Speaker A
Hi everyone. Today will be the final part of my story about my relationship with a person I met on a dating site.
Final part of a personal story about a toxic relationship with a manipulative man met online, revealing emotional abuse and recovery.
Key Takeaways
- Toxic relationships can have severe emotional and social consequences.
- Manipulative individuals often use jealousy and control tactics to maintain power.
- Therapeutic self-expression, like video journaling, can aid in healing from abuse.
- Recognizing red flags and seeking support is crucial to escaping abusive situations.
- There is always a way out, and starting over is possible despite difficult circumstances.
What the video covers
- The video concludes a year-long story about a difficult relationship with a man met on a dating site.
- The creator started making videos for therapeutic reasons to process and heal from the relationship.
- The man was secretive, manipulative, and emotionally abusive, causing significant personal and social damage.
- The creator discovered the man was married and had a history of cheating and psychological abuse.
- The man's ex-wife shared her experience of abuse and manipulation, confirming a pattern of toxic behavior.
- He used jealousy and manipulation to control multiple women simultaneously, including hiring a woman under false pretenses.
- The man denied cheating despite clear evidence and maintained control through emotional games.
- The creator reflects on the impact of the relationship, including lost friendships and personal growth.
- The video emphasizes the importance of recognizing toxic relationships and finding ways to escape them.
- The story ends with a message about trust, self-awareness, and the possibility of starting anew.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Purpose of the Video
- 01:18Audience and Shared Experiences
- 02:41Impact on Social Life and Friends
- 04:18Initial Impressions and Discovering His Identity
- 05:56Meeting the Ex-Wife and Abuse Revelation
- 07:45Manipulation Tactics and Multiple Relationships
- 09:33Denial of Cheating and Relationship Dynamics
- 11:09Reflection and Lessons Learned
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Actually, I wanted to say that I started making videos. If you look at my old videos, I started doing it for some kind of therapeutic purposes, because I was already starting to get out of that relationship. It was hard
Speaker A
for me, and when I talked it out on camera, it became, ah, easier each time, because I could look at myself. I saw myself from the outside. That's it. And if you look at them, I didn't even edit
Speaker A
the videos, I didn't prepare for these videos. I just needed to get out what was sitting inside me. And it helped me look at the situation from the outside.
Speaker A
If I had known that it would help me so much, I might have started doing it earlier. But, I guess, everything in its own time. Your feedback also helped me a lot. I didn't expect the video to generate interest, especially among
Speaker A
girls and women who also found themselves in a similar situation, in an uncertain relationship, with a person who doesn't provide clarity.
Speaker A
Well, this is very common now, and we have to somehow cope, make decisions, and deal with this situation ourselves.
Speaker A
With this video, I'm closing this story, which lasted a whole year. And I must say that all statements in this video are evaluative and analytical in nature. The video reflects my personal opinion and does not contain statements
Speaker A
about reliable facts of my private life. The video is not aimed at identifying specific individuals. So, in the previous video, I described the sequence of events, how everything happened between us, and, ah-ah, somehow the uncertainty gradually turned me into a vegetable and
Speaker A
generally had a very negative impact on me in all areas of my life. I was changing, my friends noticed it. They began inviting me less and less, or maybe to some kind of joint caregiving, so to speak. I was warned, I didn't
Speaker A
want to listen to anyone, and I lost a lot of friends, let's even say, because of this story. Well, okay, let's continue. So, at the very beginning, when we met, at the very beginning of our relationship, ah, this man was so
Speaker A
mystical, such a mister. He didn't share his Instagram with me, he didn't tell me his last name and everything like that. And very mysterious, very busy and at the same time charming and attractive and so on. Oh, well, one day
Speaker A
we met with him in a restaurant, and I arrived late, and they said to me at the entrance: "Is Mr. so-and-so waiting for you?" Well, accordingly, they said his last name. That's how I found out his last name and googled it. And
Speaker A
immediately the name of his wife came up. And I tried to find her on social media. Well, she immediately blocked me, because, as she later said, she didn't want to go back in time and talk about it. And she already knew my name
Speaker A
by that point, so she immediately understood and blocked me. That's it. I couldn't get in touch with her. Well, basically, I couldn't get anything out of anyone. And when he came to me and said that he'd lost everything, that he
Speaker A
had problems, I felt some kind of, how can I say, obligation, to help him somehow. And I remember those two days, I was just thinking and deciding, maybe I could sell something to help him. So he came to me and reached out. And one
Speaker A
day, I go to a Russian church and meet his ex-wife there. That's where we talked. So, it was God's will that we met at that particular time, that particular day, and not before. What did she say? That, um, that they lived
Speaker A
together for, it turns out, 10 years, and during their life together, such, how can I say, dramatic events happened. First, she said that, well, everything started out great for them, but over the years it got worse and
Speaker A
worse. She said she was sure he'd been cheating on her almost from day one.
Speaker A
Well, as I already said, his Instagram, which he literally showed me two months ago, I saw that they had a pretty happy, varied, happy life. Just perfect, similar to, you know, Oksana Samoylova's Instagram, for example. She said it was just a facade. And she said
Speaker A
she wouldn't tell you what happened there. She simply handed me a note from a psychologist, which described exactly what, the abuse she'd experienced, and all that. So, I won't say verbatim what was in that note, but I'll say it this
Speaker A
way, and how can I say it, it's veiled. Who knows, actor Andrei Panin, but not the Andrei Panin in the brigade, the one who looks like Brigitte Macron.
Speaker A
Here he is. So, he's known for having a very relaxed outlook on intimate life, so to speak, and for even filming himself, yeah, doing those crazy things. Well, who knows, knows. And those kinds of things were written there. So.
Speaker A
I don't know why, but some, uh, people, well, narcissists have this peculiarity: ordinary people use, let's say, ordinary people use sex toys, yeah, but they use objects that cause pain. And he liked doing that. How did he achieve
Speaker A
that? Very simple. He constantly used, uh, jealousy manipulation, and constantly pretended that he had an admirer. And one day he found some girl. And I asked him, how are you, where did you find her? Well, most likely, he
Speaker A
found, uh, a psychologist on a dating site who looked like an RN. He rented her an apartment near theirs, said he would be her producer and that they would collaborate. Naturally, that girl fell in love with him, and naturally,
Speaker A
he used the same manipulations, seductions, and so on. Of course, he's perfectly aware of what he's doing, how he manipulates people, how he plays with them. He even says he used to do hypnosis. It's like he hypnotized people. That's why he was always able
Speaker A
to close good deals. He knows how to persuade people, just like he persuaded me to start that business. Basically, he knows how to talk. And so he started inviting them both together, you know, to a restaurant. They went out together
Speaker A
, took walks, and he always enjoyed watching the two girls get jealous of each other. It gave him some kind of pleasure, which warmed his self-esteem, his pride. And in the end, of course, there's cheating, but people like him,
Speaker A
they'll never admit it's cheating. They say, "Well, it wasn't cheating at all, it was just, well, I can't call it cheating." Great excuse, right? I can't call it cheating. It's not cheating, because I can't call it that. So, he
Speaker A
then tells this girl that he's not leaving his wife, and she goes back to her ex-husband, moves out of that apartment, and says, "And after that, he and his wife have this velvet period." Uh, she says, "Everything in bed
Speaker A
became absolutely amazing." How does she explain it? She says that yes, I showed my jealousy and that I didn't want to lose him. And, naturally, this made her do things, agree to things that, as she says, I would never do,
Speaker A
neither drunk nor sober, I would never do anything like that. After that, she hated herself, but she couldn't tell anyone about it. Well, basically, I understand her, because if I didn't know this person, I wouldn't believe her either. But since I know what he's
Speaker A
good at, how he talks, how he behaves, I believe her. She said there was also some kind of financial issue, because he hadn't worked for a long time. And by the way, another interesting point: when I asked him, well, I say, you have
Speaker A
the kind of job that requires you to constantly go to these clubs, restaurants—that could also, I say, have somehow affected your lifestyle, that you go out there at night, and it's not clear when you'll be back.
Speaker A
He's so pito, he says, when we were together, I worked a lot. I had a completely different job. I worked a lot. I was little, so, of course, it's me who now has such a relaxed lifestyle, with working from home and all that.
Speaker A
In fact, according to her, he hadn't worked for a very long time, and she was supporting the whole family, she says she bought clothes for his son.
Speaker A
And when she came home from work, he would shout at her from the couch: "I need it quick, send me 2,500, I need to pay for something." And that was perfectly normal until s
Speaker A
worked until recently. Now I'm sitting here and thinking, probably, people like him, they're not even looking for wives for love, for a family, but they're looking for someone to use, someone they'll feel most comfortable with. And for them, people are
Speaker A
resources, services. And so, you know, she meets my needs in this, she meets them in this. If she doesn't meet my needs here, then I'm starting someone else, then I'm looking for this on the side. And so that they would listen to
Speaker A
him, he always keeps you on such a tone , like, if you lose me, you see me, there's a whole line waiting, and you're lucky that I'm with you, I'm your husband, I'm valuable in my own right. And it's good that she was
Speaker A
financially secure, independent. And she says: "If I had agreed, uh, to live in the south with him and depend on him , then, she says, I don't know how I ever left." She also had a job, she was
Speaker A
independent, she stood on her own two feet. So in that regard, it was easier.
Speaker A
Well, even that wasn't easy. Well, when the arguments were already off the charts, she, as she said, she had already started preparing a plan of action. And, uh, then, when he goes on a business trip, he and his daughter
Speaker A
pack their things and go hide. He showed me that she was so stupid. Look, on my daughter's phone, you should find the iPhone. I can see where they are. I knew where they were from the very beginning. You know what was the most
Speaker A
cynical thing about his behavior in that situation? As he told me, he was so suffering. I arrived to an empty apartment, and there was no trace of her. Can you imagine how I felt? In fact, he himself later told me that the
Speaker A
next day, after his wife left him, he had already brought this black panther home and had already started a relationship with her. And he said that his wife had seen his messages. For some reason, all the girls found his
Speaker A
messages on his phone, on his laptop. It felt like he left them on purpose for them to see, and he reveled in the fact that they were jealous and that they were throwing a tantrum against him, and he was in control of the
Speaker A
situation. Oh, you don't understand anything there, it's not what you think . And in the end, he says that she saw my text messages and messages with her, with this black girl and the model.
Speaker A
Well, by the way, she's a model, not a runway model, not a top model, but an Instagram model. She just runs some Instagram account, he showed me her photo. She's very young, and she has, well, naturally, a beautiful body, but
Speaker A
her face is such that she's 18 years old at most. She has a very babyface, a very youthful face, beautiful, very youthful. Maybe he even exaggerated her age. To be honest, anything can happen.
Speaker A
Especially since he said that a twenty-year-old is writing to me. I say , "Why do you set the age limit at 20 on a dating site? If they're too young for you?" Oh, he says, "Yes, they put 28 on mine there. They add that to
Speaker A
themselves, and they change their own age." In fact, blah-blah-blah. I asked him, we had the same conversation, I asked him, "Why did you do that? What kind of fantasy is this?" Why did you understand that you...You understood, I
Speaker A
say: "It's great that you're causing pain. Why did you do this to her?" And he deflected some questions, he was silent. I go and when I said: "Well, you know, somehow living at your wife's expense is also somehow, well, weren't
Speaker A
you at all embarrassed?""What did he answer me? Oh, Katya, look at me, look at me. And I look like a person who would do that, because he had nothing else to answer. Now, knowing, I heard both sides and made my conclusions. And
Speaker A
I realized that I almost screwed myself up, I almost fell into the clutches of some terrible person, and almost dragged myself into such a relationship from which I might not have escaped at all. Sometimes a person turns out to be
Speaker A
completely different from what we imagine him to be. And it is very important to listen to yourself in time , to choose yourself, your peace of mind, your dignity and your, ah, normal , healthy future. And even if you love
Speaker A
a person very much and have gotten used to him and the growth of skin and all that, you need to find this strength in yourself, to see this unhealthy situation from the outside. and make a decision. It took someone 10 years, but
Speaker A
I can understand her. Indeed, he is very charming, charming, handsome. Nature does not She definitely cheated me. Plus, he knows 100%how to behave with a woman, how to please her, how to behave with her. How to make her like
Speaker A
you right away? He knows it all from A to Z. There's a competition for the most charming man, he'll take first place. But looks don't always indicate a person, and a good one. Looks can be deceiving. I feel very sorry for women
Speaker A
who find themselves in such relationships, when you've been living together for 10 or 20 years, and somehow, leaving is no longer an option . And starting life over is hard. But to be honest, you can start life from
Speaker A
scratch at any age, I think. The main thing is to choose yourself, not another person. That's how it is. In general, I wasn't surprised when he said that his dog had a heart attack, because I know what this dog survived
Speaker A
and how she lived to be 13 or whatever she is, 15 years old now. Uh, and she was very unlucky with her owner. Very, very Bad luck. This dog really doesn't deserve such an owner. And when he asked me for money for this dog's
Speaker A
treatment, if it were up to me, I would have taken this dog for myself. And because I know that this money won't go to pay this bill. It will go to something else, like cigarettes and so on. I don't know at all. And when I
Speaker A
talked to our mutual friend, she said:" Listen, he's far from a poor man, he has real estate, and as far as I know, he has four motorcycles, real estate, some expensive watches, yes, yes, a lot of things. Women, when they start their
Speaker A
new life, leave their abuser, they sell their gold, jewelry, start a new life. "Well, what's stopping them from doing the same? There is always a way out.
Speaker A
But, well, apparently, like someone already wrote me one comment, when the resource is gone, he can take at least a shelf of glass, at least something, because she is already leaving.
Speaker A
Naturally, after everything that I learned, naturally, he understood that I would run away. That's why these things started:" Well, help me with at least something, you can at least a little and so on. "And then he says:" I
Speaker A
look like a man who would ask his wife for money. "When I started filming a video about this story, I, of course, could not even know about this. I felt that something was wrong, but I could not understand what. And now, when such
Speaker A
a small community has already formed with you, I am glad that I went through this story with you. And I wanted to thank you for your support, for your comments. It helped me a lot, really. A lot. It helped. There. And I'm happy to
Speaker A
say that this story is over forever. So what has this story taught me? Not all that glitters is gold. Trust, but verify. Trust in God, but don't be lazy yourself. That's all. I'll perform this ritual with you to put an end to this
Speaker A
story. I want to do it together with you. So, I found his photofit on the Internet. Now we're going to burn this photo of him and get rid of this negative energy. And so that we don't come across such people in our lives
Speaker A
anymore. Please, now we're going to set you on fire. Oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh-oh. Wow, how hot. How hot it burns. Lord, there's going to be smoke now. That's it, that's it. Well, that's it, mission completed. New chapter unlocked. Our investigation is complete. And by the
Speaker A
way, I'm a lawyer by education and I even have a little experience in the Investigative Committee. Where haven't we disappeared? I want to address all the girls and women who have the app on their phones. Dating. Be careful. We
Speaker A
never know what's hidden behind the pretty wrapping. Kisses to everyone. Bye.
Topics:toxic relationshipemotional abusemanipulationdating sitenarcissismrecoverytherapypersonal storyrelationship advicemental health
