Speaker A
[music] [music] Welcome everyone to another episode of the Adeptus Ridiculous podcast. My name is DK Diamantes, and happy belated birthday, Bricky. Huh?
Adeptus Ridiculous explores Warhammer 40k Ork lore, 11th edition updates, and game mechanics with humor and insight.
Key Takeaways
- Ciaphas Cain's new rules add humor and strategic depth to his gameplay.
- 11th edition Warhammer 40k shows a positive shift with frequent balance updates and improved digital resources.
- Ork lore is complex, blending brutality with cunning and a unique belief-driven power system.
- Games Workshop is improving accessibility but still faces challenges with app functionality and digital content delivery.
- The Ork gods Gork and Mork embody contrasting but complementary traits influencing Ork behavior and tactics.
Summary
- The episode opens with casual banter and birthday wishes for Bricky, setting a humorous tone.
- Discussion of Ciaphas Cain's new 11th edition rules, highlighting the 'Trapped by Excuses' and 'Unparalleled Luck' abilities.
- Analysis of the 11th edition Warhammer 40k launch, including balance updates and the shift to monthly patches.
- Comments on the accessibility of core rules via free PDFs and the new Munitorum Field Manual website.
- Critique of the current app's limitations and the potential for a subscription model for digital codices.
- Insight into Ork technology and culture, emphasizing their brutish, cobbled-together nature.
- Exploration of the dual nature of Ork gods Gork and Mork as cunning and brutal entities.
- Clarification of common misconceptions about Orks and their origins in Warhammer 40k lore.
- Explanation of Ork psychic powers and the unique role of Weird Boys within Ork society.
- Overall, the video blends lore, game mechanics, and community commentary with a comedic style.
Chapters
- 00:00Introduction and Birthday Banter
- 03:59Ciaphas Cain 11th Edition Rules Overview
- 08:04Warhammer 40k 11th Edition Launch and Updates
- 12:00Digital Rules Accessibility and App Discussion
- 16:31Ork Technology and Culture Insights
- 19:25Gork and Mork: Ork Gods Explained
- 26:09Ork Origins and Lore Clarifications
- 29:59Ork Psychic Powers and Weird Boys
- 35:00Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Huh? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of interesting as all of these little clips were collected for the birthday thing, and then I see this cute little artwork of y'all in
Speaker A
it, and then none of you had any clips in it. You just, you were in the artwork with stolen valor.
Speaker A
In my defense, no one asked me to make a video. Possum asked me, was like, "Oh, is it cool if someone gets art of you for Bricky's birthday?" I was like, "Of course it is. That's great." Saw a
Speaker A
notification on your Discord about a Kudoboard. I was like, "Of course I'll leave Bricky a message." I wasn't told to actually give you a clip. It's more than fine. I would
Speaker A
have been embarrassed anyway. But [laughter] I would have specifically wanted to embarrass you. That's the whole point.
Speaker A
I know. That's why I didn't have been asked. Let's listen. [laughter] All right. All right. That's it. That's it. I'm pissed off now. God, add another 15° C to the UK.
Speaker A
Ooh. Why me? What did I do? Oh, yeah. Carry on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker A
Not providing a clip. Although to be fair, that is down to institutionalized awkwardness.
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Yeah. He's crossing boundaries. Yeah, he crossing a boundary there? Are you infringing in some way? Do you even need to think about it? But now you started thinking about it. When do you stop? And what
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conclusion can you even reach? And is it the right conclusion to reach in the first place? Oh look, you were supposed to do it two days ago. It's too late now.
Speaker A
That's being British for you. This is actually hilarious. Fair enough. I will say there was a small clip of Andy and pancreas in like a bar, and I'm pretty sure pancreas was like held at gunpoint.
Speaker A
I don't think he did not want to be there. You could, he seemed very awkwardly be like, "Yeah, happy birthday big man," with his General Grievous jacket. Because of course.
Speaker A
Of course, yeah. It's so typical. I am not trying to start drama or throw shade at pancreas, but that's kind of his default though, isn't it?
Speaker A
[laughter] Up being on like his General Grievous jacket on. Yeah, well like yeah, and then just sort of having that like, did somebody have a gun to your head? Are you okay?
Speaker A
I'm fine. You know, like there's a definitely a difference between in-person pancreas and online pancreas. There's a world there.
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[laughter] My first reaction to being in the UK, that might have been all it is.
Speaker A
Mhm. Just a general malaise like, what am I, why am I even here? What's the point of this place? It could be that.
Speaker A
Yeah, he was riding on the Northern Line one too many times and now his eardrums are ruptured.
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And he doesn't know where he is anymore. Yeah. Yeah. He's been there for less than a week and he's already got the British cynicism in him from his trip. Let's go. It doesn't take long. Mhm.
Speaker A
But speaking of British cynicism, 11th edition launched. [laughter] Oh boy. I will say this is unrelated to it though. This morning they dropped the rules for Ciaphas Cain.
Speaker A
Now, granted, Ciaphas Cain, like many Black Library characters, do not have actual currently usable in-game rules.
Speaker A
They're legend rules, aka fun with your friends, but not for like tournament play or whatever, which is fine. You know, it's like it's a whole thing.
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I mean, it would be nice if you could actually use them like you can with Gaunt's Ghosts, but that's neither here nor there. I don't want to bang that drum too much today.
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I will say there's a really great rule that he has that I find to be genuinely hysterical.
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Because he's got his usual stuff, you know, but he has one rule called Trapped by Excuses, which means you have to start him on the board. You cannot put him in reserves. He must be present, which is very humorous to me because he
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has run out of reasons to not fight. [laughter] It is a basic good rule. I like it.
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He also has the other rule, which is Unparalleled Luck, which is for a phase, you can get a two-plus invulnerable save, which is the same thing Makari gets.
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I mean, if anyone should have that, it is him. That is very Cain-coded.
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I like it because there's a negative to it as well. I like the fact that there's an anti that goes along with it. It's very funny.
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Also, yeah, the Stompa's down 200 points and might actually be runnable. Hell yeah. Let's go, Ork players.
Speaker A
Stompa's what I've been waiting for. Stompa stocks might finally be going up. This is a shocking revelation.
Speaker A
Are the Thousand Sons still amazing? Um, they never were. [laughter] Oh, no. Well, they, oh man. I thought they were just, they just went like crazy in some mode because something something. And like everyone
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was like, "Oh, yeah, Zangors are finally usable again. You can use them to like catch objectives, and I finally have a use for this whole plethora of Zangors I never built because I don't want them anymore."
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Honestly, no one really knows because it's too early to say, but the initial assumption is that pretty much every army is fine.
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There might be pretty much every single army is fine to an extent. People will complain about stuff because certain things might not go the way they want, like
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Guard infantry went up in points a lot more than they should. But like Guard as a faction is fine because all the other stuff is fine.
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I don't know how good Thousand Sons are, but for the most part, pretty much everything is at least fine except for Tau, which is apparently quite overpowered.
Speaker A
Again. Ooh. Let's go. Let's get that rail cannon discussion going again, huh?
Speaker A
I love to do that. For a while, everybody was like, "Oh my god, I can't believe the Tau rail cannon can do that much damage. It's crazy.
Speaker A
They're OP. You get two of them or something like that." Yeah, the classic. Yeah.
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But no, I mean it's the first few months of a new edition. It's normally going to be shenanigans. It always is.
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Mhm. And I will give Games Workshop a little credit. They're doing balance updates every month for the first three months instead of once a quarter.
Speaker A
Which I think is pretty cool. So yeah. I'm a fan. So I mean, I hate to say it, but while it's not perfect, there are definitely issues. For the first time in maybe a few decades, Games Workshop is acting like an
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actual game company with actually intelligent game updates for a new edition, which is insane to hear.
Speaker A
High praise. I mean, like, they've also switched over as well for the Munitorum Field Manual. Like that not just being PDFs now but being its own website, which admittedly is bare bones as anything, but then again, the
Speaker A
field manual always was. It was always just a list of stuff. But it's now just a website that's quicker to navigate. So that by itself is like, "Oh, they're trying to make this easier.
Speaker A
That's nice." I mean, I was to say like a pig must have just flown into my window. Like, it's crazy.
Speaker A
There are still issues, so don't get me wrong. Like, the fact that you can't get the rules of other armies on the app is dumb. The app is currently broken. You can run games on the app, which is
Speaker A
cool. Unfortunately, running games on the app is currently broken. There's like a bug or two, so those need to be fixed.
Speaker A
But you can download the core rules of Warhammer completely free. Get all the new points for free. Just download the PDFs.
Speaker A
Mhm. We're almost there. They still haven't gotten us the full free digital, but god damn, they're close.
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So, that's... Well, if they give you the full free digital, you wouldn't have any reason to buy all the codexes for all th
Speaker A
Yeah, well, [ __ ] them. Agreed. On this we agree. Yeah. [laughter] Also, like, just charge I don't know, just charge me 10 bucks a month. No one buys two codexes a year, normally. Like, I'll take the damn subscription.
Speaker A
Yeah. Anyway. Yeah, I think they make a killing off that if they just did a 10-month or a $10 subscription. Here's all the rules, fully down Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker A
40K, like, it makes sense, you know? Mhm. Whatever. Anyway, all that aside, I'm going to shill something at all of you.
Speaker A
Die. Quick sponsor for today. We are back with the Tabletop Stronghold, folks, and they're running a really big Independence Day sale. It is up to 35% off, with the sale ending on July 5th.
Speaker A
And I would like to shout out specifically the mag cases that they have. It is one of the best choices for carrying around your miniatures out there. That's the whole point of Tabletop Stronghold. I see these cases all the time, whether it's at my LGS,
Speaker A
tournaments, etc., etc. They have all of these fantastic steel trays and a ton of magnets that allow you to transport things super easily. It keeps your miniatures upright. It keeps them from shifting around. It is pretty much the
Speaker A
best option you could have out there when it comes to transporting this specific type of product. That being large amounts of plastic.
Speaker A
Anyway, the link in the description is tablestopstronghold.com/ridiculous. You can go ahead and check it out. Enjoy all the fantastic sales. Absolutely highly recommend the tablestop stronghold products. I own them myself and I do think that those of you looking
Speaker A
for a way to support your big armies would find it excellent here. So, check it out.
Speaker A
Oh, [laughter] for a second I was like, why did he why is he shilling my demise? And I was like, oh wait.
Speaker A
He actually sells it. so so unironically there might be a tablestop stronghold thing like the like before.
Speaker A
But he hasn't got back to me on his email and like it was supposed to be this week. And so I'm I'm not sure what's going on with that one.
Speaker A
So after I yelled die, I might send you a quick like 60 second clip shy, but that's only if he gets back to me.
Speaker A
He doesn't need approval or nothing. So he's pretty easy. Uh Sick. Well, yeah. And if I don't then we can just do the poster.
Speaker A
Speaking of [clears throat] Shy I hear you have a poster today, you sick freak.
Speaker A
Oh shoot. I didn't even see the work in progress on this one. I don't think or I might have forgotten because I'm stupid.
Speaker A
[laughter] Go for all the bases. Why not? I say sick freak because I genuinely don't know what it is, but I'm just I'm making assumptions.
Speaker A
This is the part where Shy's like, I showed it to you a hundred times, you absolute Okay. All right.
Speaker A
I'm going to click it. Oh. Oh, we love to see it, Shy. DK DK Oh, we love to see it.
Speaker A
And DK and Paulson out here getting into a fetal position. Yeah, well, I mean it didn't matter. Red Thirst great for like the Blood Angels thing.
Speaker A
It could have been anyone. It could that could have been just a random Ultramarine and and you know.
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They're painting Ultramarines SpongeBob licking SpongeBob licking abs. You know, that's it doesn't matter what color the armor was or what faction it was. Like come on man.
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You would have it regardless. It doesn't the context doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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The Red Thirst poster currently available at Orchid Eight along with all the other cool new merch we dropped like the Magic the Gathering sleeves and the new hoodie and all the awesome things there. Now available in the description. And also you can get
Speaker A
all these posters digitally by going to the patreon at patreon.com/adeptusridiculous where you get access to the bloopers if they happen, Discord access, posters.
Speaker A
I'm taking your job DK. I'm taking your job. I was going to say the way you rattle off that Discord uh shell I think I think that is job security by itself.
Speaker A
No, no, no. I'm the new LLM model. I'm being trained off of you to take your job.
Speaker A
Oh, man. I already don't do enough. Oh, man, come on. Computer, give me 14 more leather jackets to Ah, crap. What the hell is his name?
Speaker A
[laughter] Who's the Who's the Nvidia CEO? Who's the Nvidia CEO? I don't know. I also don't know his name.
Speaker A
I I got I was I guess he likes leather jackets though. He does. I don't remember. It doesn't matter. Whatever.
Speaker A
[laughter] We need the image right now. Red arrow pointing at DK. What does he even do?
Speaker A
Man, I introed the damn episode, Shy. I introed the goddamn episode, all right? I just I don't want to I don't want to like keep like punching down here, but I I did just realize that when when we say
Speaker A
you intro the episode, we threw immediately to not contributed anything towards Bricky's birthday. We didn't actually do any introductions at all apart from yours, which obviously not my Shut up, Kiria. Shut up, Kiria. I will Shut up, man.
Speaker A
It's fine. Everyone knows. It doesn't matter. It's It's not a problem. Kiria, like if if BK gets fired, I get paid more.
Speaker A
I'm on four. I I'm I'm 31. Who gives a [ __ ] Let's move on. What do you got for us, Kiria?
Speaker A
[laughter] I've got a quote. I'm going to give you a quote right now. For instance, it is widely believed in orc society that machines painted in a red color operate faster. As disturbing as it sounds, facts such as this become
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true. Many captured orc weapons and items of equipment do not work unless wielded by an orc. I theorize that many orc inventions work because the orc themselves think they should work. The strong telekinetic abilities of the orc subconscious somehow ensure they
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function as desired. And that's from Genitor Lucas Anzion. All right. So So we're we're just we're just doing an orc episode, eh?
Speaker A
Pretty Kind of. Pretty I I I remember this one. This is Shy uh wanting everyone to understand how the orcs work. This is orcs power of belief.
Speaker A
And and you were wrong about orcs and a red arrow pointing at like the bad doc Grotsnik like Oi, what does he even do?
Speaker A
I mean, to be fair, I feel like there is usually a bit of a misconception about how the waaaagh works in that oh yeah, just one little orc can believe a thing and it'll happen. And it's like no,
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doesn't quite work like that. Like you can't just have one little orc be like "I I the emperor's going to die by my hands." And then, you know, killed the emperor, but you know, yeah.
Speaker A
And we were part of that problem. [laughter] Oh, yeah, the tank story, eh? Well, though, I've always said that that story was just like kind of a fun fan indulgence type thing. And then, I I I remember even in our little tank story
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thing, I'm pretty sure I say it might It's probably [ __ ] but etc. etc. Uh that however Got a sick hoodie out of that story.
Speaker A
There's a sick hoodie out of that story. It's a fun little story. It's a It's a It's a cute little thing, but like me me sitting here being like, I hate when people um you get get Warhammer information from
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memes. Also me, God, I love Emperor text-to-speech device. Pick a lane. [laughter] Gosh, show some consistency. So, yeah, this is a This is You have been lied to or You have been lied to about Orks at least twice. Is what Passem has titled
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this. So, uh we're just going to go straight into it. We're going to go into it. When it comes to the transitioning of fantasy races to a space setting, the Eldari had a bit of an upper hand. It's
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really simple to shift a species known for elegance and elitist tendencies into the same exact thing, but in space. The real difficulty lies in something more brutish. Something known for cobbling things together out of nothing and essentially being built for nothing more
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than a good scrap. The shift from fantasy to sci-fi for the Orks started out in a very tricky manner and resulted in retcons even between the first and second editions of 40K. In fact, only very recently can we safely say that we
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have a bit more of a firm understanding on how the Orks work in the world of Warhammer 40,000. However, thanks to these constant updates and retcons, there's a very good chance that you've been lied to about Orks multiple times
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and from multiple sources. Um the most difficult bit about whether or not you've been lied to comes down to the orcs themselves, because honestly they don't care about any of this. They don't care that they were once marsupials and
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are now mushrooms that photosynthesize. They don't care that they once relied on humans for technology and now suddenly have innate technological knowledge. All they want to do is whatever it is they want to do. They'll believe whatever they wish to believe in and if you try
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to tell them otherwise, they'll krump you. In fact, it's this stubbornness of the modern orc that has ultimately nerfed them. So, today we're going to be revisiting the you've been lied to series to talk about the orcs. And like
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the other episodes in the series, we're going to talk about the original lore as it was written in the first editions of the game, but we're going to do something a bit different in the second half. We're also going to cover the lore
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as it stands today, so we can hopefully clear things up when it comes to one of the most meaned about factions in the game and showcase how far the orcs have come in the setting.
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Started off as marsupials, he says. All right. Let's not forget though orcs photosynthesize like mushrooms. It's a great callback.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yes. Entirely accurate on multiple fronts. Until you said it, I didn't realize that that [laughter] it went over my head when Carrius said it and then Bricky said it and I was like oh right.
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I still try and drop that in occasionally. Just just occasionally. Whenever whenever it can come up organically, it it's got to be thrown in there. And every time someone gets angry. It's not my fault they don't know that they do photosynthesize. That's not
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my problem. So, the majority of orc stuff that that follows in the old school section here is from Waargh! Orcs in 1990 and Ere We Go in 1991.
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It's believed that orcs were the first alien race encountered by humanity. Nobody remembers. In the first meeting of man and orc, there was an exchange of a long hard look. Neither side cared for what they saw and a conflict began that
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has continued ever since. This is why Orks are the principal enemy of humanity and vice versa. Orks spacecraft plunder the Imperium while humanity unleashes crusades on Ork worlds for no other reason besides the fact that they're Orks.
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As for ancient history on Orks, Imperial scholars believe that on the original Ork homeworld, wherever that may be, there existed a race that was indirectly responsible for the spread of Ork society. They believe this early race was extremely intelligent and controlled
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these Ork races effortlessly. They developed technology and even created the legendary and summarily lost Ork standard construct templates. It's Imperial belief that this race is what uplifted them into a space faring race.
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It's the belief of the Imperium that this race eventually became the modern-day slave race known as the Snotlings. So, Snotlings are symbiotic with fungi which they harvest and eat.
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The cultivation of this fungi in underground cave systems caused mutation in the brains of these Snotlings. The ever-growing and constant eating of this fungi caused the Snotlings to unlock their full brain power until eventually they became super intelligent entities
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referred to as brain boys. Even Even back then Super intelligent entities. [laughter] In In order to get tasks done, they would breed two separate races to work for them, the Gretchen and the Orks. The Gretchen obviously being the
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intermediate stage of Ork development. Orks would be sent to harvest fungi, but they were not good at their job. They would nibble on it as they worked, slowly unlocking their brain potential.
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The Snotlings would become so confident in their intelligence that they would forget that this was a result of the fungi and believe it was just a part of their nature. The Orks would eventually get smart enough to overthrow the
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Snotlings and would enslave them. The Orks would restrict the Snotlings fungi consumption and it would cause them to rapidly decline into an almost juvenile state mentally, even by Ork standards.
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But, the Orks would begin to suffer, too. The Orks would stop cultivating the fungi for one reason or another and it would go extinct. This would cause the Orks to regress as well, capping off their greater advancements in
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technology. Though the Orks would revert into a lesser capacity, it was still a greater capacity to where they were at originally. And uh I've got uh I've got a quote for you here, DK.
Speaker A
That's wild. So, the Snat- So, the the fungi made them smarter and then they forgot about the fungi and they stopped cultivating it and it went extinct and they don't have this fungi anymore, huh?
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Uh nope. And then they they got all stupid again, just not as stupid as they were before.
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That's That's crazy. Anyway, [clears throat] This is the situation that persisted this day. It is difficult to reconstruct this phase of Ork history in any precise detail. Like most Ork history, the story had to be pieced together from fragments
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of Ork legends, which have only been passing which which have only passing references of brain boys and give only brief glimpses of a time when the Orks were not in control.
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Fwoah. [sighs and gasps] That's cool as. Yeah. Well, they did it to themselves. I mean, poor lads. This you know, it's their own damn fault.
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So, at this point, Ork culture would revert to a focus on the most brutal and strong elements while dealing with an issue, which was tech problems. Though they have their own Mek boys who are able to take care of stuff since they
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are a bit more tech savvy, they needed something more consistent. So, Orks began to take on human and alien slaves.
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They work in the Ork workshops and factories to allow for the upkeep of Ork tech and potential advancements. Outside of this, the Ork vassal communities pay tribute to the orcs in the form of arms and tech. Look at Look at that lad. Look
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how well equipped that lad is. Yeah, he look he almost looks like he's wearing space marine armor.
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He do well equipped is a strong word, but he's I I guess so. [laughter] Come on, compare that to the to like your current your current lads in in power armor that they've got and mega armor, sorry, not power armor. And size.
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You think there's ever been an orc slave or that was like, "Oh yeah, work on this here mechanical piece and repair it, you know me." And the human's like, "Okay, I don't know what this is. How do I repair
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it?" And the orc just tells him to just bash it with a hammer. And so there's just a human slave somewhere just mindlessly bashing a suit of armor with a hammer cuz that's how the orc thinks is like you repair it.
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[laughter] I would That That sounds That sounds like it would happen like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds okay.
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Sounds reasonable, don't it? I don't know what I'm doing, but sure. Look at they they don't either, so it's all fine.
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Now we're going to go through some of the old lore for the biology of the orcs.
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Now they're about 2 m tall and are carnivorous with strong thrusting jaws and huge pointed teeth. No orc has ever learned patience. They speak in quick short bursts and swear continuously.
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They also laugh hysterically when something strikes them as being very funny. Um the following are given for things they find hilarious. Sudden accidents, news of a terminal illness, struggles of a doomed victim.
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Oh boy. I was going to say this reeks of early 2000s humor. [laughter] Honestly though, has it changed much?
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Maybe the terminal illness one, but for the most part that sounds about right. Yeah, I feel like that one just wouldn't be included, but but you could sort of infer it from everything else.
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Um [laughter] [snorts] They uh they always look angry thanks to their facial features and they constantly chomp and grind their ever-growing teeth. They are difficult to befriend and are known to fight among themselves. When an orc kills another
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one in a brawl, it's not considered to be a crime. The victim is blamed for being stupid or weak.
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All right, so what was this this still holds up then? All right. Yep. Yep.
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Typical typical work stuff. Yep. Yep. Yep. Humans share a similar physiology to orcs and orcs can only inhabit worlds similar to those of humanity due to these physiological needs.
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Despite this, the orc life cycle is very different from humans. Orcs are born into feral communities and are brought up in a primitive lifestyle. Once these orcs have grown into boys, they go back to orcish society. The majority of orcs
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spend their lives as one of the boys and will die in battle before reaching the final stage of orc life, the breeding stage.
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Mhm. That's the final The final stage of orc life, huh? It's yep. It's It's not It's not as rough as you might think. Don't worry.
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I don't think it is, but you know, I just [laughter] just I I think it's actually I'm not going to lie. I'm going to blame you a little for that one, Kiriath, cuz you said it very sus like.
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You were very much like, "Oh, before the end of the final life, the breeding stage." I don't know how else to say it.
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Man Man speaks in British accent. Bricky. You said it suspiciously. No. No. He He [laughter] specifically put more emphasis on the statement.
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I I I refuse to be laughed [laughter] at like this. I I demand to be taken seriously.
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Post another SpongeBob meme. [laughter] Post another SpongeBob meme, you twit. You clown. You jest.
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[laughter] I I'll I will concede that in an attempt to build a bit of intrigue I might have made it sound a bit more ominous than it is, but you know [laughter] So, yeah, we get to we get to the
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breeding stage because they only reproduce at the end of their life and due to the nature of their existence this means that only the strongest orcs are able to breed ensuring that each subsequent generation is stronger than the previous one. A mature orc will feel
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a primal instinct to leave the community and wander into the wilds and each orc community has set up a dedicated area where this primal urge can be fulfilled.
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They will live out the rest of their lives here returning to a completely feral state and they will be able to breed a new generation while never returning to society itself.
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Unlike other races, there are no genders among the orcs. Half of these feral mature orcs will develop marsupial pouches in which an orc is born and nurtured. After a short amount of time, this welp will be able to leave the
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pouch in order to develop. It'll eat squigs, survive off the land, and will learn to be resourceful.
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There's There's something so like just weirdly off about the idea of an orc with a marsupial pouch.
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I don't know why. It just It just It's just not right, man. It's just not right.
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Yeah, I don't I don't really like the idea of orc breeding pouches. That's doesn't really sit well with me.
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For God's sake, shut up. It's not PC in green. No, no, don't drag Kermit into this, please.
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[laughter] He's having a hard enough time dealing with Miss Piggy. Come on, leave him alone.
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What's he done to deserve being involved in this sort of affair? I mean, really.
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Turns out Kermit was a grotling all along. [laughter] My marsupial pouch. You know what? That wasn't bad.
Speaker A
That was That was pretty good. [laughter] That genuinely That genuinely surprised me. [laughter] I I wasn't prepared for for for like a a good impression.
Speaker A
Kermit the Frog impression. Yeah. I'm so I'm so I'm so used to you doing English accents to when you do a You don't like my English accent, Kieran? You don't think my English accent is as accurate as my Kermit
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impression? I think it's charming in its own way. Oi, bruv. This is This is so rude accent, innit? That's That's as if I was born in Britain.
Speaker A
And then moved repeatedly as you were growing up [laughter] through several different countries. As if you were born in Britain and immediately moved to the United States and don't actually know what a British accent sounds like.
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[laughter] You're keeping all this in, right, Shy? This is This is all the This is all proper filler for until Bricky gets back.
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[laughter] Kieran being impressed by a Kermit impression, my English accent that's not an orc accent. Brother, this is You were like, "DK, what do you do?" This is what I do, right?
Speaker A
Make [ __ ] nonsense that you can use as Patreon I [laughter] was I was going to say this is This is This has got outtakes if they happen written all over it. [laughter] Mhm.
Speaker A
Absolutely Absolutely rammed this one. Bricky didn't even mention the outtakes in his show. That That was That Bricky trying to do the Discord thing is is my job security.
Speaker A
[laughter] You can't fire me. Look at how Bricky stumbled through the Discord thing. Wait, Discord or Patreon?
Speaker A
Patreon. I said Jesus I You never mind. Fire me. That's it. I'm out. I I think you've said Discord every time.
Speaker A
Did I say Discord every time? That's crazy. It's cuz I'm staring right at Discord.
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Ricky's going to come back and be like, "How far along have we got?" [laughter] You didn't keep going without me?
Speaker A
Nope. Probably should. Probably should. [laughter] Instead it's just just become nonsense. Just absolute nonsense.
Speaker A
It's not easy being green, brother. [laughter] Should Should we just keep going? What do you reckon, Shay?
Speaker A
Yeah, it's up to you, Shay. You might have cut this bit out, but you know, [gasps] the rest of it's solid gold.
Speaker A
Oh, yeah. You got to leave the Kermit impression in there. [laughter] Okay. Well, I guess that's a sad question.
Speaker A
When this bit does get put up on Patreon, keep this bit in, but then just take a screenshot of you saying that and just put that as the only image to go with the text. To go with the uh the
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length of the voice [laughter] clip. Okay. Let's Let's Let's Let's keep going then. Okay.
Speaker A
There's a non-zero chance we might have to keep [laughter] this [ __ ] up for another 20 minutes.
Speaker A
I don't know if I don't know if we've got it in us. [laughter] Or at least I'm worried that we do and it'll be confirmed to us.
Speaker A
Yeah, the problem is that we will do 20 more minutes of [ __ ] Yeah, that's the problem.
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[laughter] Okay. So, we're going to move on to Homeworld and space. So, Ork space revolves around an area to the west of the galactic pole and it may encompass something close to 10,000 habitable solar systems. These worlds do not have
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a central governing body and the orc planets shouldn't be viewed as representing a nation in any way. The average orc world is divided into interwarring empires. These empires seldom extend beyond a couple of worlds and the biggest one on record is about
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20. Thousands of these little empires exist and each one is ruled by a warlord. Territories and then empires change hands constantly as alliances are made, pacts are signed or broken often on the same day and the old rulers are
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replaced with the younger and more ambitious ones. A warlord's power is represented by the size of their respective fleet and their only purpose is to fight.
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There being a 20 planet empire with that sort of stuff just being the norm is a genuinely quite impressive, let's be honest.
Speaker A
Yeah. I mean, it's it's it's also it's it's it's very orky. Very very kind of what you expect of the orcs. So, you know, that's that's dope.
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I'm I'm here for it. Inter-feuding warlords, yeah yeah I do like the high levels of orc infestation.
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And it's just anywhere there's orcs. It's like it's like that classic one like the they're still minor orc presence on the planet that has like more guard than its actual weight as a planet.
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[laughter] Yeah. Minor orc presence somehow still. [laughter] It's [snorts] a a commonly held belief among the speed freaks that painting a vehicle red will make it go faster.
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Glyphs that are red and emblems with some sort of magical significance are painted on the vehicle to win over the favor of the orcish gods. Orcs that happen to be rich can afford to paint the entire vehicle red as this is a
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luxury among orcs. It's not really known if the red ones go faster or not, but the orcs certainly think so. They drive red vehicles with even greater reckless determination. This results in the pushing of an engine's capacity to the
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extreme and squeezing a few extra miles per hour out of it even at the risk of it falling apart. Ork technology is ultimately very confusing, especially to the Orks. And there's no better example of this than the shock attack gun. The
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exact origins of the tech for this weapon is uncertain and it's believed that it was made by the brain boys.
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Though extremely complex in design and execution, the Orks have an upper hand when it comes to mass manufacturing.
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Once an Ork gets the basic principles of a piece of tech down, they find it very easy to produce all kinds of weapons and devices that are similar or complimentary.
Speaker A
Wouldn't you kind of say that like, in a sense, the What What's that phrase of like self self-inserting or not not not self-inserting, but like self-selecting?
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Where do the red ones go faster? Maybe not necessarily, but Orks if they have a red car, they tend to drive it really fast because they think it does, kind of thing. So, therefore, the red ones do go faster because the
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Orks are making it or driving it faster, etc. etc. Yeah, like pushing the engine more cuz it's red, so it should be It should be quicker, so it is quicker because they're making it perform like not at a
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higher level, but they're they're just being horrifically reckless about it cuz they're like, "Well, it's It's fine.
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It'll go faster. It's red." I'm trying to remember when the uh I cuz I didn't play I didn't play Orks after third edition, but I do remember that being I think it was a 10-point upgrade for vehicles, pretty much any
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and all vehicles, that you could paint them red and it would increase their movement speed, which is just a fun thing uh just a fun thing to do.
Speaker A
I mean, I do know Well naturally. Um because because back then the the the actual paint job made a change to the thing which is cool sometimes, but then really annoying if you if you had to repaint your damn models.
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Um but I know that there's like uh they have like the speed wall and things of that nature in as rules. And some of those like the cult of speed and stuff like that do have things that revolve around that
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kind of kind of look. Like don't let us not forget the squig hide tires or or the very important enhancement known as faster than yous.
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So important for the speed freaks. It's just It's very important. So sometimes you get a few of those like in the speed wall and stuff like that and you know you can get some of the the colored type deals. So
Speaker A
Well doesn't doesn't like every orc inherently actually believe it? And so wouldn't that actually genuinely make it faster? Not necessarily them just being reckless cuz they believe it. But wouldn't it We'll get Okay, sorry. Well I I didn't realize that was a that was a
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jump but all right. I guess I'll shut up. We'll get to that DK. This is the episode. But all right. I It's just It's all right. All right. Fine. I'm sorry.
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Shy explodes mentally. Yeah. [laughter] We will get to that. This is the episode Shy said calmly.
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Yeah. Oh sorry. Caps lock was on. Didn't mean to offend you. [laughter] We going to move on to faith and culture from the old lore of the orcs. And orc faith and religion lacks refinement.
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Humans love order, squats love tradition, Eldar love the art, orcs straight up don't care. They take a look at human squats and Eldar and dismiss them in three words. Weak, weenie, weedy.
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[laughter] Get Get Get Get wrecked. Nicely done orcs. Nicely done. Orc culture is something that these races just don't appreciate. The orcish character is virtually invulnerable and is able to survive almost effortlessly what effortlessly Jesus and and this character is reflected in
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the warp by the mighty and belligerent orc gods Gork and Mork. An idea on what these gods look like can be found reflected specifically in the Gargants.
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They are constructed in the direct image of Gork and Mork by Megaboyz who had a vision made war. They try their best to make these visions manifest in mechanical form making a Gargant a combination of war machine and religious
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idol. They act much like the gods they're modeled after lumbering about and aimlessly leaving devastation in their wake as they do so. In some myths the orc gods were felled and shattered into millions of pieces only for the
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orcs to swarm out to put them back together. In orc mythology Gork and Mork have regularly fought not only the other gods of chaos but also the gods of other alien races. They have never been defeated and the stories tell of other
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gods hitting them only for Gork and Mork to laugh in their faces. Gork then grins and clubs the god while they're looking at him while Mork clubs the foe from behind.
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Because because Mork is cunning but brutal and Gork is brutal but cunning. Yeah. This is often made in in tabletop by Mork related things being shooty based and and more gun based and Gork related things being much more
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melee based. Yeah. A tip for for you viewers. Hey. And of course in your religion you'd never have your gods lose right? That's silly.
Speaker A
The Gorks the Gork and Mork thing is just a self-insert fan fiction for someone's Space Marine chapter except this time it's orcs.
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[laughter] I said it's funny that all Gorks are just giant orcs. I mean they've got the perfect form. Why why they need to be anything else?
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Oh yeah. For orc culture that's that that is the perfect deity right? Just a a big old ogre and an orc that can't voice I get.
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It's no surprise that the orc gods are seen triumphing over the ruinous powers because orc weird boys triumph over their demonic and human servants. Both human and demon are leveled by the psychic power and prowess of a weird boy
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as they channel the psychic energy of the other boys into a force that can destroy any foe and even banish demons.
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To the other orcs, they see this as an enemy withered by a blast of pure orcishness.
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The sight of demons wilting in front of a weird boy removes any and all fear they have on the warp and instills the belief that orcishness can vanquish anything.
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I don't know if that's that's quite the statement anymore. I feel like a lot of orcs are really scared of weird boys.
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Yeah. [laughter] I remember most books I read that orcs are like, "I don't want to have them fuss that kid." He's weird.
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Yeah, for the uh for the for the old the old lore, it's definitely it's definitely seems more like, "Oh, this guy is an absolute legend." Just orc orcishness killing anything he goes near, that's brilliant.
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I think it gets a bit more I get a bit more nuanced than that.
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Uh that is still true. Remember when Ghaz head butted a warp portal to to death?
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Oh, yeah. I do remember that. do that, doesn't he? What a legend. That Ghaz, what a what a [ __ ] legend.
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Anytime we do anything related to orcs, I'm suddenly like, "God, I love orcs." Uh it's like it's like I forget how cool they are and then we talk about them and like, "Oh, yeah. There there's a reason that I had a massive orc army back in
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the day." I think I think it's because since orcs are are like I I I don't mean this in like an offensive way cuz Shai's going to beat my ass if I do. Um but like because they're kind of one note,
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it's sort of kind of it makes it so that like they you're you see them and you're like, "God, these are really cool." And then and then afterwards you kind of like forget about it for a little bit.
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Because you're like, "Yeah, those are orcs. Orcs rock." And then you just kind of move on.
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Uh whereas, you know, obviously like because of that the um I think that when you you remember orcs and you relearn about them, you're like, "Ah, mm." It's like a warm blanket. You're like, "Ah, the orcs." Good times, good times. [laughter]
Speaker A
Should I said compared to not one no space marines? Well, I mean, you got different flavors of space marines.
Speaker A
Try Try is trying to Try is trying to rage bait. She's doing the thing that rage baiters do where they're like, uh "Oh, so you think that" and then insert insert [ __ ] afterwards. I will not be affected by
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this. I'm too strong. I'm I'm I'm I'm possibly or or possibly more. Jack, you call his brothers stay frosty, brother. I can't [laughter] stay frosty.
Speaker A
Stay frosty, brothers. Great. I'm I'm waiting for the next space marine book that has a chapter to stay frosty, brother.
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I mean And they just start heavy flamering [ __ ] Yeah. [laughter] This doesn't appear frosty, brother.
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You know what I'm going to Wendy's? Frosty machine's broken. It always god damn broken.
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Yep. Those ice cream machines, man. That one company that has a monopoly on repairing them is crazy.
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It's the equivalent of the the McFlurry machine at McDonald's cuz that's pretty much always broken in it.
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Yeah. Now, regarding weird boys, they were the result of an ancient orc issue. When orcs go into battle, they're always chanting and stomping and the anticipate anticipation of inevitable battle gets their minds bubbling covering the entire battlefield in orcishness. In ancient
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history, the more psychically prone orcs would absorb all this energy like a sponge and then just release it in a devastating explosion like randomly.
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The weird boys were the ones who learned how to more tactfully release this energy, but they still don't have any control over how fast or violently they absorb it. Sometimes they'll still fail to control it and their heads will
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explode. This is why orcs refer to weird boys as head bangers, but weird boys don't appreciate this too much.
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You can mock your job when you've had no choice. [laughter] Oh no, me mate's head exploded from energy. Oh, he's an head banger.
Speaker A
Yeah, I I can see you being a little upset about that, yeah. I I also would like to point out another tabletop thing is that uh when you have a weird boy or something, they get more powerful if they're attached to a unit
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of boys that's big. Uh and but then if you do, you get like the hazardous rule and you might blow up.
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So, if you look at attached to 10 to 10 orcs, it's like, "Oh yeah, you know, it's pretty good." You attach to 20 orcs, it's like, "Oh no." [laughter] And he turns into a head banger.
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In the latest orc book, Warlord of the Warlords, there's an orc weird boy whose head explodes twice.
Speaker A
That's That's quite a feat, but I mean, it's it's orcs. [laughter] I Wait, what was the name of the What was the name of the of the main character, the Black Axe guy, again?
Speaker A
In the Warlord of the Warlords. Slitta. Slitta, that's right. My mind immediately just went to when he was I see you now, Slitta.
Speaker A
Not for long. [laughter] Yeah. Uh God, it's so peak. Eyeball stun grenade, yeah. Now, here's a uh here's a couple of myths regarding Gork and Mork. The first one involves Gork and Mork looking at the stars and seeing a planet shining
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amidst the darkness. Mork challenges Gork to knock it out of the sky with his club, and Gork tries to do so. He holds his club with as much power as he can, but he forgets that the club is tied to
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his wrist. The flying club flings Gork to the stars, and Mork grabs hold of him and follows him. And this is the myth explaining how orcs achieved space travel.
Speaker A
[laughter] That's crazy. That is That is very like Norse Greek kind of auditory retelling of like, "And he threw his club so high that he took to the stars." kind of thing.
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[laughter] It really is. It's Thor if he was stupid. Stupider. Yeah. [laughter] The uh the second myth is, believe it or not, even more ridiculous. And uh this one is for you, Brickie.
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Oh, boy. Gork and Mork? Oh, hi hi Mork. Oh, hi, Mork. Oh, man. Sure, dude. Oh, hi, Mork.
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Uh [laughter] Gork and Mork go looking for a gigantic squiggly beast and find it at the bottom of a huge cesspit. Also, at the bottom of the cesspit is Nurgle, who has eaten all of the snotlings. Gork and Mork
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clobber Nurgle so hard that he spews up all the snotlings, who are still alive.
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Nurgle shrinks and becomes a squiggly beast. Then, the snotlings then turn the squig into a feast for Gork and Mork.
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This myth clearly represents the orc triumph over Nurgle. The orcs have no fear of the realms of Nurgle and happily thrive on squiggly beasts that breed in their cesspits.
Speaker A
Wow. [laughter] [gasps] It must be true, I mean. I I mean, clearly it has to be, you know.
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It has to be. If Gork and Mork say it's true. [laughter] Supposedly, Gork and Mork can totally beat Nurgle's ass. Supposedly, Shy.
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My my my my my warp god deity can beat up your warp god deity in a fight.
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As we talked about the warp and orcs for a bit, we might as well grab the squig by the horns here. There is no predilection for chaos among the orcs.
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Orcs are far less likely to turn to chaos compared to other races because the orcs are stable and content. There is not a lot of psychic stress among their ranks. They're just vibing. And the consistency of this vibe allows no
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path for chaos to invade their minds. Other races view the orcs as inherently evil, thus tying them with chaos, but this is far from the case. Orcs, like chaos, aren't inherently evil. They just live their life by their principles of
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fighting and survivalism. That being said, there are gargantuan orc powers in the warp that reflect the irresponsible and cheerful nature of the orcish state.
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Also, their overindulgence does really get the attention of Khorne, who does feed on orc nonsense quite regularly.
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But, feeding is not the same as temptation. And the orcs aren't really impressed with the rampaging actions of chaos or the attempts at temptation at all. They would just rather fight. And trying to bind an orc to a contract is
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almost embarrassing. That's That's true. That's true. I would almost think that Nurgle feeds quite a bit from from the orcs, too, even though they supposedly killed him.
Speaker A
Uh Well, wait. Why would Nurgle feed? Don't they kill a lot? Oh, I guess I guess they're looking for a good krumping, not necessarily like just mass slaughtering and [ __ ] um mass slaughter would be Khorne, not
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Nurgle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh also, if anything, I would almost I would I mean, obviously, Khorne is the one. Like Khorne If if if they're going to feed anyone, it would be Khorne, right?
Speaker A
I can maybe see like a teensy bit of Slaanesh cuz it's cuz it's about like like they want to go through their like the ranks to be the biggest to be the best and get bigger and better fights in that kind of
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pursuit of of sort of hedonism is there but like it's that that's me grasping at straws it really it really probably isn't anything besides corn.
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Yeah. I think I think maybe orcs are one of the few that don't really have anything for for Slaanesh to grab onto because none of it is like in the pursuit of anything other than just what they're hardwired to do. Like they're not
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stepping out of their lane or trying to do something to necessarily be the best.
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It's just that that they are built to fight stuff and the more stuff they fight the bigger they get which means they can fight bigger things and it's less like I want I I have got a plan to become the most
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powerful orc combatant in the galaxy and more just oh that was a good fight. I want another fight.
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And that's it and there's not really like as much in the way of like seeking something specific more just Yeah.
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I'm doing orky [ __ ] cuz that's what we do. I guess there is a little bit of like oh I want to be the biggest boss but I mean I I again I yeah I think you're right. I think I'm mainly just
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grasping at straws for that one. It's like like what Shy is saying pretty much every sentient being will feed chaos at least a little but in this scenario it's just it's so little besides corn. I'm I'm sure.
Speaker A
Yeah yeah corn is going to be the only one that really gets anything out of like anything substantial. Yeah.
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I mean Tuska Daemon-Killa does exist you know. [laughter] Yeah. Also trying to trying to make a deal with an orc of like I want you to go out and kill stuff.
Speaker A
Obviously idiot. That that's what I've already been doing that. What are you talking about? Do it to worship some but I'm just doing it anyway. Shut up leave me, or fight me.
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Leave or me. No, just fight me, that's it. There's absolutely no incentive whatsoever is there? There's just nothing.
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Now, we're going to move into the contemporary law. Would you believe possum if they told you that the beginning of orc law retconning began in second edition and was a scatter-shotted change-wise all the way through to eighth edition? So,
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that's probably why you've been lied to this whole time. So, now we're going to get into the contemporary law as best as we can to help clear things up. Let's start right at the beginning, the origins of the orcs and their history.
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But, even the modern law has made this difficult because it has finally fully acknowledged the orcish nature of orc history. Only the orcs know the true history of the orcs in and out, and the vast majority of them, frankly, don't
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care to remember it, even though it's tied directly to their genetics. Um, got a very short quote for you here, DK. What would you Would you say that the Necrons they know a bit?
Speaker A
I mean, they should, right? Funnily enough, you have a you have you have preempted something that we ARE LITERALLY AH, COME ON!
Speaker A
NO, NO, NO, NO, I did it this time. We'll get there, she yells at me.
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finish the episode. Man, this feels good. No wonder Shy always yells at me like this. This This feels nice.
Speaker A
[laughter] This isn't This is nice. Anyway, I'm converted. Uh, the quote, uh, "The old ones brought forth newer creations to defend their last strongholds, like the hardy green-skinned kroxigor and the technology-mimicking j'karro." That is from the Necrons third edition
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codex, which established a new monkey wrench in the orc creation story. Oh, you know what? I This This is something that I was going to bring up in the intro, but then we couldn't. But, this is tangentially related to uh to
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to the the Necrons third edition codex. Last week, when we were talking about the Nightbringer and how it used to be the actual god on the tabletop, Mhm.
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you DK asked how much the Nightbringer cost, and I nearly said 350 points, but then I was like, that doesn't sound right in my head, so I said 300 points.
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The Deceiver is 300 points, and I decided to assign that to the Nightbringer. The Nightbringer, annoyingly, 360 points. So, I would've been 10 points off if I'd only committed, but I second-guessed myself, and it's It definitely hasn't slightly bothered me all week. Okay? I
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just want to make that clear. It's not annoyed me just a little bit because it's it's just one degree off being correct and Clearly, you got right over it. It had no effect on you. You didn't need to
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look anything up. Yeah, obviously, I can see that duh uh yeah, like should I say, clearly, you don't care. It's not a big deal.
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It would be silly to be just a little bit bothered by that, which is why I'm not. Anyway, moving on.
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So, that line was from the third edition codex, and the early lore beforehand did not include any sort of war in heaven.
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So, now we have quite literally the creation story of 40K. But, what came with it was not the brain boys, it was something new in the form of the Kroak as being what sounds like a proto form of Ork. The only issue here is that the
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fourth edition Ork codex has zero mention of this bit. So, there seems to be a bit of a schism that's kind of confusing. More recently, in the Infinite and the Divine as well as Clone Lord, we see more references to the
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Kroak as something truly gigantic. So, Savona in Clone Lord points out that the Kroak and it's described as a 12-m tall monstrosity wearing a crude exoskeleton that seems to be a hyper advanced bit of armor, even more advanced than the armor
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that Bile is wearing. Bile remarks that the Kroak he sees is one of the first Orks that he read about in Eldari texts, and he had long theorized that Orcs are some sort of an organic weapon system.
Speaker A
Is Is Savona I have no recollection of the lore. Is that the not female Space Marine that Bile keeps around?
Speaker A
I believe so, yeah. Okay, right, right. Yeah. We uh We also get a reference to the size of a Krok during the War of the Beast when Larial the Shadowseer is being interrogated. She remarks about how her people ruled the stars while Terra is
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ruled by reptiles. Just like now, am I right? I don't know why I threw that in.
Speaker A
Um she says many came against the royal family of lizards. We know this. She says many came against them like the soulless ones before saying the Krok at the apex of their might in comparison to which this latest folly is
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laughable. Like that as a sentence is annoyingly obtuse. The Krok at the apex of their might in comparison to which this latest folly is laughable. This is why no one likes Eldar.
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It be me me when I need to fill out a word list for an essay.
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[laughter] You know, word counts. This that's so And And another big word and another big word and another big word.
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Just do do like the rest of us and and make the periods 1.5 pixels taller.
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Exactly. Fortunately, we now have some dedicated Orc writers that have been doing some great work tying everything together.
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So, we owe a lot of thanks to two in-world characters for rationalizing the early history of the Orcs, Makari and a pain boy named Stemma in Prophet of the Waagh. During the sequence in which Makari explains to Green part of
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his vision involves seeing warriors in the stars, huge Orcs that were perfect, every single one being bigger than a clan chief and rippling with green. As Makari says, they was Orcs as they was meant to be. He could feel the gods
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above them grinning with pride. And in Da Gobbo Rides Again, Stima the Painboy uncovers a Necron glyph on Gorkamorka, which awakens a memory of the war in heaven. He stumbles across a battlefield, but continues walking. As he walks, he realizes that he's not
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alone. Something that's like him, but also unlike him. Something that was not made for war, but its purpose is now buried. It's referred to as a wretch. It has a reedy and annoying voice, and Stima tries to ignore it. At the start
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of their journey, Stima and the wretch are roughly the same size, but with each step, the wretch begins to weaken and shrink. That or Stima gets bigger. The diminishing of the wretch causes it to cry and lament about the weakness of its
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form. It claims to have authority that they both know it doesn't have. Maybe it didn't even have it in the first place. It shrinks closer and closer to the ground until Stima realizes that the thing following him is
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basically a grot, but it doesn't realize it's a grot. So, with these two passages combined with other context clues, we can kind of meet in the middle when it comes to the true nature of the origin of Orks. Orks
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were made by the Old Ones, and at the peak of their evolution, they were known as Kroks. The Orkist races all had different aspects that were designed initially by the Old Ones, and they were a brilliant and thriving race with a
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more diminutive form of them being their leaders with some sort of authority. Over time, this authority became more and more diluted, and the Ork/Kroks became diminutive, unable to achieve what they had beforehand, resulting in the instinctual race we have today.
Speaker A
All right. That seems That seems about what I remember. Uh nothing nothing nothing there seems too off off the beaten path.
Speaker A
Mhm. Sounds plausible and nicer than Orks with marsupial pouches. So, you know, I'll take it.
Speaker A
That photosynthesize. [laughter] That if we can't get that in at least one more time, I'm going to be sad. So, we are now going to uh move on to [laughter] going to move on to the uh home world
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and biology of the contemporary lore. So, Orks, as far as anyone can tell, don't have a dedicated home world. If they did, it is long forgotten. There are some worlds that they're more prone to due to incidents in the past, but a
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concrete place of origin is not really a thing for them at this point. As far as most of the other species are concerned, the galaxy is just inherently orky, and where they pop up is where they pop up.
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This reinforces the ideas that the old ones had when it came to the presumed intention they had for creating this race. Something rapidly deploying that was focused not on building itself up as a dedicated empire, but something that
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was ready to fight at the drop of a hat. In regards to creation, we had a gigantic shift from the original lore and the contemporary lore in regards to how Orks reproduce. Orks are essentially an intersection between three different
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things. Animal, algae, and fungi. They are through and through a creature that was genetically engineered to not only be a biological weapon, but also spread rapidly. And all three of these things combine to essentially make a self-sustaining ecosystem that goes
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step-by-step to make more Orks. At a very basic level, take a random world that doesn't have an Ork population on it and throw an Ork spore at it. First, the spores spread and start to form at least some sort of a
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sustaining niche ecosystem-wise. As the spores continue to multiply and spread, squigs will begin to develop in order to continue to not only spread the spores, but also to fill ecological niches and to start removing more localized environmental things like other animals
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or food sources, and replace them with something that would begin to form an Ork habitat.
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Grots will appear next to sort of iron out something a bit more tribal and begin to cultivate some things for the Orks. And now, Orks will begin to appear. This process can take decades, but there is a speedrun option. If
Speaker A
there's already a nearby orc population, most of these steps can actually be skipped since the world already has orcs and they can just respawn.
Speaker A
Huh. Huh. That is rough for people who aren't orcs. [laughter] That absolutely sucks. If you're just minding your own business and somehow an orc spore arrives through some means or other.
Speaker A
That's uh yeah. The Just blowing in the wind like a seed right? Oh, how did this invasive plant life get here? I just the wind carried a seed over and now you're screwed. Except it's an orc.
Speaker A
Almost tyranid-like moment like like some kind of spore arrives, everything gets screwed up. Mhm.
Speaker A
Or, you know, oh, here, medical supplies. What do you mean they're from the double helix? Oh, no.
Speaker A
Twisted helix, but Twisted helix. Pretty good that she remembered that. That's pretty good. Well, that was the cool one. That was the super cool genestealer. Well, they're not cool. They're [ __ ] but No, no, they're cool.
Speaker A
Very memorable, yeah. They're fighting against the bourgeois of the Imperium, okay? They're They truly They're important.
Speaker A
Truly. You mean the fun begins. Shut the [ __ ] up, shut the [ __ ] up. I don't get a chance to say that much, but [laughter] The fun begins when the fun guys arrive.
Speaker A
No, no, yeah, we got it. We got it, everyone. Let's He thought he could get away He thought he could get away from us. He tried to run away verbally.
Speaker A
[laughter] I lost commitment on that really, really quickly as well. [laughter] The The key thing here is that the spread of this fungal network is not bound to the regular constraints of evolution and can basically appear anywhere. This is why even some of the
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most borderline inhospitable worlds still somehow managed to get an orc invasion because they will still find some way to be resilient and situate themselves successfully. Also, the spreading of a spore is quite easy. Orcs do it throughout their life, be it
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through sweating or scratching their skin. When they die, it's like a big puff of spores, so there's a common misconception that it's death which causes the cycle to begin again, but that's not true. Death just makes the infestation worse.
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The orc develops underground essentially like the budding part of a mushroom in a sort of cocoon. When they're born, they're known as youths and they're essentially like a teenager. It takes somewhere around a year for an orc to
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kind of be born, but in some circumstances it can be a bit less. The different types of issues within an orc tissues within an orc, sorry, allow it to survive. You've got the more animalistic structure that forms the
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muscles and body, the algae that forms the green of their skin as well as the nutrient absorption, and the fungal aspect allows them to be resilient, self-healing, and also connected to the green, which we'll talk about in a bit.
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There's a lot of confusion when it comes to what each part does. As some scientists believe the algae part serves as the storing of memories, while the mycelial part serves as the means in which they gather nutrients, but this
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confusion is likely due to how intertwined and complex the system is for something this brutish. The youths that appear kind of trying to find their way before they merge into orc society, and one thing that helps them with this
Speaker A
are the runthards. We'll say before we move on, it it does feel like even if the Imperium wasn't a stagnant hellhole, trying to unravel this lot, it sounds like the life's work of someone who's got several lifetimes and
Speaker A
the chances are you're still not going to fully understand it cuz what even are these guys?
Speaker A
And they they they they they sure won't tell you either. And like what are you who are you going to do what are you going to do you going to you going to trust the the robot skeletons or you
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going to trust the the I don't know the the elves who half of them are the dark Eldar like I Yeah.
Speaker A
[laughter] Well, even if you ask an orc an orc probably doesn't know how the hell they work. They're just like oh I just going to wake up early and like what are they going to do? They're not going to tell
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you how they physiologically work, right? Absolutely. You could you could ask Grotsnik. Yeah. If you you know if you live long enough and have a voice box for long enough, but even then he would probably just be like
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uh you know I kind of know how it works, but I'm also sort of going off vibes and I can just bring people back from complete death. So some of it might not even be right. I don't know.
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Classically then the uh the runtherds are known as being the ones who handle the herds of gretchin and snotlings with a lot of enthusiasm and a lot of pride.
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But they are also the only ones that really care to know orc oral tradition and it's them who teach these traditions to the youths. They pass down the stories of the various wars and the gods no matter how embellished and it helps
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spark a light in the minds of the youths to seek out their designated purpose in orcish society.
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Designated being the key word as since as as since as early as Gork and Morker the idea that orcs retain everything they need to function subconsciously has been a thing. Youths upon emerging from the ground are able to do many things. Walk,
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talk, wield a weapon, drive a vehicle, survive, adapt, etc. Sure, the runtherds push them in the right direction, but they have everything they need rattling around in their heads.
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Another instinctual thing within the head of orcs is the belief that the bigger an orc is the stronger they are.
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Obviously, this is hard to ignore as it's a bit of a biological thing to begin with, but there's some degree of mental subservience and understanding of this that is innate within an orc, it can be theorized that orcs will reach a
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point where they are so big that they can potentially reach the next step in their biological evolution, essentially Kroks. But, due to how regressed the species has become, this next step is seemingly impossible. Ghaz is, of course, the orc that's living that is as
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close as we have to this potential capsizing point since the book series we don't talk about, but even he has limitations due to how he is becoming increasingly mechanical.
Speaker A
That's true. He's kind of more of a machine than orc at this point, isn't he?
Speaker A
I kind of feel like we actually got a little close when Ufthak got upgraded by the Drukhari Homunculi poison in the Big Dakka. There was kind of a little bit of a little showing that one off a little bit cuz he got really smart
Speaker A
and, you know, tough. I forgot all about that. That is That's fair. He probably did get pretty close since he's all orc.
Speaker A
At least he was getting close, sir, at least. Yeah. Yeah. Still no Ghaz, but, you know, Yeah.
Speaker A
But, again, how or how much orc is Ghaz actually since, you know, he got decapitated, he's on a metal body at this point, right? So, And then, we now turn to our newest episode of Oh, That Grotsnik.
Speaker A
[laughter] So true. Love that show. scamp Grotsnik. Getting up to shenanigans all over the place.
Speaker A
It was a theory for a long time within the Imperium that orcs having latent memories was something biological, but it hasn't really come up in a lot more recent stuff Imperium-wise. It did, however, come up in a very unexpected
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place. Thanks to the sloppy head joke Possum made last episode, they were forced to read Phil Kelly books yet again.
Speaker A
This is the established punishment for a Possum now, by the way. You got to go back and read Phil Kelly.
Speaker A
And the The nature of orcs is something that Tau have begun to uncover in the newest Farsight novel, Blade of Truth.
Speaker A
Possum really wants to highlight not joking. And uh we are to check out this quote, which I think is you, Bricky.
Speaker A
I believe so. All right. Possum says, I really got to do this. Farsight shook himself, making the sign of scattered ash. They are evolutionary dead ends, nothing more. Not so. My feel have assessed the gene markers of the
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diminutive orcoids. And then they're [laughter] Sorry. Come on. I'm I'm so I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just the the No, no. That wasn't to you.
Speaker A
That was That was to the author, I assume. Oh, okay. Okay. orcoids. I'm sure this is before they started to say foids and stuff, but Anyway.
Speaker A
[clears throat] I thought the same thing. My feel have assessed and there are parts of their biosignatures that are missing. When regrown, when reconstituted, they result in drastically enlarged cerebellums. Why are we speaking of this? Vi'orla's dying. It is the theory amongst my
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foremost feo-geneticists that the lesser orcoids were the leader of their society, the warrior caste with whom you are so familiar and are the equivalent of their shas. The knowledge of how to propagate endless warfare is hardwired into their genetic code. The
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same can be said of their innovators, their Earth caste equivalent, said to be a subset of their warrior caste. By my current theorists' reckoning, the smaller, brighter creatures were once their un- The genetic markers are still there for greater intelligence.
Speaker A
They suffered some type of cataclysm that saw them subsumed and their warrior caste rise to rulership in their place.
Speaker A
What a phenomenal quote. What an absolute baller. I I do love that. It's like, "Bro, our planet is dying." He's like, "Hold on, hold on. More exposition." [laughter] The Tau Empire is dying, but hang on.
Speaker A
Hang on though. Or cast, am I right? [snorts] I I feel like I need to read this book so that I can get a feel for Well, all [laughter] right. This set part of this book, for this section
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primarily because I want to know what is said after the exposition dump and whether Farsight does think that was worth waiting for in the context of a person or a planet currently on their deathbed. Like, did he go
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"You know what? Now that you've settled that, thank you. I definitely needed to know right this second." Or whether he's just like I Did you not Could you not tell that this was not the time for this? Like, I want
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to know the end of the exchange. Just gives him a Batman slap and they move on.
Speaker A
[laughter] It's just a just a quick backhand and then Actually, no, this is very important. I need to know this. Possum, I'd like you to continue to read this book so that I can have all the information required.
Speaker A
Four more times to read this book. While you're at it, can I get a few other Tau books?
Speaker A
Can we do Tau Can we do a full Tau month of only Phil Kelly Tau books? Is that Is that an option?
Speaker A
I don't I don't know, man. We have to increase his pay and I I don't really want to do that.
Speaker A
Yeah. He made one sloppy head joke. You know, I don't I don't I think this is a little far.
Speaker A
I'm aware that there would be there would be no amount of pay worth it as Possum would just quit. We need We need Possum. We search You can't afford to drive Possum away.
Speaker A
We can't go back to Brickie looking at wikis and the occasional books he's read. We can't go [laughter] back to that.
Speaker A
I mean, we You know, you're right. We can't go we can't go back to that we've tasted we've tasted success in a in a much more fancy way with which much better ideas. We can't go back.
Speaker A
[laughter] So all of that is still a theory by the towel, but that's the issue with our understanding of Oaks on the surface level. We only have theories to explain what's going on because the Oaks themselves just can't be bothered.
Speaker A
Fortunately and more recent books. We have some individuals who have experienced something that shows the extent of where Oakish knowledge comes from and goes and that is the great green. Now we've talked about it before in the grossnik episode, but now is the
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time to talk about it again in in a truncated manner. The great green has become very prominent in recent books and serves as a big step forward in explaining what Oaks believe and how Oaks are seemingly able to respawn
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constantly. The first real instance of this is again courtesy of Makari when he sees it firsthand. To him. It looks like a moat that spreads from caverns like a beehive. Scientifically, it's like a galaxy spanning mycelial network that
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connects all of Oak kind together. Despite the size of even the biggest mycelial network, it's able to pick up signals at any point and work to repair itself and fix issues while also intertwining with other organisms to allow for its survival.
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On Earth, we have an incredible amount of fungal networks that cover the surface of our planet and these networks in many respects are connected to form a singular organism like the one in Oregon that is about 3.7 square miles in size.
Speaker A
According to this Society for the protection of underground networks in a paper published just last week, the underground networks of fungi stretch to about 110 quadrillion kilometers.
Speaker A
I can't wrap my head around that That's an insane number. What the hell? While moving 4 billion tons of carbon dioxide into the soil each year. If this network was was was to be spread out in a straight line, it would cover about
Speaker A
10% of the Milky Way galaxy. This is the kind of thing that that would be said in a in a book, a Warhammer book, about how much ammunition they brought. And then it would be like casualty rate 300,000.
Speaker A
[laughter] Oh, that's so Oh, GW and their understanding of numbers yeah. They're They're They're These are These are writers and and and people who like to do narratives. They don't They don't understand military logistics.
Speaker A
We brought 400 quadrillion shells. Casualty, 100,000. Yeah. And we ran out of all of them in 2 hours.
Speaker A
[laughter] The The war went on for 100 years. There was 10,000 dead. I'm sorry, what?
Speaker A
What do you want? A smaller death rate than World War II? [laughter] I don't know why you're complaining, you. Look, it clearly wasn't that bad a war. You could have just wrapped it up earlier. Come on.
Speaker A
Um So, the symbiotic relationship bit here is very important for understanding the green because it kind of explains why it's not warp related, but also warp related. It's entirely plausible that the green is a network as a network is
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something intertwined between real space and warp space as a sort of tether that is symbiotic to both while also being independent from both.
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As we said a minute ago, orcs are the budding fruit, but them showing up is not a random luck of the draw thing.
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Much like a real-world mycelial network, the green will send a specific type of orc to a specific place that needs it most. The example used previously was this. Say there's a really good Blood Axe Warboss out there somewhere in the
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galaxy. It does its duty, kills a bunch of lads, and then gets killed. The spirit of this Blood Axe Warboss will return to the Great Green, and when the environment called for a Blood Axe Warboss to fill the niche, the basis of
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that lad will be reborn in the form of a brand new orc. An orc that likely won't remember a damn thing about what happened to it, except the real primal makeup of that one orc. The constant death and rebirth fuels the Green, and
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shows that you cannot kill an orc in a way that truly matters. Decay existing as an extant form of life. The Green knows where to send an orc thanks to specific conduits, and these conduits tend to be more potent orcs, warbosses
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really. Orcs involved in serious sector sector-spanning battles are an example of a place where the Green is going to want to send some form of reinforcements due to the inevitably high turnover of orcs. The bigger the war, the bigger the
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support. And uh of course, at this point we come to Ghaz. He is made clear by Grotsnik is a fixed and finite point that is bigger than the space he occupies. He isn't classically an orc anymore. He is the Green made manifest,
Speaker A
and he not only draws the energies of the Green to him, but even other orcs that are nearby, like moths to a flame.
Speaker A
That is a huge amount of like This is why Ghaz is so strong. It's It's galaxy-spanning.
Speaker A
Yeah, he he himself is like a like a psychic beacon almost in a sense.
Speaker A
Yeah. All all the all the other orcs are like, "What? We should go that way." Like, "Why?" "I don't know. Just Just a feeling." And then Ghaz is over there.
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Unable to be killed, with Grotsnik really excited about putting him back together again every time.
Speaker A
So, we've seen Too too big to fail. So, so in in a sense the the Great Green is a is a manifestation of spirit where like if a if a if an orc is like a mek boy if
Speaker A
a mek boy is really good at making fast vehicles and that mek boy dies most likely due to a car crash uh in an area in which they need fast vehicles the green might make a new orc with his ideas and skill
Speaker A
set but it's not it's not the mek lad speed boss it's it's like a different guy but he just has the same type of ideas and thoughts okay yeah as as Shrek puts it like his blueprint that's that's a that's a good
Speaker A
way of phrasing it so so in in a sense like like in a sense he's dead like like mek lad boy the speed boss is dead and will remain dead his individuality is gone but the um but what like he is
Speaker A
uh in a sense like a copy of him yeah it's not him but it's with the exception of Makari cuz Makari is the one that does reincarnate normally for Gaz interesting yeah that's not how I thought it worked
Speaker A
yeah that's that's that's that's cool it makes it it makes it like it makes it more interesting than just the same guy keeps coming back over and over again I mean obviously there's there is the one exception to that but the idea that the
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knowledge and the ability and just the innate like talent that they're born with gets recycled over and over is is way more fun than just yeah that guy died and so we brought him back cuz that narrative can get a bit
Speaker A
old whereas just there is this galaxy spanning thing that it's like we need we need someone real real good at sneaky killing over there luckily someone died not that long ago who's really good at that so let's just
Speaker A
we take the bits that make him really good at that and then shove them into a new lad, and see what happens.
Speaker A
Yeah, your talents are immortal. You are not. Also, I like the idea that like as you get reincarnated, I'm assuming they update the blueprint, so like the sneaky guy, if he stays alive in long enough, the blueprint just gets
Speaker A
better. And you just keep getting sneakier and sneakier, and the blueprint gets updated, and it's kind of cool.
Speaker A
This is again, why orcs rule, actually, when you remember that they have [laughter] When you remember they're a thing, orcs are really cool.
Speaker A
Yep. So, we have seen examples of orcs talking more and more about the green as a concept. Some are excited about dying and being reborn, maybe into something stronger, while others are afraid of it.
Speaker A
Not in a afraid of death sense, but in a oh no, I'm going to have to start all over again sense.
Speaker A
[laughter] Yeah. It's so pragmatic. No, they just does the oh, Zog, I have to do this all again. Yeah, [laughter] I got to start from scratch, Zog, okay.
Speaker A
Now is a good time to talk about war and the four things it represents. An event, a group, a war cry, and gestalt energy.
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So, for orcs, war is the purpose of their entire existence. If they are not actively participating in it, they are working to do so. For orcs, this is the same as the human need for food and hydration. Constantly, orcs are
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fighting. They will launch raids on nearby enemies, and if there's no enemies around, they'll fight one another. Critical mass, however, is something that can be reached, and this results in a planetary migration that is known as a war. It's a catastrophic
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crusade of pure violence that will keep going until there's nothing left to fight. Sometimes, these hordes are not aimless, and aren't just krumpin' for the sake of krumpin'. These catastrophic forces can be slightly tamed by a war boss, and thus it turns into the second
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definition. A war in the sense of an organized war. These tend to be more dedicated with a goal in mind and are only a thing so long as the war boss is still around. If he gets off, it tends
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to collapse into a nonsensical power struggle. During this, you'll often hear the third example of a war, which is just straight up yelling that as a battle cry for war.
Speaker A
The fourth example is war energy, and this takes us into the really dicey nature of an orc's latent psychic abilities, which is the most memeable lore stuff regarding orcs. At the very start of the episode, we had the quote
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that served as the basis for the orc stuff works because they believe it does.
Speaker A
This quote is often complimented with a story in the fourth codex, which is a war war stacker.
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So, the story talks about orc mech war stacker and how he became the king of the speed freaks. He doesn't stop and he's just addicted to going fast to the point where he inspired the cult of speed. Deep in his mind, he has a
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cunning plan. He wants to harness the power of the warp so that he can make portals, allowing him to drive from planet to planet like it's a big interconnected speedway.
Speaker A
Hell yeah. That rocks. That's so dreams. Yeah, that's so metal. And uh this story ends with this quote for you, DK.
Speaker A
All right. [clears throat] It is a plan that could only be spawned by a madman and as a result, it enjoys a great deal of support from every speed freak who hears it.
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The power of orc belief is strong and war stacker may yet get his interstellar highway operational. Should the speed freak war boss succeed, the power of his war would be devastating as his disciples tear in and out of reality
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across the breadth of the galaxy. Yeah, I forgot. This is the new orc model, by the way.
Speaker A
Yeah. That's war stacker. He's such a rock star. God, that's so cool. His plan, his mini, his everything is just so [ __ ] metal, dude. Get out.
Speaker A
Yeah, [ __ ] Yeah, [ __ ] that infinite citadel [ __ ] The Perturabo is a [ __ ] Like get back to to Waz Dakka making the the motor speedway. Screw the webway.
Speaker A
[laughter] Yeah, man. And and and if he ever succeeds in it, he's just to be blasting Life is a Highway uh as he just tears across the galaxy.
Speaker A
I need a I need an orc version of Life is a Highway. [laughter] I don't know with the orc accents.
Speaker A
You're not getting it. Damn. Surely someone someone's got to have the time to make that happen.
Speaker A
I say as someone who does not have the talent to make that happen. Someone's got to be able to do it.
Speaker A
You got a British accent, Keria. Yeah, you're halfway there. Yeah. [laughter] I don't know if that counts as halfway.
Speaker A
You've got one out of the 10 things needed to make this happen. Let's go.
Speaker A
[laughter] So, all of this stuff is an example of two things: latent orc memories and the gestalt field that the orcs unknowingly tap into. When it comes to the Mekboyz, their knowledge is innate due to it being genetic. They're able to achieve
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things that are beyond the comprehension of human technology because, frankly, orc technology at one point did exceed human technology. So, realistically, they're tapping into hyper-advanced technological memories without understanding it outside of functionality. A Mekboy will build a vehicle that is exceptionally fast
Speaker A
without too much effort on their end, and then they will paint it red. Is it the paint that makes it go faster?
Speaker A
Not really. It's already fast, and subconsciously the color of the vehicle now reflects the actual functionality. A shockingly advanced weapon with a clip that has an improbable amount of bullets works pretty well. Is that an unusable weapon? No, it's just a weird-ass
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looking weapon that has functionality that exceeds a standard Imperium understanding of functionality despite it looking like it was held together with sticks and stones.
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Their stubborn nature and the matter of their and their matter-of-fact understanding of things is ultimately the main thing holding them back. Some Orks are creative and even philosophical, but the majority just can't be bothered and are tethered to
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some degree of reality. Because of this, they don't have ambition and don't exceed their mental grounding.
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But, sometimes they really do. A very good example of this is courtesy of all comedians. Still stupid, but I still really like it. Um who has innovated and perfected Ork teleporter technology into something actually baffling. He has invented a device known
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as the mega tele shocker, which has allowed for the start of the fourth war for Armageddon and assured the Ork arrival in the system was a surprise.
Speaker A
The device itself is essentially a planet-sized shock attack gun. 10 customized kill cruisers travel separately and are able to use their combined power to punch a hole directly through the warp to allow for Ork fleets to almost seamlessly pull through one
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side and come out the other. Sure, it had some really rough testing phases, like Orks being teleported directly into the heart of a star or being sent to an unknown place and time, but the technology is actually impressive and uses principles already
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established through long-term Ork technological constructs. That is insanely cool. Cool art as well, by the way.
Speaker A
It's gigantic. Like when you when you remember how big some of these Ork cruisers are, it is so big.
Speaker A
Well, it has to be. I mean, you're you're launching your fleet across the stars or well, I guess across the warp, but Yeah, but this is an Ork fleet.
Speaker A
Yes. [laughter] It's crazy. And uh not for nothing, the Imperium has successfully used Ork technology multiple times to their benefit.
Speaker A
Armageddon Ork hunters use orc shooters from time to time and the last chances did the same thing. Gaunt drove an orc buggy in first and only. Ciaphas Cain used a lot of orc stuff on Perlia, which we'll talk about another time. The list
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just goes on and on. In fact, the whole unusable orc weapon bit is used as a joke in Brutal Kunnin, too.
Speaker A
But, there is some truth when it comes to the orcish power of belief, but it doesn't really exceed something grounded at least slightly in reality. Every orc has a little bit of psychic energy that we like to call waagh! energy. Orcs, of
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course, don't use or understand the warp quite like how humans do. Orcs have a lot of trouble believing in things or being convinced of something that they don't believe in in general. Sure, they believe in their gods, but some things
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don't need to be explained to them and certainly don't tell them that they're wrong. There are plenty of stories of an orc shooting a weapon that clearly has a smaller clip for a bit longer than it should. In the heat of the moment, the
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orc believes that there are still a few more bullets in there and this manifests to sort of prove him right. Sometimes when driving a truck, an orc is so close to the destination that it believes there's still just enough gas in the
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tank so that it doesn't run out entirely, despite the fact that the vehicle has been running on empty for like 10 minutes.
Speaker A
These are examples of how the orc power of belief actually works. It's reliant on working on the orcish belief and understanding that they embrace as opposed to something more goofy and unrealistic. If you hand an orc a stick
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and say that it's a gun, he's not going to hold it and fire it like a gun. He'll likely say, "Nah, that's a stick." before beating you to death with it.
Speaker A
Similarly, the the claw that Yarrick has doesn't work just because the orcs believe it does. It works because a shitload of technology was put into Yarrick's back to allow it to work.
Speaker A
Nah, it's cuz the orcs are So, so, so the answer is a combination of orcs are so weirdly advanced and de-advanced that sometimes it just does weird stuff.
Speaker A
And the other answer is, but sometimes it does work that way because of the latent psychic stuff.
Speaker A
Pretty much. Just not in the most extreme ways that I think the collectively we've all we've all done it. We've all memed it. We've all done the What? No, we haven't. Cary us. Shut the hell up. What are you talking about?
Speaker A
[laughter] Let me pull out my collar. [laughter] So, it works, just not at the meme level that we all like to pretend that it does.
Speaker A
I I mean, based on what you just said, it's a realm of like, okay, you know, um there's 10 orcs. They're all racing their cars.
Speaker A
Their cars are going a certain speed and it gets and they're pushing the throttle. One orc is like, I got to hit the turbo and grabs a bucket of red paint and throws his [ __ ] all over his
Speaker A
car or whatever. Most likely nothing will really happen. Now, on the other side, uh an orc is already driving a red car and he's like, wait a minute, this is a red one and he pushes even harder on the
Speaker A
the stick that's already in the ground and he goes 5 miles faster. Both can happen.
Speaker A
Yeah. That that sounds like a more realistic wa approach. What then? There's There's two two tires and a seat in between them and so it becomes a bike, which is effectively what the what the meme interpretation has been here
Speaker A
for quite some time. a tank because he believes it's heavily armored yeah. That that too. That that was Yeah.
Speaker A
No, what I Hey, hey, listen. That was That was a funny bit that someone told me way back in the day. I'm just reiterating the stories.
Speaker A
And I will tell that story till my dying day as if that's actually how it worked.
Speaker A
It's a It's a great goofy [laughter] It's a great goofy story. It's It's a It's a fun one that is is technically incorrect but does uh It's It's a tone setter, if anything.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Kind of in introduce the introduce the more absurd side and then take it down to the bit where it's it's more reasonable and grounded of what they can actually do. But it's still It's still a It's still a fun entry point. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah like Lorgar survived a Titan firing him with like a magma cannon. So that like pro Primarchs can survive a magma cannon.
Speaker A
Well, kind of. He was like laying there looking like Pam at the end of the first Smiling Friends episode and Angron had to save his life by holding the Titan over his head.
Speaker A
[laughter] Also, Shy says it's more like Ork presses big red button in his truck that his mech promised will enable the turbo mode. That button is not connected anything but Ork believes it does and boom, cargo's faster for a while and
Speaker A
then Ork thinks, "I wonder if that [ __ ] is built properly. I can't trust those incompetent mechs." And car explodes.
Speaker A
Like there's a a billion different ways it could it could work in that realm because what an Ork thinks it can flip on a dime as well.
Speaker A
Mhm. [laughter] It's It's just It's got just enough rules to be fun and it's just vague enough to be really fun.
Speaker A
And that's that's the that's the balance. So the power of belief is just a part of the latent psychic power that Orks have that manifests as waaaagh energy and it gets stronger and stronger the more Orks are around. This strength doesn't mean
Speaker A
that they can start doing improbable things. It's just a side effect of the sheer volume of Orks being together. To many Orks, this helps intensify the battle a bit for them but otherwise it doesn't have extreme psychic side
Speaker A
effects. That is, of course, unless you're a weird boy. Weird boys are very psychically prone and they lack control when it comes to how this war energy is absorbed by them. Weird boys dislike being around other orcs because the
Speaker A
constant flow of energy can be deeply uncomfortable and can inadvertently cause them to explode. They wear very brightly colored outfits or weird headwear that gives orcs a heads-up to kind of stay away from them.
Speaker A
In order to relieve this tension from the overabundance of war energy, a weird boy will go to their parents' room at 3:00 a.m. and say that they threw up.
Speaker A
However, this throwing up is a bit visceral. The psychic vomit discharge from a weird boy is less vomit and more breathing fire. They feel great after doing this, but others around them really hate seeing it. To help channel
Speaker A
things, weird boys tend to carry things like copper staffs or psychically tuned headpieces that allow for things to be channeled a bit better, but there's never a guarantee it will fully work as intended. As we said before, the buildup
Speaker A
of this energy can sometimes be so extreme that the head of a weird boy will explode.
Speaker A
Though some of the weird boys hate how their energy sponges with a real uncontrollable apex where they can detonate, others really like it. Warp heads are weird boys that love the influx of war energy and essentially ride the overwhelming waves of it as
Speaker A
long as they can before releasing it. All orcs tend to be a bit obsessive, but these guys have taken it to the extreme and due to the constant overuse and exposure to the energies, they're also a bit mad off the battlefield. Except the
Speaker A
Snakebites war bosses listen to their mad ramblings as if they are prophecies from Gork and Mork.
Speaker A
Oh, well, yeah, because is so cool. Cuz Snakebites are they're the the more tribal type.
Speaker A
Mhm. Yeah. That that that bottom art is so good. That has got to be a death metal album cover somewhere, right?
Speaker A
Oh, yeah, No, we we do that one and and that's that's uh that's the album art of um In Broad Daylight with Dull Knives.
Speaker A
Oh, nice callback. Let's go. [laughter] Oh, man, that album would sell like hot cakes, brother. Hell, yeah.
Speaker A
Okay. Finally, finally, we've got Gork and Mork. Their creation is a bit confusing as there are two major points including that bit in the War of the Beast where Vulcan was so violently exposed to wire energy in the cathedral
Speaker A
gargan that he saw a full wiki page on orc history. Uh the first point is what Makari sees when he has his vision of the green. In that vision, he sees Gork and Mork fighting and their fighting resulting in the creation of the orcs.
Speaker A
In a sense, Gork and Mork were the progenitors of the orcish races and they were made in their image. Grotsnik, however, thinks differently. He believes that Gork and Mork were created thanks to the repetitive and abundant wire energy that has followed orcish society
Speaker A
since its creation. This realistically stands in line with the creation of other warp-based entities like the Eldari gods and such, but ultimately, it doesn't even slightly matter to even the most tuned in orc. The gods are there and they expect a good krumpin'.
Speaker A
Hell, yeah, they do. Hell, yeah. And that is essentially all the stuff, most of the stuff, that you've been lied to about orcs several times given how many changes they've had over their over their their history so far.
Speaker A
That's a That's a great episode by Possessed Man. I couldn't help but notice none of the quotes were said by orcs.
Speaker A
Crazy. Crazy Crazy behavior, Possessed Man. It's cuz they don't give a [ __ ] See, orcs don't care.
Speaker A
It's everyone else that wants to know the answers. They're just like Yeah, yeah. We hit him again.
Speaker A
Oh, that's that's that's what he picked up from the Brunt Herd stories. Yeah, did a lot of hitting. It was great.
Speaker A
[gasps] Could have got to do some him real zoggin' hard in here. Oh, okay.
Speaker A
Historian trying to talk to an orc. So, what is your culture's history? I don't know. We zoggin' hit things as hard as we can.
Speaker A
Oh, all right. Anything else? No. I want that book. I want that to be an actual I'll settle for a novella, but you know.
Speaker A
Yeah. History of the Orcs by Head Smacker Gitgabba. [laughter] And it's just like a one-page leaflet.
Speaker A
I want to know if Trazyn has ever sat there and tried to investigate an orc and just, you know, have a few things confirmed and he's just not written any of it down because he's like, "This This was an absolute
Speaker A
waste of my time." He's got to wake up the Kroq in his vault, right? Cuz he's got one, doesn't he?
Speaker A
Yeah, that's true. You got to get to get an orc and the Kroq and then see what they agree on. The Kroq is just like, "The [ __ ] is this?" The Kroq is just going to kill the orc,
Speaker A
right? And be like, "The [ __ ] is this?" And just smash his head in.
Speaker A
I like the idea that they'd be a lot more refined than the orcs. Oh, it's true, I guess it would, right?
Speaker A
Yeah yeah. The Kroq's more like, "I say, good good chap. I [laughter] I'm not at all sure about this gentleman." Oh my god, that has to be the worst of the Kroq.
Speaker A
a crumping? No. I prefer duel. [laughter] That's so I say, good day, little one chap. How are you today? I see you are of my green lineage. How goes the fighting, old boy?
Speaker A
What the [ __ ] are you? Yes, I met my cousin, the primork, came earlier today.
Speaker A
Oh no, [laughter] not the primark. OH NO, WE GOT TO GET OUT of here.
Speaker A
Well, anyway. how we're ending the episode? Like [laughter] No, no, I mean I feel like this is one of those episodes that that will be very useful for the future.
Speaker A
Yeah. Especially bits like the grey green and and things like that, but as far as I'm considering this whole time, we this entire conversation was just delivered to farsight while Viola is burning.
Speaker A
[laughter] [music]
Topics:Warhammer 40kOrksAdeptus RidiculousCiaphas Cain11th editionWarhammer loreGames WorkshopOrk technologyGork and MorkWarhammer app
