Speaker A
Got it. There's, and then you're here. Am I in the shot? I'm excited, guys. I am, too.
Episode 776 of Tags Live explores polyamory, open relationships, and queer love with guest Oleg Kurimov, a Russian queer life coach and content creator.
Key Takeaways
- Polyamory offers an alternative to traditional monogamy focused on multiple romantic relationships with honesty and freedom.
- Open relationships differ from polyamory by often focusing on sexual connections without romantic involvement.
- Disclosing polyamory early in dating can be complex and requires sensitivity to individual reactions.
- Gay culture continues to innovate relationship models but also faces challenges around labels and intimacy.
- Emotional maturity is important in navigating polyamory to avoid using it as a way to avoid commitment.
Summary
- Hosts Steve V and Cody Maurice Dol welcome Oleg Kurimov, a life coach and moderator of Russian language queer conversations.
- Discussion centers on polyamory, open relationships, and the evolving nature of gay relationships and intimacy.
- Oleg shares his personal journey from monogamy to polyamory and how freedom is essential to him.
- They clarify differences between polyamory and open relationships with examples and personal experiences.
- The conversation touches on challenges of dating while polyamorous and when to disclose relationship styles.
- They explore how gay culture may be shaping new ways of loving, connecting, and complicating intimacy.
- The episode includes reflections on queer community dynamics, emotional maturity, and stigma around non-monogamy.
- Hosts discuss the role of apps like OkCupid in facilitating polyamorous dating.
- The show also covers cultural differences in queer relationships and the importance of chosen families.
- Audience engagement includes advice segments and candid talk about relationship complexities.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Setup
- 02:28Guest Introduction and Topic Overview
- 05:27Defining Polyamory vs Open Relationships
- 08:09Personal Journey into Polyamory
- 11:07Challenges of Dating and Disclosure
- 14:13Community, Stigma, and Emotional Maturity
- 19:05Audience Questions and Advice Segment
- 25:29Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
I'm so happy. I'm so happy. This is great. I love what you do. Okay. We, we didn't start yet, right?
Speaker A
All right. No. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Exactly. Oh, and I need to keep this under an hour. So, the second I timer 59 minutes. Okay, great.
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Um, 776. Okay, Oligimov. Kudov. I'm going to read this and then we're going to go into it. But don't look over.
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You don't have to. I mean, you don't have to read. Do you want to say my last name?
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Kurimov. Yeah. Kurimo. Yeah. Okay. All right. Is it recording? It's recording. Are we gonna do a little test? A mic test.
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Test. One, two. Test. One, two. Go ahead. Olive. One, one, two, one, one, two, three.
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Oh, wait. Let me. Actually, you're right, Cody. One, two, one, two. Oh, yeah. Is that how you talk on a mic?
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Go ahead. Is that how you normally talk? Go ahead. Oh, no. Usually I'm very loud, honey.
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Yeah. I'm serious. Exactly. That's what we need. Wow. We don't need to know if it works. We need to know the levels.
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Yeah, that's pretty loud. Um, say a few more things. Hey. Oh God. Jesus. That was loud.
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I'm going to play Cody. Testing one, two, three. Testing one, two, three. Yeah, you're this one, right?
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Yes. Okay. So, we could put you up. He and I are over here. I'm going to put it. I was like, "Oh, look. Don't talk that soft." Okay. I think that's good.
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Yeah. Yeah. We're going to go with it. But fabulous. All right. Ready? What is going on? You are listening and watching Tags Live aka Talk About Gay Sex the Live Edition where we're here every Wednesday night on the Crowdcast
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platform. I am your host Steve V. This is episode 776 alongside the beautiful, talented Cody Maurice Dol. How the hell you doing, Cody?
Speaker A
Hello, darling. I'm doing wonderful. You know, it's always wonderful in New York City. How you doing?
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Very good. Very good. And we are in studio today with our very special guest Oleg Cinov. Did I say that right?
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Hello. Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to be here. Great to be here. So special. Oh my God, you are so special. And the next one will be 777.
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Exactly. Oh my gosh. Like a number. Exactly. Well, let me introduce you. Today we're talking to our very special guest, Oleg, a life coach.
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You're a content creator and moderator of Russian language queer conversations. He has also organized polyamory meetups for gay men and has explored everything from open relationships and chosen families to sexual health, marriage, and life as a queer person
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across different cultures. So, tonight we're asking, are gay men helping to invent a more honest way of loving and connecting, or have we simply created new complications, new labels, and new ways to avoid intimacy? How do you know
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everything about me? Oh my God. Listen, the internet is a powerful place. Oh my gosh.
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But I remember when I met you and you were telling me about polyamory and it was at a time that I was interested in it a lot. We were talking about it on this show and you sent me a bunch of
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Meetup groups that I think you started. Correct. Correct. How did you get into polyamory and are you polyamorous? Oh yes, I am absolutely. I love this question because the way how happened. Uh, so I was in a monogamous relationship for close to six
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years. Uh, we over it was it was over I don't know five years ago or so and then as soon as it like we completely finished I was thinking I think like I don't want to go I was starting to go on
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a dates again and I was like it's going to be all again the same and the same right? Yeah.
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So I was like saying to myself, I have to find something completely new and different. I didn't know polyamory existed back then.
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Yeah. So right a lot of people, we should explain the difference between open relationships and polyamory. A lot of people know, but in general polyamory to you means what? Because I can tell you what I think, but you go ahead.
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You go ahead. It's the idea that when you can have multiple relationships and we're at the same time, our dear friend who officiated Diego and I, Kyle, is polyamorous and taught me a lot about it. We've had Kyle on the show. Shout
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out to Kyle Applicate. But open relationship simply means you open your relationship up and you can have three ways sex sexual connection with other people connection but not not romantic right and sometimes it's together with your partner sometimes it's people
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it's a don't ask don't tell and people actually go off and do it on their own and sometimes there's periods of time with open relationships sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't work I know with my own relationship you've had are
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fun with it but complications with it. We're figuring it out but yes um but all right your definition and how you got into it.
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I mean uh so the way how we got in I was so I was going on different dates. I realized it's all going to be the same.
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I going to find another person and then we're going to date and then I'm going to break up again. I'm like come on it's not going to be one and forever. Come on.
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So, I was basically in a subway in New York City and I saw the ad of the app called OkCupid dating app.
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Yeah. It was like all over the city back then and uh it was like a different like for different group of people for this, for that, for that. And the polyamory was well well it was actually saying non-
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monogamous and it was like three people on the picture, three person. Okay. I was like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't know this is possible. This is exactly what I'm looking for. So I basically set up my profile. I downloaded app set up profile
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and like two weeks later I went on my first date with a polyamory person.
Speaker A
Oh wow. Would you say that the lessons that you learned in your previous relationship? Tell tell us a little bit more about that about your how your previous relationship affected your outlook on oh my gosh relationship. How did they
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respond? Right. Exactly. I mean there's just simply not enough freedom for me in a monogamous relationship. Period. Freedom is extremely important for me. That's why I moved from Russia to US many years ago.
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Yeah. I mean, we could get into the politics of Russia and what freedom freedom in general that even though that's we'll get into all the politics later, but yeah. No, was at the time your partner willing to explore this as well or did they look at
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you? No, we finished monogamous relationship and I was single. So uh I basically after that I was only seeing and uh dating the guys who was into polyamory.
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Okay. Like I'm not trying to convert monogamous person into polyamory. I'm not playing those games.
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Yeah. So is it important when you go on dates that you find somebody that is okay with this? Because that brings up I when I was talking about polyamory when Kyle was talking about it. I remember before I met Diego there was a person
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that told me that I was spending some time with that he was into polyamory and I thought maybe I'm into it too. I don't think I am at all. I'm into a monogamous marriage now but he's our cameraman
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today. But I was considering it at the time. But is that important when you meet somebody that let's just say you start having feelings for to immediately tell them or early on in the relationship because it could create
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problems I think or they could be I mean it's very progressive. I I mean uh yeah there is a question like when do you say to other people when do you tell that that you are poly you in a poly relationship or you
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dating or seeing other guys um it's I'm still kind of working on it and I was uh couple of years ago I would go and say on the very first day that I have a boyfriend or boyfriends and
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they're like how many boyfriends how many you know um Now I am like trying to see you know if how often like how many times I'm going to see the person and then maybe after that I'm going to
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mention something like that. I don't know people react differently to that information. Um and I'm just trying to like find the best way to to introduce this concept.
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I think these conversations are so important. It's the same with bisexuality too where so many people are, well, you're not.
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For years and years, we heard, "Oh, no one's really bisexual. You're really gay," or it's this fine line. It's a layover, as Margaret Cho likes to say.
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And it's like, no, people are really bisexual. And we need to talk more about polyamory. I mean, when I've talked to some of my other friends who are in polyamorous relationships, when they're with one person, they are with that
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person. And when they're making plans with somebody else, they're with that person, too. Those two worlds can collide a little bit because you're I mean, we live, right? It's a continuum that we live in.
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So, you might be having conversations with both, but your feelings I feel, and you correct me if I'm wrong, are with your heart is with both of these people or many more.
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I mean, absolutely. My my boyfriend my boyfriend's there. Absolutely. But my boyfriends, they're so different.
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Age, uh, nationality, languages they speak, skin tone. I just cannot pick one. Which brings up because we're a sex podcast is how you top, bottoms, all of that, too, honey.
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Of course, that already that would be very very interesting, too. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, but what I'm curious about before we get into that That's a whole another conversation.
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Honey, why are you curious about it so much? Tell me, please. Are you applying for a new You're taking applications at all times.
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I think he applied to me. No, I mean I was I mean he's recruiting.
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He's recruiting. Yeah, that's what it is. Well, I'm just curious about how you feel this relates to the modernday relationship in gay culture. Do you think this is the way we're going? Do you think this is the way that you know?
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I'm not trying to create the trend, but I think which I do. You're a natural trend setter.
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Oh my god. But I think um yeah, it could be a potential future for a relationship. The the sad part I wanted to say people really take this information so slowly. They cannot really adjust and adapt, etc. Like
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regardless what the how dating life looks like, especially gay life and especially big cities like New York, New York City, people still kind of believe in one and only and all of that stuff. I don't understand how. Hopefully, please
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listen to me. Come on. There's other way. There's a healthy way. There's another I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think it's just monogamy.
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I mean, it hurt me in so many ways, I would say. And um polyamory could you know could be very beautiful because the way how you connect with people is so different. You know you do different things with different people
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romantically, sexually, time wise, spiritually all of that stuff and just one person cannot be cannot offer all of your needs. I have a lot of needs. I have a lot to offer to different people and one person just cannot handle all of
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that. I have to push back just a little bit. You don't you don't think that's like individually like cuz I I see myself completely different in that aspect but like I get it for you but I how are you
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going to put that 100% onto me as well? What that that whole% polyamory thing you I think it's individ.
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So no but what do you what do you what do you think? Do you think that it's individual? Do you think that it's like I don't think we can make a blanket statement about that. How do you feel
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about that? I mean, I'm trying uh I mean, as far what I hear here, uh I'm not trying to make everyone polyamorous, but I think just the concept of it can help other people to navigate their relationship better.
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So, so you think it can be mind opening for future relationships? Correct. I love that. Less jealousy behind.
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Correct. less jealousy, more freedom, more uh communication. Yeah. Because in polyamory there's a lot a lot of communication involved. But in monogamy has to be the same. But people just don't talk to each other about their I do think though it brings up a lot of
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points with our queer gay culture in that we didn't have a structure growing up to follow. In other words, many of us didn't grow up. We talk about it on the show all the time. That's why that's why
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I'm watching your podcast because your topic is so important, right? We we didn't grow up with structures that really worked and we have a lot of parents, not mine, but many that are or end in divorce. And I
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think our community has always been at the forefront of trying, you know, I just talked on the other day about BDSM culture and how important that was to me. I know back in the day, maybe not now with things like Fifty Shades of
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Gray in the general ethosphere, but a lot of people were like, "What? Dom, sub, whipping, flogging, and that's just the basics." I mean, that now is that's for me.
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That's a lot of lessons to take. But now that's become so common nature almost household. So polyamory I think it's our way our culture of pushing like and I do think our community is at the forefront of that but I do I wonder if
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at least kids are not involved so that's kind of on the way you know what I mean most of the time so it's a little bit easier to navigate I believe but I guess if we're finding it challenging in America for American
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queer audiences to even comprehend polymer how is your listening audience in Russia where limited access. How are they responding to polymer?
Speaker A
Jesus, it's such a painful topic because I mean I have my YouTube podcast for two years and your podcast was my biggest inspiration to start my own podcast. Thank you guys. But I mean like there is so much content in English
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language. I mean there's a lot but still not enough you know like a gay content and uh but the topics you guys discussed here for so many years is wow this level of commitment I'm like Jesus I have to
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do something similar but in a r like for the Russian audience because there's absolutely nothing absolutely nothing and uh I do bring those topics to my podcast like polyamory and just navigating relationship differently Um, unfortunately what's going on right
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now in Russia, like I see how audience respond to it and it's getting worse and worse like every single month.
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Do you get blocked ever? Like does cuz I mean I guess they couldn't block you from publishing here, but do can Russians see your content?
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They actually blocking YouTube completely. Yeah. Wow. Totally. So they cannot even watch YouTube normally without VPNs and other like whistles.
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Oh, thank God for VPN. Thank God for VPNs. Yes, definitely. I mean, it's crazy how they live life these days. And it's just by the the comments and response of the audience. I just see it's just less respon like like
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people just go back to the shelf which is just crazy. Wow. Yeah, that's wild. Um, so what? So most of your content is in Russian. So it's for the for Russia, but also I s noticed that there's like a close-knit community
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of Russian gays here in and other countries, too. Immigrants. Tell us a little bit about that.
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I mean, I love it. I love it. I um I mean, I I've done some episodes in Vietnam, in uh uh Thailand, in Phil in the Philippines.
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Love it. So, so I like to travel and see how other, you know, countries live, like a gay gay life, relationship, etc.
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I I've done my episodes mostly here in New York, also in Miami. There's a big Russian uh community there, queer queer community. So, I I wanted to I mean, I'm sure you maybe know like gay life in New
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York and gay life in Miami is different like especially relationship. Did you notice Manners? Now tell I think they even our co-host Lincoln was just saying that New York versus where he's currently at right now in California where I grew up
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is totally different too. It's a little bit slower than New York and we're kind of quick quick which means when we're on the apps when we're meeting people whether it's sex or relationships we want that meet up hook up to happen
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right away. I So yeah. Is that what you're talking about though as far as the difference between New York and Miami?
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That part and also relationship. I think in Miami they're way more relationship oriented like Wilton Manners area. Yeah.
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I got to move to find a relationship. Absolutely. Honey, I'm telling you like you go in the bars in Wilton Manners and they ask you do you have a boyfriend? I'm like nobody asked me this question in New
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York City and I have three. How do I answer one? In every city. Oh my god. And couple of other countries too. So yeah, but I do think what you're doing is so important. And if your audience is in
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Russia can't hear you, unless it's a VPN, are they still watching? They still watch it. Okay, good. I mean, we just did this whole topic where Atlantis Cruz is was barred from docking in Turkey and then they rerouted and
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then they moved over to Egypt. Well, Egypt also barred them from coming and then they went to Russia. No, they did not go to Russia.
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They didn't even try. No, I mean that would have been a a bad show. Our camera I love crazy.
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That was a good but and then we've got our mascot Bella roaming around here too. But no, I mean what you gave us credit for what we've done here, but we got to give you a lot of credit for
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really for the Russian queer community. You're you're doing a lot for the people there.
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I I think especially with stories like this so I'm doing it for them and what people message me in in my DMs on Instagram or Telegram even on YouTube it's just I just I just want to cry sometime
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because they keep waiting for my episodes for them to watch this one hour of my episode that I do almost every single week for two years that's something like a fresh air for them that's amazing so fabulous that was on my me
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Um, I had this question for you that I think about before we move on about polyamory and does do you think polyamory requires more emotional maturity or can it sometimes become a way of avoiding commitment?
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You have you have to make your questions a little bit simpler. Okay. English is my second language.
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We saw each other in Porto. Yeah. Now, does it does require way more emotional intelligence, okay, and all of that stuff for sure. Like you have to know how to navigate your own emotions. You have to know how to, you know, listen to
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other person like feel what they're looking for, what they want to, etc. like and navigate several relationships.
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I and I I think it's amazing. And when I first heard about it, I was like, "Wow, this really is emotionally intelligent." I don't think my mind because in my I mean, Digger and I talk like all day
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long. We're on FaceTime. We're like planning this, planning that. I mean, I couldn't imagine like if there was three other FaceTimes coming in and I'm trying to do my work. If you saw me today planning this show, it was not an easy
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task. I only have enough like battery power for one person, but I get it and it's I'm really intrigued by it and I think it's really Yeah, because we all know how busy we all are.
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And are you wired at all? Does it sound intriguing? Oh my god. Not in any way, shape or go to Wilton Manners.
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I think that Let's go there. I'll introduce you to be sexually explorative. But I don't think that like if I'm in a relationship, I'm not I can't do that. I I need to focus on one person. And I
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honestly I'm gonna like push back again a little bit. I I know we're on here arguing but no, no, it's combo conversation. But I do think that in any relationship, emotionally emotional intelligence is required. So I think that being in any
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relationship will will build your emotional intelligence and teach you how to not be so jealous. Because even when I was in a relationship, my, you know, my boyfriend, he's he's not my property.
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He's he can go talk to other people and it requires some emotional intelligence to be able to navigate that. So, I will push back and say that that is required.
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I do you want to respond to that? I want to say about jealousy. I'm I I have no jealousy at all.
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That's my You have no jealousy. That's about Has that always been part of your makeup?
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Yeah. Oh, it's always been like that. I think that's great to not have it. I have some for sure.
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I got what he don't have. You got it all. You can take it. You can have it. Enjoy.
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I got my own and I have his as well. Is that a component of a successful polyamorous relationship? In other words, so if you're having three partners and you find a polyamorous one of your partners and they have three
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others, they do have none of Do you all get together? Where is it? A is it?
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We don't have to. Okay. It's up to them wherever they I read somewhere that you went to an actual uh I forget. I wanted to go there, too. It's in upstate New York and it was a polyamorous festival retreat.
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Yes. Yes. For gay men. So good. Yeah. Um what did you learn from that and what was it being around like-minded polyamorous people?
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Well, first of all, when there's so many people in front of you uh who's practicing polyry for years, some of them may be on the beginning, you can see the polyometry could be in so many different shapes and forms and there's
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so many variations. So it's like some there is like poly kitchen table that's mean when all the the partners live together share time and space etc. uh it could be solar poly there's so many yeah I don't want to go into the terms but
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like you learn that your polyamory could look differently and you can navigate differently the way how you spend time with your it doesn't mean that all of them calling me on the FaceTime and I'm like right you know it's not like that
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it's well one of my dear friends uh is has a husband and then he has a boyfriend and his husband also has a partner too the four of them were about to go on an upcoming cruise And it's a it's the Rush Cruise by
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Vakaya and it's going to be very sexually charged and I'm really excited. I can't wait to hear all the juicy details. But I said, "Have you guys ever hung out the four of you together?" And they said, "Yeah, we have." And
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it's copathetic. It works. And I do think that's But it's a husband and then the boyfriend.
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So in other words, in their relationship, and I hearing what you're saying, there can be very different aspects of it. They share a house together. They share the bills together.
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The husbands do. Their boyfriends have different relationships. Sometimes he stays at one of his his boyfriends. And right now, they just have one boyfriend and then the husband. But it can look very different ways. And I think that's the
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beauty of it. It can look like gay relationships can look many different ways. Totally.
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And you're basically never single and you you never and you don't have to say no to one person because you already have somebody in your life. You can always say yes.
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I just pretend like I'm never single. So I have a quick question unless you want to pop in. It's it's related to this, but it's a little bit off the topic. Um what do you think about the stigma? Do
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you think that monogamous gays have like a stigma towards polyamorous gays? Do you do you think there's the inverse as well to where polyamorous gays have a stigma towards monogous gays?
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I've been waiting to ask this I was like I got something for his ass.
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I don't know if it's stigma. They might be intrigued by this kind of relationship. Okay. Uh I feel sometime I have kind of stigma towards monogamy relationship. I'm sorry guys. You may come.
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You can punish me tonight. I'm sorry. I'm ready for that. Okay. Yeah, you save for the after show.
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I've never heard anything from monogamy people like something to say against of polyamory. They just have nothing to say because like there's so much information to learn about it first to be against of it. You know what I
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mean? Mostly like oh my oh really you have three boyfriends. Oh okay. And that's about it. That's all what they can say.
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Yeah. That's it. So, okay. All right. Yeah. What about um do some of your relationships have a lifespan? In other words, are you willing to accept that one relationship might only have worked for a certain period of time and then it
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plays itself out? And how does that or do you go through the same and I'm hearing the answer because the answer would be yes, but but I love it. But do you hear like you say you have three boyfriends, what if
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one of it isn't it played itself out? Do you go through the same breakups that all of us go through when a relationship actually ends? And I mean coded when we any one of us have ended a relationship
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it's almost like you can't move on. I mean you have to really Yeah. trapped in a closet and but yet you have these other do you lean on those other relationships? Do you find do you immediately put Craigslist
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out for a new relationship to fill that spot. And I know Craigslist is dating me, but go ahead.
Speaker A
Unfortunately, not. Uh it's it's also emotional. I was just recently going was going through some hiccups in my relationship that we have to navigate.
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We have to discuss. Yeah. And it was a very very very emotional. Okay. Like do you did you inform the other boyfriends that what was going on? None of their business.
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You know what I did? your girlfriends. Well, I said, "Guys, I think we need a counselor." So, that was my request. I said, "We have I think we have to discuss with the professionals here." Okay.
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And then two days later, I decide to go to my YouTube channel and use them and bring No, I did. They never been on my channel, but I brought that topic to my YouTube YouTube channel. I was almost
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crying. I was shaking. I was so emotional to share this information with my audience because often I can like it's very hard to find a psychologist who is going to understand your your specific polyamory relationship. It going to take me a
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couple of months to find a good one. Even any relationship Cody when we made you talk about your breakup and you did were we doing this again?
Speaker A
Did you find it? Did you find somebody to tell you? You did find people. But did you find it therapeutic at all talking about the breakup to my therapist or to my hookup to the show?
Speaker A
Oh my gosh. Don't talk to your ex. Oh man. No. No. Good time. Just You do need more wine for this answer.
Speaker A
I love it. Thank you, darling. No, it was definitely very therapeutic. Um th this show to me is kind of like therapy anyway. So I feel like that I get a lot out. I get to process a lot by being on
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this show. Just like with my music, I really get to be uh express myself. I think that's my main outlet is being able to sing and and really just get all those emotions out that I have going on.
Speaker A
So yeah, I think I definitely think that being here and having the audience because I did meet two people. I didn't even tell you this. Met two people at my job yesterday and they were uh uh saying how lovely the podcast is. They listened
Speaker A
to the podcast and I waited on them. So, yeah. So, shout out to I forgot his name, but I'll look it up and I'll say hi to him again. But, uh I'm bad with names, you know. Before we move on though, as
Speaker A
fellow content creators, I don't I certainly didn't think that this show was going to resonate the way it did eight plus years later. And it has and to your point Cody and what you heard and we hear this especially when we go
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out like Pride just happened and we saw a lot of people that were like hey from out of town telling us how much they love the show and what it meant to them and I that's what keeps me continuously
Speaker A
doing it. I have to say for what you're doing we mentioned it before to your Russian audience your Russian queer audience Russians living here it's a big deal. How much impact does that weigh on you and expressing even when you were
Speaker A
through a breakup mean to you? I no I do want to actually I do want to say a huge thank you to Russian speaking uh community immigrants who lives here to those guys who join my podcast because I never there by myself. It's
Speaker A
always new people. So it's four of us it's four or three okay and it's almost always new faces. So it's not easy for them either to talk openly about we talk everything sex and all the fetishes and you name it
Speaker A
basically publicly. Yeah. So they left Russia, right? But there's still a lot of stigma in a lot of immigrants who lives here and people say no to me like oh I your podcast is like too open. I cannot discuss that. Okay.
Speaker A
Yeah. Of course. And but those people who is you know you know coming to my podcast to talk about it we you know we having great time we have jokes etc. But we also talk about some deep you know
Speaker A
stuff and and sex and I just want to kind of make like a gay people be seen normal you know and like it was huge luck even back then in Russia when I left which was like over 12 years ago.
Speaker A
Okay. Uh it was way better back then in Russia in terms of gay community, lifestyle, etc. Even then it was not enough freedom for me. Now I you know we need to imagine, right? Yeah.
Speaker A
Absolutely crazy. Wow. Wow. Do you Well, I have a question. Do you think that it is more because of fear? What do you think is the reason that they can't or won't come on your show?
Speaker A
It is fierce. Of course. Fear but like of retaliation of family issues. Some people still not open to their families. Even they live here for five plus years, they might have a boyfriend or even husband.
Speaker A
Wow. Their parents still don't know their gays. So meaning when they have a let's say a weekly call to their moms, they still pretending something which is oh my gosh, it really like it hurt my my heart a lot. I really wish more people
Speaker A
to explore just freedom. It's so important. It's extremely important. I couldn't be myself who I am today if I wouldn't do my coming out back back then. If I wouldn't go to therapy for so many years. If I wouldn't, you know,
Speaker A
there's power therapy. Yes. And you're a life coach as well, we should mention as well. So, um, but I did have a question because we've been talking a lot about polyamory and how important it is to you, but what about open relationships?
Speaker A
Did you try in any of your relationships opening them up just because if it's needs a lot of people always feel like it's it's a sexual need, right? What was it about open relationships that didn't work for you that you found polyamory
Speaker A
does? So, I was in a relationship with my monogamous uh boyfriend and we've been to we've been together for approximately three years and I said, "Do you think we should try with a third person something? Should we try something like
Speaker A
that? He said no. Is that how you asked? I think that we should try.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, come on. That was very sensitive topic to me back then.
Speaker A
NOW I'M LIKE, "HELLO, YOU CAN HAVE ME TONIGHT, HONEY." And you too. And you too. Back then it wasn't like that. So, uh, so I asked him this question. He said, "Absolutely. No, no, no, no.
Speaker A
That's not my thing. No, it's just two of us and that's it. And what happened later?
Speaker A
She didn't like your legs in the air. That's all. It's her mascot, Bella. Yeah, she's okay, baby.
Speaker A
Baby. And so, and so what happened later? Two years later, basically, my boyfriend cheated on me. What?
Speaker A
Okay. See, so it's so much better when you put it out in the open. Honesty versus Honesty is important.
Speaker A
So, the person that was so adamantly against, she said, "No, I'm into monogamy." into monogamy. No, no, no.
Speaker A
We're not going to do a third person, anything like that. But then he brought another person.
Speaker A
Wow. Yeah. No, that's a lot. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy to me that monogamy goes alongside with the Chin. It's crazy.
Speaker A
It's like, come on. What do you think about because I've met a lot of people especially going on a lot of Akaya cruises throppples and when throppples are literally making it work and sometimes they live together. I've met
Speaker A
other throppples that two of them again are the husbands and then the third lives in an not even in the same city and he just comes in periodically. Would it is throppples a polyamorous relationship or is it what
Speaker A
it is a throple? No no no it's also part of polio yeah it is under under so there is a bigger umbrella god there is a monogamy and non monogamy in the rules of the literature of ancient times
Speaker A
non- monogamy is basically the opposite of monogamy so it's the the bigger umbrella of everything you know that's not monogamy even even open relationship I think fel goes into that category so uh polyamory The trles. Yes, of course.
Speaker A
It is a form of poly pome and I've met a lot. Have you met trouble couples?
Speaker A
I want to be in trouble. Oh, you do. You want to be the third and desire.
Speaker A
Oh, you do. This is This is This is going to be But it feels like monogamy to me because if I could be in a relationship with two people and that's close relationship, right?
Speaker A
Closed relationship. That's polyory. It is polyamorous. I'm polyamorous. No, you see I converted you so quickly.
Speaker A
Thank you. You did. You're you're the poly whisperer, I think. Yeah. Well, I want to move on uh to something that we've been talking a lot about recently and it's dating and it's about finding that person or persons in your
Speaker A
case and it's using the dating apps and or what we've been talking about Cody a lot on this show. It's there's this new I don't resurgence of going back out there and meeting people in person, which I personally love. It's how I met Diego.
Speaker A
I've never been an app person. I tried it. You You do really well on the apps.
Speaker A
I do really well on that. Um but I know I'm not using apps for more than three years really at all. But and with the we were just did a whole story on the show of there's a new app goose that is really
Speaker A
trying to get people to connect and about connection but then they used AI allegedly and are they you know like Archer are they going to work are they not going to work or is it just putting yourself out there it sounds like you're
Speaker A
a fan of putting yourself out there by joining together this boy have saved me Oh, I do.
Speaker A
I wasn't GOING TO SAY ANYTHING. I WASN'T GOING TO say Hold on. Tonight is Wednesday. Oh my god.
Speaker A
But I'm glad you brought it up cuz I have seen you in action and it is a thing to be seen. So I think I learned some tricks from you.
Speaker A
Wow. I love it. I But I You brought it up. I didn't bring it up.
Speaker A
Yes. So, well, first give your take on the apps and what you Yeah. What you think about using them and do they work? Do they not work? And how do you meet all of your polyamorous boyfriends?
Speaker A
And I'm assuming boyfriends. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Uh well, I do like uh sex positive places. Okay. Some kind of bars or sex parties or events, whatever it is.
Speaker A
Uh could be not sex positive. Uh could be sober events or could be both actually. We we're going to have a next weekend something like that in book.
Speaker A
Yeah, call me. A sober event. Sober sexensive event. Okay. Youber sober for over 12 years.
Speaker A
Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. Thank you. And um I think uh so how do I mean I don't know for me it's so easy to meet people. It's never been a problem. I'm I'm sorry. I don't know. For me gay
Speaker A
dating apps it's just such a waste of time. And it's just we have already so many notifications in our lives, you know, on our phones. We want to like kind of mute it and stuff like that. And on top of it, you're getting all these
Speaker A
messages. Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? I'm like, come on. I have three boyfriends. Like, I have to handle so many people in my life.
Speaker A
That's why you can't answer the messages because you have three boyfriends already. No, but it it does bring up a good point that you need to be a little bit more out there, gregarious when you're meeting people. I would argue my husband
Speaker A
is not Mr. Lounge, but we met in the New York Eagle and and he was very willing to meet me and so pretty friendly in the many other places.
Speaker A
Wait, not or not. Did you use the apps much, Diego, before you met me or were you more of an inerson?
Speaker A
I never met anybody on the You didn't mean in person? No, on the app.
Speaker A
On the apps, you never met more. So, and would you agree you're more quieter and you're and yet you still met people in person more than you did on the I'm on LONELY ISLAND OVER HERE.
Speaker A
SO, GIVE me it's okay you know to each their own. It's it's it's you know everybody is everything is not for everyone and I see that and also I also everywhere everything all at once.
Speaker A
It's crazy. I wanted to tell you even when I travel the places I've never been in my life this the countries I've never been in my life I still meet people in person even I don't speak the language I
Speaker A
still meet people in in person I was curious about that because you mean you've you've been to Thailand you don't speak any of those languages Thailand Vietnam Vietnamese Philippines they speak perfect English okay it's a vibe Cody just put yourself out
Speaker A
there people were just waving hands across the street screaming my name. It was just crazy. Like I just landed in the airport in Manila at 3:00 a.m. and people like, "Hi." I'm like, "Wow, there are friendly people around the
Speaker A
world." Extremely friendly. Oh my gosh, I miss those. So, I met a very friendly person last night from the in person. And I met a friendly person on when did we go to the Eagles? Sunday.
Speaker A
I met a very friendly I met a couple friendly people. Yeah. Did you go to New Bar the geek club?
Speaker A
Yes. Here in New York there's a new bar renew if you will. It's an homage to Rahive and it's really Yes. Well, let me pour it vibes of Eagle.
Speaker A
It does give vibes of Eagle. Yes, absolutely. Um yeah, come to New York. There's a new bar that's Would you call it a club?
Speaker A
I would call it a club. Yeah, because um it's bigger than just a regular bar.
Speaker A
It but it hurt. has zero. It has zero service on your phone. So, yeah, I love how you're reviewing this right now, but the review to me is it's hearkens back to an an earlier era, maybe '9s, where when you went out,
Speaker A
you know, nowadays there's these warehouse clubs and they're they're great, you know, but sometimes it's a whole production. It's a whole getting out there, they're pushed to the outskirts of the particular city. I feel like this is around the corner for me and it's like a
Speaker A
great sound system, lower ceilings, it's got the great DJs, great lighting, and then when you want to have fun, like I always say in Europe, there's a dark room to be had. You can just make your way over there and have some fun. So
Speaker A
good. What's your review? Since we're reviewing, we didn't know we were reviewing Rahide, but the lights the they have like lights, camera, action lights there. So they have like I think they're like laser lights, unless I was really drunk
Speaker A
and I just imagined them. You were drunk. right here. There's no laser. I was coming from She's drunk right now, by Give me Give me some space, y'all. Give me some room. I'm good. I'm good, though. Uh but uh I was coming from
Speaker A
Steve's house, so I was definitely drunk. But it's it's really a great ambiance. There's an upstairs space as well, and there's no pictures that are allowed, so that is an added bonus. And like you said, there's no service down
Speaker A
there, so you can't even really do any of that. But it's a very welcoming and fun place to be. You can have a lot of fun.
Speaker A
And I will I will add where there's this argument that the club is over, the bars are dead, no one's opening up anything.
Speaker A
It's so to see new spaces opening up, at least in New York, but I see in other parts of the country, places are opening up. I do think um this is how you meet people.
Speaker A
What were you going to say? No, about the bars, but it's such a big topic. I mean, I do go to the bars sometime and I'm trying to go at least like three, four places to see what's going on. A lot of empty places,
Speaker A
unfortunately. And but Meetup groups, I think, if you know, app's great if they work for you.
Speaker A
Awesome. Um, there is this Meetup group here that we were going to go to, Diego and I. It's called the second Sunday in Second Sunday. I I've never been. But we were we went out too late the night
Speaker A
before, which just means we had a really good time the night before. We're going in August.
Speaker A
Let's go in August. It's in Central Park here. And to the point there was a similar event this Sunday happening in Central Park.
Speaker A
Okay. Well, let us similar. I'll I'll give you the information. But I would argue these there's places hopefully if you live in a big city or in a nearby big city, there are meetup groups all the time. And I do think it
Speaker A
is a way to connect and meet people and find your, you know, nation your your next sex partner, your next whatever you call it, whatever you're looking for.
Speaker A
Friends, but okay. Friends with benefits. Friends, I mean, you can find whatever you're looking for out there.
Speaker A
Absolutely. So, there's a space for you to meet people. Uh, and but from what I hear, and I think I have been to the second Sunday maybe once prior, and it was a great time. I met a bunch of people. I
Speaker A
got great sun and it's just was a beautiful welcoming space. So, I can't wait to go back. So, those spaces are out there for us and I I feel like we should be utilizing them more. I feel like we should be utilizing all things
Speaker A
that are available to us including the apps judging. Yes. Well, would you say that all of your partners you've met in person? And the second part of that question is are they all in New York or are they in
Speaker A
various parts of the world? Three of them in New York. Okay. Oh my gosh, there's more. I thought there was In what burrow?
Speaker A
In what burrow? Queens. You know, Manhattan. Well, two of them. Two of them. It's couple.
Speaker A
Don't say now. Okay. Oh, you you you're boyfriends with a couple. Mhm. Oh, cool.
Speaker A
Back to the throppple. Back to the throppple. That's what I want to do. Well, we are not exactly trouble because there's more of us. There's more on my side and there's more on their side. So they have more than just me.
Speaker A
There's many of us. Okay. More. More. More. More. More. Give me more. Give me more.
Speaker A
Would that be like a polycule? What exactly is a polyure? You just brought up a term.
Speaker A
It is a polyle. Yes. Can you help us define what a polycule is? Because when it's like you don't want to count how many, it's like three or four. If it's three, it's triple. It's four. It's like okay, just polyle. Whatever. 3 plus it's
Speaker A
polyle. When you lose count, it's a molecule. That's That's what we're talking about here. I love his I love his reaction.
Speaker A
He's so genius. That should be recorded. So he's half naked already. I know. Um you mentioned many of them are here in New York.
Speaker A
So one Yes, I do want to Oh my gosh. I want to say hi to my I still call him boyfriend, but it it was hard to meet lately because he moved from Houston to Louisiana.
Speaker A
Rick uh he don't he don't use him in social media so I have to send him specifically the link to watch this episode.
Speaker A
Oh wow. Right. Uh so uh so I was flying to him to Houston to see him like I would fly there for a week and we spent the whole week together.
Speaker A
Oh yeah. And we would try we would travel together to Las Vegas couple of times Portoyarta one time to Florida he would fly it here to New York. So long long distance works too. And we had such an
Speaker A
amazing time. Oh wow. Just it on that. Um you mentioned naked over there. Uh Cody and I have been to the naked beach here in well not here but in New Jersey and we love it and you know with such an emphasis on
Speaker A
our bodies and being comfortable with your body and where you're at with it. We talk a lot about it on this show. I assume I've think I've seen you're comfortable with being naked and naked beach. How does that factor into your
Speaker A
your being today? Uh there's still not enough freedom in New York or even United States when you Yeah, we have to go to New Jersey, Cody.
Speaker A
Let's go. It's about the same. But in America, let's just saying it's where I was born.
Speaker A
That's the beach. But when you go to Montreal, for example, there's a different scene. When you go to Bogotaa.
Speaker A
Oh, there's a different Oh, wow. Bogotaa. When you go to Mexico, come on. Come on. Get into I mean, but New Jersey is the best in America.
Speaker A
Rico in terms of what? The beach, everything. Freedom. What's special about New Jersey? Tell me.
Speaker A
I did. I don't know. I'm not aware. Have you been to Gunnison before? Huh?
Speaker A
Have you been to Gunnison? He's talking about the naked beaches in Bogota, Mexico. Not just beaches, but other places. Just even the gig club. You can go and do whatever you want.
Speaker A
Um, what what should I say? I mean, it's you just love being naked, I guess.
Speaker A
Right. I guess. Yeah. I actually fascinated when I see those performances in Spain or Mexico or Bogotaa when they actually do performances on the stage. I think those allowed in Las Vegas.
Speaker A
Okay. Yeah, I think Nevada or Las Vegas. They're kind of conservative over there, but different rules. I think not in Vegas specifically.
Speaker A
There is certain festivals like a festival, I guess. I believe so. I believe so.
Speaker A
I think we should go do We should go do research. We should just for research purposes. He put his glasses.
Speaker A
Speaking Well, I wanted to while we have you here. Let me research, too. Let me get closer to the stage and see if it's a real penetration. While we have you here, I wanted to ask you bring you into a
Speaker A
couple of hot topics if we can. And one of them was something. So, Cody, we were talking about um the certain when you get hard and when you don't get hard. And weren't we talking about Well, there's specifically.
Speaker A
No, no, but we wanted to bring you into it. And uh it's called gym penis. It's this theory that when you're working out, so we were talking about on the beach recently, it's like beach penis where a lot of girth and size can and I noticed
Speaker A
when I'm on the naked beach, speaking of naked beach, that's why I thought of this is that it can hang more because the my underwear, my nothing's holding it under and the heat actually makes it look girthier and you can actually just
Speaker A
don't get in the water, right? But there's a thing called gym penis right now that is people are talking about how it gets smaller in the gym and that shouldn't really matter, right? Unless you go to sauna.
Speaker A
Well, go to make it bigger. Yeah, but go to the sauna and make it bigger, right? Exactly. would this but experts are really talking about this that if you're trying to meet somebody and you're trying to show in your shorts
Speaker A
who's trying to show me if you're trying to meet somebody in the gym and be a shower this doesn't it's a I've never done this thing before I still see big penises in the gym even in a heavy workout. So
Speaker A
I bet you do. I'm paying attention to details and my workouts and the equipment and like I didn't see a huge equipment sometimes, you know. I once walked down I once walked down 19th Street and my friend that he he's an acquaintance but I love
Speaker A
him. He's dear he was like and I was going to the salon to get my I used to go to this like high-end salon that I don't go anymore but he was like you know I could see what side the
Speaker A
outline of your dick and what side? I was like, "You could?" He's like, "Yes, girl." I was like, "Wow." I used to be really hung up on that about like my outline, my penis. And then I thought about like, "What? Am I a
Speaker A
Kindall? Who cares? Like, I have a Listen, we're in World Cup right now." And I just saw like a whole thing of what team was it that were jumping up and down?
Speaker A
Argentina. Oh my god. When they were jumping up and down close up on it, that was real, right, dear?
Speaker A
Yes. And it is a real thing. Oh, I believe you. I believe you. Gray sweatpants. Come on.
Speaker A
Yeah, I hear you. But also in the gym, so my trick in the gym for not getting a not having a small penis is I just go on sniffies and they send me all these nude pictures on sniffies and they it gets
Speaker A
engorged. So that's even while you're working out. That's crazy. Why is that crazy? Well, we love giving advice on this.
Speaker A
I like how you navigate those. Well, we love giving advice on the show and today should be no different. And normally we have people write in. Sometimes we do Reddits, but you Cody actually had a conundrum as you told me.
Speaker A
A conundrum. So, and since we have Oleg here, we figured we can both give advice.
Speaker A
Are you ready to give me some advice? Mhm. I hope so. So, lad, well, just get in the polyamorous relationship and do it.
Speaker A
That's his I'll do my best. So recently I was on Sniffies and I hooked up with this guy and uh it solved one issue because I had kind of been feeling out of my body during sex, but we talked for
Speaker A
so long before we had sex to where I felt really comfortable with him when we did eventually have sex. Uh I felt in my body. I felt very in the moment. So that I feel like that is where I will
Speaker A
I will I'll I'll come from or that I'll try to replicate that experience more when it comes to me having sexual encounters with people, talk to them, make sure I get to know them a little bit. But as I was getting to know this
Speaker A
guy, I was like, do I even want to really have sex with him? which is when you shared with me why some of the things that I that he was saying read to me just a little bit opposite of what my views and my morals
Speaker A
were. So some are you talking politics politics a some other things that were going on as well. So yeah what what is your advice for navigating whether or not you should have sex with somebody based on their political views or just
Speaker A
like not moral moral dis disinterest. Like it's called friends with benefits. Why? You simply I hate fucking only see them for a moment and because the sex is so good the rest you say and then when it's over
Speaker A
great and everything else you still want to know. It's called friends with benefits. What would you say?
Speaker A
Uh you can call it wherever you want. You can navigate. I mean you can see this person as often as you want or or never again. It's up to you, but keep conversations to minimal. I mean, usually that was the hottest part, the
Speaker A
fact that I kind of got to see his views and see and get to know him a little bit better. And he's I don't want anybody to like misconrue this. He's a nice guy.
Speaker A
He's We don't know him, by the way. So, it doesn't really matter to us. Don't like I mean it's not like some celebrity you put out there that like I don't want you to think that I don't like
Speaker A
this person you know Todrick Call or whatever. I imagine I hooked up with Henry Caval.
Speaker A
I don't know. But yeah, no he's a nice he made me tea. He did so many things that made me also he was like oh I'll come to your job. I don't really drink but I'll just come there to visit you. And who says that
Speaker A
anymore? So I I don't know that I want somebody coming to my job though.
Speaker A
Well, I invited him. Okay. All right. And I work in a bar, so it's a little different.
Speaker A
I didn't know that. You didn't know that. Come visit me in a bar. Okay.
Speaker A
We have non-alcoholic beverages. Okay. Okay. Okay. Come. They're really good, too. I want to hear your opinion and then I have a followup because I want to ask you something.
Speaker A
Yeah. Uh, so I wanted to say it's harder to find a person to have a good conversation with versus have a good sex with.
Speaker A
There it is right there. That's what I needed to hear. It's hard to find a good sex and it's even harder to find a a a person to to have a nice conversation with.
Speaker A
I agree. It is hard. So I usually start with the sex and then if you'll get to kind of kept US SO HAPPY I'M UP FOR the six too. Yes. We started with the sex too. Do you agree with me?
Speaker A
I mean come on. Yeah. You just do sex and if there's any capacity left for you and for them to have conversation have it. Do it. If not ciao.
Speaker A
Yeah. Ciao. Okay. I like that. I hear that. And you know what? He doesn't even live here. So if we hook up again, then I I will I didn't ask him questions about his political views just cuz I was scared because I definitely
Speaker A
want the fuck. And and we talked for two hours. So I was at this point I was like I invested way too much in this and so yeah. Anyway, I'll follow your advice. We'll see what happens. Friends with benefits might be where we're going
Speaker A
with this. Speaking of labels, you can call your guys, your boyfriends, your your wherever you want it. Wherever it's comfortable. It doesn't matter. I call my boyfriends boyfriends. A lot of people questioning me, why you call them boyfriend? It's like wherever. Call them
Speaker A
wherever. I call them as I call. I like that. Not getting so hung up on change the label to whatever works for you. That's we just seeing each other. Okay. Call it this way. Fine.
Speaker A
That's really good. All right. Well, since you're here with us, we do a fun game that Straightup Gay Porn puts out.
Speaker A
He just got really excited. Is this ME ON THE PICTURE? THAT COULD be me.
Speaker A
Straightup Gay Porn produces this. And if you're watching this, I KNOW THIS GUY. OF COURSE. HELLO.
Speaker A
THAT'S MY FRIEND. Let me explain the game before our audience. You don't have to, honey. O, I'm jumping out of my pants. But besides you, there's an audience out here and it's our job that straight up gay porn puts
Speaker A
out of 19 adult performers. They asked the question, who took the best photo of the week? It's our job on audio podcast to vividly describe who and why. Okay.
Speaker A
Um, here's so we've got You guys got to look and you got to pick because I'm going to do We've got XL Broccoli. Okay, interesting. We've got Next up Luca Roa.
Speaker A
Is that him? No, it's not him. Okay. Okay. That's not my friend. Okay, fine.
Speaker A
We've got Polo from the 305. Let me pull this up a little bit. I know. Um, we've got Matt attack with the nice balls. I will just describe that. OH, WE'VE GOT Rios and Matias where How would you describe this, Cody?
Speaker A
Uh, this they're about to fuck and Matias and he's standing over top of Lock is laying down in the dick is in the air and the other guy is standing over him.
Speaker A
You can see his ass. We've got JJ Aie looking really ripped. Um Jackson Harry also very sexy.
Speaker A
Yeah. A nice ass by Mike Monroe. And we've got Danny Fantasy and Austin Wolf looking delicious together. And Tyson Steven with a great tattoo on his huge thigh.
Speaker A
There's a lot of And oh my god, Sean Ford and Texas Twink. They're both twinks together. Oh my god. Adrien Hart looking delicious with abs of steel. Uh Colton McKon with his legs in the air.
Speaker A
There's too many. There's too many. Can you just pick one? We only have so many seconds. Can you pick it as our special guest?
Speaker A
There is one. There is one. All right. Which one? With the but two people. Yeah, this one.
Speaker A
That one. Yes. And that's all the time we have. He picked Leo Rios and Matias.
Speaker A
I hope I picked the Leo one. The the one with the huge um equipment.
Speaker A
We want to thank our very special guest Oleg to the show. How do you want people to follow you? Please tell them.
Speaker A
Oh, you can follow me on Instagram. It's O L E G K U D Y M O V.
Speaker A
We'll list it on the show notes. Follow Cody on the gram at Mr. Maurice. Follow me on the gram, I am_stev. And we really thank you for being a studio for us. And in the meantime, continue having hot gay
Speaker A
sex. Polyamorous if you need it to be. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my god, that was great.
Speaker A
Oh my gosh. Oh my god. We did it. Yes, we did. Wow. I love it.
Speaker A
Good times. Oh. Oh, you no bark at me, Bella. Yeah, you stop it, babe.
Speaker A
Yeah, it's tough. We're going to do 30 minutes. Yeah, we're going to do something for you. Do a picture.
Speaker A
Thumbnail. Okay. So, it might just be Oh, he can actually show the picture. Yeah. Three three parts.
Speaker A
Mhm. Because Yeah. I just something was saying that's just
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