**Reading The Secret College Essay Harvard Admissions LOVED — Transcript & Summary | SozAI**
Source: https://sozai.app/transcript/reading-secret-college-essay-harvard/

Analysis of a Harvard-loved college essay by Aaron, exploring creativity, storytelling, and admissions insights.

## Key Takeaways

- Creative storytelling and vivid imagery can make a college essay stand out.
- A natural, organic voice is preferable to a forced or overly rehearsed style.
- Admissions officers appreciate essays that reveal personality and thought process.
- Balancing detail with forward momentum is key to effective essay writing.
- Even strong essays can have areas for improvement, which can be learned from.

## What the video covers

- The video analyzes a college essay written by a high school senior named Aaron, praised by Harvard admissions.
- The essay is sourced from the book '100 Successful College Essays' by the Harvard Independent.
- Admissions officers from Ivy League schools comment on essays in the book, highlighting what makes them successful.
- Aaron's essay creatively personifies a mental block as an old hermit fishing for his thoughts.
- The essay showcases strong storytelling, vivid imagery, and clever writing techniques.
- The video includes a full read-through of the essay followed by a detailed breakdown of its strengths and areas for improvement.
- The essay reflects Aaron's interest in liberal arts and his application to Haverford College.
- The narrator emphasizes the importance of natural voice and avoiding overly rehearsed titles in essays.
- The video discusses how admissions officers might feel reading essays and what stands out to them.
- Overall, the essay is praised for its originality, writing dexterity, and ability to engage the reader.

## Chapters

1. 00:00 Introduction to Aaron's College Essay
2. 01:06 Essay Read-Through and Initial Thoughts
3. 02:08 Personification of Mental Block in the Essay
4. 03:11 Dialogue with the Mental Block Character
5. 04:16 Aaron's Journey and Essay Themes
6. 06:28 Creative Writing and Storytelling Analysis
7. 08:31 Admissions Officer Perspective and Essay Impact
8. 14:28 Final Thoughts on Essay Style and Title

Answers

## Questions about this video

What makes Aaron's college essay stand out to Harvard admissions?

Aaron's essay stands out due to its creative storytelling, vivid imagery, and clever personification of a mental block, which showcases his originality and writing skill.

Where does the essay analyzed in the video come from?

The essay is sourced from the book '100 Successful College Essays' by the Harvard Independent, which features essays commented on by top Ivy League admissions officers.

Why does the narrator prefer essays without titles?

The narrator believes essays without titles feel more natural and organic, avoiding a rehearsed or forced impression, allowing the student's authentic voice to shine through.

## Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

00:00

Speaker A

On a casual summer afternoon, a high school senior named Aaron decided to write one of the greatest college essays I have ever read. Describing this essay as even a work of art is an understatement. I absolutely love the way that this student wrote their college essay.

00:16

Speaker A

that this student wrote their college essay now contrary to some of the other essays that I talk about on this channel this is not some random essay I pulled off the internet this actually comes from a book on college essays the book

00:29

Speaker A

Now, contrary to some of the other essays that I talk about on this channel, this is not some random essay I pulled off the internet. This actually comes from a book on college essays. The book is written by the Harvard Independent, and it's called 100 Successful College Essays.

00:41

Speaker A

highlights from the book and in the book what happens is a bunch of the top admissions officers from schools like Harvard and other IG League schools comment on these essays this particular student was really interested in like liberal arts and you'll see that in the

00:55

Speaker A

Basically, it's just a compilation of a bunch of really, really great essays on a variety of topics. I ain't sponsored or anything, but this essay is one of the highlights from the book. And in the book, what happens is a bunch of the top admissions officers from schools like Harvard and other Ivy League schools comment on these essays.

01:06

Speaker A

get right into it we're going to first do a quick read through of the entire essay and then we'll talk about what's good what are maybe some things that you can learn from it and then what are some

01:13

Speaker A

This particular student was really interested in liberal arts, and you'll see that in the essay. They applied to Haverford College, obviously they got in, and I think that there is a pun that we can learn from just casually breaking down the essay. Let's not waste any more time. I have the essay pulled up here. Let's get right into it.

01:27

Speaker A

the great spawning grounds where writing is born MB always waits until his Nets are full to the point of bursting before he drags them up like any experienced fisherman he saves only the big healthy and mature thoughts and throws juvenile

01:42

Speaker A

We're going to first do a quick read-through of the entire essay, and then we'll talk about what's good, what are maybe some things that you can learn from it, and then what are some improvements that even Aaron had in this essay.

01:56

Speaker A

catch consisted of only a small fraction of my thoughts lately however with college essays to write MB has become an increasingly irritating problem many of my best thoughts began their journey through my mind only to be poached and

02:08

Speaker A

Mental block is a nasty old hermit who lives in the gullies and ravines of my mind. He makes a living by slinging nets across my neural canals and catches my thoughts as they swim toward the great spawning grounds where writing is born. MB always waits until his nets are full to the point of bursting before he drags them up.

02:21

Speaker A

flood of thoughts accompanying my latest attempts at creativity had so fattened him that he was uninclined to move about instead he sat in the center of my mind at the junction of a number of important canals wielding his Nets with practiced

02:36

Speaker A

Like any experienced fisherman, he saves only the big, healthy, and mature thoughts and throws juvenile or diseased thoughts back into the canals to mature or die. Those thoughts he saves, he either eats immediately or freezes and sets aside for use when my stream of creativity slows.

02:49

Speaker A

my way toward him through heaps of such skeletons stopping at the base of a particularly large one upon which Envy was seated what you want he snapped peering down on me over his massive bloated waistline before I could reply

03:01

Speaker A

Up until three weeks ago, I had always ignored MB. His paltry catch consisted of only a small fraction of my thoughts. Lately, however, with college essays to write, MB has become an increasingly irritating problem. Many of my best thoughts began their journey through my mind only to be poached and eaten before they can breed and create others like them.

03:11

Speaker A

thinking of making my boy he said his lips curling into a sneer I want you to stop stealing my thoughts until after college deadlines and if I should do this he interjected I'll do whatever you want well my boy let me tell you he

03:24

Speaker A

So, with college deadlines looming, I set off in search of the old hermit, determined to somehow halt his activities, if only temporarily. Finding him was no problem. The recent flood of thoughts accompanying my latest attempts at creativity had so fattened him that he was uninclined to move about.

03:38

Speaker A

my boy I've been doing this job for some time now 17 years at last count and over this time your thoughts have been getting progressively better over these last four years boy not only has the fission improved but your thoughts have

03:50

Speaker A

Instead, he sat in the center of my mind at the junction of a number of important canals, wielding his nets with practiced expertise. MB pulled in one load after another, emptying them from his nets in a flopping jumbled tangle. He frowned when he saw me approaching and shifted to face me, his motion scattering the skeletons of countless thoughts.

04:03

Speaker A

villain and the pragmatist woo we that was some good eating no wonder I could never write poetry or organize that stupid paper I muttered under my breath well getting back to my point I'll stop my fishing for the time being

04:16

Speaker A

I picked my way toward him through heaps of such skeletons, stopping at the base of a particularly large one upon which Envy was seated. "What you want?" he snapped, peering down on me over his massive bloated waistline.

04:30

Speaker A

years but what about the liberal arts well boy in my many years at this Vision I've caught your liberal arts thoughts and I've caught your science and math thoughts and when you get right down to it your liberal arts thoughts are just

04:42

Speaker A

Before I could reply, he angrily muttered, "Come on, you gotta want something. You ain't want to come visiting for no reason."

04:55

Speaker A

his great pudgy hand which I grabbed and shook you'll know when I'm back in business he said giving me a wink and by the way he shouted as I walked away you better get into Haverford I ain't starving for nothing

05:06

Speaker A

"I want to make a deal," I replied.

05:26

Speaker A

character Aaron and a journey he undergoes in his mind where he's talking to this old hermit who's fishing up his thoughts and in the end he comes to this conclusion with the hermit that if he's you know willing to go to Haverford

05:39

Speaker A

"A deal with me? How nice of you. Now, what kind of deal were you thinking of making, my boy?" he said, his lips curling into a sneer.

05:52

Speaker A

wish it had a title just because I'm curious to see what the author would have named it but the truth is there's a beauty in the fact that there's no title at all because when there's no title to

06:02

Speaker A

"I want you to stop stealing my thoughts until after college deadlines."

06:15

Speaker A

love to listen to you talk in person the reason why I'm just generally against having a title is because I think it makes the essay read really rehearsed it feels like you're forcing the content and it almost feels like this essay gets

06:28

Speaker A

"And if I should do this," he interjected, "I'll do whatever you want."

06:39

Speaker A

the way the writer is able to come through one of this writer's strongest characteristics when he's writing is the way he's able to just paint a picture in your mind when I was reading through this essay and I'm sure you as you were

06:50

Speaker A

"Well, my boy, let me tell you," he paused, shifting into a more comfortable posture, "I'll make this deal with you if you'll do me two things."

07:02

Speaker A

this essay it's that he just adds enough detail to where you can paint the picture set that stage to understand everything that's going on but he has enough space to continue pushing the story forward but by far by far my

07:15

Speaker A

"What two things?" I asked, dreading his answer. He picked up a bone and began to wave it at me in a schoolteacher fashion.

07:30

Speaker A

beautifully written the storyline the story telling it's super clever now one thing that always stands out to me when I read these Super Creative essays is if we take a step back for a second and we think about how the idea generation

07:42

Speaker A

"You know, my boy, I've been doing this job for some time now, 17 years at last count. And over this time, your thoughts have been getting progressively better. Over these last four years, boy, not only has the fishing improved, but your thoughts have been bigger, healthier, and more mature."

07:58

Speaker A

you don't see the beauty in it right that's the thing when you summarize essays like this all the way down to one sentence it's always extremely difficult to see how creative and beautiful it is when it finally turns out so let's take

08:11

Speaker A

"So, what are the two things?" I questioned. Irritated, he ignored me.

08:22

Speaker A

about this and you write one sentence done when you look at those sentences and then you look at an essay like this it's so easy to compare the two and be like oh well my idea doesn't stand out

08:31

Speaker A

"Especially when you tried to write poetry last year. My, that was some good fishing. And that term paper, Richard III and The Prince, the villain and the pragmatist. Woo, that was some good eating."

08:42

Speaker A

you guys have fantastic ideas you just need to have the confidence to try to follow through with one that's truly authentic to you and put your all into writing it even if the one sentence you have written down doesn't blow you away

08:53

Speaker A

"No wonder I could never write poetry or organize that stupid paper," I muttered under my breath.

09:03

Speaker A

out his talent and interest for the liberal arts if we take a look at this section down here where he talks about the Poetry Rowan class and then like the the paper that he wrote as well it's so

09:15

Speaker A

"Well, getting back to my point, I'll stop my fishing for the time being if you'll apply to Haverford and take liberal arts if you get in."

09:25

Speaker A

detour in the essay spending a whole paragraph talking about how passionate he was no no no no he just slips in one two 's talking about it he brings up the fact that his ideas have been getting better over the years almost alluding to

09:38

Speaker A

"What?"

09:51

Speaker A

in extra Awards and bragging into his essay in this essay there's also something that a lot of people don't really talk about but I feel like it's one of the things that truly inspired and motivated me the most let's take a

10:04

Speaker A

"See, my boy, the thing is, if you get into Haverford, I figure you'll have so many term papers and stuff to write that I'll be feasting regularly for more than four years."

10:14

Speaker A

are generally just much tastier that's what he's trying to say the point is that he's better in the liberal arts than Math and Science now it's very clear from the name Arun ramanathan that this is like an Asian male notice how

10:27

Speaker A

"But what about the liberal arts?"

10:40

Speaker A

of us just do is Step he doesn't try to force any stereotypes onto his reader he doesn't try to play his cards like that I can't tell you how many people in his shoes will build up this beautiful essay

10:52

Speaker A

"Well, boy, in my many years at this vision, I've caught your liberal arts thoughts and I've caught your science and math thoughts. And when you get right down to it, your liberal arts thoughts are just much tastier. They're so much more natural and healthy than science and math thoughts. Just tastes so processed and mechanical. It's like the difference between filet mignon and spam."

11:08

Speaker A

an email here I now during those calls over all the essays that I've read this comes up on unbelievable amount of time so the point where if someone tries to slip in like a detail about how like oh

11:19

Speaker A

"See?"

11:30

Speaker A

enjoy it imagine if you had to do this as your your job every single day as an admissions officer you have to wake up and read college essays for eight hours how do you think they feel when they

11:42

Speaker A

"Yeah, I do," I replied.

11:53

Speaker A

at this point I think my point has been made just keep in mind that when you're writing your college essay your target audience is not your parents it's not your friends it's not people online that you might eventually share your essay to

12:05

Speaker A

"You got a deal." MB held out his great pudgy hand, which I grabbed and shook.

12:18

Speaker A

enjoyed your essay over anyone else on the flip side when reading an essay there's almost always something that we can learn from it positively but also something that we can learn from it negatively maybe somewhere where the writer was lacking or just a general

12:30

Speaker A

"You'll know when I'm back in business," he said, giving me a wink.

12:41

Speaker A

this essay speaks you'd actually be surprised at how often dialogue like this in a slightly different tense and dialect actually shows up in college essays it's a little bit more common than you think the main thing to remember when you are writing this kind

12:56

Speaker A

"And by the way," he shouted as I walked away, "you better get into Haverford. I ain't starving for nothing."

13:09

Speaker A

your admissions officer is actually getting fuse while they're reading I think Arun has done a fantastic job here of trying to balance it out and for an admissions officer who's you know probably majored in English this is not

13:20

Speaker A

The essay. Tell me that doesn't bad foreign. [Applause]

13:32

Speaker A

than in this case when it's done well you're proving to them that you have this amazing control over the English language phenomenal writing dexterity but if you were to do it wrong there's also that flip side where it could just

13:43

Speaker A

So, as we give this essay a minute to just digest with us, we can do a quick recap of what we just read. The essay is the story about the main character, Aaron, and a journey he undergoes in his mind where he's talking to this old hermit who's fishing up his thoughts.

13:52

Speaker A

over your essays send it to my email and then I got you right I'll let you know if it's decent or not the only other critique that I even had with this essay was actually bringing up the name of a

14:01

Speaker A

And in the end, he comes to this conclusion with the hermit that if he's, you know, willing to go to Haverford University and study liberal arts, the hermit will leave him alone and allow him to have the idea to write the college essay, which inevitably is what gets produced here.

14:17

Speaker A

thing is you never want to actually include a specific College's name in your personal statement because colleges know that you're not just applying to them they're not going to magically think that because you brought up their name that you know that college is

14:28

Speaker A

Starting from the top, the essay is so beautiful that I almost wish it had a title just because I'm curious to see what the author would have named it. But the truth is, there's a beauty in the fact that there's no title at all because when there's no title to an essay, it almost feels like the entire essay is just the organic voice of a student.

14:40

Speaker A

change the name every single time you submit a new school if you accidentally mess up and miss the name even in one spot when your admissions officer reads it and they see that you forgot to change the name in one of the spots like

14:51

Speaker A

And if you have a voice like this where you're speaking with this level of clarity and interest, you have a reader hooked on what school wouldn't love to listen to you talk in person?

15:03

Speaker A

even throw your application out or keep reading honestly I loved analyzing this Essay with you guys and I have so many more that inspired me when I was writing my personal statement so if you want more videos like these I got you all

15:13

Speaker A

The reason why I'm just generally against having a title is because I think it makes the essay read really rehearsed. It feels like you're forcing the content, and it almost feels like this essay gets kind of dissociated from the authenticity of the writer when you add something like that on.

Topics: college essay Harvard admissions creative writing liberal arts college application essay analysis mental block storytelling writing tips Haverford College

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