**OLA MARCZAK — Transcript & Summary | SozAI**
Source: https://sozai.app/transcript/ola-marczak/

Aleksandra Marczak shares her journey overcoming childhood trauma, finding self-worth, and thriving as a cosmetologist and nursing student.

## Key Takeaways

- Childhood experiences deeply influence adult self-esteem and emotional health.
- Setting personal boundaries is crucial for healing and self-respect.
- Finding fulfillment in work and helping others can be a powerful motivator.
- Self-love and acceptance are ongoing processes essential for mental well-being.
- Not all relationships or problems can be fixed; focusing on oneself is sometimes necessary.

## What the video covers

- Aleksandra Marczak is a cosmetologist, nursing student, and lecturer passionate about travel and personal growth.
- She discusses her childhood feelings of inadequacy shaped by critical parenting and lack of positive reinforcement.
- Aleksandra shares experiences of depression, an abusive relationship, and the impact of her father's death.
- She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and finding value within oneself rather than seeking external validation.
- Her motivation comes from helping others feel better both externally and internally through her work.
- Aleksandra reflects on her ongoing struggle with self-confidence and the coping mechanisms she developed.
- She recounts her childhood behavioral challenges as a cry for attention and the lack of parental support.
- Despite hardships, she persevered to build a fulfilling career and personal life.
- She highlights the significance of self-love, rest, and recognizing true needs after trauma.
- Aleksandra encourages focusing on oneself and accepting that some people and situations cannot be changed.

## Chapters

1. 00:00 Introduction to Aleksandra Marczak
2. 02:56 Motivation and Fulfillment in Work
3. 05:38 Childhood Feelings of Inadequacy
4. 08:09 Impact of Parental Criticism
5. 11:24 Emotional Struggles and Self-Confidence
6. 14:55 Abusive Relationship and Setting Boundaries
7. 23:20 Healing, Self-Discovery, and Moving Forward
8. 31:40 Reflection on Relationships and Self-Care

Answers

## Questions about this video

Who is Aleksandra Marczak and what are her professions?

Aleksandra Marczak is a cosmetologist, nursing student, and lecturer who is passionate about travel and personal development.

What childhood challenges did Aleksandra face?

She experienced feelings of inadequacy due to critical parenting, lack of praise, and emotional neglect, which affected her self-esteem.

How does Aleksandra find motivation in her work?

She finds motivation in seeing the positive changes in her clients, helping them feel better both externally and internally, which brings her fulfillment.

## Full Transcript — Download SRT & Markdown

00:01

Speaker A

My guest today is Aleksandra Marczak, a cosmetologist, a nursing student, and a lecturer. She loves traveling, animals, and pursuing many plans. You could say she's a truly independent, strong woman on the outside, but I think she's also on the inside.

00:21

Speaker A

Although that inner part is also connected to a girl who felt inadequate her entire life. Then came her father's death, depression, and an abusive relationship, which, as you mentioned, you escaped with your life. What you're really learning today is setting

00:39

Speaker A

boundaries, being a little alone, but also not looking for value in the eyes of others. Ola, let's get to know each other better.

00:47

Speaker A

Hi. Hello. Ola, if we separated cosmetology, nursing, all those plans, all those accomplishments you have, who are you? It's hard to answer that question. I think I'm still searching for that identity without all that. In my private life, however, I really

01:14

Speaker A

enjoy peace and quiet, and somewhere in there, I find it all in travel. At the same time, I really enjoy experiencing new things, generally feeling alive, so there are a bit of contradictions within me. However, I can't imagine

01:35

Speaker A

myself without my work, without my business, without my plans, because that wouldn't be me.

01:44

Speaker A

Do you feel that connection? Is it part of you? Yes, you definitely like it. I love it. It gives you pleasure, that motivation to act every day.

01:57

Speaker A

Yes, because I find so much fulfillment in my work, and I love it so much, that I don't feel like I'm working at all. I get tired sometimes, but I don't feel like I'm working. I do what I love. I

02:14

Speaker A

find fulfillment, I find fulfillment in all of it. So I don't have that feeling in the morning that, oh no, I have to go to work again. I get up and do it all with a smile, even when I'm tired.

02:31

Speaker A

And if we sat back and looked at all this, what really motivates you to pursue all these plans? The satisfaction on people's faces is definitely a huge motivation, not just women's, because I also work with men.

02:56

Speaker A

That feeling that I've done something for them, that they can feel better, function better, and these are changes that are visible both externally and internally, because when you look better, you feel better. Sometimes these are truly such small changes, and

03:14

Speaker A

that change in a person happens somewhere deep inside, because I could give them something, help them with something. I'd also like to go back to the beginnings of how you felt before, because I think they're interconnected.

03:30

Speaker A

It captivated me, maybe touched me a little, when you said that throughout your childhood, perhaps even now, you constantly felt inadequate.

03:39

Speaker A

Yes, that's true. I felt it. I always, always had this feeling that I wasn't enough, that I wasn't doing enough. I don't know. I'd come home with a B, and my mom would ask, "Why not an A or an A?

03:57

Speaker A

Why so bad?" I never heard that it was great, maybe next time I could do better. But there were always these negatives somewhere, because that's how I perceive it, even when I remember it—that it was stressful for me, and

04:16

Speaker A

that my mom was always looking for that negative, those flaws. What did little Ola feel then?

04:28

Speaker A

I felt I was doing something wrong, but you felt anger. Anger, fear, unappreciation, and then it kind of escalated like a domino effect. I was afraid to even talk about the good things, because I was afraid they would

04:51

Speaker A

be perceived as bad and that I would be punished for it, that my mom wouldn't love me. I had these fears, so I often hid bad grades or comments. And then, you know, when my mom found out, it was

05:11

Speaker A

even worse. But it only intensified that fear. What did you do about it? How did she have to suppress herself so much? I didn't do anything. It came out somehow. I was wondering if you were denying it and, for example,

05:26

Speaker A

trying not to think about it, knowing that one day she'd go to that parent-teacher meeting. But was there this fear every day that I hadn't told her and then she'd find out, and it would be even worse? No, it wasn't

05:38

Speaker A

really that daily fear. M, because sometimes I still have that feeling, sometimes I pretend there's no problem.

05:49

Speaker A

I hide it and pretend it's not there and don't think about it at all. And I think it was the same back then. Do you have this idea that this problem, this person, will one day solve itself if I don't look at them? I'd really

06:04

Speaker A

like that to happen. Now, as an adult, I know it doesn't work that way, but I do have that tendency and I struggle with it.

06:15

Speaker A

How do you deal with it? M, I simply try to avoid difficult things, unpleasant ones, because, you know, in everyone's life, in adulthood, they come up. I simply try to do these things first, the uncomfortable ones.

06:35

Speaker A

Tell me, what did you have to do as a child to deserve praise? Did you ever hear anything positive from your mother, or perhaps from another adult? It's hard for me to remember. I remember more negative words. You said something

06:55

Speaker A

even more important during our conversation: that there were times when your mother would stand you in front of the mirror and call you all sorts of names.

07:04

Speaker A

Hmm. It was like this. She criticized my appearance many times, criticized my clothes. When I was a teenager, I dressed myself, so something was always wrong. I never heard anyone say I looked beautiful, but it was always,

07:22

Speaker A

"Look at how you look, you want to go out in public like that?" Okay, let's put ourselves in that situation. How did you react?

07:32

Speaker A

I cried. Generally, as a child, I cried a lot, and as an adult too, but that's more because of my sensitive side, not necessarily in situations like those I had when I was a child. But, well, as a

07:53

Speaker A

child, I cried a lot. You'll say, "Cry," because obviously, these are difficult and scary words to hear, to feel, to experience—how did it affect you, your self-esteem?

08:09

Speaker A

I feel like I've felt inadequate in every aspect of my life. Even today, when I was driving here, I was thinking, "Where am I supposed to be on a podcast like this?" But on the other hand, I'm confident every day, and I

08:28

Speaker A

try to speak to myself with love every day, and I believe that everything will work out, that I'm the best. But somewhere deep inside me, that stress, that lack of self-confidence in certain situations, remains.

08:49

Speaker A

And I'm trying to grasp that part, right? Because you're talking about hearing such epithets, and you could really just sit back and do nothing. To acknowledge that I'm inadequate—okay, I don't care, maybe that's just who I am. But you had the strength—

09:06

Speaker A

Mhm—to take action in some way, to fulfill yourself now. Where does that strength come from? I remember that as a child, I definitely felt like I didn't get enough attention from my mother and my parents, and I know I was very naughty

09:26

Speaker A

at school. I had A's and B's on my report card, and my behavior was always inappropriate or even reprehensible. I would fight with boys. I would even cut off a piece of a friend's hair at the desk in front of me because she made me

09:47

Speaker A

angry. So I think it was some kind of suppressed emotion, and I would later take it out on others, or as the psychologist I was sent to as a child said, that I desperately wanted to get attention, to be noticed.

10:13

Speaker A

What did your mother say when she heard this from the specialist? I don't think she did anything about it. I remember the psychologist recommending and giving us tasks to spend more time together. We went to appointments one after another, but between those

10:33

Speaker A

appointments, there was no time for mother and daughter, and I still felt unnoticed. And what does a child do then? I did nothing. You weren't responsible for that relationship. I know, but we know that now. You didn't know that back then. You also didn't

10:53

Speaker A

have the tools, because it's normal, to do anything about it. But you got through it. You still feel that way, of course, and we'll come back to those present-day things. But despite everything, you kept pushing forward.

11:09

Speaker A

Why? Maybe because I wanted someone to finally notice me, appreciate me, hear me. You hear that from clients now, right? You feel strong there too.

11:24

Speaker A

I do. I feel.

11:53

Speaker A

number gets. And now I'd like to have at least one, so I don't know if I'll ever fulfill that dream, but I'd really like to.

12:06

Speaker A

You mentioned that it's hard for you to trust people now. Very hard. Do you know what that means, based on what you've been through?

12:12

Speaker A

Yes. After those difficult childhood relationships, I noticed that when I left home as a young adult, I was starved for love, and unfortunately, I only allowed myself to receive scraps, not full-blown love. I was very susceptible to manipulation. I was very

12:47

Speaker A

drawn to people who offered me kind words. A simple compliment was enough. You were looking for those tiny morsels of love, recognition, belonging, acceptance, that someone loved me, someone noticed me, because you hadn't had that your whole life,

13:10

Speaker A

and it's very easy in later relationships to push your boundaries to get something like that. When did you notice in this abusive relationship that your boundaries had been severely crossed? I noticed the first signs right from the beginning. I remember

13:32

Speaker A

one evening when I went out to a restaurant with friends, and that was the beginning of my relationship with this man. And even then, I saw the red flags, because he called the restaurant we were sitting at and asked the waiter

13:51

Speaker A

to give me a note, and it said, "Call me," and there was a number. I punch in the number, punch it into my phone, look, and it's his number. It's as if he was checking me to see if I was

14:08

Speaker A

actually where I said I was. And that was a signal to me that I probably didn't want this, because I felt bad and it wasn't acceptable. But that evening, something much worse happened.

14:32

Speaker A

After returning home, I got a call that my dad had died, and he bombarded me with this love when I was at the lowest point in my life. And I fell for it.

14:55

Speaker A

Okay, so you saw it, you even wanted to give up, but then a difficult situation happened literally that same day, and he gave you that love. He did. What was he like then? He was very good. He helped me with many

15:18

Speaker A

things, even mentally related to the funeral. He helped me get through it. He was there for me, brought me his dog , told me that now, when he was gone, the dog would work, and the dog would stay with me, that he would take care

15:34

Speaker A

of me, that we would start a family, that he would help me with everything, that we would have a home full of love, that he wanted a family too, that he even tried to manipulate me in such a

15:52

Speaker A

disgusting way. He told me I'd lost an angel and gained another at the same time. And I believed him. How long did it last? The whole relationship was a year and a half.

16:07

Speaker A

But that period from the super boom, where there were no more red flags, was three, four months.

16:15

Speaker A

And what happened then? Drugs and a very strong addiction, which I hadn't known about before, came along.

16:30

Speaker A

Aggression, lies, the first instances of pushing and shoving, and he would smash things in the apartment. I had every door punched through with his fists. How long did it take? He had been in a relationship for a year and a

16:52

Speaker A

half. At first, you knew each other after he tried these things. I understand it lasted a while until this incident.

16:59

Speaker A

He actually moved in with me right away , so it was hard for me to get out of it. I tried to be willing. I actually wanted to sign him up for in-patient therapy, which was supposed to help him

17:19

Speaker A

. It was expensive, but I said I'd finance it because it turned out he had no money, everything had been spent on drugs. It turned out he had nothing, and I said okay, I'd handle it. We'd just live on my money, that we could

17:56

Speaker A

handle it, that he'd go to rehab, and that everything would be alright. There were declarations, of course, apologies after every argument, there were tears, there were begging on my knees. And I always softened somewhere.

18:18

Speaker A

You softened because you believed he would change. I believed he would change. Now I don't believe people change anymore. Not so broken. Were you afraid of him too?

18:29

Speaker A

I was afraid of him, of course. I was woken from my sleep many times by a blow. There were situations where you had to hide various signs of abuse.

18:41

Speaker A

Of course. In my industry, it's easy because I told my friends I had a procedure and that's why I had a bruise , and no one really suspected. Now you know, you know, further, because you're already behind the relationship.

19:02

Speaker A

However, it came to such a critical situation that you finally ran away from your own home.

19:08

Speaker A

Yes, it was Christmas, and we were there the day before Christmas Eve. I wasn't sleeping at home anymore, because we had a fight. I went to a friend's house to sleep because I wanted to avoid an argument, and my

19:31

Speaker A

friend said I could—actually, she's my friend, because we've known each other for 20 years—she told me I could stay. But again, again, that kind , soft-hearted Ola prevailed. It was Christmas Eve morning, and I said, "No, I'm going back because I have to

19:51

Speaker A

organize Christmas Eve, I have to prepare dinner, and I have to spend this evening the way it should be." And I built this illusion in my head, because there were always holidays at home. Even when my parents argued, we

20:10

Speaker A

always sat at the table, so I wanted it too. Did you dream of this family? This house.

20:16

Speaker A

Yes. And you came back. And I came back. I made dinner, we ate it, everything was fine. And the next morning, I was sitting just like I am now on the couch. He was sitting on the other side, on the other side. And he

20:37

Speaker A

asked me if I was going to be like this for much longer, why didn't I sit closer. I simply set the boundaries then, told him I didn't want to do this now after the way he'd behaved towards me two days earlier, when he'd called

20:53

Speaker A

me names, that I wouldn't sit next to him. And then all hell broke loose. He grabbed a knife, started chasing me, pulling me. He slammed my head against the wall. I managed to get a phone somewhere. I called the police on

21:20

Speaker A

speaker. He immediately freaked out and stopped chasing me, but I didn't hang up this time and waited for the intervention. I just quickly grabbed the dogs and ran out to the car in my pajamas in my socks. The police arrived

21:45

Speaker A

, and all I had the strength to do was roll down the car window and tell them that as long as this man was in my apartment, I wouldn't be coming back.

21:55

Speaker A

They had my phone, they could call me, I would come, I would answer any questions, but I wasn't going back. And I knew it was over. I went back to my friend who took me in. I stayed with

22:11

Speaker A

her for a week, she gave me food, and she took care of me because I was in a terrible mental state. I think she helped me a lot in that situation, and it's largely thanks to her that I'm

22:26

Speaker A

where I am today. She helped you recover a little emotionally , too. She was also the first person I told about it. She suspected it, but she never heard from me. I always avoided the subject. And you know what you said

22:45

Speaker A

that was very important? I didn't hang up this time. Have you called before? Of course I did. The police also came to the apartment, the previous apartment, many times, because we lived somewhere else before, and the whole building knew us there. His people were

23:10

Speaker A

writing petitions for him to move out, saying they didn't want a neighbor like that, that he was aggressive, calling people names, behaving strangely. I wouldn't want to approach this from a judgmental perspective, because we, you, first of all, have already been

23:23

Speaker A

through a bit of it, let's say, over the past two years. However, I would like to stay with Ola. How did she feel in these situations, what did she allow , what did she think? I wanted to piece

23:40

Speaker A

it all together and fix it. And now I know that some things simply can't be fixed. We can't change other people if they don't want to. And maybe it's a bit selfish, but I believe that we should focus on ourselves, on our own

24:02

Speaker A

well-being, first and foremost, only when we are safe, when we have stability in our lives, we have money, we have food. When we are taken care of ourselves, only then can we help others . Even from a plane ride, right?

24:21

Speaker A

First, put on a mask, then you can help others, but that's what we learn. Especially since we come from a home where we had to deserve everything.

24:34

Speaker A

I'd like to return to that too, because you feel like you don't have your own family home. I don't.

24:40

Speaker A

You went to university, I'll touch on Russian philology. Why did you drop out? It was an impulse . In such situations, I often make spontaneous decisions and can cut things off very quickly and definitively. And that's exactly what

25:07

Speaker A

happened with those first studies. I didn't like the atmosphere, the university, the people. It wasn't really my vibe. And I have to feel good wherever I was. I didn't feel good there. Because of that, I lost motivation to study. I didn't want to

25:32

Speaker A

go to that university at all. And overnight, I decided I wasn't going back, even though I was already in my second year. Now we're touching on that part, because those are beautiful words , and it's great that they are. I can

25:46

Speaker A

make a decision, and I cut things off. However, in your relationships, it wasn't like that.

25:52

Speaker A

You made that decision. You were still living with your parents at the time. Yes.

25:57

Speaker A

Yes. Then you decided to pursue cosmetology. A friend talked you into it. Yes, a friend and your mother. I remember that evening. Your friend came over. She's the same one, by the way, the same one I still work with today

26:13

Speaker A

and the same one who welcomed me into her home. I also remember that evening; we were sitting together, my friend, my mother, and I. They were doing some treatments there, and my mother was having them done. And so it came about

26:33

Speaker A

that I wanted to try cosmetology, because I'd always been interested in it, always loved drawing and painting.

26:45

Speaker A

I was quite an artistically gifted child. So I went in that direction. Okay. I didn't know your mother was there too. She motivated you then.

27:04

Speaker A

I think it was a bit like that, because she accepted my decision, although there were also some comments saying I was being stupid, that I should think about it, so I was a bit inhibited, but at the same time, I heard it was a good

27:15

Speaker A

idea, that this was the future. Did that also spur you on to pursue it?

27:29

Speaker A

Certainly, but what spurred me on was that I couldn't stay in limbo. It was already November, meaning the new academic year had begun, and I couldn't stay in limbo and wait another year to go somewhere. I had to pursue further

27:48

Speaker A

studies here and now. Was that coming out of you? Yes. Okay. And you fought, tell me, I fought. I like to revisit this story because we can achieve what we dream of, because I applied for cosmetology and was

28:07

Speaker A

rejected because certain blocks of classes had already started. That was my first year. Yes, some of those blocks had already ended. There were tests. And the dean told me to just come back next year. And after receiving that rejection by email and

28:37

Speaker A

phone, I decided I'd still try. I went to her in person, scheduled a meeting, and explained my situation, that it was my life or death, that I would do everything I could to cope, that I could manage, that she would give me

28:56

Speaker A

guidelines and requirements, and that I would meet them. And she agreed to my request on the condition that I attend both full-time and part-time classes for six months, the entire semester, to catch up on the material, to complete

29:26

Speaker A

the topics I'd already finished with individual lectures. And that the number of hours was also consistent, because that's also important.

29:35

Speaker A

Attendance has to be almost 100%for such studies. I went full-time then. And I managed. I earned my bachelor's degree, then my master's degree, and now I'm studying nursing. I'll actually be finishing next year, but I'll go too , I'll get my master's degree in one

29:58

Speaker A

fell swoop, so to speak. You're constantly developing, but let's touch on nursing, because it also teaches you humility.

30:08

Speaker A

Very, very much. You've practiced in hospitals in various wards. You also had your first brush with death.

30:20

Speaker A

Yes. Do you remember that case? I remember, and I think you'll probably remember something like that forever. I remember crying when I found out, and suddenly, that patient was gone. Yes.

30:40

Speaker A

He was close to you, meaning you had more contact with him. I had, I did, but despite everything, I was proud of myself for being able to give a little warmth and affection to someone who truly needed it in their final days. So

31:04

Speaker A

it also gives me immense satisfaction. These are people who have undergone various procedures, surgeries, strokes, serious accidents, and in various states. Some are completely stable, normal, functioning normally, and some, for example, are limbless and unable to speak. You also have to give this

31:29

Speaker A

person the dignity that every person deserves. You have to wash it, you have to take care of it, and take care of it the way we would want to be taken care of ourselves, or the way we would

31:41

Speaker A

simply want someone in our family treated in a similar situation. So that's what always motivated me, and I did everything with such meticulous care, just to give that person as much comfort as possible.

32:01

Speaker A

You also mentioned that there are abandoned people. They are. How do you feel then? How do you talk to them? It's hard because these are people who really need the presence of another person, and I believe we're only there for a short time, and these

32:20

Speaker A

people, the staff, are constantly changing. Because, of course, it's shift work. In a hospital, there's a lot of work with many patients, and you can't really devote all your time to one patient, and that's so sad, but I

32:39

Speaker A

see that they enjoy even this little semblance. Sometimes a kind word, a smile, a pat on the hand is enough. Do you incorporate that into your work?

32:50

Speaker A

Yes. Do you feel fulfilled then? Mmm. I like giving kindness and love to people, but I still feel like you don't expect anything in return. It's so heartfelt.

33:07

Speaker A

Yes. Let's go back to your studies. In your second year, your first year of cosmetology, so your second year of college, um, your parents got divorced. How did you find out? I think my mom took me out to dinner and told me she was

33:29

Speaker A

moving out, because that was her decision, and that was it. She didn't explain anything more. I was actually faced with a fait accompli with my brother, and it was very difficult because you have something, you have this complete family, a home for these

34:02

Speaker A

people every day, and suddenly it's taken away from you. What did you say, that you lost your family home?

34:10

Speaker A

Yes. I still don't have that home, and that's what hurts me the most. After a difficult situation with your relationship, you had to go to a friend's.

34:24

Speaker A

Yes. You stayed with your brother and dad. Yes. Mom moved out. What was your day like after that news?

34:33

Speaker A

I think everyone was functioning on their own in their own lives. We definitely didn't spend more time together. My brother was in high school at the time, so he just went to school.

34:48

Speaker A

I was a full-time student, and my dad had a business. I generally always came home late because there was always something to study. I'd get home at 6:00 PM, 7:00 PM, sometimes 8:00 PM, and then work added to the mix, so I

35:10

Speaker A

only slept at home; there was no time for conversation. We never really sat down and talked at home. We just existed. Everyone was in their own world.

35:25

Speaker A

Yes. And so it went on. Your dad couldn't cope. Yes. And my brother and I didn't really notice that he had broken down so much. Because when you run a business, you're gone all day.

35:44

Speaker A

You don't have set work hours either. So even if you're home one day, doing something, I don't know, on the computer, on your phone, or even relaxing on the couch, you can't really notice that someone is working less or

35:58

Speaker A

that they've stopped working. And my dad simply took it so hard that he never returned to work.

36:11

Speaker A

How did you find out? I found out when the leasing companies approached us about repossessing our cars, when the electricity and gas in our house were cut off. For several months, including the winter, we had no hot water. To

36:38

Speaker A

bathe or wash my hair, I either had to wash in cold water or heat water in a kettle and pour it into the bathtub to keep it warm, and that's how I managed.

36:51

Speaker A

You were a young woman then. I was 19, 20. 19, 20. You started working harder here , so why did I break down? I started doing eyelashes at home. I also went to visit friends, just commuting. It turned out I was quite good at it, and

37:18

Speaker A

I started earning money, bringing it home. I paid off those arrears. It wasn't a big deal to me at the time, but now that I think about it, I'm proud of myself for managing.

37:33

Speaker A

Bravo and it's great that you said that . I'm proud of myself. Thank you. The most important thing is to find fulfillment within yourself, because throughout your life, you look for it in someone else. You've put in a ton of work. It's

37:49

Speaker A

almost impossible. Paying it all off, managing it. Well, it was a lot of money. At the time, I think it was a lot, but I was also able to earn that money, and no one helped me with anything. In fact, never. I earned

38:15

Speaker A

everything from scratch myself. No one even gave me 100 złoty. I remember how happy I was when I bought my first portable bed, the first foldable cosmetic lamp, and I could pack it all in the car and drive. And at first, I

38:42

Speaker A

did it on the couch, or a friend would lie on the floor and take a pillow under her head. I would sit cross-legged, hunched over, and apply her eyelashes. But what a smile comes to my face when I remember those

38:58

Speaker A

conditions, and what I have now is beyond me. And yet, you've accomplished great things. Although I've also noticed this connection, and I wonder if it appeared earlier, because you took on the responsibility of paying it all off in this relationship, and

39:15

Speaker A

perhaps in others as well, we're talking about this partner. Mmm, you also wanted to take on everything. I can handle it. I'm confident in myself, why such a heavy responsibility must rest on you. I always set the bar high

39:33

Speaker A

and always believe I'll succeed. Maybe it's also the fact that I don't like failing. I like winning, I like achieving success. Everyone likes it; it's pleasant. But how do you feel when you fail? Have you ever failed? I do

39:55

Speaker A

everything to succeed, and I treat any failures as lessons. So do you have the space for that? I do, but I try not to dwell on it. I draw conclusions quite quickly and do everything I can to improve and make it

40:11

Speaker A

work. This whole situation. You didn't have contact with your mother for a long time. It was sporadic. But now we have a very good relationship. The relationship has improved. My brother also has a good relationship with his mother. He returned to Poland because

40:38

Speaker A

after the divorce, he left and didn't live in Poland for almost eight years. Could you call that a little happy ending?

40:49

Speaker A

I think so. You talked, you talked. Well, let's start. You and your mother were honest, right? What led to that conversation?

41:01

Speaker A

Truthfully, I think it was my desire to explain everything, to talk about my feelings. I just needed to talk about it, to open up and explain to her how I felt as a child, what I resented her about, what I didn't understand. And I

41:26

Speaker A

remember we both cried then, my mother apologized, and then I heard that she loved me very much, that she was proud of me, that I was the most beautiful, the smartest.

41:38

Speaker A

But it wasn't forced. Do you feel it was sincere? It wasn't sincere. But what enormous strength it took to have such a conversation. I'm talking about yours with your mother. This has been growing inside me for a very long

41:51

Speaker A

time. Every time I saw my mother or visited her at her new home, I felt like this feeling inside was simply preventing me from functioning normally , that I couldn't open up, that I couldn't spend time enjoying it, that

42:08

Speaker A

something was blocking me. And these were those repressed emotions from childhood, buried deep within. So I forced myself to talk and let it all out. Did you prepare for this for a long time?

42:27

Speaker A

Was it an impulse? No, an impulse. Wow. Like most things in my life, these are groundbreaking ones.

42:34

Speaker A

Great. But this is a huge amount of courage, which I admire, and which I also think is important for our listeners; it brought positive results.

42:45

Speaker A

However, this isn't always the case. This also needs to be taken into account, because we're not sure if we're responsible for the other person's reaction. However, I think that conversations usually lead to compromises, not to agreeing on what both parties need. How

43:05

Speaker A

do you see yourself in 10 years? In 10 years, I see myself as, above all , a happy wife and mother. I'm the owner of several thriving businesses, a graduate of several fields of study, a traveler, a hedonist, a woman full of

43:33

Speaker A

passion and love, and above all, I see a fulfilled woman. Let's do an experiment. Let's fast forward 10 years . You've already achieved all of this.

43:43

Speaker A

That's true. What do you feel? Gratitude, satisfaction, and perhaps a peace that's missing now. It's missing.

43:58

Speaker A

Although after that turbulent relationship, when I spent almost a year at home, working, but outside of work, I only stayed at home, hardly going anywhere, I got to know myself, recognized my true needs, learned to rest, and found that peace in this

44:19

Speaker A

space alone with myself. So sometimes I have that peace. Sure. It's also worth noting that sometimes I need a moment for myself, a moment of knowing what I really want and what I don't want.

44:40

Speaker A

Yes. Yes. It's difficult to be alone at first, yes. Later, I find it soothing and even a bit addictive, because when I started loving this time spent with myself, I no longer felt the need to reach out to people. I simply

45:05

Speaker A

didn't feel like talking to most people , so that can sometimes be detrimental, although I think it helped a lot in my case, because I stopped talking to toxic, fake people, people who somehow only saw benefits in knowing me. They

45:33

Speaker A

simply stopped pursuing me because I didn't, and they removed themselves from my life, so I consider that a big plus. You said that in the year after the relationship, you made important decisions, and you didn't leave the house. I think it's also a kind of—I

45:54

Speaker A

don't know if I'd call it normal, but I understand how you can shut yourself off. You can simply be afraid to go out in public.

46:04

Speaker A

You also suffer from depression, yet you function every day, go to work. How do you even function? My problems with depression and anxiety attacks really started when my dad got sick. I think my body was simply letting me know it

46:24

Speaker A

couldn't handle all that. And all sorts of symptoms appeared. I ended up seeing a psychiatrist because I couldn't function normally. I had no trouble going into a store to buy milk. I'd stand in my car for an hour and just

46:46

Speaker A

couldn't get out and buy it. I wasn't myself then, because I'd always been very outgoing, sociable, and not anxious. I noticed this change in myself, and I was thinking about going to a specialist for a long time, because I kept telling myself that if I

47:11

Speaker A

could manage, I wasn't depressed. And I functioned like that for about a year, where I had such anxiety attacks that I prayed I wouldn't meet anyone in the stairwell when I went to the garage or to my car. And if someone did, I'd hide

47:36

Speaker A

or run away because I didn't want any contact with people. So now I see this correlation: when things are really bad in my life, I simply isolate myself from people, from all stimuli, from the whole outside world. I'm curious, but

47:57

Speaker A

tell me, from what you're saying, did you decide on your own to finally seek help? Has anyone witnessed this, your struggles? Did anyone even know?

48:06

Speaker A

No, no. I was alone in this. I'd come home from work, lie on the floor, and cry, and there was no one around. I had these thoughts, wondering why I was even living, what kind of life was this

48:23

Speaker A

? So I'd fall asleep crying, get up, and cry too; I didn't want to live.

48:33

Speaker A

Do you remember the moment you decided? I'm signing up. Yes. And that was also an impulse. I called a doctor I knew somewhere, that he was simply a good specialist, and I wanted to go see him. I heard at the

48:53

Speaker A

registration desk that the doctor's appointments weren't for another three months, and I said, "But you have to see me now, because I don't know if I can wait three months." I simply said it openly, but you fought for it again.

49:09

Speaker A

Yes. And I got an appointment in three days. It's a bit like those studies, you don't give up. It's very important, because when people with depression hear that kind of news, they can turn off their phone, and you

49:27

Speaker A

still had that strength. You worked with a psychiatrist, and there were also psychological consultations, a bit of psychotherapy. Yes, yes. And they helped me a lot.

49:38

Speaker A

Now do you feel stable in this regard, are you working, do you have plans for the future? And so to conclude, if you saw Ola again, hearing those comments from her mother in the mirror, what would you tell her now? Are you

49:57

Speaker A

beautiful? Smart, strong, and brave. Never doubt the light you have within you. Never doubt yourself and never give up, don't worry. The opinions of others. Can you say that to yourself now?

50:20

Speaker A

Yes, of course. Do you say that to yourself every day? I say it, I say it, and a lot of people around me have noticed it too. Even people I haven't had contact with for a few years write to me, saying, "Wow,

50:36

Speaker A

Ola, you've made progress, you've had a life of glory, it's clear you're not giving up. You're going, you're simply going for what you want. I admire you.

50:48

Speaker A

I get a lot of messages like that. Finish this sentence. Ola, you are enough. Even if, even if you don't believe it yourself. Such thoughts can always appear in us. There will be different situations in life, but these

51:06

Speaker A

are moments. Sometimes these thoughts are like fish that swim by. We can't always control them, but your strength, what you show every day, makes you able to fight for yourself. Thank you so much for today's conversation, for this

51:26

Speaker A

motivation that you can get through difficult moments to where you are. I wish you all the best.

51:33

Speaker A

Thank you so much. As a child, did you try to make up for Mom, your existence? Yes. How? She drew all sorts of pretty pictures for me. I pick flowers walking home from the yard . I tried to bring home the best grades

52:00

Speaker A

possible. I told her she was there, that I had the best mom, that I loved her.

52:11

Speaker A

What did you hear from her then? Sometimes I heard that I felt the same way about you, and sometimes I simply went unnoticed and my efforts went unnoticed. What in your life doesn't completely match the Ola from the

52:29

Speaker A

internet, so strong, independent, traveling? That I really like peace, quiet, and I do a lot of things in private that I don't share online because they're just my own, not for everyone. What are you more afraid of?

52:53

Speaker A

That you'll meet the wrong person, or that you'll lose the chance to meet the right person, that other determination.

53:01

Speaker A

This fear persists only when I think about it. Do you try to enter into new relationships? I try, but I cut people off very quickly, very quickly, and I don't try to explain myself anymore, but you cut them off when you notice

53:21

Speaker A

something happening. Yes. Yes. And I'm not saying this in the context of Only romantic relationships, but interpersonal relationships in general. If I see, even if I see, that someone doesn't have the same vibe as me, or has completely different values in life, or

53:38

Speaker A

does something that goes against my morals, I simply cut off contact and don't think about that person anymore.

53:48

Speaker A

I do the same if someone disappoints me . They don't give second chances anymore. What is your worst day, which you probably wouldn't share on social media? My dad's death was the worst day of my life because of the pain?

54:07

Speaker A

Yes. You fell into a million pieces then. You loved him very much. I love my parents. I'm asking, did you perhaps have such a close relationship with him?

54:21

Speaker A

Yes, that's why you fell apart later. If from tomorrow on, no client, no patient, no follower praised you, would you still do what you do?

54:35

Speaker A

Of course. You do it now out of your own motivation. Yes, I no longer make my happiness dependent on other people's approval.

54:49

Speaker A

And in reality, I only care about the opinions of those I hold truly close.

54:59

Speaker A

Were you a happy child? Yes. Do you still want to hear from me? mom: " I'm proud of you?

55:05

Speaker A

Yes. Do you believe today that you are enough? No. Have you forgiven yourself for staying in an abusive relationship for so long? Yes.

55:18

Speaker A

Do you trust your own judgment of people today? Yes. Are you afraid to trust anyone again?

55:24

Speaker A

Yes. Are you afraid that you will always be alone? Yes. Has depression robbed you of some of your joy and success?

55:32

Speaker A

No. Are you proud of yourself? Yes. Are you truly happy today? No. M.

Topics: Aleksandra Marczak cosmetology nursing student self-esteem childhood trauma abusive relationship mental health self-love setting boundaries personal growth

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