**7 Social Skills That Make People Want To Be Your Friend! โ€” Transcript & Summary | SozAI** Source: https://sozai.app/transcript/social-skills-make-people-friend/ Learn 7 essential social skills to build healthy friendships and stand out in conversations with tips from psychotherapist Michelle Farris. ## Key Takeaways - Healthy friendships require emotional balance and mutual support. - Listening actively and asking questions makes you stand out positively. - Nonverbal cues are crucial to understanding others' engagement. - Neutral topics help build rapport without conflict in early conversations. - Avoid negativity and oversharing to foster trust and connection. ## What the video covers - Avoid emotional starvation by seeking support to prevent dominating conversations and missing social cues. - Become a better listener by truly listening, avoiding interruptions, and asking relevant follow-up questions. - Pay attention to nonverbal social cues like eye contact and body language to gauge interest and engagement. - Stick to neutral topics such as hobbies, jobs, and values to avoid divisive or overly personal conversations early on. - Avoid being too negative as it can drain others and hinder forming healthy friendships. - Practice sharing about yourself gradually and avoid oversharing until trust and safety are established. - Recognize when others are disinterested or distracted and respond appropriately without taking it personally. - Take turns in conversation and look for reciprocal interest before sharing more personal information. - Use social settings like support groups or hobby meetups to practice and develop these social skills. - Healthy friendships are built on mutual listening, respect, and positive, engaging communication. ## Chapters 1. 00:00 Introduction and Overview of 7 Social Skills 2. 00:40 Avoiding Emotional Starvation in Conversations 3. 01:31 Finding Support to Improve Social Interactions 4. 02:13 Letting Others Talk and Avoiding Interruptions 5. 02:52 Becoming a Better Listener: Techniques 6. 03:34 Reading Nonverbal Cues and Handling Disinterest 7. 04:23 Asking Relevant Questions and Staying Neutral 8. 05:05 Avoiding Negativity and Oversharing 9. 05:52 Taking Turns and Sharing Gradually 10. 08:31 Summary and Final Tips for Healthy Friendships Answers ## Questions about this video What is emotional starvation and how does it affect conversations? Emotional starvation occurs when a person feels unsupported and unheard, leading them to dominate conversations and miss social cues, which harms the development of healthy friendships. How can I become a better listener according to the video? To become a better listener, focus on truly listening without interrupting, maintain good eye contact, and ask relevant follow-up questions about what the other person has shared. Why should I avoid negative topics or oversharing early in new friendships? Avoiding negativity and oversharing helps prevent draining others and building trust gradually, which is essential for creating safe and healthy friendships. ## Full Transcript โ€” Download SRT & Markdown 00:00 Speaker A So in this week's video, I'm sharing seven social skills that create healthy friendships. So in this video, you're going to learn what those skills are and how to stand out in a conversation because these skills are going to set you apart. But if you're new, my name is Michelle Ferris. I'm a psychotherapist, and I love helping people create relationships at work. So the very first thing you need to do when you're starting a conversation with someone new 00:14 Speaker A you apart but if you're new my name is Michelle Ferris I'm a psychotherapist and I love helping people create relationships at work so the very first thing you need to do when you're starting a conversation with someone new 00:26 Speaker A is you need to avoid emotional starvation. And what I mean by that is if you go into a conversation and you don't have much support and you feel like nobody listens to you, you're most likely going to go into that conversation with 00:40 Speaker A an intense need to be heard and this is going to hurt your chances for developing healthy friendships because when we're emotionally starved we actually tend to dominate the conversation we miss the social cues because we're so focused on getting our 00:56 Speaker A an intense need to be heard. And this is going to hurt your chances for developing healthy friendships because when we're emotionally starved, we actually tend to dominate the conversation. We miss the social cues because we're so focused on getting our 01:16 Speaker A listening and sharing because that is a really important social skill and if you're emotionally starved because you don't get heard a lot it's going to be harder for you to listen in that conversation and that's the next skill 01:31 Speaker A need met that it really derails the conversation. So one way to fix this is start finding additional support, whether that's 12-step meetings like Al-Anon or CoDA or ACA or groups for addiction or a Meetup for a hobby, places that you can practice 01:46 Speaker A help you create healthy friendships if you know how to listen that's going to make you stand out especially to healthy people who do the same thing so there's three ways to become a better listener one is this sounds really simple but be 02:00 Speaker A listening and sharing because that is a really important social skill. And if you're emotionally starved because you don't get heard a lot, it's going to be harder for you to listen in that conversation. And that's the next skill. 02:13 Speaker A on for 20 minutes then that is going to be a warning sign but in that initial conversation when we're trying to meet new people I want you to just let them talk and just watch your tendency to want to interrupt because this is part 02:26 Speaker A So what you need to do is you need to become a better listener because let's face it, most people like talking about themselves much more than they do listening to other people talk. And while that is human nature, it's not going to 02:40 Speaker A show that we're interested in what they're talking about and asking questions is a great way to do that if listening is a challenge for you say me to in the comments I'm right there with you so another social skill we want to 02:52 Speaker A help you create healthy friendships. If you know how to listen, that's going to make you stand out, especially to healthy people who do the same thing. So there's three ways to become a better listener. One is this sounds really simple, but be 03:07 Speaker A they're looking at their phone those are all signs that you may need to follow up and say hey is something okay you seem distracted it's okay to ask that in an initial conversation especially if it's obvious what you might want to do is 03:21 Speaker A quiet. You want to look like you're interested in what they're saying, and how you can do this is to maintain good eye contact. Another thing to becoming a better listener is avoid interrupting them. Just let them talk. Now if they go 03:34 Speaker A not everybody is a match so if they look disinterested don't make that mean anything negative about you because often times it might be that they're stressed or they're just distracted about something that's happening in their own life and they're not really 03:49 Speaker A on for 20 minutes, then that is going to be a warning sign. But in that initial conversation when we're trying to meet new people, I want you to just let them talk and just watch your tendency to want to interrupt because this is part 04:05 Speaker A friendship is to stick to neutral topics especially in the beginning because if we go into hot topics like politics religion things that are really divisive right now or provoke a lot of intense reactions and defensiveness it's not going to go well in that conversation so 04:23 Speaker A of listening. Now the third more advanced technique in listening is ask relevant questions about what they've just said. So if they're talking about their job or their hobby, ask them a follow-up question because listening is a way to 04:39 Speaker A there's anything we have in common with them and neutral subjects can be a way to do that the next social skill I want you to develop is to avoid being too negative now let's face it all of us may 04:51 Speaker A show that we're interested in what they're talking about, and asking questions is a great way to do that. If listening is a challenge for you, say me too in the comments. I'm right there with you. So another social skill we want to 05:05 Speaker A notice how drained you feel afterwards because usually people aren't that interested in having those kind of conversations and healthy people definitely aren't interested in focusing on the negative now again it's okay to do maybe a little complaining especially 05:20 Speaker A develop is to pay attention to nonverbal social cues. Like for instance, if you're in a conversation and somebody starts to trail off, their eyes are no longer on you, they look disinterested, maybe they're starting to fidget or 05:35 Speaker A is super important I used to have a sign on my head a lot of my clients have told me this too where the sign actually says tell me your life story I'll listen the problem with that is that it's really 05:47 Speaker A they're looking at their phone. Those are all signs that you may need to follow up and say, "Hey, is something okay? You seem distracted." It's okay to ask that in an initial conversation, especially if it's obvious. What you might want to do is 06:02 Speaker A and you're dying to share something more personal I want you to hold off because in healthy friendship people don't overshare they wait until they get to know that person and make sure that they're safe so some examples of 06:15 Speaker A wait a little bit before asking that question to see if it improves. But noticing their body language is really key because that's going to tell you a lot about how interested they are in their communication. And let's face it, 06:32 Speaker A or two things you can talk about that isn't really intense like your job or things that are important to you or values that you have or Hobbies stick to those safe subjects that aren't going to be indicative of oversharing because 06:48 Speaker A not everybody is a match. So if they look disinterested, don't make that mean anything negative about you because oftentimes it might be that they're stressed or they're just distracted about something that's happening in their own life and they're not really 07:00 Speaker A practice is take your turn and if you're like me maybe you wait until the other person shows interest or asks you a question but I've noticed when I do that I'm waiting a long time because a lot of 07:12 Speaker A willing to share it. That's okay. If somebody appears disinterested, that's important information, especially when it comes to creating healthy friendships because you want there to be a nice connection. So another social skill I want you to develop for healthy 07:26 Speaker A about themselves and sharing their own Stories versus how to connect with that other person so what I want you to do is I want you to volunteer something about yourself whether it's about who you are what's important to you your job a hobby 07:40 Speaker A friendship is to stick to neutral topics, especially in the beginning. Because if we go into hot topics like politics, religion, things that are really divisive right now or provoke a lot of intense reactions and defensiveness, it's not going to go well in that conversation. So 07:52 Speaker A because I'm literally fighting to take my turn but that's okay because what you want to do is you want to see if that other person is going to receive that and ask you a follow-up question or show any interest because if it doesn't and 08:06 Speaker A instead, you might want to focus on work, hobbies, travel, things that are pretty easy to talk about that don't trigger any emotional reactions because what we want to do is see if we can have a nice chitchat back and forth to see if 08:18 Speaker A say me to in the comments I'm right there with you but believe me this gets easier with time now here's a bonus tip after you do this in conversation I want you to assess the results how do you 08:31 Speaker A there's anything we have in common with them. And neutral subjects can be a way to do that. The next social skill I want you to develop is to avoid being too negative. Now let's face it, all of us may 08:45 Speaker A is really good information the first time you try it because it's going to help you improve your social skills so that you can create healthier lasting relationships now the next thing I want you to do is I want you to go watch my 08:58 Speaker A have something to complain about these days, and that's okay. But notice if you've ever been in a conversation with someone who is super negative and all they do is focus on what isn't working or what other people have done to them, Topics: social skills healthy friendships active listening conversation tips nonverbal cues emotional support relationship building communication skills psychotherapy Michelle Farris Study this video - [Flashcards from this video](https://sozai.app/tools/ai-flashcard-generator/?from=transcript&id=79260) - [Quiz on this video](https://sozai.app/tools/quiz-generator/?from=transcript&id=79260) Free, made by AI from this transcript. No signup. --- This is the markdown twin of https://sozai.app/transcript/social-skills-make-people-friend/ โ€” the same content, without the markup. Published by SozAI (https://sozai.app). Reuse and quotation are allowed with attribution and a link back. Machine-readable index: https://sozai.app/llms.txt ยท data API: https://sozai.app/api/