Speaker A
disappears. Every now and then a crazy ass white boy slip through the cracks. If you know anything about Trick Trick, you know I'm a expert at working with crazy ass white boys. So, join me as I welcome to the stage my friend Mike Young.
Mike Young delivers a hilarious stand-up special about family, relationships, divorce, and real life with sharp Detroit humor.
Key Takeaways
- Personality is more valuable than material wealth in dating and relationships.
- Being comfortable alone is important before entering new relationships.
- Divorce can leave people emotionally and physically depleted, requiring time to recover.
- Shared life experiences and hardships can strengthen romantic compatibility.
- Humor can be a powerful tool to navigate and reflect on difficult life situations.
Summary
- Mike Young opens with jokes about his experiences in Detroit and his unique friendships.
- He humorously discusses the challenges of dating, competition in the single life, and the importance of personality over materialism.
- Mike shares insights on being single, enjoying alone time, and the pitfalls of rushing into relationships post-divorce.
- He jokes about the struggles of divorced men, their behaviors, and coping mechanisms.
- Mike critiques the dating scene, including humorous observations about women’s perfume and what it reveals about their breakup status.
- He emphasizes the importance of dating someone with shared life experiences and tragedies for compatibility.
- The comedian touches on cultural and family backgrounds, including his Jewish identity and past relationships.
- Mike jokes about immigration and dating, highlighting humorous cultural contrasts.
- Throughout, he uses self-deprecating humor and relatable anecdotes to connect with the audience.
- The special blends real-life struggles with comedy, offering both laughs and reflections on life’s complexities.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
Thank you very much. Appreciate it. How strong is this jacket? That's all that matters. I can moonwalk out of here right now and it's over. Everyone's fine. Never rocked anything like this in my life. Anyway, it's great to be back in Detroit. It's great to be back here.
Speaker A
Saw some old friends. I got friends that are still gangsters. It's okay. Everybody's got one gangster friend. You're never shocked at who he is, right? As a kid, he was that guy that would take a regular prank way too far. Remember him? 10 steps too far. I would just be a little kid like,
Speaker A
"Hey man, you want to throw eggs at the neighbors and we could soak the window and toilet paper the tree?" He's like, "Fuck yeah, bro. Then we'll kidnap her fat dad.
Speaker A
You know I'm 11 and I live alone. We can make money. I'm driving. I'll pick you up at 10:00.
Speaker A
It's time to get new friends. I got one friend so lazy his goal is for me to make it. That's a bad goal. I can't be your goal, bro. You got to get your own goal. He's like, "Write some jokes.
Speaker A
We're going to Miami. I'll do your music." What music, bro? I'm not in a band. No band. And girls, you love them. It's your fault. Girls love bad boys, right? You love bad boys. How's that working out? They're like, "Oh, he's so mysterious." I'm like, "No [ __ ] He's slow.
Speaker A
He's a mystery to himself. That's not a cool look. That's a blank stare. I'm back in the single game. I didn't see it coming. I know you'd think with the chains, I've been single for a long time. No, it just happened.
Speaker A
Competition's real out here in these single streets. Me and this one guy were hitting on the same girl. He tried to hit her with like an athletic achievement and a hand touch. Then I had to come back strong with a sensitive story and a back rub. I don't play games.
Speaker A
Then he tried to come out with like a tech invention that he had. I went right to a lie. I'm like, "My family invented the table." You ever heard of the table player? I'm Mike Table. Google me from the table family. You know how much money's in tables? Drugs, oil,
Speaker A
tables. It's real money in tables. It's crazy out here, man. Right now, competition's serious.
Speaker A
All these dudes are out here pretending they have money and they don't. Listen fellas, I got news for you. The cost of living is not high. The cost of pretending will kill you. I got good news though, bro. Don't worry about it. Personality is making a comeback. Coming back.
Speaker A
I got eight jokes in a Honda Accord. I'm sleeping with everybody. I am sleeping with everybody. It's time.
Speaker A
I'm back in the game. Some people jump back into relationship too quick because they don't want to be alone. Don't be afraid of being alone. It's okay if you get to be alone. Enjoy your alone time. I love my alone time. I treat me great. I sip tequila, watch a movie, eat some food. [ __ ]
Speaker A
it. I wake up in the morning, got my own phone number. I call me just to see how I'm doing.
Speaker A
How you doing? I'm good. You want to hang? Not tonight. I'm getting to know me. It's okay to be alone once in a while. People jump in relationships, they end up divorce. Listen, if you're going through divorce, I'm sorry. All right, take your time, fellas. You don't
Speaker A
just dive into single the next day. You got no immune system. You ever see a divorce guy out in the world, they're a disaster. Dehydrated, no electrolytes, don't know how to talk.
Speaker A
I took my divorce buddy to a nightclub to help him get over his depression. I looked over, he's showing a girl pictures of his daughter's soccer team. Yeah, exactly. I go, "Bro, this girl's 28 years old. Break out the cocaine and tell a lie.
Speaker A
You think she wants to see that team? She was on that team 10 weeks ago. You're a loser. You got no game, bro. Listen to Single Mike. I'll teach you, okay? You don't just dive into into single. You don't have it like that. You got kids. Your kid walks in, sneezes. Your whole
Speaker A
family's a mess for a month. I make out with a stripper on a Wednesday just to clear my sinuses.
Speaker A
I disgust myself. Single Mike. I'm like a walking Zpack. I couldn't catch a cold if I wanted one.
Speaker A
Don't me. You know what it is. You've been there. Just let it go. My divorce friends, they were married running marathons. I see you guys out there. Soon as my friends got married, they started running marathons. Let's just call it what it is, bro. You're an
Speaker A
adult runaway. You don't want to go home. My boy's like, "I'm climbing Kilamanjaro." No, bro. You're trying to die. You don't want to go home. You're tired. You're exhausted.
Speaker A
Stop running marathons, bro. Calm down. Stay in the house. Divorce dudes and divorce because you find a divorced dude with money, they're really the dumbest. You ever see a divorced guy with money, they don't know what's happening. You know what I mean? They're lost. The first fine
Speaker A
girl they meet takes half the money. Trust me. Jeff Bezos, he's dating a weather girl. I lived in LA 20 years. I dated a weather girl. She got the weather wrong 88 days in a row. He does not
Speaker A
know what's about to happen to him. Don't put your money in Amazon. This [ __ ] is going down.
Speaker A
You're going to order a bike and a hat's going to show up. You don't know what you're thinking. These dudes don't know what's happening right now.
Speaker A
Cheese sticks. You want cheese sticks? I got you. I got you. Thank you. Cheese sticks. This is This is the kind of girl I need. You know what I mean? I've been single for a year. I'm getting superpowers. I swear to God. I can tell how bad a woman's divorce is by her perfume. Oh,
Speaker A
this is something I wish I didn't know. The stronger the perfume, the worse the breakup. If they're still getting along and everybody's okay and the kids are fine, you're wearing something nice, subtle, amicable by Dior. and barely smell it. If he slept with the
Speaker A
nanny, irreconcilable differences by Gucci. It's strong. It's pungent. She's making a statement. She's out here in the streets toughing it out. If he left you for a man, [ __ ] gasoline by Sokco.
Speaker A
Smelling strong in shape. They're in divorce shape. Calves are ripped from angry walks. You ever see a woman angry walking? It's real, bro. You wouldn't know. You two seem happy.
Speaker A
I don't know what the answer is. I say I say you got to date someone who's been through life like you, right? Opposites attract. Likes last. I believe that. I've been through too much. Me and my ex, we didn't work. You know what I mean? My dad died when I was young. My
Speaker A
mom had two strokes. My uncle jumped off a bridge. If you're a woman in your 30s and your parents are still married, no one's got a chemical imbalance in your family. You're not afraid of any cousin at Thanksgiving. I don't have [ __ ] to
Speaker A
say to you. We are never going to get along. I need a three tragedy chick. You got to have three solid good tragedies. If you never had hospital hummus, I wouldn't even talk to you.
Speaker A
Come on. Where we at? You never picked out a casket for a loved one. Get out of here. I know it went dark. It's Detroit. It's okay. I know what it is. The hotter the girl, the more we tolerate.
Speaker A
You know it. I'm Jewish, bro. My girl was anti-Semitic and special needs. I let it all go.
Speaker A
I let it go. I don't care. Didn't bother me at all. Go ahead. I don't like Jews. We'll talk about them later. We are going to discuss these people at another time. You're so pretty. She was so pretty.
Speaker A
I've been dating all the wrong girls for me. Last year was a terrible draft year. First pick of the draft, Mike Young takes. I need a green card more than love.
Speaker A
This girl did not give a [ __ ] about me. She loved America. Didn't want to leave. She was from Brazil. Yeah, bro. You know what that is? Great in bed.
Speaker A
You sleep with a girl that's afraid of being deported, it's the greatest sex you can ever have. I swear to God, bro. Passport [ __ ] Don't cancel me. Passport [ __ ] You can't cancel me. I'm uncancellable. You're stupid. She had two kids, two not minds.
Speaker A
You look shocked. You ever been involved in life before? This [ __ ] happens. I dated a girl with kids. I love the kids. Not sure they love me. You ever have beef with a 8-year-old? That [ __ ] is uncomfortable.
Speaker A
I swear to God, cuz a 8-year-old will tell you how he feels, tell you his truth. I wish you never met my mom. Saying mean [ __ ] to me. Mean, mean, heartfelt [ __ ] I'm like, who's going to cry first, bro? Me or you? This is not what I want to hear. Just
Speaker A
saying the meanest stuff. You're not my real dad, [ __ ] You only met him twice. I'm your father figure. I'm a good person. I am a good person. I had beef with a kid. A child beef.
Speaker A
What do you want from me? I'm from Detroit. She was from a farm. Farm family. True. I don't know if you ever met farm people. They're different. I didn't belong on the farm, bro. Even the animals knew I didn't belong. The cow was looking at me like, "Jude,
Speaker A
he knew I wasn't good on the farm. I got allergies every day on the farm." Clar and D, what do you want from me? Kids, man. Great kids. But why does everybody think their kids a genius? Can't anybody ever admit it? [ __ ] it. Reading's not his thing.
Speaker A
It's okay if your kid's not a genius. You ever meet a genius, they're weird. You want a welladjusted human being. You ever talk to a real genius, they're [ __ ] up. My buddy's kid got a 4.2 his entire scholastic career. My buddy's like, "Look at my kid, man. He's brilliant. 4.2 his
Speaker A
whole scholastic career." I'm like, "Yeah, bro, but your kid stares at his foot when he talks." Listen, I grew up in a different time. You know what I mean? My parents, they didn't even vet babysitters. There was no vetting. My babysitter
Speaker A
was 6 months younger than me. My babysitter was in my class. She's like, "You got to go to bed." I'm like, "You go to bed. I'll read to you. You can't read." I had to read to my babysitter. Was trying to make it work back in the single game. What's up,
Speaker A
ladies? You look stoic, right? Just propped up, strong. You look like you have no problems. I'm back in the single game. I'm relearning the game. There's two kinds of women. Over 30, under 30. Distinct difference. Over 30, grown women, adults, they know what they want. There's
Speaker A
a one night stand. It was a one night stand for her, too. She didn't want to be there either.
Speaker A
You got used on Thursday. She hates you. They don't need you. She tucked you in like a child and left with carry out food. She hates you. You looked up. She's making a chicken quesadilla. You didn't even know you had chicken. It's a real adult over
Speaker A
30. They're better in bed, right? Not afraid to pull out toys in the bedroom.
Speaker A
I was the one girl. She had a whole drawer full of toys. I panicked. I swear I was involved in a threesome. I was the only human being. It was just me and a gang of toys. I didn't
Speaker A
know what the [ __ ] was going on. I swear to God, I had a remote control car, a Lego castle. I did it all. I thought I was having sex at Toys R Us aisle 10. We got a problem.
Speaker A
She didn't even need me. She got me to try Viagra. All right, let's do it. Yeah. She's like, "Will you be my guinea pig?" I was like, "Yeah, let's I I I'll risk a heart attack and blindness. Let's go. Let's see what
Speaker A
happens." That [ __ ] works. That's all I got to say. [ __ ] Viagra works. That [ __ ] should be illegal. I was in the kitchen having sex in the living room. I swear to God, bro,
Speaker A
I felt bad. And I was making eggs and love all at the same time. I didn't know what was going on. I I had a bad attitude. I started yelling out commands that didn't even make sense. I was like, "Yeah, girl. You know what just happened? Part my hair
Speaker A
down the middle. These are things you can get cancelled for. You can get cancelled for these things. All this cancel culture, I'm not with it. I don't know. I'm not with the wokeness. It's not good for comedy.
Speaker A
It's just not good for comedy. It's just not good for comedy. And sometimes they cancel people that don't need to be cancelled. Some people you cancel them, right? But let God handle it. Let karma handle it. It's going to be handled. You know what I mean? You're going to be handled. You do dirt.
Speaker A
Shit's going to come back at you. All right. But you didn't have to go after Robert Craft, the owner of the Patriots, for going to a $11 rub and tug. Leave him alone. Leave him alone.
Speaker A
Leave him alone. I'm from Detroit, bro. I was born in a rubbing tug. Leave him alone. I'm a rubbing tug baby. Just leave him alone. This guy was married 50 years. You don't know what he's going through. You don't know what this man was going through. His wife probably paid for that.
Speaker A
You know that she was happy. Robert there's $80 on the counter. Take it when you leave.
Speaker A
Tell Maryanne I said hi. Tell her I said hello. Let it go. Man was stressed out.
Speaker A
I probably wanted to thank her at the Super Bowl. I'd like to thank the offensive line.
Speaker A
I'd like to thank Tom Brady. I'd like to thank Maryanne from the Tiny Foot Kingdom.
Speaker A
Come get your trophy, Maryanne. Come get it. We love you. I know these are things you can't say. But I'm saying them.
Speaker A
My ex had a Yorkie that she said was an emotional support Yorkie. There's no such thing. You ever see a Yorkie in public, they're having a panic attack no matter what room they're in.
Speaker A
This dog could not make anybody feel better. They're freezing cold. They're living in a girl's purse. This poor dog doesn't know why it lives in a purse. Why am I living in a purse? You know what's going through that dog's head? Why is my poor little skinny leg
Speaker A
stuck on gum and a credit card? What did I do in my dog karma? Why am I living like this?
Speaker A
We know which dogs are real. They're bigger. They're fluffy. They feel your energy. Yeah.
Speaker A
You know what I mean? I see you talking. You know what it is? You probably got a big collie, right? He talks to you. Yeah, girl. I'd have broke up with him, too.
Speaker A
You're nothing like your mom. I feel you. Back home, man. Me and my girl lived on a farm. I'm back in my mom's house.
Speaker A
I got thrown right off the farm, right into my mom's house. The only problem with living at your mom's is how great it is living at your mom's. That [ __ ] is incredible. I can't believe how much food these people keep. I haven't seen food like this in 40 years. My mom loves to cook,
Speaker A
but not great. She loves to cook, though. But her food's got a little anger in it. Yeah. My neighbors, they make rice krispie treats. You could taste the love. I take a bite of my mom's Rice Krispie treat. I feel like I'm arguing with my uncle. It's fun being back home. I'm okay with
Speaker A
it. I'm all right. I'm just I'm just at that age now. I'm trying to stay healthy. That's all you got is your health, right? I was a kid. I could play street football for 10 hours, bounce off a
Speaker A
car fender. No problem. Yesterday, I pulled a neck muscle ordering food and looking left at the same time. I don't know what the hell is going on right now. My boy's like, "What happened?" Oh, [ __ ] I talked and turned. I think it's in my heart. He knew. He's like, "Don't do that,
Speaker A
bro. You got to pause. You're no superhero. Can't just talk and turn." And I want to believe my doctors. Remember when doctors really cared about you? I went to my doctor. He was coughing. He had a cough. This isn't a good feeling when you go in the doctor. He's hack coughing. I go,
Speaker A
"What's going on, man?" He's like, "I don't know. I can't shake it. What do you think it is? What the [ __ ] do you think it is? This is terrible. You're my doctor. And dentists, I don't know if there's any dentists in here. You guys are really running a racket. Congratulations.
Speaker A
Every time I go in for a teeth cleaning, I got to get a root canal. I don't know what is going on with the dentist. It should be outlawed. This is not fair. He's like, "You eat a lot of sugar." I
Speaker A
go, "No." He goes, "You drink milk?" I go, "Yeah, that's what it is. You got milk tooth. We got to take that tooth out. You got dairy in your tooth." I go, "Is this a real thing? It doesn't seem
Speaker A
like a real thing." This is a big thing. We got dairy tooth. We got to extract that immediately.
Speaker A
I just want to be healthy, man. I'm getting older and younger at the same time, fellas.
Speaker A
We're getting older, but you got to stay young no matter what. You got to keep it young. I'm in a softball league, a hockey league, a basketball league. [ __ ] it. I can't even work anymore.
Speaker A
I got an 82 game season. I can't work right now. Playoffs are coming. Don't even call me right now.
Speaker A
I would never work during playoffs. Don't even I can't even talk to you right now. It's probably not going to happen this year. I'm on a I'm on a men's league hockey team here. Yeah, we're 0 and 10. We're like the bad news bears on ice before they went to drug rehab. We are terrible.
Speaker A
My goalie's addicted to cocaine. He's stopping pucks that don't even exist. I got a captain that takes [ __ ] too seriously. Where's your speed, Mike? In [ __ ] high school, Pete.
Speaker A
Speed is not on our team anymore. You know who's on our team right now? Drunk at noon. That's who's on our team. We're having a bad day. I'm going to take Larry off the ice. Take Larry off aderall.
Speaker A
I'm just trying to live. I was in LA. 25 years in LA. Had a great run. One of the greatest runs you could ever have. My friend was a movie star. Oh, you got to get a movie star. If you can get a
Speaker A
movie star, friend, it's like the best time ever. I swear to God. People are out here in the world bragging about your business resume. You went to Harvard, right? You got a job. JP Morgan. Good for you, bro. I've been friends with DiCaprio 25 years. Haven't paid for a drink since 99.
Speaker A
Get yourself a famous friend. And being friends with Leo was a beautiful thing. If he was single, I had to be single. I didn't care. He broke up with this girl. I broke right up with my girl.
Speaker A
She goes, "What did I do?" I go, "It's not you. It's Jazelle. She's talking too much." And girls in LA, bro, they think you they think you could help them.
Speaker A
I can't help you. I can't help you. I can't do anything for you. You just slept your way to the starting line. I'm sorry. I didn't promise any dreams.
Speaker A
But all my famous friends hit it so big. I took two years off to focus on their career. I had to make sure they were working. They got to stay focused. Give it up for my brother who's in the back. It's my brother back there.
Speaker A
My brother's two years younger than me. We fought all the time, but one day you learn that your younger brother's tougher than you. I kicked him in the shin. He leapt up and hit me with a left hook right in the eye. I didn't see it coming. My head was down. I'm thinking, "Oh,
Speaker A
I'm going to kill him." But at the same time, I'm thinking, he's [ __ ] stronger than me.
Speaker A
It's funny. You go out to LA, everybody brags about leaving home. Like leaving home is such a big thing. You know what's harder than leaving home? Freaking staying home. Everybody that stayed home where you're from has a way tougher life than you do. You know what I mean? Leaving home
Speaker A
is easy. My brother's involved in insurance restoration. He's handling fires, floods, putting two kids through college. I slept with an Asian Instagram star eight weeks ago. I'm not stressed out, bro. I'm not stressed enough. I don't have enough stress in my life.
Speaker A
I need more real life stress. I'm a little bit stressed. I wasn't 100% sure she was a woman, but I was 88%. It was LA. Let it go. She was heavy-handed. Heavyhanded.
Speaker A
What are you doing? I'm like, whoa, heavy hands. These are jokes. It's the joke.
Speaker A
And they party hard in LA. I don't party like that anymore. I don't do it. I can't stay up late. You know what I mean? You ever talk to somebody on cocaine? They always want to start a company with you. I never met a more motivated group of people in my life. They start explaining
Speaker A
the whole business top to bottom. You want nothing to do with it. They're taking up your whole night, right? They start explaining every detail. You know, if you put a Subway next to a Taco Bell, there's foot traffic. Everybody makes money, bro. I'm 47. I'll walk. I don't give a [ __ ]
Speaker A
bro. What's your name, bro? What's your name, man? What's your name, buddy? I'm like, my name is I like weed better. Quit spitting on me. Spitting all over me. We're not starting a company together. It's never going to happen. I don't do cocaine. Not into it.
Speaker A
I can barely drink anymore. I can't drink like I used to. I used to drink just fine.
Speaker A
Not anymore. You ever notice the more expensive the alcohol, the cooler the buzz? I swear to God, bro, I drank Hennessy. I thought I was a 86-year-old black jazz musician. I was giving people advice for no reason. I was like, you got to work hard, Junior.
Speaker A
Ain't no shortcuts in life. Playboy, don't trust Whitey. He ain't talking to you. He ain't thinking about you at all. But then you drink cheap [ __ ] like wild turkey. You're like, I'm going to shoot a goddamn relative. All of a sudden, you are a mean redneck.
Speaker A
You ain't going to ruin my picnic, Uncle Gary. This is my picnic, right? You ever drink whiskey?
Speaker A
One friend has an emotional outburst for no reason. Mike, I know you 20 years, bro.
Speaker A
[ __ ] kill for you, bro. You don't have to. I [ __ ] want to. I'm tired of waiting. I am tired, Mike. Your father was a good man. He was a good man. Mike, I'm not leaving.
Speaker A
Time to get new friends, like I told you. And now the weed game is legal. Yeah. Congratulations, Detroit. Weed is fully legal. You look like you've never smoked weed in your life. You go to church at least twice a week. I can feel your energy, right? She said,
Speaker A
"Yes, I can feel I can feel church energy. They never laugh on cocaine and they don't know what I'm talking about when I say whiskey." It's okay, though. You guys are so pretty. You must get a lot of [ __ ] for free. Congratulations.
Speaker A
You're living for free. My mom taught public school 25 years Southfield High, right? My mom is a real G. You know that. I got friends that are here that know my mom forever.
Speaker A
She had a hitman, a dope dealer, a a child from Mottown. She had like if my mom's got more juice than Eminem in Detroit. All right. If you got a problem, you can either call Trick Trick or Gail Young. They will both help you out. My mom will [ __ ] help you out. I swear to God,
Speaker A
her students love her, too. I know this cuz I was in a strip club on 8 Mile. I swear to God, I saw a big fella in a fur coat, gold rope. He's like, "Is your mom Gail Young?"
Speaker A
Yeah, that's my mom. Said, "Tell Miss Young I said hi." I said, "I will." Yeah. No, she's got juice. She's got juice. She doesn't play games. She doesn't play games. You need moms like that.
Speaker A
Anyway, I'm going to do one of these last bits. I need you to pretend that it's really funny.
Speaker A
And at the end, I'll ask my brother if I forgot any bits, and he'll just tell me what to talk about. So, back in the dating game, listen, when you're dating, everybody wants to know your age. Everyone wants to know your age. How old are you?
Speaker A
What's your age? I don't even tell you my age. I just give you age references. I give you age reference. You want to know my age? You want to know how old I am? Dearly, beloved, that's my age. You know my age now. Yeah, exactly. Let's go. Let's go crazy. the whole album. That's
Speaker A
my age. You want to know my age? I've rolled panty hoes down a leg. Do you know? You know what kind of patience and gangster game you got to have for that? That's That's a long leg. Then you got to work your way off the tip of the foot. You don't know what that is,
Speaker A
young fellas. You don't know what that is. Throw that on the ground. Rob, anything else?
Speaker A
Age references. You're right there. You want to know my age? What you talking about, Willis?
Speaker A
That's my age. You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. And your friends don't dance. And if they don't dance, whether no friends are mine. That's my age.
Speaker A
I grew up in a real era. We did real [ __ ] And that's what I love about Detroit. I grew up in a diverse community. Black, white, you know what I mean? Calaldian, Arabs, we had all for real. I don't know why. They're not Calaldian. They're different. You know that,
Speaker A
right? They're different. Call a Calaldian Arab. See if your car is still there. I know my [ __ ] My next door neighbors. I got 11 Calaldans living in one house next to me.
Speaker A
These are my best friends in the world. I swear to God, we need anything. They got it. I haven't paid for liquor, steak, none of it. It all comes out of the store. These are my favorite people in
Speaker A
the world. Working class, real people. That's what I love about Detroit. You know what I mean? We had Jewish kids, we had punk rock, we had rock, we had hip-hop, right? We had real [ __ ] growing up cuz
Speaker A
in sixth grade, they made a rule and if you were in Detroit, you could take a bus to Southfield, right? Right. So, all of a sudden, boom, a bus full of black kids came in sixth grade. It was the
Speaker A
greatest [ __ ] ever. All of a sudden, I was in a full-blown rap group every day. It made school better. You know what I mean? Cuz we're living now, everyone's separated, right? You get caught up in your little feed. You're scrolling. You're separated. That's not how life is. Everyone's
Speaker A
like, "Mike, you got to learn how to speak a new language. You got to learn how to speak Spanish.
Speaker A
You got to learn how to speak Italian. [ __ ] that." No. You got to speak all the languages that are under the American umbrella. Do you know what that is? Yeah. You got to speak white trash, right? For real. You better learn how to speak white nerd, right? Black nerd, you got to learn
Speaker A
how to speak Jewish gangster. You're looking at him. You got to learn how to speak this language.
Speaker A
It's different. Stop telling me I got to learn another language. Learn the language that you're around. You know what I mean? That's how it is, right? My black friends were advanced as kids.
Speaker A
They taught me how to talk to girls. That's I got early game. My boy Vince came to baseball practice. I go, "Where you been?" He goes, "I just slept with my uncle's girlfriend. Where's my glove?" I was so [ __ ] up by that comment. I didn't know what to do. He shook me up. What do
Speaker A
you mean you slept with your uncle's girlfriend? He goes, "Yeah, just grab the ball. We're playing catch." I go, "Vince, you can't just roll over something like that. You got to teach me the game. He [ __ ] taught me the game. You got to know the game. I didn't shy away. We're from a
Speaker A
bluecollar family, right? Spent a little time at the strip clubs here on 8 Mile. I know 8 Mile. I was going there at 18, 19, all before I was 21, right? I was fake ID up and down 8 Mile, right?
Speaker A
These strippers know me, right? Tell Pink Cadillac I said hi. She knows me. I spent time with her.
Speaker A
She's a good person. I don't judge. Strippers are people, too. I'm with them. I'm with the looters.
Speaker A
You know who I'm with. I don't even go anymore. I don't go to strip clubs anymore. Every guy does the same thing. I'm not spending more than $80. Never happened in life.
Speaker A
Six trips to the ATM later, you're stealing from a friend. You're at the ATM banging on it like it's a Coke machine. Every dancer's putting herself through college. You can't even believe it. There's a wave of genius strippers in America. I swear to God,
Speaker A
Detroit, in 10 years, you're going to be at the neurosurgeon. Like, Pussycat Johnson, is that you?
Speaker A
You don't remember me. I put you through school. It's Mike Table. Thank you. Thank you guys for coming. Thank you guys for coming out. Thank you very much. Really appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker A
Rob, are we good? Invincible, too cool for school. Yo, I never met the principal. Spend every night getting high as the kite. Just sneaking in the back and eating everything in sight. Young with the hunger, fast pace, no fear. I'm living every day. I'm going to live 100. Take me back when
Speaker A
I was a kid. Never had to worry about what I did. But I'm a man now. What's the plan now? Got to get it done. No time for fun now. Take me back when I was a kid.
Topics:Mike Youngstand-up comedyDetroit humordatingrelationshipsdivorcesingle lifefamilylife strugglescomedy special
