Speaker A
Yo! Apa khabar Kuala Lumpur?
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Speaker A
That's as much Malay you'll get from me, lah.
Speaker A
Thank you for coming out here, it's a 3:30, 3:30 p.m. and you still made it.
Speaker A
So good on you, and it's a very diverse audience, I know you guys can't see from upstairs, but there's one, two, three bald guys, like four.
Speaker A
It's, it's a very inclusive audience, you know.
Speaker A
Let go.
Speaker A
This is crazy.
Speaker A
I just moved to Malaysia.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker A
And, yeah, and, um, this is a very bald-friendly country.
Speaker A
It is.
Speaker A
It caters very well to the bald man because I get my head shaved every three days.
Speaker A
At a South Indian barber.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker A
And the South Indian barbers in Malaysia, it's a uniquely Malaysian experience for a bald man.
Speaker A
If you have hair, you have no idea how good it feels to feel the South Indian blade just scrape through your scalp.
Speaker A
The scra, scra.
Speaker A
And then the massage afterwards.
Speaker A
I don't know if he's angry at me or not, he's just slapping my head.
Speaker A
Just, pak, pak, pak.
Speaker A
Bodoh punya.
Speaker A
Nice.
Speaker A
But can I just say it's like low-key, low-key, like a gay experience.
Speaker A
Quite gay, quite gay.
Speaker A
And this is when I know that it felt a bit gay.
Speaker A
Cause he was shaving my beard, he was like shaving, and then like he tried to get this part here.
Speaker A
And then like he moved my loot to the side, like that.
Speaker A
And then our eyes met.
Speaker A
And that's not even the gay part, you know, it's our eyes met, he immediately went.
Speaker A
So like instinctively, I grabbed the back of his neck, you know.
Speaker A
So now we are both in this weird embrace, I'm here, he's here, I'm like that.
Speaker A
And then he slowly moves the blade to my neck, I say, let go, child.
Speaker A
Oh, sorry, sorry.
Speaker A
Sorry.
Speaker A
I thought we were sharing a moment.
Speaker A
Sorry.
Speaker A
My bad, my bad, my bad.
Speaker A
Um, yes, I've moved, I've moved back to Malaysia.
Speaker A
Um, I was here when in secondary school growing up, but now I'm back here in Malaysia.
Speaker A
And I feel like I have to reconnect with my cultural roots.
Speaker A
And, you know, reconnect with the people in Malaysia.
Speaker A
Uh, and because of that, I choose to just live the humble life, you know.
Speaker A
And I chose to live a humble life in Mont Kiara.
Speaker A
I mean, okay, I know you guys are looking at me a little strange.
Speaker A
But, but get this, okay.
Speaker A
I grew up in Masjid Tanah, Melaka, that was a very rough neighborhood.
Speaker A
But then I moved to Singapore for about 14, 15 years.
Speaker A
I've officially been softened and domesticated already.
Speaker A
If you want to move me back to Malaysia, you, yeah, Mont Kiara is the right place.
Speaker A
You cannot just throw me to Shah Alam, bro.
Speaker A
You cannot.
Speaker A
I have to re-assimilate, you understand?
Speaker A
All I'm saying is slowly, slowly, slowly.
Speaker A
We'll move out after a while.
Speaker A
I drive a Malaysian plate now, and can I just say that when you drive a Malaysian plate,
Speaker A
compared to a Singapore plate, which is what I used to drive back then,
Speaker A
my life now has been significantly better.
Speaker A
On the road.
Speaker A
Like significantly better.
Speaker A
When you drive a Singapore car on the roads of Kuala Lumpur,
Speaker A
you don't have to tell me that you don't like me.
Speaker A
I can feel it.
Speaker A
From inside the car, I can feel it, you know.
Speaker A
Like there's no room for error.
Speaker A
The moment I go like, should I take this U-turn or should I not take it?
Speaker A
Peh!
Speaker A
Bodoh Singapore!
Speaker A
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Speaker A
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker A
Shit.
Speaker A
Every time I'm at the petrol station, you know, everyone.
Speaker A
Which one?
Speaker A
Which one?
Speaker A
Ha!
Speaker A
Which one?
Speaker A
Now I drive a Melaka car, I can be in between two lanes.
Speaker A
The car behind me just goes, ah, we all make mistakes.
Speaker A
Kita jaga kita, eh.
Speaker A
It's great.
Speaker A
My life's been all right.
Speaker A
It's my dad's car, and even though he can't drive it anymore, he told me that he wants to keep it the way it is.
Speaker A
So I know it means a lot to him, so I kept it the way it is.
Speaker A
It's a very Malay uncle car.
Speaker A
Okay, it has a compartment where you keep the songkok.
Speaker A
Right?
Speaker A
And the songkok is still there.
Speaker A
I kept it there.
Speaker A
There is a porcelain vase.
Speaker A
I don't know why.
Speaker A
Malay people love porcelain vases.
Speaker A
And then at the back, there is a decal that says, Alhamdulillah.
Speaker A
But the A is the Avengers A.
Speaker A
Yeah.
Speaker A
Ori, bro.
Speaker A
Which is that.
Speaker A
I drive that car now.
Speaker A
And can I just say that it is a roadblock-proof car.
Speaker A
I have never been stopped at a roadblock driving that car.
Speaker A
That, that is the best, right?
Speaker A
Every time I see there's a roadblock, I'm like, oh, shit, roadblock.
Speaker A
Okay, stand by, songkok.
Speaker A
Right.
Speaker A
Check.
Speaker A
Alhamdulillah.
Speaker A
Time to turn on some Maher Zain.
Speaker A
As we approach the police, Inshallah.
Speaker A
Inshallah.
Speaker A
Inshallah.
Speaker A
And when I see the police officer, we don't even exchange words.
Speaker A
We just exchange Malay sounds.
Speaker A
Have you seen two Malay people not exchange words?
Speaker A
Just Malay sounds.
Speaker A
Right?
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