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I want to ask you a question: if we're sitting here right now and a gorgeous girl walked by, what would you do about it? If you're most guys, the actual answer is nothing.
Learn simple, gradual steps to confidently approach girls, designed for introverts and beginners to overcome fear and build social skills.
Key Takeaways
- Approaching girls is primarily about overcoming your own fear and mastering yourself.
- Start with very simple actions and gradually increase difficulty to build confidence.
- You do not need to worry about the girl's reaction at first; focus on your own progress.
- Compliments and introductions add layers of intimacy and increase chances of conversation.
- Patience and self-kindness are essential; everyone starts as a beginner.
Summary
- The video addresses the common fear and hesitation men face when approaching women.
- It emphasizes that the process is about overcoming your own fears, not about the girl's reaction initially.
- The approach is gradual desensitization, starting with very easy steps and slowly increasing difficulty.
- Step one is simply leaving the house and putting yourself in situations where women are present.
- Step two involves physically walking over and saying anything to a woman, with freedom to leave immediately after.
- Step three adds giving a compliment after the initial approach to increase chances of conversation.
- Step four introduces the act of introducing yourself to create a sense of intimacy and future interaction.
- The video stresses patience, self-compassion, and not attaching self-worth to the outcome of approaches.
- It encourages practicing each step until it feels easy before moving to the next.
- The overall goal is mastering your own emotions and fear through consistent, manageable actions.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
They would do nothing and then they'd sit there stewing about it and hating themselves for the rest of the day.
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Because I know this is a problem for probably most of you watching this video, I'm going to give you the simplest, most practical solution to get through this instantly, right here, right now.
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I literally cannot make it any simpler.
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Stay tuned and get this handled right now.
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Before I get into step one, a couple things you need to understand about this process.
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Number one, understand that this is not about you and the girl just yet, this is about you and yourself.
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It's about you versus you, you are your own biggest obstacle, so what we're trying to do here is get you over your fear, get you doing the right things.
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Therefore, what comes back your direction from her doesn't matter yet.
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It will eventually, but not yet.
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Right now, your main goal is to master yourself, master your own emotions, master your fear and take action in spite of it.
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Second thing is, what we're going to do is we're going to gradually desensitize you.
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We're going to do something that's very easy for you, then something that's a little harder, a little harder, a little harder.
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And the idea is that each step along the way, the difference is so small, it doesn't seem like a big deal.
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For this reason, it's okay if it starts out too easy.
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It's better to start out too easy and let the process be gradual, than it is to dive right in, make it scary and then quit on yourself.
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Okay, so be patient with yourself and understand this is your journey with yourself and against yourself.
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It's not about anybody but you.
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And if you do the right thing, be proud of yourself, regardless of the results.
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Also, it's okay to be a beginner.
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We were all beginners once and we all got through that, you need to just be where you are and do what's right for you.
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Don't compare yourself to anyone other than yourself.
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Step one, leave the house.
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Now that seems really obvious, really basic, really intuitive, but the fact of the matter is, most guys don't even do that.
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They sit around in their living rooms thinking about doing this and then they don't even get to the step one of meeting the girl, seeing the girl, having the opportunity to approach.
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The more times you put yourself in the situation, the better off you're going to do.
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And even more so, the more you put yourself in the situation with the proper intention, the better off you're going to do.
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So step one, get out of your house, go somewhere where there are actual women.
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Step two, possibly the most underappreciated step in the entire process.
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Physically walk over, say literally anything, and then you're free to go the moment after if you like.
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That's the basic idea.
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I'm going to give you some tips to make it a little bit easier, a little bit more concrete.
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But that's the basic idea and what we're trying to do here is just get an approach in.
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It does not have to go well, you do not have to have an ego about it.
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You do not have to attach your self-worth to it.
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Please do not do that.
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You're just understanding that approaching is primarily a physical act.
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It's the act of putting one foot in front of another and then saying something that gets somebody's attention.
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If you do that, you have approached.
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Get over that threshold, get okay with doing that in public, get okay with the idea of interrupting someone's conversation or life for a fraction of a second.
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It is completely okay and it will be okay.
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And you know what, if it's not okay, your next step is leave anyway if you feel like it.
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So you can walk away, no harm, no foul, nobody damaged whatsoever.
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Now the easiest way to do this is usually with a question.
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Because a lot of people, they want to have like a premise or a reason for the conversation.
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That's something that holds a lot of people back.
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So there's some simple questions that work pretty well.
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Um, one that's not actually good game but good for this part of the drill is just ask for directions.
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Hey, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?
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Fine, she answers, you can leave.
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Right, even if she doesn't answer, you could technically still leave.
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You still done your mission, although it's very rare that someone's not going to give you at least some answer to a question.
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Other good questions, hey, I love that shirt, where'd you get it?
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Something like that.
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Hey, do you know a good bar around here?
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Um, if you want, you can ask an opinion about something that's current in the news.
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Anything like that is completely fine.
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And you know what, a conversation might just accidentally blossom out of that.
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And if it does, great, but that's not the point.
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The point is just to have done it.
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And again, you have the freedom to walk away at any moment.
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If it's a bad reaction, you can leave.
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If you say the thing and then you don't know what to say next and it's awkward, you can leave.
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If they give you a good reaction and you just don't feel like being there, you can still leave.
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All you're trying to do right now is just get over that first step.
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We're going to go one step at a time.
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It's like learning to walk, right, first you learn to like get up on your hands and knees, then you learn to crawl, then you learn to take a step or stand up, take a step, et cetera.
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One step at a time, if you do each step, you're going to get there.
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For step three, what we're going to do is basically add on to step two.
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So before we went over and said basically anything and then we were free to go.
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Now we're going to say basically anything and then we're going to add a compliment and then we are free to go.
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You can also do this by just skipping the first part and doing just the compliment.
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You're free to go.
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The point is that now you're not just saying something, you're saying something nice and something that might lead a little more likely to a conversation.
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Something that shows a chance that it might be man to woman.
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Now it's not completely committing, right, you're not saying, hey, you're sexy.
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I want to have sleep with you or something like that.
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You're just saying, hey, nice dress, where'd you get it?
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Or, um, hey, I love your look.
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Something like that, just some positive comments.
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And again, you're free to go afterwards.
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Or if you like, ask the question and then, so, hey, do you know any good bars around here?
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Oh, you know, that's actually a really good one, I can't believe I didn't think about it.
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You have very good taste.
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There you did.
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You said something nice.
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Now you're good to go.
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If the conversation blossoms, great.
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If it doesn't, you're still free to go.
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Take the pressure off, you're just doing the next step.
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Remember, the key is desensitization, it's not about what she gives you.
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It's about what you do for yourself.
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Over time, each step of this exercise gets easier.
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And what you actually should do is do each step until it seems easy, then move on to the next one.
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And then do that till it seems easy, move on to the next one.
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It's a very easy progression.
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Step four.
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As with previous steps, what we're going to do is we are going to layer one more thing on top of what we've already done.
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In this case, what we are layering on is introducing ourselves.
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Because once two people introduce themselves, there's a level of intimacy that didn't exist before.
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Before that, it's just two random strangers talking about random things.
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Now there's the idea of a future, right?
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Why would you introduce yourself unless you're going to see the person again?
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It only makes sense.
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So this is a big step in terms of the intimacy.
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So there are a few different ways you can do this, one is you can layer everything together.
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You can do, ask the question, give the compliment and then introduce yourself.
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Or if you like, you can just give the compliment and introduce yourself.
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If you want, you can even ask the question and introduce yourself.
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You could technically just walk up and introduce yourself, but that tends to be a really bad approach and I don't recommend it.
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Okay, but all you have to do is let add in one more thing, which is that introduction.
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And now you basically have done what most people would consider to be a full cold approach.
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You've addressed them, you have, um, given a compliment.
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You've shown premise in some way.
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And you've introduced yourself.
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That's where most people stop it in terms of what you've now done a cold approach.
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I'm going to take it one step further because I want you to actually do a good cold approach in step five.
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So why do we need a step five?
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Well, after introducing yourself, you've done what you need to to present yourself to the girl.
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And hopefully she's given you a positive reaction.
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If she hasn't, don't worry about it for now because you're just doing the exercise.
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But in the scope of real game and really trying to get results in the real world, you would like to get some kind of a reaction, have her carry the conversation.
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However, a lot of times she won't.
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In fact, maybe more often than not she won't.
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And so you're going to need one more step.
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Which is introduce a further conversational topic.
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I mean, put yourself in the girl's shoes.
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Charming guy has just come up and very pleasantly, confidently introduced himself, given her a compliment.
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She's feeling great about it.
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But she doesn't know what to do next.
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She's maybe surprised to have been approached.
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She doesn't have a plan.
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And so if you keep talking, it allows her to naturally kind of get into the conversation and start participating instead of having that awkward silence.
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So the next step is introduce one new topic to the conversation.
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Now, in a perfect world, the new topic wouldn't even be completely new.
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It would be actually, you've indicated you like the girl or you're interested, you've indicated who you are.
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And then the next step would be trying to find out if you and she like each other.
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That's bonus, that's as you get more and more advanced.
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For now, just understand that you need to have one more topic, you need to carry the conversation on your shoulders for another 10 to 30 seconds.
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So that she can kind of get used to the fact she's in a conversation and begin to participate herself.
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And again, as with all the steps, if at this point it kind of dies out or it's not going well, you are still free to leave.
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But at this point, you've done a legitimate, true attempt at creating a connection with a stranger.
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Congratulate yourself, be happy, you're now doing actual cold approach.
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So I hope you enjoyed that, there's a couple final points I want to give you.
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So you get the absolute most out of this video.
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The first is, understand this is an action-based video.
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This isn't the type of video I want you to watch it and then be like, oh, I learned some theory.
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I'm going to sit around in my room.
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Remember step one, get out of your house.
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All right?
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Get out there and actually apply this.
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Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to learn, allow yourself that progression.
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But do something.
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As long as you're doing something, you're winning.
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If you're sitting around doing nothing, you are not winning, you are not progressing.
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You are wasting your time, you're not getting any better.
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So that's the first thing.
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Second thing is, understand that what we've done here is we've layered on steps to get you to basically doing an approach.
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This progression can be taken further with the rest of my videos by layering on skills, so instead of layering on new steps, you're going to layer on a technique, a push-pull, um, some kind of a qualifier.
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All these different other techniques can be layered on as well.
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And it's the same idea, take that core of what you're already doing, layer on one new thing, get used to it, layer on another new thing.
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And the same progression that you're starting from the beginning as a beginner can be taken and used throughout your entire progression in game.
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All the way to an advanced level if you're smart about it.
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So take this, do it, and then use that foundation to use all the other videos and all the other resources that I've given you on this channel and elsewhere.
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All right, hope you enjoyed it.
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See you next time, take care.
Topics:approaching girlsdating tipsintrovertssocial anxietyconfidence buildingovercoming fearbeginner dating advicesocial skillsdesensitizationTodd V Dating
