**Чому успішна жінка досі самотня? Психологічний розбір — Transcript & Summary | SozAI**
Source: https://sozai.app/transcript/why-is-successful-woman-still-single-psychological-analysis/

A psychological session where a successful 35-year-old woman explores repeated relationship patterns, career burnout, perfectionism, and family dynamics with a psychologist.

## Key Takeaways

- Repeated relationship patterns often mirror work patterns: total immersion in one area leaves little room for others.
- Perfectionism and overwork can function as pride or addiction rather than simply professional excellence.
- Emotional dependence on parents and guilt about their expectations can drive self-sacrifice and hinder independent choices.
- Burnout and a career pause can reveal underlying questions about self-worth and identity beyond achievement.

## What the video covers

- The speaker, almost 36, struggles to build lasting personal relationships and says her life has centered on work, where she repeatedly dissolves into career and partners.
- Her last relationship, about six months long, was emotionally abusive and controlling; she realized it only after friends noticed she had become withdrawn and afraid.
- She sought psychological help after that breakup but stopped when the war began, her schedule changed, and she was promoted to director of a Polish office.
- Career success led to burnout, and six months before the session she quit her job, living off savings while traveling and feeling pressure from friends and parents to work again.
- She reflects on a pattern of perfectionism and overwork; her manager described her demands as hard for teams, and the psychologist frames this as pride and addiction rather than healthy excellence.
- She admits that she felt more distress about possibly losing her job than about lacking a husband or children at 35, which prompted her to leave her position.
- The discussion highlights a parallel between her approach to work and to relationships: she gives herself entirely to one domain, leaving no separate space for a balanced life.
- The session explores her family history, including comparisons from her parents, ongoing financial and emotional dependence on them, and difficulty separating from her mother.
- The psychologist emphasizes that she cannot control how others feel, that guilt often reflects her own inner dynamics, and that unconscious gains can keep self-sacrificing patterns in place.
- The overall theme is the need for emotional and psychological separation from family expectations and the cultivation of a life that includes hobbies, rest, and relationships alongside work.

## Chapters

1. 00:00 Introduction: Struggling to Build Relationships
2. 02:19 Past Relationship and Leaving an Abusive Partner
3. 04:23 Career Pause, Burnout, and Pressure to Work
4. 06:44 Work and Relationships: The Same Pattern
5. 09:37 Perfectionism, Pride, and Addiction to Work
6. 11:56 Guilt, Parental Expectations, and Family Dependence
7. 18:38 Emotional Separation from Parents
8. 27:58 Self-Sacrifice, Secondary Gain, and Next Steps

Answers

## Questions about this video

Why does the speaker feel she repeatedly loses herself in relationships and work?

She describes dissolving into partners and career, focusing on one area at the expense of others. The psychologist links this to an unconscious pattern in which total immersion avoids other forms of life and emotional balance.

Why did the speaker quit her high-level job?

She experienced burnout from stressful, high-responsibility work and realized she was more worried about losing her job than about other life goals. Quitting was her way of stopping a cycle that left no room for herself.

How does the psychologist view the speaker's perfectionism?

The psychologist argues that her perfectionism is better understood as pride and an addictive pattern rather than a neutral strength. The speaker is encouraged to see that rest and separate life domains can make her more effective, not less.

## Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

00:00

Speaker A

Thank you for choosing me. The previous audit resonated with me a lot. I suppose my request will be about personal relationships. I have a problem building personal relationships ; the same scenarios keep repeating, but most of the time, there are no

00:21

Speaker A

relationships at all. Everything in my life goes into work, into my career. I mean, for many years I've dreamed of a relationship, made New Year's wishes to meet a loved one, you know. But if you look at my actions, I did the exact

00:38

Speaker A

opposite. I built my career, stayed at work for hours, worked weekends, canceled vacations, and took on the next project instead of dedicating time to my personal life or finding a partner; or when I was in a relationship, I completely dissolved

00:59

Speaker A

into my partner. Only he existed, his desires, his schedule. I kind of dissolved into those relationships.

01:10

Speaker A

Almost 36. And how many relationships have you had in your life? Where we lived together for a certain time, well , there were probably two, one in university and one five years ago.

01:35

Speaker A

And how long were they—the one five years ago? How long did they last? About six months.

01:42

Speaker A

Did you live together? Yes. Uh-huh. And why did you break up? I realized at some point that it was a rather abusive relationship. My friends helped me, seeing that I was changing.

02:00

Speaker A

From an active, communicative, cheerful person, I became withdrawn. I started meeting friends less because he always controlled who I was seeing. He would say that when I left, I was abandoning him. In general, at some point I was

02:19

Speaker A

even afraid of him, and I realized that I needed to get out of the relationship because I didn't notice how I was losing myself; it was a very hard exit.

02:30

Speaker A

That was the first time I turned to a psychologist, it was very difficult, there was a very strong emotional attachment. I missed him and wanted to be with him and I missed him, but in my head, I understood that this was not

02:45

Speaker A

normal, it was a very strong emotional attachment. And there were no healthy relationships there; returning to that person was not an option. He would call, could threaten me a little, and I was very glad that I got out. Now I look at it.

03:02

Speaker A

I don't understand how I could have ever gotten into a relationship with such a person. And did you work with a psychologist? Why didn't you continue further to understand why this happens?

03:16

Speaker A

I don't know. I, well, I mean I worked with a psychologist before the war started. Then the war started, my schedule got messed up, the psychologist's schedule got messed up, there was a strong career growth. Well, how to put it, I was transferred to the

03:37

Speaker A

Polish office, made director, there was a lot of work, I liked everything, the focus shifted to work again, and so the relationship focus shifted to "not the right time." But right now, for example , despite building a huge career and

03:56

Speaker A

having a fairly high salary that I never dreamed of before, it led to burnout. Six months ago, I quit my job.

04:06

Speaker A

I haven't worked for half a year now; I've been traveling, resting, and living off my savings, and...I'm in a bit of an unstable state. You're not working.

04:23

Speaker A

And how do you feel about not working? I do have a desire to go to work, or...

04:33

Speaker A

let's say, I have a pretty good safety cushion that I...built up for myself. I don't worry about finances; I understand that I could easily not work for several years, but I'm starting to feel pressure because, well, I was

04:47

Speaker A

traveling, now I've returned to Kyiv, and there's pressure because all my friends are working, the pressure of questions like "how's work?", and pressure from parents: "go find a job." Moreover, I've been working from a very young age, since I was 17, I've been

05:07

Speaker A

supporting myself, but, well, in principle, a desire is starting to emerge again to just do something. When you've been in a high management position, you felt your own worth; this desire arises again, you want to feel your worth by doing something. Well, I

05:28

Speaker A

mean, for a while, I really needed this rest to sleep and stop being constantly stressed. Well, because the work was quite stressful. Sometimes on weekends, sometimes at night, a lot of responsibility, and, well, at some point, the question arose for me: wait,

05:46

Speaker A

I'm 35, I've spent my whole life constantly worrying that I need work, work, work, that I'm constantly not enough, that I need to be better, even better, the best. And for the first time, it brought to the forefront the

06:02

Speaker A

question: why am I not worried that at 35 I have no husband or children, and that doesn't bother me, but what bothers me is that I might be left without a job? And this issue became so overwhelming that I decided that if I

06:17

Speaker A

stayed in that position, nothing would change, I had to leave. I quit. Let's make, let's say, a somewhat premature conclusion and hypothesis that in your work and your relationships with men— meaning, your relationship with work and with certain people, and here, your

06:44

Speaker A

relationship with men—the situation is the same. Yes. Well, I'm not sure about that. What exactly do you mean when you say you're not sure? Well, I just never managed to build long-term relationships in a company. In one context, but I mean in another context;

07:18

Speaker A

I mean that you dissolve yourself there ...I mean, you gave yourself over completely to such an extent that even now, even with work, you say, "Well, I'm starting to think about the fact that I feel a need for myself somewhere

07:42

Speaker A

and I'm starting to get bored," but that's not for sure. Six months is a long time not to work; I mean, to drive yourself so hard that, as you say, there is pressure from friends and pressure from parents, but you yourself

08:06

Speaker A

don't have that strong desire to go and work. Well, I can't say that they spend a lot of time on themselves. I developed a hobby before this. Well, the thing is that you only get hobbies and time for yourself when there is no

08:24

Speaker A

work. It turns out that in parallel, you go out, and everything dissolves there like sugar in water, and that's it.

08:34

Speaker A

Yes. It should exist in parallel somehow so that you have a life separate from work . And it's the same with guys as it is with work. You focus either on the guys or on work. Well, it's just that I'm

08:52

Speaker A

fully into work. Relationships appear when I'm not at work. It's a model that works; you just need to insert someone or something into it, and that's it.

09:08

Speaker A

And you start focusing only on that, on that alone. Well, focusing on that very strongly; I mean, there is perfectionism present, dissecting every issue, every task into molecules when it could just be done. My manager even once told me, "Olya, I like that you

09:27

Speaker A

are strong.""That is exactly why we keep promoting you and trusting you with our biggest projects and companies , but understand that sometimes it's hard for the team to work with you because it's very difficult to reach your, how to say, your demands, your

09:41

Speaker A

level.""You have to understand that not everyone will work like that, not everyone." This isn't about perfectionism; this is a manifestation of pride. Well, I never thought about it like that.

09:58

Speaker A

Because there is actually nothing wrong with perfectionism. If a person is a top specialist, they do everything cool and well. Imagine if there were no perfectionism, for example, in surgeons performing complex operations on the brain or the heart. I mean, how, it's

10:20

Speaker A

necessary, it's cool. Uh-huh. People who take on great responsibility earn accordingly; I don't see perfectionism as negative right now.

10:33

Speaker A

You know, it's just an injection into mass consciousness of certain concepts being distorted. I mean, as if perfectionism is necessarily a negative sign. I don't see anything like that here.

10:51

Speaker A

Well, I just somehow don't stop. I mean , people might come home from work at 8 p.m. I am telling you, it is about something else. This is about addiction . Uh-huh.

11:02

Speaker A

Perfectionist people do live full lives . And in reality, when they take a break, they become more resourceful and see something much better than what they saw before. I even have friends who take breaks, say for a month or two

11:23

Speaker A

, then come back and say, "Oh, I've stepped out of the operational routine, I see things completely differently now ." Uh-huh.

11:36

Speaker A

And when you say you're starting to live, well, of course, people don't want to live like that. They have families, they have hobbies, they have a life, and you seem to be competing with them unconsciously. Perhaps, perhaps I was constantly tearing myself

11:56

Speaker A

away for work because I had nothing but work. Well, is that like a binge?

12:03

Speaker A

There's alcoholism, and then there's workaholism. And it's not very constructive. But I've been living like this for a long time. There were certain reasons why I started working at 17. Did your parents not support you at all, that

12:26

Speaker A

you had to start so early? I got into university in Kyiv, the Kyiv-Mohyla Academy, but I'm not from Kyiv myself.

12:36

Speaker A

Well, let's say we were quite low-income, and I didn't get a scholarship, I got into something between a paid spot and a scholarship.

12:43

Speaker A

My parents helped as much as they could , and my older sister, who was working then, suggested that they needed some help at her job, an assistant, my English was good, so I could earn some pocket money. It was constant—before

13:08

Speaker A

classes, between classes, after classes , because I had full-time studies, I had to spend all the time at work to earn extra money.

13:16

Speaker A

I understood that this helped the family. Plus, I had a feeling of guilt that I didn't get into a government-funded spot.

13:22

Speaker A

A feeling of guilt that you didn't get in? Yes. And were you expected to?

13:28

Speaker A

Well, my sister got in, and I...What a disaster. Who was it that always... Years.

13:46

Speaker A

Well, that's a long time. My sister works, my sister went to graduate school. But when I started my job and built a career, Dad didn't understand what kind of job that was. I started working in production, and he...He

14:03

Speaker A

didn't understand what shifts were: why I worked on weekends, why on holidays, why I was working. Sometimes at night, he didn't understand that; he told me to get a normal job, go work in a bank.

14:15

Speaker A

That was his perspective. I said, "But in a bank, I'll be earning significantly less." Well, if it wasn't understandable to him, it wasn't a real job. Or, for example, two years ago he called to wish me a happy birthday and

14:29

Speaker A

wished for me to become normal, find a husband, and start living a normal life like everyone else.

14:36

Speaker A

And you're not normal? Yes. Well, it turns out that if you don't have a husband and children, then yes.

14:42

Speaker A

Aha. So that's the kind of connection you have with your father. Yes. Well, I understand that he loves me and but he does love me. But and this is a manifestation, because he worries that I am alone. But often, the

15:00

Speaker A

way he projects this. Did you say project? No. Then who did you say projected? No, no, I understand that this is a manifestation of love. And the manifestation, the manifestation is traumatic, it highlights exactly that, and that's how it is.

15:21

Speaker A

Uh-huh. How often do you talk to your parents? Well, once a week, maybe less often.

15:30

Speaker A

And how do you communicate? Do they call you, or do you call them? Well, usually they do, but now I do it more often, because last year my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I am spending a lot of time with them, which is why I

15:42

Speaker A

returned to Ukraine. You spent a lot of time with her? And now the hospital And did your sister spend a lot of time ?

15:53

Speaker A

She came for a month and then left. Uh-huh. And why did she spend less time ? Has it crossed your mind? Well, she has a child, she has a husband, she returned to her life.

16:07

Speaker A

And you don't have those obligations. Yes, for whom is that so, for you or for them? For them, it is not hard to take them. Well, I stay silent quite often, then I explode, and then I write a

16:25

Speaker A

message and apologize. And I quite you live, I live in Kyiv, they live down below French not professionally, but thank God parents actually, the question you asked at the start, how is this connected to your parents and your

16:58

Speaker A

relationship with men. Well, I understand that it is connected, but I cannot draw a clear parallel. I understand that I am still very dependent on my parents 'opinion, despite the fact that I earn my own living, support myself, travel a lot,

17:22

Speaker A

buy things, apartments, I am still dependent on, like I will call, even now sometimes I tell them something, and Dad says we don't need that. I say, "Who is we?" Dad, it's not you who will be living in that apartment, I will be

17:37

Speaker A

living there, I am just sharing with you. I start to analyze, no well because they, I don't share anything with them, I mean my sister has almost completely cut them off should take her as an example it is very measured

17:54

Speaker A

but I feel sorry for them because they call me later and say that my sister doesn't talk to them uh-huh, and you have to compensate for both now Well, not for both, but I don't know, I feel sorry for them in advance if I do

18:11

Speaker A

something wrong or if I don't feel sorry for myself I feel sorry for them in advance because they will feel guilty and I don't want them to feel that again.

18:26

Speaker A

Well, for example, I don't know, my mom said something wrong to me, I emphasize , she feels guilty, and I feel a sense of guilt, do you think that......you are capable of feeling what another person feels? Yes.

18:45

Speaker A

Uh-huh. That is not the case. Once, a professional specialist said—she is no longer with us, may she rest in peace—something really profound when I was talking about my relationship with my mother, she said: "Aren't you afraid of going crazy?" I was like, "

19:03

Speaker A

What do you mean?" And she says: "You are trying to understand—no, not understand, you are trying to feel what she feels." Such splitting can lead you to certain consequences. Actually, it brought me out of a certain dependency.

19:32

Speaker A

And right now I also told you this in a somewhat provocative way, so that you would understand that even if it seems to you that you feel and are trying to take on this sense of guilt for another

19:48

Speaker A

person, to somehow rid this person of the suffering related to this feeling. Know in advance that it is only about you. It is your sense of guilt. We are not capable of feeling what another person feels. And what you are

20:11

Speaker A

describing, one might call it a very, very classic situation where a child separates physically at a certain point in their life, but they are emotionally immature. This is what you are talking about, which is why I asked about your

20:35

Speaker A

relationship with a psychologist, because you are talking about emotional intelligence. Some people have it developed, some don't; for example, you can be a great specialist in a certain field and have a high IQ, earn money, but not know how to build relationships

20:57

Speaker A

. So you fail, and you start using perfectionism in this way to draw attention to yourself. In reality, this is a competition, and the father figure takes the place of the boss.

21:14

Speaker A

Uh-huh. And in this way, perhaps unconsciously, you are competing with your sister, and you are exhausted because your sister is 6 years older, and as a child with such a gap, you will always feel inadequate. And it's logical, you know, I have a brother who

21:39

Speaker A

is three years younger. When I congratulate him on his birthday, I always smile and say: "You will never catch up to me." Well, because I am three years older. And this is a certain thesis behind the joke, but it

21:56

Speaker A

is also a story about you. You can never catch up to her while remaining in this childhood story of the little girl who is years younger. She is more capable, she is more educated, she already enrolled, she already did this,

22:16

Speaker A

she already did that. So, if you don't modify this model of thinking, you will always move in a direction where the result is already known. Uh-huh.

22:31

Speaker A

So emotionally it will drain you, and it’s predictable, so she And now she has gotten married. And now she has already had a child. Well, that's it.

22:42

Speaker A

And the focus is set on her, so the focus is constantly on her. That's why work no longer brings that joy that it once did. You were forced to finish your work, when did she get married?

23:00

Speaker A

Well, about 10 years ago. So you are you are 36, so she is 42. Yes.

23:13

Speaker A

Yes. Yes. Well, 31-32 married. Uh-huh. At 31-32 she got married. See, and you are already feeling the pressure. You are already 36, she is at that same...

23:26

Speaker A

And here you are losing again in this competition. Yes. Uh-huh. And this drags on constantly. And I talked to my parents about it. Even she talked to her parents about it, saying stop comparing us. You won't change the situation that

23:44

Speaker A

way. You won't change your parents. This whole game of trying to influence them, to hold them accountable, to ask them to change their attitude. Well, you know, it's like beating the air.

24:01

Speaker A

It’s it’s pointless. It won't lead to anything. They won't change their attitude toward you. It’s already formed and they have the right to it.

24:10

Speaker A

They are your parents. There is only one way to change the situation. That is to separate from them. You didn't take the separation mini-course. There are five types of separation, five.

24:28

Speaker A

Physical, emotional. And psychological. These are the highest levels; psychological separation is when you are very emotionally dependent on them.

24:41

Speaker A

And this, of course, manifests in all other areas of life and in your relationships with the opposite sex.

24:49

Speaker A

And functional separation is when you have your own opinion and it differs from your parents', but you are unable to withstand and stand up for yourself.

25:00

Speaker A

So think the way you see fit. I think so, well that's it, I'm off to live my life. But you start to get all worked up. Uh-huh.

25:10

Speaker A

Oh, how? And what? And what should I say? And I think this way, and they think that way. And you try to pull them to your side, but they won't be pulled, you start trying to get something across to them, but they

25:23

Speaker A

don't hear you. And you start making excuses, then you get tired of it all, aggression appears, you snap at them, and then guilt follows, and you circle like this for a long time. Uh-huh. It's time to change this story. Ready?

25:50

Speaker A

I'm ready. I am waiting for you in the Woman of Calling project. Moreover, you will immediately receive my book as a bonus.

26:00

Speaker A

The woman, a book on separation, I have as a bonus. And the book is titled The Story of an Extraordinary Woman, or How to Set Your Genius Free. I wrote it 12 years ago. And this is my story of

26:18

Speaker A

breaking free from a very, very strong emotional dependency on my mother; I'm telling the path of my life, and you'll see some fragments there that hit the nail on the head, and you'll understand why. I think that perhaps this story

26:48

Speaker A

even begins from the moment of your birth. What did your father say to you?

26:55

Speaker A

What do you know about when you were born? Was he happy that you were born?

27:00

Speaker A

Well, I know. Yes, that they were expecting me, and they were happy when I appeared.

27:05

Speaker A

The second daughter. Yes, well, I know that dad wanted girls , mom wanted a boy. Uh-huh. And why does a father need girls? I don't know.

27:25

Speaker A

I don't know, he paid me attention. You see, he paid so much attention then, and still does now, that you can't seem to detach yourself from this attention.

27:35

Speaker A

Just become normal already. Well. Yes, his way of showing care is very strange , but do you accept that his way of showing care should be left to him? He won't change; he will keep showing care in this specific way. But your task is

27:58

Speaker A

to react to this differently. It is very difficult, because it hurts a lot. Uh-huh. And why do you think it hurts?

28:11

Speaker A

Well, because for me, they are. Close, important people. Well, even when I worked through it with a psychologist, I understand it's normal to realize that parents don't always have a good influence on us. We didn't choose them.

28:29

Speaker A

It's one thing to love them, and another thing to understand that they can also be wrong. Not to perceive 100% that parents are sacred and everything; they are just people who make mistakes and can traumatize, just like friends

28:49

Speaker A

you don't like talking to. But. Well, I don't know, it's somehow difficult because my sister communicated with them very intensely, and I feel sorry for them. Yes. And I, well, I can't communicate with them like that, knowing how it traumatized

29:10

Speaker A

me, and I don't want to. I will tell you a strange thing now, and you will go and process it later, because this thing is, let's say, one of those very important elements. Why do you become a hostage of this

29:29

Speaker A

situation? I am warning you right away that it will sound strange to you, because one needs to—we have an express version here—one needs to mature for it, but I will allow myself to say it since you have already worked

29:45

Speaker A

with a psychologist, so for you, this might be the next level. Understand one thing: when you were little, what you are telling makes a certain amount of sense. Analyzing it is cool and so on.

30:00

Speaker A

But there is one point: you are trying to explain everything to yourself through mental activity, intellectualizing it all. Parents are like that; they can have an influence on us. That’s not everything, meaning you have a certain mechanism where a

30:22

Speaker A

person starts modifying something. Someone asked: modification. Modification can happen through logical rationalization and some explanation; they provide relief, but I told you: it is about the emotional component, the emotion, and because of those emotions, you are hanging on an emotional hook,

30:50

Speaker A

depending on them. And when, as a little girl, you constantly suffered from your parents comparing you, for you it was a constant emotional suffering, never in your favor. But with you, as people, who can think, we have already voiced this hypothesis

31:19

Speaker A

regarding the fact that, well, [the] older [sister], you will constantly feel inadequate next to her.

31:31

Speaker A

Yes, but this emotional suffering, this certain trauma, has now led you to the need to rewrite this situation somehow so as not to be in that passive position where you are constantly pushed, where you are constantly comparing yourself, and for you,

31:53

Speaker A

another option is chosen—it is an unconscious process—where you are on top. And then an idea appears that your sister supposedly separated, which is normal, it is separation—a normal process of detachment, when a person, having their own family, clearly sets

32:20

Speaker A

priorities. For her, [the parents] stop being the center, because they are not her family; she has a new family, a husband and her child. Oh, [they are] family and the priority, and she has clearly set them. This is normal, this

32:36

Speaker A

is great, and this is correct regarding the development of our personality. That is, she did not abandon them, did not renounce them, there is no alienation; they are still in her life, but they occupy a certain place. Not

32:53

Speaker A

this big, but this big. Normal. But you say that because of the fact that now it seems to you a certain justification of the situation is a pity. And I now become the one [they] depend on. (It is

33:16

Speaker A

called in professional psychoanalytic language—the phallic) position, meaning not that I depend on them, as I was before, not that I couldn't do anything, but now I am in a position where [they] depend on me, I...well, how I...well, how I am now the one who,

33:38

Speaker A

here my father called, and there, and I tell them something from my life, I provide them. There something, there something, so that they would think.

33:51

Speaker A

They are here with me, I moved, I am somewhere nearby, and all that. In fact : nothing changes, as the dependency was, so the dependency remained. But now it is in a different format, you seem to have taken on some duties. And

34:09

Speaker A

this is very similar to what happened at your job, your boss said: "Well, you sort of found this, When you're not collaborating but being forced into a passive position, you need to be on top , on top, I, I! Here, here, grasp this

34:36

Speaker A

idea. It depends more on me now, easier . for my parents I'm influencing this process. My sister separated, now the bet is on me, and thus we've become even more dependent. Probably, yes. And you became a hostage of the situation,

35:17

Speaker A

and in the unconscious there is a paradox, a huge internal conflict, a conflict. On one hand, you want your own family, but to achieve on the other side, at an unconscious level due to childhood trauma, you have now taken a

35:37

Speaker A

position where you are able to rewrite history, to rewrite to say, let's focus on. This is what it's about, you can...

35:56

Speaker A

I have cases where a person moved 5,000 km away from...their parents, such a huge distance, they earn their own living, have a family, and are in total emotional dependency.

36:12

Speaker A

Distance. Physical separation, financial separation does not equal emotional separation; they are different things. You can communicate very rarely, but after this communication feel exhausted. You can communicate very rarely, but one word, bam, and you are below the floor. So

36:41

Speaker A

this reaction is exactly that and it is what we are focusing on, I got married very early, I met my person before I even turned 18, I broke away from my mom well, around 25 years old. It was

37:13

Speaker A

like that, little by little, bit by bit . And she was right there for me. She is a saintly person, and the feeling of debt, total guilt, and the desire to make her happy. I understand. It's just that I still have some, well, yes, that

37:45

Speaker A

is, I'll be 36 in a month, but I constantly have the feeling that I'm 20 , that I haven't grown up. I feel...I completely agree, it's completely so, childish manifestations when you are very dependent, when you need to

38:01

Speaker A

somehow please them, and then call and say something, even if there are no such events in your life, in order to embellish their life or tell something to liven things up, to distract mom or create something, or tell them

38:20

Speaker A

something about your life. As if they are waiting, what is it with me, what is it with me, I must tell them something, involve them in my life. The more you do this, the more you distance yourself from your desire to create

38:36

Speaker A

your own family. I am thinking not just about parents, but about work and relationships, when I am in them I dissolve, meaning to do something for someone I will dissolve, I won't sleep, I won't do anything for myself. No, I

38:59

Speaker A

won't. This is a very important moment, Olya, which you missed, and once again I insist on it. This is what you do for yourself, this is for you. It is simply a specific created mechanism that was developed because of that past. And you

39:18

Speaker A

do this for yourself. I repeat once again, for yourself at an unconscious level. This is your way of obtaining that pleasure where you feel capable, competent, and powerful. That is, when we see all these calls being pushed into the mass consciousness again. I

39:38

Speaker A

lived, I lived my life for my children, all that. I dissolved myself, I sacrificed, I betrayed myself. That sounds nice, but there is a secondary gain in it. At an unconscious level, this is a working through of a certain

39:55

Speaker A

scenario, playing it out:" It's all thanks to me, I helped, I did it, "and that's a certain kind of pleasure.

40:06

Speaker A

For yourself, for yourself; we always do everything only for ourselves. But this is just a mechanism; the mechanism needs to be changed, though the shell will remain the same. You will still be in relationships, but not as deeply involved. You will still work

40:26

Speaker A

, but you won't destroy your personal life for the sake of your job. You will set boundaries, specific boundaries, separation boundaries. But all this happens through separation. What is separation? Another name for separation is conflict. And you are afraid of

40:44

Speaker A

conflicts with your parents. What didn't happen in your life at the right time, when it was supposed to, you have now reached that point, but it's very difficult for you to hold on, and so you must do it to stay in balance: Dad

41:09

Speaker A

will be unhappy, Mom will be unhappy, but you need to cut through the quick right now. Uh-huh.

41:20

Speaker A

It doesn't happen any other way. Otherwise, you will be a hostage, even if you want to be happy. Yes, I understand. A certain strategy and tactics are needed, that's what the" Woman, Calling, Money "project is for.

41:47

Speaker A

The first module is about the attitude toward oneself, the second is the attitude toward parents; they occupy a key, very important position in the project itself. And these two modules are even more significant than the subsequent modules—three, four, and

42:05

Speaker A

five: relationships with men, relationships with children, and relationships with money and self-realization. And this powerful fist is the" Woman, Calling, Money " project, where we go through all spheres of life, form a new attitude toward key figures in our lives, and

42:27

Speaker A

begin to build internal support that will give us the opportunity to get what we want while leaving everyone around us in peace. So there it is.

42:43

Speaker A

Thank you.

Topics: personal relationships burnout perfectionism emotional dependency career pressure family dynamics psychological separation toxic relationships self-worth psychotherapy

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