Why We Fear Public Speaking | Taylor Williams | TEDxUF

A year ago, I was asked to preach a sermon in my beloved spiritual community at my church.

The only thing is, I'm a comedian, not a minister.

My friend said, "Oh, Taylor, this will be a breeze for you, you're a storyteller, you're an improviser, you're kind of a ham." Well, let me tell you, being a ham doesn't help you preach a sermon, and I was utterly and uncharacteristically nervous.

I love public speaking, I think about it, I write about it, I teach it, I even think about it in my sleep, but in this case, my palms were sweaty, my heart beat fast, and I feared I would forget everything I had prepared.

Maybe you know what that feels like.

But this was a great exercise in empathy for me in the work that I do, because I coach a lot of people who are terrified of public speaking and the vulnerability surrounding it.

So in this case, I wasn't telling a story, I wasn't doing improv or trying to be a ham, I was preaching, and the stakes felt high, and I felt vulnerable, and I wanted to crush it, as much as you can crush a sermon.

But that was all it took for me to feel all the nerves.

I guess the good news is, I'm not alone. The fear of public speaking ranks amongst the worst phobias for adults.

In fact, it ranks right up there with the fear of death.

Kind of puts it in perspective, doesn't it?

The comedian Jerry Seinfeld famously said that means you'd rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy, makes the prospects of becoming a more confident public speaker feel pretty grim.

In fact, I am willing to bet that some of you out there are feeling anxious with just me talking about public speaking.

But before you start to freak out, let me tell you why trying to understand this fear is so important, and why we all have hopes of becoming more proficient, confident public speakers.

I have a secret I'd like to share with you.

I think the reason why we are all so terrified of public speaking, and why we think we're all so horrific at it, is because we're actually defining public speaking in the wrong way.

Maybe you think of it as talking to a large group of strangers with a huge PowerPoint behind you.

Or making a pitch to a group of colleagues or presenting something in class.

Full of your peers.

Or leading a virtual meeting.

And certainly all of those are examples.

But I think we need to define it much more broadly than that.

I think we need to think of public speaking as the way we present ourselves to the world.

And if we look at it that way, then we can see that we're engaging in some form of public speaking pretty much every day.

Think about introducing yourself for the first time and making that back and forth getting to know you banter, or making small talk at a party, going out for an interview, or going on a first date.

All of these are examples of public speaking if we can change our framework to see that.

And in all of these cases, we're not only trying to uphold our confidence and our knowledge of whatever subject matter we're talking about, but we're also trying to present our most authentic self at the same time.

So yeah.

That can feel like a lot.

In our shows and workshops, we give out surveys to ask people whether they love public speaking or whether they hate it, and then there's a series of follow-up questions that ask them any tips or tricks they've received along the way that help them with their anxiety around public speaking.

And what's fascinating is, whether someone loves public speaking or they hate it, their answers to the open-ended questions are largely the same.

Everyone's fear lies in the fear of being judged.

It's hard to hear, isn't it?

And the opposite of these fears and hurts are the desire to feel known and seen and heard and understood.

Isn't that what we all want?

As an important side note, you should know that in those surveys I mentioned, both lovers and haters of public speaking agree that the worst advice they've ever received around public speaking is to picture your audience naked or in their underwear.

Like I'm doing to all of you right now.

Just kidding, it turns out that doesn't work for people.

It's never worked for me either.

Let's move on.

Let's talk about some tangible tips and tricks to become a more proficient, confident public speaker or presenter of yourself to the world.

Now, it's hard.

This isn't going to happen in one day.

So be gentle with yourself.

Let's make it less scary, shall we?

Okay.

Number one.

Open up your body.

Breathe into it.

93% of what we communicate to our audience is through our body language.

It lets them know that you're okay.

But it also lets you know that you're okay.

And you're okay.

Open up, breathe, smile, blink.

Unclench your fists.

Number two.

Find your yes person.

Ah.

There is someone in every audience who is nodding and smiling and validating you.

Love that person.

As you look around scanning the room, check in with them to feel comfortable and encouraged.

My mom always says that public speaking should feel like you're talking to your best friend.

And that person in the back slumped down with their arms crossed and scrolling through their Twitter feed the whole time.

That's not your person.

Don't worry about that person.

And number three.

Be yourself.

Like seriously act like yourself.

If you have a great sense of humor, use it.

If you like to think and speak in sports analogies, sprinkle a couple of those in.

Be yourself and let them enjoy you.

They came to see you.

To hear you.

And besides, believe me when I say, they are so glad it's you up there doing the public speaking and not them.

And as you improve.

Remember to count all of your successes, no matter how small they might seem.

You make that pitch to all of your colleagues and you don't break out in hives.

Count it.

You make small talk at the church potluck.

Oh, heck yes, you did.

You make that class presentation and you sweat through that great T-shirt, but your voice didn't crack.

Nailed it.

Count each and every win.

And as you do, also remember that failure is inevitable, normal, and helpful.

Because failure is just as authentic as success.

And as you go around presenting yourself as a human being to the world, remember that it's never you against your audience.

No one is supposed to win.

In many ways, public speaking is an ongoing conversation where you become more of a part of your audience by speaking to them and teaching them.

And they become more a part of you by listening and learning.

And we all get stronger that way.

What I want you to take away from all of this is that public speaking is not about perfection.

It's woven into our everyday experience.

It's about the way that we interact with the people in the world around us and how we want to present ourselves in those interactions.

And we can get better day by day by taking our successes and our failures and just making small improvements.

So let's take public speaking and see it as a representation of our truest, most authentic selves.

And a celebration of that in others.

And the great news is, no one has to picture anyone else in their underwear.

Which is a victory in and of itself.

Thank you.