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A theater begins with a coat rack, and I begin an investigation. And today, we are looking into the divorce case of Alexey Lyusik and Anastasia Tarakanova.
Investigation into the divorce of YouTuber Alexey Lyusik and Anastasia Tarakanova, exploring their conflicting narratives and social media drama.
Key Takeaways
- Both parties present conflicting and emotionally charged versions of their breakup.
- Social media plays a significant role in amplifying their personal conflict and public perception.
- Anastasia’s own posts inadvertently confirm many of Alexey’s claims about their relationship.
- The breakup involves complex psychological dynamics, including narcissism and emotional manipulation.
- The investigation highlights the difficulty of discerning truth in public disputes fueled by social media.
What the video covers
- Alexey Lyusik, a YouTube blogger with 600,000+ subscribers, and Anastasia Tarakanova divorced two years ago after a 7-year relationship.
- Alexey released a detailed video explaining the reasons for their divorce, revealing a complex and painful breakup.
- Anastasia has been posting on Instagram, portraying Alexey negatively and sharing stories that paint him in a malicious light.
- The conflict escalated with Anastasia mocking Alexey’s new girlfriend and sharing disparaging comments about Alexey’s gifts and character.
- Alexey responded on his Telegram channel, expressing frustration over Anastasia’s ongoing public attacks and defending his girlfriend.
- Anastasia accused Alexey of orchestrating a smear campaign against her, claiming he anticipated negative audience reactions.
- The video explores the contrasting public support each receives, with Alexey’s followers showing sympathy while Anastasia’s audience is more divided.
- The investigation reveals Anastasia’s past and social media content that corroborate Alexey’s account of their relationship issues.
- The video discusses psychological aspects, including narcissism, borderline personality traits, and the impact of their toxic dynamic.
- The presenter concludes by trusting Alexey’s narrative based on evidence found in Anastasia’s own posts and external forums.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Background of the Divorce Case
- 04:12Anastasia’s Social Media Attacks and Public Reactions
- 08:37Alexey’s Response and Release of Divorce Explanation Video
- 13:02Audience Reactions and Conflicting Narratives
- 19:02Investigation Findings and Anastasia’s Past
- 23:02Psychological Analysis of the Relationship Dynamics
- 26:14Summary and Conclusion: Whose Story to Believe?
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
For everyone who isn't up to speed on this recent story, here is a brief summary. Alexey Lyusik is a YouTube blogger with over 600,000 subscribers.
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Alexey produces entertainment content in the style of Yulik, by the way. These are reviews and reactions to shows like "Pregnant at 16," "Let’s Get Married," and so on. Anastasia Tarakanova is Alexey’s ex-wife, with whom he was together for 7 years. Two
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years ago, they officially got a divorce. And only now, almost 2 years after their breakup, did Alexey release his big video where he explained the reasons for the divorce. During all this time, Anastasia, who is very active on her Instagram blog, posted
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many times in her stories, hinting and telling different stories about her ex-husband. In short, she painted him in a very malicious and dark light. She even posted a reel about a hater, in which she spoke about her "late" spouse,
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as she calls him, and his new girlfriend. In the photo, she covered his face with a skeleton emoji, and she covered her face with a cutout of a bouquet that Lyusik had given her. In general, the message was this: Look at
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what a pathetic, bottom-of-the-barrel, economy-class bouquet my ex-spouse gave her. Which Anastasia then also wrote about in the comments. I didn't see it.
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Here, Anastasia, referring to her ex's new girlfriend, says he has switched to the economy segment in everything. Zero aggression, just sympathy. The worst fate is to be non-mercenary, unlike the ex-whore. And honestly, today is just a damn good day now that I know the trash
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really took itself out. Thanks, no irony intended. I would sell my dresses to his girlfriend, but I’m afraid that even at a used price and a discount for the poor, it would be way over budget. So sorry. Honey. He gave
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me not just decent flowers, but also Louis Vuittons and Gucci. He cried, he writhed, but he bought them. What can you do? I’m such a mercenary [ __ ]. On October 10th, Alexey posted a reaction to everything happening on his Telegram
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channel, where he writes that we broke up almost 2 years ago. I didn't comment on it at all, but now it's crossing all boundaries. My ex-wife has been talking for 2 years about how glad she is that we broke up, what a terrible, greedy
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person I was, and how bad and mean it was with me. I was generally willing to let it slide. The person is going through their breakup; they need to devalue me. Okay. But then she started insulting my girlfriend, which, in my
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opinion, is really low. Katya isn't even a public figure and doesn't use social media. On October 13th, Alexey released a long video on YouTube titled "Why I Got Divorced," in which he details the entire chronology of their relationship and the point at which
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everything started to fall apart. And this is where it gets interesting for us. In the comments under the video, many people are supporting Alexey and sympathizing with the whole story that happened to him. On Instagram, however, on Anastasia's page, the audience's
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reaction is completely different. Yesterday in her stories, Anastasia posted about how many people support her and what a bottom-feeder her ex is.
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These, friends, are the commenters I'm quoting. And how lucky Nastya is that she finally got rid of the deadbeat and the trash took itself out. Well, in general, everything that Anastasia herself wrote about her ex-husband. And Anastasia attached a bunch of
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screenshots, a bunch of direct messages, showing how much support she has. And yesterday, she posted on Instagram where she wrote: "Meet the [ __ ] and druggie monster who, possessing a gift, hypnotizes adult men so that for 7
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years they repeat that I am not just the love of their lives, but one life is not enough to love me." Well, anyway, that's enough, I won't read it all.
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But for 2 hours, not a single kind word is found later. Not one. The person I lived with for 7 years decided to turn my soul inside out and tear it apart for the amusement of psychos, telling his version and keeping silent about
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what ruins the picture of the "bunny boy." My inbox is bursting. I want to say a limitless and incredible thank you to you for letting me feel that I am not alone, that you are going through this with me. Hugs. Today,
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Anastasia posted another entry in which she shows us a completely different side of reality. Here, Anastasia writes that her ex-husband orchestrated a smear campaign against her. He did it completely consciously, knowing perfectly well what would happen. In short, he deliberately presented the
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information to hurt Anastasia, knowing in advance what the audience's reaction would be. And now these "psychos and zombies"—I'm quoting what Anastasia calls the people who didn't support her—are writing to me and wishing me death. And all this for a couple of
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digs about a cheap flower and an orange iPhone. The "bunny boy" took my head and threw it to a crowd of zombies who were clicking their rotten jaws and craving meat. They got it. You won, birdie. Enjoy. So, we are hearing here
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that it seems there isn't that much support for Anastasia after all, and the picture doesn't quite add up, and now the spouse's video is a deliberate smear campaign. And in general, the audience under this post wrote exactly that: that Anastasia's picture doesn't
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quite add up. Yesterday you wrote about how many people are supporting you and that you promoted your paid Telegram channel specifically thanks to your ex's video. Today, however, you're writing about a deliberate harassment campaign and that he has defeated you.
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Enjoy it, little bird. In fairness, Anastasia posted several screenshots in her stories of what people were wishing upon her—I think you understand what—which I, of course, do not support in any way. Well, that is a brief description of what has happened over
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these past few days, friends. So our task today is to conduct an investigation and make sense of everything that is happening. Who should we actually believe? Should we believe Alexey or believe Anastasia?
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Because both in Alexey's Telegram channel post, where he writes about how I was so terrible and greedy, and how bad it was with me, pure evil incarnate, God forbid anyone goes through that.
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And Anastasia is writing the exact same thing right now about her ex. I was good, I was so sacrificial, but he called me evil incarnate, a parasite, with whom I lived for 7 years. He decided to tear my soul apart for the
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amusement of psychos. So, as you can see, in these posts from both one and the other, we see an absolutely split picture of reality. But it's good that we have a long two-hour video, from which we can rely on facts and draw
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constructive conclusions. I will now briefly recount the chronology of their relationship and the chronology of the video itself, but to get ahead of myself, I want to say that I believe what Alexey says in his video. And you
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know, I didn't even have to go down any rabbit holes. I found all the answers on Anastasia's own social media. And I also found forums where old stories of Anastasia were posted, dated exactly to the time period Alexey talks about, and
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I found screenshots from her Telegram channel, which, by the way, is called "Den 2.0." And, believe it or not, the entire story from Alexey was confirmed by Anastasia's own materials. You know, as they say, the most important thing
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in an investigation is not to stumble upon yourself. So, let's quickly run through the chronology. The couple's relationship began 9 years ago. Alexey met Anastasia at a bar when she was still working as a prostitute. By the way, Anastasia bases her entire blog on
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the fact that she openly talks about her life and her work in the past.
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Sex with clients, with very rare exceptions, is total crap. And not because you only get visited by the winners of contests for the greasiest guy or who hasn't washed the longest. That's
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That's not it. Most men are completely ordinary, not that they exactly induce shell shock. For those I lie to, ordinary men are exactly what induce shell shock.
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Basically, this is how Anastasia hooks her audience. She tells the truth, she says it like it is. She is quite open with her audience. At the same time, she posts stories almost every day, sharing absolutely her entire life. In
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general, she really stands out from that whole perfect Instagram picture. And the plus is that she also presents all her stories. By the way, in the style of Karina Kary Kat. Since she herself has a borderline personality organization, she presents all her
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content just as dramatically and eloquently. And all her characters are either heroes and saviors, or terrible villains, psychos, and zombies. And people like watching this because it hooks them, it triggers them, it stirs up some emotions inside you. Plus, it
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sends you, you know, into a fairy tale where you have someone categorically bad and categorically good. And in all this, the world takes on an illusion of clarity. Plus, Anastasia is a very provocative character. She shows parties, such a fun, wild life that
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many would like to try, but due to some internal restrictions they can't afford it and get this thrill through Anastasia. But on the other hand, in reality, Anastasia is once again presenting everything within that Instagram picture. She has beautiful
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apartments, men give her gorgeous flowers, they give her iPhones, and that same Alexey would organize incredible birthday gifts with balloons for her. And all of this was sold under the slogan of a "valuable woman." Like, if you are a valuable woman, then a man
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should treat you exactly this way, which, in principle, is very popular on Instagram right now, and which we will, of course, discuss today. And basically , all of this was packaged as: "I show a real, but at the same time very cool,
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bright, intense, successful life." And in Anastasia's worldview, success consists of very tangible things. It is , of course, money, parties, cool friends, some tattoos, alcohol, and prohibited substances. In short, an endless party. And in all this, Anastasia's audience became very
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attached to her because she built herself up as a role model and, in fact , taught everyone how to live the same life she lives, while showing it all, well, of course, in an embellished light. And Anastasia also hooked her
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audience on emotional swings. They got used to Anastasia posting stories every day, and they are already waiting and worrying in advance: will Anastasia show up in stories today after her trip or not? either she’ll post in her stories again that "today I’m not in
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a good place, I'm not up for it, guys, but for your sake I'll post some content," or, on the contrary, I’ll intrigue everyone and say I'm disappearing for a week, taking a break from stories, and I'll come back and
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tell you all about it later. But let's go back to the beginning of their relationship. We’ve already figured out what Anastasia’s blog looks like.
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Alexey, on the other hand, never really showed his relationships in his blog. So, they meet when Anastasia is still doing sex work and is simultaneously in a relationship. And Lesha found himself in such an unenviable situation when he
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met a woman he liked. And not only did she have a boyfriend, but she was also working as a prostitute. He was like, " Damn, how am I supposed to deal with all this and cope? I don't know what to
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grab onto." Later on, we will talk about why Anastasia actually can’t be alone. She constantly needs to be in a relationship, and while doing sex work, she was in relationships the whole time . Moreover, these were dysfunctional relationships. Then Anastasia meets
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Alexey. She is still in a relationship with the first guy, communicating with Alexey on the side, and at a certain point, she dumps the first one and enters into a relationship with Alexey.
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By the way, we will talk about why Alexey, in turn, initially entered into such a union at the end. We’ll touch on Alexey at the end. So, after a while , the guys officially get married, and at this time Anastasia leaves the
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industry. When she met Alexey, he was a simple guy, but according to Anastasia’s stories, after 3 months of them seeing each other, she, as a resourceful woman, inspired him, and he started earning many times more. And that’s when Anastasia left the
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industry, once again. I already had a big video about escorting and sex work, and we analyzed how this field forms a specific mindset, perception of oneself , and perception of men. All interpersonal relationships begin to be perceived by them as a market. And, by
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the way, Anastasia herself says exactly that. It’s a relationship market. If you are a man and you want to be competitive in the relationship market, you have to go to the gym, otherwise you aren’t interesting to anyone.
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Naturally, a man must go to the gym if he wants to be competitive in this battle for a woman and trigger sincere desires in women, rather than for big money. Because men cannot have a beautiful physique without the gym. Men
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cannot have a beautiful figure without the gym. Women can, they can have very pleasant curves in all the right places . And that looks good in sex. Oh, a man without the gym. No, no, no. Next. Next . And
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this is a very important point for us, which will later become the basis for their conflict. For Anastasia, relationships have a clear material contract from the start. She is used to being valued as, well, forgive me, an object. And this object, that is, she
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herself, has a certain price that men pay to use. This is called self-objectification, when a person learns to perceive themselves primarily as an object. And after working in that field for 7 years, of course, Anastasia formed the same perception of herself.
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And she begins to see herself objectively and to see other people objectively as well. In her streams, she often talked about how she evaluates men based on clear parameters . That’s money, that’s the penis, and she says that a man must fully
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support her for her to be with him. I don’t want to reassure men, by the way, or let them live in any illusions.
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A good penis isn’t just important, it’s critically important. If yours is small, thin, sketchy, yeah, well, you lost the genetic lottery. Nothing will help you and nothing will save you . Thank you.
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In general, this is a classic patriarchal family structure, in which all the money is with the man, and he earns this money, while the woman, regardless of whether she earns her own , is in the man's care. So, for 5 years
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, this is how this couple existed, and it suited both of them. The problems began in 2022, when the guys were forced to move to Georgia. At that time , their expenses increased sharply, and Alexey started having problems with
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money. It’s obvious that there are big financial difficulties, and I really don't like it when there are big financial difficulties. And at the same time, the person refuses to help you, even though she had her own money, by
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the way. That is, in my opinion, it is logical that if one partner has problems, the second one helps them. If I’m not a gambling addict, if I’m not stealing, I...I can’t even explain it. Well, in my view, it’s so
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obvious that partners are partners for the very reason that they support each other. It’s clear that you might have some kind of plan, right? Like how you behave in a normal situation, but if the situation is extraordinary, no, no,
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I have to manage on my own. I was reproached for not trying hard enough, just not trying enough, just try harder . And I thought, I will try. And this was the first crack in their family, because Alexey had a desire for a
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partnership where the other partner is an adult who can support you and help you out in difficult situations.
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Anastasia, on the other hand, believed that you should be the one to solve all the problems anyway. Basically, my money is my money, and your money is our money. And in general, you’re strong, and I’m beautiful. You’re smart, and I’m beautiful. You work
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hard, and I’m beautiful. And you tell me that I’m beautiful. As you can see , these people already have fundamentally different values when it comes to their views on relationships.
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This is a fundamentally different concept of how a family should be structured. But in the end, the guys agree that Alexey will pay 1,500 dollars a month for the apartment, and Anastasia will contribute 500 dollars.
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So there. Because resources are melting away, and the savings are dwindling. At the same time, I'm being blamed. I'm greedy. How can we? Are we really skimping on groceries? That phrase just completely chilled me. Groceries can cost an infinite amount of money. We
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are saving on groceries, apparently, yes, if I’m not staying within my budget, if I’m spending more than I earn, how can I be accused of greed?
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Well, it’s just, it’s just some kind of oxymoron. Right here we see how Anastasia’s split perception of Alexey begins to slip through. Imagine a situation where a young man has problems and he cannot spend money thoughtlessly. It is
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absolutely logical, because there is simply no money for extra, unplanned expenses. And if you want to survive, well, you need to start clearly planning your budget. Anastasia, however, categorically sees this situation differently. She says to him: "You're greedy." And later in her posts
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and comments underneath them, she even calls Alexey a loser. What is this about? A label is being hung on a person. What even is splitting? It is the division of the world into black and white, into two poles. That is, the
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person literally lacks an integrated perception of the world, where there are complexities, ambiguities, and uncertainties. A person who cannot withstand the uncertainty and multifaceted nature of reality divides the world into black and white. Either you support everything yourself, carry
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everything on your shoulders, or you are greedy. And there are no difficulties or extra variables in this equation for Anastasia. And this is splitting, which we already see very clearly in Anastasia. And later we will see it even more clearly. And why I
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said at the beginning of the video that I believe Anastasia has a borderline personality organization is because splitting is a primitive defense mechanism of the psyche. And it is used by individuals whose psyche functions at a borderline level. There is the
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neurotic level, the borderline level, and the psychotic level. So, people at the borderline level of personality organization are precisely guided by splitting—also known as black-and-white thinking—primitive idealization, and primitive devaluation , which we will talk about soon. The psychological defense of acting out,
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which is also clearly visible in Anastasia. And illicit substances also act as accompanying symptoms of borderline personality organization.
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Borderline individuals often get into illicit things: self-harm, suicidal thoughts, including suicidal manipulations, self-destructive behavior—which includes not only self-harm but also eating disorders, partying, alcohol, and an irresponsible attitude toward one's life and body.
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This also includes unprotected sex, because the result can be serious, serious diseases that a person simply doesn't think about in the moment. I would seriously consider whether Anastasia has a BPD diagnosis, borderline personality disorder, because, in general, everything I have
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listed for you, plus other features I will mention later, are clear criteria for borderline personality disorder.
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Yes, I am not making any diagnoses right now. We will also talk about the fact that a similar picture can exist with substance abuse and with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, C-PTSD, which can be a result of prostitution.
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And prostitution, in my opinion and in Anastasia's own opinion, is legalized violence, in which a person—even for money, which allegedly compensates for this harm, though it actually compensates for nothing from a psychological point of view—gives themselves up to be violated by another
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person. And that other person does not think at all about whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. For them, the most important thing is to make sexual contact. And they do not think about the consequences for the other person.
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And therefore, the sphere of prostitution is an incredibly traumatic one. And, of course, it has greatly affected Anastasia's psyche. And consequently, she will get hooked on illicit substances precisely because her psyche will begin to malfunction.
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So, let's return to our timeline. After Alexey says that he started having problems, look at what is happening in Anastasia's psyche. Literally after some time, she says that she met another guy at a party, and they were embracing. Not friendly embraces, but
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she later came to Alexey and told him everything. Alexey talks about this in his video. And I found all these screenshots from Anastasia herself.
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Right on November 8, 2022, Anastasia writes in her Telegram channel: "I didn't do anything behind Lesha's back, or rather, I did some non-critical [ __ ] and told him as soon as I got home." Damn, I'm like Yulik, ha-ha-ha.
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How many hints from the Universe am I getting to do my own analysis of Yulik?
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Well, write in the comments if you want . So, this is a screenshot from Anastasia's Telegram channel, which confirms Alexey's entire story. She continues by writing: "Actually, Lesha and I agreed on a new format." And people start asking: "Who is that
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person Anastasia hooked up with in this new format?" And Anastasia writes: "A [ __ ] who lost the best woman in his life." Well, as you can understand, she isn't talking about her husband, but about the man she fell for at the party
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. I'll show you this same event from Lesha's perspective. " She went to one of the parties on Thursday and wakes me up around 5:00 AM ; I wake up, and I don't really understand.""And she tells me more or
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less the story.""She says: 'The boy and I were hugging,' while I'm still half-asleep.""I don't understand what's happening or how I should react to this ." Honestly, I don't really understand either. "I say, I assume this is all approximate, you see, my brain is doing
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a good job trying to suppress all these memories.""That's why there might be some inaccuracies, but, am I correct in understanding that we are referring to non-friendly hugs here?""And she says: 'Yes.'""And I start raising my voice, shouting: 'But I told you!'" Well, it's
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great that you told him, but what are we supposed to do with that? Later, in her Telegram channel, Anastasia writes: "Damn, I'm sick of reading comments where I've already been crucified.""I didn't cheat on Lesha.""But honestly, even if I had, it's not okay to tear a
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person down if they already feel guilt, " and so on. What really catches my attention here is the second message, that people who criticize the cheating and Anastasia's behavior—the one who cheated—are actually tearing her down and doing something wrong because she
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feels guilty anyway. And I want to say to Anastasia here: "Wait, so who is going to face the responsibility for their own actions?" Every action has its consequences. And that includes the fact that if you bring this into the
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public domain yourself, you need to be prepared to receive a variety of reactions. But Anastasia doesn't see that the reaction is caused by her inappropriate actions. She interprets it as hate. And that she's being crucified? Look again at the drama, the
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exaggeration. By the way, throughout the entire video, we won't see a single word from Anastasia that is even neutral, let alone something in the middle. It's all psychos, zombies, crucified—in the style of this "bad/ good," with a mouth twisted in rage. So
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, Anastasia absolutely fails to see cause-and-effect relationships, has trouble taking responsibility for her actions, and acts impulsively. She wants something in the moment, she goes and does it, and only then realizes that, actually, it's not okay. And as a
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form of penance, as repentance, she tells her spouse about it, who now has to process all those emotions. I mean, just look at how the blame is shifted.
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I commit a bad act, but since I told you about it, I've supposedly become a good person again, and I haven't faced any negative consequences myself. You, my beloved spouse, will be the one dealing with all these consequences.
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See how convenient that turned out to be? Anastasia also hints here that she already has a hell of a lot of guilt.
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But, attention, a question. Do you think a person who sincerely feels guilt would come to their spouse a few days later proposing an open relationship, seeing the pain that just hugging another man caused Lesha? Lesha said that he literally cried over that
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news. It doesn't seem like it. And, of course, Anastasia felt no real guilt whatsoever. Perhaps in her own mind, Anastasia is experiencing some illusion of guilt, but as we will see later, it is actually not guilt at all. It is the
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fear of losing a convenient and comfortable spot. Including all the perks and benefits that Alexei provides , both financial and the stable sense of attachment, having a steady person walking by your side so you aren't lonely, which is very important to
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Anastasia. Let’s not forget, she cannot be alone. It is fundamentally important for her to have another person. And so, when the fear of losing all of this appeared, Anastasia confesses, sort of resolving the problem. And then in her stories she
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writes: "Do you have the courage to apologize to Lesha?" Do you think the problem is that I can't apologize? You can apologize when you take his stash without asking. See, that's a hint at illicit substances, but here it's
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something a bit different. Apparently, I will need a magnifying glass to find any guilt here, but I don't think it will help me. In short, we conclude that, of course, there is no guilt here , and we won't see a hint of empathy
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either. And, by the way, that is also a characteristic trait of Borderline Personality Disorder. In reality, empathy isn't there, though, mind you, one BPD case is not the same as another . It manifests absolutely differently in every person. And a lot depends on
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what other personality radicals are present in the person. Anastasia has a pronounced narcissistic radical, which involves a need for this narcissistic facade, an ideal image, where my value is determined by how much money you invest in me. What did Anastasia write
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about? Like, he gave his ex, Zhitneva, an orange iPhone—whatever it was, a 16th Pro Max or a 15th Pro Max. Well, anyway. But he didn't buy his new one an iPhone 15 or 16. Well, basically, it's not about the iPhone. So now,
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think about who he actually considers a valuable woman. What is this about? It’s about a missing self-identity, a missing—actually zero—self-esteem, where Anastasia tries to self-define and complete herself through tangible things. And this is a classic BPD story . The first sign of BPD is problems
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with self-identification. A person doesn't understand who they are, what they represent, what their purpose is, or what their values are. None of this exists. They define themselves through something else. Anastasia defines herself through status and money. That is why it was fundamentally important
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for her to receive expensive gifts from Alexey. And that is why she manipulated him and, literally by her own account, brought Alexey to tears to get them, because without this, she does not exist. And overall, her entire blog is
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an extension of her narcissistic personality organization. It is fundamentally important for her to post everything on her blog, because without it, it’s as if she doesn't exist at all. It's like that joke, you know. If you went to an event but didn't post it
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on Instagram, you weren't there. And for Anastasia, in reality, that is the pure truth. If you were given an iPhone but didn't post it in your stories, you weren't given it. And she builds her identity entirely on this. On what
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Instagram shows. Whatever rules Instagram dictates, that is how Anastasia behaves. By the way, Alexey himself confirmed this.
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Nobody is spinning me around in a prominent place. Yes, she says he needs to give her more money. Yes, she says she saw that someone's husband just sent 40,000 for no reason, so why don't you? And I say, it's all not true. In
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reels...well, maybe someone can send someone 40,000 for no reason, but 99.9% of people cannot do that.
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So, Anastasia cannot imagine that things could be different in the world. I mean, it's literally "Instagram on the brain," I’ll put it that way. It doesn't fit into her worldview that Alexey's new woman might genuinely not need the latest iPhone. Maybe she has
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some other values. In Anastasia's world , that doesn't exist. Her values are dictated to her by the majority and by status. And she literally builds her self-esteem on this. This is a criterion for both narcissistic personality organization and borderline
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personality disorder. Insufficient or absent awareness of one's own identity. Distortion or instability in self-perception or self-image. I will repeat once again that I am not making any diagnoses. These are all just characters, fictionalized by my sick imagination. So, let's get back to
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empathy. Why did I say that there is no empathy in classic BPD? Empathy exists in well-compensated borderline personality disorder when other compensating traits are mixed into the personality. So, with classic BPD, all of a person's internal attention and
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focus is directed only at themselves. That is, they are primarily concerned with issues of their own ego. What does that mean? The ego is a fundamentally important structure in our personality.
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The ego, in simple terms, can be compared to self-esteem. So, self-esteem is an empty vessel from childhood, into which parents place their positive assessments, and this little vessel gets filled. If this doesn't happen, the vessel remains empty, and the psyche still needs to
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resolve this ego issue. That is, it will constantly try to fill this vessel somehow, resorting to childlike, infantile patterns. For example, it will compare itself with others in an attempt to constantly conclude that "I am better," and essentially put that
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into the vessel. It will try to dominate at the expense of others, and try to manipulate others so that their actions prove that "I am a valuable woman." Well, imagine a spoiled child.
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His parents have spoiled him, he has realized that he can manipulate them, and he will throw tantrums and scenes to get the toy he wants. The same thing happens with a person whose ego has not matured; it has not attained emotional
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maturity. Then their entire internal focus of attention is constantly directed toward themselves. Any conflict, any disagreement, or even any difference of opinion will be perceived by the person as a blow. For instance, Anastasia sees that she and Alexei are
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not continuations of each other. They are not two absolutely identical people . They have differences. And if an emotionally mature person perceived this absolutely adequately, they would say that you don't have to be me. You are a separate person, and there are
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areas where we are similar, and areas where we differ. And that is normal. An emotionally immature person or an ego-dependent person, in this case, will see a threat. They will see either potential rejection or a threat to their own self-worth and will say to
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them: "Aha, it's not that we are different, it's that you are bad.""I want to go to the movies and you don't, so that means you don't love me enough.
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" So, I’ve figured you out. If you loved me, you would have gone to the movies with me. You would have done everything for me, proved your love to me. That, by the way, is exactly what Anastasia constantly demanded from
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Alexey. You have to basically jump over your own head to prove to me that I’m actually valuable to you. But why?
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Because inside, there is actually zero self-esteem. If you don’t prove it to me constantly, it means I’m immediately devalued and I devalue you, and I become absolutely useless and insignificant. This is, by the way, a global problem, because Instagram
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teaches both women and men to define themselves through external attributes. I mean, women are literally told: "If a man gives you a big bouquet of flowers, then you are valuable to him. And if not, then what kind of cheapskate is he
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?" But this categorical reality completely ignores the fact that if a man earns little, or is a young guy just starting his journey, he simply cannot afford a large bouquet of flowers. It would be a significant expense for him. And in general, let's
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finally admit that we live in a world where a minority, an absolute minority of people can afford expensive gifts and grand bouquets, because it is much higher than the average income. A large basket of flowers costs more than the
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average salary in Russia. It’s clear that this is a completely unrealistic expectation, but Instagram suggests to us that, on the contrary, this is the norm—these grand gestures that, in fact, maybe 5%of the population of Russia and the CIS can afford, or less,
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maybe even less. So, they present this as the norm, forgetting to say that there are actually a bunch of other variables, thereby forming, once again, this split perception of reality. So, let's return to the question of empathy . When a person has such a split
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perception of reality, their entire focus of attention is primarily directed at themselves. I can give you one more example. Imagine you have a toothache. No matter what you do, you will still always think about your aching tooth first. It is exactly the
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same for a person with an undeveloped sense of self-worth. They will see humiliation, neglect, malice, or some selfish motive everywhere, thinking you have no right to think differently or hold an opinion other than mine.
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Instead, you’re evil, selfish, you were deceiving me, and now you’ve revealed your true face to me. This black-and-white thinking is the result of an unfinished ego. And in general, being categorical, making bright, dramatic statements—this is always a defense of a weak, fragile, vulnerable
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ego. A person tries to build supports around themselves that seem unshakable. If I think categorically, dividing the world into good and bad, then nothing can hurt me. I will be the first to give you up. I will be the first to
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reject you. But in fact, this always speaks to a person's fragility, that they still, like a small child, cannot withstand the ambivalence of this world . In general, splitting, as a psychological defense of the psyche, is characteristic up to the age of about 3
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years. That is when a child uses splitting. Either mom is good if she loves me and pats my head, or mom is bad if she scolds me. But then, even at an earlier age, even by age two, the
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child already integrates the image of the mother. They understand that mom simultaneously loves me and can be angry with me at the same time. And as such a conceptualization of the mother gradually forms, the child's own self-concept forms, and empathy
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develops. Empathy is impossible if you don't understand yourself and don't understand the feelings of another person. When the world is split, you will always have one good and one bad person. And how can you empathize with the bad one? Well, you simply can't.
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They are a traitor, after all. You can only empathize with the good or the weak, while hating the strong.
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Therefore, we will not see true empathy in a certain spectrum of borderline individuals. Instead, we will see profound egocentrism and a deep fixation on themselves. And reasoning in this way, Anastasia comes to Alexey and proposes an open relationship
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because she really liked a man she saw at a party. She says, "Maybe we should try opening up our relationship?" And we had been together at that moment for, well, about four-plus years, maybe around five. So she falls in love with this
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guy. I can't call it anything else. It reaches a complete shitshow. Well, again, I don't know for sure, I wasn't there for their dialogues, but as I understand it, he was stalling with some sexual contact, and she was upset
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about it. She’s upset about the guy she fell in love with right in front of me—her husband, for god's sake.
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It’s hard for me to even imagine what Alexey must have felt in this situation . Look, regarding open relationships.
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Open relationships are considered open when they were open from the very beginning. Meaning, you agreed from the start that you have a non-monogamous format. That’s it. And you clearly defined the terms. If you had a marriage and a closed relationship, but
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then it became open, what is that? That is legalized cheating. In essence, this is cheating right in front of your partner. And again, the world isn't one-sided. A person can have their own experiences, their own weaknesses, and their own psychological trauma. Yes,
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and in principle, it's hard to just immediately break up with someone if you see them doing something you absolutely cannot accept. If a person can't do that, they start accepting things that, in reality, were absolutely not okay for them. And
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Alexei is in that exact position himself. He says he’s already going through a difficult time in his life, he’s completely exhausted, he just has no resources left. And of course, in this situation, he won’t find the energy to also go through a divorce and
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deal with all the problems associated with it. That is why his psyche is defending itself from this realization.
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He even says, "I thought that, on the whole, it wasn't bad, that yeah, this format suits me, I'll go on dates with someone, too." But, of course, Alexei himself started going on dates much later, and during that period he was
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still actively focused on work. And again, Anastasia confirms all of this in her stories. She’s asked: "Will you ever talk about your situation with Lesha, or is it too personal?" I think I will. It will, of course, first be
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censored by Alexei. It will be a very instructive story. Even though I'm getting a lot of hate, surprise, I'm not a saint. I am human, and people are sometimes stupid, sometimes weak, sometimes selfish, and sometimes all of the above. What happened in your
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relationship with Lesha? Why is everyone talking about some divorce? What happened is me, who apparently lived for 28 years without a brain, because I did some messed up [ __ ]. We aren't getting divorced right now. If we do get a divorce, I’ll say so, but
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for now, it doesn't look like it. Were you planning on getting divorced? Things are very difficult for us right now, but it is 100%my fault. Neither of us wants to break up, so send a request to the universe or wherever you want,
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wishing that everything turns out well. Again, it's very interesting regarding the feeling of guilt. She talks about it publicly, she acknowledges it, but her actions say otherwise. And this phrase also caught my attention: "Send a request to the Universe so that
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everything is okay." Actually, you can create that "okay" yourself when you stand up, take responsibility for your actions, and do something to fix them.
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Period. In short, Anastasia starts actively hanging out at parties where this man might show up. With Alexey, they agreed that an open relationship was possible within the framework of a single sexual encounter, without staying the night and without a
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committed relationship. That is, in essence, just a sexual experience. However, if it’s a format involving a lover or a mutual acquaintance, that is unacceptable to Alexey. But gradually he realizes that Anastasia has fallen in love with this person, and he starts
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to become unhappy with it, which is what Anastasia talks about. I would like you to leave. I want us to live apart for a while. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t let the person go at that moment, apparently. But being
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with him was unbearable for me. And just like that, she flipped. Just like that, she switched. I mean, when she realized that the line had been crossed , where he was at his breaking point, where you’re about to lose what you
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have. Right there, it was as if someone had flipped a switch. How could I not notice? How could I not know that this was causing you pain? You were literally sobbing all the time and begging me not to do it. How could I?
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It's awful. This is exactly where we see the splitting, where Anastasia is completely switched into another position. And most likely, it is in this state of switching, in these feelings, that she writes those three stories I already read to you. You
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might have a question here: how is it even possible for Anastasia to fall in love with another man while still in a relationship with one? This becomes clear if we recall the psychological defense mechanisms that Anastasia's psyche is guided by. These are
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primitive idealization and primitive devaluation. These are classic defense mechanisms of the narcissistic radical or any radical at the borderline level of personality organization. So, when Alexey stops living up to Anastasia's idea of the ideal, good Alexey, his image splits; he becomes the bad Alexey
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, I repeat, greedy and from a poor family, and this image is completely devalued by her. Alexey no longer interests her. Yes, and to be honest, I assume—these are just my own fantasies—that Alexey isn't really Anastasia's type. Let me explain what I
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mean. When Alexey described the men Anastasia chose as lovers, she specifically built relationships with them, she saved them, she gave them money to buy illicit substances. That is, it was the type of destructive party-goer man with a lot of addictions
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, who is very destructive. You know, I immediately imagine the image of a man covered in tattoos, sitting there with women around him. By the way, I took this image from a Reel. Anastasia posted a Reel from one of the parties
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where there is literally exactly this picture: one guy sitting there. Of course, he is quite attractive on the outside, but his psychological profile is clear to us. There’s a girl on his lap, several more girls around him, and
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even more girls around that group. And, in general, that’s what the party looks like. I suspect that this kind of man would be exactly the one to hook Anastasia, because it recreates the destructive environment she is used to.
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First of all, it’s a competitive environment where you need to be chosen . Well, in essence, it’s a repetition of working as an escort. You are chosen for some of your qualities. And it’s very clearly understood that there is
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no talk of humanity here whatsoever. Plus, Anastasia herself said in her interview that she is normal in her abnormality. She is accustomed to abnormality. She describes it herself by saying that she always had a "screw loose." But what does it mean to have a
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screw loose? It means she has always had a pull toward something destructive , forbidden, and self-sabotaging. We remember what kind of relationships Anastasia had before Alexei. And we see that, in reality, Anastasia's psyche is constantly striving to return to an
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environment that is familiar and understandable to her in its abnormality. I’m fine, in the sense that I’ve grown accustomed to this abnormality.
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Uh-huh. A sort of slightly perverted comfort zone. So, I believe that when Alexei came and saved her from the industry, like a kind prince who started trying for her sake, earning money for her, and she was finally able to get out of what was
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causing her pain, then, of course, Alexei was idealized by her psyche. He was the charming prince who saved the poor princess from the dragon's lair.
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But as soon as he stopped suiting the princess, or she saw a trait in him that she found unacceptable, his image was completely devalued, and very quickly a new image took his place, which was then idealized. Why is it
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idealized? Well, because in fact, he is a drug addict who flirts with a huge number of girls simultaneously, from which I conclude that, well, he is not a man for a serious relationship.
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Exactly. Well, that all hooks Anastasia even more. She doesn't see a single negative trait in him. She literally hyper-fixates on him, and he becomes the object whose love she wants to earn . That is also important. This is, by
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the way, about the escort work, and also about the rejection by Anastasia's father. In her interview, she said that her father did not accept her working as an escort. And even when she left the prostitution industry, she invited
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him to her wedding. And he said, "No, we will never see each other again."" You are no longer a daughter to me." Look, here we also see a very interesting game of the psyche. Instead of admitting your guilt, or at the very
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least your involvement in how your daughter's life turned out, you choose to keep a high opinion of yourself, saying: "No, I am good, and she is bad.
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""It’s all her fault and her responsibility." And so I renounce her, such a spoiled person. I reject her.
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For Anastasia, this is, of course, a blow. And such rejection by her father, the escort industry, and her childhood experience all form a hatred for men in Anastasia. We have already looked at the expressions she uses when talking
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about men, how she tries to reduce their value to a penis or to money. Of course, this is all about the hatred and the trauma she received from men.
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And, by the way, I believe she received this trauma much earlier, back in her childhood, because people don't just end up in escort work for no reason. By the way, it is very common for people with borderline personality traits to
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go into the escort industry. So, regarding her childhood, Anastasia said that a key point was adolescence, when she didn't want to return to her parents 'home and realized she didn't want to go back looking like a beaten dog, so she would somehow earn money
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herself. The problem was I was 18. I had broken up with my boyfriend. And I ended up in a situation where I had no money, no place to live, and nowhere to go. Well, I did have a place to go,
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there’s always mom, dad, the house, but I really didn't want to look like a beaten dog that couldn't handle this independent adult life, because you entered it with such, well, maximalism and pride, thinking I don't need anyone , I can handle it all by myself. I draw
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attention to the words "didn't want to look like a beaten dog that couldn't handle adult life." What is this about?
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It's about when parents do not accept their child, they reject them. Especially during adolescence, when a child begins to show who they really are, the child feels they can no longer trust their parents. They cannot return to them in a weak state. It's as if
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they need to prove something to their parents so they will finally see, accept, and respect them. In reality, this is about the child already feeling rejected by their parents, that they would be very ashamed, meaning the parents would feel shame for them, or
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they have already instilled shame in the child for who they are, so if they return, it must be as a different, successful person. Then they, as it were, wouldn't have a chance to reject them again, because they would already
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have money. From which I conclude that Anastasia's parents had rejected her long before that. Presumably, she had cold parents indeed. Anastasia also said she was bullied in school, and bullying is always about instilling a sense of shame in a child, which, in
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turn, leads to escort work because there must be some prior disgust for one's own body, the idea that the body is something I can dissociate from and offer for the service of something else , for earning money, so I can live off
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that money while my body is sort of separate. Well, if any psychologist digs around, they will find that I was unloved, my father gave me little attention, then one can find some traumatic first love who also treated me like crap. Bullying in school, again
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. Well, a lot can be found and summed up, but ultimately there isn't something or someone I blame for this.
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By the way, Anastasia also has great rejection of her appearance. She also posted a post or a story on Instagram, where she shared a girl's comment, and she wrote that, Anastasia, it's so nice that you post your body, even if it's
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not a perfect picture. And it's just nice to watch, all in all. Well, of course, that's also a very, you know, questionable comment. So for Anastasia, of course, it was an insult, because she constantly brings her body to
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perfection with cosmetology and active training. And in general, she is used to being judged precisely through her body and appearance. She is very afraid of losing these resources. The topic of age, by the way, is very painful for
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her. She also posted to the new. You can look however you want, young, but it's always visible who grew up on Paris Hilton and MTV, and who on Danya Milokhin and TikTok. See, here is an attempt to assert oneself at the
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expense of others. And even if you are young, well, what did you listen to, Danya Milokhin? No, but I look young, and look at the school I was raised on, the Paris Hilton school. And to finish the topic of Anastasia's childhood, I
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assume that her psychological age is stuck somewhere around 3 years old. 2-3 years is the exact period for the formation of object constancy, when a child understands that even if mom is not next to me, she is still present,
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so to speak, inside me. I still keep the memory of her. With Anastasia, we see the opposite: a lack of object constancy. That is, literally, if a person disappears from my field of view , they are dead to me. That is why I
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said at the beginning of the video that when a person talks about another living person as if they were dead, it is a red flag for borderline personality organization. Meaning, it literally indicates that her psyche cannot accept the fact that he is alive
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. He has literally died for her. Yeah. And there's this joke about me being thrifty, that I don't waste money on [ __ ]. Another little jab at me.
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Me with skulls. I perished, I died. Her psyche cannot reconcile with the fact that I am alive. That's why she needs to kill me off, can you imagine?
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And a classic BPD story is also the creation of a transitional object. Actually, in a public group dedicated to old stories featuring Anastasia, I found this photo. The caption says " grown-up girl," and in the picture, there's a teddy bear. The caption says,
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"This teddy bear has been with me for 6 years." And also, look closely, pay attention to the open shelf. On that shelf, we see a lot of cash and sex toys, which, by the way, is an interesting point. Sex toys and cash,
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which is, well, inherently dirty, are lying in one pile. Again, notice how everyone who comes out of prostitution gets used to this attitude toward their own body, where it's normal to have a sex toy mixed in with dirty money,
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which you are then going to insert inside yourself. Although, again, it's unclear what that might lead to later, what kind of diseases. And right here, we also see a pile of pills. I think this picture perfectly describes Anastasia's personality, that deep down
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she actually still feels like a little child, a six-year-old child who still needs a soft teddy bear. Or if not a bear, then definitely an adult who would be by her side. Even when Anastasia divorced Alexei, she was
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always surrounded by some friends and some parties. She would post stories again: "Reply to this story if you want to join us right now." Meaning, she invites absolutely random people to come to her place for a party. Again,
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you can't possibly know who is going to show up. But you've gotten so used to the idea in prostitution that every day could be your last that you don't even think about it anymore. But let's return to this picture. So, it's a
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perfect illustration. Anastasia still feels like a little child who needs someone to be nearby constantly. She cannot handle this world on her own.
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And she escapes from it into three categories. Those are sex, money, and illegal substances. By the way, what even is sex? Sex is a natural painkiller. When a person reaches orgasm, the body releases natural endorphins. Endorphin is a hormone of
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relaxation and calm. And people feel how a pleasant sensation literally spreads through their body. All their muscles relax. And many people who suffer from high anxiety, from increased tension, develop a need, a compulsive need for constant sex. But
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again, the brain remembers this neurotransmitter release very quickly, and it constantly wants to increase the dose, to try more perverse practices to get even more orgasm, even a greater release of endorphin. And what lies behind this? In reality, there are
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deeper problems hidden there that cause the tension. It’s the same as with eating disorders. Compulsive overeating or undereating is always just a marker of something more substantial being masked. So, Anastasia turns either to sex or to illicit substances, which in
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the same way trigger a release of specific neurotransmitters. Either dopamine or endorphin. If it is psychostimulants, then it is dopamine.
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If it is opiates, then it is endorphin. And if it is cannabinoids, like marijuana, they act on the cannabinoid receptors in the brain. And the last thing is money. Money, which also acts as a source of quick dopamine, a source
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of quick pleasures, and for Anastasia, also as a basis for building her own identity. Speaking about why it turned out this way, let’s go back to Anastasia's childhood, in which she spoke about deep poverty, both in childhood and in her youth. And the
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phrase "We don't have money" became such a nightmare for her that she decided she would do everything so it never happened again. And I was just so sick of this impoverished life. I just didn't want to live like that so much
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that I was probably ready for almost anything, just so I wouldn't have the problem of wanting to smoke and not having money to buy cigarettes. Money is important. Come on. And it’s obvious that at that moment I was
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earning much more than Lesha. And for all his desire, he couldn't provide me with the standard of living I was used to. And I was used to a good standard of living, living in a nice apartment, that is, taking a business class taxi,
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not an economy one. And eating delicious food, dressing well, and so on, and so on. That is, this poor childhood and then an even more destitute youth, they traumatized me so much that I just start having a panic
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attack at the phrase "No money." But let's return to the chronology. At the same time, addictions appear in Anastasia’s life. Anastasia suffered from insomnia, and she initially took a pharmacological drug for a year that helped her fall asleep. This drug was
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supposed to be taken for a maximum of 2 weeks. Anastasia took it without a prescription for a year. When this medication stopped helping, she was suggested to try weed, because, according to Anastasia, you fall asleep well when you are high. Anastasia’s
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quote. Also, note what an interesting way of finding a solution. Not going to work on the root cause that triggered both the insomnia and the subsequent drug dependency, but finding a new one —even though it’s a narcotic—just so I can fall asleep better. And, of
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course, Anastasia quickly gets hooked on this illicit substance. At the same time, videos appear in her stories where you can see that Anastasia’s pupils are dilated. So we conclude that she is also posting content while in a state of narcotic intoxication. And
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it’s clear that for a certain period of time, illicit substances relieve the symptom, but in the long run, they only exacerbate Anastasia’s problems. I saw this perfectly in the first interview that Anastasia gave. She actually looks very composed there. She
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articulates her thoughts well. By the way, she has excellent speech delivery. She clearly understands what she is talking about. She speaks about her values. She has a broad vocabulary. And overall, she looks quite emotionally stable. Looking at that person, I
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wouldn't clearly see a borderline personality organization. I saw a distinct narcissistic framework there, designed to hide a vulnerable ego. But in general, the concept that Anastasia formed for herself looks quite stable and functional for her, but under the
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influence of illicit substances, her already split psyche is shaken even more. Her main strategy, which she adheres to, is the provocateur scenario . That is, Anastasia attacks first, as it were, to protect what is inside.
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Meaning she doesn't let anyone accuse her of anything. She normalizes it in advance, literally declaring: "How can you accuse me of being a prostitute or something else, if I have already openly told you about it myself and even stated how many sexual partners
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I've had." And in general, Anastasia loves a tactic in her content where she takes the most negative comment from a hater and responds to them in the same manner. This was her strategy, which, on the whole, worked for her psyche.
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Now, however, Anastasia looks much more emotionally unstable. We see impulsive actions. Alexey talked about how she could go out and get lost. He also gave an example that one time he gave her her passport, and she was supposed to
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go to the bank to pick up a new card. In the end, on the way back, she leaves that card in the taxi. So, more and more, Anastasia is becoming an infantile child who needs an adult to monitor and control her every step,
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otherwise, well, like a small child, she will get lost. Infantilism, failure to take responsibility, inability to see cause-and-effect relationships, an increasing retreat into dramatization, even greater splitting, and even more adolescent maximalism. Yes, that was in that interview, which was released, by
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the way, shortly before Anastasia and Alexei moved to Georgia. And apparently , in those stable relationships, Anastasia herself was more stable. Yes, she said even then that she had always had this adolescent maximalism. And where does it come from in you? Well,
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overall, if I were to characterize you with just one word, I would choose something like "desperate." Meaning some kind of boldness, audacity, and, most importantly, strength, right? So it’s not for nothing that you talk about feminism; I think these are
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echoes of that inner strength of yours, and that even coming out doesn’t require much emotional effort from you.
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Did your profession toughen you up, or have you always been this way? Oh, I can’t say that my profession toughened me up. No, I’ve always been , well, quite crazy, if you will. I mean, non-conformism, you know, all
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that stuff—there’s still so much of that adolescent maximalism in me. But my profession didn’t make me stronger . Although, you know, who the hell knows, actually. But later, it took on increasingly aggravated proportions.
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Meaning, to all this horror, some kind of theatricality is added once again. Death of a rock star.
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In my previous video, I explained exactly what a teenager and adolescent maximalism are. In essence, it’s a repetition of the very same conflicts that a child goes through before the age of three. It’s black-and-white thinking again, splitting. A teenage
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girl constantly thinks in categories of whether a boy loves her or doesn't love her. That’s it, there is no other option. And once again, the psyche goes through all this to rebuild an adult identity, integrate that image, and go
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on to live an adult life. So, if a child was forming a concept of themselves, a teenager is renouncing their self-identity as a child. And they literally have to form their identity from scratch, again going through all the same stages, only as an
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adult—as a person separate from their parents, so they can then go live an adult, responsible life. So, Anastasia is stuck between these two time periods . Well, in essence, for the organization of the psyche, it’s about the same thing.
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And do you know who turns out to be the main character in this situation? Not me. I feel like I’m being neglected.
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I feel like I’m not being heard. I feel like I have a problem. And the person starts creating total chaos.
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It’s just unbelievable. She, well, I mean, she turns everything around. That is her drama. I mean, not to pay attention to me for once. I completely agree with Alexey about the main character syndrome, because Anastasia confirms all of this with the posts she
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put up the other day. She literally perceives everything that happened in the following way. Not that Alexey posted his view of their relationship —well, because a person has the right to do that, after all. And his audience has the right to hear the other version
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of this story in response. By the way, I think it’s absolutely normal for public relationships when both parties express their view of the relationship.
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Or maybe that's just my curiosity talking right now, because I would certainly like to see the story from all sides. Anastasia perceives reality in an absolutely different way. She perceives Alexey’s actions as deliberate bullying. She even posts this in her stories. The saddest thing
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is that he knew it would be like this. He is not a fool. In short, it’s a hint that Alexey did all this on purpose to destroy Anastasia, so that she would suffer. And in the next story , she writes again: "He period,
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everything period knew." And not just knew, he was counting on it. Well, for the thousandth simple time, I will repeat that this is splitting. And in the language of cognitive psychology, this is called the cognitive bias of the fundamental attribution error, when
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a person's actions are explained by their depravity or some evil intent. Not just an objective perception of reality, but he knew in advance, he is a manipulator, he is deceitful, he guessed from the very beginning and did it to cause me pain. And once again,
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this is about egocentrism and personalization, that Anastasia perceives any actions, of course, as a blow to herself. Everyone in her life, probably, lives just to somehow influence Anastasia, to make her feel either good or bad. I mean, how could
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people possibly have other motives too? What kind of nonsense is that, anyway? The fact that Alexey has had a new girlfriend for a long time—well, no, are you serious? Well, that is not— that is not an argument for Anastasia.
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And here this whole picture gets worse and worse. That first young man is already forgotten. Anastasia and Alexey arrive in Thailand, it seems, or maybe Bali, well, seemingly Thailand. And there he meets a young man whom Alexey calls Sanchez. Again, he is positioned
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to Alexey as a friend, but in the end, he and Anastasia have an affair. And Anastasia presents the whole situation to Alexey in a very interesting way.
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She returns from a trip to Vietnam, in which she was alone with Sanchez. They spent a month there, and she claims that Sanchez is a rapist. On the first day, they ended up in the same bed and, obviously, had intimacy. But after that
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, they still spent every night sleeping and staying in the same room. So, he’s supposedly a rapist, yet she kept spending all her time with him.
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But in the end, why did Anastasia decide to tell Alexey about this? Because he started blackmailing her.
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It’s me who should be pitied. Meaning , she says she was being blackmailed, so she tells me, and I should support her in this situation. I, well, I can’t, I’m already, well, I just don’t know what to do. I, I don’t
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know what to do. This is some kind of, well, ultra-level of fucked-up mess. Well, just an ultra-level.
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That is the moment that confirms her egocentrism and lack of empathy. Actually, I’m the one who was hurt. " Well, I cheated on you, but you should support me, because I’m the one suffering, not you." Empathy, yet again
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, is just zero here. This is profound egocentrism and a deep misunderstanding of another person's feelings. Moreover, why do I use the word "cheating"?
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Because even the agreements within the framework of an open relationship were broken. This young man is, first, their mutual acquaintance, and second, they were in a stable relationship. So, in essence, they were in a de facto relationship there for a month, and
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their whole friendship period likely involved sexual contact as well. There are many more details about these relationships. I won’t dwell on that.
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You can watch Alexey’s video. Well, anyway, this incident becomes the final straw for Alexey himself. He realizes he is better off alone. He worked with a psychologist and realized that this was the end for him. And when Anastasia
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returns, he tells her about it. To which Anastasia cuts her legs; she later posts a story, which I’ve attached, thereby confirming this fact from Alexey’s account. You can see here that this photo is used as a background for the text, but her skirt
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is pushed aside anyway, and the cuts on her leg are visible. And I see that, well, her leg is, like, bleeding. I say, "What have you done?" She lifts her skirt, and her leg is cut , damn it, and bloody, and I just fall
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to my knees. I, I start sobbing because I feel like I’m the one who did it.
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Like it’s because of me. How should we view these cuts from a psychological perspective? It is a psychological defense mechanism called acting out. This is also classic for borderline individuals. Their psyche struggles to withstand strong affects.
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Affects are highly charged emotions. A borderline person literally falls into them. They cannot verbally describe what is happening to them or convey it adequately so that another person understands. They simply cannot say, " Listen, you need to treat me
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differently, I'm hurting." Instead, they act out these feelings through certain actions, essentially living through those emotions. This can involve cutting or compulsive overeating. In general, any self-harming or antisocial behavior. So , on one hand, Anastasia is processing this pain in that way, but here we must
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remember that an adult can realize, articulate, and verbally process their emotions. A child cannot. A child’s only tools are crying and screaming, and they perceive themselves not in an active position, but in a passive one.
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For instance, if a child wants a toy, they cannot buy it. They have no money, they aren't an adult, but they can manipulate a parent by throwing a tantrum in the store so the parent buys the toy. And in Anastasia, we see the
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same reaction; it is, on the other hand , a manipulation. A manipulation designed to show how much she is suffering and what pain he has caused her. And here we already see a narcissistic radical in Anastasia. For her, this is not just processing
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emotions; it is also a message intended to impose guilt on another person. A borderline narcissist makes a demonstration out of their actions. I have literally heard this phrase in my life; I can give you a completely real example. When a young woman says, "I
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cut my veins because I wanted him to see how much I was hurting." On one hand, she says this absolutely sincerely and truthfully. She doesn't know—like a child, she doesn't know how to convey what she feels. She feels
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helpless in the face of the situation that has unfolded. It’s as if she hasn't grown into an adult, mature personality. Often, this is also about preverbal trauma, when a child does not yet possess speech and cannot formulate their thoughts properly, so they can
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only wave their arms and scream. This is about preverbal trauma. If a person is prone to such acting-out reactions, it points to preverbal trauma. But on the other hand, it is also an action, quite consciously directed at another
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person's reaction to influence them. Because, once again, the first classic criterion for BPD is frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
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Divorce or the end of a relationship is , of course, abandonment for Anastasia. She does not see or understand that her own actions led to the divorce. This is a consequence of what she did. These cause-and-effect relationships do not
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exist. For Anastasia, it is literally like a bolt from the blue, a bolt from the blue. And she tries with all her might to keep this object, that is, Lyusik, with her. But at the same time, by doing this, she is also punishing
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him. Here, once again, we recall the diminished or absent empathy and the narcissism within. Anastasia is thereby declaring: "Look what you have done to me. Look at what you have driven me to.
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" And Alexei also said that Anastasia was constantly causing chaos in the house, smashing everything, then calling him somewhere, and he had to clean it all up. Again, what is this about? "Look at what you have driven me
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to.""I am in so much pain that I am smashing everything around me." But Alexei by then, fortunately working with a psychotherapist, is able to see the manipulations, and this becomes the final straw for him. So, now I want to
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present to you the nine classic criteria for borderline personality disorder and thereby argue why I am coming to this conclusion. The first criterion is frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, starting from how Anastasia and Alexei's relationship began, as she was already
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in other relationships at the moment she met him, and concurrently with Alexei, she was in relationships with other men. And after Alexei left her life, friends, new acquaintances, and parties appeared to replace that. The second criterion is unstable and
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intense interpersonal relationships. Three: insufficient or absent awareness of one's own identity. Distortion or instability of self-perception. Four.
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Impulsivity in displays of potentially self-damaging behavior. Five. Threats of suicide, intentional self-inflicted bodily harm. Six. Rapid mood swings, excessive reaction to situational stressors. We also saw this insertion with you, when Alexei said that she switched abruptly, she suddenly
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realized that she had caused me pain, and said that it would not happen again , and that she repents. We understand that such rapid mood swings are dictated by splitting. Seven—a chronic feeling of emptiness, upon which addictions and sleep problems are
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superimposed as a result. Because in sleep our unconscious becomes active, and a person starts having nightmares, in general, everything that they do not work through in their daily life. And all the traumas that are suppressed in real life by some stimuli come out. In
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essence, we simply shift our attention to something else during the day. At night, that is not possible. And all the tension that had previously accumulated in Anastasia pours out in the form of insomnia. Eight. Frequent displays of anger. Anger in this case
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is precisely dictated by egocentrism. I perceive any of your actions as an attempt to humiliate me. And, of course , in response, this triggers intense anger in me. Ninth point. Transient stress-related feelings of unreality or paranoia. This is about dissociation.
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Dissociation is a criterion for both PTSD and BPD. That is exactly why I said that these diagnoses are often similar. In the case of the sex work Anastasia was involved in, dissociation is also a conscious psychological defense. A person essentially drops out
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of contact on purpose, dissociating so as not to perceive the violence, to build a tolerance to it. But in the long term, this is very destructive to the psyche because it begins to dissociate from everything else as well
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. That is, the person begins to see the world like a cartoon, in principle. It feels as if I am not in a world of real objects that I can touch. Everything either becomes 2D, or I don't feel my
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own body. This is derealization, depersonalization; I don't perceive myself in my body. This is all related to this criterion. And as you have seen , friends, basically, such a picture is evident. Again, it's hard to say here what was primary. Were the addictions
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primary, which aggravated the picture so much? Or, even before the addictions , could we have accurately assumed such a disorder in Anastasia based on these same criteria? I assume we could have, because a person turns to addiction for
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a reason. For an infantile personality, it is a buffer through which I solve my problems, because there are no skills that would help an adult solve these problems in a more adequate way. I think that with this, Anastasia's
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portrait is clear to us. It is also clear to us why she is so supported by the audience that follows her on Instagram. Let's talk about Alexey now.
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Why did he enter into such a union in the first place? Okay, I am not judging Anastasia's past here in any way. I am relying on the fact that at the time of meeting him, she was in a relationship,
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but still met him. He saw her lifestyle , and they met at a bar. Already at that time, Anastasia loved partying. I also noticed that she was vaping throughout the entire interview. By the way, this is also a topic we haven't
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discussed yet, that electronic cigarette addiction is exactly the same addiction as any other. And Anastasia was vaping throughout the interview, meaning she literally couldn't spend an hour and a half without an electronic cigarette. So, this is a compulsive
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action. You constantly need to hold something in your hand to get a feeling of confidence, perhaps a feeling of your coolness, your adulthood, your authority, and constantly inhale the negativity. Look, I'm already making a slip of the tongue—negativity instead
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of nicotine—but overall the meaning is similar. and let out that vapor. This is also about a certain state of internal tension, which makes you need this endless repetitive cycle, a ritual in which your psyche seems to find some
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stability and calm. So, what exactly attracted Alexei to all of this? By the way, look at this interesting photo I found, showing that Alexei was generally an active part of Anastasia's life for some time. He took part in
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parties. We can see that it's most likely some kind of BDSM gathering, or maybe it's just props. Well, actually, Alexei even has a bracelet here, which shows that this was a planned event they attended. And even though Alexei
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sits in the photo looking like a man who doesn't quite understand what's happening around him, we understand that, of course, he didn't enter these relationships and stay in them for so long without a reason. In interviews, Alexei said the following phrase about
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himself many times: "How could this happen to me? I am a good person, a good boy. I tried so hard." I don't understand how this is possible . Why me, well, how did this happen to me? Why do they not give a damn about
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me? I'm a good person, you understand? I'm a good boy. I mean, I did so much.
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I tried so hard all these years. I tried so hard. I don't know, maybe it's my upbringing, or maybe I just held on to the very end for this family.
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And we see, truly, that Alexei is a very rational man who has a clear plan for his finances and, generally, I think, for every part of his life. He, by the way, spoke about having suppressed feelings and not
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understanding his emotions and at first he was like: "Yes, I'm doing great, everything is great for me ." and gradually he initiated her into his story. And she gradually taught me to listen to myself, my emotions, my thoughts that were buried so deep. I'm
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like: "Well, I'm actually an eater, yes , I suppress everything with food." By the way, I consider this a complex issue. It is a result of the destructive relationships he had been in for a long time. You have to
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suppress your emotions and feelings there to play the role of an adult. And also, when another person constantly escalates the violence, you need to build up emotional detachment in response to keep staying in it. So, in Alexei, we see a self-identity as a "
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good guy." We see that he consciously stays in touch with precisely this part of himself. What does this mean? That everything else is pushed into his shadow by his psyche. But he is not just "good"—which is to say, proper,
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decent, and so on—he is also rational . Meaning his emotional component is also relegated to the shadow. And that is when he meets Anastasia, who is literally a reflection of his shadow, of all his repressed qualities. She is
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a rebel, she is vibrant, everything is allowed for her, she gave herself permission for everything, she is sexually liberated, she has her parties . And, of course, to such a good, proper guy, all of this seems "wow." All of this seems so attractive to him.
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He is very drawn to this world. You know, it immediately reminds me of Dante. His work, The Divine Comedy, where they take a soul and lead it through the circles of hell. And they show everything that is there, all this
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filth, all this forbidden stuff, everything that happens there. But Alexey is as if he is just taking a peek at it with one eye. He is very interested, but he is not exactly touching it. He is very drawn to it, he
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really wants to observe it, but he lacks the destructiveness that would allow him to be a part of it. And Anastasia here provides him with a wonderful opportunity. Meaning, you observe me, you touch this through me, but I myself choose you because you are
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good, and I need a good guy who will save me. So you give me something I really need, and I give you something you find very interesting. Anastasia posted a very interesting story yesterday. So, we are discussing how a
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YouTube professional, who suffered from a drug-addict wife, was buying anal sex from me in exchange for letting me smoke. I am, of course, immediately struck by the overall destructiveness of this family system. What do I mean by that? I am not talking about sexual
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practices here, but about the fact that it is normalized in the couple to buy another person's body. And this is even a way for the other person to get what they want. Meaning, Anastasia made a deal with Alexey for him to let her
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smoke in exchange for anal sex, which, as I understand it, would also be paid for on top of that. Do you understand what catches my attention? That it is generally not okay to do what you don't want to do, even for money. Meaning, if
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anal sex is something Anastasia doesn't want to provide in a relationship, she is not obligated to sell it, and certainly not just to be able to smoke.
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But then again, I see this as a manipulation, primarily on the part of Anastasia. But I also see that for Alexey, this sexual practice holds high value. And another thing that caught my attention is how, in the first sentence
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, Anastasia mocks the idea that you allegedly suffered from having a drug-addicted wife, while later writing that she needed him to allow her to smoke. Which is, after all, an admission of the fact that there was drug use. I assume that Anastasia
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herself does not believe marijuana can be called a drug, but it is, in fact, a drug. And a person who uses drugs is a drug addict. So, Alexey was attracted to this whole world; it held value for him, including, I think, such
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emotionality and recklessness. This very same teenage rebellion in Anastasia—since all his feelings were suppressed—drew him to someone who could afford anything, someone who could, you know, drink this cup of life to the dregs. That is why this union
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held together for a long time, and Anastasia was very attractive to him. He really did a lot for Anastasia, I believe; he paid for what she wanted and agreed to the conditions she dictated, even when at times it was
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beyond his means. So, what I’m getting at is that there was something keeping him there. But then, when this evolved into open relationships, infidelity, and illicit substances, Alexey certainly realized it no longer suited him and went to work with a
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therapist to end the relationship. So, friends, that is how I see this whole story. I would characterize Alexey, in a nutshell, as a person stuck for a certain period of time in the "nice guy " scenario. I would describe Anastasia
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as a borderline personality with pronounced narcissism. And can such a relationship be called abusive toward Alexey, at least in the form it eventually took? I believe so, because the act of forcing monogamous relationships into polygamous ones in the middle of it is psychological
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violence. The person was pressured, manipulated, and forced into this decision, even though it contradicted his values. Also, manipulating others with one's own death is likewise a form of manipulation. I am not judging Anastasia at all right now, because I
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understand that, unfortunately, for people with BPD, this is how their psyche works. They cannot process affects in any other way. They sincerely see self-destruction, or in the worst-case scenario suicide, as the only way to stop their torment and cope
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with these emotions. But, unfortunately , from another perspective, in relation to another person, these same actions can be seen as violence. And look at what a difficult and multifaceted world this is. I sympathize in this situation both with Anastasia, what she had to go
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through, and with how her psyche functions. I sympathize with Alexey and everything he had to go through. But there is, in fact, a solution to all of this. So the best option, I believe, is not to use another person as therapy
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for yourself, but rather a psychotherapist. Besides, we have an approach called DBT, dialectical behavior therapy, which works great with BPD. It was, in principle, developed to compensate for and work with BPD. If we look at the table of
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contents and the essence of this approach, we see the resolution of everything I talked about today. In essence, it is the development of all those skills that a child should have been taught by their parents. These are mindfulness skills, interpersonal
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effectiveness skills, including communication skills, emotional regulation skills, and distress tolerance skills—everything that a person with borderline personality disorder, among others, lacks. There are also behavioral analysis skills here, where a person learns to see cause-and-effect relationships and analyze both their own behavior and
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that of others. By the way, I want to mention that the topic of relationships starts in the Pocket Psychologist program on September 15th, where we will talk a lot about emotional maturity, because such manifestations are not unique to people with BPD. We
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see a lot of these things in ordinary people as well. Difficulties with accepting contradictions, the tendency to take everything personally, perceiving things as conflict, and an inability to resolve conflicts. But who is an emotionally mature person, anyway ? Someone who knows how to see how
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other people differ from themselves and perceive them adequately. That is, not perceiving them as rejection, not perceiving them as a reason for conflict. Instead, I see your uniqueness, and I accept it. You have the right to be who you are, I have the
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right to be myself, and we have the right to reach agreements with each other. And at the same time, I understand that you don't need to be someone else or jump through hoops to prove to me that you love me. And that
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is what, unfortunately, Instagram is conditioning us to believe now: that if a man loves you, he will, I don't know, bend over backward to buy you a bouquet of 100 roses. Although, of course, that is not an entirely correct perception
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of another person. Another person shouldn't have to break themselves to prove their love to someone else. They can show love through their consistent, rather ordinary actions. And if a basic sense of self-worth lives within, then a person has the ability to perceive
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reality adequately, to be, as it were, in the position of an observer, rather than falling into their emotions every single time. So, in a nutshell, the Relationship Place program in the Pocket Psychologist will be about all of this. You can find the detailed
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program there, where all five modules are laid out, detailing what we will be discussing. It includes self-esteem, communication, conflict resolution, personal boundaries, green and red flags in relationships, how to handle difficult emotions, and emotional maturity—all in these five blocks.
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Read the program and reviews in the description. And now I'll say goodbye. See you soon. Subscribe to my channel.
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I would really appreciate it. Thank you for your likes, comments, and support. See you very soon. Bye-bye.
Topics:Alexey LyusikAnastasia TarakanovadivorceYouTube dramasocial media conflictnarcissismrelationship breakuppublic investigationpsychological analysisInstagram stories
