Speaker A
I have a toy poodle, which is a deeply emasculating dog. I wanted a dog that's a very pretty dog.
Jack Whitehall shares hilarious stories and moments on The Jonathan Ross Show, from his toy poodle to family antics and career highlights.
Ask about this video. Answers come from its transcript only — with the timestamp, so you can check them.
Generated from the transcript and can be wrong — check the timestamp.
Key Takeaways
- Jack Whitehall uses self-deprecating humor to connect with the audience.
- Family dynamics and personal anecdotes provide relatable and entertaining content.
- The video blends comedy with behind-the-scenes insights into Jack's life and career.
- Jack's storytelling highlights his quick wit and ability to find humor in everyday situations.
- The show’s format allows for natural, humorous exchanges between Jack and Jonathan Ross.
What the video covers
- Jack Whitehall humorously discusses his toy poodle and the quirks of having a 'rescue' dog that he actually bought online.
- He recounts a funny story about being waxed for a stunt double role and how his hairy body saved the double's job.
- Jack describes his living situation in a granny flat near his mother, who secretly cleans his place before the cleaner arrives.
- He shares a comical tale about his elderly father confronting troublesome youths, with an unexpected wardrobe malfunction.
- Jack reflects on his shift from a wild nightlife to a more domestic lifestyle involving herbal teas and quiet evenings.
- He jokes about awkward encounters, including a misunderstanding in Bolton and his take on twerking's history.
- Jack and Jonathan Ross exchange playful banter about Jack's appearance, fitness efforts, and TV presence.
- The video features Jack’s witty commentary on family, personal life, and his experiences with fame and public appearances.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
That's so embarrassing. And she wanted to call it Beyonce as well, which I had to shut down.
Speaker A
That does look like you're a very bad ventriloquist [laughter] dog. Looks like a pillowcase holder.
Speaker A
It's the most ridiculous dog as well. And she keeps referring to it as a rescue dog, which it's not. I paid a woman on the internet for it.
Speaker A
She's like, "No, but the dog rescued me." That's not what rescue dog means. She calls me its daddy as well, which I can't stand. You like it? I'm not its daddy. I'm its master. We will have standards. And she sees it as a
Speaker A
sort of surrogate for us having a kid one day. And she goes, "No, you should treat the dog just like you treat our actual child." So I'm straight on Google. Oh, are there boarding schools for dogs?
Speaker A
[applause and cheering] And there are kennels. Yeah. There you go. There's a scene in that first episode where I'm stripped down and thrown through a wall and I'm suspended through a wall with my out, um, during a fight sequence and I wrote that
Speaker A
and then I had to do it. [laughter] Although for the first time it wasn't my ass. They got a double, a body double.
Speaker A
This is so awful. Okay, they hired this guy. He arrived at set before me. They stripped him down. They looked at him.
Speaker A
He was covered in hair. So they then waxed him. Then I arrived. I got ready.
Speaker A
They saw that I am very, very hairy and without my knowledge they fired the guy.
Speaker A
I was like, "No, no, get him back. I will shave myself to make myself look like the double." Because otherwise that is the worst morning ever. You're hired and for an hour you're taken somewhere, shaved, and then fired.
Speaker A
That is a bad morning to work. [applause] And were you waxed or were you fake?
Speaker A
I was [ __ ] I don't [laughter] know why that is too much detail. I was shaved. Manscaped because waxing would be painful. Yes. And also it's deceptively—I mean, this is far too much detail.
Speaker A
Deceptively hairy though. I look like Rag and Bone Man. It's like a—you look like what's Mr. Tumnus from the waist down. [laughter] Tumnus from the waist down. It's like I'm wearing—yes—woolen shorts.
Speaker A
You said you're at home with your girlfriend. So you're not at home with your parents anymore. You moved out.
Speaker A
When did you leave home? Where did you move out from home? Um, I moved out about eight months ago and now I'm in a sort of little granny flat.
Speaker A
Little flat. Um, quite—so on the same plot of land. I'm quite near my mom. Yes.
Speaker A
So does she come around to see if she helps out at home? Does she? Yeah. Well, she doesn't tell me she's coming around. Like, I'll—you know, I'll go into my flat and open the fridge
Speaker A
and she would have filled it up. She does another thing like I have a lady to come around and help me clean because I'm not very good domestically and my mom will, um, not break in. She's not
Speaker A
that weird. She has a key. So, she'll open the door of my house and then she'll clean up my flat before the cleaner arrives so that it's clean before the cleaner gets there because she's embarrassed that the cleaner would come
Speaker A
and find unclean things. So, by the time the cleaner arrives, I just sit there and have a cup of tea and we're like, "Well, there's not much for you to do.
Speaker A
Let's watch Loose Women." Is the cleaner worried? Does she bear any resemblance to Linda Bellingham?
Speaker A
Does the hand creep over? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We make some dirt. Jack, what's the deal with—sorry, that was horrible. That was—it was unnecessary. Yeah, but at least she's equipped with the right stuff to make it clean afterwards, I imagine. But
Speaker A
I do, I'm quite domestic now. Like doing things that, you know, I never normally do. Like I had a friend over for tea. Um, because—yeah, I know. I do that now. Like, because I used to go out to clubs and you
Speaker A
know, drink WKD and then cop off with women by bins. And now I have friends over and we drink herbal teas and watch Eggheads. So I had a friend over and I gave my friend the tea and my
Speaker A
friend went to put the tea on the table. I put a coaster underneath. Wow.
Speaker A
And there was this one time where we had a couple of guys who were up to no good that started making trouble in the neighborhood.
Speaker A
Some kids. Some youths. And these youths were outside and they were loitering with intent. It was like 9:00 at night.
Speaker A
My dad was already in bed. Okay. They were loitering. Wow. He goes to bed very early and he wears earplugs as well because my mother snores.
Speaker A
Um, so anyway, so they're outside these youths and they're loitering and he and I—I wake up my father and I say there's some youths. They're loitering with intent. And he goes to the window and he spies them and he sees one of them
Speaker A
chuck a cigarette and it hits one of his hydrangeas. So that is like a red rag to a bull. Grabs his dressing gown, puts on the dressing gown, goes down, opens the door. He's like, "Go on, piss off. Get
Speaker A
off my lawn." And there's five guys there like scary youths, you know, like with the hoodies and then with like the little bikes. So they're comical and scary like stabby clowns [laughter] face up. Like this guy stands up to him
Speaker A
and he's like, "Shut up, down to Nabi." My dad and I'm like, they're going to kill him.
Speaker A
They are going to kill him. This is going to be the end of my dad's life.
Speaker A
And then mother nature intervenes. Amazing. Big gust of wind like billows up through my dad's dressing gown. And because he'd come down so quickly, he hadn't had time to fasten it properly.
Speaker A
So it shot open like that to expose his naked 74-year-old body, his Manscaped just glistening in the moonlight. And he tried to shut it, but because it was one of those loose sort of silk numbers, it
Speaker A
looked like he was just billowing it more to draw it. I've never seen a run so fast.
Speaker A
So that's the best defense right there. He just—it's such a good defense. If ever there's any trouble from miscreant youths, get my dad. Like there's riots last year. The police should have had him up on one of the
Speaker A
cars just there going like that. [laughter] I was in Bolton. I remember the Bolton Octagon Theatre and someone threw a sex door on stage. That was also the gig where I was in Bolton and I got
Speaker A
there early and I was trying to find some lunch in the town centre and I went up to a man and I said, "Where's Pres?" And he went, "I don't speak French." Well, he has a point. He has a point.
Speaker A
When twerking first came out and it was getting annoying. There was twerk. First off, twerk has been out for thousands of years. [laughter] My ancestors been twerking, baby, around a fire. They were just around a fire just twerking.
Speaker A
How did you like that? [applause] Jack's got the best seat in the house right now. [laughter] Criy Canky is right.
Speaker A
Jack, have you—you—there's not—you’re not someone I imagine. You don't seem to have like any sort of ability when it comes to movement and I wonder who's quite—you’re quite uptight. You know what I'm—You can twerk.
Speaker A
Can you twerk? Sort of. [cheering] You look like a horse. [laughter] Just like a horse.
Speaker A
It's like the strangest episode of Mr. B you ever made. [laughter] How you doing? You looking very well.
Speaker A
Yeah, good. I like the new venue. You like this venue? You look better from this angle.
Speaker A
Really? Yeah. The ball bits over there. Okay. Okay. Well, if we're going to start, unlock the last time I came on, you just hammered me for like 10 minutes about how fat I was.
Speaker A
No, no. And since I went on the show last time, I got a personal trainer.
Speaker A
Well, no, it didn't work out. Well, no, it did. You're lean as a weapon, but you're one of those people.
Speaker A
You've got a skinny body, but you'll always have like a fat face. I don't know what it is, but I don't know. I don't mean—no, but in real life, you look much better on TV at
Speaker A
home. People are thinking, "Wow, someone's put a space hopper's head on a normal body." But there's something [laughter] about your—is it a baby face?
Speaker A
Is it puppy f—
Speaker A
I know. I'm envious. Let's just have a nice show where we're very polite and lovely to each other.
Speaker A
Well, we always are. You're fat. I can't really. Two seconds. Let's No, let's start again. Let's have a nice show where we're nice to each other and we're and we're friendly.
Speaker A
Yeah. Two. Three. You fine? [laughter] Okay. Yeah. Okay. I made one from uh he's from you know Essex boys and all the other best men were Essex boys as well.
Speaker A
Okay. And so did you fit in right there? Because you aren't one considers a kind of an Essex. You're not like Ooi, are you? You know, you're not that kind of oi Larry.
Speaker A
I'm not a chimney sweep. No. Uh no, but I No, I did I slightly stuck out. I I I brought a photo along.
Speaker A
I didn't quite fit in with the um This is you at your friend's wedding.
Speaker A
There we are in the suits looking pretty sharp. Yeah, you look [cheering] that way.
Speaker A
But then I noticed there was one thing that I I hadn't quite I didn't get the memo about which was the tans.
Speaker A
Oh yeah, they are all looking like they've been away. And you look that you look Oh, I mean I LITERALLY [applause] I look like I'm being photoshopped in.
Speaker A
Yeah. Well, [laughter] you know, your head looks like it's been photoshopped onto another body. Your head is w my head so big.
Speaker A
I Well, I think you should ask your parents, not me. I don't know. You've upset royalty, I believe, at some Were you doing a pride?
Speaker A
Oh, no. That was awful. Not awful. Not awful. Obviously, it was an honor to be asked to do [laughter] the Christmas party of Prince Charles. I did Prince Charles's Christmas party.
Speaker A
Now, this is a weird thing. So, it's so weird. Kensington Palace, his staff, and he throws them a Christmas party each year and he books entertainment each year for his staff and I was the entertainment that year.
Speaker A
It's the weirdest gig ever. I walk out, first thing that's weird, they're sat in the front row, Charles and Camila in Thrones. Wow.
Speaker A
which is like I mean we get it you're royalty but do you need to be in like it would be weirder if I'd gone out and they'd been like spooning on a bean bag [laughter] somewhere in between and also don't sit
Speaker A
in the front row cuz that is your get out of jail free [laughter] card as a comic you pick on the front row if you want to exactly you go you you know ask them what they do for a living I can't ask
Speaker A
Prince Charles what he does for a living he is the most famous unemployed man on the planet and then the worst bit was as I walked off cuz no one was applauding [laughter] is so it's the worst review I've ever
Speaker A
got. I heard Charles turned to Camila as I was leaving the stage and he went, "I think next year we'll try a magician.
Speaker A
[laughter] Oh [applause] dear." Well, you tried though once again. You tried. You tried. You're a try. That's not what you say about you.
Speaker A
There goes the nighthood. Okay. Um, but haven't you got form with the royal family though? Because haven't you also upset Prince Harry?
Speaker A
No. No, I don't think I upset him. I was being really nice. Okay. I was at the Royal Variety Show.
Speaker A
It looks like he's calling security right there. No, I said to him I was being I said how brave it was for him to go to Afghanistan.
Speaker A
Well, that's Yeah, that's quite a nice thing. I suppose a ginger in that heat.
Speaker A
That's not offensive. That's a genuine, is it? Yeah, a little bit. I thought I was being really nice.
Speaker A
I didn't get an invite to the wedding. It was gutting. on next week's show. Can we start with a magician? Maybe.
Speaker A
No, I tried my best, but that joke admittedly on the night did go down like a dead corgi.
Speaker A
Well, speaking of [laughter] Sorry. Sorry. Come here. Yeah. I'm so sorry. Oh, no. No. I'm so sorry.
Speaker A
That was awful. I'm so sorry. What have you done now? I didn't mean to.
Speaker A
And the size of those ears. There's no way he didn't hear that. [laughter] It's the Prince Charles of dogs.
Speaker A
Yeah. [applause] No, I've got This is a mistake. I've got one of your question cards.
Speaker A
Do you have a doctor? Thank you. I will use it. [applause] I don't see what's I don't [applause] see what's funny about that because that's a good question.
Speaker A
It's a good [laughter] question. That's a relatable question. If [laughter] anything, the text is even bigger on the actual cards that you have to read from.
Speaker A
Jack very unkindly I bumped into the phone is unbelievable. I got a text. He went, "What's that?" And I went, "It's a text." He went, "Why are the letters so big?" I was talking to some girls in a in a in
Speaker A
a pub quite recently, you know, sort of throwing out some anecdotes, trying to be entertaining. It was going quite well. They were quite impressed. This guy came up to me. He tapped me on the shoulder and he was like, "You know who
Speaker A
you look like?" I was like, "Oh, awkward ladies. Embarrassing. Mugggin has been recognized from the telly. [laughter] Sorry, sir. Fire away." He's like, "You look like a fat Jack Whiteall." That is not the one to go in.
Speaker A
That's not good. That's not good. That That's not That's not even the wor the worst one I've ever had. Okay. I I had a rash um in a slightly ominous position quite high up the leg.
Speaker A
I like this story already. Okay. And it was a scary position to have a rash. So I thought I'd go and get it checked out. Not at my local GP because he might report back to mother.
Speaker A
I went to a random sort of clinic as it were. I went into this clinic. The man took down my trousers, took hold of me.
Speaker A
Yes. [laughter] Literally as he took hold of me went, "I've just realized who you are." WHICH IS NEVER THE TIME TO SAY THAT.
Speaker A
OH, I KNOW THESE ANYWAY. And he went, "My daughter's a big fan of yours.
Speaker A
You're that George Lamb, aren't you? AND I WAS ABOUT TO CORRECT HIM AND THEN I thought, if this is something dodgy, I want his daughter thinking George Lamb had it. So, I just went with it. So, someone out there thinks George Lamb out
Speaker A
there thinks George Lamb has a rash. [laughter] I didn't realize this until someone spoke to me before I came on the show that at the beginning of this bit, you actually had the Corona virus.
Speaker A
Oh, yeah. You had it. I had it really early doors. Yeah. And you didn't sort of like make a big deal about it. I didn't know actually.
Speaker A
No, I was I had it like just before Tom Hanks, like pre-T Tom Hanks, preddrisis Ela. But that was the problem is that I had it and then suddenly Tom Hanks came out and went, I've got Corona virus. I
Speaker A
was like, I guess I'm staying quiet then. Yeah. I needed like a Dean Gaffne or a Jamie Rednap.
Speaker A
Yeah. To have Corona virus. And then I would have been safe coming out and saying, "Oh, I've got Coronairus." Like, "Oh my god, Jack's got it. It's real now." But when Tom Hanks has come out first, you're not even going to make page 10.
Speaker A
Before lockdown, I know you managed to do another series of travels with my father, didn't you?
Speaker A
Yes. You've become quite a double act, haven't you? I mean, it's a really I I find it hugely entertaining to watch, but it must be fun to be able to do it with someone, you know, who who you've
Speaker A
loved since you were a baby. I mean, it must be a nice thing to take him away with you somewhere.
Speaker A
Yeah. No, I think it is nice. Um, and yeah, it is a kind of double act, I guess. I'm probably now the straight man in that double act slash carer. Um, as I How old is your dad? How old is he?
Speaker A
He's 80. He's 80 years old. Yeah. And it's so funny as well because when we first started doing it, he hated it. And that's kind of why the show works. But um it was very hard to get him to agree
Speaker A
to do anything. I remember like the first series there was a scene where I needed him to take his jacket off cuz we were going in a kayak. And he was like, "I will not be seen on camera in shirt
Speaker A
sleeves." We were like, [laughter] "No, you're going to look ridiculous. You got to put a life jacket on over. You can't be in a full suit." And it took a whole day. Like the producers had to talk to
Speaker A
him. We had to FaceTime my mom in England. She had to say, "It's fine. You can take your jacket off." That's season one. Series four. I had him in drag in a gay club in Sydney dressed as the queen
Speaker A
um in his drag uh persona which was Rachel Prejudice. But you call her Kate. So you did know her at school then. But she was older than you.
Speaker A
She was a lot older than me. She was a lot older than me. But so you just admired her from afar.
Speaker A
She was in sick form. It was never going to happen. But were you I was in a head brace. It was Were you popular with the girls at school? Were you Did you have a string of um young friends?
Speaker A
[snorts] I didn't mean it that way. What I mean is were you pop? Because often you mean because you're not a badl looking guy now, okay? And you make the most of what you got. But I wonder a lot of the time comedians, you know,
Speaker A
they you know, they have to use their sense of humor to get friends. And I wondered if you were one of them. Yeah.
Speaker A
I mean, I was I was, you know, always trying to be the clown because I thought that that would endear me to to people and it was my way of sort of making friends. But no, I wasn't. I wasn't I
Speaker A
moved around quite a lot of schools as well. My dad sent me off to boarding school.
Speaker A
Oh, that's a Well, now you see some people love that though. Some some guys I know who've been to boarding school, they turn and you think, you know, from some of my background, I think that seems like a very cruel thing
Speaker A
to do to a child who's six or seven or eight. But a lot of the guys I know who went to board school, they wound up loving it. So, did you enjoy the experience? Not when I was eight. No,
Speaker A
eight. I wanted to be at home with my mommy. But eventually it became fun, you know.
Speaker A
But I don't know. No, I wish they had kept get me at home for a little bit longer because you have brother.
Speaker A
Why didn't you send me away? Daddy, I witnessed once a posh fight which is the funniest thing you have ever if you ever see a posh fight, it's the best thing ever. It was in this quite rough pub near where I grew up in Chelsea
Speaker A
called the Goose and Labrador. It's very rough. Um, and there was this fight between these two guys and they were like, it was like two rutting stags in red trousers and I walked past and the best thing I've ever heard shouted
Speaker A
out during a pub fight cuz one of his mates in the poshest voice you ever HEARD WENT, "GO ON, MONTY. HE'S DISHONORED YOU." WELL, vengeance must be had. Exactly.
Speaker A
Yeah. Yeah. Honor must be upheld. Have you ever been in a fight? obviously is not something we encourage and I'm not asking you I'm not asking yourself but would you I'm not really I'm a lover not so much a
Speaker A
fighter a lover yeah I had one the closest I ever had to a fight is when there was a student in Manchester um and I was in a bar and I made the fatal error of ordering a vice
Speaker A
lovely drink um I ordered it guy came up to me shoved me in the back and went you [ __ ] and I called his bluff I kissed him on the lips he broke my nose wow That's rubbed him and properly gave him
Speaker A
the kiss. That's an abusive relationship and you need to get out of that relationship.
Speaker A
Okay. Jack does a lot of stuff with his dad. You did a talk show with him. You've done travel shows with him. And you're doing more travel shows with him, I believe.
Speaker A
Yes. I've just been traveling around America with him. Um I've previously gone to Southeast Asia with him. Um and I went to Eastern Europe with him. And in America, I was like, "Oh, it's going to be better because there'll be no um
Speaker A
language barrier. That'll make it easier to travel." And then I've realized that with someone like my dad, he's actually better behind a language barrier cuz when [laughter] people can understand what he says, that is way more stressful. You want to take him to
Speaker A
places where they have no English whatsoever. And it's so much easier in America. He's so rude to everyone.
Speaker A
But he looks quite friendly. He looks like a sweet old turtle or something. No, he doesn't.
Speaker A
He can't smile. When even when he smiles, it looks like he's farted and followed through.
Speaker A
He doesn't like smiling and friendliness. He's a grumpy guy. There's nothing wrong with that. I took him to a shop in America. We went in there and there was a man who was just being nice.
Speaker A
Cuz when you go into shops in America, people are nice. He came up to me. He was like, "Hey buddy, how's your day going?" And my dad went, "I'm here to buy a shirt, not make a friend." [laughter]
Speaker A
But he obviously, you know what I find sweet about this because obviously he knows what he's getting himself into and he said he must really love having the chance to spend this much time with you.
Speaker A
Yeah, he he loves it. Also, he, you know, we we spend all that time together and he was very reluctant like he never wanted to do it and he never wanted to really be on TV or be in the public eye
Speaker A
at all. I I feel so happy when I see people go up and appreciate him and and and and they and they really do. And he's the star of it. I'm just the straight man. Actually, I'm not even
Speaker A
just the straight man. I overheard in a in a hotel in in America, someone had walked past my dad and said, "Oh, that's the guy from the show." and his friend, another American friend, had no idea what our show was. So, he was trying to
Speaker A
explain our show to his American friend. It's about this uh esteemed English actor from the 1950s who travels around the world with his doofus son.
Speaker A
[laughter] Great. That's what I You know, I suspect you wouldn't have it any other way really. You get quite I hadn't realized that you had an artistic side. I saw you on would I lie to you and they revealed this artistic side and
Speaker A
I want to share this as well because there's an extraordinary story. This is a painting Jack did when he was young and this is a good painting. It's a painting of a cat. Have a look at this.
Speaker A
That's a that's a good piece of art. Even that has a big head. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker A
But that was a portrait of of whose cat was that? I did portraits when I was younger and of people mainly. But I was commissioned to paint [laughter] I was commissioned to paint a portrait of Jars Brand's wife's [ __ ]
Speaker A
Wow. And this is the painting that I produced for the Brands. And [laughter] how old were you then? 20 21. How old were you?
Speaker A
Not 21. I was Well, I maybe like 16, 17. Okay. Well, that's still weird.
Speaker A
Don't do it now. Oh, no. I was going to ask you if you do one of my cats.
Speaker A
I'm not doing one of your cats. I stopped doing the portraits. Something to fall back on.
Speaker A
It's something to fall back on. I can bring people's cats. [laughter] It's a part of my life that I don't really I'm sorry.
Speaker A
But I was very artistically inclined when I was a younger man. I posed for a picture once as well.
Speaker A
Oh wow. I Yeah. When I was at school, my friend um we both did art and he really wanted to do a drawing of his girlfriend naked like in, you know, Titanic. Um, but he figured he would only be allowed to do a
Speaker A
drawing of his girlfriend naked if he also did a drawing of a bloke naked as well. So, it looked like a legitimate art project. I see. [laughter] But he was using you to get access.
Speaker A
He was using me to see her naked. It sounds creepier. Now, he asked me to wrote for him and stupidly I was like, "Okay uh yes." Okay.
Speaker A
Cuz he was my mate. And so we went to the art block on a Saturday afternoon and [laughter] honey, where is this going? Where were you going in this story? WHAT HAPPENED?
Speaker A
I I stripped off and got on the table and he and he drew me. [laughter] And then the teacher came and he hadn't got permission from the head of art. So the teacher walked in and found us there, him sketching me and me like,
Speaker A
"What the hell IS GOING ON?" WOW. and he explained and the guy was like, "There's absolutely no way you're drawing the girl." I was like, "No, he has TO DRAW THE GIRL OTHERWISE HE'S JUST DRAWN ME. [laughter] He never drew the girl." So there was
Speaker A
just his drawing of me, which we have. We found the drawing. My mother has it.
Speaker A
We got it from your mom because we asked for the cat OF JOHN. SHUT UP. NO. AND SHE SAID AND SHE SAID, "NO, SHE DIDN'T.
Speaker A
YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE AS WELL." YES. I HAVEN'T SEEN IT. I haven't seen it for well 10 years. Well, you're in for a treat. Would you like TO SEE LADIES AND NO [cheering] [applause] [cheering] I forgot that I can if [laughter] the
Speaker A
fact that I'm turned away cuz I can't even look at him because of the shade.
Speaker A
At least my head's in proportion. Yeah. Well, it's further away than the rest of your body.
Speaker A
Maybe that's why he made you sit that way so he could get it all on the piece of paper. [laughter] Maybe that's why I can't even everywhere.
Speaker A
Well, you're bearing in mind what you've been through, you're fairly stable. You've come out of all these experiences quite well. I was in the hotel bar. I was having a drink and I was talking to this guy like big stocky athletic chap
Speaker A
and I asked him what his line of business was and he was like, "I I play basketball." And I was like, "Oh, which uh which team are you with?" And he went, "Uh, the US men's basketball team." and he was with the US men's
Speaker A
basketball team. They were all staying in the same hotel. They were there. They were drinking in the bar. And then this guy came over who I recognized to be LeBron James, who's like the highest paid sportsman in the world, the coolest
Speaker A
guy I've ever seen. He walks over and I'm talking to his mate. He's like, "Hey, I'm LJ." I was like, "JW, nice dude." And he goes, "We were in Manchester for a couple of days. Uh, we were wondering if you know anywhere to
Speaker A
go out." I was like, "Oh my god, I was a student here." Yes, I do know places to go out. Uh there's a really good bar that does two Jagger bombs for a Fiverr.
Speaker A
And I was like, I can definitely get a sing cuz I know the Dorman. And we went.
Speaker A
It was me, all of the US men's basketball team and me. We we walked off down the street. People were stopping their cars, screeching to a halt to come up and have photographs with them. We got to the to the bar. They all went in
Speaker A
and just as they were the filtering into the bar, the dormant pulled the rope over in front of me. I was like, "No, no, you can't do this. you've literally stopped what could potentially be the best night of my entire life by not
Speaker A
letting me in. You can't do this to me, mate. And he was like, "I'm really sorry." And then I heard this voice. It was LeBron James. He turned around from the front. HE WENT, "HEY, HEY, THE WHITE GUY'S WITH US."
Speaker A
I had a situation recently though with a show where I mean, we talk about something getting thrown on stage and this genuinely happened at a show. Um, a couple got thrown out for having sex.
Speaker A
Wow. I was playing the London Paladium, which is not where you expect that to happen.
Speaker A
The London Palladium, the home of cats and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Iggies per [laughter] Oh my god, it wasn't you.
Speaker A
They were chucked out for you during the show. So, and this is the show you did with your father?
Speaker A
Yes. And who gets turned on by that? I mean, that's the worst heckle I've ever got.
Speaker A
Yeah. Uh, you've been making movies as well. Of course, there's the big one coming out next year, which is Jungle Cruise.
Speaker A
You're in that with Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, ladies and gentlemen. Emily Blunt, that's going to be a big one. And what's the other one? The one about a dog, Clifford, the dog. You know, the big red dog.
Speaker A
And I imagine you play a kind of posh British guy. No, I play American.
Speaker A
You're playing American? Yeah, I'm playing American. I didn't know you were doing the American accent.
Speaker A
Yeah, doing an American accent. Any good? Uh, we'll see. [laughter] I think now will be the perfect opportunity. Jonathan, WATCH ME. [cheering] WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?
Speaker A
Imagine you're cross with the dog. Yeah. What do you say to the dog as an angry American?
Speaker A
Okay. [laughter] Hey, Clifford, put down that slipper and get outside right now. No, no. In the American accent.
Speaker A
[applause] That wasn't bad, actually. That was It surprised me how good it came out.
Speaker A
That was pretty good. That was pretty I've just been trying my um uh Jordi accent on our friend Sam Fender who will be performing later and it went better than that.
Speaker A
Let's let's hear a bit of a Jordy accent. Okay. Why have I said that accent?
Speaker A
How we anagor? I'm so sorry. I was [ __ ] awful. I don't know what he said.
Speaker A
No, he's he puts that on as well. It's actually from Putney. [laughter] Let's bring out Sasha. This is Sasha the fruit. The famous [applause] fruit.
Speaker A
Tell me how you Sasha. You know she Sasha she going to post this on her Instagram cuz she's a cocky little Okay. She's getting a bit big for her boobs.
Speaker A
Yeah. Pang it's hard. It's not something you can just pick out cuz we had some Which end do you use? [laughter] That's what she said.
Speaker A
I heard about your hairy bits. Very hairy. Very hairy. Not anymore. Wait. So you you you have a flute. Let me see. Wait. Or y'all going y'all should both play.
Speaker A
Also, I've got this for Jack. I think this might be more your speed. [laughter] I think this might be more.
Speaker A
This is what I played in fourth grade. Can you play that? I used to play the recorder. I was a recultist.
Speaker A
Okay, guys. [laughter] All right. Flutes up. Everybody flutes up. And then you know what? [laughter] If you hold nothing, you're still playing C#.
Speaker A
[screaming] [laughter] That's awful. The dome just came. Dylan the villain, y'all. Okay. Oh, [snorts] that's terrible.
Speaker A
How do you be gentle? You got to put your lips together and blow. You got it.
Speaker A
Okay, you guys. All right, y'all ready to play? All right, you ready? My This is broken.
Speaker A
That's what they all say. How do you blow? You blow over the top of it. You just come touch us.
Speaker A
I played that bit. You got that? Hey, but so you I can't even get a noise out.
Speaker A
REALLY? [applause] I mean, wait. No, don't do that. I need to clean it out of all the spit.
Speaker A
Okay. Would you play us a little something? Where could you play us? A little demon.
Speaker A
[music] Wow. Beautiful. [cheering] Beautiful. That's beautiful. That's amazing. [applause] I'M NOT READY. I'm kind of nervous. I'll be a little [applause] That's it. [cheering] Let's make passible music fun again.
Speaker A
Jack and your answer to that. Let's see a bit of Jack action with that recorder.
Speaker A
Come on. Stand up. Let's We know you got it in you. Come on. Wow.
Speaker A
[applause] You pulled something as well. You managed to pull something. allow her. Wow. Cheers.
Speaker A
Cheers. Wow. [laughter] Let me Do you want to put Sasha back on her stand?
Speaker A
Okay. Uh, so you're in London. You've come over to do the show. Yes. Just one day. I'm here one day for you.
Speaker A
So, just one day. Are you going Do you go out tonight? Do you do you paint the town red when you come to a new city?
Speaker A
Yeah. London. I always just turn into like a party mode when I come here. I'm always single when I'm in London.
Speaker A
Wow. I always become single when I'M [laughter] SO, YOU'RE not single right now elsewhere.
Speaker A
I mean, only in London. Maybe it's the accent. Yeah. I'd be like, I forget my marital status. [laughter] Ring off talking to you.
Speaker A
Harry, Harry, Gary.
Topics:Jack WhitehallJonathan Ross Showcomedyfunny momentscelebrity interviewBritish humorfamily storiesstand-up comedycelebrity anecdotesTV interview
