Speaker A
Here is the AZ disease. One of my copywriters had this made up. It's the one video that I didn't make in the Script Fellow program, which should be in there, which is the AZ disease. What do I mean by the AZ disease?
Scriptfella explains the 'AZ disease' in screenwriting and how simultaneous descriptions can make scripts hard to read.
Key Takeaways
- Avoid describing multiple simultaneous actions that force readers to hold complex images in their minds.
- Introduce characters gradually and at their most distinct moments to enhance memorability and emotional engagement.
- Use sequential writing to maintain clarity and ease of reading in screenplays.
- Match character descriptions with their actions to reinforce traits effectively.
- Be mindful of character name similarities to prevent reader confusion.
Summary
- The video introduces the concept of 'AZ disease,' a term coined by a copywriter, describing simultaneous actions in screenplays that confuse readers.
- It uses a screenplay excerpt involving a dark scene and a family breakfast to illustrate issues with readability and character introduction.
- The narrator critiques the screenplay's use of multiple nouns and simultaneous descriptions that require readers to hold multiple images at once.
- He emphasizes the importance of sequential writing over simultaneous action to create a frictionless reading experience.
- The video highlights problems with character overload and rapid introductions that reduce emotional engagement.
- It praises character descriptions that match actions, such as Craig being an 'ignorant slob' lounging on the sofa.
- The narrator advises avoiding similar character names (e.g., Casey and Craig) to reduce reader confusion.
- Dialogue is described as realistic but often filler, with some standout lines like 'Who gave you all that juice? You'll be weeing for England.'
- The video is part of a free live class and promotes a longer masterclass on common mistakes in screenwriting.
- Overall, the focus is on improving screenplay readability by simplifying descriptions and pacing character introductions.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
This is a recording taken from a free live class that I give from time to time to my email subscribers. Let's get stuck in.
Speaker A
So, what we're trying to do is create a frictionless read. Darkness. A dim torchlight flickers by a wire fence where a crouch hole has been cut. Beyond the fence, a figure in all black strides towards us. A duffel bag slung over his
Speaker A
shoulder. It's too dark to make out any features, but his silhouette is strikingly masculine. A bright spotlight engulfs the figure. He freezes and raises his hands as a stampede of footsteps approach. A second spotlight pierces the fence, blinding us.
Speaker A
Sunlight seeps through the blinds, bathing the quiet open-plan space in a warm glow. Hurried footsteps scamper towards the door. A flustered woman bursts in, shattering the peace. This is Kate Baxter Williams, 45. Strong-headed, hardworking, and resilient. It's her way
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or the highway. Kate's keen eyes dart across the room. Her daughter Casey, wide-eyed and innocent, sits at the table. She watches a video on her tablet, shovels chocolate cereal into her mouth, and guzzles a glass of orange juice. Her son Elliot, 10, energetic and
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cheeky, stands opposite. He plays with cars, his cereal and juice untouched. Kate's husband, Craig, 50, an ignorant slob, lounges on the sofa, scrolling on his phone, earbuds in. Come on, chop chop. Hurry up or you'll be late for
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school. Casey slurps the milk from her bowl. Elliot stares at Kate. It's okay, Mom. Just tell the teacher I needed extra time to eat my breakfast. Kate snatches the tablet and cars from the children. You've got to be on time at
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least one day this week. Now, finish your food and go and get ready. And why have you got so much juice? Who gave you that much? You'll be weeing for England.
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Elliot shrugs, but Casey points an accusing finger at him. He huffs and crosses his arms. Kate glares at Craig, who is totally oblivious to everything.
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Raia to the bathroom. Casey downs her orange juice before Elliot can even react. That's not fair. I wasn't ready, and you had a head start. Casey shoots a taunting grin at Elliot, wipes her mouth with a sleeve, and rushes off. Elliot
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throws his spoon down and chases her. Kate yawns and mutters to herself as she clears the table.
Speaker A
So, let's look at the sugar cubes. We've got a mysterious beat. We're starting with a cold open, which I think is a solid strategy. Is it easy to see the first sentence? A dim torchlight noun flickers verb by a wire fence. So,
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that's an NVO. I love an NVO because you can see it where a crouch hole has been cut. Hold on. Now I got to see a dim torchlight. That's one noun. And then there's the object. And then there's
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another noun. And that's three things in one sentence. And it's hard to see it.
Speaker A
And then some more scene geography. So we're inside where one side of the fence and then we go beyond the fence. A figure in all black strides towards us.
Speaker A
A duffel bag slung over his shoulder. But is he coming towards us or is he coming towards the fence? So, I am confused. I'm sure it'll be fine in the movie or the TV show, but I'm confused
Speaker A
as to which side of the fence he's on. It is too dark to make out any features, but his silhouette is strikingly masculine. What is strikingly masculine?
Speaker A
If this is a man's silhouette strides towards the fence, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. I think that's probably all you need. And if you say strides towards the fence, you don't need to say beyond the fence. A bright spotlight
Speaker A
engulfs the figure. Good. He freezes, raises his hands, and then here is the AZ disease. One of my copywriting writers had this made up. It's the one video that I didn't make in the Script Fellow program, which should be
Speaker A
in there, which is the AZ disease. What do I mean by the AZ disease? It's when you describe two things happening at the same time. Because in a movie, often you have one thing happening as another thing happens. And in movies, that's one
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thing, but when you're reading, you have to hold in the first sentence, and then when you get to the ads, you say, "Oh, I've got to keep that picture in my head while another thing goes on." And it's
Speaker A
not illegal. Nobody's going to stop reading. But it's a lot easier if you write sequentially rather than simultaneously.
Speaker A
So, we've got this here. He freezes and raises his hand. Full stop. A stampede of footsteps. Approach.
Speaker A
Approach is a suboptimal sort of neutral verb. Approach. They can approach. How much more menacing would that be if you swapped it out? You've got a stampede of footsteps. You could just go footsteps stampede or boot stampede and then we're
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in there and then it's blinding us. You've used the us, but is it blinding us? Do you want to make us the sort of POV of the whole TV show or do you want him to be blinded? So, that's an
Speaker A
important distinction. If you're enjoying this class, I've got a Scooby sense that you're going to absolutely love my free 50-minute master class, Seven Mistakes Stopping You Getting an Agent. It's essentially a taster class for my paid program, the
Speaker A
Script Fellow program. But there are a ton of valuable actionable techniques that you can take away today. So, click on the link and get stuck in. And now we are going to plunge back in to the live dive. This is solid. We set up the
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family, but it's something that I see a lot of. It's an introduce a character thon.
Speaker A
Trust me, I don't just read a lot of these. I've written a lot of these. And if I was to say to you, okay, what's the difference between Craig, Elliot, Kate, and all the rest of it, I'm sure that
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this family is absolutely integral. But because you're introducing so many people so quickly, I'm never going to be able to remember she's strong-headed, hardworking, and resilient. It's a great description, her way of the highway. I'm not going to remember she's wide-eyed,
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and innocent. So, we've got four characters introduced in about eight, nine lines. How am I going to remember that Elliot is energetic and cheeky? And if you've watched any of my videos, you know I kind of advocate the idea of
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introducing your characters at their most characterful. She's burst into this room. What's she actually doing?
Speaker A
How does that description strong, hardworking, and resilient match up to what does she do? Her keen eyes dart across the room. But that's, you know, going back to our budget, I haven't yet been properly introduced to Kate and now
Speaker A
I'm understanding there's a lot of activity in this kitchen, but activity is the death of emotional engagement. If you're going to do this, which is very hard, a breakfast scene. I made a video about it, 10 ways to hook a reader on
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page one. I read a lot of breakfast scenes and it's not badly written at all. I think you've put a lot of effort into the description. And you got his is interesting because his action matches his description. Craig, an ignorant
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slob, lounges on the sofa scrolling on his phone. So, what you're telling me about him here links with what you're showing me. But the fact that Casey slurps milk and Elliot stares at Kate and I've forgotten who Elliot is here.
Speaker A
All of this dialogue is fine, but it's all coming out at the same tone. You've got to be on time at least one day this week. Now, finish your food and go and get ready. And why have you got so much
Speaker A
juice? Who gave you that much? You'll be weeing for England. I think the last line is brilliant.
Speaker A
Who gave you all that juice? You'll be weeing for England. That's the good stuff. Everything else is realistic, but it's filler. The fact that Elliot shrugs and Casey points and now I'm lost at who's doing what. Who's Casey? Who was
Speaker A
Casey? Casey. Casey. Casey begins with C as does Craig. So you've got two names that begin with the same letter. And they're both five letters. So it can he
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different or have a different tone to them. What are they called? Maky, Ricky, Danny Terry Mikey Dave Timmy Tommy Joey, Robbie, Johnny, and Brian.
Speaker A
Who's our main character here, Ryan? Who's the main character? Uh, Kate. Okay. So, if you look at the real estate here of the first page and a half, what do we learn about her? She's got a very relatable situation that she's got she's
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got a lazy husband. Now, there's some conflict. I love these lazy Saturdays. It's Wednesday, Homer.
Speaker A
Running around with the kids and being late for school or being on their devices is fine, but I want you to really hone in on when these things work is when you have conflict. Cuz conflict is nitroglycerine for your characters.
Speaker A
And you've got the setup. You've got a lazy dad here and she's overworked. Now, if he's being lazy, is there the opportunity to create some conflict? And I don't know where their marriage is, but this would be a great
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place to understand where it is. So, Ryan, this is not bad. I'm not here to say this is bad. This is, you know, that it's not necessarily working, but I am here to say that I don't think we've
Speaker A
seen the best of this story yet. I think this is intriguing. There's some language in there and scene geography, which means I bump slightly, but I think it's a cool beginning. Um, and I like the way you're using cinematic lighting
Speaker A
here, spotlight leading into sunlight, so you've got a good flow for the scene. So, do those notes make sense, Ryan?
Speaker A
They do. Thank you very much. It was really useful.
Topics:screenwritingAZ diseaseScriptfellascreenplay readabilitycharacter introductionwriting tipsscreenplay critiquesequential writingdialogue writingscreenplay structure
