The Funniest Conversations In Joe Rogan History

These are the funniest conversations in Joe Rogan history. So, who better to start with than the legend Theo Von, who had Joe Rogan in stitches whilst talking about hats? The worst is if you're jerking off with a hat on, bro, you're going to hell. Yeah, that's the most French thing you can do, jacking off limbs. Straw Kentucky Derby house. Yeah, what's the worst hat to jack off? Probably a top hat because you have to balance yourself. One of them Chimney Sweep hats.

going to hell yeah that's the most French thing you can do jacking off limbs straw Kentucky Derby house yeah what's the worst hat to jack off probably a top hat because you have to balance yourself one of them Chimney Sweep hats

[Music] The best would be one of those Chinese Hasbro because if you squat down low and up to the ground, you can almost hide under it and jerk off. Yeah, the most confusing would be like one of them Daniel Boone raccoon.

deeply introspective discussion was certainly life-changing however it had nothing on the story that Joey Diaz told about the time he farted on the bus on the way home we got on the bus and when we were waiting there my stomach started

Deeply introspective discussion was certainly life-changing. However, it had nothing on the story that Joey Diaz told about the time he farted on the bus on the way home. We got on the bus, and when we were waiting there, my stomach started hurting. Well, let me just take a chance. Good move, and I blew this fart. Joe Rogan, that was so bad, right? We were on a bus, and people started running. You know, school buses, people started running to the windows, right, to swing down the bus windows. But here's what got better. I fought it again, and the teachers were going, "Oh my God, he's changing flavors." They're crying. That's how bad it smells. They were sitting in front of the busy flavor. What are the teachers? "Oh my God, he's changing flavors." That's how bad these farts were. That's your next T-shirt. "Oh my God, he's changing flavors."

windows but here's what got better I fought it again and the teachers were going oh my God he's changing flavors they're crying that's how bad it smells they were sitting in front of the busy flavor what are the teachers oh my

However, it was Elon Musk who showed that sometimes the funniest moments can come from the most serious questions. We should do a flamethrower. Does anybody tell you no? Does anybody go, Elon? Um, maybe for yourself, but selling a flamethrower, the liabilities, all the people you're selling this device to. What kind of unhinged people are going to be buying a flamethrower in the first place? Do we really want to connect ourselves to all these potential arsonists? Yeah, it's a terrible idea. Terrible. I shouldn't buy one. I don't. I said don't buy this flamethrower. Don't buy it. Don't buy it. That's what I said. But still, people bought it. Yeah, there's nothing I can do to stop them. I said don't buy it. It's a bad idea. How many did you make? Twenty thousand, and they're all gone in three, I think, four days.

should do a flamethrower does anybody tell you no does anybody go Elon um maybe for yourself but selling a flamethrower the liabilities all the people you're selling this device to what kind of unhinged people are going to be buying a flamethrower in the first

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Theo Von was able to show that funny moments can also come from the stupidest conversations, like if a plane crashed. I already know. I'm planned ahead, dude. I'd eat a Vietnamese guy. Um, I mean, I did a fast for like four days, and then I was at the Best Buy, and I remember this Vietnamese guy was trying to help me out, and I couldn't even hear him. I was so hungry, and I couldn't, and I remember thinking if everybody turned the other way for a second, I could eat this young fella. You know, then his name was Ben, actually, over there in Westwood. Um, but, and I never thought, it's so ridiculous. Well, I mean, I think if you gum down a V8, people aren't going to be that upset at you. These people are going to be super upset. What are you talking about? Somebody's dad? Yeah, their sacrifice. They're more understanding of things. Dude, is this a character you're playing? No, but if you eat a black dude, you eat a black lady, and her family's there, they're gonna be pissed. So you think a Vietnamese person will let you slide? I think that they'd be much more forgiving over a couple of day period. Vietnam is one of the few places where Americans can go back to Vietnam. They don't seem to hold any grudge at all. Exhibit A. An exhibit. Amen.

still people bought it yeah there's nothing I can do to stop them I said don't buy it it's a bad idea how many did you make twenty thousand and they're all gone in three I think four days on the

Honestly, Theo's style of comedy seems to work perfectly in a podcast setting, so much that we could probably dedicate an entire video to his legendary one-liners, like when you put a condom on and then the other person's just still looking at their phone, you're like, "Oh, this is weird." Yeah, man, I never wanted to be a fish, man, my whole life I did. Yeah, I wish there were more ways to sleep. A lot of people don't want to think anymore, man. But did it. I wonder if people ever wanted to think. You know, this is probably the smartest conversation I've been involved in in maybe months. Well, it's that time of year. It's spring. People are refreshed. It's the middle of the winter. Yeah, it's freezing. Cola, it's just January. Whatever. You guys don't know. You guys aren't open-minded. That's what I think. If you're wearing a wig, I don't think you're running anymore, though. I think some things you got to let go.

days and then I was at the Best Buy and I remember this Vietnamese guy was trying to help me out and I couldn't even hear him I was so hungry and I couldn't and I remember thinking if everybody turned the other way for a

However, as was shown in this episode with Andrew Schultz, sometimes it's Joe who comes out with the best one-liners. Yeah, so many women are like judging us on our first nuts. Listen, back in the day, you had to come quick because a leopard might eat you. Foreign. But if we want to go back to hilarious stories, then it's almost impossible to go past Joey Diaz talking about the time his friend made french fries. He decided to make french fries, so he put the pot out, those pots you can bring it home with the hot oil, and it would boil, and you could throw french fries. America went crazy over. Well, he did heroin and not it up. That thing went on fire. I wake up, boom, and alarms and awesome coats waking me up, and we go out of the house.

that upset at you these people are going to be super upset what are you talking about somebody's dad yeah they're sacrifice they're more understanding of things dude is this a character you're playing no but if you eat a black dude you eat a black lady

And the father's outside, the grandmother, and fire trucks are coming from the side, laying water, and they got the sirens in the middle of war. There's a Tate in the morning. We all look around and go, "Oh my God, Amy was still in the house. Bonehead was still in the house on fire, bro." They turned the fire off. They go in. He's filled with his feet up with his hands, bro. Oh my God, everything. When they woke him up, he goes, "Oh, my fries ready." This is how crazy this family was. Oh, my fries ready.

Vietnam they don't seem to hold any Grudge at all exhibit a an exhibit amen honestly Theo's style of Comedy seems to work perfectly in a podcast setting so much that we could probably dedicate an entire video to his

However, Joey Diaz isn't the only person on Joe Rogan to tell a classic story on the topic of food. I went to this gas station the other day, and the manager or something comes out, and he's like, "Hey, man, I'm a fan," you know, nice guy. And he's like, "I just want to let you know we got fresh bread inside, fresh baked pizzas. We bake everything, right?" Okay, so right, right, that's my first thought. I'd just been inside. Okay, there's nothing fresh in this joint. Nothing in there. Nothing, nothing in there. Ever even knew an animal, right? Or a garden. Zero percent chance, bro. So now I have to pretend that I'm smelling like pie. So you just get in small town, you know, smaller city, stuff like that. He pulls out Pop-Tarts because he just made them.

yeah I wish there was more ways to sleep a lot of people don't want to think anymore man but did it I wonder if people ever wanted to think you know this is probably the smartest conversation I've been involved in in

Then there was the time that Stevo talked about his living situation, even though I rented four apartments in the building because one was a skate park. Yet, as always seems to be the case, Theo Von backed this up with an equally wild story about his apartment. And one time I was making a smoothie, you know, and I thought I heard something outside, right? Which is kind of weird to even think of when you have a blender going, right? So I'll leave out of my apartment to go in the hallway, lock myself out with the blender going 2:30 in the morning, coked up out of my brain right now. I have to go to my landlord, dude, who lives right down the hall and tell him like, "Hey, man, 2:30 in the morning, I got locked out. The blend is on, son." Oh my God, he must have hated you. Oh, the blender shorts out, and smoke happens. The fire alarm starts going off in the building right as I'm at his door knocking, right? Oh my God. So now he's pissed, and he's like, "What's going on?" And I didn't know what to say. I told that I was throwing a late Christmas party, dude, into January. How old was he at the time? Huh? Oh, this is two and a half years ago. I was 35.

you're wearing a wig I don't think you're running anymore though I think some things you got to let go however as was shown in this episode with Andrew Schultz sometimes it's Joe who comes out with the best one-liners

So he comes back to my apartment, right? He unlocks the door. There's nobody in there, although there was nothing that perfected the combination between funny and epic quite like Tim Dillon's rant about the future of humanity. Nothing will ever be funnier. America will come apart in one of the funniest ways. You'll die laughing, literally. You'll dilate. You'll die, but you will be laughing. Um, it will be the most absurd and insane thing. It will be out of a dystopian horror movie. And no, it'll never be, it won't be funnier than than Am.

go past Joey Diaz talking about the time his friend made french fries he decided to make french fries so he put the pot out those pots you can bring it home with the hot oil and it would boil and

you could throw french fries America went crazy over well he did heroin and not it up that thing went on fire I wake up boom and alarms and awesome coats waking me up and we go out of the house

and the father's outside the grandmother and fire trucks are coming from the side laying water and they got the sirens in the middle of War there's a Tate in the morning we all look around and go oh my

God Amy was still in the house bonehead was still in the house on fire bro they turned the fire off they go in he's filled with his feet up with his hands bro oh my God everything when they woke him

up he goes on my fries ready this is how crazy this family was oh my fries ready however Joey Diaz isn't the only person on Joe Rogan to tell a classic story on the topic of food I went to this gas

station the other day and the manager or something comes out and he's like hey man I'm a fan you know nice guy and he's like I just want to let you know we got fresh bread inside fresh baked pizzas we

bake everything right okay so right right that's my first thought I'd just been inside okay there's nothing fresh in this joint nothing in there nothing nothing in there ever even knew an animal right or a garden zero percent chance bro so now

I have to pretend that I'm smelling like pie so you just get in small town you know smaller City stuff like that he pulls out Pop-Tarts because he just made them then there was the time that Stevo talked about his living situation even

though I rented four apartments in the building because one was a skate park yet as always seems to be the case Theo Von backed this up with an equally wild story about his apartment and one time I was making a smoothie you know and I

thought I thought I heard something outside right which is kind of weird to even think of when you have a blender going right so I'll leave out of my apartment to go in the hallway lock myself out with the blender going

2 30 in the morning coked up out of my brain right now I have to go to my landlord dude who lives right down the hall and tell him like Hey Man 2 30 in the morning I got locked out the blend

is on son oh my God he must have hated you oh the blender shorts out and smoke happens the fire alarm starts going off in the building right as I'm at his door knocking right oh my God so now he's

pissed and he's like what's going on and I didn't know what to say I told that I was throwing a late Christmas party dude into January how old was he at the time huh oh this is two and a half years ago

I was 35. so he comes back to my apartment right he unlocks the door there's nobody in there although there was nothing that perfected the combination between funny and epic quite like Tim Dillon's rant about the future of humanity nothing

will ever be funnier America will come apart in one of the funniest ways you'll die laughing literally you'll dilate you'll die but you will be laughing um it will be the most absurd and insane thing it will be out of a dystopian

horror movie and no it'll never be it won't be funnier than than America because we're a crazy country and with full of crazy people and everybody's just trying to suck the last few dollars out of this bloated Pig

Corpus corpse of an Empire before the end and I'm no different but make no mistake I mean if I'm wrong and I'd love to be wrong but if your attitude or your idea is that the population is going to get

smarter healthier and more adapted problem solving you're on crack hahaha