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Awakening in a Japanese Prison | Ananta Kranti - Buddha at the Gas Pump Interview

Ananta shares her spiritual awakening in a Japanese prison and her journey from materialism and drugs to deep clarity and freedom.

Key Takeaways

  • Spiritual awakening can occur in extreme and challenging circumstances such as prison.
  • True freedom is not found in external conditions like wealth or drugs but through inner clarity and truth.
  • The awakening process often involves suffering alongside moments of deep insight.
  • Early life questioning and seeking can lay the groundwork for later spiritual breakthroughs.
  • Integration and ongoing practice are essential parts of living awakened.

What the video covers

  • Ananta received her spiritual name from Osho and is currently in Thailand while the host is in Iowa.
  • Her awakening occurred during incarceration in a Japanese prison, a setting that catalyzed her spiritual shift.
  • She experienced a strong inner calling for silence, truth, and clarity prior to her awakening.
  • Her spiritual journey began in childhood with a deep questioning of societal rules and freedom.
  • Ananta explored freedom through rebellion, wealth, and drug use before realizing these were not the answers.
  • She spent time in the Osho Ashram and had a decade-long spiritual seeking process.
  • Her awakening was gradual, involving intense suffering but also moments of clarity and freedom.
  • The interview discusses parallels with other spiritual awakenings in prison and the role of extreme circumstances.
  • Ananta emphasizes the integration of spiritual insight with everyday life and ongoing inner work.
  • She offers Skype sessions and further resources through her website linked on the Buddha at the Gas Pump platform.

Chapters

  1. 00:00Introduction and Background of Ananta
  2. 05:45Early Spiritual Seeking and Childhood Questions
  3. 11:04Exploration of Freedom through Materialism and Drugs
  4. 16:39Awakening Experience in Japanese Prison
  5. 32:43Suffering and Clarity During Awakening Process
  6. 38:43Spiritual Practices and Integration
  7. 45:03Ongoing Work and Teaching
  8. 55:13Closing Remarks and How to Connect with Ananta

Answers

Questions about this video

How did Ananta's awakening occur in the Japanese prison?

Ananta experienced a profound inner shift the moment handcuffs were placed on her wrists, stopping the mind and triggering both intense suffering and clarity, which eventually led to her awakening.

What role did Ananta's early life play in her spiritual journey?

From a young age, Ananta questioned societal rules and sought freedom, which laid the foundation for her later conscious spiritual search and awakening.

Did Ananta find spiritual awakening through material wealth or drugs?

No, Ananta explored wealth and drug use but realized these external pursuits did not bring true freedom, leading her to deeper spiritual seeking and awakening.

Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

00:01
Speaker A
[Music] Welcome to Buddha at the Gas Pump. My name is Rick Archer, and my guest this week is Crany Ananta, whom I will refer to as Ananta. That's her name that was given to her by the spiritual teacher Osho, whom most listeners will have heard of. She is in Thailand as we speak, and I am in Iowa, where the temperature tomorrow is expected to go to 28 below zero centigrade. That's with the wind chill.
00:39
Speaker A
teacher Osho whom most listeners will have heard of and um she is in Thailand as we speak and I am in Iowa where the temperature tomorrow is expected to go to 28 below Z Centigrade uh that's with the wind chill
00:57
Speaker A
And I'm sure it's nothing like that in Thailand. It's also 10:30 at night in Iowa and 11:30 in the morning in Thailand. It took us some doing to work this out, but in any case, I first found out about Ananta from several friends. I, you know, a lot of people listen to these shows, and I get recommendations. Within a span of a couple of days, somebody sent me a link to your interview with Alan Sternfeld, and I said, "You got to interview this lady." So I said, "All right, give me your email address," and they did, and here we are.
01:12
Speaker A
uh Ananda from uh several friends I I you know a lot of people listen to these shows and I get recommendations and and within a span of a couple days somebody sent me a link to your interview with um
01:22
Speaker A
So welcome, and thank you.
01:40
Speaker A
Thank you. Good. Now, I've taken two different approaches in doing these interviews. One is to sort of do a chronology of the person's spiritual path, you know, with various milestones, and another is to kind of, you know, have them say in a nutshell what they feel like the essence of what they like, you know, what their awakening is or what they like to teach is. How would you like to do it?
01:56
Speaker A
We'll do both, but how would you like?
02:08
Speaker A
Okay, it's up to me then. I think we'll start with what I first heard about you, which was that you had your awakening while serving time in a Japanese prison, which is a little unusual but not so much. So I actually know of two other people, one of whom is a good friend of mine, who awoke while in prison. One was Ed Beckley, who's a friend of mine who wrote a book called Dance of a Rich Yogi. He was serving time in a prison in Las Vegas, Nevada, federal prison, and had an awakening which was sustained. Another was a guy named Satam Nadim, who was in some kind of horrible...
02:24
Speaker A
I know him.
02:35
Speaker A
Yeah, he was in some prison in Miami or something, horrible food, incredibly hot, and yet had this awakening. It almost seems that in both cases and in your case, from what I've heard of your story, that those circumstances were somehow conducive to the awakening that occurred. Would you agree?
02:52
Speaker A
Absolutely, yes. Yeah, I mean, it's hard to say what if, you know, but I mean, you sort of feel like if you had been in more, you know, pleasant circumstances, you might not have been forced into the shift that took place. Who knows?
03:06
Speaker A
Yeah, speculative. I only know that before that happened, there was such a strong, strong calling in me for silence, for truth, for really clarity. This calling was so strong that when it actually happened, that the handcuffs went around my wrist, I knew in that moment. It's like there was a huge... my whole body started shaking, and there was, of course, like no... And in the same moment, there was a knowing that this is it. This is what I've been waiting for.
03:21
Speaker A
You mean when you were originally incarcerated, that initially, the very first moment that the handcuffs went on, it was like the mind completely stopped, and of course, there was the shaking of the identity and an absolute screaming inside?
03:44
Speaker A
Yeah, and the mind was completely stopped, and in the same moment, there was a knowing that this was absolutely right, absolutely.
04:01
Speaker A
But that wasn't your awakening then and there?
04:22
Speaker A
No, because you went through a lot of...
04:42
Speaker A
Yeah, absolutely. I went through a lot of extreme suffering following that moment, but at the same time, when I look back now, at the same time that all the suffering was there, there was also a deeper clarity or knowing. It was like I was tasting from the very beginning the part that was free, but it wasn't bigger than the part that was suffering, you know?
04:57
Speaker A
Right, the suffering part had the upper hand.
05:16
Speaker A
Absolutely, absolutely, for quite a long time, about a year, I would say. And of course, I mean, these weren't new notions to you. It's not like you were a spiritual newbie. You had been within Osho Ashram for 10 years or some such thing. So I mean, it sounds like you've been seeking since you were a teenager, really.
05:33
Speaker A
Yeah, I mean, when I look back, although it wasn't like conscious conscious seeking, it wasn't a conscious search, I can see that I was seeking right from being a little girl.
05:45
Speaker A
Yeah, you know, like many, many people, it was like that. And because we don't know, it's like we search in all the wrong places, but of course, it's always like a process of elimination.
06:02
Speaker A
Yeah, so yeah, I looked everywhere for freedom. I recall being very young, about nine, ten years old, and wondering like, who made the rules?
06:21
Speaker A
You know?
06:35
Speaker A
Yeah, like who made... I was being told that I had to go to school and I had to do this and I had to, and I was like, who made the rules? You know, I really wanted to know.
06:49
Speaker A
My mother would say, "It's the law. You have to go because it's the law." And I said, "But who law? Where did the law come from?" And this question was like... I wanted to be free, and I started searching freedom in all those places where I thought freedom might be.
07:08
Speaker A
And, you know, in the beginning, I thought that doing what I want was free, right? So I just did what I want and broke all the rules.
07:23
Speaker A
Right.
07:45
Speaker A
And then I thought that getting lots of money and having loads of money was freedom, or would make me happy.
08:06
Speaker A
Mhm.
08:24
Speaker A
And then I got into various situations that brought a lot of money. Mhm. And I spent some years with a very, very rich billionaire man, and living the high life, and in that, I got into drugs.
08:38
Speaker A
Oh, huh.
08:55
Speaker A
And I started searching. You know, drugs was another doorway of going to another reality. It was with him that I started that, and hallucinations that, yeah, and also everything, everything, you know, with that man, he was very, very rich, and money was no limitation.
09:07
Speaker A
Mhm.
09:19
Speaker A
And he was into cocaine, and I got into that. Did you sort of have some sort of rationalization that doing cocaine was enhancing your spiritual awareness, or was it just like you were doing it for kicks, breaking the rules?
09:31
Speaker A
And I was just trying everything. I was just... yeah, yeah. And then it moved on to harder drugs. It moved on to heroin also. And from the moment that started, I knew something in me deep, deep knew that this has to end. This is not, you know, there's so much money, there's so much material. It's like this is not it. This is just not it. And I knew that I had to leave him and leave this world I was in with him, and search. And that's when the search became conscious, really, because then I knew, I knew that it wasn't material what I was looking for.
09:42
Speaker A
Yeah, I was kind of done with that. You know, I went through a similar thing, but I compacted it into about a year and without all the money. But, you know, actually, there was a bit of heroin involved toward the very end, just a little experimentation, and then I just kind of thought, this isn't going to take me where I want to go. So, but yeah, that's how me.
09:58
Speaker A
Yeah. Were you still in the UK at this point, or were you like all over the world?
10:15
Speaker A
I was, yeah, but I was living in Spain. I met this man in Spain. I left England when I was about 19.
10:33
Speaker A
I see.
10:51
Speaker A
And just went like, I'm just going to go, you know. I looked out at the horizon, and I just saw forever there, and I just wanted to go there. It was like... and if I look back now, it's like I saw the eternal.
11:04
Speaker A
Mhm.
11:23
Speaker A
And I wanted to go to the eternal. You know, I couldn't see any end, and I just didn't like this life that was showing itself, like when I looked at my parents and the society of getting a job and getting married and making the money and having kids and, right, you know, getting a nice house and this. It can't be about that. That was my vision from very, very young. It's like it can't be this, not this whole miracle of what we are, like all of this just for that. How can it be? So I wanted to know.
11:39
Speaker A
years huh amazing but not like constantly I came to that to Thailand and I looked out at the Horizon again yeah yeah and it was as if like now I was sitting on the other side of what I saw when I
11:58
Speaker A
looked out in Spain mhm which was feeling it was like here I am and and I knew in that moment that I wouldn't go back to UK and um somebody told me that I could uh survive and make my living in
12:16
Speaker A
Japan so if I went to Japan no didn't the ooso thing happen before Japan no first I went to Japan and then I somebody okay I met somebody who gave me a book of oosha right I was in Japan about 7 years on
12:35
Speaker A
and off mhm did you learn the language so uh when I got locked up I had to because um you're not allowed to speak anyway oh I see but when you do speak to the gods or whatever it must be Japanese
12:51
Speaker A
uhuh so and I couldn't speak Japanese so I had to learn interesting so uh okay so you're in and out of Japan and and uh but then somehow you ended up living in Osho Asam for quite some time
13:04
Speaker A
as I gather yeah it was like once I got into Japan this feeling of depression that was like underneath everything like I was having a good time on the surface you know I was enjoying all the beauty of the ocean and the play and parties
13:21
Speaker A
and all these things but deep inside me was like something's just not complete yeah something's just clear and and somebody gave me a book of Osha MH and I read like I read the first chapter and my whole body started um
13:38
Speaker A
responding and I knew I'm going to Puna interesting how did your how in what way did your body start responding like uh everything came totally present and like and knowing that this is where I need to go this is
13:55
Speaker A
this is it like he's speaking the words he's speaking is is the deepest truth inside of me and it was the first time I'd really heard what I called truth so and obvious obviously it resonated with you a lot better than
14:13
Speaker A
chrishna mury had right he was a little chrishna mty he was a little hard to follow yeah quite serious for me at that time yeah yeah okay I'm sorry go ahead no you go ahead oh I was just
14:28
Speaker A
going to say so when you got to uh um India OSHA was still alive at that point you so no at the time that I I read this book and I started my journey towards Puna he left the body oh I see while I
14:43
Speaker A
was on the way to Puna I got the news that he just left the body and all the sasin were going crazy so instead I went to walk in the Himalayas oh in silence for 3 months by myself
15:00
Speaker A
just trekking around yeah and still like not wanting to have contact with anybody like really just coming more and more inside inside inside and then I ended up in a in a monastery like for a 10day silent Retreat up in the Himalayas and yeah in
15:19
Speaker A
in kandu actually oh and um that was the first conscious Glimpse that what I was and confirmation that what I was looking for was right here H were you up in the nepales Himalayas mostly or or Indian Himalayas nepes ah okay so you weren't
15:40
Speaker A
like up in urashi and places like that you were more up in Nepal hiking around so you probably W you probably weren't running into a lot of yogis and and so on up in Nepal so much I wasn't I wasn't interested in talking to
15:55
Speaker A
anybody in fact I had an aversion to to speaking to anybody who wanted to know my name or where I was from or my story or any of this I was just like you know stay away you know I just was this it's
16:10
Speaker A
interesting because you know a lot of people go through teenage rebellion but um you seem to have sustained a very independent attitude you know I mean a lot of the old hippies radicals you radical guys from the 60s end up ended
16:24
Speaker A
up becoming stock Brokers and conservatives and whatnot and you know you seem to have kind of managed to keep your fire lit so to speak yeah I mean this this went on until I was in jail and my whole life
16:39
Speaker A
changed after that yeah so what um is it worth uh elaborating on the uh the um Monastery and and Katmandu at all in term was that significant for you not really not a big deal yeah no okay and apparently you were
16:57
Speaker A
still dabbling in drugs or at least you got back into dabbling in them because that's how you ended up in jail right yeah I was in and out you know I started searching healing I wanted to um when I
17:09
Speaker A
first went to the commune to osho's commune which was the following year um I started getting into intensive awareness groups and that was where I first tasted the first experience of like wow this is you know the only way that my mind could
17:29
Speaker A
relate to that was that this is where you go on LSD you know this expanded awareness right was ah this is what I get on the LSD so then I became aware that I didn't need the the drugs right
17:43
Speaker A
go to so-call this place but that certainly that wasn't the first time you had been exposed to that notion I mean if you've been reading any sort of spiritual books you must have realized that that's what all these yogis and
17:55
Speaker A
whatnot are trying to I realized but yeah I was totally tripping you know like yeah I mean I I this like intensive awareness Enlightenment intensive who is in MH for four or five days and um all that was left was was
18:13
Speaker A
that was pure awareness that was all that was left and I was speaking out of that right and that was that was the experience I had on the LSD which was just an experience that came and went always yeah but this was like it was
18:28
Speaker A
here it was clear it was no confusion yeah it was natural MH yeah so although I'd read about it I'd never experienced it so then this was like confirmation like here it is here it is and Osho was
18:42
Speaker A
was speaking his expressing truth through his way and I was tasting tasting tasting the truth of that you know but still there was a lot of confusion right about so called Enlightenment you know I mean I wasn't even concerned about Enlightenment I was
19:01
Speaker A
never trying to become enlightened it wasn't my thing you know I wanted to to get uh freedom freedom freedom and of course I mean Enlightenment can be defined as a state of freedom but I don't suppose that that that's not what
19:16
Speaker A
the word implied for you really yeah right it wasn't really like I'm I'm searching to get enlightened this was never yeah it's interesting now during all this period this this Burning desire for Freedom indicates that you must have
19:33
Speaker A
really felt trapped or constrained or or in some way not free well I was carrying all this uh you know I was carrying as one of the things I I said recently to myself was you know I run so far away
19:51
Speaker A
from my roots MH and I couldn't run far enough because it was all inside of me yeah you know everything tried to run from like the family atmosphere which was dysfunctional dysfunctional and everything I tried to run away
20:07
Speaker A
from like was still all somewhere sitting inside of me even if um I found I had great experiences and you know I I knew another another taste of Life still there was like it was always underlying this um what I was wanting to get away
20:27
Speaker A
from right in other words you're still carrying all your baggage yeah yeah yeah and so uh okay so you had this experience in oia's Asam five days of pure Consciousness I had many many experiences there you know screaming shouting going crazy
20:44
Speaker A
celebrating coming like to totally in love with life in every way learning lots of thing things um learning body work meeting people in love constantly and yeah I mean was just extraordinary how long were you there amazing over a period of about 10 years
21:05
Speaker A
that's a long time pretty much but it was only it was only two years later that I was in jail right I was only in two years and then I was in jail okay so because it was like I I had one one foot
21:19
Speaker A
in uh still in the scene with all the friends who were connected to drugs and parties and another foot was into this healing cleaning pure vibration interesting I was kind of torn between the two so you're kind of oscillating
21:35
Speaker A
between them sort of plunging into this and then going back to that and yeah yeah yeah yeah like an old rabbit right right you know MH so obviously you would have to leave Puna to go back to the
21:47
Speaker A
drug friends right they weren't there they whenever I left Puna that was the circle of friends I was in interesting yeah my father when I got into meditation I my father was was an alcoholic and I would get him to go to
22:01
Speaker A
meditation we he he started meditating at a certain point cuz he saw how much good it was doing me and I got I'd get get him to go to you know Retreats and and all and he'd he'd feel great in the
22:10
Speaker A
Retreats and then he'd come home and start drinking again and he said he just couldn't sustain it you know because the Habit was so habit was so powerful yeah and and also the the circumstances that go with the Habit
22:22
Speaker A
right you know the vibration of the people the crowd yeah the peer pressure the whole Social Scene yeah yeah so you're so you're in one of your flings in Japan away from the asham uh getting your Yaya out and uh
22:38
Speaker A
and you got busted right I was just about to go totally wild again H and um yeah and this time that I got busted it it wasn't uh I mean I'm not saying that I was 100% Innocent but I
22:54
Speaker A
wasn't guilty either you know it happened that somebody was passing through mhm Tokyo and they left something with me ah yeah in my apartment and it it was only there few days and I was raided yeah interesting but I knew you know it was
23:15
Speaker A
for me it wasn't about the story around it it was really like the screaming inside of me so deeply for silence for peace for clarity was stronger than all the play of of uh life yeah yeah so when you got uh
23:33
Speaker A
Japan seems to be rather aggressive about busting people Paul McCartney got busted over there and and when he arrived to do a tour and had to leave the country but uh it's uh they're pretty uh Zen it's very Zen
23:48
Speaker A
experience so so hard they are so hard it's you know in the beginning it's like how is this human how is this uh um you know it's like against human rights this was my whole other words they're so
24:05
Speaker A
harsh the way they treated you you're saying yeah so strict like concentration camp wow so so you ended up in this prison and you and you had this recognition as you were getting mosted that somehow this was you know God's
24:17
Speaker A
hand at play here you know delivering whatever you needed to experience uh but from what recount for us a little bit about what it was like in the prison um pre-awakening I mean what your daily routine and how did you cope with
24:32
Speaker A
it daily routine mhm well I was solitary confined um and uh so I would be picked up at 6:30 in the morning why were you solitary conf finded were you like a troublemaker or something or they giving you special treatment no
24:51
Speaker A
no no I um actually when I first was locked up I was put in with seven seven who were Japanese or different uh Chinese or whatever and they're all speaking at the same time and and I was just felt like I'll go mad I'll go mad
25:09
Speaker A
and I asked somebody like what are those rooms up there there was single rooms and she she said for for one alone in Japanese I said how do you go there and she said if you're crazy ah so said
25:23
Speaker A
uh-huh I started scream oh that's great so they locked you up I was in there huh yeah and they kept you there throughout there huh interesting okay so they picked you up at 6:30 in the morning out of your little
25:39
Speaker A
cell and they took me to a factory mhm on on location or you they bust you off to some Factory no no no no you had about this was the only chance you got to use the legs and walk it was about
25:53
Speaker A
seven or 8 minute walk to the factory along with like I know how many others they're all marching you know and you you all March to the factory and you go in there you start at 7 7:30 MH and um put on a
26:09
Speaker A
machine to work H and the whole thing is in silence MH and um I was the only Westerner um in the beginning towards the end one or two more came was there any attempt by your parents or by the
26:27
Speaker A
British counsil anything to get you out of there or were you just pretty much left to your own devices no I mean it was in the beginning you know friends were trying to get lawyers and this and this and
26:39
Speaker A
this and I just knew it's like you know stop it you know this is this is what is this is what has to be okay you know and there was a struggle inside of me like all the time when is this going to be
26:53
Speaker A
over and struggling of the mind but there was a knowing that you know this is this this is it this is the turning point of my life interesting and you didn't know when it was going to be I
27:03
Speaker A
mean they didn't tell you okay it's going to be 3 years or whatever that you just were in there and you had no idea when you're going out right no you get like a sentence but then you you can on
27:13
Speaker A
good behavior get out by 60% of that sentence if you're if you're really good and I got out on 55% even though you're crazy no no I was totally saying totally yeah okay so you're working on the machine what time did you finish each
27:30
Speaker A
day about five so a pretty long day doing some monotonous work yeah working on a machine and everything is in silence so um yeah it's it's really amazing place you know you get counted about five or six times a day mhm and you have to
27:53
Speaker A
stand to attention and make all these moves with your head and like it's it's just real complete Madness it looked to me when I first arrived and I and I thought like okay they are joking you know this is going to be for the first
28:07
Speaker A
two weeks and then they'll put me somewhere else I was sure about that you know but uh no that was it the Japanese are tough I mean if you ever heard of the Baton Death March during World War II they were uh they
28:21
Speaker A
were intense those dudes so um yeah yeah so okay but it's without that go ahead without intensity and that strictness the same experience wouldn't be there of course you know yeah and it seemed like even when you were in the
28:40
Speaker A
midst of this uh you felt that there was some kind of wisdom inherent in the situation well I started to become aware I started to become aware of um what was free to smile what do you mean you know like
28:56
Speaker A
everything had been taken away mhm right I I could have some books which I was reading um everything was taken away they couldn't take the smile right yeah day that this couldn't be taken H and then it was like I'd found something
29:17
Speaker A
that that couldn't be taken no matter what yeah like you're you were they couldn't rob you of your own inner happiness so you were saying that um you were kind of forced into it was a great gift yeah not many people would have
29:36
Speaker A
seen it that way but you did and it sort of the it's almost like the lack of any sort of external gratification forced you into finding kind of inner fulfillment right would it be correct to say yeah absolutely yeah yeah yeah yeah
29:51
Speaker A
absolutely and yet you know when I listened to your interview with Alan sternfeld I got the impression that it was really quite hellish nonetheless I mean it was no picnic and and you really were feeling like you know tremendous
30:04
Speaker A
tremendously trapped and constrained all the while in the in the first half of my time that it was like that it was the only time ever in my life I wanted to die you know but um the second half it
30:19
Speaker A
was quite Blissful the same experience you know yeah and that's because some sort of shift shift took place or a realization yeah yeah and it was so you know now there are moments when I feel like I was so special to be there in that in
30:39
Speaker A
that little cell all having so much space just to open up as myself and it was really a special time I've got absolutely no regret about that or any other moment in the whole of life you know it's just all so much gratitude for
30:57
Speaker A
everything that's great M so talk about the time or the point during your incarceration when you actually sort of woke up and had the shift well I wouldn't say that it was one moment you know I mean I described
31:16
Speaker A
that moment with Alan like when I just surrendered it was like an exhaustion actually I was just so exhausted with trying to have a better experience of life and my mind was was just so busy all the time about this and that and you
31:31
Speaker A
know if you don't speak it all goes on inside right so it was just like cooking you know and my mind was just so busy with when I would get out of there and all of this constant Madness in the
31:44
Speaker A
mind and um one day I was just exhausted I couldn't just totally exhausted physically mentally emotionally and I just laid back and there was like a giving up and as I described it with Alan you know it was like I as I started to just
32:08
Speaker A
let go and relax then I could really really feel the pain because all the time you're you're you're tense you don't really feel the pain right but once I really relaxed and it was excruciating it was so strong but
32:26
Speaker A
on all levels you know like physically emotionally mentally it was so extreme and I I saw the point like just to just fall into it I didn't think of this it just I just started falling into it and
32:43
Speaker A
I'd done a lot of um at at uh in Puna I had done a lot of um body work and especially cranial sacral and I knew my inner um landscape of of the experience inside the body so I just started like
33:03
Speaker A
breathing into the pain and it was like the body started unwinding itself and it was very very painful to to feel it but this just like feeling of surrender into it into it into it into it started to bring a sweet
33:24
Speaker A
release and I just continued for hours I don't I know how many hours but hours in this sweet releasing sweet releasing and falling and dropping and and then to to my surprise you know came a moment where everything just
33:43
Speaker A
opened where there was no more a body anyway there was no more experience of a body in pain or of a mind in pain or of any emotions it was just a complete openness H and it just kept
34:04
Speaker A
opening and opening and and the feeling of um of bliss it was just pure pure pure it's like it's like everything was just but it wasn't like a shape of a body it was I was everywhere MH and um
34:20
Speaker A
you know a thought appeared in in that moment like what is this like wow and I just let go more into it and more into it and more into it and there was just only pure love Pure Freedom pure beauty pure
34:47
Speaker A
like the whole ocean of existence H and I was uh not separate to that are you still there yeah I'm here I'm just listening and um I don't remember I don't yeah I don't remember um like immediately after that
35:05
Speaker A
exact moments like this because it was like I didn't think like ah this is whatever I just was like Wow here's a doorway you know and um the next day I went to the factory and nothing was bothering me nothing my mind had stopped
35:22
Speaker A
running with all those concerns of tomorrow I was just only like you know I remember seeing a a a bird fly across the sky and and I I was flying and um everywhere I looked I saw the beauty the beauty of the chilling
35:41
Speaker A
cold the frozen fingers on the machine and trying to get the fingers warm under the light of the sewing machine and the beauty of it all you know and the joke of it all like seeing that this is this
35:55
Speaker A
is this is just a picture show yeah and that night I went back and instead of reading my books I I dropped again to that that place I called it and this started happening on a daily basis and more and
36:13
Speaker A
more opening and tears you know I cried and cried and cried but they were not tears of suffering right they were just like this the soul the soul cleaning and yeah I mean I didn't notice it so much
36:27
Speaker A
in those moments but when I I look back later I could see that all my M my mind was changing my vision was changing everything was changing it's interesting and you weren't actually doing any particular spiritual practices you were just going
36:45
Speaker A
to the factory and going back to your room and it just started well totally you had to be totally 100% present 24 hours because you were being watched right you know you were being watched and any move you
37:02
Speaker A
made could be breaking the rules and you don't know because you don't know all the rules right and um so you had to be 100% total present always this just become a nightly occurrence from then from then on as D sort of this deep diving deep
37:19
Speaker A
and it was constant constant 247 yeah yeah yeah that was that was yeah well the the the dropping into that ocean of whatever mhm was um every night because I didn't sleep I was lucid dreaming ah so you were sort of awake during the
37:38
Speaker A
night throughout the night dropping into this unboundedness uhhuh yes and then in the day everything changed I just was was feeling the the the blessing of everything the beauty I could understand everything in the life that had lived
37:54
Speaker A
until that moment I felt compassion for everybody you know like and um I forgave everybody and um yeah I it was a period of time that was yeah it was really all of that but I wouldn't say that that's the state
38:16
Speaker A
that that does or needs to stay it's just a state like all states that come and go you know like it's not like the now I don't need to feel the ocean of existence in Bliss or whatever cuz it's
38:33
Speaker A
just every moment is it no matter how the moment appears right you know it's not um that was just like a an opening yeah and and there have been many openings since then yeah many mhm and layers of you
38:51
Speaker A
know because following that in that in that period of time um I was most mostly standing as awareness because I I wasn't uh relating in the world so I didn't have the identity touched and triggered like the ego was not being
39:09
Speaker A
triggered in relationships or anywhere so um most of my uh experience was of just being awareness and when I came back into into the world of course everything started arising because the Rel relating in the world started and buttons getting
39:32
Speaker A
pushed personal started yeah yeah yeah life life happening normal noral normal life and um you know I I had massive confusion following that because how could all all that be you know people tied up in all their useless
39:54
Speaker A
stories and talking a lot of rubbish that was my Vision in that moment how could that be part of this you know I just couldn't there was no Integra interesting so the you had sort of integrated the prison into started um
40:12
Speaker A
having I was going to say you you had somehow integrated prison experience into that because of right because it was so simple and routine and and uncomplicated right I mean whereas outside the the prison it got messy you
40:29
Speaker A
had to deal with all all the yeah I mean there were lots of triggers coming in well I had to listen to everybody's nonsense you know in there nobody was talking so when I came out it was expected that you go into social thing
40:47
Speaker A
and start talking all this useless bu which I I seen the mind I had you know we were given 5 minutes a day to speak from Monday to Friday we could speak for 5 minutes and you know what can be said in that
41:00
Speaker A
five minutes that's of any importance so what the hour leading up to that 5 minutes I would be like going okay that's not important that's not important that's not important that's not important so I was seeing that nothing was actually important to to
41:16
Speaker A
speak and then speaking happened out of out of that scene and um so when I came out everywhere I was surrounded by was non nonsense as far as I could see or here and I didn't want to be part of it
41:31
Speaker A
so I had a big resistance to coming back into that play so how did you overcome that resistance how did you finally integrate it well um I again there was suffering because this I didn't want this this social scene I didn't want to mix with
41:53
Speaker A
people I didn't want to you know I was so deep that there was nobody I could speak to at that level and what's the point you know I just went into this kind of um depressive feeling again and
42:06
Speaker A
would kind of like to go back to the jail you know and I stayed a few months um In My Father's House you know staying a lot by myself and slowly slowly slowly starting to feel the re the um accept the reality
42:29
Speaker A
that I'd come back to cuz I was imagining that coming back was going to be the greatest thing yeah and it was a downer so so within a few months I went back to Thailand and um this was just fantastic all over
42:51
Speaker A
again and within a couple months I was back in Puna and then I started a whole uh deep deconditioning training through Body Work ah so um uh orer rebalancing right so they have a specific uh practice for that to to sort of decondition yourself
43:13
Speaker A
is it I'm sorry go ahead it's like emotionally releasing everything from the body and you're you're learning how to work on other bodies to release the emotions and it's a 10hour a day course for 4 months wow and uh so while you're learn yeah
43:33
Speaker A
ring all this kind of stuff so how did what did that do for you over four months well it gave me the chance to really scream everything out and let the body express everything it was holding MH you know because the
43:51
Speaker A
body was carrying the story yeah and so I could scream and let the body out MH you know my voice was so small that I couldn't really speak much and um well you can see that that's changed and um yeah
44:11
Speaker A
just to come back into expression in all the ways and to to start bringing Joy back into the body and learning how to um it was a very uh it's a very deep body work where you're working on on on
44:26
Speaker A
other bodies you have to be totally present and totally sensitive and you work to release the bodies so I was training in that that would become my work is it still you did you still do that no I did that for some years and um
44:47
Speaker A
there came a point after a few years where I started to see that even if people got free of their emotional even if they were able to emotionally relas for as long as they were still continuing that the emotions are
45:04
Speaker A
happening to me MH and that they're believing in this me story for as long as that is going on there's still no real Freedom even if even if they could scream and shout and let go of the emotion still they were
45:21
Speaker A
identified with somebody so and so did you start St work started to change did you start studying at V or something is that how you came to the realization that no no no no started actually I started to see a lot of
45:38
Speaker A
things in the ashram where I saw the limitation mhm where I saw that identification was was all there holding people in suffering I started to see that uh the limitation in the asham and that it wasn't for me anymore this started to
45:56
Speaker A
become obvious okay okay that it was over yeah that all the groups and all the workshops and all the everything that it was it was just over mhm and um in the same time I heard about dolano she gives
46:14
Speaker A
um uh intensives every month in Puna uhuh and at that time I was struggling in a in a relationship with a with a man and that was bringing up all the drama that was still left in the body
46:30
Speaker A
right and that is in the system you know it always is there in the system until it's really met yeah it's interesting how you keep referring so although I had this like open I was just saying it's interesting
46:42
Speaker A
how how you keep referring to the body because it's my understanding too that all this stuff psychological or emotional has a physiological counterpart and it seems that um what you were doing was was working on on that level in order you know rather than
47:00
Speaker A
just sort of working on the more abstract mental Orem or emotional levels working on the physical level in order to kind of root out the the physical Foundation of these things but at the same time the emotional was being worked on and also
47:15
Speaker A
the psychological so all levels at once but for as long as there's any identification yeah I mean now my my vision is totally different but at that time that was what was appropriate huh and um so was this then I then I went to
47:33
Speaker A
Delano was Dano a no show graduate or something is that why she was in Puna yes yes yes she she had um woken up and she was giving um she was actually I'd never at that time there were not
47:51
Speaker A
like awakened beings like there are now so-called awakened beings like now there's so much s s happening there's so many people Awakening to who they really are and it wasn't like that in the in that day H I couldn't easily just meet
48:09
Speaker A
somebody else who knew what I was talking about right now it would be possible but then it wasn't and so my experience could not be related to any anybody right outside all within me but danana was one such and um
48:28
Speaker A
yeah she was given intensives she was so-called enlightened zen master that's what she calls herself and um I went there and from the very first talk from the very first um session what she made clear in that session
48:47
Speaker A
was it then I became aware that what had happened in the jail was this shift I see and what changed for me in that moment was when I was in the jail I was experiencing all of that but I was still
49:02
Speaker A
feeling myself as somebody knowing truth as somebody who is experiencing truth and in that meeting with her on the first session that changed into I am that so there was no longer this somebody who is knowing truth it was
49:25
Speaker A
just only that huh and it was a real experiential shift it wasn't just sort of oh okay now I get this idea no no no no no that a complete stoping of the mind and the mind the Mind sto I don't
49:43
Speaker A
know six seven hours something like that and in that stop seeing and seeing and seeing and seeing everything passing through seeing clarification clarification clarification knowing what had really happened in the jail like everything just started to fall into
50:01
Speaker A
place so it was like a a a a huge relief of of now seeing really what needed to be seen for this freedom of this separation between personality and this um experience of Freedom before that moment there was
50:27
Speaker A
still a separation like a going into the experience of freedom and going back to the experience of Personality like they were two separate experiences right whereas in that moment it all shifted and became simultaneous there's nothing else right yes but I will say also
50:48
Speaker A
because in that very moment was having an extreme um my life has been extreme right um in that moment I was having extreme relationship difficulties and um in in the very moment he was also in the Intensive and he turned around like uh
51:12
Speaker A
well her teaching was like the investigation of love that you are love and he turned around and said well if I'm love I don't need you and he just like pushed me away and we were living together and that triggered all the
51:26
Speaker A
drama all the reaction of all the drama came up in the same moment of this recognition in the very same moment came all the triggers of the little me and so this gave me the the opportunity to really start
51:45
Speaker A
investigating and clarifying what is really true and to be able to meet that that was being touched in a new way huh from the point of Freedom so you know what you're saying is that your boyfriend kind of walking out on you
52:03
Speaker A
gave you that opportunity in the context of that Awakening that you just had with danana yes and he didn't walk out he stayed oh okay with this with that experience so it was a constant a constant constant thing I mean we were
52:20
Speaker A
living in a place that was very close and so it was a constant trigger and that gave me the opportunity to investigate everything that was arising in in this personality to really investigate that in a new way and to meet it finally to
52:36
Speaker A
meet those Sensations as a sensation being touched in Awareness yeah and knowing like all the way that checking and seeing that this that is aware is is absolutely free to experience this it it doesn't change it doesn't get lost it's not hurt
52:58
Speaker A
and it is free to just meet this experience as a wave of rising and falling without energizing the poor me story of he shouldn't this was happening in the mind mind and The Cutting of that story and the coming back into the experience was
53:24
Speaker A
the shift mhm so things were kind of unraveling in a way it seems like I mean you know the the sort of intense ident the identification with the story was getting un undone uh yes the the the the
53:41
Speaker A
recognition opening into who really am I and the clarification of that was and the story getting triggered both were as strong as each other in the same moment yeah and I and this went on for of months and I would suggest that U and
54:00
Speaker A
we'll see what you say about this but I would suggest that the they weren't unrelated I mean obviously the Awakening that was taking place in Consciousness was facilitating this unraveling of all the the the personality stuff and and conversely the
54:18
Speaker A
the unraveling of the personality stuff was necessary in order for the Awakening in Consciousness to be you know matured and this is the integration yeah yes and and it the way I say it now is that it all it all comes
54:35
Speaker A
home for truth mhm it's all coming home for truth it wants to be free and so it all arises once this recognition is here then everything that's not free in the system will come for this clarification yeah you're not going to be allowed to carry
54:52
Speaker A
all that all that garbage in the midst of no do not otherwise the recognition stays here it doesn't it's not embodied right right right and uh so did it eventually finally kind of taper off uh you know it sett down it was like um
55:10
Speaker A
what what I say about it now is like it was the me story like you got the a fan going around and you turn off the switch the fan just doesn't stop immediately it takes a while to slow down yeah and the
55:23
Speaker A
story of me in my mind was was the story of other you know any story of of somebody else is a me story basically so the me story was going on about him mhm which was of course all about me
55:39
Speaker A
right and this me was the suffering mhm this me was the pain not anything he was doing right so when this when this got clear and I I stopped allowing any energy to to go in this me story like the moment I could see it
55:58
Speaker A
starting I would cut the energizing that and come back to being present to the sensation do you still do that or does it no longer try to start anymore yes now automatic yeah yeah yeah life is still I mean the me story it's like
56:16
Speaker A
it's it's you know I don't know how to say it clearer than that yeah but um the the triggers can still happen you know and the body gets like a a kind of a a hit and the feeling of fear or whatever
56:32
Speaker A
can be there and it's it's an automatic the body knows that it this is the moment to to meet what what just wants to be free here yeah yeah you know so when was this the Dano thing what this was
56:51
Speaker A
when 2010 oh I mean 2000 oh so 10 years ago [Laughter] so what's been going on for the past decade well then for a few years after that or soon after that as soon as I got free of this um this story in this
57:15
Speaker A
relationship um I still had one question left over which I asked to Dano and I didn't get the answer that satisfied my mind so I had to search myself mhm and it was the question about well okay I I
57:31
Speaker A
recognize I know who I am I I get this I experience the freedom in that but I still have this like pull towards relationship and I still want to have a lover MH what does that mean does it
57:47
Speaker A
mean I'm not free or I didn't arrive somewhere or what does it mean and she said to me why you just don't dance what was that and she she answered me yeah she said why why you don't just
58:06
Speaker A
dance did you mean that literally or what she said that yeah why you just don't dance what is it I don't understand the answer this desire neither did I I know what did you mean she meant like don't be don't be
58:28
Speaker A
bothered with desires just dance huh but the fact is for as long as the desire is there it needs to be lived yeah if it's it wants to be clarified it want to be so live it you know so I went on and yeah it's to
58:49
Speaker A
be lived it's not to be denied this is my vision this is my my vision my experience so um soon after I met a man who was also awakened so-called awakened what we're speaking of here MH and we met in this this clear
59:12
Speaker A
recognition of same self and from there we started to we had a seven-year relating during which we all the triggers of all the dream of relationship and all those things came up and we started to process and integrate all of that in this
59:31
Speaker A
recognition and after a few years it was quite obvious that our meeting was really about um bringing this to the world everything that we experienced in our relating was um was like disappointment disappointment disappointment the dream just couldn't
59:49
Speaker A
be satisfied but one thing that in our relating that was always satisfied was the true meeting of who we are beyond all that was playing so this started to take the place more than anything the dream fell away this is all
60:11
Speaker A
that was left and there came a moment where well people were already asking people were asking me to share my experience and I'd already started to give individual sessions because through the Bodywork I saw that the only way for people to get free was to really
60:33
Speaker A
ask who am I and that started to happen during the Bodywork sessions and then slowly slowly the Bodywork fell away and people were coming just for those sessions and soon I saw that um these one-on-one sessions were not enough
60:52
Speaker A
people started asking for more and then the relationship with sat um became obvious that together we were we were offering satsang right people were coming to us and we returned to Puna and started to offer sat and groups where we were
61:18
Speaker A
sharing everything that we were experiencing in our relationship which most people can relate to who still live in the world and are still in relationship how to meet this how to meet that and we started sharing all that we
61:33
Speaker A
were experiencing and very quickly it grew and people were coming and asking for more and was like a confirmation from life that you know this is wanting to be shared mhm and what I see is is it's very very
61:54
Speaker A
easy for people to wake up now for people who have done a lot of background searching and they come really to a point of Readiness yeah they just need a tiny tiny tiny a tiny stopping of the mind just a moment of really clearly
62:13
Speaker A
directly experiencing the truth of what they are and just being held in that for a while and and from that moment they are able to shift I see it over and over and over do they do they stay shifted or do they
62:30
Speaker A
sort of uh does it is it intermittent as it was with you well it's it's I I see it that people mostly I mean I've never met anybody that shifted in one moment and then never had to integrate right right
62:49
Speaker A
right so um so okay you were in Puna doing this with this so that's most with this guy but you're now you're in now you're in changai or whatever it's pronounced yes we went for a few years doing those groups together and then um
63:07
Speaker A
our relating came to an end Full Of Love full of Peace full of Truth full of gratitude mhm and um moved on and I began sharing by uh continued sharing by myself and him in his own way and the the call from life just
63:28
Speaker A
continued I started getting invited all around Europe and that just got and gets bigger and bigger and you know the way I see it it's like people are really with this um extreme contrast that's happening in the world now a lot of chaos and a lot of
63:53
Speaker A
calling for clarity at the same time right people are much more ready and available and the work I I do is really of this integration you know the part I I find it very very easily to facilitate anybody of the stopping of the mind and
64:13
Speaker A
that's the simple beginning and then from there it's really the the integration the the bringing up all that's not free in their system and to to really meet in this truth and let that come up so that's that's the work I do now yeah that's and
64:35
Speaker A
it's a it's a great blessing very grateful it is um there's a there's a delay of three or 4 seconds um between you know you speaking and me hearing you so when I respond then there's also a delay that's why we're having it's it's
64:49
Speaker A
a little um hard to hard to go back and forth quickly but um it seems like there's a a sort of a popular notion in certain circles that you know the uh this sort of realization of of Oneness
65:01
Speaker A
or the self-realization is the final stage you know and then after that you know you're done and you don't have to do anything else and and so on and so forth is and I think a lot of people
65:11
Speaker A
kind of gravitate that's not my no and and I don't know if it's anybody's experience but some people seem to be able to sort of live with that for a while um and perhaps it's a lazy man's sort of it is I would say it's the end
65:25
Speaker A
of end of what it it's the end of the energizing the me story right it's the end of that but it's the beginning of walking who you really are which is really like baby steps yeah in other words there could be
65:42
Speaker A
there could be a vast range of further development and integration and so on absolutely and I I see that see that as endless I see that as going on until the last breath as Papa G said you know yeah
65:57
Speaker A
vigilance into last bre is not something that oh you've arrived and now you're just it's like an ongoing momentto moment Awakening MH and there there is still always going to be as far as I see in the body mind
66:14
Speaker A
there are leftovers things that still want become conscious yeah and therefore life comes towards and it's manifested to come conscious mhm also I mean we we might be kind of making it sound like it's going to be a
66:31
Speaker A
lifetime of just having to deal with your you know but there's but but there's the up there's the upside to it which is that you know there's all sorts of Glorious you know possibilities to be unfolded in terms of the well the
66:47
Speaker A
beauty the beauty is there's no more work there's no more work to do you know before it was like you were working on yourself right but after that moment there's nobody work on it's just an unfolding Happening by
67:01
Speaker A
itself so you just sort of enjoy the ride and the de yeah it's it's just happening you the passenger in the vehicle it's going by itself and it's a deepening then the the deepening of the realization is greater and greater and
67:19
Speaker A
greater freeing yeah absolutely I just wanted to emphasize that that that the the freedom that there's tremendous gratification and fulfillment in uh as a as a consequence of all of this uh you know um unwinding that's taking place so it's
67:38
Speaker A
not like you're just having to sort of you know work through all this crud there's no more work to do right there's no more work to do right because there's nobody to do it there's nobody to work on and there's
67:52
Speaker A
no nobody to do the work but there's an experience of being somebody in the world there's an experience but there's there's no sense of me needing to work on myself it's over MH it's all over it's the the the the
68:09
Speaker A
Miracle of Life I'm folding by itself it's all happening just as we talk right now on this on this uh computer it's like do you have any sense that you are actually doing anything right now no you know there's just uh no oh kind of a
68:28
Speaker A
spontaneous it just rolls along and it's going by itself I I got no idea what will be the next word and neither do you right and I don't know if anybody does but you know yeah but there's you know right commonly there's
68:45
Speaker A
there's sort of a notion that one is in control you know right when you really get this that this these words that are coming out of the mouth are Happ Happening by themsel then there's a surrender of the the doer the doing or
69:01
Speaker A
the one who even needs to control anything because it's just a happening right yeah like a surrender it's ego death what I always find in my experience is is that there's just this sort of a a paradox that's always there
69:15
Speaker A
which is not in any way a conflict it's just the the nature of it which which is that on the one hand there's you know sort of a impersonal non doer kind of thing and on the other hand you know
69:27
Speaker A
there may be volition all right I really got to get out and mow the lawn you know or something uh and no I'd rather rather sit here and fool around with my computer no I got to cut the grass
69:37
Speaker A
before it gets dark you know okay I'm going to go do it you know so and you know and I that's my experience too right and ie I prefer this food over that food or this activity over that
69:45
Speaker A
activity so there is a person who has preferences and probably will be again till you're allowed to your last breath uh but on the other hand simultaneously there's nothing happening and there's nobody nobody to whom it's Happ there's
69:57
Speaker A
Absolut unique exactly exactly there's a unique expression of Life happening right yeah I like I like to smell certain oils and put them on my skin I enjoy all these kind of things you know and you'd rather do that than rub some kind of stinky
70:15
Speaker A
thing on your skin you you obviously you have your preferences as a human being I like to get massaged yeah as much as possible you know I enjoy all these things but many people they they don't want to be
70:26
Speaker A
touched or massaged well that's their problem you know so it's it's like yeah there absolute unique expression and this is the beauty especially you know one of the things I I like to say is like um now I can really be me
70:42
Speaker A
yeah now now I can really be me right fully in all my little crazy little things and all my madness you know and I I watch myself with all these funny little abits and they're hilarious and I and I can really just be that without
71:00
Speaker A
any judgment without any idea I should be different or anything it's just the freedom to be what I am at all the levels yeah I think that the reason I brought that up is that in Neo advit circles these days there's
71:15
Speaker A
sometimes an overemphasis on the absolute view you know the non-person aspect of it to the exclusion or to the denial of of the personal uh and all like for instance I was listening to this talk by a fellow named Jeff Foster
71:28
Speaker A
who's quite popular in those circles and he was talking about yeah you know Jeff he was talking about how he had been taking a walk with his mother and his mother had said look at the beautiful tree and he you know went into this
71:40
Speaker A
whole dry intellectual thing about how there is no tree and there is no person to see a tree and so on and so forth and he said looking back at that he's he was sort of shocked at how arrogant and how
71:51
Speaker A
um cold he was you know and how you know there is a tree just as as there is not a tree and and it's wrong it's unbalanced to kind of emphasize one to the exclusion of the other it's
72:05
Speaker A
like a way to say it would be like it it's like you step completely out of the play but you're not really free until you come right back in the play of ordinariness yeah and and if you can constantly beat
72:20
Speaker A
beat the drum of there is no person there is no person to the exclusion of the fact that they also is a person it's only halfway there yeah then it's unbalanced yeah it's just I would say from my vision that's a
72:33
Speaker A
stage you know good point and you know I notice a lot and I'm not being uh biased here but I notice a lot in the and obviously not with you and many others but there are a lot of um males in this
72:48
Speaker A
um expressing this that that want to kind of like go into the cave where nothing is happening and it seems to be a more female expression where they come into the everythingness I went through that stage the fullness of everything
73:01
Speaker A
right right it's a stage it's a stage and as we mature there's the willingness to come in and okay you're going to experience now what whatever you're going to experience you know because to come back into the the the person so to
73:17
Speaker A
speak it is like you actually agreeing to come back into all those Sensations yeah and you know one thing that I've been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that you know when when you get right down to it what we really are is
73:32
Speaker A
we are the intelligence which has given rise to the universe uh and we're we are that um living itself or expressing itself or experiencing life through a particular individual expression you you you're anant I'm Rick and you know each
73:49
Speaker A
of us is is unique expression of the very same intelligence and you know look at the Universe I look look at how much that intelligence seems to enjoy creativity diversity Beauty drama drama you know the whole fantastic the whole
74:06
Speaker A
catastrophe as zor the GRE put it it and uh yes and so you know that being the case that being its tendency our our tendency it's absurd to sort of want to sort of shut it down or deny it even
74:19
Speaker A
exists um you know on some level that's true but obviously on on another very very significant level it's not true and you have to sort of live that parad absolutely absolutely in fact someone uh recently I heard someone quote Nara dat
74:34
Speaker A
as having said that a good measure of one's Enlightenment is the degree to which one is comfortable with Paradox and ambiguity right right yeah yeah I mean and it's like um going so far away to find what where it always was right here
74:56
Speaker A
right here in in the cup of tea yeah this this is it this is the miracle itself so uh so how do you I'm sorry go ahead go oh I was just going to say so you know you yeah I just you know you
75:21
Speaker A
say that you you're doing you're still doing a lot of s songs around Europe and this and that does it just sort of have its own momentum people call you up and send you a plane ticket and and you know
75:32
Speaker A
have yeah for the last um no they don't send me plane tickets I I buy the plane ticket but usually it's like um uh people book before I fly so there's a group of 10 15 people waiting when I
75:51
Speaker A
arrive and so for the last five six years it's been happening like that how do you um cover your well then if there are 15 people waiting then the payment they make covers the trip I see okay because yeah
76:11
Speaker A
my my expensive my expenses are like um the flying the staying the moving on to the next country the beautiful wonderful quality of organic food that I love to eat all these things right are paid for by the participants
76:31
Speaker A
and it's it's like the way I see it it's like an energy you know we we we move energy and people pay in the form of money which is energy right and that that pays for the things that I need to
76:45
Speaker A
pay for it's all energy energy energy yeah do you uh ever come to the US or mainly just Europe and Asia I've never been to the States but it's funny since um the Allen interview I've had so many questions and so many
77:01
Speaker A
uh suggestions and few invitations to come to States yeah but I really you know I don't have a very strong um my body my my body mind system is not the energetic type it's like I I need a lot
77:18
Speaker A
of Stillness relaxation and I I feel now that I don't want to run around the world and unless really it's like it's all set up and waiting for me then I would fly yeah you know but I don't want
77:33
Speaker A
to I don't want to kind of go looking for or use energy I don't need to or but I would love to see the states actually if it happens one day yeah I hope it does um there's some beautiful places to
77:46
Speaker A
see here yes yes I'm sure and some amazing beings yeah yeah so and nice cold weather I've had hundreds of youve you've had hundreds of what now it's hundreds of males from the states coming in I've been doing Skype sessions
78:07
Speaker A
oh good well you probably get a bunch more as a result of this uh yeah we're having a big snowstorm right now in the midwest it's just this you know huge thing coming down making it happens every winter it's no big deal did you
78:19
Speaker A
say minus 208 yeah that's with the wind chill you know what wind chill is it means you know if if it's 0 degrees and no wind then it's 0 degrees but if there's a 20 mph 20 mph wind the the
78:33
Speaker A
equivalent effect on your body is as if it were 20 you know X number of degrees below zero wow so uh in terms of your uh yeah here here it's like yeah I'm sure it's balmy and and wonderful um in terms of your you know
78:50
Speaker A
experience now I mean since you seem to consider yourself to be a working progress um what's going on and you know what what are your current what's your current perspective on the changes you're going through and you know
79:03
Speaker A
unfoldment that are taking place um yeah the the the strong calling in me is more and more to settle MH to stop running around the world you know I've been running around the world for so many years yeah and I'm still
79:19
Speaker A
homeless yeah even though I found the true right the body doeses require certain things you know and I and I want to try to settle more and so I'm here in changai checking out and giving a few open sat hands and seeing if this is the
79:38
Speaker A
place for settle so that my challenge is really about um it's it's the body like if I continue in the same way that I've been continuing I'm just exhausted yeah so it's really about me starting to just calm down settle down yeah and let
80:04
Speaker A
people come mhm know yeah the body body has limitations yeah and it's not getting younger this is a reality even though I feel younger every moment you know right the spirit is always ageless but the body asks for certain
80:25
Speaker A
yeah I went I went through a stage where this is like 20 years ago or more where I felt very detached from my body and I would just work myself into a frenzy and uh you know and and I know it was crazy
80:39
Speaker A
and I'd get these boils on my neck and strange you know seizures in and you know tensions and all kinds of things but I felt so detached from it that you know I kind of like kept pushing it you
80:52
Speaker A
know and then you know I kind of finally realized that that that wasn't that wasn't a way to do it it's saying hello I'm here too yes yes yes this I am not the body it's like the body says hello you know
81:07
Speaker A
I'm just going to break and crumble and you need me yeah you know without this moment is not possible yeah I mean Consciousness and it's really my my pass I'm sorry what it's really my passion to to work
81:26
Speaker A
with people and share this integration process I feel that when we come together it's really like um um an energy that's being created on the planet you know like so many beings are sharing this now and more and more
81:41
Speaker A
energy fields are are um opening up with uh Consciousness that somehow the planet is is asking for that yeah there was even though the planet doesn't ask for showing signs there's story in the Piranhas which you may have heard of
82:01
Speaker A
where there was this huge rainstorm in some Village in India and uh krishna's Village and the the people all sort of called out for help to Krishna to save them from this rainstorm so he came and he he took a mountain and held it up
82:16
Speaker A
with one hand over the mountain over the village to Shield it from the rain you know and then everyone thought oh you know how can he hold up this mountain all by himself and they all so they all
82:25
Speaker A
got sticks and they they put their sticks up to help hold the mountain and uh you know they all thought they were participating and of but of course Krishna was really the one holding the mountain and that you know it's like
82:36
Speaker A
that we we uh you know there's this vast intelligence that seems to be percolating up in in in World Consciousness today yeah and uh it's it's just it's just happening and and we're like the people that are kind of
82:50
Speaker A
holding up our sticks you know everyone is you know yes and it's a bit like coming coming like um each being when that awakens in each being it's like coming in alignment with with with that that's holding it up because it is it is
83:06
Speaker A
the same thing you know these people yeah are the same thing as that which holds it uhuh and and when you become a willing participant then you uh it begins to use you and and you know and to and make you more and more effective
83:21
Speaker A
conduit for that intelligence I I was watching interview with Oprah Winfrey just the other day and and she was saying that she was saying use me until I'm all used up that's what I want to do with my life
83:36
Speaker A
right you know who Oprah Winfrey is right yes and that's that's that's the same here yeah yes I've never actually watched any of her but I've heard of her haven't watched her stuff but like most kind of rich and famous um enter
83:51
Speaker A
entertainment person in in America and maybe in the world and she you know just has a huge impact on on what people think and do and she just but she feels like she's a tool of of some higher
84:02
Speaker A
intelligence you know she often expresses that that she's just being used for a greater purpose and she just wants to be as wants to be us used as fully as possible for whatever that purpose may be yes yes yes yes that that
84:16
Speaker A
can be the experience of the Personality yeah yeah it's like at at the level of Personality yes I feel like that you know let's let it use me and then at at the other level it's like only it is
84:33
Speaker A
moving you you are you are the it which is using you yeah there nothing there's nothing I can otherwise right there's there's nothing else I can do really just this moment happen and all this work you've been doing all these years
84:50
Speaker A
you know working on yourself working out all this stuff all this body work and emotional work and that stuff you you know you've just been making yourself a more and more fit instrument you know yes and it's also part of the
85:04
Speaker A
sharing now you know because it's like I'm able to to meet people where they're at in whatever they're at in so many levels and in so many places people that are coming off drugs people who have caught up
85:19
Speaker A
in whatever you know it's like whatever you've experienced through yourself you can can really relate to in somebody else right very good point I'm able to use yeah I've I've actually heard it said what tools by wise teachers that if
85:35
Speaker A
that if you you know I've heard it said by wise teachers that if you didn't go through all this stuff uh in a progressive way you wouldn't be a very effective teacher because you just couldn't relate to other what other
85:46
Speaker A
people were going through but it's made it's made yeah it's kind of made a rich experience of of being being able to relate to so many different um walks of life you know yeah interesting yeah yeah what what a gift every moment yeah
86:08
Speaker A
every moment and now in by the way my in my world there are no um all the drug connections and all these things have long gone you know sure but if someone came to you who was involved in drugs you would be able to
86:24
Speaker A
say okay you know well I've been there and I I understand what you're going through but now look look at this yeah yes yes and I and I see that most of the people who are like going into the drugs and all of this is
86:39
Speaker A
because they want to get out of the mind they want another to know another reality MH or they want to escape the pain whatever yeah and there's another way and um you know it's really a such a rich blessing for me to be able to
86:56
Speaker A
easily facilitate the direct realization of another way like to my work is really about bringing people into the direct experience not like just teaching something I know and they don't know yeah you know it's always I say you know
87:15
Speaker A
in every being it's already known that's why when you when you read a book and you recognize truth there's something in you that recognizes that because it's already known yeah good point so it's very very easy yeah and also so like
87:31
Speaker A
when people hear truth they go that's it but what is it in them that says that's it it's it's already that truth itself that that hears it and you know almost everybody who so everybody already is it it's they are and almost everybody who
87:46
Speaker A
whom I've talked to who has had a what we would call A Spiritual Awakening has had the realization that I always knew this you know I just didn't sort of recognize it but I can see now that it
87:56
Speaker A
was there all along yeah just look in a baby's eyes yeah yeah good point look in a child's eyes know really early you just only see God looking out y that's all you know you have to try to tell them how life is
88:12
Speaker A
but they like they look at you like uh like they're just being aware now yeah that's that's all they're shining is being aware now mhm and you fall in love with that you know because it is it is
88:26
Speaker A
that love right it's pure but but somehow we have somehow we have to come full circle you know and get go through all of our teenage years and all this crazy in high school and all this crazy stuff in order to sort of
88:40
Speaker A
come back to it and realize it in a mature more mature way to Value it yeah to Value it to Value the the the the be being itself to just value that you know and when when we were were starting out
88:58
Speaker A
we never could value just the being yeah we we were the Mind wants something right that's why the mind starts chasing this thing called Enlightenment or whatever because it wants something it doesn't want Noh but this is the beauty when the mind
89:13
Speaker A
can relax it doesn't want anything anymore it's just being being being itself is everything yeah we have the value of this being I'm sorry continue say it again valuing this being just valuing this mhm this is the only thing to give it value I
89:38
Speaker A
often say to people you know the only difference between raham mahashi and you is the value you give it yeah he gave it all the value and sat his whole life on a mountain you know and absorbed in that
89:50
Speaker A
because he gave it the value right and and he knew how valuable it was um and of course you know his his experience was was very deep and profound and clear from a young age but um you know it's it's a little harder
90:05
Speaker A
for someone who's overshadowed and lost and confused to sort of value something that they only dim but then that's what I say to like right I I say I say often that I can show you right now where it is and
90:20
Speaker A
what it is but can you value it you know is there valuing of that because if not it's it's you just go straight to the next thought or the next uh whatever it's like to really stop in that for a
90:35
Speaker A
moment just stop and fall into that just rest in that for a moment and see if it has any value and when when you start to see that you know even when you're in pain this is not in pain right he gets
90:50
Speaker A
some value yeah true there's a placing you which is never in pain I think that wouldn't you say that the uh the degree of clarity with which you experience it or know it determines how highly you value it I
91:10
Speaker A
mean if you're if the if the experience is they come yeah if the experience is very vague and cloudy and you know you just have this sort of remote sort of Glimpse then you you might go running after the
91:22
Speaker A
Rolls-Royce or the you know the Beautiful You Know partner or something like that and and you know and not sort of value and you will yeah but yeah you will until you to the next disappointment yeah and but in your case
91:38
Speaker A
you know for instance when you had that when you had that deepening in the prison wave after wave of deepening and and falling into that then you you tasted it so profoundly that you couldn't help but value it you know
91:51
Speaker A
because it was it was very full I was very lucky yeah I was very very lucky MH yeah everything in in the Life For Me has has and still does point to that yeah but I was very lucky to get a
92:10
Speaker A
long period of silence and Solitude yeah and um all that all that I couldn't go anywhere couldn't escape you know it's the only place to go huh interesting well there'll be a run on the prisons after this interview
92:28
Speaker A
but I not not everybody needs as an extreme experience I I see now that you know so many I meet meet that have been on the path of yoga or this or that or whatever they've made themselves ready to come to
92:47
Speaker A
a point of Readiness to be able to just get like a little shift and then it opens right yeah I was I was listening to a fellow the other day talk about the distinction between the direct path and
92:57
Speaker A
the progressive path and you know the point he made is that the progressive path really brings you to the point where the direct path can happen um as as someone said there's a Zen saying that Enlightenment Enlightenment may be
93:10
Speaker A
an accident but spiritual practices make you accident prone I'm never sure alignment what I say there's a Zen saying that Enlightenment may be an accident but spiritual practice makes you accident prone in other words right yeah in other
93:35
Speaker A
words it makes this it makes it likely that that it's going to happen yes it's like prepare the ground and wait yeah OSHA always said tether your camel and wait right you know which is I'm glad we're saying this because
93:49
Speaker A
again in in Neo advit circles there's this premature emphasis my opinion on giving up the search you know don't do practices don't see teachers you know just give up the search and realize you're that and you know that may be
94:03
Speaker A
true at a certain point in a person's uh progress but if it's if it's if that attitude is adopted prematurely it ain't going to happen I mean you can just sort of well even no but even if you even if you um
94:20
Speaker A
attempt that you can't you can't do anything anything about it the search goes on true even in giving up the search is the search you know yeah there's nothing you can do true all seven all seven billion of us are on a
94:38
Speaker A
spiritual path yeah yeah everything everything is part of that yeah and it's just a moment of Readiness as far as I see you know Grace Reigns yeah good well um we've we've managed to somehow overcome the the technical
94:59
Speaker A
challenges of having this conversation between Iowa and Thailand um is there anything that um you'd like to bring up that we haven't discussed uh that I haven't thought to ask or anything pretty much covered it no I can't think okay good yeah yeah and so
95:18
Speaker A
people obviously will be able to get in touch with you and you say you're doing Skype sessions and and so on and so you know on on batgap.com I'll have a link to your website and uh people can get in
95:31
Speaker A
touch with you your email is there and everything and uh you know if they live in Europe they might see you in person or in Thailand for that matter and otherwise maybe they can have a chat with you via Skype
95:42
Speaker A
yeah yeah yes and uh since since you're in changai look up my old friend Bob Fus uh now I told you about him he's there he has some little ashram with some little ayur a clinic or something attached to it and oh really yeah go out
95:58
Speaker A
and have tea with him or something a does it ring a bell what does he use another name also he might I don't know um ietta Clinic Rings a yeah does he have a I know an aurvedic place not far
96:12
Speaker A
from here it's um he has a restaurant called the new Earth he might I don't know I don't know I'll uh I'll send you a link to his website you can check it out okay we we were we were on U course
96:27
Speaker A
meditation courses together from 1970 and onward for quite a few years so anyway and and if you had contact a little bit yeah I'm GNA interview him one of these days he he he spends most of his time in Thailand and
96:41
Speaker A
Japan it seems um and he's sort of a spiritual teacher over there but he is his Bas is in changai oh okay well let's conclude so thanks a lot I really I've appreciated this opportunity yeah thank you it's been
96:58
Speaker A
really yeah yeah me too so uh let me just conclude by saying that for people who've been listening let me just uh conclude by saying that um you know however you may be hearing this interview uh there are about 50 of them
97:12
Speaker A
now that I've done and a new one every week and you can see or hear them all if you go to batgap.com which is an acronym for Buddha at the gas pump that's batgap.com and there you'll find links to all the
97:27
Speaker A
interviews that have been done and to the websites of the guests whom I've interviewed and links to podcasts and YouTube and Facebook and all that stuff and uh it seems to be growing every week um next week I'll be interviewing Greg
97:43
Speaker A
good who is fairly well known these days and uh non-duality circles has written several books and uh the week after that I'll I think I'm going to be interviewing a very interesting fellow um who was some kind of a motorcycle you
97:59
Speaker A
know biker guy and who had a you know a spiritual awakening that that um totally turned his life around so I've been speaking with uh ananta from changai Thailand and uh I want to again thank you very much and both to Ananda and to my
98:20
Speaker A
listeners and we'll see you next week [Music]
Topics:Anantaspiritual awakeningJapanese prisonOshoBuddha at the Gas Pumpmeditationfreedomspiritual journeyawakening in prisoninner clarity

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