Speaker A
It’s not about coziness. It’s for the greater health of the world.
Shappo's dramatic roleplay in QSMP 2 village features intense character interactions, humor, and complex storylines.
Key Takeaways
- The roleplay blends humor and drama to create an engaging story within QSMP 2.
- Character relationships are a mix of political intrigue and personal emotions.
- The video includes meta-humor and product promotion integrated into the dialogue.
- Shappo plays multiple roles, showcasing versatility in storytelling.
- The narrative highlights themes of survival, loyalty, and alliance-building.
Summary
- Shappo engages in a multi-character roleplay set in a village within QSMP 2.
- The storyline involves themes of survival, healing, and branching off from others.
- Characters include King Feta, Princess Molly, Mr. J Sled, and others with humorous and dramatic dialogue.
- Discussions about arranged marriages, alliances, and interpersonal relationships are central.
- There is comedic banter about personal issues like hemorrhoids and rumors about characters.
- The roleplay mixes serious plot points with absurd and playful moments.
- References to in-game elements like radiation, bones, and prison conditions appear.
- The video includes meta-references such as promoting vitamin D supplements with a discount code.
- The narrative explores complex character dynamics, including love, pleasure, and political strategy.
- The video ends with Shappo expressing willingness to marry Princess Molly to secure alliances.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
It’s important that I’m here. It’s very important that I sit here and that I use this time to heal as much as I can to branch. It’s like what Mr.
Speaker A
Multi was trying to say is that I am here. I’m here now. And they’re like Chapo Duncan SL radiation beast Linda. My prognosis is that Linda is dead. That this thing ate Linda. So no more Linda. But he told
Speaker A
me that the best thing I could do now is to branch off these people.
Speaker A
So I have to branch them off. Who is S? Who is D / R? Talking about D, vitamin D is very important and you can use code Shapon at XXL Nutrition to get 15% off. Thank you.
Speaker A
Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you for listening. What happened to Linda Swel? You disgusting animal. I thought you were one of the guys that was taking notes.
Speaker A
Linda was used by the RA radiation to gain sentience. [laughter] The XXL say my face quote for Multi. You need to listen to yourself now that you have multiple people inside you. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah. It is a good day. Well, ah, hello. Oh, you’re sleeping. Okay, this isn’t role play time then. But at least I won’t go crazy because in prison you don’t know when it’s night and that’s what
Speaker A
makes you go crazy. And I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy at all because of the sunlight.
Speaker A
Good. Good. Okay. Now snacks is again role. The snack is again sweet dreams my sweet my dear princess my neighbors.
Speaker A
Thank you. Thank you. Sweet dreams everyone. HEY HEY HEY [screaming] Come on now. This is a place of religion and God, no sex in the beds before marriage.
Speaker A
Okay. [clears throat] Sex is banned unless it’s with me. Ah, there you are. Okay. Villager fisherman Novas. Ah, [screaming] how nice of you to visit me, King Feta.
Speaker A
Oh, and I see you’re very busy. SEE YOU. OKAY, YOU’RE BACK, KING FETA. How’s things? HOW ARE THINGS UP IN THE NORTH?
Speaker A
OKAY, you’re leaving again. [laughter] Okay, you’re a busy man. You’re a king after all. [laughter] JUST LIKE FETTA. HE’S probably putting on some hemorrhoid cream for the super band.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay. Okay. This villager fisherman is Feta block the door with weed. I want company.
Speaker A
Ah, how nice of you to visit. 003 Mr. J Slat. Hello. Uh, how is the SLE coin going? Ah, [screaming] you’re ah, you’re back. You’re back. Thank you.
Speaker A
Thank you for coming in, Mr. Sled. JESUS. AH, YOU’RE [laughter] you’re playing with me.
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You’re grinding my gears. And that’s what you do, Mr. Sled. Always on the verge of comedy on the edges. That’s where you reside.
Speaker A
Hello, it is me. Yes, Mr. J. [ __ ] Did you know that I made a uh a Christmas album?
Speaker A
You don’t say, Mr. Sled. YOU’RE A MAN OF very many talents. See you later.
Speaker A
Ah, you’re going to sing a bit. Thank you, Mr. Sled. Right, Mr. Sled, why are you jerking off that man outside? WHO’S WHO ARE YOU? AH, PRINCESS MOLLY. HOW NICE. AND YOU’RE GOING ALREADY. OKAY, this is this is
Speaker A
[laughter] okay. [laughter] Okay. Oh, okay. Okay. [laughter] Privacy, please. Privacy. We need a spoon. Of course.
Speaker A
[laughter] You’re numberless. You have to die. I NEED THE BONE. I NEED THE BONE TO GET OUT OF HERE. YES.
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NO. SORRY. NO. Sorry Mr. Fetta or who are you call in THE CORNER IN THE CORNER. YOU DESERVE DEATH. You are numberless. You are worthless.
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Yes, I have bones now. Now I have bones. So I can dig myself out. Good.
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Oh. Oh. Of course. I don’t want to go out. I am Shapon. This guy wants to go out. Yes.
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Hello. It’s me, Duncan Mosink. One more. One last time for the fans. Okay. He wants to break out because reinforced cobble deep slate. Ah.
Speaker A
Ah, so I killed for nothing. Okay, when they ask when I killed the villager, I was wearing this skin. Okay. Ah, I FORGOT WHO YOU ARE. PRINCE LORD FETA, how nice of you to join me in my home
Speaker A
that you built for me here in the north. How nice of you. How are How are the hemorrhoids?
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Yes. Yes, I have hemorrhoids. But I put the cream in my ass. Uh before I had no cream, I PUT THE ICE up my ass.
Speaker A
Ah, I see. [laughter] I see. Lord Feta. And did it bring you any solace? Solless? Ah, yes. Yes. I [laughter] I have hemorrhoids. Ah, yes. You have always been a linguist, Mr. Feta. Uh, I’ve been away for a
Speaker A
while. How is stuff in the north? How is things with Foolish? Ah, Foolish. Yes.
Speaker A
Yes, he is my boy. I love him very much. Ah, I know. I Oh, he was J Sled. Sorry.
Speaker A
Sorry. Ah. Ah. But every time you talk about Foolish uh the second in command, not so plus, you always have a a glistening in your eyes.
Speaker A
Yes. I uh I WANT TO [ __ ] FOOLISH. OH, REALLY? REALLY? [screaming] You do? I mean, I I would have sworn I saw this that you you wanted to make sweet sweet love with Foolish. No, no, no.
Speaker A
Love, just pleasure. Ah. Ah. But you you you should be listen I think you should Feta please stay still please you should really consider Foolish is his feelings because I think there is love there. No no love just
Speaker A
is the accent racist. [laughter] I just wondered is the accent racist? [laughter] Ah, [laughter] that’s SC. Oh, I mean, if it would be that would BE TOO LATE. AH, YOU’RE GOING TO BED, LORD FETA. Of course, it’s night, so everybody has to sleep. I will
Speaker A
speak to you tomorrow. Okay, Mr. Feta, you are back. How are things? Yeah. Yes, I am back. And uh I have hemorrhoids. Ah yes, we have had this this conversation yesterday. But how are things? You were talking about the north
Speaker A
and it I was wondering about Princess Molly. Uh you you as her uh father, right?
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You’re her father. Yes. Yes. Me and Foolish. Uh, I put a baby in Foolish 9 months.
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Royer, Molly, Tina. Uh, what are the children again? What are the children again? Uh, WHO ARE FOOLISH told me? No, no, no.
Speaker A
Molly told me that there are three children, three children of uh Feta and Foolish Royer, Molly and Rob. Ah yeah. Okay.
Speaker A
Yes. Foolish big belly and he three one time. Molly Rob three children. Ah and um uh you have arranged her to marry Duncan Masink. Yes. Yes. Duncan Masing. Sexy sexy man in uh spa in Spain. We love Duncan Musing. Very sexy. Yes. But have
Speaker A
you do you know the rumors as well? No. No rumors. He uh has a difficulties satisfying women uh sexually because of a tiny penis.
Speaker A
Tiny penis. Yes, it’s only a rumor. It’s only a rumor. I mean, um, there have been conflicting stories. Some people have told that he has a very average penis and that wasn’t him and that there was something weird going on, but I’ve
Speaker A
heard rumors about it. Ah, okay. Okay. Then, um, I love Molly, my daughter, very much. So maybe no marriage with Duncan but Feta you have to it’s like a feudal you it’s like in a feudal kingdom you it’s your no
Speaker A
stay in Mr. You have to have an arranged marriage with your doctor to secure alliances with the Dutch. Someone has to marry um um uh Princess Molly of the Dutch faction. Ah, I see. Yes, I see what you say. Uh Roy
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will marry Duncan Mink. No, no, no, no. know that that’s not what I was thinking. Uh, Feta, it’s not what I was thinking. Maybe another man from uh the Dutch faction can um uh marry uh Molly.
Speaker A
Ah, yes. Don Kajin. Don Kajin. H bald. He bald me. I have a hair transplant.
Speaker A
Yes. Ah yes Mr. Vita you have told me you have told me about the head transplant and it looks very good on you. Ah thank you Shappo. Thank you. Uh they put hair in and it stays. Yes. Yes.
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Thank you. But I don’t know if Dom is the correct guy for the marriage with Molly. Ah Jeremy. Jeremy. He’s a great singer, great vocalist. He makes the cards.
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Molly likes the cards. Well, well, I don’t I don’t know, Feta about um about Jeremy. I don’t know if he has what it takes to be a prince of the north. I know one guy in the Dutch faction. His nickname is
Speaker A
like the prince that was promised. Chapo, you want to marry Molly? Yes. Yes. I have satisfied uh a bunch of women in my life. I could give you some numbers of uh women you could call. There’s also some numbers
Speaker A
with like who weren’t very positive about the whole experience. I couldn’t perform every time, Veta, but I’ve done my best. Ah, and you will be my so
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Yes, Veta. That would be my honor and my privilege to serve in the north next to the beautiful Princess Molly. I think uh that would be arranged. I ever since I was her skilled knap.
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I was her squire. I was a squire and uh I fell for her head over heels. She had a big poster of herself scadly dressed and every I ke haven't been able to forget her. Prince Fetta.
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So I hope you would be give do me the honors to uh give me her hand in marriage.
Speaker A
But I listen Shapo, I like you very much. You're very big muscles. Yes, good sexy man. But um uh a deal is a deal. Uh Molly and Duncan are going to be are going to marry. No.
Speaker A
Uh, you have to obey. You have to stay be her squire. No sexy times.
Speaker A
Okay, Lord Feretta, I see how it is. You are the boss. If that's how it is. It's like a unrequed love. It's like a modernday Romeo and Juliet.
Speaker A
Molly and Chapo. I see how it is. Prince Fetta, do you have to go to bed? You're a bit antsy. I think uh our conversation is over for now. It was an honor and a privilege for you to uh
Speaker A
for you to visit. Thank you. You can go out now. Scene. [laughter] [snorts] Okay.
Speaker A
[laughter] Okay. [laughter] Okay. [snorts] Okay. Oh. Ah. Slap tight. [laughter] No, no, no, no, no. Listen, I don't want to hurry him. I'll be fine.
Speaker A
[screaming] GET ME OUT OF HERE. [screaming] DO YOU THINK THIS CAGE CAN CONTAIN ME?
Speaker A
DUNCAN MOSINK, I AM NOT OF FLESH. [laughter] OKAY. OKAY. I'm Chapo again. [laughter] I am Chapo again. Chapo have a Vonka card. Multi gave him. He gave me an Avona card.
Speaker A
Oh man. [laughter] I mean, I'm [clears throat] Mr. Multi. Um, I don't want to bother too much, but uh, you know me, I am a man in like my prime.
Speaker A
I'm talking about my sexual prime, of course. Uh, I was wondering, could you give me like uh some material to use uh for uh like um, how do I say this? Uh, some release. Wink wink. I'm talking about masturbating. Could you perhaps
Speaker A
get me one of those Avona cards? Or um like the poster with Avon and Katie lying on the bed when he has cat ears on. Thank you very much.
Speaker A
Chat Milty is going to have to watch all this. [laughter] That really scratches a nice part inside of me.
Speaker A
So, the poster in the church isn't enough. I mean, I like that he's winking, but it's not. It's like uh when you respect a tutor or something. It's not sexual.
Speaker A
I just want just a small little thing that I could like have in my left hand while I just want some privacy.
Speaker A
Hey hey hey. Hi guys. Okay. Okay. Now this is a and is it so vill is that thing? Yeah. Okay.
Speaker A
Ah [screaming] no no tree is a crowd. Ah princess Molly. Ah Princess Molly. Hi.
Speaker A
How have you been? It's been so long till we've seen each other. I I How do you Well, let me Wait, wait, wait. I need some inspiration.
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[laughter] [screaming] I got it. I got it. I got it. I I Chappo Chappo, my loyal squire. I It's been a while. How are you? Me?
Speaker A
Well, I've It hasn't been uh It hasn't been a great great time for me. Oh, wait. Don Kajin is messaging me.
Speaker A
Yeah, that via [laughter] phrase egg. Ha. Has Princess Molly, I I have to tell you that um there's something weighing heavy on my soul. Ah, Chapo, I I to be honest, I have something weighing on my soul as well. Princess Molly, what
Speaker A
are you trying to tell me? Are you not in love with Duncan Mosing? No. No. I don't want to marry him. I've heard the rumors as well.
Speaker A
I don't think I am a princess and I deserve more. I deserve a royal staff that uh that suits me. Ah, Princess Molly, I I think you're completely right. You deserve the world.
Speaker A
Uh you that when you walk you it seems like you don't even touch the ground. It seems like you're floating. Your hair as the waves of Mexico, uh America and some other places. Um your scent as the first baked apple pie
Speaker A
in the summer by your mom when you go downstairs. You know this when your mom has Okay, I'm dragging on. when your mom does some the fresh baking and you come downstairs and you smell the fresh baking. You're like, "Oh man, summer is
Speaker A
going to be great." And I maybe I flunked high school, but okay, I I'm going to do some work maybe at the local grocery store and then I'm GOING TO PICK UP MY life again. It's going to be
Speaker A
great. Hope do you know? Yes. [clears throat] I No stay. No stay. Yes. Yes. I have someone that I feel these things too when I look at him.
Speaker A
You love someone else, Princess Molly. You should tell Lord Fetta he he wants the BEST FOR YOU. NO, I CANNOT. I HAVE A DUTY AS A princess for the north to um uh get married off in a feudal
Speaker A
in this feudal world so I can be the baroness of the Dutch cave and Duncan Masing has always also become stay in frame has also become the solstice of the Polish cave. So we can rule all that land and it would be very beneficial for
Speaker A
the north. But Princess Molly, what about love? Isn't the only battle worth fighting? Is the heart in conflict with itself? ISN'T THAT THE ONLY THING WORTH FIGHTING FOR?
Speaker A
OH CHAPO I wish that was true. I wish that was the only thing. I WISH I was just the baker's daughter that could make her own choices in life. BUT IT'S NOT LIKE this here, Princess Molly. But what
Speaker A
if we could make that world? We can make we can not maybe not we but you and that guy that you like. YOU CAN START SOMEWHERE a new and you could start a bakery with fresh apple pie that would feed a
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village. You and YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR DAUGHTER can be that baker's stay inside. Molly, please focus. And you your daughter can be that baker's daughter that can fall in love and choose her own man or woman or woman. Of course.
Speaker A
Yes. Yes. Or woman. Uh there's a lot of um uh intermingling in the north. You would have known we don't we're very progressive. Man on man, woman on woman, everything in between. Uh between families. I'm pretty sure Juan had sex
Speaker A
with like uh a bear. Uh the guys called Kukarucho. Yeah. Yes, Molly. I was there. I was on the [ __ ] chair and I watched all of it happen.
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Yes. Oh, you were on the [ __ ] chair. Yes. That's a different story. Stay on topic. Molly, the business of the heart.
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Molly, what if I take you away from this place? You You just You You would do that for me.
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Maybe not only for you Molly, but maybe also for myself. What? Shapper, we cannot. You are my squire. Vegeta will would NEVER APPROVE. THEN LET HIM NOT APPROVE.
Speaker A
Let's go away somewhere. I have a like a penis mobile that flies like one chunk every five minutes. It will take a while but it could take us a place where we can start a new. I CANNOT CHAPO. I
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CANNOT. NOW YOU LEAVE. Now you leave for for dramatic effect. Leave. NOW YOU CANNOT. PRINCESS MOLLY.
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SEE. [clears throat] [laughter] OKAY. OKAY. [laughter] Hey there, big guy. Huh? Hey, why are you so sad? Oh, well, I have like a Romeo and Juliet situation uh going on in my life.
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unrequited love and the business. Oh, I love sad guys. [clears throat] My name is Eva.
Speaker A
Oh. Oh, hi Evona. Uh uh well, can I offer you can I offer you a drink perhaps?
Speaker A
Oh, yes. I would love a drink. Give Give me uh two Guinness, please. And uh and the Bailey's.
Speaker A
That doesn't seem very ladylike of you. What? Well, I am a lady. I am a lady and I drink Guinness with Bailey's in the same pint. Okay, I see how it is.
Speaker A
Bartender, please. Uh, two Guinness, half a pint, fill it up with Bailey's. There you go, Evona.
Speaker A
WOW. OH. OH. WELL, YOU sure put them down. Yes. That's not the only thing uh I know how to put down. Well, oh.
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Oh, what are you trying to say? Why don't we go for a walk, big guy?
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Well, okay. I guess I'm I'm going to finish my drink first. Okay. This is my room number.
Speaker A
Here's the pass to my room. You can come in later. Oh, okay. [laughter] Okay Evona.
Speaker A
See you later then. HEY. OH, IFA, YOU HAVE no clothes on. Why are your legs so hairy?
Speaker A
OH MY GOD, your legs are so hairy. Hey, why did you lay Why don't you lay down next to me? Come on, I won't bite. At least Well, unless you like me to. Oh, well, I'm have to say, Avona, I'm still a bit
Speaker A
hurt about Do you know Princess Molly? Oh, I know Princess Molly. She's very pretty. She's too good for you. You You should probably downgrade your standards for like a girl with some armpit hair and some stubbles.
Speaker A
Well, okay. That seems excessive. Maybe something like in between. No, no, you should really go for like the girl with the hairy arms. Ow. Oh, okay. Well, then you should know that I am very vulnerable at this moment and I don't
Speaker A
know if you would feel I'm I've been drinking and I'm very vulnerable and I don't know if uh if you would feel great about it if you took advantage of this situation.
Speaker A
Oh, I'm going to take advantage of this situation. All right. I'm going to take advantage of it all night long.
Speaker A
Okay. [laughter] Okay. Well, then I'm going to close my eyes, I think, and think about the eftterling.
Speaker A
You think about whatever you want. Okay then go ahead and scene. Scene scene. [laughter] real good. Okay. D Vetta Molly all the braos and I'm supposed to be studying for finals but this is more entertaining. How would you tell your parents that you failed
Speaker A
your finals? [laughter] How would you tell them like, "Oh, sorry. I didn't study for economics because I watched a guy go insane on Twitch TV.
Speaker A
[laughter] I wasn't watching a guy go insane. This guy, he just became father and he put himself in an isolation chamber in Minecraft willingly to role play with NPCs and then he went insane.
Speaker A
[laughter] [laughter] And the rest is the rest is over the server. [laughter] Hey [clears throat] Hello, uh, Mr. Multi. Uh, I'm not I'm a bit ashamed, so I'm not going to wa watch I'm not going to look into the
Speaker A
camera. Um, Aona came to my room yesterday. I don't know how she got in here, but I know those legs from anywhere. Once she's had her hairy legs around your neck, you're never going to forget. And I'm not sure how to tell you this, but
Speaker A
she had her way with me. She did everything. I She has discovered places on my body that I didn't even know were there. And uh uh I guess if we should keep her in here as well. Um, not not for my benefit, of
Speaker A
course, but she's probably infected by the thing. Uh, and I am probably infected by some things as well that she gave me. So, it's a fair exchange. Okay, Mr. Multi, thank you again. Thank you.
Speaker A
Oh god, he's still in the damn village. You think it's bad now? Wait for this.
Speaker A
Wait for this. [clears throat] Oh man, that sure was a night. I have to piss.
Speaker A
Where did Did Multi put like a toilet somewhere? Okay, I'm just going to I'm going to have a piss right here in the in the corner then, I think. Okay, I'm going to have a That's not pissing sh.
Speaker A
Okay, I am going to ah the sweet release of Oh. Oh, why is it burning?
Speaker A
Why do I have a burning sensation? around my penis when I have a piss.
Speaker A
That's very strange. Well maybe Fetta knows. Maybe Fetta knows about this scene. Just so you know, uh the narrative is Aona gave me an STI.
Speaker A
I had sex with Ivanka and she gave me an SDI. That's the story line now. Okay. Just so you know. No.
Speaker A
No. Okay. Okay. [clears throat] Um Multi uh Mr. Multi, sorry. Don't want to be informal. Um, do you have like um uh I don't know if you heard, but uh at least in the Netherlands, Clamdia isn't considered an STI anymore. I don't know
Speaker A
if you guys check for clamdia uh in a in Poland still. Um not maybe not quite relevant. Could you perhaps put like a chlamydia testing kit uh in one of the boxes just for you know how these villagers are they go around
Speaker A
[ __ ] and I don't want we already have enough problems with diseases right me having the radioactive disease so we don't want syphilus and stuff to spread so if you could put like some STI things checks I I don't know how you
Speaker A
like I don't know how in Holland we used to put like do you know um when your girlfriend clears her makeup with like those birds I don't know how you how you call them whatas uh what whatas they uh the things they put in your you
Speaker A
put in your cotton swabs you put Q-tips you put in your ears and your doctor always tell you don't put the cotton swabs in your ears they're bad for you in Holland we used to put cotton swabs in the urethra
Speaker A
I hope it isn't that kind of test for the villages of course not for me I didn't have sex with Irona okay I had sex with Irona exit.
Speaker A
[laughter] [snorts] [laughter] Bro folded under zero pressure. I felt his gazing eyes upon me. [laughter] Holy Truman show. Sure feels like it.
Speaker A
Sure feels like it. Why does it hurt when I pee? I did that bit.
Speaker A
Is Multi even on the server? Listen, I don't know when Mr. Multi would say that he would always be watching from there.
Speaker A
I hope I hope he doesn't bring interns. would be quite embarrassing, but he would be watching from up there. So, I think he will notice.
Speaker A
And when I had like things to tell him, I would make a video diary here.
Speaker A
Blink twice if you need help. Groot. Boom. Help. Help. Help. Help. I don't know if I I need help. I need a cure. Or I need Mr. ulty to find like a surrogate host for the entity that's living inside of
Speaker A
me. How long have you been living with these villagers? These villagers. That kind of seems racist. Vanilla.
Speaker A
They are people, too. These villagers. That's not how you how you talk to my my neighbors. They're talking behind my back.
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They're like, "I totally [ __ ] that guy yesterday. He kept calling me a franka.
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I didn't mind. [laughter] That guy over there, the new guy, I [ __ ] him all night." [laughter] Okay.
Speaker A
Do you want a way to escape? I can help, my dear friend. That wouldn't you would you feel good about that? Totally ruining the ruining this experience by giving me information how high about how I could leave even if
Speaker A
I wanted to leave. Would that be make for a fun experience? I don't think so.
Speaker A
Oh okay. If Ifa and Fetta. Yes. Have a great hard look at yourselves and each other.
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I THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL TO YOU, EVA. OH, you silly boy. Ifa is for the streets, right, Fetta?
Speaker A
Yes. Uh, she gave me a itch itch on the top of my penis. Now I have an ointment for the Ah. Ah, Mr. Fetta. Uh, could you spare some of the ointment to me as well? Because I think I have the same
Speaker A
thing. You You gave Evanka the STI and she gave to me. No, Vetta, you are you're wrong. No, no. Uh, it was me. She gave the both of us. I think she got the disease somewhere else. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yes. Yes. That's right. Um, yeah. Uh, if I I don't really know who gave it to me, but uh my best bet is uh Nex.
Speaker A
Nexa. Nexa probably gave it to me. That guy, he goes around. Oh. Oh, I didn't I didn't think Nexa was a freak like that.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. He I mean, he's not only playing a a dog, he's a a dog in the sheets as well. Oh. Oh, okay. Well, I didn't know that, but good to know, I think. Uh, Feta, can I get some of that
Speaker A
ointment? Uh, yeah. Yes. Yes, of course. Come here, my friend. Let me put it on. Oh, no. No. Feta, I will put it on myself.
Speaker A
No. No, my friend. No. No. My friend, let me put it on. Put down your pants.
Speaker A
Ifa, PUT THIS PANTS DOWN. NO. NO. PLEASE. YES. Come on, let's see. I mean, come on. You can't be shy now. After we became the octopus yesterday. Yes, you are an octopus. Come on, Calamari.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay. Okay. Keep her away from me. You stay away from me. Feta, you can put it on. Okay. Okay. Here. Yes, my friend.
Speaker A
Let me put this. Ah, I didn't know you were uh circumcised. Very good. Very good, my friend. Circumcise here. Put the Okay. Thank you, Mr. Vika. Um, do I is it like a one time thing? No. No, my
Speaker A
friend. I have to put it ON FIVE TIMES. FIVE TIMES A DAY. I am kidding my friend.
Speaker A
You're so funny, Mr. No. It's a No, it's a one time thing. It's a one. Ah, very good. Thank you. Okay. Okay. Then I'm uh I'll leave you guys to it because uh uh you probably have more important stuff
Speaker A
to do. Uh see you guys later. See you later, my little friend. Bye-bye, big guy.
Speaker A
Very important for the story that that happened. Very important. Well, I think the lore is that I'm going a bit insane. I think we we can say that that I'm I'm kind of losing it inside over here.
Speaker A
Two hours into my first shop. What an interesting guy. I mean, if the last the last two hours have been your first impression of me, I think that would that's that's pretty much who I am all of the time. We have
Speaker A
one villager left. [laughter] Who do you want to join me in the village? What does name is already in this universe?
Speaker A
Schlatt Jeremy Don Don Don has just gone offline. Quacky um nah. Well, we pasty now. Goodbye.
Speaker A
with oak. A fanca you in a church. Shouldn't you like there's like a saying in Holland?
Speaker A
You're sweating like a [ __ ] in church. That's a saying and I just saw it happen.
Speaker A
Okay. It is a real saying what's ala is there similar word to smack smacknego enjoy your meal. Um smack. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Nay. lo okay come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come come look look look look look look look look look come come here come nowhere frank no no no [screaming]
Speaker A
get away from me. [laughter] Haven't you had enough? I'm just a boy. Okay. Come up. I can't.
Speaker A
Can you leave, please? Your guys are bonding. I don't even know who you are yet.
Speaker A
How how come up out please? Come on. Yes. Come on. Out. Out. Eva. Come on. Please. Out. Please.
Speaker A
Come on. Come on. Okay. Maybe someone is in a different room. [ __ ] One either has to be a schizophrenic or really good at acting to make this good.
Speaker A
Why not both? A Franca's out. Okay. Well Feta sorry, Mr. Fageta. I'm very keen on you, but not now. I need one of the other two to progress the story. You or you whoever you are light is need [gasps and sighs]
Speaker A
doesn't you can sele [laughter] Yes dad dad handles to the divorce pretty well [laughter] that's very accurate bread Okay, one of you out. Freetta, please.
Speaker A
Out. Please, Fetta. Please out, please. Come on. I have red. No, not you. Oh, man.
Speaker A
There isn't a Yeah. YEAH. YEAH. COME, COME, COME, COME, come in. Princess Molly, please join me.
Speaker A
Princess Molly, what you were you taking a piss? That's not very ladylike of you, Mrs.
Speaker A
Molly. Right. Okay. OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. YES. YES. YES. [laughter] I can't look when you're sleeping. Of Okay.
Speaker A
And then um out. Okay. Minecraft. Hey. Okay. Well, exit fast. Princess Molly, I wasn't expecting you here.
Speaker A
Yes, Chapo. I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me the other day about us leaving and my daughter having like an honest opportunity at love. But why would only my daughter have an honest opportunity at love? Why not me as well?
Speaker A
What are you trying to say, M Princess Molly? I'm I'm willing to flee the NORTH WITH YOU SIDE BY SIDE ON YOUR PENIS MOBILE.
Speaker A
We will fly and we we was Did you just fart? This is Molly. Did you fart?
Speaker A
This is pretty awkward. We were talking about love and then you passed gas. Okay, let's focus again. Yes, I have irritable bowel syndrome. That's very normal here in the north. Okay, but what I was saying is like, did you know how
Speaker A
the city of Troy was settled? They uh put a cow out in nature and then where the cow settled. Uh they built the village. Let's do the same. Let's see where our love and the penis aircraft takes us. Where it crashes, we will
Speaker A
build our own society. Oh, Princess Molly, nothing would make me happier than to walk away with you. Even though Fetta is like a father to me and I would find it pretty difficult to take his favorite daughter away because he to be honest he
Speaker A
kind of dislikes Royer and Roblice. I don't know if you've noticed but he kind of hates the guys. So I would feel pretty bad. But Royer and Rob could marry Jeremy or Don and the the bonds with the
Speaker A
Dutch can still be very strong like a an iron chain. An ironclad chain. Yes, Shapo. But first we have to consumate consumate this decision.
Speaker A
First you have to lay with me and then Shapon remembers the STI he got of.
Speaker A
Well, of course, Princess Molly, I would there would not there would be no uh greater honor for me than to consumate this decision to to make a a bond of love. Yes, Shapo.
Speaker A
Right here, right now. Oh, well, right here, right now. Well, maybe not. Um, right here, right now, perhaps. What?
Speaker A
Do you not think I'm pretty? Of no, Princess Molly. Of course. Then why are your pants still on?
Speaker A
Well, it's a long story. I have to tell you the truth, Molly. We can't start off this bond on lies.
Speaker A
I've been with an other woman. Shapo? No. Yes. Well, at least I think she was a woman. I I'm not really sure. How could you, Shapo? I thought I was the only one for you. And northern law dictates that
Speaker A
I can only marry a virgin. Oh, Princess Molly, please reconsider your decision. No, Shaba, you've hurt me so much. I'm going to marry Duncan even if he has an inadequate penis. No. Princess Molly, please don't leave.
Speaker A
Please don't leave. Princess Molly. Please. Molly, no. STAY. MOLLY. MOLLY. NO. I think you're right. I should be leaving. You're right.
Speaker A
I'm disgusting. In a romcom, is it all tight? So, in a romcom, in a romantic comedy, it's always that halfway through the movie, the lovers diverge.
Speaker A
The lovers diverge, and something has to happen to bring them together again. Classic romcom.
Speaker A
Multi needs to see this. Just the two of them are in the scene. I am not here.
Speaker A
Okay. Scene entrance. Molly goes running to Fetta. Scene. [laughter] Father. Father. Um. Uh. How did How does the Vegeta voice go again?
Speaker A
Molly. Molly. I I Hello, Molly. My dear daughter. Hello, Molly. Father, my heart hurts. My heart.
Speaker A
No. Molly, my daughter. Oh, why are you crying? I can't tell you, father. If you if If I would tell you you would kill him.
Speaker A
Him. Who is him? Kill Duncan because of the tiny penis. I would never kill Duncan because of the tiny penis. If I would have to kill everyone with a tiny penis in the north, I would have STARTED WITH
Speaker A
JUAN. OF COURSE NOT. I like Juan. He's the SECOND IN COMMAND AFTER NO. NO. E FRANCA. E FRANCA. NO. NO. NO. NO. OUT.
Speaker A
OUT. OUT. OKAY. UM, who is of course Juan is the second plus plus in command because Ashw Ash ashwag ashwag awakido the dog. So now he's second plus plus a command. Oh, father. No, you wouldn't kill Duncan. That Duncan wouldn't hurt a
Speaker A
fly. You would kill Chapo. CHAPO DID GET DID CHAPO RAISE A HAND to you? I will cut off his enormous penis. We all know this TO BE TRUE. I WILL CUT IT OFF.
Speaker A
NO, FATHER. That's the whole problem. He didn't touch me even though I desired him.
Speaker A
MOLLY, YOU'RE THE PRINCESS. You shouldn't be desiring a squire, a stable boy. He is beneath you. Even though he's very handsome and muscals, very much muscals.
Speaker A
Yes. Um that but father I love him. You when is did Molly become Russian? You no Molly I will not allow it. Well you don't have to allow it because he was unfaithful.
Speaker A
YOU GUYS ALREADY had a relationship. No. No. But he still was kind of unfaithful.
Speaker A
Narrator. Narrator. Ladies, am I right? Jim Halpert looking in the camera, the office. Ladies, am I right?
Speaker A
He was unfa. So, he was unfaithful. Well, you weren't even together. Yes. Because our hearts were already merged. We are twin flames. Ah, not again. That spirituality [ __ ] Yes. Our hearts are like two dying stars dancing faded to collide. Oh, Molly,
Speaker A
you've always been the poet of the family. Well, I would not allow it. You are to marry Duncan and that's it.
Speaker A
Molly. Oh no. I will marry Duncan father but not because I love him but because Chapo he has lane with Irona.
Speaker A
Oh well Molly Aanka everybody here HAS [ __ ] WHO HASN'T? I HAVE [ __ ] IRONA.
Speaker A
THE DOG HAS [ __ ] a stupido. That's why he died of the disease.
Speaker A
What you HAVE LAID AND WHAT ABOUT MOM? Oh well, Foolish likes it. He watches.
Speaker A
He watches in the in the in the cook chair. He watches while I have sex with Irona. That's a thing. We always do it on Friday. That's why we put the pineapple on the table. Oh, that's what the pineapple is for. Yes. Yes. Okay,
Speaker A
then. But Molly, I talked with Ivanka yesterday. And if Rona tell told me everything about Chapo and her in the hotel room, the pints of Guinness with Bailey's, [clears throat] but she told me as well that Shapo told
Speaker A
her that he was drunk and vulnerable and Chappo passed out singing the song of the drum. He was singing like And then I told him, "That's not the DL, that's Fila." And I said, "That's quite right. That's the Vulta." And um and
Speaker A
then I kind of just snuggled up to him. We didn't do anything. He He didn't He didn't have sex with Ifa.
Speaker A
No, he didn't have sex with Ifa. I mean, if Rona tried, he tried convincing him to do some hand stuff and he didn't want to do that either.
Speaker A
That's great news, father. Well, great news. That's not great news. You're Marian Duncan and that's it, Missy. Uh, if I have to, I will lock you up in this tower if I must. This is our sworn duty as
Speaker A
royalty of the north. Okay. Okay. Father, I understand. Scene. Scene. Scene. Good. [laughter] There sure is a lot happening here in uh fusing atoms, splitting hearts.
Speaker A
So I know everyone, but who is Eva? Everybody knows who Eva is. Is this your decision to be here or you for forced by multi? Well, to be honest, I didn't know about this room. What I did know was
Speaker A
that I was that Multi was the guy that I needed to seek out for my part of the story.
Speaker A
My part of the story was that uh I had radiation poisoning. I had multiple personality disorder and one of those personalities was Linda. And the radiation poisoning uh used Linda to become sentient. And that's when I came back to multi because
Speaker A
I needed to him to cure me or get it out of me. And if not, then he should contain me. And then he was like, "Okay, [laughter] he was preparing probably. I don't know if he was prepar preparing for me, but
Speaker A
he was preparing for something at least. You need to crouch to push them from ladder. Okay, I'll try that.
Speaker A
Just be here and then crouch. Doesn't seem to be working. Break the ladder. Oh.
Speaker A
Ah. Genius. Extra. HELLO. LORD FETTA, it is me. Duncan Mosink. AH, DUNCAN, I was expecting you.
Speaker A
[clears throat] We uh we are already very far in the planning of the wedding.
Speaker A
Ah, yes, Vagetta. I was I Duncan, the autocratic leader of the Dutch cafe. Uh I was wondering if the marriage plans were uh proceeding uh well nicely. Ah yes yes yes of course Duncan there is no problem. Even the rumors uh they will be
Speaker A
quite easily dispelled. THOSE DAMN RUMORS. Damn it. DAMN IT. [screaming] THOSE DAMN rumors about my male member.
Speaker A
They keep following me every ever since gym class. I was a lonely boy, Prince Ferreta. I was a lonely boy. My balls didn't drop until I was 23 years old.
Speaker A
No hair to be seen. Nowhere. I was completely bald. Only for hair on my head. No body hair at all. I was very slow.
Speaker A
Puberty then hit me like a truck and my penis fought his way back. Now I have a very adequate member. HERE I WILL SHOW IT TO YOU.
Speaker A
[screaming] OH, DUNCAN, that's a very nice penis. Why would Chapo even uh tell me this? Shapo?
Speaker A
Did Chappo tell you about my penis? Oh, no. No. I must have been mistaken. That could have been Chappo. I haven't seen Shapo in in in months, weeks, months.
Speaker A
I've heard he has quite the conundrum going on. He left on a p PENISIZED OB PENISIZED object going west I think. I am not good with uh travel. Ah well uh honest mistake I guess. Um, do you think um, is Molly
Speaker A
still happy with uh, me as a uh, a partner for eternity? Yes. Yes. Duncan Molly loves She loves you.
Speaker A
She always tells me like, Prince Fetta, I can't wait uh, for me to do the friction dance WITH LORD FETTA. OH, I'M SORRY. I am an old man. I need to do MY SLEEP SOMETIMES. LORD, FORGET THAT. I
Speaker A
HAVE NARCOLEPSY. It's a very serious condition. But no, [screaming] no, don't worry. Don't worry, Molly. She loves you. And there is no other man. [laughter] There's no other man ever in her life.
Speaker A
No, she only desires you. And I desire power over the Dutch faction and the Polish cave because a little birdie told me that you have become solstice. Yes, me, Duncan Mink, I have become solstice of the Polish cave. And I didn't know at
Speaker A
the time that what that it was only a budgeting thing and that I would sleep in a stable. But if a stable is good ENOUGH FOR JESUS CHRIST THAT IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
Speaker A
YES. Jesus you are right Jesus. Uh Duncan uh if you don't mind me I am going to sleep. Uh see you tomorrow uh for the wedding.
Speaker A
See you tomorrow, Lord Fetta. Don't oversleep scene. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. [laughter] Okay. Okay.
Speaker A
[snorts] Okay. I for No, no, no, no. Was it the new um Hello, father?
Speaker A
Father is more [laughter] father is more dramatic. Hello, father. Hello, father. Did you miss me?
Speaker A
Good. Good. Good enough. Good enough. [laughter] Good enough. Good enough. [clears throat] Good enough. Okay.
Speaker A
I am still Duncan Mosink. Okay. [snorts] Hey, what's your name? Hi, my name's Eva.
Speaker A
Hey Aona. [laughter] Hey there, Eva. [clears throat] What that? Shea [sighs] Franca in an alleyway.
Speaker A
YEAH. NO. NO. PLEASE, PLEASE. I need I need you in this alley. That's Did that always look like a penis?
Speaker A
Okay. for noasic. [laughter] Yeah. Yeah. I'm going back in. That's what I said to Avona last night as well.
Speaker A
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Help in the reactor. Okay. Okay. Uhoh. Okay. Hopefully. Come out.
Speaker A
Oh. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Okay. Hey there, big guy. [screaming] Please, no, not again. Easy there, little fella. Easy there. No. Ifa, you don't understand.
Speaker A
Molly knows about us. Molly knows. And now she wants nothing to do with me because her literal words were, "HOW COULD YOU [ __ ] THAT DISGUSTING ANIMAL?" WELL, WELL, that's not very nice of Molly. Does she know that I [ __ ] HER DAD
Speaker A
AS WELL? YES. WELL, I don't know because Well, well, I don't know because I wasn't in that scene, so I can't know.
Speaker A
Could you perhaps step back like one? Okay, thank you. Thank you. Well, [clears throat] you liked it, right?
Speaker A
I have no idea, Vona, if I liked it. The only thing I know is that my my penis stung a little bit when it all was done.
Speaker A
And now I got some ointment from Vetta. Oh, you silly boy. [clears throat] your penis tongue because you had all those jalapeno papers. Yes, it was too spicy for your white pallet.
Speaker A
What? So, you don't have a disease? I have a disease. I have all of the diseases. I have like a strip card for the gest day.
Speaker A
Well, then I should have the diseases as well right? Oh, silly boy. Nothing happened between us.
Speaker A
It didn't, but I was thinking about the Eftling and you lay down next to me and I was like, "Okay, do your business with me." Oh, man.
Speaker A
You don't really think that about me, right? that I would misuse a little squire boy at the depths of his depravities.
Speaker A
Well, I was kind of open to the idea. I was kind of open to it. Yes, you were very open. I saw it was like you took poppers. Your anus was blinking. Okay, Evona, enough. I don't want to talk
Speaker A
about my blinking anus. I don't. [laughter] You're so you're you're blushing. You're blushing. It's just like when the prostitute used to have what's the disease called again where you get like the red red uh the red wang the red
Speaker A
cheeks. It's still No, it's called what's it called again? It's still ravaging some parts of the world.
Speaker A
Come on now. Someone please the flush cheeks. White pale face. Bluetooth. Nay. Yes, I was thinking about tuberculosis.
Speaker A
Yes. Yes, I was thinking about tuberculosis. Yes. I don't really know what we're talking about, but I want you I don't want you to worry, my little friend. I don't want you to worry. There's nothing happened between us.
Speaker A
Evanga, do you promise? I promise. I have like I have like 12 numbers I can call to get me FILLED UP ALL THE WAY LIKE A GLASS OF MILK. OH, Jesus [ __ ] Christ. Ifa. Okay. Well, [gasps and sighs]
Speaker A
thank you, I guess, for this message. It gives me [laughter] I have no idea where the sentence you have to trust me that when I start talking I have no idea that the next sentence is going to be fill me up like
Speaker A
a glass of milk. I [laughter] I had no idea that was that one was COMING AND IT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD AS WELL. [laughter] [clears throat] OKAY, EVANKA, do you think I should ask tell Princess Molly?
Speaker A
Well, the poor girl has it difficult enough, doesn't she? You really should be sure about your love before you go out spilling it to her.
Speaker A
You would really get her in a lot of trouble. She would probably have to leave the north, leave her dear Lord Fetta, leave her brothers that Fageta pretty much hates and would would probably kill if he get the opportunity.
Speaker A
She would miss Juan, her mom. Foolish Tina, who's like a sister to her. And there are more people in the north that I can remember, but she would have to give it all up to go away with you.
Speaker A
Do you think you have enough to offer her for her to give it all up?
Speaker A
Yes. Love. SEAT. DON'T TAKE MY SEAT. EVANGA. [clears throat] Is she doing this for three hours? And I've only just started.
Speaker A
Tomorrow I'm going to get married to the princess. I can't wait. I can't wait to rule over all this land with an iron fist. But now IT'S TIME TO SLEEP.
Speaker A
OH, hey there big guy. Hey, ifa, isn't it? You remembered me. I never forget a face. I saw you walking across the road.
Speaker A
You caught my eye. I love myself a girl with those hairy armpits. Duncan, what's your title again? Uh, King Duncan of of King Duncan of uh the Dutch Cafe. You make me blush like tuberculosis. Remember? No, I don't
Speaker A
remember. That wasn't my scene. That was with someone else. OH. OH. UH. OH. WELL, UM, okay then. Uh, but what are you doing in my room?
Speaker A
Well, I wanted to give you an early wedding present. Is that so? What kind of present are we talking about?
Speaker A
Well, why don't you go on hands or knees and bark like a dog? Well, that's that's pretty direct, but I GUESS BARK Bork bark [laughter] bark bork.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. That's the way I like it, big guy. What kind of dog are you? Uh, I guess a I guess a a labradoodle.
Speaker A
No, I want one with straight hair. Uh, golden retriever then. Yes. Okay. Now eat out of the.
Speaker A
Now eat out of eat out of the the tin in the [clears throat] in the corner of the room.
Speaker A
What? Yeah. Eat out of the dog dog thing that I don't remember the name of.
Speaker A
Like I didn't didn't remember tuberculosis. Eat out of it. Okay. Oh, yes. I'm a doggy. I'm a dog and I like dog food bowl. The dog bowl. Yesum. I love I love dog food. Me, Duncan. Mingum.
Speaker A
Is that a That's a good doggy. That's a good boy. Now, I'm going to put a collar on you and then I'm going to walk you outside.
Speaker A
No, I want No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm getting married. They will see us.
Speaker A
It's a Okay. Okay then. Uh, if you don't want to go outside, then perhaps you could lay down with me.
Speaker A
Well, I guess. Does nobody know I'm here? No, it will be our It will be our little secret. I've heard you have a little secret FOR ME. HEY, THAT'S a rumor. That's a rumor. It isn't little at all.
Speaker A
Then perhaps you can show it to me. This will be our little secret. scene.
Speaker A
Scene. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. No. No. No. No. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You should be an actor. Do you think I could send this tape to Martin Scorsesi and then he would give me a role in his movie?
Speaker A
[laughter] Do you think? Yes. Hollywood, here I come. [laughter] Please tell me you aren't going crazy.
Speaker A
Me crazy? I have no idea what you're talking about. Me? I don't even know what crazy don't even know what crazy mean.
Speaker A
[sighs] [ __ ] hell. That stinks. Scene. Uh, Duncan has an STI. She has the He has the Ivanca disease.
Speaker A
Okay. now. Well, I think it's time for the marriage. So, um, uh, Mil Mr. Milty, oh [ __ ] I Hello, it's me, Duncan Mosing. I know I am an evil I am very evil and I am a radiation
Speaker A
beast and I want to invade the world. But uh I'm getting married today. So perhaps we could put our differences aside for one day. Could you arrange the buffet?
Speaker A
Perhaps have a long table here, my side of the family to the right, her side of the family to the left. Could you maybe arrange that? And after that we can go back to the whole father son that I I'm
Speaker A
calling you my father because you made me and you you kind of it was like you were going to get milk and not like in the fill me up like a cup of milk ifa way but you were going to get some milk.
Speaker A
We say in Holland we say dad was going to get some milk and then he didn't come back and that way that I feel left out.
Speaker A
Uh that whole dynamic we'll pick it up after the marriage. Okay. Thank you, Dad.
Speaker A
Okay. Uh dirt. Of course, for adult. I'm not ready yet. Has he been doing this for three and a half hours? Oh, has it only been three and a half hours?
Speaker A
[laughter] [clears throat] Well, oh, he could have lost his near. Oh, it's going. [clears throat] Are you proud of me now, Dad?
Speaker A
I'm getting married in the morning to Princess Molly and I will probably be ruling the north and so I'll be ruling the north then and the Polish cave and I will be ruling Holland. Will you finally love me then,
Speaker A
Daddy? Could you please love me then? Will it then be enough? Father, will it then be enough? Even though I didn't become a rapper as you dreamt of that I suck at rhyming schemes, will it then finally be enough for you
Speaker A
to love me? I know stuff has been difficult since mom left and if that we didn't really know who my mom is and uh or I don't remember, but come on, man.
Speaker A
Let's try over. I just want to make you proud. Don't you see? EVERYTHING I DO, I DO FOR YOU.
Speaker A
DON'T YOU SEE, FATHER? [screaming] GOOD. GOOD. Man talks to a poster now. Is that much more crazy than talking to the villagers?
Speaker A
[laughter] in the true man show. [laughter] It's wedding time. Me, Duncan Mink. I'm getting married to your daughter, Princess Molly. Come on.
Speaker A
Come on. Come. Come. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The Sorry, sorry. Closed. Closed for the day. No, sorry. Closed.
Speaker A
[ __ ] Okay. Okay. Closed. [ __ ] come out, Feta. You need to bring me the rings.
Speaker A
I'm calling you [ __ ] blocky. Can you tell Lord Vegeta that he has to come out of his room?
Speaker A
I can't get married like this. And he hasn't put on a suit. HE HASN'T EVEN PUT ON PANTS YET.
Speaker A
You have to put on pants. Mr. Multi says, "Lord Fageta, come on, man. No, you don't can YOU CAN'T HAVE A QUICKIE WITH IRANKA." NO. OKAY, ONE QUICKIE THEN. Five minutes.
Speaker A
Okay. You can be uh you can be the vicor. You can do the me you can do the marriage. You can be your your you are J Slatt and you do the you do the marriage. Yes.
Speaker A
Come on out the both of you. Come on. Right. Good. Hey, [sighs] NOT ANOTHER QUICKIE. NOT A TREESOME. NO, PRINCESS MOLLY. FETA, THAT'S YOUR DAUGHTER FETTA.
Speaker A
OKAY. I might be. [laughter] I wasn't insane before, I promise. But the villagers movement is kind of making me go crazy.
Speaker A
I think I'm gonna I'm gonna kill a [ __ ] I listen. I'm gonna kill someone.
Speaker A
If people don't start moving to the wedding real quick, I didn't want to do this.
Speaker A
I see. OUT. Don't make me hit you again. Out. Out. Out. Out. Out. Go outside. I'm going to marry your daughter now.
Speaker A
Yes. Okay. The ceremony can begin. Okay. Okay. Um, hey, it's me, Jay. Slat America. Uh, I'm gonna um I'm going to marry these two lovers in holy matrimony. I don't even how now I'm from Texas. Yeah. Uh, trucks and
Speaker A
drinking whiskey or moonshine if you're even more poor. drinking moonshine, driving trucks, fishing. Yeah, that's right. Okay. And I'm I'm here today to marry these two, Princess Molly and that Duncan fella. He has a tiny little packer, but he Hey,
Speaker A
buddy has a a whole lot of heart to make up for it. Well, I guess that's right.
Speaker A
Look at the bride. She's looking beautiful. She has her father's eyes and she has her mother's spirit. Uh her mother couldn't be here today. Uh people haven't seen her mother foolish around for quite a while, but um I'm pretty
Speaker A
sure she would have loved to be here today. She probably has a great reason not to be here. Um [clears throat] Lord Feta, why aren't you at the wedding? I'm trying to marry your daughter.
Speaker A
Yes. Yes. [screaming] Duncan. Duncan. Yes. Of course you are going to marry Molly. And it's not because I have cold feet because I'm taking away an uh chance of happiness for my daughter for um benefit to my country and that I have
Speaker A
like um a thing going on inside me a conflict with that like cognitive dissonance I think they call it. My emotions and my RATIONALITY AREN'T FIGHTING AT ALL. Of course, I will be there soon. Ah, that's good, Mr. Fagita.
Speaker A
I know. I know it's hard giving away your daughter, even if it's TO A SPECIMEN LIKE ME. DUNCAN MOSINK.
Speaker A
[clears throat] UH, mi Mr. Slat, you can recommence THE WEDDING. AH, VERY GOOD. Very good. Thank you. Texas NASCAR and 911 was a national tragedy. Yes, it was, Mr. Sled. Yes, it was. Okay. Uh, Molly, Molly, are you are you are you ready?
Speaker A
Yes. Of course, Mr. Mink. Of course, I will marry you. Of course. I love you.
Speaker A
Really? Why are you crying? Uh, I I ate onions last night. I ate a lot of onions and now I'm crying. Ah, well, that seems seems like a strange story to me. Uh, nothing strange happening here. Uh, can we go back to
Speaker A
like this place? Oh, wait, wait. The marriage can't continue. Uh, I THINK I STRUCK OIL RIGHT OVER HERE. I STRUCK OIL. I FOUND SOME OIL. WE FOUND THIS. I'm have TO BRING DEMOCRACY TO THIS CAVE. NO, MR. SL, you
Speaker A
can bring democracy to the cave later when YOU MARRIED ME. NOW, THESE PEOPLE NEED FREEDOM. Need freedom and and big uh defense spending and like uh [laughter] uh two party system.
Speaker A
Yes. Yes. I'm very busy. Well, okay then, I guess. Okay. Okay. [laughter] Okay. Okay.
Speaker A
Well, then if everything uh is set again, then um I think we can recommence with the wedding. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um who will bring the rings? Hans. HANS, BRING THE RING FOR M. Thank you. Well, Hans Hans will be bringing the rings. Thank
Speaker A
you Hans. So uh by uh by by THE POWER INVESTED ME by our Lord and Savior Donald J. Trump. I now pronounce you Molly and Kamasink.
Speaker A
Man and man and No. [screaming] NO. STOP THIS WEDDING RIGHT NOW. WHAT INARNATIONS? WHO'S THIS [screaming] GUY IN THE UNDERPANTS?
Speaker A
It's me, SHAPON, aka Jasper Vissers, aka Lambertus, aka Mr. Mocha Marvelous Cappuccino Jesus. And I am the one that should be marrying the princess.
Speaker A
[gasps] audible gasps and not only because Ivona is doing choke play [laughter] in the background.
Speaker A
[gasps] Molly Shapo Molly, I didn't have sex with Evanga. What? I DIDN'T. SHE TOLD me I didn't HAVE SEX WITH HER. THERE WAS NOTHING THERE. Is that true? Well, in America, I know a virgin when I see you one.
Speaker A
Uh, little fella, do you have a Twitch account? Yes. Do you play with Lego regularly?
Speaker A
Yes. This guy is a virgin. See? See? I'm a virgin. I was a VIRGIN ALL ALONG. AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER isn't a a series for kids at all. It's for adults. He is a virgin. He is [laughter] He is a virgin.
Speaker A
[clears throat] Fetta Fetta, please. Shapo, I was thinking about you. I was thinking about you while I was [ __ ] Irona doggy style last night. I saw I saw your face on the back of her head and I was like that should be my
Speaker A
grandson. That's the prince of the north right there. Do you really mean it, Fetta? Well, I took a lot a lot of LSD, but let's run with it. Oh, man. Molly. Molly, I can take you away. No, no, no. You
Speaker A
don't have to take her away. Just stay here. Rule the north. I can rule the north alongside of you and WE WILL PROBABLY KICK out Juan. Yes.
Speaker A
Yes, we will rule the north together. Hi Juan. This This is the voicemail of Chapo.
Speaker A
No. Leave a message after the beep. Beep beep. Okay. What? THIS WHAT CAN DO? THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. THIS CAN'T BE REAL. SHE SHOULD BE marrying me. FETA, GET AWAY FROM THE PRINCESS. NO, DUNCAN. I think not. I will not be. He's Indian now.
Speaker A
No, no, Duncan. You go away now. You're not welcome here anymore. Well, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. I'M going to marry uh Molly. [ __ ] Shapo.
Speaker A
[clears throat] Well, well, well. I might have something to say about that because we all know for someone to marry the princess in the north, you have to be a virgin.
Speaker A
And I have to tell you, Sagai something. I [screaming] am pregnant. What? I am pregnant with Duncan Musing's baby.
Speaker A
What? Yes. I MADE THE GUY BARK like a dog and he didn't wear a condom because as he told me, it's like [ __ ] a balloon.
Speaker A
Well, I did say that. So Duncan seeing that you can't marry the princess, perhaps you can make an honest woman out of me.
Speaker A
Sled. Mr. Sled. Hey fella. Hey there, little fella. Are you going TO MARRY THE DUDE OVER THERE? The dude?
Speaker A
That's my wife. I mean, whatever you say, big guy. It's 2026. Whatever you say, I'll marry you guys, but not in the church. That would be an affront to Jesus Christ. Nah, I'm just kidding. You can mar get married in the
Speaker A
church as well. Okay then will you make me Duncan Mink the happiest man in the world and marry me?
Speaker A
Yes. Yes, I will. Mi. [laughter] Okay. Now [laughter] now now we just have to tie up the loose ends.
Speaker A
[laughter] Jesus Christ. [laughter] Hello from Poland. Hello Poland. Hello. [snorts] Well, that was some business right there. It's me again, Mr. J Slat America. The red, white, rider, the red, white, and blue flows through my veins.
Speaker A
Yes, just like Duncan Mustings seed has flown through my umbilical cords, question mark into my womb to create a perfect little half Polish, half Dutch baby. I I wanted to say, does someone have a good name for a like quarter
Speaker A
Polish baby? But I don't think I'm ready for the answer. Okay then. Okay then. Let's get the show on the road. Uh Bruce Springsteen style.
Speaker A
YEEHA. Do you Duncan Ming? Take that fella right there. Eva, what was your name? Couldn't you have leads shaving your legs beneath your wedding dress?
Speaker A
He likes it that way. He always tells me he likes the stubble around his neck. I do.
Speaker A
You do? I DIDN'T EVEN ASK YOU YET. If you do know about the stubbles AROUND MY NECK. I SEE. You're a freaky little guy, aren't you, Dun Kamas? Yes, I am a freak.
Speaker A
Okay then. Uh if anyone um didn't doesn't like the idea of this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.
Speaker A
Yes, I am going to BE TALKING NOW. I'M BRITISH. I'm British. Yeah, I'm British. It's me, Tubbo. AND I DO NOT WHAT'S BRITISH? How does British go again? It's me, Tobo from Great Britain, and I do not That's
Speaker A
Texas again. I do not condone this marriage. I can't go. It's It's You speak with your upper. It's me, Tubbo. Yes. Yes, it's me. And I do not agree upon this merit. IT IS I, TUBBO, that should get married to Evanga.
Speaker A
Yes, EVANKA. YOU KNOW, YOU AND me have had uh engagements before. And let me be the first ONE TO SAY THIS. YOU CAN'T get pregnant from someone.
Speaker A
YOU MAY BARK LIKE A YORKSHIRE TERRIER. UH, one day before I uh I I DON'T REMEMBER THIS WORD, BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE A GREAT [screaming] idea to do a DNA test.
Speaker A
Hey, I thought you left the country. Yes, that's us, the British, always going to other countries and taking whatever we like. That's us. But I went and I took AND NOW THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR me to take is your hand in holy matrimony.
Speaker A
[laughter] Well, that Duncan guy is getting is getting shaft shafted real good today. I mean, you should have seen him yesterday. Did you give him the doggy treatment? And you know which one? I mean, yeah, but he doesn't didn't want to wear
Speaker A
the collar because he was afraid to be seen. Huh? I will never be af I will I will never be afraid to be seen with you ifa of course not you I will be ah your what's THE DOG CALLED AGAIN THAT
Speaker A
THE the queen god have her soul head again with the short feet how is what's the what are they CALLED AGAIN THE SHORT FEETED DOGGIES THAT THE CORG I'M TALKING ABOUT THE CORGIS, OF COURSE, I will be your corgi WHEN WE GO
Speaker A
PARTRIDGE HUNTING. A noble British tradition. And there will be no partridges, just you and me. A dog collar and open fields as far as the eyes can see.
Speaker A
Oh, you have a way with words. [clears throat] WELL, WELL, WELL. JESUS [ __ ] Christ.
Speaker A
I mean, I've heard a lot of sick I'VE I'VE HEARD A LOT OF SICK STORIES BEFORE in the US of A, but this here beats it all. You guys are some sick [ __ ] BUT I LIKE IT THAT WAY. YEEHA! REMOVE GUNS
Speaker A
FROM HOLSTERS AND SHOOT. AH, I PROBABLY shouldn't have read that. That's on the script. But that's I should have done this.
Speaker A
[snorts] I see. [clears throat] I SEE. I SAY I SAY I SAY I SEE.
Speaker A
[screaming] So who's going to marry that woman? I I think that would be me. Um but perhaps I could interest Duncan.
Speaker A
in a jewel, a noble British tradition, eating Jeff cakes and shooting each other in hot air balloons.
Speaker A
[laughter] Yes, it's me, Robocop. Uh, I think I'm lost. Does anybody know the [laughter] I think I'm in the wrong scene. Does anybody know [laughter] where where the Martin Scorsesi studio is?
Speaker A
I'm very sorry. I didn't want to bother you guys. [clears throat] Really? Ifa, really?
Speaker A
It's not my child. Well, can't blame a girl for trying. Of course, you can't get pregnant after one day, you stupid [ __ ] Well, you don't have to be flirtatious with me, Eva. Uh, I will already uh
Speaker A
probably die in YOUR HONOR. OF COURSE, TUBBO. I will accept this jewel. Ah, yes. A jewel.
Speaker A
Let's do let's let's do classic jewel. Uh classic jewel rules. Um who does someone have panties?
Speaker A
Yes, I have panties. If if Rona will drop her panties, then we will both take five steps, turn and shoot.
Speaker A
That's drop the panties. Five steps. Turn around and shoot. Evona, are you ready? Yes.
Speaker A
I'm going to drop my panties in three, two, one. One, two, three, four, five. Turn.
Speaker A
Double weight. Devil wait. What's it, darling? I don't think I can do this anymore.
Speaker A
What are you talking about, darling? I don't think I can do this anymore. The world's gone crazy.
Speaker A
Duncan, Duncan, relax a bit, little fella. No. No. I THINK IT'S ENOUGH. IT'S TIME FOR me to taste the sweet taste of metal in my gums.
Speaker A
Duncan, put away the gun, little by darling. Darling, rolling off. DUNCAN, DON'T OVERREACT. Tubbo in Hispanic drops his gun and runs towards Duncan.
Speaker A
You English guys are so easily foiled. [screaming] OH, are you there, Queen Elizabeth? Will you be there at the holy gates with Margaret Teta perhaps?
Speaker A
No. Margaret Tetra is in hell. Well, I could have known probably. Ah, so well well that's [laughter] Well, that solves that. Um, so, will you allow me to raise your bastard child?
Speaker A
I guess. Okay. Schlatt, I'm going to raise the bastard. And as you should, my dear friend. Uh, IRA.
Speaker A
I love myself some gun violence IN THE MORNING. YEAH, I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning. Yeeha.
Speaker A
Good morning, Vietnam. What he says? Okay. Evona, where are you? [clears throat] Well, I think the fella took off.
Speaker A
It isn't a guy. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about King Viceta. What? Why did he leave? No, I'm kidding.
Speaker A
I just didn't want to call your wife a guy again. Oh, [ __ ] you, Mr. [ __ ] [laughter] Ah [screaming] the place we first met an alleyway with another What number are you again? Oh, that's King Fetta. Oh, okay. Let's do that
Speaker A
again. EVA, TAKE [screaming] THAT DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, LADY. OH. OH, we're sorry, Duncan. One more. [laughter] One last time.
Speaker A
One [screaming] more time for the road. I see how it is. Come. Let's [laughter] get married then. Rea, come on. Let's get married. All right. Let's get this freak show ended. And I'm not talking about same-sex marriage. I'm just
Speaker A
talking about this very specific freak show. Will you Duncan Mink takea to be your lawfully wed wife?
Speaker A
Yes. Yes, Mr. Slatt. I will take her as my wife. And will you, if [laughter] Take Duncan Mosing as your lawfully WEDED HUSBAND. [screaming] YES.
Speaker A
OKAY. Then I will pronounce you guys man and wife. [screaming] Oh, there you are, Princess Molly. Shapo, finally our moment in the sun. Yes.
Speaker A
[clears throat] Yes. Um, well, could you maybe get off of there? I'm insecure about my height. Uh anyway, and if you stand on top of this, then I get really insecure.
Speaker A
I'm not going to come down. Why won't you come up here with me? You're right, Princess Molly. Let's stand on top of this as we will stand on top of the cast structure of the north like we're the aristocracy and we will
Speaker A
look down upon the peasants. Don't look at Mr. Sled. THAT ISN'T VERY NICE. AH, SHE'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW, she's right. You know, we we people of Illinois, we know our place. Okay, Molly. Then I guess you're right. Okay,
Speaker A
Mr. Sled, take us away. All right, then. Do you? Princess Molly of the North, daughter of Lord Feta, who's probably getting his dick sucked behind this church. I mean, the guy has has some endurance. You have to compliment him for that.
Speaker A
Uh, I mean, I I don't know if I would be able to come when a guy's beard was sweet touching my ball sack, but I I guess impressive either way. Uh, will you take Princess Molly? Will you take Princess
Speaker A
Molly at Chapenol as your lawfully wedded husband? It would be the greatest achievement of my life to call this man my man.
Speaker A
And will you, Shapon, take Princess Molly as your lawfully wed wife? Of of course.
Speaker A
Of course. Of course. I will. Of course. Of course I will. Of course. Of course I [screaming] Mr. Multi.
Speaker A
I had the craziest dream right now. [snorts] Nah, this I think I'm going to stop streaming after this. This is This is by This is the best four and a half hours of streaming that has ever been done in the
Speaker A
history of Twitch TV. [laughter] A, [groaning] are you all right? I'm the best. I'm not all right. I am the best to have ever done it.
Speaker A
Uh, thank you for Thank you very much for everyone that uh was here for the entire four and a half hours.
Speaker A
I mean, I'm pretty sure [laughter] uh we aren't going to see something quite like that in quite a while, I think.
Speaker A
[laughter] Uh but who knows? Who knows? Try to guess code. No. And I don't want to escape. I want to be cured. Duncan wants to escape. Okay. And on that note, on that note, note I'm going home.
Speaker A
I'm going home. Bye bye.
Topics:ShappoQSMP 2roleplayvillagedramaKing FetaPrincess MollyMinecraftcomedystorytelling
