I’m Not Catholic Because There’s No Marriage in Heaven… — Transcript

I'm not Catholic because there's no marriage in heaven, and I feel like my God-given, you know, masculinity only makes sense in exclusive union with femininity, like a woman. And like God is a father and not a mother, you know. I know he's genderless, but his feminine side isn't—I don't know if he has a feminine side, but I just feel like I'm incomplete without femininity.

Okay. Let me ask you a question, Luke. Are you a Christian at all, or are you a non-Christian?

Um, I'm a Christian, yes. How do you—well, this is a curiosity question for me. I'll get to the substance of your question in a moment, but how do you—how do you square that because it's in the Gospels that there's no marriage in heaven? I mean, Jesus says that flat out in the Gospels, and so that's something that Christians in general believe. So, how do you fellowship and participate in a Christian community if it teaches that? Because it would seem to me that would be a reason not to be a Christian rather than not to be a Catholic.

Yeah, I mean, like, I left the Catholic Church and looked at other Christian denominations, but, you know, that's—you know, I'm on the verge of kind of just leaving Christianity altogether, I would say.

I see. Okay. Well, I'll be happy to do my best to help with this question. So, let me start with—let me pose a few questions here. So, um, what's the purpose of having—I'm speaking in the broadest possible terms—what's the purpose behind having the male and female sexes?

Um, I would say to procreate.

Yeah, okay, good. I would agree. That's the fundamental purpose. Now, there are other lesser purposes, but that's the big one. And that's why a very large number of organisms on Earth have two sexes.

There are a few that only have one sex, but the vast majority, including even plants, which we normally think of as asexual, plants actually tend to have both sexes. And so, we have a huge number of organisms with two sexes, and the primary purpose of that is procreation.

So, given that the primary purpose is procreation, are there any phases of the human life where we're not procreating and therefore where the two sexes don't need to be united? Can you think of any?

Um, I would say when we're young.

When we're young, yeah, that's right. We're not procreating when we're young. We're not even able to procreate when we're young. We still have our sex—we're either male or female—but procreation is not for that phase of our existence. And so, we don't need to be united with a person of the opposite gender during that phase. Also, I'd point out not everybody needs to be united with a person of the opposite gender. This is something that Jesus talks about, St. Paul also talks about it, and human experience points that out, too. Not everybody has a burning desire to be united maritally or sexually with a member of the opposite sex.

Some people may feel it more strongly than others, and that would be an argument for you personally, well, yeah, you want to get married, but not everybody is in that same situation.

Christianity has a place, and Catholicism has places for that, where some people their gift is to be married, and that's great, and they help procreate the species. And then other people have a different calling. They're not called to be married, and there's a place for them in the Catholic community, too. So, it's a community and a faith that accommodates these different modes of life that people are called to. But going back to the fact that we don't always, in all phases of our existence, need to procreate or even have the ability to procreate, and you correctly identified that that's the case for the beginning of our lives.

Well, then let's think about the next life. Because if our bodies have died, then are we going to be procreating in the afterlife?

Um, I would say no.

Okay, good. And Jesus agrees with that. So, if we have these two sexes so that we can procreate when it's appropriate for us to do so, but it's not appropriate for us to procreate when we're young, and if it's not appropriate for us to procreate after this life, then it would make sense that marriage is something that is for this life, for adults in this life, and the fact that there's no marriage in heaven actually makes sense. If we're not going to be reproducing in heaven, then it would make sense for us not to have marriage in heaven. That doesn't mean that we can't be spiritually and emotionally united to people of the opposite sex. In fact, I would say, I mean, I'm a widower, and so, you know, I hope and pray that I'll make it to heaven and see my wife in heaven, and I'm sure we'll love each other even more intensely in heaven than we did on Earth. And so, there can be spiritual intimacy and love and happiness and all those things in heaven. It's just we're not going to be in a sexual relationship at that point because we're immortals and don't need to procreate to keep the race going at that point. So, those are some of the thoughts that occur to me initially. Also, I would say that there's a caution that I should give about being guided by one's feelings because feelings are subjective and they change over time.

I make a policy of trying to set my feelings aside when I'm looking at important questions like religion and not think what would I want to be true or what would I find disappointing, but what do I actually have evidence for?

And the evidence to me from the Gospels, which I also believe I have good evidence to trust, is that we won't be marrying in heaven, and that seems reasonable. And so, I've sketched a framework that I think makes sense. It sounds like you find certainly elements of it reasonable, Luke.

So, I would offer that for your reflection. Also, I have a book called A Daily Defense in which I look at bunches of different objections, and since this is a concern that you've had, there may be additional material in the book that could be of assistance to you. And you're here in the continental United States, so if you want to hang on the line, Luke, we'll see about sending you a copy for free.

the fact that we don't always in all phases of our existence uh need to procreate or even have the ability to procreate, and you correctly identified that that's the case for the beginning of our lives.

Well, then let's think about the next life. Because if our bodies have died, then are we going to be procreating in the afterlife?

Um I would say no. Okay, good. And Jesus agrees with that. So, if um if we have these two sexes so that we can procreate when it's appropriate for us to do so, but it's not appropriate for us to

um procreate when we're young, and if it's not appropriate for us to procreate after this life, then it would make sense that marriage is something that uh is for this life, for adults in this life, and the fact that there's no

marriage in heaven actually makes sense. If we're not going to be reproducing in heaven, then it would make sense for us not to have marriage in heaven. That doesn't mean that we can't uh be spiritually and emotionally united to people of the

opposite sex. In fact, I would say, I mean, I'm a widower, and so, you know, I hope and pray to that I'll make it to heaven and see my wife in heaven, and I'm sure we'll love each other even more

intensely in heaven [clears throat] than we did on Earth. And so, there can be spiritual intimacy and love and happiness and all those things in heaven. It's just we're not going to be in a sexual relationship at that point

because we're immortals and don't need to procreate to keep the race going at that point. So, those are some of the thoughts that occur to me initially. Also, I would say that there's um a caution that I should

give about being guided by one's feelings um because feelings are subjective and they change over time.

Uh I make a policy of trying to sort of set my feelings aside when I'm looking at important questions like religion and not think what would I want to be true or what would I find disappointing, but what do I actually have evidence for?

And the evidence to me from the Gospels, which I also believe I have good evidence to trust, um is that, well, we won't be marrying in heaven, and that seems reasonable. And so, I've sketched a framework that I think makes sense. It

sounds like you find certainly elements of it reasonable, Luke. Um so, I would I would offer that for your reflection. Also, um I have a book called A Daily Defense in which I look at bunches of different objections, and since uh this is a

concern that that you've had, uh there may be additional material in the book that could be of assistance to you. And you're here in the continental United States, so if you want to hang on the line, Luke, we'll see about sending you

a copy for free.