Speaker A
[Music] Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. Um, so, um, this is, um, my impression of a girl whose great-great-grandfather had sex with a cat. Okay. Okay. Doing standup.
A humorous and chaotic video featuring Angela Giarratana and the Smosh cast engaging in games, impressions, and candid moments.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
Generated from the transcript and can be wrong — check the timestamp.
Key Takeaways
- Angela Giarratana is a favored member of the Smosh cast, showcased through her comedic talent.
- The video blends humor with genuine moments, creating an engaging and relatable experience.
- Group dynamics and teamwork are central themes, especially during games and challenges.
- Improvisation and spontaneity contribute significantly to the video's entertainment value.
- The video offers insight into the personalities and relationships within the Smosh cast.
What the video covers
- Angela Giarratana performs a comedic standup impression and interacts with the Smosh cast.
- The video includes various humorous skits, games, and challenges among the cast members.
- There are moments of candid reactions, including frustration and laughter during gameplay.
- The cast references pop culture, including King of the Hill and other media.
- The video features playful competition and collaboration, highlighting group dynamics.
- Emotional and heartfelt moments occur, such as discussions about feelings and personal stories.
- The cast engages in improvisation and role-playing scenarios.
- The video captures behind-the-scenes interactions and spontaneous humor.
- There are references to specific games and activities like shuffleboard and puzzle challenges.
- The video ends with a mix of comedic and sincere exchanges among the cast.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
What's up, everybody? How is everyone doing tonight? Awesome. We have a great crowd here.
Speaker A
Stupid. Anyway, who could a pepo? More like boo. Come on. That is the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
Speaker A
What does it say? What does it say? Shane. Shane, Courtney and trans [ __ ] me. Wow. Angela, you can't write that on a painting. You're getting glare. Tilt it. You're getting glare. Okay. Well, I'm getting [ __ ]
Speaker A
dude. What the [ __ ] [Music] Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, you guys.
Speaker A
This looks exactly the same. Oh my god. Who's Bobby Hill? Bobby Hill and son from King of the Hill and King of the Hill. It talks like that. He does sound a lot like you. See, it's all Tommy.
Speaker A
It's like a woman and it's always what I sound like. Yeah. Yeah. And it's always devastating. Ian's pulling up a YouTube video while we're filming a YouTube video. Guys, it's time for our once per video. Ian pulls up a video.
Speaker A
[Music] [Applause] That's my purse. Don't be you. Like the thing is it's not wrong at all. Oh, here it is. Oh, hold on. Don't be afraid to shout it. That's my purse.
Speaker A
Try it again. That's my purse. That's you. [Applause] Unfortunately, that was exactly how I'm dude. You could be in the remake.
Speaker A
[Music] I can't wait for my first day as a priest. I've been thinking about it all day of the week. I'm going to be a priest. I can't wait to be one. It's the biggest day of my life. I love Jesus and
Speaker A
I really love church. Nothing's going to stop me. I'm doing the work. I'm a little Jesus. I'm a little priest. Yay.
Speaker A
Oh no. Please don't hit me. I'm on my way to work. Oh no, there's a pope on the road again.
Speaker A
[Laughter] I got a cross, buddy. I didn't do anything. Do you ever feel like you two are competing against each other because one of you is one and one of you's two? No. No.
Speaker A
All right. I'm glad. Glad I asked. That's just a name. Glad I asked. Those aren't numbers. Those are names.
Speaker A
Awesome. My last name is just trying to get to know you a little. Where are you looking? You guys are not related. So, who said you wouldn't be upset if you met a guy who's the detective? I have my
Speaker A
coffee. I would be interested where he got it. You guys watch a huge drip of blood come out of Mary's nose. Oh my god. What the [ __ ] I don't even know if I saw a face.
Speaker A
There were no eyes. Oh my god. You've got blood. You've got [ __ ] You got so much [ __ ] blood.
Speaker A
Hey, you are crazy. Damn. It's coming out your face. You are crazy. You need to call your mom now.
Speaker A
You are crazy. I've never heard that many swears in my literal entire life. A radar movie.
Speaker A
What the heck? You broke George. I'm sweating from the inside out. It feels like that's the funniest thing ever.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay, Angela, do you think we can do it together? Yeah. Okay. And we're going to be patient and we're going to be patient and we're not going to freak out. You're good. I haven't freaked out this. I'm
Speaker A
going to be really upset if we don't if we're not able to do this. I know. And and and I just hope we're both treated equally. Yes.
Speaker A
Yes. And to make sure of it, I'm going to muzzle. We're going to go for this blue and yellow one. Yeah. Here's the yellow. Muzzle the rest of us. Yeah. So, okay. Do you have the blue? Yeah. Let's
Speaker A
go there to there after three. There's no talking. Okay. Three, two, one. [Music] impressive so far.
Speaker A
[Music] Okay. Okay. The puzzle really did help. We're locked in. No way. That's awesome.
Speaker A
[Music] No way. No way. That's awesome. Oh my god. Squeeze, Angela. Get out. No. No.
Speaker A
No. No. No. No. Get out. Get out. No. No. No. You can't see this footage anymore. No.
Speaker A
I'm going to ruin all the footage. No. You have more. You have more than two.
Speaker A
What? With 30 seconds to go. She's walking out. She's walking out. She's gone. She's gone. She's gone.
Speaker A
She's gone. That is so good. Oh my god. Oh my god. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] I will be here only because Alex and Spencer want me here. But I am not going to be present with any of you. And I was
Speaker A
on your side. I wanted the money. I chose you for a mission. I chose you for a mission.
Speaker A
Pick the money. Hey, turn back around. Turn back around. I stabilized that tower. I got a million. And the footage will show it. I feel like I saw Chance do a lot of those. Let's see how much
Speaker A
money I saved a lot. Let's see how much money cork cost. Only one. Only one.
Speaker A
Only one is okay. It's not much. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. No, that was I stabilized that towel. The silence really helps. No, genuinely help. You just have to walk. You have no idea. You have no other choice but you guys are so
Speaker A
in sync that you guys are able to 100% falling. I had a really sobering moment. We were It's so locked in up over here and it's so foggy and then when I walked out the lights are so
Speaker A
bright out there and Amanda's just on her phone and I was like, "Bitches, okay." Wo wo I'm in the daylight like it everything's fine. Everybody Everything's fine. This is a different space.
Speaker A
There you go. Oh [ __ ] [Applause] No no no no no no no no no no.
Speaker A
I can't stop. I can't stop. I can't stop. Go. I'm trying. I'm back. I'm okay guys. Nevertheless, she persisted.
Speaker A
It's been a rough one. Oh my god. Wait. Oh my god. It's like that game shuffleboard or some [ __ ] or Bakugan. No, not Bakugan. Uh, no. Yeah, it's like that.
Speaker A
What is the game with the big balls that you try to get off the bot?
Speaker A
What's that game with the balls? Oh, he has boss. [Music] That is not allowed. That is cheating.
Speaker A
No, it's not. You're allowed to touch each other's controllers. I'm going be touching your controller then. Oh my god. What was that game? Was it Bakari Bi? Just your thing is out. All right, folks. We got a big shoot today. All
Speaker A
right, big special guest. So, welcome to MGM Lion. We're going to be doing this real quick. Okay, so we just want one shot and action.
Speaker A
I just feel like I'm like overthinking it. That's exactly what we needed, but if you want to go again, we can go. I would love to do it and just like throw it away. Okay, throw it away.
Speaker A
Action. Got it. [Applause] You don't want to want to. That was crazy. Carol, I have to tell you something. I've never built a car for anyone before. I only build gazeos for $20 at a time.
Speaker A
What a deal. The fact that I saving up to make mom buy my mom a faucet. But here's the thing. I don't know. The fact that I built this car shows me that something's different. And I've never
Speaker A
felt these feelings before. And I thought these feelings were only for rich folk. But I don't know. I like being around you, Carol. And for some reason when that rider's around or that business [ __ ] I want an
Speaker A
unexplainable rage comes through all my big ass muscles and I just want to beat them down so I can be closer to you.
Speaker A
Carol's mouth drops open. She is shocked. Don't do this. I'm going to die. Oh [ __ ] When I explain my feelings, you can fail. I can't. I just sneak out. You can You can fail, Angela. You can fail. Angela, you
Speaker A
can fail. Oh my god. Oh my god. The whole top is twisting. No. Oh my god. No. It'd be funny if I die right after saying I liked her.
Speaker A
That would be funny. Oh, no. I should. No. Do you want to abandon the pole?
Speaker A
Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. It's okay. I just told you how I feel and I'm going to [ __ ] myself. Here we go. Do you choose? I'm refusable.
Speaker A
Carol looks at you and says like this. Oh my god. Um, guy, that is so incredible of you. This is what you did. No, you just sitting there next to Carol just like I've only I've only known you for like 5 hours.
Speaker A
Mhm. And this is such a nice gesture. And I get that the holidays are like this time of big gestures and stuff. I just I don't I don't know if I feel awkward.
Speaker A
Oh no. Pull it. Pull it. Pull it quick. Awkward. I don't know if I feel that strongly for you yet.
Speaker A
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. You got to stick your hand on top. Oh my god.
Speaker A
You got to put it on top. Nobody move. One hand. One hand. That's so Don't
Speaker A
It's fine. It's fine. You don't care about me. I get out of the car and I No.
Speaker A
No. Don't go. Don't go. I run. I run. I run. I run. Wait. Probably true. Oh. Oh god. Was that the character in the Shut up. Neative points. When the girls dropped, you guys didn't make a big deal out of it. I
Speaker A
guess so. Are you the girls? I don't know. The abomination. I don't know anything. I don't know what you are.
Speaker A
You're an abomination. I'm Dart Simpson. I think you came from hell or somewhere below hell. Look at you. You look like a literal queef. Shut up.
Speaker A
Literal. You look like a queef. I love that. Oh my god. This is a zero point round. I crumble. At least I finally called you what you are. A queef. A queef. It's true. How do you feel? Uh,
Speaker A
how do you feel? You know what? I can't deny it. That you're a queef. I'm kind of a queef. Well, you're right. I'm a queef. Are you going to get tired of that little squinty thing you're doing?
Speaker A
No. I'll just probably get an aneurysm. Eat my shorts. Queef. I mean, I got aces and jacks. Uh, no. You literally pipped me. Yep. You got the queen kicker. You [ __ ] Once in my life. I have
Speaker A
someone to hold me. You mother. I could have won that round. That's crazy. reason, mate. I want to take you out to an Italian restaurant and share a bottle of wine with you and, you know, one thing of spaghetti with you. The last
Speaker A
thing you and I need to do is drink. Share martini. Cherry martini. Did you just [ __ ] assaulting violent?
Speaker A
What are you doing? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, so that's not even real.
Speaker A
Hold on. So you listen. Listen. I shaved. My mustache keeps getting higher on your face. I keep touching your eyes, too. It's like literally I'm trying to think that's not a mustache. I think that's an infection. I shaved. I shaved right before and I felt
Speaker A
bad about it, so I put this on. Someone give me another cup of coffee. You You'll need another cup of coffee. Oh, and goodbye 10 coins. Wow.
Speaker A
Clean me. You clean me? Whoa. You clean me. What the That's That's the craziest thing you've ever said. The way you said that. Clean me. Clean me. Bowser's like, "Oh my god, get out of here." We don't have a star. Have one. Can I
Speaker A
give you one later? Clean me. What? He was away Spike laid down. Before we get into the next fanfiction, we have a little game that is presented to us and it is guess how many fanfictions Spork appears in. So, uh, who is Spork? It's
Speaker A
my dog. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Just this question really just wow. I can't I imagine he's in one.
Speaker A
No way. My dog. He's never on camera here. I never bring him here. Oh, but he's been in content. People know and love sports. That's so sweet. Oh, not but it's not like Winnie level. It's not like, you know, like there are some
Speaker A
Smosh dogs, I feel like, or Smosh animals that are like Spork is like Yeah, but I could see like I could see people writing adventures about you and Spork. I could see that. No joke. When you just said that, I literally got
Speaker A
choked up. I'm so I'm still I still can't figure out what makes you cry cuz there's there's things where you're like, what was that one thing you were saying?
Speaker A
You're like, I said something and I made started to cry. Oh, no, it was No, it was this video of you and Anthony and it made me so. Yeah, but it wasn't even like anything like a weird video. You
Speaker A
were just like, "Yeah, I saw this video that was talking about you and Anthony and I started to cry." I was like, it wasn't even like a sad I don't know, man. Sometimes things just hit. My guess is two. I'm going to
Speaker A
say 16. That's literally crazy. That's crazy. Well, it's 20. What? He has his own tag. So, you could just you could just search spork as a tag. And I know what I'm doing this weekend. Just reading and crying.
Speaker A
Oh my god. Spork. Oh. When this dog decides to leave us Uhhuh. I I'm just telling everyone here I'll need to be sedated, okay, for like a week. I'm just like just, you know, just sedate me.
Speaker A
That's it. Look at that. Oh my god, the stars tonight are so beautiful. It's so pretty. Happy anniversary. I'm so glad we came up here. I've been wanting to for so long.
Speaker A
Yeah. I mean, the view it's it's like they all say, it's so beautiful. It's gorgeous. Look at that star. Oh my god.
Speaker A
A shooting star. Oh my god. Oh, it's a shooting star. I feel like that one's sputtering out.
Speaker A
Are we sure that's not a crashing plane? I don't know. Oh, is that a meteor?
Speaker A
I thought they were romantic. What's happening with this one? I've never heard a shooting star before. Oh god, I'm in a wig.
Speaker A
A shooting star in a wig. We need to go. I'm glad your fairy godmother from Shrek 3 is still getting work.
Speaker A
Bonus. I can change one of the rules, but I don't think I will. These are some pretty solid rules. Wait, you you got a car, but you don't have to change a rule. I'm not I'm not going to change.
Speaker A
Oh, you answered a question. Holy [ __ ] Did you just get him out?
Speaker A
Should I just get him out? Just freaking annihilated. Have you ever heard of the story of The Underdog?
Speaker A
You're taking the job. I have been destroyed. Okay. I really want to do EA Sports. It's in the game. Love that. Next time. I feel like you've got this. I feel like you got this. How are you lowering that?
Speaker A
Dang. Now see look. Okay. Because you weren't confident. You had to commit. You ran away too fast.
Speaker A
You ran away. You know when you have it. Do whatever you did. It's just so hard to perform when there's guns pointed at you. I just can't do it. You know, we all like, "You got this. You were like,
Speaker A
"Oh, it's not. It's so easy." You let it go. Let it go. It's just impossible. But like maybe if I could do Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't look at us.
Speaker A
Now this is a better target. Right in the ham. Right in the ham. It was good. It was good. It was good.
Speaker A
Dang. I'm trying to add I'm trying to add the reverb. Maybe hit the G harder. Dang.
Speaker A
Wait. Maybe it's like maybe maybe maybe you got to smile a little bit, right?
Speaker A
They're happy. It's like that's game. Game. Yeah. Yeah. Game, but also you're in charge. You're the leader. Yeah. You just called the game. Confidence.
Speaker A
Confidence. Really? Put it out of your chest. Push it out of there, Angela. You've got it. Why are you holding back?
Speaker A
Let it out. You're breaking it. You've got this. Yay. It's almost there. It's almost there. Not in my fudge. Well, who specifically lost? You lost your cool.
Speaker A
It's really important in my recovery for everyone around me to take responsibility for this. Are you supposed to say sorry recovery? You're not You're not You're not recovering. Well, I don't do this. You we not I mean, you can tell
Speaker A
she is on custard right now. No, I'm not. I'm not on with the scooters on me. Put the scooter down, mate. Said I can do whatever that makes. Put the scooters down, mate.
Speaker A
Put the scooter down, mate. Don't Hold on. What? Oh, why is everybody getting up? We don't need everybody. We don't need to get up. We don't need to get up.
Speaker A
She doesn't need you. She does need you right now. Seriously, don't do not with me. She's my exartner. You broke her heart. You made her this. I didn't. She wanted to sleep with me, mate. I didn't do anything. I just put my hands up. Sit
Speaker A
down. Sit down. Somebody follow me. I'm going in. I'm going in. Uh-oh. Uhoh. Uhoh. We going Somebody help us up. Somebody help us up. When I said I like you, I meant it, mate. Seriously. Do you hear? Can we get
Speaker A
some help, please? Can we get some help, please? Can we get him up? Honestly, mate, I didn't want anyone to see that, mate. Can we cut that, mate?
Speaker A
Uh-oh. I'm a little dizzy. Uh-oh. Dipsy. Right. Can we cut that? You know what happens every time we stand up?
Speaker A
Here comes the bundle. Shaking out her hair up once again. Bundle. Here comes the bundle. Oh, here's here's a chant.
Speaker A
This is what her brother, the wrestlers taught her. She's really hoping to do well here. She's looking for those sponsorships from different wireless plans. Yeah, Mint Mobile is uh, you know, getting towards her. They're edging towards her, but she's like, I
Speaker A
don't think so, buddies. Here we go. Oh my god. Oh, little high on that one.
Speaker A
Honestly, really brave. She's getting really focused. This what happens. Now, sometimes when she does this, if they're close to a local zoo, the gorillas will hear it and get very upset. And they start to smash at the uh gate to try to
Speaker A
get out and get her, but she's not scared. Oh, and that's going to be against downward streak of just sometimes the chant doesn't always come out. Oh my god. Come out. Listen to my cry. I don't know what her plan is here. I don't
Speaker A
either. Okay. So, she didn't get a single point on that round from the Your mustache now is up your nose. Yeah. And you're up my [ __ ] Annoying.
Speaker A
Oh no. Oh, no. Hey. Hey. I'm Angela. I was the one who was over served by a couple of the PAs in the back.
Speaker A
I work in media digital and I also have a fabric brand that I'm trying to soft launch, but I'm here for love. Yeah.
Speaker A
Such a nice place, huh? I know. I know. What are you thinking about getting? You know, I was thinking about uh let's see.
Speaker A
They have a chicken. That looks good. They What do you think? They got a pink chicken. Pink chicken. Did someone order the pink chicken?
Speaker A
[Applause] [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] Oh, that's great. That's great. That's level. What was that? Okay. Ready? Should my analog be up or down?
Speaker A
Stay chill. Chance, what are you doing? Your mic needs to be fixed. Chance, your mic needs to be fixed. You're on top of me. Yeah, she's What? She's literally on top of me. What was I supposed to do?
Speaker A
What was I supposed to do? She was literally on top of me. I'm playing the game. That's my goat right there. The last time I had a woman on top of me, I was in high school.
Speaker A
[Music] I didn't know what to do, dude. Dude, she was on top of me. Dude, she was on top of me. Not a woman on top of me in high school. At first, I'm sitting there. I'm looking. I just see you not
Speaker A
doing anything. And then I look over and just like a Oh my god, that's crazy. Dude, she's on top of me. When she's doing that, you can get up and run. I'm going to have to. She's bullying me.
Speaker A
There's no villagers in this game. Whoa. Sorry. I'm just going to get that clean.
Speaker A
Was this Let me get this clean. Can I get quiet in the room so I can get this clean?
Speaker A
Okay, we're going to I just want to get the horn clean. Here we go.
Speaker A
What's up? I'm Scott and driving the boob bus. That's the past. Scott say Scott's a small guy and the horn needs to be fixed.
Speaker A
And that's it. That's about it. I don't know if you drove straight. We're going up a canyon. How small are you and how big is this series? Big bus.
Speaker A
Big bus. Feels like a big That was just a regular turn. Okay, let her go. We got to Yeah, like where the car horn is. It's like a nipple. Yeah, sure. I'm voting for Amanda though.
Speaker A
Whoever it is, you lost. I'm voting for Courtney now. What? You guys are idiots.
Speaker A
It's Morg Boy. I'm voting for Everybody on the count of three, reveal your cards. Okay. 2.
Speaker A
Shut the up. It was Whoa. Oh, guys. Guys, I forgot. Angela, I knew it. Angela, I knew it. I I I was like I knew it. I was like, the unsub sucks or they just don't know what's going on. lost so badly.
Speaker A
And you look like that. And you look like that. Oh my god. I completely forgot.
Speaker A
That's insane. Angela, you're like, no. I was like, this unsub sucks. And you were being like, I can't wait to look at the face in the killer. Wait. I started feeling bad for the unsub. So I started for you. I started helping the unsub. I
Speaker A
put down the murder card and I put down this red card. I was like, it needs to be a little bit close. He got so Look at Wario over here, dude. Holy. I cannot I am so sorry to
Speaker A
everyone in the room. You were like, "Yeah." Oh, I remember now. I remember the moment I grabbed this and I completely forgot. Oh my god. Oh my god. That's why we didn't vote for you because time for one more.
Speaker A
Playing it so well. Let's do one more. No. No. We're out. That's where we're at. Oh my god, that was incredible.
Speaker A
That's it. I was like, the murderer doesn't even know that they're a murderer. And I turned around going, "Who's is it?" That's a narcissist right there. We're not that clip back. You see it? Shut the up. It was Whoa. Oh, guys. Guys, I
Speaker A
forgot. No. Who did you go? Sometimes sometimes you don't know who the what the until you look at the mirror. My analysis shows me that um Angela was the unsub and didn't realize she was unsub and that's why the game
Speaker A
that's why it didn't work out. That's what happens. Uh wish I could go buy some talent at Target.
Speaker A
I know that this is not me. This is Angela all the way. All right. Is this funny? You got way better than us. Two.
Speaker A
One. Yeah. With that thumb. Do the thumb. Give us the thumb. Give us a thumb. Do that thumb. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah. It is Angela. Wish I could go buy some talent at Target. That's exactly it. Six. Five. Four. What is that face?
Speaker A
Oh. Oh, you two suck. Oh. Oh. Five. Four. Three. What the hell? One. What's going on, you two? What the is going on? It's so hard to know. It's so hard to know. What's going on, you two?
Speaker A
Cuz Shane is just so rude. One of you guys is something bad. One of you guys is something bad. You have to play that part and zoom in on a shame.
Speaker A
Oh my god. Is clearly told that he is the baker and he's like me cuz he says you are the dancer. Look, he goes, [Music] and then he sees me, see him, and he goes, and then he just starts going.
Speaker A
Okay, so that's all we think the fake. I'm so sorry. I I can't believe it.
Speaker A
I literally look up. We make eye contact. Music has not started. And I'm just like, you're crying. It was so funny. It was so funny. I couldn't tell when you cuz I knew immediately that you clocked it before the dancing started. He just
Speaker A
goes, "Okay, let's all vote." Shane, was you? I think it was Angela. It was me.
Speaker A
That's so cute that you got the bad news and was like, "Oh, boy." Cuz he had just said to me, he just goes, "When I'm the faker, I'm and then it's it's his faker." And I just look and Angel's
Speaker A
already looking at me and I was just like I was like, "What do I I got to play it cool." Faking the dancing. I didn't plan on my facial expression. Oh, I hope you could zoom in on that. It's so funny.
Speaker A
Sapphire, guys. Yeah, my birthstone. Thanks Shane. Oh thanks. Thanks, bud. Sandire, guys. Sanguinous virginus. Sanguinous wenus.
Speaker A
Half tub. Turtles in a half tub. You are a little little boy. She's going toing lose it, dude. They're doing this to me later, dude. Whoa. What animal? She's gone.
Speaker A
I It only took uh I can't believe that got It only took an hour and 29 minutes for that to get you. Here, I'll use this. You guys keep joking. I'm going to do sobbing.
Speaker A
And I can't remember what was said. Big Wenus wenus. Holy [ __ ] That means everything I've ever said has never made her laugh. If this is made out of toys. Yeah. Yeah. It sucks, bro. Do you need some cuz I didn't get
Speaker A
you the water, man. Dude, which long disbanded group reunited to perform during Bill Clinton's 1993 inaugural ball? Ian and Anthony.
Speaker A
Nothing. Little Anthony. Gotcha. Gotcha. Stupid. So dumb. Does that count as she laughed a second time?
Speaker A
Y'all. Yeah. That's why you can keep going. One, two, three, four. Once you do a booby joke, I'm done. I was saving that and I used it way too early. You were saving that. You already thought of that. Yeah, I thought of it the second I
Speaker A
saw I said boobs. You're such a pro. You are such I'm such a a bro. I saw that a second I said it. I said boobs. I said I said boobs. All right, let's go.
Speaker A
I hate myself. Boobs. You don't mind if I string my cheese? All right, brother. And uh are you having string cheese right now?
Speaker A
Yeah. Kill me with my cigar. I like a string cheese. A pot of cheese. Your your cigar. Don't do that. It's going to be in your You die. You're going to end up swallowing it. You did that last
Speaker A
week. So, please just throw it on the ground. That's how you started that fire last week. We rent this place, guys. This isn't my cigar. It's my street.
Speaker A
Get a coffee. Oh, [Applause] my Oh my god. Why is my brother on the woman episode?
Speaker A
Oh, to sure. Take them all. You're spilling. What amazing is my brother on the way?
Speaker A
Cheers. Talk about one of the girls. John's a very good man. He's a good husband. This is soing stupid. Hi John right here. John, what did you bring? So this is a wonderful photo of my very empowered sister. The most empowered
Speaker A
she's ever been. This is so when she her highlights. Where's that sparkle in your eye? Hi. This is humiliating. Why are you here? You were really happy when you got those two. Really empowering. And now my brother sends this anytime
Speaker A
anything's happening on. Look at this amazing supportive brother you have. Why did you appraise him show? You're such an [ __ ] What is up with these pranks? And listen, you're on camera, so I'm going to need you to sign an
Speaker A
appearance waiver. I'm at the Dodger parade. Go yourself. This is just so fantastic. This is just so wonderful. We love good man. We talk about you all the time. Yes, we get wasted every weekend at Davy Wayne. We love him. John Blunt.
Speaker A
More blunt, please. Remember that time we were at brunch with John and he did that trick? That was the best. Oh, yes.
Speaker A
He was under the table for a long time. He was so funny. John, remember John on the cruise ship? Oh, John on the cruise ship. Oh, all the bartenders loved him.
Speaker A
Yeah. He stripped and then jumped in the ocean. Yes, cuz he's so amazing. You know, I think what's missing is really an espresso martini. I mean, that's the real cruise ship drink. Don't you think, Ang? Mhm. What's wrong? What's matter? I
Speaker A
can't I can't handle this anymore. And were the highlights too much? You guys just keep playing the game. I'm just going to lay here for a second and try to dissociate. And you guys keep playing the game. Ask John. Mary, share. I'll do
Speaker A
one. I'll do one. I'll do one. Okay. Who did we decide? Oh, yeah. Mary, kill and share. Like, now your turn. Finally, Echo Master. Okay.
Speaker A
You shall be my echo. You shall be my echo. Girl, I have to do that. Girl, that's fine. That's fine. Girl, girl, exactly the way he's doing it. Oh my god. I'm going to die. Girl, why does he become a different person
Speaker A
when you say that? Girl, I don't know. Girl, you sound sick. What? I'm just mimicking that girl. Girl, I think it's that you just look really like beaten up when you're sitting.
Speaker A
We're having fun. We're having fun, girl. Chill, girl. You have fun. I hate this family. This is my left. Good work. This is my left.
Speaker A
Oh, yeah. Copycat master. All I had to do is wait one second. [Music] Girl. Girl. And then it's this girl.
Speaker A
Girl, that isn't fair. If you miss, you girl. Girl, don't you worry. I'm going to need to only focus on them and drown out the whole room.
Speaker A
I hate this family. Thank you. I just like the rule. I want to hear it.
Speaker A
Rhyme time. Yes, girl. We're going to rhyme. Work on that snap, baby. Okay, we're going to rhyme with poo.
Speaker A
I can't focus. Oh, you can't focus. Yeah. Welcome, girl. I fear you must take you anything with poo. Oh, wait.
Speaker A
Sorry. No, no, no. That's not fair. That's not fair. Hey, sorry. When you were looking like a [ __ ] idiot on six cameras, you didn't rhyme with [ __ ] That's not fair. Hey, when you were losing your mind and being ick
Speaker A
for everyone on the internet to clap on that you didn't rhyme with poo. I fear girl girl.
Speaker A
And finally, Angela. Oh, hey me. Check that out. Oh my god. Let's get these two some water. They're stressed. I didn't.
Speaker A
They're stressed. Oh no. Why is your shoes so dirty? Oh no. commented on something real. Uh, Angela, do you like musicals? I love them, but I In all seriousness, I don't know how I'll do. So, we'll see. Your hat. You
Speaker A
literally dressed up for this. Your hat has every musical on it. I got it on Broadway when I was 13. Whoa. Wow. Your mustache is slowly turning into the Batman symbol on your face.
Speaker A
I can't wait. Why is it shedding so hard? She's going to take it off and throw it at somebody.
Speaker A
Um, does look like I was also It's snowing. Ew, that's disgusting. How do you I was also listening on to that call and I had learned that there were clean scene with no prince hairs from the unsab. Hey little twerp, never listen to
Speaker A
my calls again. I have to in case you accidentally hang up, which you do multiple times cuz the phones are slippery in the office. The bones are not slippery. It's your nasty hands. Okay. That is so oiled up from
Speaker A
your mustache knuckles and pizza. You have so much pizza grease on your hand. It's called a cow zone. Kid, grow up.
Speaker A
I like to think this pl this show takes place in Los Angeles. It's called the cow zone, kid. It's a Brentwood office.
Speaker A
Where are you even getting cowzones from? Oh god, I love this guy. Make Angela say a Pokemon name. That's where That's where they start. Martin Scorsesei.
Speaker A
Martin. Angela. Yeah. Press two or And it's a challenge. Um, beat me in arm wrestling.
Speaker A
Oh, you can. That's impossible. No, you can. You can't. Well, that's impossible. No, you can. Okay. If you don't believe in yourself, you can do it. Just don't do it near the camera. Just press You can just press two right now. I'm just
Speaker A
going to break my arm again. I need the imagery. I need this imagery. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah. I ain't scared. Wait, don't break your arm cuz that cast was Christmas color for months. We'll have to We'll have to kind of be like this. All right.
Speaker A
This is so Holy. He got flustered. Wait. Hey, hey, hey. She's never held his spot. Find his spot. Literally, he's What should I do, coach? With your other hand.
Speaker A
Use your left hand. Dude, grip his hand and you got it. Ready? All right. Holy tits. So, ready? We'll come down. Hold on. Hold on. All right. Curve your wrist in. Yeah. Curve your wrist in. Yeah.
Speaker A
There you go. Oh, you got this. I have really weak wrists. Also, I'm just I'm like, "Oh, no. You ready?" That was what Spencer said to do. Three, two, one. You've got this. You're pulling. I'm trying to go
Speaker A
that way. Go get That's the way you're supposed to go. Yeah. Yeah. That's the way you're supposed to go. Oh my god.
Speaker A
Yes. Pull me out. Okay. Is Shane moving barely. Bring it up. Bring it up.
Speaker A
Holding the spot. Hey. Hey. Doesn't make you less of a woman. Okay. Hey. Hey, kids. I got a lap on the grill. Hey, kids. I got a lap on the grill. Come out here. Don't. Don't. Oh, you're not supposed to talk me though.
Speaker A
Sorry, man. I got I got Yeah. [ __ ] get out of here. I'm a red head, so my mustache grows in red.
Speaker A
Wait, I'm getting a call. Oh, there you go. A my lobster's burning. Thank you. Now, that's my sense of humor, whatever that was. Wow, I can feel you through the wall. You sound hot. Are you sleepy? The rosé they have
Speaker A
in the girls' room is crazy. That's not rosé, honey. That's toilet water. And it's actuallying good. What's your fabric? Um, it's actually um 1800 fabric girly and I'm trying to sell it, but I'm not. I'm really here for love. Honestly,
Speaker A
if I have to hear about the fabric one more time, I'm literally going to lose my [ __ ] Also, that girl consistently drinks toilet water.
Speaker A
If I have to hear about New York one more time, I'm gonna lose my mind. She doesn't really know that the toilet I'm filling it with tequila and then I'm putting the toilet water and tequila into my cup. You make that make sense,
Speaker A
not me. I can't see them, but I can tell that they're all idiots. Whoa. You got the Broadway straight to the end. You're telling me that? You're telling me that this [ __ ] won?
Speaker A
Wait a second. You're bleeding me dry. Straight. Don't worry. Twink. Next time we'll play shoots and ladders. Something more up your alley. Oh.
Speaker A
[Laughter] Hey, we'll look the other way. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, man. Told me not to do that. Does it make you feel weird that I was just turned on? No, mate.
Speaker A
That happens to a lot. Oh my god. A McDonald's Sprite. Ask right now. S right now.
Speaker A
H how is it a hangover cure? How does it make me feel good every time I have it?
Speaker A
I will drive to a McDonald's for a Sprite before I drive to a doctor.
Speaker A
Yeah. What's the difference? Both cure stomach problems. Yeah. Put it up there. I disagree. Whoa.
Speaker A
What? No. Like a Burger King. I don't I don't think it deserves an S. I don't.
Speaker A
Oh, let's talk. Okay. It's okay. It's okay. No, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Oh, it's okay. You're okay. You're good. You're good. Come on. Get up. Get up. Sorry. Where am I? We got it. We're on set. We're on set.
Speaker A
What [ __ ] were you saying? Do you need some sugar? Do you need a McDonald's Sprite? 3 2 1.
Speaker A
Ooh close. Oh wow. Stop. Sorry. I I don't think the is helping. Not the liar, though.
Speaker A
If you move your body, it makes it too fast. What the You were the You were the chosen one.
Speaker A
What are you doing? Casting them away. You're You're expelling them. Yeah. No. No. Whoa.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Hell yeah. Sorry. [Music] Three two one.
Speaker A
It's okay. No. No, it's okay. Dude, just remember when you got cleaned. Remember how happy you were? You got Remember when you got cleaned? Remember that?
Speaker A
This is fine for me because you were not going to get anyone. Yeah. You're not near the star, so she's not going to You're not going to Unless you do.
Speaker A
Okay, we've got everything ready. Good. I'll sing you a song. Happy birthday, water bottle.
Speaker A
Happy birthday, water bottle. This cameo is going to cost you $45. You remember that, right? Happy birthday, water bottle. Your passports.
Speaker A
Where are you going? Bora. Bora. Happy. [Applause] So, I saw both. I think we got this. Which one did you pick? The red.
Speaker A
We got you. You [ __ ] idiot. What do you think the second one was? I have no idea. Did you see there are two gold bars? Yeah. I can't believe we all picked the same thing. We're all going
Speaker A
to eat the same wrench. There are two different wrenches. What the did you just say, Angela? Which wrench did you choose, babe? Cuz the wrench that's real looks like chocolate.
Speaker A
And you just said I go, "Does it look like Chuck?" She goes, "No, not really." Okay. Well, then why did you choose the wrench that didn't look like? I didn't see another wrench.
Speaker A
Oh my god, Angela. Angela. Angela. You. Angela. Angela. What? Angela. What the hell? Where the was right over there by the parrot. Right in front of the parrot.
Speaker A
Where was this? I didn't even see this. That would be crazy. That's not chocolate. I didn't see this because it looks like a tool shed thing. It's huge.
Speaker A
It looks like it belongs in a garage. This looks like chocolate. Wait, I actually humiliated. Wait, this is actually really really sad. There are two people in this world. She was really excited. People who choose that as the
Speaker A
wrench and people who choose this and people who choose this life's harder. Angela, are you wearing your glasses today? It's not about my [ __ ] glasses. Hey, hey, hey. First of all, that doesn't look like chocolate.
Speaker A
And this one does. Does. Here's the thing. Okay. What I lack in brains and make up for in personality. Who told you that? When Yeah. What?
Speaker A
Three two one. [Music] It's rubber wrench. Hello judges, friends. How are we doing today? Go ahead. How are you? Good.
Speaker A
Great. Angela, that's a very normal looking sweatshirt you have on. Thank you. I'm bloated. Anyway, we will start.
Speaker A
I think the biggest way to get into a college right now is bragging about your community service. And that is what I'm here to do today. Folks, I'm going to tell you about my community service.
Speaker A
During the pandemic, I started fostering dogs and I became very very addicted to it as you say and I'm here to tell all the colleges of my choice that by choosing me, you are choosing to save the animals. Wow.
Speaker A
My presentation will begin. I'll go fast. Don't blink. Dog number one, Spoon. Spoon thought outdoors and indoors were the same thing. So we pissed everywhere and I had to handle that. Then he got adopted by a six-f figureure income household. Mozzarella,
Speaker A
named after what her [ __ ] smelled like and the size of her body. An absolutely feral dog that they found on the street.
Speaker A
Her puppies got adopted, but she didn't. So I gave her a home. All eight of her nipples were constantly giving milk in my bed. I had to change my sheets every day. Next dog. Wow. Jack. Jack was an
Speaker A
incredible dog, but he bit really, really, really hard. I handled his biting for the better of his life and we trained him out of it and he got adopted to, you can guess, a six-f figureure income household. Next, popcorn is
Speaker A
scared of stairs and I had six flights of stairs. So, I had to pick his ass up up and down every single day when I brought him to go piss. I'm a savior.
Speaker A
Next dog, Gumdrop, absolutely demanded to sleep on my pillow. I couldn't sleep anywhere else. Six. Rhubarb looked as dead as she came. She was on her last leg and I gave her a home. Judges, uh, Rhubarb was blind and loved to climb.
Speaker A
And then Josh wants me to say something that we must bleep out, but I want to we want to get your facials reactions when I say this, but we will bleep that out. Um, next slide. Ramen. Ramen. The perfect
Speaker A
dog. No notes. Adopted by a six-figure income household. Next, Spark. Oh no. Spork came to me. We named him after Spoon cuz he was at the same kill shelter. Just different looking.
Speaker A
Different looking. Um, I see. Cowboy came to us with a sinus infection like I've never seen before.
Speaker A
There is snot coming from Cowboy's nose for like four days straight. And you can guess it got on my pillows. Next slide.
Speaker A
Brisket. I won't say much about Brisket besides her breathing was so loud I could not take a phone call in the same room. And let me remind you this was during the pandemic when everything was over Zoom.
Speaker A
We had to take Zoom calls outside. Also, I'll say we had Spork at the time and Spork wanted to the [ __ ] out of Brisk and it was very impossible to get anything done. And as you can see, I
Speaker A
added a contraception device cuz I thought, uhoh, these dogs aren't fixed cuz they're from the streets. supposed to stop. This is uh previously used for spoon who would piss in my house. Okay, next. Wow. Flurry. Absolutely rancid smelling dog. Flurry came to us with a
Speaker A
stomach bug where she uh blood for two days straight. Named after McFlurry, also Spork the [ __ ] out of Flurry. And this time I put the diaper on Flurry to see if it would work. These are all my
Speaker A
dogs. Wow. I have given them all a home. And if you give me a home educationally, you will continue to give dogs homes.
Speaker A
Some of these dogs didn't even get adopted, including the one I still have here today, which it's the one who stings. So, this is the one who stings. And not only are you giving me a home, you are giving Spork a
Speaker A
home. Spork. Any college of your choice that you decide for me to go to today, Spork will also come out. Out. His dick is always out.
Speaker A
So judges. Hi. Your decision is his future. Spork. Spork. Spork. Come over here. Spork.
Speaker A
Come over here. Wow. [Applause] Um, so his tongue just always exits out the the left side. Yeah, look, he can be a part of a frat. Oh, yeah. A little frat boy. Spork is fixed.
Speaker A
They all ended up getting fixed. Okay, which Why is his face like that then?
Speaker A
Why is his face? [Laughter] Okay, so Mr. Grub. Uh, would you admit the two of them to your college? I have some notes. First up, I like your cultist robes. Number two, I enjoyed that you looked at humanity decaying
Speaker A
into nothingness through a pandemic and thought, "Time to save the dogs." Number three, thank you for sharing your harm of decaying K-9 sex pests with us. It truly was a delight.
Speaker A
However, none of them was a Cberus, so I am not impressed. Fourth question. Why not put your pillow at your feet instead of sleeping the wrong way? We do not have a think for yourself on our hands.
Speaker A
I like looking at spork because I know for a fact no gods made that creature.
Speaker A
This was merely the folly of humanity which I can definitely get behind. You are a solid maybe.
Speaker A
All right. A maybe. That's pretty good. That's pretty good for grub. For grubs. Zoe, do a trick. Oh [ __ ] got this. Okay. She is also the the dog show judge. So she trick just like magic cut dumpster wizard. You
Speaker A
guys kind of have a thing. You kind of look like each other. Yes. I was going to say I relate to Spork because I too am extremely uplook looking and I'm absolutely terrified of everything. Look at him. He's freaking the out right now.
Speaker A
And I think Angela should go first. All right. Angela. Hey, Angela. Come on, cookie girl. Come on, cookie girl. All right, Ang. We're going to count you down. We're going to say 3 2 1 go. On go. The timer begins. Go on, go. Go on,
Speaker A
go. Go on, go. Go on, go. 3 2 1 go. Gentle. Be gentle. Mhm. Yep. Yep. Yeah.
Speaker A
You're almost there. You're almost there. You almost got it. It's right by your mouth. Put it down to the eyes.
Speaker A
It's in your mouth. You're good. It's in your tongue. Oh my god. Oh. Oh my god.
Speaker A
Scrunch it. Can you do something different with your lashes? You need to use your mouth right now. Good. You can use your eyes.
Speaker A
I want to go again. No, keep going. You're still The timer's starting. Oh, okay. New cookie. The cookie. New cookie. Okay. Almost got it. New cookie.
Speaker A
New cookie. Oh, you lost it. It's gone. It's gone. So, there's this thing on your face called a nose, and it's really throwing you off right now until they tell you to stop. You keep trying to get that breather. Use your eye, not your
Speaker A
mouth right now. Get your tongue involved. If you could just get that to Okay, that I don't know about that bounce. About that bounce being legal.
Speaker A
The bounce. Keep it going. 10 seconds. Cheekbone. Cheekbone. Cheek. Right there. Right there. Maybe a quick frown.
Speaker A
Just a tiny tilt. Yeah. Yeah. Get that tongue in there. Come on. Dude, we totally almost kissed.
Speaker A
I have Oreo all over my face. What are you going to do? I'm using my authorization to become unit interim unit chief. All right. I don't trust any of you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So, now I'm I'm in charge here. So, now we got two
Speaker A
chiefs and I got zero. I'm the chief now. Zero coffee, two chiefs. Come on.
Speaker A
We're all the chiefs, but I'm the I'm the unit chief. I've been emailing for your coffee for I don't know what that means exactly, but I don't think you can vote me out now. I think they're smart.
Speaker A
Yeah. Wait, we can't vote the chief? Pretty sure you can vote the chief. Well, go ahead. Looks like you took a [ __ ] on your foot.
Speaker A
I did a ballerina move, turned my foot all the way around and took a [ __ ] on it. That's some lore right there. That's what we call in law. That's how we do it here in Chicago. Looks like you took a
Speaker A
[ __ ] on your foot. So, are we voting or Let's vote. Yeah, we're voting. If you want to kick out your best detective, then go ahead. He's right there. That's our best detective. I just [ __ ] on my
Speaker A
foot right in front of all of you. Do it. Fair enough. Are you ready? I am ready. Oh, you just answered a question.
Speaker A
What the holy [ __ ] Chosen. To end things, name a Pokémon. The eyes of the world are watching.
Speaker A
Pikachu. [Laughter] [Applause] Chosen. You have emerged victorious. Wielding your question, master, you have defeated everyone.
Speaker A
Holy [ __ ] That was That was the most impressive feat we have ever seen in Moose Master. That I think you might you might be up for top chosen. You are truly a chosen.
Speaker A
It's crazy. I've never experienced such such power. Such raw power. Raw power. Devastating. Is Kirby a Pokémon?
Speaker A
Is he between Pikachu and Kirby? I'm going. Thank god I said pick. If you had said Kirby, that would somehow simultaneously be the most chosen thing unchosen thing you could have said.
Speaker A
Spencer, it's me. All the Mountain Dew kickstart in your stomach. I'm I'm trying to get out, but my [ __ ] doesn't digest.
Speaker A
Spencer, let me go. Oh, nailed it. All right. What would you like from this person? Do like a fishy thing where you put your hands here and we're go like that. That's I I don't think that's helping you. I think it is. I think you
Speaker A
should try high five again. All right, let's high five. High five me shorty. That's a little short person right there.
Speaker A
Get ready to slap in three, two, one, [Laughter] [ __ ] Did that slap just talk to me?
Speaker A
[Music] [Laughter] What the Oh, I couldn't even pick up on what the hell voice was that. Oh, I'm so not prepared for that. Um, do you want them to slap you again?
Speaker A
Or are they going to say [ __ ] again? Three two one [ __ ] I cannot believe that I still don't know who that was.
Speaker A
It sounds like Ian, but also not. Okay, we'll let you do the thing that you wanted to do the first time, the fishy thing, as a hint before you guessed. Ready?
Speaker A
[Laughter] And did that tell you what you needed? Oh, come on, man. Do that one more time and really like lean into the feeling you've got.
Speaker A
[Laughter] I hope this means you get it. Okay. Okay. Fair. Angela, yeah, you got it. Yeah.
Speaker A
My body drinking. Oh, you're not going to get a chance with her now. Be on my period. My body. That really Get away from me. That really made me uncomfortable. Angela, what you said about that? I don't I
Speaker A
don't want to. So, you can talk about getting a half chub from this. I never said the wording said half. My reaction to being a woman on this earth. Half chub is the most 1998 term I've ever heard. And it's also
Speaker A
not something I said. But we know you were thinking it. Yeah, you had a half chub grin on.
Speaker A
Your grin was giving half chub. Half chub grin is crazy. He was like that was me. Feels like it's Christmas morning and you have a half chub grin on. I saw Santa coming down the chimney. I had that half chub grin on. The half chub
Speaker A
grinch. I was like, "Hey, we rapping early today. Straight up have the half." Thank you, doctor. You're welcome, Daniel. Listen, son. Um, that surgery that we did on your penis. Yeah. To make it bigger. Yeah. To make it bigger. Uh,
Speaker A
you can't work out for 2 [Music] weeks. What should I [Music] do? I can't work out. I might as well not poo.
Speaker A
[Music] I can't do any burpees cuz I made my dingy burp. It's called penis. I can't do any burpees cuz I made my dingy burp. What?
Speaker A
I'm listening. I'm trying to hold any [Music] You just didn't hear it. You're right.
Speaker A
You're right. Oh, what are you people me? They treat me like kids. Maybe it is who we are. Maybe it is who we are. What are you doing to your Stop touching that?
Speaker A
Oh, that's inappropriate. Do you see what you did to do tummy custard? I hold my stand alone. Don't do it. Don't do that. You know what that does? Can we blur that out, please? I need to blur.
Speaker A
I'll stop it if you don't do the reboot. I love you too much. I can't let you do it. We're doing a I'll tell you this.
Speaker A
I'll tell you this. Someone put the Someone put the cure egg on. Where's my coffee? Oh my god. All right, we got to chop. Chop it up. Oh, that's wild. Half and half. Should we kiss? And All right,
Speaker A
let's go. Just Kenny, get your hands off me. Whoa. I'll tell you something right now. You're with something up. What?
Speaker A
I'll tell you something right now. Tell us cash money. And will you listen to me when I say it? Yeah. Yeah. I'm a villager. And if you You're still laughing. Okay. Cuz you said, "What about this?" You said, "Mom,
Speaker A
what are you going to do about it now?" Wait. Where'd you get that? Police games.
Speaker A
Basic games. I am dead. Oh my god. Games. This does not mean that you're not aware. How would I be wearing the shirt? I I don't know. Now, how would I be wearing the shirt? That That is a
Speaker A
good point. You can't get this if you're a werewolf. I am 100% voted for Angela.
Speaker A
What? No. This is supposed to exonerate me. This Stop. We now for the for the YouTube. We have to vote for Angel. You made me. So, Amanda, are you making an accusation? Yes. This [ __ ] is a wolf.
Speaker A
Wow. I am clearly not the wolf. She just clearly she pushed me into game guy mini game. We're getting game guy in the mini game. Okay, we have to. It's just a 50/50, I think. First, I'll take out
Speaker A
you. Oh, wait. No, we can get rid of them all. Oh my god. If we pick Bowser, then we get rid of all of them. Take this. Wait, what? I don't know what the Oh, time. It's too sweet. No, dude. This
Speaker A
is me after watching too many Nicki Minaj videos. Oh my god. If you guys win anything if they win this, don't they get like I don't know.
Speaker A
I don't even know what we picked. Look at these. Oh, you picked Look at these gluttonous little guys. It should have been gluttonous game guys game room.
Speaker A
Shut up. Wait, we lost. Whoa. Little boy. No. I think you win no matter what. You bet so much, dude. I think you have a thousand. No freaking way.
Speaker A
Holy. Holy [ __ ] You have I've never seen that in my life. You have 999 coins. Is such a thing even possible?
Speaker A
Why was that with cake? What was Shut the up? Shut Why was he eating cake?
Speaker A
I'm such absurdity. Why were two people eating cake? Two weird bombs. This is so Okay, first of all, those are chain chomps. Put some respect on their name.
Speaker A
Put some risk. We respect chain chomps in this house. What? That's a all of my playing Mario Party. I've never seen someone have 999 coins.
Speaker A
Oh, here we go. Waiting. Waiting for Mayor Rich. She doesn't know. Waiting for Mary. She I don't know. I know she doesn't know, but she said the exact word. That's what we're saying. We're always Did you know Did you know that I was waiting for
Speaker A
marriage? And that's right, guys. She's not going to win. She's not going to win. She's not going to win. Justing.
Speaker A
That was the most church. Just give it to her. My god. You just b she's not gonna win. My brother and sister are fighting.
Speaker A
Okay. Well, after that catastrophe, we're out of time. Everyone get in the car. We're going to the [ __ ] diner.
Speaker A
No, she didn't. I need to hear that in the mic. You guys are out of youring mind. I don't know if you guys caught it, but Angela farted. No, I didn't so loud.
Speaker A
I Wait, that's how we're laughing. I [Laughter] [Laughter] bar say farted. It's okay if you farted.
Speaker A
It's okay. We will praise you. I was laughing at you. I didn't What the are you talking about? I didn't fart. She said you farted. Whose turn is it now? That's why you're caggling. I didn't know. I didn't
Speaker A
know I cackled cuz you guys bumped your head. We bumped head. I was caggling at the part. Do you have a concussion? Did you guys You heard me fart. What? I didn't fart. We bumped heads and you You
Speaker A
just admitted it. It was like a button on your forehead. That makes That is not what happened. We bumped heads and I did not fart. I did it. Hey, it's okay.
Speaker A
Chance has farted in a video before. I've never farted. That's not true. Alex just farted in a video. You know who knows? You farted.
Speaker A
Can we do a couple more rounds without chance just for me? She hated that. What the hell? He like lapped me. And then you said I farted. What an awful video for me.
Speaker A
I lost. And you said I farted and I didn't. I didn't. You did. It's confess. Confess. I believe I believe her from all the way over here. I believe her from I believe her. She didn't fart.
Speaker A
Everybody, she didn't burn. This hat was so expensive. [Applause] Hey guys. Okay. Um this is uh little impression for you. Um, this is uh Lady Gaga at the chiropractor.
Speaker A
[Music] [Laughter] [Music] Good. No spit. A little dribble. Dribble dribble. That's really good. Thanks, guys. It's so good to be here.
Speaker A
The bundle shuffle. Everybody in the room, the bundle shuffle. She's trying to get other people along with other people in the room to bundle shuffle it with her. She has 28.
Speaker A
28. Okay. Bundle shuffle. The bundle shuffle adds a lot of energy and that's why they slam against the wall.
Speaker A
Okay. She's she's uh around the perimeter here. Oh, that one. I think it fell before it even hit.
Speaker A
Tears. Mhm. Angela, your mother's on a very important conference call. Please keep it down.
Speaker A
[Laughter] [Applause] One two three. Yeah. Why does that make so much sense? Even big snake is possible. Wow. I put big snake.
Speaker A
That's amazing, said the stranger. Eyes filled with wonder. I put big snake. And they say you can heal the afflicted.
Speaker A
[Music] I did stop. He said something impossible and I put down. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Speaker A
And they he runs out. Carol's like, "That was amazing. I think I love you.
Speaker A
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Too soon. Too soon." And he comes out. The door is open. You hear I think I love you. As she says it to Scott.
Speaker A
We all just sit. There we go. Quick. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't worry about it. Let's get out of here. Carol jumps in the sleigh.
Speaker A
Oh, [ __ ] And I have to sit next to Guy and I'm like, "Hey, bro." [Laughter] Oh my god. Okay. The father gets inside the thing as well. The father's inside the thing except like, can we put him
Speaker A
on? Angela, in 2021, you said everyone's driving like they blank today. Okay, this is one of those unfortunate times where I think I remember the joke I made.
Speaker A
Let's go. Five points. Come on, you can do it. I just don't want to be on camera saying it. You know what I mean? Okay, I said everyone's driving like they live in Whoville today.
Speaker A
That's excellent. Do you think it's funny? What is a Whoville resident drive like? Like remember they'd be like they'd be going crazy and they're like Christmas.
Speaker A
So that I I imagine they're just like pedal to the metal. I don't know what this bit was. Maybe I thought it was funny to bring It's almost Christmas.
Speaker A
It's almost Christmas. That's why you you just watched The Grinch and then the next day you're like, "These people are driving like they live in Whoville." Yeah. Okay. God, it sucks that I remember it. Let's see it. All right.
Speaker A
Everyone's driving like they live in Whoville today. Angela, you get points on the board.
Speaker A
That's five points for you. Don't you feel so good about that? I feel awesome.
Speaker A
I would have been stoked if she were wrong. You can open them. Hello, boys and girls. Give it up for my band tonight.
Speaker A
I've been I've been with this band for 50 years. Say hello, Carl. Hello, Carl. One more. Carl, tell them where you're from. Carl, Sacramento, king of Sacramento. Sacramento.
Speaker A
Leo, tell them where you're from. Sacramento. You're giving up Sacramento and Sacramento. Let's play on a show here today.
Speaker A
She's got to play. She's got to play. She's got to play. Come on, Sacramento. Get those ivories for Oh, Sacramento's drunk. God damn it.
Speaker A
God damn it. Sacramento's drunk. Did you all We did it. [Applause] You close your eyes. Okay. Okay.
Speaker A
Open your eyes. Give it up for my band of 75 years. People just introduce yourself. My have we changed, Mrs. I'm Sacramento.
Speaker A
And you, my dear? Sacramento. Haven't we been on tour for 50 years? Mrs. Absolutely.
Speaker A
Loved every second of it with you two Sacramento. I remember one day we're so happy to be here.
Speaker A
What? Oh, is it? I love playing the Burbank airport. [Laughter] Oh my god. Oh my god.
Speaker A
Little Dylan is battling leukemia. To lift his spirits, the Makea-Wish Foundation should surprise him with my stinky.
Speaker A
[Laughter] Every point. Every point. I didn't see the picture, so I thought that it was actually bad. I just saw the pink. Why was she keep pointing at herself? She's like this guy.
Speaker A
Why? That's crazy. Holy princ was foretold. That was Oh my god. On the board. Incredible. You won.
Speaker A
You won. But also she won. She won. She did all the heavy lifting. I cannot believe. Can you imagine? Frame that card. We have to put this up. That gets framed.
Speaker A
Can that be a new smash shirt? My spency web in theaters soon. Wait, but I have not heard anything about that movie. And then I just saw right in front of you. There it is. Honestly, it is.
Speaker A
Why is that funny? It feels like they're laughing at It's your expression. It feels like I can't see expression. You see this is what it's like. What is happening?
Speaker A
It's Oh my god. I'm [ __ ] [ __ ] She can't see. She can't see.
Speaker A
That's good. This is warfare. Are you guys excited for Madam? Are you all excited? Go to Comic-Con just like this. It's like I'm Madam Web.
Speaker A
Are you guys excited for Madame Web? Doom. It's a bell. I cannot get you a room in the hotel.
Speaker A
It's a child. But maybe if you teach me sex, I teach you. Let's go as long as I can sing it ever again. We see you in Thailand.
Speaker A
Most entertaining character in a children's movie. Okay. Aquaman, how dare you confidently come in? You're going to stand here in front of cameras and say that you love Mater. Go ahead.
Speaker A
Oh my god. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. The gauntlet. No. No. Oh my god. I don't know what Angela's feeling, but I'm on her side. Oh my god.
Speaker A
Shane. Hey, what's wrong with me? [Music] But when she goes on the cars ride at Disneyland, she cries when she sees him.
Speaker A
What's wrong with me? What is wrong with him? He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. He's good. I love cars. Good. He's good. Isn't he Lightning McQueen's best friend?
Speaker A
Not all of us can be Lightning McQueen. Shane, what? You really didn't think about some of us are eaters. You really overload. You really aren't. You Oh, that killed me. That killed me.
Speaker A
And I sit. I'm going to have coffee. Where'd you get it? Oh, god. Where did you get it? Well, I've got a couple of Where'd you get that cup of Joe? Where's my coffee at?
Speaker A
Do you need me to buy your coffee machine? Oh, please. I don't know. I'm just really nervous. I'm kind of I don't know. Maybe waiting for someone to propose to me.
Speaker A
I want to make a proposal because life is short and I live in the city of New York. Toilet girl, come here. This is going to be a mess. I'm dying to know what you look like. I have I'm literally
Speaker A
dying to know what you look like because um yeah, I have an image in my head, but I don't know. Wait, toilet girl. Hello. I'm literally turn around. Hey, New York. New York. Oh my god, you're shorter than I
Speaker A
thought. Oh my god, you're so You're very pretty. You have to propose now. Oh, okay. Um Um Okay.
Speaker A
Okay. Um it is mine. Stop backing up. Stop backing away. Stay in the shot. Somehow I think I've made myself drunk.
Speaker A
What? You can come a little bit closer. Like I literally don't bite. This is This is the craziest.
Speaker A
Give me your hand. You have to start. What am I? Okay. Okay. It's been 2 days and I literally feel like I know you better than I know my aunts and uncles that live in Brooklyn and myself. And
Speaker A
you know what's crazy? I knew you were the one with garlic ioli. Yeah, with garlic ioli. And also, you're really cute and I could get used to it.
Speaker A
Hey, will you spend the rest of your days living in New York City with me?
Speaker A
Oh, I know. Okay, I think we see this ring. Show us the rock. Um, it's a 24 karat gold with a diamond.
Speaker A
A good diamond. And oh my god, you have little baby fingers. That's actually kind of cute. You like the tiny baby.
Speaker A
You have little baby fingers. You're so little. Let's just say that this drunk girl is closing her tab.
Speaker A
Yeah. Let's go to New York City. Yay. Oh no. This is going to be awesome.
Speaker A
Oh my god. I got a ring, too. This little ring doesn't fit on my big ass finger. I've got a big big big old finger. I've got a big monster finger.
Speaker A
I am getting married. Everything's going to work out with this marriage as long as she doesn't sing.
Speaker A
Walk down the walk. All right, an up. How you feel? Um, I'm I I I I feel good. Three, two, one. First go. Watch this. First try. It's going to happen. It's going to be crazy. Too much. Too much. Never
Speaker A
mind. Now it's probably not going to happen. Just do that again. Do that again. Gentle. Gentle in a scoop. Jenny in a scoop. Yeah. Jenny from the scoop.
Speaker A
You know, that's what they're always saying. I think you need to tilt back. I think on when it gets up higher, you need to tilt back a little bit more.
Speaker A
Okay. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Yep. Oh, you just need to lean back a little bit more at the top.
Speaker A
Oh, you have it. Just like get under it. So hot. You look so hot. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah. Just like that. Keep going. Just tilt your head back more at the top. Oh my god. Literally up. Literally up.
Speaker A
Okay. Just [Applause] Oh my god. If for a moment you watch yourself, you're out and you start laughing. It's bad. Oh my god. And so they're talking about like back in at when I think that was that was the OG
Speaker A
Smosh cast where I was talking about it. That's before I graduated, I think. Yeah, that's before you threw me my graduation. Mhm.
Speaker A
Have you seen that video? No. Wreck your We can't let her see that. No. Um with like raisin brand. No. No. No. No. I would punch them. No, it's like some Oh, no. But what if it is raisin? I feel
Speaker A
like it's raisin. What if it's ran? I feel like it's something disgusting. Can I also just I'm going to I'm going to throw this in there. I think it might be cinnamon toast. No, it's so good. Oh no.
Speaker A
Who would take soy burger crumbles? I think it's brand flame. I'm put I think it's brand. I think you were right. It's so brand. That is so brand. Jalapenos and cereal. That's soed up. It's literally raisin brand flakes. It's
Speaker A
raisin bran. It'sing You guys think we'reing You think we'reing stupid? No, we got it. That's soing bad. I literally I literally I have Raisin Brand in my apartment right now and I love it.
Speaker A
Ruined. Ruined. Cuz now you're only going to think about a vegetarian burrito casserole. Whatever the means. A burrito casserole would be a casserole of a mini burritos. That is true. I think we have come to enough of a
Speaker A
conclusion. Yes, that it's time to bring out the verdict. Just say it quick. Oh my god, it's worse.
Speaker A
What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? No. Oh, we left out the salsa and substituted grape nuts cereal for the burger crumbles. That's [ __ ] disgusting.
Speaker A
What is a grape nut? Dale's Pizzeria. Local here in Columbus. The [ __ ] Oh, she's getting the room.
Speaker A
The people are feeling it. Getting the room. Nine points. Here it is. The [ __ ] stops. Okay, the [ __ ] stops. Watch this space. Here we go.
Speaker A
Here we go. Bundle. If you don't sink this [ __ ] it's going to be so Okay, Angela needs nine points. Here we go.
Speaker A
Bundle. Nine. Nine. Can't even see where the nine is. She is not wearing her glasses. I don't know what this board looks like to her. 10. 10. What? Over.
Speaker A
Just over. Just over. Damn. Look at this. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Speaker A
No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Put it down. Put it down. That is That's That's two years away from being you.
Speaker A
Whoa. Whoa. That's That's so evil. What? Chance. So e That's so evil that that came out of your mouth. That's crazy. God. You know what's two years away from being you?
Speaker A
Licking that rice. What the hell, dude? That's like messed up. In two years, you'll be straight.
Speaker A
Okay. So, the way this works is you're going to assign a card to each of these numbers I've placed in front of you.
Speaker A
They're all random numbers, and the numbers will go in chronological order, obviously, as we go through the story.
Speaker A
Sorry. An awful joke. It was so bad. Would you like to repeat it for the class?
Speaker A
Uh, I'm going to go. Uh, call me if you need me. Uh, yeah. I I was worried I'd feel like a nerd, but I really don't.
Speaker A
You guys are equallying weird. It's middle school. Everyone with the language, Tampa. We don't use the f word in this. Got it. Sorry. Sorry. So, sorry. That's okay. Uh, ice cream in the freezer when I'm done. Okay. Byebye.
Speaker A
Bye. Bye, Mr. Curtis. I'll be right down the road. You should never use that kind of language around your family. I think it's Oh, you're right. She really doesn't like that. You got to listen to Mackenzie. It It's in your best It's in
Speaker A
your best interest to listen to Mackenzie. Okay, next meme. Hey, don't stop. Stop. And now I know my boyfriend. No, whoever made this meme made Angela cry. Okay. I know who it is.
Speaker A
Okay. Uh for context, uh there was an episode of our uh Beerty quiz show where Angela thought for a moment, for at least a brief moment, she thought 911 happened in 2011. What do you think happened in 2011? 911? Were you thinking
Speaker A
911? No. No. Angela. Angela. Angela. I was wondering if that's what you were talking about. I like to think that she somehow didn't know and someone showed her a YouTube video of the footage and she was like, I can't believe that
Speaker A
happened today. Hey, hey, hey. I had I think two sips of coffee before this video. It was a long day. It was a long day. Look, it's a It was the first video of the day. You know, you know what? Well, Chance and I years
Speaker A
ago were getting laid. You two were playing bad games. And that's what was happening. And that's why you both are so good at this years ago.
Speaker A
While you were busy doing that, I studied the blade. So true. Oh my gosh.
Speaker A
Did I get cold? What's up? No. That's hilarious. Angela, check under your chin. What? No way. No way. You're crazy. No way. Check under your chair.
Speaker A
Oh my god, there's some under it. Oh my god. Wait, is there something under my chair? No.
Speaker A
Oh, this is crazy. Yeah, I'm really excited for you. What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? It's the evidence. Okay. On my side.
Speaker A
Florida. It's Florida, too. Yeah. This video is brought to you by the state of Florida. Sometimes Florida remember that's your camera.
Speaker A
This video is brought to you. Not where are you looking? This video is brought to you by the state of Florida.
Speaker A
Scott sometimes Florida. Trevor was killed first again. I [ __ ] knew it. You guys suck. Why you going to kill me every round? You die. I I'm going to play with my toy. I didn't die. Wa wa.
Speaker A
That was so real. My toys. You're like the guy in Home Alone. What's his name? If you If you think an Insomniac is a threat, it's something else. Then I dare you to Google the game. I I will say I will say that I was
Speaker A
worried to play with. I feel like it would be smart. I think it's I think it could be. It could be, but I'm not I can't say for certain. So, I'm not gonna And when women need each other, we help
Speaker A
each other. So, hey, um I know you're really busy looking for, you know, the big guy. Um uh could you come help me out?
Speaker A
[Music] Hey, I'm here to save theing day. Yeah, I found her. No, she's not [ __ ] in a bush anymore. She's safe.
Speaker A
Sarah, thank you for coming. Oh, no. Thank you for that. Okay. Um, yeah. Good to see you again. Good to see you. Wow.
Speaker A
Yeah. Remember the last time I arrested you? Yeah, I was [ __ ] Yeah, you were sitting in a bush. You know what I call my mother? What do you call your mother? I don't call her. She's dead.
Speaker A
How insensitive. Sir, the suspenders are over your blazer. What is wrong with you, detective? That action's on you.
Speaker A
[Music] Can you tell him to open them? All right. [Laughter] Oh. Oh my god.
Speaker A
[Music] [Laughter] Yeah. Yeah. I can't really button it. Really hard to button something without work. Wow. Going to jail. Damn it. Do not collect $200. Damn it. Do not pass.
Speaker A
Go. Okay, here we go. This is my comeback right here, y'all. Here we go.
Speaker A
Six. I just cheated in a major. What did you just do? I just cheated in a major way. What did you do? What the hell?
Speaker A
Wait. Wait. How did you do that? Wait a second. Wait a second. Thating victory.
Speaker A
I'm never going back. Where was that? Where was that? It's just there. You guys were like, "Go to jail." And I was like, "No, I'm going to jail." Oh, and you just pocketed it. Absolutely crazy.
Speaker A
This is like She literally is just getting more money cuz we each give her a hundred out of admiration. No, I don't honestly keep it. I don't need it.
Speaker A
I Okay, I'll take it. Whatever. Maybe I'll I'll build a nonprofit. That is so ridiculous.
Speaker A
Nine. Can you move me? Boardwalk. It's $200. It's $400. Oh, what? Right there. I'll buy it. Oh. Oh, that's expensive. Oh my god. She's buying it. The bank back.
Speaker A
Thank you. Wow, you're so like you guys have so many properties. I know. I'm really struggling.
Speaker A
Oh, so many movements are happening. I really wanted to do it again, so I did. No, I'm so mad. No, I'm so mad. She Sorry, I dropped a couple thousand dollars under you. I'm so distracted. How did that
Speaker A
even happen? Hey, that's so Angela. I really wanted to do it again and I thought I could. You and you. That was crazy. I landed on it and all three of your eyes went, "Ooh, park place." And I was like, "Now, now, now."
Speaker A
That's wild. Wow. Wow. I think that's game. I cannot believe I did it again. Wow. I don't know. You have a lot of properties.
Speaker A
You get paid out. But those are multiples of 500. I think this might happen for you. If you monopolize, you can get me. There's only two left. Okay, just roll. We'll see. Here's the thing.
Speaker A
Bank heist. Did you get away with Did you get away with it? Each player gives you $100 out of admiration. And I said this last time I did this. Keep it clear bag in the stadium. You can only
Speaker A
bring in a clear bag in the stadium. You can only bring a clear bag into the stadium. What do I have to tell you? Arms out.
Speaker A
Staples. They used to call this stadium Staples. Now they call it krypto. Ma'am, I have a shear bag. Is that okay? Shear is not clear. Shear is not clear. Sheer is not clear. I have it tattooed right here. Shear is not clear.
Speaker A
Wait, wait. Look directly into this camera with those glasses. Why? Sheer is not clear.
Speaker A
Do you see? Clears my glasses. It changes your whole head. Two more rounds, y'all. Okay. No. I No.
Speaker A
Wait. Then that's it. Wait. And that's it. Angela, you can't do this. Wait. What? We can't. We're going to do one more round and that's it. Two more rounds. You barely started round. Let's reshuffle cuz Angela went and unless
Speaker A
you're trying to not get it and pass it out cuz every time I pass out I've already got a card in front of me. We're going to have to redo it. Well, Tommy likes that one. Oh, we're going to redo
Speaker A
it. Yeah, Angela, we can't just redo it because you didn't get the card. No, that's fine. I finally got to draw, but we're going to redo it. There you go.
Speaker A
No, that's fine. Let's redo it. Let's take it from the top. You're such a brat. No, that was me. That was me. I I said like Angela did the thing. I'm We should redo it. That was on me. Oh,
Speaker A
good.
Topics:Angela GiarratanaSmoshcomedystandupimpressionsgameschallengesbehind the scenesimprovisationgroup dynamics
