How to Coach a Gymnast Through a Mental Block

Hey everybody, it's me, Coach Rebecca, and today I'm going to be answering a question from a member of the Perform Happy community. This member is a coach, and if you didn't know, we actually have coaches in our community who are using our challenge workbooks to take their kids through, to help them work through mental blocks, to help them build confidence. So this coach reached out to me and said that she's been working with a specific athlete through her mental blocks. They have made great strides, but she ended the season with an injury, was out for eight weeks, and is now working on coming back. The comeback has been—it's gotten to a point of being really frustrating. So she's struggling with her release connection on bars. She says that her athlete is becoming super frustrated because this is a skill she's, quote, "always had a mental block on." This coach says, "I've hit a wall. I've tried to remind her to look at the progress that we've made at the end of last season, but I can see it in her face that she doesn't believe there's a solution. I don't know how to help her have hope that there is a solution. Her previous coaches would have given up on her or just yelled at her, so it's been a process of building that trust between us. She does trust me, but I don't know how to get her to trust herself." And then she went on to mention that the athlete feels like—alright, it feels to the coach like the progress has been erased in this athlete's brain, like they can't even remember that they did actually solve this problem once before. This athlete's constantly comparing herself to others or where she was before, and again, this coach just wants this kid to believe in herself. So I think whether you're a coach or a parent, you get this struggle, right? You see this kid and you go, "Wow, I know how tough you are. I know how capable you are. I know you've actually done this once before," but the kid just looks back at you totally hopeless. And I have been in the shoes of that kid. And something that can happen is that, you know, kids are like, "Wow, a new strategy! Oh my gosh, this is so great! There's hope! I'm gonna finally break through this thing!" Then they break through because the system works, and then they have a setback because life happens. They get injured, they move, they switch coaches, something happens to their confidence, they get bullied in school, you know, there's so many things that can shake a teenager's confidence that then they go, "Oh, I lost my skills again. I must not be good enough. There must be something wrong with me." And we can see from the outside this is just a perspective issue. You know, if the kid looked at it, what I would do with this kid is go, "Let's find some clues. What's the difference between now and when you are thriving?" You took eight weeks off to recover from an injury. That's a huge clue to what set you back. So anytime that a kid, you know, quote unquote loses a skill, it's really just a dip in confidence, and so many things can cause that dip. Okay, so many things being left out: fear of not reaching their goals, especially for teenagers who are high level. They might have college recruiting sort of knocking at their door, and they're starting to look at it like, "If I don't get this now, I will not reach my dream," which to a teenage brain is a huge threat, humongous threat. And this can even happen to like a level five ten-year-old who's like, "If I don't move up to the next level with my friends, I will die." I mean, that's what the brain believes. If I don't get recruited by this dream school, I will die. The brain can't determine the difference between an emotional upheaval and actual death, so the brain goes into overprotective mode. And so what sets that in motion is the thought process: "I'm not gonna make it. I'm not good enough. There's something wrong with me. I don't have enough time," which these are what we do as humans to sort of cushion the blow of disappointments. We seek to understand what's happening. Okay, why is this happening? "I'm failing. I am bad." That tends to be something that a lot of perfectionists will go to. So it's normal. I would just normalize the heck out of this situation for that girl. It is so normal to have confidence setbacks after you've not been able to train these upgraded skills. Totally normal. There's nothing wrong with you. So many, thousands of kids are in your same shoes post-injury, something you can't even control. And then, you know, to look at this particular situation, bars and releases can take an insane amount of drills and progressions to build up to. In the Perform Happy community, we have our app and we have different communities, and we set up a special community just for the level nine plus release move crew because those overshoots, those bails, those packs, they can really get you. I mean, you're literally flying through the air. It is a leap of faith. And for a kid who has trouble trusting because they got yelled at so much when they were coming up through the levels, they don't trust their previous coaches, they don't trust themselves, and they're being asked to let go and fly through the air and trust themselves. So again, it's a hundred percent normal that it might take a thousand drills and a thousand spots and a thousand met over the bar. And if you think of it like a kip for you gymnasts out there, everyone knows the struggle of the kip. It takes you thousands of attempts, and you fail and you don't make it, and you don't make it, and you work on this thing for years, two years. I mean, it takes forever to get the kip. But how many do they need to try before they make it? Nobody knows. You just have to keep at it. And then they keep the faith because they see that kids are working at it for two years and then they get it. Their teammate got it. Oh my gosh, that's so exciting! Wow, I'm getting closer! Oh, I'm so close! My coach said she's barely spotting me! And they keep at it, and they keep at it, and they keep at it. What's fueling them through that potentially totally discouraging process is that they're like, "I'm gonna get there. I'm getting closer." And the coach is like, "You're getting closer. We're gonna get there. You're doing great. Do some drills. Try it again. I'll spot you," and they just keep working at it. The difference is, so, you know, yes, that's what you do with these bars skills. You have to learn the timing. You have to be able to really just let it happen. You have to be strong enough. There's so many things that have to happen all at once to make that thing work. But then finally it works. Then if you have a setback and you're back to the beginning, instead of thinking, "I know I will get this because if I keep working at it, I can do anything," which is sort of the little kid learning their kip mindset, they go, "Well, why bother? Because when I get it, I'm just gonna lose it again." And why would you? If you think that you're going to put in thousands of hours of work into something that's just going to, you know, disappear, why would you? Why would you put in the work? Why would you stretch your comfort zone? So the ideal mindset is that that kid can go back to that little kid learning a kip mindset where they basically are like, "I have never done this before, and I'm excited about any progress I make because it means I'm moving in the right direction." Now, the post-injury body that your athlete is working with has never done this skill before. There's a change. This kid is a different kid. Their brain is different. Their body is different. If you look at it and go, "Okay, this kid has never done this skill before, ever. So where do we start?" And if the kid can acknowledge that, we had a kid in the Perform Happy community who had struggled with mental blocks to get her back handspring on the beam, and she got through it. And then her coach was like, "Whoa, wait a second, you're doing this on your non-dominant leg. We need to switch it to your dominant leg." So this girl had to completely relearn a back handspring on the beam on her other side, which sh—

using our challenge workbooks to take their kids through to help them work through mental blocks to help them build confidence so this coach reached out to me and said that she's been working with a specific athlete through her mental

blocks they have made great strides but she ended the season with an injury was out for eight weeks and is now working on coming back and the comeback has been it's it's gotten to a point of being really frustrating so she's

struggling with her release connection on bars she says that her athletes becoming super frustrated because this is a skill she's quote always had a mental block on this coach says I've hit a wall I've tried to remind her to look

at the progress that we've made at the end of last season but I can see it in her face that she doesn't believe there's a solution I don't know how to help her have hope that there is a

solution her previous coaches would have given up on her or just yelled at her so it's been a process of building that trust between us she does trust me but I don't know how to get her to trust

herself and then she went on to mention that the athlete feels like all right it feels to the coach like the progress has been erased in this athlete's brain like they can't even remember that they did actually solve this problem once before

this athlete's constantly comparing herself to others or where she was before and again this coach just wants this kid to believe in herself so I think whether you're a coach or a parent you get this struggle right you see this kid and you go wow I know

how tough you are I know how capable you are I know you've actually done this once before but the kid just looks back at you totally hopeless and I have been in the shoes of that kid and something that can

happen is that you know kids are like wow a new strategy oh my gosh this is so great there's hope I'm gonna finally break through this thing then they break through because the system works and then they have a setback because

life happens they get injured they move they switch coaches something happens to their confidence they get bullied in school they you know there's so many things that can shake a teenager's confidence that then they go oh I lost my skills

again I must not be good enough there must be something wrong with me and we can see from the outside this is just a perspective issue you know if the kid looked at it what I would do with this

kid is go let's find some Clues what's the difference between now and when you are thriving you took eight weeks off to recover from an injury that's a huge clue to what set you back so anytime that a kid you know

quote unquote loses a skill it's really just a dip in confidence and so many things can cause that dip okay so many things being left out fear of not reaching their goals especially for teenagers who are high level they

might have college recruiting sort of knocking at their door and they're starting to look at it like if I don't get this now I will not reach my dream which to and to a teenage brain is a huge threat humongous threat and this

can even happen to like a level five ten-year-old who's like I if I don't move up to the next level with my friends I will die I mean that's what the brain believes if I don't if I don't get

recruited by this dream school I will die the brain can't determine the difference between an emotional upheaval and actual death so the brain goes into overprotective mode and so what sets that in motion is the thought process I'm not gonna make

it I'm not good enough there's something wrong with me I don't have enough time which these are what we do as humans to sort of cushion the blow of disappointments we seek to understand what's happening okay why is this

happening um I'm failing I am bad that tends to be something that a lot of perfectionists will go to so it's normal I would just normalize the heck out of this situation for that girl it is so normal to have confidence setbacks after

you've not been able to train these upgraded skills totally normal there's nothing wrong with you I so many get thousands of kids are in your same shoes post injury something you can't even control um and then he you know to look at this

this particular situation bars and releases can take an insane amount of drills and progressions to build up to in the perform happy Community we have our our app and we have different communities and we set up a special

Community just for the level nine plus release move crew because those overshoots those bails those packs they can really get you I mean you're literally flying through the air it is a leap of faith and for a kid who has

trouble trusting because they got yelled at so much when they were coming up through the levels they don't trust their their previous coaches they don't trust themselves and they're being asked to let go and fly through the air and Trust themselves

so again it's a hundred percent normal that it might take a thousand drills and a thousand spots and a thousand met over the bar and if you think of it like a kip for the for you gymnasts out there

everyone knows the struggle of the kip it takes you thousands of attempts and you fail and you don't make it and you don't make it and you work on this thing for years two years I mean it takes forever to get the

kip but how many do they need to try before they make it nobody knows you but you have to keep at it and then they keep the faith because they see that kids are working at it for two years and then they get it their

teammate got it oh my gosh that's so exciting wow I'm getting closer oh I'm so close my coach said she's barely spotting me and they keep at it and they keep at it and they keep at it what's

fueling them through that potentially totally discouraging process is that they're like I'm gonna get there I'm getting closer and the coach is like you're getting closer we're gonna get there you're doing great do some drills try it again I'll spot you and they just

keep working at it the difference is so you know yes that's what you do with these bars skills you have to learn the timing you have to be able to really just let it happen you have to be strong enough you there's so

many things that have to happen all at once to make that thing work but then finally it works then if you have a setback and you're back to the beginning instead of thinking I know I will get this because

if I keep working at it I can do anything which is sort of the like little kid learning their Kip mindset they go well why bother because when I get it I'm just gonna lose it again and why would you if you think that

you're going to put in thousands of hours of work into something that's just going to you know disappear why would you why would you put in the work why would you stretch your comfort zone so the ideal mindset is that that

kid can go back to that little kid learning a kip mindset where they they basically are like I have never done this before and I'm excited about any progress I make because it means I'm moving in the right direction now the post injury body

that your athlete is working with has never done this skill before there's a change this kid is a different kid their brain is different their body is different if you look at it and go okay this kid has never done this skill

before ever so where do we start and if the kid can can acknowledge that we had a kid in the perform happy Community who had struggled with mental blocks to get her back handspring on the beam and she got

through it and then her coach was like whoa wait a second you're doing this on your non-dominant leg we need to switch it to your dominant leg so this girl had to completely relearn a backhand spring on the beam on her other side

which she did she did the exact same process that got it the first time and then we and I talked to her and was like you have never done this skill before this is a brand new skill she was

getting real hard on herself she's like I can't believe I'm on the low beam like you've never done this before the you that you are has never done this skill before at all so you start with what you

can do and then any progress forward is progress okay so that's sort of like how we start moving her forward which you know this by now this coach already knows exactly how to start with what you can do stretch those progressions

forward um but it's all about it's all about that perspective and about the mindset so the next thing I want to talk about is that the mental block which I also don't like to even call a mental block

because it feels so final the the dip in confidence is the symptom not the actual problem so this kid feels like you know I've had this block for three years four years five years I mean kids struggle with certain skills for a

really long time that is just a symptom of the mindset that's keeping her stuck and that is a fixed mindset so we talk about this in the mindset Challenge and one of our perform happy athlete challenges all about helping these kids who are

really talented and they have started to believe that all other success is a result of their talent or this natural ability and they don't connect that their hard work and consistent effort are actually the reason why they've been

successful because maybe they've been told they're talented their whole life so then all of a sudden they're like well I'm not so talented anymore because I can't even do this skill my talent must have run out so they they kind of depend on progress

to feel good about themselves anyone who's got a fixed mindset is going to be it's going to be fragile it's going to be fragile confidence because you're only going to feel good while you're thriving if you have a setback which

life will dish you setbacks you don't want to be on the verge of always losing all your confidence because of a setback instead you have to be able to just be where you are and try to get a little better from

there be at square one if that's where you are and get a little better from there tomorrow you're going to be where you are and get a little better from there the next day you're going to be where you are and get a little better

from there instead of I'm failing I'm falling behind I'm not gonna get recruited I'm not gonna move up with my friends you know whatever that big fear is that's keeping their brain on lockdown we got to just be in today get rid of

competition season in your mind get rid of recruiting get rid of move UPS you know like wipe all of that off your whiteboard you can even do this exercise where you get a whiteboard and you write down all of the stressors all of the

worries I'm not going to get this in time I will always have this mental block I you know have them actually write it all down and then wipe it off and just be in right now today so if

this athlete can start to think of it like this this is a brand new skill I've never done before in this version of my body I don't know how many reps it's going to take just like a kip but I know that

I'll get there it's just a matter of time something I like to ask when kids feel they seem like it feels a little hopeless I ask them okay on a scale of one to ten How likely is it that you're

gonna do this skill this week they'll go like two it would take a miracle I'm like great okay How likely is it that you're gonna do this skill this month and they're like I don't know about four still not good you know they could still

be all in their negativity like oh a four okay okay so there's something something's moving there How likely is it that you'll do it in the next two months you know five the next six months seven the next year

um eight the next two years and you just keep going basically until they can find their ten you know if you kept at it and you put everything into this and you kept working hard How likely is it that you would be able

to do this skill sometime in the next five years and they'll hopefully give you that 10.

maybe they're gonna still be at a nine but regardless you can sort of have that conversation with them and then go okay so what I'm hearing is that you know you can do this it's just a matter of time

is that right and then usually they can look at that and go yeah that's right so it's not hopeless it's just not going to happen today which that's part of your growth mindset is to go that's okay we're gonna start where we are we're

going to focus on one attempt at a time we're gonna praise all the progress we can find each day now the progress is not tracked from yesterday your great day that you had it's not tracked from last year or three years ago it's

tracked From This Moment forward you have a clean slate with every attempt this you've never done this skill before so whatever you do is your starting point and then you get a little better from there now something that kids have

got to embrace in order to fully break through is the idea that taking a step back you know moving back a progression going back to an easier surface doing something that feels a little safer does not mean that you have gotten off the

path to success it actually is the path to success okay again taking a step back is not getting off the path to success it is the path to success you have to take steps back and forward over and over to

master anything regardless of you if you feel like you're broken and you have a block any human when they're learning a challenging a physically challenging skill is going to make some progress then get a correction and though their

confidence might waver a little because now they have to think they think they think now they move it back up to the next progression and then there's another correction so they're kind of backing it up improving and moving it

back up and every time they move forward even though they feel like they're taking one step forward one step back one step forward one step back every time they move forward they have better technique they have better form

they have more muscle memory so when they finally get to that you know end result which is not what we're aiming for we're only aiming for progress their skill is going to be impeccable because of all the back and forth not in

spite of it the back and forth is the way and if kids can accept that and go hey if it's not working out at this progression I'm going to back it up and get more muscle memory built with great

technique so that there will be a point where I can trust myself when I'm ready to okay so a couple more things for for this coach and any coaches out there who are struggling with kids who are having

trouble believing that they can do a certain skill I'm gonna say this stop trying to make the skill what I mean by that is they show up these little perfectionists and they go well I'm not doing it so I'm failing

they're not counting all of those progressions and drills that they are doing successfully because they feel like they should be better so they're in this black and white so every time they try and they don't do the full skill by themselves it feels

like a failure which is undermining their confidence faster than they can build it through making progressions so if you stop trying to make the skill and start trying to get a little closer you'll be amazed at what happens so I I

have a little example I love to share on this I was watching a girl in the gym who was working on getting her back walk over on the low beam and every time she tried her hands went wide on the panel

mat so her hands didn't get on the beam they went wide on the panel mats and her coach was just you know just do a few with the panel mats and then we'll start peeling them down so you can do them on

the beam this girl had been trying for two weeks every single time they went to beam she would try back walkover she could get her hands together on the line then when she went to the low beam with

the panel mats her hands flew apart and Coach looked at me and was like I don't know what to do I can't I do not know how to get this kid's hands together it's driving us both insane so

I went over with her and I was like go chalk up get some chalk on your hands so she gets chalk on her hands she does her back walk over her hands go wide on the panel mats and now she's got these big

white hand prints on the panel mats and I said try to get them a little closer together don't worry about getting them on the beam just get them a little closer so she her next attempt she had a

new chalk hand print and it was closer to the beam and I was like yes girl that was better she looked at me like I was insane I was like that was closer okay now try again don't worry about getting your hands on the

beam but try to get your hands a Little Closer so she chalks up goes again hands are closer now her thumbs are touching the sides of the beam and I was like oh my gosh we're getting closer and she looked

at me like oh my gosh we're getting closer okay and then I said try again and get your hands a Little Closer she gets her hands on the beam I think we tried maybe four maybe five times and

she went from two weeks of frustration trying to be perfect get on the beam get it on the beam get it on the beam instead we're like don't worry about the beam just get closer and as she got closer

she realized she could do it so that's what you want to do is stop trying to make it and start trying to get closer because then you're relieving her like don't even worry about making this I don't even care if you make it

let's just get a little closer that's what starts to get these kids into a growth mindset so they're starting to go oh you don't actually care if I make this because if we as the coaches get really wrapped up and she has to make it

she has to make it she has to make it that actually kind of you know rubs off on them even as a mental coach if I get in this like she has to get through this you gotta break through it my ego is on

the line here I'm I've invested so much in this skill for her I want her to get it so I can get my testimonial I have them I have abandoned that thought process and and all of our coaches meetings we're constantly

abandoning that of like stop trying to make the skill and just help create progress and when that happens the kids get into a growth mindset and they start to give themselves credit okay so the final thing that I'll say to

this coach is to focus on what you can control I do the same exercise with kids I do the same exercise with parents write out your two lists what can I control in this situation what can I not

control okay for this coach what can you control your own growth mindset stop trying to make her get the skill and start getting better at being more strategic be more creative give her more chances to make progress that's your

challenge is what how can I get even more creative and more strategic you know when this coach says I hit a wall well figure out a way to dismantle the wall if you believe that there's always a way and with progress and effort

you're going to be a better Coach and you're going to be more supportive and you're going to have a solution then she can't help but you know feel that modeled for her also what can you control what you

praise praise her setbacks as opportunities to find Clues I love setbacks you guys setbacks are awesome it's really hard for me to say that about my own setbacks right but when I see kids have setbacks I'm like oh good

this is an opportunity to learn something extremely valuable that's going to unlock the mystery of why this skill has been a struggle yes let's see what has changed between when you were doing it successfully and now and this might not be available to them

in the moment a lot of the time when kids are locked up and they're in fear they are not rational don't try to have a whole therapy sesh on the on the gym floor find them something they can do

and get a win but then give them something like a clue journal to fill out after practice and write down what went well and then some clues about what set you up for those successes and what didn't go well and some clues about what

didn't set you up for success in those situations even if she just had a journal on the mental block but we don't want to focus all our energy on that because that's kind of a fixed mindset anyway so you're just you're writing

down the good stuff find Clues right now the bad stuff find Clues so that way she's continuing to gain more awareness as a result of the setback so therefore it's much more valuable so praise those setbacks like yes good we're gonna find

some really great Clues today I'm so happy and she's gonna look at you like you're insane and that's okay and set her up for Success Through her assignments you know set her up for something that she can do

and if you keep believing in her going to rub off what you can't control what she believes about herself her effort her mindset the outcomes you have to let go of those things and focus on what you can control how you plan your

workout how you praise let her have the feeling she's going to have but keep believing in her and keep helping her to stretch her comfort zone every day so it's a big job you guys it's a really big job but any coaches out there who

are just feeling like they're floundering I have been there I remember how frustrating it is Reach Out shoot me a DM on Instagram I'm at complete underscore performance I love to chat through these situations if you have any

questions about what's going on with your kid reach out and I'm happy to guide you through because that's the best way to help these kids all right thank you to this coach for being a member of our community if you want some

more information about joining us if you're a coach if you want your team to sign up again you can DM me or you can just go to performhappy.com and scope it out I hope to see you soon bye guys