мой добровольный целибат ✌️ я отказалась от отношений

Sony Chrome shares her journey of voluntary celibacy, acceptance of singleness, and reflections on relationships and self-care.

Key Takeaways

Being single can be a valid and fulfilling life choice, not necessarily a failure or lack.
Self-acceptance and focusing on personal well-being are crucial when navigating loneliness.
Relationships are not a universal priority or need for everyone, and that’s okay.
Societal pressures about relationships can cause unnecessary self-criticism and insecurity.
Honest self-reflection helps clarify personal desires and boundaries regarding romantic involvement.

What the video covers

Sony Chrome discusses her decision to live without romantic relationships and her acceptance of this lifestyle.
She addresses loneliness and societal expectations around relationships, especially among women.
Sony reflects on her personal history and mindset about relationships from childhood to adulthood.
She explains the emotional challenges of dating and why pursuing relationships has caused her more pain than being single.
Sony clarifies she is not aromantic or against relationships, but acknowledges her low likelihood of being in one.
She emphasizes the importance of self-care and hobbies as fulfilling alternatives to romantic involvement.
Sony shares a hair care routine as part of her self-care focus, including product recommendations.
She explores attachment styles and personal traits that may influence her relationship experiences.
Sony encourages viewers to avoid self-criticism and embrace their current life situation.
The video blends personal storytelling with advice and reflections on societal norms about love and relationships.

Chapters

Why did Sony Chrome decide to live without romantic relationships?

Sony realized that pursuing relationships caused her more pain and insecurity than being single, leading her to accept that she may never be in a relationship and that she is genuinely okay with that.

Is Sony Chrome against relationships or aromantic?

No, Sony clarifies she is not a relationship hater or aromantic; she appreciates romantic relationships but acknowledges that, given her personal circumstances, being in one is unlikely.

What advice does Sony give about dealing with loneliness?

She advises not to waste time on empty worries and to focus on oneself, hobbies, work, and self-care as fulfilling ways to cope with loneliness without a romantic relationship.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

Speaker A

Oh, listen, I've lost my touch. I hope someone actually watches this video. If you subscribed to this channel for vlogs and just got a video from Sony Chrome going hard on relationships, please don't unsubscribe. There will be more vlogs, it just happened this way.

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Those—and I think that's most of the subscribers on this channel, 99%—who have known me since my main channel, Sony Chrome, specifically, like, from 2017-18. You, my dear subscribers, often say that you miss the old formats where I just tell stories from my life.

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That's one. So I thought: here you go, sign for it, basically like the good old days. And two, I wanted to film a Q&A for this channel. By the way, if you want that, let me know in the comments.

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I'll try to do it. Maybe in more of a vlog format, yeah, we'll see. And I got one question: how do you deal with not being in a relationship? How do you get through this loneliness without a romantic relationship? I just started,

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you know, turning this question over in my head, and I realized I actually have quite a lot to say. At least, that's what I think. So I thought it was worthy of a separate video. So again, here you go, sign for it, don't

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unsubscribe, and ideally, subscribe if you haven't yet. In general, there's a lot of talk about loneliness in my online space right now, especially among girls. I see a lot of TikToks like, "I'm 29, I've never been in a

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relationship." Or, you know, fill in any age at all. And I feel that if you are in that kind of situation, some of my conclusions might nudge you toward something too. If not, maybe you'll have a laugh and think, "God, you poor

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thing, your head is such a mess." Or at least, you'll have something to enjoy with your tea. Let's do it, yeah.

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That's all. Thank you so much for your attention, girls. I sincerely advise you not to waste time on empty worries, because the less of them there are, the more time remains for yourself, your hobbies, work, and, of course,

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self-care. I've been actively focused on hair restoration lately. As you can see, I took out my extensions and am actively focusing on taking care of my own hair. I believe hair health begins with the scalp. Mine is oily and

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therefore requires special care. Just shampooing isn't enough, so I decided to add a peel as well. I tested the Cach Big Pill Open Face, and it turned out to be exactly what I needed.

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Perfect cleansing and a feeling of freshness. Since I cut my hair into a bob, I've been styling it more often, and this peel handles the leftover product buildup really well. First, it provides instant cleanliness at the roots. Second, with regular use, the

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peel stimulates hair growth. It contains a complex of acids for exfoliation, urea to prevent dryness, and menthol to improve microcirculation. I think this combination will help grow out healthy length faster, well, if that’s something you want.

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Basically, if you use styling products often, have an oily scalp, or just want to grow your hair faster, I recommend trying it. You’ll find the link to the products in the video description.

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And with my promo code, you'll get a 10% discount on all Open Face products on Ozon. But let's move on. Moms, you can let your sons go out freely. I’m out of the game now. Don't worry. Just kidding. Or maybe not, I don't know. I

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guess let's start from the end, with that statement. I believe I will never be in a relationship, and that’s that. And this isn’t an incel confession, I hope you’ll judge that for yourselves. Right now, I’ve come to

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the mindset that if it happens, if I truly fall in love with someone and it’s mutual, and they fall in love with me, I’ll give it a chance. So, I don't have a fear of having my heart broken. Maybe somewhere deep down I

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don't realize it, but at least verbally, I can't express that to myself. I don’t think so. However, that’s how life has turned out, that’s how certain facts about me have stacked up, which I hope to tell you about today if

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I don't lose my train of thought. In general, it's difficult for me to try to be in a relationship, to start flings, to communicate or do all those other things. We’ll get to that later. The chance of something happening to

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me by accident, like they say, "let it go and it will come to you." The probability is trending toward zero.

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Maybe it’s even negative. Actually, I want to highlight that I'm not a relationship hater, I'm not aromantic, I’m not repulsed by people in relationships, quite the contrary.

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It’s actually very pleasant to be around people who are in cool romantic relationships. But I just understand, given the facts I have, that for me, it’s really very unlikely. And at this point in my life, I don't feel

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anything about it at all. I mean, I think I’ve come to, sorry for, sorry for the, damn, tautology, damn it, sorry for that, for that tautology, I’ve come to acceptance, so I thought it would be interesting to share that.

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Why did I come to this? Because I realized that, over this period, it causes me much more pain, insecurity, and self-criticism that I berate myself for not trying hard enough to find a relationship. Meaning, the search for a

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relationship itself depresses me much more than the fact that I don't have one. Looking at my life right now, and having thought it over, I realize that I’m actually fine. Maybe with a relationship—a good one, yes, the kind everyone wants. I mean, nobody

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wants a bad relationship. Well, maybe someone does, I don’t know. It would be better, but without them, I’m genuinely okay. So, why do I keep scolding myself? Why do I break myself, trying to go on dates? And I’ll tell

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you more about that now. It’s honestly really hard for me. I manage to get something that, it seems, isn't really my top priority. Again, with all due respect to relationships as a fact of existence, it’s probably not what

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I crave so deeply, even though I’ve spent my whole life trying to convince myself otherwise. At the same time, by the way, I want to note that I don’t think relationships are just some social construct imposed on society. No,

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I think the opposite—yes, people are drawn to people. Basically, everyone wants to be chosen, everyone basically wants some kind of union. No matter how much of a special snowflake an individual might be, nobody wants to be that sad whale, the only one singing

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at that frequency with no one to hear them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

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Listen, maybe that’s why I don’t have a relationship? I sound very mournful. I had some time, and I analyzed my whole life.

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A speedrun of my life. First of all, from day one, I had this idea that I was supposed to be in a relationship. I don’t know if I wanted one or not, I just knew that’s how it should be, and this thought

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didn’t depress me like, damn, I have to, screw that, no. It was just hardwired into my head. And I also had some basic idea of how my life would be built. I mean, it wasn't a concrete plan, but I always imagined, you know,

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having a house and a family, sons waiting for me at home, having a boyfriend, us getting married, and having children. I know people who are scared of that, who are like, "Yeah, I guess there should be kids, but I don't

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know if I'm ready or not." Well, of course, in the moment, naturally, yeah, right now I'm not ready, but the vision was always there, and I never questioned it because, again, it didn't weigh on me. While I was reflecting on

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this video, I remembered another interesting fact: when I was 9, which is a very young age, zero puberty, we moved with my parents for the first time, and I went to a new school. I remember getting ready, hello, for

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September 1st, and thinking, "Oh, well, it’s probably time to find a boyfriend." Wait, I don't get it, are you going to fall in love with me or are you going to stay a loser?

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I'll probably find myself a boyfriend in this new class. Spoiler alert, just so you know, I didn't find any boyfriend. And I don’t think that’s a failure at age 9, but just the fact that I had this plan, who knows where

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it cam

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toe, and you can still walk and keep your balance without it, but at first, you have to learn how to manage without that big toe. The complexity of my development as a person—god, I sound like I’m giving some Netflix

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interview. The complexity of my development as a person was that, despite this basic idea that I should be in a relationship, I absolutely don’t like them. No, I'm fine once in a relationship, but the beginning of a relationship, in particular, first

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dates, being able to accept the fact that another person, a guy, is in love with you—yeah, that's very hard for me. I used to think, like, even in my teenage years, that the concept of a romantic first date, in particular,

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when, you know, a girl gets ready, puts on makeup, thinks, "God, what should I wear so that he likes me..." That it's just some Hollywood concept, imposed on us from somewhere, and that, in reality , nobody likes it and nobody enjoys it.

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Turns out, people actually like this. Turns out, there are people who, for example, they break up and at some point, when they, say, recover from the pain of the breakup, they jump back in with pleasure, and for them, it's a

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game in the best sense of the word. I mean, they actually enjoy it. I can comprehend it, but I can't imagine it for myself in any way. And this isn't even about dating apps. It seems to me that many people are, in a sense,

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pushing past their own limits here. But I've also gone on dates with guys I genuinely liked. I even wanted them to ask me out. And it would happen, and I wouldn't be happy for even a single second. Not just when I was getting

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ready or feeling nervous. It’s not just a matter of, "Oh, how exciting." No, it stalls me to the point of a kind of paralysis. That’s how hard it is for me. And again, on my main channel, the guys and I have a podcast called

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Cheap Dramas. If you haven't watched it , take a look. The last episode was about the topic of loneliness, and I shared that there as well. I mean, I shared how difficult first dates are for me. And perhaps not everyone can

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grasp the level of difficulty I'm talking about. I mean, it's practically unbearable. And again, it's not because these dates might be cringe, not because I'm going to see someone I find repulsive, and yet I'm forcing myself. No, everything I'm talking

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about today has nothing to do with guys , the real guys from my life, or guys as a concept. This is all just about me and my interesting, I don't know, personality traits that, as I now think , are impossible to change. And

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accordingly, it doesn't align with the concept of love at all. Well, not love. I think there is enough love in my life . Well, romantic love and romantic relationships. I entered my longest relationship as if it were just

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something I was supposed to do. I don't remember exactly, but the feeling was: "Well, okay, it's time." For some reason, I had this countdown that it was time. And again, this is not about that guy, or that it wasn't necessary

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at the time, or that he was repulsive to me. He wasn't repulsive at all. It's just that there's always an internal dam, always an effort. Always effort.

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Never any butterflies, neither in a bad way nor in a good way. Listen, honestly speaking, I’ve only had, like, a couple or maybe even just one celebrity crush, you know, like actors or singers , in my whole life. I mean, sure,

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I’ve found more than one or two people visually attractive. But I never really had that phase that a lot of my friends had, well, let’s not judge everyone by that. Where you post their name on your social media because

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you're 14 and you've fallen for the lead singer of some rock band. I think that’s a totally normal part of growing up, but I just never experienced it. I also never really basked in some kind of endless stream

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of male attention. It was never the case for me that whoever I chose would inevitably end up at my feet, chasing after me in droves or anything like that. No. But generally speaking, I always got some attention from the

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opposite sex. Actually, maybe there were periods in my life where there was a bit of a gap. I was going through that really severe depression. And it’s probably logical that this part of my life just fell away completely.

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Why am I saying all this? It never really flattered me. Not in the sense that I didn't care. No, it actually made me feel uncomfortable, too. Every time, I thought: "Oh, I probably owe them—well, not even that I owe them,

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I just immediately thought: 'This is so awkward because we are definitely not going to be in a relationship.'" You know what I mean? I didn't want to get into relationships even with the boys I actually wanted to be with. It’s an

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oxymoron. But that is the truth of my life. I’m not sure if I have an avoidant attachment style, because with everyone else in my life, it’s not avoidant, it’s actually more secure.

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I mean, my interpersonal relationships are always built on a very mirrored foundation. However you treat me, I treat you the same way. But maybe, when it comes to romantic relationships, that is considered an avoidant trait.

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It’s complicated, you can figure that out for yourselves, but that’s my default setting. I like a boy, he starts showing interest back, and then ...I immediately don't like him anymore . Not because some bad qualities of his come to light, no, it’s because I get

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scared right away. And I'm like, "Oh, this is going to be too much." I liked it better when it was just me liking you. But now, it’s just cringey. And again, not because of him, just the situation itself. It always made me

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cringe. Another video that's not a video, but a therapy session. Well, it happens. Besides, it’s very hard for me to fall in love. I think I’m what you’d call a demisexual. I mean, for me to even imagine falling for someone,

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I need to form an idea of them as a person. In the sense that I don’t even have a "type." I honestly think I could be attracted to, well, pretty much anyone. But it depends on how I’ve already pictured that person in

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my head based on some facts. It’s not even about me being like, "Oh, a man just needs to be slightly better looking than a monkey." It’s just impossible for me to see a very handsome person. Not even on the street

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, even, well, on the internet, you know , where there’s a larger pool of crushes. I also learned that it’s not like that for everyone, just based on my friends 'experiences. A girl can really look at someone and go, "Oh,

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he's so hot, I'm drooling over him." For me, again, that’s just impossible . Not because I don’t appreciate good looks, or because I’m some incredible , special person. No, I can appreciate that a person is very handsome. I can

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understand why everyone likes him. And he will be visually, aesthetically pleasing to me too. But to feel that kind of, I don't know, nipple tingle or whatever. I mean, to really feel something like falling in love, even with a fake character, I need to have

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an idea of their, if not character, then charisma and qualities. This, again, makes everything much more complicated for me. That’s why I’ve fallen in love very rarely in my life, like two or three times, even when I reciprocated the attention of boys who

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liked me. Not just for the sake of it, I really did like them, but again, I can't call it love, even teenage love.

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I just liked them. I mean, out of all the options, I thought this was the best one. For me, it was the best. Just a plus vibe. Not love. But at the same time, I am capable of love, since those

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two or three times in my life did happen. It’s all just so complicated, because I still think I’m probably this demisexual thing or something.

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Where am I leading with all this? To the moment of my fall from grace and transformation into Sofia Incelova. At some point, when I was already a grown woman, I had already gone through breakups and relationships. And I came

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back to the point where, well, I needed a relationship. I took it seriously, not like some teenage phase, where it’s like "maybe, maybe not," it doesn't matter, it's necessary, but, well, it doesn't matter. Just like this vague, wavering mindset. That’s when

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I thought to myself, seriously: "It's time." And at that moment, factors aligned so interestingly that, let’s say, I wasn’t exactly in my prime. I don’t want to obsess over looks, but I can't deny that it really can be

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important. At the very least, my personal pool of options expands or shrinks significantly depending on how I look. So, apparently, I don’t have some incredible something, some fairy dust that just attracts people. No, I could actually plot a chart right now

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based on how I look and how often, for example, people approach me on the street. And this chart is very clear.

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Unfortunately, that’s the conclusion I draw about myself. I don’t even know how that conclusion sounds, by the way, but you can formulate it yourselves. And at a certain point in my life, I had this notion, even though I don't think I was ever the girl who

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could lure just anyone in. The most handsome, the most popular. That never happened in my life. Apparently, getting some incidental attention was enough for me to have the mindset that, overall, if I liked someone, they’d probably be mine. It’s almost

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embarrassing to say, but that’s honest. At least that was my perception . This perception of mine, this inner feeling, clashed at the time with my actual capabilities. And then the first , and at this point probably the last,

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thing happened in my life. Well, how should I put it, it wasn't a rejection, because I never asked a direct question , but I started showing signs of interest toward a guy and got absolutely nothing in return. I

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realized I was being blown off. I was surprised back then, of course, but it was an important karmic lesson not to get too big for my boots. I didn't even know I was being arrogant, but looking back, I think I definitely got too full

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of myself at some point. I believed in myself a little too much. He is, by the way, one of the three people I count as my actual loves. Perhaps, of course, if he had shown interest in me in return,

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he would have been crossed off that list and just become another one of those, like, "damn, I liked being in love with you more than actually getting your attention." But we will never know. That is why this person is

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on my shortlist of crushes. Of course I was upset, but I was so happy that my body was able to generate a crush, because, again, it's a very rare feeling. In a way, I was still energized. I was like, great, I'll just

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fall for someone else now, and we can try again. And it wasn't an experience that crushed me in any way, like, oh god, I wasn't chosen. I was still in a playful mood. Since then, by the way, I

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haven't fallen in love with anyone. I was given three chances, and I blew all three. What I'm describing now is a fairly long period, like, a couple of years. So, that situation passed where I fell in love but didn't get any

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feedback in return. Meaning, I'm not falling in love, I'm just not. I think, well, I need to expand my sample size.

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I'm bad at dating apps, at taking the first step, and it's not like my DMs are flooded with offers. I thought, that means I'm not good enough, and I have to change to appeal to more people , so that statistically, at least, I

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could make some kind of choice. We won't even discuss right now that this is an unhealthy concept. Trying to change not even for one specific person , but for a sample of people. But again , it is what it is, yeah, this is

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history, it can't be changed. At first, basically, I started with my appearance . Meaning I have to become more beautiful. And I really worked on that.

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There’s not much to tell here, because this is the maximum, and I physically cannot become more beautiful than I am now. Even if we talk about getting some plastic surgery, that’s all just crazy and trashy. And that is

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not any kind of advice. It's not even something I genuinely think about. We're just reasoning here. I don't even know what exactly to change to become more beautiful. I have reached my limit as a person. At the same time, I don't

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consider myself some kind of incredible freak. Still, in theory, with the way I look right now, I should appeal to a certain number of men. Right. Right.

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Well, right. I mean, I understand that I'm not some incredibly beautiful model on the planet. And what's more, I have never considered myself one. I think it's important to point this out so you can also get an idea of how this all

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works in my head. No, I’ve always considered myself an average person, in a good way. Yes, I’m not some peak specimen, but I’m not a freak either.

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And I’ve never really been a freak. As an average person, I should have an average selection of people responding to me. Well, how to put it, not should, but could. And surely, that person exists somewhere. After not getting

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enough—or rather, any—payoff from being an incredible beauty, I came to a conclusion that seems logical enough to me. It doesn’t mean it’s the right one, but it is definitely logical: that I must change as a person. There might

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be something about my personality or character that pushes people away. You know, one time when I was like 11, I was arguing with my grandmother, and she told me, "Sonya, with a character like that, you’ll never get married."

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Can you imagine? She hit the nail on the head. But back then I answered her that if someone can’t love me as I am , then they aren’t my person. Maybe I agree with my grandma, but I also agree

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with my eleven-year-old self, because I sincerely tried to change as a person. I don’t think that’s great, but nevertheless, it happened and it happened. I really feel it’s impossible at my adult age, after my frontal lobes have finished forming.

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And what's more, it’s downright harmful. From what I remember doing consciously, I tried to be quieter, more loyal, just a sweet girl. I think I barely pulled it off. I mean, come on , I’m just not sweet or quiet. And

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it’s been like that since birth. No one ever even called me a cute child.

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Well, that happens. I don’t even consider it a negative. People are just different. There are sweet people, there’s me, and there are not-so-sweet people. And I know that not-so-sweet people have relationships too. So, maybe there’s some other rot

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inside me that I can’t even recognize . But again, naturally, over time, having gained zero profit from trying to change internally, I also came to the thought that I can’t rewire myself, and I can’t grow up any differently. I also won't be able to

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deceive my partner for my whole life. A person who, for example, chose me because I was sweet, fluttering my eyes and hanging on their every word. He fell in love with me the way I presented myself to him. But I won't be

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able to keep this up for long. Definitely not for my whole life. At some point, I'll become this "chrome Sonya." And he’ll be absolutely floored.

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And honestly, it won't be his fault at all. So, what’s the point of putting on an act if the truth is going to come out anyway? And knowing me, he might even be the one to reveal the truth

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himself. I’ll end up driving him crazy. So, yeah, that’s the sad story as of right now. Nothing worked out for me, and nothing will. It’s honestly hilarious. What are we doing about the temples? And so, the fact we’re

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facing now is that my life will end without a relationship. Meaning, I will likely never enter into a romantic relationship again. I’ve been coming to terms with this fact for, well, probably about half a year. Which is to

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say, as I’ve already mentioned, I feel nothing about it. No distress whatsoever. Obviously, I’m not exactly feeling happy about it, because , again, it’s not something I was trying to get rid of. Basically, a positive neutral—yes, I’ve been in

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a positive neutral state for about 4– 6 months, but it took me at least a year and a half, maybe longer, to actually reach this acceptance. How did I start? How do you achieve a result like mine? Take notes. Basically, after

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all my struggles, going on dates from apps, trying to change myself this way and that, and assessing how hard it is for me and how much it ruins my quality of life right now—I really concluded that I’m literally wasting my life

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trying to find a relationship, just waiting for one. I beat myself up a lot for not doing enough. And it’s not even about those self-improvements, external or internal, it’s just: every time I turn a guy down, every time I go on a date and don’t like it

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, or don’t go on a date, or don’t do anything to try and find one on those apps—I blame myself. I’m like , "Damn, what right do you have to think about relationships if you aren't doing anything for it?" You have to put

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in the work. If you don't work, why are you being so hard on yourself for not getting it? Anyway, weighing all of that, I attempted to start, or rather, began restructuring my own perception of life. What I spoke about earlier. So

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, what caused me the most pain wasn't that I didn't have these relationships right now, but the looming breakdown of the life template that had been programmed into me. I'm not getting any younger, time is moving on. I assumed

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that I would probably have a child around the age of 32. But to have a child, ideally I would like to have been married for a couple of years, and before that, ideally, in a relationship for a couple of years. So I had these

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expectations, and I was no longer fitting into those timelines. Damn, everything is falling apart. This genuinely terrified me. And then it seemed absolutely logical for me to imagine my life without all that. I will never have a wedding, I will never

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have a husband, I will never have a child. So I started imagining my life, how it would go without all of this, and how I feel about it. What scared me most was loneliness in old age. Meaning I wouldn't have a child and there would

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be no one to take care of me. But at the same time, I never wanted to have a child just so they would take care of me. I never wanted to have a child as a function. Or that I'll be old, ancient,

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all my friends will have families, and I'll be all alone. But even having a husband right now, at this very second in the next room, doesn't guarantee that I'll be with that husband in old age, because, fundamentally, people die

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. So even if it's not a question of divorce, infidelity, or something terrible, the thing I'm most afraid of is that senile helplessness. But nothing I'm so afraid of losing guarantees that I'll avoid that senile helplessness and loneliness. Neither

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children, nor husbands. And that was a very liberating factor for me. Accordingly, if I'm afraid of this, then there are likely other tools I can use to try to cushion my old age. For example, finances. Meaning, with a

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certain amount of money, I could, let's say, pay for my own care in old age. If I lose my mind so badly that I can't even pay someone, then, honestly, I probably won't care if I have children or a husband if I'm in that state. Yes,

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perhaps it will be unpleasant care, but in that moment, I might not feel it as unpleasant. I'll be off somewhere in my own mental fanfiction. So, that could happen too. These are all different forks in the road of fate, but they are

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all absolutely probable. It’s scary to think about for the first time, but then it stops being scary because that's just life, it can happen to any of us, and there’s no point in fearing it. The topics are quite

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existential in general. Discussing old age and death is scary for many people. For me, in particular, it is scary. It frightens me, but closing my eyes to it doesn't mean it won't happen. But if you look that horror in the eye, it

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stops being so horrible. Anyway, that’s how I reasoned, and I felt better. To start with, yes, I could be hit by a car tomorrow, a brick could fall on me, I could pass away suddenly.

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And what I am truly afraid of is not the lack of a relationship, but this specific thing. And the mere fact of being in a relationship is not a pill for this fear. So, I was masking something deeper with this fear. Do you

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understand? Yes. Why am I telling you this? Because perhaps, if you have similar worries, maybe you should also break your anxieties down into smaller factors. You might realize that your real need isn't for a relationship, but for something like this—addressing

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some fundamental fears. That’s not necessarily the case, but it might be. Anyway, that’s how I reasoned it out.

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I am absolutely in harmony with myself. This makes me happier. I am not aromantic. What makes me happier is not that I will never have an incredible date under the stars with someone I’m madly in love with, but that the

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absence of paralyzing fear makes my daily life of today much better. Yes, you can always wonder. Sometimes thoughts come to me like: "Man, it would be cool if it were like that." And you imagine the most romantic version of something. So, for example,

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you know that I love traveling very much. It is truly my passion. By the way, what’s interesting is this. I was truly beating myself up so much for not seeking a relationship that I scolded myself for traveling as if it

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were escapism. Like, you have this unresolved issue, and you are happy in these travels. Not because you are happy traveling, but because you are using this dopamine to close your eyes to the real problem. And that is not

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the case. I was simply happy traveling, and for some reason, I decided to scold myself for it because my existing life, which I am actually content with, didn't fit the ideas my sixteen-year-old self had about what kind of life I should be content with.

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I mean, you see, I wasn't sad because I was looking at the Eiffel Tower and my boyfriend wasn't there next to me, but simply because I was looking at the tower and I was happy. And I shouldn't be happy, because I'm only supposed to

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be happy if I have a boyfriend. That's how twisted everything is. In my rhetorical genius, I’ve surpassed even the real Egor. I swear to you, that he took off. And it's also important to note that often, again, I

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see this on TikToks and Reels, where people give advice and comfort to those not in a relationship, and they often say that you need to let it go and then it will come to you. I don't think that's true, but that doesn't even

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matter. The thought process I’m telling you about today, which I went through, should definitely not be done with that mindset, because honestly, I’m not even sure you can let anything go in the hope that it will come back. If you are hoping that it

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will come, you haven't let it go. In fact, you’re clinging to it much tighter. To let go means to sincerely believe that it will never happen and to imagine versions of your life where you are happy without ever having it.

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That, I think, is what letting go really is. If in the moment you're like : "Oh, yeah, this is cool." You think: "Ah, if only I had a boyfriend," then you haven't let go. I’m not trying to lecture anyone here. You don't have to

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let go of anything at all. And anyway, my experience isn't universal, right? This is just how it works in my head.

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Therefore, it won't come to me. I know it won't come to me. Plus, let's go back to the fact that I'm demisexual.

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The probability that something will just fall into my hands with my complicated ability to fall in love is, well, zero. Maybe I've already missed my destiny. I don't conceptually believe in destiny as such, but perhaps I’ve already turned down a young man

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once or twice with whom something could have been tried, and it actually could have been great. Am I sad about that?

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No. Because in general, I live my life based on the concept that at any given period of time, you are always doing the best you possibly can. And so, I— sorry for this Instagram rhetoric—but it means I just didn’t have the

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resources at that moment. Well, it means I made the best choice for myself at that time. So, there’s really no point in regretting it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me in that regard, but many people might think

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there is. In my life, I have encountered, and continue to encounter, first of all, this sincere surprise. " Not in a relationship? Oh, don't worry, it'll happen." At some points, this used to annoy me. Now, well, it’s probably just funny. Like, it’s just

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very strange to react that way, as if it’s truly something mandatory. I’m not even talking about some randoms on the internet, whose opinions are easier to brush off. This is literally the opinion of close people who feel they

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must suggest a guy to you, or immediately try to remember if they have any nice, single friends, or try to set you up with someone, or say, " Come on, this boy is just crazy about you." That, by the way, annoys me the

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most now, because what makes you think I’m crazy about him? I mean, you assume that if someone just likes me, then I’ll jump at them, because I’m some poor soul who hasn't been in a relationship for a thousand years. How

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could that be? Or, "It's so strange, you're such a pretty girl." How could that be? I haven't received that directly from my closest ones. But these are real words that I’ve heard from real people. "You're so pretty, how can that be?""You don't have a

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boyfriend?" It’s funny, because it stems from a rather—well, forgive me for using these words on this channel.

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But it is a fact, yes, this patriarchal mindset that if you don't have a boyfriend, it means you haven't been chosen. The person doesn't assume that you don't have a boyfriend because you don't like anyone. Because otherwise, one might think, "She's pretty.""Pretty

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means, well, at least some loser should have been able to find you." How could that be? So, it turns out, even they didn't find you. "Mm, well, it's okay, it'll still happen." And sometimes people say this when they're in

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relationships that, well, you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, right? Such a toxic remark. And throwing at me, " You're so pretty, it'll still happen." Also quite toxic, by the way. Anyway, that's the video for today, that's the

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conclusion for today. I think I’ve been quite open with you. Please be lenient with my feelings and my sincerity. Perhaps today’s video wasn't really a video, but just one big TMI. The point of this video is that being single is not my choice. But not

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worrying about it—that is my choice, and I’m enjoying it. I won’t pretend to be some unapproachable princess who rejects everything on her own or say that I’m not interested and don't need any of it. Actually, no, I am interested. Maybe I don't exactly

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need it, but I’m definitely interested. I would certainly love to enjoy some kind of incredible romance, but, damn, it just didn't happen. But, like, spending the rest of your life searching, struggling, and putting yourself down because it’s not

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working out—that’s not cool. So, I don't recommend that to anyone. I tried it. The experience was unsatisfactory.

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Minus two points out of ten. There you have it. We had a pretty candid chat today. If you liked it, please hit the like button on this video. After all, I’m planning to post this on the internet for some reason. That’s just

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the kind of girl I am. If you aren't subscribed to this channel—and you, by the way, probably aren't subscribed to it. Maybe it’s in your recommendations because you follow Sonya Khromova, but this is also Sonya Khromova, a different channel. If you

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missed my old content, subscribe. If you’re seeing me for the first time, very nice to meet you. Stick around, let’s get to know each other better.

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Kisses and hugs to everyone, and as I usually say, basically, mwah to all. Yeah.

Topics:voluntary celibacysingle liferelationshipslonelinessself-acceptancedating challengesself-carehair care routineSony Chromemental health

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