|AUDIO ENHANCED| Not At This Time | Clif High (TPC #2,123)

Tommy's PodCast features Clif High discussing ARC's child rescue work, off-world intelligence, consciousness, and personal insights on life and meaning.

Key Takeaways

ARC is a highly effective nonprofit dedicated to rescuing children from sex trafficking with no salaries taken.
Off-world intelligence and proxy war dynamics reveal complex geopolitical and non-human influences.
Consciousness and emotional self-awareness are central themes, with spiritual practices aiding personal transformation.
Engagement with others' lives carries karmic consequences and requires mindful caution.
Support for meaningful causes like ARC is prioritized before supporting entertainment content.

What the video covers

ARC (Association for the Recovery of Children) is a nonprofit rescuing sex trafficking victims monthly with a 100% success rate since 1993.
Tommy encourages donations to ARC and explains various ways to support his show, including cryptocurrency sponsorships and discount links.
The episode was recorded on August 21, 2026, with casual banter about fanboying and personal anecdotes.
Clif High discusses off-world intelligence and non-human intelligence from a pragmatic, Cold War-influenced perspective.
They explore how proxy wars like Vietnam involved second world countries unknowingly influenced by first world powers.
The conversation touches on consciousness, emotional self-regulation, and spiritual insights contrasting biblical and Eastern traditions.
Tommy shares personal stories about academic success, substance use, and the impact of meditation and prayer.
Clif and Tommy discuss the risks and karma involved in engaging deeply with other people's lives and spiritual work.
The dialogue includes reflections on meaning, awareness, and the nature of consciousness interacting with itself.
The episode blends serious topics with humor, personal growth, and alternative views on intelligence and spirituality.

Chapters

What is ARC and what do they do?

ARC is the Association for the Recovery of Children, a nonprofit that physically rescues children from sex trafficking monthly with a 100% success rate since 1993.

How does the podcast suggest supporting ARC and the show?

Listeners are encouraged to donate to ARC first, as their work is meaningful and selfless, and then support the podcast through Patreon, cryptocurrency, and discount links provided in the description.

What topics are covered regarding off-world intelligence?

Clif High discusses off-world and non-human intelligence from a pragmatic Cold War viewpoint, including how proxy wars involved second world countries influenced by first world powers.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

Speaker A

Hunting pedophiles. That's what ARC, the Association for the Recovery of Children, does. They're a nonprofit. They've been around since 1993. They rescue one kid, physically rescue special forces guys, rescue sex trafficking kids once a month, every month since 1993 with a 100% success rate. The link to their website's in the description. You can donate to them.

Speaker A

since 1993 with a 100% success rate. The link to their website's in the description. You can donate to them.

Speaker A

It's tax-deductible. They don't take salaries. They're just doing the Lord's work. They're truly doing the most selfless work out there. And if you guys have an extra dollar, I would ask that you please donate to them. If you have more than an extra dollar and you can support my show, please go into the description and also find the Patreon, the Locals, the Cash App, the PayPal, the Buy Me a Coffee. The Adam Blockchain is the new cryptocurrency.

Speaker A

more than an extra dollar and you can support my show, please go into the description and also find the Patreon, the locals, the cash app, the PayPal, the buy me a coffee. Uh the Adam blockchain is the new cryptocurrency.

Speaker A

They're sponsoring my show. That Telegram link's in the description. Sport Drink 10% off. Use the link in the description. Evans Prep Food 10% off. Use the link in the description or use the ME link for 50% off their MREs. So, those are all ways to support the show, but again, if you only support one, please support ARC. They're doing meaningful work. If you have a little leftover after that, throw it to my show. That would be much appreciated. Thank you so much.

Speaker A

Use the link in the description or use the ME link for 50% off their MREs. So, those are all ways to support the show, but again, if you only support one, please support Ark. They're doing meaningful work. If you have a little

Speaker A

We are recording on Friday, August 21st, 2026 at 11:11 a.m. Eastern time, which I believe 11:11 is a good omen. And as I just told Cliff, the bad omen is I ran to the restroom and my shorts got caught in the handle on the cabinet and ripped clean through it. So, not that anybody asked or I should have said that, but yeah.

Speaker A

We are recording on Friday, August 21st, 2026 at 11:11 a.m. Eastern time, which I believe 11-11 is a good omen. And as I just told Cliff, uh, the bad omen is is I ran to the restroom and my my shorts

Speaker A

So, I'll do my, I try, I try not, I've done 2,121 episodes and I've learned over the years don't fanboy. You know, I've had on Mike Durant, the Black Hawk Down pilot. I've had on Apollo astronauts, generals, and I've always found like don't fan. Early on, I was like, it's cool to fanboy. As I've done more shows, I've been like, keep it to yourself. But now that I have you on, I realize I'm like, yeah, I kind of want to fanboy, so I'm just going to [expletive] do whatever I want. I'm so excited to have you on.

Speaker A

2,121 episodes and uh, I've learned over the years don't fanboy. You know, I've had on Mike Durant, the Black Lock Down Pilot. I've had on Apollo astronauts, Generals, and I've always found like don't fan. Early on, I was like, it's

Speaker A

One of my best friends, legitimately, one of my best friends, Drew Bob, we call him Drew Bob because he's Jewish. He's the one that got me into you. He's the one that he would always talk about you when we do game streams. He's like, "You got to get on Cliff. You got to get to the point where our group chats we'd be like, 'What's Cliff saying about this? What's Cliff saying about that?'" He got me into peer sleep. He got me into everything to UFO alternative energy. And he's like, "Cliff's the man, dude." He's like, "He doesn't give a [expletive]." And his plan to build an anti-gravity craft. And I'm like, "That's my guy." And he sent me a screenshot and that was earlier this week or last week or someone had mentioned shows being done and they tagged me Tommy's podcast and I guess you retweeted it or something and Drew Bob's like, "Here's your entry."

Speaker A

want. I'm so excited to have you on. One of my best friends, legitimately, one of my best friends, Drew Bob, we call him Drew Bob because he's Jewish. He he's the one that got me into you. He's the

Speaker A

I think it was at dinner with my parents and I was like, my parents don't know who you are but I'm like [expletive] this is it. So I went to the bathroom and got your email and pulled it up. I was like, I sent you the screenshot. I was like, can I get you on? And you were like, yeah, and I was like, let's go. So, I'm going to shut up now.

Speaker A

about this? What's Cliff saying about He got me into peer sleep. He got me into everything to to to UFO alternative energy." And he's like, "Cliff's the man, dude." He's like, "He doesn't give a fuck." And his plan to to to build an

Speaker A

Clearly, I'm getting my fanboying out. Cliff, how you doing, sir? I'm doing fine. It's nice and early in the morning here. It's a little cool. It's a nice August day. It is. And yeah, so talking about, I think you had recently said something about kind of off-world intelligence, non-human intelligence, and I've always, as someone with a biology degree, I always brag about this. I got into medical school. I got into pharmacy school. I like to think I have somewhat of a brain between my ears.

Speaker A

I guess you retweeted it or something and Drew Bob's like here's your entry. I think it was at dinner with my parents and I was like I was like my parents don't know who you are but I'm like [ __ ]

Speaker A

And as somebody who's just really obsessed with the Cold War, I've always looked at off-world intelligence just very pragmatically. Like, forget the whole, you know, we can't tell the people because they'll go crazy. Forget all that. Just in the last hundred years, let's choose Vietnam. Let's choose Mujahideen. Okay. So what do we have? They're not third world countries. They're second world countries. All right. They're fighting another second world country. You know, South Vietnam. All right.

Speaker A

And you were like yeah and I was like let's go. So, I'm going to shut up now.

Speaker A

They know that there are first world countries giving them things and they're aware of who they are. They don't know all their intentions. They probably can assume it's not benevolence, that they're pawns. But they go, "We're getting some money. We're getting some cool stuff. We're getting some private jets. Mujahideen. Hey, we're getting cash. We're getting cell phones. We're getting Stinger missiles." Yeah. All right. Like, I know I'm fighting, but I'm getting this cool [expletive] from these entities.

Speaker A

It's a It's a nice uh August day. It is. And uh yeah, so talking about I think you had recently said something about um kind of off-world intelligence, non-human intelligence, and and I've and I've always as someone with a a biology

Speaker A

So, just that right there, a rice farmer in Vietnam, you know, being read into Magnamera's plan to drop ammonia sensors on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Just think that alone, you go, that's kind of crazy. Why in the world, no pun intended, would that not then apply one level further? Why would that not apply? And that's kind of what I wanted to hear your thoughts on because to me, that's always the most basic explanation. So, it does apply, right? But the implications of it are very far-ranging and most people don't examine out. They don't go very far out in their thinking. And so did the Vietnamese, south or north? I think many of them did. But did the Vietnamese as a whole recognize that it was not second world country versus second world country, but in fact they were just simply the proxy of one first world country attacking and creating a situation for the benefit of other first worlders? Most likely did not recognize that being wrapped up in the misery of the war and everything, right? Your vision is limited by what goes on around you locally, preventing you from thinking further on out. We have that issue here across the globe and with all humans.

Speaker A

Um, and as somebody who's just really obsessed with the Cold War, I've always looked at off-road intelligence just very just very pragmatically. Like, forget the whole, you know, we can't tell the people because, you know, they'll go crazy. Forget all that. Just in the last

Speaker A

There are certainly humans that are aware of things, are aware of the non-human intelligences that are interacting with us, probably directing much of the activity here. But we can't say how much or quantify it in any way.

Speaker A

They know that there are first world countries giving them things and they're aware of who they are. They don't know all their intentions. They probably can assume it's not benevolence that it's that they're pawns. But they go, "We're

Speaker A

All we can do is hold in our mind this space that says it's likely that they're [expletive] with us and just bear that in mind as we go along, right? But it doesn't mean, as you say, that we're going to stop our activity of fighting the second world other second world country in this particular activity because it's life and death for us in the moment. We just have to be aware that it's not as we're being told. And here's the real wrinkle on all of this. Here is the hidden layer that even our government, maybe some people in government, maybe some people in control do actually consider this and it freaks them out. And I think I see signs of that freakout occurring. But here's the concept.

Speaker A

entities. So, just that right there, uh, a rice farmer in Vietnam, you know, being read into Magnamera's plan to drop ammonia sensors on the Ho Chi Min Trail.

Speaker A

Off-world intelligences are by their nature expressing consciousness. That consciousness is the universal currency.

Speaker A

me, that's always the most basic explanation. So, it's it does apply, right? And but but the implications of it are very far-ranging and most most people don't examine out. They don't go very far out in their thinking. And so uh did the

Speaker A

It is the currency of the universe. It is the basic substrate, the self, the no consciousness, the one, the monad, the only. Yeah, that's like the Bhagavad Gita, like the "I am the being."

Speaker A

country attacking and creating a situation for the benefit of other first worlders. Most likely did not recognize that being uh wrapped up in the misery of the war and everything, right? Your vision is limited by what goes on around

Speaker A

No, it's even beyond that. Okay, so here's what—okay, so that only goes so far. That's all of these visions, the Gita, Buddhism, all of these things where they do come to the conclusion the monad is all. Stop right there and they don't really ever consider the other ramifications of it. Like even the physicist Frederico—I can't think of his name at the moment—that's doing his consciousness deal. Even he is limited in his thinking about this because he doesn't understand that you must start at the monad. You must start at the absolute and—

Speaker A

There are certainly humans that uh are aware of things are aware of the non-human intelligences that are interacting with us probably directing much of the activity here. But we can't say how much or quantify it in any way.

Speaker A

All we can do is hold in our mind this space that says it's likely that they're [ __ ] with us and uh and just bear that in mind as we go along, right? But it doesn't mean as you say that we're

Speaker A

going to stop our activity of fighting the second world other second world country in this particular activity because it's life and death for us in the moment. We just have to be aware that it's not as we're being told. And

Speaker A

here's here's the real wrinkle on all of this. Here is the the hidden layer that um even our go maybe some people in government maybe some people in control do actually consider this and it freaks them out. And I think I see signs of

Speaker A

that freakout occurring. But here's here's the concept. Um, off-world intelligences are by their nature uh expressing consciousness that that consciousness is the universal currency.

Speaker A

It is the currency of the universe. It is the basic substrate, the self, the no consciousness, the one, the mona, the only. Yeah, that's like like Bavad Gita like the the I am the the being.

Speaker A

No, it's even even beyond that. Okay, so here's here's what Okay, so that only goes so far. That's all of these um uh visions, the the Gita, Buddhism, all of these things where they do come to the the conclusion the monad is all stop

Speaker A

right there and they they don't really ever consider the other ramifications of it. like um even the physicist uh Frederrico um think can't think of his name at the moment that's doing his consciousness deal um even he is limited in his

Speaker A

thinking about this because he uh doesn't understand that you must start at the monad you must start at the absolute and work your way down. You can't start halfway down and begin reductionism there. You need to start your reductionism at the very top in

Speaker A

order to get a holistic realistic picture. So here's what what they are facing the controllers of this planet both the non-human as well as the humans. But the humans particularly are blinded to this. So they know so say

Speaker A

that the deep state knows that it's being manipulated by off-world intelligences and they're fine with it.

Speaker A

They're the, you know, this planet is South Vietnam as far as they're concerned and and that's the first world countries giving them orders. Their issue is that they don't understand the ramifications of anything that's going on at that level. They are assuming

Speaker A

everything to be local so to speak, a local occurrence. Uh if they were to examine everything from the idea of the monad is the absolute is the only thing in existence and we are all an illusion.

Speaker A

Every aspect of our lives is an illusion. Every aspect of our science is an illusion. There is no such thing as locality. There is no such thing as thoughts. Our consciousness does not arise from matter. It doesn't exist

Speaker A

within our bodies. And in fact, it's the other way around. We are consciousness that ha houses a body and within that consciousness. And this can be proven in so many ways. It's it's, you know, simple to do so. But in any event, so

Speaker A

they don't understand this. They don't they don't get this idea that they're reductionist. their scientism is from a point much further down and then takes off from there. It doesn't start with the absolute the it is presumed those

Speaker A

those people that are thinking about this I would presume because I think about this and I think this way they they should think that the non-human intelligence is aware of this aspect of thinking and then you have to start

Speaker A

analyzing what you're getting involved with. Uh and it brings up mostly questions. Okay. So are all all non-human intelligences at the same level? Well, if Earth was an example, no. Okay. They would have consciousness spread in various different layers

Speaker A

throughout their social order through the biology that they're expressing. And many of the biologicals that they um that are expressing would not have the big picture, so to speak. Right? Those that do have the big picture will understand something that there are

Speaker A

within humanity individuals that have the big picture. Okay? That have this understanding and and those individuals and and I'll say we that have this this understanding are not part of any official. They're not part of any of the control structure.

Speaker A

The control structure avoids them. doesn't talk to them mainly because they can't comprehend what is being said at a base level or even in any of the nuance.

Speaker A

But here's the thing. If indeed I'm correct and the non-human intelligence has various layers of conscious awareness and understanding then then it it presents us with this particular view that the organization of the non-human intelligence that may be directing

Speaker A

things uh is necessarily not acting in the most enlightened uh aspect of things because they will be like us where it will be the middle bulge of everything that's of of the conscious this awareness that is in fact directing it

Speaker A

all. And so um you're in my opinion you'll find that the non-human intelligence has a huge task in front of them and that is that they know interacting with government they're interacting with people that are organization mind and can't think their

Speaker A

way out of the organization. And so there will be huge limits on what organizational mind is able to absorb and and deal with. Even though the non-human intelligence on the far side of it is acting um outside of the

Speaker A

organizational mind, it's acting at a it's expressing at a level of of at least presumed uh awareness of consciousness to some degree and a level of nuance beyond ours. And so they are not going to seek to um

Speaker A

uh bond themselves to our structures and our government. They will seek us out for two different two major different reasons. One would be to seek out those individuals that like themselves have uh this awareness of the absolute, the

Speaker A

consciousness and all of that at at that level and have discovered that on their own. And so this will be very exciting to the non-human intelligences. They'll want to to talk to the enlightened humans just to get that expression, that

Speaker A

flavor of how did this come to you? How did you achieve this state? What was it that happened? Not that it's going to be new or shocking or anything, but it will be pleasing to them to understand this,

Speaker A

to be able to um harmonize, to empathize with what we've had to go through. And then they will also uh unfortunately those non-human intelligence will also have to interact with the non-aware the governmental types that are rigid thinkers where their minds are captured

Speaker A

within the framework that has been in uh instilled in them through their schooling and their experience and they can't step beyond that framework. So the non-human intelligence has two uh motivations. one is to basically keep us all together and keep us from killing

Speaker A

everything and killing ourselves. And then the other one is to explore the similarities. So, uh, as a um someone who's on the consciousness exploration path, I'm quite fascinated with the idea of being able to talk to a non-human

Speaker A

intelligence to see how much of of my understanding is reflected in their understanding to see, you know, how smart or how stupid they really are.

Speaker A

Just because they're advanced technically doesn't necessarily mean that they're enlightened. We only have to look to the Bible to understand this.

Speaker A

If you go into the Old Testament, you find out that these beings that were quite uh technically astute. Um uh so the the cherubs for instance, that word actually translates to mechanical chariot chariot. Okay, that was a description of their individual like jet

Speaker A

ski versions of their spacecraft, the cherub. So it's not a being. All right. And so these these people are Sorry. So there's the there's the Bob Lazar one and then next to it is when I was doing graphic design, those are a

Speaker A

bunch of cherubs uh playing playing guitars covered in tattoos, but I had never I have that one right next to the alien one. Maybe that was a subconscious thing. Sorry.

Speaker A

There you go. So you know, right? And so and so much of the Old Testament and and um the Torah which is the source for it are mistransated uh quite deliberately uh to create this particular narr.

Speaker A

So for instance Moses on the mountain is told to go and hide behind a rock in order that he doesn't get burned by the uh the flames of Yahweh blasting off in his spaceship to get back to the sky

Speaker A

council. And he does. He hides behind a rock and and he looks out and half of his face is burned. This is explicitly discussing mechanical um uh jet kind of uh propulsion systems and so forth. And so we have this these

Speaker A

descriptions throughout the Old Testament throughout the Torah and they go and they ultimately come back to uh beings that are in any that are not in any way acting as enlightened beings.

Speaker A

These are cruel, malicious, emotionfilled, emotion dominated beings that can't get out of their own heads and react badly to humans um uh without the least provocation. In other words, it was entirely generated in and of themselves. You see many examples of

Speaker A

this in the tales in the Bible of the angels being uh brutal uh just coming across people that you know didn't instantly bow and so they wipe out the whole family leaving one to stand right one to tell the tale and it's and it's

Speaker A

because these beings were controlled by their own emotions and are not enlightened and they're expressing consciousness at that level and so are I I would suspect not all aliens are like that not all non-human intelligences are like that many of them will have um gone

Speaker A

beyond that to where they can monitor what we call metacog cognition and that's where you can monitor your thoughts as they are occurring and edit them as they are arising in your mind.

Speaker A

This also means that you can monitor and edit your reaction to your own emotional states with something we do not see in these gods of the Bible or the gods of the Gita. There's a there's a difference there slightly because Krishna in the

Speaker A

Gita is such a being is operating in metacognition and knows this and tells um uh Arjuna that that this is the case but there are times that you just have to go with the flow. You have to accept

Speaker A

your situation. And then he goes on to this description of uh the karma involved in this great battle where Arjuna has to fight against and kill his cousins. and he's he's enlightened enough he doesn't want to do that. He

Speaker A

doesn't seem the reason for it. And so there are these reasons beyond the our ability to think about them that that rise up to such great levels that we have to seriously expand our vision out in order to grasp them. That yes, it's

Speaker A

an evil thing to kill your cousins. But there are times that it is necessary and that you will indeed suffer the karma of killing your cousins. But it is again necessary and the karma that you would acquire by not doing so is to if we want

Speaker A

to phrase it that way even worse. And so we get to this understanding that non-human intelligences many of them especially at the level that has been presented to humanity so far are as wrapped up in their karma as we are in

Speaker A

ours. But I'm quite convinced that there are non-human intelligences on the other side of that that have gotten to the point where their metacognition allows them uh in real time to deflect their entry into karmic paths that thereafter become sort of like cemented

Speaker A

in our reality. If you go and you kill your cousin, then the karmic uh repercussions begin from there and can't be undone because you will set up emotional conditions in the cousins of the cousin you killed that will then

Speaker A

come back to you later. And this is the nature of karma expressing within our reality. Bearing in mind that we're all that that we are within consciousness.

Speaker A

So consciousness is not in our body. And uh we we are we can prove this. There's no point going into it. Um but um the nature of ourselves is that we are are uh uh three parts. We have um mention,

Speaker A

we have um consciousness and then we have our um uh emotional lives so to speak. Okay. So, and all of these are within the apparent body, but none of them arise from the body. The body is in fact within consciousness. The body is

Speaker A

indeed an illusion. And and so if you dig deep enough in there, you'll probably come to the same conclusion that the non-human intelligences come to, which is that there is the absolute everything, the monad, and then there is

Speaker A

meaning and there is nothing else within this universe. And we are living our lives to discover who we are. When we discover who we are, the act of doing that is where meaning comes into your life. and you you express that meaning,

Speaker A

you feel the meaning. Okay? So, you're actually having an emotional response in your emotional body to to this level of understanding. And you're coming into this concept of meaning. And that gives you your sense of who you are over time.

Speaker A

And this is really your only purpose. So, your purpose in life is to go through and and deal with all of your karma and all of the petty little [ __ ] that is involved in this reality. But

Speaker A

your purpose in your life is to discover who you are, which you do so through the meaning that is presented to your life by all the circumstances that have arisen to get us to this point. And most people feel the meaning, they respond to

Speaker A

the meaning, but they don't think about the meaning. They don't examine their own lives in relation to the meaning.

Speaker A

I'm of the opinion that the non-human intelligences that are running things actually do have some elements within their social order and we'll call it a social order but within their species that do think about uh meaning at that

Speaker A

level because meaning is the way that the monad which is powering all of us discovers itself. So it is discovering itself through all of us discovering ourselves. And it has set up this situation in which we are independent

Speaker A

and we go from life to life to life retaining that independence against the monad itself. And as you go through these lives, you come more and more in my opinion uh to being able to see the monad and see yourself within the monad

Speaker A

and outside of it interacting with it just as you come to the understanding of your own thinking as being a process which you can uh edit in real time. And then this brings the question back, who or what is

Speaker A

aware and who or what is doing the editing? Well, this goes back to spirit.

Speaker A

Okay, so we so we're we're mind, we're body, and we're spirit. And and the spirit aspect is beyond the emotions. It is the you that is receiving the meaning. But if you examine that really really really deeply, you find out that

Speaker A

there is no you there. That is just the interface to the monad. So you are just an app for the monad to discover who Thomas is in this minute. And that minute is perpetual through your entire life. And then then your body ceases to

Speaker A

exist and you go and get another body and come back because your job is unfinished. You don't know yourself completely until you know yourself through multiple lives, multiple bodies and so on. Every single time you get that feeling and it is an emotional

Speaker A

response of oh my god meaning there's something meaningful here to me that flush in your body you know this makes sense or whatever right for some people they're so trapped in the in the minutia of their lives so like a gambler guy

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goes to Vegas and he throws the dice and then he hits and he gets that huge flush of meaning that I knew it was going to happen. I could feel it in my hands when I was releasing the dice. I knew I was

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going to hit that that number. I knew I was going to win. And that that flush of meaning is amplified by the emotions within his body. He's supposed to understand that. He's supposed to have that experience at that deep fundamental

Speaker A

level. You see this with uh people in war. Um, I've talked to snipers and they they have this this one particularly good sniper from Afghanistan said that every time he took a life, he knew in that instant before he pulled his the

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the trigger that he was going to uh succeed and that that particular moment of meaning overwhelmed him. And the meaning at first was was understood by him in one way and then over time it it got to the point where he understood it

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completely or more completely and uh and so was bonded to himself in that particular moment in the action of taking a life. But it was in the way that he was feeling about doing that.

Speaker A

You know, they were all it was like another Arjuna and Krishna thing. You know, he was basically fighting his cousins in Afghanistan and knew that he had to do this. Did it as well as he possibly could was altered by the

Speaker A

process of it and then was even more altered by his recognition of being altered by the process. This particular individual cashiered out. He didn't reinlist. He was very good. They put all kinds of pressure on him to reinlist and

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he just couldn't do it anymore because he'd come to that threshold and he knew he didn't need that experience anymore and he needed to have another experience of meaning thereafter in order for him to progress that it would have been

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stagnation to stay there and continue to do that activity and not gain anything more from the meaning. And in my opinion, um, this is a path that we're all on to be able to understand ourselves within that meaning, which of

Speaker A

course reflects back to and gives the monad its understanding of itself by way of understanding ourselves. So the monad does not care. So, I'm I don't buy into the idea of millions of multiple universes and diverse paths and

Speaker A

timelines or all of that horshit that you get out of the both the UFO and the woowoo and the conspiracy worlds, right?

Speaker A

Out of all three. I I don't buy into it. It's it it's non sequator. It just does not add up with our experience here. and that our experience here is basically focused on our interaction through our lives with this concept of meaning and

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how we defined it and what it does to us. I will postulate that no one, no human uh could have meaning occur in their lives without being changed by it.

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And that this is a fundamental aspect of our reality and a fundamental aspect of our lives is that whenever we get to that point of meaning, then we are changed and that change is part of the point of our existence. And so the

Speaker A

non-human intelligences, in my opinion, there will be some of the there maybe it's their deep thinkers. Maybe there is as goofy as humanity in terms of how they're organized, right? And their organization is such it doesn't pay attention to their deep thinkers really.

Speaker A

But there will be some within their social order that will sit there and puzzle and postulate and ponder all about the meaning within their lives.

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And then they'll extend that to the meaning in everybody else's lives. I think there are those non-human intelligence. I think they monitor us. I think we're on the cusp of this um level of awareness that's that's spreading and

Speaker A

the complexity in of the world in which we live or the reality in which we share is such that we will that every time I have meaning enter in my life and I coitate on it as with everybody else

Speaker A

that increases the potential for meaning in everyone's life and it also elevates everybody's interaction with their own meaning in their lives. Most people don't get the chance to think about it.

Speaker A

They're so subsumed with, you know, uh, their individual lives. So, the woman with the children will do something with one of her kids, uh, you know, present them with a toy or an interaction at breakfast or something and will be hit

Speaker A

by a flash of meaning, that feeling within her that, oh my god, she actually was able to communicate this meaning to that child and got the reflection back from it. And then because of the pressure of her life, she'll just have

Speaker A

to put that thought aside and go on, get him off to school, etc., etc., right?

Speaker A

She doesn't have the freedom to um to examine. Now, I had the freedom because I I chose to do uh meditation in two different forms. uh zazan which is the formalized sitting meditation but I've also chosen to do what's called vipazana

Speaker A

which is householders meditation which is basically a 24 by7 kind of a thing where you examine your life in detail as it's occurring and that has worked over these years right it's it's brought me a level of um

Speaker A

cogent conscious awareness of myself within this reality And it doesn't mean I don't [ __ ] up.

Speaker A

Doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. But it does mean that I am aware of the mistakes as I'm making them and I edit them frequently when I catch it early enough. And so I'm on this path. So I'm

Speaker A

doing better than the me that was, you know, 20 years younger, that sort of thing. And every day brings a little bit more increasing level of awareness. And that's really where we're headed. Our issue at the moment relative to the

Speaker A

non-human intelligence is that the we have many issues but some of the major ones include the idea that those humans that think themselves in control of the species don't want to release this information because it instantly makes them not in control and they can't

Speaker A

handle that idea. They can't handle the idea that they too are pawns. Some may be able to, you know, Trump may know and I think he would be cool with it, right?

Speaker A

He would understand uh know his role and and what has to be done and do it very well. But a lot of people can't. They're just going to go crazy thinking that they're not in control.

Speaker A

Number one, uh I will join your cult if you ever start one. I'm I'm too honory. I'm a pirate. I don't want the cult. And uh yeah, man.

Speaker A

Lot lot to go in there. So, like I'll answer this in any way I can. My podcast is always just me talking off the top of my head. So, I don't know. For a second, I was like, I'm going to try to plan out

Speaker A

my thoughts, and I've realized I've never once done that during a show, so I'm going to stop now.

Speaker A

That doesn't work. That doesn't work. Doesn't work. Um, no. Do you know why it doesn't work?

Speaker A

Well, I mean, you can you can you can technically do it, but in terms of if you want a good conversation, you got to take off on the guards. You can you can you can technically do it. You can plan

Speaker A

out your thoughts, but reality won't allow you won't allow that to have any meaning. It'll never get you into meaning.

Speaker A

It'll never get you any juice. It'll never get you the free flow. When people ask me, they're like, "How?" When people also ask me, they're like, "Why do you record on like different three different softwares?" I'm like, "Because I can't

Speaker A

redo shows. If I was, I don't know, some CIA cutout." And I'm like, "Well, Cliff, today we're talking about your new shirt." And Cliff's like, "Hey, thanks for asking that. If the camera didn't work, we could go, let's redo that,

Speaker A

right? If this cut down, I mean, we could kind of maybe reassem that. I could be like, hey, what did I I said something to you about about my friend Drew Bob. And you'd be like, yeah, no, it's Bavad G. Like, you

Speaker A

can't do it. So, that's why when people ask me, you know, what do I do to prep for the show? Uh, I always say the same thing. 8 hours of sleep, 15 minutes of exercise, exercise, 30 minutes of

Speaker A

meditation and or prayer. Normally, take a shower. Today, I didn't cuz I'm a pig.

Speaker A

And then you come in and you sit down and you give them your full attention.

Speaker A

Phone on airplane mode. Have water and caffeine. And what you have is, you know, it's a square. It's a rectangular iMac. What it is is is it's a canvas and you let it run. And I have two parameters. You can't incite violence

Speaker A

because legally I have to get a lawyer and I've, you know, and and the other is is you can't promote pedophilia because if you do then you deserve to [ __ ] die. And it's like those are the two

Speaker A

parameters. So you're right, the flow. So, let's go back to the flow. So, yeah, I remember the the August 7th uh August 7th, 2010, my 20th birthday, my first day of my sophomore year of college. Just moved into the frat house.

Speaker A

And I remember getting way too high. And uh I've always been like a meatthead kind of uh you know, idiot. And it just dawned on me. It just this overwhelming force that you need to study. Like you need to study like you have to study.

Speaker A

And not only that, you have to choose the hardest thing. And it was so overwhelming that I just remember going like, I have to do this. It was something that I couldn't ignore. It's It's when you have to throw up, right?

Speaker A

We've all We've all been so hung over, you're nauseous, and you're like, "Don't move too fast. Don't move too. Keep the fan on. Keep the fan on." That goes on for hours. Don't do that.

Speaker A

Or you can go pull the car over. I need 30 seconds. If you get out, you get it out and you finish and you go, "Oh my god." And you feel better. So I had that feeling and it's the meme of like hold my beer. I

Speaker A

was literally like, "Hey guys, I'm I'm going to bed and like all right, Carrian's going to bed." And then the next day I went to the library and that's weird. Tommy, that's not Tommy.

Speaker A

Tommy's like, you know, drinking till you can't stand lift weights. Like and I just went to the library the next day and the next day and the next day for classes that didn't matter. And I just started getting 4.0's 4.0's 4.0's. And I

Speaker A

was like, I have to be a doctor. And I went to the uh the class counselor or guidance, whatever the [ __ ] and she was like, "Have you thought about maybe being like a like a nurse's assistant?"

Speaker A

And I was like, "Why?" And she was like, "Well, your your GPA and me being Irish Puritan, hard-headed." I took that as a personal insult and was like, "No, I will not be a nurse's assistant." And I studied non-stop. 4.0 4.0. Transferred

Speaker A

to the University of Georgia, 30,000 beautiful women around me. Went to one football game. 4.0 4.0 4.0 0 got ready for the MCAT and nobody does well in the MCAT. I'm like, "All right, how long should you study?" "6 weeks." I said,

Speaker A

"Fuck that. 9 months." Did that scored in the 96th percentile. Aced it, aced it, aced it. And as I'm going through all of this, I was learning to study all day long. I approached it like working out. I'm like, "Yeah, you can brute

Speaker A

force, but there are certain things you can do where even working out, it's like there are things that are counterintuitive. Like you have you need eight hours of sleep. you got hey like today the last couple days my left

Speaker A

pectoralis hurt you got to stop doing chest and that's counterintuitive to the microcosm of you got to work out till it hurts it's like a bigger level you got to eat protein be healthy you know blah blah blah and so as I was studying I was

Speaker A

just approaching it like weightlifting and that's how I did so well in it like how did you go from meatthead to organic chemistry ace and I'm like they're the same thing it's just repetition and so I would do that all day long and I

Speaker A

realized that I could go for about 90 minutes before uh diminishing return started to accelerate. And so I played around with meditation once or twice in in high school just as like a game and was like, "Oh, that's weird." And you

Speaker A

know, didn't think about it again. And I remember one day going, "Well, I'm just going to sit down and meditate for they didn't even know it was meditation for 10, 20 minutes." And I just let my mind slow down

Speaker A

and I was clear. and I was here and then I would study again and I would get another 90 minutes out. Now, me being me, ironically, I'm using this thing about every once in a while I would dip down a little too far

Speaker A

and I'd re and I'd realize, oh, it's it's all I mean, I mean, literally like, oh, it's all one. Like, I am my grandfather and my grandson. I am this.

Speaker A

I am that. I am the one. I am everything. And and I'd come out of it and it was actually I'd have the opposite effect. They'd be like, "Why am I studying? Like, I'm just a conscious being playing in the universe." And so

Speaker A

then I'd have to kind of bring it back down. I'd be like, "Shut up and study." So, I accidentally discovered meditation as a tool to to study longer to the point where I would be taking exams and I would get through all of it and I'd

Speaker A

get I'd be finished at the LA and I would sit there and I'd be going, "Well, I know this last answer." And I would sit there, I put my pencil down and I would close my eyes and I would just sit

Speaker A

there for 30 minutes until you know people would be taking the test and leaving and the professor would be like and they knew me as like I had like the highest grade in the I literally had the highest grade in the class. He'd be like

Speaker A

what are you doing? I'd be like just let me I'm like is is the class over 25 minutes and I'm like give me the time and I'd slow down and as I stopped looking for the answer I'm like what the

Speaker A

[ __ ] is what is the benzene ring? What does it do with the tri as I stopped looking eventually it would just come right and there it is. So doing that, doing that and doing that. Excuse me.

Speaker A

I'm going through the motions and I'm getting really obsessed with with the brain. I'm like the rest of the body's cool, but I kind of looked at it as just like it's just it's just the gears in the machine, the muscle, the fibers. I'm

Speaker A

like, it's it's fascinating as a system, but I don't really I don't get I don't give a [ __ ] right? I I bet it's cool to learn how an iMac works. I don't care.

Speaker A

What I want is to be able to talk to people like this. But the brain, I was like, this is cuz I this is back when I thought I am the brain. And I was like, well, this is so cool. You take caffeine

Speaker A

or you you you you when you meditate and I would I would feel the the blood. I would feel the pressure. I think there's actually something in Buddhism called Nimida and it's called forehead pressure. I would feel that when I would

Speaker A

start to expand and it l I think it's it's like pushing the the neoortex forward which probably over millions of years is what led to humans being but whatever and I would get more and more into it to the point where when I would

Speaker A

take off days I would just read I uh I took a book neurosychopharmarmacology and I just want to I want to learn all of it. I want to read everything about it and learn about the brain. And I

Speaker A

would learn about the brain and I learn about the chemicals you could take for the brain. Not just things like caffeine and aderall, but what are what are the building blocks? Let's go back to the biceps. What are the building blocks?

Speaker A

Phosphotidylcholine phosphotylcerene ginkoaloba vimpostine hoopera bakupa mona, all these things, the structures. I'm going to build up the brain. And I knew that exercise helped and I knew that meditation helped. So I got really into it. And I I remember going to my

Speaker A

professor one day and going like I'm like but where's the consciousness come from? He's like well you know this point in history we can see where you know apes start burying each other and purpose and I'm like no no no I'm like

Speaker A

I'm like I I get what you're saying but I'm like I remember talking to him and I was like I was like I was like deep down like the dendrites the axons the gal and I just remember him smiling at me and

Speaker A

going Thomas that's philosophy not biology and and I just I was like [ __ ] And so I kept studying and so what I wanted to do is like how can I learn this? And I was like I don't want to be

Speaker A

a brain surgeon because to me I'm like that's still just the mechanics. I'm like what is consciousness? And I was like anesthesiology. So I started shadowing anesthesiologists where you go to the hospital and you get the thing you put on your resume. And what I was

Speaker A

just always so fascinated at like belief didn't matter for that. And this and what I mean by this is middle finger means something in our culture. In other cultures it doesn't. Uh, and you know, in I would imagine like Islam, right?

Speaker A

You can't eat uh pork, right? So, if I ate pork to them, they what the [ __ ] are you doing? Versus, you know, if they took I'm I'm Christian. If they were to to burn a crucifix, it would have

Speaker A

meaning to me, but not to them. What fascinated me about shadowing these anesthesiologists is it didn't matter who you were or what color your skin was or your age or anything. when that propran or not propanol uh when that propall went into

Speaker A

your went into your brain it turned you off and to me I thought I was like the consciousness comes from the brain I'm like there because it doesn't matter what your belief is it's no placebo there's not that's the key and I would

Speaker A

watch and I was like this is what I want to do I want to be an anesthesiologist as I would meditate more and more and more I started to get that feeling again from uh the at the frat

Speaker A

this slow arising the not almost a nausea and it and I ignored it for it started my junior year and I push it away and the meditations were getting deeper and deeper to the point where I like didn't

Speaker A

I was like I'm getting too much from these I need to just get focused so I can do this pre-calculus horseshit instead it would be going deeper into just like well what becomes of nothingness what was before the cosmos

Speaker A

and I'd be like [ __ ] That's too it's too much acid. I'm trying to micro dose. And like it just kept arising. It kept arising and and and just little things.

Speaker A

And so finally I remember one night my towards the last of my uh my last semester I remember coming home from the bar and I was way too drunk and I got way too high and I got on my laptop and

Speaker A

I saw a quote from Maya Angelou and I've never read any of her stuff. I just know she's an author. I just remember the picture and it was just a guy sitting at a waterfall and it said there is no

Speaker A

greater agony than bearing an untold story and something in there told me you are not to go to medical school and I couldn't it was as alien to me as 3 years prior saying I have to go to med

Speaker A

school and so I really started to think about that and ironically of course now that I didn't give a [ __ ] I started getting all these invites to medical schools and in my mind I'm like I don't care anymore.

Speaker A

more like I was hoping to get to the local regional one where they kind of accept anybody. I was getting invited out to uh Miami Miller School of Medicine, uh USC K in Los Angeles, Tulain in New Orleans, all these things

Speaker A

where it's like, "Congratulations, you got here. You were less than 1% of 1% of applicants." And in my mind, I'm like, I just started reading Alan Watts and Roms. And there's a point to what I'm getting at with all this.

Speaker A

as I got it accepted as I got accepted into med school. I just remember the last day of college going uh I I I don't know what I'm doing. I'm I'm in Georgia. My older brother's at Georgia Tech. My other brother's at UNC

Speaker A

Chapel Hill. My other brother's in Maryland. My parents live up in Maryland. All my friends are in Georgia.

Speaker A

They're all taking off to different spots. I just started dating really my first serious girlfriend. I just got into med school in Miami. And people say you should be in a very good set and setting the first time you try

Speaker A

psychedelics. I looked at it as all the all these things are flashing red and it's time to pull the rip cord. And so I tried I tried mushrooms. I tried two grams of mushrooms on a sunny day with my friend

Speaker A

out in the woods and we meditated and I realized that I was not to do med school. And when when that key turned, it dawned on me that went, "Oh my god, I don't have to go and what do I want in

Speaker A

life?" So unlike 3 years prior where I said, "I'm going to get into med school through hell or high water. I will like break the world to get in, it was I remember having the realization, I like working hard. I just I I love

Speaker A

working hard. I just do. But there can be love in life. And I know that sounds like an odd thing, but I didn't realize that till 23. So I had this rush of of of meaning of the gears,

Speaker A

right? Just like the rush of meaning once I started getting good grades. I was like, "Oh, this is what I'm meant to do." And I was like, "I don't want to go to medical school." And I remember thinking, I don't know what

Speaker A

it is I want to do, but what I want to do is to be my own boss, to enjoy what I'm doing, and to feel love in my life.

Speaker A

Now, 4 months later, I lost my older brother to suicide. And I just spiraled for years.

Speaker A

But I look back at that, I don't think I was ever supposed to be a doctor.

Speaker A

I also think I was supposed to lose my brother to suicide. I think that was the course that I was supposed to take. And I remember about 2 years after I was debating taking my own life. And I

Speaker A

decided, well, if taking your own life, I'm like, that's got to that's that's the craziest drug you can ever do because no one knows what's on the other side. And so, and it's not an exaggeration, I ate 38 gram of dried

Speaker A

mushrooms, not 3.8, 38. And I took um uh 1,200 micrograms of acid. And it was like, if I can handle this, then I can handle suicide. Right. Right.

Speaker A

Right. People when I tell when I tell that to people, they go, "No, I think you meant an eighth." And I went, "No, no, no. 38 grams. It was more than an ounce and,250 micrograms of LSD.

Speaker A

And uh you know I don't remember most of the come up you know I remember you know kind of becoming immobile as Terrence McKenna would say. He's like you take two grams you giggle. You take five grams you realize we're all just loving

Speaker A

each other. You take nine grams and that's when you invent religion. So I'm at 38 and I'm laying there.

Speaker A

You're a floor hugger. Um at the time actually I was I had a water bed. So, I'm on the I'm on the water bed and um I just remember vividly it came to me and it said like you can

Speaker A

commit suicide. Like you can you're allowed to tap out. Uh you will have to repeat the course.

Speaker A

And none of this was even about the other stuff like you're going to hurt your parents. It was just it it was much more it was like it was like the universe, God, whoever knew that I was like not bluffing. And so it kind of

Speaker A

like I just remember sitting there and I can vividly remember it and it's like you can do this if you want but you're gonna repeat the course. And so I thought okay now what if I don't repeat the what if I don't want to repeat the

Speaker A

course? What do I have to do? And uh the first thing that came to me and said um well you're going to move home and I didn't want to move home. I was 24. No I was 26. I don't want to move home. You

Speaker A

move out when you're 18. I'm not moving home. And my parents lived in Maryland.

Speaker A

I lived in Georgia. It's not like I was nearby my friends. I would be gone.

Speaker A

Okay. Uh what else? Uh you're going to lose you're you're going to lose your girlfriend. Now, why is that a big thing? I was a voluntary celibate till I was 23. Not for religious reasons. I just truly wanted to find love. That's

Speaker A

right. I'm more open. I talk more openly about my brother killing himself than I do this on the podcast. I used to write letters to my future wife and I'd be like I want that while living in a frat

Speaker A

house at the University of Georgia just women all around me. So it was it wasn't just like you're going to lose your girlfriend. It was like no, she's my one. It was you're going to move home, you're going to lose

Speaker A

her and you're going to be at home for a long long time and you might even fail there.

Speaker A

But this is what you have to do if you want to go forward. And I remember thinking it was kind of like a lazy thing. I was like, "Well, I don't want to repeat the course." Like, you know, I to I took

Speaker A

pre-calculus four times in college with true fail three times. And finally, the the third time, my professor goes, "Dude, you have to take this class if you want to get into med school, you know, and yeah, you're right." So, I got

Speaker A

an A. So, the next day, I called my mom and I knew I'd set things in motion that could no longer be undone. I set I said said, "Mom, I need help. I need to move home." Which meant it's all [ __ ] over.

Speaker A

So my mom and dad are on a plane that day and you know I'm I'm changing my mind. I'm I'm just thinking no it's over. I come move home. I think I'm going to be home for 3 weeks. I stay

Speaker A

home for 5 years and eventually through a bunch of different things start this podcast and it's helped me learn and whatever. But my point in all this my own rambling is saying that if you if you meditate and pray to me

Speaker A

that's like the clarity. To me, that's the in between the studying breaks. You gota slow it down. Oh, if I don't do well in organic chemistry, then I'm not gonna take biochemistry. And if I can't take this, then I can't. No, no, no.

Speaker A

Slow it down. Right now, you need to just learn chapter 14. You have a test tomorrow. It's October 2012.

Speaker A

That's what you need to do. So, to me, that's meditation and prayer. And anytime you can feel the friction when the when the gears on the bike catch catch when the when the tire finally hits the gravel and it gets

Speaker A

out of the mud and sometimes it's a good feeling and sometimes it's a painful horrible feeling but to me they are both the same is it is meaning and when you approach that there's a nancond moment and you can slow it down like I did. I'm

Speaker A

sure that the whole decision when I took all the psychedelics that probably could have been decided two years prior, but I had drawn it out over two years. It was would you like to go forward or would you like to repeat the course? And I

Speaker A

have found even through the podcast early on that don't don't repeat the course. For me personally, I have found don't repeat the course. Don't avoid the course. Go forward with the friction. And as you do, you become more aware.

Speaker A

You become more grateful. And it has less to do with with money. It has less to do with how new is my iPhone. It really is independent of all technology. And so what I think is that there are probably

Speaker A

versions of Tommy that went to med school. Now let's extrapolate that a thousand generations and they're using Annie Gravidics and Element 115 and [ __ ] Flyer and they're doing all that. But what they really are still doing is they're just they're just stuck

Speaker A

in that I want to ace the class. I want to ace the class. I think that there are probably beings in that millu that have woken up and in much in the same way, you know, like I interview a lot of

Speaker A

Delta Force guys, you know, they they have the IR strobes because, you know, we're we're killing farmers who don't have IR, so they can tell who's who.

Speaker A

I think that as you awaken and I and I'm not egotistical enough to say I'm I'm awakened which maybe means is the I don't know if that's the irony there but I think that's what you see is the IR

Speaker A

strobes or you turn on the thermal and then you can see all the soldiers moving and what you thought was just a dark forest. And I think that those probably exist within the alien realm. They probably exist within our realm. They

Speaker A

probably also exist within, you know, 1960s Vietnam. There was probably a dude that was watching B-52's bomb [ __ ] but he had awoken. And I think that so to wrap up my own rambling, which was not nearly as beautifully and eloquent

Speaker A

eloquently done as yours is, you're you're going to have you're going to have the psychotic alien UFO technologies who are interacting with the psychotic power control humans.

Speaker A

You're going to have those who are awake on that end. You're going to have those who are awake on this end. But, and this is one thing I always think about is deep state. We all agree that it's evil.

Speaker A

They do terrible things and you know they're in control of the military-industrial comp. All the blanket statements and then DARPA and all the advanced technology and the B2 and the B21 and what are they doing out at Groom Lake and you have to

Speaker A

extrapolate that and then go well so they're probably going to be the first among us to develop space travel. Would that not apply to other species that the most ruthless get to that point?

Speaker A

It might indeed. So, you know, to wrap my whole thing up is I don't think the technology it's important. It's part of it is part of this this consciousness that we are in. It is a facet. It is like all

Speaker A

lessons. It is not an accident, but it's not the main course. And um that's where I'm trying to I guess agree with you with is it's not yes it's technologically mind-blowing. You see something it's going light speed or faster or warp

Speaker A

drives or whatever but but there's a bigger game and it is it is the meaning.

Speaker A

It is is the it is the woman that emails you after you do a show and says you interviewed this book from this author that you know my husband who died 30 years ago loved and I've never heard

Speaker A

anyone interview the author and you got the author to laugh and I just want to say like thank you for for a brief moment like bringing my husband back to life. And you look at that and I can

Speaker A

feel it now as I like say it and you stop looking at the YouTube earnings and you feel that email and you go that's the point.

Speaker A

You go oh my god. Or you go or you go somebody emailed me the other week and was like I lost my brother 20 years ago.

Speaker A

I lost mine 12. And he goes, "I'm just now like starting to accept that I said something that my older brother said to me on this past anniversary of his of John's suicide.

Speaker A

I said, I hate that it still hurts so much." And my older brother, who's like the most hardcore punch you in the face Irish muscle like Hulk, not an emotional dude, he said, "You should be so lucky that 12 years later, it still hurts so

Speaker A

bad because that means that you had the privilege to love so deeply." And no, even beyond that though, it means you found meaning out of all of that.

Speaker A

And so when someone emailed me and he goes and I had said that story and they go, I now look at my grief 20 years later and wow, how lucky I am. And so in my own ramblings, as you can tell, I just

Speaker A

go by the off the cuff. Yeah, that's what it is. It's not the I'll here I'll simplify much easier. Play video games with my buddies at night on a big 90in TV. Has nothing to do with the video game. has nothing to do with

Speaker A

Vietnam or aliens or whatever. It's you guys laughing your asses off and having a great time after a long day and where Drew Bob tells you about a guy named Cliff. That's that's what I'm trying to get to is is so I don't know if I made

Speaker A

sense in any of that vomit, but uh I'll hand it over to you. So So the thing is you're recreating every step that everybody goes through in this journey. You're recognizing those impacts of the journey in your life as they occurred. And now looking

Speaker A

back on them as though a past occurrence, you're stitching together a more complex level of meaning out of each of those individual points of meaning that occurred. And so so I fully understand. And so my my journey was uh

Speaker A

I was gifted a half a sheet of Osley acid micro dots. Okay. The best acid anybody could get. I spent 40 original Yeah.

Speaker A

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was I was gifted that because I gave a guy a lift when his car had broken down and he had a backpack full of sheets of that and so he ripped a half a sheet off and said

Speaker A

here. And so I spent 42 days on acid. Every time I came down, I'd eat and then I'd go back up again. It was the greatest experience ever.

Speaker A

But I find but I find LSD to be so limiting that I dropped it and I went on to the naturals because of the nuance and the uh the extra elements that are brought in by the biology that you get

Speaker A

out of the the mushrooms. And so I then became an afficionado of masculine and psilocybin and all of its different forms from all of these different um uh ways of achieving it. And and then I realized at some point that um that that

Speaker A

too was a dead end. I can do it now. It's not a problem. I don't because it's not going to be instructive, right? But I I might at some point. And I've often fancied of going out on masculine, you

Speaker A

know, making some because I got into the chemistry as well. I would do some clean, pure uh slow crystallization of masculine extract from particular cacti.

Speaker A

What was his name? Shugan Alexander. Was it Shugan? Schulen. Shugan. Yeah. Yeah. Pycal and Thcal.

Speaker A

Exactly. I've got both books. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But again, I was not into the synthetics because nature provides moderators and nuance within there that get you to greater levels of meaning.

Speaker A

But the drugs are not the point. You can get there without the drugs. Some people get there through being in prison. Some people get there through being imprisoned in their own minds to the circumstances in which they live. And

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eventually you come to this point where you understand the level of meaning flowing through you back to the monad.

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And so you get to the idea that, oh, there's very little point to suicide in my life because I know I would have to repeat. I'd end up here again in the next life. And it doesn't matter if I

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suicide in this life because I will have a next life with another another body.

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And the body is the expression of the life. That's why I say this body's life because I will have had other bodies and have had the lives that were associated with them. and I will do this in the

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future because this is the nature of our reality. And the people that deny the reincarnation and all of that, that's fine. I don't have a problem with them.

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You know, I'm congenial. You know, live as you need to live, right? Who am I to say?

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They're telling you reincarnation's not real. You're like, I remember when you told me that that last time in the past life.

Speaker A

Oh, no. I I I you finished their sentence. Like, how'd you know? I'm like, remember when you were Napoleon and Right. Right.

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Yeah. Yeah. I'll see you again. I'll see you again, though. I'll see you I'll see you on the far side of the Andromeda galaxy. Yeah.

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Right. In this in this next life, right? And we don't we don't reincarnate. And the rules for the reincarnation and everything can be examined to a huge degree and you get into the minutia of it all, you know, and all of that kind

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of thing. But, uh, really, it's not meaningful to know all of this. I'm I'm delay I'm delaying my next my next show by third. You can tell I'm a professional. I'm delaying my extra because I want to make sure that I have

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uh cuz I had two hours for you, but I want to make sure we do it. I have an extra 30. So, please and everyone wants to see how the sausage is made. This is how it's made. Is me going

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this is how it's done. There's no like, hey, time out. I'll cut this out. This is like mids. It's me pulling up my phone after telling you the importance of putting your phone in airplane mode. Uh yeah, hold on. Running

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running 30 minutes late. C1 C130. It's it's an issue of walking in the in the stream. Just as you had said your eloquent description of your own life, you were you were coming to the conclusion that every time you step in

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the stream that no one ever steps in the same stream twice and it's impossible for you to do so.

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Not only because the water of the stream is moving, but because your body is ephemeral. It doesn't exist. So, it is it is moving as well. And so the body, the foot you used to put in the stream

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the last time is not your foot now. Even if you repeated the stream, there's one or two cells or a couple trillion that or died or grew or and also by the way it's all illusion.

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Oh yeah. And there's the other caveat is none of it's [ __ ] real. That's the little only exist in our minds. It's sorry I interrupted you, but go back to the to the to the drugs because so I

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talk about how important psychedelics are in my life. Yeah. Did them the day I graduated. So that was December 13th. December 16th, 2013.

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I did them on the one-year anniversary of my brother's suicide. I figured why not? People look at me now. Go, why would you do that? And I was like, I don't know. Just I want to You felt the need. You felt there was

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meaning there. Well, it was so dark and [ __ ] up. I just felt let's go darker. Um and actually wasn't. I remember feeling him around me and him saying it's all good.

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And so, and then the third time I did it was uh June 23rd, 20 2016. And that's when I took the o the overwhelming amount and uh I I couldn't I couldn't I just remember writing down Cwell.

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Actually, that's very ironic, Cliff. I wrote down CL L YF, choose love, you [ __ ] because I decided that that I actually wrote I'll I'll send it to you.

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I actually wrote a trip report like like a 90page trip report after and it came down to I boiled it all down to choose love you [ __ ] And it went from like ancient man to the stars. It was like

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you can choose one or the other. You can do it with love or you can do it with fear. But it was choose love you [ __ ] It probably should have been instead of fear. But when so when people ask me

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they're oh so how important are these psychedelics uh I have not done them since June 23rd 2016 I don't feel they would do anything for me and it's I believe what Ramdos said and I apologize for interrupting you but

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he goes uh the Bible the wedding feast goes you can go to the wedding if you're uninvited you can sneak in the food the fire but eventually you'll be thrown out of the tent and there will be great

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nashing of teeth and he goes That's LSD and psilocybin. You can get there. You can get there. You can go up and go, "Oh my god, I see it all." But eventually it goes, "All right, you have to come back."

Speaker A

And you go, "Well, how can I get back to that point?" And that's the long work of going.

Speaker A

Uh it's called it's called the long walk. I haven't heard that. Yeah. In by pausing a meditation, you you're a householder. You're sweeping.

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uh you know I'm wiping the counter or whatever and uh the saying is it is only to the outsider observing the householder in his duties that uh believes the householder is captivated by his duties right doesn't exist so as

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you're doing all of that you're in a process of active meditation and I've done the really rough um sit sea 12 hours kind of um meditation right uh zen meditation where you're in with a group in a dojo and they come and they walk

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you on uh the back with a stick, right? To get your attention, to bring you back to the moment, all of that. And I've done that repeatedly. I did all of that.

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Uh I started in on that concurrent with still taking psychedelics, but the amount of psychedelics I've taken, especially the psilocybin and the masculine, uh extends for years. Not not I could not I'd have to I could but I'd

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have to sit down and take a lot of time to figure out exactly how many episodes I I actually had. Right. So, so, but here are some things about this. Turns out that now scientists are saying psilocybin is the route to anti-aging.

Speaker A

That there's so many different anti-aging drugs within psilocybin mushrooms that we've overlooked all these years that were just flabbergasted and they're coming up with all kinds of new uh products and processes off of the basically off of the psilocybin and it's

Speaker A

a effective moderating molecules and that indeed they're anti-aging. And I think that of myself that I've taken so many that I've somehow stopped or unwound my aging clock. And so I'm 73 now, but I can anticipate living another

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70 years. I don't have that thing inside me that says you're an old man. Uh and passing by. Right.

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That's something that's recently come. I'm 36. It's come into my meditation is just this little It's interesting you say that. Just this little I've been meditating daily since 2008. It's just this little idea of like you think you have 80,

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but like what if you live to 250? And and and and no part of me is like, oh, that's wild. It's just this it's this natural thought of like what if I do?

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And then the next thought occurs, what the [ __ ] am I going to do?

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Well, and then you go, I have all this time. And to me, I go, I get so excited about I'm sober two and a half years. They go, I want to get even better at this. I want to get I

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want to walk that path even go to better. I I [ __ ] dude. I'm 36 years old. I live in downtown. I'm you know, I'm I'm I can talk to people. I can talk to women. My favorite [ __ ] thing.

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I'm out cold by 8:00 p.m. I'm sunrise. I get up, 110 push-ups, 23 pull-ups, do it twice, lift weights, come up and I'm wide awake, call my mom for five minutes because I love my mom. And then I I take

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a shower, I meditate. I meditate on that chair and and and I and I do the and I listen to audiobooks and I do the podcast and I I just try to bring as much honest and and me energy to it and

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it wraps up and then I I plug the guy and then I I make the thumbnail and I put it in and I do intermittent fasting.

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So by the end of the day I I I eat my meal and I caloric restriction, always caloric restriction. even if I don't need to lose weight, I just I think it's good discipline and and I and I play

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some video games with some friends and as it gets quieter and it gets darker and I go and I now I'm going to bed and dude I go to bed every and I mean this with the I don't know if it's visible my

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brother's initials John John Keen and Carrick and swear on his grave. I go to bed 99 out of a hundred times.

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And I mean this with the same excitement that 10-year-old me went to bed on Christmas Eve with. And I mean that you pass lie detector.

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I do not don't you a minute. It's like I'm like I'm psyched to have you on like more than normal. Yeah. I still get jacked up for guests. You know you I thought on Rosan bar I'm like this

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is going to be [ __ ] sick. But just the process itself, I go, I lay down at night and I go, I can't [ __ ] wait to wake up. I can't wait to see that dark inky sky, to go hit the gym, to see it

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come over the horizon, to I can't wait. I'm reading an audio book right now about DARPA, and it's called The Imagineers of War by Sharon Weinberger.

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And there's this crazy guy named Nicholas, and what is he going to do next? and oh my god and then I'm going to do this and I'm going to put on a clean shirt and I'm going to do all this

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stuff and I'm going to talk and I'm going to and it's it's I can't fake it.

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And to me, I'm like, this is the long walk to, oh, you used to have to get really [ __ ] up on a Friday after a long week of class, cuz work sucks and you get drunk and I'm here and I'm alive

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and in the moment. And I don't do any of that. But what's happening is my existence itself is slowly becoming that energy of Friday night when you're 22 and you just got the beer and you just turn on the music and you

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and your buddies are hanging out and even before you have that first sip, you feel intoxicated. I think Terrence McKenna said uh temporal backwash where you can feel a trip before you take the acid.

Speaker A

You feel it as soon as you put it in your your mouth. Well, he would say sometimes for a big one, you would know, you would feel it before you even knew you had it.

Speaker A

Like, let's say somebody gave you the sheet. Yeah. And dude, I feel that it's not as strong. It's not as like psychedelic, but I can So, what the [ __ ] am I going to do for 250 years? Dude, I can feel it

Speaker A

every day more and more. I don't even want You know what you're going to do, though, is the the sages have told us and they tell us in these sayings.

Speaker A

Yeah. Sorry. I keep interrupting you. Sorry, I get excited. That's fine. But but they tell us that you're going to take this long walk. So you're going to take this long 250 year walk and then you have to stop and ask yourself. Then

Speaker A

you'll know the answer instantly. What are you walking to? What are you attempting to find? Will you find it when you're there? And of course you have it now every step of the walk. And you're and you're attempting to walk to

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yourself, right? To meaning within yourself. That's the only purpose of these lives. And when you pass and you go into get a new life, you have to rediscover this all over again. As you get through these lives, you get better and better at

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them. There is less that is withheld from you from life to life to life. And then perhaps you might get into the situation in which I find myself where I have memories that exist before I was in this body.

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And so I have memories of being dead before this life. and they are attached and they are attached to this body somehow, right? So consciousness is not within the flesh. It never occurs within the flesh, right? So there's no point to

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concentrating on the flesh aspect of it. But it but I bring these memories with me and and each and everything in our lives is about a choice in and of that particular moment. And um it is those individual moments that form our entire

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life, but it is the same moment. We're always in the present. There is no such thing as past. There is no such thing as future. And so you're just making choice after choice after choice. But it's basically the same choice putting you on

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that same path to the discovery of your to the to the experience of yourself because it is not you that discovers yourself. It is the monad discovering you meaning for itself as you experience that meaning within yourself which is a

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little complicated but not too bad right you might laugh and so we are all feeling for the monad that because it needs us to do that the monad is without anything there's it has no name it is everything it is the absolute it has no

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body but yet it has every body that exists because we're all within the monet And so you you get really deep with this stuff and you start reading all of the everything that everybody has ever spewed out attempting to explain this to

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themselves and in the in the in the process they're they're thinking they're explaining it to others. So I love those those writers like Ram DS like Alan Watts who are quite certain that they know nothing. That's that's the best

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part is when like there's this great there's this great Ramdas lecture from and I've listened to all so after my belly diet I so I I decided I was going to go to pharmacy school so I did I

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still hadn't quite realized that it wasn't school so I had to do an extra year and so it was me and my buddy from high school he was doing an extra year too we hadn't talked in a while so we

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got a house and we were both taking you know postgrad classes or whatever and we had this attic in this old house in Athens Georgia and we went up there and we had a third friend and uh you know we

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paid made him in psychedelics and he made all these tapestries for us. We had all these bed sheets, all these crazy and we hung them up in this in this in this attic and we made it a a tent and

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it was again there's there's there's poeticism in it and that it was an illusion. It was cuz it was a it was a rectangular room, but we had made a tent and floor, ceiling, everything was all uh all tiedye and there was just these

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mats and we would go up there and we'd listen to Ramdas and Timothy Liry and Alan Watts and we would listen to them and you you listen to Romas he'd go through you know the first time try to

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ask with Liry in Boston and then you know he he went to the as he always says the Hamayas the Himalayas and he'd go and snee curly baba uh and he was there and he did the 30 years. Yeah. they hit

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you with the stick and you're there and you're meditating is and you hear him go through all this all the importance of it and you're listening to it at the time you're like [ __ ] this is what I

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have to do but there's this great lecture from him in like the '9s you know towards he well he died in 2019 but he's at the end and he's given this lecture and somebody's asking him about that they're like you finally did it

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like you you left you left Harvard you left everything you dropped it all and you went and you did the meditation in the in in the Himalayan mountains like you did the thing where it was and they're like, "Did it bring you there?

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Like, should we go?" Ramdas pauses and he goes, "You know, I think it's all kind of horseshit.

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It's all usual." And they go, "What?" And he goes, "When was that?" He goes, "That was now." And he goes, "Set an alarm." He goes, he goes, "Right." He goes, "Make an appointment in 30 days for yourself. And

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when you get there, ask yourself what time it is. It's now." And so as you were saying, well, what am I walking towards? I had I've had people ask me on the show, you know, well, what where are

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you going? And I used to have uh I want a better computer. I want a better camera. I want this. I want that. I want this. I want that. And I finally did the things I needed to do. I moved home

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closer to parents. I lost weight. I got sober. Blah blah blah. Tommy, what do you want now?

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I want to be able to do what I'm doing today tomorrow. What else do you want?

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nothing. I want this. So, what am I walking towards? I'm walking towards now. I'm watching the best movie I've ever seen every day. And every night I get amnesia and I get to watch it again.

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And I I mean, like you said, you can feel it in your body like you just I know I'm w it's it's how the the birds somehow have things in their heads that line up with the magnetic fields. Like I can just feel

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myself aligning and what am I going towards? I have no idea. It might be that the next thing in my life is I find out tomorrow I have terminal cancer and it will be horrible and I will eventually accept that that

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too is supposed to happen. And that is so we ask what are you walking towards?

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I'm here man. I'm walking towards you're walking towards the present. You're walking within the present.

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Sorry, I keep keep interrupting you. I just I get so excited. Don't accept the terminal cancer stuff.

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I've been there. I know you have. I know you have. Had cancer three times. Right.

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Yeah. And so and I died from it. And by the way, it was that that last death at age 65 that fully eradicated the idea of from me that consciousness exists in any way, shape, or form within the body. It

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is mediated by our mitochondria. It's not in our brains. Our brains are the what we laughingly call conscious antenna interpreters antenna. Correct.

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Okay. So when you when you get it or when I I can't say that anybody else would experience this but I see illusions to it in some writing but when you get into the deep zazen meditation and you're doing the overnight kind of

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sessions uh if you do it long enough you might get to the point as I did where you're actually touching the void. Okay?

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So you're able to uh be in the now so presently that you're able to be there as one instant becomes another and there is this void and you can sort of touch it right?

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You can't even put it into words. I've been there a couple I've been there a couple times. It's it's there is no word there is no real language for it. The mo best we can do is to try and bring it into this 3D

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reality and use some kind of an analog and that doesn't capture what happens. But once you've touched the void, it changes you. Okay, that is a point of change that you can walk into and you can say I am now changed as a result of

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this particular experience. That's kind of kind of rare. Okay. So, I too lost my brother to mental illness and it was a horrific battle because he wasn't sane enough to kill himself and so he had to die slowly and all of this and the whole

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family disintegrated around it and you know and I watched him May I May I ask of what or would would you rather a private?

Speaker A

Okay. So, of the um polio it was the salt polio vaccine. Okay. Okay. So, we were both uh in the United States. I was in South Car we were in South Carolina. We received the salt polio vaccine in the in the late 50s and

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going into the 60s and then we were trans my dad was military we were transferred to Germany and in the process they lost our medical records and we got to Germany and had to take the salt polio vaccine again because

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there was no proof we'd already had it and it damaged both of us almost instantly uh to some great degree and it damaged my mind. My uh seeking with psychedelics was an attempt to recover my mind. uh my brother was not capable

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of doing that. He couldn't handle he'd taken psychedelics but they were just inimicable to him. They just didn't work for him. Right? So it didn't it was not an out for him. And he ended up being a paranoid schizophrenic until he died at

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age 55. A very horrific kind of a life. Right? And so that that uh uh destroyed the family, destroyed me repeatedly and destroyed him. But, you know, it's eh, you know, water off my back as I go through the life it was supposed to

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happen. I've had worse in previous lives. I undoubtedly will have worse in uh subsequent lives. That's just the way it is. Um, but it's um it's a situation of where realization and meaning do come from all of these um incidents over our

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lives. And as you age, you get to the point I I assume most people will. Uh that if they're on the path of awareness, I don't call it enlightenment, just awareness. But if you're on that path, you will

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eventually, I think, start stitching together the the the meaning, the memory of all of the instances of meaning. That was one thing that did come out of psychedelics was a remarkable ability to recover memory uh that I had not been

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aware of prior to that. So I have the ability to remember remember all the way back uh to the point that I came into this body and no one comes into the body at birth. We all come in several months

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later. Usually the sign of that is when the infant starts crawling. That means the consciousness has co congealed within that body and has uh bonded to it and started taking over. And so that might be 90 days, you know, 4 months,

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whatever, right? It just varies. Uh but I have memories that are attached to this body that existed in that space between lives. Why this should be I don't answer. I don't answer why questions. You know it's impossible for

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me to know that. I can just describe my experience with it and let it be at that level. There's a remarkable freedom in that. A huge ton of freedom. This is the liberation that they discuss in all of

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the meditation aspects, meditation practices. You get to the point in meditation where you suddenly have um and it's sudden. It was with me and and others I've discussed this with that get a point where suddenly you just don't

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give a [ __ ] anymore. If someone wants to talk about your deep deepest darkest fears, you're prepared to do so, right?

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Or your the horrid things you've been through because there is not necessarily meaning in that. But you may discover some meaning in the discussion of these things after the fact of it all because we're always searching for meaning for

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the monad. That's why we're here. That's what impels us, right? And so it's a very difficult life. It is not easy being a human. The there is a reason the poets say ours is not to reason why ours is but to do then die.

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Okay, that's our purpose. We are here to do things in order to generate or connect to meaning and then at the end of all that we are to die. And so why worry about it? We're never going to be

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able to reason the the why aspect of it. And so you have this marvelous freedom of saying I don't know nor do I care.

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It's not it's not meaningful to me to do that. Right? It's that it's that no that deep deep that you can't put into words. And again, so those that that crazy psychedelic trip I where I tell people now and they're like that's that's

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genuine. What the [ __ ] were you doing? And I was like, well, I was getting ready. I was going to kill myself. And so that's what I was doing.

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I've gone deeper through meditation than that. And yet what you know what you're talking about is it's sudden. It's you're no longer seeking. You're you are you are there.

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You I am. I am. I am that I am. I am. Period. Yeah. Yeah. I am you know and you get and it's just being here it the words just they mean nothing and in that and it turns into it's awareness but what

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you realize is it's not happiness. Happiness is a spectrum. It's happiness and sadness. It's awake and fatigue.

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It's sick and healthy. It's sunny and cold. It's something of the body. Correct. It is it is and it's not happiness for me. It is just wonder.

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It is joy. And it is wow. I I get to be, as Alan Watts said, you look out at the stars at night. Those are fireworks in celebration of realizing you exist. And it is so beyond so beyond. It's not like, well, I don't

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care if I do well on the test. You're like, I don't care if the weight of a proton changes and the universe is gone.

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You're like, I am and I'm here. And then you come back down, you go, how the [ __ ] do I get back there? But like, but like that is and you say, and that's the thing is like, no, no, you don't answer

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the why. You don't go, oh, this is why the universe, you go, you go I can never the seeker cannot, the seeker is not what is sought. The watcher or the seer is not what is seeing. The observer is not what is

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observed. And you just you sit there. I think Terrence McKenna said it. He goes, "Part of it is realizing that it doesn't wrap up." He goes, "You sit with the messiness, all the loose ends, all the unfinished things,

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and you're calm with it. You're you and you don't look at it as, well, I didn't get to finish all of it." You go, "No, those were all part of the path." And it's so easy now 12 years later to talk

Speaker A

about the lessons I learned from losing my brother. I got on and I know you you as well. I'm not making light of it. I mean you you you said it disintegrated your family. I remember my my my dad said the next day

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he goes these things destroy families and I will not let it destroy ours. And to my father's credit he didn't let it.

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He held us together in that brute force Irish way, but we stayed together and now we all live together. We're much closer and it's it's it's beautiful. But I'm not making light of that. But when you're there and

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it's just being you are okay with not knowing because there's nothing to you you just you just are. And it is so I mean you get you get light you get it's like static. You just you know you don't have

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fingers and toes. You're you're a sphere of consciousness. But not even that because that's still an idea. It's just this deep over just this love of of everything. You look at you open your eyes and and for the brief moments

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before it goes away, but you just look at a pillow on your bed and you're just like the beauty of like the fact that a pillow exists, that it was invented, that we found a way to put our head

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down, everything is perfect. You go to it's perfect. And you go to the bathroom and you turn a faucet and is that clean, drinkable water? Oh my god. And like you, you know, you start looking around, you go, I have vertical

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walls. Most people who live in caves and you go and and then here's the wildest thing is in college when I have roommates, I would feel I would feel their consciousness. I would feel, oh, that guy's doing good. I would feel

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my friend Bart. I'd go, something's up with Bart. And you know, you don't go wake him up cuz then you come across as a psychopath. like, "Hey, I felt you, brother." You know, they pull out they they pull out a

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shotgun on waking. What you doing? You talk to Bart later in the day. Hey, what's up, man? You find out something's gone. You feel people's consciousness.

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Like, you feel And then you realize you're like, "Oh, dude, I'm just touching the baseline of this. This is a this is the you know you think you think about what it means though that you're feeling and so obviously your

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consciousness is not bounded by your body. Obviously your consciousness has the ability to receive and send because others are sending to you. Obviously therefore all consciousness exists at the same level in the same substrate so to speak and can intercommunicate. You

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raise yourself with humans, you're raising everyone, right? And I never say people raise their consciousness, right? Because you cannot alter consciousness because that is a gift from the monad. You can't change it. You can't do anything to it.

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The only thing you can alter is your awareness and your experience of it. And becoming aware of your experience is what usually people refer to as raising their consciousness.

Speaker A

It's a limitation of words. Yeah. Know correct. Correct. Yeah. you know, I'm just sorry, I'm just getting so excited, but that's I always think about like the JFK, you know, you know, you you know, don't don't ask for

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use your eyes, ask to be stronger men or something. And I remember breaking that down in my mind. I'm like, that's asking for the same thing. Instead of going, don't ask don't ask for 5 lb dumbbells, ask for biceps to pick up 20 lb

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dumbbells. I'm like, yeah, but you're still asking for the same thing. You're just less less less strength. So then I went right well then, no, what do I No, JFK, sorry, you're wrong. you're a good guy, but it's not stronger men. Oh, I want um I

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want uh the the I want the the courage to to be a stronger. I'm like, well, no, I'm still asking for an amplifier, an enhancer. Okay, well then give me the uh understanding that what I'm doing is but then even that goes away and you go

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finally I boil down to what is the only thing I can ask for? Awareness.

Speaker A

Correct. You don't wake up in the morning. You don't go in. It's time to get up. Sometimes you do and it's weird, but you just you just wake up.

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That's that's meditation is all you have awareness. You get up then and you do stuff and then you decide what am I going to do with it? And one thing you can do is just go I'm just going to have fun.

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Which is great. Another thing you can do and and you don't have to and here's the big one is what I found is you don't have to but what you can do is try to help others. Now you don't have to do

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that. There's no you must help others. So we can we can simplify a lot of this and just say that that when you wake up the only thing you can do uh the only thing you have any aspect of control

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over is what level of challenge you seek. And so trying to help others is a challenge. Can I achieve that? Can I overcome the limitations in this particular moment of this particular now and aid these these people? And if I do

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so, will they actually be served? Because many times you're it's not wise to aid people. You need to let them experience their own karmic repercussions from their own choices.

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Right. Correct. And perhaps the best you can do is simply point out to them. And it may seem mean and cruel at the time, this too arises from your choice. Right.

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So your misery of the moment arose from your own choice and it and you are choosing to be um uh to suffer. Okay?

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You you will still experience the pain, but it's your mind that chooses to turn that pain into suffering. And so it's it's your choice in all of these things.

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Now, I I'm of the opinion that I'm sort of like Kennedy in that sense. Always choose the hardest path. always choose the biggest challenge because then I have the potential for the bigger reward etc. And I don't take I don't take pain

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as personal suffering and it is true that some of the hardest things you can do um in this on this path some of the more difficult things that challenge you even greater than you can imagine is to be dealing with someone else and your

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tendency to try and take pain away from them. Right? Because if you're a compassionate person, compassion can limit you as well as challenge you. And the challenge in compassion is being able to see the bigger picture and to

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know when it's appropriate for you to choose to aid their suffering or ignore their issues, right?

Speaker A

Yeah. It's a it's a tough road. No, it's I mean it's whenever I have episodes like this, I always have to I'll have to warn my mom first. I say don't watch this one. It's still hard for her for that I talk about. I think

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about so I I knew something was up with my brother probably around summer 2011.

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He took his life in April 2014. I was at the University of Georgia in Athens. He was at Georgia Tech in uh in Atlanta.

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[ __ ] brilliant doing classified research for the Air Force. I say with all respect smoking hot girlfriend, lawyer of 10 years. Just an angel. He had it all. He's the funniest [ __ ] that ever lived. He could

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draw everything. And I really I I wish he was alive for more than anything just because I think you get such such a kick out of like some of the guests I've had on. But I would try so hard to

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first like brute force it and then you know I would try to you know say like man I feel so much better when I don't drink and I exercise and you know and he would kind of say by example

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he would say like hey yeah thanks and like I could tell it wasn't working and it just it finally losing him and it took a long time to realize that like I remember my dad told I was this this

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past April 15th his his passing 12 years later and I always think I'm fine and I was just I remember I did a podcast and I finished it and I just sat here and cried like a baby and I

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remember calling my dad and I call my mom every day. Um but I don't call my dad every day. I'll text with my dad cuz as you know Irish men and you know you just you know we're men. I remember

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calling my dad. Yeah, we're men. We're dirty. We know. I I'll give you a hug when I see you.

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And uh um but I remember sitting here crying in this chair for for this is a couple months ago for two hours and and my and my dad telling me that and it really helped.

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He said your brother made a choice, right? And it and it finally and you could not you can't second guess that choice.

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And I finally realized I can do well on the MCAT. I can work out because it's me versus matter. It's me versus my own.

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When there is free will, you can't doesn't matter how much you love her. If she doesn't love you, nothing you can do about it.

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And so when you when you come into the heightened more awareness, more being, more I am, your first thought is I have to help everyone. And then you realize, hey man, that ain't going to work.

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It's not going to work. So, like in 2020 2022, I used to So, I get all these panic attacks after my brother died, and I still do. In 2022, I was lucky enough to hang out with some of the Delta Force

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guys that I've had on the show, legit [ __ ] like CIA guys. And, you know, naturally, we were just shooting beltfed machine guns and just getting [ __ ] ass up. And uh I fell down and I hit my head

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on a brick. And uh I just remember like I thought I was going to die and I was like, I I'm going to go wake up Dale.

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Dale's in Delta Force. My buddy Dawn who was a Marine and he had you know some medic training. He was like doing all the tests for the stuff they would do in Iraq when you know a bomb went off but

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can you feel this? Can you hear this? Can you remember these numbers? Can you say all this stuff? And I remember going I was like I'm going to go ask Dale.

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Dale's the youngest member of Delta Force in history by the way. The average age is like 40. He was 23. And I'm like I'm going to go wake Dale. And I remember Don looked at me and he goes,

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"If you wake Dale, it's the last thing you're ever going to do." And but so I look at that and I go I go so I went through that that pain and what happened after that is every time I drank alcohol

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uh the next day I'd get a panic attack. So the same people if you drank for 6 months straight and you know they stop and they say it can kill you and it can I get if I drank two beers right now by

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the I'll get intoxicated. When it leaves my body I will have almost have a seizure like have to go to the ER. The point of me saying all that is a truly aware being might have pushed me aside and go don't fall and hit your

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head on that brick. But what happened instead I went through these panic attacks for years and I finally got to a point where I accepted that I have to stop drinking and I don't understand what the reasoning is cuz I didn't stop

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drinking cuz I was drinking every I was drinking once a week but I just have to stop. And I just remember writing on my phone during a panic attack. I said, "God has said to stop drinking." And basically like you're not read in on the

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rest of the program. It's a classified program, right? And my is not the reason why. And so I went and I can now look back and go that suffering that led to to losing 60 pounds. That led to and as you remove

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these other pleasures, I'd start to go, well, maybe I'll just get my own life in order. Maybe I'll start going to bed early. Maybe I'll start. And without knowing, I started that long walk to where I am.

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And it never would have happened had I not cracked my [ __ ] I still got a scar somewhere on that. And so to what you're saying is you wake up and you want to help you when you see that

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friend and you realize they're going through that breakup and you guys are 18 or 20 or 25 in in hindsight like the more mature friend will go he needs to experience this. He needs to experience and that's not easy.

Speaker A

It's not easy. The hardest thing you can do is to sit back and what you can do is you can sit there and you can be aware and if they ever find themselves coming to you and go dude I don't know I'm just

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feeling down then you can go what do you want to talk about man but if you try to stop them from hitting the head on the brick if you say don't fall in love with her you are messing up and then

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furthermore you also don't know what karma you're avoiding yourself maybe part of your thing was to watch others get hurt and to be okay with it. And that's apply it to yourself. Correct.

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And as it goes and it's it's I know I'm rambling on here, but like what I found through the podcast was so for me early on it was interviewing all the doctors during co Dr. Malone, Dr. Mcola before

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they went on Rogan, I got banned from YouTube for having him on. People are like you should have this guy on Joe Rogan. I'm like I was banned 6 months ago. The White House is tweeting at Rogan calling him a neo-Nazi. I'm like

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call me a neo-Nazi. I need the PR. Like I had them on first and I got blue eyes.

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Like give it to me. Life is not fair. Right. And so in 2020 election [ __ ] and all this stuff and and the and so finally I came to the realization I'm like what is the one thing that I can do on this

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podcast? Sure it's fun. You and I are having a great time. Blah blah blah. And I I hope people get things out of it and I Cold War books and you know whatever.

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And um I started interviewing these guys like you talked about those sniper guys um uh that started ARC the association for the recovery of children. So above Delta Force is something called ground branch and it's that they recruit from

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Delta Force and Seal Team 6. They are started under Eisenhower. It is Black Ops.

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There's only like ever 100 or 150 of them in the world at one time. It's you proof this is a simulation is the fact that I'm friends with like 10 of them.

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It's [ __ ] what? Right. They were there in 1993 in Mogadishu and they had been and Baz the guy that started it he his quote is I I finally realized after serving under you know Carter Reagan everything he goes there's more to life

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than overthrowing small governments you can save small lives and what they did they were in Moadishu the whole black hawk down thing and he was with all these other black op [ __ ] Rambo guys and they saw these they'd seen

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everything you know death civilians everything and they saw these like two kids walking around and they're like like we have to stay and our job is we're in this safe house. we are we're at the tip of the spear and they'd seen

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a million kids before and uh he goes so we're all in this like you know this house you sleeping you know somebody's got fire watch and Baz goes finally he goes I sit up and he goes and like I

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thought everyone was sleeping he goes I can't stop thinking about those kids and he goes and they all sat up and nobody was sleeping and they're like I cannot stop thinking about those kids and Baz went he said he went up under the roof

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and he's looking up at the stars and he heard heard God tell him, he goes, "I literally heard the words um you were to save children." And so they started this thing, the Association for the Recovery of Children, where it's not like a not

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knocking like cancer awareness or something, but for the sake the sake, it's not like a wristband where it's awareness.

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These are guys with night vision and silence machine guns that they they've they've get they get authority from the federal government to do what the government won't probably because the government's behind it. But they'll go physically rescue and I mean kick down

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[ __ ] doors in the middle of the night, grab kids, like throw a Kevlar vest around them and like smuggle them out like a football.

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And they they've they've saved one kid per month since 1993. 12 months out of the year, 33 straight years with a 100% success rate. They get the kids back to the parents. If the parents are the ones that sold them into it, they find them a

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new place. Sometimes it's over borders, sometimes it's overseas, sometimes it's in the United States, but it's as legit as legit gets. I mean, you look at you look at this team like I've seen pictures of them and I can't

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share it because of OPSAC, but you look at them, you're like, "Oh, are they going to get Bin Laden?" And it's like, "No, they're going to rescue kids." And I look at that and I went there's a point to this whole rambling and I

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realized like with the podcast and as I feel like I'm going on that long road and I'm finding more and more internal peace and I feel like I've done a lot talking help talking about my brother's suicide and helped with the co awareness

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and the blah blah blah blah blah and all all that good stuff and sobriety and weight loss and I was like this is something where I feel this isn't a choice where you got to let your friend fall in love with the girl. I go,

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"These are these are kids that you have to help them cuz they my logic is this.

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You need to save these kids so that they and it sounds mean, but so that they can [ __ ] up their lives on their own like me." There's a different there's a different aspect of that you're not considering

Speaker A

though. Okay. Consciousness comes from consciousness exists and it can uh interact with itself with other aspects of itself. And that's what's going on with these kids. And this is one of those where it's not theirs to reason why. It is just theirs to do because

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their consciousness is able to receive and is put on that path. They know that it is not a choice that they made. It was a choice that was offered to them.

Speaker A

Right? And so they decided to take that action. They of course take onto themselves karma. And there is undoubtedly a larger greater purpose in this that they'll never ever ever see as a result of their endeavors. Maybe they've saved a kid that's going to be

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our um intermediary to the non-human intelligence. They'll never know that, right? Or or it might or it might just be a kid that works. But sorry, so so my point is is I started interviewing them more and more and more and I was like what do I

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do on this podcast and I start telling people I'm like please donate to them and finally through this podcast I've met I have a crazy rolodex which is why people think I'm a fed but I'm like it's just I [ __ ] you it's God and I found all

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these I know these people I've never asked favors for and I was like I know I don't know 10 20 wealthy people through the show. I was like, I'm gonna ask them if they would consider donating to Ark

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for a fundraiser, knowing full well that it might turn some of them off and they might not want to talk because I've met a lot of wealthy people through the show and I've never asked them anything cuz I'm aware that they probably get asked

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for [ __ ] all the time. And so I asked about the 20 people I know.

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20 out of 20 were like, I would love to. So I got a fundraiser thrown. Not a penny of mine because I'm a [ __ ] cheap [ __ ] I don't have any money. But I got a fundraiser thrown for them and I

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think they raised around 100 grand and I think it cost him around 10 grand a month to run. So my point is I was able to do that through the show. And if you ask Baz, you go, "Well, why do you do

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it?" They go, he goes, "500,000 kids go missing a year." He goes, he goes, "I know I'm not stopping that. I have no illusions that I'm stopping that." He goes, "But it does matter to the kids." And here's the crazy thing. He goes,

Speaker A

"When you rescue the kids 2, 3 years old," he goes, "if they can even talk." He goes, "They'll go the kids will look at you and go, I knew you were coming.

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I knew you were coming." And then you start and so they go, "So, one, it's objectively good to rescue the kids." And yeah, is one of the kids the next Einstein? Maybe. Is he the next me?

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I would hope he's better than me. Is he as cool as Cliff? That would be a good one. Maybe he's maybe they do nothing.

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But there you for all you know that kid came into this life and the purpose of this life was for this 65-year-old guy who spent 40 years in spec ops for the US government realizing he was a tool

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for you know the the power elite. Maybe it wasn't maybe had nothing to do with him rescuing the kid. Maybe it was all about the kid saying I knew you were coming and whatever beam of awareness happened in that moment that's what was

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supposed to happen. No, what happened was the meaning. The meaning to the kid, the meaning to him.

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And what was the bigger meaning? That's not for you to know. You're not read in.

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So, sorry. I I know I keep cutting you off. I didn't want to get excited.

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Yeah. But let's let's also talk about something that's been uh the same theme that was uh demonstrated here recently with David Wilcock's suicide. David Wilco is this conspiracy guy.

Speaker A

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Long long. I'm rambling about this because people may not know. Okay. But he's so I first contacted and had contact with him in the late in the mid '9s because I was impressed with a lecture he gave. And so I first

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contacted David Wilcock and we were not um personality compatible, right? It just it just didn't work. I was just impressed. I told him, but there was never any real relationship that developed from there. And he goes on to

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his career up and down up and down, you know, all of these problems. Then he gets to the point where uh he gets involved with Corey Good and uh things deteriorate. He was on the top of the world and he met Corey good and that

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changed and he had to go through the karma of losing everything basically and which happened and then he's stuck up on a mountain in Colorado and he's in dire straits uh financially as well as emotionally etc. And this was observable

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because he to me and a lot of others because he was doing these uh routine videos uh every week kind of thing. And so I saw a year before, so in June of uh 2020, June 6th of 2025, I moved to this

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house. Uh I'd re relocated and moved to this new place. And um and on that day, uh I contacted David Wilcock to tell him basically uh to ask, "Are you okay? Are you aware of the path that you're on?"

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Because I could see that he was heading towards suicide. and uh just thought to offer to disrupt to be a point of change around which he could pivot if he was so inclined and he wasn't and he ends up

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going for another year and then ends up committing suicide and um a lot of people got on my case about that at the time. Uh and then afterwards they got on my case for not doing more etc etc. None

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of which is pertinent. It was not in me to do more. It was it was you know a a very slim chance it would have worked but I felt moved to attempt that right to provide that point of pivot for him

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even though he didn't take it. I I had I had that that not to interrupt again. I had that last last summer. Um a girl I knew from middle school passed of a sudden heart attack and her boyfriend

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who was also in my middle school. I hadn't talked to either of them in like 20 years. I knew he was broken. And I remember just thinking like me and I have the messages on Instagram.

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Hey man, how are you doing? Hey man, how you doing? And I remember like my last message was was like, hey, like and we were never even friends. I just said, hey bro, do you need to talk?

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Right. And a couple days later, he took his life. And I think about that and I think about my brother John and I go it was a choice and all you can do is offer. Sorry to sorry to interrupt but I keep saying

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same thing. All you can do is offer you know and then it occurs that it h things happen or they don't. Well things happen and it's to your liking or or they don't and uh there's nothing you can do about

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all of that. You just have to stand up in your integrity and say here I am you know I can provide assistance I think contact me if you want right but you can't force people to to not do that

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right to to take the path that you prefer and a lot of it you know you can say well you don't want the pain of their committing suicide to affect you so that's why you're motivated to do it

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and that was not the case I'm way beyond that too many deaths you know in my long life. I'm 73 and very few of the people that I've been through this life with are still alive. And so I'm used to the

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death aspect of it. But it's also a point of um what ripples will come out uh by me being motivated and acting on that motivation to make this offer to him. What meaning shall I derive from the events that will occur there? And

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and I will miss that meaning if I don't take that risk. So uh and it's a risk right because the risk of being you know you're likely to be uh ignored or rebuffed and so on and part of our

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social organization is you don't want to be rejected you know as humans are etc etc right so it's just one of those things where you ours is not to reason why ours is but to do and then die and

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so I did and I'm satisfied with that right I I made my effort to contact uh David on uh June 6th and then I re re upped that contact um about 25 days before he suicided and so everybody could see it was a point of

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discussion. A lot of people discussed, oh my god, he's looking bad, etc., etc. And a lot of people even said that, you know, this is this won't end well. And um there is nothing that could be done because that was his choice. And that's

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accumulation of choices that led him to that choice. The thing that we all learn or don't in this body's life is that each and every decision, each and every choice can stand on its own. Just because you've done 30 years of

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butttheaded drinking doesn't ne mean that you have to do it tonight. You can just set it aside tonight and see what meaning you get out of doing that kind of thing. So we are all in charge of our

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experience of this life seeking meaning. I think that that a lot of our ills as humans are because of the way in which we've been hurted and uh because of the structure that we we've been told we live in. And that if we had a different

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structure, if we had a different view of things, and this is one reason that I'm very um anticipatory about interactions with non-human intelligences, is that I think that that at that stage um we'll start understanding ourselves in a

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broader context and we'll be able to change the framework in which we think of ourselves. And that if we understand that our point is to achieve meaning, not achieve goals, then ahuh the world changes around us instantly and all of

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our choices take on different parameters. Then maybe we'll make better ones as a result of that.

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And actually it's the world doesn't change at all. It's just you see it's us.

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It's the analogy. No, talking about suicide. I always end up [ __ ] tearing up. But like so in 2004 I lost my cousin. I don't I don't remember much about about her. I think she's a lot older than me. I don't I

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really don't I really don't remember her. Uh in 2009, uh her father uh took his life just from 5 years of depression. And he's the guy that got me know sorry, his father, my great uncle Rich, he was on D-Day. He was the one

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that got me into doing pull-ups cuz I was doing chin-ups. And he said there's no point to chin-ups cuz chin-ups.

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He goes he goes cuz you can't climb over a wall unless you're doing pull-ups. And he goes, "You got to do that because sometime you just see it." He goes, "Because sometimes there's a tank behind you." And I just remember thinking,

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"Noted." He was on Omaha Beach. So I just, that's why I still do both to this day. His son, his son, uh, my uncle DEA, FBI, awesome dude. Got me helped me get into weightlifting. So he took his life in

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2009. I just started college. I was also 19. I was, you know, chasing ass. I remember thinking I just to me it was like it was big but it was also like I just moved out my life was going and I

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just remember you know taking it as a moment but like not breaking me really just like you know and okay so in 2011 my my aunt took her life I mean took her life but for years was was getting more

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and more intoxicating intoxicated was having issues with it And it it's not it's not my mother to talk about so for privacy reasons I won't but eventually went too far and died from it and it was essentially a suicide and so that was uh

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July 1st 2011 kiss now there's three in the books grandfather passes in 2010 but that's what grandpas do they just write my he's my uncle he's my grandfather Tom I'm named after him and he's I'm sure he would say that yeah that's what we do

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each die and Um 2014, lost my older brother and um the night before it happened, I was driving I had driven down to Georgia. He had moved home. I was in Maryland cuz I had just graduated. I was going to go to

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med school that fall. I was like, "Well, I'll just go spend time with my parents until I start med school." He made an attempt on his life in January 2014.

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Obviously, it didn't work. And he came home. The first thing he did was give me a hug and say, "I'll never do it again." and I believed him.

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And so we were both living at home and it was kind of like a weird sitcom like we, you know, we none of us live at home since we're 18. And now all of a sudden we're both like

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everybody's back. But we're literally like in the in the same bedroom like you know like dude turn off your phone or like stop farting like you're sn it really like I look back at it and I'm just like I'm so

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grateful for those those three months I had them where it's like dude hurry up in the bathroom. Are you jerking off?

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I'm not jerking off dude. you know, and like stuff like this. It's just like and but we're in our 20s and and and uh you know, the parents doing everything and he was on the right track, but the

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problem with somebody that smart is they can also deceive you. And I I driven down to Georgia and I went to meet with the the the pharmacy school director and he knew me from like organic chemistry classes and he he was like, "I know who

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you are." He was like, "You as all that stuff?" And I was like, "Yeah." And I just remember sitting it was like as I imagine I imagine it was what it's like being like 1950s and like being a good

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old boy and like getting a job at a law firm. I just went in there. He's like I know who you are. I know who you are.

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He's like he goes you're in. And I was like I was like [ __ ] He's like you got to take these like two [ __ ] classes but he's like you're in. I was like [ __ ]

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yeah. And it was like it was total like that was the coolest moment ever. And I remember me and my girlfriend we like went for like a walk in the woods and we were just like you know I was like it

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was the beginning of the rest of my life. I'm like it's not med school it's pharmacy school and blah blah blah.

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uh uh went home and uh that night had a nightmare that I was I was watching my older brother uh playing video games and that he got up and uh wrote a note and uh he uh made a meal and he got his gun

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and he for my own privacy he went and where he did it. It wasn't at home.

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And he and he left a spare key on the on the table. Very was very clear what he was doing. Uh he didn't bring his wallet. He brought he just brought his ID. I don't think I've said any of this

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on this show. Um he just brought his ID and he brought his firearm with only one bullet. It was very clear. I didn't make make I guess make you don't need to well make the investigation easier too.

Speaker A

I think it was just right. And um I had a nightmare that I was watching this and I remember waking up and panicking and my girlfriend just being like, "I know you're worried about your brother, but like come like you're getting into

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farming." I was like, "Oh my god, you're right." And what happened was is I guess my brother had prepared to do it that night. He had driven to the point where he was going to and I guess he had

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changed his mind and he had come back. That was happening around 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning.

Speaker A

That's when I was having the dream. Sure. You caught that wave. I was I was actually measured it. It was not quite 600. I was I was exactly 599 miles away. I don't know what the significance of that is or whatever, but

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I was watching it as in real time. Like I later found out the the details in real time. I was watching that and um he came home. I think he made another meal.

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He went and he and he shot himself at the right time. I don't think I've ever even said that on the show. He shot himself in the right temple. And I I saw all I I didn't see that, but I I saw

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that to the point of the separation of his consciousness from the body. Yep. And and so, you know, then I went downhill for two years and then that led to cliff. Choose love you [ __ ] And gained 80 pounds. I had long greasy

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really bad. I looked like Jack Black. Move home. Right. Dude, it was bad. It was bad. It was bad.

Speaker A

It was bad, dude. Dude, dude, it was Dude, I went from like I I don't have it now. I'm 36 now. Take 15 years off me. I mean, my cousin used to call me like Captain America and uh boy, I did not

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look like that anymore. I I And um but I moved home in 2016 uh on I think like August 1st and therapy basically on suicide watch like I pretty much had to like learn how to function. I was I was a broken human.

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And I was addicted to coloniz and and cough syrup and and and then drinking and everything. And uh I became friends with my uncle uh one of my uncles on my dad's side who I just have a ton of

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aunts and uncles. He was just one of the ones where I I didn't necessarily know that well. You knew you you knew a couple very well and it's just big families. You just you don't know everyone very well. And um he was always

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kind of a stern guy. He was a surgeon. And I remember he and I just he had just retired and I had just moved home because my life was [ __ ] And uh again kind of this weird sitcom where me and

Speaker A

this guy five decades apart and my parents never knew I did acid and I don't think anyone ever knew he did and he and I were talking about acid and everything and he and I became really good friends and it was a guy who I just

Speaker A

didn't know that well and he and I became great friends and it was the weirdest thing ever and I remember taking a nap one day and just thinking about him and I woke up and I remember my mom telling that he

Speaker A

took his life. And I remember I had a text from him and I guess he had tried to text me or call me. It just we were just talking and so I got really close to like the second family member who then takes his

Speaker A

life and then okay so two years later I start the podcast and I'm trying to get anybody on the show. I mean I'm literally going on a Reddit and somebody's like I was in the Navy and I'm like will you do my podcast? like I

Speaker A

was scraping the bottom of the barrel and uh I reached out to my cousin, this guy's son, who was an Army Ranger, and I tried to get him on the show and we had it set up a couple times and it fell

Speaker A

through and it fell through and it it didn't happen. And um so I finally stopped trying and talking about the long road, there's a point to everything I'm saying. Talking about the long road and how, you know, the good cycles of going to bed early

Speaker A

and whatever. several days ago, I don't know what it was. I just had this urge to stay up. And so I just made a cup of coffee and just stayed up. And I I called one of my my veteran friends.

Speaker A

He's in his like 70s. And I was telling him everything I'm telling you. I was talking about my brother and tell me about his friends that he lost. And uh that night my cousin took his life the night I decided to stay up. So my point

Speaker A

in saying all of this to you is to you and to whoever's listening is well part of it therapy for myself is so much of it is watching and simply being there. And it might be that the purpose of all of this, it

Speaker A

might be the purpose of all of this was literally for me to say it on this podcast on [ __ ] August 21st and someone's meant to hear this. Or it might not be. But with all of these things, there was

Speaker A

always a moment beforehand, the temporal backwash that I felt it. And the lesson for me in that is there's nothing is created in here is I'm tapping into those other things. And you can look at that as a horrible

Speaker A

example. I can tell when people are going to commit suicide or you can say we are all one which means you can also tap into helping people. And so I know I'm rambling on. I I didn't don't mean I

Speaker A

keep but then again you can't you've got to be careful with the helping people thing, right? because you set yourself up.

Speaker A

You can you be you can be available. Correct. Correct. That's if universe cooperates. So I say universe provides and guides. So my people my lineage is Cathari. Uh the Cathars were which were a particular kind of Christians in the in Europe and

Speaker A

they were wiped out by the uh Catholics in a crusade that was run by the pope and the Yeah.

Speaker A

Yes. Sorry that's my fault. Well, it wasn't the Irish. It was the Italian and French Catholics. Uh, killed a million and a half of them in like 12 years. And it culminates in burning the Knights Templar alive. Okay. They were the

Speaker A

bankers and the leaders of the military arm of the Cathars. Cathars were a peaceful people. Uh, there were millions of them. Uh, million and a half died in that crusade and then the rest were scattered. the Cathars's um my lineage

Speaker A

through my mother and my father. My father was German Cathar, my mother was French Cathar lineage. And so the the Cathari have an interesting viewpoint.

Speaker A

There's only two of their works that survive. But they were Christians that were firm they firmly had an understanding of reincarnation. They firmly had an understanding of karma and how all this kind of stuff works or it does not. And that's the issue that you

Speaker A

set yourself up if you say, "I'm going to help this person." Okay? You've instantly set yourself up on a karmic trail by that one decision, by that one choice. And you will suffer if you're into suffering from that choice. If you

Speaker A

say, "I'm available. I will offer." And as it occurs, as it occurs. And the and the Cathol the Cathari would say, "Universe provides and guides." And then there's a this long uh litany of things that go with it. It's one of their daily

Speaker A

meditation mantras and it and it has many different per permutations to it but the one I like is the universe provides and guides my eyes to see my voice to say my how wonderful is this day and as long as I'm centered that way

Speaker A

every day is wonderful no matter what happens right and the Cathari have a viewpoint that I think really needs to be resurrected uh within our current social order because we're being dunked on by the powers that be attempting to

Speaker A

take over and reduce humanity. Now we're we're coming out of that. There is always a pendulum, you know. So we're we're back on that pendulum. Time is not linear. The world in which we live in is not material. We all live in our own

Speaker A

minds and our minds interpret universe and provide us with this material framework which we all agree exists and we're all going to work within. But universe provides and guides. my eyes to see, my voice to say, my how wondrous is

Speaker A

this day. Always returning us back to this particular moment, this now. And as you understand, if you if you get to the point where you understand that time does not exist, there is no past and there is no future, that there is only

Speaker A

now, then that there is a tremendous marvelous freedom in that. But there are still cautions that have to be applied that you take on karma when you get involved with other people's lives. You create karma just thinking you're going

Speaker A

to fix them and and that's uh egregious in my opinion. You're you're making the assumption that you know better, you know, and and you can never know another one's suffering. You can know how you suffered and you can put um

Speaker A

links between your suffering and theirs and you you're a kind-hearted person and you want them to not suffer. But you know there we we have an infinite number of lives and the chain of effects of interfering with any individual life

Speaker A

will will ripple throughout all of those lives uh for yourself and others. And so in my opinion we have to be careful of this. I'm not a um so your ark guys, right? They they willingly take on that

Speaker A

personal karma in rescuing the kids, putting their their lives at risk, their bodies at risk, etc., right? So, they have they have skin in the game. I don't like the people that don't have any skin in the game, and they're always out

Speaker A

there fiddling. So, I'm not a um a western republic liberal because I don't go along with this idea that you can save or fix or or uh perfect anything.

Speaker A

The only thing that you can save or fix or perfect is your awareness of what your body's life is going through and how you're going to deal with it. and and an attempt to impose that on anybody else uh always ends in um you learning

Speaker A

getting some meaning that it didn't work right and so with David Wilcox for instance I knew the likelihood was very low but it was worth that minimal amount of effort to see if it would if it would move and blossom and he rejected that so

Speaker A

I reached out you know a month or so before he killed himself made myself available and was was rejected and that's just the way it is he had to live out his own karma. I've taken on some level of karma in doing that. And it's

Speaker A

like, okay, that's fine, you know, and telling me and maybe expressing it out. And I think about that and I I think about a guy who a veteran friend who had made a couple dark cryptic tweets last summer and I texted him and said, "Are

Speaker A

you okay?" And he said, "No." And I called him and want to write the voicemail. First thing I did was I contacted the other special forces guys I knew that lived around him and I went like this is happening and they were on

Speaker A

the move and they went and like they went to his house or something. What dude called me the next day so angry. He was like he was like I was like I was having a bad night and I was

Speaker A

like dude I'm sorry I thought you were and I go I try to explain I go it's dude it's because my brother and I I just I felt like maybe that was happening. He's like he's like oh so it's good to know

Speaker A

it's all about you. And I was like, "You motherfucker." And like I went through this whole thing and I talked to the other SF guys and I and they said, "You did the right thing." And they go, "Even

Speaker A

if he's being a cocksucker," they go, "You did the right thing." And they go, "And if he makes cryptic tweets like that again," they go, "Do the same thing." And I said, "Do it all over again.

Speaker A

I will." And and you have and you take that on. And and my friend Ian Berlingame, who's you might like him, he's in finance.

Speaker A

I I listen to every he says, I watch his podcast. Oh, [ __ ] I love you. He's one of my best friends. He actually said something that you recently said, but he says something where he where he interviewed

Speaker A

me a couple months ago and it was the first time anyone ever said it to me.

Speaker A

And I and I always know when someone's teaching me a lesson or intentionally or unintentionally when my ego flares up and I want to like just start swinging and get and get my ass kicked by a Green Beret, right? I have a biology major.

Speaker A

These guys will [ __ ] kill me. But he goes, he goes, "So you wanted to save your brother?" And one thing I always say, I go, "Well, through this podcast, I want to prevent at least one suicide."

Speaker A

And he goes, "So you tried to save your brother?" And I go, I go, "Yeah, I really tried to." And he goes, "And that's pretty narcissistic of you." Yeah.

Speaker A

And I remember I looked at him and at this point he and I have been friends for two years and he goes, "To think that you had that power and that you had that right. You got that right. And I remember can do it

Speaker A

doesn't mean you and I love em. But I remember when he said that I was kind of like I was I was going to be like I mean all the emotions I'm like that's my [ __ ] brother you're talking about like and

Speaker A

but that but that I that I could do that. Was I supposed to do that? Like how how you know I'm going to move I'm I'm some I'm some alien. I'm going to move this asteroid out of the way. I

Speaker A

don't want to kill all these triceratops. It's like you have to because 65 million years later this thing happens and then this guy named Cliff talks to this guy named Tommy and somebody listens to it and he's on acid

Speaker A

and he has this idea and he has a friend that works at S4 and they talk about something and then the anti-gravetic technology gets out and the child pedophile grip on the world breaks and we enter into the next phase. How dare

Speaker A

you move that asteroid and you're like but I'm trying to save the triceratops and they're like you're [ __ ] up everything. And when em said and I love em to death, I just I was like, "How dare you?" And like the other day, he's

Speaker A

on a trip right now and the other day he he a poetic guy. He he made a tweet about like tequila or something and he was like he and his this is literally like 48 hours ago and he's like he's

Speaker A

like and I have all these stories and I am so tired and he was like will anyone even listen? And I saw that and it just immediately like cortisol dump and I called him and I go dude are you all

Speaker A

right? Are you okay? And he's like yeah what's up? He's He's drinking. He's like, "What's up, man?" He's like, "I'm in where the [ __ ] on the beach." And I'm like, "You made that tweet and that sounds really dark." He's like, "Oh, it

Speaker A

was no, it was a it was a whatever. I was I was it was a mention of this or whatever." And I was like, "Oh." And I go, "But you're okay. You're not you're not suicidal." He's like, "No, brother."

Speaker A

He's like, "I'm drinking tequila and looking at beautiful women." And I went, "Okay, you're okay." And he goes, "Yeah, are you okay?" And I go, "Yeah, yeah." And he goes, "No, no, no. Are you okay?" And I went,

Speaker A

"Oh, no. I'm not." You can see why he's asking that, too, right? And I went, "Get out of your own self," you know?

Speaker A

And I went I went, "Oh, no. I'm" And I realized I'm out of my heart's pounding.

Speaker A

I'm covered in [ __ ] sweat. And I went like, "No, I'm not okay." And he was like, "Are you all right?" And I was like, "All right." And I was like, "Okay." And I He's like, "I'll see you

Speaker A

when I'm back." And I'm like, "Okay." And I realized I was like, "No." But so the all of that is to prevent that is not your purpose. It might be that you are here to feel that and to reach out

Speaker A

to him. It it is your purpose to feel that. You must have felt it. You must have reacted to it or be given the choice to react to it or repeat the class.

Speaker A

Exactly. And let me check the time just so I'm not Yeah, we got to wrap it up in a couple minutes because I keep telling the I'm like, "Yeah, we'll be there in 10 minutes." 10 minutes, 10 minutes.

Speaker A

There's he could never explain over text. You're like, I'm talking to this guy about the universe. So, I have to be like, I'm late. Um, but like even now I think about uh someone like Drew, he's legitimately one of my best friends and

Speaker A

the one that got me into you. He's always talking about you. He's always and and and he's always bringing you up and I even text him like we always joke cuz he's Jewish. I'm like, "Drew Bob, what's Cliff saying about silver?" And

Speaker A

he's, you know, and everyone, you know, you talk to the other guys about the markets and they're like, "Well, Thailand's doing this over here." I talked to Drew Bob. I'm like, "What's Cliff saying?" He's like, "He's saying that the numbers are saying that there's

Speaker A

an an off entity that's influencing this for around October." I'm like, "All right, bye." Like, so like who who's my adviser? Who my financial adviser is Jewish? But yes, he's he's using Cliff's ninth sense to dictate. So that's where

Speaker A

that's where my financial advice comes from. But my point is he was like, "You got to get him on. You got to get him on." And I've had on Apollo 16 astronaut Charlie Duke, youngest man to walk on

Speaker A

the moon. He's actually coming on again in a week. had Roseanne Bar, General V, Mike Durant, Blackhawk Down Pilot, Ken Albec, the head of the Soviet Union bent program. I've had all these guys, all these black ops guys and I remember I

Speaker A

emailed you and 99 out of 100 times, well, I'll email 100 people. 90% won't respond. You just won't get a response. Nine out of the 10 that do response will say no thank you in some form or another. And you go,

Speaker A

"All right, take that as a win." And then 1% will go, "Yeah, come on." and it's normally just yeah come on or no thank you but I still have the email and your response was not possible at this

Speaker A

time and I it's always stuck with me not in a good or a bad way it just felt very Gandalf Terrence McKenna like not yet and I and I just maybe that's what you said to maybe that's some automated

Speaker A

response that's no that was that was you're quite correct to focus in on that because I do have that temporal awareness.

Speaker A

I can see I can see the absolute. I can see the pluroma that Jesus described as the mountain and I even wrote a a annotated version of the gospel of Thomas and I've got it on my Substack where Jesus teaches

Speaker A

people how to manifest. So you have to decide what are you going to do between the moments between the choices uh that you're presented in your life. And so I work I enjoy work. I enjoy producing things. odd little things. But yes, I

Speaker A

have that temporal awareness and it was not appropriate at that time. You would not have been in the state of mind that we would have had this particular discussion. We could not have stepped into this stream at that time. Right? I

Speaker A

knew that and so there was no point in in pursuing that because it would have I I say this to myself just as a way of putting it into words. It would have been awkward come off stilted. we

Speaker A

wouldn't have achieved the same rapport, the same uh result from it. And so there's times mostly and I and it's difficult to discuss all of this because of our language, but there are periods in which I know that I'm not supposed to

Speaker A

be doing these things. And so I defer, right? And I and it's just I'll tell people, no, I'm sorry. You know, I can't do this with you. It was necessary that I let you know that it was not possible

Speaker A

at that time because it was indeed in our future that we would be doing this.

Speaker A

I did not and I had pages and pages of notes on potential subjects for us to discuss. None of which we've gotten into, but yet every one of which we've we've touched in going through all of this, right?

Speaker A

because it all relates back to this concept of meaning and how does a human navigate their life with all these choices in our seeking of meaning and it's not even for ourselves. We experience the meaning for the monad for

Speaker A

the absolute and so this is what you're doing and we all wrestle with it. We all thrash around. It's not easy. It is a very terrible thing to be a human, right? It is a challenge. We have to

Speaker A

accept that that our challenges are meaningful in and of themselves in this process. But as you say uh it helps me now to have this awareness of time and I and it perhaps comes from the fact or from the way in which I've well no it

Speaker A

certainly comes from the way in which I've lived this particular body's life and that my body has memories attached to it from before I was in it. So I have a different perspective of time than most people. And so the reductionism

Speaker A

that most people live with where they think something is past or that the future exists and all of this doesn't enter into my life but it makes it a little difficult for those around me because I have to say you know time does

Speaker A

not favor this day does not favor that activity and then I just let it go at that some other day may indeed and I I may have hints of that but there's no point in being all woo or spooky about

Speaker A

it and say you know in 3 weeks it'll feel good, right? You can try, but it doesn't it doesn't it's not meaningful, right? And that's what we're here to do is to seek meaning, right?

Speaker A

And if we're lucky, we impart meaning to others. But even that is a secondary.

Speaker A

It's a side effect. It's not the point, right? Yes, you probably will. I'm certain that you've deferred or eliminated some people from taking that particular choice to end their life. And that that probably will. and those choices, those people where they've

Speaker A

accepted that meaning that came over them while listening to you ramble on about these things, right? And and blather out all this [ __ ] but nonetheless, they were struck by meaning and it changed their life. And you'll

Speaker A

never know. They could tell you and it would it would have some touching feeling to emotions on you, but it'll never be as powerful as it was for them.

Speaker A

And that's not the point of it all. Right? The point of it all is our interconnection in consciousness through this giant network of things and the uh the unfolding of this reality within this constant now. And we will never be

Speaker A

compensated for all of the good acts nor will we ever be compensated for all the bad acts that we make. in in the ultimate you will in my opinion actually I think a lot of people will come to the point

Speaker A

where they do indeed compensate for the evil that they've done because they suffer themselves and if they come to themselves in that suffering then thereafter they will act differently and make different choices and so I'm not a good guy you know I've

Speaker A

done evil in my life and I have um compensated and I'm a different person because of going through those experiences and so now you know occasionally it'll be like no not possible at this time because that was meaningful to you and it stuck with you

Speaker A

right and and it was not a casual thing I don't reply that way to everyone mostly I say no thank you I'm sorry just not possible and you know and just let it go but there are those so I know

Speaker A

there's a few out there that that are still hanging out this year where I I'll discussing some uh difficult subjects with some people. And yes, we can tell uh Drew Bob uh that that you know I was going to say to say his name. You have

Speaker A

to say I was going to say you have to say his name before I'm glad you said it. Drew Bob. Yeah.

Speaker A

Yeah. Uh and we can tell him that yeah, the aliens are indeed influencing the price of silver. But right at the moment the the advice is, you know, uh get on cryptos. They're roaring and they're going to go. And so until they don't go

Speaker A

and I'm not going to tell you when that will be or under circumstances that's up for you and your choices to make right but but the world is not as we have been told it's what we experience and where

Speaker A

we get our meaning that defines it. You want to know something and I was going to say and certain guests have reached out to or I love the response of like how'd you get this email when I when I and I and I actually somehow got

Speaker A

the email of the acting uh NSA director a couple years ago. judgeful necone like would you do my podcast I'd love to talk about the NSA and the response was from some other email I said how did you

Speaker A

get this or when I called Northrup Grumman and I asked about I was like can I in 2020 I was like I'd love to talk about the B21 Raider which everyone knew was in development but it was still a

Speaker A

special cuz I had just interviewed a B2 Spirit pilot and they were like they're like I remember the response wasn't yes or no it was what country are you in I was like and so I talked to some of my

Speaker A

buddies and they go they you're marked they think you're probing and so certain people I realiz as I go, "Oh, they do not want anything to do with me." Some people look at my show and go, "I want

Speaker A

nothing to do with you and what you stand for." Other people, I'm a more right-leaning guy, but I've had on very liberal guy, uh, Professor David Vine, Professor uh, Garrett Graph, Richard Rhodess, Pul Surprise winning. They come, they know who I am. They know I'm

Speaker A

conservative and but they know I want to talk about their book and and the match happens and it happens beautifully. I was going to say with your response it was never sometime because sometimes you get a kind and you can tell it's a

Speaker A

copype response that said uh he is unavailable but thank you for what you do for asking but it's but after the fifth time you realize you go oh I'm getting a copy pasted response and you just noticed stop asking but I just remember with you

Speaker A

is not available at this time and I and I never followed up but I just remember thinking it just always stuck with me I was like I was like in the best possible way I was like this [ __ ]

Speaker A

There's there's something. So, I want what what I want to say is this. And then we have to rap.

Speaker A

Drew Bob. So, I was playing what was I playing? I I think I was playing Far Cry 5 and this was before I had ever talked to him. He was just in the the live chat on Rumble and I'm playing Far Cry 5 and

Speaker A

I'm running around. I'm like, I don't know, shooting eagles or some [ __ ] And uh and he would always say these weird cryptic things and I was like, "You're like a wizard." And he was like, "Yeah, kind And so I just started calling him

Speaker A

like wizard, like Drew Bob wizard. So he'd come into the chat and I would just see the word Drew Bob. And uh the first time giving me goosebumps. The first time he ever mentioned you, I remember I vividly

Speaker A

remember I was playing this game and I was in the wilderness and I was walking through a stream in the game and he goes, "You should have on this guy. His name is Cliff High." And I went like high like drugs.

Speaker A

He's like, "Yes." I'm like, "What the fuck?" And he was like, "Yeah." He talks about aliens and silver. And I was like, I go I was like, "So," and I look back now and the wizard is talking to me as

Speaker A

I'm stepping through the stream that I'll never step through again to get on this guy. And years later, you're here and we're talking about streams and it all just clicks and you got you not you not an Adam was out of place.

Speaker A

But I'm a horrible guest because now I gotta hop on a show and they're gonna be like, "Where the [ __ ] are you?" Yeah.

Speaker A

Okay. I'm here. That's okay. I'm getting pinged on my phone, too. Then we'll do this again in the future.

Speaker A

I would I would love to. I I love your shirt, by the way. Actually is a cat.

Speaker A

Right. Right. It's um it's a samurai cat. Yeah. Yeah. So, I I emailed for everybody else. I emailed you before.

Speaker A

I'm like, "Do you care if I wear a tank?" I knew you were relaxed, but you're like, "Dude, I don't care. I'm I'm a samurai cat." And I didn't realize till halfway through. I'm like, "Oh, that's an actual samurai cat." But dude,

Speaker A

I I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart that I love you as a human because I know that you are me and I am you. And everyone listening is is this was all supposed to happen on this day.

Speaker A

Drew Bob, that [ __ ] wizard was supposed to tell me that walking through the stream and we'll never know why.

Speaker A

And even if we figure out a picture, it's not accurate. You're not right into the bigger one.

Speaker A

You found out about the UFOs. Yeah, but you you're at Area 51. You haven't been to S4 yet. You're like, "What the [ __ ] S4?" And it's like, "Come over here." It's so I'll give you your S4.

Speaker A

Yeah. Pay attention when you're you get those chill bumps. That's your body reinforcing the fact that you've just had meaning and you're you're passing it too quick. Right.

Speaker A

Yep. Where is this? Where's this [ __ ] Where? There we go. We got Bob Lazar on the Come on. Where Where is he? I've met Bob. I've actually done business with him, you know. I bought materials from

Speaker A

his company. Uh yeah, American Atomics or Atomic. Yeah. Yeah. I've tried I've got in touch with him.

Speaker A

Yeah. American Nuclear. I've tried to get him on and and it's it's always like his secretary says he can't, but I'm always like, I want to have you on, Bob. But um yeah, I'm too will.

Speaker A

I think it I think it will when it's supposed to. Yeah. Like why do I know? Why can I text Roseanne Bar? Why do why can't I talk to why can right now I can text a guy who's

Speaker A

walked on the moon? Yeah, you know, it's odd and but it's it's just simply out of the ordinary experience. It's what's necessary.

Speaker A

It's it's the long walk and it's be available to help. And I think that's a big thing I still need to internalize.

Speaker A

Be tough, dude. It's so tough. Yeah, because the world is [ __ ] Okay, I got to go. But as as Ram as as Ramda said, as Ram Da said, he goes, I'm sitting there and I'm looking at all the war in the world and

Speaker A

all all the poverty and I go, how do we fix it all? And Nim Curly Baba looks at him and he goes, don't you see how perfect it is? And he goes, what about the bombing in Vietnam? And he goes,

Speaker A

Ramdos, it's all so perfect. And he get Ramos goes and I was so angry at that old man. But okay, I'm getting pinged. I don't see you. I [ __ ] I just now I'm just lying. I'm like, oh, I'm Cliff.

Speaker A

Dude, that was awesome. I would love to have you on again. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Send me the links. I'll get up this as soon as the next show's over. I'm all flustered. Thank you so

Speaker A

much, man. I don't even know what to say. That was I was h happy to do it. It was It was the way it should have been. It was perfect.

Speaker A

I'm so happy that you didn't. And is that a gun on your table? Yeah, that's a CZ NATO issue. Yeah.

Speaker A

I was wondering the weight here because I um I'm using this for indoor shooting with those laser bullets.

Speaker A

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have others that have fully loaded magazines, but this one does not.

Speaker A

The entire time I was like, is that a gun? I cuz I keep I keep three I keep two or three things on the desk for the podcast. I keep caffeine pills in case I got to perk up. I keep a crucifix in

Speaker A

case I feel darkness. And then I keep a shotgun loaded with thermite rounds in case I'm not joking. in.

Speaker A

Just in case everyone needs to die, I got to run cuz I'm a horrible person.

Speaker A

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much, brother. Till next time, dude. That was awesome.

Speaker A

I love you, brother.

Topics:ARCchild rescuesex traffickingClif Highoff-world intelligencenon-human intelligenceCold WarconsciousnessspiritualityTommy's PodCast

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