Well, with our qualities that we want to be, we can create future examples and rehearse into the future. who we want to be and how do we want to do that. So now I have future examples of being persistent in my life or in my mind uh throughout my life. So I have I think about all the contexts of my life where

Speaker A

being persistent is really important. And not only do I see myself persisting, I see myself persisting in a way that I'm I'm happy with. Like I I I like that because you can be I can be persistent and and be an about it. I don't want to do that. I want to be persistent in a way that helps me connect with people more while I get the things that I want. Okay? So, be you want to be uh careful about how you create these because it's not just about like succeeding or just about winning. It's

Speaker A

about doing it in a way that you're happy with that you like this. Now, a few things about creating future examples. You want to be disassociated meaning you want to see yourself doing the thing that you want to do or being the quality that you want to be rather than being associated. Associated means like uh live living it first person perspective. You want to be disassociated because this communicates to your mind that this has not happened yet. This is something you want to be.

Speaker A

And by seeing that it it's going to motivate you to move toward it. It's what this is what we call a feed forward system because you you see it you that's who you want to be. You're attracted to it. The clarity helps you feel even more motivated and so you're drawn to it and and therefore it becomes that feed forward self-fulfilling prophecy. So you want to be disassociated. And here's the other thing too, do not be specific with the details because you don't know

Speaker A

exactly how the future is going to show up. And if you're too specific, then when the future does show up, if it doesn't look and sound exactly the way that you had rehearsed it in your mind, it'll break the generalization. It won't generalize into the future. So if it's a quality of being successful, you would see yourself being successful and you want to create like multiple future examples. I would say create like two per context in your life. Like if you

Speaker A

break your life down into three to five major life context, create at least two future examples per context, maybe even more than that, where you're seeing yourself be the quality that you want to be, but you don't have to see all the details. You don't have to see the exact behaviors you're doing. You don't have to see the the details of the people who are there, their faces. You don't have to actually know who they are. You can just see that there's people there. So

Speaker A

keep it vague so that it can gen easily generalize into the future. All right. And so the next one is what we call distribution in time. I should probably print. See, there we go. We can use that still. Okay. Distribution in time. So what we're looking for here is less about the specific examples and more about how you perceive your timeline. So if you were to imagine your timeline out in front of you going from one end to the other end. First get a sense of which side is the

Speaker A

past and which side is the future. Okay? That can be different for different people. There's no one right or wrong way. Some of you, you're you might have a natural timeline that runs through you, like the future being over here and the past being behind you. And that's fine. Just turn it so that you have it in front of you. It's a lot easier to see when you do it that way. Uh most common is people have their present, of course, right here, and their future to

Speaker A

the right and their past to the left. That's not true for everyone. So, I don't want you to think that if yours doesn't line up that way that there's something wrong. That does not mean that it's wrong, okay? I'm just letting you know that that's how most people see it. So, if I look at my timeline and over here is my past and if I go far enough is like my birth and on to my right is my future and it just sort of extends indefinitely and u there's no end in sight.

Speaker A

So what I want to do when I think about this quality is do I have any gaps over my timeline periods of time in my life where I felt like I was not this quality like I was not persistent with the example of the quality that I've been using. So for you it would be whatever quality that you're using. You look over your timeline and you say okay were there any gaps cuz this was really important for me when I was working on the quality of being happy because I had been depressed so twice. So on my

Speaker A

timeline I saw those two depressions. They were like dark holes in my timeline that were just like very little information there. before it it's kind of bright and I can see like examples in my life of being happy and then suddenly it just kind of goes into a dark abyss and then also I see where I came out of it and then 10 years later in my timeline I see this another another dark abyss and then I come out of it and I was like oh okay I that's something I

Speaker A

need to work on because if I perceive in my life in that continuity across time that I have some deficits in there this is going to make this quality feel shaky and I'm trying to what I'm the work that we're doing here is to solidify these qualities these qualities that you value. So for my happiness like it was really important to me I want to solidify this quality. I want to know that I had that sort of happiness inside of me continuously across time. So how

Speaker A

do we deal with this? You might say well you know you weren't happy Damon you were depressed. So, how how could you fill in the gap on these timelines and and connect it? What I started to recognize is that happiness never left me. It wasn't like I was suddenly a happy person or I was a happy person and suddenly it's just gone and then months later I'm it suddenly comes back like it's I don't know a fairy that [laughter] comes and goes and sprinkles happy dust on me. That's not how this

Speaker A

works. If you think about it, you you have to have this in you. You've always had it in you. You got distracted. Your attention went in a different direction. So for me in my depressions, I know now it's very clear to me how I ended up there and very clear to me how I got out of it. It was this compulsive thinking of all of the things that were going wrong in my life, projecting all of the things that were probably going to go wrong in my life and then just continuously cycling back through this

Speaker A

over and over again again as if as my friend Jurgen Rasmusen will say that thinking that you can think your way out of it. And that's what I thought. But the more thinking you add to that in a situation like that, you just become more and more depressed. But what I could recognize now that I couldn't then is that happiness was still inside of me. And in fact, there were times where I wasn't in that loop and thinking that way. Times where I was hanging out with my kids and I was very

Speaker A

happy. Uh so even when you're depressed, you're not depressed 24/7. It's kind of the black cloud that hangs over you, but you have other things going on inside of you. And and your potential to be happy has never left. it's still there. It's just your mind is fixated on something else. So that's how I filled in those gaps. What you can do if you find gaps on that on your timeline is understand what I just mentioned. Your attention was diverted from something else. It

Speaker A

doesn't mean that you didn't have this quality within you. Of course you did. You had it before the gap. You had it after the gap. It was there. So understand that first and then start thinking about well times when you were that quality that you were you're overlooking. Now for me like I mentioned about happiness it was like my kids were really young and that was some of the best times cuz they were just so adorable and you know I'm still learning how to be a father and all that. And so

Speaker A

I remember yeah there was some really happy times even when I was depressed and so I'm able to fill in those gaps. I was able to fill in those gaps thinking about those things. And it wasn't just my kids. There was other things. I uh had dogs and I liked my dogs quite a bit and was I was happy with them. And when I started thinking about like always had my physical health, that's something to be happy about. I wasn't really giving it much attention then because I was

Speaker A

depressed. But that was obviously something I was happy about. So there was a lot of happiness there that I was just overlooking. And so I filled in those gaps that way. So that's what you want to do. You want to find that information and pull it through so that it fills in the gaps. Okay, so that's distribution in time. And when you have a timeline that's solid, where you can see throughout the entire timeline that you were this particular quality, that's when it feels so certain that you

Speaker A

can't be shaken, that you can't be thrown off because you're on this solid track of being this particular quality, being happy, being successful, being passionate, um being authentic. And yeah, you can deviate here and there. You will have those deviations, but you have this solid timeline of you being this quality that you value. So even if you get knocked off track, you're going to gravitate right back to it. All right. So then we get into time frame.

Speaker A

This is also known as chunk size of time. Let's see. Okay. So, this is really interesting because um I went to film school and I love film and uh editing and all that. So, I'm going to use some of those uh use that as a as a metaphor. I love biographies also uh true stories and let's say I watch a movie about someone's life person who actually lived and the life spans over let's say 80 years I don't the movie is not 80 years long the movie is like 2 hours long right but the chunk size of time that's represented is an entire lifetime 80

Speaker A

years okay so when you think of your examples of being this particular quality. Most of your examples are probably going to be a very similar time frame or or chunk size of time. So what is that? Is it a moment? Is it an hour? Is it a day? Now in the previous video that I introduced the aspects of time in a much shorter video um I would I used the metaphor of uh a marathon. A marathon pretty much takes all day to run. So if a marathon run if you've run a marathon and that's an example of

Speaker A

something important contributes to a quality uh that you value and that you believe about yourself. What chunk size of time do you use to represent that? Is it a moment the moment you cross the finish line? Is it the last hour of the marathon which is probably the most challenging? or do you open up that time frame to include the entire marathon which could have lasted 12 hours? Do you go even further than that and open it up to how long you trained for that marathon?

Speaker A

You want to play around with this because what you're going to find is it affects your the meaning you make of this experience when you play around with the time frame. Now most people I come across and this was true for me too. Most of the examples of me being inequality that I felt certain about were just a moment sort of the moment that you know you cross the finish line the moment that you succeed. The moment that the trophy's put in your hand and what I realized is I was missing a lot

Speaker A

of information here that could contribute to me experiencing being this quality in a much much stronger way. So all experience has a time frame to it. How much time is represented in it? Now if we expand that time frame, let's say from a moment to an hour, you're letting in more information. Sometimes that more information is directly contributing to you feeling and being that quality. However, it might not. So the more we open that time frame more and more and more, we're allowing

Speaker A

more and more information in to the and it can get to a point where it dilutes it so much that it ceases to have the meaning that it originally had. So there's two extremes, it being just a a moment, and that moment becomes very symbolic. It's usually the the the most symbolic part of the experience because it doesn't have a lot of detail, a lot of information in it, but it it represents that sort of like a symbol or a metaphor. So like the moment you achieve something, you know, it's the

Speaker A

moment that the trophy is put in your hand that symbolizes like, okay, you you achieved something big, you worked really hard for it. So all that stuff is implied, but you're not accessing all of what happened. We open that time frame and we see maybe an hour that led up to that. Okay, now I've got more information that led directly up to this. Does that make this quality feel stronger or weaker or no different? In most cases for me, it made it feel stronger. So, I opened it up to

Speaker A

an hour and a half. Whoa, it just got even stronger. Okay. And then I would open up to two hours and then it would go not really any different. And then if I open it up to three, often times it started to feel like the information that I was letting in was now starting to dilute the experience. So now it was no longer an experience that was very powerful and telling me that I am this quality that I value. So you're going to have to experiment with this. And here's the thing,

Speaker A

different qualities are going to have different time frames that make them work. So for example, think about the quality of being spontaneous. And what would the chunk size of those time frames be? Probably very very short, very, you know, a moment. Compare that with the quality of being loyal. Your your time frame is probably going to expand quite a bit because how do we judge loyalty? Usually across time, like long spans of time. How, you know, how do you know when you can trust someone

Speaker A

or how do you know that you've been loyal to someone? It's usually over a long span of time. So it's not to say that there's one time frame that works best for every quality and for every person. That's just not true. You have to find for yourself by testing this to experience it. And what what's really interesting is you can take a very very simple experience. I went to the store yesterday and then I can ask myself what does that mean to me? You know I just did something very

Speaker A

functional. Maybe that's all it means. And that so I can write that down. And then I can ask myself, how do I represent that memory? Do I represent it in a moment or do I represent it in the entirety that it took me to go to the store, walk around, find what I needed, check out, and then leave? No, it's it's just a little uh moment I see myself. It's almost like a freeze frame of me standing in front of the store, walking into it. That's how I see it. So, what

Speaker A

happens when I start expanding that time frame more and more? the experience, the meaning of the experience starts to feel different. I start thinking about somebody I know who works at that store and that brings in a certain feeling. Now I'm recognizing that I'm seeing foods that I've been eating for years and that gives me a certain feeling. So when you open that time frame, you're allowing allowing in more information and that more information changes the way that you

Speaker A

feel about the experience. So when you're working on qualities of who you are, what you're testing for is what makes you feel that quality even stronger, more resilient, more grounded. That's what you're always looking for. Okay? But it's a fun experiment to play with any experience that you have. And just notice how you represent it. What's the chunk size of time? And then play with that chunk size of time. And as you're playing with it, notice how is it making you feel because it will change

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the way that you feel about it. And this is what's so amazing about NLP is that we really work in the level of structure. We don't try to change feelings directly. We work at the level of structure because it's the structure that tells you what to feel. And this is exactly what I'm talking about when it comes to time frame. How much the the structure is the chunk size of time, the time frame. When we play with that, allowing more or less information in, that will have an effect on the way that

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you feel about the meaning you make of that experience. And we want to make our experiences, the meanings of them serve us as best as we can. And time frame is one way that we can do that. All right. Last but not least is what we call spreading.

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And this is how we spread meanings across time. So I can have one or two bad things happen in a day and then I call it a bad day. [gasps] And out of that 24 hours, there probably was nothing else bad that happened. It was just two things that might have taken up maybe two hours of 24 hours. But those two hours, the meaning that I'm making of that, I spread across 24 hours. I can do the exact opposite, too. One or two good things can happen in a day, and I can spread that meaning across the

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entire day. And we do this for like even a week. Oh, it was a bad week. Okay. Well, what was really bad? If you really focus on that, what you're going to see is there was probably one or two bad things that happened and then you spread that across an entire week. Doesn't have to be that way. Um my wife who's an eternal optimist, she will find a way to make everything positive and happy. She spreads all the time. Like crappy things can happen and she just chooses to focus

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on what went well, what went right, what went positive. And uh also it's no surprise to me why I married her because I could recognize how uh important that is and a person and it also inspires me to do the same thing. Um I had a past marriage and that ended in divorce obviously and uh this one is um I remember reading about this uh from my my mentor Steve Andreas and he said that um you might have a 10-year marriage in the last year of the marriage is bad but the n the previous nine years

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was really good but then people will you know might still refer to that as a bad marriage not even not only the person the one of the members of the couple, but other people might refer to it that way, completely spreading the negativity across all the nine years that were good. Um, or you can take the the good from those nine years, acknowledge that one year was bad and not allow, you know, that spreading to happen. So, we can do the same thing with our qualities over time. We can look over

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our entire life. And so back to the one about me being successful versus being a failure, I was able to pull in a lot of examples of me being successful. And what it gave me this in incredible insight that like failure is just a part of success. And in NLP there's a presupposition that uh there's no such thing as failure, only feedback. And what that means is failure is not conclusive. Failure is going to happen. It's a natural part of succeeding. So, I was able to look over my timeline and

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see that all of my failures um didn't mean that I wasn't successful. In fact, just the opposite. It just means something I tried in trying to be successful that didn't work out. And often times that just told me to try something different which then helped me be successful. So, these were not separate things. These were all part of one thing. And then thinking about it that way, I was able to spread success throughout my life, throughout my uh my timeline. Now,

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there's an there's an even easier way to do this. And uh for you people who are are very visual, you'll like this. And for those of you who are very auditory, you can use music or sound or voices, whatever works for you. So, back to seeing your timeline spread across in front of you. We're going to use that. And before we do, think about if this quality that you're working with right now, if it had a color, what color would it be? And if you're more auditory, you can

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think the same thing about sound, music, or voices. If this quality had a voice, if it had a melody or just a sound, what would that sound like? So, I'm seeing our timeline in front of us. And for me, my past is here and my future is here. Take that color and start at the beginning of your timeline. And if you're using sound, same thing with sound. And spread that color across your timeline all through your childhood, all through your teenage years into adulthood. And keep spreading it across

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your timeline all the way throughout your future. And of course, if you're using a sound or song or anything like that or a voice, do the same thing. And if you like both, you can do visual and auditory at the same time. What does that feel like? Usually feels pretty amazing. It it enhances and really reinforces that sense of having that solidity of being this quality that you value throughout time, knowing how certain this is. so certain that you don't have to doubt it anymore. You are this

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quality. You will continue to be this quality and probably in ways that you will surprise yourself and will feel great and amazing and fulfilled. And so we use this when we're learning self-concept, learning how to shift identity. We start with a quality that you already feel certain about and that you like about yourself because we want to use that as a model. And then that becomes a model of how we transform qualities that we're not certain about but we do want to be.

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And aspects of time is one way that we tune that up. We tune that up. We make it so much stronger once we have built a strong database of examples that creates that generalization that I am something that I like being that's important to me. Then we take it the next level would take be to take it into aspects of time really tune up the time. And then there's another set of aspects called aspects of content. If you want me to make a video about that, I'd be happy to. Uh it's another piece to the

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self-concept model. Uh let me know in the comments if you would like a video like that and I will do one of those videos.

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Changing your life starts with changing who you are. Now, lots of gurus on the internet talk about identity shifting, but no one offers a real method. They only offer affirmations, journaling, and fake it till you make it. And none of those actually work for shifting your identity. Today, I'm going to give you another piece of the self-concept model, which was created by my mentor, Steve Andreas, more than a decade ago. This model completely changed my life. It works, and it works

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really fast. It's a step-by-step method that you can use to shift your identity with predictable results. Meaning, you know what you want to shift into and you follow this approach step by step and it works. It's um a kind of a paint by numbers uh thing. It it is that simple. Um it is something you have to work at and practice and understand. So today first I what I'll do is I'll give you some context for the model which I've covered in other live streams some

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previous live streams that I've done and then I'm going to I'm going to quickly recap that so that what I teach you today will make sense to you even if this is the very first time you've even heard of this model. Now if you want to watch those other live streams you will find those links in the description of this video. Also, in the description of this video, you'll find a link to book a call with one of my coaches if you're interested in being trained in the

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self-concept model. So, you'll book that call, you'll talk with a coach, and you know, you'll discuss what you're after, what your goals are, and see if this training is a right is the right fit for you. So, let's get into how the self-concept works, the the self-concept model. Like I said, I'm going to give you that uh overview. Just going to switch over here. So, this is uh both the model and also how your self-concept works. If you've seen my other live streams, you've seen me go through this

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before, but it doesn't help. I mean, it doesn't hurt to uh recap it. So, let's see here. What happens is is you have something called experiences.

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The by the time by the moment you're born, you're taking in all of this information, right? lots of this information is hitting your five senses and you need a way to organize that information to make meaning of that information and we call that experience. You mark in a certain at a certain point you mark out at a certain point you say this thing uh was was an experience that I had and it was good or it was bad. Now, as we're having experiences and what experiences are is just basically

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an imposition on this continuous consciousness that you've been living, you have not really experienced a beginning and an end because you don't remember being born. It wasn't an actual experience. You were too uh young. Your mind was not there yet to be able to create uh or organize an experience. So, yes, it happens, but you didn't experience it like you have experiences now. And then as you started to grow and your mind matured and you started to be able to organize these experiences

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better and these are what turned into your beliefs when those experiences you have that have something to do with you or you're connected to those experiences this is what starts to develop your sense of self. So you have experiences and as you select and collect these experiences and you are making experiences about self you know someone is calling you you in my case Damon they're calling me this Damon word okay I guess that means that's me and then when my name gets connected to certain

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experiences or the experiences that I'm having seem to fit with there's a strong connection between me and that experience we start to cultivate beliefs about who we are and these beliefs I'm going to refer to as qualities. In this case, qualities would be defined as generalizations about aspects of who you are. You could in the most general uh terms, you could say you're a good person or you're a bad person. So, that doesn't tell us a lot, right? That's very very general. But if I said, you

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know, you're a kind person or you're a happy person, a joyful person, a determined person, a passionate person, these are all qualities. Now, we believe these things about ourselves or we don't. We might believe the opposite like I'm I'm unintelligent or I'm not passionate or I'm weak. You know, we have all these negative beliefs that we have about ourselves. And when I refer to qualities, I'm basically referring to the same thing. They're not positive or negative. Even though quality has a

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positive connotation, in this case, it's just a generalization about an aspect of who you are, positive or negative. Now that is from selecting and collecting a bunch of experiences. As those experiences start to generalize, they generalize into beliefs. I'm going to use the word generalization. Belief and categorization interchangeably. So qualities are a way of you categorizing yourself, your beliefs about yourself. Now, as we generalize all of these qualities together, you get self-concept,

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also known as identity. And by the way, these are what we call logical levels in NLP. Often confused with Robert Diltz's neurological levels. They are not the same thing. Uh this is logical levels. And you will find logical levels as one of the universal structures in NLP. And the reason why it's a universal structure in NLP because it's a universal structure in your lived experiences, your subjective experience. We categorize things and we generalize things. As we go up and make

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broader and broader generalizations, we overlook the the differences of the categories and they're more inclusive. As we go down the logical levels, they become more exclusive. We become more specific. And you'll see this working in this um logical levels model that I'm giving you right here. So, you have experiences at a higher logical level. They generalize to qualities about who you are. You generalize all those qualities together. And that is your felt sense of self, your self-concept,

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your identity, who you believe you are. Now, if you like that, if you like who you are, then you get self-esteem. You feel good about yourself. Not only do you feel good about yourself, this is a very healthy, real sense of feeling good about yourself. It's not like affirmations. It's not arrogance. This is you uh being who you want to be, being who you value. So when your behavior aligns with your values, you get self-esteem. But that could be very temporary because it might not have a

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belief to hold it in place. So I can say I don't believe I'm a kind person. I value kindness, but I don't believe I am. My self-esteem is going to be low. Right? If I do something kind and I I know that I did something kind, I will temporarily feel good about myself. But the moment I'm not actually doing that, it defaults to the belief I'm not a kind person. So then I I can I default to feeling bad about myself. So this goes in a lot of different directions. If I value

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success, but I feel like a failure, I'm going to feel bad about myself. I'm not going to do very much because I'm not going to be very confident that I can. I'm I believe that I'm always going to fail. So why would I even try? If I transform that belief from being a failure to being a success and I have a healthy definition of what success means and I believe that then I'm not afraid to try. I'm af I'm not afraid to fail. I'm going to get out there because I

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know it's just a matter of time before I succeed. I know that I need to fail a a number of times before I actually am going to have that success. Failure is a part of success. So I'm not afraid of it. I'm very confident. I believe I'm a successful person. So I feel good about myself and I feel confident about that. So where we do the work at in the self-concept model is here. So what you're getting a lot of on from other uh so-called gurus about uh identity shifting is they're trying to work at

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the level of self-esteem. That's like your affirmations. I'm just going to go directly to it. I'm just going to try to make myself feel good about myself even though I don't believe it. This creates a lot of internal friction and um internal conflicts and a lot of problems. You cannot go to the tip of the iceberg and try to change the direction of the iceberg by pushing on the tip. That's what people are trying to do here when they try to go directly at self-esteem. It does not work because

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you've got all of this happening over here. And if you don't address that, you cannot force yourself to to feel good about yourself. You can try to delude yourself into doing that, but you're going to create more problems than you solve. Now, a lot of people are trying to go here. They just go, you know, I'm just going to change myself. I'm just going to journal and I'm going to get clear about who I want to be and then I'm just going to go out there and be that person. You've tried this, I'm

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sure, before and within a week or two, you're just kind of default right back to who you, you know, didn't want to be anymore or whatever, however you decided that. And the reason for that is that because it's all held in place by your beliefs, your beliefs about who you are. And you can try to act against those, but when that happens, you get what we call cognitive dissonance. And and this doesn't feel good. you you were acting out of alignment with who you believe

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you are. And even when you act out of alignment with who you believe you are and that belief is negative, it [snorts] still feels like a disconnection and it feels confusing and chaotic. And this is why we will remain we will align with our negative beliefs even if they're not serving us because to not do that feels so chaotic and confusing. And the sense of not knowing who you are is so scary that we would rather just default to the familiar the familiar beliefs of of who

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we are even if they're negative and very limiting. All right. So that's how the model works. Here's where we do the work. And in order to do this work, and I'll swing back around and mention this is we identify a quality that you feel very certain about yourself and that you like about yourself already. So you'll see this this theme throughout NLP and that's modeling and that is to take something that's already working and this is another presupposition of NLP that most of you are is already

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working just fine. Okay, you're not broken and sure you have some problems you want to fix. Great. But most of you is working just fine. Let's look at what is working. Let's model that and then map that model over that structure to the parts in your life and who you are that that you're not happy with and that's not working. And so we give it a better model, a better organization to generate that. So what we do in the self-concept model is we find well what's a quality that you already feel

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certain about that you already like about yourself and then we go into modeling the structure of that. And once we have that structure, then we know how you create structurally a belief about yourself that you like and that you feel certain about. It's that structure that makes you feel certain about. It's organizing all of the information of your memories, your internal representations into that structure that makes it feel certain. So that that's the information you're unconsciously

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bouncing off of 24/7. So how do we do that modeling? Well, there is what I covered on these other live streams. Um, like I said, you'll see there's something called process elements, and that's where we elicit the structure. Now, how so how does that show up? I'm going to just briefly go over this. Uh, like I said, watch the other live stream if you want to see an in-depth um modeling of this. So, I'll take a quality that I like about myself and that I feel very certain about, and that's the quality of being persistent. I've known that about myself my entire life. I don't doubt it. It's the strongest quality that that I have. Uh now, that doesn't mean it's perfect.

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That doesn't mean that sometimes, you know, I know I can acknowledge that I quit things. That's that's uh that's not we're not looking for purity, okay? Nothing's going to be pure. But I I know this quality about myself. So, I start asking questions like, well, how do I know this about myself? And this is where we begin the modeling. Well, I have examples in my life of being very persistent. Okay, as I'm thinking about it, how many of these examples come up? A bunch start to come up. I have I

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can't, you know, I can think throughout my entire life, I have an unlimited supply of examples that keep popping up. Now, sometimes for people, they know they might know that they have a lot of examples, but they only only like 10 pop up or five pop up. And that's fine. That's where that we're getting started, right? So, I've been doing this work long enough that I know like these examples start popping up a lot. And you can even see me gesturing here. Uh because the other So, the first piece is

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how many examples show up? How many examples does it take to you for you to feel certain about something, a belief about who you are? And then where are they popping up in our personal space? And this is where we really get into the fun stuff of NLP. Well, there they're movies that pop up right here on my left. And they're about the size of my hand. Okay? And we do we all do this. So even if you're very auditory, you're going the sounds or the voices, they're

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are showing up. They have a location. Okay? So we find the location. And so we have examples, we have location, and then how do I access those examples? Do I access them all at once or do I access them one at a time? And for me, it's one at a time. I go through them one at a time like this. I see movies of times in my life when I was very persistent. Now, I can get into more of the details, but again, I've already covered this. It's in a different live stream. This is the

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beginning of modeling that quality about you that feels very certain and that you like about yourself. And when you're done with the process elements, you have a full template of what create the structure for what creates a belief about yourself that feels very certain. And this is awesome. This is where NLP becomes so much more powerful than any of the other stuff out there because we have that structure and all we need to do is map the other information your

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other experiences into this structure and then it will feel very certain and solid. The other uh piece to this is what we call aspects of time and the reason why this one's really important is because time is one of the dimensions in which we process reality. So time and space and your self-concept, your sense of self, your identity is the only generalization you have or that you make that transcends time and space. So when you make a change in your identity, it generalizes wildly and widely and

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throughout your entire life. Okay? So aspects of time uh we want to go through and understand time because your sense of self has continuity to it. That's what makes it so strong. That's what makes it so powerful. And that's what I mean by it transcends time and space. It doesn't matter where you go, you still feel like you. It doesn't matter where in your life you are, you will refer to yourself in the past as I, not he or she. And into the future, as you project

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yourself into the future, your future plans, you say I will. You're still projecting yourself. You're not saying he will or she will. So that identity generalization transcends that time and space. So time is very important. And it's really important to understand how you create continuity through time, especially about who you are and the beliefs you have about yourself. And then we get to aspects of content and that's what we're going to cover today. Now aspects of content. So NLP is

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very is all about structure and process not about content. So you might be wondering why am I doing aspects of content? So we are still applying structure to content. So we're still coming at this from a content uh structure perspective. It's just that the first two, the process elements and the aspects of time, we don't really get in there and play around with the content there. And if you when you work through these, you'll see what I mean. When we get to the aspects of content,

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that's when we actually start to dig in and start to play with the content, which uh not only is very powerful, but it's actually a lot of fun. All right. So, and all right. So, I already mentioned modeling the quality and uh so modeling a certain solid quality of who you are already and then using that model to map in information from other qualities that you want to be but do not feel like you are, do not believe you are. That is the essence of the self-concept model. And

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you're also, like I said, you're going to see this as a theme throughout any NLP. That NLP is really essentially about modeling. It's about modeling what works in yourself or modeling what works well in someone else who's very successful at something that you want to be successful at. Extracting that model, pure structure, no content, and then mapping in your own content, and then seeing if that structure does it for you. Does that structure solve the problem? Does it make everything clear

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for you to go after what you want and accomplish it and create it? And so this is the basis of NLP using that in in an NLP model. in this case, the self-concept model. All right. And I just want to mention too, um, if you again, if you want to learn this, it's, uh, it's fascinating to learn. It's powerful. It will change your life. I can't say enough good things about it. Again, in the description of this video, you will, uh, see a link. You can book a call with a coach to uh, meet with them

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to see if this is uh, a training that you would like to do. Now, by the time we get to the uh let's see, get a fresh page here. By the time we get to the aspects of content, the assumption is you have already found a quality that you feel very certain about and that you like about yourself and you've already uh elicited the process elements of it. you've already elicited the aspects of time and you've done the tune-ups that go with that because there's a lot of ways in

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which you can organize your self-concept uh that you're probably not aware of that we teach and how to really optimize it and then you get to the aspects of content. So you've typically been working with the same quality through this whole time to extract that model and then we get to the aspects of content. Now when it when once you have this model fully fleshed out then you go into well who do I want to be? What's a quality that I value very highly that I don't believe about myself or that I

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feel ambiguous about and it's kind of back and forth because if there's a quality that you value but you believe you are not or you believe you are sometimes and and sometimes you're not that is going your self-esteem is going to take a hit. your compet your confidence is going to take a hit and your overall general fulfillment and the fulfillment of your potential is going to be limited. So that's why this is so important. Now once you have the model how you've mapped it out and then you

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know the quality you want to transform then you start going through these process elements aspects of time and aspects of content mapping in the new information. So we're going to go ahead and play around with this using the aspects of content. So, let's get started with that. And the first one, if you if you're NLP trained, you may have come across this. In fact, you should have if you're NLP trained. It's called perceptual positions.

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Now, perceptual positions is really important to have the necessary perceptual positions within your quality. Now, most of the time you're going to want all three, and I'm about to show them to you. Most of the time you want all three, but there are in rare occasions for for certain qualities you might not. So what am I what do I mean here? So let's get over to here so I can don't mess with the other thing. So perceptual positions.

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So you'll take uh an ex an an example in your quality that you're working with. So let's say I'm working with my quality of persistence. I want to understand it better. So I have all these examples that pop up here and I can just randomly grab any example in my life of a time where I was really persistent that you know is evidence uh that supports me in this belief of being a persistent person and I can grab one that involves one or more other people. This doesn't really

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work so well if you're alone. If the in the example then the memory you were just by yourself which you know you can be persistent just on your own. What this one does is it it requires that there's at least one other person and possibly more. So let's say I worked on something with someone else and I was very persistent in doing that. So I'm going to first of all I'm disassociated meaning I see myself in my memories first. So I see a movie movie of myself

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in this example of doing whatever it was that I call persistent. And I see that I go yep that's me being persistent. Okay. Now we get into aspects of content and we start with perceptual positions. We go much deeper into the content here. So what I'll do is I'll associate into it. And we call this first position. I'm going to associate into this memory. Meaning I'm going to drop into it as if I'm there again reliving this whole thing. This is what we call associated. Um now some people

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are already there. Some people are naturally associated into all of their examples already. That's that's not a that's nothing wrong with that. Uh it's just some people do things differently. For me, I'm usually disassociated and then if I choose, I can associate. And if you're doing this exercise, you might go, "Well, I'm already associated." That's great. You want to be fully associated. Sometimes people are associated and they just see a point of view perspective of what's happening.

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Fully associated is you're back in the memory. And if I look to the left or to the right, I would see whatever I would see if I was actually reliving this completely. And then and then then of course I see this other person. So we'll say here's me and here's the other person. And we will call this second position.

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So I drop into the memory. I'm fully associated. That puts me in what we call first position. It's like first person perspective. It's like in a in a story. This would be, you know, the the the story is told from the person who's living it, not an outside narrator and not another player in the story. So I I I associate in I kind of soak up all of this information that's going on and then I can do something else. I go second position and that means I float up out of my body and I float into the

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other person's body and I become that person. I'm not me in the memory just going over here and looking back at myself. I become that person is I I make all the assumptions all the assumptions that I have about this person what they think what they feel their perspective I become them and let go of myself can become them and look back at myself this is what creates empathy and sympathy we do this naturally if you say this sounds weird we do it all the time

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and especially when we're very connected with someone we naturally go second position with them okay now there are good sides and downsides to all of these positions. I don't have time to go through all all all of that. I just want to show you um the exercise. Now, I can sit in this second position and look back at myself from their perspective. And this is this is going to give me new information about me being this quality because now I'm seeing it from someone

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else's perspective. Then once I'm done there, I can move to third position. And this is if you're NLP trained, this is not a metaposition. Okay? A metaposition implies you're just being yourself observing yourself. Like if I was over here being me observing me, this would be a meta position. And perceptual positions, a third position is a neutral position. I'm not me. I'm not the other person. And I'm also equal distance apart. Everyone's equal distance apart. Because

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if you do this and you're not equal distance apart, you will tend to feel biased towards the person you're closest to. So, you want to make sure that you're maintaining equal distance when you're doing this exercise and you're the same height as everyone because if you're lower, you're going to feel inferior. If you're higher, you're going to feel superior. We don't want that. So, I g I get into a third position. I'm completely neutral. I can't read the thoughts or the feelings of these other

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two people. And I just observe and I listen and I gather up this information. And then I go back to first position. I let the information I gathered from second position and third position integrate into first position. and then I come back to here and then I go okay what happened now most of the time this is going to strengthen your quality if it doesn't what you'll what you'll understand is that you weren't fully perceiving yourself accurately which is also healthy which is also good

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it's good information to know so that you can make the corrections so what's really important here and this is a very fun exercise and it has so many applications not just for this model this the main point is you you want to make sure that these positions are available in all of your examples and all of your qualities because without them, if you're too much in first position, you're very limited. And this also can be uh where arrogance comes in and self-importance comes in. When we

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add in the second position, now you have a sense of someone else's perspective. You also have more empathy. When you add the third position in, you're looking at yourself objectively and you're able to uh assess that better. And then you got you take all that information back to the first position. It just really enriches that sense of uh being this quality. So there's a lot more that I could say on this, but I want to make sure that we cover the other aspects. So

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I'm not going to go too uh too much deeper. I'm not going to go any deeper into that. Now the next one is of the aspects of content is specific detail. By the way, if I don't uh if you're asking questions, um hold your questions and I'll get to them uh when I'm done. Let's see. Specific detail versus uh metaphors could also say symbols, analogies. So, what I find in most people's databases whenever I elicit them and I'm helping them is that most people all of their examples are like real life

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specific detail and you might be thinking what else would it be? Well, some people use metaphors. And metaphors are very powerful. Metaphors are very powerful because they don't give you a lot of specific detail, but they make you feel something strongly. And what's also great about that is because it doesn't give a lot of specific detail. You can kind of just drop that symbol into anything. An example of this was one time I was at a friend's house and I was sitting on her back patio and she

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had a Buddhist statue in her window and I and I'm not a Buddhist. Uh I do like u Buddhism and Zen philosophy. Uh, so I've read up on it a lot, but I'm I'm not a I don't consider myself a Buddhist. But sitting there and just looking over at it, I remember feeling so at peace. And it's like, well, that's just it's just a symbol. It's a statue of a Buddha. It wasn't actually like giving me anything, but something about that association. It acted as a powerful metaphor for me for peace.

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It didn't tell me how to be peaceful. There was no specific details about it, but it symbolized that. So, it made me feel it. So what you want to do is you want to find out what is a symbol or a metaphor for your quality and for me persistence when I thought about this because all of my examples are real life details where and sometimes you'll meet people they're just the opposite everything is a symbol everything is a metaphor in their experience and these people don't get on

Speaker A

in the world very well because they they feel things very strongly but they don't have an understanding of like well what do you have to actually do to make that happen because they don't have the details. So you don't want to be all one or the other. You want both. You want a balance of specific details in your database. You also want some powerful metaphors that really symbolize that that quality for you. And what's even better about that is you can it makes it

Speaker A

much easier to take that quality into any area of your life into any context because it doesn't need the specific details. It just brings the meaning for you. So when I was working with this with my quality of persistence, the first thing I thought of was a jackhammer and I put that inside my database as a symbol. Well, that got pretty annoying. I don't like noise and I could see this jackhammer, you know, I was just like, okay, it's persistent but it's persistently annoying. I don't want

Speaker A

to be annoying in my persistence. So I started thinking about this more and I was like, well, what's something that's strong and powerful but also can adapt and and uh be flexible? And I thought about wind and like the wind is uh has sort of this like quiet persistence or peaceful persistence. It blows, it goes uh and and when it hits an object, it just goes around it. And I was like, "Yeah, I really like that." And I also thought about water. So I put wind and water as metaphors for me being

Speaker A

persistent inside my database of examples. And that really heightened the power of it. It it felt very strong by doing that. So when you look into your database, if you see that all of your examples are specific detail, then you can ask yourself, well, what would be a metaphor for this quality, you know, for if you're working on the quality of being loving or lovable, you know, the obvious thing is a heart. And it's okay to use the most obvious thing. This is

Speaker A

your database. It's not anyone else's. So you can use a heart. Uh if it was uh loyalty or courage that you were working on, a lion might symbolize that for you. If it was the quality of being at peace, a dove, you know, these are all like the the stuff we already think about, you can still use it. But you also might have something unique to how you think about this or how you symbolize it. So the way to really think about this is when you if you were to summarize all of

Speaker A

your examples of you being this quality into one symbol or metaphor, what would that be? And so it's that it's that bringing it all together and putting into one symbol that makes it so powerful. Now, you definitely don't want your entire database of experiences to be all metaphors or symbols. I've met people like that. And what happens is is like I said, they feel things very strongly, but they don't actually know how to make them happen. It's your real life detailed examples in your life that

Speaker A

tell you how to be your quality. It's kind of like an instruction book. And what's also great is that if you have a bunch of examples of this, well, you have a diversity of ways to be this quality with different people in different contexts. The metaphors and the symbols really bring the the meaning and the feeling, okay? But they don't tell you how to do the details. The detailed examples give you the details, but they don't bring across the meaning so powerfully and so

Speaker A

strongly. So having a balance of both is makes your quality very, very strong. All right. And the next one is called other people. And this is an interesting one. Um when you, you know, you start opening up your database, you start discovering it, you see all the memories and examples of you being this quality in that database. Do you have other people? Now, at first when I was working with this, I was like, well, no, I don't. And the more I started working

Speaker A

with I was like, no, actually I do. When we when when we have role models, when we there's people we admire, people we look up to, people who possess maybe a quality or multiple qualities we want to be like, we kind of hold them up as a model. And this starts very young in life. If you you it starts with your parents. You you you know, when you're before you're a teenager, you think your parents are the most amazing people. You might have an older brother or an older

Speaker A

sister and you model them. You model your parents. You model other people. Maybe if you uh you have a friend who's older than you when you're growing up and you like them and you admire them, you're probably going to model them as well. So, this is how we put other people in our databases. People were wanting to model. Now, the the funniest one that occurred to me, and I didn't know NLP at the time when my kids were born, but you've probably heard this as well. When you have kids, you become

Speaker A

your parents. Even though you might have thought like the [snorts] last thing I want to do is uh be my parents or raise my kids like my parents. And I thought the same thing too. And then I have kids and suddenly I'm repeating the exact phrases they used to say to me and I'm catching myself thinking, "What is going on here?" Well, that's because when you don't have maybe as much experience or many examples to tell you how to do something, you're going to reach for the

Speaker A

next closest thing. In this case, parenting was new to me. Didn't really have that many examples of being a parent, so I reached for the next closest thing, my parents. So I kind of went second position with them, modeling them and started acting and and even speaking like them. And this happens more than you think. It usually happens very unconsciously. So you might not be consciously aware of it when you're doing it. So you want [clears throat] to make sure you're choosing your models,

Speaker A

right? So when you're working with a quality, whether you're modeling one that feels certain or you're transforming one, you want to ask yourself, who is a person who is a real role model for this quality? who really exemplifies this quality. They could be someone you know. They could be someone you've never met. They could be famous. They could be dead. They could be a historical figure or even a fictional character. It doesn't matter. You want to just make sure that the way you

Speaker A

represent them in your database, in your mind, is in a way that exemplifies them being that quality and nothing else that you don't want to model. Because when you start putting when you start modeling people, the tendency is you will pick up things that you don't want to model. So be very specific when you're putting that person in your database of examples that they only exemplify what it is you want to model. And you can put put more than one. You can have like 10 people who represent

Speaker A

this particular quality in all different ways and and in brilliant ways. So that you want to model that. And so this becomes very powerful. Like I said, it's something you naturally do anyway. So make sure that you're making choices about who you're going to model. So that's how other people work. Then we have major life context. Let's see.

Speaker A

So this basically means if you take your life and you [snorts] were to divide it into three to three to five major life context, no more than five, no fewer than three. Examples would be uh career, marriage, uh social life, hobby, [snorts] health. You know, these might be five areas that to you make sense that that's how you see your life if you were to divide them into five contexts. And then and it's going to be different for every person. So what I just said is

Speaker A

not you don't need to take that but you can you can if you want to. So does are do are you having examples of this quality in each of these context when you have your database and you go through it do you have examples in each of the major contexts in your life? If not is there a reason for that? Is there a reason you don't want to be something in a particular context? Sometimes that happens. But for your big sort of major qualities like happiness, joy, you know,

Speaker A

being a happy person, being a joyful person, being at peace, most of these you're probably going to want in every single context of your life. So are do you have examples of them in every context? Because if you don't, you might start to realize, wait a minute, yeah, in that particular context, I don't feel very happy or I don't feel at peace. So you need to start putting examples of them uh examples in those contexts and then when you do show up to those places

Speaker A

it will become more natural. You will you will be accessing that as a reference. So you will naturally fall naturally fall into and be that quality. Now there are some exceptions to this. You might there might be qualities that you don't want to be. So for example I um if I was coaching a UFC fighter you know mixed martial arts and he wanted to be more aggressive. He wanted to be the the quality of being more aggressive. Well, he would probably only want that

Speaker A

in the ring, right? [clears throat] He wouldn't want that in his marriage. He wouldn't want that as a parent. He wouldn't want that in his social life. So, we would restrict that to just when he's in the ring and and uh mapping in examples into his positive template only when he's in the ring and excluding all other major contacts of his life. Uh now, we can do the opposite way. So, I'll give you an example. When I was first learning NLP and I was going to all these trainings at the time, I was

Speaker A

an insurance agent. I wasn't an NLP teacher and I I one of the things I noticed is that when I was at an NLP training, and it could be different NLP trainings, any NLP trainings, that was the context, NLP trainings. It could be in a different location. It could have been a different teacher, completely different students. And I was really good. I for some reason I could just learn, absorb the information. And when we practiced, I was really good at all the processes that we did. when I get

Speaker A

back to my insurance office, I couldn't seem to make that work. I couldn't seem to bring NLP into my office. And then that's when I realized I didn't have any reference experience of it. So, I future paced it. This some another thing we do in in NLP. So, I imagined what it would be like to have my NLP skills and to use my NLP skills with my insurance clients while I was sitting in my office. And so, I rehearsed that many times. I created many examples of that. And guess

Speaker A

what happened when I started going into my insurance office? It came natural. I could now bring my NLP skills and my knowledge and using the processes and techniques and with my clients. And as that happened and I started creating actual reference experience, real lived reference experiences, examples. And so that built up and then it just became very natural when I was in that environment to be that quality. So that's what you want to make sure. Are you bringing the quality into all of the

Speaker A

context in your life where it's important? If not, then you can create them through using future pacing. Um, and what you might also realize is that you already do have examples. You just weren't pulling them in. So, you can bring them in. So, that's major life context. And then last but not least is what we call content distortions

Speaker A

and biases. I got to be really careful when I teach this because this sounds like it has a negative connotation, content distortions and biases. And even when I'm teaching in my uh students in my coaching program, I I've seen them do demonstrations. We I evaluate the demonstrations or I was now I have other people doing it. Um and they would they would think that distortions and biases were bad. So they were trying to help the client get rid of them. It was like what are you doing?

Speaker A

Like we are always going to have distortions and biases in our internal representations like that. It's impossible not to have that. It's like saying um a map having a distortion or a bias and a map is a bad thing. And it's like well no that's why you have the map, right? The map is not there to recreate the territory. The map has a bias of getting you from point A to point B. So what does it do? it leaves out all of the unnecessary information, right? So, for example, if you if you

Speaker A

were using a map, and I'm going to use the analogy of a paper map. I know that it's completely antiquated and outdated, but if I had a paper map, and the map showed me, okay, all of the necessary uh turns, the landmarks that I will see so that I'll know I'm in the right place. And it has only that, nothing that, and only that. I've got a very good map. It's accurate and it tells me only what I need to know to get there and it doesn't add in any other information

Speaker A

that might confuse me that that's not going to help me get there. So that's what we're looking to do. You know that and and in that sense the map is biased. The map is biased in getting me where I want to go and it distorts from the actual territory to get me where I want to go. Well, let's say if we tried to get rid of the bias, we tried to get rid of the distortion. Well, I don't really have a map of where to go because we've eliminated all that. We've completely

Speaker A

recreated the territory. So, every blade of grass, every grain of dirt, every tree, every everything is there. And now I'm just as lost as if, you know, I didn't have a map and I'm I'm looking at the actual territory. I don't know where to go. Right? So, that's what your representations are. They're maps. So, it's okay to delete and distort information. It's okay to have a bias as long as it's serving you. In fact, you're going to have a bias. There's no getting rid of the bias. Okay. So, all

Speaker A

of your representations are going to have distortions and biases and they're going going to have deletions, meaning you delete out information. Is what you currently have serving you and being this quality? That's the question. So, what kind of distortions, biases are you talking about, Damon? So when you think about your examples that support you in being this quality and let's say that there's other people in the example, are you shorter than everyone else or are you taller than

Speaker A

everyone else or are you the same height? What's better for you? Okay, so putting yourself as superior, you know, taller than everyone else might make you feel better, but you're going to people are not going to like you that much because who likes that? who likes being treated like they're inferior to you, like nobody's going to like that. So, you're going to this is going to create a problem in relationships. You're not going to feel you're not going to connect with people very well. Well,

Speaker A

what if you then make yourself shorter than everyone else? And a lot of people do actually do this. Their examples are and their examples, they're shorter than everyone else. How do you think that makes you feel? How do you think that that type of distortion, how do you think that affects you? Not very well. It makes you feel literally small. It makes you feel inferior. You don't want that either. So, what's the answer here? Well, to put yourselves the same height.

Speaker A

Now, you might say, "Well, that's not the truth. I might actually be shorter or taller than that person." Yes, that might actually be true. But does that serve you? Or does putting yourself at the same height as everyone else, feeling equal and connected with everyone? That probably serves you much better. An example of this is my wife. She's very short. My business partner, he's very tall. I'm in the middle. [laughter] And so, uh, when my wife is now learning

Speaker A

this model and when I asked her, I said, "When in your examples, in your memories where we're all three together, my business partner and me and her, are you taller than everyone else, shorter than everyone else, or the same height as everyone else?" And she had to think about it for a while, and she said, "I'm the same height as everyone." Which is inaccurate structurally, right? It's a uh distortion. And it made absolute sense to me because when she's in the

Speaker A

presence of everyone, she acts just like she's equal to everyone. She doesn't act inferior. She doesn't act in uh she doesn't act uh superior. And that's because she sees herself at on the level with everyone else. So think about that. How that might that affect your how you're showing up daytoday? If the examples of inequality, any examples that you're referencing, you're smaller than everyone else or you're taller than everyone else, that's probably going to

Speaker A

create problems. So, there's a lot more of these. There's like uh having information there that doesn't matter. And if you can delete out that information, it zeros your your attention on to what it is uh you did that you liked and that you want to do more of. So you can just get rid of information that is not really serving any purpose. Um so there's a lot of these distortions and biases. You could really go you can really explore this a lot and for a long time and and make it

Speaker A

a regular practice uh just on this. So all of this is about tuning up, adding information, maybe taking information away. Uh tuning up a a part of a quality that you want to feel more certain about or fully transform into being that quality when you started out feeling like you're not that quality. Okay, I just want to make a reminder like there's a lot to this model. It's not really hard. It's it's there's u there's some complexity to it. There's some simplicity to it and it's just a matter

Speaker A

of practicing. It's like anything else in NLP. Uh I hate it whenever I hear people say, "Oh yeah, I tried NLP and it doesn't work." And it's like, "Okay, there's no way that you really really practiced it and tried it." Okay. Um and and maybe you didn't have the interest. That's a different issue. But it works just like anything else. You can't go try karate for the first time and just oh, it doesn't work. Well, you had one lesson like you expect to beat a master

Speaker A

or you know, it's like that doesn't it doesn't work that way. So, if you want to become good at this, if you want to learn this and be so good at it that you can transform qualities at will with predictable results, then check out in the description, like I said, there's a link and you can talk to a coach. It's free to the consultation's free and they just help you sort it out like is this what you is this what you want to learn? Is this what you want to do? And like I

Speaker A

said, it is extraordinary. Once you start transforming all of those qualities that you value that you don't believe you are, your life will do 180°. Like what what feels like the world just happening to you is really based on your beliefs. And when you change those beliefs about yourself, it will feel like the world around you has changed. You will start seeing opportunities. They were always there. You just couldn't see them. So you'll start seeing those opportunities and you won't

Speaker A

be afraid to seize those opportunities. you won't be afraid to take that action to really fulfill your potential.

Speaker A

What holds so many people back is not actually making mistakes. It's really the fear of making mistakes. And there's only one way to make sure that you never make a mistake, and that's to do nothing at all. But to do nothing at all would be the biggest mistake you could possibly make. So this is what I find so often is really stopping people. And not not the fact that we will make mistakes because we know that. It's just this overwhelming fear of making mistakes.

Speaker A

And I think a lot of this comes down to early in life when we make a mistake when we're children, we get punished for it. We're told, you know, that's wrong. And what we're not told is what we could do instead. We're not given a a new strategy. We're just, it just kind of gets frozen in there. Oh, I made this mistake. This means I'm a bad person. I'll try to do better next time. But often times parents haven't really coached their kids, at least not when I was growing up, to something, a

Speaker A

way out, a route out of that. Okay. Yes, I goofed up. Instead of, you know, going on and on about what a how bad that is, what if, okay, you goofed up and then what's a better way to do this next time? I I think now parents are kind of catching on to this or we get we learn more about parenting. Um, but often the grown adults of today did not have that. They were just told this is wrong. This was a mistake, this is bad. sometimes even further. Parents will say, "You're

Speaker A

a bad person if you do this." And so there's this thing gets trapped inside of us. this this pain about if I'm wrong, if I'm a bad person, if I do something wrong or I upset people and this really becomes a barrier to becoming who we want to be and to creating the life that we want to live because one thing you will see with in very successful people in whatever way that you define that, they're not afraid to make mistakes and they know that they will make mistakes and it's fine. It's

Speaker A

okay. Because instead of being haunted by your mistakes, your failures in life, what if you just that was okay? They weren't painful and maybe frustrating at times, disappointing at times. That's that's all, you know, there. But if you didn't have this extra layer of like, oh, this makes me bad. This makes me wrong, then there's nothing I can do. It's done. And we just kind of sit in regret. That's what I mean by that haunting. That haunting stays with you and even

Speaker A

when you're not consciously aware of it, it's still in your unconscious dragging you down, making you think of all the possible things that could go wrong and we just get paralyzed. We don't do anything as a result of that. So that was me definitely that was me like 10 years ago. And of course when I started learning NLP which was a little more than 10 years ago uh you started learning all these tools to not only make sure or help make sure that you don't make as many mistakes going

Speaker A

forward but also dealing with the mistakes in the past that are dragging you down. Some like I said are probably most you're not even consciously aware of. So how do we deal with them if we're not consciously aware of them? That usually starts with deciding what it is you want to do. setting a goal or whatever it is, taking that first step on anything you want to do. And then you feel that resistance come up. And that resistance is probably rooted in one or more mistakes that you've made

Speaker A

in the past. And that resistance is a warning coming up and saying, "Whoa, we don't want to we don't want to do something that's going to cause us more problems, more pain, uh make us feel bad about ourselves." And so this uh this pause, this hesitation starts to get dragged out and then you say things to yourself like, "Oh, I'm just waiting for the right time or I'm waiting to figure things out." And if you've seen my other videos, you've heard me talk a lot about this

Speaker A

waiting as a reality, like waiting for a plane or a train. And then there's waiting as a mindset. And so often times that waiting as a mindset comes about through this fear of making a mistake. And we're dragging around all this baggage from past mistakes. And that's not only slowing us down, but causing us to project fear and and future pace possibility, everything that could possibly go wrong. And when you future pace something like that, you're actually making it so that

Speaker A

you're more likely to make those mistakes again. For example, I'm if I want to give a public talk and I've never done it before or I haven't done it very much and I'm afraid of doing it and then I think about doing it and I think about all the possible ways I could screw it up, then I start to feel anxiety and then I start to think about this a lot and over and over and I ruminate on this. And so what I'm actually doing is I'm rehearsing making mistakes. So when I get into that situation and

Speaker A

I'm giving that public talk, I've rehearsed in my mind so much and I've given my my reference now is a movie in my head of all the possible mistakes that I can make which makes it more likely that I will slip right into that and do that or I have to combat this in my mind. I have to constantly negate it while I'm trying to give a presentation and therefore my attention is divided and I can't deliver that very well because I'm constantly fighting with myself trying

Speaker A

trying to tell myself don't make that mistake, don't make this mistake and and just really bouncing around inside my head rather than being able to give my full attention and effort to uh the presentation that I'm giving. So, what I'm going to give you here is a process that I use all the time with my clients. I use it all the time with myself. Uh it's [snorts] amazing how well it works. It's pretty simple. There's seven steps to it. Um they're not hard or difficult at all. You can

Speaker A

use this for any mistake you've made in the past. You can make it You can use this for any possible mistakes you fear making in the future. This also works very well if you have ruminating thoughts. Whether they're thoughts about something that actually happened in your life or ruminating thoughts about something you're afraid might happen and it it just kind of spins over and over like a broken record. This will help with that as well. Not only would it help with that, it will eliminate that

Speaker A

completely. So, if you think about it, if you didn't have fear of making mistakes, now I don't mean like being psychotic here. I mean, of course, you don't want to make mistakes. Of course, you're going to do everything you possibly can not to make mistakes, but you're not afraid to. You know that mistakes are inevitable. What would you do differently in your life? What is your fear of making mistakes holding you back from doing? Because that's the only thing that really stops

Speaker A

us. If we don't have a fear of making mistakes, what else would stop you? Pretty much nothing. Now again, there's a healthy fear of, you know, just you want to do things right, so you want to plan it. You want to set yourself up for success, but you don't have to do that rooted in fear. Maybe a little tiny bit in the back of your mind. So, uh, allowing a little bit of fear for me actually gets my adrenaline going. Uh, it makes me more alert. It makes things a little more

Speaker A

exciting. And that's just how I function. You can find your way and find what works best for you. But I find a little bit of fear actually is is useful and helpful. So, it's not about trying to eliminate fear in its entirety. What this is really about is eliminating the crippling fear that is holding you back from getting started on creating the life that you want to live and being the person that who you want to be. All right. So, let's just go ahead and get right into this.

Speaker A

And I will be answering questions a little bit later. So, um maybe hold your questions until until I'm [clears throat] done. So, think of a past mistake.

Speaker A

It's probably going to be the easiest way to do this. And if this is your first time, maybe not take a level 10 mistake like the the worst the worst mistake you've ever made in your life. I wouldn't start with that one. Make this easier on yourself. So maybe just a simple mistake that you haven't forgotten pops up in your head from time to time and you never quite have resolved it. it's still just kind of hanging out there. So, I hear people say all the time like, "Oh, I've learned from my

Speaker A

mistakes and I've I've moved on." And very rarely is that actually true. A lot of times these things are still hanging out. And I can I can explain why that is happening because there is a reason for that. And that is that one of the things that gets lost in in and understanding a mistake and transforming it into something useful is we're often trying to get away from it so much that we completely forget that we actually had a positive intention in that situation. There was a

Speaker A

positive intention there. Okay. And it went unfulfilled. This is so important. This is like one of the things that NLP neural linguistic programming is so good at. Going to that deeper positive intention. I don't really see this in other therapy modalities that everything comes from a positive intention. Even your mistakes, even your worst behavior at its core, at its origin had a positive intention. meaning you were doing you wanted to do something with there was a value that you wanted to fulfill. That's what I

Speaker A

mean by positive. Now it could have come out in a negative way because there's definitely negative behavior. So if you get down to the core of it, you think about what it is that you did, what was your positive intention behind that that went unfulfilled. So a lot of times when I'm working with people and and say they have a a counter example we're working with to a quality that they want to be. It could be happy, it could be successful, any of these things. And let's say we find a counter

Speaker A

example. And it's a counter example meaning uh they were doing something that annoyed people and then those people got angry at them and then therefore they were unhappy or disconnected. when I ask them like, "Well, what was the positive intention of what you were trying to do?" And they'll often say things like, "Well, I wanted their attention." And uh I have family members like this. They want attention so bad that negative attention is better than no attention at

Speaker A

all. And so they would do things to upset people to get their attention and then realize that's not really what I wanted though. And if we go deeper to the deeper intention, we can maybe start with they wanted attention. That was their positive intention. If we go further, a lot of times attention is connected to things like love and connection. And that's what they really wanted. It wasn't just the attention. That was what they were conscious of. They were consciously

Speaker A

aware that they wanted attention from these people. But if we if you go even deeper, what they really wanted, you know, to get, you know, sure to get their attention, but to go deeper than that, maybe to be accepted, maybe to be connected, maybe love. So, we can go deeper and find that there was much more going on here than than you probably realized when it came to this mistake that you made. I'll use a personal experience. At one time, this is years ago, uh I was out with my kids um in uh

Speaker A

Davenport. It's a beach not far from where I live and there's a lot of cliffs and it's really beautiful and uh my kids were playing around and I was taking uh pictures and taking some video and there uh there's a little valley between these two rocks where the water would rush in and the water would rush out and my kids were getting kind of close to that and I thought hm after a while I realized they were probably a little too close just a little too close for comfort and of

Speaker A

course I wouldn't want them to to fall into that and if they did I don't know what I would do because that water would come rushing in and rushing out and it was a bunch of rocks and kind of scary looking if if you think about falling into it. And I finally said, "Hey guys, come back over here. Move over here." So, I did the right thing. But after in retrospect, I thought I did the right thing, but too late or or I should have been more attentive. I should have done

Speaker A

something about this. And I started having these ruminating thoughts of one of my kids falling into that crevice and being washed out into the ocean. And and this was terrifying to me. And it wouldn't the the movie kept playing in my head over and over again. And to the point where I was starting to become rather traumatized. And this is how this often happens. We we traumatize ourselves with [clears throat] our own thoughts and um not even something that actually happened but something we fear

Speaker A

could happen. And I did this enough to myself to where I started to really kind of panic and feel really bad about myself. And I thought, wait a minute, and this was pretty early in my NLP journey. I said, I have tools for this. And so I started working on applying what I'm going to show you here. And it it totally went away. and it it does not traumatize me anymore. And not only that is it gives me uh a way of understanding what I want to do in the future if I'm

Speaker A

ever in a situation like that again. So what I what completely got glossed over in this situation was my positive intention. What was I doing out there? Well, I was taking in the beauty of the place, having a good time with my kids and taking video and taking pictures. So my positive intention was really to just enjoy myself. So that nothing wrong with that. So when you think of the mistake that you made and you're often time we're often times blinded by that. That's the only thing we put our

Speaker A

attention on. Shift your attention to what was your positive intention. Whatever that was. It doesn't have to be directly related to the mistake. It could have been something else. And sometimes when we make a mistake or something very jarring happens like you're just you feel like you're doing the right thing. you're going about your business and then someone freaks out on you and somebody, you know, starts yelling at you and saying what a terrible person you are and this comes

Speaker A

out of the blue because you didn't do anything specifically to harm that person, but maybe there was something that you neglected or that you did and it wasn't really about them, but they took offense to it and now you're now you're kind of freaked out because they're freaking out and you never really got back to, well, wait a minute, what was I really doing and what was my my positive intention at that time? which may or may not be related at all to whatever negative thing happened that

Speaker A

you're that you're thinking of as a mistake. So what was your positive intention? Important to understand this. So positive intention and the word for positive intention is value. You were trying to fulfill a value, right? Even if you were just relaxing or if you were at work and you were trying to get something done. What was what were what were you wanting to do? What was that positive intention? So, we want to get to the level of a value. So, you might say something like,

Speaker A

well, my positive intention was to get my work done. Yes, let's go a little deeper. Okay, if you could have gotten the work done, what would that have done for you? So, we want to go to a higher level. We want to go to that level of an ideal or a value. And a value is a generalization about an experience that is important to you. So, they're rather vague. They're not the specific actions you were trying to do. They're what you were trying to fulfill. happiness, joy, peace, relaxation comfort fun

Speaker A

uh, success. These are all values. So, what was your positive intention? And you want to find out what that is because a lot of what's trapped in these painful mistakes is an unfulfilled intention, an unfulfilled value, something you were trying to do and it got blocked. It got stopped. And what was funny about this is that for the longest time when I would work on my mistakes, I would not consider whatever unfulfilled intention happened there. And after I would do a very

Speaker A

similar process to what I'm going to give you here, I would feel like something was missing. And that's why I added in this other piece about the unfulfilled positive intention, the unfulfilled value. Then you want to ask yourself, especially if you experience regret over this mistake, you want to ask yourself, what value did you violate? This is where regret comes from. This is where feeling bad about something you did comes from. So if you think about a mistake you

Speaker A

made, I'll use mine again. So, I felt bad that I wasn't paying closer attention to my kids. And if I, you know, had been, you know, too caught up in taking pictures and all that, it's quite likely my kids could have slipped and fell into the that crevice even though they were old enough to like be cautious of it. Still, they're still kids. So, I when I thought about this and I thought, well, what value did I violate? And I went into well my responsibility as a parent and but that I want to go

Speaker A

deeper you know so what is important to me about being a responsible parent well I love my kids and I violated in my mind I violated that value of loving my kids because part of loving my kids is also protecting them watching out for them so that's what made me feel guilty about it I violated that very strong very important value. So identify the value that you feel like you violated. And there might be more than one. And if it's when it if it's a mistake that you made

Speaker A

that had to do with other people, it could be you violated the value of kindness, your value of compassion, that often comes up when it's a mistake that you made with people. Um, if you were trying to succeed at something and you failed at it, maybe you violated your value. You could even say violating my value of succeeding or wanting to succeed or of achievement or it could get into those higher ones like happiness and joy. So, what was the value that you violated? And what's so

Speaker A

important about understanding this and knowing what that value is? And a lot of times I've worked with people who just by identifying this one value that they violated, they would break into tears right then and there because they had just sort of assumed they were bad for whatever it was that they did. They never thought to consider that that bad feeling was the result of violating one of their values. And so they go, "Wow, okay. Yeah, I actually this is why

Speaker A

I feel bad because I value this value so much and and that can be so relieving and freeing just to know that just to even access that information. So what does that bad feeling about violating this value tell you? It's an indication of how committed you are to this value. Think about this. This is very powerful. I learned this from my mentor Steve Andreas. Your feeling bad about something, you feeling guilty about something you did means that you violated one of your your

Speaker A

values and that bad feeling is an indication of how committed you are to that value. So you can feel good about feeling bad. So this is a reframe and it it gives us a lot of space once we do that. It if you think about any mistake you've ever made that you felt bad about and you go back and you find what was the value that you violated that alone often resolves this right here right here and there. Now I don't want to leave it up to chance. We want to ensure that you resolve this for

Speaker A

good. So, we don't want to stop here, but this is a very important step. And you can think about this. Anytime you felt bad about anything, just know that that came from violating one of your values. Well, go and find out what was that value that you violated. And once you know what that is, now you know what what happened. You feel bad because you're committed to that value. That's how important that value is to you.

Speaker B

[clears throat]

Speaker C

The next step is to discover missing resources. Then I'll put a parenthesis around resources because they it might just be one. So what do I mean by resource? Old school NLP which still holds up very well. Old school NLP was you have a present state and you have a desired state. Present state is the state that I'm in now which is a state of lack that I'm not experiencing what I want to experience. Desired state is me being fulfilled. Um not lacking anymore. Having what it is that I that I wanted

Speaker C

that I didn't that I didn't have before. So we base this on a goal. So I want to achieve a goal, present state. The achievement of the goal is the desired state. And the reason why we call these states is because the objects in and of themselves or the achievements in and of themselves do not have inherent value. They only have the value that we project onto them. So we believe we're projecting onto that. We believe that if I have that thing or achieve that thing,

Speaker C

then I'm going to be fulfilled. So that wouldn't work for everyone though. So there's no inherent value in the sense that if everybody went out and achieved the same thing, they would not get the degree of fulfillment. It wouldn't all be the same from person to person. It would be different from person to person. So what I'm doing is I'm projecting onto this future achievement or material possession that I acquire believing that when I have that thing, then I'm going to be fulfilled.

Speaker C

But it's really about the desired state, not about the object or the achievement. And in old school NLP, it it was the only thing that's different between a present state and a desired state, meaning a state of lack versus a state of fulfillment, is accessing the right resources from within you. So resources, interestingly enough, share this a lot of the same names as values do. So joy, peace happiness kindness compassion humor, comfort, um all of these things

Speaker C

can be considered internal resources. When we make a mistake, we can comfortably assume that your positive intention went unfulfilled. And we can comfortably assume that you violated one of your values. So now that we know that and you think back to this situation all over again, then you ask yourself, well, what resource or resources was I not accessing within myself that had I accessed, I would have been able to fulfill my positive intention. Not only that, I would have been able to

Speaker C

fulfill my positive intention and of course not violate any values and that not necessarily being dependent on anything anyone else did. Meaning the situation the people might have responded me to me the same way. I still might have failed at the thing that I was going after. But because I'm accessing the right resources, I remain fulfilled. So in old school NLP what they discovered is okay if I know the present state and I know the desired state and I can identify the

Speaker C

missing resources well if I access those resources now and put myself into the desired state which is a resourceful state then it becomes much easier for me to achieve what I want. If you think about it, are you going to achieve what you want coming from a place of lacking resources, not accessing resources, or are you going to achieve what you want much faster if you're accessing all of your resources? You're resourceful. You know the answer to that. Of course,

Speaker C

you're going to be uh you're going to succeed much faster, much better, and enjoy it much more if you're already resourceful. So, that's how old school NLP would work. I have my present state. I have my desired state. Identify the missing resources. Access those resources and now develop a strategy uh a successful strategy from a resourceful state. And then now go take action from a resourceful state to go and achieve what it is that I want. So that's what we're looking for here. What

Speaker C

were the resources that you were not accessing? Now to give you an even better understanding of what I mean by resources, what would be a state of resourcelessness? meaning a state where you have zero access to your resources. That's what we call panic. And this is why they say in a crisis never panic. And that's what most people do. And before I understood that, well, let me tell you how I came to understand that was uh there's this thing that we can do called cloaking. And you're taking your

Speaker C

internal experiences, your internal representations, and you cloak them like as if they don't exist. So I did this practice. I wanted to know what it would be like if I started cloaking all of my resources so that I would experience what it was like to not have access to any resources. I didn't know what was going to happen. This was an experiment. As I started to do that, I had to stop because I started to go into a state of panic. So, what comes first? The loss of

Speaker C

resources and then panic or does panic in uh induce a state of resourcelessness? I don't know. That's that whole chicken and egg argument. It might be it might go both ways. So if [snorts] panic is a an example of a resourceless state or the ultimate resourceless state, what is the ultimate resourceful state? That's a state of flow. When you're in flow, you are accessing whatever resource you need at the moment. And you so we don't access all of our resources all all at

Speaker C

once. that would not be necessary. But in the moment, in the context, whatever it is that we're doing, you know, based on our behavior, our interactions, whatever it is that we're doing, when we're in flow, that means we're easily accessing any and all resources we need as we need it. That's what flow feels like. So now you have a better understanding of what I mean by resources. So once you know the value that you violated and you know the value that you intended to fulfill, what resources were

Speaker C

you not accessing that made that happen that way? In other words, what resources would you have needed to access to fulfill your positive intention and to not violate this value? You know, it could have been more attentiveness. It could have been um for me that's in my situation with my kids. It would have been more attentiveness, more paying more attention. Um feeling more connected. Connection is a a resource. If I had been more connected with my kids rather than what I was

Speaker C

seeing around me, I would have I would have caught this sooner. So, you want to find what these resources are. It might be more than one. Um you probably don't need more than three. Sometimes people just keep listing resource after resource. And it's like we're only really accessing around, you know, two to three resources at one time. Maybe you go up to five resources, but uh you know, don't don't spend so much time on this step that you have like a list of

Speaker C

20 resources. That's just not how this works. It doesn't need to work that way. Okay. So, now that we have all this information, what do we do with it? We're going to make a new movie.

Speaker C

Now, some people say, "Well, I'm not that visual." Uh, you don't need to be. Uh, you can make adjustments to do this auditorially, or you can add auditory to the visuals if you're very auditory and you need to process through the auditory channel. But more than likely, if you made a mistake and you feel bad about that mistake, you see something. You see an image, you see a movie, it might be a still image, something a visual reference of what happened. The good thing about the visual

Speaker C

modality, and even if you're very auditory, very kinesesthetic, any of those things, we're we all visualize. We all use the visual modality. Some people use it more than others, or some people use it more to process than others. If you are not, if you don't have a preference for the visual modality, I would recommend that you still cultivate that ability more. Why? Because when it comes to the visual modality, you can access more information simultaneously than you can with any other modality.

Speaker C

For example, if I go to a museum and I see a painting, when you look at a painting, you're through site, you can access every single color on that painting. And it might be 20 colors, but you can access that simultaneously. Now imagine auditorially if you were listening to 20 listening to 20 people speak at one time. You're not going to understand anybody unless you focus in on one person, right? So you can't take in all of that simultaneous information auditorially and understand

Speaker C

it and make sense of it or for it to be useful to you. And the same thing with kinesesthetic touch, kesthetic perceptual. Like if you were having, I don't know, five sensations on your body, you would kind of get distracted and you'd have to really focus in on one to know uh which one, you know, what's actually happening. So again, the visual modality creates simultaneous information, brings it all together. That's what makes it so powerful. So you're going to make a new movie.

Speaker C

You're so you're starting with the old movie, you know what actually happened and you're going to make a new movie where you're conscious of your positive intention, right? Your deeper positive intention, not, oh, I just want attention. No, I want love and connection. Like, those are the deeper intentions. You're aware of the vi the the value that you violated. So, you're going to stay away from violating that value. And now you're going to plug in those missing resources. So recreate the movie

Speaker C

of what happened guided by your positive intention of what you wanted to fulfill at that time while plugging in those missing resources. And just allow your mind to show you that movie. Just this is not something like some people get when I when I explain this they kind of get tense and they're like, "Oh, they're trying to create the movie." No, no, no. You don't need to try to create the movie. You know what happened. Start there. You know what your positive intention was

Speaker C

and you know the resources you need to plug in. So just do that and see what movie that creates for you. Your mind will create that movie. What does it look like when you see yourself fulfilling your positive intention while accessing all of the resources necessary to do that? What do you see?

Speaker C

And once you have that, you want to check for congruence. Some people call this an ecology check. I refer to it as congruence. Are when this new movie you see in front of you, is that who you wish you had been or that is that what you wish you had done? And we can start to future pace this and check in. Is this how you would want to deal with a future situation? If you're ever in a future situation that's similar to this, is this how you would want to do this? If not, you just make adjustments. Just keep making adjustments

Speaker C

until it is where the movie you're seeing in front of you is like, "Yes, this is exactly what I wish I had done, and I can see that I'm resourceful and that I'm fulfilled." Or you go, "No, something's not quite right or there's some part of me that's objecting to this." Then, okay, listen to the objection. Listen to the resistance. And you can even just ask it, what needs to be different about this movie for this to work for me? For this to be a vision of how I want to do this going

Speaker C

forward so that I don't make this mistake again. So you might have to make some of those adjustments. You don't want to leave any resistance or objections hanging out there because if you do, it'll break this. If there's unressed objections coming up from from within likely this process will not take it will not hold. And this is a common thing that you know we hear uh my coaches and I hear when is you know we say okay is this going to last and or like whatever the change is is this

Speaker C

going to last and we need to check in is there any objection to that? Is any part of you objecting to that resisting this change? If so, we need to address it. If not, it's it's going to stay this way. The the change will take it will hold indefinitely. So, very important to get the congruence check. Make sure there's no objections. If there are, you make adjustments. Another way to really check that this is congruent is to to future pace this. Okay. If I'm in a similar situation like

Speaker C

this again in the future, is this the way I want to handle this? If yes, great. If not, okay, need to make some more adjustments. So, this past mistake actually gets transformed into a vision of how you want to do better, how you want to not just do better, but do extremely well, not even not commit the mistake again, but to really take yourself to the place you wanted to go all along. And this is what we need to correct mistakes is we need reference. references and in this case we're using

Speaker C

we're creating a movie as a reference. We need references for how we want to do this differently. When I became a parent I remember thinking of all the things I wanted to do differently than my parents that I wanted to raise my kids better than the way that I was raised. So I thought about all the things I did not want to do and all the different things that I wanted to do different than my parents. And then it it amazed me when I started getting into the middle when I was in

Speaker C

the middle of it of parenting how much I started parenting like my parents and even the exact words that my parents used to say was were coming out of my mouth. Now at the time I didn't understand this after studying NLP. Now I do because before I was a parent I had no reference experience of my own as a parent. All I had was my parents. That was my reference experience from my perspective of course. But when you're in that situation, in a new situation, your mind is going

Speaker C

to reach for the closest possible reference you have in order to figure out how to navigate that situation. So in my case, I gravitated to how my parents did things. That was my closest reference, even though it wasn't me. And then I realized I had to then intervene and change things and do do it differently. I had to make a very conscious uh attempt to to change this because we just naturally resort to reference experience. And this is why people commit the same mistakes over and

Speaker C

over again because now they have a reference for it. It feels comfortable. They don't know anything different. They haven't thought this through like you're doing right now. So, they just keep falling on the old reference and committing the same old mistakes. If you intervene like we're doing here and you're finding out what was really meaningful to you here, what vi what meaning did you violate that was important to you, what resources did you need and then create a movie based on

Speaker C

all of that. Now you have a reference experience that is more powerful than what actually happened because now this is based in your values which is where your motivation lies. So now we have this really nice, wonderful movie. You're completely congruent with it. You can even tune it up. Uh you can make it bigger, brighter, whatever makes the movie feel more compelling that makes you feel more motivated to be that person. Now really important that you stay disassociated.

Speaker C

There's associated and disassociated. So associate associated is when you relive a memory, point of view, perspective. That's not what we want to do here. First of all, when we're dealing with a mistake, and I probably should have mentioned this at the very beginning, when we're dealing with a mistake, it's much easier to deal with that if we disassociate. If you're associated and you're reliving the mistake all over again, it can be rather traumatizing. We don't want to do that. So, you

Speaker C

disassociate, meaning you see yourself doing what it was that you considered a mistake. So once you can see yourself doing that and you're you have a a bit of a it's a little uh one step removed, it's much easier to deal with. It's much easier to go through these steps and do each one of them when you're disassociated once you recreate the new movie. Now a lot of people would say, "Well, don't I want to associate into that?" No, you don't. If you want to just check it out,

Speaker C

meaning you want to step into it to get a feel for what it's like and maybe you gather you can gather more information that way, that's fine. But when you're done, you always want to step out and you always want to be disassociated for something that you want to do. Meaning that you want to be motivated to move toward. And so when you have this movie in your mind and then you it's a movie of you doing what you want to do, fulfilling your positive intentions, handling something resourcefully,

Speaker C

that movie becomes motivation for you to be that person. But if you associate that motivation diminishes because it feels like you're already there and you already have it, which is not the truth. You don't already have it. You haven't already done it. So stay disassociated so that this motivates you to continue to move in the direction of being this person who follows his or her intention, fulfills that intention, and does so resourcefully. Very important. So, you tune up that movie and

Speaker C

it's compelling, it's motivating, and then you take the old movie. I go back and forth from writing in cursive. I should probably not do that. Okay, so we tune up the movie and attach the old movie, before you do that though, so we don't want to make we're not trying to deceive you into believing something happened that did not happen. That's not what we're we're trying to do. We're not trying to rewrite history and and and and deceive you or you know, you're not trying to delude yourself. That's not good. You might still need the information from the old movie, especially if it involves someone else, and they might say, "Hey, remember that time?" And you go, "Nope, that didn't

Speaker C

happen." That's not what we're after. So, we want to take the old movie of what actually happened, and we want to shrink it down, make it dark, make it gray or faded, whatever makes it deemphasized. And we want to attach it to the new movie. So, it would look something like here's your new movie. Big, bright, compelling, right? And you want to take the I'll put a new You want to take the old movie and you want to make it dark and small and attach it at the edge of

Speaker C

the new movie. Now, does it need to be exactly right here? No. It could be here. It could be here. It could be here. It could be in the corner. And the reason for this, the reason why we want it attached, and you want it attached like at the edges. If that doesn't work for you, you can always like here's the old movie. You can put an arrow to it. Uh you could put a tie a rope to it. Whatever works for you. And the reason for this is if your mind ever falls on

Speaker C

this old painful memory ever again, it's immediately compelled toward this new movie. So if you think about it, if they're attached and your mind falls on this old movie, well attached to it is this new big, bright, compelling movie. So your mind's going to immediately shift to that because our mind, our eyes, our attention, our senses are are are compelled by things that are big, that are bright, that are compelling, right? So your mind's going to go to that. And so when I did this

Speaker C

for that experience that I had with my kids, every time I would that memory would pop back into my head, it would immediately shift to seeing myself doing what I wanted to do, fulfilling my positive intention and doing so resourcefully. And so this that new movie became a new reference for going forward. So this is what I mean by earlier when I was saying like, you know, when we're kids, we do something wrong and a teacher or a parent comes to us and says that was

Speaker C

wrong, that was bad. We take this on ourselves. Oh, that's wrong. That's bad. And we're often not given a way out. We're not given, well, what would have been better to do? Right? So, this is how we're doing that. And we're not just doing it by, oh, what would have been nicer to have happened. We're not doing that. We're connecting this to what was your original positive intention. We're also bringing awareness to the value that you violated. And then we're adding in the necessary

Speaker C

resources to fulfill that intention and avoid violating your values. So this juices this up so much more than just being like, hm, yeah, I shouldn't have done that. I should have done this other thing. That doesn't take hold. Usually that doesn't stick. And this is what I mean by most people will say, I've learned from my mistakes and I've moved on. And they really haven't. And often their mistakes continue to plague them, continue to haunt them, continue to hold

Speaker C

them back from doing things that they want to do. All right. So, if you like this stuff, which I do, I love this stuff. [gasps] Um, we have the probably the least expensive NLP practitioner training out there. And when I say least expensive, I do not mean that it is uh uh what's the word I'm looking for? That it doesn't have everything that an NLP practitioner training should have. It has everything and more. And in fact, the reason why I created this training was because I was

Speaker C

realizing more and more as I did more training and talked to a lot of the trainers uh who were there from the early days that we weren't getting the whole story that in the I take I took three practitioner trainings with three different teachers and they were all different and they all they always seemed like there were there were pieces that were missing and so I decided I wanted to do a practitioner training and it's a practitioner training based on a 24day live training.

Speaker C

The material that I used is Steven Connie Ray's Andreas's uh material with their permission of course and it is the most complete NLP practitioner training I'm aware of and it's so inexpensive and you also get a community of coaches and practitioners and coaches who are holding practice sessions like this is the best possible way that I can think of to learn NLP from your home and to have people to practice ice with which you can do virtually you know on Zoom. So you want to master this stuff.

Speaker C

You want to become really good at this and I can't think of better life skills than NLP skills. Check the description below this video and you'll see there's a place where you can enroll in this training and get instant access to the videos and to the community and you can ask questions in the community. Not only will my coaches answer, I I'm active in there too. I will answer your questions as well. So, just getting these things down and like you it's amazing how much just

Speaker C

having these good processes and techniques to use how how quickly it advances your life, how quickly you let go of painful things and get on with your life, creating what you want to create, being becoming the person you want to become. When you have the tools to do it, it it it's so much easier. And my mentor used to say, um, something is only difficult until you know how to do it. And and that's just it. These things don't have to be difficult when you know how to do them, transform them, do

Speaker C

something better or or alleviate, you know, pain or whatever. It's not that difficult. It's amazing how simple it can be. All right, let me check to see if there's any questions. Uh Tim says, makes him think of a quote. I may make mistakes, but my mistakes don't make me. Uh yeah. Uh, unfortunately a lot of people are do define themselves by the mistakes that they make and you don't have to do that. That's not necessary. See, Adolf says, "This is exactly what Brand, my

Speaker C

self-concept training coach, guided me through yesterday. Today, my new movie played out exactly as we practice. No fear of loss, just flawless execution. Awesome." Isn't that great? Isn't it It works so incredibly well. It's so simple and it just it comes right out. I I remember like testing it and I've I've done this with so many mistakes that I've made in the past. I've done this with so many things that like I said it didn't even happen but I was had ruminating thoughts and fears and

Speaker C

anxieties about something happening and I just do this process and it's like gone and and I'll even notice sometimes like my mind will fall on that old thought or that old movie and then there it is. There's the new movie showing me exactly what to do, how to do it and like that's what we need. We otherwise we get stuck in the pain. we get stuck in the limitation of, oh, I wish I hadn't done this. That's not that's not going to get you there and it's just going to hold you back. And every time

Speaker C

you have one of those mistakes, it's you feel that weight that it holds you back. And by the time you reach like say 40 years old, you've been carrying so many of these mistakes around that the possibilities of doing the things that you want to do, you're you don't even feel like that's possible anymore. And you're so afraid of making another mistake. Well, once you have this, you're not afraid anymore. You just know that mistakes are part of life. That's just what happens. So truly learn from

Speaker C

them and truly move on from them. That's what this process will do for you. Okay. Well, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. And I would love to hear um how this has worked for you. And this stays up even though we're live right now. This will stay up as a recording. So even if you're not watching this live, do this process and then let me know in the comments what happened. How did this work for you? The ultimate life hack. Yeah. And there's so many of them.

Speaker C

There's so many of them in NLP, which is just awesome. There's just so many tools for uh every problem. And not just problems, but tools for tapping into your potential and creating exactly what it is that you want. All right, take care everyone.

Topics:identity shiftingself-concept modelNLPSteve Andreasconfidence buildinglimiting beliefsself-esteempersonal transformationvalue solicitationfuture pacing

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