Speaker A
Let AI run the world. Vasectomize these men from birth. Ban retirement before 90.
Comedians debate outrageous opinions to win over a studio audience in the UK show 'Unacceptable' hosted by Ed Gamble.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
Generated from the transcript and can be wrong — check the timestamp.
Key Takeaways
- Comedy can be used to explore and challenge controversial societal opinions.
- Audience interaction is crucial in shaping the outcome of debates on the show.
- The show highlights the subjective nature of what is considered 'unacceptable' in society.
- Humor helps to diffuse tension around sensitive topics such as race and politics.
- Panel shows remain a popular format for mixing entertainment with social discourse.
What the video covers
- Two teams of comedians led by Richard Ayoade and Joanne McNally compete to convince a live audience to accept their outrageous opinions.
- The show features humorous debates on controversial and 'unacceptable' opinions, such as paying the royals more or banning retirement before 90.
- Audience participation is key, with live voting determining which opinions are deemed most unacceptable.
- Comedians use wit and satire to challenge each other's views and sway the audience's opinions.
- The episode opens with light-hearted banter and introductions of the teams and their captains.
- A segment involves the audience choosing which public figures they find more unacceptable, such as KSI versus Logan Paul.
- Romesh Ranganathan presents an opinion supporting increased royal funding, sparking debate and audience voting.
- The show balances comedy with social commentary, touching on topics like race, celebrity culture, and societal norms.
- Medical and scientific humor is also included, such as discussions about vasectomies and fertility.
- The episode blends stand-up, panel show elements, and interactive audience engagement.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Opening Opinions
- 01:36Teams and Audience Setup
- 02:53Audience Voting: KSI vs Logan Paul
- 06:49Romesh Ranganathan Presents Royal Funding Opinion
- 09:19Romesh’s Argument and Audience Reaction
- 10:48Discussion on Royal Family and Public Perception
- 14:34Guest Midwife Kayley Introduction
- 17:45Richard Ayoade’s Turn and New Opinion
- 20:01Debate and Closing Remarks
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Ed Gamble: In a divided world...
Speaker A
I think pretty people should avoid taxes. ..can two teams of comedians... Uh! An adult is speaking.
Speaker A
..convince our studio audience to back their outrageous opinions? I said you were racist. Look how you voted against a brown guy.
Speaker A
I actually have gotten used to Trump. I almost bought a MAGA hat 'cause I liked the colours.
Speaker A
Or will they all find it too unacceptable? That is the most unacceptable thing we've heard all show.
Speaker A
(Cheering and applause) Hello, I'm Ed Gamble, and welcome to Unacceptable! (Cheers and applause) Let's meet the teams hoping to be accepted by our studio audience tonight.
Speaker A
He's a man so stiff I'm pretty sure his DNA is 90% starch, it's team captain Richard Ayoade.
Speaker A
(Cheering and applause) And joining him tonight is Katherine Ryan and Roisin Conaty. (Cheers and applause) She's a comedian and podcaster who's a star and a half, which also happens to be her Uber rating.
Speaker A
It's team captain Joanne McNally. (Cheering and applause) And joining her is Sophie Willan and Romesh Ranganathan.
Speaker A
(Cheering and applause) Tonight's two brilliant teams of comedians will be trying to convince this audience to agree with some truly unacceptable opinions.
Speaker A
Whoever wins over the most people will be crowned our winners. Joanne, as team captain, what's the most unacceptable opinion that you've had this week?
Speaker A
I was triggered. I walked past a lad this week who smelt of Lynx Africa, and it brought back a memory which I think is unacceptable.
Speaker A
I miss Blazin' Squad. Do you remember Blazin' Squad? Yeah. I remember. I'm actually wearing one of their jackets. Are you? Yeah.
Speaker A
They were the biggest boyband in the world by headcount. They looked like they were assembled out of a JD Sports in Chingford.
Speaker A
They don't get the respect they deserve, and I miss them. Yes. This is why Joanne's on the show, by the way.
Speaker A
She wants to bring back Blazin' Squad. Yeah. Our audience today absolutely baffled by Blazin' Squad.
Speaker A
Richard, what's the most unacceptable thing you've ever done? Well, I did once have a centre parting.
Speaker A
Katherine: Ooh! Yes. I looked like a heartbroken hedge. It was very bad. So, now we've learnt a little bit more about our guests, I want our teams to know what kind of people are with us in the audience,
Speaker A
because the show is all about what the audience think. We're now going to ask you to pick a preference between a completely unacceptable duo.
Speaker A
There's points up for grabs if you can guess which side they find most unacceptable.
Speaker A
Let's see the opinion-splitting pair they had to choose between tonight. It's KSI and Logan Paul.
Speaker A
In my mind, very much the Socrates and Plato of the modern age. Before we assess what we think the audience might be leaning towards, what do we think of these two?
Speaker A
They look like, kind of, 'roided hooligans. He could be in Blazin' Squad. He could be, yeah.
Speaker A
Although no, he's too hot. They weren't lookers, God love them. But I do like a nice chest tat.
Speaker A
Yes. A chest tat is a red flag for some people though, Joanne. What does it say? Very much a green flag for me.
Speaker A
I think rather than getting a tattoo saying "knowledge," just go to school and get education, do you know what I mean?
Speaker A
And did they start off boxing and then start to YouTube? No. Drink. They've got a drink... They've got a drink?
Speaker A
..that kids make you pay a tenner for in a shop. Oh. They're both unacceptable for that.
Speaker A
It's water with shit in it. They're absolute tossers, aren't they? I think Joanne and I have dated men like these before, and that's why we're warm. We're like, "I could fix him."
Speaker A
Look, at least he's spelled "knowledge" correctly. We need your answers as to who you think the audience finds most unacceptable.
Speaker A
Richard, what's your team saying? Who do you think? Logan? That lad? The most lamentable? Yes. Yes. Okay.
Speaker A
It's "unacceptable" we're going with, just 'cause it's the name of the show, Katherine. We did consider "Welcome to Lamentable, with Ed Gamble."
Speaker A
Joanne's team? I would say that one. Okay, can I just offer a counterpoint? Of course. Yeah.
Speaker A
It's just that, looking at this audience, they are clueless about either of these people.
Speaker A
If you're basing it on the facts of the case, then yes, you've got a solid argument.
Speaker A
If you're basing it on what this nest of pricks went for... I think you've got to go based on the photos.
Speaker A
Almost purely. Hang on, so what, are you accusing the audience of saying the Black man is most unacceptable?
Speaker A
I'm not accusing, I'm confirming. In my opinion, they find KSI more lamentable than - But you're team captain, and I don't wanna - I mean, I didn't intend to bring race into it so early on, but sure.
Speaker A
Have you seen my act? It's all I've got. I'm about two minutes away from lazy eye stuff, and then moving on.
Speaker A
I'm not - Okay, go. Let's see. Let's see. So, let's reveal what our audience think about this one.
Speaker A
It's gotta be Logan Paul, otherwise I'm leaving. Audience: Ooh! With 86% of the vote...
Speaker A
(Applause) ..the majority of the audience find Logan Paul more unacceptable. Brilliant work there. Well done, Richard's team.
Speaker A
Oh dear, Romesh. Thank God. Can I just say - It's too late, you've gaslit the audience, Romesh.
Speaker A
You've gaslit them. I'm sorry, I made a judgement. I'm taking time to reflect on that.
Speaker A
I looked at you, I walked in, I sat down, I thought you were racist. All right?
Speaker A
Right. It's time to deep dive into our guests' minds and unearth their most horrific opinion.
Speaker A
Joanne, who's stepping up from your team? It is... King Rom. It's Romesh Ranganathan. In a moment, Romesh, you'll reveal your opinion, another one, and remember, the audience is already on your side, and we will put it to a vote.
Speaker A
I cannot see this going well, Ed. The idea of the game is that you have to win over this audience, whilst the other team dismantle your argument piece-by-piece.
Speaker A
I'm sorry! Okay, Romesh, if you're ready, please confess your deeply unacceptable opinion. My unacceptable opinion is that we should pay the royals more.
Speaker A
(Audience gasp) So, let's see how many of the audience find it unacceptable. Audience, it's time to vote.
Speaker A
Press one if you think Romesh's opinion is unacceptable, press two if you think - Well, none of you are pressing two, let's be honest.
Speaker A
Okay, let's take a look. It's too late, Romesh. Guys... Can they vote again? No. Here it is.
Speaker A
Wow! (Cheers and applause) So, 92% of the audience think that that is an unacceptable opinion.
Speaker A
So, let me just make a point here. I said you were racist, look how you voted against a brown guy.
Speaker A
And, to be fair, against the royal family. Yes. Yeah, okay. Joanne, as Romesh's team captain, are you ready to back this opinion?
Speaker A
I am a huge royalist, as you know. Yes, as an Irish person. As an Irish person, and yes, it is unusual. Yeah.
Speaker A
But I am a trailblazer, and I've always had a soft spot for them. So, let's hear this. Let's go.
Speaker A
Okay, Romesh, please talk us through your reasoning here. My first point, Ed, and audience...
Speaker A
..is that they provide entertainment for the nation. And I think they're great value for it.
Speaker A
The royals are essentially our longest-running soap opera. Marriages, deaths, fights, affairs, car crashes. You move 'em to Chester, it's basically - (Audience groans) They hate you so much.
Speaker A
Move 'em to Chester, it's basically Hollyoaks. It's better, 'cause you don't get a paedophile ring on Hollyoaks.
Speaker A
No. They've not done that. I've gotta be honest, that's the one thing I thought Hollyoaks was missing.
Speaker A
And be honest, like, they are just box office. If I told you now I had nudes of the royals, you'd all wanna see, right?
Speaker A
Depends which one. All of 'em. Okay, which one are you thinking, Ed? There's actually none I can think of that I'd like to see nude.
Speaker A
Camilla, for scientific reasons. Definitely. I like Camilla, actually. She's a bit of a slut muffin.
Speaker A
I think she'd be a good night out. Yeah. She married the man who said he wants to be a tampon.
Speaker A
I mean, that's out there, isn't it? He's comfortable with the female body. He's a sexual bea
Speaker A
How much more do you wanna pay 'em? What's Charles on? 25, 30 grand a year?
Speaker A
£132 million it costs, the royal family. Yeah, and what a bargain, right? For what they give.
Speaker A
But you wanna pay 'em more. How much more? Let's negotiate. Are we gonna get OnlyFans? What we getting if you want more?
Speaker A
Charles, with those fingers, what an OnlyFans. Cock-size fingers, yes please. Subscribe me up. Also, if you go past Buckingham Palace, there's always people lined up, sort of, taking photos.
Speaker A
It's usually me. Yeah, and they're all immigrants. Some of those small boats are coming over just to see Buckingham Palace.
Speaker A
I'm not saying encourage small boats, I worded that incorrectly, but what I mean is - You've said it, we've clipped it, it's already on Instagram.
Speaker A
I'm gonna be honest, this hasn't gone great for me so far. Also, if you pay them more, they'll do exactly what we want.
Speaker A
(GASPS) Harry could do a DNA test live. SOPHIE: Yes. (APPLAUSE) That would be very good.
Speaker A
We could get William to do stuff he doesn't really want to, like actually sleep with his own wife.Yes.
Speaker A
(AUDIENCE MEMBER SHOUTS) One person screamed at that. I was in a room with Prince Charles, and he's fit.Is he hot?
Speaker A
He's just quite attractive, in a way that you're not expecting. You're like, "What?" He's really old and the hands are big, you know.
Speaker A
And he moves like someone who's never had to rush. Oh. And that gives you a sort of...
Speaker A
It's almost like a dancer. Yeah. I'm meant to be against it, aren't I, on this side?
Speaker A
You're meant to be against it, and also, that is the most unacceptable thing we've heard all show.
Speaker A
Also, we don't have to pay for that. Oh, we get it for free.Yes. We're getting the best stuff for free already.
Speaker A
He's already moving like a dancer. What we paying for?Yeah. I actually did Charles and Camilla's Christmas do one year.Did you?
Speaker A
AUDIENCE: Ooh! Yeah.Are you serious?Yeah. Did they book you for stand-up, or did they book you to be a waiter?
Speaker A
(APPLAUSE) Applauding the Asian waiter - I'll be honest, the case is still open on you pricks.
Speaker A
No, look, they said, "Can you bring 20 minutes of your best stuff, "and some poppadoms?" How much did they pay you? They didn't pay anything.
Speaker A
Yeah, I see what this is. Yeah, we've worked it out now. Okay. What do you mean?(CHANTS) Civil list, civil list, civil list.
Speaker A
What? # Someone wants an OBE # Let me tell you something. Can I tell you something?
Speaker A
The last thing my name needs is more letters, all right? (APPLAUSE) But this is why it's not worth paying them more because they don't even understand money.
Speaker A
They're like when my toddlers are playing shop and they're like, "This is 72 monies".
Speaker A
They don't know about - If we paid them enough money, they're more at our beck and call.
Speaker A
That's what you think. You ever tried giving a pay rise to any of the household staff?
Speaker A
They do less. If you put the royal family on more, they will do less.
Speaker A
ROISIN: Oh. I'm not on Cameo. H from Steps is on Cameo. RICHARD: You've gotta keep them hungry.
Speaker A
I wasn't prepared for the H from Steps argument. It's time for a break now.
Speaker A
We'll be back in a bit to test Romesh's opinion. And by we, of course, I mean the royal We.
Speaker A
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Unacceptable, the show that will wake up tomorrow and have to send a lot of apology texts.
Speaker A
Okay, Romesh, you've stood your ground and argued that we should pay the royals more, but now it's time to literally put your money where your mouth is.
Speaker A
Here's a little hypothetical scenario I'd like to put you in to test your argument.
Speaker A
Imagine your face-to-face with these two people. Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, 42nd in line to the throne.
Speaker A
There he is. Ha! Jesus Christ. And next to him is Kayley, a hardworking NHS midwife who works night shifts in one of the busiest hospitals in the country.
Speaker A
There she is, Kayley. (APPLAUSE) Now Romesh I'm giving you £500 in this envelope. There you go, genuinely, £500 cash.
Speaker A
You can either give it to Kayley, the hardworking NHS midwife, or whatever that guy is, okay?
Speaker A
There you go. Who are you gonna give it to, and why, please, Romesh? So, is the aim of this to make me as unpopular as possible?
Speaker A
"Sorry, Romesh, we don't believe the audience hate you enough". Well, look, I think it's not really a difficult argument.
Speaker A
Kayley's obviously got money to burn. Got a big bouquet of flowers there. Looks like she's nicked an oxygen tank.
Speaker A
SOPHIE: Which he could do with, actually, couldn't he?Yeah.Yes. I've got no doubts about it, I'd give the £500 to him.
Speaker A
You'd give the money to him, would you? I'd have no qualms about it. The royals deserve to be paid more, Looking that that photo that man needs money immediately.Yes.
Speaker A
For something. Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, is getting the money from you. Yeah. You're sticking by your argument.
Speaker A
But just to make sure you're confident in your decision, please welcome, fresh off a 12-hour shift, hardworking baby-delivering generally good person, midwife Kayley, everybody!
Speaker A
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Welcome, Kayley, how are you? I'll be honest, I'm pretty knackered.KATHERINE: Aw.
Speaker A
Why? You've only done 12 hours. I've always thought delivering babies would be quite a tough job.
Speaker A
Is it a tough job, or is it quite nice? Being a midwife is tough, it is physically and emotionally challenging.
Speaker A
You have to keep calm under pressure, but the magical moments stay with you forever.
Speaker A
It's getting hard to defend you, actually. I feel like I'm with the person who's shitfaced at a wedding and I've got to defend them. Yeah.
Speaker A
Well, actually, during COVID I clapped for the royals. Kayley, if Romesh had given you the £500, what would you have done with it?
Speaker A
Well, I'm actually getting married next year. Don't do it, Kayley. And we're yet to save for our honeymoon, so it'd probably go towards that.
Speaker A
(APPLAUSE) So, Romesh, are you happy with your decision? What I'd like to say is I just think...
Speaker A
You saw the guy. He looks like he's struggling. The question to you is, bearing in mind you care about people, do you want that man to not have £500?
Speaker A
You know, that would be my - Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Romesh has made his decision, but luckily it's not Romesh's cash to give, actually, it's mine.
Speaker A
And because I'm a great guy, I'm giving it to you, Kayley. Give it back, Romesh.
Speaker A
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Thank you very much. Pass that down to Kayley the midwife, please.
Speaker A
Give it up for Kayley, everyone! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Look Ed yeah that is uncut dick move by you, by the way.
Speaker A
Okay, it's time to find out what the audience thinks now and if any minds have been changed.
Speaker A
Romesh, earlier on, 92% of the audience thought that your opinion we should pay the royal more was unacceptable, and now, after you've tried your hardest to persuade them, let's take a look at how they voted.
Speaker A
AUDIENCE: Ooh! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I can reveal 93% of the audience now think your opinion is unacceptable.
Speaker A
That is a swing of minus one, so that's minus one points for your team.
Speaker A
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) The next round is called The Stitch-Up. Each team has written an unacceptable opinion for someone on the other team to defend.
Speaker A
The goal is simple. Surprise them with an opinion you know they'll hate and make them defend it no matter what.
Speaker A
Okay, Joanne, it's your turn. Who are you stitching up? It's Richard Ayoade. Richard is getting stitched up. Here is your new opinion, Richard.
Speaker A
Remember, read exactly what's on the card, and defend it with your life. Sure. I believe action movies are peak cinema.
Speaker A
Yes, we support him. That's interesting, isn't it? Because I thought you were somewhat of a cinema buff, Richard.
Speaker A
But I think, in a way, I'm a huge fan of silent cinema, and silent cinema is a cinema of action, as we know.
Speaker A
We know this from Griffith, we know from Eisenstein, we certainly know it from Keaton and Chaplin.Guys?
Speaker A
That's a loophole! You're creating a cheeky loop. What Richard does with these sometimes is redefine exactly what we mean.
Speaker A
You question the question. Do you go? Do you actually go to the cinema? Of course. Do you buy sweets and stuff?
Speaker A
You mean popcorn? And action films. So you wear X-ray glasses and all? I don't wanna look through the screen.
Speaker A
I think you mean 3D, Joanne. 3D! "Fucking hell, I don't know what's going on at all in this.
Speaker A
"I can see everyone having a shit." I know how to get you. Jason Statham.
Speaker A
How do you feel about him? Get out of my head! Jason Statham? Acting ability?
Speaker A
(IN DEEP VOICE) Fantastic. (IN NORMAL VOICE) A thing I like about action heroes is that they only need one jean jacket, a singlet, jean trousers, chunky boots.
Speaker A
I'd love to see you as an action hero, Richard.Oh! I already am. What are you in?
Speaker A
I'm here. Unfortunately, I think we've given Richard something he wholeheartedly agrees with. I mean, try and stop me talking about this.
Speaker A
You've defended it very well, so thank you, Richard. Cheers. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Richard's team, you're stitching up Joanne's team.
Speaker A
Yes. Who have you written one for? We're stitching up Joanne. (APPLAUSE) Ooh. There you go. There's your new opinion.
Speaker A
Read it out as it is on the card, defend it, and your team will back you. Of course they will.
Speaker A
I truly believe that women are not funny. AUDIENCE: Ooh. Slightly more spicy than Richard's, I'll be honest with you.
Speaker A
Say more. I'm listening. Yes. Well, obviously, Roisin, you know how strongly I feel about this.Yeah.
Speaker A
I didn't want either of you on this show. Or Sophie, or even myself. I don't deserve to be here. I don't think women are funny, and it's embarrassing when they try.
Speaker A
Joanne, can I ask - I'm sorry to - Well, I'm not going to apologise for interrupting, just saving you.
Speaker A
I was hoping you would take over. Thank you very much. So, if anyone is coming to see you live, would you recommend that they ask for their money back and don't attend the tour? I would.
Speaker A
It's a serious show. It's a very, very serious, sad show. ROMESH: It's like a TED Talk. I've seen the show.
Speaker A
It had a ten-night run at the Apollo, the first show to sell out the Arena in Ireland.
Speaker A
To stone-cold silence. Sometimes I'll try and tell a joke and then hope a man finishes it and wrap it up.
Speaker A
I'm very reliant on Romesh, Ed, and Richard, and I don't even attend the joke meetings any more.
Speaker A
I just don't know what's going on. I don't get it. So now I just chop the lads' food and iron their shirts to keep my job.
Speaker A
And do you know how hard it is to iron corduroy, Richard? There are joke meetings?
Speaker A
I've not been invited to one of these joke meetings. Romesh, of course, you're backing this opinion on behalf of your team, so tell us why you don't think women are funny.
Speaker A
(APPLAUSE) Come on, Romesh. I can't survive this, man. Come on. Come on. Yep, come on.
Speaker A
Yeah, I just think they're full of shit. Thank you very much, Joanne! (APPLAUSE) Let's go!
Speaker A
That was good shit, man. Well done. Joanne, it's time for your stitch-up. Who are you delivering a horrible opinion to on Richard's team?
Speaker A
Roisin Conaty. Ooh. Roisin, here we go. (APPLAUSE) Thank you. We know exactly what's on the card. This is your new opinion.
Speaker A
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I believe cheating once shouldn't count. AUDIENCE: Ooh! Yeah. And I think the reason is it's all well and good saying you're against cheating, but if you haven't tasted a food, you don't know if you don't like it.
Speaker A
If you've cheated once, then you know for sure that you're happy. Interesting. That's good.
Speaker A
So everyone should cheat as a show of commitment to their partner. Yeah. I think you cheat - Is it the full shebang?
Speaker A
What about just a kiss? Or an emotional cheat? No, emotional cheat is a different conversation.
Speaker A
I think anything that involves bodies.Yeah. Kissing touching... Right...rubbing. I'm from a very small, backwards town, and people actually do that.
Speaker A
They're together all their lives, and right before they get married they do something called a buck and doe, where you all go down to the local community centre and raise money for the wedding, which I think is so tacky,
Speaker A
but also, they will shag someone else. At the community centre? Hopefully. Hopefully, Richard. On the billiards table, yeah, hopefully.
Speaker A
You're allowed one go out and back in. So what we're saying though is that that is sanctioned, right?
Speaker A
You've got one final - I don't think that's cheating. If your partner allows it, I don't think it counts as cheating.
Speaker A
What you're saying, in your opinion, that you definitely have...Yes. ..is that cheating is allowed once, which is going behind your partner's back.Yes.
Speaker A
And I stand by that. I stand by that because backs are meant to be behind.
Speaker A
(APPLAUSE) Okay, brilliant work there. Thank you, Roisin. Right, there we are. (APPLAUSE) Join us after the break to find out Katherine Ryan's most unacceptable opinion.
Speaker A
See you in a bit. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Unacceptable, the show that asks our guests to activate their mouths before they've had time for their brains to get in the way.
Speaker A
So, basically, just behave pretty much normally. The next round is called Outside Opinions. Two of our guests have invited someone from their life into the studio tonight to share their unacceptable opinions.
Speaker A
Each team will meet the person the other team has brought out and hear three potential unacceptable opinions.
Speaker A
They need to try and correctly guess which of the three opinions actually belongs to them.
Speaker A
Romesh has someone with him tonight. Romesh, as if I need to ask, who is it?
Speaker A
It's my mother, Shanthi. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Please welcome Shanthi! Welcome. Welcome to the show. Thank you. Thank you so much.
Speaker A
Shanthi, please read out your three possible opinions. Mums should control every aspect of their son's life. Okay?
Speaker A
What's your second opinion there? Vegans are hard work. Vegans are hard work. There is it, number two.
Speaker A
And number three, please. The third one. Your 60s are your sexiest decade. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIM) Your 60s are your sexiest decade.
Speaker A
Dear God, please don't let it be number three. What's the sexiest thing you've done in your 60s?
Speaker A
Roisin... If you see a good-looking man, I do look. I thoroughly enjoy looking at them, and their bum and everything, it's good.
Speaker A
JOANNA: Their bum is good? What kind of bums are you looking for? Nice bum. When you see it, you will know.
Speaker A
Yes. You know it. That's very philosophical. "When you see one, you'll know." You know it when you see it.
Speaker A
Has to be right size, right shape. SOPHIE: Yeah. Tight. And when you walk, it wobble.
Speaker A
Do you like, Shanthi, when gentlemen wear the grey trackies, and you can see the complete dick outline?
Speaker A
Yes. ROMESH: Katherine... That's sexy, darling. Very sexy. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Richard, any questions? Katherine just did my question.
Speaker A
What's the most annoying thing in a vegan? Why are vegans so annoying? You have to make special food for them.Yeah.
Speaker A
Shanthi, sometimes when you're entertaining, do you just lob butter in, because it's quicker, and you say it's vegan?
Speaker A
No. I don't like to lie, because since I retired two years ago, I'm being very spiritual, okay? Oh, okay.
Speaker A
I listen to all the prayers, all mantras and everything. (CHANTS) Oh, jiggly arse. I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm sorry.
Speaker A
Do you agree that mums should control every aspect of - You've got two sons, don't you? Depends on their wives.
Speaker A
I don't want to create any trouble. The wife... I mean, that's bullshit. How many times I tell you, do not interrupt.
Speaker A
So, what do we think is the actual opinion of Shanthi? I don't think you'd say your 60s are your sexiest decade.
Speaker A
That doesn't sound like you would've said it.Not in the way you say it. Smoothly.
Speaker A
"Vegans are hard work" sounds like you may well have said that. What are you leaning towards? I think, knowing your dynamic, I think it's "mums should control every aspect of their sons' lives".
Speaker A
Okay. We can say one, but it's entirely your fault. Okay. Shanthi, please reveal your actual opinion.
Speaker A
Mums should control every aspect of their sons' lives.(APPLAUSE) That is correct. So it's points to Richard's team.
Speaker A
Thank you so much, Shanthi, for coming on the show. You look beautiful, Shanthi. Aw. Aw.
Speaker A
Richard, your team will introduce their outside opinionated guest next and I believe Katherine has brought someone along with her. Katherine.
Speaker A
Oh, yes. I have brought my gorgeous husband, Bobby. Welcome Bobby, everyone! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Here he is.
Speaker A
Hey there. Hello Bobby. Hello Ed. Joanne's team, you're going to try and work out which of the following unacceptable opinions Bobby truly believes.
Speaker A
Bobby, please read out your three possible opinions. First one. Sex is overrated. Number two, you should never get back with an ex.
Speaker A
And number three, drinking urine is good for your health. There we are, three unacceptable opinions, but what do you make of Bobby's possible opinions there.
Speaker A
Well, I think he looks like a new-age lesbian. So... Kind. Kind of you to say. Thank you.
Speaker A
No, and with that, I think that's exactly answer number three. You think Bobby drinks his own piss?
Speaker A
I do, and I think they both do it, because I think she's into all this.
Speaker A
Yeah. She's definitely - They're drinking piss breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sophie. Katherine, put the mug down, put the mug down.
Speaker A
It's steaming. It doesn't help. It doesn't help. Will we ask him some questions? You can ask questions to help figure it out.
Speaker A
Would you consider yourself kind of like health conscious? Do you ice bath or anything like that?No, I do not.
Speaker A
I don't think anyone's gonna go straight to drinking piss. I feel... How's the sex? How is it?
Speaker A
Will you let us know if this gets too personal, Ed? It's a chore at times. It's a chore.Yeah.
Speaker A
I have a question. What's the best sex you ever had? Oh! Can I pass?
Speaker A
Bobby, we can talk about our experiences together, I don't mind. If you pass, then it wasn't me.
Speaker A
No, I just don't wanna make any comments. When did this become a deposition? So, we've considered urine quite heavily.
Speaker A
What about "You should never get back with an ex"? I know they're childhood sweethearts that got back together.
Speaker A
So, they are exes. They are exes. It would be a brutal thing to announce.
Speaker A
It would be so ridiculous, almost as bad as saying pass on the sex question.
Speaker A
It'd be a big swing. So, we don't think it's two? I think we disregard two straight off the bat.Okay.
Speaker A
It's between urine and sex, which is how many of my dilemmas end up, actually.
Speaker A
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I think, "Is it urine, is it sex?" Can I come back for the next round?
Speaker A
I'm just gonna dissociate from the whole of this round. Okay, fair enough. I need to push you for an answer.
Speaker A
I think a lot of people would say sex is overrated. You could put that in anyone's mouth.
Speaker A
Yeah. SOPHIE: I'm piss. Yeah. I'm a big fan of piss. What do you think is the correct one?
Speaker A
I think we're gonna to urine. Yeah. They're going with number three, Bobby's unacceptable opinion is drinking urine is good for your health.
Speaker A
Bobby, please tell us your real unacceptable opinion. The real one is number two, never get back with your ex.
Speaker A
But hear me out. Hear me out. While it has been lovely reconnecting and getting married.
Speaker A
Oh, my God! I now have four ungrateful children, which is a plus, but what really happened was it set off a chain of events, it disrupted the fabric of reality globally.
Speaker A
Right away, pandemic. 'Cause we got married? Possibly. Bobby, would you like me to end this segment so you can stop digging yourself into a big hole?Yeah.
Speaker A
Give it up for Bobby, everyone! Well done, Bob. That's probably a first. He's out.
Speaker A
It's nearly time for our next unacceptable opinion. We've already put Romesh's opinion from Joanne's team to the test, but now it's over to Richard's team.
Speaker A
Who are you putting forward tonight? Katherine. It's Katherine Ryan. Okay. (APPLAUSE) Katherine, in a moment you'll reveal your opinion and we'll put it to a vote.
Speaker A
The aim is to get the audience to support your outlandish argument. All the other team have to do is take that argument and pull it limb from limb.
Speaker A
Okay, Katherine, if you're ready, please confess your deeply unacceptable opinion. I truly believe that all men should have vasectomies at birth.
Speaker A
Okay, well, first of all, let's see how many of the audience find it unacceptable.
Speaker A
Audience, it's time to vote. AUDIENCE: Ooh! Oh! So, 74% of the audience think that is an unacceptable opinion.
Speaker A
That's quite a lot of people to win over. Not as much of an uphill struggle as Romesh had, but we'll find out how you manage it.
Speaker A
Time for a break, a chance to have a cup of tea, go to the loo, or maybe even have the snip. See you in a bit when we'll hear more from Katherine.
Speaker A
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Unacceptable. Earlier, Katherine revealed that she believes all men should have vasectomies at birth, and we discovered that 74% of you found that unacceptable.
Speaker A
So, Katherine, tell us a bit more about what you mean here. So, it's too easy for men.
Speaker A
Dads, in general, get too much credit for doing the basic work. Bobby was in a coffee shop with our children the other day, he wiped down a high chair, and the old ladies were watching him like it was Julio Iglesias in his prime.
Speaker A
They were slipping off their chairs, sliding around in the shop, like, "Oh, my God, how does he do it?" Women have to teach men how to parent alongside doing it and learning it themselves, and then also for some fucking reason,
Speaker A
we have to remind him when his sister's birthday is and when the green bin goes out.
Speaker A
Wednesday. Vasectomy reversed. Thank you. Thank you. They have to prove themselves like Richard before they have their vasectomy reversed?Yes.
Speaker A
They have women gatekeeping pregnancy and conception, and STIs. We're even meant to carry condoms even though we don't have dicks, and then they put us on pills, patches and injections and coils.
Speaker A
I've had enough. Vasectomise these men from birth. ROISIN: You've won me over. Wow. (APPLAUSE) Don't applaud, what are you doing?
Speaker A
It's feeling like it's going well. Joanne accidentally applauding that. That was crazy work from you. I'm moved, I'm moved.
Speaker A
Joanne, of course, you have to argue against this. Do you think you could manage that? I'm moved in anger, Katherine.
Speaker A
That's terrible. These poor little babies. I like tricking men. Maybe I wanna trick a man into getting me pregnant.
Speaker A
How can I trick him if he hasn't got any sperm in the - junk in the trunk, whatever it's called.
Speaker A
Lead in the pencil. The issue is though, like, would any man pass apart from Richard?Mm.
Speaker A
Thank you.And then we're fucked 'cause there's no human race. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You said, would any man pass apart from me, and then you said, "We're fucked".
Speaker A
Yeah. And so, what I'd like is - No, I'd just like those two trains of thought just to separate a bit.
Speaker A
My dad was absent, and I've only got one photo of him, and he was wearing a rasta hat from Blackpool, and I thought, "Do you know what? I'm not gonna bother".
Speaker A
And that was the right choice. Do you know what I mean? (APPLAUSE)They're not always that needed, are they?No.No.
Speaker A
Right now men are just so indiscriminate with their sperm. They make millions and millions of them every day.Yeah.
Speaker A
Women create, of fertile age, on average, one egg a month, and we know where it is all the time.
Speaker A
We keep it with us and we look after it, and we put forward the best and the brightest.
Speaker A
The eggs will come together and choose one representative, "Denise, this month it's all on you".
Speaker A
And then there are men just chucking garbage come at Denise, right, left and centre, no quality control, just into a stranger's eyelashes, that one's got two heads, he's swimming the wrong way, and it's - I've had enough.
Speaker A
Katherine, what's your next point? I think fatherhood should be opt-in. I'm introducing some basic admin to a very flawed system.
Speaker A
So, you need licences for guns because they have the capacity to end life, but a penis is like a dangerous rifle with the ability to create it.
Speaker A
Men love that kind of talk. "Where's your dangerous rifle?" Can I ask you, though, would Bobby pass?
Speaker A
'Cause currently he's drinking his own piss. No, Sophie, I don't know how you've convinced yourself of this.
Speaker A
He does not drink his own piss. Oh, right. That was the opinion that was made up.
Speaker A
You decided it was real and you would not listen to the fact that it wasn't.
Speaker A
He just looks like a man who drinks his own piss. Do they still ejaculate, or is it just... (MIMICS SPLATTER) Basically it's not - I've seen facts about it.
Speaker A
It's not come after a vasectomy, it's like Robinsons orange squash, basically. What? Orange? It's orange?
Speaker A
Is it not the stickiness? Is the texture gone off it? I actually don't know.
Speaker A
I've never sucked off a man who's had a vasectomy. I've got no idea what the texture of post-vasectomy come is like.
Speaker A
What sort of viscosity? Don't ask! I don't know the viscosity! I mean, what's your current viscosity, Romesh?
Speaker A
It's like a paste. There will be gentlemen who've had vasectomies, right? You're still ejaculating.
Speaker A
Hands up if you've had a vasectomy but still ejaculate. Or stand up. Ooh, he's standing up.
Speaker A
Okay, there you go. Thank you, sir. And? There you go. And what's the viscosity?
Speaker A
That's your son? Can I ask, have you been on television before? Did you think the first thing that you'd say on television was, "Yes, I still ejaculate"?
Speaker A
But you're sat next to your son, who has not yet, I'm assuming, had a vasectomy.
Speaker A
He's ejaculating all over the place. He's a liability. Okay, brilliant work there. Thank you so much.
Speaker A
(APPLAUSE) Do we think men aren't smart enough to make this decision themselves? I don't think men are smart, doesn't mean they should have a vasectomy at birth.
Speaker A
Joanne, how are you feeling? I did enjoy the rush of doing a pregnancy test in a cinema toilet at 15, and I wonder, would I miss that?
Speaker A
Is that a rite of passage? Like a lad building a house. What film were you seeing?
Speaker A
I was just there to do the pregnancy test.SOPHIE: Yeah. You used the cinema toilets and weren't even seeing a film?
Speaker A
I went in to use the toilets to do a pregnancy test. You can piss into those huge cups, and I didn't understand what a pregnancy test was.
Speaker A
I thought you had to provide a barrel of urine. You got one of the large drinks cups from the cinema, went into the toilet, and tried to fill it up with piss?
Speaker A
Bobby would've smashed that in one shot. He's finished that before the trailers. Okay, Katherine, it's now time to see how strongly you can stand by your opinion that vasectomies should be compulsory.
Speaker A
It's a serious operation, so we've got something to help you explain it. Let me introduce you to Barry. Barry?
Speaker A
Oh! (APPLAUSE) ROISIN: Oh, Christ. Look at the size of that baby penis. Barry is an educational model.
Speaker A
You've made vasectomies sound very straightforward, Katherine, so if you could just talk us through how it actually works.
Speaker A
Katherine, take it away. Feel free to approach Barry. But you didn't make Romesh outline the finances of how we were gonna pay the royal family more.
Speaker A
I had to deny a nurse 500 quid. All right.Where would you start with the vasectomy?
Speaker A
Oh, wow. Katherine, make it sexy. Men will accept anything if you do it in a sexy voice.
Speaker A
Are you gonna be tiling this penis? I know this is the pelvis, 'cause I've had mine widened several times to further the legacy of an ungrateful man.
Speaker A
At the moment it seems like you're gonna do the vasectomy through the arse. Oh, wow, so you guys have a lot of vessels and things around here.
Speaker A
How would you start the vasectomy, Katherine? I think it's fairly straightforward. I think that all you do is make one little incision - (GASPS) (APPLAUSE) I mean, that'll do it.
Speaker A
Everyone's does that, right? Katherine, you would make the incision at this point? Uh, I would make an incision, yeah.
Speaker A
You've not given any anaesthetic yet. Oh, well, that's someone else's job, Ed. You've not had enough surgery to know how this works.
Speaker A
I think I make an incision, like, down here. So, you're cutting the tube and then stitching it up.
Speaker A
Then I'm gonna do a tiny little incision, cauterise that, so it doesn't bleed, you're on your way, it's a day procedure.
Speaker A
Congratulations baby. You can just come anywhere you want until you pass the test to become a father. Good night.
Speaker A
JOANNA: Well done. (APPLAUSE) Thank you very much, Katherine Ryan. Yep, yep. Well, Katherine, you proved just how complex that all is.
Speaker A
So, has that totally sabotaged your chances of swinging the audience? Earlier on, Katherine, a snap poll revealed 74% found your opinion that all men should have vasectomies at birth unacceptable.
Speaker A
And now, after you've tried your hardest to convince them, let's look at how they voted.
Speaker A
AUDIENCE: Ooh! Yeah! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) You see? The percentage of the audience that agree with you is 51%.
Speaker A
That means you've won a swing of 23, and therefore 23 points for your team.
Speaker A
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) And that makes Richard's team our Unacceptable winners tonight. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) That's all we have time for in tonight's show.
Speaker A
Thank you to our guests for their Unacceptable performances. Good night! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
Topics:UnacceptableEd GambleRichard AyoadeJoanne McNallyRomesh Ranganathancomedy panel showUK comedycontroversial opinionsaudience votingsatire
