Sitting here with his crown and scepter and generally being King of England, but at this point having no heirs, he's having a talk to presumably Harold and a companion in what we think is Westminster Palace.
Right you, with your different colored hands and your legs of different sizes, go on some unspecified mission to Normandy. Go on, off with you. Oh, uh, right ho.
Above a figure holding a horse, normally interpreted as a dwarf, is the name Tyrold, but it could be the name of the messenger standing left of the text.
Here the messengers come to William. The tapestry is devoting a lot of space to this incident, so clearly it is a very important part of the story that it wants to tell.
Now a man with a great mustache, Harold presumably, sporting yet another set of clothes, talks to a man on a throne in a palace. Next, two characters are named Unus Clericus, a particular cleric, and Aelfgyva.
Did cavalry ever attack raised fortifications like this? I think it's very unlikely, so we have to imagine that a certain amount of artistic license is being used.
Here, it says, The soldiers of William fought against, contra means against, the inhabitants of Dinan, the Dinantes, and Conan handed over the keys. You can see the keys there on the spear tip of the surrendering defender.
You can see him swearing with his hands on some sacred items. Does this mean that Harold swore loyalty to William, or perhaps to support his claim to the English throne? That's what's being implied.
Here, Harold the leader, or you could say Earl Harold, but Dux refers to all manner of leader figures, reversus est Anglicam Terram, goes back to English soil. And came to Edward the King.
Now then, what's going on here? The King, who is clearly wearing a false beard, is he wagging a finger at Harold? Harold has no weapons in this picture and is bent forward oddly.
Is he being told off for something? Perhaps he's showing worry at the frailty of the King because the next scene shows the King's funeral, with the hand of God there blessing the proceedings.
He had ordered the rebuilding of the Abbey, intending to be buried there, but had been too ill to attend its consecration just the week before he died.
Anyway, news of the comet is perhaps being related to Harold here, and beneath him in the lower border, you see a lot of ships, a ghostly foreshadowing of the invasion to come.
Next we go to William's palace, which would have been perhaps in the old seat of the Dukes of Normandy at Rouen, or possibly at Caen, where it had moved.
Anyway, he's not happy, and the text tells us that he ordered the building of ships. The seated figure on the right is Bishop Odo, William's half-brother, and the probable patron of this tapestry. We'll see him a lot.
Next, we are shown arms and armor being carried to the ship, mail hauberks carried on poles, swords and is that a barrel on the wagon along with spears and helmets?
Here William crosses the sea in a big ship. Sometimes they could perhaps let the pictures do more of the talking, or they could have told you that the ship he sailed in was a gift from his wife Matilda and was called Mora.
In the word Pevensey, you can see the Pope's banner on the mast of William's ship, so he was proclaiming to have the backing of the Pope. Possibly a bit naughty of him.
Right, now I have to stop things here to explain why the landings were unopposed. The tapestry has missed out a massive part of the story, and it would be an injustice to Harold not to mention it now.
There was William the Bastard's army in Normandy, also there was Harald Hardrada, who was King of Norway, but was keen to add England to his portfolio, and Tostig Godwinson, Harold's own younger brother, who was cooperating with Hardrada.
This pair defeated the Earls of Northumbria and Mercia at the Battle of Fulford on the 20th of September, which left England at the mercy of the Norsemen. What was more, Harold's militia had to be released from military service so that they could harvest their crops.
Harold raced north and marched 185 miles to York in four days with just the core of his army, surprised and decisively defeated the invaders at the Battle of Stamford Bridge, killing both pretenders to the throne in the process, and then marched all the way back to Hastings where he found that William's army had landed when he wasn't looking.
Research in the Victorian era revealed that he was one of Bishop Odo's retinue, so the Bishop, patron of the work, was depicting his friends and underlings.
Now, you can see a woman there and a child. They are usually described as fleeing the house, although it could be that they are trapped in a burning house.
Here, it says, The soldiers set out from Hastings. A door, totally out of scale with its building, has opened and out has stepped a very tall William, with a pennant on his lance that will in no way help to identify him later.
Here, Duke William asks Wital if Harold's forces have been sighted. Who was Wital? Another of Odo's followers and friends, it seems, getting a mention.
Some scouts riding over a hill, looking past the cellophane flowers of yellow and green at another man doing the classic, I'm looking for something pose. Terrible typesetting here. This man informs King Harold about Duke William's forces.
And we get a very long, strong out piece of text. It says, Here Duke William exhorts his troops to prepare themselves like men, and wisely for the battle against the English.
Here we see Norman archers, some wearing armor, adding support. And now the single line of horses becomes double, and the picture gets busier and noisier. From the way the horses' legs overlap, they seem to be competing to be the one closest to the viewer.
Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for, the clash with the English. Javelins fly, as does at least one mace, and the English shield wall holds.
Now, we can see Norman cavalry coming in from the right. I don't think this arrangement is meant to show that the English were surrounded. I think it's just the designer's way of getting more figures battling each other.
While most of the fallen lie anonymously in the lower border, two of the dead get named here. It was vital that people knew that the entire line of claimants had been extinguished.
The text says, Here fell Leofwine and Gyrd. These were Harold's brothers. Presumably, they are the athletic figures doing the forward roll and the backflip. The text then adds, The brothers of King Harold.
And the text says, Here fell simultaneously the English and the Franks in the battle. What looks like a disastrous cavalry charge, full of movement and pain, has come crashing to a halt. This horse has fallen so violently, it's lost its saddle.
Here, Bishop Odo, holding a club, encourages his boys. It's likely that they were following an old tradition of senior commanders using maces as badges of office.
William of Poitiers, writing in 1071, said that the Duke had had three horses killed under him during the battle, and that a rumor spread that he himself had been killed, and that to quash this, he raised his helmet in front of his army to show everyone that he was fine.
High up in the top border you can just make out the damaged word Eustace, above the man with the banner pointing to William. Count Eustace was another important knight who presumably deserved a mention.
These Saxon thanes have been fighting for some while now, as shown by the number of arrows in their shields. The battle lasted some nine hours, which was a long time by the standards of this period.
This mystery figure is under the name Harold and has his signature massive handlebar mustache, but isn't wearing armor and seems to be being tended to by a Norman, but one can't be sure. Is he having a head wound sewn up?
But names have often, but not always, been above the named figures. The arrow in this figure's eye was sewn on in the tapestry's repairs, but holes on the back of the cloth show that there was something there before, so there probably was originally an arrow there.
But figures being killed have often been shown in the act of falling, and that would make Harold the figure under the words the King is killed. Does it matter?
And so the fate of a nation was decided. The Norman yoke would be on our shoulders, and there it remains to some degree. The upper classes of Britain today still tend to have Norman surnames.
The end of the tapestry has been restored a lot, and it has been suggested that the last words were added during the Napoleonic Wars. And the English fled.
Then it peters out. Some say that it was never completed, but more likely the end has been lost, perhaps to fire, rot, recycling as a wagon cover, or any of a thousand natural shocks that cloth is heir to.
History gets written mostly by the winners, and this tapestry does seem to be an attempt to make it look as though William's claim to the throne was stronger than perhaps it was.
Now I fear that some people will cry foul when they realize that the artwork shown in this video is not the Bayeux Tapestry in the museum at Bayeux today.
Other copies exist, including one by a Canadian called Ray Duggan, another by a Danish reenactment group called Lindholm Høje, and in New Zealand there is a half-sized mosaic version.
One minor difference between the version I've shown you and the original is that the man's genitals I mentioned earlier have been covered up with a pair of underpants.
If you want to see this work, it is in the Reading Museum, where you can view it for free at your leisure, but if you prefer, you can go to France, queue up with thousands of tourists, and pay nine and a half euro to see it instead.
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