Speaker A
And so the thing about dating with my afro is that I actually haven't done it yet.
A discussion on the challenges Black women face dating in LA, focusing on hair, confidence, preferences, and social dynamics.
Key Takeaways
- Afro hairstyles can be perceived as intimidating, influencing dating dynamics.
- Dating challenges for Black women in LA are influenced by both personal mindset and social environment.
- Strict dating preferences combined with perceived attitudes may limit romantic opportunities.
- Confidence in women is often tied to external validation, which can be impacted by dating experiences.
- Men's increased options in dating affect how actively they pursue relationships.
Summary
- The speaker has not been asked on dates since wearing an afro, which she believes intimidates men.
- She expresses pride in her afro and black power identity but acknowledges loneliness and difficulty finding confident, open men in LA.
- The video critiques the mindset of expecting acceptance while holding strict dating preferences and communicating intimidating energy.
- The afro hairstyle is perceived by some men as signaling feminist, angry, or problematic attitudes, which may reduce dating chances.
- Preferences on both sides (men and women) affect dating outcomes, and narrowing preferences can limit opportunities.
- The speaker suggests self-reflection on personal attitudes and energy as a factor in dating success rather than blaming external factors alone.
- Black women in LA reportedly struggle to find black men interested in them, especially if dark-skinned, impacting confidence.
- Women often derive confidence from male attention, so lack of interest can negatively affect self-esteem.
- Men today have more dating options and are less likely to pursue women aggressively, contributing to women's dating frustrations.
- The speaker contrasts LA with the South, finding more authenticity and better dating experiences outside LA.
Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown
Speaker A
In the year that I've been wearing my hair in an afro like this, I have not been asked on any dates, I have not been taken on any dates.
Speaker A
Uh, the approach I got in person the last time was like a man like screaming in my face, so that obviously didn't go anywhere.
Speaker A
And I think the afro obviously intimidates men, it gives them like black power girl and yeah, I am.
Speaker A
Yeah, I am, so I'm not mad that I scare men off because if you're scared, stay scared, like, I'm not going to make you feel comfortable around me if you're not comfortable around me, like, the fuck.
Speaker A
But in saying all that, I've reached the peak where it's like, you know, a girl is getting lonely, a girl has been lonely, like, where are the men?
Speaker A
Not scared, not intimidated, confident, open, funny, cute, tall, handsome, beard and nice hairline, nice teeth, at least 6'2.
Speaker B
I don't understand women and their sentiment when they come on this app, which obviously I know that in real life, it is way different, right?
Speaker B
There is no body that's outside that's not really getting motion, that really want motion because they make the adjustments to attract the person that they want, right?
Speaker B
And so when she comes on here and she says this, it's a couple different things that I take away from it.
Speaker B
The first thing that I have to take away from it is you can't say one thing and then be be interested in another.
Speaker B
And I know that the whole theme of this whole video was being froed up and dating in LA as black women and all of this stuff.
Speaker B
But the point that I'm making is that you can't say, yep, black power and you should be scared.
Speaker B
And if you're scared, but where are the men that's not scared, because people have preferences, right?
Speaker B
And that don't mean that she's not beautiful, I mean, that's that goes without saying.
Speaker B
She's a very, very pretty, uh, naturally pretty girl, but me personally, when I see this, right, when I see her.
Speaker B
And this is just not even constructive criticism, this is just the truth.
Speaker B
As a man that has no fear whatsoever, is incredibly successful and, you know, I'm outside on a regular basis.
Speaker B
Right now I'm in Manchester, I just flew over here yesterday from uh, Detroit.
Speaker B
And I know the sentiment of people worldwide because I was just outside.
Speaker B
I literally just came in, I don't even usually wear a hoodie, but I just walked in and immediately started recording.
Speaker B
Is that the attitude, the sentiment, and even the attitude that the hair communicates is not intimidating.
Speaker B
It's a headache, you know what I'm saying, it would be something that a lot of guys, I think.
Speaker B
Not all, right, because again, that doesn't take away from her beauty.
Speaker B
But the style says feminist, angry, problematic, black woman, hear me roar, don't nobody want to be bothered with that.
Speaker B
You know what I'm saying, and that's the sentiment that I get from it.
Speaker B
And so I would imagine that people in LA, um, probably share a similar mindset.
Speaker B
A similar sentiment, probably even 10 times worse.
Speaker B
And as she threw all the other caveats, I think that people can have whatever preferences they want.
Speaker B
I have no problem with her preferences, uh, people like what they like.
Speaker B
Some guys like a certain type of woman, other guys have, you know, their preferences.
Speaker B
And I think that women should have their preferences also, but at the same time.
Speaker B
You just got to know that you slim down your chances of finding a person that may be best for you when A, you give off a certain type of energy.
Speaker B
And then B, you also communicate the way that you communicate on top of all of the additional preferences.
Speaker B
And so you just have to start asking yourself a question, it may not be all of the men.
Speaker B
The question probably shouldn't be where are all of the men at, the real question should be, what's wrong with me?
Speaker B
And so she will probably thrive in a different environment outside of LA.
Speaker B
But obviously, the majority of the spaces that she's in, if she's saying she hasn't dated.
Speaker B
Or she's not getting approached because she's froed up in LA, then, you know.
Speaker B
You can't force other people to also accept your preferences while at the same time.
Speaker B
Saying that you're not interested in a certain type of guy yourself, so I don't know.
Speaker B
I'm I'm not I know what the problem is and it's the mindset that goes with whatever it is that she's saying.
Speaker A
I'm just a little thing.
Speaker A
These are reasons why I hated staying in LA as a black woman.
Speaker A
First one, where do the black people be hanging out at?
Speaker A
I stayed in LA for seven years.
Speaker A
Still never found out.
Speaker A
The black men are not checking or the black women in LA.
Speaker A
Especially if you're dark skin.
Speaker A
I never met black men to openly say they don't deal with black women in time of LA.
Speaker A
Like I never, maybe they were saying it before.
Speaker A
But they never would say it out loud to another black woman.
Speaker A
When I first moved to LA, um, I'm not going to lie, I've always had very high confidence and self-esteem.
Speaker A
But when I moved to LA, um, maybe like that first year or two years.
Speaker A
It did like really mess up my confidence and self-esteem.
Speaker A
Because I never was in a position where I was always looked over by men.
Speaker A
Or men always just wants to lust me, like, never had that happen to me before in life.
Speaker B
This tells me that women in general, um, and they try to make it seem like.
Speaker B
No, I'm doing this for me, or no, you know, I just like it.
Speaker B
No, they do it for men and they do it for attention.
Speaker B
And that attention is the thing that feeds them.
Speaker B
It's almost like it's their energy source.
Speaker B
It's it's them aura farming.
Speaker B
And they don't do it just for themselves.
Speaker B
They do it for the attention of other people.
Speaker B
And so when she says that her confidence was shot because obviously there was nobody or no no black men that were interested in her in LA.
Speaker B
And it doesn't mean that she's not pretty.
Speaker B
It doesn't mean that she can't attract somebody.
Speaker B
But the men that she was interested in was not interested in her, then all of a sudden her confidence was shot.
Speaker B
Like no guy that I know personally that wasn't in a relationship or wasn't talking to anybody.
Speaker B
Or wasn't getting any motion from women in particular, their confidence would be shot because they know who they are.
Speaker B
They are confidently them.
Speaker B
But women get their confidence in most instances from the approval of other people.
Speaker B
Regardless of how they look.
Speaker B
And then they, you know, if they're not getting the motion that they want, they'll conclude that it's all because I'm dark skin or all of this stuff.
Speaker B
I don't think that that has anything to do with it at all.
Speaker B
I think that there are so many other factors, but then unless you're getting feedback from other people that's saying, nope.
Speaker B
It's because you're a dark skin girl, then how can you automatically conclude that the reason that you don't get motion is because of that?
Speaker B
It could be because of anything, it could be because of your sentiment, your attitude, the places that you go and visit.
Speaker B
Um, it could be because of a number of different things, or it could just be because people are just chilling.
Speaker B
And they're not on that no more, I think that a lot of guys nowadays are more or less focused on themselves.
Speaker B
And unless you're giving them some kind of hint, like a really, really forward-facing hint.
Speaker B
Almost to the point to where you're approaching them because they're chilling and they got options.
Speaker B
I think that there's more guys that got options than ever before, regardless of what the socio-economic status is.
Speaker B
Regardless of whether you're light skin, dark skin, black, white, I think that men have more options than ever before.
Speaker B
And it's starting to show because women are losing confidence because more guys than ever are not necessarily chasing them around or trying to approach them and trying to get their attention.
Speaker B
They're not tripping off of them anymore.
Speaker A
And of course, I went back down to the south and I realized it wasn't me.
Speaker A
It wasn't me.
Speaker A
Then I just met other black women that felt the same way in LA.
Speaker A
It is a lot of posers and fake and facade.
Speaker B
It's all fake.
Speaker A
In LA, don't nobody got a job.
Speaker A
And everybody think they somebody.
Speaker A
So a friend of mine was visiting last week and we went out to a party.
Speaker A
Cute as fuck, the music was great, beautiful people everywhere.
Speaker A
Beautiful black people everywhere.
Speaker A
I'm in LA.
Speaker A
She's coming from New York.
Speaker A
Me and my girls, whenever we go out, we are a time.
Speaker A
We dance.
Speaker A
We're cute and we dance.
Speaker A
So it's like, it's not like you don't see us.
Speaker A
And she made a comment where she was like, these guys are just standing around looking at us.
Speaker A
Like, why is no one approaching?
Speaker A
And some other girls overheard and butted in and was like, that's what LA niggas do.
Speaker A
They just look.
Speaker A
They don't.
Speaker A
We started this whole thing of like, they want to be approached or they expect to be.
Speaker A
Like, I don't, I don't know what it is.
Speaker A
I've only been out here a year.
Speaker A
Um, that is very much the sentiment of a lot of parties where, uh, there's gorgeous women everywhere.
Speaker A
There's beautiful men, but they're not approaching.
Speaker A
And, you know, we had a little discussion about that.
Speaker A
To add to that, there is this feeling where like, in a regular discourse that like black men are not checking for black women in LA.
Speaker A
I do think that's true.
Speaker A
However.
Speaker A
I just left Lamer Park.
Speaker A
I go to a cafe over here.
Speaker A
At least once a week.
Speaker A
I'm wearing a t-shirt, some shorts, hair's in twists, like, I'm, I don't feel ugly.
Speaker A
But I'm not like doing my big one or anything.
Speaker A
If you need a boost or if you feel like you are not beautiful and want to be around people of color and black men and women.
Speaker A
Come down to Lamer Park.
Speaker A
Do not be scared.
Speaker B
Yo, why do women all need confirmation to make themselves feel pretty?
Speaker B
Why do they need a boost?
Speaker B
Why do they have to use or I like to say aura farm?
Speaker B
Why do they have to go out there and get somebody else's energy in order for them to be able to feel sufficient in society?
Speaker B
Let me know what you guys think inside of the comments about black women saying that it's difficult to date in Los Angeles.
Speaker B
Uh, make sure y'all tap into the Patreon link is in the description.
Speaker B
I love you, I appreciate you, I'm holler at you guys later.
Topics:Black women datingLos Angeles dating sceneafro hair and datingdating challengesblack men preferencesconfidence and datingdating mindsetracial dating dynamicswomen's self-esteemsocial environment and dating
