The Most Dangerous Mindset I See as a Therapist — Transcript

There is a tendency that I'm seeing more often in my work as a counselor.

It's it's concerning, it's this tendency of having a very, very little tolerance for how long people are willing to suck at something.

You know, a very low tolerance for how long they're willing to kind of struggle and toil and fail in their attempt to attain a certain goal.

So, I make this video because it's such a concerning predicament because I want to talk about what I think they're losing when they forgo that experience of the toil and and struggle and failure.

But also, too, I want to talk about why I think it's so easy to perpetuate and why I so fully understand and empathize with where they're coming from.

So first, let's start there, like looking at looking at this situation.

Like trying to picture myself as a 15-year-old or something, being told, hey, read Catcher in the Rye and I want you to write this five-paragraph essay on it.

I certainly could understand being like, uh, no, guy, why do I want to sit there and read this book, words on a page, boring the piss out of me, and then try to sit here in front of a blank page and write five pages worth of of material about what I thought on it?

Yeah, kick rocks, chat GPT's got me, AI exists, get away from me.

I get it, I understand where they're coming from, right?

Same thing with sports, like, why would I want to join this team, everybody else has already close knit, they're friends, they've been on this team for two years, they're looking at me like, who's this guy, and and I suck, I'm throwing the ball like an absolute idiot, and everybody's looking at me, and I don't like how this makes me feel.

Why would I do this?

When I could just go play video games, it's much more fun.

Why am I going to go talk to that girl and try to get a girlfriend, when I've got a simulated version of that right here in my pocket, and that'll take care of what I'm looking for, at least for now, at least for this moment.

And that's kind of the issue, we are sacrificing a piece of ourselves on the altar of convenience every time we take the counterfeit version.

Right, I'm going to take counterfeit version, I'm going to take counterfeit version that's going to satiate this feeling right now.

And there's major issue with that because we're not even realizing that we're on a steady diet of this counterfeit bullshit.

Because we don't have enough time away from our phones in general to have intentionality.

To have deep insightful thought in our own lives, you know, contemplating what am I doing, is this how I want to do things?

Not having any perspective on ourselves or our lives.

Because we're just in it piece by piece, moment by moment, eating the counterfeit, um, and so that's kind of the why I'm saying I I understand why this is so concerning, and social media exacerbates and kind of facilitates this environment of the perceived, of the aesthetic, of just do the surface level, just shine that surface, just make it presentable, boom, just fix it, quick fix, all about the looks.

That is why I get the concern and I empathize with it.

But I don't think we put so much thought into how deeply uh detrimental it is to us.

I don't have a good word for or understanding of exactly what it is we're leaving behind, maybe you do, what we're leaving behind when we forgo that that that time of toil and struggle.

But it's like, when you read that book and you're bored and you don't know if you can get to it, you're learning something about discipline and how you how you push yourself and what does motivate you and what do you really want out of this life, and then you're sitting there with the blank page and you're thinking about the book and you're actually being honest and earnest in your attempt to to pull something from who you are and what you understand, what you make of this place, and the words that were written on the page, and you're kind of coming up with something brand new with the synergy of those two those two concepts, and you're making something new, all your own, your fresh own ideas on the page, there's something so beautiful and transcendent and improving about that that they're just leaving on the table.

It's like there's this whole garden in you that can grow, and you can be this incredibly enriched person, but the soil, the enriched soil that is needed for that kind of internal garden only comes from that time under tension.

It only comes from being the new guy in the boxing gym who doesn't know how to throw a punch, it is embarrassed as the guy next to him makes the bags sound like it's a war zone, you know what I mean, there's something in that that you learn, and I don't mean just, oh, I'm learning the skill of boxing and now I'm a better boxer, I mean, why am I insecure?

Oh, I'm learning about brotherhood, I'm learning about camaraderie, there's these internal things that'll happen to, these these things that will happen to you that pull on all of these existential questions left, right and center, and you're going to go, wow, I know myself so much better.

But what in the world is AI going to teach you about yourself, what in the world is the video game going to teach you about yourself?

I mean, that one has a little bit more merit than I'm giving, I'm not a video game person, but there's probably more merit in the video games.

But the videos on your phone.

What is that going to help you with?

What's it going to give you like, you know, that's that's true here?

I don't know.

I don't think a whole lot.

I don't think a whole lot.

And I I worry about that tendency for kids, younger individuals, and even older individuals, and even myself, to just give up more of who we could be, uh, and just handing it over to convenience, for the perception, for the aesthetic, for the sheen on top, to just get us to the next hit.

I guess that's just a life dictated by dopamine or something, you know?

And it's not a life I want to live, so I I'm trying to break out of it for myself and do more that pushes me out of my comfort zone, that teaches me more about myself.

I don't do enough of it.

And I'm trying to help with these clients to understand the the benefit of of that toil.

Anyway, what what do you guys think about that, and what are we leaving behind when we say, I'm just going to hit the convenient button?

That was easy.

You know, what what are we giving up?

I'm curious.