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The other day, a strange thought crossed my mind. How big of an audience do I actually need to reach? How much would be enough to talk about things that matter to me, to share what’s really on my heart? And I realized
A personal exploration of men's insecurities about appearance and the blackpill mindset, emphasizing self-acceptance over superficial ideals.
Key Takeaways
- Men's insecurities about appearance are often fueled by social isolation and unrealistic standards.
- Blackpill ideology can deepen self-doubt but is based on flawed premises.
- Effective communication and social skills matter more than physical attractiveness.
- Accepting oneself as ordinary is crucial to mental well-being.
- Striving for perfection in all areas can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction.
What the video covers
- The speaker reflects on the need for a meaningful audience versus superficial popularity.
- He shares his personal experience with male insecurities about appearance starting in his mid-20s.
- Discusses the impact of social isolation and social media mirrors on self-image.
- Explains the origins and effects of the blackpill theory on male confidence.
- Highlights the irony that appearance ratings are created by men, not women.
- Shares insights from a pick-up artist about communication skills being more important than looks.
- Describes how he learned to understand social cues and relationship dynamics.
- Emphasizes the importance of accepting oneself as ordinary rather than obsessing over looks.
- Critiques the unrealistic pursuit of perfection in all life areas driven by feelings of inadequacy.
- Concludes with valuing what one has and focusing on authentic self-expression rather than fixation on results.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Audience Reflection
- 01:10Positive Work Environment and Early Confidence
- 02:15Mirrors, Self-Image, and Social Media
- 03:21Self-Evaluation and Onset of Insecurities
- 04:32Social Perceptions and Blackpill Theory
- 05:41Insights from Pick-up Artist and Communication Importance
- 06:43Understanding Social Dynamics and Relationship Lessons
- 07:50Self-Acceptance and Rejecting Unrealistic Ideals
- 08:58The Pursuit of Perfection and Its Pitfalls
- 10:21Conclusion: Valuing What You Have and Authenticity
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
there is no such number. There just isn't. You can endlessly talk about things that people might find interesting or like, and never actually say anything personal at all. And I notice there are bloggers who have been making videos for years, churning out
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the same content, but they’ve never once said what they really think. And today, I want to talk about men’s insecurities regarding their appearance. It’s reaching catastrophic proportions, this whole blackpill topic and so on. I want to tell my own story,
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my own blackpill story and my own insecurities. And what I did about it all? When did it all begin? I was about 23 or 24. I worked at a company where the team was mostly female. And we communicated every day, all day long.
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And I felt absolutely wonderful there. Every hour, almost every minute, I was hearing compliments directed at me.
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There was even some light harassment. I’d arrive at work, and the girls would immediately go, "Oh, Vladimir." And again, my self-esteem was just great. I didn't really stress about anything at all. But then I left that job and started working alone. I opened
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my own firm and started working as a freelancer. And that’s when the problems started, because when a person is alone, all sorts of dangerous thoughts and strange ideas pile up on them. A breeding ground appears for things like the blackpill, because a
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person spends too much time alone with themselves, not interacting with others. And that’s when I remembered a valuable thought I first heard from Arsen Markaryan about mirrors. I thought, damn, exactly. He spoke about how before, just some 100 years ago, a
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mirror was quite a rarity, not to mention even older times. And people formed their self-image based on the reflections, so to speak, of other living people. On what other people thought of them. But now, people look in the mirror a lot. I mean, in every
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house, in every apartment, there’s a ton of mirrors. Plus Instagram and all those social networks as derivatives of these mirrors. And that's it. And people have started to think way too highly of themselves. I mean, realize that people are just as they were, but
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they’ve started thinking too much about themselves and their appearance. I remember I was browsing the internet back then and stumbled upon this Blackpill theory while I was still in America. I mean, nobody here in Russia was even thinking about this topic yet.
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And I started digging into it, I started seeing who women actually choose, which man is considered handsome and which one isn't. Ratings.
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And what happened then? I started evaluating myself, began looking closely and seeing that, oh man, something's wrong with my face. My jawline isn't as straight as I'd like, not up to those standards. My eyes aren't right. It would be nice if my
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hair wasn't so thin and soft, but thicker. Stubble to be thicker, teeth, height, whatever. You could go on forever. Forever. And that's when my confidence started to gradually decline. And at the same time, I see my friends starting to get married one
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after another, one by one. It was a real "blackpill" killer, you could say. But for me, it was the opposite; because of this drop in confidence, problems started, and I began to overthink it. I started watching, like, how I walk down the street, if women
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are looking at me or not. And I started catching glances, trying to catch glances. And, naturally, I started to spiral. Why aren't women looking? Do they even need relationships? Are they even interested in men at all? What is
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happening with modern women? I completely forgot about the objective premises. On what grounds should women be staring at me? I just forgot about that. I thought there was something wrong with me. But the irony is that all these ratings were invented by men
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for men. I mean, it's not women evaluating men like that, but some internet community that assigns these scores to faces. Well, and essentially, I started working on my appearance. I won't list all the nonsense I got involved in. I can't even say if there
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was any effect or not. Well, yeah, I would go, for example, to some public places, sure, women would notice me, but relationships just wouldn't work out, they didn't, and I couldn't seem to build any normal connection. And interestingly enough, I stumbled across
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one of Sergei Ispanyets' videos back then. He was a fairly well-known pick-up artist. Now he has completely withdrawn from the public sphere. At the same time, he trains people for some crazy money. I already referenced him in a video about storytelling a
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while back, and he said something that stuck with me; I won't quote it word for word, just to keep it polite. He said: "Look at these handsome guys, they sit around without women and masturbate. Rich guys sit around
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without women and masturbate. Guys with nice cars sit around without women and masturbate. And so on down the list." And he quite logically provided conclusions as to why this happens. And if you simplify it, simplify what was said, it all comes down to the simple
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ability to communicate, the ability to talk, the ability to persuade and understand another person, and to present yourself in the right way.
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That's it. And he himself, generally speaking, is no beauty. And so, in this way, the hangups began to gradually fade when I started to notice certain repeating situations, to understand where the tests were, where I just needed to behave differently, where I
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needed to wait, and where I needed to stop dragging a woman into a relationship. And a bunch of things like that, which I hadn't paid attention to before, suddenly came to the forefront. And I began to understand how it all works. And, of
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course, the feeling of wounded male pride is very familiar to me, when a woman—you and another guy, let's say, more attractive—when she immediately pays attention to him and not to you, when she prefers someone else, when a guy is sitting in a group and all the
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female attention is on him. I mean, yes, there are such moments. It is, of course, unpleasant. I understand why guys, seeing this, want to improve their appearance at any cost. I understand, but I still want to draw
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attention to this. These obsessions with looks and so on, those are actually feminine obsessions. That’s simply not masculine thinking. And yet, how should you perceive yourself, how should you relate to your appearance?
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It's very simple. You need to accept yourself as ordinary, exactly the same as all other people. Because that's how it is. That's how it is. Unless a person is a super handsome actor, or if he isn't some kind of total freak, he
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is ordinary. Ordinary. And an ordinary appearance is actually enough for everything. And it is necessary to accept yourself as ordinary, just to avoid tormenting yourself with these baseless sufferings when there are no prerequisites for them. I mean, really,
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imagine if I were to feel insecure that I don't look like young Brad Pitt, that my hair isn't like his, or, I don't know, my jaw isn't like Sean O'Pry's.
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Well, where does that come from? Why think about that, if I simply have different prerequisites? Right. And all these hangups, they are resonant with the male desire to date specifically a beautiful woman. Just a truly beautiful woman. And, as a rule, the argument is
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that everything must be the best. Everything must be better. Cars, motorcycles, I don't know, a house, and so on. Everything perfect. The perfect trip, perfect Instagram, perfect life, perfect women nearby, perfect kids, perfect sex, perfect lifestyle.
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Everything just optimal. But why? Well, because without it, a person feels inadequate. Inadequate; steal a queen, love a million, as they say. And understand that there is nothing wrong with striving for a so-called ideal self and so on. But a
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something unattainable that makes us feel like complete losers by comparison . No, the ideal self realizes I am responsible for myself. I spoke about this before and didn't emphasize it enough. An ideal self is just a reference point for personal growth, a
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simple driver for change. But the ideal self relies on prerequisites, real ones : the real intelligence we have, the real physical capabilities we have, the real looks we have. On real health, on a real nervous system, let's say, and
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so on, on the real resources we have at our disposal. But modern man doesn't understand this. He takes every area of his life and compares himself in each one to people who have maximized that specific area. If a person is in
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business, he compares himself to Elon Musk. Even if he just opened a business , I don't know, repairing shoes, for example. Naturally, he gets frustrated by this, because he is not Elon Musk.
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Or, for example, a man looking for a girl compares himself to some Andrew Tate or Dan Bilzerian, surrounded by models, not understanding at all what’s off-camera, not even thinking about it. Even though he lives with his grandma somewhere. In a regional center
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, or a person does music and compares himself to superstars who have given their lives completely to their craft.
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Or, yes, comparing oneself to Hollywood actors who were born beautiful, or spent tons of money on plastic surgery, trading their lives for that. So, in every sphere, a person wants to be successful, yet can't reach even an average level in any of them. An
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average level. And the same goes for me . I also wanted to be perfect in every sphere. And it's actually harder for me to some extent, because many things come easily to me. I mean, there should be fame, money, recognition, authority,
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well, obviously, family, everything should be at the highest level. And now I have started to sober up. Sober up.
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This is very important. Recently, someone shared a wise thought with me, that you need to move a large mountain one stone at a time, every single day.
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And that way, you'll eventually move everything you need to. So, my main conclusion is that you need to value what you have. And with what you have, with what you have, with that appearance, resources, and so on, do
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what you can. It's like a follower of the brotherhood told me recently: " Vladimir, you embody my dreams. I want to be like you, to have what you have." God forbid. Because there is so much going on behind the scenes. And I
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realized this while trying to copy the path of people who are more famous or more successful than I am. Why do people want fame, followers, money, women, everything else? They are focused on the result. That is the key
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moment. People are just obsessed with the result, not the process. And I also moved in that direction, toward the result. I was aiming for it. And what was the outcome? If we take blogging, I simply wasn't talking about what I
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wanted to talk about, and I wasn't enjoying the process. I didn't enjoy the process. Now, when I let my thoughts fly more freely, I'm just more interested in what I'm doing. And my fixation on the result has gone away.
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It's no longer so important to me— views, no views, followers, I've had enough. Alright, let's stop here for now. I planned to make a series of such materials on several different topics, and I hope that at least some of my
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viewers will resonate with what is on my heart. They will feel what I feel and say, "Yes, yes, I think so too," and that will be valuable to me. Thank you for your attention. From Victoria.
Topics:men's insecuritiesblackpillself-acceptancemale confidenceappearance standardssocial media impactcommunication skillsrelationship advicemental healthself-image
