Mork & Mindy S2E11 Mork vs the Necrotons: Part 1 (November 18, 1979)

Nano Nano. [Music] He. [Music] Oh boy, Nelson, what a turnout! I'm really impressed. I'm really shocked they came because my advisor here delivered my message to the people. Yeah, and his message was he was paying for lunch. Here's what it comes to: fine, I'll pay you next week. Next week? Weak. Sure, you can trust me. You have my word as a politician. Drop those forks. Kitchen's closed. Take that wiener out of your mouth. Hi, sorry I'm late. I was out pulling the neighborhood. H? Why are you so out of breath? Well, it was a gallop poll. He's all yours. Well, did you get a good cross-section? Well, I didn't want to discourage you, so I just pulled your friends. Must have been pretty one-sided. Yeah, it doesn't look good, Nelson. Don't you think you should start your speech? Oh yes. Mor, would you mind introducing me to the general electorate? Is he here? I love what he does with refrigerators. I get it. Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, please can you put down the stuff? We have a moment here for your attention. Thank you. I'd like to introduce a man that flattens me in my dreams and a man who will flatten your dreams too. Let's bring him up here. Nelson Flavor, the albino wonder. Come on, bring him up here. Yeah, hey, come on now. Here we go. No pictures please. It hurts his little pink eyes. Come on. Thank you. Good morning all you over 18s and welcome on. I can't help it, man. I got this ringing in my mouth. As I was saying, do something about it. I think Oron's trying to call me, man. Excuse me, Mor, why are you ringing? 'Cause my knocker broke. Well, since you're the sergeant at arms, why don't you throw yourself out? Be my pleas. Pleas, will you call my lawyer? Mind be on calling Mor. Come in, calling Mor. Come in. Mor. Oh, yo sir, what's up? You never used a day rates before. We got big trouble right here in Boulder City. Mark, this is deadly serious. A spaceship from the planet Necron landed on Earth. Oh no, not the Necrotons. They're arch enemies. No, they're a hockey team. Of course they are arch enemies. Good rort, sir. That's one for you, eight million for me. This is no time to be cute. They're after you. Me? Why me, sir? Because you're there. They want to know what you know about Earth to see if it's worth conquering. But I don't know anything about them. What do they look like? I don't know. No one's ever seen one and lived. For all I know, they could look like anything from a human to a wedge of Vita. Thanks a lot, sir. That narrows it down to everything. Fortunately, it's a limited threat. The Necrotons can only survive in Earth's atmosphere for 24 hours. All you have to do is what any patriotic organ would do in the time of war: hide. Exactly, sir. Just remember, not only is your life in danger, but the lives of every Earthling. Oh, too bad you're not here, your tubby tude. We could all hide behind you. Neons, I'm not afraid of [Music] them. So in conclusion, I want you to remember my campaign theme: a vote for Nelson Flavor is a vote for me. [Applause] Mor, Mor, working my impression of a turtle. What is the matter with you, Mor? I mean, you've been weird before, but never this weird. Orson called, men, and he said the Necrotons have landed. I've got to hide. The Necrotons have landed. Of course. What are you talking about? I'm talking about our arch enemies. They're here. But I don't know what they look like. I mean, they could be anything. They could even pose as food. Hey, M, you want a [Laughter] snack? What did you do that for? To self-defense. He's not feeling too well. Yeah, well neither is my Auntie Pasta. I'll send her a [Applause] card. Me? Me? That could be causing his anything. That might be the mothership. Mor, Mor, are you home? Me? It's right for me to sit on my face, but I don't think you can. Can you get out of here? You can't hide in there now. Will you tell, tell me what is going on here? Well, right, but I got to make it real quick. Now, what would you do in this situation? I would slow down and speak more clearly so I could understand. All right, well, I'm sorry. I was just a little panicked. Here's a straight poop. Well, you know the Necrotons are the scourge of the universe. Now you know that Orans have emotions. Well, Necrotons only have three emotions: hate, lust, and greed. No love. No way. And ever since I can remember, Ork has been at war with them. But I thought all organs were pacifists. We are. That's why every time we go to war, we have to go into hiding. Claud Reigns will be one of our national heroes. Now you see, all they have to do is hide long enough, then they get tired and they go away. Well, what do they want with you? Well, I think they want my reports to Orson. You see, they want to find out whether Earth is worth destroying or not. They want to destroy the Earth? Why? I guess it keeps them busy. Men, I don't know. Well, you got to find some place to hide, man. I... yeah, no, I can't hide there. I've been out of the closet for a year now. Yes, your dresses. I'll go incognito. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why are you taking my dress? Well, better way to hide than one of your dresses. Men, you know hiding is a drag. You, where did you put those tapes of Ethel Merman singing Led Zeppelin? Where are you going to go? I don't know. I mean, some place where no one ever goes. I mean, the frozen tundra, the barren desert, Mike Curb rally. Isn't there anything I can do to help? Oh, don't worry. I mean, Necrotons can't breathe this atmosphere for more than 24 hours. I mean, I'll be back tomorrow, un L, and well, unless they find me. But what do they do if they catch you? Well, people who have dealt with Necrotons have a saying. No, wait, wait a minute, Mork. Look at it this way. I mean, there's over 70,000 people that live here in Boulder, and so they never find... If you just stayed here. Good old logical men. You old puka. You're right. I mean, the odds of them finding me here in this particular room in the next 24 hours are 362 million to one. Must be my lucky [Applause] day. Einstein was right. Men's space is curved. I am Captain Nirvana of the Necron Black Army. K Sutra, fall in. Oran, you have exactly five seconds to get your meaningless life together in one bucket. Those are Necrotons. They're as mean as they are ugly. Don't stay away. Stay back. I'm going to get all the information you have out of your little pea brain. It's up to you, bright eyes. It can come out of your mouth or I'll suck it out your ear. They mean business, men. Hope this room is scotch guarded. Mor, do something. I am, man. I'm shaking as fast as I can. You can't just barge in here and suck out his brain. Oran, curb your pet. Pet, men. Men, heal. Heal. Heal. Don't worry about that, men. I'll guard us with the force field. See that, M? She's frozen in her tracks. She won't thaw for months. Is it spring already? Your silly little Oran weapons are useless against us. Run for it. Silence the pet. I'll pet you, you bimbo. Por TR. Oh, it's not that bad. We'll have our house broken in a month or so. Come on, let her go, please. Private, the trans inducer, the pink one or the yellow. Oh, just give me one, you twit. All right, you cute little hot potato, you are going to be under my power. I'm afraid you've underestimated the incredible hulking will of an Orkan. I scoff at your sparkling balls. Ah, Bachelor number one, if we were to go two to one. All right, take him to the [Music] spacecraft. Don't worry about your master. He's going to be just fine in our little torture chamber. H must be the runt of the [Music] litter. [Applause] That was good. I never knew you had a talent for panim. No, H. Mor, I, Nelson, you got to help me. Mor was kidnapped. Kidnapped? Yeah, they came in here and they blew the door off the wall and then they carried him away. Dastardly. Who did it? Three gorgeous voluptuous women that get my goat. No, no, they're vicious and violent and they're going to do something awful to him. Like what? Well, um, I can't tell you. Could you act it out? Oh, Nelson, I don't know what to do. Nobody's supposed to know. This is no stranger here. This is Nelson talking. First cousin, same flesh. Hey, hey, hey, remember when we were kids and I confided to you that I put the goldfish in Mom's flam chowder? Well, you owe me one. You're not going to believe me anyway if you want me to help you.

pay you next week next week weak sure you can trust me you have my word as a politician drop those Forks kitchen's closed take that wiener out of your mouth hi sorry I'm late I was out pulling the neighborhood H why are you

so out of breath well it was a Gallop pole he's all yours well did you get a good cross-section well I didn't want to discourage you so I just pulled your friends must have been uh pretty one-sided yeah it doesn't look

good Nelson don't you think you should start your speech oh yes uh Mor would you mind introducing me to the general electorate is he here I love what he does with refrigerators I get it yeah ladies and Gentlemen please can you

put down the stuff we have a moment here for your attention thank you I'd like to introduce a man that flatten me in my dreams and a man who will flatten your dreams too let's to bring him up here

Nelson flavor the albino Wonder come on bring him up here yeah hey come on now here we go no pictures please it hurts his little pink eyes come on thank you good morning all you over 18s and welcome

on I can't help it man I got this ringing in my mouth as I was saying do something about it I think oron's trying to call me man excuse me Mor why are you ringing cuz my knocker broke well since you're the Sergeant at

Arms Why don't you throw yourself out be my pleas pleas will you call my lawyer mind beon calling Mor come in calling Mor come in Mor oh yo sir what's up you never used a day rates before we got big trouble right here in

Boulder City mark this is De deadly serious a spaceship from the planet necron landed on earth oh no not the necrotons are Arch enemies no they're a hockey team of course there are Arch enemies good rort sir that's one for you

8 million for me this is no time to be cute they're after you me why me sir because you're there they want to know what you know about Earth to see if it's worth conquering but I don't know

anything about them what are they look like I don't know no one's ever seen one and lived for all I know they could look like anything from a human to a wedge of Vita thanks a lot sir that narrows it

down to everything fortunately it's a limited threat the necrotons can only survive an Earth's atmosphere for 24 hours all you have to do is what any patriotic organ would do in the time of War hide exactly sir just remember not only

is your life in danger but the lives of every Earthling oh too bad you're not here your tubby tude we could all hide behind you Neons I'm not afraid of [Music] them so in conclusion I want you to

remember my campaign theme a vote for Nelson flavor is a vote for me [Applause] more mow working my impression of a turtle what is the matter with you morg I mean you've been weird before but never this weird Orson called men and he

said the necrotons have landed I've got to hide the necrotons have landed of course what are you talking about I'm talking about our Arch enemies they're here but but I don't know what they look like I mean they they could be anything

they could even pose as food hey M you want a [Laughter] snack what did you do that for to a self-defense he's not feeling too well yeah well neither is my auntie pasta I'll send her a [Applause] card me me that could be causing his

anything that that might be the mother ship Mor Mor are you home me it's right for me to sit on my face but I don't think you can can you get out of here you can't hide in there now will

you tell tell me what is going on here well right but I got to make it real quick now what would you do in this situation I would slow down and speak more clearly so I could understand all

right well I'm sorry I was just a little panicked here's a straight poop well you know the necrotons are the scorge of the universe now you know that orans have emotions well necrotons only have three emotions hate lust and greed

No Love No way and ever since I can remember orc has been at war with him but I thought all organs were pacifists we are that's why every time we go to war we have to go into hiding Claud

Reigns will be one of our national heroes now you see all they have to do is hide long enough then they get tired and they go away well what do they want with you well I think they want my reports to

Orson you see they want to find out whether Earth is worth destroying or not they want to destroy the Earth why I guess it keeps them busy men I don't know well you got to find some place to

hide man I yeah no I can't hide there I've been out of the closet for a year now yes your dresses I'll go in cognito wait wait wait wait why are you taking my dress well better way to hide than one of your

dresses men you know hiding is a drag you where did you put those tapes of Ethel Merman sing Leed Zeppelin where are you going to go I don't know I mean some place where no one ever goes I mean the frozen tundra

the baron desert mik curb rally isn't there anything I can do to help oh don't worry I mean necrotons can't breathe those atmosphere for more than 24 hours I mean I'll be back tomorrow un L and well unless they find

me but what do they do if they catch you well people who have dealt with necrotons have a saying no wait wait a minute Mork look at it this way I mean there's over 70,000 people that live here in Boulder

and and so they never find if you just stayed here good old logical men you old puka you're right I mean the how them finding me here in this particular room in the next 24 hours are 362 million to

one must be my lucky [Applause] day Einstein was right men's space is curved I am captain Nirvana of the necron black Army K Sutra fall in Oran you have exactly 5 Seconds to get your meaningless life together in

one bucket those are necrotons they're as mean as they are ugly don't stay away stay back I'm going to get all the information you have out of your little pea brain it's up to you bright eyes it can come out of your mouth or I'll uh

suck it out your ear they mean business men hope this room is scotch guarded Mor do something I am man I'm shaking as fast as I can you can't just barge in here and suck out his brain Oran curb your pet pet men men

heal girl heal heal heal don't worry about that men I'll guard us with the force field see that M she's Frozen in her track she won't thaw for months is it spring already your silly little oron weapons are useless against

us run for it silence the pet I'll pet you you bimbo por TR oh it's not that bad we'll have our house broken in a month or so come on let her go please private the trans inducer the pink one or the yellow oh

just give me one you twit all right you cute little hot potato you are going to be under my power I'm afraid you've underestimated the incredible hulking will of an orcan i scoff at your sparkling balls ah Bachelor number one if we were

go to to you one on all right take him to the [Music] spacecraft a don't worry about your master he's going to be just fine in our little torture chamber H must be the runt of the [Music] litter

[Applause] that was good I never knew you had a talent for panim no h Mor I Nelson you got to help me Mor was kidnapped kidnapped yeah they they came in here and they blew the door off the wall and

then They Carried him away dastardly who did it three gorgeous voluptuous women that get my goat no no they're vicious and violent and they're going to do something awful to him like what well um I can't tell you could you act it

out oh Nelson I don't know what to do nobody's supposed to know this is no stranger here this is Nelson talking first cousin same flesh hey hey hey remember when we were kids and I confided to you that I put the goldfish

in Mom's flam chowder well you owe me one you're not going to believe me anyway if you want me to help you you've got a level with me oh all right um Mor was kidnapped by three creatures from this planet called necron who came

to Earth to suck out his brain and and to invade to destroy our entire planet you can tell Mom about the fish in the Chow nothing it's true I was trapped behind a force field right here or somewhere but but it was here and then I

understand it's not easy being a single woman in the now generation you've got career versus marriage tradition versus Liberation pregnancy versus is being careful Nelson the stress is too much isn't it I'm telling you the truth stress can do funny things like put the

door on the couch remember how mom used to bend spoons she'd bend them and bend them and bend them look I mean you know me I'm I'm good old logical reliable Mindy I wouldn't make up something like this all

right I'll help you you will first we'll get you to a nice home in in the country far away from the urban hubub why for your mental and my political Health I'll pay for everything are you saying that

I'm crazy M Mindy crazy is a relative term and as Jimmy probably said of brother Billy why my [Music] relative just think we wouldn't have even known of the existence of Earth if we hadn't found those two bogot films when we

pillaged the planet ovates have they been much help to you not much sir you see it's not accurate information first of all the Earth isn't even in black and white when it's essential we capture the oran for the

information yes I've already done so sir in fact he's in the spaceship right now excellent you must EXP ract every report he's ever made to his home planet I hope you can handle this Captain Nirvana yes sir I appreciate your confidence in me

sir I have no confidence in you the only reason you got the assignment is everyone else is out with a flu well don't worry I won't let you down as I say on Earth here's looking at you kid private camera bring in the prisoner

oh I can handle this I know I [Laughter] can why are you making all those noises we haven't even done anything yet I know that I'm trying to make you feel guilty it's an old Jewish trick all right smart guy I turn around

hands in the air what are you going to do to me well I'm going to search you for secret weapons nothing here turn [Applause] around oh you seem to have rung my bells what are you hiding in your pocket

is that a secret weapon no harmless stuff I'm just glad to be here no no it it's a yoyo yo yo oh yes we we have something like this on our planet but without the string how do you get it to come back well we don't

it's never been a big seller and here's something very special this is chewing gum yes we have that on necron well you put it in your mouth and you chew your mouth well I suppose that would work too

you're not going to get anything out of me I'm never going to tell you anything we'll see what would you say if I told you that we're going to put you on a rack and stretch your body till your tiny

little bones crack I'd love it I'd look like Tommy tun all right then maybe I'll just hang you up by your feet until your spleen slips out your nose just so happens that's a hobby of mine well then you're going to love it

when I wrap a rope around your neck can start your head up like an outboard motor that old orcan party trick of course you don't realize we orans scoff at pain all right The Jig Is up you'll spill your guts

now oh no a doctor chamber the ultimate rata in I've got to get out of here oh another The Supremes we know one thing about you little orans and that is you can't stand any intensive physical pleasure we'll have you moaning for

Mercy oh no romantic music soft liting oh no not the hot tub not the hot tub yes get behind the modesty screen and drop them you'll never get away with this if I don't come home for supper every cop

and Boulder will be on your tail what's a supper what's a cough what's a boulder what's the difference how should we start maybe we should rub him down with baby oil baby oil no no that'll leave us slick in the

hot tub what are you doing well I'm stalling for time well snap it up I have a planet to destroy all right I'm suspenders moral support pants hold on okay something okay are you finished well I think so

then haul it out here tots why aren't you naked well I am this is just a tattoo all right you Aran dog I'm not an Aran dog they have three legs and fall over every fourth step why don't you save yourself a lot

of pleasure talk never never my Earth files are top secret all right K Sutra sick oh no Mr oh listen wait a minute under the Jupiter convention I'm entitled to one last meal well all right what would you

like something to go no no I'll never tell you anything tickle [Laughter] him I must say he has a lot more spunk than I gave him credit for let's just get right to the a stuff and throw him

in the hot tub no no no these are my new tenes oh I love my work what's that bubble bow you C Sut blowing his ear no no C darling kisses the Little Neck no leave a mark now hold him down I want to read to

him oh reading can't hurt me I've been to Evelyn wood oh no what about smutty no you're despicable you're despicable there once was a lady from nzen whose bum was as big as her no hey that was a library

book we're wasting time your highness the orcan doesn't seem to be breaking yes put him on the trembler I've never been able to endure that what's the trembler the Doomsday Machine oh no magic fingers they'll talk now oh oh think boring

think boring think baseball think Tom Snider he's formed a mental block we can't break through he's tougher and smarter than I thought there's only one way to break through leave him alone with me I'm sorry you did that I forgot to

close my eyes oh you've been through such a lot oh a war as hell isn't it oh you poor thing you know this is very hard for anaton to say but well I I'm I'm really sorry I thought being

an Acron meant never having to say you're sorry but you don't understand this is my last chance if I don't suck out your brain and destroy the Earth well I'm I'm I'm going to lose my my job I oh you poor kid I'm sorry I was such a

pillar of strength and those vultures are just waiting for me to slip up so that they can come in and move into my boots I didn't know mindless destruction was such a competitive field you know sometimes sometimes I just want to Chuck

the whole thing and kidnap a family I could call my own I hate to see a barbarian unemployed tell you what I'll tell you everything I know oh how can I ever thank you well a simple goodbye would be

nice just give me any little old piece of secret information that you have for my report for instance these people the Americans who is their leader well they've been trying to figure that one out for years um they pick a new leader

though every four years how do they do that with a wet t-shirt contest what are the duties of this leader well every spring he throws out the first baseball after that he throws out his cabinet he tries to make everything

perfectly clear except for the atmosphere in the water and in cases of National Emergency he takes immediate action and books himself a trip overseas well all leaders are alike but what about the people tell me about the people you want to know about all of

them uh-huh all right I guess I better start with the A's first of all there's Aon aalala he was born in Hawaii he has two children Allan and Arthur Allan has a tattoo in his forearm of Jack Lord

with the inscription why'd you leave the show Dano and and his favorite quotation is his other son now raises herbs on Maui uh how many people are there on this planet we're all 4 billion and when you believe it they all sleep laying

down but to really understand this planet you must participate in one of their sacred Earth rituals it's entitled Simon says You must do everything that Simon says I'm ready all right Simon Says close your eyes Simon Says spin

around twice Simon says take one step up what's the object of this game to win Simon says you lose why you dirty rat you'll never get away with this no no a prage dealing with you come back here so long sweetheart don't take any

wooden dollars yeah that's right unhand me thas T what happened oh I just accidentally backed into the machine where's the Orca oh he just accidentally ran out the door uh but we'll catch him again don't worry anyway I've got some really juicy

information that I that I know will please our leader fool you blew it again it's all meaningless dribble the Orin has tricked you but I tortured him all over the place let me talk to him well he he ran

away but but we'll get him back you imilia orans are the best hiders in the universe you'll never catch him now that he knows you're after him I have a plan oh boy do I have a plan I I'm going to

make him come to me you better captain or you'll be space dust what are you going to do he seemed very attached to his pet yes I believe he called it Mindy catch her bring her here we're going to have a lot of fun I think I'll

keep her little foot for my keychain